A Second Chance - Swan Queen
by Karlitas
Summary: Set 3 years from now, Regina finally leaves Robin, running after her undying love for Emma. Running after a woman whose touch leaves her breathless, the insanity of discovering what was always longed for. The pain of never being trusted. The lies she kept hidden from her past. It takes a while to love someone fully. Even if it is drives you insane.
1. What I Didn't Say

**Entry Six**

**Title: "Wanting her bad"**

**Written by: Chad Anderson (Emma Swan) and Kay (Regina Mills)**

**A/N – We're so sorry to have taken this one down. But it needed to be edited. And finally here it is again! Hope you enjoy! Some things have changed!**

**(Basically this is two years after Emma returned to Storybrooke, you know, after Pan cast the curse and then that year went by. Well this is two years after she returned from New York.)**

**xSwanQueenx**

I was sitting upon the porch of our new house, feet curled up beneath me and a nice good Nora Roberts novel opened midway in my lap. Rearing my head to peer through the glass, my eyes seeking out the heart shaped clock hung on the wall within, I realized it was just five thirty. That's right. Another day had passed by at work, and I had just gotten home, still in the same outfit I had worn all day. My feet were aching. But so was my back, my shoulders. And all I wanted to do was to retreat into the house, lock myself in my room and just sleep.

"Emma, use the chair", Neal said stepping through the glass door, voice rough, hands shoved in his jeans pockets, "that looks uncomfortable enough."

A few seconds elapsed as I paused to peer down at my folded feet. "It's relaxing, actually." And my eyes darted back to the page before me, scanning the words.

"Anyway, I just picked up Henry", he said warily, gesturing inside, his eyes moving back to rest on me, "he had this…late art class. Ran for like two hours after school, he claimed. Kid seems to like drawing, you know."

The corners of my mouth tugged into a smile. If it was one thing that could brighten any day of mine, it was my kid. "Yeah, he's quite creative actually."

There was silence between us as seconds ticked by and then he was stepping towards me. There was a sigh. And from the corner of my eyes, I detected him stooping down, on his knees, and then hands were lifted up, fingers pressing into my shoulders with a gentle touch.

"You're tense."

And he began to knead his fingers into my skin, my head tilting back as the knots tightened within my upper back. A soft wind rushed in and around us, whipping my hair around my face, strands tickling my cheeks as I reached up, tucking them behind my ears. And the sun had already disappeared, the horizon from as far I could see was splashed with wild orange, a color Henry always had difficulty in mixing when he desired to paint a sunset.

"Mom might be coming over later", I said softly, leaning into his touch, eyes closed, "she kinda baked that lemon cake again."

"Ugh", Neal said from behind me, and I smiled, knowing he had that look of disgust on his face, "she's got to know that the cake needs to take a break, you know. Too much in the last two weeks."

"You mean in the last two years", I said and laughed, reaching down to press my fingertips against the wood beneath me. He did too. Sitting up suddenly, I breathed in as my chest compressed, and my heart was tugged at. "She's been on a cooking rage ever since we came back here. And I'm still trying to keep up with her changes in favorite dishes."

It was almost close to two years now.

I had returned to Storybrooke after that curse had hit, the one Pan had enacted. I came back here from New York where Henry and I had lived a year built on falsified memories. And after spending about a year back with my family again, the people I had never known about for half my life, things had just changed for the better or worse.

Sometimes you can find joy in relating a story to someone, a portion of your life that was supposed to be exciting. It should have been a time when I could finally settle down and relax with the people I considered family, close friends and my son. But when I came back here, instead of things getting better, returning to what they were, everything just went downhill.

For a moment in time, like a couple months after I returned, Regina and I became so close as friends. Most times I would just sit down next to her and smile suddenly because of how our relationship had changed. We had moved from yelling heatedly at each other over the custody of our son, to sitting down almost every week and having dinner together as a family: Henry, and her. That was what Henry wanted. It lasted for a couple months after I came back. And I could see it in the child's eyes how much he just wanted us to remain together: Neal, Regina and I. But how far could we really push it with the three of us? No one was referring to a threesome. No. Not at all.

It was more like a desperate attempt to clutch at the remaining strings attached to a family he wanted to have. And when a couple months had passed and Neal had proposed to me, Regina suddenly began to go out with Robin. I wish I could say that I was happy for her but I wasn't because every single time I saw them on the streets of Storybrooke, when he'd reach up and brush her hair away from her face, the way he'd caress her cheeks and pull her close as he laughed, I died inside. To be honest, although I didn't want to feel that way, I did because why? It was simple: I had been so fucking blind not to realize what I had right in front of me when I had her there by my side.

The first time she told me that she was dating Robin; I remembered stalling in my reply. We had met up after work on a Friday, sitting outside of the Diner as we both ate pizza: she chose veggie whilst I went full out Hawaiian.

"_Emma, I like spending time with you", she said quietly as her fingers pinched slice of green pepper. "I've never had a friend before. And you're such a wonderful friend to me."_

_Friend. As soon as I had heard that, looking back at it now, I should have known what was coming. It was like forecasting the disaster before it came in. The thing is, I was never expecting what she told me after that._

"_Yeah it's nice being your friend", I said smiling, "big change from fighting with you over everything. I mean, don't get me wrong here but the peace between us is nice."_

"_Did you know that the year you were gone: you and Henry, all I could think about was to find a way to get you both back?" she asked, chewing slowly, her dark eyes studying me. I remembered thinking how beautiful she looked sitting there across from me. She was wearing this red dress with a black coat over her shoulders. And her hair barely fluttered in the late afternoon wind._

"_Yeah?" I asked, lowering my eyes as her gaze became intense._

"_I missed you, as ridiculous as it sounds."_

_I couldn't breathe. But I smiled. She had missed me. Oh my gods…_

"_And as your mother and I grew closer as friends, as we all had to work together to find a way to end it all, all I kept remembering is that you were the one who brought us closer together. In everything we did before", she said, hurting my heart, "you always believed in me. And whatever you did, they agreed with you. If it wasn't for you, I'd probably be dead."_

"_You're referring to the time when the stone almost destroyed Storybrooke?" I asked, barely lifting my head to look at her. She was still looking at me. And I felt my eyes burn._

"_Snow told me how you said in front of everyone that Henry had just lost a father, and you weren't going to let him lose a mother too."_

"_I just wanted to find a way to keep everyone alive", I said._

"_And you saved me."_

"_I did."_

_We ate for a while and during that time when we did, the tension between us was thick and my chest just ached me. I don't think she felt anything in that time, but Regina just kept looking at me. And whenever I'd look up, she didn't look away._

"_Emma, all my life I have been trying to be happy."_

"_Aren't we all…" and I sighed._

"_But you have Henry and you have Neal, you have your parents. I've always been alone." I never did look up._

"_But you have us now."_

"_Everyone has their happy ending and I'm just…" I could detect her waving a hand in front of her, and she wrapped her fingers around her glass, swirling the lemonade within, "I'm a villain with the possibility of me never having one."_

"_Regina, we've been through this before", I said meeting her eyes, "you're not a villain. Don't do this to yourself."_

"_I am, Emma. I'm nothing else."_

"_You're a mother!" I exclaimed, watching her. "You're Henry's mother and you've been his mother for ten freaking years! How can a mother be a villain?"_

_She didn't know how to reply. And it was some time after when I heard her sigh. Looking up, I noticed that her dark eyes were moist with tears. When she saw me looking, Regina lifted a hand to shade her weakness. But little did she know, I never ever thought of her as weak, because she was the strongest woman I had ever met._

"_It's okay to cry in front of me, you know", I said to her. "I think we established this already before, that I will never judge you."_

_She laughed hoarsely, gracefully wiping the corners of her eyes with her knuckles and I did too. I didn't know why I did, but I laughed with her. And a few seconds after, we were laughing after nothing at all. Regina just appeared so different in that moment, almost so natural, so beautiful and unlike herself that I stopped and just watched her laugh._

"_Thank you…for that", she said hoarsely._

"_Anytime, I guess I'm funny looking after all."_

"_No, silly…it's not that. I laughed because I am that comfortable with you being here with me."_

"_Oh…" was all I said, and we were back to square one again where the tension began to build up. And I finally decided that, fuck it, I'd tell her how I felt about her right here and now. Forget Neal and forget whatever happened. I'd tell her. "Regina…I…"_

"_Emma, I've finally decided to give myself a chance at love again", she said without looking at me._

_I couldn't respond._

"_Really? With…?"_

"_Robin…Robin Hood."_

_I guess I never completed a full sentence after that, and she realized it because when an hour elapsed without me saying a word to her, Regina got up._

"_I was waiting for you to say something to me…" she said and I looked up at her, half a slice of pizza in front of me, still not touched. "I guess…" and she reached up to wipe her eyes once more, flipping her hair sideways, "that I was wrong."_

_And I let her go._

I remember this one time when Neal and I were having a quick dinner in Granny's diner on a cold night in November. Just as I was about to start digging into my warm chicken soup, in she walked with him, and the first thing I frowned at was how he had his left arm around her waist. She looked happy. She was smiling and I could count the times I had seen that smile on her face. In they came and as soon as Regina saw me, her face expression changed. Just like that. I mean, you could say that I was paranoid and I probably was overthinking what happened. But that night when we locked eyes, it was as if everything just was put on PAUSE as we gazed at each other.

She never came over immediately to talk to me. And I didn't think she would because of him being there. These two men, they were both there. And as Neal began to relate this funny story to me about his time spent in Neverland years ago, and my head was hung, elbows resting on the table as I listened, I suddenly was aware of the sound of her heels as she approached me. Within that span of time where I just froze in my chair and realized what was happening, I believed my heart stopped just for a few seconds. And by the time she was standing right there next to me where I sat, I had also stopped breathing.

I know I'm probably carrying on this too long, but I think you ought to know exactly what happened to bring me up to this point where I currently am.

Everything after my return from New York was fucked up, simple as that.

Grumpy never did return, neither did the other dwarves. Even the Blue Fairy had never come back, and Rumple had disappeared too, but he had come back. He had come back for Belle as he always promised he would. Now they were married and he still had his magic, but they made things work. Because they clicked. And Neal was clinging unto him desperately now, especially after he had seen his father die in front of him. He still had nightmares about it.

"I miss Grumpy", I said now, my voice low as Neal moved sideways to sit next to me, our eyes focused forth, watching the empty street before us.

New houses had been constructed in Storybrooke over the last two years. Now the streets appeared normal, like a normal town, too normal because I felt anything but normal.

Nothing would ever be normal without her.

"Yeah, for the short span of time I got to know him, he had a lasting impression." A car moved by, the flash of sunglasses and a hand was raised from within as Neal did the same, me realizing that it was Whale driving home. "Look how things have become so…peaceful around here. Almost like nothing bad ever happened here to begin with."

"Yeah, it's like just a normal town now. Everyone seems to have what they want. It's like there was no curse at all."

"And I've got you and Henry now…what else could I want?" A hand was wrapped around me, and I was pulled into his warmth, me choosing to nuzzle my face into the crook of his right shoulder, closing my eyes as I did.

If he only knew what I had wanted.

Those times when you could move through a situation in your life, things happened and yet, yet you would foolishly begin to think that if you tried really hard, you could erase it all. Because erasing feelings, memories seemed like the only way you could move forward in life. And it was all I could even think about doing. That backup plan that had been there, yet never had I anticipated enacting it because there hadn't been a reason to. I never actually expected what happened, what came afterwards and above all, the intensity of my pain after that day, I never ever could erase those memories from my mind, no matter how hard I tried. Two years had passed and still those flashes came back, tugs at my heart when simple things were mentioned, and above all, a face could never leave my memory.

New York meant nothing to me anymore.

Specific things like whispers in time would torment my dreams at nights, forcing me to toss and turn against Neal, the man who loved me. Like snatches from a world behind us, I could take myself back in time to when we had first met each other, and he had departed in a flash. Something like that I could move through, I could make it work again, and above all, there was no other choice. There was no turning back the hands of time to the day when my life had changed when I first arrived here.

And I had met her.

Now she was gone.

But I had been in love with her.

How could you ever live your life, sharing it with your second chance, a man you never intended to marry , someone who cared deeply for you, who risked the world for you, who came back to pick up the pieces. But somehow he wasn't what you had wanted at all. He never was the person you grew to love. Sure he had made me fall head over heels in love with him when I was like eighteen, but then I had been forced to live my life in shock after that.

When he had left me broken.

Coming back, there had been change, I had realized that I never stopped loving him, yet my heart had already been captivated by someone else. And saying 'I do' to someone else other than her on my wedding day, it would probably feel as if she would be taking my heart within her hand, and she would squeeze it, forcing me to writhe in pain. Many of nights I'd wake up drenched in sweat, wrapping my arms around myself as I rocked back and forth crying for her, wondering why she left and never came back, why all of this had happened. Sometimes I'd stand before the mirror on my wardrobe and my face would contort with rage as I reached up, pulling at my blonde hair wildly, hating myself for actually doing what I did.

How could I even have allowed myself to fall in love with a woman who never ever saw me in the same light? Teaching me magic had been disastrous for us, yet it was something I clung unto these days, mastering the art of doing whatever I could just because I believed that if I tried hard enough, I'd change things. Somehow I was stupid enough to believe that if I grew powerful enough, wherever she was, she'd detect it. She'd feel it. Somehow she'd feel this connection, because we always had one, we always could make things happen, the combination of us both. If she was in doubt about returning, there would be this sudden tug within her chest and she'd realize what I felt, how much I loved her, and I still did.

I still loved her so, so much.

Not even Neal could replace that huge chunk of my heart she had managed to tear away the day she hugged me and whispered goodbye into my ear. He couldn't even hug me like that and make me feel the way I did before. When she had done what she did, when she had wrapped her arms around me, I had been consumed with shock at first. But then it felt like returning home fully. The warmth of her body against me, making me feel so, so good inside and the way my heart race had quickened, butterflies that had always fluttered about in my chest had been darting about in joy. Because I honestly believed it had been the beginning of things for us, that when I inhaled her perfume, the smell of her hair and how close she held me almost too intimately, I believed she had realized that I was her happy ending. And we'd move from there. We'd hold hands and show them all how different we were, how we clicked.

Until she had pulled me in closer, resting her cheek against mine, and she had whispered the one phrase that haunted my dreams, every second of my days after that.

"_Emma, I can't stay here anymore…"_

"_What? Why?"_

"_I have to…I don't belong here anymore. I can't..."_

_She had this look in her eyes, this saddened look, one that I had never gotten from her. It was like she was waiting on me to say something to her, but I just…I didn't know if we shared the same thought on what she wanted me to say. There were tears in her eyes. Regina was crying and I couldn't help myself. I just did what I did on so many occasions. I fucked it up._

"_But Henry…"_

"_Take care of him for me. I know you will. Take care of yourself, Emma. I'll miss you…and as much as I know it sounds ridiculous, I hope that one day, I will see you again."_

"_I…don't leave us", and I wanted to say 'I don't want you to go' but instead I changed it around. "Just stay here and try to make things work", I had whispered, my chest exploding, tears stinging my eyes. I should have told her._

"_If I stay here", she had said to me, that intense look in her eyes, "I will never be happy."_

"_Why? You…have Henry and…me, you have us."_

"_Goodbye, Emma. Henry."_

"_Mom…"_

"_I'll be back", and she had smiled at him, he deserved that smile, her eyes never meeting mine. "Some day."_

"_Regina, I…" I had begun to say, but they were all standing there, standing around us, waiting. Dad was right there, and so was mom. And they were hugging each other, because they had come to say goodbye to her. Robin was there too. He was waiting on her. And as we gazed at each other, her dark eyes seeking out mine, I never did continue my confession because I had been stupid._

If I had said what I truly felt, then she would have at least known already. She would have…loved me back? But I never ever got to know that. I never got to see the look in her dark eyes when I decided to tell her how I felt about her, how I loved her.

How could you do it?

Some say it's easy to tell the person you love the truth, just step up to them and tell them how you feel. But that's a lie. I once told Neal I loved him years ago, and it was after we had been sucked into a young fling, a romance that captivated us, both of our hearts beating for the moment. That had been easy because we were acting on feelings that were racing against each other, us never wanting to look back. And to say 'I love you' was like saying 'hey, I care and let's make this happen'. Plus I was just eighteen, dreaming about marriage and whatever else was to come.

I could have never found the right time, or right place to tell her I loved her. But looking back on it now, I don't think it could have been done easily because of how deeply in love I was with her to begin with. Remember that time when she had been captured by Greg Mendell and tortured repeatedly? Remember me walking with Neal on the beach and when I had told him between the lines that I loved him somehow? That hadn't been the truth actually.

The day before that, after everything that had happened between Regina and us, with her mother dying and the fucking tension between us, me in the middle, she and I had an argument. And it wasn't a loud one, or one that required the use of hands lashing out for a fight. But it was something she said and I said and we both left each other's company in anger.

"_No matter how hard she tries to make up for what she did, I will never ever forgive her", Regina had declared about my mother, her eyes flashing._

"_Oh come on, you two can't continue hating each other like this. At some point or the other, it's got to stop because we're all…family."_

"_Really now?" and she was glaring at me, forcing me to look away, "and what exactly do you know about family, dear?"_

"_Regina, don't start on me."_

"_No, I'd like to hear your opinions on mending broken links between family members. Tell me, how do you do it? What happened between us, you'd never understand because you weren't even born yet."_

"_I know enough", I retorted, my eyes flashing now. "And it's got to stop right now or else one of you will get hurt."_

"_But that was always the intention to begin with", she declared, smirking. "One of us must kill the other."_

"_What the hell is wrong with you?" I asked, glaring at her. "Stop this. You're the mature one, and you know better than this! I always expected better from you. I'm always believing in you."_

"_Just as you believed in me when Archie was proclaimed to be dead."_

"_I had no choice! I saw what happened! It did happen! It just wasn't you!"_

"_But you knew it wasn't me", she said, her voice cold as a December night, "you felt it. You came to my door and above all, you accused me of murder. How would I feel about that?"_

"_What about how I felt?" I asked angrily, "how I looked telling everyone I believed you didn't do it, after seeing that in front of them through the dream catcher and people shaking their heads at me?"_

"_Emma, had you placed yourself in my position…" she began, moving her hands before her, watching me intensely._

"_In your position?" I asked and scoffed, throwing my hands up, "how about you put yourself in my position and see what the fuck happened to me? You think it was easy to watch that in front of them and have my belief in you shatter? You think it's easy living in this fucking town swimming between black and white when everyone sees you as the horrible Evil Queen and they're all golden? I don't see you like that! I never did. And yet every single opportunity you got, you fucked me up. You chose to hurt people, and be vengeful when someone believed in you. You even threatened me, that's why I took Henry away from you, because you were being so unfair, and so fucking blind. I never came here with the intentions of taking him away. Yet when you started to behave like a fucking idiot, then I lashed back."_

"_I…"_

"_Go ahead", I said angrily, as tears burnt my eyes, and she saw them, she saw everything because unlike anyone else, I believe she was the only person to see me at my most vulnerable points. "Say what you want to say. Take the floor."_

"_I guess I never will succeed in making you understand how I feel about you, Miss Swan", she had said, and then she was walking away, and I stood there rereading her words over and over again._

Because what she said, as I think back on it now, maybe it meant more than I had believed it did. Maybe it meant that she had loved me, and it was hard on her just as it had been on me to believe someone didn't love you the way you loved them.

"Saw Ruby today", Neal was saying, almost sounding like he was standing behind a wall.

"Yeah?" I said, blinking back tears. Reaching up with a hand, I slowly wiped them away, never wanting him to catch my movements. But my voice had become strained.

"Yeah, she said she'd swing by tomorrow, something about the two of you going shopping for shoes."

"Oh, right", I suddenly remembered, the throbbing in my chest never quite dying away.

"I've got this thing in the afternoon, nothing big, but the guys are planning a Christmas party for the staff." Neal had opened a small real estate firm within Storybrooke and he was doing just fine. "Wanna come?"

"I might", I said absentmindedly, trying to focus on his voice, his warmth, and nothing else, "what time? I can always ring mom and tell her…"

"Oh no don't worry, I forgot you said she's coming over and all. Just let me go then. I mean, it's not going to be anything big. Just us hanging, drinking a few beers…"

"Alright then", I said and he pulled me closer into him, resting a chin upon my head.

"Henry says he has some project to do, something about going over by Grace."

That actually pulled up a smile from within me.

"Jefferson's daughter?" I asked now, quite amused.

"Sounds like it."

"Would you look at that!" And I laughed. So did Neal.

"She's not my girlfriend or anything", Henry said from behind us and we both swiveled our heads around to watch him standing there. "Just a friend." He had gotten taller, almost my height now.

"For now", Neal whispered into my ear and I smiled.

"I heard that!" the kid declared, "can't a boy have a friend that's a girl these days?"

"You answer that question for me in the next ten years, kiddo", and Neal winked at him.

"Dad!"

"What?" Then Henry threw his hands up in the air.

"You're just like the kids at school, always teasing us. Grace hates it too."

"Grace can be a nice…girlfriend…" Neal offered, "hey!" and Henry growled, turning around to dash back inside the house. "I was just being nice!"

"Sometimes you're just too nice", I said softly, and pulling his head closer, I kissed his forehead then entangled myself from him. "Gotta go make dinner."

"I'll help", he said pushing himself up as I did too, then he brushed his hands off on his jeans, smiling at me. "After which I have this meet up with your dad at this new bar they've opened downtown. I'll swing by there before I go to the party and then pass by after."

"But mom's coming!" I reminded him, "she's soo not gonna like you being absent when she brings that cake."

"Tell her it tastes better when refrigerated overnight", he said and we both laughed.

"Lemon, ugh", and I made a face.

"She should just try apples for once, you know?"

And I never did respond, the pain in my chest stirring like a wounded animal. Taking a deep breath, I gathered composure and moved inside, Neal following.

Two hours later, and a plate of beans, corn and baked chicken to go with that, Snow and I sat upon two chairs right back on the porch. With a glass of red wine rested beside us upon the porch, I proceeded to lend an ear as she went on and on about how she loved baking and cooking.

"Teaching's good too", she said now, her eyes dancing, "but baking a cake, mixing ingredients and waiting for the outcome, the smell…it's…", and I watched as she breathed in, eyes closed, "beautiful."

"Maybe it's a craving or something", I suggested, eyeing the rise and fall of her slightly swollen tummy. "Just don't kill the baby with lemon cake."

She laughed. "It's a girl; I can feel it's a girl. And after all this time, it feels so, so familiar."

"A girl?" I asked now, my eyes widening, "hmm, okay."

"So are you and Neal going to try to have another baby?" Snow asked.

"No." I said almost too fast.

"Okay", and she stopped, tilting her head sideways as she considered me with worried eyes, "is everything okay?"

"Pretty much", I lied, toeing the dirt with my right boot, eyes downcast.

"No, everything's not okay", she stated in a worried voice, deciding to rest a hand on my shoulder, "Emma, what's wrong? Is it something with Neal?"

"Neal's perfect", I said, and moving away from her touch, I pushed myself up then went to stand two steps in front of where she was, gazing out into the dark street before me. "I'm just in a mood, I guess."

"Oh…"

After two years, it all came back now, the feel of the familiar pain, and I was hurting all over again.

"Mom", and I turned around to face her, knowing that tears covered my eyes, "I don't think I can do this."

Snow was watching me with cat eyes, hanging on my every word, trying to seek out the source of my hurt. "You don't think you can do what?" she asked.

"This…Neal…" I said carefully and decided to turn my back to her again, because my walls were breaking, collapsing, and it wasn't long before she would detect something. "I don't think I can continue lying to myself anymore."

"Maybe you just have to give it more time?" she suggested.

"Mom, I've given it enough time. I've given it thought and I've tried to find my comfort zone. But every single time I'm with him or he tries to comfy up with me, I…it's like I'm acting out a fucking movie or something."

She was silent for a while. "Emma, she's not coming back. You're wondering why she hasn't come back."

I didn't answer.

"The only thing that was holding Regina here was Henry. Maybe she found her castle again and decided to stay because she made this choice. And I'm not saying it was the best thing. But she…she chose Robin."

"I can't stop thinking about her. Every single time I think of my engagement to Neal, I keep…I just keep remembering her", I said suddenly angered, turning to face her, "she would never give up on Henry."

"But she gave up on you." Snow said quietly. "Emma, it's hurtful and it's painful but that's what happened. She left. And if she wants to come back, she will come back. We've been through this before over and over again." And she sighed. "Gold told you what she said, didn't he?"

According to him, she had said "tell them I'm fine and I'll be back some day". He had also said that Regina was expecting a baby. That part killed me the most. It made me die inside to even hear of her deciding to do that with Robin. End of story. And if I hung unto that, two years passing now, then I should probably be so angry with her. Those words sounded like what Regina would say because no matter how affected she was by a situation, no matter how bad something affected her, she always denied it. She always would conceal things from anyone, even me. And for her to just say that, to tell me she's fine and she'll be back some day when two years had passed. If you summed in the one year I had been living a dream then that would be three freaking years. No.

She had decided to never return.

"Then I should go back", I stated. "I should go back and find her."

"I think you're too stressed out", Snow said quietly, "just relax, okay? Don't worry about that."

"I'm not stressed out! I'm fed up with this, all of this!"

"You should let her go, Emma. You have your wedding coming up in two weeks. You have a man who loves you so much and your son. You just need to let her go."

I couldn't allow myself to sink her words in.

"Emma, listen to me", Snow said quietly, "she chose him over you. She has made a choice. And she has a baby on the way. Regina is trying to have her happy ending. And she's not considering you in her life."

"Thanks for making me feel so bad now", I said, shaking my head.

"Well it's the truth, isn't it?" she asked, frowning, "you have a family now, your family. And she wished you the best of luck. Just live and stop worrying about her."

"It's easier said than done", I said.

That night, when Neal was at the bar, it was possibly around 2 am and I was captivated by my nightmares again. This time they came much more terrible than before, wrapping me in tormenting nets of capture and squeezing my mind with fear.

But in this one, Regina was dying.

"_Where is she?" I heard myself asking, watching on as my figure rushed forth into the room of a hospital, my eyes meeting those of Ruby, Whale, and Robin. His eyes were captivated by stronger feelings as they met mine, holding his stare for a few seconds until he looked away._

_And she was lying on the bed next to them, a white sheet across her slight form as those leather boots, the same pair she was wearing before peeked out from under one end. But I could not see her face just yet because my vision was blocked. The pain in my chest was tremendous though. I could even feel it from the other side of the dream, and stepping towards the bed, my eyes resting upon her figure, I saw her shudder, and tears burnt my eyes, stung them like pepper._

"_Emma…" her voice was so hoarse and laced with pain that I stopped breathing immediately, rushing forth and pushing them away from next to her. Yet he remained standing there, almost like a protective guard._

"_Regina!" I heard myself say, tears rolling down my cheeks as her face turned, dark familiar eyes meeting mine. And the tears just ran like a river for the sight of her lying there killed me. She was almost consumed by death already. I could see it in her eyes, that look of darkness, her pupils trying to focus, her skin so, so pale._

"_No", I choked, studying her face as she did mine._

"_I…" and she tried to steady her husky voice and fight the pain, "I had a girl…"_

"_A…" my eyes were lifted to search the man's face, seeking out answers, "she…"_

"_A baby girl", he said softly, watching me, worry in his eyes now, eyes that once held a look of conflict when they were focused on me, "this morning at five am."_

"_That's…that's great!" I declared with my eyes lighting up, reaching down to take hold of her left hand absentmindedly. Yet when I did, all I could feel was the coldness from within her, her body giving up. "But…" and my eyes darkened now._

"_Emma…" she said to me, a tear leaking from her left eye, blinking back tears as she gazed at me, "I just wanted to…see…you."_

"_What happened?" I asked of the man standing there, anger in my voice. "What's wrong with her?"_

"_We…she went into labor whilst we were on the road last night", Robin said to me, his eyes wet with tears, "and before we could get her to a hospital she had already lost too much blood. And the flu, it had gotten to her earlier this week…it weakened her."_

"_The doctor says that she's got to be strong to…" Ruby said softly._

"_You're not going to die", I said forcefully, looking at her. "Regina, I've been through this before. You've got to focus and…pull through it. You have a baby girl to look after", and I smiled. She did too. "She's going to need a mom, and so does Henry. Don't slip away."_

"_I…named…her…Emma", she said softly, still holding my hand, her hands feeling so cold and rough within my grasp, "because of you…"_

_There was silence in the room. And I knew why now. But I ignored them all, even him._

"_I…"_

"_Emma, you…" and she swallowed, her eyes wet, "I'm sorry…"_

"_You're going to do this!" I said gazing at her, squeezing her hand, "you're going to do this, Regina! Don't you…give up."_

And then the scene changed, snatched from my mind by a hand, then I was racing down a corridor, my feet almost tripping me over when the doctor blocked the doorway. When our eyes met, I knew from his look alone what had happened. The dream ended with me jolting up, screaming as I watched them adjust her on the bed, her body limp when a hand was wrapped around her. Her head rolled back lifelessly, the dark curtain of her hair splayed across the white pillow behind her. Hands were grabbing at me, and I lashed at them with tears in my eyes as Ruby tried to hold me back.

"No!" I woke up shouting, gripping the sheets under me, my face wet with tears. "Regina!"

Chest heaving, trying to catch my breath, I curled up into a ball and choked through sobs that wracked me with pain. What did this mean? Was she dead? Had she died and I hadn't heard of it? Where was she? The dream felt so real, almost as if I could feel exactly what had occurred up to a point where me holding out my hand before me, I could actually feel the soft coldness of her hand within my grasp.

My eyes were wide as I cried, staring at my hands, moving it around before me. And springing off my bed, I rushed to the bathroom all of a sudden, pushing the door open and grabbing at the walls as nausea overwhelmed me. Then I emptied the contents of my stomach into the whirly white of the toilet, spitting bitter bile, nails digging into the porcelain. I sat there hugging my knees, my blonde hair falling around me as I just stared at the blue tiled walls around the space, demented and scared. I felt alone.

For the very first time in my life, I honestly believed that the pain would kill me because my chest wouldn't stop aching. It felt as if there was a thunderstorm in there lashing at my lungs and ravishing me with tears. With the light switched off, I just rocked back and forth, burying my face into the space between my knees and I kept crying, calling her name over and over again, kicking the bathroom door shut to seal off the confined space.

"I want you", I choked, my chest convulsing, "come back, please. Please. Where are you? Why did you leave me? Regina, I love you and…I never stopped. I can't stop…can you feel me? I want…"

And then there was the sound of a car door slamming in the driveway then Neal's laughter. Even a happy sound like that grated at my nerves and it sickened me. I don't know how long I stayed in there, probably an hour or more. But when he knocked, I just told him I needed a moment and everything would be alright. I lied because nothing was alright. It never would be between him and me. This, what I had put myself into, it was just for Henry's sake and not mine. The days that went by with me being engaged to him, it was a lie and it was ripping me to shreds. Someday I'd have to leave him, or maybe I'd move past this and grow to love him again. Maybe someday would come where I'd sit upon a porch with him, us two old folks and I'd treasure being in a safe marriage but never a happy one.

Because there was only one person I wanted to be happy with.

Two days after, I still found myself rushing to the toilet to empty the contents of my stomach. And Neal thought I was pregnant. The thing is, we had been intimate, and we had sex like a normal couple. But the moments when I'd lie beneath him as he moved above me, it left me feeling raw, and empty inside. Faking an orgasm had become something of practice to me, until I just gave up and allowed him to please himself with pleasure. We never had a full kiss because I felt nothing. All I did was return enough since he could never give me everything I wanted.

Then, before we knew it, the wedding was a week away and Christmas was almost here for it was midway in November already. And as I walked by the shops one afternoon on my way home from work, my eyes met red bows and Santa figurines that made me smile. I figured that if my mind became lost in another trail of thought for just one minute, at least I would have that one moment of happiness. That's why I pushed the door inwards to enter the new shop Ruby had opened a little way down the road from the Diner. And in I went, hugging myself as my eyes moved over sexy Santa baby dresses and all sorts of kinky stuff within her store.

Her eyes began to dance with excitement when she saw me. "Emma, hi!" and hands were held out as she rushed forward, us embracing in a warm hug.

"I see you're prepared already", I noted, glancing around here and there.

"Yeah well Christmas was always my favorite time of the year and it's the first year here since I've opened shop. I figured why not give the place a little flash of my style?"

"I like the outfits", I said smiling, pointing at the rack with the dresses hung up on hangers. "They're…super sexy."

"You have to buy one!" she exclaimed, clapping her hands in glee, eyes shining, "wear it on Christmas day!"

"Ruby, are you mad or what?" I asked, turning to stare wide eye at her. "That thing wouldn't even reach a foot below my butt. People would be staring at me as if I'm a whore or something."

"Fuck them", she said, and moved to take a hanger off the pole, then she held it up before her, sizing it up against me, "wear it with a black leather pants. Or black stockings for that matter, high heels and…" just for a moment I blinked away the flicker of pain, and looked away quickly, reaching up to tuck my hair behind an ear. "Emma…"

Just for a moment in time, everything stood still and I could honestly hear her come in behind me. Then I'd turn and find her standing there in her tailored skirt suit, wearing her black stockings and high heels. Or when they had told me about her taste for leather pants when she was reigning as Queen in the world they grew up in. Not me.

"It's nothing", I said and forced out a laugh, then I motioned towards the pile of neatly folded sweaters with embroidered Christmas glamour on them, "I might get Henry one of those. Neal too."

"Hey, is everything okay?" she asked, her eyes filled with worry and she moved towards me, studying my face.

"What? Yeah", I lied, then I tugged at my handbag strap, adjusting it on my shoulder as I looked around, anything to avoid her eyes. "I'm just kind of feeling down these days. Nothing big though, you know…those times…"

"Ohhh, eesh!" and that seemed to convince her, "those times are fucking terrible for me too. If I could take one thing away, I'd fucking kill my period. Stab it."

"I…" I considered her with a frown, raising an eyebrow. "That's a graphical way to put it."

"Yeah, well…it's a bitch." Her hand moved to put back the dress on the rack, then she looked around and back at me, "next time you see your mother, please tell her I'd like to pass on the lemon cake."

"Oh shit, you too?" I asked now, smiling, "just saw Archie and he told me the same thing. I swear, what is wrong with her?"

"Cravings maybe", Ruby suggested, she shrugged and then sashayed back to the counter as the bell jingled, and Ariel walked in. "Ariel!"

I honestly believed Ariel had made a major advancement in fashion from the very first time she chose to keep her legs. The girl rocked fashion now even more than Ruby, me suspecting that her hanging out with the later had something to do with all of it. Nevertheless, she always could astonish me with the combination of an outfit. Like today, she had on this yellow polka dot dress with black leggings and knee high boots, dangling silver earrings and red lipstick. A black clutch purse was added too, almost too elegantly.

"Hey Emma! Ruby! I was just passing by and saw the dresses hung up in front!" and she gasped, looking around once more. "They are soo gorgeous!"

"I know right! You soo must buy one!"

"I'm here to do that right now!" Ariel exclaimed and I rolled my eyes. "Help me choose?"

"Sure thing!" and as Ruby walked back to the rack of dresses, I told them I'd be going then left.

For a while now, we had these family nights where my parents would come over by us, or we'd go over by them. And we'd just eat and maybe play a game, talking and so on. Nights like that ended with me feeling warm but never quite complete. But everyone else enjoyed it, and I tried to hide my dissatisfaction behind smiles that would ached my face all the time.

Tonight was one of those nights and honestly, I just wanted to skip it for the first time since it had started. I wasn't feeling up to it, and neither was Henry. But when he heard that his grandmother was baking macaroni and cheese, topped with chicken salad, Henry darted to the bathroom, finishing in less than half an hour.

And Neal was looking at me.

"What?" I asked, looking back.

"You're not going?"

"I…" bending down, I picked up a cushion and squeezed it against my chest, then sighed. "I'm not feeling that well. You two should go, though. Save some cake for me afterwards."

"Emma…" Neal said now, stepping tentatively towards me, worry in his eyes, "what's going on with you? Are you alright?"

How stupid it could be for your fiancé to not even know how much you were hurting, asking you if you were alright. What could I say?

"I'm fine", I lied, "just, you know, having these terrible cramps and all. I think I need to miss this one night."

Cramps always did the trick for Neal, whether it was anything period wise to the mention of pads, he'd take it as a total excuse as if it was me admitting I had the flu. I'd be ordered to go to bed or all the duties, the housework would be snatched from my part, him choosing to do everything. He was such a nice guy, so considerate and warm, loving. Yet, he would never…

"Yeah, that…" and he eyed me with worry, "well, take a pill and rest then, feet up. I'll slip in a word to your parents. Get some rest and when I get back, I must find you not doing anything, alright?"

I had to smile. "Right."

"Watch some movie, listen to music or read some more."

"Dad", Henry was ready and he was fidgeting, "I'm hungry, so can we go already?"

"Sure kiddo", Neal said and he turned to give me look, smiling, "I guess he took that one from me, always anxious to eat."

"Just…not the lemon cake", Henry said and scowled.

We both laughed.

When they left, I did just as I was ordered and within half an hour, I was already engrossed in my novel once more. Feet propped up on an arm of the couch, head resting on a pillow, I snugged deeper within the cushions as they sighed under me. Then I read. But the more I read, about romance and this person falling in love with the other, I just couldn't help but feel disgusted with the words before me. Growling…I snapped the book close and reached out to push it across the glass table, and then adjusting myself on the chair, I closed my eyes and welcomed the peace around me.

Within two years I had become more than a mother than ever before. Homework, dealing with him asking about girls, the little tantrums about how he wanted to dress, trying to moderate his candy intake…how did she do it? Ten years she had been my son's mother, and sometimes when I'd look at him, I'd remember her so much, that it would make my knees weak and I'd have to look away. It's hard to feel that way when you're looking at your son. He reminds you of someone that you wish to forget…someone who had broken your heart just because she had done…nothing.

Nothing.

Those nights in Neverland, the ones that we had shared, our last times spent together, not even as friends but as acquaintances, I could never forget them at all. Yes, we had been making progress to become closer as friends just for Henry's sake, but there had always been tension between us because she never could understand my pain. I not only had been searching for our son, but I had also been trying to find a way to tell her exactly how I felt about her. Sometimes when we'd find ourselves alone, apart from the others, I used to just look back at her and the words would be on the tip of my tongue, then I'd bite them back when she'd look back at me, her eyes searching mine.

Like when she had told me that she and Tinkerbell had a complicated past, honestly in that moment, I read between the lines just because I wanted to. It was what my heart needed to hear, that she'd somehow tell me she was interested in women, she had been romantically involved with Tink, and then I'd know that it would be easier for me to tell her how I felt. But could it have been easier even then?

Every fucking time she used to remind me that we were stronger when combined, I'd want to shut her up with a kiss. Because that's how she used to make me feel, so angry and so driven to love her, driven by passion.

Many nights when we'd be trekking and she'd be walking beside me, my fingers used to twitch as I'd long to hang back and grab her, pushing her against a tree as I kissed her hard. But it never happened.

That love triangle I was caught in with Hook and Neal: I was never interested. It never bothered me. All I wanted was her.

The way we had been, me calling her a monster because she just angered me. She just…every time I looked at Regina in Neverland, I always used to hate her for having me love her so much. And I never actually could remember the first time I fell in love with her. Maybe it was the first time we met, or that one time when I believed she was going to die, and the stone would blast her to pieces, me never seeing her again. But in Neverland, my feelings grew stronger for her. And I thank God she wasn't in the Echo Cave with us because I believed I would have confessed my feelings to her in front of all of them no matter what. I would have told her.

Looking back now, I wanted to believe I was so stupid to not tell her anything. The times when she taught me magic, how to light a fire, when she'd step behind me, her hands reaching out to steady mine as she commanded me to focus. When I had called her a villain and she had retaliated by asking me what my talent was as a Savior. But the most painful moments of all were when we'd have to camp out and sleep, especially when she'd separate herself from us because she felt it was needed, expected. And I'd watch her drag her sleeping bag away from us, further into the trees as my eyes would burn. One time I actually did the same, moving mine closer to where she slept, masking my intentions from her.

And we slept three feet apart from each other, yet it felt like she was somewhere in Asia and I was stuck in South America.

How is it that I could still remember how she smelt? I even found myself wandering the perfume aisle in this gift shop once in Boston just to see if I could find that perfume. There Neal had found me sniffing perfumes, one after the other. And he had told me to choose one, anyone. He'd buy it. I spent like half an hour trying to find her perfume and then I just gave up then, realizing that if I did find it and bought it, then my mother, everyone would know the smell. They'd know.

But I wanted them to know. I had told my mom and dad knew too. Henry didn't know and neither did Neal. But he wasn't stupid. He probably knew that something was bothering me. Both of them probably noticed my change.

I remembered when I had told mom and dad about it. It had been two weeks after she had left and they began to see less of me around. Inviting me over one night, mom made chicken soup because it was raining and dad had brought out this sheet, spreading it flat upon the apartment's floor so that we could sit in the dark around the candlelight and just be cozy. The power had been out. And as the rain lashed onto the roof ahead, as the windows grew fuzzy with water, as there was a chill in the air, I began to cry.

"_What's wrong, Emma?" my mother had said quickly, "sweetie what's wrong?"_

_And as dad began to rub my back, his forehead creased in concern, I decided that I just had to tell someone. I had to tell them. They were the last people in the world I'd probably consider telling because they knew her more than anyone else. But I told them._

"_I have something to tell you", I said as I hung my head, reaching up to wipe my eyes, the feel of hot tears on my numb fingers._

"_What is it? What happened, Emma?"_

"_I did the one thing you will hate me for probably for the rest of my life."_

_Honestly, back then, I really didn't know how to come out and tell them. It was like I knew what I wanted to say. I knew it had a confession line. And I just couldn't begin. So I started to circle the truth, until I hit the nail._

"_You know, you're always talking about love and having this connection", I began, never looking up fully, "you always say it's a nice feeling and mom you're always telling me that when you meet the right person, it's like your whole world just seems brighter. It's this one person you want above anyone else. But you lied about something." And I sniffed, looking her straight in the eyes. "You lied and said it was easy. Love isn't easy and it isn't the happiest feeling in the world."_

"_Oh it is when you meet the right person", she actually tried to confirm again, this time with a smile._

"_What if the right person, this person who you realize that from the first time you met, you fell in love, this person that used to make you so freaking angry, until you stopped hating, and started loving, what if this person just makes you think of forever, what if she just walked away to live her life with someone else?"_

_For a moment they both remained silent. I suppose dad didn't get it at first. But mom did. And she just chose to look at me, waiting, probably waiting for me to laugh about it and say it was a joke._

"_Regina…" she said quietly._

_Dad gasped. "Regina?"_

_I nodded, cowering, waiting._

"_Emma…" and my mother probably did the one thing that shocked me, but I will always remember her for. "Oh sweetheart!" she exclaimed, and on her knees, she came towards me then I was wrapped in a hug that popped my eyes open._

_I didn't know what the hell to say after that. But dad basically drilled me about the past and what had happened, how they never trusted._

"_But coming to think of it, I kind of picked up something from you", dad said, barely smiling, "that one time when she showed up at the welcome back party we held for you and your mother. And you told us that she just wants to change. You looked too happy. Well you always believed in her when we never did."_

"_Most times, it just really puzzled me", Snow said but she wasn't smiling. "But I honestly was worried that it was the other way around, that Regina was in love with you. I honestly thought that!"_

_I was puzzled. "Why would you think that?"_

"_I…" she lowered her head and frowned, "never told you this but I guess I should now. When we were in Neverland, one night all of you were asleep and I couldn't sleep. She neither. So we sat there talking. And there came a point in the conversation where your name came up. We began to talk about you, how you brought all of us closer together. And I asked her how is it that when you two work together magic-wise, you're both stronger. And she said it's because the two of you have a very special connection, one that is unique and powerful."_

_I was frozen._

"_Added to that, although I'm still getting adjusted to this new news, Regina once told me that when she was about to destroy the town with all of us here, she wouldn't only take Henry with her. She'd also take you, because you're Henry's mother too."_

_Didn't they know they were just making it worse for me? None of this would bring her back._

"_Well now she's gone", I said in between. "Something you're both forgetting."_

"_Everything happens for a reason, Emma", dad said reassuringly. "And I'm not trying to be infuriatingly optimistic this time, don't worry." He frowned. "All we can both tell you, I guess, is that things will get better, you'll see."_

"_How can things get better?" I asked, "she's gone."_

"_And if it's meant to be, she would have stayed."_

"_I never…told her. It's my fault."_

"_Something you cannot hold unto for the rest of your life, you just cannot hold unto that, Emma", Snow said in a sad voice. "All you can do right now, is to hold unto the memories you have and realize that above all, you were the one person who believed in her when we all stopped. You were always there for her and that's what she needed. You became her friend, someone she talked to and changed for. She will always be there in your memories."_

"_And I am sure that wherever Regina is, she's always thinking of you", dad said as he rubbed my shoulder. "Give it time. Don't stress over it. Maybe what you need is to give it time."_

Come to think of it, maybe they were both happy that she had left my life, right? That's why they were suddenly being so supportive of it all. They were happy that she was gone because now we just couldn't work. I couldn't be with her and that was something they feared.

I guess I did fall asleep from these thoughts, thoughts of her smiling at me, laughing at me. But the next thing I knew was that I was wide awake, my senses tingling. Something had started me up, had snatched me from my dreams. But what was it? Sitting up, I rubbed my eyes, my fists balled and then I peered around. I had magic. I could use it if there was an intruder. But nothing moved in the house. Something moved behind the house and I could hear it. There was a sound. Figuring it was just a dog, I rested my head back on the pillow and listened.

Then after a few seconds passed, I switched on the television, flicking through the channels, remote in hand. BBC seemed interesting, but so did the Lifetime Movie Channel, but after seeing a couple making love, I just switched it off. Then I tossed the remote across the chair. It began to rain hard outside, thunder cracking above, and then the room would flash with lightening. I liked this weather. It matched how I was feeling inside.

We were in the middle of planning my wedding. There were decorations on the table, and everywhere. Ruby had already sewn my wedding dress with Granny's help. And here I was thinking about a woman who had left and would never come back.

And then there was a knock on the front door.

My eyes flew wide open, but then gathering composure, I wondered who it was. Probably Ruby coming over, because Neal and Henry wouldn't return so soon. Pushing myself up, I dragged my feet towards the door, eyes groggy, stifling a yawn behind my hand.

"Who is it?" I asked, studying the stained glass on the door.

There was no answer.

I was so not focused that turning the knob without even thinking, that was what I did because of just waking from sleep. And when I pulled the door open, I was ready to be all nice and helpful or whatever would come.

But when I saw her standing there drenched from head to toe from the rain, the blood drained from my head. My knees grew weak, and I had to hold unto the door to maintain balance as we gazed at each other. And I gasped.

"Emma…" she said in her hoarse voice, that familiar tone, not so rusty but husky and low.

It was her. It was really her. And she was there, standing in front of me. I think I just died, because my blood froze and I couldn't…breathe.

"Regina?"

I wanted to cry. I wanted to faint. I couldn't move because after close to two years her hair still looked the same, her face was lined more with age. She had gained weight. And she was really pregnant, her baby bump showing but not full. And the thing that shocked me the most was her smell. She smelt the same way. And from the moment the scent captivated my nostrils and mind, I had to blink back to focus.

"How…" I asked, watching her chest heave as she continued to drip with rain water, her clothes different now. She was wearing just black jeans and a long navy blue shirt, a black chemise underneath.

And she was crying. Her eyes were swollen. There was a blue duffel bag that she clutched in one hand and it hung, the bottom leaking. Yet when she shuddered from the pinch of the cold outside, her right hand resting on her midsection, her lips parted, I think I suddenly began to doubt whether she was real or not.

"Will you let me in?" she asked hoarsely. "We need to…talk. I've come back…for you and Henry." And she smiled weakly. Then I died inside.

**REVIEW US?**

**Do you like this version? I mean, it's safer for us and our feels to write in the far future or AU because WE CANNOT write based on the current plotline of the show. We might just die, honestly. But Chad and I had to do this one over. And I hope it came out better, for those who read the other version. Maybe the time might be a bit mixed up in some parts. But basically you get the idea.**

**Give me apples, lots of them. And someone fans me with a branch whilst I sip wine. Review and tell me if you like**.


	2. Waiting On The First Move

**Chapter Two **

"**Waiting On The First Move"**

**[BEFORE REGINA LEFT STORYBROOKE]**

**Part One**

I think, based on a fair estimation of where I stand now, peering back into the past as it is, I indeed managed to let her go four consecutive times within a span of less than four years. Four times…

Each time these situations managed to happen, I'd stand there, and these feelings would drench me in cold sweat as my aching heart trembled within my chest. I would stand there and watch her go, walking away from me, depending on her to make the first bold move, to turn around and run back to me. And it wasn't because of my weakness or the fact that I had lost my strength, or that my boldness had ran away from me, and my mind wasn't brave enough to step forward before her. It was because of my gut wrenching fear that if I managed to make the first move, she'd retaliate with denial and for the second time around, I'd be left to drown in the final demise of my shattered heart.

I think that above all, if she ever rejected me after I confessed my feelings to her, well…I'd die.

The first time I let her go had been terrible for me as it was. It had been so quick, almost like a flash and within a span of seconds; I believed that she was gone forever from my life. There had been a guilty moment of relief, because of this belief inside of me that she was an intense threat concerning my relationship with my son. And to have her gotten rid of so easily should be pleasantly welcomed on my part. But after that one time, after she fell through the portal, arms flailing and emerald eyes wide, those eyes that stared wildly at me, I realized that my hatred was a façade. It had been built on the shady belief that I could protect my heart by covering the truth up with lies. I'd lie and I'd build a wall of stone to lock those stirring feelings out. But in those last few seconds when she called my name, I realized I had been living a lie ever since the first time we met.

Then I brought her back, didn't I?

And that brings me back to that night, a cold windy one with an overcast sky, pinching my face with a chilly breeze as the leaves rustled around us. The scene was frightful before she arrived and my mind grew nonchalant when our eyes met for the first time. I believe that after we made our introductions, I was clearly supposed to hate her, this threat, a woman who boldly decided to come back with my son, to stand before me as if she had any right in his life after what she did.

She just stood there, so young with her wide emerald eyes and her…beautiful blonde hair, her ridiculous red leather jacket and that awful cap she chose to wear. Yet instead of hating her, my mind was screaming to chase her away, to yell at her and order her to get the hell in her car and never come back. But something happened to me when she told me hi and our eyes met. I think I was bewitched by her eyes when she looked at me. And maybe that's why I kept trying to chase her away so many times after that because she managed to frighten me with her boldness, who she was and what she wanted. I saw everything in her eyes.

The second time had been in the destruction of the town in relation to the stone. I kept waiting on her words to come. I was giving her subtle hints regarding my feelings, never being direct but maintaining eye contact. And yet she just walked away.

But she came back for me.

The third time was Pan's curse. I held her hand. And I never wanted to release my grip because when I did, I guiltily held unto a moment that I knew could never last because her touch, to touch her in any way just managed to destroy my doubts. Every single night afterwards, I kept reliving that last moment in my dreams, when she got in her car and drove away from me because I had ordered her to. It had been my fault, all of it. I blamed myself for everything and that's why I worked so hard to find a way to get her back, to make her come back to me, using any excuse possible. I sent Hook.

And she came back.

I kept waiting. I kept…pushing forward and waiting on her to come to me because somehow deep down inside myself, I felt that she would. I honestly believed that if I waited just a few seconds more, the time would finally come. Seconds turned into minutes, minutes turned into hours, hours spent at my window gazing outside towards my gate that never was kept locked but opened just waiting for her hand to push it inwards. I sat there as I drank my coffee in the mornings, feeling the liquid scald the tip of my tongue as I licked my lips and waited, eyes focused on that gate, waiting. Then she'd drive by, or she'd come to pick Henry up and Emma never came in.

When she finally did come in six months after, I fucked it up because if it was one thing I managed to get right every time we met was me saying the wrong thing at the wrong time. And because she could hang on my words, somehow sifting through my replies with a fine teeth comb, that time I believe my attempt to vent my jealousy wasn't appropriate.

"It's been a long time since I came in here", she said, huffing out a sigh as her emerald eyes swept across the interior, resting on my new addition which was a heavy oak desk that had been in the garage for years. "That…" she said pointing, "is new."

"Very good", I said smiling, my hands behind my back, my gaze roaming her lanky figure as she stood there with a hand shoved deep into her jeans pocket, her hair tumbling over that red leather jacket. "I had it gathering dust in storage so I had a change of mind and I polished it and…there it is."

She laughed. I smiled. And then we stopped as our eyes met, as she suddenly saw something within me that I wasn't aware of. And when her expression changed within seconds, I quickly glanced away towards the front window, realizing that I had been sitting there a few minutes ago before she drove up and pushed the gate open.

"Hey I know I've been distant ever since I came back. And…" she waved a hand, "it's mainly because of the fact that I'm still getting used to having this one year memory lapse. Plus mom and dad, they're more than protective as of recent."

I smiled at her. "Oh that's understandable."

"Treating me like a teenager, geez", and she took a step forward, looking around as a boot toed the floor, eyes lowered, "anyway, what's your excuse?"

I was puzzled in relation to her question. "My…excuse?"

"Shutting yourself away in here, you stopped eating breakfast at the Diner, from work you'd come straight home, you never come out to even wave when I come by to pick up Henry, not even sending an apple my way, no visits to the Sheriff's office anymore. I get the feeling that you're avoiding me."

The fact that she had been keeping tabs on me was supposed to anger in a way, a very small way. But it didn't. What I thought of her actions was considerably new to me. On any other occasion before, possibly in the first year we had been acquainted, I would have been suspicious of her motives in checking up on me. Now I was somewhat guiltily aware of the happiness that washed over my heart because she hadn't forgotten me. She had remembered enough to realize that I had been keeping my distance from her.

"Checking up on me?" I asked with my eyes lowered, removing my hands from behind my back as I stepped towards the wall just near the telephone.

"I'm observant."

"I've been around, maybe haven't crossed paths with you, that's all." That was a lie. Whenever I'd see her, or catch a glimpse of her red leather jacket, my heels would turn and I'd head in the other direction.

"I saw you this morning at the Pharmacy, Regina", she said watching me directly in my eyes, "I know you saw me. And then you just left."

"I didn't see you."

"Oh", she said, lowering her eyes. "My mistake. Neal said he could have sworn that you looked right at me and then you just left. So he was wondering if maybe I did something wrong, or we had a fall out to which I told him no because we haven't spoken to each other in weeks."

Neal.

So she was still seeing him, or so her mother had informed me.

"I missed you, believe it or not", she said.

I lifted my eyes to stare at her, and it happened again. As soon as she met my gaze, something happened. And on my side, I felt a pull, a feel of intensity that tugged at my heart strings, which dizzied my head. But she looked away.

"Hey", she said suddenly, lifting her eyes to look at me once more, "let's grab something to eat tonight, just you and me."

My heart was racing, and I couldn't breathe. "That would be…great", I said smiling, my hands a bit shaky so I kept them behind my back.

"No, wait…crap", and she kicked the floor, eyes lowered, "Neal invited me to this opening…he's opening this place on Main Street."

"It's fine", I said quickly.

"How about I call you afterwards and…"

"No, it's fine, really", and I breathed in deeply, my heart aching, "I get it."

She waited awhile. "You get what?"

And I realized that by just saying three little words, I had fucked up. "Nothing."

"Regina…"

"What?" I asked, avoiding her eyes.

"Spill it."

"Henry?" I called quickly, my eyes cast towards the steps, throat parched as reached down to rub my sweaty palms against my skirt, fingers numb already.

"I'm coming!" he replied, and there he was suddenly appearing at the head of the stairs, his duffel bag swollen with whatever he needed for his night that would be spent at the Charmings. "I just had to fit my gadgets in my bag."

She was still watching me. And I cleared my throat then stepped away from the wall, never meeting her eyes. "Enjoy yourself", I said as my footsteps led me away from her, somewhere else but there. Leave, Emma, please leave.

"Wait in the car", I heard her say in a low voice and then there were footfalls behind me as she followed.

Quickening my steps, my head spinning, stomach in a knot, and knees weak, I kept walking until my eyes met the knob of the door leading into my office. And reaching out to grab a hold of it, I hastened my escape into the room, closing the door behind me. But it would never keep her away from me because when she was determined, she would never stop to corner me, to pummel me with questions, to find the truth. And pushing the door open, her boots padded upon my carpeted floor as she came in behind me.

"I'm not going to ask again", she warned.

"Neal", I said finally, moving behind my desk where I somehow felt protected because of the desk between us, "maybe I just cannot wrap my mind around the logics behind it."

"This is about Neal?" and she raised an eyebrow. "He's bothering you?"

"Yes…he is because…" I lowered my eyes to move a fingernail across my desk, finding that I could not breathe properly, "as a friend, I must tell you that I know this much: Neal isn't worth your time because of what he did to you."

"As a friend…" she said, and that was all. It was as if Emma hasn't heard the remaining words I had said.

"Aren't we friends?" I asked.

She took a long time before there was a reply, and something changed in Emma's eyes. I saw it and suddenly something within me stirred. It was almost like the moment you realized your words had more meaning than you anticipated. But I couldn't quite grasp her full meaning. I had my suspicions. I also had my growing ways of becoming paranoid when it concerned her.

"You tell me", she said quietly.

Her words as they were probably burnt me either way. And I would have gone with my paranoia in believing the opposite, had she not continued her line of thought, succeeding in driving from within me this rage fueled from jealousy.

"What am I to you then?" I asked. "Actually, you know what; forget I passed my concerns your way this evening."

"I'm glad you've realized that it's actually none of your business. It's my life."

"I'm sorry", I said in a hoarse voice, my eyes stinging. "Neal doesn't...that's not love." I shook my head.

"And what the hell do you know about love?" she asked. "Believe it or not, he was brave enough to man it up and explain himself, why he did what he did. If he didn't do whatever was done, then we'd be living somewhere in the middle of nowhere and Henry…he'd be a figment of your imagination."

"So you think that sick game he's playing with you is love?"

"What sick game?" she asked in disbelief.

"He's trying to…" and I waved my hand in front of me, "… woo you over again and he's trying to start this…family again when you know to yourself that it has happened before."

"Why the sudden interest in my relationship with Neal?" her eyes were narrowed now.

"Our son needs to have a proper example to follow", I stated, my eyes focused on her.

"Oh stop being so judgmental, and don't you even begin to speak about someone being a good example."

"I have proven myself", I said, severely hurt by her words because they stung me. "How dare you."

"I'm not speaking personally to you. I'm just saying that you, me, Neal…we aren't exactly all innocent and our slates sure as hell aren't wiped clean because I've done shit. I've fucked up before and I understand things."

"How can you even love him after what he did to you?" I asked, watching her directly. "Why don't you just wake up and realize that you're setting yourself up to get hurt again?" I asked, my eyes pinched from emotion, "that he's not worth it and you're just building on more hurt, more pain and more regrets."

"Either way", she said without skipping a beat, "whether I give him a chance or not, I'll still end up getting hurt because even if I loved someone else, that person most likely doesn't want the same thing that I want, braving it up to just take that step."

"Emma…" I said, as she turned on her heels and strode to the door.

"What?" and she stopped, turning to look at me. "If you have something to say to me, say it now."

I said nothing.

"That's what I thought", she chose to say, "it's surprising, isn't it? That you always have something to say and yet now, you suddenly…you're speechless."

"Maybe if I say what's on my mind then we'll never be friends again."

"Never stopped you before", she said angrily.

She stared at me for a long time, and the flash of anger in her eyes was suddenly gone as if with one blink, it could eradicate itself. I kept waiting on her even in that moment to talk to me. I was so stupid, I kept throwing hints and like she said, I wasn't brave enough, because she had to be referring to me. Or maybe that was my paranoia acting up again since it could be anyone else. It could be the Pirate who had been flirting with her or so I heard from Henry. But he was brave enough. Hadn't he kissed her in Neverland and then related as such to me just when we had returned? It could never be me. Who was I to deserve a woman like her in the first place? I wasn't a man. And she had two chasing after her, so where the hell would I even stand to compete against them?

And she pulled the door open then she was gone, her footfalls headed towards the front door, leaving me to gasp in her wake.

* * *

><p>For about three nights after that I kept replaying that scene in my head over and over again. My jealousy had been evident, that much I knew for sure. I decided to push it a step further even if it was a month after that. Henry alerted me on her lonely Friday nights, the nights when she suddenly had nothing to do. And on those nights, Neal had to work the night shift, digging into paperwork as he closed off the week. So I did what I felt I needed to do deep down inside my heart. If I didn't then most likely that weekend would have been horrible for me.<p>

Picking up my cell, I called her and when she didn't answer on the first try, I tried again. And then Neal answered her phone and I ended the call as fast as I could. Leaning against the wall just near the door leading into my kitchen area, tears pinched my eyes and I cried. I don't know what happened to me in that moment but sinking to the floor, glad that my son wasn't home but at school, I hugged my knees, skirt bunching up around my thighs and I sobbed.

I cried because of what I had done, of how stupid I was to actually believe that attacking her with denials on Neal's actions would somehow warrant me more respect in her eyes. Sitting there with my heels digging into my polished floor, my chest heaving from emotion, I suddenly realized that if I could not have Emma understand how much I loved her, then I'd suffer immensely from another broken heart. And after something had been broken one time, the second time around most likely would be twice as worst.

Probably you'd wonder how in the world Regina could become like this, unlike myself when I'm supposed to be stronger. If that is the case then you would know now how deeply Emma had an effect on me.

In between my thoughts on how I should keep on locking myself away and avoiding everyone as best as I could, my cell phone began to ring. I had left it on the table near the telephone just in the front hall and from where I sat, I could see it. But the energy to get up, to stand as much as I was shaking and to walk to retrieve it: I couldn't do it. So I just remained where I was and pummeled the floor with my clenched fists, my nails biting into the palms of my hands, biting my lips as I screamed internally.

I remained there for almost an hour.

And then pushing myself up, the heels of my boots shaky since my knees were weak, I growled when the rip in my stockings met my eyes. Moving to the kitchen, my thoughts discarded because upon getting up, my intentions had been to retrieve my cell, I made my way to the kitchen. Then after pouring out a full glass of Vodka, just like that I swallowed it in one go. Then another, feeling the liquid burn my throat as tears pinched my eyes hard. I squeezed them shut, voices screaming in my head, telling me to man it up and call her, to tell her, just tell her and get it off my chest.

Clenching my fists, I strode towards the telephone and dialed her cell number. Snow picked up after three rings.

"Hii, Regina!" she exclaimed, and I cringed.

"How are you Snow?" I asked, just for formality.

"I'm peachy, and you? YOU", she said the last word with quite an impressive effect, "you've cancelled again on our dinner date. What's happening?"

"Nothing", I lied.

"Regina, we're family now."

"I'm fully aware of that, Snow."

"So what's the problem? Having doubts?"

"No, I am just busy with work as usual, usual paperwork, long day."

"Come over now, let's have a drink and talk."

"I can't…" I said, my voice breaking, "I'm really exhausted and all I need is to be alone."

"Okay…" and she breathed in, "I'll ask nicely, mom will you come over?"

"Don't you dare pull that one on me", I said, but I was pinched by her sincerity. "It wouldn't work."

"Momm, okay…mother, will you…"

"No."

"Mommy?"

"Snow White! What are you, ten years old again?"

"Too much, huh? Too soon?"

"I'm just not in the mood."

"Are you ever?" and she sighed then laughed, "anyway, Emma is in the bath. I'll tell her you called."

"Thank you."

"Come over and let's stuff our faces with chocolates and cocoa, please." She would not give up. "You, me and Emma."

"Another time, dear, I promise."

"Wait, I get it. I get it!" and she gasped, yet from over the phone I could tell there was a wide grin on her face, "you're missing these days because you have a boyfriend! Woo! You sneaky woman, who is it, Robin?"

"Who?" I asked, my eyes wide.

"Robin Hood, you know, the outlaw, Roland's daddy…"

"I have no idea…"

"The guy who told you hi the other night at the bar when we had drinks with Ruby", and I remembered him immediately. "The little boy whose cheeks you pinched the other day in the supermarket when we went shopping."

"Oh that Robin…"

"Soo…"

"So what, Snow? Is he my boyfriend? No."

"Well, you know, I just thought when you take a guy's offer up to have drinks some other night, that you'd somehow be serious about it. I mean, he's a nice guy, plus he's a father. You two have a lot in common. Plus I mean, he probably is good in bed too so…"

"We are NOT having this conversation", I said directly, my eyes wide.

"Get in the game again, Regina", she said quickly, "if you look around Storybrooke, there aren't any guys left that are worth it, well if you put Whale in the picture…"

"What if I'm not interested in men, Snow?" I asked her, actually smiling by my mischievous words.

"I…am" I could just imagine her choking up, her eyes bulging, "well that's…understandable, it would…_women_?" she whispered the last word, "Geez, you just haven't met the right guy yet. I am sure that Robin would remind you of the things a man has to offer when…"

"Goodbye, Snow", I said firmly.

"…romantically wise, I can just imagine, well I'm married so I'm not speaking personally but…"

"I'm ending this call now."

"Ha", she said before ended the call and smiling to myself, I could not believe her at all: Robin Hood.

I had met him briefly one night after she had dragged me out to have drinks with her at this bar, Ruby accompanying us. And all he had done was come over to say hi, that he wanted to buy us a round of drinks and Hook wished to know if I could join him to discuss the town sponsoring renovations on his ship. I told Hood to tell Hook that he can just fuck off, with him and his pathetic ship because the nights I spent on that piece of shit, no comfort had been provided to me whatsoever. My back ached for days after sleeping in a sitting position. And he was to be blamed for it.

Robin had merely laughed, said he'd deliver the message to which I nodded and turned my eyes back to my drink before me. Snow however kept watching my right cheek and I sharply did kick her, only succeeding in driving this belief in her somewhere that I had an interest in the outlaw. He was very handsome, and he was really a gentleman, even though he had been an outlaw for most of his life. But really, I could not focus my mind on him at all because little did Snow know, I was completely in love with her daughter.

Oh how she would choke on that.

Now I found myself heading towards the staircase and stepping up with a hand gripping the banister, I realized that my vision swan. That only meant one thing: I was drunk. And I liked it.

Half an hour later that evening, I fell asleep and when I did, my dreams focused on her as usual. And somewhere in the middle of the night, I sat up with a start, my eyes wide, my legs tangled in the sheet as fingernails dug into the bed beneath me. My chest heaved as I tried to breathe, and I was drenched in sweat, my night gown sticking to my back and midsection. Lifting my hands, splaying my fingers before me, a sob escaped from within, and I suddenly realized that I couldn't breathe. Something was wrong, terribly wrong.

Fighting the sheet, almost tripping, I gasped, clutching at my chest as I fell onto the floor, my eyes wide. I was having a panic attack, and it wasn't the first time. The first time had been the moment when I finally had realized that I possibly was falling in love with her, Snow White's daughter. And the attacks just had gotten worst ever since. I had no choice but to grab for the bottle of medication seated on my vanity, my hands trembling as I twisted the cap then shook out a capsule. I swallowed it just like that and wondered as I curled up on the floor if these panic attacks were stemming from something else other than what I believed.

But this time had only convinced me more of its derivation because I had been dreaming of her just before it happened. So what was I to believe: that something else brought on the attack? Perhaps it was something deeper than that?

I kept having these panic attacks even weeks after, close to ten weeks after that night. She never did call me back. And my suspicions were transformed into confirmations. It led me to believe that Emma was the cause of all of this. If I didn't do something about it soon enough, I believe that something terrible would come out of it and I needed to fix this, to get myself under control.

So what did I do? I decided to call her again, but this time, I'd do it without fucking up anything. I promised that to myself. But what was wrong with me? My timing was bad because at 1 am I dialed her number and choking on my tears, a hand pressed to my mouth, my face wet and chest heaving, I waited on her to answer.

The first try, she didn't. But the second try, she did.

"Hello", she answered, still groggy from sleep, or maybe drunk.

"Emma?" I asked, as if it was possible that it was someone else when I clearly knew her voice by now.

"Yeah, Regina?"

Hot tears escaped now as I realized that I had been crying for so long and it had reached that point where you just had no reserves left. "I..."

She waited. And when I sobbed, I could hear Emma's concern even from across the phone as she breathed in. "What's wrong?"

I couldn't answer her.

"Regina?"

"I just…" my fingers were numb now, "need someone to talk to."

"Okay…" she said quietly, "talk."

My breathing was my only reply.

"I'll pick you up in ten minutes", she said after waiting. "Is that okay?"

"Yes."

"Good…do you want me to stay on the phone?" and I could hear her moving, the sound of her breathing as she was already preparing to come.

"Ten minutes", I said quietly.

I was sitting on the front steps half-dressed when she drove up in front of my gate. And by half-dressed I mean with my makeup smudged from tears, my hair in a mess and just a jacket over the same clothes I had fallen asleep in. Same ripped stockings and I knew I looked completely horrible: I looked awful. But I somehow didn't care.

Getting up, my knees felt wobbly as I stepped towards her car. And without even considering any of it, my fingers gripped the already open door as I climbed in. Her eyes remained on me and I couldn't look at her at all because for the first time in a long time, Emma was seeing me in this wrecked state. That one time before when Henry had been lying on that floor dead, in Neverland when I had told her point blank that she had no idea how I felt, tears in my eyes: that had been another moment. Only difference was that this time, it wasn't about Henry. It was about her.

She didn't speak to me. But she just turned on the ignition and drove. And while she did that, I eyed the road ahead, my head pounding as I chose to rest it against the seat, hugging myself as my toes felt like chips of ice inside my boots.

When the car stopped moving, we were facing the water, the sound of waves crashing unto the shore just where the docks met the sand. And turning off the engine, we sat in silence as I stared ahead and she did the same. The one thing that kept playing in my mind over and over again was that dream. But it hadn't been a dream: it had been a recollection of something that had occurred before.

"I never really mastered the art of telepathy", she finally said, breaking the silence. "But what I know is…that most times when I stare into your eyes, I can tell exactly what you're feeling."

I was shaking.

"Look at me", she said.

I couldn't look at her. My eyes flickered to meet the gearstick and then hovered near the pocket just below her A.C controls. I suddenly realized that my missing keychain, the one that was shaped like an apple was dangling from the air vents near the dashboard. That was something I had for years, and had lost it during our voyage to Neverland.

"That's mine", I said pointedly, looking at it.

"I know."

"How did you…" And I finally looked at her.

But she had her eyes on the apple. "Snatched it from you whilst you were sleeping on the Jolly Roger", she said smiling. "It was dangling from your hand and I just couldn't…help myself. So I stole it."

"You stole it", I said hoarsely.

"Yup."

"Just like that?"

She shrugged it off. "I figured that if anything happened to you whilst in Neverland, that I'd still have that to remind me of you. Besides, you didn't even realize it was missing."

"I did realize it was missing", I said with my eyes wide. "And that's very thoughtful of you, to steal my keychain as a souvenir."

"I wouldn't call it thoughtful", she said smiling, "but if you want to call it that, instead of stealing, then I'm not complaining."

"I want it back", I said firmly.

"No way…"

I made a snatch for it and she grabbed my hand around the wrist fast. Then our eyes met and when we gazed at each other, I couldn't look away from her at all. Neither did she this time. But her eyes remained on me as time stopped and it was just her and me in the car alone, or that was how I felt for a long time. Even with the crashing of the waves in front of us, with the rustle of leaves in the trees and the foaming of the water against the sand, I still couldn't hear any of it.

I wanted to kiss her, close the distance and just kiss her because of the passion within me. My eyes moved to consider her lips, and then I swallowed. But she did the inevitable. Releasing her grip, she bit her lips as her hand returned to the steering wheel. And sitting there with her eyes focused forward, Emma began to hum.

She hummed.

"You know, with your makeup smudged, you still look beautiful and it's not fair", she said and her hand made a move to reach across me. At first I thought she was about to touch me so I gasped inwardly, my eyes widening, preparing for her move finally. But reaching for the handle of the glove compartment, she pulled it open. "There are tissues in there."

I made no move to retrieve said tissues.

"Geez, fine", and she pulled them out herself. Then crunching one up softly, she turned to me and reached across the distance, the tissue meeting my right cheek as she dabbed slowly at it, her eyes focused on me. And I never diverted my gaze, but suddenly my eyes met the pair of shades on the dashboard. In fact, it had been there all along, but now I realized who they belonged to. My entire mind set just changed drastically.

Reaching up, I batted her hand away.

"Do it yourself then", she said, seriously affected by my move and she shoved the tissue unto my lap.

We sat for a long time in silence, and I kept staring at her, then the shades. I kept looking around her car for signs of him. And I found his belongings everywhere. There was a pair of boots tucked under the driver's side, and just in the glove compartment my eyes met a fake rose, the ones that had the teddy bear, wedged inside a cone shaped plastic wrapping. So he had been wooing her still. And she was most obviously buying it, all of it. Then her cell rang and I tore my eyes away from the rose to stare at the side of her face as she assured him that she was alright, that it was just me there with her and nothing was wrong, how we were just talking and she'd be home just now.

So I closed the door to the glove compartment with anger and the sound filled the silence. Eyes lowered, I gripped the bottom of my boots with my toes in silent rage and squeezed my knees together.

"Take me home", I said firmly when she ended the call.

"The thing about these cars is that they're delicate, you know?" she asked as if I hadn't spoken, "if you slam it like that, then it's gonna fall off and that costs money."

"I don't fucking care about your shitty car."

"Easy there, tiger", she said smiling.

She was smiling at me. The fucking nerve of her, to smile at me: it was unbelievable. Clearly she had no idea what was happening to me.

"Why did you drag me out of my bed anyway, to break my glove compartment door?"

I didn't answer her.

"You wanted to talk to me, so I'm here."

The howling of the wind replied for me.

"Okay, you don't want to talk about what's bothering you, fine", and she held up a hand defensively, "then I'll talk. Hopefully you don't punch the window out. Anyway, so Henry's taking art classes now", and she turned to consider me, her face relaxed. She was unbelievable. "Did he tell you?"

"No."

"Well…" and she turned to me, her emerald eyes directed my way, "Henry is taking art classes."

I rolled my eyes in disbelief and turned to look out the window.

"He's pretty good, actually. He doesn't get that from me or Neal so I figured maybe he got that from you." She was smiling now. Was she actually mocking me? "If it isn't one mother…" and she gestured in front of her, face serious, "if it isn't the father, then it must be the other mother, the amazing one, the one who is more his parent than the other two if anything else."

I turned to gaze at her and suddenly my rage had disappeared in a wink. And when our eyes met, she smiled at me. She smiled and the corners of her lips tugged upwards.

"Regina…"

"Yes?"

"If I ask you something, promise that you wouldn't take the keychain back, that you'll let me keep it forever because I want it. I'm going to fight you if you try to take it from me."

"I promise", I said, shaking my head in disbelief as I smiled.

"Okay, so…" and she swallowed, lowering her eyes as a smile dazzled her, "I want to be your friend. And by friend I mean that we can hang out, and talk and have dinner, even if it's with my mom. And we can you know, stop avoiding each other. Can we be friends?"

Friends…this overwhelming feeling inside me threatened to shatter my heart, the flimsy composure I was clinging onto. And I somehow gathered enough courage to fake a smile. But I was dying inside with every second that passed.

"That's fine by me", I said weakly, my voice hoarse. "If that's what you want, Emma."

"That's what I want", she said, her smile wavering. "Is that what you want?"

"Whatever makes you happy…" and I looked away towards the waves again, realizing that if I could not have her the way I wished for, then I'd just have to be what she wanted me to be: just friends.

But how long could I act up that role?

* * *

><p>Two months later and every Friday night after that she came over to have dinner with Henry and I. Snow joined in a few times, succeeding in annoying the hell out of me with her whispers on Robin hiding upstairs. And I almost choked her the second week she came because of her incessant chatter about me blushing because of meeting him earlier. I had been blushing because Emma had complimented my outfit and had helped me clear up the dishes, she washing whilst I wiped. And somehow, I found that being friends was something I couldn't fully live with, but it was alright for the moment. I liked it, to have her over and talk to me. It was a step forward, maybe leading somewhere and I welcomed it.<p>

Maybe that had been her plan all along, to start by being friends and then work our way upwards, towards this point when we would be comfortable with each other and I'd just be seen as more than a friend. Snow informed me of Emma's decision, how wished to become friends with me, not because of Henry even though he wanted it but because she wanted that. She wanted us to stop fighting, stop having disagreements and work towards getting to know each other better.

I saw it as a step forward.

And we met many times after, even sitting in front of the Diner to grab something to eat. We kept playing this game, and I kept waiting on her to break the ice. But she never did. Still I kept waiting.

But then one night when I was heading to the Diner, this windy night, the kind that whipped the trees into a frenzy and sent things flying, I happened to walk in on the one event that shattered my heart for the second time around. And that was the last straw.

Parking my car, I got out and slammed the door shut, my keys jingling from my right hand as I stepped towards the pathway leading up to the entrance. I already had in mind what I'd order: a cup of cocoa and a slice of cake. She had texted me to notify me of her plans to eat there that night. And I was in high hopes of meeting her, to talk to her, and just relax. I liked to talk to her especially when our eyes would meet because then I could just drown in her eyes forever. I would sit there and smile as our hands were on the same table and she'd reach out with her fork to steal my cake, smiling at me. She was always toying with my feelings. That was it. It wasn't long before the situation presented itself where she'd make the move and kiss me because on more than one occasion we had been so close in proximity.

As I stepped up, my eyes lowered, I smiled when I remembered the night before when she sat next to me on the sofa at Snow's apartment whilst we watched The Heat. And when her hand had rested on my lap as she laughed hard, I had shivered from her touch, turning to her slowly as my eyes met her neck. Then when her shoulder brushed mine, I gasped as my heart had fluttered.

Reaching for the door, I pushed it open and realize that the bell wasn't there anymore since Hook had knocked it out in one of his brawls with a man a few nights ago. Throwing a chair, he had smashed the bell whilst embarrassing himself in front of everyone just because Ruby told him his package was smaller than Whale.

My presence was therefore not announced, and as soon as I stepped into the Diner, I saw Neal on his knees in front of Emma. He was facing me but his eyes never met mine and she had her back to me. Snow was there and so was Ruby. Ruby saw me and she never looked away. A memory of her kissing me many years ago came to mind but it was just a whisper.

"Will you marry me", Neal said as Snow's hand flew up to cover her mouth. "You said to give you time to think. And I did just that."

Ruby's eyes moved from the situation playing in front of her to me once more and her eyes widened. Of all the people in Storybrooke, Ruby knew. I couldn't think right there and then. I think I died inside, because my hands began to shake inside my gloves and my knees grew weak, so weak. My head began to spin and I couldn't breathe. I just couldn't.

"I…" and she remained silent for some time, everyone watching. "Yeah…" I heard her say. And my eyes grew wide with disbelief. Trembling against the door, I somehow found the knob and turned it. Then I slipped out of there, hearing Ruby's footfalls as she came after me.

I ran to my car and I fumbled with the door. My chest was aching terribly, and I was fighting tears, terribly shocked and drenched in cold sweat already. I allowed the door to close on its own accord as I squeezed my eyes shut. It couldn't be real; this had to be a nightmare again. Sitting there I was lost. And I stared at nothing in particular for a few seconds as Ruby just stood outside on the pavement watching me silently. Her eyes met mine and when she looked at me, I lost it finally. Then kicking the floor of my car, I allowed the tears to come forward. Hugging myself, the click of the other door signaled it being opened and Ruby's perfume filled the car. She just sat there in the dark as I cried. And a hand was felt on my shoulder, softly, then she was caressing my cheek, her fingers playing over my hand that hid my face.

"Regina…"

Fighting with me, she pulled me into a hug and I buried my face into the crook of her shoulders as I sobbed. I don't know how long she hugged me but it felt like forever as I cried until I couldn't cry anymore. I cried because I had been fooled, and paranoid. My throat ached. And when I finally pulled away, Ruby pulled out her handkerchief and dabbed at my cheeks softly. And I allowed her to do that. I couldn't care less. Even with the history between us. I was collapsing inside and she was there.

"Can you drive?" she asked softly, squeezing my shoulder as her eyes swept over me with concern.

I nodded.

"Turn on the ignition and drive." Turning my eyes to her, she pressed a hand on my arm. "Let's get away from here. Turn on the fucking car and get the hell out of here because you and I both know that you're worth it. You're better than him. You want me to come with you?"

Suddenly I was so angry. Doing just as she said, I slammed my fists unto the steering wheel and my boot pressed the accelerator with force. It sent the car pitching forward, and gripping the wheel, I drove away with her beside me. Never did the car stop until I found myself swinging into my driveway. I parked the car and turned off the engine then she threw the door open and in a flash, Ruby was offering me a hand to get out and I took it. She pulled me up and wrapped a hand around my waist as we walked the remaining distance between the car and my front door.

Helping me unto a chair in my living room, she disappeared for a moment into my kitchen. And when she returned with two glasses, I had my boots off and was curled up in a fetal position on the chair. Pouring two glasses of something, she held out one for me to take and I did.

"Drink", she said.

I swallowed the burning Bourbon in one gulp, squeezing my eyes shut as the warmth attempted to thaw the chill deep within my heart. But what happened wasn't that. No, I couldn't eradicate the empty feeling, that horrible gut wrenching feeling.

"You know, when you broke up with me, I had a feeling it was because of her."

I shook my head, suddenly feeling absolutely angry but I managed to laugh. "Him…" I said hoarsely, "of all the people in the world."

"You're way better than him. And if she couldn't see that, then…"

"I never told her", I said, my eyes cast upon her. "I should have told her. It's my fault."

"Oh shut up and stop being so weak, Regina." And she came to sit next to me, close but far enough. "You're gold. And if you didn't tell her then you had your reasons. I know your reasons. You were afraid of being rejected and that's understood. If she does love you, if she knows you as well as she should, then she would realize that you were waiting on her. I saw it." She waved a hand. "I saw it a mile away even without you telling me. I think David sees it too. And so does Whale, Archie…well he knows everything. We all could see how much you loved her."

My eyes were lowered.

"Just for a moment, I thought she was about to say no."

"She did stall. And that's not a good sign."

"Still she said yes."

"Anyway, you're probably thinking where do I go from here? Well…" and she rested a hand on my thigh, "you have two choices." I was watching her. "Either we hit this sloppy Chinese restaurant and stuff our mouths with food whilst we drink beer. Or we can stay in, watch a movie and cry our eyes out."

"How about I just curl up in my bed and stay there for days?" I asked, still looking at her.

"See that's the problem", and she got up, "if you do that, then you let her win by fucking you up more. What you need to do is to retaliate."

"That's your advice?"

"Does Emma know about you and me?"

I shook my head. "No, she doesn't."

"Then you can use our comfort zone to fuck her up. We hang out and we push her."

"She's your friend."

"I hate Neal. And she said yes to him, frankly", and she snatched the glass from me, then stooped to rest it on the table, "she's just pissed me off more than ever."

"We're not sleeping together anymore. We're just friends."

"She doesn't have to know."

"Ruby…I am wrecked right now", I said lifting my hands to cover my face, "I'm not thinking straight."

"Clearly…" I checked myself and gazed up at her. She was smiling.

"Fuck…"

"This is like the umpteenth time I caught you with that one, babe. Come on, upsey daisy…" and my hand was snatched, "let's go."

"Noo", I said like a baby, and I batted her hand away, my eyes lowered, "leave me alone."

"Look, she just said yes to the engagement. The wedding hasn't happened as yet. You can still win her over."

"I'm a woman."

"So am I…

"She's not into women. Maybe that's the problem."

"Babe, she's probably bisexual. She's like me. And you…and she had two choices: Neal and you. So who does she choose, after he's probably been a lap dog buying her stuff and wooing her over? In the spur of the moment she chooses HIM."

In other words, it was all my fault.

"You can't let her break you, Regina", she said quietly. "Don't let her do that. Be the strong woman I know you are, suck it up and think this through."

An hour later, I was curled up in my bed, hugging my pillow like a heartbroken teenager, just staring at the blind fluttering from the open window. I couldn't retire to some beat up restaurant. And she had finally decided to leave me alone, to return back to work, promising to check on me the morning after.

What we had was complicated. That was all. And now we were friends, secretive friends but everyone knew we were close. The only other person who was aware of our sunken romantic relationship was Archie. And he only found out when our public affections had gotten out of hand after I had been snatched and kissed in the washroom at the Diner. Enough said, right then as I lay as stiff as a board on my bed, I realized that as much as shock overwhelmed me, as much as I was broken and saddened, devastated, I somehow felt frozen.

And because I felt frozen, after hours lying awake, my feelings became frozen in time. I was in a state of nothing, that moment when you are so devastated that you're left empty, drained and lacking the energy to react. Suppose it never happened? Maybe I dreamt it. It was still my fault and I could never stop blaming myself.

Maybe I still had a chance. But I felt that I didn't have another chance since she made that decision to say yes. What was I to think? Put yourself in my place and understand what I felt, how I felt after that moment. It was as if someone had declared to you that something amazing was about to happen. And then you walked into this setting where your whole belief, everything you were building on, hoping on, everything just crashed down with one answer.

I fell asleep early that morning as the sun rose and I woke up late that afternoon. No one could care about me. No one came or went. Henry was at his grandparents' apartment. And I was happy. I wanted to be alone.

For an entire week, I stayed indoors and Henry came and went. He took my silence as a normal thing, and after peppering me with questions on what was wrong, Henry told Snow. But when she called I acted it up as everything was just the way it was, that I was stressed out from work and I'd promise to meet up with her soon.

* * *

><p>Two long weeks later, and I cannot believe how time could pass by so fast, I was seated in my office, filling out paperwork. Stopping to check my figures on a calculator, I cleared my throat and focused on my task at hand. Writing feverishly across paper, I signed document after document and when there was a knock on my door, absentmindedly, my call was for whoever it was to enter.<p>

The door opened and closed and still my eyes were lowered as I checked figures and reread a Quotation.

"Hey…" my writing stumbled across the dotted line and I dropped the pen, gasping. Looking up, eyes wide, there she stood before me, her hands shoved in her pockets, her face softened with some kind of emotion.

On another occasion, I would have drunk in her beauty, the way she usually stood with her hands shoved in her jeans pockets. And her tangled blonde hair, always so captivating, tumbling over the shoulders of her tattered red leather jacket. She was so beautiful, and I was a fool in love.

"Hey…"

She moved to the dark red cushioned chair and rested a shaky hand on it, the chair in front of my desk. Her emerald eyes remained on me and I continued my work, writing with a passion now, completely ignoring her as I practiced what I had mastered: the art of control. Over the last few weeks, I had no choice but to move past it. And I had done well so far because of my past, because of what I had been through, I had this strength in me and I used it to my advantage.

When she chose to seat herself before me, I simply crossed my feet at the ankles and felt the tickle of my stockings against my skin. It was raining outside hard, water lashing against the windows and my long sleeved grey jacket warmed me. Yet that small whisper of pain from the wound in my heart still throbbed. And she sat there for a long time watching me. I however chose to completely ignore her because of my anger, angry with myself and with her, with Neal and her parents.

"I get the feeling that you want me to leave."

"Then leave", I said quietly, my voice firm.

"Okay", and she got up. Her boots padded on the carpet as she stepped towards the door and then I watched from the corner of my eye as she turned around. "You wouldn't even look at me."

"What?" I asked. I looked up at her, my eyes pinched with distress.

"No congratulations so you're obviously pissed…"

"Oh are congratulations in order?" I asked. "I'm sorry, congratulations on your engagement to a Neal Cassidy."

"Are we still friends?"

I laughed in reply and when she had waited enough, Emma turned around and left.

That same night, she received my answer. I was so thrilled once again to welcome my cold hearted feelings, those times when I reigned as Queen without a fear in my mind, when I killed and enjoyed it. I used that state of mind to override my feelings.

* * *

><p>The bar had been selected on many occasions because of its popularity. If I had preferred discretion, then my choice would have been another one on Fourth Street.<p>

But this one was acceptable with the usual small dance floor swept over with dark shadows, providing discretion. And the counter lining the left of the building with stools pushed under the ledge. Drinks were offered from a wide range, concoctions that were mixed from expertise by a hand from the Enchanted Forest: Mister Barry. His mixtures were dangerously soothing, poisons ranging from modern ones to the typical whiskey and bourbon.

And then as I was sitting there sharing a bottle of Johnny Walker with Ruby, drinking hard as anyone would have seen it, in she walked with Neal and her mother.

"Shit, is she serious?" Ruby mumbled behind a hand, rolling her eyes. "Let's leave."

"Of course not, that's ridiculous", I said resting a hand on hers. She met my eyes and then I shared my intentions with her. A smile tugged at her lips.

Snow came over and embraced me in a hug, commenting my red dress that hugged my figure, my knee high leather boots. And I simply answered back with a smile, resting a hand on her shoulder as she patted mine.

"Let's all sit here", she said with a smile. And within a minute, everyone had pulled stools closer, me being wedged between Ruby and Neal as Snow sat next to Emma who selectively sat next to her fiancé.

No one said a word for a long time, and I wondered what was happening, why the sudden awkward silence. I kept my eyes focused on the dancing couples before us and Emma never addressed me. She just sat there with him next to her and I smiled.

"I need to use the washroom", she said some time after.

"So do I", Ruby said quickly, and I gazed upon her with curious eyes, wondering what she had planned. Reaching out to take her hand, I squeezed it, passing a message between us to resist the urge to speak of my situation, or confront Emma. She nodded and I let her go, Snow smiling at me, her head dancing with wicked thoughts.

"In the game again?" she asked.

"I believe I am." And I waved my hand for a refill, smiling.

"Since one might tell me to fuck off again", Hook said appearing out of nowhere, his dark eyes focused on me, "how about I take the married lady for a spin on the dance floor, just for fun."

Snow was smiling. "You sure you don't want to take David for a spin instead?"

Hook's smile disappeared. Neal snorted. "I lust after the ladies, not the men, my love."

"I might have heard otherwise."

"Oh come here you tease", he said smiling, and after pulling her up, she was led to the dance floor, leaving me alone with Mister Cassidy.

I remained silent until I couldn't take it any longer. And because of my mild intoxication, I decided to fuck him up.

"Wow, Mister Cassidy", I said licking my lips, smiling guiltily, "you've done it again."

He turned to me and remained silent.

"You leave without saying goodbye", I began, never looking at him but smiling, "you come back years after, and even though you were responsible for throwing her in prison, she still agrees to the engagement." He was watching me and I turned to direct my eyes at him. "It's almost as if you bewitched her with a spell, isn't it?"

He actually laughed. "Ah, Regina, the sarcasm is noted."

"Who said I was being sarcastic?" I asked innocently, holding my glass firmly in my right hand, my eyes never leaving him. "Why, isn't that the truth?"

"It is. But my reasons, why I did what I did before, all of them are justified."

"All?" I asked, "so tell me", and I adjusted myself on the stool, turning to face him directly, "how did you do it?"

He appeared perplexed. "How did I do what?"

"Win her over… Did you buy your way into her heart? Oh wait…" and I lifted a finger, my eyes diverted elsewhere as if in deep thought, "of course you did. It's the only way she'd ever give you another chance."

"Sarcasm noted again." He sighed. "I just talked to her. I stopped believing that she was exactly where I left her years ago, and I decided to explain myself, why I did what I did."

"And she actually bought it, every word?" I asked directly.

"What are you implying?" he asked. "That I lied?"

"You said it, not me", I looked away, and I shrugged. "If you lied to her as to why you left her to fry in the sauce then that's on your conscience, not mine."

"I left her because I had to."

"You left her because you were a coward", I said firmly, my eyes never leaving his.

"No, I didn't." He was watching me again. "I left because August, he found me in Boston, told me about all of this, your curse and whatever else. He said I needed to let her go because I was interfering with plans, plans to stop all of this. If I continued what we had started: Emma and I, then you'd still be living every day the same way. I think you would have liked it that way though. Thing is, I needed to do what I had to do. So…" and he lifted his glass, then sipped, "…I ran. Not because I was a coward, but because I knew that she needed to do this."

"August found you in Boston?" I asked now. I had never been aware of this. "Well that's news to me."

"You're probably thinking why I let her go so easily though", and he shrugged, "reaching a point in my life when I thought she deserved more than just me."

"She was pregnant with your child", I stated.

"Me…a convict…anyway what's done is done. Now we're here and in the moment. And I'm not letting her go again."

"Quite opposite to your views shared before", I said stiffly, "because I can clearly remember when we were in the Enchanted Forest, after Pan's curse, you told me that you finally had decided to let her go."

"Look, all of that made me realize what was important to me", he said defensively, "Henry…I couldn't stand the thought of even losing her again. And after that one year lapse, I couldn't slip up again."

"So you came back with the intention of getting her back."

"Yeah, I actually still love her." And he sipped his beer, eyes focused forward, this disgusting expression of pride on his face. "And after she asked for time to think things through, I finally popped the question and she said yes soo…"

"You won." He looked at me and I smiled a stiff smile. I held up my glass and used it to hit his for a toast. And then I drank down the liquid in one gulp.

"I did and nothing will take her away from me again." We stared at each other, and I think he saw more than he bargained because I was drunk. But I didn't care at all. I wanted him to see.

"Regina…" Snow said breathless as she stumbled to her stool, smiling widely with a hand pressed to her chest, "guess who's here."

I was so caught up in the moment with Mister Cassidy that I had to tear my eyes away from him to consider her shaking with excitement before me. "Who?" I asked.

"Look", and she leant in closer, her voice in a whisper but Neal could hear quite well enough, "I know you're into women and all, but you might want to give the guy approaching us a chance."

Neal had all eyes on me and from the time she said that, I believe that his suspicions grew tremendously. Perhaps though, he saw me in the light of a protective friend, watching over Emma. Whatever way he chose to see it, one thing would never change in my mind about him: the fact that he was a bastard and he was a lucky one at that.

"Regina…" it was Robin.

"Yes…" my eyes were lifted to meet his, and gripping the bottom of my dress, I tried to resist the urge to turn around and pounce on the other man sitting next to me.

Robin held out a hand. But behind him, my eyes met Ruby making her way through the crowd with Emma in tow. And the latter appeared quite cross. Ruby was glowering which probably meant one thing: she had voiced her objections in the engagement. Hopefully, my name had been excluded. But my eyes could not leave Emma as she came to sit next to him. And as if he wished for me to note the impact his words were supposed to have on me, Neal wrapped a hand around her and she was pulled close.

"Just one dance, your Majesty", Robin said smiling.

"No objections", I said quickly, and taking his hand, I allowed him to pull me up. Snow squealed.

"I knew it!" she cried. "You go Robin!"

He merely smiled and led me to the dance floor, and amidst other couples swaying to the sounds of the eighties, a hand was wrapped around my waist as he entwined his fingers with my right. Like I said before, he was handsome, and there was something about his eyes that appeared quite warming, almost as if he radiated with sincerity. And I was suddenly overwhelmed with his eyes, what I saw, the depth of his smile and gaze. I suddenly felt safe, unlike other occasions when I had felt ridiculously powerful over any man who dared to dance with me.

"We were never properly introduced", he said as we danced, his eyes never leaving me. "The name's Robin Hood, your Majesty."

I smiled. "Well, you already are familiar with my identity, I gather from your formality." He laughed. "Please, call me Regina."

"You know, last time you were here, Killian and the others made a bet among all of us." From the corner of my eye, I saw Neal pull her up and he was leading as they stepped among us. "They swore that had I asked you to dance, you would have declined."

"Now look who scored."

"I wouldn't call it that", he said softly, his hand caressing my back as we swayed. "I can see something's bothering you. Your eyes are somewhat cloudy from worry. What can I do to help?"

She was dancing with him and he had her so close, their bodies intimately touching. And I swallowed hard, my throat aching. Following my line of sight, my attention's source was given away as his eyes rested on Emma dancing with Neal. Turning his gaze upon me once more, he removed his hand from my back and softly caressed my right cheek.

"Sometimes in life", he said, "we are always brave in every other situation. But there is always one situation that drops us to our knees because we somehow cannot gather up the courage to make that first move."

I was watching at him with wide eyes. But dropping my expression, I cleared my throat and smiled. "That's true."

"If I told you that I know, do not take it the wrong way."

"You know what?" I asked, searching his eyes.

"Someone else resides in your heart. Am I right?"

"Am I that easy to read?"

"One only has to follow your eyes, Regina. And where your gaze leads can tell anyone who takes time to notice that your attention is focused on another."

I said nothing.

"Let's just dance and…" he held my jaw and focused my gaze upon him directly, "try to ignore her for if she really was worth it, then you'd be in her arms already."

"I…"

"I know…" he said softly, and his hand sought the back of my head as he pressed me closer to him, burying my head in his right shoulder. "Just shut the world out for a while and lose yourself. In me you can find a friend."

I did. As ridiculous as it sounds, I took his advice and I did just as he said. Listening to the music was soothing and after closing my eyes, inhaling his perfume, I just moved with him, erasing my focus on her and everything else. And he felt so warm, his touch so comforting. I couldn't believe that a stranger could be so soothing to my soul without even knowing me. His words had been bold, his attention was direct on my current affairs, and it was supposed to feel intrusive. Yet it was anything but that because just once I wished for someone to see that I was affected instead of having me explain it to them. I wanted someone to understand without me saying anything, to brush away the façade I had erected and glimpse behind without mocking me.

He did just that.

And when the song ended, I didn't let go. I danced the other with him because of how safe I felt in his arms. My eyes remained close for a while until I opened them and noticed that I was facing her. And she was watching me with an expression I had never seen before in her eyes. It was a look I always wanted her to give me, because then I'd know my connection meant something. Her emerald eyes were pinched with judgment and saddened. The man that held her never did see how she looked at me. But whatever passed between us was personal and it was deep.

For a long time she kept looking at me as I danced with Robin and I did the same. Then as Neal stopped, as he whispered something to her and she listened, her eyes still on me, I saw the glint of anger in those eyes. And I smiled inwardly although my heart was aching. She was affected. And I liked it.

I was drunk, after sitting at Robin's table alongside Hook and drinking shot glass after shot glass of random mixtures. We spoke about Neverland and I fucked up his ship several times. He promised to compensate my back with a massage to which I directed a glare his way that made him cringe. Whale said nothing as he eyed Robin's nearness to me and when Ruby joined us, squeezing in beside the doctor, well she just directed the conversation into the dirtiest bedroom stories ever.

I listened and smiled.

"Robin, just so you know, Regina dominates in bed", Ruby drawled, and my eyes flew open as I kicked her hard under the table. "What?" she asked smiling. "I'm just putting ideas into his head."

"Isn't that supposed to be the problem?" Hook asked, his eyes focused on Ruby's cleavage. Whale was scowling at him. "Wait…how do you know she's good in…" his eyes flicked from her to me then back to her, "oh…well that turns me on."

"Killian you are so predictable", I said smirking.

"You are so easy to read. I knew that you swung both ways since the first time we met, your Majesty."

"Oh shut the fuck up", and I rolled my eyes.

"She's drunk", he said quickly, smiling as well, "her Majesty's drunk because as I can recall, when she's drunk, she starts to swear and…"

I reached across the table and using a finger, gently tipped his glass unto his lap. "Oops", I said innocently as he gasped and rose up with his fingers splayed.

"Now if you can direct your attention to exhibit A", Ruby said gesturing to his crotch.

"No thank you", Robin said, turning to hide his eyes on my right shoulder and we laughed.

"You will see that when speaking of packages, the outline is painfully small…"

"Oh fuck off", Hook said angrily, lashing her hand away and Whale guffawed, bouncing in his seat.

Upon our departure that night, Robin decided to walk me out to my car. I had no idea the rest of them followed until we went through the exit and I heard Snow's voice. She was definitely drunk, hanging unto Neal's arm as he was also intoxicated. But his eyes remained focused so he could hold his alcohol with dignity. Turning me towards him, my back facing the rest, facing her, Robin smiled.

"Let her go", he said quietly, wrapping his hands around my waist. "That ring she wears on her finger proves that she choose him over you and between you and me, no one puts her Majesty in any other place but first."

I believe from where he stood, based on his line of sight, he obviously saw what had occurred. He knew exactly what he did because in a matter of seconds, he reached in and captured my mouth in a kiss. Then slowly parting my lips, I tasted Vodka when he kissed me, my hands by reflex moving behind his back, gripping him and drawing him closer.

Why is it that I did not pull away? Maybe it was because my head was dizzy and I was severely drunk. But I felt warm and secure in his arms. And upon my eyes blinking open, there she stood whilst the others looked the other way. Her eyes were focused in our direction and she was glaring at me. Then when she realized what was occurring, Emma stepped away from where she stood and turned her back on me. Taking Neal's hand, she pulled him away as they walked to her car.

And yet I still kept waiting on her.

* * *

><p><strong>AN – There is more to her side. There is a part two next which basically tells exactly what happened to make her leave Storybrooke and what happened when she was away. Then Chapter Three will begin from where Chapter One left off. The next one will be long too. I'm so sorry I didn't make Emma's side of the story longer but I wanted to leave room to have her explain herself to Regina when they meet up again, so most things you are puzzled with, like why did she choose Neal and did she really have any idea or clues that Regina loved her…those will be answered when we pick it up back. **

**To address a review, asking me why Emma said yes to Neal so quickly although she loves Regina. It will be answered in a future chapter. But what I can say for now is that she was faced with two choices. And she was waiting on Regina to make the move too. It also has to do with something that happened in Neverland that completely gave Emma the idea that Regina was probably not romantically interested in her. When that happened, she just realized that maybe there was no chance, that's why she kept waiting to see what would happen. And she waited. What happened in Neverland is coming up next! You think Emma fucked up with choosing Neal? Wait till you read what Regina did! Lol.**

**REVIEW and let me know what you think or what you hated and loved!**


	3. When She Left One to Try With Another

**Chapter Three**

"**When She Left One to Try With Another"**

**[Storybrooke, The Enchanted Forest and Back Home]**

* * *

><p><strong>WARNING: I THINK MANY OF YOU WILL LOVE ROBIN AFTER THIS CHAPTER. AND YOU WILL CONTINUE TO HATE NEAL CASSIDY IF IT IS THE LAST THING YOU DO. I AM NOT RESPONSIBLE FOR ANY FAINTING FROM FEELS ATTACKS, ANY TEARS SHED DURING FLASHBACKS, ANY GRITTING OF TEETH OUT OF ANGER OR ANY PINEAPPLES THROWN MY WAY. I REPEAT, NO PINEAPPLES TO BE THROWN AT ME.<strong>

* * *

><p>Two weeks before I left Storybrooke, my dinner dates with Emma gradually spaced out. And I wasn't sure whether to welcome the change or not.<p>

Two nights after she witnessed me lip locking Robin outside the bar or club or whatever you'd refer to it as, Emma refused to speak to me. I was ignored and above all. And suddenly she began to rent her own apartment closer to the Sheriff's office and Henry suddenly declared that he wished to spend many nights sleeping over with her instead. The only time I got to see him was when I'd pick him up after school to just around seven when she'd drive by for the pickup. Most nights she never came in, but the few that led her to my front porch thus far only engaged us in a brief conversation.

There was this one afternoon when I had a snack with her outside the Diner. It was then that I kept pressing her, wishing she'd suddenly allow me the one chance to witness her saying that she had finally realized she loved me. But we talked. I spoke about myself, I waited on her to understand where I was coming from. And I ended up telling her I had begun to date Robin.

It was supposed to make her react in some way, for her to somehow demand that he wasn't worthy or he wasn't right for me. And that she was the one I was supposed to be with. I wanted so much to hear her say something, anything. And our conversation ended with me never hearing what I wanted to hear from her.

"_Emma, all my life I have been trying to be happy."_

"_Aren't we all…" _

"_Everyone has their happy ending and I'm just…" I sighed, waving a hand in front of me and I wrapped my fingers around my glass, swirling the lemonade within, "I'm a villain with the possibility of me never having one."_

"_Regina, we've been through this before", she said looking at me, "you're not a villain. Don't do this to yourself."_

"_I am, Emma. I'm nothing else."_

"_You're a mother!" she exclaimed, watching me. "You're Henry's mother and you've been his mother for ten freaking years! How can a mother be a villain?"_

_I just began to shatter from my emotion. And lifting a hand, I tried to hide my weakness from her as tears swelled up in eyes. How could she not know that above all, I just wanted her to realize how much I loved her? But it was so hard for me to even say it. She was always the brave one, the one who wasn't afraid of me. And if she did want me, then why couldn't she just tell me she did. I wanted to cry and biting my cheeks, I forced myself not to._

"_It's okay to cry in front of me, you know", she said. "I think we established this already before, that I will never judge you."_

_I laughed for no reason at all. And when I did, she gave me this comical expression on her face, almost as if I was a silly display of some sort. She claimed she'd never judge me when she had no idea what was going on inside my head. And for that, I couldn't help it. Very soon though, she started to giggle and then we erupted into laughter. I stopped and just looked at her, my eyes filled with tears. Just for a moment, I wanted to drown in her eyes and stay there forever._

"_Thank you…for that", I managed to say._

"_Anytime, I guess I'm funny looking after all."_

"_No, silly…it's not that. I laughed because I am that comfortable with you being here with me."_

"_Oh…" and she stopped, appeared crestfallen. _

_I waited, holding my breath. And I waited for a long time but she said nothing. In that space of time, I just decided to push her. _

_"Regina…I…"_

"_Emma, I've finally decided to give myself a chance at love again", I said the same time as she spoke, my eyes lowered._

_She remained silent._

"_Really? With…?"_

"_Robin…Robin Hood."_

_It was the longest silence ever. And when time had passed as it always did between us whenever that particular time arose, I stood up, my eyes burning. Turning to look at her, I couldn't understand how she could not see through me because I was paper thin at the moment. _"_I was waiting for you to say something to me…" I said and she looked up, half a slice of pizza in front of her, still not touched. "I guess…that I was wrong."_

And I left.

The following day in the afternoon, I pushed the door into the Diner and there she sat with Neal and Henry. And as soon as I saw her, the message was delivered clearly to me. Upon collecting my order for dinner, I didn't look in her direction, didn't say a word to her. But my eyes were focused on the door as my feet led me out and into my car.

* * *

><p>"Why her?" he asked quietly, and wrapping his fingers around his coffee mug, Robin lifted it up, blowing softly, eyes lowered.<p>

I looked up from my untouched lasagna, my fork absentmindedly moving around my plate and I considered him with a bland expression. "Who?"

"Emma…" he said, looking into my eyes. "You are distant all the time, your eyes just have this far off look and I am aware of where your thoughts are when you lose focus. But what I would like to know is why you keep holding unto her when she clearly has no intention of returning your feelings."

"You wouldn't understand", was all I said.

"I might not. Right now though, I am falling for a woman who has her eyes set on someone else. So I can place some meaning on your current situation. You…" and he lifted his fork for emphasis, pointing at me, "must remember when I told you, that no one should put you as second best for you are firstly placed as it should be. If she cannot understand that then you must let her go. Why waste your time?"

"I'm not wasting my time", I said firmly, eyes fixated on him. "I love her."

"But does she love you?"

"I…" my voice faltered as I gazed at him for a while, then lowering them, I played with my lasagna again.

"You said that you haven't told her how you feel. And that's accepted for you wish not to be judged. But she's obviously made her choice. Now you are left with no other option but to accept it."

"Robin, you…" I placed my fork down, my eyes pinched with hurt, "you're a wonderful man. I have no doubt about that. And I understand that you wish to pursue me further, you want to…have me return your feelings. But right now, I cannot do this. I just can't focus on anyone but…Em-ma. She means the world to me. We've been through so much and I cannot let her go."

"But she's let you go. Listen to me…" and reaching across the table, he took my right hand, squeezing it gently, eyes focused on me, "don't do this to yourself, don't do it. You are trying to chase after someone who is engaged. If you only could see it in my eyes, then you would understand why I say the things I do about this…affair. She's had this man before as you told me. She's been hurt by this man and still she has run back to him even after everything else. Even if she has feelings for you, why not choose you above him? Instead, Emma chose to say yes to an engagement when you possibly were a choice as well."

"Maybe she thought I…" tears were in my eyes, "she thought I wasn't interested in her at all."

"Then make the first move."

"Every time I try to make the first move, something happens and I stop. I just…stop because it's never the right time. And I keep waiting and waiting for the right time but it never comes at all. I just want to…"

Robin rested his right hand over my cellphone then with his eyes on me, he slid it across in my direction. My eyes followed his movement. "Call her and tell her how you feel. Go on", he urged, "it's just an engagement. She can break it off and start anew with you." I only stared at the phone.

Then picking it up with a firm grip, I speed dialed her number and with my eyes focused on him, I lifted the phone to my right ear. There were two rings, then three, and then just after the fourth, she finally answered.

"Hello…" her voice was rushed, almost as if she was breathless.

"Emma…" I waited. "Is this a bad time?"

"Yeah…" someone mumbled in the background, "I can't talk right now."

"You can't talk right now…" I repeated after her, my eyes on Robin and he waved a hand in front of him, urging me to go on.

"Look, Regina I'm kind of busy right now. Neal…" and there was static as the phone moved and she laughed, "Neal's…we're playing charades…I…"

"Emma, there's something I need to tell you."

"Geez, is it that urgent then? Can't it wait?"

"No…" I said quickly, my throat closing up. "I…"

"A horse!" she yelled, laughter in her voice and I heard Henry's voice in the background. "I'll call you back or something. Kind of busy here…"

Completely losing my patience, my mind changed. "Enjoy your family night", I said sarcastically. "The perfect family…"

I could hear her breathing on the other end. She didn't hang up but waited, the muffled talk in the background and my eyes were pinched with tears. "They're the only people I consider my family", she said in reply. "You always have a problem with every single thing."

"I never said I have a problem."

"You were implying it."

"Oh and suddenly you are an expert in deciphering what I am trying to imply."

"Stop getting so worked up about stuff. Geez…You're not that hard to read."

"Really, Emma…?"

"I know you disapprove of my choices, but I was bold enough to make them whilst you just choose to back in a corner. And yeah, I do know what the hell you're always thinking. I know that you still hate me and you're trying hard to make me believe otherwise when it's just…showing that you will never ever reach a point where you're comfortable around me. Stop faking it. We can't even be friends without you behaving like a stuck up bitch after a minute. I'm barely tolerable, and I feel it."

Oh that escalated quickly and she had the audacity to refer to me as a bitch, now that I found terribly insulting. And suddenly my mood changed. I was consumed with anger. "Don't pretend as if you know what I think of you."

"I don't have to pretend, Madame Mayor, I know."

"You don't know how I feel at all."

"I know enough and it will never meet my expectations."

"Then I am sorry I'm such a failure. You're suddenly Miss Perfect in regards to my life. Suddenly I am wondering how you can choose to be so ignorant, blatantly speaking about my feelings as if you have any fucking idea how I feel." I was indeed getting overly worked up and was aware of it.

"I don't care about how you feel!" she said angrily, "tell Robin how you feel, not me. It doesn't concern me anymore." Her words stung me.

"Oh and you disapprove then?"

"Of what?"

"Robin and I…" and he rested a hand upon my shoulder, his eyes searching mine.

"I don't care." Her voice was breaking.

"Just as I don't care about you and your second chance…"

"Low blow, Regina… Coming from the woman who has a problem with everyone, a woman who has trust issues. At least I'm finally moving on and I have you to thank for it since suddenly I am loved by someone who cares for me, who wasn't afraid to tell me how much they love me. And it feels great…"

"I'm glad for you." I laughed hoarsely. "I am so glad that you managed to not only live up to your standards as the savior, but you secured your happy ending fine enough."

"Quit while you're behind, Regina."

"Why don't you wake up and realize you're clutching at straws that will lead you to a crash and burn relationship because really and truly, second chances don't last."

"And you know so much about second chances, since you've been given more than one chance to change in the past."

"Like I said, I'm happy for you, Emma."

"You should be. You and I…we'll never be where we want to be. So I'll stop trying."

I didn't reply, but remained silent.

"You know what?" she said with her voice rising, "Regina just…keep on sticking to yourself and shutting everyone out. If that's what you want. I gave you many chances before. Now it's up to you if you want to join your family or go your own way. I really don't have time to wait on you to make a decision anymore. Mom invited you over so many times. You could have come but all you want to do is to fuck it up. And I don't have time to waste on trying with you. It annoys me."

"Then I'll do you a favor and…stay away."

"Do whatever you want. Like I said, I don't care."

"I will", I said in a hoarse voice. "I'll do that."

"Good."

"Fine, do what the hell you want. No one can stop you anyway. Not even me."

And she ended the call first. When I placed the phone down on the table before me, my eyes hard but wet with tears, I growled. And slamming my fists unto the surface, I kept doing that over and over again as this anger inside me washed over like hot water. Very soon, Robin grabbed my hands at the wrists and he pulled me towards him. I resisted, becoming stiff against him and then when his hands went around me, wrapping me in an embrace, I nuzzled my face into the crook of his left shoulder and fought the urge to cry.

I didn't want to cry. I was angry, angry at her childishness, angry at myself for being so fucking stupid, for not telling her what I wanted to. She was so immature, so…naïve and so cold. And I deserved that reaction from her because it was my fault. I was in the wrong as always. I always fucked everything up. And I'd never learn at all. When everyone thought I was so brave, I could be so weak and careless.

"I'd never hurt you if I was yours", he said into my ear, holding me close. "For as long as I could, I'd try to make you realize how special you are because it's not worth it spending seconds loving someone who wishes you to stay away."

I pulled away my face from his shoulder and gazed into his eyes as his arms still remained around me. We were so close, our lips lying inches apart, and I could feel his breath on my face, the smell of his aftershave, something he said he had recently started to use to his discomfort. It pinched my eyes with a smile when I remembered him voicing his displeasure in the use of such a thing. And when he caught my small smile, Robin lifted a hand to wipe the corners of my eyes with his right thumb.

"If you could only see how beautiful you are…both inside and out", he said softly, "any person whether it is a man or woman would be stupid if they didn't make the first move on you. And now…" his thumb moved to caress my lips, my eyes becoming lost in his, "I'll try again. Maybe this time you'll realize that I wasn't playing a game before."

He kissed me slowly, pressing his lips to mine gently as my eyes fluttered close on reflex. And the pain in my chest, it gradually evaporated as we kissed each other deeper. I allowed him to because I wanted him to do it. I wanted him to take me away, to escape with him and try to forget everything else that pained me so much. I just wished that I could erase all conflicting feelings and focus on him. And very soon, we were so lost in each other, in our passion to be nearer, that I completely forgot about everything else.

With my fingers entwined with his, he pulled me to sit on his lap and I kissed him harder, my body becoming heated with want and desire. And lifting me up as if I was as light as a feather, he deposited me unto the table, our lips still ravishing each other, moving aside the table mats and tissue holder as his hands caressed my breasts, unbuttoning my blouse and feeling his way inside my bra. Very soon, I had my legs wrapped around him as he moved with me, clinging to me and I to him as I lost myself in his passion. Yet I just…I wanted more.

Maybe it was for me to prove something to myself, that all of it meant something, what I felt for him, what he felt for me. But I began to wonder if I started to feed on his passion and it was just one sided. The hunger, the desire to just make love to me: it escalated into me wanting the same of him. It was as if I was searching for something inside him that could only be found in another. But I had no idea what it would feel like to be with that other person. So I opted to try the alternative instead. I made a choice as she made hers and I wasn't going to regret any of it because I never had regrets at all.

He wanted me and I wanted him in the moment. And bunching my skirt up around my waist, he lifted me closer to him as I unbuckled his belt, then unzipped his faded blue jeans, freeing him from his restraints.

"I want you inside me", I said hoarsely, eyeing him with desire, my quick fingers moving inside his jeans. And gripping me around the waist, we moved from the table to against the wall in my dining room.

As he kissed me passionately, I gingerly grinded my hips against his and moaned, breaking, losing myself and I couldn't hold it together. Bracing me hard against the wall, our eyes dancing with desire, lips inches apart, when he entered me slowly, I ran my fingers roughly through his hair and threw my head back as a gasp ensued from within me. He unbelievably filled me up, hot and hard. It felt so wrong yet so right for me to welcome him like this for it had been so long for me. And to finally feel this amount of pleasure, I allowed it and drowned myself in it as he moved inside me, slowly then faster and faster. Wrapping my hands around his neck, I moaned into his right shoulder as he bit my neck, bucking his hips.

Needless to say, for the first time I hadn't even realized that I had slipped up big time. And neither did he for we went all the way without any protection at all. When he spent himself inside of me, I felt it, I acknowledged it and I allowed it. Why: because I was completely ready to take any risk to suck the pain away. But I never did reach my climax. With my toes pointed, I nearly did but I held back because as soon as he released, I remembered and when I remembered, I stiffened. Carrying me upstairs, he slept over that night. And in the morning, I made breakfast for him. As he ate, we talked about normal thing like normal people. He commented on the weather and the color tone in my kitchen. I spoke about his outlaw ways and how I thought he would grow accustomed to the aftershave.

* * *

><p>Five days after, she and I walked into the same store together, me wishing to purchase a pack of Stayfree for I had slipped up but all was well. And she appeared to be enquiring after birth control pills. It pissed me off even when it shouldn't have because I really had no need to care about any of it.<p>

And as I checked out my items at the cashier, she was right next to me all the time. Hastily pulling out the right amount of money from my brown leather wallet, I slid it over to the woman and snatched the bill. Then with my eyes suddenly becoming icy, I grabbed my bag and strode towards the exit. Before I could get into my car, Emma nudged the door with her hip and prevented me from closing my way off from her.

I chose to start the car, eyes never meeting hers.

"I'm sorry…"

Fixing myself in my seat, I reached for my seat belt and pulled it to the front, clipping it snugly.

"I'm sorry, Regina."

"Save it", I said in a clipped tone.

"I didn't mean to act out on you the other night. I was in this…" she glanced away then back, "…mood and I said things that I shouldn't have said to you. I'm really sorry."

Biting my lips, I reached out to hold unto the car door with my eyes focused forward. And we remained like that for almost a minute. Moving aside finally, she allowed me to pull the door close and I put my car into drive then pressed hard on the accelerator, never looking back.

* * *

><p>"Are you sure you want to do this?" he asked, cupping my chin in his hand as he studied my eyes. "It's not going to be easy at first. But I can guarantee you that I'll never give up on making you happy."<p>

Roland was sitting on the floor pushing a red fire engine around and I was reminded of Henry. We were sitting on the chair in my living room on a rainy Friday night and were about to watch a movie. But just as it had started, he brought up the topic again and I decided to finally give him an answer.

"I don't belong here", I said softly as he fingered my hair, tucking it behind my ears. "You see how uncomfortable I am and…" I wanted to say her name but it never escaped my lips. "I want to move on."

"Are you sure?" he asked, wrapping an arm around me, pulling me closer. "I don't mind staying."

"I don't want to stay."

"If you cut yourself off from them, they will wonder why."

"They will move on without me because I mean nothing to them. Very soon everyone will become washed over with relief after realizing that finally she has…left…and then things will become stable and peaceful and I'll be forgotten of."

"I don't think they'll forget you, especially her." Picking up the remote, he moved it across my right thigh and I reacted.

"You were right you know", I said, pressing my hand over his, the one that held the remote, eyes lowered. "Maybe it was just me expecting too much from her, believing that it was something else when it wasn't really. The connection I have with her, it's just a connection and nothing else. My desire to become her friend probably sparked some need in me just to grow closer to her."

"Not sexually then?" he raised an eyebrow, smiling. "You said back in Neverland, there was a moment when you wished to…and how will I put it…" he looked up into the air and smiled broadly, "you wished to jump into the water and pull her close to you, then ravish her with kisses."

"Shut up", I said and pressed my right palm over his mouth.

"Look…" he reached up to move my hand aside, his eyes on me, "I understand that you felt that way. You don't have to deny it when you're with me. I get it. It's just that I'd rather you realize that the more you pursue her, the more you get hurt because you wish not to speak of your feelings. And when you do decide to, everything goes wrong. I want you to be happy."

"I'm happy with you too."

"I know that", he said smiling. "We connect too. And not because we're…" he lifted his right arm, displaying his tattoo, "…soul mates. Between you and me, the soul mate thing is farfetched because I don't believe we have just one soul mate. However, I believe that among those soul mates, you have many possibilities to be happy with one. Yet it's up to you. We have been through a good amount of discomfort where love is concerned. "

"You've lost your wife and I've lost…my fiancé."

"I have my son, you have your son. But why are you willing to leave him, Regina?"

"Because every time I look at Henry, I…just…remember…"

"Emma", he said quietly.

"Yes." And I picked up his left hand, squeezing his fingers playfully.

"He needs his mother. You're his mother too. When you leave, you'll break his heart."

"I wouldn't because she's…changed his mind against me for a long time now. When we returned from Neverland, Emma was still refusing to accept the fact that I raised my son for so many years. When she left, she had one year with him, falsified with memories I gave her. And she returned to still see me in a different light. He sleeps over by his mother's apartment where his father is also. I cannot interfere."

"You're a parent more than either of them though", Robin said. "I wish you could take him with us when we leave."

"I've asked him", I said, my heart aching. "He said no." What I didn't tell him was that Henry had erupted on me, and after speaking to him about my conflicting feelings where his mother was concerned, leaving out the fact that I had feelings for her as well, he still did as he always did. Declaring to me that he was staying and I could do whatever I wanted, I was left to make my own decision. It was also hurtful when he told me that his father had said to him you have a family now, a complete one. And Regina isn't needed anymore.

I wanted to run over there and choke him with my magic. I wanted to do so many things to him that would inflict pain because he had taken everything away from me: the woman I loved so much and my son. He had come back a champion, had returned as if he was some knight in shining armor and she had fallen for it, all of it.

As soon as the movie started, the phone in the hall started to ring and after pausing the film, Robin released his arm from around me. And I got up, my slippers padded on the floor as I went. Picking up the phone, I wondered who it was.

His voice surprised me and for a moment, I was overwhelmed with shock. "Hello, Neal…to what do I owe this pleasure of you checking up on me?"

"Leave her alone, Regina." His voice was firm, clipped.

"Excuse me?" I asked, my heart beginning to race.

"Emma…Leave her alone."

Suddenly, my blood froze over and I grew so angered that I had to reach out to grip the table's edge hard, my nails digging into the polished surface. "And what makes you believe you can call me so boldly to pass an order such as that?"

"I wasn't sure of it. It was something that I kind of brushed off until recently I realized what this is. After that conversation in the club that night, sure you remember it, I bounced it around in my head a bit. And then it just came to me."

I waited.

"Whatever the hell you feel for my fiancée, it's got to stop. It could have been okay when you were in Neverland and before I came here. It was kind of funny when I realized in Neverland that you were attracted to her, the way you chose to sleep next to her and…all that ridiculous shit. But now you're just pushing it."

"What makes you think that I have feelings for Emma, that I am attracted to her?" I asked defensively, clenching my fists.

"Oh Regina just cut the bullshit."

"No you listen to me", I demanded icily, "I want to know what the hell you're talking about because I'd hate to have you embarrass yourself on flimsy evidence."

"I see the way you look at her. Enough evidence."

"Then you should be pounding down Hook's door", I said warily, my fingertips cold, so cold and my heart pounding in my chest, my head heavy.

"You're never going to get what you want, Regina", he said, ignoring me. "She not into women, never was, never will be."

"I have no idea what you're talking about, Mister Cassidy", I said in a clipped tone.

"Continue to fool yourself and believe I'll fall for it too. You'll never have her. No matter how hard you try to put up that façade to hide yourself, most of us can see who you are."

"You think you're so full of yourself, don't you?" I asked boldly, my anger rising. "You honestly think that you have some home court advantage over everyone else maybe because you're Gold's son, or because you're Henry's father. But I'll tell you this, you good for nothing asshole. Where Henry is concerned, you're not a father. You're just a pathetic sperm donor and where she is concerned, she can run back to you but you'll never be good enough because you never were in the first place. Get the drift?"

"I touched a nerve. My TO BE wife is straight as hell so you can take that bit of info and get it cemented in your head because there's nothing that's gonna stand in between what we have. You may have raised Henry for ten years but I'm his father. You're nothing, no blood relation, no example to set for a mother especially with this ridiculous psycho attachment to Emma."

"Fuck off."

"Just come to terms with reality, Regina, is all I'm saying", he said and laughed. "When Emma said yes to me, it probably broke your heart. But you got to realize that it was a wakeup call for you. You can never have her. She'll never choose you. She's not into you at all, not as a friend or as whatever you want from her. You're pathetic, and you know what? She actually voiced her concern to me about you several times, telling me how you worry her, make her feel uncomfortable." I was shocked.

"That's a lie. She'd never…" my voice was breaking.

"She'd never what, notice you and what you want? I noticed you trying hard in Neverland and I wanted to tell you a long time now. You could save the town, you could bring us back home with your magic, you can break a curse and do everything else, but you'll always be a villain. Villains don't get happy endings. Not with her. Maybe you can try with…Robin…that's fine by me. But leave her…"

I slammed the phone down and grinded my teeth together. When Robin raced into the hall, I picked the phone up and threw it against the wall but it wasn't destroyed. The ear piece dangled on the cord alone and I growled. Flexing my fingers, sparks shot out from my hands as I clenched my fists then strode to the door, my eyes burning, furious and filled with rage. But he wrapped his arms around me and pulled me away, whispering into my ear that I needed to calm down, I needed to breathe and it wouldn't serve me any good to set out on my mission.

"I'll kill him", I growled. "I'll fucking…rip his heart out and…and…" he pressed a finger to my lips.

"No", he said softly, turning me around to face him, Roland looming in the doorway with his eyes wide, his truck dangling from one hand. "Don't Regina. It's not what you want. It's not going to make anything change, anything different. You'll make things worse if you do what you feel right now. You've got to…" he entwined his fingers with mine, pulled me close as I remained stiff, "breathe…"

"Daddy…" Roland's eyes filled with tears as I watched, and all of a sudden, my eyes grew from icy to soft when I gazed into his saddened eyes. "Wegina…"

Robin turned to watch his son and waved for him to come over. Bending down, he lifted Roland into his arms then rocked him gently, and after pressing a kiss on his right cheek, his eyes met mine. "Here…" he said to me, holding Roland towards me, "take him…"

I did without second thinking it and when I did, he just melted into me. Wrapping his small hands around my neck, he smothered me in kisses, and I couldn't help but smile when his right hand reached up to wipe my eyes.

"Whoever makes you sad, I will attack them."

"See now you have two brave men on your side there, my Queen", Robin said smiling. I did too. "What else do you want?"

"An apple?" Roland asked innocently, "there are four. Can I please have just one?"

I laughed, my throat aching and pinched his nose. "Sure you can, sweetheart."

* * *

><p>That night, Robin decided that he wouldn't stay because I needed some time alone to gather my thoughts together. He said that it was always best to leave a woman on her own when she was furious. And he would have stayed if I hadn't pressed him that it wasn't necessary. So depart he did with Roland sleeping in his arms and when he kissed me goodnight, I didn't hold back, didn't stiffen, I just welcomed it.<p>

"Well discuss that other thing tomorrow", he reminded me. And gone he was.

I could say that sleep never came to me that night because of the dreams that captured me in this net. And just after midnight when I managed to drift off, I escaped into my mind, into this dark room that whirled around with visions and recollections.

"Regina…"

I groaned and turned on my side, reaching out for my pillow with my eyes squeezed shut. "Go away…" I groaned. And I began to dream.

"_Regina…"_

_I gasped and holding up a hand to shield my face, my eyes squinted as I blinked them into focus. Someone was standing above me, blurred features, and the most beautiful tangle of fair hair I had ever seen in my life. It must be an angel._

"_Regina… it's me…Emma…"_

_Emma._

_Pushing my elbows down upon the canvas beneath me, I tried to lift myself from the ground, throat parched and my thoughts still scattered._

"_Yeah?" and I sounded like a frog, all of a sudden I felt exposed and with all my walls down, vulnerable as she stood above me, peering down with a frown on her face. Awaking from a dream about the very same person could succeed in shattering those defenses you fought so hard to build up._

"_You're sleeping out in the open, catching dew. Come…" and she offered a hand to me, waiting. I scrutinized it with a confused frown. "Get up, come closer under the tree with me. You're gonna catch a cold or something way out here. I don't see why you always choose to sleep so far away."_

_Without taking her hand, without protesting, I sat up and rubbed my eyes, fists balled, my feet bent at the knees. "I prefer to keep distance from your parents as they make smooching noises whilst sleeping." I scowled._

"_Oh trust me, I keep distance too, which is why I'm not even close to them. Just over there, look…" and she pointed. _

_For a moment, I was captured in gazing at her, observing her sleepy eyes and the way she chose to stand with one foot planted in front of the other, knee slightly bent whilst she firmly held ground with the other. The way her tank top clung to her, the swell of her breasts. This was too much. Closing my eyes, I bit my bottom lip and diverted my eyes from her, pinpointing her stretch of canvas not so far off hidden by grass, close enough to a tree._

"_I'm fine here", I said stubbornly, then without waiting on her to reply, my back met the canvas once more, the muscles pinched and tense in my legs._

_There was heavy sigh. And I smiled inwardly. She would walk away. Just walk away. Please. I don't need to be close to you, Emma. Waking up to see you standing near me has been enough because I just…I wish I could wake up beside you every single time I chose to fall asleep. Closing my eyes, believing it would be the last time I went to sleep awake, and waking up to find that you're next to me which means that I'm still alive…that I still have hope. I have hope in what exactly? To be alive or to believe I can actually have you return my feelings?_

_With my eyes squeezed shut, I just tried to blank her out of my thoughts. Yet the smell of her lingered around me, intoxicating my mind. _

"_Go away, Emma", I said firmly, voice strained but firm, and there was a pain in my chest, a flutter of some sort, then a warming effect travelling from my midsection all the way down my inner thighs. My cheeks were probably flushed by now from the thoughts that graced my mind. So I decided to close my eyes, breathing in slowly, refreshing myself._

"_That's it", she said all of a sudden, and before I could register what occurred next, fingers closed around my left wrist and I was being pulled up. _

"_What the devil are you…" but she was strong and determined, her grip not too tight but just enough to get me up and standing. "Fuck!" I swore, staggered, blinking, scowling, wanting to lash out at her. _

_But she had the edge of the sleeping bag within her grip. And she commenced the dragging across the grass, pulling my rolled up duffel bag with her, my coat and then the buckle on the bag became undone. She stopped in her tracks when my black bra peeked out at her from within. Turning to look at me, Emma raised an eyebrow. She waited._

"_What?" I asked blandly._

"_You actually took that off?" a smile was on her face now, barely but mocking me enough._

"_The heat is unbearable most times, I don't see why there is any need for me to wear…well, I already have on a vest so…" I stopped and scowled, "why am I even discussing this with you?" Actually the real reason behind me getting rid of that crucial article of clothing hadn't been because of the heat. Somehow inside my demented mind, I believed that with just my lace vest under my shirt, a few buttons undone, her attention would be captured. Even if it was only briefly. _

_Her emerald eyes now lowered to my chest. And I glowered inside. I was melting._

"_So everything's hanging loose?" _

"_Oh quit it", I demanded, eyes lowered, and rushing forward, my hands snatched the dangling article of clothing from her hand, MY bra. I stooped to push it back within the depths of my bag then fastening the strap, and shoved it across the canvas, knowing that my cheeks were flushed._

"_I wish I could take mine off", she offered, and as I sat upon the ground, my eyes latched themselves unto her. She smiled._

_I waited. "What? You want me to give you an invitation to do so?"_

"_The problem with that is, if I take mine off, then Hook's eyes will pop out and so will Neal's."_

"_Poor you", I said sardonically. _

"_Plus if I get wet somehow, then everything will just…"_

"_Miss Swan", I began in a firm voice, my eyes meeting hers and holding a glare, "do not continue that sentence or I will gag you."_

"_If you're into that kind of thing then that's okay", and she beamed at me. _

"_I want to sleep. And you are preventing me from sleeping." I stared wildly at her. "Do you know what happens to me when I am denied sleep?"_

"_You…will…pelt me with a coconut?"_

"_No…" I said watching at her. "I will eat you."_

"_Oh my…" spreading her arms wide open, she grinned ear to ear, "aren't we getting all forest-like and rough. Come and eat me."_

"_I'm not tempted anymore…" I waved a hand in her direction, looking away as desire pinched me in all areas of my body. "I'm not into…that."_

"_Don't you want me? Look…" and she tilted her head sideways as I looked up to gaze at her, hanging on her words. Lifting a hand, Emma began to twirl her hair, batting her eyelashes at me. _

"_It might work on Hook and whatever his name is", I said, swallowing and looking away, "but not on me."_

"_Oh…" she said, "anyway, at least I tried. Night…"_

_I turned to look at her for a long time as she stooped on the ground adjusting her sleeping bag, eyes never meeting mine. And then when she felt the ground, stretching herself out under the night sky, my gaze was turned in her direction as I rested my head on my duffel bag, arms folded._

_And with our sleeping bags an inch apart because I did measure it with my wandering eyes afterwards, we slept beside each other. Yet when she chose to lie on her side moments after, facing me, I turned to gaze at her with intense eyes. Those same eyes of mine roamed every inch of her that was visible from where I was. But after time had passed, a finger replaced my eyes. And I guiltily allowed the tip of my index finger to draw a line down the side of her neck and over her left shoulder. Yet as soon as the feel of her skin began to drive me crazy, a soft moan escaping her lips as she slept, I withdrew my hand._

* * *

><p>The day I left Storybrooke, Snow and Charming were the first to come to see me off. Standing there with a bean in my hand and just a duffel bag slung over my shoulder, I tried to fight the feeling pulling me back, trying to prevent me from leaving. This town, all of it had become so familiar to me. And when I had returned here after being thrown into the Enchanted forest many months ago, I was so relieved to be back. Now I was leaving again because I couldn't stay.<p>

"Why…" Snow asked, her round face saddened, eyes filled with tears as she snatched my hand, "Regina, why are you leaving us?"

"I need to", and squeezing her hand, I tried to smile, but my face was frozen.

"Are you sure this is what you want?"

"Yes."

We gazed at each other for a long time, searching eyes and then she finally saw something inside of me that convinced her on my decision. Pulling me into a hug, Snow patted my back and sniffed.

"I'm going to miss you so much. Just as we were becoming close again, you want to leave. Will you come back?"

"I don't know", I said.

"Regina, I'm your family. I wish you'd understand that."

"I do, in more ways than one."

"Stay…"

"I can't…"

Footfalls padded behind me and I knew it was her even before I turned around. When I did, she was standing there and just as it had been before when she left Storybrooke, it felt the same way now. The only difference was that it was me who leaving instead. And as we gazed at each other, Emma stepped forward tentatively, her eyes searching mine.

"Where are you going?" she asked, her eyes bloodshot as if she hadn't slept properly, her face creased with worry. "Did something happen? Why are you…" her eyes rested on my duffel bag and then she looked at Robin then the bean I was holding in my right hand.

"She's leaving Storybrooke", Snow said sadly. "I don't know why but…"

"Where…" and she remained silent for a while. "You're…" she stopped, her eyes wide, "…going back to Fairytale Land…the…Enchanted Forest?"

"Emma, I can't stay here anymore…" I said, and I couldn't breathe.

"What? Why?"

"I have to…I don't belong here anymore. I can't..."

Neal was standing near the sidewalk, his eyes lowered as he toed the ground and anger welled up within me. Meeting my glare, he turned to focus his eyes on me and returned one full on.

"But Henry…" Emma said quietly.

"Take care of him for me. I know you will." And I guess it shouldn't have been done but I did it anyway. Stepping up to her, I did the one thing we had never done before. Slowly wrapping an arm around her neck, I pulled her closer to me. And my heart galloped in my chest but I was in so much pain, I wanted to cry. For the first time since we had met each other, I was so close to Emma, I was hugging her and I didn't want to let her go. She smelt so good, her hair and I could detect a faint smell of cookies, the feel of her red leather jacket.

"I'm sorry…" she said into my ear. "I'm sorry. Don't leave like this. I…" her fingers pressed into my back as she breathed on my neck, "I'm sorry I said all those things about you. You belong here. I'm…"

"Take care of yourself, Emma." And I pressed my cheek against hers, my eyes focused on Neal. "I'll miss you…and as much as I know it sounds ridiculous, I hope that one day, I will see you again."

"I…" she held unto me, refusing to let go and tears welled up in my eyes. Pulling away, I blinked them away. "Don't leave us. Just stay here and try to make things work", she whispered. "Stay…"

"If I stay here", I said looking into her eyes, "I will never be happy."

"Why? You…have Henry and…me, you have us."

"You have your family now."

"I'm your family…"

I felt Robin's hand on my shoulder and suddenly my focus was returned. Turning to look at our son, I smiled. "Goodbye, Henry."

"Mom…"

"Behave yourself and don't forget me. I'll be back…some day."

Emma was still looking at me and she stepped forward. "Regina, I…"

I waited, my eyes searching hers. "I wish I could stay for your wedding", I said quietly, "but I know you'll still have a good time even without me there. So I'll wish you the best and hope that you enjoy it, every bit of it…" Ruby jogged towards me, her eyes saddened.

"If you don't come back, I'll catch your scent, hunt you down and drag you back." She smiled wryly.

When we hugged, she whispered, "babe, if this is what you want, then I respect that. Just take care of yourself. Miss you, I will." And she pressed a kiss on my right cheek, then on my lips. "Boom, let's give her something to think about." Stepping back, Emma watched from her to me then to her again.

And in less than five minutes after, I was gone.

* * *

><p>He was laughing, his laughter muffled from the thickness of the window where I silently sat with my feet under me, Roland nestled snugly within my arms. And as the sinking sun caught the highlights in his ruffled hair, the lighter shades reminded me of someone else. There was this dull biting at the corners of my distracted mind. But just as I caught myself becoming consumed with thoughts that always ripped my heart to shreds, I wrapped my arms tighter around the little body lying against me. He was now warming from the fire licking the wood within the hearth, and soon I'd have to wake him up to eat dinner. But for now all I managed to do was to sit there and try to gather some comfort in what I currently had.<p>

"Don't be sad, sweetheart…" I cradled his head in the crook of my right arm, rocking him slowly, gazing at him, and allowing the warmth from my body to soothe his little soul. There were tears in his small eyes, and mine moistened by reflex. "Shhh…do you want me to tell you a story?"

Peering up at me, Roland nodded slowly. "I'm so sleepy, mommy." And I reached down with my left thumb to wipe the tears away from his small cheeks. My eyes stung every time he referred to me as 'mommy'.

"There was once an Evil Queen that everyone hated all around the realm", I began in a soft voice, caressing his face, "no one really liked her because of the things she did to people. But what they never realized was that when she was younger, something terrible happened to her, something so terrible that the Queen believed she'd never be happy again. So she kept trying to make other people unhappy. And she would ki…" I had to bite back my words, "she would steal their pets…well, their rabbits and cats, and their flowers…"

"That's…bad", Roland said in a strained voice, worry in his eyes.

I frowned. "I know but one day, this White Knight came riding in on a yellow horse and the Queen thought…who is this person? What does he want? But…" and I decided to say it anyway, "the Knight was a very beautiful woman with golden hair just like her horse. And from the first time the Queen looked at her, she fell in love with the woman."

"Did the Queen stop stealing the cats and the bunnies then?" he asked frowning, and I had to smile because the innocence of a child's mind is the purest of all things. The importance of gender didn't affect his line of thought.

"Yes", I said nodding slowly, "she returned all their bunnies and cats, and she gave them new seeds to replant what they had lost."

"And the Queen married the Knight?" he asked.

"She…something happened, and the Knight was separated from the Queen."

Eyes still cast outside as the muted conversation continued, Robin cast his eyes this way, a hand pointed to show my location, where I was, and then the older man's face washed over with warmth. I was probably being announced as the woman he now called his other half, not his devoted second wife, just the other part that he believed could make him entirely complete. But could I ever fully complete him as he desired? Maybe the problem was me and would always be me because no matter how hard I tried to love him completely; a piece of the relationship was always missing. And even though we both recognized something was wrong, our explanations on the fault were entirely different.

"What happened", Roland asked, his eyes groggy from exhaustion after a long day out with his father.

"The Knight loved someone else, sweetheart. And she…"

"Made the Queen sad?" he looked up now, and as I detected his saddened eyes, tears pinched mine.

"Yes, she did."

"But she got her back, right?" Roland asked, "she used her sword and swoosh, swoosh", and he waved his small hand in front of him, "and she fought, and she rode a horse and then she found the Knight back, right?"

I was breaking. There were tears in my eyes. "Yes, she did all of that. And then…."

"They lived happily ever after", he said softly, then yawned, a little fist reaching up to rub his right eye.

"It would seem so…"

I wanted to declare to him that not every life story had a fluffy happy ending, that this one lacked sadly the warming effects of ending up with the one you truly love. But he was just an innocent child and the worries of life's harshness shouldn't bother him just yet. That would all come in time. Someday he would realize that there would come a point in his life where he would have to let go. Or if he was as brave as his father, to which I had no denials, then he'd fight for the one he would come to love, something I had failed to do.

I chose to run instead.

When she had left before, I had stopped at nothing to get her back. Now she was gone because of the heartbreaking choice I had made to move past her, to let her go. But could you ever let go that easily, especially if you were so madly in love with someone who haunted your dreams every single night?

Two months after I left Storybrooke, the man I shared the same warm bed with became nothing more than a friendly person to me. He was just someone I had met and blatantly fooled myself into actually believing that we being soul mates could somehow make me forget her completely. But the more he loved me, did everything he could for me, comforted me and tried to make this thing work, all I could grasp from this all was how flimsy it was on my side.

Now it was more than a year and a half after and I was living with him, I was alive. But I just kept dying inside because the longer I remained away from her, the harder it became for me to breathe. And every single second I spent counting the number of times she crossed my mind, I constantly felt the purest of pain because of what I did. But it was also what she had done.

Everyone knew I was a strong person. I was composed, had my feelings in order, nothing bothered me as much, everything I controlled. I had careful control over myself until I met her. And the man that was standing outside this place we now called home, he would never be able to fill that void inside my heart. No one else could but her. I knew this. I could feel it. It was like the ghost of a missing piece that completed me, trying to fit itself into place. I felt the glimpse of comfort, of being whole. But that piece never solidified. It was just like she was: for months it remained a ghost.

There was the turning of the doorknob as his heavy boots brushed against the furry mat outside the door. And pushing it open now just enough to show his head, he smiled at me. Roland was asleep now.

"Hey there…"

I smiled wryly. "Hey…"

"I'll follow Jones home, probably pass through the grocery store." He reached up to run his fingers through his hair, those lighter shades catching my eyes only. "Then I'll be back in no time."

"Right…" I said softly, and just for a dramatic effect, I hugged Roland tighter, smiling, "we'll be okay, don't worry."

A smile was returned, a genuine one as his eyes searched mine. "If you only knew how beautiful you look as the fire warms your face."

"Stop buttering me up and be on your way." My cheeks were blushed from the warmth of the fire but not by his affections. That smile just remained frozen on my face though, one that began to ache.

"Don't forget to lock the door behind me."

"I wouldn't."

And he was gone.

Roland groaned against me softly and I adjusted his head against my right arm as I got up slowly. After depositing him unto his bed in the other room, fixing the sheet, adjusting his pillows shaped like the heads of various animals, I went to lock the door. Then moving to the chair once again, the cushion sighing under me as I sat down, I quietly rested my head back and closed my eyes for a moment. The minute I did, my mind regretted it because like many occasions before, my heart formed visions in my head that threatened to break me. It wasn't long before I had fallen asleep.

The world was black possibly after two minutes.

I kept seeing a face over and over again playing behind my eyelids, kept hearing the sound of a familiar laughter, the laughter attached to that face. And my attention clung unto these visions of her desperately. Like someone drowning, arms flailing, eyes wide, she was the beam of light that was pulling me back to shore. Yet something was wrong. There I was in my head obviously, I had become consumed with mental images of a person who existed but the sound of her voice, these visions of her face: everything appeared all too real and beautiful. But they weren't real. She wasn't here. There was a time when she always chose to be in my company, yet now it just…it wasn't like that. She was gone.

Through the sea of visions that tormented me in the blackness, sharp pain sliced through my head and mind, almost as if it was terrible enough to even feel these things, see a face, hear a voice, to drown in those emerald eyes. And somehow it felt like one of those nightmares where you are conscious of the bad dreams, yet your eyes, they remain close firmly, almost as if someone has glued them shut. I was being lashed at with memories and such, well…a hurricane of terror because she wasn't here.

I began to dream about her and my mind escaped on its own. Back in Neverland once more, I began to relive times spent with her.

_There I was, sitting, hugging my knees._

_When I was certain that everyone was asleep, I snatched up my duffel bag, slung it over my shoulders and slowly made my way through the trees. When the glint of the moonlight upon the lake's surface met my searching eyes, I sighed from relief then strode towards the edge. The water continued to lap upon the shore as I bent down to rest the bag on the sand. And without hesitating, I sat upon a rock, the surface cold and somehow refreshing, soothing my tense muscles in my legs. Fingers reached down to tug off one boot, then the other, and within a minute, sand crunched beneath my bare feet as I walked to the water._

_But I didn't wade in immediately._

_Choosing to step down, I sat upon a rock with my feet dangling in the cool water, about a foot up from the bottom of my pants wet already. And with my palms against the jagged edge of the rock, I just closed my eyes and inhaled the scent of water, wild forest and somehow…somehow I tried to gather some sort of peace within me. I tried to let go of the tension as the water licked the shore, the splash of it sounding quite musical. Above all though, I wanted desperately to just sit there and think of her._

_Not so long ago after we had stopped to rest, she had offered me something to eat. It wasn't the ultimate gesture but it was somehow needed on my part because it was the way she had done it. When everyone had been sitting around the burning fire, I had gotten up with a sigh and decided to sit by myself against a tree just to be away from Neal and Hook's incessant chatter, their frivolous attempts to woo her. _

"_All I'm saying is that we have a son together", Neal was saying as I stepped away, hanging my head, "you're just some bloody pirate who can't even hold his shit together. You never could."_

"_Says the lad who abandoned her years ago." _

"_I came back."_

"_And expect to pick up the pieces just like that", Hook stated. "Look, mate, don't get me wrong but Emma has already chosen me. Not you."_

"_Just because she kissed you, she chose you?" Neal asked as I sat behind the tree, pulling my knees to my chest, eyes burning._

"_Both of you…stop", Emma demanded. _

"_No, you've got to choose some time or the other, Emma", Neal said firmly, "we get it that Henry is first priority, but you've got to deal with this. You can't run from it."_

"_I'm just sick of both of you behaving like we've got this competition going on and all you're focused on is who wins me over. Shit…"_

"_I'll win you over", Hook piped up. And I waited. I listened, and then a sigh escaped from within me._

"_Oh fuck you…" Neal provided._

"_Neither of you will even be friends of mine if you continue with this bullshit", Emma declared forcefully. _

"_Alright, let's say you had to choose one of us", Hook stubbornly continued, and I rested my head back on the tree trunk, eyes closed, listening. "Who would you choose, just off the bat."_

"_Since all of you have been pathetic since we got here, trying to win me over, or replace me with a baby, yeah that's right…I get the drift." And I knew this was directed at Snow whose eyes probably were wide as saucers now. I liked it very much. "I'd choose Regina…" my breath caught in my throat and a gasp escaped from between my lips. "Because she's the only person who seems to be considerate, helpful and reassuring and the fact that she's actually trying to help me find OUR son since that's our main focus here, she gets a bonus for that."_

_And within seconds, Emma was sitting by my side, offering me a morsel to eat. I took it as we gazed at each other, and just for a moment in time, I believed she was going to kiss me. But…she never did._

_No one else had spoken after that because that was the effect I had on people. Whenever my name was ever uttered, I'd be treated like vomit. Wipe it up and get rid of it as quickly as possible._

_Closing my eyes, I listened to the waves once more and breathed in, feeling the soft current moving around my toes. And suddenly something was different. Quickly my eyes flew open, senses tingling and I looked down into emerald eyes surrounded by a wet tangle of blonde hair._

"_Hi…"_

"_What the…"_

"_I'm a mermaid and I'm here to take you into the sea with me."_

_For a moment, I was breathless. Emma was wet, and she was…I couldn't speak, nor could I move. Suddenly the chill of the situation turned me on so much that I believed she wasn't the only one who was wet. _

"_Stop being…so ridiculous and put on your clothes", I said hoarsely, my face flushed. "I left you sleeping moments ago, how is it…"_

"_Old trick I learned in the system…bundle up some clothes to make a shape under a sheet", and with her hands on either side of her treading the water, she gazed at me, "bet you didn't even check for my head."_

_I chose not to answer, but it took great effort to remove my eyes from the swell of her breasts, my imagination running wild when I wondered if she was completely naked. All I wished to do was to slip into the water in front of her and commence the tormenting moment I had dreamt about constantly over and over again. Would she tremble if I touched her…any part of her body? Would she welcome it or lash away my hand? I wanted to touch her so badly, turn her back against the rock and crush my lips on hers hungrily, tasting her for the first time, allowing her to awaken me from many years of pain. I wanted to touch Emma, to kiss her so bad. _

_I thought about Neal, and Hook, about her parents and what she wanted. I remembered witnessing her kiss the Pirate for myself, standing there when she confessed that she never stopped loving Neal. Yet, she had declared earlier that I was considerate and reassuring… _

_Lifting my legs, I rested my feet on either side of her shoulders and pushed her away from me, biting my lips as tears stung my eyes, our gaze never faltering, the water rippling around her as she moved back through it._

"_Go away", I said quietly, "leave me alone, Emma."_

_She was smiling as her body moved closer once more, and I gasped when her fingers brushed against the soles of my feet. Immediately my inner thighs tingled and between my legs…well…you get the idea. _

"_Come in…"_

"_No…" I said quickly. Too quickly. Immediately her face expression changed. She wasn't smiling anymore. And when I watched her swim away, my insides crumbled because I could have said yes. I could have done exactly what I desired. Yet I held myself back. Why? Because once I started what I had planned, there was no going back to where we were before. _

"_Come back", I said to myself, watching her swim away. But she couldn't hear me. _

_And I honestly believed that being right where we were…that was all I would ever have._

I woke up with a pounding headache, pain slicing through my head like hot flames. For the umpteenth time during that week, my stomach churned, and I grew extremely dizzy. Now someone was purposely shaking me awake, bringing me back into the present. But my mind had desired only to stay within the past because of those memories that I could guiltily relive over and over again. It was something I longed for so badly: to just escape into the past and…well, then I could have told her.

"Regina…" it was him.

"Yes…" and I reached out blindly to snatch at his arm, "I'm here."

"Welcome back", he said as I blinked him into focus, his eyes creased from concern and worry, "bad dream…again."

"As always", I declared halfheartedly, and my gaze was strained, focused elsewhere now as I peered around the living room. "Wait…" it was pitch dark outside as I could detect from beyond the window now, "what time is it?"

"After six", he said quietly, "but…" and a hand was raised, his eyes soft, "I came in about an hour ago, and Roland already had his dinner. No worries."

"I'm full!" a small voice announced from across the room and I reared my head to catch the twinkle of his eyes as he sat near the table drawing. "No worries!"

Robin laughed. And so did I but as soon as I did, pain sliced through my head once more and reaching up with a shaky hand quickly, I winced. He caught my sudden expression and frowned deeply.

"Ah…it's nothing", I lied, waving it off, "just a migraine."

"Regina, are you sure you're alright?" I reached up to rest a hand on my midsection, swallowing hard as the nausea overwhelmed me. "Because you've been…" and he stopped as I gasped. Springing up from the bed, my thoughts still scattered, vision blurring from the sudden movement, I darted towards the small washroom.

When I emptied the contents of my stomach into the bowl, head bent low as I clutched at my stomach, choking on bitter bile, in he rushed. And stooping beside me, a hand was rested on my back as I continued to vomit uncontrollably with my eyes squeezed shut.

Within a span of a minute as I was on my knees next to him, I suddenly realized what all of this meant. And it contorted my thoughts as tears pinched my eyes because denial could color over the truth only for so long in time. Yet when reality choked you with its hot grasp, there was no turning back from the truth. And there and then I was washed over with fear, the sort of feeling that chilled your thoughts and slowed down the moment you currently were dwelling in.

What had I expected, something different from this?

It had all been forthcoming from the very first time I had slept with him in Storybrooke, knowing well enough that my exposure to him completely could warrant such a result at any time. And even though the situation had been delicate, even though I had been trying to find feelings for someone who I could never love, it continued to happen over and over again. I'd somehow believe when we made love that this time around, something would happen. When he kissed me passionately, when he moved over me and inside me, I would feel something, something strong. And it would be so strong that her memories would be erased from my mind. She'd begin to evaporate, her scent, everything she did, the way I felt so deeply for her. All of it would just disappear.

I kept trying to find that place with Robin for months and months, that passion. And what began as an attempt to forget her only led to a terrible pathway that involved me using him entirely for that sole purpose. We could press on with the falsified truth within us that this would last forever, what we had. And the nights when he pulled me close, his warmth radiating from within as his lips pressed against mine, trying to find a reaction, I returned what was needed. We never made love for a lengthy stretch of time because it was that passionate enough. It was always based on the fact that I never could reach the edge with him at all. And it transcended into a point in time when I began to fake that moment of bliss.

Now I was carrying his child, I had slipped up so bad, had fucked up myself. And when I realized what had been done, what I had done to myself, I just hated it all. I couldn't do this anymore. No. This had to stop because I had tried so hard to do this for months now, had believed that he could be my happy ending if it wasn't her, if it couldn't be her. And all that had happened was just awfully ridiculous. It was so painful. Maybe this was exactly what my future held for me because of my scarred past. This was what I deserved. She always used to tell me that I'm not a villain, I'm everything else but a villain. But she had proven all of that bullshit to be wrong because I could never ever find true happiness with anyone else but her.

Didn't she know that when she said yes to his proposal that it just…killed me inside?

"I'm taking you to the doctor tomorrow", he said softly as I was helped to the bed, Roland coming to stand next to us with worried eyes.

I made up every single excuse possible the following day to prevent him from taking me to see the doctor. Instead, the physician came to me. When she was in bedroom, Robin pacing the living room, I blatantly told the greying woman dressed in a nurse uniform that I was fully aware of my current situation. And after confirming that I was indeed pregnant, my words were as such to her. I pleaded with her to refrain from alerting him on my condition, declaring that I wished to tell him personally. When she left and he rushed in, I simply told him that it was a mild case of stomach flu.

And henceforth began the foolish decision on my part to hide my condition from him. I had the seamstress sew my shirts a size larger and longer, and very soon, I was showing more and more. It was so terrifying for me because for the first time in my life, I was experiencing this new change within me.

* * *

><p>We were residing in the village Ravenstown, having lived there from the time we returned. It was a town Robin had frequented many times before in the past. And it was a place where I could conceal my identity from those who were still searching for me. These people who had known me when I reigned as Queen were out for blood up to this day and year, putting up posters all over to have me captured. It's why I had to mostly remain in the house, or if I wished to go outdoors, I'd wear my black cloak with a hoodie drawn over my head. You might say that I was foolish to continue to live like that. But had we moved anywhere else, it would have been much worse for me.<p>

Living in the Enchanted Forest on the run, never settling down would never have gotten us far. And they had destroyed my palace, my kingdom, burning it to the ground, smashing the walls with hammers and pickaxes to prove a point. In a nutshell, my existence was a sin to them. And if I was caught, they promised to burn me for my 'Pagan' ways.

Anyway, since moving here with Robin, I had met so many people who knew of my identity but all in all they accepted me for who I was without passing any judgments. There was Mulan who rode by many days, stopping in to see her friend Robin. And she'd enquire after my health, how I was holding up. But she wasn't a woman of many words. Then there were Robin's other friends who had been in his band of outlaws over the years. Now those men were the weirdest bunch I had ever set eyes on. From a first glance, they appeared fierce and dangerous, but upon meeting me, their faces warmed with affection and consideration.

I suddenly felt as if I could make things work by living like this. But I could never live the rest of my life fooling myself like this. It's one thing to live a happy life with happy people. It's another thing when you know to yourself that it's just a façade and deep down, it's not what you want.

Four months into my pregnancy and I realized that very soon, my condition would cease to be capable of concealing for I was growing terribly ill. At first, what appeared to be normal morning sickness turned into extreme nausea that lasted throughout the day. And instead of gaining weight, I remained the same size. Very soon, I began to have severe back and abdominal pains, and my legs killed me.

For the first year I had secured a job at the hospital, as surprising as it would sound, where I dealt with financial stuff, my area of expertise. I checked the books and audited the statements for months, taking walks around the hospital, trying to fit in and find some distraction to keep my mind away from Storybrooke.

It worked for some time, especially when I'd visit the elderly patients because there was this old woman by the name of Eileen who constantly kept inviting me to sit on her bed, to talk to her about myself. She was dying from cancer, and the first time I entered the ward, just to take a look around, I never intended to stay. But upon hearing her call out to me, I tentatively approached her. And after hearing of her condition, my heart instantly warmed towards her. Very soon she was telling me about her husband who had died in the nineties from lung cancer.

"He was the love of my life", she said smiling, pressing my hand between hers, "the love of my life until he closed his eyes. Dear, if it's one thing that makes you happy is to die in the arms of the one you love. My Charlie was my everything and we hated each other when we first met." She laughed, her eyes watering.

The nurse who was on watch sat at her desk and observed us with warm eyes, a smile on her face.

"I hated him", she said, "he was so obnoxious and bold, always challenging me and believing he was so important. But one day I hated him so much that I began to fall in love with him. He had this way", and she swallowed, her eyes looking up at the ceiling, "with the ladies and they always followed him like if he was a Prince. But one day, after waiting for years on him to make a move on me, I stomped up to his house and banged the door down. Then when he opened it, I was over thirty years old then, imagine that. Ten years after knowing him, when he opened the door, I just kissed him."

"Ten years…" I asked, my throat aching as her story ran almost parallel to mine in more ways than one.

"Ten years, love", and she smiled. "I see so much hurt in your eyes. I see pain and a terrible past, conflict. But don't you have someone you love?"

"Yes."

She searched my eyes. "Then why are you so sad?"

"There are two", I said quietly, allowing her to see my vulnerability, "one I have been living with for over a year, but the other one I left because…she…never loved me as much as I love her."

"Oh to lose the one you love to someone else", and she sighed.

"She's like your Charlie", I said smiling, my eyes burning, "she's so beautiful, so…" I reached up to wipe the corner of my right eye, "bold that men just cannot help but run after her. And me…" I looked away, then laughed hoarsely, "I'm just one of the fools who ended up falling desperately in love with her."

"Did you tell her how you feel?" she asked, her eyes saddened.

I shook my head. "No, I never did. I tried but…the words wouldn't come."

"I'll tell you one thing, dear", Eileen said, taking my hand and holding it between hers, "when you love someone, you should tell them. I think people should all tell the person they love those three words. Doesn't have to be direct. All you have to do is say it. See what happens. I think if you ever get the chance, you should tell her. You're suffering from a broken heart and the only person who can heal your wounds is the girl who you left to be with another."

"You make it sound so easy", I said warily, "to just say it when it's not easy at all."

"Love is never easy. The harder it is, the stronger it is and it's worthier."

"Anyway, she's married now."

"Oh…" Eileen said. "You are filled with sadness. I want to help you."

"It's okay", I said. "Never mind me."

"Many years ago, I met a genie whilst I was travelling with Charlie in a land far away", she said, reaching into her blouse to take out her necklace. "And he gave me three wishes. The first one…well, I wanted to wish all the women away in Charlie's life but I never did." And she smiled. "Instead, I wished for fertility because I was barren. The second, I wished stupidly for my third child to live for he was dying from scarlet fever. Little did I know even magic cannot bring back a person who is more than half dead. And now…" she unclipped the small pouch hanging around her neck and held it out to me with a shaky hand. It was red and made of velvet with a drawstring around its neck. "I'd like you to have the last wish because I have a feeling you'll need it."

"I can't…" I said, hesitating to take it.

"What will I do with it?" she asked. "My days are numbered and when I die, it will remain, someone will take it who doesn't deserve it, who will waste it. And I want you to have it because I have a feeling that you'll find a wish that you need."

"I…"

"Take it", she said and snatching my hand, she deposited the small pouch into my palm. "Use it wisely."

* * *

><p>Four months into my pregnancy and I was sitting before the fire, poking the wood with a stick when my fingers began to sting. Dropping the stick immediately, I held my hands up before me, splaying them as I studied my fingers and wondered what on earth was occurring. Very soon, I was washed over with a warming sensation, almost as if a net of magic had been thrown over me. And I gasped.<p>

"Feel that?" I'd know that voice anywhere. Turning around, Gold stood behind me, his eyes shining. "That's something you should know all too well."

I knew that feeling. It was something I'd never forget. "How…" I began.

"She's using her magic again", he said watching me. "She's practicing and I wonder why all of a sudden after over a year, she's suddenly decided to use something she really hated in the first place."

I was astounded by this news, my eyes wide as I considered him. "Have you seen her?" I asked, my throat closing up and I rose from the couch, feeling my way around it as my feet ached me. "How is she? Is she alright?"

"She's fine. You…" he said pointing towards me, "on the other hand, you're sick. I dare say, Regina, how long do you intend to hide that from him?"

"As long as I can", I said stubbornly. "It's none of your business."

"I always thought highly of you, since you were younger", he said folding his arms, his black shirt neatly pressed, hair greying. "You always were so bold and so brave. Yet instead of telling her how you feel, you simply…ran."

"Leave me alone", I said, looking away.

"I'm returning there tomorrow", he said as I turned my back on him. "Is there anything you want me to…tell…Emma?"

I thought about it for a long time and slowly lowering myself unto the chair, wincing from the tightness around my midsection, I felt tears pinch my eyes. "Can you please tell her that I hope she's well and…" I waved a hand, the other pressed to my forehead, my eyes squeezed shut, "I…"

"I'll fill in the rest suitably", he informed me. "I get the feeling I'll be seeing you in Storybrooke sometime soon."

When he disappeared on the spot, I gazed in his wake for a very long time.

* * *

><p>About a month after on a rainy night when Robin returned home, I was sitting there with tears in my eyes as I prepared to tell him the truth, not about the baby but about my feelings and how they still remained the same.<p>

"I had a feeling you'd tell me this someday", he said quietly, quite composed as he took a seat next to me. "Ever since that day we left Storybrooke, I know that you've been trying so hard to move on. You've been working so hard to get past that. And I know." He took my hand, squeezed it, his eyes on me, "I know that you love me. But up to this day you still love her more."

"I'm sorry", I said. "I'm so sorry."

"No…" as I lowered my head, my tears dripping unto my lap, he held my chin in his hand and lifted my face. "Regina, I just want you to be happy. I don't want to have you live your life being sad and broken. Tell me, what do you want to do?"

"I don't know."

"Do you want to go back?"

"I don't…know, Robin, I…"

"I always kept telling myself ever since we met, since we moved here that one morning if I wake up and you're nowhere to be seen, I know for certain that you grew tired of trying. And you just decided to leave me. From then, I'd have to accept your choice because I couldn't say that I wasn't aware of your struggle. But I only wish you to understand that I love you whereas she never did. And I want you to be happy."

"If I go back, will you go with me?" I asked, holding his hands, searching his eyes.

"I don't think I can", he said quietly, "because if you go back, it's just for one purpose and from the beginning, I was never a part of it."

"Robin, don't…"

"Just know…" he said pulling me close, "that I'll be here for you always. If you go back and things don't work out, then come back to me. If you go and you don't return, then I'll understand. I can't make you love me, Regina." Lifting a hand, he caressed my cheek. "You've tried but you're only fooling yourself."

He left me sitting on the couch that night whilst he retreated to the bedroom. And before he left, his eyes looked at me long and deep for over a minute. Somewhere deep down inside, I believed that he had been preparing for that moment for months, and I realized how terrible I was. How could I have used him like that? I was so selfish. I couldn't understand how I felt the need to cling unto someone who I had hurt me, and I had left to be with someone who actually loved me.

I couldn't sleep that night. Thinking about it, I realized that if I did go back to Storybrooke, I'd do as Eileen said. I'd tell her and get over with it. I'd do it and even though she was married, I'd just say it because I had to, I had to get it off my chest. And then what? For the first time in my life, I had no idea which road to take. If I took either, I had no way where it would lead me. One could keep me living a life where I was comfortable. The other…I had no idea how it would progress. If anything, I could come back to him.

But what about his baby?

I'd have to tell him some day and we'd meet again. I promised to do that, based on whatever decision I made.

Half an hour before midnight, I slowly made my way into the room I had shared with him for more than a year. And as he slept on his side, his back to me, I pulled open my drawer and emptied my clothes into my duffel bag, leaving one of my yellow shirts so that he could have something to remember me by. As I was packing my stuff into my bag, I cried in the dark because as stupid as it would sound on my part, as selfish as it appeared, I had to admit that I'd miss him. We had become so close as friends, we had slept together, and in the end, here I was leaving him.

Before I left, I went into Roland's room and pressed a kiss on his forehead as he slept. And I promised myself that I'd make sure that we met again. That I intended to happen…

Then pulling open the front door, I stepped outside into the night and gazed upon the full moon above. Full moons always reminded me of Ruby and I longed to see her once more.

If it was as true as was said, then there would be no problem. Taking out the small red purse, I pulled it open, upturning it unto my palm. And when the small red stone tumbled out, my eyes stared at it for a long time. The rustle of the leaves around me soothed my mind. I wanted to turn around and go back inside, to curl up in the bed and sleep because I wasn't feeling well at all. My head was aching and like always, my feet ached, swollen and stiff.

I didn't know what was to be expected but I just closed my hand around the stone and squeezed my eyes shut. And as the wind whirled around me, I stood still for a while.

"I wish to…return to Storybrooke…with the courage this time to tell…Emma what I have been dying to tell her ever since I left", I said, holding my breath.

And as I listened, as I waited, I wondered if I had stated my wish properly. Maybe I had said it wrong. But then this warm sensation washed over me and suddenly, the rustle of the leaves was muted. Very soon, I felt extreme nausea choke me as I struggled to breathe and my eyes flew open immediately. Before I was made aware of my surroundings, I clutched at my stomach, bending over to empty the contents unto the grass in front of me. Sputtering, almost falling to my knees, I staggered as the sky burst above and rain pelted down on me hard, biting into my skin. Stumbling to the ground, I stayed there as my legs refused to respond, as my body ached and I felt so terrible. I began to cry, my eyes desperately searching around me, trying to detect where I was.

The first thing I noticed was that my surroundings were different. I knew not where I was but I wasn't where I had been just now. And the only thing I could make out through the haze of the rain was a window, a light on inside and a dog barking somewhere close. Reaching out, I held unto a fence to my right and pulled myself up using all the strength I had. Eventually, I managed to walk the rest of the way, having no idea where I was going but knowing to myself that when a house had a window, it must have a front door.

Upon reaching the corner of the house, I pressed my back against the wall and my chest heaved as tears stung my eyes. Squinting through the rain, I could make out a red mail box right in front of me. And from the moment I saw her name on the side, I stopped breathing.

I had made it.

Surprisingly, I wasn't overwhelmed with nerves. No. I was somewhat emotionless but feeling terribly sick and weak as if my sudden boldness had drained me. And I decided to not waste time. Making my way towards the front steps as the rain lashed upon me, I couldn't see much but I sensed change all around me. Storybrooke felt different somehow, or maybe it was just me. I stepped up and bit my lips as my hair dripped water, my clothes soak, my jeans and my shirt. I'd catch a cold if I didn't dry myself up soon enough. And with the state of sickness I was in, God help me if I got any worse.

It was then when I knocked. I waited. And as I did, I could feel my heart racing but distant, almost as if it was buried inside my chest miles and miles away.

When the door was pulled inwards, I guess that I hadn't fully prepared myself, but had just acted on whim because from the time my eyes met hers, I realized that I had been holding my breath for a long time. And I still couldn't breathe.

"Emma…" She looked different. Her hair was choppier and she had gotten skinnier. But she still looked so beautiful that I couldn't help but allow my eyes to roam over her body, her toned arms and her eyes, those emerald eyes that had haunted my dreams every single night.

"Regina…" she said, her eyes wide, mouth agape.

We stared at each other for a long time. "How…"

"Will you let me in?" I asked as tears drained down my cheeks with rain, "We need to…talk. I've come back…for you…and Henry."

* * *

><p>AN – When I gave Kay to read this, she kind of flipped out on me, asking me where the hell is SASSY Regina. Up next, is all I'll say. Sass is about to come your way with full force. I guess by now you should all know that nothing comes easy in our stories. So prepare yourself. Needless to say, I hope you enjoyed it. Maybe I got some timings wrong, or I confused you but basically it's like she left Storybrooke close to a year after Emma returned and she went back more than a year after spending time in the Enchanted Forest. When she worked in the hospital, that was before she was pregnant, in the first year she was in FTL. I rushed time by because of the length of the chapter. Guess you all want that REUNION to happen and it's next!

REVIEW ME? Just to let me know if you liked it or not.


	4. The Not So Happy Reunion

**Author's Note [Kay]: **

**This is based on a TRUE STORY. **

The characters belong to the television show Once Upon a Time but the plotline is nonfiction. Only the names have changed. But the facts remain the same. This is my story as I write as Emma and my ex-girlfriend who is now my best friend writes as Regina. I'm giving her a chance to tell her story alongside mine. Chad is still here, but he's twitching from feels so he can't muster up the courage to write. However, he's helping out tremendously and so is Sara Durka, my fellow Swan Queen fanatic. Happy reading! Get that box of tissues!

* * *

><p><span><strong>Chapter Four<strong>

"**The Not So Happy Reunion."**

**xx**

**[Emma]**

I couldn't just leave her to stand there all dripping wet, her shirt soaked through, bag soaked, hair wet and her lips. They were just slightly parted. And she was breathing heavy, her chest heaving as I lowered my eyes to consider just that. Suddenly, I couldn't tear my gaze away from the swell of her breasts beneath her wet shirt, remembering that time when we were drenched with sea water from our journey to Neverland and even then I couldn't tear my eyes away from the way her clothes had clung to her. Now it wasn't any different for she wasn't wearing a bra at all, just her usual black vest.

What I could see wasn't helping the situation. It just made it worse.

Moving aside, my knees weak, left hand clutching the door for support, I nodded. My neck felt stiff as every single kind of emotion gripped my throat, choking me with tremendous force. I found it so hard to breathe as she still stood there watching me, those same dark eyes that used to do the famous roam over my body, up and down as if she was doing some sort of a self-assessment.

However, as she moved her eyes over my figure, for the first time since I had known her, I just totally burnt up inside. It got to a point where the collar of my yellow blouse freaking itched my neck, and I wanted to just reach up and tug at it, rip it open further or something. But that would just make things more obvious for I knew exactly what was happening. She was the reason why my knees were so weak, my head spinning as I just couldn't focus, my heart was racing its own course and above all I just couldn't control my breathing.

It's like my body was an express train and I was so close to the crash and burn moment.

Finally when she decided to step forward, over the threshold and into my house, I realized that little by little my brain was trying to process what was happening. It took about a minute for me to believe that she was actually standing there in front of me, another to shake my head, wondering if this was an illusion and about five minutes to realize that the woman who was so near to me, almost two feet away, she was the one who I wanted in so many ways. I wanted her so badly, it was so painful to come to terms with all of it in such a short time. The one person that haunted my dreams, that left me shaking from terrible feelings during the day or night, she was really here.

She had come back.

Lifting her right foot, she winced as her slim fingers found the silver zipper on her brown boot and she pulled it down, the sound filling the silence between us like a slice of lightening. I could have just stopped her from taking off her footwear, but somehow I didn't say anything because as much as we had been separated for such a long time, I knew better than to object to anything she chose to do. It was almost as if she wasn't real at all with the way she chose to stay muted, never saying a word as her movements were played out in front of me. From slipping her boots off to wiping her feet on the mat and reaching up to tuck her wet hair behind an ear, all of it seemed so unreal.

And there we stood once more as I pushed the door close, shutting out the rain lashing against the world outside. All I could hear was her breathing, and my heartbeat. But then if I could hear her breathing then she had to be real. So I didn't relax, I just started to panic and lose control.

I didn't know what the hell to say!

"Can you…please show me to the washroom?" she said hoarsely, "if it isn't too much, I'd like to dry myself off before I get…." And her eyes were lowered to study herself, soaked and dripping.

It took about seven seconds for me to finally react. And when I did, with jerky movements, I moved from the door, expecting her to follow. And she did as my feet led me to the downstairs washroom just before you entered the small kitchen area. Flipping the switch to turn the inside light on, I reached out to grab the doorknob and turned it open, pushing the door to show her the way. Without a word, she stepped past me and entered the yellow lit interior, the smell of Lysol reaching my nose, a whiff of apples intermingled from the hand soap.

I kind of felt embarrassed on the last part because that had been a guilty move on me, to buy that apple scented soap. You could actually count five things in my house that were apple something, from my dishwasher liquid, my air freshener, the Glade upstairs and downstairs, the bottle of Victoria Secret sitting on my vanity and the soap inside there.

"There's a towel on the…stand", I said before she closed the door slowly, her dark eyes meeting mine through the crack. And I just…I don't know what happened to me.

Standing there for about a minute, I still couldn't process what the hell had just happened. With my fingers feeling numb, my bare feet cold as ice, I was aware of the fact that it wasn't the chilled wind pushing itself into the house through cracks that caused that. It was the presence of her in my house that continued to affect me slowly but surely. Dragging my feet towards the kitchen, it felt as if this was just a dream of mine, one of the usual where she frequented, and very soon I'd wake up on the couch from Neal nudging me out of sleep.

Neal…

I went to the sink and absentmindedly reached out for a glass on the tray to my right, upturning it as my eyes were far off. Holding it under the tap, I filled it halfway then held it up before me, studying the water as the foam gradually disappeared. And I sipped, my throat feeling as if it was just a needle wide in width about then. Still I couldn't breathe properly, and my hand quickly gripped the edge of the sink as I really stopped breathing for real this time.

Clutching at my throat, I managed to rest the glass safely on the counter before me as I struggled to suck in air through my mouth. Nothing happened. Instead, my head began to pound from the struggle and I panicked severely in those few seconds, choking as my chest contracted, pressing in on me, squeezing my heart.

Focus, Emma…relax.

Five full minutes of trying to do that, trying to focus on the drizzle of rain on the window glass in front of me and then the dripping of the water from the faucet: gradually I began to relax. I tried to think of anything but her, tried to listen to my heartbeat with a palm pressed on my heaving chest and very soon, the panic attack died away.

"Oh God…" I whispered, squeezing my eyes shut as my elbows met the cold aquamarine colored stone on the kitchen counter, my hands hiding my face. I leant forward and all my mind was consumed with was the image of her standing in front of me.

She wasn't a dream. All of her was real and she was here again after so long. But I had wanted this. This is what I had been longing for. Now she was back and I just couldn't understand why I felt the way I did. It was almost as if someone was pressing me, urging me to just react, to fucking do something, but I had no idea what the hell I was supposed to do now. We had to talk, because that's what she had in mind: a talk, no 'how are you'. Just that she needed us to talk. But to talk about what, I had no idea whatsoever.

I don't know how long she stood there, but my mind was only alerted on her presence when I smelt her. At first I was like, yeah she's in there; she's in my house, so obviously her smell would drift around the air. But her perfume just grew stronger and I swallowed a gasp as foolish fright washed over me. Upon turning around, there she was, standing just near the doorway leading into the kitchen. And the look in her eyes was anything else but a quick formal consideration, a simple look. Instead now those dark eyes met mine and held my gaze so intensely that I couldn't look away at all.

Her wet clothes were gone and replaced by a silver long sleeved jersey that was overly large and looked so ridiculously wrong on her. Even her black pants that were made from hard material appeared so out of place because I was so used to seeing her dressed so formal in her expensive skirt suits or pants suits with her stockings, her jackets and makeup. Now Regina just looked totally different, so natural and perfect that I couldn't take my eyes off of her: hair still wet, and the duffel bag that she had slung over her right shoulder was so small.

"How did you…" I asked, eyeing her bag.

"Oh it's enchanted", she said, her fingers gripping the material, lifting it up, eyes lowered as she barely smiled. "I can practically fit a lot of things in here."

I didn't reply but stood there silently as our eyes met again. She could actually smile. Every little thing she did began to piss me off. The way she was dressed, the calmness in her eyes as if nothing had happened, the fact that she was standing in my house: all of it just fucked with my nerves. And when my eyes rested on the rise and fall of her baby bump, my mouth just went dry, throat parched as realization hit me.

"Where's Robin?" I asked directly, my eyes focused on her.

Taking a while to answer, she studied me with her eyes. The wind howled around the house, fluttering my blue blinds just near the table to her left. And just beyond the window, I could vaguely make out the dancing tree, the one that Neal had attached a wooden swing to just for Henry and me.

"He's not here", she finally said.

"Where is he then?"

"Back home…" and she caught herself, "I mean, in the…Enchanted forest…"

"Well you're a far way from home", I said dryly, turning my head away from her, my eyes meeting the sprinkle of rain on the window glass above the sink. "How come you're back?"

"I…wanted to come back."

"And Robin agreed?"

"Yes."

"So this is a social call then", I stated, maintaining eye contact. "You're here to see Henry and then you're gone? Is this a formal visit because I can sure as hell tell you that after two freaking years", my voice was rising and I was getting seriously emotional, "after two years…things have changed around here. The day you left, things changed. "

"I…understand that and I accept it. But…I'm not here for Henry alone", she said, her voice strained.

"Then why the hell did you come back?"

"That's why I…need to talk to you."

"Talk then", I said. "I'm listening."

Pushing myself away from the counter, I diverted my eyes as my feet led me to the backdoor, and reaching out to check the locks, I was glad to have something to do, to busy myself with so that I'd avoid focusing on her. But then the silence that followed only forced me to glance behind and when I did, she was leaning on the counter, a hand resting on her forehead, eyes closed.

"Hey…" I said, worry overriding my anger. "You okay?"

"I'm…not feeling well."

"What's up?"

"Everything", she said.

Suddenly, I was so affected by the hurt in her voice, the way she looked so weak and broken, it shocked me. I mean, above all, she was always strong and could hold herself together. When situations used to get tough, Regina could become so powerful and composed, never backing down. But now she just wasn't herself. I could sense that something was terribly wrong with her. And it could be something on her mind, or it could be physically. Either way, I wasn't prepared to take any chances.

"I'll…make two mugs of cocoa", I offered, watching her carefully. Still she chose not to look at me. "You wanna wait in the living room?"

"Okay."

"Are you…" I breathed in, thinking hard, "I have cookies. Do you want some?"

"No thank you."

"Alright…"

My eyes moved with her as she retreated from the kitchen slowly, her back kinked and I stood there for a while just staring at the empty doorway. Maybe I was wrong for being so cold, so direct with her. But it's like I wanted to say nice things, wanted to rush forward and just hug her, and then somehow things changed up. Instead I was thinking about Robin, and everything else attached to him. I was lingering on the two years absence when what I was supposed to be doing was to be thankful she was back in the first place.

But for how long and even if she was back, why was she here to begin with?

Plugging in the water heater, I gazed around the kitchen absentmindedly, trying to form stuff in my head. There were things I wanted to say to her, but I really don't think I could. Okay, so I'd listen to her first because she said that we needed to have this talk. I'd listen and then I'd go with the flow, wherever it would take me, I had no idea. Maybe she was here to tell me she wanted Henry to go back with her. Yeah, maybe that was it. She was so bold enough to come back here to do that, ask that of me when she knew my answer would be no.

Or perhaps she wanted my help with something, magic wise.

When the water was barely steaming, I turned the heater off and poured two cups. And then I mixed the cocoa, adding milk, wondering if she didn't want sugar in hers. Deciding that I'd just add it anyway, lifting the cups, I slowly made my way out. Before I entered the living room, I took a breath and tried to compose myself, squeezing my eyes shut. She was sitting on the two cushioned caramel colored chair, her legs curled under her, left elbow resting on the handle with her face propped up. With her eyes distant as she stared at the decorations strewn across the center table, her gaze was eventually lifted to focus on the pictures of Neal and I, most including Henry. Scanning them one by one, I watched her carefully as she did, standing there silently.

And even from where I stood, my head grew light when a tear slid down her right cheek. Reaching up, she slowly wiped it away, her movement shaky but graceful enough.

This was really weird.

"Here…" I said finally moving in, and I chose to rest her cup on the table in front of her, our eyes never meeting.

"Thank you."

Choosing to sit on the three cushioned chair just where she was, I melted into the softness of the leather. And lifting the cup to my lips, slowly I blew before sipping, the feel of the carpet under my feet so warm.

"What are the decorations for?" she asked, dark eyes flickering to consider me.

Shit. "Never mind that", I said quickly, reaching out to rest my cup on the table next to hers, "ignore that. You're here to talk…" I searched her eyes, "so talk."

She took a long while before she started, and in that time, I kind of kept studying her face. It was like falling in love with a character on television when you were younger and then after some time, you finally saw them on another show again. The familiarity of their face, the way you'd search their features to detect if they had aged, if their hair changed or something. That's what I kept doing as I sat there. My eyes were focused on her face for so long that I couldn't help gazing at her lips. It was for guilty reasons, one of which was that I had longed so many times before to have her kiss me. I remembered when I used to be so close to her in Neverland and sometimes I'd turn abruptly to check on her and we'd bump into each other. Her face would be so close to mine that I could just hear her breathing.

And I really wanted her to step into me and kiss me, to make the first move. I realized that I was so foolish to have been waiting on that move when I could have done it myself. Now, all I could do was to consider her lips and wonder if she had kissed him just before she left and if he knew how lucky he was to be on the other end because all I wanted was for her to pull me closer to her and just…

"How are your parents?" she asked, reaching out to pick up her cup, lifting it slowly to her lips.

"They're alright…mom", I said, eyeing her midsection, "is pregnant too."

Eyes lifted, she widened them to gaze at me. "Is that so? So she was serious when she said that they wished to have another child."

"Yeah…" and from the meeting of our eyes, I could feel the pull between the two of us, just like it used to be. But now I tore my gaze away to consider the decorations on the table.

"I really like what you've done to your hair."

"Thanks…" I had layered it, not too choppy but just enough so that as Ruby had said, my hair didn't look dead as it always used to. "You're growing yours." Picking up my cup, I smiled wryly as she reached up to catch her hair that hung two inches below her shoulders. "Looks nice…"

"Thank you…has Snow grown hers or is her hair still…short?" It was weird to have her enquire after my mother like that because they never got along. However, I welcomed it as a change, a weird one.

"Still short, she said that it's an advantage waking up in the morning and leaving the house without having to use a brush."

"Understandable…"

"You're not wearing your makeup…anymore", I noted. And realized that maybe I had crossed a boundary or something because as soon as I said it, Regina lifted her eyes to gaze at me so intently that I indeed had to look away as fast as possible. It was as if I had said something that meant a lot to her. And I had no idea why, or perhaps it was just the fact that I noticed that made her so alert.

"My eyeliner, lipstick and foundation supplies depleted after sometime as expected."

"Ha ha…" I said.

"Really and truly", she sighed, looking away, "I lost interest in those things."

My eyes were wide. "Regina Mills lost interest in makeup and looking oh so gorgeous?" our eyes met and she stared at me. "I mean…" I shrugged, "it's just how I knew you for so long, always concerned about your appearance."

"Am I lacking now then?"

"Not at all, it's just that, to be honest, a baggy sweater and lose jeans doesn't suit you really."

"I'm pregnant, Emma", she reminded me.

"So? It's like you're trying to hide it." Suddenly, my eyes searched hers as it dawned on me, and I couldn't hide my disbelief as we stared at each other. "That's what you're trying to do", I said. "He…he doesn't know?"

"No", she said, eyes lowered.

"Why didn't you tell him?"

"Because it would make our…separation…easier…"

"So you're not going back?"

"It depends…"

"It depends on what?" I was confused.

She sighed. "On you…" lifting her right hand, she splayed her fingers out before her, studying her long nails.

"I have nothing to do with the two of you and your…condition", I said, my tone lacking emotion, just plain. "That's between you and…Robin."

For a while she said nothing, but we just sipped our cocoa and listened to the rain lash against the world outside. There was thunder, and the room was frequently illuminated with the flash of lightning. But the silence was deadly and the tension so thick that you could cut it with a knife. I suppose that was acceptable, if you factored in the fact that we hadn't seen each other for so long. And I was deeply affected by something whilst she was holding back something from me. I wondered what it was.

"So spill", I said finally, my voice cutting the silence like a dagger. "You said you needed to talk to me."

"I do…"

"Then…" with my cup on my lap, one arm resting on the handle of the chair, I turned to face her. And because of the distance between us, because of the fact that we were sitting on separate chairs, I thanked God for that. Had she been sitting close to me on the same chair, I think I would have reached out and fingered her hair or worse: I might have touched her somewhere else.

"Do you know why I left Storybrooke, Emma?" she asked, her eyes focused on the decorations on the table.

It was a question I had been asking myself for a long time after she went away. "I never understood why. Maybe because you felt as if we still hated you and judged you. You didn't feel comfortable anymore around here."

"That too…"

I was puzzled. "And what else?"

"I came here to tell you the truth", she said hoarsely, "and I have to. I can't hold back and above all, I've waited so long." Her tone was rushed, as if she was taking opportunity of a moment of courage. "When I sidestepped Pan's curse, on the road that day before you left Storybrooke, I said to you…" and she looked up, her eyes pinched with tears, "I said that I have to let go of the thing I love the most. Do you…"

"Henry…" I said on reflex. Remembering that moment pinched my heart…

"I also said to you that there's something I never told you before that day…"

"That the curse would erase my memories…" I reminded her, my eyes searching hers. What was she getting at? "How does this explain why you left?"

"Emma, I didn't leave Storybrooke because of feeling judged, or hated or left out. I didn't have a problem with anything. Everything else was fine enough except…I left because of you", she said hoarsely, her voice breaking. "Henry wasn't the only person I loved the most. It was you too. And when I said that I had never told you something before, what I really wanted to say to you was that…" she stopped and her chest heaved as she struggled to breathe.

I couldn't hold myself together. Shock overwhelmed me and I froze up. It took me a while to process what she had said, to replay it over and over in my mind, trying to tease out the truth. The entire world around me, the sound of the rain, everything just died away as I died inside. And I found that my heart wasn't galloping now, no. I couldn't even hear my heartbeats at all.

"I wanted to tell you that from the first time I met you, I started to fall…in…love with you. And you changed me. You were the only one who understood me above anyone else. I hated you so much that I…began to…love you." She kept looking at me and looking and waiting. And I said nothing.

To be so consumed by raging emotions in such a short time, it was almost as if a storm had come upon me, wrecking me in seconds and here I was sitting as I tried to make sense of the damage. I couldn't believe it, what she had just said. And maybe it was only fair that the first thing I thought was that it hadn't been said, none of it. Or that she meant something completely different. But what else could she mean from saying that?

"Say something…please." Her eyes were moist as she waited.

"What do you want me to say?"

"This is where you…" reaching up, she dabbed at her right eye, "you say anything to me, anything at all."

"We were always at each other's throats, Regina", I said directly, "and then suddenly we just couldn't talk to each other."

I couldn't believe her. Of all the things in the world that could happen, this was it. How could she sit there and tell me that without expecting me to feel that all the times I spent trying to get something out of her, none of it got across. I know that I never tried hard to show her how I had felt about her. I know that my hints were subtle but things I had done, most times it was so obvious.

Oh my gods, what about the time when I teased her, when I asked her to get into the water with me. And the time when she broke down, when she called me crying and I got up, I pulled on my clothes and I drove over to her house and picked her up. I took her far away and sat there with her, tolerating her tears, her emotions, tried to wipe away her tears. I tried to touch her. I tried to be her friend, to get closer to her, having dinner with her. And the time when I…when I returned from New York and the first thing I did was to hug her, tell her I missed her so much.

It shouldn't have affected me like that because I hadn't done much to signal to her my feelings. But it did. And I couldn't help myself. I know that it was wrong of me that I suddenly felt terrible and angered. I know that things should have been different but they weren't.

She had loved me all along and all those signs, more to be added along the way, she never ever realized how I felt. She couldn't just wake up and see that I had fallen for her and I was hurting so much, wanting to know if she felt the same way, believing that she didn't. And that's why I ended up saying yes to Neal.

"You could always voice your opinions so easily where I am concerned", she said.

"What I have to say to you right now might not be what you want to hear."

"Say it anyway because from knowing you, I am certain that I have no choice."

"Oh right…because when I'm done saying whatever I have to say", I said angrily, "you'll get up and be on your way, and leave just as you did before. Only this time you have a solid reason to go back where the hell you came from", I stated, my voice rising, and so were my motives, the reason behind my anger.

"Why would I want to go back after what…after all I just told you?" she asked, tears filling her eyes.

"Because you're having his baby", I said boldly. "He's the one you love, not me. You left with him. You made a choice just as I made mine because we both were hanging out, waiting for someone to just say something. Neither of us had the courage to. I always felt…I felt as if I meant nothing to you. And I…tried. I tried to give you hints, afraid I'd scare you if you knew how I felt for you. And all this time you felt the same way."

"Emma…"

"You never understood anything about me, Regina. Why couldn't you…see…that I loved you so much? Didn't you know? How couldn't you see it at all?" there were tears in my eyes as I looked at her. "I kept waiting on you and then you…" I lowered my eyes, "gave up on me, obviously."

"So did you. You chose…him…over me. So I…tried…I had to tell you."

"No", I said getting up from the chair, shaking my head furiously, my blood becoming heated, "thanks for letting me know though. Good to see you've moved on so quickly."

"Did you even hear what I just said to you?" she asked, getting up from the chair.

"No, I didn't." I had my back to her.

"I don't love him as much as I love…you, Emma. I never could love anyone as much as I…love you."

"But you're having his child and there was a time when you used to judge me, asking me how the hell I could slip up like that, how I was left by myself, pregnant and alone. And how I was foolish and helpless… Now you've slipped up and suddenly you come running back to me because you can't take it anymore. It's just as if I'm a second option, a fall back."

"You're not a fall back", she said, starting to cry, "I left…him because he was the second option."

"You have no idea what this means to me!"

"Emma, please…" she lifted her hands in front of her, sad eyes focused on me, "don't raise your voice at me. I'm really sorry but I had no idea that you felt the same…way."

"Somehow, time has gone by and it's like we're not on the same page anymore."

"Time has passed but my love for you…still remains the same."

"You're no different than him, you know", I said, shaking my head at her.

Her eyes searched mine. "Who?"

"Neal…" and I inhaled, "you fucked up, then come back after so long, expecting to pick up just where you left off. When you should know that things changed and I am not the same person you left two years ago. I've changed, I've tried to move on from you. And it fucking killed me."

"I am not like him", she said, fire flashing in her eyes. "I've tried to move on too. That's why I left here, after you said…yes…to him. It killed me! You have no idea what I went through whilst you were welcoming his advances and reveling in his so called love. I couldn't face you, I hid myself away and wished that you would see how I…wanted…you. And you chose him."

"The Queen always makes her first move."

"Not with you", she said hoarsely, "I was so in love with you that I was terrified."

"I'm sorry but all I can think about when I look at you now is that you're connected to him, and there's no way I'm getting involved because you're…pregnant. And you fucked up." I had said it. And when I did, it didn't come out gentle but harsh. She got the message anyway and cringed at my words.

"Thanks a lot for that, Emma."

"You just…you chose to do what you had to do. And I kept waiting on you to come back, kept wanting you to come back but not like this. Geez!"

"You married Neal!" she fired back.

"I held out! I kept waiting on you!" I returned, my voice rising. "We're still engaged and I never married him because I couldn't. I couldn't do that. You wanted to know what the decorations are for? They're for a wedding, finally! It's because I couldn't…understand why you left me. I couldn't deal with any of it since you left without explaining yourself to me, or at least trying. All you did was to shut yourself out and lash back. And whenever I tried to be nice to you, all you did was to back up in a corner and put up your self-defense. You were always the bold one, and you couldn't tell me how you felt. But you sure as hell were bold enough to jump into bed with Robin though. I know that Neal is a second chance, but at least I'm not pregnant. First time I was, he ended up being yours. Now that you've fucked up, I can't look at you without seeing Robin all over you."

She started to cry, lifting a hand to cover her mouth as she choked on sobs, breaking in front of me. I knew that what was said, it was hurtful. But it's what I felt, what was eating away at me just by looking at her. And as she shook from emotion, my heart sliced with pain. And clenching her fists, Regina strode towards the fireplace, and she swiped all the picture frames from the bookshelf, sending them flying, crashing to the ground, the glass casings shattering.

"Regina!" I cried. My eyes flew open as she openly vented her anger, stomping the frames in frustration, crying as she did. And when I rushed forward to do something, to stop her, to touch her, she batted my hand away, pushing me away. "No, wait…" I said, trying to take her hand, "I'm sorry. I didn't mean…"

Stepping around me, she headed towards the front door and quickly slipping her feet into her boots, lifting them one after the other to pull the zipper up, she reached for the doorknob. But she had grown weak, so weak that her hands struggled with the door and she couldn't open it because the lock was a tricky one. Very soon, I watched as she pressed her palms on the wood, choking on tears as she squeezed her eyes shut. And I rushed forward, tears in my eyes, crying with her too as I did.

"Regina…"

"Leave me alone", she ordered, trying to keep her voice steady. And as if suddenly remembering her magic, she waved a shaky hand over the knob and it clicked open.

"Don't…"

Before she could pull open the door, I reached around her, pressing my right palm on the wood, pushing it close. And as she backed up into me, I gasped from her touch, the nearness of her body. I couldn't help it. With my heart pounding in my chest, I found myself wrapping my arms protectively around her and she melted against me immediately, both of us trembling. My eyes fluttered close as I inhaled the smell of her hair, my right hand resting on her heaving midsection as a moan escaped from her. Lifting her left boot, she gingerly began to caress my left foot, moving against me.

The feeling was so intense, so nerve wrecking that I couldn't focus at all on anything else but her. She felt so perfect in my arms and for the first time in my life I felt as if I was so complete. It's something one cannot explain fully because the feeling is astounding. It's almost as if you had waited your entire life to feel the thrills of a moment, the rush and here it was. Wrapping my arms around her, I rested my cheek against her hair and just held her there as she shivered against me, clutching at me as passion drove itself into us, wrapping us in a blanket of want.

"I…want…you", she whispered, choking on a sob, entwining her fingers with mine as she squeezed my hands.

It began to rain harder outside as we stayed there, the flash of lightening through the glass on the door. And slowly turning her around, we faced each other with severe passion in our eyes. It was she who reached up to grip my shoulders, then her fingers closed around my neck as her face grew nearer, so close. Her hands were becoming sweaty and I could feel it. I could feel the way she couldn't maintain her composure as she began to collapse inside. And it shocked me because I had never ever seen Regina like this before. She was so caught up in me, I could see nothing else in her eyes. There weren't any barriers between us, nothing.

Our heads danced with desire, lips lying inches apart as my hands fluttered over her wide hips, her soft skin under that ridiculous jersey. I could taste her hot breath as we held back the kiss, something we should have never done because God knows how long we had been holding back. But she breathed into me and intoxicated my mind, and I wanted to kiss her. My chest burned with a severe pain as we continued to tease each other, torment the other with our distance. And I realized that because this feeling was so new to me, to want someone so badly, to react to them in this way, then maybe it was something that had to be so unique. Maybe it was more than just love. And the only way I could know is if we kissed.

We almost did.

And then the doorknob turned, the sound rattling my mind, jerking me away from her and with our hands still on each other, the door was pushed inwards.

It was Neal.

* * *

><p>Xx<p>

**[Regina]**

When I felt the door nudge me lightly, my mind was still drowning in her eyes. And it never affected me for a while until I detected the change in her gaze. She considered the door behind me with a mildly shocked expression. With my arms around her, our bodies so close, faces so close, I couldn't pull away because it was such a moment that I had longed for and I never wished for it to stop.

"Well, well, look who the rain washed up", he said sarcastically.

I turned quickly to consider him standing there. "Neal…" I said.

"Regina…"

"My name…" and I smirked.

"Did they finally kick you out of the Enchanted Forest?" he asked, stepping inside, a hand on the door.

"Where's Henry?" Emma said, and I turned to glance at her.

"He fell asleep over there. So Snow said he could spend the night. Good thing he did, because he sure as hell should miss this pitiful reunion."

"What's pitiful is the fact that up to this day, you still cannot use a brush to comb your hair", I said sarcastically.

He eyed me warily. "Had a feeling you'd come back. And why does it not surprise me that you came back for her? Always were good at ruining people's happiness."

"Neal, don't", Emma warned.

"No, he's being the stupid fool he is as usual", I said, anger boiling my blood, my glare directed on him. "She's definitely happy with you considering that she was just about to kiss me before you so rudely interrupted."

"She'd never kiss you", he said defensively, "unless you worked some magic on her."

I laughed hoarsely. "Oh really, she'd never kiss me? And who are you in comparison?"

"I'm her fiancé!"

"For two years, what a milestone for you", and I smirked.

"At least she was with me for two years, never complaining about what we have, so you can figure out from there what that means. It means that she was happy. And you…you were not involved in any of it."

"It just appears that she had you fooled all along."

"I told you to leave her alone before you left", he said directly, "I told you to walk away from this."

"What?" Emma's eyes widened as she looked at him. "What's going on here?"

"Emma…" Neal reached up to wipe his face, eyes shifty, "just tell her the truth. We're getting married in less than two weeks. Tell her she's a freaking psycho, and there's nothing…whatever she feels, it's not mutual. And then she can walk out the door and go back to where the hell she came from."

"No, you knew about her feelings for me?" she asked him in shock.

Neal attempted to brush it off, she was searching his eyes but he never held back. "Yeah, I knew."

"You knew. How the hell did you know? Did you tell him?" she asked me now, turning to consider me.

"I didn't. He called me to alert me on his suspicions and warned me to back off", I said folding my arms, glaring at Neal who stood there watching Emma.

"What the…and you never told me?" she stepped towards him, her eyes icy. "Why would you hide something like that from me?"

"Because it wasn't worth your worry and I had no reason to."

"Sounds like he's already showing signs of being the…how should I put it", I said smirking, studying my nails, "the controlling type in your perfect relationship."

"Just stay out of this", Neal said, holding up a hand in my direction. "It's none of your business."

"I hate to break it to you, Mister Cassidy", and I snatched his hand hard, flinging it away from in front of me, "but it is my business because she loves me."

"What the hell is wrong with you, lady?" he asked, turning to stare at me with wild fascination, "dad warned me about your insanity but I never knew you were delusional as well."

"Coming from a trashy asshole, I wouldn't even consider that."

"You have some nerve speaking to me like that in my own house!"

"You have some nerve speaking to me at all, you pathetic loser!"

"Oh I'm a loser?" he asked, his voice rising, "what about you and your condition?"

My eyes widened. "My condition?"

"Yeah, that…" and he waved a hand towards my midsection in disgust.

"The two of you just stop it!" Emma demanded, and when I stepped forward to punch him, she intervened, pulling me away.

"Did Robin knock you up and send you home because he knew the truth afterwards?" he had the audacity to ask, smiling at me. "Did you just tell him and he sent you packing because he realized that all this time, you were just a psycho?"

"Neal!"

"No, this is absurd", he said to Emma, his eyes flickering back to meet mine. "She waltzes in here like she's some hero, like she even deserves some time and you welcome her in here as if she's even worth it."

"This is my house too and I can welcome who the hell I want inside."

"Not her!" Neal said heatedly.

"I am still trying to process the fact that you knew the way she felt, both of you knew and none of you had the respect or dignity to tell me. You…" she said, glaring at him, "you're no better than her, so you shouldn't even compare yourself."

"I stayed! She left!" and he started to laugh, shaking his head in disbelief. "Why am I even trying? You're not into her. You're not gay. We both know that. And she needs to move on. Look, just tell her the truth, that we're getting married in less than two weeks. Tell her that Henry has no fucking time with her anymore. She's no one around here, just someone who terrorized us, someone who paid penance and now she's got a chance to move on. And then she can leave us alone in peace."

"Just stop it."

"What's cruel is that even if you had any feelings for her, you still chose me over her for a reason. It's because she's not worth it and you know that. I don't see any happiness in your eyes to see her again. No, you're all tensed up as if you hate the fact that she's back."

I turned my eyes to look at Emma and snorted, shaking my head in awe. She met my gaze and never did smile but chose to consider me with a bland stare. And in that moment, I searched her face, wondering why she was looking at me that way.

Neal swallowed, and waved a hand in my direction. "Tell her, Emma, to leave."

"I'm not leaving", I said as I detected conflict in her eyes, those eyes that just captured me in a gaze of want now appeared so dead. "Emma…" I stepped forward quickly, reaching up to grab her shoulders, searching her eyes, "tell him you want me here."

"This is ridiculous!" he said loudly, "you're going to tolerate this? She left you! She's…pregnant, Emma! Look at her", and he gestured towards me. "She's pregnant for some other guy who she hardly knew as compared to you and now she comes back? You talk about me being the same as her but at least I left for a reason and good came out of it. You broke her curse, and when she left, if you had any feelings for her whatsoever, she broke your heart. She's a destroyer of happy endings. Always was. And she's not going to change at all. You know that Emma", he said now, stepping closer to her, and she actually held his gaze, never choosing to look at me. "I know that you wanted to be with me because you could have left. You didn't. Just tell her that and let her go."

"She's not going to let me go", I said firmly, believing my words.

"She's ruined herself and now…she's back", he said softly, lifting a hand to squeeze her right shoulder. "You don't want to get involved in that."

"Neal…just…shut up", I said, my voice breaking, my eyes moving from her to him. "Emma, look at me…"

"What?" she said firmly, turning to do so, her face hard and without expression.

"Tell him you love me, Emma…" I said, beginning to cry as I saw the change in her eyes, the way she looked at me as if I was suddenly a stranger when minutes before all she wanted was to kiss me and hold me. "Tell him that you…love me and you always had. You…love me more…right? Emma…I came back for you…I…" I was shaking, and my hands were cold, "please see the way I love you."

I stood there looking at her for what felt like hours to me. And she never said a word. She never said anything but chose to stand there just with her eyes on me, as if she was frozen and I was the only one who expected something alive. When she touched me, I felt alive, so alive that I couldn't ever let her go from that moment. And when she held me, I felt so safe, I wanted her to return to that moment and realize that what we had, this connection, this was real.

But she just wouldn't say anything to me and I felt like a complete fool, I started to sob. It was because I had been so emotional with my hormonal bouts. Or maybe it was just tears that were meant to flow. Lifting a hand to my mouth, my fingers trembling as I considered her with pleading eyes, for just those last few seconds, I waited. And I cried.

He turned to look at me, his eyes saddening but I couldn't even consider the fact that he stood there. I couldn't care less about him because he had ruined everything for me. But to blame him alone wouldn't be enough. She was emptying me of my tears with her silence and I was getting my response, all I needed.

Robin had been right all along. He always was. She never would love me he way I loved her, even if she claimed she did once. Now it was gone and when I had left, it had been my last chance. Everything was gone now. And I'd have to walk away and never look back.

"Emma…" I whispered.

"Leave…Regina", he said quietly. "Just…"

"You're going to stand there in front of me, and say nothing?" I asked, my eyes flashing. "After what he just told me, how he spoke to me, in front of you, you have nothing to say?"

"I…" she stumbled.

"I thought better of you, Emma", I said angrily, my eyes on her. Her eyes filled with tears and she swallowed a sob. "She's all yours", I said to Neal, turning to look at him. "Whilst I have Robin all over me as you claim, you have him speaking to me like that when I'd never tolerate anyone insulting you in front of me. I'd never do that. I'd defend you and you stand there in silence, when you're always so defensive and bold, always used to take my side. Not now…" I said, tears rolling down my cheeks. "I can see…this was a mistake. Silence means so…much."

And without waiting, I felt so weak as my hand gripped the doorknob and I turned it, pulling the door open. Stepping past him, I staggered outside, and the door closed on its own accord after me, shutting me out. It's where I deserved to be. My eyes darted all around me, the street suddenly illuminated with the lights of the streetlamps on the wooden posts, something that hadn't been there when I first arrived that evening. But my bewilderment in that small detail didn't unnerve me. I realized that I had to get away from there.

My footfalls on the cement pavement echoed in the still of the night as rain drizzled around me. Gripping the strap of my duffel bag, I gathered up enough strength, fighting the dizziness in my head, the nausea that was creeping up on me, how weak my knees were. And I walked away. I went down the pavement and realized that not much had changed where the buildings I remembered were considered. Very soon, I was walking past the Diner and it looked the same. Archie's apartment building was painted over.

"Regina…"

Peering over my shoulder, when I saw it was she, by reflex my footsteps quickened and my eyes burnt from crying. She was coming after me, jogging and I wanted to turn around and shout at her. I wanted to immobilize her and yell, rush up to her and lash out, to scratch her eyes out. But I wasn't in the mood to because I'd never hurt her no matter how much she hurt me. Instead, my footsteps led me faster away from her, the distance between us maintained in an equal space and I turned my head to gaze upon a familiar sign.

Quickly, I sidestepped into shadows and pushed open the door that led into the apartment building. I searched for her name, hoping that she still resided there. Breathing out a sigh of relief, I closed my eyes, chest heaving as I pressed the button, waiting.

"Yeah?"

"It's me…" I said breathless, my head spinning as I clutched at the mesh in front of me. "Regina…"

There was silence and then a long buzz as the entrance gate clicked open. Making a dash for it, I snatched it open and clung unto the bannister as my boots climbed the steps. When I was halfway up, Emma reached for the now closing gate and pulled it towards her, coming after me.

"Regina, wait, please…"

"Go away", I said in a firm voice.

"No, wait…"

When she was ten steps behind me, I searched for the apartment number and my eyes widened when I saw Ruby standing there already, her door ajar. Quickly I made my way towards her and reaching out to grab her hand, I pulled her inside with me, pressing the door shut and fumbling with the locks. Then I stepped into the room, dimly lit with yellow but apparently details couldn't capture my attention in that moment.

"Please", I said to Ruby, my face wet with tears, "don't let her come in."

"Okay…" Ruby said, and she released my hand as I stepped away from the door.

Making my way further away from the door, I searched for the washroom and when it was found, my hands snatched at the door as I blindly staggered towards the toilet. Falling to my knees, I choked as nausea enveloped me like a thick cloud, clutching at my stomach as I heaved out her cocoa.

I vomited and did so for so long that my throat began to ache. In frustration tears stung my eyes and sitting on the floor of Ruby's bathroom, I just thought I'd die from the pain in my chest. Everywhere ached, and the baby began to kick, moving inside me as my stomach pained, my back killed me, my legs, upper thighs.

"I don't think she wants to see you right now", I heard Ruby's voice many walls away. "Just…leave her alone, Emma."

"Who're you to tell me to leave her alone?" came her voice and I buried my face in my hands, listening.

"Who am I? Who are you? And what's with the tone?"

"I'm the one she loves!"

"I'm her fucking ex in case you didn't know and I know her more than you do." There was silence. "That's right, Emma…" Ruby stopped, "when you were so stupid and so pansy to make the first move before, I did once and I never regretted it because she's…an amazing woman."

"I frankly don't give a damn about your break up with her because you let her go so you're no different."

"I let her go because she was in love with you! You're so pathetic sometimes, Emma I can't understand how you were so fucking blind."

"I'm pathetic?"

"You had the audacity to choose Neal over Regina. That's pathetic."

"I had no idea she felt…the…same…way!"

"Everyone knew she loved you! Whale, Archie, me, August…fuck! August knew! Graham knew! All of them knew she was in love with you and you just were so set on Neal. Everything was Neal. And you couldn't see past your thick wall you hold up to realize that whilst you were busy chasing after these guys, Regina was so in love with you."

"She…"

"Hook…oh my gods…imagine how that broke her. To top it off, I bet you had no idea she walked in on you saying yes like a fool to Neal's proposal. Yeah, go ahead and look all shocked about it. She was there. And I had to run after her, try to comfort her because she fucking lost it, she broke down and cried. You wanted to know why she left here in the first place? She left because you broke her."

"Ruby, just let me speak to her."

"Leave…"

"I'm not going any fucking where until I see her."

"There's a reason she was running from you, why she's not here wanting to speak to you and suddenly, I'd like to remind you that this is my apartment and I'm telling you to leave."

"Don't do this to me", Emma said, her voice hoarse. "Ruby, please, let me speak to Regina."

"Go back to your man", Ruby said firmly. "I bet he has your bed all warmed up for you."

And the sound of the door closing filled the silence. Very soon, she was looming in the doorway, my vision blurred as I felt so dizzy and weak.

"Regina…" she said softly, "shit…" I felt her hands around me, pulling me up.

"Ruby…I'm not…feeling…" slowly, she led me out of the bathroom and made me sit somewhere, but through the haze, my vision clouded, I couldn't quite make out where we were. I didn't care.

A soft cloth was pressed to my lips, dabbing softly, wiping me. And then she was running her fingers through my hair, pushing my hair back as she bent her knees to scrutinize my face, searching my eyes.

"You're pregnant…" she whispered. "Geez, do you need…help, are you in pain…are you…"

The nausea was gradually subduing and I was thankful as some of the tightness in my chest disappeared. "I'll be alright."

"Are you sure?"

"Yes", I said softly, "is she gone?"

Ruby searched my eyes, wiping away my tears, and she nodded. "Yeah, she's gone. Do you want to talk about it now or…"

I shook my head slowly, swallowing a sob. "Ruby…" I said in a frustrated tone, tears filling my eyes, "I just want to disappear."

"Don't say that, sweetie", she said softly, caressing my face. "I'm so glad you're back. I missed you. Look at you!" she said, and I knew she was trying to change the topic. "You're…" stepping back, she surveyed me with her eyes, "Regina, you're pregnant! Is it Robin's…?"

"Yes."

"Did he come back too?"

"No."

"What happened?"

I told her what happened in the last two years and I also told her what happened between Robin and I, the last discussion we had. When I was finished with that, our talk ended up in her small living room and on the couch, she spread a thick blanket. Then covering me with another, she adjusted the pillow under my head as her fingers brushed my hair from my face. It was then when I told her about what happened that night between Neal, Emma and I.

Somehow, no tears were shed on my part when I related the story to her. But instead, my voice was firm, tone direct and when the part was reached where I asked Emma to tell Neal that she wanted me, that she loved me and she didn't, I never broke down. But Ruby had tears in her eyes. And reaching forward, she hugged me gently, pressing a kiss on my forehead.

"You came back for her, to tell her and it's what you wanted. I wanna say that it should have happened long ago, way before now, but everything happens for a reason. And now you just have to push forward as you used to tell me. After every fucked up moment, you push forward. You were always good at that and you still are. Hell, you're about to be a mom and you can't stress yourself out. It's gonna be bad for the baby if you do."

I smiled.

"How far along are you though?"

"Close to five months…"

"Soo, have you any idea if it's a girl or boy?" she was smiling from ear to ear.

"I have no idea", I said smiling wryly.

"Oh geez! This is so awesome! You should have told Robin though! He's such a nice guy, and he deserves to know. Honestly, when the two of you hooked up, first thing I thought was damn the two of you would make such a cute baby. Two hot parents, if I could I would threesome the two of you."

"Well that escalated quite quickly, Ruby." I was forced to laugh in disbelief. "I'll find a way to tell him about the baby", I said afterwards. "You're right. He deserves to know."

"How does it feel though, to be…" and she rested a hand on my midsection tentatively, her eyes wide. "Is it scary or exciting? Does it hurt?"

"It's definitely frightening", I said, resting my hand on hers as our eyes met. "And I've been having a hard time for the past two months now: back aches that kill me, my feet get swollen, I throw up constantly well…I can't keep anything down at all, and worst of all because I'm not gaining weight, every time the baby moves, I feel the most intense of pains."

"Damn…"

"On the contrary, I am so excited to finally be in a position where I'm going to have a child that's mine and not…" I stopped, and when I did, she caught my change in expression and frowned.

"Aww, just so you know, Henry has a girlfriend now." And she smiled wickedly. "Just so you know because you're still his mom and you should know."

I loved her so much for taking my hand and pulling me out of my weak moments, the times when I was about to fall. She was always good with that, always picking me up and I couldn't appreciate it more.

"Is that so?" I asked, smiling.

"Don't get upset now", she said, holding up a hand, and she swallowed, "it's Gracie…"

"Jefferson's daughter, the Hatter's daughter?"

"Yup."

"Well she is a sweet girl."

"She's giving him a hard time, is what she's doing. The two of us got pretty close ever since…like when he's in the Diner, we'd talk and he actually likes to ask me for girl advice."

"Oh no", I said, lifting a hand to cover my face, shaking my head.

"Don't sound so disappointed already!"

"You of all people. What did you tell him, to play the field first?"

"I…" she stopped, "I told him to kiss her."

"Ruby, are you serious?"

"Only way she'll get the idea."

And we talked and talked until about two in the morning. When I fell asleep, I had no idea but I drifted into a deep sleep, so deep that I dreamt nothing but blackness surrounding me. It was the kind of sleep that left you feeling as if you were in a tank of black liquid, your thoughts absent and mind thick. I was actually thankful for the dreamless night so that when I woke up, light cascading around me through the fluttering blinds, my eyes moved to the small clock hanging on the wall shaped like a wolf's head. And realizing it was past eleven o'clock, I groaned.

Pushing myself up, my back stiff, a pain slicing through my chest, I fought it all and stood up, pressing my fingers into my sides, kneading my tense muscles. Then walking to the window, I parted the blinds, smelling the wet grass as I gazed outside unto Storybrooke with partial fresh eyes. New houses were constructed as was expected and somehow the air took on a livelier buzz than when I had left. People were about and walking around, people I had never seen before. And I suddenly wondered if the town line was still protected, doubting it at the same time.

I made tea, instead of coffee because of the dangers of caffeine and because hunger had ran away from me as always and then I showered for what felt like half an hour. After slipping into so many clothes, trying on Ruby's shirts and realizing they were too tight for me, I decided to wear a red Aeropostale jersey that hung about three inches below my butt and a pair of jeans I had brought with me. Standing in front of the mirror, I turned this way and that, scrutinizing myself and realizing that no matter how I stood or slouched, I still showed. I just couldn't hide it anymore.

People would not only greet me with questions. They'd consider my baby bump and make their own assumptions. As if it was something new to me, to be judged. I couldn't care less. Picking up a brush from her vanity, I combed my hair and it felt just like old times when I used to sleep over in her apartment, when I'd wake up and get dressed for work right here in front of her mirror. Using her tube of red lipstick, I pressed a finger on the stick and rubbed some on my lips then applied some of her L.A Colors foundation.

Five minutes after, I walked into the Diner and was thankful that it was empty, just before lunch time. Which meant that soon, people would come in, and I'd be discovered and I kind of realized that maybe no one would care if I was back. They'd just throw a glance my way and then divert their eyes because I wasn't of importance anymore. Sitting on a stool, I slouched, something that always bothered me when Henry did it. And pouting, my gaze rested on Ruby wiping the table at the back.

But Granny instantly welcomed me with wide eyes. At first she studied me from behind her cash register and then after a minute or so, as I smiled at her, she rose up and made her way towards me.

"Regina?" a hand was lifted to cover her mouth, eyes registering disbelief. "Is that really you or am I getting delusional in my old age?"

"Yes it's me", I said still smiling.

"Welcome back, sweetheart", she said softly, reaching out her arms and I returned her embrace, warming up instantly from her affections. "I knew you'd come back some day. Look at you", and she pulled back, holding my chin between her fingers, studying my face. "Something's different about you. Your hair has…grown longer but…" I slouched some more.

"Grans, don't crowd her already", Ruby said quickly, her eyes meeting mine, "she only got back last night. Give her some room."

Granny considered her with pursed lips. "I'll leave you and your Mayor alone then." She turned to wink at me. "And yes, I knew about it."

"Knew about what?" Ruby asked, twirling a red and white checkered towel between her hands, lips bright red. "Eesh, what's she talking about?"

"I have no idea", I said smiling.

"So…slept well?" she leant forward to press a kiss on my cheek softly, "geez, you smell so eatable. Hmm…"

"Step away from me slowly", I said, reaching up to press my palm on her shoulder, pushing her away as I smiled.

She did and winking at me, Ruby returned to wiping the tables, clearing plates and cutlery, busying herself with her work. I tried one of the buns with the small cherry on top because the less taste something had, it was all better for my stomach. Somehow I believed cardboard could stay down apart from any tasty food, had I chosen to do such a thing. Pinching the rough bun, I chewed slowly, trying to focus on Ruby as she worked, distracting my mind from the fact that I was eating so that nausea wouldn't overcome me. The need to eat was essential on my part, and many times before I used to survive on just a garden salad with chopped chicken, adding in a glass of red wine. But not now because two were concerned and right now, one was just waking up as I felt a sharp kick towards my right side, making me wince from a small slice of pain that shot through my abdomen.

After eating half of what I had before me on a plate, I sipped some lemonade and pressed my fingers to lips. Then somehow, the sun's rays began to affect me, the brightness of the sunshine and I moved to a back table, choosing to sit with my back facing the door. That way, I'd be less noticeable and privy to having some sort of time for myself. The thing that bothered me though was that after last night, after my emotional bouts, after the confrontation and what not, I was surprisingly so calm and emotionless. And it happened. It was as if my emotions had a switch and when turned on as of recent, I'd just lose control.

Right now, I was dry from feelings.

And just as I pushed my plate away, scowling at the dryness in my mouth, the bell tinkled and from the time it did, I knew it was her. It's something I cannot explain: the connection I feel where she is concerned. Simply put, I believe I could sense her presence anywhere for that matter, even with my back facing her. I could sense it immediately and when I usually did occur, my heart would start to fuss in my chest, my hands spiraled with tiny electric shocks. It was so surreal that even I could not understand the very essence of it.

As she grew nearer, I dug my toes into the soles of my boots and prayed silently that she'd just leave me alone. But if it was one thing where Emma was concerned, it was that she never backed down no matter what. She was as strong willed as me and that's one of the reasons why I fell in love with her in the first place. Her boldness always captivated me. Yet her defensiveness where Neal was concerned was terribly lacking.

"Is this seat taken?" she asked. I knew she was standing there and yet I never looked up, my throat pinched.

"Yes", I said firmly, "anyone can sit there…except you."

"Look, just cut the crap, Regina." And she sat down without waiting, "let's just quit behaving like teenagers."

"Oh I'm sorry Mrs. Cassidy", I said, avoiding her eyes as I glanced at Ruby wiping the counter with a vengeance, her eyes hard and icy as she stared at Emma's head. "I'm not interested in threesomes. Or didn't you get the memo?"

"So you're up to your old self again with your sarcasm? You want us to pull out the famous bitching card we used to play? Is that it?" I looked away warily and smirked, ignoring her words. "Because two always played this game and if you think that I'm going to sit here and take your shit, then you're wrong."

"You have some nerve talking to me like that", I retorted, snapping my head to look at her. "After the stunt you played last night in front of your beloved and protective sperm donor."

"Oh don't even talk about sperm donors. Robin joins Neal for top position. And since we're finally talking about last night, I reacted just the way I felt, pissed off and doubtful, conflicted still…"

"Robin is way better than Neal will ever be", I said defensively. And we were at it again just like we always used to be, bickering like an angry couple. Somehow that pinched my heart, but all the same, it made me want this. I wanted to talk to her because it felt so great to be back.

"If he's so nice then why are you here?"

"Are you suffering from memory loss? Or wasn't I alerted on that degrade in your mental condition?"

"Insult me, keep on doing it", she urged, "fuck me up all you want, like you always did."

"You leave me with no choice after what you did to me last night."

"I'm sorry for not defending you, geez, I was…conflicted."

"It appeared as if the hairy bastard had your tongue trapped under his foot." And I smirked.

"Or maybe my silence meant exactly what you think it meant."

"Really, and to believe I actually bought your pitiful story when you admitted that you felt the same way about me."

"I do feel the same way about you."

I began to laugh hoarsely as Ruby's wiping became vigorous, her eyes harder than before. "Emma, dear, you need to grow up", I said, my eyes dry.

"I'm mature enough to know that I should be more careful when sleeping with a man I'm not married to when I know to myself that I'm in love with someone else. Birth control pills?"

"And where would I get those, from the trunk of a tree or from the wave of my hand?" I asked sarcastically.

"Two years, Regina…"

"Just enough time to leave you to suffer with your second chance and boil in his pathetic ways. I could have returned earlier, but then I figured that you needed time to receive your wake up call." And I offered a smile.

"I'm kind of worried that you don't see why I'm pissed as yet, that it hasn't sunk in as yet", she said, frowning at me. "You're pregnant for some other guy and now you come back to tell me, the woman you claim you always loved, that you still love me. And it's like you have his name printed on your shirt…right here…" she lowered her eyes to gesture on herself, "so what else am I to see when I look at you?"

"Low blow", I said as hurt sliced through my heart. "Go on because this feels like old times, you know…" and I screwed up my face, smiling, "me and you bitching. Get it out whilst you have me still alive in front of you."

"What's that supposed to mean?" she asked quickly, searching my eyes. And something changed in her expression, as if a dark shadow passed over her face.

"Keep the words flowing whilst they're hot from the pan?"

"No, what do you mean…whilst you're still alive?" and her forehead was creased in concern.

I finally realized what she had gathered from my words when I had meant it quite the opposite. "Tell me every little hurtful thing you can whilst I'm alive because you might only have five minutes left with me", and shaking my head in disbelief, I smiled, rolling my eyes. "Really, sometimes you are so…"

"Don't do this to me", she said softly, interrupting my words. And I looked up and across the table at her, stopping immediately.

"What?"

"Don't say things like that."

"Like what?"

"Like you're going to…die and…" she waved a hand, her eyes softened, "I only have five minutes with you. It's not nice at all."

"But less than a minute ago you were on a roll with your insults thrown my way", I reminded her, seeing the genuine hurt in her eyes, the worry and shadows that only meant one thing: she had been affected by something in connection to this on a previous occasion. To what the source was, I could not say exactly.

"I wasn't insulting you, Regina", and she lifted her eyes, looking directly at me, "I was telling you exactly how I feel. That's not insulting. That's what I really feel. When I…saw you last night, when I saw that you're pregnant for…him…I just…" clenching her fists, she swallowed, "I got so pissed at you because all I wanted was for you to come back, to finally come back to me. And when you finally do, you're having his baby…and…"

With my eyes suddenly pinched with tears, I slowly reached across the table and allowed my fingers to whisper against hers. "Emma…"

"I was silent last night because I couldn't say what I wanted to in front of Neal. And…" she stopped, and looked down, holding my hand in hers, "what I wanted to say was that I'm so glad you're back. But…you're sitting there, and you're talking to me, and all I can feel is fucked up because I know that it's his baby. But I wish it was…somewhere deep down inside my mind, and I can't believe I'm telling you this because it makes me sound pathetic, but I just want any baby you have to be…ours. Not Robin's, not anyone else, just you and me. Like Henry. He's Neal's son and I know that, but you raised him for ten years and that's why I can't ever let him go again because he makes me feel as if he's ours."

Taking her hand in mine, I gently squeezed her fingers, feeling a warm tear trickle down my left cheek as we gazed at each other. And just for a moment, even after all the sass and insults, we somehow found a place where we belonged, where it was only the two of us. She was there with me and we were on solid ground, not the shaky reality of what had happened, or how we fucked up. But she was letting her words escape, showing her feelings, telling me how she felt and that's what I had wanted last night or any other time for that matter. I just always wanted her to tell me how she felt about me even if it was terrible or warming. Being honest with me was all I could ever want, instead of her silence.

And her words did sting me, but the truth, the feelings behind those words was clearly felt.

"Tell me how you feel now", she said to me. "I just started and I want you to be honest with me, just let it out."

"I…"

"Regina!"

Turning to look at the doorway, I saw Snow standing there, hands pressed on her mouth and eyes wide. I prepared myself for the attack of affections as she shuffled closer.

"Am I interrupting?" she asked, smiling ear to ear as her gaze lingered on Emma.

"Don't you always?" Emma asked directly. "Geez…" I watched her roll her eyes and smiled.

"Well…" Snow diverted her eyes to consider it, and with a small shake of her head, she frowned, "do I?"

"Yeah…you do, all the time." And signaling for Ruby, Emma sighed.

Very soon, she was squeezed in beside me and her chatter never ceased afterwards. I used to find it annoying; in fact, she had been entirely annoying to me. But gradually, that diminished, that hatred towards her and before I had departed, I remembered how close we had been and my affections returned. No matter what, something had changed between us and we could never return to hating each other's guts again. Needless to say, when she alerted me on her being pregnant, I welcomed the news with a smile. And pulling me into a hug, she promised to offer herself up as a book on everything that I would need to know.

"It's different for everyone", she stated, pressing my right hand between hers. "For most women, their second time is much worse. For me, my first time was a killer. Do you have extreme nausea and dizziness?"

"Absolutely…"

"Eat stuff that has no smell or taste like bread and rice, salt biscuits and drink juice, it helps. Well it helped for me. Oh, and most times a foot rub helps a lot. Plus a shoulder massage and you just need to lie down. You shouldn't even be out here if you're feeling so bad."

"Am I even here?" Emma asked from across the table, watching us with wide eyes. "Mom…" and after Ruby had been lagging behind spitefully ever since she was waved over, she finally arrived, smirking.

"Where are you staying? Upstairs?" Snow continued, her flow of words never ceasing as those eyes shined with excitement.

"No, with Ruby, for the time being…"

"Oh…" and she nudged me, then winked, "remembering the good old days."

"Don't start, Snow."

"Yeah, don't start, Snow", Ruby said, as Emma asked for a plate of fries. But in seconds the later had her eyes focused on me then her mother and she appeared confused.

"Wait, you knew?" she asked the woman sitting next to me.

"Knew what?"

"About…them…" and a hand was waved in my direction then Ruby's. "No…" squeezing her eyes shut, she shook her head, "you couldn't have known because you suck at keeping secrets."

"How are the women?" Snow asked, completely ignoring her daughter as she leant in to whisper, head lowered. A laugh ensued. "Just pulling your leg, tell me about where you were for so long then. Where did you stay and what happened?"

"Can I have Regina alone now?" my eyes were diverted from Snow's face to rest on Emma as she glared at her mother. And she just couldn't see how her words instantly had an effect on me because my heart leapt from the feeling of being somehow wanted.

"Oh I'm sorry, what?" a frown was offered. "But you had your chance."

It was a moment where I simply could not refrain from smiling, snorting as well behind my right hand as Snow considered me with scrutiny. I believed she had no idea why I reacted the way I did, but little did I know that she already was aware of Emma's dilemma. And on her part, her belief was that the feelings were one sided. Needless to say, I received a glared from the Sheriff as she pointed a fry in my direction.

"I'm not done with you and the she wolf", she said.

That afternoon, Snow and I decided to pick Henry up from school. And Emma kept her distance when really and truly, I wished for her to come with us. As much as I wanted to hate her, I wanted her to stay with me, to be close to me because distance killed me. Somehow I realized that I'd have to get used to it though.

But where his mother was hesitant in showing her happiness on my return back, as soon as Henry saw me, he rushed towards us with a smile on his face. And I suddenly remembered Emma's confession to me earlier on her belief that her son made her belief that he was connected to us two. And he was our son. It was something we had been conflicted with for a long period of time. But it had progressed into a bond that was accepted and clearly had more meaning to her than she ever did admit before.

Lagging behind, Grace stood shyly in the background, hugging her books as she considered me with a frown. And when he wrapped his arms around me, his expression changed.

"Mom! Are you…"

I nodded and cupped his face in my hands, studying his eyes. Somehow he had changed, his face had lost its roundness and he was taller.

"How cool is that? Both of you too! This is so amazing, is Robin back home too?"

"No, he stayed behind."

"Why?"

"I…" I stalled, and stared into his eyes as I tried to come up with a lie. But I hated lying to him.

Snow pressed a hand on my back, "Henry, why don't you introduce Gracie to your mom?" and after doing that, she alerted me on Henry's kind words about me.

And whilst he did homework with her on the floor in Snow's apartment, I sat on the new chair set she had bought, a yellow three cushioned one. After joining me, she and I talked as if we were old friends and I was glad for her company, so glad to have someone offer me a smile when it was all I needed.

"Regina, you've changed so much", she said smiling, her voice warm with friendliness. "You're no longer…tense…I like that."

"Well there are some things that happen to a person that ends up changing them for the better or worse", I said, avoiding her eyes.

"I suppose that's true."

"Hmm…" I agreed.

"To be honest though, you've told me about your time spent in the Enchanted Forest, you've told me about Robin, but…" her forehead creased in concern, "you haven't told me why you left in the first place and why you left him to come back. I know Robin would never leave you, especially if he knew about the baby. What really happened?"

"You were always the inquisitive type", I remembered. "Nothing could rush past you."

"I like asking questions", and she shrugged, smiling. "It's one thing Emma and I have in common."

As soon as she said her name, I guess my expression changed. And after she looked at me, searching my eyes for the source of my sudden change in emotion, I believe she grew more suspicious.

"Regina?"

"Yes?"

"What's going on?" eyes narrowed, she scrutinized my face further.

"Nothing", I lied, "why?"

"Because you have a look and I know that look", she said. "I've seen that look before. You're hiding something."

"I'm not."

"Yes you are."

"No…" I said firmly. "I'm not."

"Then why did you leave Storybrooke?"

"You know why…" I avoided her eyes, looking instead at Henry explaining something in his book to Gracie.

"But you said you left because you didn't feel right here. David and I…we became so close to you, and I was trying really hard to have you back with us again. No one around here was pressuring you, judging you. Everything was fine and you could have stayed with Robin, lived here. But you left your house, and everything. You left Henry. Did someone make you leave?" she asked, searching my eyes.

"Snow, I really wish to not speak of it…"

"You can tell me, Regina. Tell me anything."

"I can't tell you everything", I said, looking at her directly.

"Why? Don't you trust me?" and she frowned.

"It's not that."

"Then what is it? Is it magic related?" I wanted to laugh because as always, Snow would avoid the topic of magic like the plague. "Because if it's magic related, if you had to return to the Enchanted forest to do something then…"

"Snow, it's not that."

"Then…" she pressed on.

"I left…and I…returned", I decided to say, eyes lowered, "because of one person."

"Robin?" she asked. "Did he…did he hurt you?"

"No. On the contrary, he is most likely the nicest man I have ever met other than my father and Daniel."

"That's…so sweet", she said smiling. "No, but seriously, who is it? Who made you leave and you've come back for?"

"Do you really want to know?" I asked her as a warning, raising an eyebrow, "because I'm sure you'd be better off not knowing."

"Oh I think I want to hear this more than anything else in the world", she admitted.

I was puzzled. "And why is that?"

"Just tell me who it is before I start to go all naïve and 'good always wins' on you."

I sighed. "Emma…"

She remained silent and as I watched her, searching her eyes with a frown, anticipating her angry burst, Snow actually did the inevitable. "Oh my…"

"Oh my?" my frown deepened. "Wait…why…are you smiling at me?"

"Say it", she said, bouncing on the spot as her hands were lifted, fingers pressed to her lips as she was about to squeal.

"Say what?" I asked, considering her with a worried expression. She was scaring me.

"Say it! Just say it. Why did you leave and why did you come back for Emma?"

"Because I'm in love with her", I said flat out, and rising up from the chair, she did a dance as I scowled, my head becoming pinched with a slight migraine from the confusion. "What the hell is wrong with you? You don't even know the whole story and you appear so excited."

"I'm excited because…I have some money to collect on a bet I made, plus, it's finally my turn to tell you in your face that something good did come from me after all, ha! Whose daughter is she? Mine! And above all, I'm really tired of pretending that I fancy Neal when he walked out on her before. Now…" she rubbed her hands in glee, gazing up at the ceiling, "it's time for me to intervene in that wreck of a to be marriage. I must push you in between and end it."

"Oh my God…" I said, lifting my hand to cover my face. "I've created a monster."

"By next week, he will feel my wrath, especially after criticizing my baking, because mother knows best. I shall unite this family once more and cut off the frayed edges. He sickens me, Regina", she said, turning to look at me, her expression changing, "really and truly, I used to like him but he just gets on my nerves. Great guy, but he's a slacker. He hasn't got the head to handle Emma like you do."

"I thought in Neverland you wanted so badly to reunite her with her oh so beloved?" I asked, eyeing her with worry.

"That was before you admitted to me that you liked women and she admitted to me that she was in love with you. After that, I told David, I said, if Regina returns, I will bet you that she's coming back for Emma. Now…he owes me two months of foot rubs every night, making breakfast in the morning, fetching my bag to work for me, cleaning on the weekends…" my head was aching, "shopping for groceries…"

"How do I find the switch to shut you off?" I asked.

"There is no switch where I am concerned", she said smiling. "I might be naïve and a chatterbox, but you'll have to tolerate me, because I'm on your side and this time, it isn't good versus evil. It's The Charmings versus Mister Cassidy."

"I like it", I said. "Now just…sit down…before I am forced to immobilize you."

Quickly, she sat down neatly on the chair beside me, but her smile still remained plastered on her round face as she possibly tried hard to bite back her squeal.

* * *

><p><strong>AN** – Chad: Soo…I'm still here. *waves* Handing over the pen to my dear friend to write. Thanks for your reviews thus far, we've read them ALL and tried to reply to all. Big shout out to LEGAL AND REGAL, I hope you liked this one Also, to the readers who hate Neal, your feelings are shared by me. Just as an add in, I'm handling Snow in this story ;)

GET OUT THOSE LIFE SAVING JACKETS! YOU'RE ABOUT TO DIE IN MORE ANGST AND FEELS UP AHEAD!

**REVIEW?**


	5. What Happens When We Touch

I thank you all for your reviews, and they all individually put a smile on my face. To say this is your BEST Swan Queen fan fiction story so far really touches me, makes me feel so special! I'm just telling a story, MY story. And the only difference than a lifetime movie is that these characters belong to another entity. By familiarizing with these characters, you can understand my story more. Thanks so much to those who said I'm their new favorite writer! I love you all! And don't forget, my fan fiction stories go slow, and may have lots of foreplay and NO kiss, but eventually it does happen in the right time. And ALL of my stories have happy endings.

**Chapter Five**

"**What Happens When We Touch"**

**Emma**

The thing about love is that it just happens, right? I mean, you could be sitting somewhere and you're not even thinking about it at all, then you feel the brush of shoulders meeting as someone sits next to you. Turning to glance at the stranger, your eyes meet and then suddenly, the entire world stops and you stare into this depth, lost in this gaze. It's overwhelming. It's called love at first sight. If you're lucky like me, then you know how it felt the second it happened, the second you met her and she looked at you.

That's all that happened when I first met her. It took me so long to realize what my feelings meant, why I was affected by her like that. But finally when I did realize what was happening to me, it was close to too late. And then I lost her, now she's back. Somehow she claims that running away from me was her best option. Yet I want to know more because I understand that I might have hurt her by saying yes to Neal, but I just need her to understand that maybe she evened up the score when she returned with her own revenge.

Even two days after, as I'm sitting in my office doing all things 'Sheriff', I could still squeeze my eyes shut and just wish that she hadn't tried to move on from me. Somehow I wanted time to rewind. Maybe then I'd stop her from leaving. And she'd never have slept with him because now she's pregnant and I'm seriously affected. As much as I don't want to be, because it's simply a slip up, I am affected. I can't lie about it. It hurts me. But it's not like we were engaged so she had every right to do what she wanted to. To sleep with him just as I slept with Neal was all on her part.

I just wished that the baby that was kicking inside her wasn't his child. But then I'd sound so psycho if I said that what I wanted was for her baby to be mine as well.

Twirling my black Papermate pen between the fingers of my right hand, I gazed at the wall, feet resting on my desk, chair reclined. And I'm lost in my own thoughts, circling almost entirely around her. It's like she's driving me crazy since she returned more than ever before. I can actually sit there and feel the way my heart beats just for her, to think of her and to know for a fact that she's back. And I need to see her. It's been two days since I last saw her and it sounds so stupid because you'd expect me to fight my way into her life now that I have the chance. But all I'm doing is still waiting, and giving her space.

It's just after four in the afternoon and I've been in the office just receiving calls, the usual. Nothing's as important as it seemed before. Only one thing is important and that's all my mind is centered around. And it dawns on me that if I stay there, if I just sit and stare at nothing then I'm just wasting time.

Springing up from my chair as it creaks from being relieved of my weight, with my eyes focused, I snatch my red leather jacket and keys. Patting myself to make sure my cellphone is in my pocket, I strode out of there with a purpose. And because of how determined I was, my fingers didn't tremble when I dialed her number like it used to from nervousness. Now as I did, right hand on the steering wheel, phone pressed to my left ear, all that's fueling me is the need to be with her, to find her.

She accepts the call and all I can hear is her breathing. Waiting, there's no response.

"Where are you?" I ask.

"In Ruby's apartment. Why?" her voice sounds groggy as if she just woke up.

"I'd…" I swallowed, "I'd like to see you."

"I've been waiting on you, Emma", she says hoarsely.

I disconnected the call and drove the rest of the way in silence.

Parking my yellow bug in front of the apartment building, I'm aware that Ruby's at work and wouldn't be home for the next five hours since she gets off at nine. So there's time, time for me to have her out of my way. And as I climb the red carpeted staircase to the third floor, nervousness still stays at bay, because I'm somewhat drained from feeling anything at all.

I knock on the door and seconds after I do, the silver doorknob is already turning. It's as if she was waiting there with a palm pressed on the wood for my arrival, with a sensitive ear. And as soon as the door is pulled inwards, I lift my eyes to meet hers.

She appears so shadowed, standing there before me and all I can feel deep down inside is this aching as if it's eating away at me, killing me. We haven't seen each other for two years and then when she returns, we're keeping distance from one another. How can you even keep distance from this person that you love so much, that you were crying for before she came back? And I'm wondering now if I really did fuck up that night and she's just stopped loving me because if that's the truth then I don't think I can live like that.

The first thing I say to her after seconds elapse between us is her name. It's just one word to most people but it means so much to me. I used to say it before whilst crying or to myself in the dark but now she's here and I can address her, I can know that when I say it, she's going to look at me. She's here.

Holding the door open, she waits. And my boots feel heavy as they move over the threshold without pausing, because it's what I want. Moving past her, our shoulders brush and something stirs within me. But she feels it too and as I glance back at her, Regina considers me with a gaze that is so intense, I have to tear my eyes away to enter Ruby's dimly lit apartment.

The thing is, the last time I was in here was close to a month ago. It had been a social call where Belle and I ended up crashing at Ruby's place after a girl's night out. Late at night, downing shots and giggling like high school girls, it had been one of those occasions where I couldn't stay in the dark. And I had to get myself out and force some part of me to have fun at the least. After midnight we had staggered back here, and throwing ourselves on the ground, Belle and I were covered with thick blankets as Ruby slept on her two cushioned red chair, the one I'm staring at right now. It reminds me of how comfortable it is, a nice choice for a small apartment, because if you get so drunk, come home and you can't make it to your bed, then you can just fling yourself on the chair, melting in its softness.

I remember it so well, and as my eyes lingered on the chair, she walked into the room, her feet padding softly on the tiled floors as she did. And stopping to stand just near the chair, a hand was reached out to steady herself as she chose to sit slowly. It's where my boots lead me and I allow this, stepping tentatively to lower myself on the same chair where she sat, just a foot separating us.

And as the vehicles pass by on the street downstairs, as someone's voice mumbles something from the apartment next door, as the sound of the clock ticking marks time past between us, all I can do is gaze at her. Wearing a red long sleeved cotton shirt, three buttons were undone as she exposed her honey colored skin, so soft and flawless. Her black loose tailored pants are nothing compared to her skirts and stockings, a pair of white socks on that appear so out of place. And she's wearing no makeup, just the faint smell of baby powder.

There's silence between us but we never break each other's gaze as my eyes become captivated by hers. She was just looking at me as if I meant so much to her, I'm the only one she cared about and all I could think about was the fact that I just wanted to kiss her. It's all I wanted to do, but would she let me even after our sour reunion?

"I haven't seen you in two days", I said softly, my eyes searching hers. "Are you still angry with me?"

"No…" she said quickly, her voice strained as she considered me with worried eyes, "I'm not. I've just been really tired and I can't move around much because my back is killing me. So here I decided to stay…" and reaching at the side of her, she now squeezes the edge of a yellow wool blanket that she's sitting on, pulling it up and in front of her.

"Well there wasn't any way to contact you until mom told me last night that she got a mobile for you."

"And Ruby doesn't have a landline", she says. "But you should have known I'd be here…"

"I wish you could stay with me", I say sadly, "but…" eyes lowered, I hang my head.

"The Neal dilemma. I'm alright here for now." A horn blares outside the window and I flinch. "Did you know that they sold my house?"

"Yeah", I said, considering her, "a year after you left. I kept prolonging the sale of it, kept pushing with Gold but then your electricity was cut off, and he said you'd never come back. So…I used to drive by there every single day."

"But you don't have to pass there on your way home."

"Exactly."

She gazed at me. "You kept waiting on me…"

"Yeah, every single day, I used to think that you leaving was a figment of my imagination and if I just stopped the car, got out and knocked on your door, you'd answer. I…" my eyes met her right hand sliding across the chair, moving closer to mine slowly, "I…"

"I'm back", she said hoarsely, my fingers moving to whisper against hers, "and I'm here just for you, Emma."

Lifting my eyes, we gazed at each other and my throat just clenched with emotion, my eyes stinging with threatening tears. But I fought them.

"You don't have to hide your tears from me", she said, something I had told her before when her hand had been lifted to hide her face from me. "Is it true that you were practicing with your magic, that you were trying to get better at it?"

I nodded.

"But I thought you hated using magic."

"I felt that maybe if I practiced, if I used it, because we have this…" I considered our fingers together, "connection…that you'd feel how I was trying and you'd know that I was…thinking about you. Didn't you feel anything?"

Her eyes were moist with tears. "No, I…didn't. I didn't feel anything at all."

"I just…" looking away, I shook my head, blinking at the fluttering blinds, "I just tried, that's all."

"Emma…" and now she's reaching for my shoulder, and when I feel her touch, suddenly, I move away and I'm so shocked with my reaction that she's not the only one who appears deeply affected by it all.

Suddenly, she pulls her hand away and with eyes lowered, Regina lifts a shaky hand to her face. I just ended up having my gaze directed on her for what felt like over a minute, watching her, scrutinizing her. And after time elapsed, after time just kept moving by without any other word uttered, I knew that my track record for fucking up was being improved by the minute. Eyes lowered, she does the one thing that terrifies me because it's something I never ever want her to do. I sit there and I watch as her shoulders shake once, then twice and soon she's crying because I can hear the sobs, her hoarse sobs. And I feel so dry and raw inside. It's my fault she's crying.

"I didn't mean…"

"I'm so stupid", she cries hoarsely.

"No", I say quietly, "you're not. I am."

"I…sicken you…my…" she waves a hand over herself, "appearance turns you off. I'm so…"

"Beautiful."

"What?" her eyes are lifted to meet mine and they're wet already, filled with frustration. "No, I'm not."

"Yeah, you are."

"Then why did you move away?"

She has become so different now and it somehow hurts me to see her like this, her vulnerability. It's like you know this person is so strong, and you've seen who she is, composure and courage. But then something happens and they change. I've never heard her doubt her beauty or for her belief in her strength to be doubted before because if it's one thing that she always won with was confidence. No matter what, confidence shone through her like a beaming light. And her walls used to be so thick and firm, I think no one could ever peel back the layers to find her weaknesses. Now here she was and I had somehow fleshed out her layers in less than a few seconds for her to actually foolishly believe she was anything but beautiful.

"I moved away because it's new to me", I said. She studied me with her eyes. "You got to admit, we've jumped lines in our relationship. We've moved from being enemies, lunging at each other's throats, to tolerating each other for Henry's sake. Then we became sassy friends and bitchy friends all in one. And when I left, we had this bond. You cared for me to bring me back. When I came back, we were good for a while and then we tried to be friends. But when you left, we weren't friends, we were awkward around each other and hateful still. Putting all that aside though, now you're back and I just…I can't take things so fast."

"I can't even touch you?" she asked, her eyes filled with frustration still. "Then what am I supposed to do, keep dreaming about the moment when we finally kiss?"

"Regina…" I said, her words affecting me terribly, "don't…"

"No, I'd like to know where you stand on our relationship as of now", she said with her voice breaking. "Am I a waste of your time or are you going to give me a chance because that's all I want. I want you to just give me a chance."

"I'm giving you a chance!" I said in disbelief.

"No, you're not", her head is shaking in objection. "You're not giving me a chance. All you're doing is holding back on me when since the night I returned, you could have cut all the bullshit, the objections, and just hug me, kiss me. Instead it's like nothing changed between us except that we now know how the other feels now. I left with tension between us and I'm here, sitting less than two feet away from you and all I can feel is nothing from you. Nothing at all…"

"You don't…"

"I'm not done", she said, holding up a hand to silence me, her usual authoritative way, "do I have to schedule an appointment with you, when it's the right time and then you'll take a step forward? Really and truly I can't continue living a hundred fucking miles away from you in my mind."

"Where's all this coming from?" I asked, a hint of anger slicing through my head.

"The impatient part of me that wants you to fuck me", she said directly, her eyes never leaving mine. "Check your schedule and get back to me on when that will fit into your busy affairs. Until then…" her gaze was turned elsewhere, "I'd like you to leave."

"I don't believe this!" I said, rising from the chair in disbelief. Standing there, I looked down upon her with wide eyes.

"Believe it because I don't like to linger on frayed edges."

"Then go ahead and find someone else who loves you with just one aim in mind, to fuck you", I said pointedly. "That's not my style. I'm more of the take it slow, don't hop into bed so fast kind of woman."

"Unless you're leaving out Neal. Now he can fuck you all he wants and Hook, the last I can remember, you didn't hold back on him in Neverland because he surely got his share of the Savior against a tree."

My eyes were wide. "You're hormonal lady, and I'll let that one slide for the moment."

"I'm not hormonal!"

"Yeah, you're hormonal, talking about sex and sex and sex", I tried a smile even though I was pissed with her. "It's your hormone level because you're pregnant."

"You don't know anything about me."

"Regina…" I said, squeezing my eyes shut as I smiled, "I'm sure of it."

"Just go away, Emma…" she said angrily, appearing so cute as her face contorted in frustration. "Go away and stay away."

"I'm going…" I say now, turning slowly as one step is taken in the door's direction. "if I can calculate right, I have ten more steps left."

"Take all of them in one leap."

Snorting, I couldn't believe how I could laugh in a situation like this. "Eight more…"

"Make it two…"

"Last time I walked away from you, you were in tears, remember?"

"Don't…do that", and her voice was breaking, "don't you do that to me. Leave."

"My hand is on the doorknob, Regina…last chance…"

"To…?" she asked from behind me.

"Call me back…"

"Why?"

I pulled open the door and went out into the hallway, then pressing my back on the wood, closing my eyes, somehow I stayed there for a good full minute waiting. It was as if somehow I believed that she'd come after me but when two minutes elapsed, giving up on it, my boots padded upon the carpeted floor as I jogged down the steps then outside into the sunlight. And as I swung my feet into the car, pulling my door close, I could feel her eyes on me.

"Emma…" her hoarse voice came from above, trying as hard as she could to whisper loudly, as if that was possible.

Taking my time, I adjusted my rearview mirror and hummed softly as my key was pushed into the slot, me biting my cheeks to prevent myself from smiling. A soft wind blew into the interior of the car, hot and bothersome but I ignored it and gripped the steering wheel with my hands.

"Emma…"

Pushing my head out the window, I look up at her now, smiling barely. "Yeah?"

We gaze at each other for a few seconds as her fingers grip the white windowsill, the red lace blinds barely moving around her. "Bye…"

I was puzzled. "Bye?"

"Yes."

I sigh. "Bye, Regina."

Exactly four hours after, just around nine o'clock in the still of the night when I'm watching NCIS with Henry sitting next to me, both of us with mugs of cocoa in sitting on our laps, my cell starts to ring. Frowning, my hand pushes into my back pocket, eyes on the television. And Henry scowls at me.

"Mom, turn it off! They're about to close in on the murderer."

"It's a replay, kid", I say to him in disbelief. "We already know who did it."

"Stop spoiling the good stuff."

Checking my phone display, his words are muted as I stare at her name. "I have to take this."

He waves me off as I spring up and flip the phone open, making my way out of the living room. "Hey…"

"Hi…" she says.

Making my way into the kitchen, I am reminded of the night she arrived, standing right where I'm standing now just by the doorway with her eyes on me. And it's like I'm suddenly wishing I had handled the reunion better, because as much as she'd try to conceal the truth from me, it was eating away at her, the fact that I chose to stand there and answer her in silence. And I would soon enough get my share of sass, but I'd take it because it was deserving on my part.

"What's up?" I ask, moving my fingers over the green and white tiled kitchen counter now, peering through the hole in the wall to make sure Henry isn't eavesdropping.

"Can we…go somewhere?" she asks softly.

"Anywhere you want to go."

"Anywhere?"

I don't hesitate. "Yeah, anywhere."

"I'm ready when you are."

"Do you want Henry to come too? He's…"

"No, I want us to be…alone: no Henry, no Neal, nobody else but us."

I swallow, my throat closing up. "Okay, sure. Give me five minutes."

After disconnecting the call, I hold my cell as my feet lead me into the living room and watching him sitting there, I'm forced to realize how mature he is now. Whilst Neal is somewhere, claiming he's working late when I know he's avoiding me, Henry and I had each other. But now even though I wanted her to have him join us, Regina wished for him to be left out of this and it kind of pinched my heart. She never was like that before. She never excluded him and he was the main person in her life, the one who she would do anything for, the one who she always wanted to see and be with. Now she just wants…me. And I don't know if to be worried about it or just take it. I don't know if I should ask questions or leave it as it is.

"Kid", I say as my hand rests on his head.

He turns around to watch me, "what's up?"

"I…kinda have to…" if I told him I was going to see her, then he'd wonder why she didn't want to see him too. But then I couldn't lie to him. "Regina wants to talk to me about something. And…"

"I'll be alright alone, don't worry."

"Are you sure?" I ask. "I can drop you off at Snow's apartment."

"Nah, I've watched enough Home Alone movies", he assures me with a smile. "I've got this."

"Henry, don't fool around. Keep the television down and if anyone knocks on the door, don't answer. When your father gets home, he'll use his key. If anything happens, Henry, you know the drill."

"Right, call you ASAP", and he picks up the remote, eyes on the television again. "Back to watching NCIS."

The marathon ran till midnight so I know he'll be occupied but I hope not to spend so long. And ruffling his hair, I turn around then head out the door, locking it securely behind me.

Driving over to Ruby's place, I realize something, that whilst Regina was gone, it's like I became so protective over Henry. And I understood why she was always like that where he was concerned. Even though he was two years older now, a mother can never stop worrying, especially with his courage and boldness, something he got from Neal and I plus Regina. But that's the thing about him. He can be so stubborn sometimes and so recently so distracted that I find him lapsing in remembering certain things. Like to not open the door: he might forget.

And I keep worrying until I park my car out front and jog upstairs. Knocking on the door, I hear the lock click and it's obvious now, that she's been waiting on me all along. When the door opens, there she is, and from the time our eyes meet, I lose my breath, knees go weak because she's wearing one of these pink tops that have a wide flowing bottom, the kind that hangs past your waist. And she has on black leggings. All I can think about as I look at her is how beautiful she is. With her hair falling into her face, her lips stained red, she just takes my breath away.

"You came", she says quietly, resting a hand on her midsection. My eyes lower to linger there but it doesn't affect me.

"Why wouldn't I?"

"Because of earlier…"

"Forget that", I say as we gaze at each other. "You look…so pretty."

She's smiling so much now that it melts my heart. "Thank you. That means so much, coming from you."

As I help her close the door, and she rests a hand on the wall, watching me do so, I can smell her perfume. Geez, before the night ends, I'll ask her what fragrance she uses and then I'll rest my mind because she smells so lovely, so sweet and fruity that it kind of makes me want to sniff her forever. And when I'm done closing the door, I'm suddenly feeling awkward as we watch each other and I step away, my boots pointing towards the stairs. But taking a deep breath, she starts to walk and I follow. We never hold hands as she carefully steps down the stairs, slowly with silence between us.

And when I take her hand to help her into my car, her touch feels so warm and desirous, something I keep longing for but am so stupid to put off. I guess what you think about me is deserving because I'm supposed to take the first step and just do what I want, to not be afraid of taking her hand or being with her. But something's holding me back and I know what it is. It's doubt. It's also that small feeling at the back of my mind that I'm not deserving of this and she's still in love with Robin. That's it. Robin. I keep thinking about him when I see her and then by she's pregnant, that's all I keep focusing on.

But if something's wrong with me, then why is she still trying with me?

Pulling into the street, we drive a few seconds in silence and it hurts me. It feels like old times, just as she had said earlier, as if we're still on the same page even though we're aware of how we feel about each other. But exactly how do I feel about her to begin with? I know that I love her. And by love I mean that I'm attracted to her. I was attracted to her even more before she left and she wasn't…here I go again. I'm so judgmental and terrible. How have I become like this? How can I even think like that? She's attractive, she's beautiful, she's pretty. But there must be a reason why I keep loving her like this. It's not just attraction.

Maybe it's because when I look at her, all I can see is forever and there's a pull between us, something that's warm and fluid. And I feel it, I know it's there. But I can't really explain why I love her so much. It's like she's bewitched me and I have no solid reason as to why I feel this way.

"So…" I say finally, breaking the silence.

I glance over to see her elbow propped up on the door, her face resting on the palm of her hand. "So…"

"Where do you want to go?"

"Anywhere, Emma", she says directly and fast, her eyes turned to look at me. "Take me anywhere, to the waterfront, preferably closest to the beach where even if we sit alone, then at least I can have the sound of the waves or the wind to fill the fucking silence between us."

I don't know what to say or how to respond because she's hit it right on the spot. And with my throat closing up with emotion, I hold back hot tears as the conflicting feelings in my mind just fuck me up over and over again. When the beach looms ahead, a tear slips from my left eye and I bite my lips to fight the urge, trying to hold back the rest. It's like that until I park and after sitting there in silence, I push open my door and get out, the chill of the wind pinching my skin as my boots make imprints in the sand, leading me to the other side.

Then pulling the door open, she doesn't take my hand, but refuses to, holding the car instead to get out. And without even throwing a glance in my direction, Regina steps around me and sways in the wind as she considers the water before her, the waves lashing on the sand as the bottom of her pink blouse flutters. Her hair dances around her shoulders, the frills from her top doing the same and my eyes lower to meet her knee high boots, realizing that it's the same pair she wore the night she came back. And it's a pair I've never seen before.

He probably bought it for her.

We end up sitting on this long stretch of wood that someone obviously made out to resemble a bench. And with the water lapping the sand just a few feet away from us, Regina just doesn't look at me at all. She never says anything and she's staring hard at the horizon that can barely be seen since the place is so dark. Lamps on posts sway in the wind as the silence stretches out between us and the shadows cast upon the beach gives the place an eerie appearance.

"If I came back", she says quietly, her voice barely audible over the howling of the wind, "and I wasn't carrying Robin's child I'm sure you would have loved me more."

"Don't…go there…"

"And if I wasn't pregnant", she continues as if I never spoke, "then we probably would have kissed already, and you would have longed to have me touch you, to be close to you, to make love to you. There would be no hesitation and no distance between us. And you would just hold me against you."

I couldn't breathe.

"Have you talked to Neal about us?" she asked, her eyes still focused front. And stretching her legs out, she considered her boots with wet eyes.

"No."

"Okay."

"I'll tell him. He's just…he's avoiding me, working late and it's not a conversation I can have over the phone."

"Should I keep waiting another four years and when you haven't told him as yet, then I'll leave again?"

"Regina…it's not like that."

"Then tell me what I should do", she said, her voice calm and low, "because I don't want a package deal, I just want you and Henry. It's all I want, Emma."

"I'll tell him", I repeat, feeling my stomach clench because I am not anticipating that conversation.

We sit in silence for a while, just the wind howling around us, the waves crashing on the shore, a one apartment boat by the name of 'Karlie" tied to a dock, nudging the wood every now and then. And from the corner of my eye, I sense her getting up, but she's slow. It bothers me to see her like this, because she's not looking well at all with the way she's moving and her lack of energy. It's like she's sick, more than what's usually expected and knowing Regina, she'd conceal it from anyone.

Moving to stand now, her back to me, the frills around her shoulders flutter in the wind, and so does her hair. And I just sit there and gaze at her for a long time, my eyes moving from a slice of exposed skin near her neck all the way down to her brown knee high boots with the small silver buckles on the sides. Something I never noticed before about her is the way she stands, just relaxed with her shoulders back and her hands just lose down her sides. Fingernails long, she has on blood red nail polish. And I can't help but remember in Neverland when she used to sleep on her back with her hands folded in front of her. A joke comes to mind but I don't think she's in the mood for jokes. So I just store it for another time.

Instead, I get up quietly and take a step towards her. And immediately, Regina turns her head barely to consider me. It's a move that startles me because above the wind and the waves foaming on the sand, she somehow detected that I had stood up behind her. It reminds me of Neverland when we'd be walking and whenever she'd stop, I could sense it. Whenever I'd stop, she always sensed it. Now it was the same.

"I feel so different", she said quietly as I move to stand beside her, "I feel like a whale as compared to the celery stick I was when I departed from here." I smiled, bouncing back on the heels of my boots, head lowered. "Being entirely sick was never something that bothered me but with all of this, it just feels as if it gets worst and never better…" she pauses, eyes lowered, "I'm not feeling well at all."

"How bad is it?" I asked, worry in my voice.

"I still throw up in the mornings, I can't eat anything, I feel…" she waved her hands in front of her, "weak and my back hurts so much. Then I get these jolts of pain every time I try to move."

"Where do you get these…jolts of pains?" I asked softly, stepping to stand behind her and she turns to consider me with lowered eyes.

"My right side. Why?"

I stood behind her and lifting my hands, resting them on soft hips, she instantly moved into me. And a gasp escaped from between my lips as I pulled her close, gently feeling for her hands, entwining our fingers together. The moment felt so right, and so real. It was beautiful for me and enthralling for her because it's what she wanted. I could feel the way she shuddered against me, pressing herself further back so that her hair tickled my nose. And by just being a few inches shorter than me, I closed my eyes and inhaled her, from the smell of her fruity shampoo to that faint smell of apples that still lingered on her.

Resistance couldn't be maintained at all as she lifted our right hands entwined and slowly splayed my fingers over her abdomen. And as soon as she did, I could feel the baby kick against the palm of my hand, and my chest fluttered. Just for a moment, I closed my eyes as we stayed like that, just us two touching and I pretended that this was our moment. It was our baby and fuck biology but we did do something to get here. Whatever it was, it had happened.

"Do you feel that?" she asked softly, resting her head back. And I felt her left hand caressing my lower back before I could even register the move on her part.

"Yeah", I said in a shaky voice, but the moment didn't last for long, no matter how hard I fought to remain in that moment of bliss. "I do", and my hand was slowly moved away, me choosing instead to feel my way upwards to the swell of her breasts. "Maybe it's the kicking that hurts", I suggested.

"No, it's not the baby." Reaching up to take my hand in her grasp, Regina moved my fingers upwards and very soon, I could feel her heart beating in her chest, fast and evident. "It's my heart that hurts."

I didn't know what to say. But tears stung my eyes.

"I actually thought on more than one occasion over the time spent away from you about removing my heart and just…putting it somewhere else", she said in a voice so low that I strained to hear her clearly.

"Why would you do that?"

"Because it hurts me, Emma…and right now when we're together like this, it doesn't hurt at all." Keeping her proximity, her nearness against me, she slowly turned on the spot and when she did, I stopped breathing. "Before we returned here from the Enchanted Forest, I was in the process of burying my pain, covering my heart up with dirt in the middle of nowhere when your mother stopped me."

"It's a good thing she did or else I would have had to go back there, find it and bring it back to you."

"Without my heart, I wouldn't have been the woman you're looking at right now", she said softly. "I would have become a monster."

"I think I still would have loved that monster."

When our eyes met, I couldn't resist. Instead, leaning forward I rested my forehead against hers and we just gazed at each other as the wind fluttered our hair together, blonde intermingled with her dark strands. It felt so perfect, like a fairytale, just her and me. It felt unbelievable and fucking perfect, so perfect that I couldn't feel anything else when I looked into her eyes but everything else that ever could make me happy. She was the main reason why I could not be with someone else and be comfortable. She meant so much to me.

Shaking me out of my mind, I felt her hand between us, her fingers unbuttoning my shirt as my eyes remained on her. And boldly, she fumbled with the third button, then slipped her hand gently inside, feeling, making me shudder from her touch. She was soon cupping my right breast in her hand, teasing me, pushing me as my body awakened with tingled and my knees grew weak. But I couldn't hold back any longer, leaning my head forward, my hand wrapped around the back of her neck as I tilted her head sideways and whilst she caressed me, my lips found her jaw line. I trailed kisses towards her right ear and then down to her neck, inhaling the scent of her skin.

Parting my lips, I tasted her as my fingertips ran pathways through her dark hair, feeling the way she reacted. Every move she made just took my breath away. And she moaned against me, as the baby's kicks ceased and the world was put on a standstill as we felt each other, tasted each other slowly, taking it so slow that I believed we almost killed our hearts from racing so wildly in our chests together. But we never kissed because I somehow believed that our connection, what we felt, all of this was something overwhelming. And to explore everything slowly was best suited, to wait on the moment, the right moment.

Tasting her jawline, moving my way towards her lips with soft kisses, hearing her gasp as I breathed on her skin, I pressed a kiss on the corner of her mouth. And she reached up to grip my neck, her other hand seeking pathways through my tangled hair, pulling me closer as she struggled to breathe. And as a tear rolled down my cheek, it happened so fast. I felt the change in her, and at first it didn't register immediately. It's like the tremor of an earthquake, the slight movement, the shudder within her. And I believed it was just her reacting to me.

I actually made the first move, and I leant in to kiss her, but she just…she moved her face away and I couldn't believe it. It shocked me terribly, making me grow so cold in seconds that I couldn't understand what was happening. And pressing her palms on my chest, she pushed us apart, distance between us as tears filled her eyes.

"What are…you", I stuttered, searching her eyes.

"I can't do this."

"What?"

"I'm sorry. I just…can't…"

I now begin to shake my head, speechless. It's this moment when I admit that it's been there all along, the low mumbling of worry, doubt, a crack.

"Leave him", she says, removing her hands from me, lowering them to her midsection as she breathes through her parted lips. "I can't do this, Emma."

"Regina…I…" and my hands are reaching for her, but she lashes me away, tears welling up in her eyes.

"Don't touch me. I don't want you to…touch me. Don't…" her hands grab mine and her grip is strong, her nails digging into my skin as she glares at me. "I can't kiss you if you…belong to…him, touch you when I know you're engaged to him."

"I told you…"

"What you told me is yet to pass", she says, her voice breaking with emotion. "I smell him all over you. And it makes me want to…throw up. It makes me…sick…"

I stand there and my eyes are filled with tears as I stare at her in disbelief. My hands are shaking and I just can't breathe properly as she looks at me. Reaching up with my right hand, I bat away tears as my eyes are diverted elsewhere, feeling small like a child, stupid and raw inside.

"You can't have both of us", she says firmly. "Leave him or I leave you. And the longer you take to have that talk, the closer the time comes for me to leave and go back to him…because if you want to hang onto your second chance, then you leave me no choice but to do the same."

"If I was your first choice you'd never…." I can't even do this because I feel as if someone's choking me.

"I'd never what?"

"You'd never consider going back to him or anyone else."

"You're sleeping in the same house as Neal, you're still living with him, you smell like him, you…smell like!"

"You're having Robin's baby!" I cry, swallowing a sob. "Stop behaving like this. Geez, it's not easy for me as it isn't easy for you. You've fucked up more than me and you're actually standing there, telling me that you can't do this, that I smell like Neal when you have no idea what it feels like to have you actually believe that you can make me feel comfortable when you're having…"

She stares at me for a long time, and her eyes are just empty. I look at her too, full on as tears leak down my face, and time passes between us like it normally would do. "You're not the Emma I fell in love with", she said.

"Then why are you even trying?"

"Because I can't live without her."

"She's right here", I said.

"No, she'd never judge me. She'd never do that because that's one of the reasons I fell in love with her. It's because she couldn't judge me when everyone else did."

"I'm sorry for being a disappointment then."

"So am I."

And after looking at me for another few seconds, she diverted her eyes then walked the rest of the way back to my car. I watched her pull open the door, waiting on me. But I never moved from where I stood. I couldn't move because of how empty I felt inside. I felt cold and dead, so dead inside that I couldn't even feel my heart beating in my chest.

After waiting on me, her dark eyes moving to consider me as we glared at each other, she lost control. And lifting a hand, pressing her fingertips on her lips, she began to shake with sobs.

I couldn't take it. Forcing myself to do so, I started to run to her. And as she watched me draw nearer, as our eyes met, Regina's eyes never left mine as purple smoke began to billow around her.

"No, please!" I cried as I stood there, reaching out for her, but all I felt was nothing, because in seconds she was gone. And in her wake, all I was left with was the smell of her perfume.

Falling to my knees, I choked on tears as agony washed over me, my chest aching so bad, finding it hard to breathe, struggling with my emotions. And as the wind swept sand around me, as the waves crashed on the sand, my sobs filled the underlying silence that we once shared but now…now it was just me alone.

Xx

The day after she left me standing there on the beach was the day I told Neal the truth. I had told Snow to keep Henry for the night and had been planning the talk from the time I woke up that morning. There I sat on the chair watching Oprah share out her Christmas favorite things whilst he sat on the other chair, feet tucked under him as his eyes swept over the pages of a Stephen King novel, the famous story titled IT. In fact, I wasn't even paying attention to the television, and my eyes kept flickering over to where he sat.

"Neal…"

He considered me over his spectacles. "Hmm?"

I swallowed. "I…have something to tell you."

"Yeah?"

"It's…about Regina…I…"

"What about Regina?" he asked warily, eyes still on his book. "Is she going back to the Enchanted Forest?"

"No", I was losing courage. "She's staying."

"So what does that have to do with me?"

"It doesn't. It has to do with me."

"Oh geez, Emma, I told you to tell her off, avoid her, do whatever it takes to give her the message that you're not interested. How hard is that? Just tell her you're not into that sort of thing."

"But I am", I said boldly. He continued reading as if I hadn't spoken at all. "Neal, I think I'm…" and I shook my head, "no, I know I'm in…I have feelings for her."

"What kind of feelings, Emma?" and warily, he stopped reading, closing his book to consider me. "What…what are you trying to say here?"

"I'm in love with her", I said in a rush, watching him with wide eyes.

"Regina?"

"Yeah."

Suddenly he was smiling, and just after his smile he began to laugh, shaking his head as he did. "That's funny, really hilarious. Now I'll continue to read."

"Neal, I'm serious. I'm not joking. It's not a…"

"I'll continue to read and you'll continue to watch your show."

"Neal…"

"And if you continue this conversation, if you say another word, Emma…" he lifted a hand to run his fingers through his hair as he watched me, "I'll give you a response, and it's not going to be what you want to hear."

"What the hell is that supposed to mean?" I asked angrily.

"It means that you're going to forget we had this conversation."

"We're having this conversation right now", I said directly.

"No, we're not because if we are, then you're telling me that you lied to me, used me for two fucking years when you could have told me the truth. You could have told me the truth, Emma. But no, no it's all cool. It's alright now to just make me feel like some kind of fool."

"I'm sorry I lied to you", I said, my throat closing up.

"Where do you think this will lead you exactly?" he asked, his forehead creased, "where do you think it will…lead you with this belief that you have…feelings…for…Regina? Who happens to be the Evil Queen, a woman who terrorized your family and ripped this town apart, she tore us apart in the first place by putting that curse here. Then I had to let you go because you had to break it? Do you honestly believe that she's worth it?" he kept waiting on me to reply. "And I'll continue…her intentions when Pan's curse hit here wasn't to get you back. She was only focused on Henry."

"She did try to get me back", I said.

"She wanted to get you back to get him back. You're nothing to her. She's using you."

"No she's not!" I said angrily.

"Then why did she leave to run away with Robin in the first place? She's pregnant and she's having his child and you're nowhere in the picture, Emma. You're nowhere because as soon as he hears of that, he's going to come running back and then she'll fuck you up like she does with everyone else."

"I can't do this, Neal", I said, my eyes stinging with tears. "I can't…do this anymore."

"You're going to do it", he said firmly. "You're going to stay here right where you belong or else I'll intervene. I'm not going to fuck up things for my son, because he's not going to take too kindly to his mother turning out to be what you're claiming to be. It'll break his heart because he believes in you. And the minute you start breaking this family apart, then you'll regret it."

I lifted my hands to my face and hide them, biting in my anger because if he pushed me, I'd lose control and use magic on him. And as much as I hated him right there and then, I didn't want to push it so far.

"I came back and whilst she was hiding away, holding back, I was the one who was there for you, over and over again whilst she was fucking the outlaw. She doesn't love you. Trust me, she's not capable of loving anyone, you can even ask Henry. He knows her better than you do. Lies, that's all she has to offer, lies and more lies. And I bet you don't even know about the affair she had with your dear friend Ruby. How did that make you feel? You have everything here, a home, your son, comfort and peace. Why the hell would you leave all of this behind to run into the arms of a woman who has a history of ripping apart happy endings?"

Getting up from the chair, I strode to the door and pulled my red jacket from off the rack near the door.

He stood up and was coming at me. "Where're you going?"

"None of your business, let go of me", I said as he snatched my right hand and I stopped. "Neal, I'm not going to ask you again. Let me go."

"Emma, you're not leaving."

"Yeah, I am", I said firmly, "let me…" I lashed at his hands as he struggled with me, "let me go! Let me…fucking…go." And pushing me against the door, he pinned my arms behind my back, pressing his body on me.

"Listen to me", he said, his eyes hard, "you're going to start something you can't finish, Emma. This family is perfect the way it is…you and me and you know why. I can…" I struggled against him, "tell these people, all of them what you used to do in Boston, and what happened in New York, the kind of people you got involved with."

"I'm done", I repeated in his face. "I'm done! I don't do drugs anymore. I don't sell it, I don't buy it, I don't…"

"I'm not talking about the drugs alone", he threatened me, "I'm talking about just before you met me, that one thing you did that had them hunting you down, us down."

"That's…not a problem now. It's over and I'm not some teenager you can control or manhandle, I'm not afraid of them or you. So just…get out of my way."

"You're not leaving me." And he snatched my hands around the wrist, squeezing them hard as his eyes grew beady.

"Let me go", I said as tears welled up in my eyes. "Don't do this, Neal."

"Not going to allow it because you're not going to make me look bad. I risked everything for you, love you, came back here, saved my son's life and he's in my life now. I'm not going to let you fucking ruin it by leaving me for another woman."

"Or else what?" I asked bravely, anger in my eyes. "You're not going to do this to me", I said in a frustrated tone, searching his eyes. "Don't do this to me."

"I'll do whatever it takes to make you forget those feelings, and forget that you're even thinking about this."

"Neal…" I began to cry, "please…"

"You said yes to me not to her", he said directly, "you're going to go back to watching television, and you're going to forget we had this conversation." He released my hands. "Or else, I'll get her involved. You want to get Regina involved in this, I can get her involved."

Moving from in front of him, fists clenched, I stepped a few steps forward and spun around, lifting my hands with one aim in mind. Flexing my fingers like she did, I focused on him and wished with all my might that my magic would work, that it would do something. But nothing happened. Instead, all he did was flinch and when he realized what had happened, Neal started to shake his head.

"What are you trying to do, Emma?"

I pushed my hands forward, still trying to do something but nothing happened and I kept doing that, biting my lips, angry and frustrated.

"Emma, just…just stop…" hands raised in front of him, he took a few steps forward, a few tentative steps, coming towards me slowly. And I watched him with flashing eyes, eyes filled with rage. "I'm not the enemy here."

"Don't…" I lifted a hand and pointed a finger at him, warning him.

"Just stay…look, if you want, you can be nice to her, you can…" he waved a hand, "lead her on, but you're not going to leave me. Is that understood?"

"I don't take orders from you", I said, gritting my teeth. "Fuck off."

"Emma…" and as he shook his head warily, as he stepped forward, I pushed my way past him and pulled open the door. Then rushing outside, feeling for my keys in my front pocket, eyes hard, I ran to my car.

xx

I haven't seen her in three days. And she's been denying my calls every single time I try to call her, the usual two rings and then the busy tone. Messaging her never worked, and even though I texted her, left voice messages, she never replied to any.

So here I am staying at my parent's apartment. I'm here and I've been her ever since, whilst Henry flits back and forth between this place and that other place like a butterfly. He knows nothing of what transpired. But mom does. And she's been keeping it hidden from dad who would fly off and punch Neal's face in if he found out.

"He threatened you", Snow said for the umpteenth time in the past two days so far. She watched me stir fry vegetables in a frying pan, and picking up the bottle of Olive oil, I squeeze some more onto the sizzling contents. "He…had no right to threaten you."

There was a small detail that I forgot to tell anyone, and only Neal knows. And that's what the threats stemmed from. It's small to me but big to anyone else who would care to force the truth out of me.

I did something terrible when I was in the foster system. It was terrible. And it a move on my part to protect myself from one of the five families I had been oh so lucky to live with. These people were filthy rich, had life in luxury, swimming pool in the back and these huge mansions like you'd see celebrities buying in these posh neighborhoods. But behind every gold mask is an ugly face. Less than a year spent with them and my foster father as it turned out was the most wanted drug dealer in five states. My foster brother tried to rape me on more than one occasion and his mother burnt me with her cigarette butts when I started to ask questions, when I tried to tell her the truth.

I was sixteen. I was young and I was also fucking fed up of people pushing me around. And one day when Debbie tried to burn me with her cigarettes, when she snatched me by the hair and pulled me across the floor, wiping the tiles with my limp form, I cracked. My hand lashed out at her foot and she was pulled down, her head splitting on the table next to us. I don't think my mind had registered immediately what had happened until blood, wet and sticky started to drip unto the white tiles. The trail kept leading to me, snaking its way towards my eyes, and it was then when I let out the most terrifying scream I had ever let out.

Two months later, I testified against my foster brother, sending him to jail for a couple of months, and my foster father Robbie disappeared off the globe.

Eventually Phillip got out of jail and came looking for me. He came looking for me with a vengeance because I had killed his mother. It was so easy for him, especially since he found me through my dealings with drugs.

It all began in Boston when I had met Neal. Back then, I knew from the time I met him that shoplifting wasn't the only illegal trade he was into. And very soon, I found that he had introduced me to a small packet of white substance he called 'just powder'. In fact, knowing it was cocaine, I used it. I was just eighteen and just out of the foster system, raw from being shifted around and manhandled too many times. I had been a troubled teen who wanted a break in life. And when he introduced me that small packet, I was automatically led into a world I never wanted to go back to, to become involved in again.

All of it began with him. And as I grew to love him back then, he came with strings attached, strings that I could never severe because if I did, if I walked away then I'd still have the dirt stains on me. Phillip could find me if he wanted to and he'd come for me. When I was in prison, when I got caught and held up for those watches, actually being in prison hid me away from him for as long as I wanted to.

Storybrooke was my only escape especially with the town line secured as always.

I didn't want to go back there, to dwell on those things. And I sure as hell didn't want to my foster brother to find me again, where I was and especially now that I had Henry.

"It's nothing, mom", I said, avoiding her eyes as I lifted the pan, flipping the vegetables barely. "He's just worked up."

"You had a fight", she said, furrowing her brows, scrunching up her face in concentration, "you said you had a fight just like that, but what was the fight about? I mean, it had to be serious for him to threaten you."

I said nothing

"You told him about Regina, didn't you?" She was looking at me, sitting on the high stool with her eyes on me as her fingers were wrapped around a coffee mug. "Emma, did you tell him?"

I stopped what I was doing and with my back to her, I nodded.

"Good", she said firmly.

I spun around and faced her, eyes widening. "What?"

"It's good you finally told him. Emma, I've kept this secret for so long, I've kept it and I've kept it and I cannot keep it anymore." Lifting her chin, she looked at me directly in my eyes. "I know I said he's your happy ending in Neverland. But really and truly, he's not."

Turning off the stove, I stopped whatever I was doing and focused on her. "I thought you liked Neal."

"I like him. But he's not the one for you."

"Mom, what are you talking about? Just a few nights ago, you were telling me how I need to move on and marry him. Our wedding is planned for one and a half week from now. And you're telling me that you don't think he's my happy ending? Where's this coming from?"

"That's before she came back."

Stepping towards the kitchen counter where she sat, I kept my eyes on her. "Go on…"

"She came back, Emma. Regina came back for you. And she told me the other night that she's in love with you. She told me that she's always loved you and…and I believe her."

"She told you that?" I asked, losing my breath, as I blinked rapidly.

"Yes she did. That's something serious for her to tell me", she said frowning. "She's always hesitant and holding back stuff. But she told me, and I searched her eyes and I knew she was telling me the truth."

I couldn't take it anymore. "Then if you know about this, about us", I said, "it's not easy for me. It's just not easy…"

"Because she's pregnant?" Snow asked. I couldn't believe it, how my mother could know things so quickly between us, feeling things the same way I did. And it always helped me in so many ways because I never felt awkward around her. If I was upset, she knew and if I didn't want to talk about it, she understood and changed the topic, waiting on me. Now she was direct with her belief and I was so relieved that I didn't have to explain myself to her.

"Yes", I said, scrutinizing her eyes carefully. "That's what's been bothering me all the time."

"Whenever you think of that, you think of Robin…" I was nodding, "and it bothers you because she's attached to him in some way."

"Exactly", I said. "But is something wrong with me for feeling like that about the whole situation?"

"Absolutely not, no", she was shaking her head, "nothing's wrong with that, Emma. It's perfectly understandable."

I breathed out a sigh of relief. "Geez, you don't know how much that means to me."

"But it's understandable, because well, if I was a woman and I loved a woman, and that woman came back pregnant with another man's child, and she said she loved me, then I would be hesitant to jump into bed with this…woman." She swallowed, and inhaled deeply.

"Right."

"So have the two of you kissed as yet?"

"Mom!" I said in disbelief.

"What?" she asked, shrugging, eyes pinched from a smile. "I'm just being inquisitive."

"She said that I smell like Neal so she can't…" I stopped, avoiding her eyes, remembering how Regina's words had stung me.

"Just as she once said Robin smelt like…forest." Snow smiled widely. "Anyway, I told you to stop accidentally picking up Neal's perfume and using it."

"But how the hell does she know that I smell like him?"

"Ah!" and her eyes lit up. "No, wait…" she frowned, "you do smell like Old Spice mostly. Old Spice, Emma! Old Spice! Use Victoria Secret or, or…Vera Wang, or something else. Don't go around smelling like Old Spice!"

"Well excuse me for washing our clothes together and having his perfume smell rub off on my clothes."

"Wash his clothes separate. That's something you shouldn't…mix…it's like mixing panties with boxers."

"What's wrong with that? And you actually know about boxers?" I raised an eyebrow.

"I…know…things. I watch television and Oprah." She frowned. "Getting back on the subject, you. When you go to visit Regina, just spray some perfume on yourself."

"You're encouraging…us…then?"

"Yeah, by all means, because I always had theories as to why Cora couldn't remove your heart and I kept thinking about it over and over again. Over and over and over and over and over and over…"

"Hey!"

"…and over and over, and I came up with theories. One is that Cora ripped Daniel's heart out, Regina's true love. Maybe she couldn't rip your heart out because you can't do it twice. You're Regina's true love and she couldn't rip out your heart."

I busied myself, dipping vegetables from out of the pan and dishing it into a plate for her, listening with both ears.

"Then, there's the slight hint that you're a reincarnation of Daniel which would be weird, ugh."

"What the…" I said.

"And then there's the fact that the universe keeps throwing male organs at you just for a distraction, temptation but in the end, Regina's your happy ending."

"Where the hell do you get these things from?" I asked in wild fascination, watching her with wide eyes. "Throwing male organs at me?"

"Well if you prefer the word penises or dicks or the C word…"

"I…" I made a face and pushed her plate towards her, "ugh…just…eat up."

"And then well, you give off this manly vibe, all puffed up and strutting around."

"I do not strut!" I said defensively.

"You strut", she stated with a serious face. "You don't sway your hips when you walk. You sway your shoulders and that's…strutting."

"That's not strutting!"

"It's strutting."

"We are not going to argue about this. I don't strut. I walk."

"Like a man…"

"And this is where we eat in silence."

"Plus you have toned arms and you probably remind her of a blonde unicorn that's why when…"

"Oh my gods", I said, resting a hand on my face, eyes closed.

"…when we were on the Jolly Roger, she mentioned unicorn stickers. Rainbow kisses…rainbows and unicorns are universal LGTB symbols. Regina came out of the closet in front of me and I punched…I punched her. What kind of person am I? She made you light a fire, the two of you can use magic, she kept…unbuttoning her shirt in Neverland and all this time, it was just for you. This is so, so clear now."

"Are you done?" I asked.

"Regina is kind of hot to be honest", she said, picking up her fork and pushing the prongs into a carrot. "I've always thought she was hot…" I was speechless, staring at her with wide eyes. "When we were on good terms, when she was my nice stepmother and we used to live in the castle, these men used to hit on her all the time. And I'd have to bat them off for her. Over the years, she's just always been so sexy and gorgeous. Her skin is flawless. You have to choose her, Emma. Leave Neal and choose her."

"I suddenly am rethinking your sexuality", I said, massaging my forehead with a hand, eyes lowered.

"I'm not into lesbianing, if that's what you mean. I'm not hormonal, I'm not naïve, I'm your mother. And you must bring this family together once more or else I will take away that leather jacket and make red leather gloves from it, and give Regina to wear them."

"And that's an order?" I asked, with a smile.

"It's an order", she said, pointing at me with her fork. "Leave Neal and take Regina, baby and all. She needs you. Take her and the baby and keep her forever because I can feel it." She breathed in with a smile, eyes closed. "She's your happy ending. And you need to stop playing with Neal."

"La, la, la, la, la…"

"She loves you…"

"You don't know half the story."

"What's going on then? Tell me…"

I told her most of what happened from the reunion and what transpired three nights ago, leaving out the fact that we partially made out on the beach. And I left out the drugs stuff and Phillip, and when I was finished, she appeared to be bursting with chatter. So I allowed her, because I needed to listen.

"Buy her flowers, Emma. Buy her flowers, and she likes when you compliment her, especially since she's pregnant, you're feeling fat and ugly and you just need compliments. Give her a foot massage or sit behind her and rub her back for her. That's what your dad did to me when I was pregnant with you and he still does it. Oh!" Her eyes lit up, "she has a hard time eating, and she's sick so why not ask her what she wants to eat and take it to her? Yesterday we talked on the phone and she was craving for wet sauced Chinese noodles with broccoli."

All of it sounded easy.

Xx

I wanted to be with her. Above all, I wanted to find a way to make this happen, to put aside my stupidity and my doubts concerning her baby and make things work.

The next day, I bought her flowers. Midday, I left work in the scorching sun, feeling so sweaty and unsure of myself and I stepped into the Florist's shop for the first time because really and truly, those kind of places mostly see men frequenting them. Surprisingly, Archie was standing at the counter and so was Whale.

"Getting flowers for each other?" I joked warily, my eyes moving around to take in a variety of colors and differences.

"Well if it isn't Regina's new love interest", Whale said smiling. And I turned to consider him with wide eyes.

"I don't know what you're…"

"Oh don't beat yourself up about it", Archie said smiling widely, "in fact, we all could have seen that one coming a mile away."

"Even without Snow telling us, we all could see it yeah." He and Archie both considered each other and nodded in agreement.

"Oh my God", I said in disbelief. "My mother told you?"

"Between us three, her middle name should be the 'Storybrooke Mirror'…hmm?" Whale waited on Archie's nod.

"Yes, yes, indeed."

"So who are you two here to buy flowers for?" I asked, gesturing to them both in turn as Miss Rose, the florist stepped out from behind the shop.

"Ruby…"

"Red…"

Both of them turned to stare at each other with a shocked expression and I snorted. "Well this is awkward…"

"Wait…" Archie said shaking his head, "you're…you're still seeing her or is this…"

"You're seeing her?" Whale asked, pink in the face. "What the hell is this?"

"Emma, what can I get you today?" Rose asked. She younger than granny but old enough to be my grandmother and wearing a lovely yellow dress decorated with embroidered flowers, I smiled wryly at her. "Anything special?"

"I'm…" my eyes moved to consider the two men arguing near the counter, "I'm here to buy flowers for…" I stalled, and swallowed.

"Just say a name and I'll make an assessment and gather an arrangement", she asked nicely with a smile. "Is it your mother?"

"No", I said quietly, "It's Regina…"

Eyes widening, she considered me with mild fascination. "Regina Mills, hmm? I dare say, that's a first. Now…." Her eyes swept over her collection, "she seems to be a sharp woman, one who doesn't like your usual sunflowers. Roses are fine, red is definite, and although black would have been ideal before, now that she's pregnant, that's not a good choice. It signals bad luck and superstition. Red and pink would be lovely. And is there a message you'd like a particular flower to deliver to her, knowing all flowers have meanings?"

"I want…I want to tell her I'm sorry and that I'm prepared to risk everything to love her and be with her", I said decidedly, walking around as she gathered up roses.

She glanced at me and smiled warmly. "Does she know how you feel about her?"

"Yeah, she knows alright."

"Then the lilies would do just fine. They mean 'I dare you to love me', unless you'd prefer just the roses which universally means love and romance."

"Lilies would be fine", I said as Whale strode out of the store with Archie in tow.

"And Chrysanthemums, those mean hope."

She gathered them all up into a bouquet and attached a white ribbon around the bundle which she claimed meant 'purity'. And after paying her, after writing up a card to be added, I stepped out into the sunshine and hurried to my car.

That afternoon, I couldn't wait to take it to her. And knowing that Ruby worked the late shift every night, knowing also that she had a club date with Belle that night, I was so happy.

Parking my car in front, eyes glancing up at the open window, I only saw the blinds fluttering. So maybe my presence could go unnoticed until she opened up and I pushed the door open if she refused to see me.

After knocking, I waited.

"Who is it?" she called out and immediately my heart leaps out of my chest from the sound of her voice because it's been so long. Feels like a decade ago.

"Flower delivery for a…" I cleared my throat and tried to sound as masculine as I could, "Miss Mills."

The lock clicked and holding the flowers out in front of me so that she could see them first, I stood back just enough and waited. And when the door was pulled inwards, her fingers appeared and I swallowed.

She looked at the flowers first, her eyes meeting them with fascination and then when she finally saw who was holding them, Regina froze up. In seconds, eyes that were filled with scrutiny, eyes that were hazy as she studied who had sent her a bouquet suddenly flashed in my direction. And although she appeared severely unhappy to see me, she couldn't hide the way her grip on the doorframe trembled or how her lips lay parted.

"Emma…"

"Hi, don't…" I placed my right boot out, jamming the door from closing as she scrunched up her face in frustration, "don't shut me out, please."

"I don't want to talk to you."

"Then you don't have to talk."

"Please…she said in a faint voice, eyes lowered, 'I'm not feeling well. I can't do this right now. You have to leave."

She sounded so cute, and her eyes were so sad that I suddenly wanted to squishy hug her. "Aww", I said softly, "let me come in. I have Chinese takeout." And I offered a smile, head tilted sideways.

I waited for a long time there as we gazed at each other, and all I could see in her eyes was the need to seek comfort. And she was lonely. She didn't know it but mom had told me how she hadn't left the apartment in days. Ruby was such a good tenant, and I mean that in a sarcastic way.

Finally moving away from the door, she stood aside as I slowly pushed it open, my eyes never leaving hers. And as I stepped in then closed the door behind me, holding out the flowers, I beamed at her.

She had on sweatpants and an overly large red silk shirt. "What are these for, to bribe me?" she asked in her hoarse voice.

"No, I just thought a pretty woman would feel prettier if she got a pretty bouquet of flowers."

"How old are you, sixteen?" and she held them to her nose, sniffing.

"It's your fault", I said stepping further into the apartment. "You make me feel like a sixteen year old when I think of you, all wide eyed and desperately in love." I could feel her eyes on the back of my neck and purposely, there I stood without looking at her.

"Thank you, Emma", she said softly, "I love them, especially the Chrysanthemums. Always were my father's favorite flowers and they became mine."

"They mean hope, I think…"

"Yes they do."

"And we need…hope"

"So…" her footfalls came closer, but slowly, "if I'm correct, you…dare me to love you and you…hope that I do."

I swallowed and felt my heart racing like an express train. "Is it that obvious?"

"You don't have to try, Emma because…" I watched her approach the window seat, her eyes on me, "no matter what you do, no matter who you're with or whatever choice you make, or where I end up, I will always, always love you."

"Regina…" I said, tears swelling in my eyes as my throat ached, "that's…"

"The truth…come", she said softly, stretching out her left hand towards me, "sit with me."

"Are you hungry?" I asked her, still clutching the white paper bags in my hand as my weak knees led me to where she was. "I bet you're hungry."

"Blah", she said, screwing up her face and shaking her head. "What have you gotten for me?"

I sat down next to her and welcomed the afternoon breeze as it rushed in and caressed my cheeks. And dipping a hand in, I took out the box and her plastic fork, then after opening it, her eyes grew wide.

"Is that…" she asked, her gaze attached to the box as she took it and peered inside, "broccoli and noodles. I have been longing for this, and I didn't want to trouble Ruby. How did you…"

"I might have caught wind of it from the Storybrooke Mirror", I said smiling, opening my box as she considered me with puzzled eyes.

"Why do I get the feeling that's a code name for Snow?"

"Because it is?" and jerking my chin in her direction, I urged her to eat. "Come on, I have to make you feel better."

I've got to say that I have never seen a pregnant woman attack food like Regina did as we sat there on the window seat. She ate without speaking because she was so famished and after considering her with a smile, my eyes rested on the street outside, the clock looming just to my right. It was accurate: just after five and early enough. And she chewed slowly, pushing the prongs of her fork into broccoli, lifting them up to devour each one with a smile.

I was so happy to make her happy like this because it felt so nice. I felt as if in some small way, effort was being made on my part to show her how much I cared for her. And she responded so well, warming up to me as we sat there. When my hair blew to the front of my face, tickling my eyes, she lifted her right hand to gently tuck the strands behind my left ear. And I just melted, smiling like a teenager who was on her first date. Then moving her fingers, fingertips whispering against my face, she held my gaze as we ate. Her touch sent tendrils of electric sizzles down my neck and through my spine, curling my toes. In other words, I felt like a hormonal teenager now.

"I'm sorry about my meltdown the other night", she said, cupping my face in her hand. "The disappearing act was…"

"It's okay", I said, eyes lowered to my box as I chewed. "I understand why you did it. Just so you know though", and she began to play with my hair, forgetting her food as her fingers teased blonde tendrils between them, "it's just that we do laundry together, that's why I smelt like that. Putting that aside though, let's just say that I was never really the perfume type but for you, I am willing to shower myself in Victoria Secret."

"And that you did", she said smiling, "you smell like strawberries and…" she inhaled deeply, then her eyes fluttered close, "champagne…"

"So you like it?"

"I love it."

"I have the bath and lotion collection that I use too", and I smiled mischievously, "just so you…know."

"I suddenly find this Chinese takeout less appealing…"

"You better eat up", I said, pointing my fork at her box. And eat up she did! She emptied her box and actually attacked mine, poking her fork inside as she took all the broccoli and steamed vegetables, chewing as she considered me with a smile. "I've always wanted to tell you that…" reaching out, I used my thumb to wipe sauce from the corner of her mouth, "you look so cute even when you're mischievous or you're angry or you're…when you….put on this evil face. I've also always wanted to tell you that you are the most beautiful woman I've ever seen. Your eyes are just so…" I was drunk on my words and I stayed on the express train of poetic compliments, "captivating."

"Thank you", she said quietly, tears pinching those same eyes. "I've always wanted to tell you that from the first time I saw you, and you said 'hi', I wanted to kiss you. And offering you apple cider wasn't my only intention." Smiling wickedly, Regina's head tilted sideways, waiting on my response.

"You didn't make me tipsy just so I could crash and burn somewhere on my way back to Boston, did you?"

She smiled shyly as I absentmindedly handed my box over to her. "My intention was to do so much more to you."

"But you let me leave", I said in disbelief, studying her wicked grin, "you were the one who got up and pushed me to leave."

"Because I hated the fact that I had just met this woman, and I was so attracted to her and she was you…well…" using her right thumb, she caressed my jawline slowly, "you were Henry's other mother and I felt threatened."

"I bet you did", I said.

"I felt threatened because I wanted you. I wanted you so bad that I kept attacking you, trying to make you leave. And when that didn't work, I just started to accept my feelings. Everything went so well for me, you being here, and then he came back, I realized that I'm just…me…a woman and you're so beautiful. You have all of them chasing after you: Graham, Neal, Hook, even August. And I'm just…another admirer who was standing in the shadows."

"You were never in the shadows", I said frowning, "you were always in the spotlight. But I have to confess that I realized I had a thing for you since that hat incident."

"When you touched me and we made sparks fly?" she asked cutely, "our love is so magical, isn't it?"

"Yeah…" she was toying with me, teasing me, "and…then when I left here and came back, I kind of realized that I missed you. The welcome back party, Henry didn't want you there first and foremost. I kind of told you that because I…"

"You became a sixteen year old and went weak in the knees. I understand. We've been through so much, it's impossible for me to recollect all of it." I was eyeing her box, my box. "It's empty", she said matter-of-factly. I took it from her and placed both boxes into the paper bags. Then getting up from the window seat, I searched for the garbage bin, feeling as if I was intruding in Ruby's space. But deep down inside I knew that she wouldn't mind.

Ruby and I hardly saw eye to eye on things, like Neal. But we still remained friends because we just couldn't break that bond. Anyway, after washing my hands, I dried them on a red and white checkered hand towel then made my way back into the small living room.

"I just saw Archie walk by", she said with her eyes directed outside, chin lifted, "he was the very first person to break the news to me that there's a term for people who are attracted to both genders."

"How did that topic come up?" I asked, standing in front of her as I took her right hand, pulling her up slowly. And without hesitating, she searched my eyes as she stood.

"Well, he asked me why I was directing all my anger in your direction. And…" I led her to the chair and smiling, motioned for her to sit, "after avoiding the truth for almost four months, I finally confessed."

"Well that must have been awkward."

"Indeed, he choked on his disbelief, especially after I told him that I was also seeing…Ruby at that time."

I was curious. And as I sat on the other end of the chair, lifting her feet up, I slowly allowed her to adjust herself as my mind worked around the thought of her actually having history with Ruby. "So, when exactly did you two hook up?"

"When Graham died."

"You don't waste time at all", I noted, taking her right foot and peeling off her red sock patterned with small white bows. "How did you two meet?"

"At a bar and I was drinking because of you." I met her eyes and held our gaze, waiting. "You know, the tension between us was affecting me, the complications, the fact that I wanted Snow White's daughter so badly…" and she waved a hand warily, "we talked, me being hesitant as usual. And she listened, then we ended up here and the rest is history."

"But you're still here."

"I have nowhere else to go."

"Hook has an apartment not too far down the road." I smiled at her.

"I told you before, Emma, I don't do rum."

"But you like wolves…"

"What are you fishing for exactly", she asked, scrutinizing me with her eyes.

I began to massage her right foot gingerly, squeezing the bottom of her soft foot with my thumbs. And it wasn't long before she moved in her position, curling her toes as the cushion sighed under her. Very soon, her head was thrown back as I put my expertise in a six month course of massage therapy that I took in New York to work. Moving up her leg, her right calf soft and so smooth, my fingers pressed pathways across her fair skin, and biting her lips, Regina stretched her foot further out as my eyes watched her.

"I told Neal about us", I said quietly as my fingers worked. "How I'm…in…love with you."

"And…" she urged me, her left foot bent at the knee as playful toes felt for my left side through her sock. Snatching her foot, I peeled off her sock and returned it back to its teasing. And slowly but surely, she succeeded in lifting my shirt, feeling me all the way up to the side of my bra as I welcomed her touch. It was unusual but effective and very soon, my insides began to warm up, my cheeks felt flushed as she eyed me desirously, gripping the chair under her as I worked my hands around her right foot.

"He didn't take it well at all."

"As expected…"

"There's…something that…Neal…knows and it's about my past. It can ruin me. And…" I reached for her left foot, "I don't want…I want certain things to remain locked away."

"Understand you better than you know", she purred, using her foot to caress my leg, feeling her way further up, parting my legs in the process. "We all have demons we wish to keep hidden."

"I wonder what demons you have hidden", I asked with a small smile, and I choked on a gasp as her toes began to gingerly massage the front of my jeans, pressing with sensual movements. "Geez, you're so…"

"Turned on…"

"That's…"

"I can't control myself anymore."

Pushing herself up in a sitting position, she swung her legs unto the carpeted floor and moved across the cushions, closing the distance between us. And as I sat there frozen from the rush of anticipation, heart racing in my chest, Regina reached down to grip my left thigh and lifting my foot up, she moved it to her right side, my knee kinked. I felt so exposed with my legs apart in front of her even with my jeans on, and I liked it. I liked it so much that when she moved closer, as close as she could get, wrapping my left leg around her as best as I could, feeling so awkward, I never dared anticipate her next move.

She began to unbutton my shirt with nimble fingers, and as the rays of the setting sun cascaded through the lace blinds to the far corner of the apartment, hands parted the fabric, eyes lowered. In seconds I had my head resting on the back of the chair, eyes squeezed shut as she worked her hands over my breasts, cupping them both with her hands, squeezing and teasing me. Then unclasping my bra at the front, her touch drove energetic thrills through my torso as daring thumbs began to encircle my nipples, already erect and ready for her boldness.

"Do you think you can handle my weight?" she asked, her voice distant as my head swan with desire. "Oh why am I even asking." Getting up slowly she bent her back barely enough to snatch my hand, yanking me up, "you're so manly, you can handle anything."

"What are you…" I asked as she led me to one of these old time wooden chairs that was positioned near the window, those types without the handles. I was pushed down to sit as dark eyes roamed my exposed chest.

And speechless, I stared at her as she took a hold of both my shoulders, fingernails pressing into my sensitive skin. It was then when she lowered herself on my lap, sitting snugly as no time was wasted. Very soon, her actions commenced once more and I was attacked viscously with warm hands, hands that were so careful with minds of their own.

"Speechless, Emma?" she leant in to ask hoarsely, her lips brushing my right cheek. "Imagine if I wasn't pregnant what I would do to you."

I swallowed hard. "I feel as if we're playing Sheriff and Mayor again but…we've just skipped a whole bunch of levels."

"I want to bite you", she breathed against my neck, tilting my head sideways as fingertips drove pathways upwards through my hair. "You smell so good."

"Bite me then", I choked, lips parted. I inhaled the smell of her sweat, sweet and warm as our bodies generated enough heat to fuel our passion. And very soon, we were both climbing a cliff of desire that would have erupted us into flames.

As soon as she reached down to taste my neck, her fingers gripping my shoulders hard, I could feel something happening between us. It wasn't obvious at first because I honestly believed it was just the heat between us. But then it was faint, this smell of burning material, like a whiff passing under my nose. Brushing it aside, I in turn felt my way across her jawline with my teeth, hungry to become closer to her if that was even possible. And then I felt it. Her fingers began to burn my skin, very soon sending electric jolts of surging feelings travelled through my arm. I was startled. So gripping her shoulders lightly, my hands pushed distance between us as she pulled away to consider me with wide eyes too.

When I reached out to take her hands, holding them up to the window, I saw nothing, just her splayed fingers appearing cute before me. But upon careful consideration of her skin, as her eyes searched out mine, I noticed nothing either.

"Did you feel that?" I asked in a small voice, wondering if it was a figment of my imagination.

"Yes I did."

"What the hell?" Reaching out, I slowly pressed my fingers against the exposed skin just below her neck and she was burning up, fever-like but that wasn't what it felt like alone. Something passed between us, through my fingers and my arm. "You're burning up."

"So are you", she noted. "Maybe…we're taking things a little too fast…well…I'm taking things a little too fast."

"I kind of like it that way though."

"I bet you do."

"Geez, we could just continue, you know. Fuck the results."

"I'd hate to have you sizzle up from the inside."

"Maybe the problem is that we're wearing too much clothes, right?"

She scrutinized me with a wicked grin. "And where there's a problem, there's always a solution." We both waited, gazing at each other and then she was the one who cleared her throat. "I'm waiting on you to take off my shirt, Emma. Or do you need instructions on how to undress me?"

"Oh", I said, my cheeks burning up, and I smiled shyly, "right." My fingers fumbled with the buttons on her shirt and with hands sweaty, I eventually completed such a hard task. It's amazing how you can become so bashful in a situation where you were expected to take some control. There she was, sitting on my freaking lap, with my shirt open, bra open, breasts exposed and I hadn't even done the same to her. What the hell was wrong with me? Take all and don't give any, Emma, that's your new slogan.

Fingers splayed over my chest, she slowly slid them downwards as I parted her shirt, my throat clenched with desire. And from the time my eyes rested on the swell of her breasts inside her lace bra, in a flash my mind gripped control. Finally I was getting in the game, using my thumbs to drive pathways across her heaving chest as she drowned in my touch, eyes closed as we felt our way around each other, mirroring moves.

She moaned as I touched her, allowing me to cup her heavy breasts as I slightly trembled with nervousness because I hadn't touched a woman like this before and it was so new to me. Unbuttoning the rest of the way down, I slowly took in the rest of her, so delicate and meaningful to both of us. And gently resting my hands upon her belly, I considered the tightness, the stretch of her skin, knowing that her dark eyes were studying my expression, watching me carefully. Sliding my hands to the back of her, splaying my fingers, I carefully signaled for her to lean back against my grasp as my mouth bent low to press a kiss between her breasts.

And we were freaking holding out on the kiss because we wanted to take things slow. But we weren't really taking things slow in normal terms, were we? Yet as soon as her head danced forward, eyes fluttering, hooded with desire, as soon as my lips moved closer to hers to kiss her finally, my fucking cellphone started to beep loudly. Startling from the sound, and the vibration in my pocket, I realized that her left leg was positioned right above the pulsing device.

"Ohh…" she said smirking, "I like that…ignore it."

"I can't", I said frowning, reaching under her leg to retrieve the alternative now for a vibrator. I'd store that in memory for later, that she favored vibrating things.

"But why?" her hand snatched at it as she frowned. "Rub it against my chest…"

"You sound like a sexually excited kitten!" I exclaimed, studying her in awe. "It's Henry…"

"Oh…" and snatching it anyway, she answered the call with her eyes on me. "Hi Henry…"

The kid was smart, and he'd want to know why Regina had my cellphone. There was a first for everything, and such a thing like this had never ever happened before. So he'd start asking himself questions in his head, and being the kind of boy he was, Henry would begin to string along theories and suspicions to match this one occurrence.

"How are you? I know…no…" her eyes were pinched with hurt, "I'm not…it would appear as if you've engaged all your time with your new friend, you have no time for me. Okay… Yes…just you and me. That sounds fine. I'll remember, sweetheart, I'm not going to forget that. Oh, yes, she's here. Well your mother is kind of occupied at the moment, she has her hands on a very important task." I immediately placed some truth to those words, lifting those same hands of mine to feel her exposed breasts between my fingers. "Ohh…I'll tell her." Her eyes were on me, "bye then. Love you." She waited and waited and then disconnected the call with a frown on her face.

"What?" I asked her, worried.

"Nothing…"

I cupped her face in my hand and studied her eyes, "tell me…"

"Emma, Henry said that his father wanted him to remind you that he's meeting you at the Diner to buy dinner."

I had forgotten about that completely, that dinner had been ordered and was to be picked up. And lifting a hand to check my watch, I realized that a whole hour had already passed since five.

"Shit…" I mumbled. Trying to ignore her eyes, she kept looking at me as if waiting on an explanation. But I had none to give to her, nothing that would sound suitable anyway. And as the room grew orange, as the light began to fade behind the fluttering blinds, Regina slowly reached out to grip my shoulders. And pressing down, she stood up slowly as my eyes barely flickered to meet hers, me trying to keep my expression bland.

I got up. I began to fumble with the clasp on my bra, and then my buttons, realizing that the skin around my neck was raw from her bites. And they'd leave a mark. He'd know I was here if my shoulders were exposed and I'd have to tolerate his fucking threats and insults. Running my fingers through my hair, a substitute for a comb, nothing was said between us as she stood there, her shirt barely clinging unto her breasts.

"I wish you'd talk to me", she said, hands on her hips as I stepped towards the door.

"About what?" I asked, feeling terrible already, a headache stretching across my head like bolts of lightning.

"What he's holding against you from your past. I'd like to know too." I reached for the doorknob but she grabbed my arm, and from her touch alone, I gasped. "I want to know if I can help."

"You can't…it's better if you don't know anything about it", I said, my voice strained.

"Why? Am I not _man_ enough to know the truth about you as he does?" her eyes were hard, expression cross.

"It's not that Regina. It's just that you're too…it's too risky. I just need to find a way to deal with this on my own."

"Is this…" I pulled open the door but she kept her grip on my wrist, "is this about me too? This…demon, does it involve me? Has someone threatened you that I know? Is it…Zelinda or…" she was searching for names, "Maleficent would never hurt you. Is it…"

"It's no one you know", I confirmed.

"Emma, tell me who it is."

"I can't", I said in a frustrated voice. "Please, I just…I can't tell you. I'm too careful and I don't want you to get involved. If anything happened to you because of me, I don't think I could ever live with that. That's why I just need to handle this alone."

"Okay", she said, and inhaled deeply, closing her eyes, "okay, so what am I supposed to do in the meantime then?"

I looked at her for a long time as she stood there, searching my eyes. "Is it too much to ask you to…" I swallowed, "can you just wait on me a little longer?"

Eyes pinched with tears, she considered me with a look of worry, yet from her trust, from the fact that she believed in me, Regina gave in. Slowly, she nodded and reaching up, a hand was rested against my cheek as she stepped closer. I couldn't resist, pulling her into a hug, my arms snaked around her warm body as we just…we just stayed there for a very long time. I never wanted to let her go. And she never did too.

"You don't have to kiss me now", she said hoarsely into my left ear as we held each other, "because I know that it's something I can look forward to. And…" she pressed a kiss on my cheek, keeping her lips there, "I know that no matter what happens, it's something you want too. So I'll wait."

She could never understand how much that meant to me. And I squeezed my eyes shut as they stung with tears. "Okay. I'll see you tomorrow", I said in a small voice.

"See you then", Regina said, pulling away slowly. And as the door closed before me, I reached up with a shaky hand and wiped my eyes, realizing that I had to face my own demons if I wanted her. But could I also face the circumstances that would come along with my choice?

I jogged down the stairs with a heavy heart. And when I stepped out into the street, my eyes met Neal, back against the lamp post, the light already on. His expression was smug, eyes heavy and my chest grew chilled from his selected position. Stepping tentatively towards him, I kept my eyes in his direction.

"I guess you had dinner already", he said sarcastically. "Should I pick up for two alone then?"

"Neal…" I said warily, eyes lowering to meet the pavement, "don't start. We were just talking."

"With your hands from the looks of it…" closing the distance between us, it never surprised me when he snaked an arm around my waist. I could do nothing about it at the moment.

And as we crossed the street, as he pulled me closer, I glanced back and up at the red lace blinds. As soon as my eyes met hers, she stepped back into the dimly lit apartment, and it was almost as if a ghost had once stood there. Turning to face front, tears stung my eyes as I realized that I was hurting her. I was pushing it too far. But how far could she stretch to accommodate me?

Xx

"Daddy, I'm too short to reach the apple", Roland said, stretching his neck as he peered up at the branches. "I want the apple. Can you please lift me?"

Robin was stooping just near him, his fingers tying the lacing on his track boots. Glancing up, he smiled. "And why do you want the apple on the highest branch when I already picked one for you?"

"Because Regina said that when it's higher up, it's nicer…"

"Ah…" He pressed his palms on his thighs and pushed himself up, "If it's one thing about Regina is that she loves a challenge. Now…" Picking his son up in one swift move, Robin lifted him high enough. "See if you can reach it my little Knight."

Small fingers flexed as hands were outstretched, inches between them and the shiny red apple. And lifting him a little higher, Roland grabbed the apple and smiled widely.

"I got it!" he cried out, raising it triumphantly over his head as he was lowered to the ground, "look! I have it daddy! Do you think she'll like it? Do you?" Robin remained silent, eyes focused elsewhere as pain stung his heart, tears pinched his eyes. "When she comes back, I can show her! She can make candy and dip it inside! Yum…" he pressed the fruit to his small mouth and made a small bite.

"Let's go home", Robin said quietly, taking his hand, "it's getting dark already."

"I think this one is the sweetest of them all. I can take it home. You can chop it up and make fruit salad. Regina said that knives are swords too. But I must not play with them at all. She said that swords don't kill people. People kill people. Is she right, papa?"

"She is…"

As they neared the house, Robin's eyes glanced at the trees and when he saw the man headed his way, he sighed warily. Unlocking the door, he led Roland inside.

"Daddy will be right back, go wash your hands."

"I must say he's quite a cute little thing", Rumple said as he approached.

"What do you want?" Robin asked warily.

"Just passing through the village, collecting on deals that I made and such…"

"And do you have a reason for stopping here because as I can recall, I made no deals with you."

A greying woman pushed a wooden cart filled with fruits along the dirt road, her beady eyes focused on them. And they watched her go. Somewhere in the distance, the church bell tolled the hour of six, the sun's rays barely cascading through the thick trees to the far west.

"I just wanted to check up on you. After she left, I thought you'd fall apart."

Toeing the ground with his right boot, Robin held his composure. "She made her choice. I couldn't stop her."

"Well if it were up to me, being a father already, I wouldn't have allowed it", Rumple said carefully, a gleam in his eyes, "especially since she's pregnant. Travelling all by herself was too hazardous. But she arrived safely." His eyes gleamed more as Robin considered him with disbelief.

"She's…" Robin swallowed, his throat closing up, "Regina's pregnant?"

A smile was offered. "You didn't know? But I thought you did."

"No, I didn't know."

"Then I have poked the fire, now it sparks from flames."

Lifting a hand to wipe his face, he began to shake his head as Rumple watched him carefully. "I can't believe this. Why wouldn't she tell me? I have a right to know."

"Maybe because she had one intention in mind: to snatch Miss Swan from the arms of a man who refuses to let her go." The older man began to step around Robin. "If it were up to me, I'd intervene. But that's up to you."

"I already…we already made our decision", Robin said quietly, "she made her decision and I can't force her to act otherwise."

"But the child is yours."

"I know…"

"You're the father and you need to be a part of that child's life."

Squeezing his eyes shut, Robin breathed in slowly. "Right now, all I want is to move on from her. We loved each other, maybe she still does and I love her too. But she loves another and because of that, nothing can work between us."

"Then what happens to the child? Don't you think that you should find her, and discuss these matters with her?"

"Find her?" Robin asked, his eyes meeting Rumple's. "What are you suggesting?"

"I can offer you a one way ticket to Storybrooke. But only if you wish to take it."

"Does she want me there?" he asked.

"I think she does, especially since Miss Swan is about to self-destruct, already on her way down a dark road that she can't avoid."

"What…what are you talking about?" Robin asked as the wind rustled leaves around them. "Is Emma okay?"

"Why don't you find out for yourself?" Rumple offered with a smile. "Take my offer. You're not really enjoying here, are you? It would be so much better to be a part of modern civilization, enjoy the benefits of a better life like you used to, comfort Regina…as a friend and the father to her child", he added quickly.

Robin stalled, never answering.

"She's not so well. Her health is poor. Does it remind you of someone? Or is that too heartbreaking?" Both of them stared at each other for a long time and tears pinched Robin's eyes. "Even as a friend, a good friend, you'd want to see that she's doing well. And I think you should do that."

There was silence.

"I'll give you some time, think about it."

And walking away as if nothing had transpired between them, Rumple disappeared into red smoke, leaving Robin to stand there. He couldn't believe it. Regina had completely concealed her pregnancy from him. But how far along was she? She couldn't be so far along though. Thinking back on it, she had been wearing clothes that were extremely large for her. Not to mention her nausea and refusal to venture outdoors.

Marian…

No, he couldn't let this pass by just like that. He had to find Regina and make sure that she was alright. He had to step in because if she was pregnant then by all means he had a reason to step in. Her life could be first and foremost to Emma but the baby's life had some meaning to him. He was the father. Maybe she had hidden it from him because of the pain, because of the fact that she somehow believed she could move on and make things work without him.

But he needed to find her. Marian would want that. She'd want him to find her and make sure that she was alright.

And so he decided that he'd take up Rumple's ticket to Storybrooke. It was just a matter of when to decide on his journey back. Whenever it was, he'd be ready.

Xx

**A/N** – Regina's sick and weak? Ha! Then Emma is her medicine because she sure as hell became so alive and turned on in that scene! Or maybe it was the broccoli and noodles! Talk about a pregnant woman taking control. Shame on you, Emma. Poor Regina had to make the move. First Neal stopped the kiss now Henry. And why exactly is Emma holding back from leaving Neal? What is she REALLY scared of? Is it just Phillip? And where is Phillip?

**UP NEXT:** Movie Night, preparations for a Christmas Party, a heartbreak dance, a beautiful heart to heart between Regina and Snow, and then Robin returns! The ENTIRE chapter after this is based on Regina's perspective, so don't worry, Her Majesty will be able to vent how she feels.

**REVIEW! I COMMAND IT!**


	6. HeaD or HearT

**Before you begin:** Apologies for that long hiatus break… My only excuse is that I have been working from 9 to 10pm and I'm also juggling my final year at university. In addition to that, all my stories have HAPPY ENDINGS. My fan fiction stories are beautifully tragic love stories where this person doesn't meet the other person and they jump into bed and get married. I fit things to real life as close as possible. I tell the love stories that aren't all happy. People call me the 'butcher of feels' for a reason because love without fights, love without challenges, love without obstacles and torment is just all 'Fairytale' like for me. AND SWAN QUEEN ISN'T A FAIRYTALE LOVE SEE AUTHOR'S ADDITIONAL NOTES AT THE END. Thank you.

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><p><strong>This Fan Fiction story has been reviewed, corrected and analyzed by my new beta reader, Angelina Jade, my old beta reader Piper. Plotline help and dialogue came from Sara D. the ying to my yang.<strong>

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><p><span><strong>Chapter Six<strong>

"**Head or Heart"**

**[Flashback]**

_As the rain lashed unto the window glass, the branches of the trees throwing shadows unto the floor of the apartment, she held her breath._

"_Can you hear me Regina?"_

_The only response was the sound of her breathing, and Emma's throat tightened with fear. Squeezing the mobile to her ear, she listened intently, waiting, fearing the worst._

"_Regina?"_

_There was a sob, and a shaky breath, the blaring of a horn somewhere in the distance. Emma felt behind her, eyes wide as she slid further down the wall in the front hall, and when her knees met her chest, she held her breath._

"_I know that it's you", she whispered. "What's wrong?"_

_There was a clunk on the other end as she figured that the phone was dropped onto the floor. Something was wrong, seriously wrong because she'd never drop the phone just like that. She'd never drop her cordless like that if something wasn't wrong. And as she listened, her heart began to bleed with hurt when Regina's sobs grew evident now, the sound of her crying, choking on her tears as the line didn't go dead. With every sob, Emma felt a stab in her chest, a painful stab as her breath caught in her throat and she fought to breathe. She tried to breathe but nothing happened because the sound of hoarse sobs, the small scream from the throat on the other end, all of it just killed her, and tortured her. And she was bleeding. The line didn't disconnect. _

_Emma didn't disconnect her side of the line until everything grew silent. And when the phone grew silent in her ear, her eyes filled with tears, burning with tears as her parents' shadows danced over the wall in front of her. As they sat playing Scrabble with Henry, she could barely make out Neal's scruffy hair above the arm of the chair as he laughed. Everything appeared so normal. They were all one happy family, she had this new engagement ring on her finger and as her fingers splayed before her, as she choked on a sob, Emma began to cry. She cried silently as hot tears stung her throat. She clawed the ground beneath her as emotions wrecked her like harsh waves, drowning her. _

_She should have been happy because Neal had proposed to her only two hours ago. He had done it all, gotten down on his knees and asked her to marry him. And she had said yes. She had said yes because she honestly believed that her heart was completely set on HER before he came back. And when he had come back, she suddenly realized how much she had missed him. Then there were two choices. She had fallen in love with a woman and had always loved a man who was a thief, a man who stole her heart and a woman who had bewitched her. _

_But when she said yes, she said yes because she really thought not a chance was available with Regina. She didn't stand a chance. Why had she called, why did she remain silent on the phone and why had she collapsed in tears? Why was Regina crying? Why couldn't she just…say…something to her? _

"_Emma, you're missing the game!" Neal shouted, rearing his head as if to find her location. "I need help here."_

_Reaching up, she used the back of her right hand to wipe her eyes, she scrubbed her eyes dry. "I'm coming." And pushing herself up, she blinked rapidly, trying to blink away any signs of tears as her boots led her to the small gathering on the floor._

"_There you are", Snow said smiling. _

_Emma watched Neal fix the word 'Enigma' on the board and as much as she tried to ignore it, all she could decipher from the word was the combination of her name along with Regina's. That's all she saw. And biting her lips, she squeezed her eyes shut and fought the urge to cry. She held her breath and clenched her fists, her nails digging into the flesh as the word shone brightly in her mind._

_ENIGMA._

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><p><em>Xx<em>

**[Emma Swan]**

**Location: Inside the Diner**

**Time: 07:30 p.m. **

Sometimes such small things could trigger frustration from within you, small things like the humming of an Air Conditioning unit, or when someone chooses to click their knife and fork together whilst eating. Maybe it can also be the steady pulling open and slamming of a door, or the guffaw of laughter from across the room. But then again, it could also be your mind, these blinking ideas and frustrated lines of thoughts that lead nowhere. These thoughts that breathlessly had me chasing down corridors dimly lit and thick with the feel of doubt. As I turned each corner, I was presented with double the amount of passageways. And as my mind raced time, my feet led me down continuous paths of decisions that would never stop.

Perhaps it was kind of like a wake-up call for me: that I needed to make a firm decision and then the other doors would open. But the more I lingered on my self-doubt, my denials and conflicting feelings, as I avoided the decision, the longer the passageway appeared. And whilst he was calling me down one, leading me with a reassuring lamp, she was beckoning for my company, asking for my comfort as tears stained her cheeks in the pale yellow of the corridor lamps.

As you can recall, I had a really great afternoon with Regina. It had been one that began with me almost being turned away at the door. Yet as I had brandished the bouquet of flowers before me, lifting up the paper bag containing the Chinese takeout, she had allowed me to enter. Thereafter, we proceeded to spend the remaining time in each other's company as she gobbled down the broccoli and noodles, both of us sitting on the window seat overlooking Main Street of Storybrooke. We had also kind of ignited this spark between us, playing on the feelings had been chained deep down inside. Brave fingers had caressed heated skin, parted lips teasing and nibbling earlobes, me bearing the bulk of her weight as she had tormented me with foreplay.

I wish we could have spent every single afternoon like that. That's what I wanted. I wanted us to reach this definite point in time. But there were things that would somehow never bother to rest forever, things that blocked my path like concrete walls. And as I believed myself courageous enough to hit down one, another met my eyes but this time only higher than the one before. I mean, certain things in life could become like that, yeah? The thing about my life is that nothing is ever easy, and it's just the same for everyone else. We all have different situations, we all have our own problems, and we all attempt to deal with them as we see fit.

My problem is that I was faced with a problem, a choice and somehow I simply could not make a decision. Why? Even I hadn't the slightest idea. Possibly it was fear. Or maybe it was self-doubt, or conflicting feelings, or whatever. But I just couldn't do this.

"Again…" Neal was saying as he stole a potato chip from my tray, playfully nudging me, "I'm really sorry about the other night. Kind of went over the top."

I didn't answer. Eyes lowered, my fingers pinched up the red paper napkin. This had been expected. He obviously wished to play the apologetic game, wanting so desperately for me to run back to him.

"Emma, it's just that…" he stopped, lowered his head and then looked at me, "we have something, you know. We had something and then I let you go. You know why I let you go. It's not like I had a choice because it was your…destiny. Things…" a hand moved closer to mine, "happened and there was a time when you hated me for what I did but you said you understood. You came to terms with it. I've been here for you, Emma. I've been here and I've stayed. Didn't have to do it, remembering your choice with Hook. But you came back to me. You didn't run to her, you came to me when you returned here."

"I know what happened between us."

"Good…"

"I also know that people change…and…" I held up a hand as he tried to speak, "…Neal I'm not blaming you for anything. It's me. It's all me. This isn't about you or what you…did. It's about what I did. And I lied to you."

"Lied…you didn't lie to me. You loved me and you still do. Emma…" reaching up, his fingers softly brushed my right cheek, a thumb caressing my jawline, "look at me…you're conflicted. I can…see that…all of it in your eyes. Right now you don't know what you want at all. There are two of us but you can't jump to conclusions here. What you're good at is assessing situations, you're good at finding the truth and all that but you're not good at making choices. This choice right here: it's easy for you. Think back…"

I turned my face away from his caressing fingers. This is exactly where I had been expecting things to lead up to: from a sincere apology to a deliberate attempt at comparing himself with Regina. And because everything was occurring just as planned, because I knew him so well by now, it angered me somewhat. And right away, my mood changed.

"Think back on both of us. I'll leave you to think about which one of us caused you more pain and hurt you more: me or her. Simple. I left and always believed in you, whilst she left and stopped believing that's why she slipped up and has evidence to show. Right in your face…" he said as my eyes burnt, "right there. Doesn't take much to see the truth when you look at her. Soon he's gonna come back. Probably already on his way. And you mark my words, when Robin gets back here, she's going to have all focus on the baby they share. Not you."

If I could only tell you the truth and have you wonder how I could even become this kind of person. Everyone wants to know why I keep running back to Neal. She wishes to know why I'm making her wait and what's going on with me. But he's right.

I'm conflicted.

It isn't the fact that my love for her is lacking and my mind can't be made up. No. That would be too easy. This is all about not just loving one person but loving two and maybe loving one a little more. Even though my heart desperately longed to be with her, to give myself to her completely, I am left to scrutinize her mistakes, what she chose to do. Then there's Neal who quietly stuck with me all the time, who purposely made up what we had lost together. He's the one who stayed and fought for me, protected me and never doubted me. Of course we had a past. We had one where I fell in love with him and he was actually the first person I really loved.

People would think that when someone hurts you it gives you the right to keep on hating them. You ignorantly cling to this grudge. But not in my case. As much as I can admit that Neal fucked up big time before, she was no different. Both of them did what they had to do. Both of them completely and utterly slashed me with hurt. And I was foolish enough to still hold unto each of them equally in most ways, but biased in some situations.

Before she came back, I was so centered on believing Neal was the one who had done the wrong things, the one who didn't deserve the right things. But after that night, I just…I began to rethink where my heart stood in relation to both of them. It's not easy for me at all, that much should be understood. I'm reassessing my assessments that were already completed. It kills me because I can't make up my mind and as the days go by, as I spend time with them, it's getting harder because things keep coming up and my mind is left to delve deeper. She's making me reassess my feelings for the man who left but came back and made up for it. Whilst he is making me see the hurtful faults in her, those same faults that still kept me up at night, washed over by heartbreaking nightmares.

He's not pregnant but she is. He really understands me, comforts me, and sees the world in me. Neal gave me choices before to let him go but I went back to him without a doubt. And he never did the things she did to me. She didn't throw me in jail but she tried to selfishly kill me before, she challenged me with anger, knocked me over with her fucking magic. Regina infuriated me; wanted to take my son away, never believed in me most times. She dug up dirt on me and threw it in my face, punched me out, hurt my feelings.

I grew to accept her, and we became friends. Even being friends had been awkward because we both were growing to love each other. And perhaps she began to feel deeply for me even before I did. But nothing was ever quite easy between us. There was always tension, sexual tension, anger, hate, confusion, and if I carefully considered our relationship, no one had ever managed to get a rise out of me like she did. I could always fool everyone into believing that my mind could be made up, and that I could make decisions on my own. But most times, the conflict within me always frustrated the shit out my belief in myself.

Everyone expected so much from me: my parents, Henry, everyone. And they always looked to me to save the day, to always be the cheerful one, the one who was certain about herself. I was the daughter of Snow White and Prince Charming: the product of True Love. My parents were ideally perfect and used as an example. Their romantic life was perfect. But here I was, torn between two lovers. What a field day everyone would have when they realized the intensity of my new dilemma.

Growing up by myself I had gained a sense of independence yeah. Even in the foster system I always handled life on my own, never relying on anyone to take care of me. Holding myself together was always tough because even in a house with other kids, you were always treated as the 'other one'. And high school was hell for me: the boys, the booze, the crowd I hung out with, peer pressure. I used to make decisions on my own because no one could make them for me and my choice didn't affect anyone else. Things I did like stay out after twelve, flirting with guys and not giving a fuck about grades: that was an independent life. Now I had a family, I had her, I had Henry and practically a whole town. It's like I felt so pressured, from all corners to just be someone other than myself.

I had to make this choice which would appear easy from the outside. Regina loved me so yeah Emma, just choose her. Just give everything up and run to her, take her and leave everything else behind. You shouldn't care what anyone else thinks or says about it. People will talk, your son will probably hate you for some time, and your name will be scandalized. You'd be labelled as 'different' and to some a disappointment. Maybe your son will find that you're a big disappointment, falling in love with his other mother and leaving his father just like that. But this wasn't about him. It was about me. This was all about me.

And because it was about me, it was left to me to decide, I felt pressured and frustrated. I didn't know what to do at all because paranoia kicked in. Suddenly my faults were magnified, and the consequences were glowing brighter.

It's like suddenly your entire life appears to be at a standstill until you make this one major decision. And you're standing there with these options on the table. But each one comes with a portfolio of hurt, pain, challenges, a colorful past, mistakes, strengths and weaknesses. Each one has merits. Yet you simply cannot just choose one because of the consequences. And frankly, when everyone believed me to be brave in most situations, honestly I considered that as an overstatement simply because I could push myself to appear courageous. I could put up a front and act all macho about stuff. But deep down inside when faced with certain situations, the Savior could become a big ball of mush inside. And that same woman who looked bold holding a shiny sword, that hero…she could be reduced to a paranoid state of self-doubt when put to the test.

"I don't want to talk about that right now", I said, frustrated and already feeling a headache creeping up as I chewed warm potato. "Putting that aside, what's up with the SOS?"

"You're not going to like it", he said warily, throwing his arm at the back of the chair and stretching as his boots toed the floor. "Apparently, Boston has reopened the Johnson case."

Immediately my blood froze, my head felt as if there was a major power outage inside there. Widening my eyes, I turned to stare at him. "What?"

"Phillip is on the move again…I thought you saw the news", and he considered me with confused eyes. "Don't you watch the news anymore?"

"They reopened the case?" I asked, gripping the table with fingers growing as cold as ice. "Why?"

"Because they…were supplied with new evidence…an eyewitness…"

"What the hell!"

"They've reopened it and…" I searched his eyes desperately, "the case is labelled as a homicidal investigation now. Both…"

"But that's…"

He held up a hand. "Both murders, your foster dad Robbie and the witch Debbie…both labelled as murders. And guess what's happened that's convenient?" he waited on an answer then he shook his head in disbelief. "The one year you spent in New York, seems like good old drug dealing Robbie conveniently got shot and thrown in an alleyway not too far from where you were staying."

I couldn't believe this. This wasn't happening. My feet felt like stones within my boots, knees gone weak and I could only stare at him with wide eyes, eyes filled obviously with shock, disbelief, fear. Could things get any worse?

"They didn't say who they suspect. But you and I both know what happened to Debbie, what happened to Phillip. And you haven't seen him for how long…"

"Over fourteen years…" I whispered, my mind racing with thoughts.

"I mean, you sure you haven't seen him after, talked to him, said anything to a stranger about…"

I shook my head. "No…"

"Dated anyone that had links to him, tied up some deal back when we were stealing…"

"Noo", I said again. "I haven't seen him in years, Neal."

"Somehow they got new evidence… he dug up dirt."

"I mean, he was always…" I tried to envision him once again, "clean shaven. Did time in the Marine Corp. When he'd come home it was always for like a couple days and…" swallowing, I felt fear grip me more, "but I don't think I could recognize him after all these years if he talked or…approached me."

"Shit…because apparently, Phillip is the one who reopened the case. The news said a relative to the two deceased. Didn't show his picture but he's going to be all up in the case now. Maybe with media coverage they're going to show the rat's face. I…" he pulled out his phone and slide a thumb across the screen, "I checked up the news online. Nothing much… Checked up his name. Nothing. All I got was a dead end because he's smart. And he's hidden himself good enough."

"Maybe…" I lifted my hands to wipe my face, eyes unfocused, "he's using another name. Maybe he's changed his identity. It's what Robbie was good at."

"Yeah all the stolen and disappearing people."

"Neal, this is not good."

"You don't have to tell me that. I know…and you see I was telling you the other night, these things happened in your past. Happened to you… You came here with baggage, Emma. These people…" he lowered his voice, leaning closer to me, "Regina, your mother, they don't know about this at all. But if they know, if they find out, especially Regina, she's going to want to get involved and you can't have that happening."

Regina would definitely get involved: that I was certain of. And if she jumped into all of this, then chances are that she'd be placed in a position just as Neal had been thrown into. Back in Boston, just before the watch incident, Phillip had wormed his way into my life and had somehow been working to fuck me up behind my back, remaining hidden from me. From the time I had met Neal, our little escapades from stores went unnoticed. We'd go in easy, get what we wanted and exit without being caught. That was until someone had tipped off some of the stores we had robbed. Next thing I knew, our whereabouts were being questioned in two states. Then we had to flee and get the hell out of there. Tallahassee was as far as I wanted to go to get away from everything because I kept believing, kept feeling as if someone was tracking me. It was until I was in prison then I realized that something had been fishy about certain occurrences in my life. Like making deals with small drug dealers, being told that people were asking questions and having myself being forced to move out, to find another dealer.

I knew it was Phillip.

But he never showed his face and frankly, this was exactly why.

But I couldn't get Regina involved. Neal had been fucked before with his involvement, and the stolen watches, that incident still gnawed at me all the time. I kept feeling as if Phillip had something to do with all of this strange stuff. So that's why I couldn't tell her. I couldn't just blurt it out and try to make her see reason in any of this because the first thing she'd want to do was to fish for answers, brush aside the dirt and find the scumbag. Especially how she was pregnant and so vulnerable now, hell no. I wasn't going to jeopardize this, to throw her in harm's way.

All of this made me realize what I was about to get myself into if I committed to her. It made me feel stupid. But that part of me that didn't give a fuck about what Phillip wanted kind of kept pushing me to ignore the new happenings. I kept feeling brave, like nothing could happen to me, so I could do what the hell I wanted. That independent streak in me kicked in. I could hook up with her, leave Neal and start a new life. I could do this if I wanted it. But this wasn't about me alone.

Neal wasn't going to stop me because no one could stop me. But the thing is, he knew all of this. He knew about my past, he knew how to handle me and all of it. He knew too much already. Neal had been through things with me, had protected me, ducked out of suspicious trailing eyes just in time. We went a long way back.

Regina was just a very delicate choice for me to make. And this murder case being reopened kind of pinched my worry a little too much. Before today it had been just about breaking up with Neal and finding a way to work things out with her, the baby and ignoring her connection to Robin. Now the fucking case had me becoming paranoid, like majorly worried.

"I can't tell her", I said quietly. "I can't tell any of them."

"Glad you know that."

"So what, I stay here and hide?"

"As long as the town line is secure, as long as Gold and Regina are firmly standing on their feet, alive and well with their magic intact, then you're safe for now."

"I'm not going to hide from him because that's exactly what he wants."

"Then what are you going to do, give yourself up for questioning because we both know that's where this investigation is going to lead."

"Yeah but I'm not guilty of anything so why should I cover up and hide?"

"Emma, these people, these people are fucking serious with this shit!" he said directly, looking at me with concern. "This isn't just another reopened case; it's been reopened to bring you down."

"But I didn't do anything", I said to his face. "Neal, I didn't kill either of them. What evidence could they have on me?"

"Oh I don't know", he said matter-of-factly, and he scoffed, "planted evidence? False witnesses? Some woman next door who saw you push Debbie down, or some dude who claims you dated him in New York and you owned a gun, same gun used to shoot Robbie?"

"That's fucking ridiculous."

"That's the fuckery that goes on in this world and things ain't exactly peachy, has never been for both of us when it comes to the crime system. We used to be knee deep in that sort of shit. We know what people did, how people could use their power to fuck you up."

"He was in jail, he was locked up for raping me and he has power…" this was unbelievable.

"The man's father was running a fucking drug cartel from South America, Emma!" Neal reminded me. "He probably has links everywhere, even in the judicial system. Best thing you can do now, is to lie low, stay within this world for now. No one here knows about your past. Just the two of us. Leave Regina out of this, think about Henry…"

"I can't believe this", I said, "my life just doesn't get any better."

"The faster you cut Regina off, the easier it becomes for you, because you'd be protecting her, doing her a favor."

"Oh so that's the way you see it then?" I asked.

"And that's the way you should see it too…if you care about her", he said blatantly, his face expressionless. "Emma, you can't seriously be considering this at all. Listen to yourself. You're not…into women. You've never been. How can you possibly…"

"I've never been attracted to women", I said directly, a potato fry clipped between my fingers, "but with Regina…I…"

"We're engaged. You did all this way before, committed and promised that in less than two weeks, we'd be tying the knot. Just you and me…that's what you said, what you had me believing and waiting for…it's been what…two years now and I've been waiting, Emma. I've been here and you made these promises. Now it's like you're telling me you never cared about any of it."

"But I did. I cared about everything. And I wanted things to work out for us. Trust me, Neal, I did. It's just…" I sighed. "Trying to forget her was the hardest thing for me to do. I said yes to you before I found out about her feelings for me, and whether you like it or not, come to think of it", I said as my throat tightened from emotion, "I fell in love with her even before you came back to Storybrooke with Tamara. It's something I wanted to tell you in Neverland, that's why I said that things moved on from when we last saw each other. It wasn't Hook, it wasn't anyone else. It was always her."

He didn't speak for quite some time, choosing instead to allow the silence to stretch between us like an expansive field. And as the time ticked by, I carefully began to assess my words that had been said to him. I thought about my actions again and again. And throwing sideways glances at him, I anticipated his next move, waiting.

"I've always wanted you to be happy, Emma", he said quietly, his fingers playing with the edge of the red plastic tray, head lowered. "You know I've always wanted that."

"I know that, Neal."

"The thing that upsets me is the fact that you never told me about this and you just chose to believe to yourself that things could pass over. And you'd forget about it. You know, yeah I was aware of Regina's attraction towards you a long time ago. And believing that she was just being a psycho, believing that she was into you, I…" my eyes registered his hand reaching up to wipe his face, "I called her and told her off, told her to leave you alone, knowing to myself that hey, you'd never encourage any of that. You'd never be involved. Not knowing that you were feeling the same way about her all this time. I'm not supporting this decision you're making, Emma", he said decisively, looking at me. "I'm just fully aware that once you've made up your mind, no one can change it. And all I can do right now is to have you do some soul searching by yourself. Find out what you want and listen to your heart. It's not me saying that I'm willing to let you go, but I need you to be sure of yourself. You run to her and she fucks you up, then that's all on you. I've said my bit, and fairly I've not attacked this talk with a threatening disposition. Fair enough to say that the ball is in your court, and it's your decision. Whatever choice you make, just know that I'll respect it. I'm not going to go too easy. But I'll respect it. Had it been anyone else but Regina though…"

"What's wrong with her?"

"What's wrong with her…everything!" he declared. "if you disregard the fact that she's a woman, I can come up with a football field long of her faults and mistakes, the people she killed and…"

"The people she saved", I interrupted him, my voice softly pressing forward, "the town she saved and our son who she raised. The fact that she did so many things to make up for the bad stuff and she's been through her share of hell already as payback… She's made mistakes but above all, she's not the same as she was before."

"She tried to kill you…"

"She saved me many times after that…"

"What about when she wanted to take Henry away from you and destroy the town in the process?" he asked, folding his arms on the table before him as his eyes met mine.

"She was just being a protective mother…"

"So you're willing to put aside all her faults and her past to just try this with her, Emma?"

I shrugged. "Didn't I do that with you, twice?"

"But we're different", he said directly.

"And why do you think we're different?"

"Because…I've been through so much with you, Emma, so much, even through the pits of hell and the chase of our lives. And if you really love her then you'd see things from a safe distance and reconsider linking her closer to you, especially with a target on your head. I can deal with stuff like that, but she can't because one: she doesn't know everything like I do and two: she's going to want to get involved and it's too risky for her. Most of that you can see. I don't need to remind you…"

"Right…" was all I said.

I couldn't cut her off. I couldn't do that at all. Reaching for my mobile on the table, eyes lowered I slid my thumb to unlock the screen. And clicking on the Google search icon, I typed in 'the Johnson's Murder Case reopened'. As Neal pulled my tray away, he helped himself to my remaining fries, tearing open a pack of ketchup as the red oozed from the slit. Licking his finger like a seven year old, he eyed me warily as I checked on the search. But the wait wasn't long because right at the top of the page, FOX and NBC had already done a web report on the updated news.

"What's creasing your forehead?" Neal asked, and his voice sounded distant as my eyes read slowly. "Regina sexting you…" biting the end of a fry, he sucked ketchup from his right thumb. "Too hardcore for your taste, or too softcore? You know, you can just text back, 'I'm with Neal' and all the texts will just…stop." He offered me a small smile.

"Definitely was Phillip who reopened the case", I said quietly, and my feet felt numb inside my boots. "It says here that the son of the deceased has chosen to reopen the case due to a new lead. And…" Neal moved in closer, poking his head in front of the phone to catch a read, "choosing to remain away from the prying eyes of the reporters, Phillip Johnson has decided to keep the investigation under wraps as the truth is yet to be discovered. According to inside sources, he's attempting to put his father to rest peacefully by finding the same person who supposedly killed both his parents. What the hell?" Eyes wide, I considered Neal. "Debbie fell to her death!"

"After she kind of slipped over your foot", Neal offered, and I scowled at him.

"I didn't murder anyone."

"Apparently Phillip thinks you did."

"This is so absurd!" I declared in awe, "he seriously thinks he's gonna pin two murders on me when I did nothing to begin with? He's the one who's messed up. Not me! His entire family is trash."

Eyes searching for pictures captured by the media, I was only able to find two, catching glimpses of Phillip as he shoved his way through crowds of reporters. Hands over his eyes, a dark hair woman hiding behind these huge pair of sunglasses was kind enough to cover him with the jacket of his tuxedo. But something appeared vaguely familiar about her, that face structure, almost as if I had seen her before somewhere.

"The fucker knows how to hide…" Neal mumbled.

"Even when you google Phillip Johnson, apparently he's been paying the paparazzi handsomely to hide his face from media coverage because there isn't a…" I scrolled through useless images, "…there isn't a picture here with him, which is weird if you ask me."

"Not when these guys have big ones all over working for them."

"Still pretty weird", I said.

Then the bell over the door jingled, actually let me rephrase that: the group of bells over the door jingled as if Santa's sleigh was outside and as my head was turned to check behind me, in walked Regina with my mother in tow.

"Shit!" I swore under my breath, eyes wide. And sliding further down into the seat, my legs stuck out under the opposite chair. Shoulders hunched, head already hidden from view, I folded my arms neatly across my chest and squeezed my eyes shut.

"Soo…can I still talk or…"

"No!" I said quickly. "Just…shut up and look…"

"Alone…" he said with his lips barely moving.

"Yeah…"

"And she saw you come in here with me…" he whispered.

"Then like half an hour ago", I said quietly, sliding under the table, "I got up and left."

"To go where?"

"Neal…" I said as my eyes met him from under the table, "stop talking!"

"No."

"Stop or else…"

"You will get between my legs and…hey…" he said and half laughed. "Well if it isn't my…mother…in…law…" and his boot nudged me.

"Still pending…" Regina said as her pair of boots came into view. And pulling my knees to my chest, I hugged them, swallowing hard as the bottom of her coat flapped around her perfectly cute knees.

"I find it rather strange that you're sitting here all alone", mom said and I could already see her face scrunching up from worry, "and there's no Emma in sight."

"Oh she…she uh…" Neal was stumbling, "she…was…here…but then she…"

"Called quits and ran out on you", Regina continued for him.

"Well she might have ran but she isn't with you, so I really don't think you should talk", Neal said pointedly.

"Oh, she'll come to me…eventually…"

"I'd give it a couple more years, or let's stretch it to a century…in another life…another realm…when she's forced against her own will…"

"You babbling waste of pathetic space…" Regina said, her voice hoarse and dangerous. I could already picture her stormy brown eyes.

"Look, let's not fight, okay?" mom said cheerfully. "We just came over to say hi…"

"And to find out where is Emma", Regina interrupted. "But it appears that she couldn't stand to be in your company for a prolonged period."

"I got to admit, Regina", Neal said warily, "you really think of yourself so highly but you're just wasting your effort. Look, Emma's way younger than you to begin with. What are you…a cougar or something, preying on the innocent young ones without any grey hairs on their head?" I gulped as Regina's right boot moved closer to Neal, "…go roll over in the sack with some other woman…"

"Neal…" Snow warned.

"Roll over again with Ruby, familiar grounds, don't push your hands into where I've already been. Why don't you just see that you don't stand a chance, lady?"

"Why don't you take your arrogant, pathetic, second chance piece of shitty mind and shove it up your…"

"We're leaving!" Snow interrupted quickly, or shouted rather, "we're leaving and…we're not…coming back inside…we're going to keep distance from each other…because…one of us has the potential to use magic and cause earthquakes…and TWO OF US ARE DISADVANTAGED."

I didn't realize my hand was pressed over my mouth, stifling a laugh as I watched Regina being tugged away, the heels of her boots digging into the floor.

"Pink doesn't suit you…" Neal threw across the room.

"And apparently you still need to do something about your hairy caveman genes", they were at the door when Regina stopped. "Try waxing…"

"Why don't you wax that smirk off your face."

"Asshole."

"I'm going to leave!" Neal shouted. "I'm going to leave and I bet I'll find Emma even before you can find her. I'll use the back entrance. You just…stay at the front and…know to yourself that we're going to be hanging…together…" the door was closing, "in less than fifteen minutes!" he shouted.

Rolling my eyes, I slowing slid out from under the table. "Really, you actually thought you'd stand a chance against not one but two pregnant women?"

"Hey, you owe me for this, you know", he said, turning to me. "I'm aware that it couldn't have ended well. Hiding under there and leaving me for the crows to devour."

I sighed.

"Since she arrived here, we've been having more drama here than the Young and the Restless or Passions", he said.

* * *

><p>Xx<p>

**[Flashback]**

_Parting the red lace blinds, her brown eyes suddenly fixated on a mane of blonde hair, the strut of Miss Emma Swan as she crossed the street below. And as her right hand patted her jeans pocket, feeling for her keys, Regina's eyes roamed the blonde's body. She searched the shape of the woman who stopped by her yellow car, her gaze lingered on Emma's shoulders as her the sun streaked her hair bright yellow. And holding her breath, she swallowed hard as her fingernails dug into the window sill before her._

_It had been a week since this stranger had arrived here, seven days and as the time ticked by, Regina found herself desperately becoming attracted to this new comer. This woman who suddenly appeared and took up roots here, this strange woman who was tickling her heart with a feather, triggering some kind of awakening within her: this was not good._

_Hands snaked around her waist as lips pressed kisses along the back of her neck, tasting her, inhaling her. But her mind was engrossed in the woman sitting there in the car, biting into something wrapped in paper as she chewed and stared at the street before her._

"_We've only got half an hour before Henry gets home", Graham reminded her hoarsely as he felt his way around her body, fingertips pressing into the softness of her thighs as he bunched her black pencil skirt up. "Let's not waste any time."_

_Blonde hair…_

"_What are you looking at?" he pressed on as her hands remained hanging at her sides, never reaching up to return his caresses. "Emma Swan?" he asked after some time, after following her line of sight. "A stranger in town, of course it bothers you."_

"_It infuriates me", she said._

"_She's just passing through."_

"_She doesn't belong here."_

"_As any stranger doesn't belong here. Rest your mind. She'll be gone soon."_

"_She better be…" Regina trailed off, as her eyes burnt. "Or else we'll both pay the price."_

_And as if sensing her scrutiny, emerald eyes turned in her direction. As soon as Regina noticed that her hideout was discovered, she gasped, eyes flying open as even from such a distance, they both stared at each other. He could work his hands around her. He could feel her and taste her. Anyone could. But when her mind was focused on Emma, nothing else seemed to matter. Everything was suddenly wiped away and all that remained was this infuriating woman who had crossed the town line and had crashed into her heart._

* * *

><p><em>Xx<em>

**[Regina Mills]**

**Location: Outside the Diner.**

**Time: 7:30 p.m.**

"She said that he's…brought up something from her past and he's using it against her", I said to Snow, leaning forward as a cloud of concern enveloped me. "Do you know anything about that?"

We were sitting outside of the Diner that same night after Snow had practically dragged me out of the apartment. The weather was slightly overcast with a chilling wind, just enough to occasionally ruffle your hair. Even though my feet were still tucked into those comfortable socks, toes curling as my boots toed the concrete under me, my mind still felt uneasy because I wished to be indoors… After such a long day, day after day, exhaustion had become my looming companion, attacking me very early in the evenings. Then again, I had quite an eventful evening, didn't I?

Narrowing her eyes, I watched her chew a chip. "Yes, in fact she said he threatened her. And she'd say no more. I kept asking her about it over and over again but you know Emma. Once she says she's not going to tell you, she surely doesn't."

"But…" my fork pressed the plate for emphasis, "could it be something from…our…past…Fairytale-wise or…maybe it's Gold or whilst she was in Boston…New York…"

Snow shrugged. "I really have no idea. Did you ask her?"

"She said she'd handle it on her own."

"Then maybe it's nothing major."

"He threatened her, Snow", I said directly.

"But if it was serious, then she'd come to one of us for help, she'd confide in us or let us know."

"Would she?" I asked, searching her eyes. "Because you and I both know her independence pushes her way past the point in asking for help. She's like me. Even when we're face to face with our demons, we refuse to ask assistance but tackle it…head on…on our own."

Snow smiled wryly.

"I swear if Neal is threatening her, if he is out to hurt her, Snow…I will rip his head off or his heart and crush it because I'm getting a terrible feeling about this. It's gnawing at me, eating away at me, how she's prolonging this, how she's still running back to him as if he has chains on her. This I cannot deal with: knowing that Emma could be in danger, she could be…harassed or she's afraid of something and I just…can't…help…her. I can't let anyone hurt her. I'd be pushed to…" I clenched my fists, teeth gritted, "kill…"

"Hey don't you dare talk that way! The baby is listening to you!" Snow hissed, her eyes flashing. "You just don't do that."

"Right…" I said, trying to calm down as I took deep breaths, breathing slowly, trying to gather composure.

"Regina, Neal isn't an aggressive kind of person", she said calmly, her eyes considerate and kind. "He can be somewhat stupid sometimes, he can be a fool but he wouldn't hurt her. He's just not that type as far as I know."

"And how are you so sure?" I asked.

"Things he's done for her whilst you were…away", and she lowered her eyes as I continued to watch her. "Like he treats her extremely nice but Emma was always, always distracted even when Neal kept trying. And if you remember, the first time he came back here, his intentions weren't to get back with her. He just cared a lot for her. It eventually became more. She's…ever since you left she never appeared genuinely in love with him. There was always something more she seemed to want. And when I say I'm on your side, it doesn't mean that I hate Neal. It just means that I'd like to see my daughter happy. And she's happy when she's with you or she's thinking of you or talking about you. That makes her happy."

I remained silent as my fork was lifted and tasting the cake for the first time since it arrived in front of me, I chewed slowly. Instantaneously, the mouthful of chocolate cake melted, and my eyes fluttered close as I softly savored the taste of Granny's expertise in baking. All of this made me quite aware of how long it had been. And it was great to be back once more.

"When you left, we all thought that you'd never come back."

"I had no intention of coming back", I said.

"Emma believed you never would come back, and the day before you came she was actually thinking that you could be dead. She was sitting on the steps this…Friday night when Gold came over to tell us how you had sent a message. I remember her face, Regina. She jumped up and was so excited, so…eager to hear what you had to say. But when he told us that you said hello and you hope we were well, and you were also pregnant, Emma kind of took it really hard. Before that, she was focusing on Neal because she wanted to believe she had to give up on you. And I kept urging her to let you go because she was hurting. But when she heard that Gold said you're pregnant, Emma just…she grew so, so silent. Then getting up, I watched her walk in the house and minutes later, I found her lying on the chair, crying."

Resting my elbows on the table, I reached up and gently pressed my fingers at the corners of my eyes as they stung.

"It's not easy walking in on her saying yes to his proposal. But it's even harder for her to handle the fact that you're carrying Robin's baby, Regina. Somehow it affects her so, so much even though she doesn't want it to affect her. I'm not blaming you…"

"I know that", I said softly, my voice hoarse. "I know you don't blame me."

"But she's taking it really hard. She's trying. And she appears to have a lot on her mind right now. She still really loves you."

"Not as much as I love her."

"Why don't you just focus on relaxing right now and try to distract yourself."

"When she's still spending time with Neal?" I asked in a frustrated voice. "I want her to be here…sitting with me…because right now I feel as if we're an ocean apart and I'm back to two years ago again."

"But you're not. You both know how the other feels."

"It doesn't feel that way."

"Regina, no matter what, Emma will still have to see him around, here and there. And running into him cannot be avoided. You've both waited two years", Snow said quietly, reaching out to rest a hand on mine. "I think you can wait just a little bit longer if that's what she asked you to do. If you find that she's holding out too long, then we'll both confront her. Maybe we should just give her some space right now."

"And suppose she runs back to him?" my eyes were welling up with tears. "Do you see what this is doing to me, Snow? Can you see how affected I am by all of this?" lifting a hand I wiped away tears. "I'm losing control with every passing second. This is my entire fault."

"It's not your fault. Everything happens for a reason, Regina and when love is meant to be, it's never easy. Look what happened between David and me ever since we met. We were separated; there was always something in the way. But we found a way to make it work. And it's beautiful even after the entire struggle."

"My life is not a fairytale like yours, Snow", I said hoarsely, using my fork to play with the crumbs on my plate. "It has never been easy for me. And yes, it's my fault, all of it."

"If you believe that it's your fault then you'll just keep losing belief in yourself. And you've done so many good things in your life to make up for everything you did wrong. Your life may not be what you want it to be like, but you just have to take the good things and smile at them."

"What good things are there for me to smile about?" I asked. "The woman I have loved for such a long time belongs to someone else and not me alone, my son is avoiding me, I am conflicted and I'm…" I gestured towards my midsection, "I'm carrying Robin's baby, the man that loved me completely for such a long time. I ran out on him, selfishly choosing to do so because I believed that I couldn't move on without having Emma know exactly how I feel about her. Now that I've told her, things haven't changed at all. And I just…"

"I'd like to stop you right there", Snow said holding up a hand, her eyes focused on me, "because above everything else in your life right now, you should be completely happy about having a baby. That alone should make you feel complete. And when your whole world seems as if it's crashing down on you and it's not getting better, Regina sometimes you might be missing out the good things that have happened to you."

"I'm sorry, but I can't find good in anything that's happened to me."

"Are you listening to yourself?" she demanded, her eyes wide. "I want you to answer me truthfully." And her hand gripped mine comfortingly. "Do you really believe that nothing good has happened in your life?"

"Yes."

"Then why did you come back?" she asked quietly, her eyebrows knitted. "Didn't you come back for Emma?"

"I did…"

"Isn't that something good?"

I sighed, lifting a hand as my fingers were splayed across my face, eyes fluttering close. "Snow, you're always focused on everything happening for a good reason when truthfully, bad things do happen. Bad decisions are made and nothing exciting occurs afterwards."

"Every decision we made, we made that decision because we believed something good would come out of it."

"And most times, quite the opposite happens."

"So why would I keep blaming myself for making a mistake when I can use it as a life lesson and move on?" she asked from across the table as I watched her. "Why not use the moment you have to remedy things instead of dwelling on all the bad things that have happened? People just waste their time focusing on their mistakes."

"It's still my fault."

"You're so stubborn, Regina", she said and after sighing, Snow started to shake her head. "Why did you leave Storybrooke?"

"I already told you this", I said in a frustrated tone, "I don't need to…"

"Say it again to me…"

"I…" my eyes met hers and I held my gaze, searching her eyes, "I left because I was…in love with Emma…and she wasn't aware of my feelings for her, so she accepted Neal's proposal."

"Is that your fault?"

"Yes."

"Why?"

"Because…" wind whipped around us and my hair danced around my cheeks, "if I had told her, if I was only brave enough to speak freely about my feelings then she would have known."

"And at that time, did you believe that she loved you the same way you loved her?"

"No…"

"Then how is that your fault?"

"She would have known."

"She knows now, doesn't she? And that should make you somewhat happy."

"After two years of suffering in my own hell", and I sighed, warily reaching up to brush my hair from in front of my face.

"So when you were with Robin for two years you were never happy?"

"I…was…but…"

"Putting aside Emma for just one minute", Snow said quietly, "all I can see from where I'm sitting is a woman who has been loved by so many people and yet she just fails to wake up and realize how special she is. Robin loves you. Emma loves you. I do more than ever. You have a family. Your son missed you that's why he grew upset with your departure. And I bet that Roland loved you so, so much when you were his mommy for two years. All I can gather from that is the fact that you're simply pushing all the good feelings aside to dwell on the bad ones. And once you start seeing your choices as being faults, then you're going to forget the good things."

My eyes lingered on Ruby as she skipped down the stone steps balancing a tray on one palm as Whale's eager eyes met hers. And delivering a glass of chocolate milk unto the table before him, she affectionately patted his head, smiling wryly.

"I really don't know but right now all you need to do is to focus on something good, Regina. It's not good for your health if you dwell on the bad things, things that will stress and upset you. You just need to breathe and relax, find happiness somewhere because if you don't, then you're not going to pull through this. If you keep worrying yourself, then you're going to get sick."

"I'm already sick."

"Stop being so negative."

"I'm not being negative. I'm being honest. I am sick, both physically and mentally. I'm love sick and pregnant, get the drift?" A sigh escaped my lips.

"You've changed so much from the last time I saw you and spoke to you. It's mostly in relation to your pregnancy, but somehow you're being pulled down by not believing in yourself. And that's not the Regina I know at all. The Regina I know would never blame herself for anything, no matter how bad it was. She'd fight to prove she's right and what she's doing is right. And above all, if it's one thing the Queen was always good, she had so much determination in getting what she wanted no matter the cost."

"I shouldn't have come back."

"But you did, now suck it up and up your game."

I studied her with startled eyes, a look that searched her intentions. "Up my game?" I raised an eyebrow.

"Yes! Stop staying in that apartment all day and get out, go tease Emma, torment her like you used to, get in her way and show her you mean business. And you're not going to back down. Remind her how much you affect her, visit her at work and go all romantic on her. Push her, Regina."

"Since when have you become so feisty and well versed in playing love games?"

"Since I began to hang out with Ruby and I learnt about how wild love can really be." Offering me a wicked smile, she winked. "She's dating both Whale and Archie, plus I watch a lot of television shows now. So yes, I am learning slowly but surely about all things love related."

"Good to know…"

"Do you want to hear my ideas on stirring up Emma's feelings?"

"I…don't…think…I have a choice at the moment."

"You have no choice but to listen to me."

"Oh boy…" and I breathed in, preparing myself for her outrageous ideas on the art of flirtation. "What a night this is going to be with lessons on 101…'how to sweep Emma Swan off her feet, who happens to be your daughter by the way."

For a while she just scrunched up her face, deep thinking the idea and the meaning to my words. And whilst she thought about it, Snow played with her potato chip, swirling the tip into the pool of ketchup idly until her eyes were once again cast upon me.

"Kiss her", she said finally. I waited for her to continue. "I find that she's just like her father, and if it's one thing that David loves is when I surprise him with these romantic gestures. Like I'd try spontaneous things which might seem completely weird at the moment but to just do it, to…" she balled her fist and rested it on the table, "…just take a leap and go way out, like kissing him on the sidewalk just like that, or showing up at work with lunch for us both, when he gets home I just suddenly want to get up and have us go for a walk on the beach. Small things that seem out of the way may completely get her attention. And I really think that you should at least find some time to get the two of you alone together, away from everyone and everything else, somewhere quiet with time on your hands. Then you should talk to her about everything, everything that matters and how you feel about everything. You should just get it out in the open."

* * *

><p>Xx<p>

**[Emma]**

Somehow I ended up going home with Neal for the second night in a row.

And the harshness of my decision to return home didn't jolt me to my senses until I turned between the sheets and my face nuzzled his chest, the familiar smell of his aftershave and Old Spice perfume. Eyes fluttering open, to myself I believed that it was just a dream, that I was still curled up on the couch back at my parents' apartment and somehow the pillow smelt like Neal, felt like Neal and tasted like Neal. I could taste him. I could actually taste him in my dream, I thought as sleep washed me into the ocean, drowning my mind and pushing me under.

Suddenly, it's like I was conscious of where I was and what was going on. But it's like even though I felt kind of awkward and totally weird about it, nothing triggered me to get up and leave. The familiarity, the feel of the bed and for once not having to sleep on a couch, the feel of his arm around me: somehow all of that made me feel safe in some strange way. It wasn't because I wanted him, or was interested in being intimate with him. All of this had to do with me being close to this guy who felt so connected to me, just like a close friend, this dude who understood me so well.

Somehow I felt…okay.

But I didn't feel like a forever okay. This was one of the places I could certainly find comfort and care, beside him. But there was somewhere else I needed to be, where my heart longed to be, forever and ever. And it wasn't here beside him. This wasn't my permanent happiness. And I could keep coming back here, I could somehow keep being here with him. However, as she said, there was no way in hell that I could ever succeed in running away from her because my heart yearned to be in her arms, sleeping close to her, to smell her and to feel her against me. I wanted that within my heart.

My mind just kept screaming that my heart possibly wanted me to crash and burn.

And stretching on my side, I turned over and with my back facing him, as his arm slid away from my waist and fell unto the bed, after that connection was broken, I suddenly drifted into sleep.

That's when the nightmare started. This time, it was the most horrifying one ever.

_I was in this alleyway, black as tar, and the only thing I could smell was the dumpster of mixed garbage somewhere in the setting. As my boots came to a halt and my eyes met a high brick wall, a second pair of thumping boots behind me ceased running as well. And eyes frantic, chest cold as ice, I refused to turn around just yet._

_That's when he laughed. And I remembered that laugh, that sickening laugh as his eyes narrowed into slits would peek through the crack of my bedroom door before he slinked in._

"_Emma, you can't keep running."_

"_Leave me alone", I said hoarsely, trying to feel if I had my gun stuck in the waist of my jeans. "Just…leave me alone."_

"_And what fun would that be?" Phillip's teenage voice asked me. "If I left you alone, then that would be no fun at all."_

"_What do you want?" I asked the brick wall before me._

"_I want to ruin your life as you ruined mine, Emma."_

"_I did nothing to you."_

"_You threw me in jail!" he screamed in the silence of the night. And my entire body jolted from his screech. "You fucked me up by putting me in jail and then you killed my mother!"_

"_I didn't kill your mother", I said softly. "She fell."_

"_Just as my father fell when you held the gun to his head in that alleyway, and you shot him."_

"_I didn't kill him either!" I shouted, spinning around with my eyes wide, fists clenched._

_And as I stared forward, I could see his shape before me, I could see his black leather jacket, his taunting smile, but where his face was supposed to be, there was just a shadow. A black shadow. Like a faceless person, a blackness that horrified me._

"_I'm going to destroy you, Emma Swan", he said, and a laugh ensued. "I'm going to find you, I'm going to start with Neal first. I'm going to make him…fall to his death. Then your son, oh I'm not going to hurt a child because I'd never hurt a child. But that woman of yours, that beautiful woman who loves you so much, I'm going to find her and just as you took my parents away from me…"_

"_No…" I choked._

"_Just as you took them away, I'm going to take her away from you. She's pregnant, isn't she?" his jeering smile returned, his face tilted sideways. "I'll kill her, Emma."_

"_No!" I shouted, my throat closing up, tears burning my eyes. "No, leave her alone!"_

"_Actually you know what, I'm not going to kill her. I'm going to make you kill her, I'm going to make you destroy her as I turn you insane, as I fuck you up and tear you apart from her. Everything that you want to find happiness in, I'll take it away from you."_

"_Leave me alone!" I cried. "I did nothing…to you…"_

"_I'm going to find you, Emma. I'm going to find her."_

Hands were grabbing me, and I fought them. I lashed out at them, believing that he was snatching at me, trying to claw my face.

"Emma…"

"Get away from me!" I croaked, eyes squeezed shut, "get the fuck away from me."

"Hey, it's…"

I snatched the hands trying to grab me and squeezed with all my might, my fingernails pressing into flesh.

"Emma! It's Neal! Jesus, wake up! You're having a nightmare…"

"Neal…" I said softly, eyes fluttering open as my grip slackened.

"Yeah, it's just me, no bad guy, no grim reaper, no…" his eyes met mine in the dark, "no aliens or zombies, just plain old Neal…"

"Neal…" I said again, trying to force my mind to believe that it wasn't Phillip but it was really him.

"Yup…"

"I…" holding his hand, I turned into him but not too close, just close enough to feel safer, "I dreamt about him…"

His eyes searched mine. "Who, Phillip?"

Nodding, I squeezed his fingers and swallowed. "It felt so…real, Neal, like if he was right there. And I couldn't see a face, just…I could hear his voice and his laugh. And the things he said to me…"

"What did he say to you?"

"He said he'd take everything away from me, just as I killed his parents. He'd kill…you and he'd…" I swallowed again, my throat feeling like sandpaper as tears covered my eyes, as her face swam into my mind and I bit back a sob.

"What else did he say?"

"I'm scared…" I said hoarsely, "Neal, I'm so afraid…"

"I know…" and he squeezed my hands, biting his lips too, "I know you're scared, trust me. I just know…"

"I don't want anyone to get hurt."

"No one's going to get hurt, don't worry."

"I…" I started to cry, eyes lowered, "I don't want her to get hurt. Not her, not you, no one."

"He said he'd hurt her too?" he asked in the dark.

"Yeah…"

"Like I said, no one's going to get hurt."

"How can you be so sure?" I asked in a frustrated voice. "I can't fool myself into believing that this case doesn't involve me, that he didn't reopen it to come after me because that's the truth. And he's going to find me. I just know he will."

"And if he does find you, then you have all of us on your side. You have me, you have my dad who's going to help. You have Regina…"

"I can't put her in the way", I said and a sob escaped from within me. "I just can't be the reason she ends up getting hurt because I don't think I could ever live with that."

"Then that's why you need to let her go."

"Neal, I can't let her go", I said in a small voice.

"Look, maybe the dream was like your subconscious telling you that this is what you're afraid of, and this is what you need to do. Chances are, I'm all good and I can take care of myself. I can take whatever comes my way. But she's different."

"I don't want to see either of you get hurt", I reassured him.

"You don't want to see either of us get hurt but one of us will eventually", he said softly. "Whether you like it or not, one of us, something inside of us will die somehow. But it has to happen."

Swallowing hard, I just stared at him for a long time. Our eyes met and without touching me, without even trying, he kept it that way.

"What happened to the Emma who was always so strong, so certain, the Emma who could look at me, see all of me and know that we're…something, we're everything?"

"She fell under the Queen's curse", I whispered in the dark.

"Don't leave me, Emma", he said softly.

"I have to."

"Please don't…"

"I still love you but…"

"But…nothing…you still love me. That's all that matters." The ceiling fan whirled above us. "You lost me…twice…and I'm here still. I'm here with you. Doesn't that prove something?"

I couldn't help myself. Closing the distance between us, my left hand found his face, and as fingers caressed his right cheek, I searched his eyes.

"Emma, you're engaged to me, not her. And you're here. You're not with her. You're here, Emma. What we have", he said as his hand reached up to squeeze my fingers softly, "what we have is a family. Don't doubt our love and above all, don't run from the safety, don't run from all of this and into something else that you have no certainty of."

"Head or heart", I said alone.

"Hmm…"

"What I think or what I feel…"

"Riddles…"

"I hate riddles."

"Then don't make life a riddle…"

"Head or heart…" I said as a yawn stifled me, eyes watering. "Head…or…heart…head…heart…love…" and then the room swam and I fell into a pit of darkness.

* * *

><p><strong>[Regina]<strong>

The next day we had breakfast at the Diner. And after such an eventful night filled with discussions ranging from Sex in the City to Desperate Housewives, I drifted off to sleep with a heavy head. Now here we were sitting within the walls of this comforting place and I was slowly chewing a raisin muffin as Snow delightfully wiped grape jelly from the corner of David's mouth. Laughing, their eyes dreamily considered each other as my stomach churned from such affections, such sincere love. And sighing, I tried to focus elsewhere, my boots crossed at the ankles as I quietly anticipated Emma's arrival through the door.

"So Regina…" Charming said smiling wryly as Snow snaked an arm around him, "it's good to see you out and about again. Sounds funny on my part to say this, but you were missed."

I smiled in return, chewing slowly.

"And she's sitting with us."

"That's really nice of her…"

"Considering how annoying we both can become sometimes."

"How about all the time", I offered softly.

"Don't worry, very soon you'll be all lovey and mushy just like the two of us."

"Something I so excitedly anticipate", I tried.

"I told David about you and Emma…" Snow said brightly, squeezing her husband's arm. "I told him without hesitating."

"I don't find that surprising at all, considering your new name around town…" resting my half eaten muffin on the small saucer, I pressed my palms down on the chair, sitting up straight as my back ached.

They both shared a look and then her eyes were searching mine. But as the bell tinkled, as the door swung open and Emma sauntered in whilst tucking her hair behind an ear, all my attention was focused on her.

"What's my new name?"

"I bet it's Gossip Girl…" David's voice offered, becoming distant as emerald eyes met mine.

"I can't believe you actually watch Gossip Girl…"

Glancing around the half empty interior of the Diner, she approached the counter and gripping the edge with fingers that had caressed me, I watched as Granny took her order. Suddenly my entire body was aching for her touch, to have her near me, and reaching down under the table, I gripped my thighs, fingers pressing into my skin under the fabric of my black tailored pants as my attraction towards her deepened. The need to feel her against me, to touch her, all of these temptations just overwhelmed me so much that I completely lost myself. I couldn't breathe as my heart raced and when she silently collected a plate topped off with a serving of eggs, when she mouthed thank you to Granny and turned on her heels, I desperately caught her eyes and held our gaze.

I was quite aware of David and Snow's attention on me, and how their eyes flickered to where Emma stood then back where I sat. But right there and then, no one else in the world mattered to me except her.

And then the door was pushed open and in Henry walked with Archie in tow. Emma's attention focused on him as he approached her and ruffling his hair, she lowered her head to whisper something to him, smiling playfully. Then as I anticipated him choosing to sit with me, to even look in my direction, all my son did was to selectively choose a table further down. Sitting with his back hunched, his cellphone was pulled out from his jeans pocket as fingers pressed keys. And it was as if my presence had gone unnoticed, and my importance to him had diminished.

I felt a shoe toe me under the table and my eyes were diverted to meet Snow. We shared a mutual message as Emma approached us.

"Hey", she said softly, resting a hand on the back of the chair as our eyes met, and holding our gaze for a few seconds, there was something different in her eyes, almost as if she was reassuring herself that I was in her presence, that I was surely right there before her.

"Hi…" I said looking up at her with a smile. I received a kick under the table again and kicked back sharply in response.

Without hesitating, Emma rested her cup of coffee and plate on the table then she slid into the booth beside me. And without even realizing it, our hands brushed each other under the table and I sucked in air through my parted lips, my eyes fluttering close as the tingling in my chest pinched me with desire.

"Thank God you're here", she leant her head closer to me to say. Snow and Charming were engrossed in conversation as the latter caressed the former's cheek. And Emma turned to gaze at me. "You really have no idea how happy I am to see you here."

"I'm happy to see you too", I said smiling, her words pinching my heart.

"It's like I just keep hoping that you coming back wasn't a dream and I keep hoping everything doesn't roll back on me."

"I'm here."

"Are you really here?" she asked softly.

I nodded, biting my lips as her naked fingers found mine under the table, as we gazed at each other warmly. "I'm really here."

Then everything just grew silent.

This was growing extremely awkward because we were receiving intense scrutiny from her parents. Both of them chose to sit there in front of us, their eyes all dreamy as Emma picked up her fork and poked her scrambled eggs. And sensing the silence, her eyes were lifted to meet Snow who sighed.

"This is so cute", she said softly as I considered her with narrowed eyes. "David, isn't this so, so cute?"

"I wouldn't use the word cute, but I'd try nice…this is nice."

"The fact that they're sitting together…"

"Mom…" Emma said, growing embarrassed, "what are you doing?"

"Nothing…" Snow said defensively. "I'm just sitting here."

"We're just sitting…here…together", David added.

"Emma, why don't you wrap your arm around Regina and pull her closer?" Snow suggested, resting her chin on her hands, elbows on the table as a warm smile spread across her face.

"Can you just stop embarrassing me?"

I smiled, lowering my eyes.

"We're not embarrassing you!" Snow turned to stare wide eyed at her husband. "Are we embarrassing her, David?"

He chose not to reply, but offered an apologetic smile in return.

Snow kept sighing so many times, I honestly wanted to reach across the table and strangle her with my bare hands.

"Speaking of which", David said suddenly, and he lifted a hand to check his wristwatch, "it's almost nine and work calls…a group of eager young riders are going to be expecting me to saddle the horses up and get the class going. So…" he pressed a kiss on Snow's cheek then smiled at me and Emma, "I'll leave my wife to torment the two of you."

"But the weather is so cold!" Snow protested. "You shouldn't take them riding in this weather. It's so cold already."

"And that makes it all the more fun to get the blood pumping as they tackle the harsh weather", David said in heightened spirits. "Don't torment these two young teenagers too much", he warned his wife with a smile.

"I'm not going anywhere."

Emma groaned as she chewed her eggs, and the smell of her shampoo drowned me, intoxicated me, reminding me of that past afternoon. Moments shared were so precious to me these days that I clung unto them with desperation. And right now, I couldn't help myself. My mind was screaming to just do something, anything and then my eyes met Henry's. The feeling was quite conflicting when he considered me with a bland expression, and suddenly I felt completely frustrated with my doubts.

However, I had reached a point in my life where I certainly couldn't wait around for my happiness. This would affect him, and it would anger him or he could take kindly to all of it, but this wasn't about him at all. Call me selfish for believing, for thinking like that. However, I had spent two years and over stalling on my feelings for Emma mostly because of my own doubts and everything else relating to him. I didn't want to disturb his belief in me, nor had I wished for his parents to be separated. But if he loved me more than enough, Henry would understand how much this meant to me.

Ignoring anyone else in the Diner, I lifted a shaky hand and slowly fingered the strands of Emma's blonde hair. Immediately my eyes watched as her grip on the silver fork slackened and swallowing hard, she turned to consider me. Her eyes were warm and focused, searching mine deeply and as my fingers found her right cheek, as I gently allowed them to whisper against her smooth skin, she lost all concentration on eating. Putting her fork down, both of our eyes were torn away from each other as Whale approached the table.

"Oh don't worry", and he offered us a smile. "I'm not here to interrupt the two of you. But you…" his eyes met Snow's, "you…we need to talk about Sunday…"

Snow appeared lost.

"The breakfast and dinner party for the staff…you're helping Granny with the food, right?"

"Oh yes…yes!" she suddenly erupted in excitement, clasping her hands together. "The party, so many plans to make!"

"With just two days away…"

Picking up her small pink purse, she slid across the seat and stood up energetically, her eyes dancing to meet Granny who patiently waited near the counter with a smile on her face. Then my eyes met Ruby who was smiling from ear to ear, and a wink was offered in my direction. Immediately I realized that Snow's ejection from the seat, tearing her away from our company had been Ruby's doing. And as she waddled away, I breathed a sigh of relief.

Emma's eggs churned my stomach, the sharp smell and the yellowish look, all scrambled and mixed with chopped vegetables and pepper. I silently watched her and tried to hang onto Snow's words. I really needed to focus on the good in every situation without stressing on the negativity.

"You're really going to eat that?" I asked, frowning at her plate as I felt scorned. She turned her eyes to consider me.

"Yup…"

Reaching out my right hand, I allowed my fingers to gently take a hold of her plate. "Please don't eat it", I stated, pushing her serving of eggs further away from us.

She raised an eyebrow. "But I'm hungry…"

"Can't you order something else then?"

"I already ordered this…"

"It's…eggs…"

"Soo…"

We both watched each other with searching eyes and I tried a pout, tilting my head sideways as she waited. Emma playfully reached out to pull the plate closer, emerald eyes narrowed as a smile tugged at her lips.

"Suppose I wish to…kiss you…and the appropriate time is nearing?" I tried with a small smile. My attempt to tease her was successfully accomplished for as soon as those words were received and processed, her entire face expression changed. Swallowing hard, Emma's eyes widened. "A jam tart would have been quite a delightful selection instead, Miss Swan. I would highly savor the taste of you then…"

"I kind of don't…eat…sweet stuff in the morning though…" she admitted, blinking profusely.

"Then the odds are not in your favor at the moment because eggs churn my stomach."

"I've got an idea", she declared with her eyes turned in my direction as her fingers snatched the fork up, "how about I eat my eggs and then I'll wash it down with coffee…" reaching out for her cup, she lifted it up for emphasis, "then I'll top it off with a jam tart…"

"You've just succeeded in ruining the mood…"

"No, okay, I'll…" I shifted in my position, eyes diverted as the doorbell tinkled and I quietly observed Hook sauntering in with a jeering smile, "I wouldn't eat it then…"

"Very nice", I said.

She waited a beat. Our eyes met and the seconds dragged by, that was until Hook dragged his boots over to our table. Eyes ignited with mischief, he swept me over with a comical look before inviting himself into our company. And sliding across the seat, I considered him with a disgusted look.

"Ladies…"

Choosing to attack her eggs without prolonging the agony of waiting, Emma completely ignored him. Their eyes never met and I suddenly recollected their intimate familiarity over two years ago when she had returned from New York. Even before that I was quite aware of his advances and her drooling. However, things appeared to have changed drastically because even a friendly consideration on her part was lacking.

Giving me considerable time to assess his change in attire, I found his choice of clothing to be quite unlike himself for he was wearing a navy blue jersey. The lack of chest hair somehow received my foremost approval because that always disgusted me. And his preference to still line his eyes black felt a bit over the top on my side because I had somehow neglected to wear eyeliner. If he had dabbed his cheeks with a bit of blush then a snort on my part wouldn't have been a surprising response.

"You've cleaned up", I said boldly, eyeing his shaved face.

"And your wardrobe has changed drastically…"

"So has yours from what I can see", allowing my eyes to roam his front, and leaning over the table just for emphasis, I smiled. "The move from leather pants to jeans is quite…something, isn't it?"

"It is something rather different. All the same", he said as his eyes washed over his clothes. "I'm still a looker. Am I not Swan?" There was no reply but the slurping sound of her sucking down coffee, eyes diverted elsewhere. "I feel as if I'm not welcomed here."

"That's not a feeling. It's a fact", I said smiling.

Considering me with narrowed eyes, his expression hardened. And we both stared at each other without blinking. "You should know about not being welcomed, your Majesty", he said directly. "No matter how us villains play the cards right, we never seem to move closer to our happy ending."

Emma's fork froze over her eggs and for the first time since he arrived at our table, her eyes met his. Snatching the opportunity as if it was victorious, Hook diverted his glare from me to focus on her, his expression changing immediately into absolute warmth. Yet all that he received was a cold look, and as I studied her face, my insides that were about to boil over with rage gently simmered down because of the effect his words had on her too.

"Right now you're the only one who's not welcomed at this table", she said in a clipped tone.

"So finally my presence is noticed." A smile was offered.

"Your presence isn't needed. So get the hell up and leave."

"I find your words suddenly quite…forceful and filled with unnecessary anger, Swan…"

"I don't take too nicely to anyone using the word villain around Regina", she said with her eyes fiery, "you can go ahead and label yourself still as one of those, as if it's like a club or something. But she's not part of that crowd."

"Siding with the Queen…that's expected", he declared boldly. And pressing his hand upon the table, Hook pushed himself up.

"I was always on her side", she said in return.

After glaring at each other for quite some time, Hook finally chose to step away and as his boots led him towards the counter, Ruby approached him with a twisted smile. Very soon the two of them were engaged in conversation as she commenced the art of flirting, almost like second nature to her. Eyelashes fluttering, her hands felt for a stool behind as she giggled in his direction, and he examined her outfit with fascination. Today she was dressed in a red mini skirt, red tights and a frilly red blouse. With a bandanna tied around her head, red painted fingernails glinted as she reached up to adjust it.

"You were always on my side?" I asked quietly as my eyes roamed Ruby's familiar figure. But quickly catching myself, I breathed in sharply and returned my gaze to Emma.

"Always…"

"It didn't appear so at the beginning of our familiarity with each other."

"That's because it took some time getting used to your complicated system of passwords and codes", she sighed. "Cracking your system was really hard for me."

I was amused with her choice of analysis on our relationship. "So you finally found my password?"

"Yup…"

I waited. Watching as she chewed, her fork poking a slice of carrot, my fingers gently danced closer to her leg under the table. Quite aware of my sudden desire to touch her, my heart began to race as my eyes roamed her face, the shape of her lips and those few stray strands of blonde hair that lingered around her exposed neck.

"So how's everything with the baby?" she asked as her head bobbed whilst savoring those disgusting eggs.

Eyes still lingering on her choice of breakfast, I distastefully considered her meal before answering her. "The usual…aches and pains, repeated kicking, nausea, headaches…"

Turning her eyes to look at me, a worried expression crossed her face. "How far along are you again?" and when I considered her with a raised eyebrow, she sighed. "I know, yeah you told me before, but I've had so much on my mind, I kind of forgot."

"Six months, Emma…"

"I thought you said something like seven months before…." Her forehead creased in concern. "Wasn't sure…"

"After a checkup yesterday", I said as my fingers tucked the stray strands of hair behind my ear, "I'm sure now."

Her eyes were wide. "You went for a checkup?"

"Yes…" I said, searching her surprising stare. "Why?"

"I would…you could have told me. I would have accompanied you…if you wanted me to."

She would have accompanied me.

"I was afraid you'd object if I…asked you", I said directly.

"Why? I would have gone along with you…"

Lowering my eyes, I used my fingers to play with the strap of my brown handbag. "I had no idea that you'd want to because…well apart from your genuine consideration for my wellbeing…"

"You thought that I'd want to stay away from anything concerning the baby…" she continued for me, and lifting my head, our eyes met. With one small nod, I bit my lips as we gazed at each other, and as my throat burnt from emotion. "I'm sorry for being so stupid and ignorant before when I said that I was disgusted with it."

"I understand."

"Regina…" she said quietly, and as her hand slid across the table to touch mine, somehow my mind decided that I did not want her to touch me in that moment.

"I wish not to speak further about that, Emma", I said curtly.

"Fine…"

The silence between us stretched out.

She sighed. "Heard you spent last night out with mom", she said as the carrot was held up before her on the fork, eyes studying it idly.

"I did. Whilst you spent the evening with your significant other." My mood was shifting into a frustrated zone that I could not control.

Emerald eyes were turned in my direction. "He…just wanted to talk, that's all."

"I thought you were staying over at your parents' apartment after you two had a…fight…" I said hoarsely, my throat pinched with slight emotion.

"I didn't go back home." Her eyes were lowered. "I slept at their apartment, yeah. And yeah we had a fight but he said he's sorry", she said without skipping a beat, eyes lowered now.

"Oh, he did." I was flabbergasted. As I watched her in disbelief, Granny openly scolded Ruby, demanding that she cease her flirting and return to her job. Whale guffawed in the back, and Archie glared in his direction.

"Look, I really don't want to talk about that right now."

"If you're being tugged in two directions, I'd like you to reason this out and make your choice, Miss Swan because I already made mine."

"You made your choice but you still have a connection to him. And stop calling me, Miss Swan because we've moved past that a long time ago."

"You're always going to remind me of that, aren't you?" She processed my words, and acknowledged the meaning behind it with silence. "Regardless of my…situation…Emma…" I said, my voice breaking, "I came back for you."

"You think it's soo easy", she said to me. "I can just…cut off one and run to the other."

"I never said it's easy…"

"That's what you're implying because all the time, all you're trying to do is to get me cut him off. And you're not looking at this from my side because it's not easy for me at all."

"Then what am I supposed to do, hang around in the waiting line until my name gets announced and then I'll get a one on one with the Savior?" I scoffed, smiling in her direction. "I've got winning points over that sorry ass fiancé of yours and you're quite aware of that."

"This is not a competition, Regina."

"You're making this a competition, Emma."

"He doesn't want to compete with you. This isn't about him, and he knows that. It's about me."

"What does that mean exactly?" I asked directly.

I can't just…"

"You just can't what?" I asked her, and suddenly my eyes stung but I held my tears back. "Can't you leave him? Because it must be entirely easy since you love me more than you love him."

Silence was all I received. It was her reply, her lack of words slashing me with a knife that was held by her own hand. And the pain was excruciating, lasting for quite some time as I watched her toy with her eggs. I kept looking at her, waiting on her to voice some reason, some sensible answer but nothing came from her parted lips as she ate quietly. It was almost as if my presence had been noted before, but I had somehow departed her company a few moments ago. And as I sat there feeling completely emotional yet angered, Snow's words played like a recording in my mind.

_I always say, if you love someone and they love you, you always end up finding each other again. You came back for a reason, Regina. Faith brought you back. And no matter what obstacles are in your way, your love for my daughter can surely destroy them. So go ahead and do what your heart tells you to do. Just don't focus on the bad stuff too much. Focus on Emma and how much you love her._

"We're just going around in circles…" she said finally, eyes lowered.

I didn't say a word in response.

"We keep going around in circles and we're focusing on the bad stuff…"

"That's because you haven't made up your mind as yet and you're prolonging my agony. Every second that passes by and you're not entirely mine, I simply cannot take a full breath without feeling the purest of pain in my heart." She kept her eyes lowered as her fork poked the almost empty plate. "Why are you doing this to me, Emma?"

"I'm not doing anything to you", she said in a small voice, avoiding my eyes.

"Yes you are."

"No, I'm not."

"Why are you holding out on me?"

"You know why", she said in a small voice.

"No, do enlighten me."

"It just…hurts…"

"What hurts?"

"Everything…" and she lowered her head, her blonde hair falling unto the table.

"And you think this is easy for me?" I asked, raising an eyebrow as my eyes remained on her.

"I don't expect it to be easier for you…" lifting her eyes, she looked at me, tears swelling around emerald pools of beauty, "you've proven to me that I cannot ever give you the one thing you wanted so much to have."

I was confused. "What are you talking about?"

"I gave you Henry, but he's still Neal's son. And no matter what, there's some part of me that keeps screaming that I'm always going to be a fucking loser because I know you want a…baby and you just want someone that belongs to you, completely belongs to you. You're having that. You're having this baby…and I'm no part of it because I'm not a guy. I can never give you something like that and that's what makes me feel as if I'm never going to make you happy."

"Emma…" I said softly, my throat itching from emotion that consumed me from her words, "don't you speak like that."

"No, I have to say it", she said hoarsely. "I just have to, Regina. I have to tell you all these things because that's how I keep feeling every single time I see you. It's like a reminder for me that I managed to let you go and somehow you managed to bring back a sign that tells me 'hey Emma, this is what you can never give me'. That's supposed to be…" her eyes met where my fingers were splayed across my tummy and she held her gaze, "I'm never going to be that lucky…"

"What makes you believe that we can never have a baby together?" I asked her quietly, reaching down to take her hand between mine as our eyes met.

"That's not…possible…"

"Anything is possible when we're together, Emma."

"You say that as if we're in Neverland about to fight Pan or we're back to over a year ago prepping to kick Zelena's ass. But this isn't like that. It's more complicated than that. And I don't think you understand how much this affects me because I want to give you all of me, everything. I want to give you everything that could possibly make you happy. And there will always be one thing that I can never give you."

"But when compared to everything else that you can give me, Emma, if you can just be mine, nothing else matters to me."

"It does matter", she said.

"It doesn't matter…"

"It does…"

"Look at me", I said softly as she turned her face away, and catching her chin between my fingers, I turned her head in my direction. "I have waited all my life for you Emma. I have suffered through endless years of being alone just holding unto the possibility of meeting someone like you. And now that I've finally met you, now that we've come this far, do you honestly believe that I'd ever let you go because based on biology, we cannot produce a child together?" I scoffed and smiled at her, then moving my fingers to caress her cheeks, she leaned into my touch. "My dear, sweet, Emma, I fell in love with you because you are a woman. And there are many things you can offer me as such, to contribute to my prolonged happiness. For example…physically…" I said, and clinging unto my hope of brightening her spirits, I allowed my hand to trail a pathway further down her shoulders, past her neckline and right between her breasts. My eyes lingered there. "These make me quite happy…"

"Stop trying to make me laugh", she said, barely smiling as I softly fingered her red shirt.

"I can go further down if you wish, just to…"

"Regina…" she said, reaching down to grasp my fingers between hers, "I know you're trying to stray off topic…but this isn't a joke."

"Apart from your physical gifts, you have tremendously strong arms and toned legs: quite manly if you ask me."

"Your point is?"

"I really don't need a man to complete my happy ending", I said quickly, and scrunching up my face, a smile was offered, "all I need is my Emma Swan. All you need to do now is to break the engagement if you haven't already, leave that bastard and come live with me."

"Isn't Ruby's apartment kind of crowded already?" she asked quietly as her fingers drummed on the table's surface.

I smiled. "Snow and I are still working on retrieving my house back from Gold's grip. But until then, she's found an apartment for me in the same building where she's residing. Closer to the Charmings, now that isn't my cup of tea. However, it was available."

"So you're going to live alone there when you could have stayed with Ruby?" and she searched my eyes as I never allowed my smile to diminish.

"I'm not going to be staying there alone, Emma", I said. Her emerald eyes were fixated on me as she waited. "You're going to move in with me. Just you and I, and Henry who we will speak to as soon as possible about all of this because he has to know… and then…" I reached across the table to take her fingers between mine, "my life will be complete."

There was silence on her part. And I kept awaiting her response, anything at all, even a smile in return. But nothing was offered, nothing at all since she chose to avoid my eyes.

"I'm sorry", I declared in a strained voice, my eyes burning from tears, "I'm really and truly sorry for everything I did that still obviously upsets you. And all I want is for you to just understand that above anything else in my life, well…there's just you and Henry then everything else."

Gaze focused on me, she began to blink back tears, and as I watched her carefully bite her lips, my hand reached up slowly. When my tears rolled down my cheeks and dampened my blouse, with shaky fingers I caressed her face. And my worry about anyone else noticing us didn't trouble me at all because I couldn't care less about watchful eyes.

"I know to myself that…we…can work", I whispered as my chest heaved from losing my breath, the fact that I could become so captivated in her and her alone, nothing else mattered to me at all. "I know we can. Let me in and give yourself to me completely."

"I…can't…" she said in a barely audible tone, her eyes lowered as a hand was lifted up, fingers pressing unto her forehead.

"What are you…" I began but she carefully held up a hand, silencing me as my heart ached from her sudden words.

I just can't…move in with you like that. It's too sudden and too much…all at once…because I'm scared…" Emma confessed softly.

"What are you afraid of?"

"Commitment..." she said softly. "The first time I fell for someone and I was about to make a huge decision to change my life, everything went downhill for me. That wasn't Neal. It was someone else. Then there was Neal and we had these plans", she said, her voice becoming hoarse with emotion, "we had these plans to move and start a new life. And things just…nothing happened. After that I closed off myself. And then I tried with someone else. I kept trying, and trying and every single time I'd get this close…" and she held up her fingers, pinching the air, "I'd lose everything and the effort to start all over again just…died down for me."

"But that doesn't mean that it's going to be the same with everyone else that you meet", I reassured her. "Perhaps I'm about to sound more like your mother than I'd bargain for, but if you cannot keep holding unto the fact that things will get better, then all that remains is doubt, doubt that leads to your belief that everything will crumble."

Head lowered, she sighed. "I don't know…I just don't think I'm ever lucky with love and romance because I'm never ever happy. I've been separated from Neal and when we got back together, it's like we were an ocean apart. It wasn't only based on the fact that I was falling for you. But it also had to do with this part of me that just grew frustrated with the thought of love and connections and relationships. I was gonna go with whatever, marry him and go along with anything that would happen. And then you came back. I was…so prepared to believe that you were gone, that I wouldn't have to think about trying with someone new, about falling deeper in love with someone else, that I wouldn't have to start over again. I hate starting over, over and over again and I just want things to stand still for a moment and as time stands still, I can just breathe and feel happy about the choice I've made. I want some sort of peace in my life, and I hate the drama, all the fussing and love triangles and frustration. I just want things to be easy for me, like I don't have to make the choices and they're made for me and I'm happy with where my life is going. But I'm not happy at all. I feel as if I'm in a freaking box and it's filled with fluff, fake things that are supposed to make me feel okay. But I'm not okay. I'm not okay at all, Regina."

"I can see that", I said softly, "and I understand more than anyone else how it feels to be fully in control of your life that sometimes you just wish for someone else to make decisions for you just to make you happy."

"I don't want to start over because I'm afraid that if I leave someone to run to someone else, it's going to have this chain reaction and once again I'd have to start over. I don't want to…" a tear slipped from the corner of her eye and fell unto the table. "I don't want to involve you in my fucked up life. I'm not really who you think I am and I'm not perfect or…I've never been with a woman before and I don't know how it works. I don't know what I'm supposed to do, and I'm lost…I…can't…do…" her voice broke and lowering her head further unto the table, she rested her face on her hands.

My left hand was lifted, my eyes tearing up, yet before I could caress her cheek or squeeze her shoulder affectionately or speak to her, Emma lifted her head with a start. Cheeks quite soaked already with tears, she sniffed behind a hand and without glancing in my direction, away she slid from me, then out of the chair.

"Emma, where are you…" And before I could stop her, I watched as she strode off towards the back of the Diner, quickly making her way away from everyone and me without being noticed.

To be honest, I am not sure as to how long I sat there drowning in my thoughts after her departure but I was aware of the fact that my breathing had ceased. Not a full breath was taken for quite some time as my eyes were glued to nothing in particular but the whirling thoughts that consumed my mind on the last words uttered to me.

She's lost…

_I'm lost…_

Pressing my palms down on either side of me, I slowly slid out from the seat and stood up. The tension in my upper legs was quite severe and so were the knots tightening in my lower back, forcing me to wince as the baby within me stirred. A sudden whiff of the eggs that were left on her plate immediately turned my stomach and I could taste the slight bitterness of bile at the back of my throat as my boots traced her pathway.

I could have left her alone, gave her some space. I could have waited on her. But I had waited long enough already. So upon facing the door to the expanded washroom, my fingers grasped the silver knob and turning it open, I slowly entered. As my boots padded upon the white tiled floor, as one step was taken then another, my eyes roaming the first empty stall and then peeking into the second, I held my breath. And upon noticing the third one unoccupied as well, my only guess was the last one would present me with a view of her. The heavy smell of Lysol clouded the atmosphere as a high window barely provided some amount of ventilation. I was already growing quite nauseous from the smells around me that were suddenly magnified.

"Emma…" I choked as my eyes found her, as my vision swam from a slight dizziness. And as a sudden heat wave washed over me, as my heart began to race and the walls around me began to close in, I quickly reached out to grip the edge of the sink encased with tile. But she didn't step out from where she was, choosing to remain in the last stall with the door ajar as her sobs could be heard from within.

After standing there with my back against the sink, both hands holding unto the edge of the tiled surface, I waited on her to come out. I waited because my mind told me to do just that: to give her some space but linger nearby because I wished for her to know that my presence was not threatening but I was there for her whether she needed me or not.

I wanted to say something to her, something that would not sound too clingy or desperate but powerful enough to jolt her senses. "Miss Swan…" I tried in a clipped tone, realizing that I hadn't used that in quite a while, "Sheriff Swan, her Majesty wishes to speak to you about something of the utmost importance and…"

Before I could finish my little game of teasing, she pulled the door open and with her eyes focused on the floor, Emma quickly strode out of the stall. Lips parted, eyes wide, I watched as she darted towards the back exit, pulling the door open as a gush of warm wind rushed in. Before I could admire the sun catching her blonde hair, my feet came to life and I went after her as quickly as I could. Then just as the door closed behind me, as she tried to maintain distance between us, rounding the corner with her hair flying behind her, I stopped.

* * *

><p>Xx<p>

**[Flashback]**

_She couldn't sleep. Turned on her side, Emma's eyes were wide open as an owl hooted from above, as the leaves from the trees rustled, creating an eerie feeling around her. And even though the sounds were soothing, even though her eyes felt heavy from being sleep deprived, she still couldn't just close her them and drift off. No. _

_But something was missing. Something was definitely wrong. And scrunching up her face, her eyes were turned to scan the small gathering around the fire. As the yellow flames licked the logs of wood that Hook had gathered, shadows danced across five sleeping figures, some curled up, others stretched out, her parents entwined in each other's arms. Just the sight of them so close made her heart ache because she felt so alone in her corner. It's like she just needed someone's arm around her, someone to hug her and hold her close._

_Sighing warily, she pressed her palms upon the dew covered grass then she pushed herself up. Dusting her fingers off, her eyes met one empty sleeping place as a dark blue jacket was strewn across the canvas. That was weird. Regina would never go anywhere without her expensive jacket, much less leave her small satchel lying there for prying fingers, like hers._

_So carefully assessing her surroundings, Emma's eyes narrowed as she peered between the trees, as she listened but heard nothing. And as fear gripped her, as much as she wished not to ever become so worried, so sensitive when it came to the brunette's safety, her boots left imprints in the grass as she stepped away from camp._

_Soft night wind caressed her cheeks and played with the strands of her hair, leaves rustled and things that remained concealed stirred, barely, waiting. And all she did was step further within the trees as she searched, as she wondered where in the world Regina could have gone. Had she been snatched? Or had she just risen up and decided to do this on her own, to find Henry without anyone's help because that wouldn't be surprising. That wouldn't be surprising at all, come to think of it._

_It got to a point where she just grew so tired that her eyes were closing, feeling heavy and shutting down as she walked. Swaying on the spot, Emma's entire body just grew completely heavy as she walked, as she continued to walk. And reaching out to take hold of this huge trunk belonging to a tree that climbed up and disappeared above her, she stopped. She stopped and she breathed, listening to her heart racing inside her chest._

_Suddenly, something stirred in the undergrowth just to her further right. Eyes flying open immediately, upon reflex she reached for a gun that wasn't there at all, and realizing that she was unarmed, Emma's adrenaline was ready to kick in. Just a slight movement, then a rustle, a shake, quite definite and revealing: that's all it took for her to realize that she wasn't alone._

_It could be Pan. Or it could be someone else, or something else, whatever the hell lived on this island. It could be her imagination, or the island playing on her mind, making her get all delusional. But that movement was real._

"_Where are you, Regina", she whispered through gritted teeth. "Geez…"_

_Just in her line of sight, she could see a slice of shimmering water, a lake not too far from where she stood already becoming consumed with fear. But being the brave savior she was, Emma didn't back down but held her ground for whatever was about to leap out at her. She stood there with her bare hands and clenched them, ready to fight like a tigress if it came to that._

"_Come out, you coward", she said in the dark, "come out and show yourself."_

_Nothing happened but the bush continued to tremble before her._

"_I…said…come…out! She shouted. "COME OUT BEFORE I…" there was a squeak and something hopped out from the cluster of leaves. Immediately, Emma jumped back with her eyes wide. "Fuck!" then appearing quite innocent, the squirrel considered her with hooded eyes, paws batting together as it felt for its nose._

_Shaking her head as if to get rid of the fear that had overwhelmed her, Emma sighed, "Regina, this is ridiculous. You hear me?" she asked the clearing at large, "if you're standing in the shadows doing this to me, mocking me, I swear, I will…" and she stopped as further off to her right, through the trunk of the trees, something purple shimmered, smoke-like and quite eerie. "What the…"_

_Holding unto the trunk of a tree, the wood cool as a cucumber against her palm, she stepped further through the forest and closer to the cloud of magic. Deep down within her, Emma immediately knew that it was Regina. She knew and she was so certain of it, it's almost as if she could feel the brunette's presence as she drew nearer. There was this sensation of being pulled towards the source of purple, and as she approached the area before her, there was Regina sitting with her back towards her on a stretch of wood._

_Hands splayed before her, Emma watched silently as a wall of mist was formed with solidity that was unbelievable at first. It was almost as if there was a flat screen television in front of her as visions, recollections of all sorts danced across the surface. From one to another, Emma watched as Regina played her memories of Henry before her, memories of when he was a baby as she cuddled him in her arms, rocking him gently. And then the scene changed as Henry was learning to write, his hand being held by the brunette's as she reached up to tuck her hair behind an ear, strands still falling into her face. _

_As she stepped closer, she was wide eyed with disbelief, watching everything herself for the first time because those moments with her son: she had never been lucky to have been present for any of them. But Regina had been there. Regina had always been there._

_And then her boot cracked a twig and the sound rang out like a gunshot in the night. Clamping her lips together, fists clenched, Emma's location was given away as the wall of video vaporized. Turning her eyes upon the blonde behind her, Regina's hands were already set to cast some kind of damaging curse if the need had been required. But realizing it was Emma, she breathed a sigh of relief and as her eyes fluttered close, turning to the front again, there was just silence._

"_What the hell are you doing?" the brunette asked in her hoarse voice, as Emma stepped nearer._

"_I came to check on you…" Emma said quietly as she drew nearer, "saw your sleeping spot was empty and…"_

"_I really don't need a babysitter, Miss Swan."_

"_I know but…"_

_Patting the log beside her, Emma helped herself to a seat, brown eyes scrutinizing her move, her every move. "I can take care of myself."_

"_Look, I'm sorry but this place isn't exactly safe and it's best if we stick together so you should just…" Emma turned her head slightly as their eyes met, "…stay close by."_

_Regina tried a low chuckle, "oh right, the savior can run and save me."_

"_Whether you care to admit it or not, there were times that I saved you."_

"_Times when I could have surely taken care of myself", Regina offered smugly, turning her eyes away._

"_Oh right, like the time when the town was about to freaking blow up and I had to use my input to help you destroy the stone", Emma said directly, stretching her legs out in front of her._

"_One time…"_

"_I pretty much saved you by giving up Henry", and brown eyes met hers in an instant. "If I hadn't given him up then he wouldn't have ended up being your son. Plus…" Emma held their gaze, "I broke your…boring curse, the one that had you living the same day over and over again, no action, nothing."_

"_And what happened to the times I saved you." Head tilted sideways, a small smile was offered._

"_I would never forget those times, as few as they were, that one time…"_

"_One time might be all that you get from me."_

"_Soo if I was captured and about to die…"_

"_I'd pay them handsomely to refrain from hurting you, but I'd let them take you as far away from me as possible because really and truly", and a smile was offered, "…you are so annoying, intrusive…"_

"_Intrusive?" Emma asked with wide eyes, "look who's talking about being intrusive!"_

"_You're arrogant and full of yourself and you have no sense of style whatsoever, you're rugged and childish, indecisive, stubborn…" hanging her head, Emma suddenly appeared saddened, "are my words seeping in through that thick skull of yours, Miss Swan?"_

_A sigh was offered, "Regina, can't you at least be nice to me even if you have to fake it?"_

"_You love it when I push your buttons."_

"_What if I don't like it?"_

"_I just love getting a rise out of you, Miss Swan…" and quickly, emerald eyes were focused on brown ones as they both gazed at each other intently. "When you're all fired up and ready to bite my head off, it amuses me."_

_Emma didn't offer a reply at all, and as she broke their gaze, diverting her eyes in disbelief as thoughts suddenly clouded her mind, she blinked a couple times too many. Words, they had such powerful meaning, double meanings, single meanings, or they could mean nothing at all. Just words…_

"_We'll find him", she said eventually, choosing to rest her palms on either side of her on the trunk, never quite realizing that Regina chose to do the same. And as their eyes were cast before them, their hands lay an inch apart, so close but yet so far._

"_And when we do then you can focus on your love triangle where you either choose the loser or another man who drowns himself in a bottle of rum for satisfaction", Regina replied smartly._

"_Sarcasm noted. Again you're just being hurtful", Emma stated in a soft voice._

"_I'm not being hurtful!" Regina said in disbelief. "I'm reminding you that you have a choice to make."_

"_Or maybe I don't want either of them…" Emma trailed off. Brown eyes were focused on her once more, a gaze so deep that it warmed Emma's left cheek. "I see the way you look at Hook", she tried for humor, smiling barely._

"_Well after you lip-locked him, I suppose that's a deliberate threat."_

_Emma turned wide eyes to consider Regina. "What the hell? You saw us?"_

"_Yes I did."_

"_That's…not a nice thing to know…"_

"_Especially when you ordered him to walk away and not to follow you. Yes, I saw most of that sorry segment of a soap opera right before my eyes", Regina said. "Needless to say, that was well played, Miss Swan. I applaud you."_

"_You like him, don't you?" Emma asked quietly, eyes still wide._

"_No, I do not."_

"_It's okay, you know, really it is…" and emerald eyes were turned away, "I mean, after years without actually loving someone, you'd expect…I'm happy for you."_

"_You'd expect what?"_

"_I don't know…" Emma offered a shrug as Regina watched her, "that you'd be choosy, pick someone better. Not saying Hook is bad. He's just…not…your type…"_

"_And what exactly IS my type?"_

"_Apparently I was wrong…" Emma said, defeated._

"_I never said that he's my eye candy!"_

"_Can't be David, eew…dad…not Neal…or Rumple, so Hook it is because I see what you're doing. You're obviously trying to get one of them to notice you."_

"_I beg your pardon?" Regina asked in disbelief, eyes widened as she actually smiled._

"_Unbuttoning your shirt!" Emma declared, "Showing your…lace…vest", she swallowed. "There's plenty of wind blowing so your clothes can't exactly be wet from the ship's voyage still."_

"_Maybe I'm unbuttoning my shirt for you to notice me, Emma", Regina said softly, her hair hanging like a curtain around her face, choppy and fluttering in the wind as she gazed at Emma who in turn chose to divert her eyes quickly. "You've taken…Graham away from me, you've been cozy with August, two potential bachelors in town. Neal is back, Hook…you've kissed Hook, the Pirate…villain material…perhaps you're moving into the villain zone now and…I don't know…" a hand was waved in front of her as Regina's throat closed up, "…maybe I'm next by a fair chance?"_

"_Are you freaking drunk or something?" Emma asked with wide eyes, forgetting how to breathe as she searched the brunette's eyes._

"_You have everyone falling for you, the savior, the one woman who broke my curse…"_

"_Don't…play with my feelings, Regina."_

"_I'm not…" Regina said innocently, offering a smile._

"_Are you into men or women?" Emma tried boldly, sucking up her courage._

"_Hmm…" the toes of her boots pointed, Regina smiled as she considered it, gazing into the distance, "yes."_

"_Yes what?"_

"_I said yes."_

"_Answer the question…"_

"_Yes, I am."_

"_Whatever, Regina", Emma said growing angry as she pushed herself up, "you know…" and she turned to face the woman sitting in front of her, "I get that you see me as some loser, as some hopeless case. But if it's one thing I can't stand is you of all people playing me like this is some kind of a joke."_

"_I'm not playing nor am I joking with you", Regina said smiling._

"_You're laughing at me!"_

"_Graham, August, Hook, Neal…" Regina began to tick off on her fingers, head tilted._

_I'm cutting in on your share that's why you're fucking with me? Is that it?"_

"_Maybe I do want Hook after all, since you're playing hard to get."_

"_Maybe I don't want Hook and I just want you then", Emma confessed boldly, holding her breath, their eyes meeting immediately._

_Regina breathed in, and she winked. "Let's make it a threesome then."_

_Eyes widened, Emma's chest ached slightly. "What the hell? You robbed Hook's flask. You said you don't do rum because you drink in secret." Regina appeared quite amused. "You're an alcoholic."_

"_I drink occasionally but I don't do rum, meaning, you should have gotten the hidden meaning behind my words since I uttered them. Killian is not my type."_

"_Then who exactly is your type?" Emma asked in disbelief._

"_Wouldn't you like to know?"_

"_I'm just going to go…." Emma said, flabbergasted. "I'm going to go back and sleep this conversation away because I can't believe we had this conversation."_

"_Pointless, wasn't it?"_

"_More like weird…I really don't get you…"_

"_Unlike Gold, my words never ever have double meanings…" Regina tried. And turning on the spot, Emma met her eyes, holding her gaze, searching. Then deciding that it was all too much, she left the brunette there sitting all by herself. And walking away, the night wind carried memories of the conversation away._

* * *

><p><strong>(Emma)<strong>

I didn't reach far.

Even without thinking as thoughts of their own accord filled my head like thousands of beads, I slipped into an alleyway and with my back against the wall, my hands felt behind me as I listened for her. Cold stone was all I felt as my fingernails caressed the wall, chest heaving as I listened to the silence around me.

She had to leave me alone because right there and then, all I wished for was to be alone. I wanted to be all by myself without having this pressure around me, feeling as if the air was pressing me in on both sides.

I'm so confusing, right? I'm frustrating you, and I'm frustrating myself too.

Decisions…

Honestly, I was so afraid to make one, just one freaking decision. It's not that I didn't want to make it. No, I'm not afraid to just choose her. But it's the fear of having things go downhill for me. It's like I kept thinking, what if I make this decision and it fucks me up. What if I'm supposed to let her go and stay with Neal because that's the safest thing to do? Suppose I just leave him, suppose I make this big move and something happens to make me regret it? Like what if I shouldn't do this? I can't take this anymore because I feel so pressured. And I have no idea what I should do because it's not just any old decision. This has to do with my heart.

As I stood there, it's like every single thing felt wrong to me: and I started to really blame myself for everything that happened. If I had told her how I felt about her since Neverland then things would have been so much different. If I hadn't said yes to Neal then things would have probably turned out so much better. If I hadn't said yes to him, she would have stayed and because of that, then she wouldn't be pregnant. She wouldn't be carrying Robin's baby and she wouldn't be seen in my eyes as 'belonging still to someone else'. All these things, every single thing I began to blame on myself. And I grew so paranoid, it's like I even started to doubt my importance in anyone's life.

I can't ever be the perfect mom, I can't even be a properly committed fiancée, and I surely can't even be the Savior when I'm needed to these days because that title has no meaning anymore. Henry's going to hate me if I leave his father; I just know it as a fact. But frankly, this is my life not his. All of this still will affect him though. And it's something that, as a mother, I must factor into the equation because above all, my son comes first.

What the hell am I supposed to do? Can't the sky or something give me an answer? I thought that silently as my eyes searched the slice of blue above me.

Heart racing in my chest, my cheeks stained with tears from frustration, I pressed my palms on the concrete behind me as the pumping sounds of an underground club in that same building met my ears. My gaze was lifted to roam the height of the two buildings that pressed me between them, the smell of paint and stale beer and as my throat itched from wishing to have a good cry, I just squeezed my eyes shut.

But she found me.

I felt her hands on me and my eyes flew open. But as fingers found my neck, as fingernails trailed pathways upwards and through my hair, my eyes only stared at the empty space in front of me. And as a gasp escaped from between my parted lips as the kisses of a ghost were pressed upon my right cheek then my left. The smell of her perfume stunned me like a shot of something strong. Paranoia overwhelmed me from the moment when I realized that my hands couldn't seek her out but those fingers continued to caress me. Her touch was ecstatic and overwhelming because of the fact that she remained selectively invisible to me. Then as realization kicked in as to how close we were in proximity, Regina materialized before me as purple smoke engulfed us. With her forehead pressed on mine, eye lashes fluttering as our lips were inches apart, I immediately became drenched in cold sweat.

Head growing dangerously dizzy, I gasped as she pressed herself closer, as close as she could get with the baby between us. And when her cheeks that were warm brushed against mine, when she nuzzled my face with hers and our noses touched, I completely lost my sanity. It was because of her smell: the scent of her hair, that slight hint of vanilla intermingled with apples and baby powder. Added to that, I became intoxicated with the smell of her skin, her clothes, her breath that was quick and tormenting. She kept looking at me, staring into my eyes as I felt her warmth, her nearness and how protected I suddenly felt. It was as if nothing else mattered to me but her, the fact that she was there with me in our own bubble of bliss. And as her hand slipped between my legs, brave fingers feeling me through my jeans, all I could do was allow our heads to dance closer as we teased each other.

"Miss Swan…" she whispered as her words tickled my tingling skin, "you can't…ever…run away from me."

"Don't…call…me…Miss Swan."

"Emma…"

"I can't do this…Regina…" I said quickly. "We shouldn't…"

"I'm not asking you to do anything…"

"I can't take this…risk…"

She reached up and pinching strands of my hair between her fingers, her thumb caressed my forehead as she tucked my hair behind an ear. "I'd risk anything to be with you, Emma, whatever it takes, I'd give everything up."

"This is not an easy choice for me and you have no idea why", I said as my eyes searched hers.

"Then I'll make the decision for you…"

"Regina, you just don't understand what's going on with…" but she silenced me by grabbing a hold of the front of my shirt, pulling me closer to her in the split of a second. And as the breath was knocked out of me, Regina crushed her lips onto mine as I finally tasted her for the first time. Ecstatic was too low key to describe exactly how her kiss felt, how she took sudden control, kissing me softly, our lips moving and teasing, tasting and feeling. And what an amazing kisser she was. I felt so dizzy just from the way she pulled me into her, and by she was shorter, as my head swam and I tried to focus, Regina actually lifted herself unto her toes to reach my height. Lips so soft and sweet, the taste of chocolate and tea, her apple flavored lip gloss: I just began to drown in her as she proved to me how worth it all of this was.

Wrapping her fingers around my neck, her fingertips pressing into my skin already sensitive from her touch, she slowly tilted her head sideways. And capturing my mouth in a deeper kiss, I felt my bottom lip being bitten softly as she teased me. She nuzzled our noses together, breathing through her parted lips as her warm breath flushed my cheeks. And I could hear her raspy breath, the way she pulled back ever so slightly to look me in my eyes, chest heaving as we both gazed at each other. Then allowing my hands to drive pathways through her choppy black hair, I pulled her in for a kiss once more, capturing her mouth in such a passionate moment for me. Such a feeling, such a rapturous feeling of overwhelming desire had me clinging unto her as if my life depended on that connection, as if I just couldn't stop kissing her, because to let her go would mean that I'd have to start breathing again. And to breathe without her so near to me, that was too much a struggle as ridiculous as it may sound.

I never was fully aware of how powerful my feelings were for her until she kissed me because I never wanted to stop. We kept pressing forward, pushing forward as the passion, these feelings within us drowned our minds and intoxicated our hearts. And I kept using my hands to feel her, my fingers running down her back as I felt the warmth of her skin through her blood red maternity dress, the kind that had a wide bottom but was gathered just below her breasts with a black bow. My fingers found that bow and played with it as she pressed me further up against the wall, her hand seeking out my hips, palms resting there as a moan escaped from with her. And in that moment when I felt her fingers begin to twirl my hair, when I felt her fingertips sliding my shirt away from my shoulder, exposing more skin, I somehow remembered the very first time when I had met her.

I remembered that moment as if it had been yesterday and she came running down the walkway with tears in her eyes, embracing Henry. Then as my eyes were squeezed shut, as I replayed when he ran inside, leaving us alone, and her gaze was lifted to scrutinize me, Regina pulled away and she reached up to hold my face between her fingers. Keeping our cheeks pressed together, I could feel her breathing on my skin as she completely lost control, as she held unto me. And in that moment, I realized that no one had ever been like this with me before, and neither had I ever reacted this way when I had kissed another.

"I want…all…of you, Emma", she whispered in her husky voice, our eyes meeting as hers were filled with tears. "I can't live without you. It took me a while to…realize that but when I finally did, when I finally accepted it, I know truthfully that I cannot be with anyone else but you."

Fingering the strands of my hair, her gaze only directed at me, I felt like the luckiest woman in the world, truthfully. It's like you could wait forever to find someone who would make you feel totally different. You could hang onto the possibility of meeting this one person who understood you, who believed in you and accepted your stubbornness, your flaws, the fact that I was holding back on her. And she had no idea why. She didn't have to do this, because walking away would be much easier for her. Instead, I had this woman who was trying so hard to prove to me that I was worth the world to her, that she'd never let me go.

"Move in with me", she said in a rush, her breath flushing my cheeks. "Move in with me and complete my life."

"We're rushing things", I stated. "We need to take things slow…"

"But I want this now."

"Regina…" I said softly as she rested her forehead on mine, "you already have everything you want. I'm right here with you."

"So that's a yes…that you'll come with me."

"I just feel that we need to think things through carefully…"

Pulling back, she scrutinized my face, searching my eyes as her forehead creased in concern. "Why would either of us need to rethink things when we're both certain of what we want at this point?"

"Because I'm the kind of woman to take things slow and I feel as if rushing stuff puts you in the tight seat, setting you up to miss the good things. And right now in my life, all I need is to savor the good moments because I've had so many bad ones. I just want to take small steps."

"Are you serious?" she asked directly, and suddenly my mind went blank.

"I…" I found myself fumbling for words. "Yeah, I am."

"You wish to take things slow…at this point…when we've waited so long and suffered so much, when we've both fucked up because we just couldn't face the truth and confess…"

"Well we've confessed and I know exactly how you feel so we aren't exactly stuck in the freaking past."

"Aren't we?"

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"It means that we're both quite aware of how the other feels, but one of us still has trust issues. Emma…" she said hoarsely as her fingers held my chin, as our eyes remained focused on one another, "all you have to do is to just…trust me…I cannot guarantee that everything will be perfect because nothing is. But I can assure you that from the moment you start trusting me, from the second you believe in me and we commit ourselves to each other that I'll try as hard as I can to be everything you wish me to be."

Her idea of moving forward sounded so peachy to me, so perfect and happy with no frayed edges and no bumps in the road. All I wanted was for my life to be okay from then on. I just wanted things to run smoothly without any interruptions, to make a decision and to be proud of the outcomes, the consequences. Everything could sound okay, but most times I could run straight into a brick wall head first without warning. I could fuck up or have stuff happen to me. And that's why I was afraid to take risks. I wasn't that brave most times, especially with affairs concerning my heart. Come to think of it, those decisions were always the hardest for me, and I oftentimes chose to avoid the topic.

But right now, she wanted me to make a decision and I just couldn't hold back on her. I wanted so much to say yes to her, to tell her that I'd do whatever she wanted me to. However, I twisted my reply around just to selfishly buy me some time, providing me with a testing field to assess the possible dangers of the upcoming disasters in my life.

"Okay", I said quietly as she waited, looking at me. "I'll move in with you…" and Regina started to smile, her eyes brightening up in seconds, "but only after I do a couple things first, like cancelling wedding plans and anything else…attached to it."

She lifted herself on the toes of her boots, a smile stretching from ear to ear as a kiss was pressed upon my lips to silence me.

"And we need to talk to Henry about this ASAP", I continued as fingers danced over my cheeks, as her eyes studied my face, my lips as I spoke. "He's not going to take this the easy way though."

"We'll both speak to him", she said softly, "tomorrow…"

I frowned.

"What is it?"

"I was thinking more like after Christmas which is only two days away. We can tell him after all these plans and stuff, you know, just to give the kid some time to enjoy himself before the 'big surprise'. Plus…" and I watched her smile diminish as Regina actually tried a small pout on me, lowering her eyes as her fingers played with my shirt collar. "I just…"

We both stared at each other for quite some time as she continued to play with my hair, twirling the strands between her fingers. Eyes on me, I reached up to caress her jawline as she softly pressed herself closer, leaning in to tease me for a kiss. And as focused as I was merely a few seconds before, instantly my mind grew dizzy as the nearness of her, her breath on my cheeks awakened me.

"How far am I from the front of the line, Emma?" she asked softly as her fingers were withdrawn, as her boot took a step backwards. "I feel as if I'm still at the back of the waiting line whilst Hook, Neal, August, and every other handsome bachelor waits in front of me. All I can do is to watch them move up and I'm frustrated. I just want you to figure out that in the end, your life leads back to me."

"I just need…"

"Time…" she said, stepping away.

I nodded slowly. "Yeah…I really need to talk to Henry about this too. And I don't think it's going to be easy at all."

"He'll understand…"

"No he might not, Regina. He's not an accepting kid anymore. He's grown up now, pretty much hormonal and sensitive."

"So you really think that he's going to object?" she asked, raising an eyebrow. "When he probably already knows about us as he does about everything else around here?"

"I just think that this is way different for him, having his two moms…confess that…we're going to move in together and his idea of a family is being ripped apart to deal with this new kind of family."

Something changed in her brown eyes. "It's not the perfect fairy tale because our love story isn't a fairy tale. It's not all Snowy and Charming and he has to deal with this, the fact that there are differing love stories. It's like prepping him for the world already where everything isn't black or white, good or evil. That's your belief too."

"I know that Regina", I said defensively, yet my voice was soft. "But he's still learning and he has peer pressure to deal with, the possibility of his friends ridiculing him because of his dysfunctional family."

"Our family was already dysfunctional before we both fell in love with each other."

"That's not the point though, the point I'm trying to make here is that he's caught in the middle of this and no one's asking him how he feels about it. We're just taking up the role as adults here and we're making all the decisions whilst he is expected to go along with it. Don't you think that's going to piss him off?"

"We can only discover how he feels whenever we both sit down and speak to him about this", she said calmly. "And since you're stretching out time, I'd suggest that we get that out of the way as soon as possible before he ends up finding out for himself. And then we'll have a serious problem on our hands, because he'll decide for himself that we've been concealing this from him, all of us and then he'll feel left out."

"Okay", I said, lowering my eyes. "Okay, so the sooner the better…all of this has to be done before I move in with you. And I can't do that now."

"So if Henry objects to us being together, what are you going to do, Emma?" she asked.

I was speechless for a few seconds, then I shrugged. "What will you do?"

"I'd like to believe that at this point in my life, it's safe for me to pursue my happiness without being held back because frankly, I'm not getting any younger. And whether he accepts it or not, Henry has to realize that I've done all I can for him for so many years, and I've always put him first in my life. He has to realize that at some point, there has to come a time when I really need to focus on what makes me happy when it comes to love. I love my son more than anything else and I was entirely stupid when I left him. But right now, this is about my happy ending."

"It's all about him too", I said.

"Trust me, when I sit Henry down and speak to him about this, he'll understand."

"How can you be so sure?"

"Why do you believe he'll rebel against the idea of us being together?" she asked in return.

"Because his parents are about to get married, he's happy about it, and he's been helping to make plans. Then suddenly you come back and his mom and dad are being separated and I'm moving in with you. I've already seen this from his point of view and it doesn't look nice at all."

"He will only find the slightest objection if you appear indecisive and you are not ready to convince him that you're much more in love with me and you'd be happier with me above anyone else. This denial process you're going through", she said, lifting a hand warily as her eyes were diverted, "all of this will bring a challenging atmosphere when we discuss this with him because he'll sense it. He's sensitive and observant. And that's why you really need to focus Emma. I need you to make up your mind and I need you to stop being conflicted. The faster you tap into your feelings and realize that this is what you want and you're going to take this step with me, then the closer we move towards a definite outcome."

"I'm not indecisive…" I said defensively, "I'm just a bit pessimistic, that's all. Unlike my mother, I kind of see the world in all colors, danger lurking in the shadows…"

"What danger can be possibly lurking in the shadows that could frighten you so much when it comes to committing yourself to me?" she asked with a smile of disbelief.

"You have no idea…"

Her eyes were lowered as if searching for something. "There's no ring on your finger so I can only assume that your engagement is off?" I smiled in return, never replying. "And all wedding plans are cancelled, never to be spoken of again…" I nodded once, widening my eyes as the smile still remained. "So what are we waiting on, exactly?"

I didn't reply.

Regina sighed, her dark hair falling into her face as the warm morning wind gently fluttered the strands about her cheeks. "I can't force you."

"So…"

"Humor me…"

"Your lipstick is smudged…" and I smiled barely, shoving my hands in my jeans pockets.

"Try again…"

"Emma…" and I cleared my throat as her dark eyes narrowed, as she assessed my sudden serious disposition, "I'm not talking about my magic, I'm talking about…our…magic…"

"Really?" and she snorted. "Is that your best?"

"Fine!" I said, "you go ahead and try me then."

"What the hell?" she said suddenly. There was a pause as we both stared at each other, a wide smile forming on her face.

I rolled my eyes. "Whatever, Regina…"

A smile was offered. "I nailed it, didn't I? By saying three words…"

"What…ever…." And I bit my cheeks to prevent myself from laughing, trying as hard as I could to maintain a serious face. "Look where one kiss led up to, a whole conversation that makes no sense at all and has no direction whatsoever."

"I can kiss you again, but then on the second attempt, I prefer to have you standing before me with…" her eyes were lowered, "…less clothes on."

"You tease…"

She kept looking at me, her face bland, hands falling to her sides as I stood right where I was. From here, we'd go to the Diner once more, and I'd spend the rest of the day with her. That's what I had planned. Wasting no time, I'd surely spend every single second I could with her because this was a point where something had to be proven: that I wasn't really denying her, but my conflicting feelings and thoughts couldn't win over when it came to her. Of course she was number one. And she'd always be. However, based on current events like the pending murder investigation, and the fact that I still cared for Neal, I needed time to work things out, to smoothen the rough edges before moving on fully. Plus there was this nagging bad feeling in my mind about moving from another sour relationship to run into another one just like that. Above all, I was somehow afraid of how Henry would react to all of this. I don't know, but somewhere deep down inside my mind, I kept thinking that he wasn't going to like this at all.

"So let's go back then…to the Diner?" I asked, pushing myself away from the wall as we still considered each other.

"I don't think so", she said quietly, her voice hoarse. And something was slightly different in those brown eyes. Something just wasn't right at all. "When you really need me, you know where to find me."

"What are you…"

"We don't have all the time in the world, Emma", she said quietly. And my eyes grew wide as fear gripped my throat. "I'll wait for you, but if it so happens that time runs out and tomorrow brings…well…" she shrugged, "something unexpected, then this will be all on you because I'm not the one who's holding back. You are."

The nightmare of her in the hospital, the fear of losing her, the sight of her lying there…dead…I suddenly found that my breathing had stopped.

"Regina, stop it."

She half smiled. "I'm just enlightening you on the…"

"Just stop it", I interrupted, feeling the harshness in my tone as she stopped and considered me with a frown.

"Okay then…" she said carefully, tilting her head as those brown eyes searched mine. "Are you alright?"

I nodded slowly, biting my lips as my gaze was diverted. "I just…"

"Goodbye, Emma…" she said, her voice overriding mine, and as I stood there, she was engulfed in purple smoke. With my eyes wide, the last thing I saw of her was those brown eyes staring at me, watching me as the smile disappeared in the purple.

Then drenched in cold sweat, I felt lost, standing there lost in a trance as her words haunted me. And the nightmare kept playing back in my head like a mocking tune, a melody that gnawed at my mind, forced me to become paranoid.

We just kept going around in circles and it was all my fault because her mind was made up, she wasn't the indecisive one. And here I was still hesitating to take this step. One thing just leads to the other and I'm afraid that if I take one step, then everything will have this domino effect: if one choice goes wrong then all the others will fall down afterwards.

She's pregnant with someone else's child, I have a target pinned on my head for a double murder, I'll admit that I still love Neal and I care for him, Henry's not going to take this news the easy way and I'm sure of it. And above all, what scares me the most is the thought of losing her because she could always put herself in the hot seat to save and protect the one she loves. I've seen her do it with Henry and I could envision her doing the same thing for me. Regina has this driven motivation, this passion to delve deep within herself, to feel deeply about things, to get involved and do something. And she's going to try as hard as she can to get me to commit to her, but sooner or later, I'll have to break the news to her about the case. Chances are, she's going to find out anyway, whether I tell her or not. And when she does, I am sure of it that she's going to want to get involved, to push her hands in and do something about it.

But I don't want her to get involved.

People think that it's easy to just work together with someone and make things work. But this isn't just about defeating Pan or stopping Zelena. This isn't about fighting for a good cause. This is about love. It's about me making a decision that could possibly hurt her, and I always have this fear that I'm going to hurt her. Why is it that I get this feeling over and over again that I'm going to lose her? Am I being overly paranoid? These dreams when she's just lying there dead, and then I wake up sweaty, eyes wide, heart racing, believing that it was my fault: it's all my fault if anything happens to her. And I just can't deal with that. I can't do this because for the first time in my life, I'm so afraid. I might still love Neal but that love is entirely different. It's not like I love him as much as I love her. It's just that I care for him, I always will because over the years we've had this connection.

I've lost him so many times and he's come back. And every time I lost him, my heart was stabbed, ripped apart because everything kept reminding me of love and commitment. Every single thing kept serving as a wakeup call that hey, maybe you're the reason why all the people close to you are getting hurt. You lost Neal how many times, you lost Henry, you lost your parents, and now you're going to lose her. You're going to lose her, Emma.

"I'm going to lose her", I said to myself, to no one in particular as I stood there, wide eyed and afraid. Then blinking rapidly, reaching up to press my fingertips upon my eyes, I sucked in air through my teeth. "No, stop it. Stop it, just stop it, Emma. Stop being paranoid, stop fearing the worse. Nothing's going to happen. Everything's going to be okay."

_But it's not okay. Nothing is okay. Feel that grip of fear in your gut, Emma? That's your answer. Keep away from her because every time you get close to someone, you end up hurting them, fucking them up. And you can't commit. That's why you've been holding out on Neal for so long, and you can't marry him. It's not because you're in love with someone else. It's because you're afraid. You're afraid to commit because you've always been alone. You like being alone and you know what being alone feels like. You've gotten used to it. There's your family, but you still feel alone. Trust your gut. Robin will come back, just wait and see. Henry's not going to like this when you tell him about it, wait and see. _

Sinking to the ground, I sat there for as long as an hour, lost in my own thoughts. No tears came, nothing, just me staring lifelessly at nothing in particular.

* * *

><p>Xx<p>

Xx

**Author's Note:** Someone reviewed me to bring to my attention that I brought Robin deciding to return back to Storybrooke up as a 'stupid attempt to find something to break up the plotline'. To answer that, I'd like to ask 'and you know what the plotline is already?' Someone else told me that I'm 'prolonging the definite happy ending'. I'm not prolonging anything. Can you just WAIT and see where this leads up to? I don't write pure fluffy smut. Most of you should KNOW this.

I really don't think many people will like Emma after reading this chapter because her 'indecisiveness' is frustrating. But truthfully, you and I both know that most times, Emma simply cannot make up her mind on things, especially when it comes to love. In each chapter, you'll learn a little more about her and why she's holding back, most things derived from her past. And as the times goes by, you'll realize how genuine her actions are because certain things would have happened, and had you been in Emma's place, then I really believe that you'd be stumbling as well. I'm just trying to bring out the INSIDE of Emma for you. She seems to put up this 'façade' when buried deep within, we just have this woman who no one really knows.

Pertaining to Regina now, she's trying really hard to convince Emma to be with her. It's like she's reached a point in her life where her mind is just set on settling down and living a happy life, and her choice above all is Emma. Someone asked why Henry isn't speaking to Regina, or vice versa, you'll understand why in the next chapter.

**UP NEXT**: SMUT, Jokes, tears, Snow and Emma have a heart to heart talk, SMUT, a family Christmas Eve dinner with stolen kisses and wandering hands, Henry grows suspicious, you'll LOVE Neal in the next chapter, planning for a Christmas day party at town hall? Ruby literally takes things into her own hands and with her help, we end off the chapter with a hot and steamy scene. So you don't want to miss that. Trust me.


	7. Lies and Mistakes

**A/N** – Hey readers, thanks for all the support, all the kindness, reviews and follows. I am sincerely sorry for this lengthy lapse in updating. But it has been sadly based on my final year at university coming to a close. So that obviously means that I am supposed to have more time on my hands. However, it's one thing that leads to another because here I am working into my first job. And by the time I get home, the time is nearing 10pm. Nevertheless, the effort I put into these chapters, it's the best I can do that is why the updates take so long. And that is why this chapter is so long, because you all deserve enough to make up for the absence. Thank you once again.

Thanks to my beta readers.

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><p><strong>Chapter 7 – "Lies and Mistakes"<strong>

**Excerpt: **

"_Then if I'm a total fuck up, why are you even trying?"_

"_Because I'm in love with you!" Her words startled me. Leaning a little closer, those eyes were clouded with tears. "You know", she half laughed sarcastically, "I often times found myself wondering what was it about you that had these men dizzied by your presence. I used to believe that it was simply your beauty and the fact that you most likely took their breath away just as my reaction is the same every time you were near me. Every time I'd get word of your hook ups, I'd die inside knowing that someone else was lucky and it wasn't me. It wasn't…Regina." Reaching up, she dabbed at her eye as my heart was stabbed with pain. "But now I know…I know that you just love to play with other people's hearts as if we're all fools in love with you. You'd rather lead all of us on instead of choosing one. You want everyone to love you just the same when there's always this one person who will love you a lot more. And…I'm that person. I'm that stupid person."_

_I was crying already, so easily done that nothing in the world seemed to be bright and cheerful at the moment, nothing at all._

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><p>Xx<p>

**Somewhere in New York.**

**9:30 a.m.**

A graceful hand pressed a stack of papers down as chocolate brown eyes swept over the arrangement of photographs splayed out across a grand oak desk. Not a thing was out of place. Selective colored sticky tapes marked sections within a binder as thick as a Harry Potter novel, parted down the middle. A red ceramic mug splashed with a sketchy design of the American flag rested snugly just near his elbow, filled with coffee as black as the night that surrounded the world just outside his office window. Shutters pulled close as the Air Condition Unit hummed to the far left of the room, a polished black shoe tap tapped the tiled floor under a comfortable red cushioned chair. And as those eyes drank in the snapshots before him, as he fixated his scrutiny upon her in all positions, a smirk remained painted upon his hard face.

There she was holding a hand over her face as a pharmacy was robbed in broad daylight.

There was another one of her clearly pregnant as she stuffed confectionery into the front of this hideous pair of bulky pants.

Another depicts her side by side with accomplice Neal Cassidy as they're seated in a blue Sedan, duffel bags in plain sight, robbing the owner of whatever his sorry ass chose to leave behind.

Then there was a mug shot, and she never did change. Her face remained the same, those eyes took on that same captivating emerald color, and hair remained the exact color.

The next one caught her walking out of prison, hands shoved deep within pockets, eyes lowered.

Other photographs that had been taken out caught her in the act of confrontations she had whilst working, decked out in a tight red dress, revealing cleavage and legs, dangerously high shoes.

The tapping of his foot stopped as eyes were focused on the recent line of photographs, those of her in New York. And this assortment was wider than the others because keeping tabs on her had been much easier then.

Walsh, Henry, Apartment 430, buying Chinese takeout from Ying Lee just around the corner, frequenting The Blue Lagoon for drinks, no friends, no connections, no Neal Cassidy, working a decent office job, law related, still pushing drugs, lots of drugs. He knew where her son went to school, who were his friends, the route he took to get home.

The boy could have been snatched a long time ago but his weakness for children still remained, a soft spot for the young and innocent because he had been innocent once. There was this small boy who desired nothing more from the world than to be loved by his parents. But mommy and daddy never could understand how special he was as they actually resorted to the pitiful mistake in adopting cute little Emma Swan from nowhere. And the need to adopt didn't stem from the fact that they wanted a daughter, a second child. No. Twirling his black Papermate pen between two fingers, he licked dry lips.

They were swimming in so much drug money, that her adoption was agreed upon so that money could be put into 'legal' use. In other words, sure they used to buy her fancy clothes and send her to a private school just as he. But all of this was done so that no one would suspect that their bank accounts were accumulating 'suspiciously' large amounts. Shoveling money in her direction had been a good thing, a way to hide and stay out of the watchful eyes of the public.

And what did Emma Swan do, the little filthy blonde bitch who had ugly knees and walked like a fucking man? She killed his mother, the woman who fed her with a gold spoon, who pampered her, who allowed her to do what the fuck she wanted when she wanted whilst he suffered like a gutter rat, never meeting their expectations. Whilst he had to work the streets, collecting drug money even though he was in college, she went out to beach parties, rented movies and ordered pizza.

Maybe if he was successful in scaring her away earlier then his mother would still be alive. Maybe if he had forced himself upon her earlier, then she would have scampered like the no good piece of shit she always was. She was nothing, she had nothing and she ended up having all he ever wished for. But she never was thankful. Never.

He'd find a way to dig her up from the fucking hide hole she had disappeared to. He'd find her and he'd take everything away from her as she took away everything close to him.

_**Most wanted drug dealer shot last night. Body dumped in an alleyway. Blonde woman along with three other men seen fleeing the scene. Possible drug deal confrontation gone bad. **_

_**Wanted for further questioning: Darcy Edwards, Eduardo Gomez, Juan Carlos, Pedro Hernandez, and Emma Swan…**_

Emma Swan.

Growling, he slammed a fist unto the desk, the liquid within his coffee cup swishing to the sides. And instantaneously, a smile spread across his face, eyes shining with mad excitement.

"I wanted you dead, daddy", he said softly, tasting the words in his mouth. "I wanted you dead. I wanted you dead. I wanted you dead. I wanted you dead."

…_**Detective Johnson, son of the deceased refuses to sit on the bench for this one, elbowing his way into the investigation as he says "the person who's responsible needs to be found. This isn't just a random target, a random execution, a lucky catch: this is something personal, much more personal. And I'm not stepping down." So what does this mean for the investigation? If Johnson refuses to sit this one out, then the law might not be hesitant to make him stand up to defend himself.**_

"Wherever you're hiding, I'll find you", he said softly, drumming his fingers upon the table's surface. The humming of the Air Co already nagged at his nerves. "I'll find you and I'll take what you took from me."

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><p><strong>[Emma's P.O.V]<strong>

**Storybrooke.**

The morning after the epic kiss that was supposed to make me feel all light headed and fuzzy, I ended up talking to mom about the case. And I'm not saying that the kiss wasn't something mind blowing for me. It was, in fact, it was so mind blowing that I just couldn't focus on anything else except the fact that she had kissed me. Regina Mills actually had snatched me by the front of my shirt and she had kissed me. The best part of it was that I honestly thought she was the best kisser ever, not that I had kissed many women, or many men for that matter.

Anyway, back to the top line, the part when I said that Snow and I spoke about the murder case. How did that come up? Well to be honest, I brought the topic up by chance, believing to myself that it would be fresh news to her. But it's like my dad always tells me, 'everything passes through your mom before anyone else hears about it'. And that's true! The minute I started to stumble on my words whilst bringing up the news and what not, she just blurted it out.

"Oh the Johnson case on the news?" she asked, chewing a carrot as I held a pen above a grocery list already started. "Add butter", and the stick was pointed in my direction.

"You know about the case?" eyes wide, I didn't write immediately.

"Yup", and she nodded, avoiding my eyes. "Now this is where you tell me your side of the story because after doing my research, I only found out what was dished out in the media which makes it so, so hurtful, Emma." Eyes were cast on me now, as she shook her head slowly. "We're family, and we've been through so much yet you have never told me about these Johnson people at all."

"I didn't think that it would come back to bite me in the ass", I pointed out.

"Even when you knew that the case was reopened, still nothing was said to me or your father, no one." Shifting her position on the wooden stool, she groaned as her fingers pressed into the knots in her lower back. "I saw it on the news last night, was so tempted to call Regina and ask her if she knew about it. But then something distracted me."

I breathed a sigh of relief. "Thank God…"

She focused her glare in my direction. "Emma, you have to tell her about this!"

"I will, just not as yet. I need more time."

"Why?"

"To carefully structure my words so that she suddenly wouldn't be driven to run off and find whoever is responsible and tear them to pieces. Between you and me, we both know how she is. The minute I tell Regina about the case, she's going to start to strategize her next move. And I don't want her involved in this at all."

"You have a point", Snow noted, and she tilted her chin upwards, eyes focused on the ceiling, "but she still needs to know. No secrets…"

And her words haunted me for a long time afterwards. No secrets… Was I prepared to share my darkest secrets with someone else even after I had carefully contained them within my head for so many years? There was only one other person who knew most of my secrets and that was Neal, just him because one person was sufficient. To be honest with her, selectively honest: that was a difficult task all by itself because she had a way in discovering the truth. I had no idea if this was in relation to her careful scrutiny into my eyes, or maybe she was a good interpreter of expressions, moods. But Regina always could figure out the truth. The part that frightened me was the response I'd receive when she realized that I had been lying for such a long time now, even though we had established this bond between ourselves since her arrival here.

So basically it was Christmas Eve, and because mom was in desperate need of groceries to prepare a fantastic Christmas lunch the next day, I had volunteered to go shopping for her. It wasn't like I had a choice. Feet swollen, she was stretched out on the recliner with a damp rag pressed unto her forehead, groaning. So being the considerate daughter I was, yeah I propped her up with cushions and went out the door. And as I jogged across the street, car keys were dangling from my right hand, Neal fell into pace beside me. Turning to stare wide eyed at him, he offered me a mischievous smile as we both jogged the rest of the way. His deliberate attempts to soften me up always seemed to work no matter how hard I tried to ignore him. And screwing up his face into a clownish expression, I snorted as he played the fool as usual, reaching behind me to flip my ponytail up playfully.

"Shopping for mommy and daddy?" he teased me as we reached the entrance door, the glass plastered with pamphlets advertising a variety of special items indoors.

I stopped, breathing heavy and reaching up, my hand batted away stray strands of hair from in front of my face. "Don't make fun of me."

"I'm not making fun of you."

"Yeah…you are."

"I just think it's cute."

Throwing him a look, I stepped away and pushed the glass doors open, welcoming the warmth within the Supermarket with a sigh. I had been freezing my ass off from the time I had left my parents' apartment that morning, like the tip of your nose feeling like an icicle freezing. Surprisingly, whilst there was a long line at the cashier, within the interior of the place wasn't crowded at all.

"How come you're wearing your glasses again?" he asked from beside me, and I warily reached out to wrap my fingers around the handle of a small trolley, swinging it in front of me. "Kind of reminds me of the Emma from Boston."

"That Emma is long gone", I stated, patting the pockets of my jeans, feeling for the folded list of groceries.

"Eyes suddenly gone from bad to worse?"

"More like I tried to avoid wearing glasses by using contacts, then…" I unfolded the list and my eyes scanned my mom's neat writing, "the contacts started to irritate my eyes, made people believe I was crying or something."

"So you rolled back and you're up to level one." His hand reached in front of me, taking a hold of the trolley as he took control. "Seems like you're just trying to avoid the…look…"

"What look?" I asked.

"The geek look", he said, and beaming at me, Neal quickly stepped away as I clenched my fists, his words sinking in immediately. I did not look like a freaking geek.

"Anyway, so I figured that I'd do some shopping to get a head start on the dinner tonight", he said.

Right, so here is where I should mention that on Christmas Eve, we kind of have this family dinner. And when I say family, I mean mom, dad, Neal, Henry and whoever else wants to come along. But this year we had actually been hoping to keep things a bit more private with just Neal, Henry and me because mom and dad could become really intrusive sometimes. They could be nice company. They could dish out good conversation. But somehow this year we had planned to keep things between us alone because there was supposed to be a wedding in a week.

That was our decision before she came back.

Now a big family dinner seemed appropriate on my part. But Neal was still pushing the private one because he wanted to spend Christmas with his family. Anyway, I figured that later down in the day I'd suddenly forget what he had asked, I'd pretend that it slipped my mind. I'd forget to call my parents and tell them that we'd be spending the night alone for a change. He'd let it slide. He'd be pissed a bit, but he'd let it happen. It wasn't as if he had a choice when they'd show up knocking, lemon cake in hand as mom would push her way into the kitchen with a huge smile on her face.

As my boots padded upon the cool tile floors and I approached the freezers to find mom's cheese, Neal's eyes led him to the sample cart just near the table where free fruit cake was being sliced out to customers.

"Free food", he said with his eyes ignited like a child. "Free food, Emma."

"Sometimes I wonder about you", I said warily, pulling open the refrigerator's door, reaching in for a slab of cheese.

As if approaching a toy chest, I watched Neal as his eyes danced over the small bowls of cutters, samples of fruits and candy. And without hesitating, he reached out to pinch up a toothpick. Smiling, I walked towards him, shaking my head as he scrutinized the layout of food.

"Really, Neal?" I asked as the cheese was rested in the trolley. "Leave that to the kids."

"Meatballs, Emma…meat…balls…"

"People would believe that I don't feed you or something. Don't…" I snatched his hand around the wrist and pulled it away, "go easy on the freaking ketchup. Geez, leave some for other people."

Dipping his meatball into the bowl, Neal smiled widely as he helped himself. And as I watched, he devoured the morsel in one bite, plastering a bit of ketchup on his chin. I wanted to laugh so badly as this lady eyed him, a smile pinching her eyes. She kept looking our way as he poked another meatball with his toothpick and shoved it into my mouth. And sputtering, I snorted then we both erupted into laughter as he reached for another toothpick. Then handing it to me, my eyes watering from tears, his toothpick was poked at mine as he actually pretended that we were in a magic duel.

"Wand at the ready, Swan", he said. "Prepare yourself…"

"Neal…" I choked, "Neal, we're embarrassing ourselves."

Falling into a fit of giggles, I watched him dance around on the spot, toothpick pointed at me. And then pointing at the table, I narrowed my eyes. "Accio, cake."

"Say it with more emotion!"

"Accio, cake!" I said with more emphasis.

Slowly reaching out to grip a slice of cake, he led it towards me as if it was indeed being summoned. That just did it for me. And gripping the table's edge, I doubled over with laughter, choking on my fit of giggles as he did the same. It was a good thing that the place had emptied itself out because we would have made a spectacle of ourselves in such a bad way, me being Sheriff and all. And since it was so close to lunch time, I honestly think that Neal and I shared close to five meatballs between ourselves.

"I should arrest you", I said smiling as my thumb wiped ketchup from his chin, "for raping the sample table."

"I wouldn't go down without a fight", he warned me. "We're just like Henry, two kids, always young at heart, and spirit, and mischievous deeds, and frivolous games…"

"I know right!" I said smiling as the cake was pinched in my hand and he sniffed it. "I always have the most fun when I'm with you, honestly."

"You know that's right", he said and winked.

"You're purely awesome." And stepping closer to him, I playfully fingered the neck of his red jersey, tickling him just below his right ear. "And you smell nice too."

"Hmm", he moaned, pulling me into him, nuzzling his face into my hair as we swayed on the spot. "I like this." Our cheeks were pressed together as I savored the distinct smell of his aftershave lotion, the aroma of Irish Spring body wash still lingering on warm skin, the sprinkle of hair tickling my face. And even before realization hit me, my lips moved to whisper against his, a kiss so soft, barely there but it totally happened. Eyes still open, we both searched eyes as Neal pressed forward, tasting my mouth as I allowed him to. Then just like that, with my hands wrapped around his neck, I began to kiss him back slowly as every move felt like familiar ground, some place I had frequently been before and was now revisiting.

Solid ground, a safe place…

Smiling at him, I suddenly watched the happiness in his eyes fade away as his gaze rested just over my right shoulder. And without even turning around, as the sound of high heel boots clicked upon the tiles behind me, my throat tightened when I felt her presence before she was seen. I could just feel her already, feel everything from the way she walked that distinct perfume that could weaken my knees. Her perfume travelled across the distance between us and intoxicated my mind instantaneously. And forgetting to breathe, I stared at Neal.

"Well, well…" then there was a sigh, "someone did say that Christmas is the season to spend time with…family. And what a perfect example this is…"

I turned around on the heels of my boots and faced her, eyes wide. With a smug expression on her face, Regina's brown eyes lingered on Neal just a little longer than expected. And as her gaze turned to rest on me, the look in those brown eyes said it all. It was quite obvious that she had definitely seen when I had stepped closer to Neal, and the kiss, all of it. And she wasn't entirely happy about that at all judging from her stormy eyes.

"What a nice surprise", she said sarcastically, eyes only on me as a glare stung my heart. "

"Christmas shopping for two?" Neal asked from behind me, "or is Robin joining in to make it three?"

"Hmm…" she said with a smile in his direction, "sarcasm noted."

"I wasn't being sarcastic. I was just enquiring after your significant other's whereabouts during this festive season."

"I don't believe that it's any of your business", Regina sassed.

"Enquiring after his whereabouts as a friend", Neal pressed on. "We were friends when he left, friends who knocked a couple drinks at the Rabbit Hole, friends who bonded, speaking about women…"

"Oh trust me, your friendship was indeed treasured and surely missed on his part", Regina said sarcastically. "Mrs. Cassidy", and her eyes met mine, already moist, "Such a cold weather but your cheeks appear so flushed." Neal stepped closer to me protectively, and she eyed him warily.

"That's what happens when she kisses me", Neal stated. "And trust me, the reaction says it all." Pinching an earlobe, a comical smile on his face, one shot an icy glare whilst the other merely appeared victorious. "I figure that since you've been standing here long enough, you did manage to catch the way she melted into my arms. Kind of proves to you where her heart is."

She was wearing a floral patterned dress, lime green dotted with red mistletoes and dark green leaves. It was the kind that stopped just below her knees as those sexy brown knee high boots met my eyes. And with her hair parted sideways, choppy strands fell sideways, and Regina looked so beautiful that she just knocked my head dizzy. With my eyes lingering on the swell of her breasts, memories of my lips pressing kisses unto such soft skin washed over my mind. And swallowing hard, I met her glare with flushed cheeks.

"All of it makes me want to vomit repeatedly."

"Then don't do it next to me, go find a toilet and flush your feelings away in the process."

"Your face nauseates me."

"You want what's not yours or will ever be yours…is that a fetish of yours, to take someone that belongs to someone else? Ruby, Robin now Emma?"

"Oh fuck off you pathetic monkey", Regina said crossly.

"Wouldn't put it past you that you probably played with one of Zelena's monkeys before", Neal said with a straight face. Growling, she held up a clenched fist as if ready to strike him with a lightning bolt, and I almost cowered as an earthquake was anticipated.

"Neal…" worry consuming me, I considered her with a soft expression, "Regina –"

"As it stands, Miss Swan", she said in a clipped tone, interrupting my sentence, "I really don't want to hear anything from you."

"But –"

"And I have nothing to say either."

"Regina…" I pressed on but she began to shake her head.

"What?" and her tone was bitter even though there was a smile barely there. Blinking quickly, a graceful hand was lifted as a fingertip pressed the corner of a moist eye. Then without ever making eye contact again, heels were turned in the other direction as I watched her walk away from me.

I was stumped, like totally speechless because the guilt that overwhelmed me, the fact that I had kissed him and she had witnessed all of it: insides freezing up, all that could be done on my part was to somehow run after her like a stupid fool.

Roles were reversed now because only yesterday it had been her chasing after me. But now here I was yanking my arm away from Neal as my boots padded upon the tiled floors, cheeks already flushed from the guilt of my actions. Head already pounding as I neared the exit, this suddenly reminded me of a previous situation, almost casting a déjà vu feeling upon the current state of things as I pushed the door open. Stepping outside, the bite of cold wind stinging my cheeks, eyes were franticly searching until a slice of green moved somewhere to the left. As if on fast forward, the chase began as I rounded the corner of the building.

It wasn't long before the distance between us was narrowed. And when I was close enough, my right hand snatched her around the wrist. She gasped, turning around instantly as those brown eyes flashed with anger. She was furious and her feelings were justified. I hated when those eyes grew stormy because the rain that would come thrashing down on me could be so devastating. In seconds we could be throwing electric wires at each other, the use of hurtful words that could sting like a thousand needles upon skin. So it kind of scared me when I saw the lightening in her eyes.

Yanking her hand away, Regina retreated as I moved in closer. Head dizzied already from the sudden chase, heart racing in my chest, we locked eyes as she realized that her back was now pressed against the red clay brick wall. I had her cornered, strategically of course because this had been my intention all along, to prevent an escape in possible purple smoke.

"Stay…" hands were held up, palms facing me, "…away from me." And my eyes couldn't help but linger upon the swell of her breasts as she inhaled sharply, the heaving of her chest, small intakes of breath.

"That was…" I was breathless, "that was…nothing –"

"You kissed him."

"It was nothing because I was shopping for mom, just to grab a few groceries since she's not feeling well. And we bumped into each other, trust me. I just…we just…"

"You kissed him!" her voice was raised, hoarse and unsteady as she fought the tears swelling in her eyes. "How…could…you –"

"It just happened…" moving closer, my hand reached out to take a hold of one of hers that was pressed upon the wall but she snatched it away. Lifting my eyes, Regina refused to look at me. It was as if looking at me was such a hurtful thing, or my eyes sickened her. The avoidance to lift her gaze from the space between us squeezed my throat with emotion as I swallowed hard.

"What the hell are you doing to me, Emma?"

Biting my lips, emotion stung my throat as I fought to breathe. "Honestly, I don't know what the hell just happened there. One moment we were talking and then in the next, he was so freaking close...he was kissing me –"

Seconds ticked by, then without even thinking it through, I stepped in dangerously. But as soon as I did, her palms were pressed roughly upon my chest, and I was fought with, trying as hard as she could to push me away. The feeling of having her make contact, feeling those fingertips pressing just where my heart was beating wildly: suddenly I couldn't focus on anything but her lips because being this near to Regina was eating away at me at a rate that I could not tune down at all. Taking her hands around the wrists, never using a firm grip, my face moved in closer, so close that I could smell too much, dizzying my mind immediately.

"I don't want…" she protested but my position was maintained, as I felt the baby between us, always like a barrier, something that still frustrated me.

"Listen to me", I said, pressing our foreheads together, eyes locked, "I know that I'm a fuck up. I know that. And I'm sorry. I really am."

"You're sorry…" she repeated.

"I am, I really am."

Our heads danced with desire as we both considered each other, searching eyes, breathing heavy, hearts racing. But I just wrapped my arms around her as we stayed close, closer than close, my face buried in dark strands of soft hair as I smelt baby powder and apple cider, jam and flour. A moan escaped from within her as she held unto me, fingertips pressing into my back as we inhaled each other, tasting the proximity with passion growing inside of us because I could feel how she was reacting. I could feel it and I didn't want to let her go. Heart beating really fast within her chest, our hearts beating together: this was so personal, so intimate, making us feel so connected. Moving my lips closer, my breath caressing her right cheek, the smell of lipstick, I just was on the edge, ready to move in for the kiss. And then she pushed me away just when I was buried in weakness, weak in the knees from her, those brown eyes, that sweet smell of apples.

"Don't…" she said in a hoarse but firm tone.

"Regina, I…" my fingers caught the strands of her hair between then, watching as she still glared at me, furious and unapologetic. And then I tried once more, moving in, trying to brush my lips against hers but she turned her face away, eyes squeezed shut. I tried again, this time catching her chin between my fingers, focusing those eyes upon me. But her lips remained sealed shut as I snaked my arms around her waist, feeling the softness, warmth as she remained stiff, unresponsive.

"I don't want you near me…" she said, clawing at my shoulders, her nails biting into my skin. "Your smell disgusts me…you smell like him. Leave…" Pushing me hard from off of her, Regina's eyes narrowed into slits. "How dare you try to even –"

"Mom…mom?"

Eyes flying open, I quickly stepped back as my head grew numb. And stepping away from Regina, we both turned to stare at the source of the voice in shock.

"Henry…" I said, breathless, my hands shaking already.

Reaching up, a hand roughly dabbed at her lips, smearing red lipstick just a bit as she appeared sickened by my actions. Then Regina nervously reached up to tuck strands of hair behind an ear as she offered a small smile. "Hi, Henry."

"What…what are you guys doing?" he asked, face creased from concern, suspicious eyes searching mine then meeting Regina's. Gracie was at his side clutching a bag of M&Ms as she considered the scene before her.

"Nothing!" both Regina and I blurted out. And eyes wide, I turned to stare at her.

"We were just…" I shrugged, trying to appear all cool about it, "you know, just hugging…it…out…"

"Hugging what out?"

I was stumbling already, and for him to ask me that, it kind of threw me off balance. But when placed in a sticky situation, suddenly my mind could whip up any white lie on its own accord. And right now, I desperately tried to catch one as Regina didn't attempt to say anything, standing there with those beautiful eyes lowered, fingers splayed over her midsection as she tried to regain her breathing.

"See, the thing is…" and I started without hesitating, "it's Christmas, it's like this festive season when you've got to love your family, and it's a time for giving hugs…soo…"

"You decided to give Regina one", he said.

My eyes lit up, "yeah…" I felt Regina's eyes on me and we both shared a surprised look. "In an alleyway", I added awkwardly. "Just…" I felt the back of my neck nervously, eyes on the floor, "hugging each other like friends do…"

"You're practically family", Henry said with a half-smile. "Hugging should be normal…" I breathed out a sigh of relief as my throat opened once more. "Especially since Regina's your mother's stepmother and your step grandmother, and my mother…that's dysfunctional but still family."

I froze up and so did Regina. "Well when you put it that way…"

"We're all related, see…" Henry turned to Gracie and began to explain, his eyes ignited with excitement, "Regina was married to my great grandfather. But she's not my grandmother's mother. Ava was. And then she ended up adopting me."

"We went through this before", Gracie said smiling.

"This is awkward", I muttered, turning my eyes to look at Regina as she squeezed hers shut, trying to blank out Henry's words. "I feel like crap now", I said frowning. "I feel as if I'm rolling back on my family tree and correcting the fuck ups of my grandfather by falling in love with the woman he never treated right in the first place."

She said not a word, eyes diverted.

"So you two are friends now, I like that", he said smiling.

"Oh we're friends", Regina said dryly.

"We…are…just…buddies…now", I said smiling stiffly.

Suddenly, Henry's eyes narrowed as he scrutinized Regina's face, and I quickly turned to look at her.

"Regina…" he said, "your lipstick is smudged…right…" he lifted a finger to point on his right cheek, "…here…"

Suddenly the air between us grew cold and silent as the graveyard because we had almost ducked past the truth, but now we were so close to getting caught. And as I watched at Regina reach up quickly to dab at her cheek with a shaky hand, eyes lowered, poor me just stood there and swallowed nervously. Then Neal quietly stepped closer, hands shoved in his pockets with this huge smile on a twisted face, all eyes on the woman standing by my side.

"Easy there, Regina", he said amusingly, eyes dancing with humor, "Henry it looks like your mothers' lips have been wandering." I could detect what he was trying to do there, but that double meaning in grammar clearly wasn't noticed by my son.

I shot a glare in Neal's direction and he caught it but that gleam still remained in his eyes.

"Hey…Regina", he said.

That did the trick but if glares could kill then I honestly think Neal would have been screaming from agony at that moment. And from where I stood, there was a small growl that obviously came from within Regina, almost like an angered cat as I watched her fists clench tighter. But as soon as her name was called, as it always used to happen before, she instantly softened up from his voice.

"Yes, Henry?" she asked, her fists unclenching slowly.

"If you're not doing anything tonight, I'd really like if you could join us for dinner."

My eyes darted to meet Neal who stood there, his eyes wide as he returned my stare. "Uh, Henry I don't think…" he began, desperately sending me this look, as if to beg me to do something.

"Actually…" I said with my arms folded as a smile was returned to him, "I'd love if she could join us. We're all family now, aren't we?"

"Thanks for the invite, dear. I'll try my best", she said, all eyes on our son.

"Cool…so we're gonna head off now", Henry said, eyeing all of us awkwardly, and then his face stretched into a forced smile. "See ya."

Taking a deep breath, I turned to look at him. "Right, kid", I said. "See ya later then."

And linking his arm through Gracie's, he stepped away, appearing so mature in front of me, so grown up that I was left speechless for quite some time. Neal apparently felt the same way too, and so did Regina as I silently considered her gaze resting on Henry's departing figure through the double glass doors. Then as the silence elapsed between us, we finally turned our eyes to each other again. This time, Neal wasn't smiling with humor in his eyes. But he chose instead to glare at Regina who returned the glare with her fiery brown eyes.

"How do you think he's going to react when he finds out about your feelings for Emma?" he asked, hands shoved in his pockets. "You think that he's going to welcome it with smiles and he'll run to embrace you?" None of us answered, and because we didn't, he softly offered a laugh in return, a laugh of disbelief.

"I have nothing to say to you", Regina said quietly.

"Emma's not even certain about her feelings for you because you and I both know that if she truly loved you, then she'd have left me as fast as she could to be in your arms."

"Neal…" I said.

"But she isn't. She isn't…running to you. She isn't…" he swallowed and gestured warily in front of him, "…moving in with you. She's not even lovey dovey with you in public. All of this might be some experiment of hers."

"Neal!" I said in disbelief.

"Look, it's okay to experiment, and feel your way around things. It's okay for you to be curious…" he turned his eyes on me, "and like u said many times before Emma. You said that you and Regina were never even friends. You never clicked and maybe that's why you always said that you just didn't want her to come back, that you wished she was happy enough to stay away and leave us alone, leave YOU alone."

I couldn't believe the words that were coming out of his mouth. Even in a situation like this, in a place like this, he chose to state that on my behalf, to just rat me out and say things. And yes I had said those things. I had said those things when I was fucking pissed at her for leaving, and there wasn't a moment in time after when I just wished that she would never come back. That was how I felt just when she had walked away from me, raging and devastated. But for him to remember these things, for him to suddenly remember these stuff I had said and to tell her them, to voice them to her, I was suddenly so astonished.

Regina turned her eyes to look at me.

"Bet you didn't think that she'd ever say that about you", he said softly. "Well she did. And not once since you've come back has Emma ever asked or declared that she is ready to break our engagement…"

"What are you doing?" I asked in a small voice, my eyes dry and burning.

"Want to know where my fiancée was last night?" he asked Regina who was still looking at me, her eyes hard, "she was curled up in my arms, because that's where she wants to be and I have to do this. I have to tell you exactly what's going on because it's like you actually believe that you stand a chance with her when you know half the truth, that when you left, apparently you broke her heart or something. But now that you're back, you can't be the Savior and save things because that isn't your role, it's hers. She's not saving you sooner, it makes me wonder, why haven't wedding plans been cancelled?"

As the silence stretched on, there was a crackle of paper as Neal slowly retrieved a mint from his pants pocket. Then twisting it open, he popped it into his mouth as I watched him with wide eyes.

I was caught. I was caught and I was incredibly busted, like majorly caught in the headlights busted. This time, I knew that I couldn't spin up little white lies to save myself because he had hit the nail right on the head. He had pulled up the stuff from the ground that I had overlooked.

"Why am I not entirely surprised?" she asked, her voice steady but barely audible.

"No…." I was prepared to do something, to actually believe that I could do something to save myself. And stepping forward, I tried to touch her shoulder, but she stepped back. "Regina, it's not…" swallowing, I felt my throat close up as her eyes were fixated on me. "It's not…"

"You…slept with him…last night…" she stated, rather than form her words into a question.

"I didn't. I…" reaching up, my fingers tucked strands of my hair behind an ear, searching her eyes desperately, "I ended up there, and it so happened that…" I was clutching at straws, trying to save myself. "…I was staying at my parents' apartment, yeah", I said quickly, "I am staying there but since things ran late, I ended up sleeping there…"

"Emma, you've been sleeping home for two nights now", Neal confirmed, scrutinizing me with his eyes as he sucked his freaking mint.

"You said that you slept over at your parents' apartment."

"I did", I said. And catching myself, I shook my head fast, "I mean, I didn't…I…"

"You lied to me?" Regina asked softly, tilting her head sideways as brown eyes searched mine.

"I didn't lie", I said defensively, my eyes on her. "It just slipped my mind. I swear."

"Just as cancelling your wedding plans?" she asked directly, and I swallowed as her gaze lowered to my left hand, searching. "You weren't wearing your engagement ring when you visited me that afternoon…"

"Regina, it's not…"

"And you weren't wearing it yesterday when we…" stopping, she bit her lips as fingertips pressed into her right side, "but you're wearing it now."

Suddenly feeling the ring around my finger, I gazed down upon my splayed fingers with wide eyes. It was like one of those moments in time when you seriously had no idea what had happened because all this time you were trying to do the right thing and then you slipped up one time. I had grown so accustomed to putting on my ring, so that morning, whilst my mind had been distracted, I had snatched it up. Now, more than ever I was busted because I couldn't save myself with the truth even if I wanted to.

"It's not what you think", I tried.

"Oh really?" she asked. "What exactly do you expect me to think, Emma? You're beginning to sound a bit paranoid to me."

"I am not paranoid!" I said in defense, voice rising.

"Something's clearly wrong with you then –"

"If you could just…" I breathed in, trying to calm myself, "If you could just…understand here…that…"

Suddenly her eyes became icy, and with her fists clenched, she glared at me. "Every word that comes out of your mouth, everything you say or do as of current, all of this just makes me lose my trust in you. And I'm sickened by your actions, your…promises and your oh so reassuring words. Where's the Emma I used to know? Surely she isn't this pathetic liar standing before me right now."

"Regina…" I said.

"Oh go to hell", she waved me off angrily. And turning on her heels, away she strode without looking back.

"Regina!" I called, going after her. "Wait…"

"Emma, just leave me alone", she said sharply, turning back to throw me a glare but I could see that her eyes were filled with tears. "I don't want to speak to you as it is because you've been lying to me. When you're ready to be honest with me, to stop treating me like a child and walking all over me, playing with my feelings, then I'll listen to you."

"I'm ready to do that", I said in a small voice, taking a tentative step closer to her. "I'm ready to…"

But she was shaking her head. "No you're not." As she turned away and walked away from me, my eyes burnt with tears because I honestly felt like a child. I felt as if I was so immature in everything I was doing, I was not serious about anything and just as always, I could have something important in my grasp and then I'd just fuck things up and let go.

"So are you coming tonight or what?" Neal asked her departing figure, half turning his head to watch. "I guess that's a no. So, how about I resume shopping whilst you resume shopping and then we…"

"How could you?" I asked, silencing him immediately, my eyes flashing with anger.

Searching my eyes, he actually appeared as innocent as ever. "How could I what?" Away he began to walk, towards the entrance once more, moving through the door as I strode after him, fists clenched.

"How could you do that to me, Neal?"

"I did nothing to you, Emma. I just told the truth. No harm in that, is there?" and he shrugged, idly reaching on the shelf for a bottle of tomato paste, his eyes studying the label.

"I know what you're doing", I said, stepping towards him fast, my fists clenched. "You're trying to get in the middle and turn things sour between us."

"Us…" he said quietly, lifting the bottle up, head tilted sideways. "I'm not the one whose turning things sour between us, you are."

"Don't pretend as if you don't know what I'm talking about."

"How about you stop pretending that you actually have feelings for her, and we just go back to being a freaking family again where all things are peaceful and happy and peachy? I said before that I'd be willing to let things go easy but I just can't because whichever way you put it, you're embarrassing me."

"I'm embarrassing you?"

"Yeah, you are. Suddenly I'm inadequate as compared to the pregnant Evil Queen who ran away from her husband without telling him she's having his child. How nice is that? Hmm? How nice is that for any father and that's another thing that worries me about her, that she came here and she's pushing things with you when he's still out there, and he doesn't have a fucking clue that she's pregnant. And it doesn't bother her…at…all."

Reaching up with my right hand, I ran my fingers through my hair and sighed.

"She doesn't make sense, does she? I'm protecting you, Emma, from her. I'm trying to wake you up and show you that she's not worth it because something fishy is going on behind the scenes here and she's not telling you the whole truth."

"Just as I'm not telling her everything as well", I reminded him.

"You're protecting her, but is she protecting you?"

"Regina wouldn't hesitate to protect me if I needed it."

"And you're so certain?" he asked, raising an eyebrow. "Why didn't she come back last year before she got knocked up to tell you she loves you? It took something so drastic in her life to happen for her to realize that she wants you? I'd feel ashamed even if that happened to me as a guy, some woman I loved was off sleeping with another man and then when she finds herself pregnant, she suddenly comes running back to me claiming that she always loved me. That is just wrong."

Why is it that he always knew how to hit me with the truth just like that? All the things he said, whether I wanted to believe them or not, all of them made sense. And the more he spoke of her, and us, the more I began to realize that I had no idea what was going on, that I was confused more than ever. And above all, I just couldn't understand all the things that were right there in front of me. How could I ignore those things? How could I just run away from the blaring truth to accept something else?

"Plus even before she left, she was so smitten because of Robin, always close by him, dating him, and now she leaves such a nice man hanging to come to you? All my bets are on this, that she's still in love with him."

"She's not lying to me", I said as if to convince myself of it. "She's not. She's really in love with me."

"I'm in love with you", he said quietly, "I didn't hesitate to make it known or commit to you and you didn't hold back. That should prove enough."

"But there's just one problem, Neal", I said in reply.

"What's that?"

"This isn't about you alone."

"Yeah, but in case you haven't noticed, three's a crowd. And I'm not into doing threesomes with Regina. Ruby might suffice…but not…"

Shaking my head, eyes squeezed shut, I just found myself rather confused at the moment. Head whirling with random thoughts, heart racing from feelings and emotions that ran no direct course, all I could do to try to find some peace amongst the chaos. But there was none. Instead of creating some definite pathway, I was still walking two paths.

"I can't lose either of you", I said more to myself than him, but my words were received anyway.

"Can't have both of us."

"I don't want to lose you."

"Then don't run off with the psycho closeted lesbian who fucked a guy, several guys", he swallowed, gesticulating with a hand, "she killed a shit load of people, kept a slave for a period of time, the bitch wanted to kill us all, take our son away, and above all, she wants to ruin a family, one that in case you haven't noticed, Henry is happy with. She doesn't care about his happiness. She cares selfishly about hers. Any sensible person would lock her out, use their head and assess this properly. If you ask me, there's nothing going on between you two. She's just gotten into your head and nothing more. Sure you wanna know what it's like to sleep with a woman, I get that. But it's not something permanent that you want."

Now he was getting into my head, making me consider his words, all of them.

"Emma, I know you. Let's resume shopping and things will smoothen out soon enough. Let her stew, break a few dishes, earn a few grey hairs. It's all in the process."

Neal just stood silent for a long time. And because he didn't answer, I just kept waiting on him to say something to me. But nothing was said. Instead, he did the one thing that I was never expecting. Stepping towards me, at first I stepped back, probably expecting something harsh that would never come because he was never aggressive with me. Throwing an arm around me, I was embraced in a soft hug. The hug wasn't intimate nor was it forceful but it was just a hug, one that left me feeling so utterly confused that I was left speechless.

"Neal…" I said.

"We'll do this together because we're a family still. We're all a family." And taking up his basket, he smiled in my direction, stepping away. "Just don't expect me to tell Henry about any of this. That's all on you because we both failed once as parents. And I'm not prepared to fail a second time. Seems like you're ready to put your trust on the line though. Good luck." Away he walked, leaving me standing there feeling clustered and guilty as hell.

* * *

><p>Xx<p>

**[Regina's P.O.V]**

**Location: Outside the Diner**

I think I've clenched my fists so tightly that the palms of my hands were bruised from the impact of my nails.

My phone rings. Eyes hard, I growl. "Hello?"

Silence.

Removing my cell and holding it up, I glare at the display. Connected…unknown number. I never answer unknown numbers. This is what happens when your head is consumed with senseless, stupid thoughts.

"Hello?" I try again.

"Yes, I'm sorry…" there's a laugh, and my nerves are on edge. "I thought the line was disconnected."

"Ok then." Dumbass.

"Is this Regina Mills?"

"Who is this?" I ask, gritting my teeth as fingernails drag across my lap in anger.

"I don't believe that you'd remember me. But exactly five years ago, you called me to enquire about a Miss Emma Swan from Boston."

I called more than one person discretely to dig up information many years ago. "I don't know what you're talking about."

"I'm afraid I must have the wrong number but weren't you the one who called to find out about the Johnson case before?"

My heart skipped a beat. "No."

"Look…" there was a sigh, "as procedure, we follow up on calls, Miss Mills because we usually do that with high priority files, when someone asks about a person of interest."

"I thought phone calls to the authorities are confidential?" I asked in a dry tone.

"Well…they…are…"

"Then why did you –"

"The person you were asking about, she's now wanted for questioning in relation to a recent murder in New York", he said coolly.

I waited. How did he retrieve my number? This cell had been bought for me by Snow and an entirely new SIM card was within its casing. The only explanation was this: he had called someone within the town and he had been directed to my cell number, a number only few people knew by now. Someone was tracing my number, someone in this town had eyes on me and I grew suspicious by the second as my glare slid across everyone that passed by me.

"Do you know where Miss Emma Swan is at the moment?"

"No. I don't know where she is."

"Do you have any idea where she might –"

"I repeat, I do not know where she is."

"Okay then if you –"

"Is that all?"

"Well, this is really important, for us to find her. You already know about the details of the previous situation where she was at the scene of the crime someone was –"

"I can recall the facts", I said.

"Good, now Miss Swan's foster…father has been murdered." This was news to me. "In New York, a block away from where she was residing last…" he waited but I refused to reply or contribute. "We're looking for her to question her whereabouts on that night. If there's anything you can provide us with to aid in this investigation then –"

"I'm terribly sorry but there is nothing I can assist you with."

He waited. "Okay, then thank you for your cooperation."

"Don't mention it", I said sarcastically. And I ended the call with the press of a finger.

I was slightly confused.

Thoughts began to race through my head, doubts, questions. There were many questions, one of them being in relation to her knowledge on her whereabouts sought after. Did she know about this at all? Right, I would be the last person to know because as it stands, I have been lied to and played with ever since I returned by the woman I am willing to trust with my life. Yes I did dig into her past a few years ago and that was for purposes already established before, done with. Now this had come up? Her foster father was dead and his body had been found nearby her residence? What secrets was Emma really hiding from me, from all of us? Did Snow know anything about this?

What had unfolded in that two year span of time whilst I had been away from here? A murder? Two murders attaching suspicion on Emma's character? What was going on here? Supposedly there must have been a mistake then. That's what I wanted to believe. Someone believed that she was connected to a murder.

How pathetic does that sound? The call infuriated me to a point where I began to clench my fists harder, nails cutting hard into skin. Lies, lies, and more lies. Did she know about any of this? Of course she had to know. All of this pisses me off because I'm being treated as if I'm not to be trusted.

Should I call Snow and enquire after this mysterious phone call? For the time being, there I stood in the shade, clutching my phone within one hand as my eyes were distant. No, I shouldn't call her now. I'd do such a thing later. Let's see how today progresses. Emma is worrying me by the minute.

She is puzzling me to a greater extent, confusing me with her words and at this point, I am frankly not even certain anymore on the truth that lies behind what she has told me. It's not that I am throwing all the blame on her. It's not that I'm tearing myself out from all of this to shine the criticism unto her. It's just that she's lied to me and I cannot stand when someone lies to me. I never could stomach a lie especially from the ones I love. This suddenly forces me to rethink things, to reassess things and once my mind commences such a process then there is no going back. Suddenly I am concocting ways of revealing the truth behind her motives. It's highly possible that she's lying to protect me from the truth. Or at least that's what I thought. But the ring dilemma, that pushed me over the edge. And the fact that she lied about the cancellation of her wedding plans.

There she was lip locking Neal, right in front of me.

How was I supposed to feel about that sour sight before me, the fact that I was dizzied still from the moment we shared yesterday and now she was buried in his arms?

What am I to believe? That she's still actually considering this wedding? That she's still wearing his ring because she's playing this game and I'm her pawn piece, someone she's 'experimenting' with, as he delightfully put it? I'm an experiment? And now I'm wondering silently if I had always been thought of as an experiment, even before this. Before I left Storybrooke when I was here in her company had she been considering that? All of these thoughts stem back to one thing: that she didn't hesitate in agreeing to marry him. She never did stall, but delivered a quick answer. I was there, and I witnessed everything. Up to this day I am still remembering these things and I'm still wondering if coming back here was the best choice on my part or the worst mistake ever.

Can you imagine having these…feelings for someone…feelings that are so strong, stronger than anything else and you're quite aware of how she responds to you but she just keeps holding back? I kissed Emma and even after I kissed her, she's still indecisive, asking me to wait a little longer [as if two years weren't enough] before another step is taken forward. How is that supposed to make me feel at this point?

What happened to the Emma I had painstakingly grown to love and know, the one who was quite bold on her moves, courageous and challenging, never lying to me? What happened to the Emma who fought to find the truth, told the truth without backing down, the woman who gained my trust, my recognition? Well apparently living with Neal had fucked with her head, since she surely is still smitten because of him. Even in his presence she appeared quite softened up to say the least, melting into his arms as if that wasn't sickening enough for me to witness. It infuriated me, all of this denial and hesitation.

My entire day was heavily overcast with grey clouds in my mind, a dampened spirit and I was just in the crankiest mood ever. I kept scowling at things, small things like when someone would ask me a question or when my cell would ring. When the latter happened, honestly my hopes were heightened as I expected it to be her calling me, just to hear her voice, to hear her reassure me that everything was okay and nothing was wrong anymore. But it wasn't her.

And so I chose instead to binge on chocolates. After leaving her in that supermarket, I had entered another only to snatch up a basket, my boots leading me to the candy section. Then my fingers felt for a bar of Snickers, Milky Way, Reeses, M&Ms, Cadbury, everything, anything. And after paying for my choice of craving for the festive holiday season, I sat outside of the Diner and ate three bars of chocolate, each bite bringing tears to my eyes.

She could play games with me. She could play all she wanted but I could retaliate with my moves, my choice of torture for her. I could respond to lies and waiting games in ways that she could never imagine.

Getting up, I bunched the wrappers together within my fists, cheeks puffed out as I chewed. And stepping towards the door, the air chilling my fingers within my gloves, I breathed a sigh of relief, having gone home earlier to change. However, upon meeting Snow on my way there, I had been presented with a Christmas Eve gift. And I was sadly wearing it now. Needless to say, feeling quite conscious of my weird attire, I folded my arms across my chest as if hugging myself from the cold. Then as soon as I stepped inside and noticed her sitting there, more than half of me froze up even more.

* * *

><p>xx<p>

**[Emma's P.O.V]**

**Location: The Diner**

As the bell tinkled, in Regina walked wearing the most ridiculously cute outfit I had ever seen and even though I tried to avoid it, a smile stretched across my face. To be honest, I would have never used 'teddy bear' and 'Regina' in the same sentence…ever. But there's a first for everything and it's safe to say now that believe it or not, Regina actually had on this knitted long sleeve red sweater with a black teddy bear embroidered in the front, a red apple on its chest. Added to her overall cuteness, she was wearing this pair of brown furry boots with two small black bows on the insides near the zipper.

Apparently the Evil Queen as they all used to call her, well she had a 'cute' side. And I found it rather adorable because as she came in, she was pouting, hands folded across her chest as if to hide the embroidered work of art. Eyes lowered as if feeling prying eyes on her, she quickly made her way closer to me. And my heart began to race. All eyes on her sweater, on red lips, I really believed that she was coming to sit right where I was. Then as I slid further across the chair to make room for her, she instead chose to walk towards the table behind me, heels clicking on the floor. And with every click as she stepped further away from me, I choked on my fear. I couldn't swallow my macaroni and cheese because my throat suddenly felt as narrow as a straw. And listening to her sigh, knowing that we were sitting with our backs separated by a wall, less than a foot separating us, I just held my breath. I figured that I actually could have been a really good swimmer because how long I held my breath, I had no idea. However, it was too long since my head began to grow dizzy. Then as guilt took me over, as I suddenly realized that I had to do something, getting up, there I went around the corner.

Sliding into the seat directly opposite her, my face all serious, I considered those lowered eyes, realizing that she was using her phone. Seconds ticked by, then minutes, then she softly laughed as her phone dinged. And I began to grow bored from waiting, like really bored, majorly bored.

"Hey, can we talk?"

No response.

"Regina…" I said quietly, and my boot nudged hers under the table. "Hey…I'm right here. By the way, I love your jersey. It's cute. Mom kinda made me one too. It has this huge Swan in front."

She completely ignored me.

"I'm not wearing the ring anymore", I said finally, and I held up my left hand, splaying my fingers before her. Not a glance was thrown in my direction.

Then taking out my phone, I sighed as my fingertips tapped the screen. Putting the call on speaker, I threw a glance at her. She was so beautiful, completely and utterly perfect even in those ridiculous clothes that surely didn't suit her at all.

"Hello, Season's Greetings, you're unto Ariel's Wedding Catering service. Ariel speaking. How may I help you?"

"Hi, it's Emma", I said, toeing the ground with the tip of my right boot, eyes lowered. "Ariel, how are you? Season's Greetings, by the way."

"Oh, hi Emma!" she responded, her smile quite evident from her tone. "Hope you're having a wonderful day! What can I do for you?"

I could feel Regina's eyes on me. And lifting my gaze, our eyes met finally. "Ariel, I was just wondering if you could do one small favor for me. I'd like you to confirm for me, did I cancel my appointment with you on preparing wedding decorations, the cake and whatever else I ordered?"

"Um, yes you did. Are you having second thoughts?"

"No", I said quickly as my eyes remained on Regina and she continued to look at me deeply. "And remind me again, when did I make the cancellation?"

"That would be three days ago. I have it here in my book. Oh that was the same day I saw you running across the road with flowers in your hand!" she burst out with energy. "Those were for Regina, weren't they?"

"Yeah they were", I said, looking at the woman sitting before me in her eyes. "They were just for…Regina…"

"Oh Emma, that is so sweet! Did you give her Christmas gift to her as yet, the one you bought from Ruby's store?"

"Not…as yet", I said slowly, "I'm waiting until tomorrow."

"When you take her out to Dinner?"

"Yep, when I take her out to dinner with me, our first date together."

"Well like you said, Christmas day is the best day to start off a relationship, because for many years to come, it's going to be that day when it's your anniversary, and you want to remember it with all the good memories and everything else."

"I want to remember everything, every moment I spend with her for as long as I can", I said. And lifting a hand up, Regina gazed at me as she slowly wiped away a tear leaking down her cheek.

"Yeah, if she only knew how much you love her."

"I don't think she believes how much I love her right now", I said with tears in my eyes. "I really don't think she understands that even though I might probably be the most foolish person in the world for hesitating, that I have my reasons. But above all, I always loved her…and I still do."

"That's so sweet!" Ariel cried out. "If she could only hear you."

"I wish she could…"

"Then you have tomorrow to look forward to, when you tell her everything and don't hold back, Emma. Tell her everything about how you feel about her. Tell her what you've been telling me all this time, that there's no other person in this world that you'd rather be with than her."

"I'll tell her", I said softly. "Trust me, I will", I said. And I disconnected the call by tapping the screen. Then sniffing, my hand was raised to wipe my eyes as she still continued to watch me.

I don't know why but I felt kind of relieved to get that out of the way. I felt as if that was needed, wanting on my part, to prove to her that I wasn't lying or at least what Neal said wasn't true. At least one part. But that was still something. However, the more I waited on her to say something to me, the silence just stretched on between us. And what began as my spirits lifting ended up with me being consumed with fear, searching those deep brown eyes as she still kept looking at me without an expression on her face.

"Are you done now?" she asked hoarsely. "Because you're like an annoying toy to me as it stands right now." A smile was offered in my direction. "The kind of toy that I'd like to smash to pieces with the heel of my boot."

I was confused. "Yeah, okay…I deserve that."

"Oh you deserve worse than that."

"Then go ahead and do whatever it takes to make you feel satisfied that I've received my share of payback for what I did."

"Are you going to call anyone else to help you cover up your lies?" she asked innocently, cupping her chin upon a hand, eyes on me.

"I…wasn't trying to cover up anything", I said defensively, "that's the truth. And there's no one else to call."

"Good, now I'd like to resume distancing myself from you because if you seriously believe that you could pull that off with all your mushy words and promises, then you're wrong. It takes a lot more than empty words to convince me, Emma Swan. And until you start to do good on your promises and you stop lying to me, then I'll take you seriously."

"But…" my eyes were filling up with tears again as I felt my heart squeeze from pain. Where did that come from?

"Do not mistake my tears as an opening to you. I'm under the influence of hormones but luckily I still have enough sense left to walk away", and retrieving her handbag from the table, she slid across the seat, eyes anywhere else but on me.

"What? I'm sorry", I said softly, and sliding across my seat, quickly I grabbed her hand but she pulled it away. "I screwed up, I know. And…"

"Look who's saying sorry now", she said. Reaching out to her, a step was taken further away from me. "Don't touch me. Find the man who makes you melt in his arms, the one who you kissed this morning and the one who deserved the title as your fiancé."

"Regina, please…" I pleaded with her, rising up from the chair, trying to pull close the distance between us. "Let's talk this through."

"I have nothing to say to you, nothing at all. You are aware of my feelings for you and you have returned affections that felt genuine."

"Because they are genuine and I'm…" my voice was breaking. "I'm sure of how I feel. I just don't know to do this the right way."

* * *

><p>xx<p>

"Is there…" I stopped, and bit my lips, wondering if I should indeed ask. No, I wouldn't ask her. I'd wait, see if she mentions anything. Yes I'm often quick to press for answers but as it stands, this is like a test run, one that will prove her trust in me. If she knows about the case, then she's going to relate this to me if I'm trustworthy enough in her eyes. If not, and if she has no clue, then she's still safe within the town if New York is asking about her whereabouts. That gives me time to assess this…pressing matter.

"Is there what?" she asks hoarsely, hanging on my words.

"Are you hiding something else from me?"

A few seconds pass by whilst I search her eyes. There is something within, as hard as she tries to conceal that from me. And I can feel myself growing angry by the second because now I am somewhat convinced that she's aware of the case. "No, there isn't anything that –"

"You're a work of art, Miss Swan", I say sarcastically. "Really, the heap of lies never will decrease, will it?"

"I…what…" her stuttering infuriated me more.

"You sicken me", I say through my teeth, "disgust me…"

"We're back at level one then."

"And that's where we'll always be because of you."

* * *

><p>Xx<p>

"Then if I'm a total fuck up, why are you even trying?"

"Because I'm in love with you!" Her words startled me. Leaning a little closer, those eyes were clouded with tears. "You know", she half laughed sarcastically, "I often times found myself wondering what was it about you that had these men dizzied by your presence. I used to believe that it was simply your beauty and the fact that you most likely took their breath away just as my reaction is the same every time you were near me. Every time I'd get word of your hook ups, I'd die inside knowing that someone else was lucky and it wasn't me. It wasn't…Regina." Reaching up, she dabbed at her eye as my heart was stabbed with pain. "But now I know…I know that you just love to play with other people's hearts as if we're all fools in love with you. You'd rather lead all of us on instead of choosing one. You want everyone to love you just the same when there's always this one person who will love you a lot more. And…I'm that person. I'm that stupid person."

I was crying already, so easily done that nothing in the world seemed to be bright and cheerful at the moment, nothing at all.

"If there's nothing else you have to say to me apart from you offering apologies, then I'd like you to leave me alone. Goodbye." Taking a hold of her purse, she turned on her heels and even as I watched, towards Ruby her steps led. Then as my throat closed up, as I stopped breathing completely, Regina wrapped her arm around the brunette's waist, catching her off guard. And taking a hold of the front of Ruby's red shirt, down she was pulled as her lips were sought out for a kiss, one that was deep.

Honestly, I don't know how I survived those few seconds that went by as they kissed before me because everything just felt so terribly painful. As I watched Regina's eyes flutter close, my heart felt as if she had taken it, fingers squeezing hard. I couldn't breathe, I couldn't feel my fingers and my head began to throb. Of course she wanted me to know exactly how it felt to witness such a thing right in front of my eyes. That was understood. But what hurt the most was the fact that we both knew the other was watching. In my case, I wasn't aware of her standing there. I felt like a freaking fool, a fuck up because I shouldn't have even kissed Neal to begin with. I shouldn't have done it.

Pulling away, brown eyes met mine as her lipstick was smeared a bit. And reaching up, a thumb wiped the corner of her mouth as she offered me a beautiful smile that was poisonous. "I'm sorry", she said to me, their fingers still entwined. "It just…happened." Gaze sweeping the empty Diner, away she stepped as Ruby watched her with fascination. And as the door was pulled open, I felt tears in my eyes. Then she was gone. And standing there, for the second time in a row on the same day, I felt like a freaking fool. Bingo, Emma, you've officially been labelled as the worst person to commit to, or to fall in love with for that matter.

* * *

><p>Xx<p>

"She's not coming", I said, squeezing my eyes shut as tears burnt them, as Regina's smile filled my mind and drowned me in emotion. I had been looking forward to opening that door and seeing her standing there, so now that she wasn't coming, I just felt like crap.

"She isn't coming? But why?" she sounded believably shocked and I was thankful that at least one other person could feel my pain from Regina's absence.

"Well, we…had…a mild nuclear explosion earlier today…"

"That's nothing new between you two. Throwing sauce in each other's faces is what you two like to do. But it's been so long since I've witnessed a fight between the two of you", and she sighed, "feels so long ago."

"It was something I hoped that we could both bury in the past", I said as Henry called out for Neal downstairs, the rest of his words muffled through the walls. "But it seems like we just…can't reach that point where there's no bitching, no pitching of forks, that sort of thing…and this time, it's not her fault. She's not in the wrong. It's me."

"Emma, what is it? What happened between you two?" she sounded so worried now, so genuinely mother-like that her sincerity ached my chest. "You know that you can tell me anything and I'll listen, I'll try to help you in the best way that I can."

At some point in anyone's life, all you need is your mother, no matter what you've been through, no matter how independent I thought life had made me.

"Well, she kissed me…" and even before I could finish, a small squeal was already escalating from the other end. "Yeah, it was that mind blowing. But all of it went down the drain after she caught me kissing Neal today in the supermarket."

"What?" she asked after a gasp ensued. "How did that happen?" I explained to her that it was all my fault even though earlier, the last thing on my mind when being confronted by Regina was to put all the blame on myself. I told her about the conversation in the Diner and how she had ordered me to leave her alone.

"And then she kissed Ruby in front of me in the Diner."

"This is so, so much like a soap opera!" she declared.

"It freaking hurt, that's for sure."

Five minutes later, the conversation turned to marriage.

"I'm afraid of marriage", I confessed quietly, pressing my fingertips upon sore eyes. "Commitment scares me."

"Why?" she asked softly, "is it because of your past, what happened before when he made promises and he just left you all by yourself?"

"Yeah…" I said hoarsely.

"Then why are you still holding unto him when he's the one who terribly broke your heart in the first place?"

"Because I can't…" I breathed in, "let go…I spent so long angry at him, wanting him to come back, then I just ended up lying to myself. I believed I was over him and the truth, the hurt was just buried with lies and more lies. Then when he came back, everything just flooded back in, the fact that Henry's his son, and the things he said to me, why he left, why he did what he did. All of it just made me realize that maybe I was the one who wanted…I wanted too much and I was the reason why he ran away."

"So you blame yourself for him abandoning you in Boston then?"

"I wanted too much", and I sighed. "I wanted a life, a nice life, a house, everything, a family, and permanence", I said hoarsely. "I wanted someone who would stay because no one ever did, nothing ever remained still. I just wanted a life that meant something to me. And I was forcing him to do it when he wasn't even ready."

"And you found him again, and now he's given you all those things", she said. "You have your house, a family, permanence, someone who wants to stay."

"Exactly."

"But there's just one question that remains, Emma. Are you happy with what you have?"

"Henry's happy."

"I didn't ask you if Henry's happy", she said as a car honked its horn outside, gravel crunching. "I asked if you're happy, you as in you by yourself, when you sit back all by yourself, are you happy?"

"I'm not sad."

"Yes you are, you're very sad. You're hurting and it's because you're trying to convince yourself that he's making everything work for you, that you owe him something just because you wanted what everyone wants. But the truth is, even though you might have wanted so, so much, it doesn't mean that you have to continue lying to yourself that he's still the one you want. Emma, people change. We all change and we want different things. When you were in love with him many years ago, there were things you wanted so badly. Over the years, you've changed, and you've moved on. You now have us, you have a family. You have Henry, a life, you mean something to everyone, and now that you have all these things, it should make you realize that when it comes to love, it's not about the material belongingness attached to that connection. It's not about a house, or a joint bank account, or the fact that he's going to do the shopping, and he's going wash the wares without complaining, or he's going to be Henry's father whilst you're his mother living under the same roof. Love should mean something deeper and different to you now. It should make you realize that you need a deeper connection with someone, someone that makes you so, so happy. Every time you see that person, you just become lost in their eyes, and it's not a childish game, it's serious. It's not easy, it's passionate and sweet, endless."

Somewhere downstairs, Neal turned on the blender, probably making fruit juice.

"How am I supposed to feel any of that with her when she obviously belongs to someone else still?"

"She doesn't belong to him still. She's just having his baby. They both share a baby together, but Regina doesn't belong to him anymore."

"I can't think that way", I confessed, "how can I think that way when…"

"Emma, she's having a baby. I know that it bothers you and that's normal, that feeling. But if you love her, if you really love her, then you'd accept her no matter what because it's not like she's still running back to him. It's clear that she left Robin just to come back to you. And right now, if you could just stand back and see the situation as I see it then you'd realize that this just happened whilst you two were both uncertain of how the other feels. Whilst Regina was trying to get over you, Emma, she gave him a chance and that's what happened. It could have happened to you. You could have ended up pregnant too. But the bottom line is, she's come back, she's desperately in love with you, and you should be willing to love all of her just as she loves Henry who happens to be Neal's son and you. Why can't you love her and the baby too?"

Her words, everything she said just sank in and made me realize how different the situation was. All the time I was allowing certain things to blind me, to frustrate me, to block the truth out when there was just an easy answer.

"It's this big moment in her life right now, and she's all alone. Can't you remember when you were in the same position and you just wanted someone to love you?" I did remember. I remember those nights when my heart would ache to be held by someone, just to be hugged and have words whispered to me that everything would be okay, that I was loved.

"So who's it going to be, Neal or Regina?"

"You know who I choose already", I confessed.

"Then what's holding you back?" she asked quietly. "Emma, you're going to have to choose one of them. And I'd like you to do that now. I'd like you to make that decision right now because if you don't, then you're going to end up hurting three people severely. You're going to cause so many problems unless you make a decision. Everything in life, Emma, we have to make decisions. We have to make choices and you cannot go forward playing with them both, playing with their feelings. Let go of one." Regina's words came to mind instantly and it was unbelievable that what I was doing was so obvious yet my stupid brain couldn't process all of this.

I squeezed my eyes shut as tears stung through my eyelids. "Okay."

"Who're you going to let go of? You can only say 'I do' to one person."

I actually did see it all, everything in my mind and because it felt so real, the moment just stung me with realization. That was the end result, the final decision that I'd have to make whether I wanted to or not because there weren't two of me. I couldn't walk towards both of them, say my vows to both of them. I couldn't live with both of them forever, or sleep with both of them and feel okay about it at the same time. Only one would be able to complete me and she was there. She was standing right there, smiling at me, waiting for me, tears in her eyes, ready to love me regardless of my flaws, my past, everything.

But he was there and he had been my best friend. I had lost and found him again, and he'd always be my best friend. But he wasn't the person I saw forever with anymore because she had come along and changed my life. Regina had changed every single thing, my belief in myself, she had risen doubts, had hurt me so much when she retaliated by dating Robin that up to that moment in time, I still could feel the slice of pain through my heart. It's because I had made one choice to push her, saying yes to him, believing that she'd be the one who ran to me, trying to stop me from marrying him. Then she just…she left me. She left me as he had left me.

No matter what though, somehow my heart still longed for her, to be with her even though all these things kept pulling me away, grasping at my mind. It's like everything else could keep tormenting me, these haunting, ugly demons that kept reminding me that she's pregnant and she left me and we used to fight, that she tried to kill me. But the bottom line still remained, that these things would pass, everything would pass and then she'd remain there because I was certain of it. I knew for a fact that she'd always be there for me. What I was uncertain about was the fact that these demons I currently had chasing me, the damage that could be done now: would she still stand by my side even after the wreckage? Or would she walk away as she already had done three times?

"What if she walks away from me…" I said softly, tears stinging my eyes. "Because I'm not being honest with her…"

"Are you lying to protect her or are you lying to protect yourself?" That question had me stumped. "Maybe you're trying to decide what's best for both of you without realizing that she's her own person. Instead of being fully in control of your life, she wants to share that with you too. And you just can't keep up the trust between the two of you if you don't tell her everything, Emma. You just can't. I can never hide anything from your father and I'm never afraid to tell him what's going on because no matter what, I always know that he's on my side. And I may not like what he has to say or how he feels about it, but at least I have someone else who loves me standing by my side to be honest with me, someone who has my back, who will go all the way to help me, because he loves me. I trust him with my life. And that's the decision you need to make. Do you trust Regina enough to tell her everything about you? Do you trust her enough to believe that whatever you tell her about yourself, whatever she says, you will know deep down that she cares for you and she's not going to do anything to hurt you? That's what love is about, Emma. It's deeper than friendship."

"I trust her", I said.

There was silence. And in that span of time, I chose to breathe, just breathe and enjoy the serenity around me.

"I'm just so afraid about the case because as it stands, I'm the number one suspect and I…" stopping, I massaged my temples in frustration, "I can't have her involved in this."

"Whether you like it or not, she'll have to get involved in this", she said after a while, bringing me back to reality as my eyes fluttered open. "There's a high possibility that she already knows, and that's the reason why she reacted the way she did earlier today. Imagine if she was the one hiding all these things from you, and you suddenly found out, you suddenly realized that the one person you love, she's not telling you the truth. How would that make you feel?"

"I'd be angry", I said.

"Then you can't be afraid." I remained quiet. "I'll be over soon and we'll talk some more", she said softly, "go take a warm bath and put on something nice."

"To impress who?" I mumbled, pawing through an assortment of shirts, blouses, dresses, tights, pants, skirts. "She's not coming anyway…"

"Even if she's not going to be there, at least you need to remember that it's Christmas and we're your family. We're here for you. And no matter what, you're supposed to enjoy this in the best that you can. Always keep a smile on your face, Emma."

"Yeah…" frowning as my eyes met a distinct shade of red lined with green, my fingers closed around the edge of a blouse as I pulled it out. And shaking it open, it amazed me that this particular article of clothing had been forgotten by me for such a long time.

* * *

><p>It took me fifteen minutes as usual to take a shower, get dressed and put on some eyeliner. And that was normal for me, that time span because really and truly, I was never a fussy woman in relation to cosmetics and looking all girly and what not. The simpler I looked, I felt more comfortable. And I liked it that way, so that when the doorbell rang, wearing just a pair of black jeans and the same red and green blouse, I was the only one downstairs as my hand reached for the doorknob. Pulling it open, expecting my parents, I was greeted by someone who I had least expected to show up.<p>

"Well you look pretty", she observed, a wide smile stretched across her face, makeup done right, better than mine anyway. "I heard there was a party."

"It's just a dinner", I said, drinking in her mini red dress and red tights, knee high boots and cleavage, lots of cleavage. "You look…" I swallowed as she twirled around for me to capture her entire outfit, "hot…"

"Sexy and gorgeous", she planted a tray covered with silver foil into my hands, eyes diverted indoors, "I know." And stepping around me, her boots clicked upon the floor as she strode in.

Frowning, it took me like three seconds to digest her words and then closing the door with my right boot, I deposited the tray upon the table and lifted the foil. As usual, Ruby had brought her special dish: sliced hot peppers, cubed cucumbers, diced carrots and onions all mixed with mashed potato. But I wasn't prepared to have her show up because her presence wasn't exactly welcomed by me. After what happened today, I had every right to hate her.

"Remember to warn David to go easy on that", she said winking, "after last year, he took one frightful mouthful and started gasping like a fish out of water. Where are all the cute picture frames that used to be here?" she asked frowning, gesturing to the vacant shelf now.

Regina had swiped those off that night she had returned, sending them crashing to the floor. "I packed them away", I lied, looking away.

"Packed them away?" Ruby asked in my direction, "well that's a good start since most of them were with you and Neal."

"Here we go", I said, stepping around the center table in the living room as she neatly displayed herself on the chair, arms splayed out on either side.

"Ever since that night, we've been avoiding each other like the fucking plague", she noted.

"I noticed."

"Look, just so you know, I'm just the ex, and it's not like I'm trying to get in between you two or anything. Today, sheesh, that was…totally unexpected." Choosing to remain standing, with my back to her, I parted the blinds and quietly anticipated my parents' arrival or for Neal to get the hell downstairs quickly. "Frankly, it's you who always had her attention from the beginning. Not me."

"Right", I said. I wasn't growing flustered, I was gradually losing my patience, growing angry by the second.

A car door slammed outside and I practically jumped out of the chair. "They're here", I said, sounding breathless and moving quickly to the door, Neal was now descending the stairs as the doorbell chimed.

"Oh, Emma", mom said as she greeted me, and I was immediately embraced in a tight hug as dad squeezed my shoulder. Dressed in a red long sleeved shirt with blue jeans, he appeared as usual: charming with his wide smile. And mom was wearing this red shirt with a pair of black pants, her hair short and choppy, red lipstick neatly applied as a kiss was pressed unto my cheek.

"Dude, where's the music box?" Neal asked David as he eyed his empty hands. "No music this year or what?"

"I figured that I'd go easy on that", my father said, feeling the back of his head, smiling. "Ruby, nice outfit. I see that we all matched up this year with colors."

"Thanks", she said smiling, "but seriously though, where's the music? I was looking forward to those beats, David. Last year was so much fun."

"Especially when you played those Michael Jackson hits", Neal said, "Snow, did you tell him not to bring it?"

"No…I didn't", she said, frowning in his direction. "I didn't say anything at all."

"Soo, no one has music?" Ruby asked around, planting her hands on her hips. There was no reply. "Fine then, give me like fifteen minutes. I'll get some beats in this place. Henry!"

There were footfalls on the stairs as he came down, all dressed and ready, hair combed. And all eyes were turned on him. "Hey guys...I…need to make a call. I'll be right back."

"Make it quick, kid", I said, watching as he picked up the cordless and ran into the kitchen.

"He's already so big, Emma", Snow noted as her eyes followed him as well. "Soon you'll have to give him that talk…"

"What…talk?" David asked innocently.

"Oh please, don't pretend as if you have no idea what I'm referring to."

"Birds and the bees", Ruby said to him as she pulled the door open. "I seriously think Henry already knows about sex already, guys."

"What?" Snow asked, her eyes wide from shock. "But he's too young to know about that!"

"Once you past the age of thirteen these days, there's no such thing as young, Snow", Ruby said, then she winked, "be back in fifteen."

Twenty minutes later and we were all watching Ruby's butt wiggle in our direct view as she danced, leaning over her small speakers, scrolling through a playlist. And as my parents snuggled into each other, Neal stood with his arms folded near the window just where Ruby stood, teasing her as she sarcastically answered him, but with a smile on her face. Henry on the other hand chose to eye us all as if we were old and boring, his arms folded just like his father as he scowled at me. And throwing him a look, I only received a dead on glare.

"So Henry…" Snow said finally, catching my eyes as I chose to return his glare, "are you enjoying the holidays so far?"

"Trust me, right now I could be somewhere far more exciting than this", was his smart reply.

"Henry, don't push it", I warned.

"Yeah don't push it, dude", Neal said, "we know we're old, but hey we know how to have fun too, plus Ruby's here."

"What he said", Ruby replied.

"Once you don't put on Justin Beiber or something…" Henry said warily.

"I am allergic to Justin Beiber", she said scowling, "I prefer people who could actually pump the tunes with good lyrics."

"Hey, I like Justin Beiber", David said defensively, eyeing us all.

"Sure you do, grandpa…"

"You know who I absolutely adore?" Snow asked around.

"Lemme guess", Henry said, "Taylor Swift."

"Yes!"

"Figures…"

"Young man if you continue with this kind of attitude, I'll send you to your room."

"Do it then", he dared Neal.

"Henry", Ruby said laughing, "why don't you bring your iPod and you can play what you like for tonight?"

"Yeah, great idea", Neal said smiling, "throw some young people music at us, drop those beats, dude."

As they all talked among themselves, Henry darted out of the room with excitement, eyes shining as he raced upstairs. And eyeing Ruby with a smile, we shared a look as she always knew how to deal with him, how to talk to him, to get him to simmer down.

"I kind of find that this year, things seem a bit different like there's something more in the air", Snow said, rearing her head to peer out the window as her eyes shone.

"Yeah maybe that's because the ghost of the Christmas past is back in town", Neal muttered.

"Past or future?" mom asked smartly, offering a smile when he considered her.

The silence that stretched on afterwards was thin as ice, flimsy and dangerous because no one wanted to say anything apparently. And when Henry's racing footsteps came down the stairs, all eyes were turned on him as he fitted his iPod unto the dock, taking the remote as Ruby handed it over. Then in seconds, soft tunes of alternative music drifted from the speakers as a smile stretched across his face. That was one way to get him to behave, so we'd all have to deal with his music if the evening was expected to be a good one because he could throw a tantrum. Knowing Henry, he could grow so upset that he'd snatch up his coat and leave the house to go hang with his friends. And right now, because of the mood I was in, I really didn't want that to happen because I'd possibly yell.

A couple minutes later, dad left with Neal to grab two beers and I was left alone with Ruby and Snow as Henry chose to sit next to the speakers completely engrossed, shutting us all out. Eyeing me with a smile, my mother had her hands wrapped around her tummy as Ruby scrutinized me with a serious face.

"What's going on with you? Can't you see that you really need to make some changes and…" Ruby's eyes considered Henry, and she lowered her voice, "make some changes, get the fuck out and do what your heart's telling you to do. The longer you keep waiting, the more fucked up you'll get."

"Coming from the woman who's in the middle of everything", I noted boldly.

"I haven't used that line on Neal as yet, but I'll save it for later", she replied cheekily. "We're all in the middle of something. And like I said before, I had no idea what happened this afternoon."

"Sure you didn't."

"Henry, sweetie why don't you go fetch me something to drink please?" Snow asked, and she glared in Ruby's direction.

Bobbing his head, Henry smiled at her. "Sure, lemonade, soda?"

"Lemonade would be fine."

"Believe what you want to believe. But she just walked up to me and planted one on my lips just like that. Not my problem, that's your problem." And she shrugged. "If you're holding back, then Regina probably wants to get a rise out of you the hard way."

"Perhaps she's a bit hesitant for her own reasons", Snow offered softly, frowning in Ruby's direction.

"Like what, the stupid Johnson dilemma, the fact that scarecrow is holding her down and she appears to be brainwashed into believing THAT'S meaningful?"

"Of course you know about that already", I shook my head, "apparently everyone knows once mom knows."

"Hey, I didn't tell her anything!" Snow said defensively.

"She didn't tell me anything. Granny told me about it. She watches all the news the telly can offer every single day. And frankly, if that's one of the reasons you're holding back then that's bullshit because no one can cross that town line once it holds up strong as it always does. Nothing's stopping you from doing what you want. You're just trying to find every excuse possible to side step this whole thing. You're just afraid, Emma."

"Oh and suddenly you know me so well", I said coldly.

"No, it's not all your fault, Emma", Snow said quickly, stepping in. "It's not your fault alone. In fact, we're all to blame because of this since both of you probably felt uncomfortable with your feelings for each other based on our dysfunctional family. As it is already, Regina and I, we've both had a colored past but we've put aside our differences and right now, she's amazing. She's always been. But maybe you felt so, so pressured when you had these feelings for the…evil queen…and we were all against her…and you thought that maybe we'd hate you if you told us. So it's our fault too."

"What Snow said", Ruby said.

"That…was part of the reason", I admitted.

"But why did you do it, Emma?" Ruby asked softly, "why did you accept that flimsy proposal when you claim you were so in love with her?"

"Because I wanted to push her", I said out loud now, having kept it to myself for a long time. "I wanted to believe that if I did that, she'd somehow make a move on me, and she'd stop holding out because I wasn't sure about her feelings at all. I mean, I used to get these hints but they were never solid things to go on. And I just needed her to make the first move."

"She was waiting on you to make the first move because you were apparently still swooning over Neal, then there was Hook and whoever else." Crossing her legs, Ruby sighed. "Look, you're both here right now. You have each other, and it's not like you're married already. So why don't you at least try it?"

I said nothing in return.

"Do it, Emma", Snow said to me, her eyes meeting mine. "Life is too short to keep on waiting. And it's all there right in front of you. Just…follow your heart and go after your happy ending."

"That's funny", Ruby said laughing, "no really, that's funny coming from you because I can distinctly remember a couple times before when you told her the same thing where Graham, Hook and Neal were concerned."

"I just want the best for her."

"Well, fair enough. And trust me, you wouldn't regret choosing Regina because she tops the charts in every single relationship area. I cannot count her skills on two hands alone, skills she has in bed, in comforting you, being loyal, amazingly kind and sweet. Believe it or not, she's all sophisticated and composed on the outside, in public and what not, but trust me, she's a mushy baby when she's yours." I actually managed to smile at her, a tight smile as my cheeks did hurt.

"She melts when she sees Emma", Snow continued, annoying me more as I scowled. "Emma, make sure that you just be completely honest with her, and maybe you should tell her about the case, how it's been bothering you because you shouldn't hide anything from her. She's going to find out."

"Um, I think she already knows", Ruby said.

"She does?" I asked in disbelief.

"Yeah, since you first came here, when she was digging up dirt on you, I remembered her mentioning it. Around the time you were running for Sheriff, that's when we started dating and she dug into your past a lot. And she did find out about the Johnsons and you..."

"So she knows…" and I rested my face in my hands, elbows propped up on my thighs, "oh god…no wonder she's so upset."

"I don't know if she knows about the new stuff, like you being wanted and all that shit but she knows enough and if she finds out about this, Emma, you're screwed." Ruby glanced off warily, arms folded. "Regina HATES when people lie to her. She totally hates it. Lying pisses her off."

"Great…" I muttered.

"But there hadn't been time to discuss all of this with her before", Snow said reassuringly, "Emma, even before she came back here, things weren't peaceful around here, and now that she's back the two of you haven't exactly had the chance to sit down and have a long talk."

"Still, she accused me of lying to her and that's probably the biggest attachment to her accusation", I said softly. "Geez, I'm such a…"

The doorbell rang and I sighed, hands still on my face.

"Probably Archie", Ruby said.

"I'll get it!" Henry called from somewhere inside as the music continued to play without his direction.

"Look, it's nothing big, Emma. Just tell her that you were getting around to discussing it with her and it's like something from your past that you really feel uncomfortable talking about", Ruby said softly. "Just talk to her."

"I tried talking to her earlier today", I said. "And she completely ignored me then she just got up, played the sarcastic card and walked out on me. I feel so fucked right now because it's like, I know what I want but I'm too afraid to take it. And if she's not talking to me then how am I supposed to make this work?" Tears in my eyes, I squeezed them shut. "She's not even coming."

"I…wouldn't…be…so…sure", Ruby said softly.

"I'm sure", I said, opening my eyes to look at her. And catching my gaze, she nodded towards the front door. "Yeah, Archie's welcome here anytime."

"Um, that's not Archie", Snow said slowly.

"Stop playing with me", I said, searching their eyes because from where they sat, they could clearly see the front door, but I couldn't. I'd have to get up and rear my head around the corner to snatch a look. "Who is it then, Whale? Wait, did you invite Gracie because Henry's going to throw a fit."

"Guys, look who's here", Henry said cheerfully from behind me. "The ladies are here whilst the guys are in the back for now", I heard him say and turning in the chair, fingers gripping the arm, I couldn't believe my eyes.

"Regina, you look so amazing!" Snow said from behind me as I rose from the couch by reflex, eyes widening, my throat closing up as Henry released her arm to waltz off into the kitchen.

"Thank you", she said, her eyes flickering to meet my mother as a smile was offered. "Ruby, nice outfit."

"Thanks but I think you look way sexier in that dress. Love the black leggings with the knee high boots."

"She does look lovely, now I feel like a fat fish dressed in a box."

"Just as I feel like a chopstick dressed in a stocking", Ruby said sarcastically, "cut the low talk, already! We all look super hot. We're super hot women, embrace yourselves."

Not a look was thrown in my direction, not even a smile. And immediately feeling my heart squeeze from both surprise and hurt, eyes burning already, she chose to sit next to Snow instead of me. Of course… Just perfect, how long are we going to keep this up, Regina? I thought to myself as my legs were squeezed together, biting the inside of my cheeks. My gaze was continuously focused on her.

"Well fuck…." Ruby said disdainfully as her eyes moved between me and the woman who was completely ignoring my existence in the room, "Emma Swan, I don't believe you've met Regina Mills. Regina, this is Emma Swan." Silence elapsed as brown eyes were focused on me for the first time. And I held my breath. "Jesus, what's wrong with the two of you, like honestly?"

I don't know how to explain exactly how the situation made me felt, to be honest with you because clearly this was my fault. And all of her anger, all the negativity, it was well deserved on my part. It's what happens when someone lies. I lied and actually believed that a small lie could just be that: small. Code 101, you shouldn't ever lie to the ones you love, not even if it's a little white lie because karma is a freaking bitch. Some people are really sensitive to lies, and Regina was one of those selective persons.

Above all, never kiss your ex fiancé in public.

"Why don't you ask Miss Swan?" Regina said quietly, pursing her red painted lips, hands folded upon her lap as those eyes were cast out of the window.

"Why don't you ask Madame Mayor?" I said smartly, my expression bland. Although it was known to me that I was in the wrong, still my defensive side stepped in by reflex because if needed, things could be pulled forward from the past that would color her side of the story black. Worse than lies: death threats, attempted murder, choking me with her magic, flinging me like rag doll, swearing, fucking with my beautiful car.

"I feel like Doctor Phil", Ruby said and she rolled her eyes. "Snow?"

"I feel like Oprah…" Pressing fingers unto her lap, my mother considered me with saddened eyes.

"I'm hungry", Neal said, suddenly appearing by the hole in the wall, and he frowned. "Let's get this dinner started."

"We kind of already started without you all", my father alerted us from behind Neal. "Sorry about that." Stepping away from me, Regina completely ignored my presence as she followed Ruby and my mom into the kitchen area.

We both stood up together, followed by Ruby and mom. But as they walked off towards the kitchen area, I purposely lagged behind as Regina attempted to fix an apple clasp inside her hair. Fingers playing with the ornament, my eyes softened as she pouted, terribly growing impatient. And stepping forward quickly, I didn't hesitate to reach up as my hand brushed against hers, eyes focused upon the soft tendrils of her hair as my focus was on fixing the clip. I could feel her eyes on me, the way she stopped breathing as my heart raced instantaneously. Above all, I could feel the way we both made each other react from just the contact of hands because it was something I had never really felt before, a low hum of intensity that thrilled me, weakened my knees and overwhelmed my emotions. She felt it too, I could sense it in her.

"I really don't need your help", she said firmly.

"But I'll give it anyway."

"No." Taking the clip from between my fingers, she stepped away from me as her eyes narrowed.

"Quit behaving like a baby", I said smiling.

An eyebrow was raised as she took my words as an ill attempt at humor. "I'm not the one here who has maturity issues. Clearly you're behaving like a whimsical teenager."

"Regina, I –"

"For as long as can be managed, I wish not for us to speak to each other", she said dryly.

"So you're giving me the silent treatment as of now?"

"You deserve worse than that, but I'd rather you keep your lying, cheating lips sealed close because really and truly, every time I look at them, I am overwhelmed by this nauseating feeling…"

"You're seriously doing this."

"Yes", she sassed back as a step was taken around me, "I am seriously doing this." And off she walked, leaving me to rejoin the party a minute later as they all awaited our presence.

Making a scramble for it, I narrowed my eyes, watching in disbelief as my father and Neal dashed behind the table, just to sit next to each other. And as Ruby noticed the commotion, she quickly assessed the seating arrangements, holding a hand in front of Snow, preventing her from stepping forward.

"Look, if you two have something going on, just get it out in the open", she said.

"Me?" both of them said in disbelief.

Hands raised in defense, Neal laughed. "Seriously, I don't want Killian to feel as if I'm competing for David. No offense, Snow."

"None taken", she said, pushing Ruby's hand away, her face scrunched up. "David's name IS Charming, so I'm not surprised."

"There you go", and my father smiled widely. "Said by my wife, a reminder to all of you, and before I forget, since Henry's not here for now", he winked at me, "I'd just like to say that I think Hook appears to be moving through everyone's family."

"My mother", Neal said, pulling the bowl of salad towards him already, three of us still standing since Snow squeezed in next to my dad. "Rumple's wife, Emma, you, David… Watch out, everyone, he's the new Ruby in town."

"Fuck off", she said crossly, choosing to sit beside him. "You're next, so you should talk."

"Not me, dude I'm straight."

"Everyone is born just a little gay", Snow said, smiling and all of us stared at her with wide eyes. "What? I've…had…girl crushes before. What is wrong with that?" head dancing, eyes lowered, her cheeks were colored pink as my dad's spoon froze in midair.

"Names or your words have no substance", Neal said smiling, his eyes dancing. "Well you don't have to mention Ruby because we all know…"

"One more word coloring my sex life as wild and I'll…"

"Yes, Ruby was one of them", Snow said still smiling. I watched her chubby cheeks move as she chewed lettuce.

David choked on his mouthful of salad. "ONE of them?"

Still standing there, hugging herself, Regina merely watched on as I neared the chair closest to my mother. "You can sit, your Majesty", I said, trying a smile at her, gesturing towards one of the two empty chairs.

"Look, I know we behave like lunatics and we're absolutely as dysfunctional as a family can get", my dad said smiling her way, "but don't feel awkward around us, Regina. We're all jokers."

"Just don't make any jokes about me", she said seriously, choosing to sit next to Ruby as I watched her silently, noticing that her choice could have been to sit beside me in one of the empty chairs. But no, she just had to keep distance between us when just a day ago, all that was needed on her part was to be really close to me.

"No jokes about Regina", Neal said all around, his smile returning to her.

"Returning back to you, honey", David said as he turned sideways in his seat, "who're the others, might I ask?"

"He's jealous", Neal remarked.

"So jealous", watching Ruby with careful eyes, she returned a wicked smile as one of her hands, the one closest to Regina disappeared from view. Holding my cutlery above whatever was in the plate before me, I kept looking as both of their eyes were lowered between them. Whispering something into Ruby's ear, Regina smiled widely as my throat burnt from emotion.

"Ariel", my mother said, carefully holding her knife and fork between steady fingers, never looking up. "I had a thing for Ariel."

"A thing?" Both of them leaning closer, Neal suddenly appearing so interested, they both waited. "Like, we're talking sex dreams and stuff? Touching and getting physical?"

"Oh my God", I said, eyes squeezed shut as my fingers covered my eyes in shame. "Guys…"

"I'm not denying anything", Snow said blushing, "David knows that he wasn't the only one occupying my thoughts. And even though I thought Katherine was a bitch, she was extremely hot."

"And THIS is true love?" Neal asked around, his eyes wide. "This is amazing!" he whistled.

"It's true love because no matter how much she was distracted by these…women, she always found her way back to me", and he smiled, "isn't that right?"

"When I could have run away with Ruby…I've always had deep affections for wolves." Her eyes were distant as she chewed. "Mermaids, wolves, even fairies…"

"Now I know where Emma gets the lesbo genes from", Ruby commented as I stood up, taking up the prongs, helping myself to a piece of chicken. "David's got a thing for Hook, now Neal. And Snow's been drooling over women. How fairy tale like…"

"I also had a brief crush on Regina", my mother continued, as if it was somehow her job to humiliate me and herself in the process. Turning her eyes upon the brunette who merely gazed back at her with wide eyes, Neal's eyes were about to pop out of his head. "When she rescued me from that mad horse, I always remembered that moment, always. And I just thought she was this hero, this…" her fork was pressed in the air, "…beautiful rider."

"Who ended up chasing after you, well as hardcore as it gets", Ruby shrugged, "whatever suits you, Snow. I mean, if that turns you on, then that's your thing. Emma, watch out", she said in my direction, "you heard her, she had a thing for your girl. Regina, and that's the thing that's un-fucking-believable." Turning in her chair, Ruby stared at Regina in disbelief. "You're so hot, everyone wants to fuck you."

"Table manners…" Snow said with a serious face.

"Hell, you started it."

"I was innocently speaking of crushes."

"Yeah as if we're all in high school and we have braids in our hair, right", rolling her eyes, Ruby helped herself to just a piece of chicken. "Everyone here's mature enough to know what needs to be known."

"But you always take it a level up, exhibiting your wolfish desire in the sex area", even as a fiery glare was focused on her blushing face, Snow still refused to maintain eye contact. "Now how would you feel if I happened to speak about sex as frequently as you do?"

"Then I'd be jolly happy to know that your sex life actually exists." Choking on his glass of water, Neal tumbled over as Ruby eyed him warily, and I watched my father stare at her with wide eyes. "No offense David, but the two of you really need to roughen things up a bit…there is a book I can lend you two that can –"

"Oh you're talking about bondage and those kinds of things?" Neal asked, leaning over his plate as he chewed. "These two?" jerking his chin in my parents' direction, he scoffed. "Aw come on, that's too hardcore for these old folks."

"Who're you calling old, Bae?" David asked, frowning. "I'm a sculpted divine figurine, in case you haven't noticed. This chest…" and my father gestured, "took years of fighting off bad guys and sword swinging, but I'm quite in shape."

"That's why Hook has this thing for you, eyeing you up and down with a sneer", my mother commented.

"Charming…is…charming", Ruby said. "Even Regina thinks that he's hot."

"Of course she does, or else she wouldn't have tried to kiss me before the curse was broken."

"She tried to do what?" Snow asked in astonishment, dropping her fork as those huge eyes were focused on the other brunette who sat there glaring at my father. Me on the other hand, I was flabbergasted, in awe from this news.

"It was the alcohol", Regina simply said. "And I wanted to get back at Snow."

"Well that's understood", my mother said, astounding me further from her understanding, her lack of judgment, how her eyes softened now. "Trust me on this, I've had to bat off women from David over the years, and now there's Hook, so it's nothing that would affect me."

"Then you have no problem if I confess to you that I did have a mild attraction towards Regina", Charming said in the open.

"Not at all." Shaking it off, Snow continued to chew. Where we really having this kind of conversation as a family? I mean, come on! They were all treating this kind of talk as if it was normal, and now here I suddenly found out that both my parents had a crush on the woman who I am totally in love with! How awkward is that?

"And coming right back to you, Neal", dad said in a cheerful manner, "you're older than anyone here as far as I know."

"Fuck…" Neal said as his eyes became distant, scrutinizing the statement, "shit, yeah I am that old. I'm…old. Fuckk."

"Which brings me to a random thought", Ruby said from across the table, "like when Regina cast the curse, what if at that very moment, you were having this massive orgasm and you're screaming and shit, and it's coming in waves…" I almost choked. "Since we lived the same day basically for twenty fucking eight years, would you get that every single day?"

"Okay", I piped up, clearing my throat in the process, "let's not talk about anything sex related, shall we?" raising my eyebrows at Ruby, my glass was lifted to parched lips as I sipped, eyes focused on her.

"That's pretty disturbing but amazing at the same time", Neal said, cutting chicken with his knife, eyes lowered.

"Who was having sex on the day when the curse washed over us all?" Snow asked, her forehead creased in concern. "As far as I know, everyone was panicking."

"I bet there was a shit load of fuckers who shook the fear off and said 'hey, the world might end now, let's fuck'…" Ruby stated, "I'm done now."

"I think we're all nauseating Regina with our vulgar conversation", my father said, throwing the brunette a wry smile, "we'll stop now."

"Yes we'll stop", my mother said. "Let's talk about gardening."

Ten minutes elapsed without a word being uttered from anyone and the situation began to grow as awkward as possible. Crickets could be heard chirping outside as my phone vibrated in my jeans pocket. Frowning, I pulled it out and noted that Henry had indeed escaped from us all for the moment, racing to the arcade to meet up with his gang. These days the kid had been out of hand, and even though I would firmly warn him about his behavior, he'd still proceed with his antics. Making a note in my mind, I decided to let him off easy since it was Christmas Eve. If said disobedience continued after tomorrow, then I'd really do something about it.

See, I trusted him because as much as he took advantage of his freedom, Henry never ended up in trouble. He was smart enough to take care of himself, knowing that his curfew was exactly eight o'clock on weekends, six on school nights. And since we hadn't any major magical dilemmas since the last two years, that lowered my expectations of danger running into him. Nevertheless, an eye was still kept on him as always, most of the town folk chipping in to help me, even Archie. And right now, Belle and Archie were at the arcade with them all, Jefferson as well. So worry didn't cross my mind as I texted Belle to alert her on Henry's whereabouts, asking her to kindly keep an eye on him for me.

I left to answer a call from Belle in the living room and upon my return, there was my father actually having a conversation with Regina across the table. Of course the scene before me appeared quite different, but refreshing my memory on the times when she had been here before, my parents and her had indeed buried the hatchet. So it shouldn't have surprised me, just that, it had been so long ago, everything just felt so new still.

"So our castle is completely gone?" David asked. "Absolutely demolished?

"Yes", Regina stated, chewing slowly as her eyes were focused on him. "Where your kingdom stood now lies bare land, just evidence of a wall still there surrounding the exterior."

"This is unbelievable."

"Dude, you're either here or there", Neal said and he forked up vegetables, "it's not like a vacation home."

"But I was kind of hoping that the foundation would be strong enough to hold out", my father said. "All we're missing is a way to travel back and forth between realms. If that can be done easily, of course I'd build up a vacation home."

"Isn't there any way we can still travel between realms?" Snow asked, and suddenly as I looked up, most of them were staring in my direction as if I had a vault of magic beans or something.

"Why are you all looking at me?" I asked, fork poised in midair, "ask Regina, she knows about those stuff. All I know about are magic beans, some enchanted tree, and the fact that Gold can open a portal when he's in the mood. She…" I said gesturing to her as those eyes never met mine, "knows more about magic."

"Of course I do", she replied dryly, her voice hoarse and low, "that's because you take your magical abilities for granted as you do everything else."

"I don't take my magic for granted", I stated across the table, although her eyes were directed on her plate. "I told you before that I've been practicing." I held my breath, "I was hopeful…anyway there weren't any major threats around here anymore since you left." And as soon as the words were out my mouth, my throat closed up because I hadn't meant it that way. Speaking, saying things out loud could mean one thing but sound completely different.

"Yes, that's right. I'm the bad one as always…" she said quickly.

"I didn't mean it that –"

"The villain, the wrong doer, the bad luck charm…"

"Guys…" Snow said softly, "it's not –"

"Look, to be honest, all things bad that happened here since I came, everything was related to you", Neal said directly to Regina. "First we had Owen, then the stone that you used to blow the town apart, then everyone was off to Neverland because of you giving Owen and Tamara breathing space to escape…"

"Neal…" I said, glaring at him.

"No, tell me if I'm wrong here", and he wiped his face, "everything was related to you, even Zelena. So I'd go with bad luck charm because you left, nothing really happened around here to begin with, then you come back and the first thing you do is break up a marriage. Congratulations, your Majesty."

"You brought your demonic girlfriend here, let's get that straight", Regina said, her brown eyes burning.

"And straight is clearly what you're not."

"You're never going to give up, are you?" she asked in a clipped tone.

"I don't know, Ruby's sexuality, that I can tolerate, because she's not fucking with my fiancée."

"Neal…" and my voice rang in unison with my mother.

"You had your little perfect family already, as I did but you just had to sweep down and destroy something as you always do. Bravo, Regina…" he started to slow clap, a smile plastered on his face. And once Neal was on a roll, the words tended to tumble from his mouth without a limit. "And that's not even the beginning…"

"Go on", Regina said quietly, her eyes never leaving his, "get it all off your chest while you have an audience which is quite suitable."

"How would you like it if someone took your family away from you?"

"I didn't take your family away from you."

"That's exactly what you're doing!"

"No…" and I watched as Regina never allowed any weakness to show in her brown eyes, the way her composure was held to the fullest, never wavering. "As it stands currently, all I want is to keep on being in Henry's life because I'm his mother." At first, her words didn't sink in immediately as my plate was empty almost empty before me. But when the silence elapsed afterwards, on its own accord, my heart began to squeeze with pain and realization, a hand holding a firm grip around my throat as the room felt like a compressed tank.

"Henry alone?" Neal asked, as if confirming what everyone were probably thinking, even me.

"Yes", she said and just like that, a small hoarse laugh escaped from the other end of the table. Overwhelmed in disbelief, my first thought was that the reaction had come from Ruby. However, just as the thought entered my mind, up Regina stood, tissue squeezed between graceful fingers as she softly shook her head. "I've had enough." Watching as her left hand was lifted, Ruby's fingers entwined with hers filled me with some kind of a dull aching pain, perhaps jealousy but also a sense of inadequacy. I felt stupid. Upon reflex, my mother stood up, eyes wide as she stared at the other brunette before us. "If you all don't mind, I'm excusing myself to step outdoors, just for a bit of fresh air."

"I'll come with you", Ruby offered, already rising from her chair but she was offered a shake of the head in return.

"No, please don't. I'd hate to interrupt the perfect family dinner as it is already." And without casting a glance in my direction, she sidestepped around her chair, then waddled off slowly.

As I watched her pull open the door, up I stood as everyone turned their gaze upon me. And pressing a hand upon my shoulder, stinging eyes were turned to Snow as she looked at me apologetically, her face warm. "Don't…"

"But…"

"Give her some space", she said softly, and stepping around me, away she went, following the same path as Regina who had quietly disappeared down the front hallway.

"Well that's done", Neal said to me.

"Oh really Neal", I said angrily, pushing myself up, a steely glare directed upon him, "thanks for ruining my evening."

"I didn't ruin anything!" he said in disbelief. "She did."

"Save it", and throwing my leg around the chair, eyes burning still, I strode out of the room, never stopping until I was seated upon the sill of the front window, eyes cast outside.

The street beyond was silent, dimly lit by the yellow lamps that flickered every now and then as a heavy wind swept in from the north. And as I watched the blades of grass on the front lawn stir from being caressed by the chilling breeze, shadows danced across the small patio to my left. Voices could be heard but words weren't quite clear to the ear as my mother obviously tried to press her way in.

I was hurting, could easily be hurt by her words. Everything she had done, everything, all of it deeply affected me. But obviously all of my mistakes, my faults affected her too. And I wanted to cry because all of this was so confusing to me. It wasn't the fact that I was completely being ignorant about my blatant lies, my hesitation in giving my all to her. No, it was the fact that no one seemed to understand how afraid I was. She was so bold, her mind was already made up so easily even after her connection to Robin still. And here I was without any strong connection and my mind was colored with doubts.

"Hey…" feeling a warm palm press upon my back, quickly my head spun around, a pair of reassuring, comforting and warming eyes meeting mine. "Whilst the dudes clean out the food at the back there, why don't we just talk?"

I didn't want to talk to her, especially about Regina. Turning my eyes back to the street, there I sat without responding.

"Look, I know that you hate me right now", she said quietly, "and I deserve it because you have a right to. No one likes the ex." Trying to laugh, her attempt just ached my throat more as I tried hard not to allow the tears to come forth. "Emma, it's okay…"

"It's okay?" I asked in a hoarse voice, hugging myself. "Oh please, Ruby, whilst every fault of mine is being examined with a magnifying glass, you're still receiving comfort and love and a…kiss…" my voice was croaky, "although the two of you ended it off so long ago. How is that supposed to make me feel okay?"

She sighed as her body was fitted beside mine, tall as she was, towering above me. "It's not supposed to make you feel okay but it's supposed to make you realize what this means to her."

"And everything doesn't mean the same to me too?"

"I'm not saying that. I'm just saying that sometimes…words aren't enough, and she's been holding out for a very long time. As much as I know her, Regina needs to know for certain that you mean what you say. Actions speak louder than words to her. She's just really impatient with you. And trust me, that's understandable because I guess it's like you've reached a point in your life where everything is going downhill and you just need comfort, you need assurance that everything's going to be okay. And she just keeps pushing you because she wants that comfort, she wants to feel safe and loved. It's not the Regina you know."

"Sure, it's the Regina you were privileged to know."

"She's changed, Emma. The past few days since she's come back, I've noticed that I'm dealing with a completely new person. It's not the fact that her absence made me forget her ways, but it's like there's this and there's that. Things that used to upset her or trigger a sassy reply, it's not happening. Things that never affected her, she's affected. Like you. You used to get her all revved up yeah, but the result was anger. Now all she'd do is sit in my apartment with her sad eyes, she'd cry at nights, she'd toss and turn, she'd have nightmares, she'd wander the streets without a word of her whereabouts. And it's all because of you."

"Everything leads back to you anyway."

"Emma, don't behave like a bitch about her past with me. It's over. Get that into your head already, geez."

"I'm sorry but all I can see when I see you with her, when you hold her hand, when she chooses to sit next to you, when she kisses you is the harsh reality that you were already there. You had her before, you never hesitated in taking her, all of her whilst I…" reaching up, I wiped tears from my eyes, "I'm here and I'm indecisive because of all these things. And she's comfortable with you."

"Then you know exactly how she felt and how she still feels when her heart used to freaking ache her every time you kissed Hook, or when you committed yourself to Neal, or when you touch him, play with him, dance around with him", and our eyes met as I searched them. "When I held her hand just now in there, I was doing that on purpose to get a reaction out of you. And I'm not sorry about it because you needed to feel something."

"Right now, I don't want to have this conversation with you."

"Then don't talk, just listen."

"I don't want to hear anything that you have to say."

"That's your problem right there", she said from behind me, "you never want to hear or believe that other people have to say until something bites you in the freaking ass, like someone close to you almost losing their life, and then…" a clap ensued from behind me, "then is when you get a fucking wake up call."

"Whatever", I mumbled, my heart sinking already, shoulders hunched, eyes downcast.

"Emma –"

"What?" I asked angrily, clenching my fists, glaring out into the dark street before me.

There was silence as the crickets chirped outside, a gentle wind stirred the blades of grass and a dog ferociously yapped a few houses down the street. Believing that she had retreated back inside, hoping that was the case, my head buzzed with anticipation of turning around to find myself alone. But upon hearing a sigh from behind me, all hopes of being left to my own thoughts was lost as hushed voices continued outside just under the swaying lamp upon the porch.

"Regina's having a girl", she said softly.

There was a twang of hurt within my heart from those words. "Oh…"

"She said that she was going to find you today to tell you. I was over at Snow's when she called, asking where you were. And then she headed off to look for you at the supermarket." I stopped breathing, fingers growing numb already. "So she didn't find you then?"

"Yeah."

Ruby waited. "And…"

"It's nothing."

"Huh?"

I swallowed. "She never told me."

"I don't understand."

"Just…" turning around and swinging my legs inwards, eyes lowered, I stood up as my back ached, "I don't want to talk about it."

"What happened?" she asked quietly, holding out a hand to block my path as I tried to move around her. Eyes meeting, Ruby appeared genuinely concerned.

Huffing out a sigh, I rested my back upon the window sill, hands shoved deep down within the pockets of my jeans. "I was with Neal."

"Oh…" Nothing else she did say, clearly displaying inaudibly to me that I had fucked up.

Watching shadows dance upon the wall as my father and Neal moved inside the kitchen, my only wish was to just get out of there. I wanted to slip away from all of them after grabbing my jacket, get in the car and drive far, far away. It wasn't because time was needed solely on my part to think things through. No, what was the truth wasn't what anyone expected it to be. Somehow, I kind of wanted to leave them all alone here, just as they were whilst I did them all a favor by leaving. And it's something that had always been on my mind, ever since I had come back from New York. When the moments had begun to sting as my attraction for her was evidently growing stronger, all I wanted to do was to run away.

It had been scary as hell to have her confront me in the Diner after she had seen Henry, to stand there before a familiar face. And instantly my heart had begun to race as we gazed at each other because after being separated from her for so long, everything had changed inside of me. When she spoke to me, her voice had been calmer, gentler, never harsh, and those brown eyes weren't icy or judging. All I felt was this deep attraction towards her, the need to be close, to stand closer, to listen to that voice once more.

But right now, I wanted to pack my things and leave, go far away from her because this wasn't working. None of it was working. And it was all my fault. When everyone could see this as an easy step for me, it clearly wasn't because I wasn't making that step with her. Instead, here I was remaining where I had been before she came back. It wasn't because I loved him more, yeah I did love him still but never more. I would always love him. Just not as much as I loved her. And I loved her so much that what we had, what was felt between us, all if it frightened me so bad because I knew that when things felt this good, none of it could last forever. I was witness to that, had been in it.

Now that pain was resurfacing, was rearing its ugly head once more. And I just couldn't do it again. I just couldn't do it. I couldn't…

"I'm gonna run upstairs to change my clothes", I said softly, never looking at her, tugging at the collar of my blouse.

"Okay, meet you outside then. Take as long as you want. The night is young, just starting in fact." And I left her standing there by herself.

* * *

><p>Xx<p>

**Regina's POV**

"I think that I should leave", I said as my throat ached.

"No, don't." Holding a hand out, fingers wrapped around my wrist as Snow stopped me from descending the steps. Without turning back, there I stood as my ears listened, eyes never meeting hers. "Let's talk."

"I've already said enough."

"I don't think you have." Now our eyes met, mine searching hers as she offered me a small smile. "Let's talk a little more."

"About what?" I asked.

My question lingering between us, fingers entwined with mine as I was pulled up unto the porch once more. And as she led me to a two cushioned brown chair set against the wall, just under the swinging lamp light, I wondered what path the conversation would lead down this time. With Snow White, as naïve as she was, I was beginning to recollect how pressing her questions could become from many years ago. Those times had been quite bothersome, to have a little girl pepper me with questions about love and boys, even when my hatred for her hadn't yet been dulled fully. But even then, those times I used to quietly allow her to sit upon my bed, feet tucked under as she'd gaze lovingly at me, awaiting answers that obviously had such importance.

Lowering myself unto the chair, she did as well as the cushions sighed under our weight. I couldn't sit up straight as my preference had knowingly been for so long before. Now my back was killing me and to slump down as I often scolded Henry not to do: well that felt quite comforting at the moment. How frightening it was to be pregnant, all of it, ranging from the annoying pains and nausea to the evident movements inside of me. Even though I was terrified at the thought of passing through this on my own, sometimes all I desired was to be by myself, to experience the change without anyone's help. But most times, all I wanted was for someone to be there, and my heart ached for Emma's nearness, her warmth and smell, the way she felt next to me. I longed to be hugged, to be kissed and to have her tell me that everything was going to turn out just fine because she had been through this before. She knew what this felt like.

It was so new to me, and when I needed her the most, all she did was push me away. And I deserved it. I deserved it because this was the reason why she was hesitating: the baby, the fact that I was pregnant for someone else. All of this was my fault, and my only wish was that I could rewind time and never have come back here in the first place. Staying with Robin would have been painful for me, but we move on. There would have been no confrontation, no kiss, nothing to torture me.

"You wish that you hadn't come back", Snow said as if reading my mind, eyes turned to gaze at me. "Is that it?"

"Yes", I said.

"But you did. And everything happens for a reason."

"Somehow I knew that you'd say that."

"Then you'll also know that I will always tell you no matter what, love always finds a way. It always does, and if things are meant to be, then everything will happen eventually."

Rolling my eyes, I smirked. "I often times would hate your confidence in believing that things would work out for the better. But right now, maybe I just need to hear you remind me that they will because…" my voice died away as an ache twisted my heart, "…really and truly, I'm losing faith."

"But you can't lose faith!" she cried.

"Yes I can. I have no patience and you're quite aware of that. When I…want…something, I must have it."

"I remember quite well when you used to throw a fit over the dressmakers running late on a dress. And you used to want breakfast, lunch and dinner on time. And you used to scold me for running late. You know, a memory comes to mind now and I don't think you'll remember but there was this one time when I tried to run away."

"You tried to run away more than once", I said as a cat shot past the porch, growling.

"You always used to find me though."

"I sought you out because I needed someone to torture, to take out my anger on and you running away, that was too easy."

"No I think it was because you loved me even though you tried not to", and she tried a smile, the same one she'd gave me on each occasion when mischief would be done and I was prepared to yell at her, scream as she'd scamper from my bed chambers.

"Maybe I did love you a little…"

Eyes shining, she snatched my left hand as a laugh was muffled within puffed cheeks. "You getting completely drunk at Maleficent's Ball that December when I was just fifteen, I can remember when you took off all your clothes and you just ran into the lake whilst I watched in shock."

"Memories that I'd like to forget", I muttered, eyes squeezed shut as my fingertips pressed into aching temples.

"I'm going to tell Emma all about that and your fear of butterflies…"

"You will do no such thing."

"I will. How you used to wear pink panties with hearts on them."

"What is wrong with you?" I asked worriedly, my forehead obviously creased as I searched her eyes. "Have you gone utterly mad?"

She snorted. "I've just been having the happiest time of my life, that's all."

"Good for you."

"You sound so happy." Her forehead was creased from concern.

"I am happy. You have your family united once more, you're having another baby and about to move into your own home. That's quite a fairytale."

"Regina…"

"Just as Emma appears to be contented with what she has", my eyes stung with tears. "She's got Henry, Neal, her mother and father, the perfect family, this…" my eyes were lifted to catch the ceiling, "…house, she has everything. What am I…" fingers pressed to my face, I couldn't fight the tears. "What am I doing?"

"Stop it."

"Why am I even here?" I asked hoarsely, and my hand reached for the arm of the chair, pushing myself up. The need to leave was stronger than ever now and no one could stop me, not even Snow's genuine love. "I'm sorry, but I should leave."

"No, don't…" she was up and coming after me as I stepped down two times, a hand reaching for mine. "Regina, don't go. Please don't go. Just stay. Stay here just a little longer and let's talk okay, because I really like this. I like talking to you and it feels so, so nice to be close to you again. Please don't leave."

"Snow", I said softly, reaching up to bat away a tear, "I really do enjoy…this. I love talking to you. But right now, everything doesn't feel right. And I just want…" emerald eyes, her smell.

"What do you want, tell me", she said.

"I just want…I want…"

"Emma. You want Emma. I know. But you're not going to get her if you just disappear, if you leave."

"I'm really exhausted", I said softly, holding unto the railing still. "I wish not to be alone but…"

"Then stay a little while longer. If you fall asleep, I'll wake you. Ruby's in there, so you'll get a lift home definitely."

"I'm in here", Ruby said, appearing by the doorway, sucking a slice of pine stuck on a toothpick, "and you totally need to stay. The dudes are secured inside watching the Lampoons Christmas Vacation, so it's just us girls outside. I suddenly have a fetish for tonguing up slices of pine", she said, holding the slice up as her tongue flicked upon in.

"That's comforting to know", Snow said pointedly.

"I might just tongue one of you up when the Johnny Walker kicks in too…"

A smirk curled my lips even before I could help myself, our eyes meeting as recollected memories washed over me. "I like the sound of that."

"You know…" the toothpick was pointed in my direction, eyes narrowed, "I've noticed that your sex drive is really escalating, like majorly running a high high because you're more than smitten these days, always panting for sex."

"I am not!" I said in disbelief, eyes wide.

"Yeah, you are. Up to this morning she was mewling in her sleep, twisting the sheets with her fingers as those eyes were squeezed shut. Oh Emma! Ohh Em-ma! Give it to me...yes, yes, yes!" Snow erupted into a fit of giggles, a hand lifted to cover her mouth whilst I glared at the two of them. "It's high time you got laid…again."

"Maybe if she had gotten some womanly love many, many years ago then the war between our kingdoms would have been non-existent." Round face tilted upwards, Snow smiled at me. "Fairytales should include the Queen seeking out her Princess as well."

Somehow this sort of conversation wasn't supposed to enlighten my mood because chatter such as this would have been labelled by me as odious a while ago. Nevertheless, I found myself savoring this frivolous talk, and the need to listen in further was strong, the need for company, to not be alone. So their childish conversation was welcomed with a smile from me.

"So you staying Regina?"

"Okay…" I was defeated. "But first I need to use the…"

"Use the one upstairs", Ruby said quickly, sucking on her pine. "It's straight up the stairs, to the left, second door on your right. And when you get back, I have a book of interest tucked in my handbag, a book specially dedicated to sexual positions."

"I'm sorry, what?" Snow asked, growing flustered already, her cheeks turning crimson.

"A…book…with…images of stick people in various sexual positions, Snow, might learn a trick or two."

"You are unbelievable", I said smiling, shaking my head as my boot was lifted unto the porch.

"Which reminds me, Regina", she said as I stepped around her and through the door, "I'll need to lend you my lesbian edition, to jump start Emma."

"Okay, Ruby", I said, shaking my head.

* * *

><p>Xx<p>

**Ruby's POV.**

"Can I see the book now?" Snow asked softly, her eyes searching my sexy figure as I welcomed it deliciously as my head puffed up with pride.

"Aren't we eager!"

"Ruby, where's Emma?" she asked me, her eyes searching mine now.

Smiling, I chewed the pineapple as my heart leapt from ecstasy. "She's upstairs…"

Eyes wide, Snow waited. "She's…upstairs…"

"Yep, to the left, second door on the right."

"Wait a minute, that's not the washroom!" and she gasped, but then as I watched a smile spread over her face, she understood well enough. "That's the guest room…Ruby, you sly wolf!"

"Emma went upstairs to change her clothes just about two minutes ago."

"Collision", Snow said softly.

"You like?"

"I love!"

"One of us should check to see that they're in the same room..."

"I volunteer! I want…"

"No, Snow. It's not cool to eavesdrop on your daughter and her girlfriend dueling each other. Not cool. Not…" she snatched my hand and growled. "Oh so you want to get all animal on me?" I asked, raising an eyebrow. "I'm prepared to wolfishly teach you a lesson, especially since we both have a thing for each other."

"I'm going up there, not you."

"No." blocking her pathway, I moved as she moved.

"Ruby!"

"Ask nicely."

"Ruby, please let me pass by. I'd like you to do me that favor, that one small favor…"

"Seriously you had a crush on me though?" I asked, smiling down at her as she snatched my hands.

"Yes, I think you're hot, now get out of the way before I…"

"Before you what?"

"Before I grab your boobs!"

"Go ahead then", spreading my arms, I waited with a wide smile. "Grab 'em…"

"What if I'd like to have mine grabbed first?"

I made a mewing sound, bashfully eyeing her from head to toe. "Alright if you insist Snow."

"No, wait, I didn't…"

Without restraining myself, I rushed forward, throwing my arms around her, smothering her cheeks with kisses as she giggled against me. And when her cheeks had turned severely crimson, away I darted and up the stairs.

* * *

><p>Xx<p>

**A/N**: Because of the dialogue, this chapter must have appeared quite long. Some people love dialogue, others hate it. But the next chapter doesn't have that much dialogue, just thoughts and everything else. AND EVERYTHING ELSE = smut, Christmas morning, more smut, dinner together later, SMUT. I KNOW that I promised you the smut in this chapter but certain things had to be said and put out in the open. Plus I felt like I needed to dedicate a chapter to Snow. I mean, she's doing great in this story so far. Many of you already confess that you absolutely LOVE her.

If I made any errors with time or anything else, can you please alert me about this? I take criticisms without complain.

In your review, can you dish your views on Neal's involvement in all of this? Is he the bad guy or the good guy? Does he deserve to be hated? Is Emma to be blamed? Who deserves to wear the 'I'm a fuck up' sign on their chest: Emma or Neal? Lol


	8. But I Don't Want to Lose Her

**WARNING: IF BY THE END OF THIS CHAPTER YOU DO NOT SHED AT LEAST ONE TEAR, OR YOUR EYES REMAIN DRY AS A BONE, THEN YOU MIGHT BE A ROBOT. OR WE JUST SUCK. LOL. **

**ERROR/CHANGE/MISTAKE: In chapter one we mentioned that Snow has had a baby girl already, and this is her third child. But that was an error that was taken out. Instead now this is her second baby. We wished that we could have incorporated more of the original storyline into this plot but this story was started before the second half of the third season. So Marian coming back, Snow's baby boy, and other things were left out. However, we'll try to add in Captain Swan memories. And more of Hook later on.**

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><p><strong>- Chapter 8 - <strong>

**'But I Don't Want To Lose Her'**

**Xx**

**Regina.**

**Flashback – Approximately 6 years ago**

**7:30 pm.**

**Location: Home**

_It's raining and as the yellow blinds flutter against the window, casting an eerie effect upon the features of the room, Regina sits quietly upon her bed. Feet folded under her, brown eyes are downcast as a pen is held between numb fingers, lips slightly parted as the point hovers above a small book. Leather bound, such a book was the color of blood freshly oozing from a wound. It wasn't magically protected, but often stored away in a wooden trunk that rested snugly within her wardrobe, always locked with a key that she kept hidden someplace else. Everyone has secrets, secrets of heinous crimes, personal embarrassments, triumphant wins and delights, even the need to focus a few pages on just one particular person._

_Now she writes, but slowly…_

_**Dear Diary,**_

_**I cannot believe what I'm about to write. And I am hopeful that no one ever gets a hold of this book in fear of my secret being discovered. It has been two days since Henry's birth mother has come into Storybrooke, and I am…no I cannot write this. I simply cannot write it. But I must write it. If I am to feel somewhat emptied of my secretive thoughts then I must do this.**_

_**The truth is, I am…**_

"_Mom!" eyes wide, startled from Henry's outburst, the book is snapped close hurriedly and shoved under her pillow as the doorknob is tried. "Mom, can I come in? Are you sleeping? Do you have on your jammies?"_

"_Yes, Henry." His cuteness could upset her once and awhile, slightly. And at the moment she was a bit irritated from being disturbed. He comes in now, but a frown deepens the lines on her face as she realizes that he's not dressed in pajamas. "Why aren't you dressed for bed?"_

_Face appearing quite bashful, his hands are held in front of him as eyes are focused on her. He's up to something, and she doesn't like it. "Emma just called."_

_Her breath is held as she waits. "I didn't hear the phone ring."_

"_It did. Your door was closed that's why you didn't hear it."_

"_Why did she call?"_

"_Um…" he hangs his head as eyes are cast upon his bare feet now. _

"_Um, what, Henry?" and she tries to sound angered, "what does she want?"_

"_You're mad already so I don't want to say anymore."_

"_Ever since that…woman…came here", Regina says as he toes the carpet, "you've been pulling your disappearing acts on me, never alerting me on your whereabouts, lying to me, and above all, I'm being treated as if I'm –"_

"_She called to tell me that she bought ice cream, and she wanted to know if I wanted any."_

"_My answer is no", head lowered, fingers gracefully fix the sheet upon her bed as she tries to avoid his eyes. "You're not leaving this house to escape with –"_

"_I told her I couldn't leave."_

"_Good."_

"_That's why she's coming over."_

"_What?" Wide eyes are focused on him now as she gasps._

"_She's bringing ice cream for both of us."_

"_Henry, why would you –"_

"_You can come down in our jammies, that's no problem. She's already here."_

_Springing off from her bed, Regina stares at him in shock. "What do you mean she's already here?"_

"_I heard the car horn out front."_

"_YOU ARE NOT –"_

"_I'm gonna open the door, come down when you're ready", and he sprints away from her as a finger is still left pointed in his direction._

"_Henry!"_

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><p><em><strong>Xx<strong>_

"_So I bought three small ones, kid", Emma says as she gives the black plastic bag a shake, and Henry dances on the spot. "I figure that you're a sucker for chocolate with sprinkles as I am?"_

"_Yeah, you got that right!"_

"_Good, then that's settled." Parting the bag open, she paws around inside, still standing by the door, "okay, here you go." And as she gives the container over to Henry, he snatches her hand. "Wait, what are you –"_

"_You've got to come inside." She's pulled but stands her ground. _

"_I'm already inside."_

"_The kitchen I mean, or the living room."_

"_Kid, a couple hours earlier, your mother and I had a collision, several, in fact…" her forehead creased from concern, "and at the moment, I really don't want to step into the lioness' den."_

"_She's not going to destroy your happiness. Don't worry. That's a line she even uses on the microwave when it refuses to work. Most times, she uses it on her car when it makes a funny noise. You should be lucky you aren't her dartboard because I'm really sorry for that thing."_

"_She…has…a…dartboard", Emma drags out, holding her breath. _

"_Yeah, let's –"_

_Emma's eyes dart towards the staircase as Madame Mayor descends one step at a time but in a haste, a hand feeling the bannister as she comes. And when her gaze rests upon the brunette's attire, a small smile plays on her lips by reflex. _

"_Mom, you're here", already spooning ice cream into his mouth, cheeks puffed, Henry's eyes dance from excitement. "Well technically since you're both my moms, I'll have to get used to this."_

_Dark eyes meet emerald ones as Emma's posture lacks the stiffness of Regina's figure. "Henry, why don't you go on into the kitchen?" She holds her breath whilst gazing at such soft blonde hair, the slice of black just where her red leather jacket is parted. _

"_But…"_

"_Henry…"_

_Taking the tone in her voice as a deadly warning, Henry licks his spoon as eyes meet Emma's. "Thanks for the ice cream."_

"_Don't mention it, kid. Have a good night."_

"_Yeah…" and as he departs, Emma returns her eyes back to the woman standing before her. _

_Something was happening deep within, kind of like a small biting sensation just near her heart, a feeling that wasn't familiar. But as her eyes swept over the Mayor's attire, and she realized that Regina wasn't…dressed…as the freaking sophisticated Principal looking woman anymore, Emma relaxed a bit. It wasn't only that, but the fact that there was a picture of a black kitten on the front of her sleepwear. And the legs of her pants were patterned with paw prints. Just to imagine Regina attacking her dartboard dressed in that outfit forced Emma to bite back her laughter._

"_We spoke earlier, didn't we?" Regina asked in a low, clipped tone._

"_Yeah, we did…"_

"_And I specifically told you to leave this town, to stay away from my son."_

"_That's what you said." A boot toes the ground as hands are shoved within jeans pockets._

"_Then why are you here? You're trying to bribe your way into his heart by feeding him ice cream?"_

"_I just thought that he'd like some, that's all. Plus, I bought one for you."_

"_I don't want anything from you, Miss Swan but for you to leave."_

"_Geez, Regina, I was just trying to be nice, that's all. I'm not –"_

"_I don't want your kindness directed here. So I suggest that you –"_

"_Since when does someone turn down kindness directed their way?" Emma frowned. "And if I did come here with a hostile behavior then you'd have a problem with that as well. I'm trying here, to be respectful and to show a good face at least, and it's like you're out to cut my throat or something."_

"_I'd like you to leave", Regina said, fists unclenching as an ache pains her heart. _

"_I'm not doing anything wrong…" Emma looks up as the silence ensues. "Come on, I can just stay, we'll eat the ice cream, then I'll be gone. That's it."_

"_No thank you."_

"_What's wrong with you?"_

"_Nothing is wrong with me, Miss Swan."_

"_I didn't volunteer to come here and to get involved. But he brought me here and whilst I'm here, I can't help but get the feeling that you're trying to get rid of me when I'm not even a threat. I'm not trying to take him away from you. All I'm doing is checking up. That's all, and I'll be gone soon enough. But whilst I'm here, I mean, I'm trying to be friendly towards you. Why can't you at least be a bit friendly in return?"_

_Regina said nothing but just stood there staring at the woman in front of her as the silence stretched on._

"_Fine", Emma said and she shook her head in disbelief. "I'll leave. From the looks of it, you have a serious problem anyway. I can't believe I'm saying this but one day you might want us to be friends but by then I'll be out of your town for good. And when that time comes, don't expect me to come back to you, because for me, it has always been easier to walk away than to stay…"_

"_Then I gather that giving up Henry was quite easy for you, wasn't it?"_

"_When the time comes when you're faced with someone that you have to let go of, because you feel as if you're not worthy enough, you're not good enough, then you'll understand what it's like. I'm gonna…" Emma pointed to the doorway, "go now." She was almost there, shoulders hunched._

"_Wait, Miss Swan…" lifting a hand, fingers splayed before her, and Regina's lips remained parted as her heart hammered away. And stopping, boots just over the threshold, the blonde waited. "Why would you feel as if you weren't…good enough?" _

_The question that was asked was done so because a personal feeling had been triggered. The brunette was quite aware of such a feeling: to feel unworthy, and suddenly, interest was sparked as emerald eyes met brown ones._

"_I was in jail", Emma said, hands shoved in her pockets. "I couldn't raise a kid in there."_

_Raising an eyebrow, eyes searched for answers. "So you're an ex-convict then."_

"_More like being wrongfully accused."_

"_Either way, you were incarcerated."_

"_I don't expect you or anyone to see the difference but there was one."_

"_What happened then?"_

_Eyes lowered, a boot toed the floor as playful thoughts swirled around her mind. How many times she had spun the story to cover up the truth over the years. It was incredible. "My girlfriend left me to take the fall for something she did."_

"_Your…girlfriend…" Regina swallowed, ceasing to breathe._

"_Yeah, that's what I said."_

"_So you're…"_

_Lifting her eyes, Emma smiled wryly. "Yeah", and she shrugged. But something changed in the other woman's eyes and the blonde detected it instantly. Taking a step forward, hands hanging at her sides, Regina searched a face for more. Her prying eyes almost gave her away because from such a scrutiny alone, the way that tentative step was taken, something tingled within Emma's chest, almost like an awakening alarm that tries to push through a deep, sleepy mind. It was something, something clearly there but she could not understand what it was. _

"_I was kidding", Emma tried quickly, eyes lowered as a step was taken backwards and she cleared her throat, a hand reaching up to scratch behind an ear._

"_About which part exactly?"_

_She was puzzled. "About me being…"_

"_Attracted to women?" Regina tried hoarsely, "or you being an ex-convict?"_

"_There wasn't a girlfriend." It was amazing how she chose to respond in such a way, because brown eyes searched hers with a confused look. _

"_Oh", was the response. So there was hope, the brunette thought. Little did she know that her mind was being played with, either intentionally or without a care in the world for Emma loved to avoid the truth yet she fought so tirelessly to seek it out._

"_Well if that's all, I'm going to head out."_

"_I'd like you to stay." Regina caught herself quickly. But again, she allowed her eyes to transmit exactly what was intended for such a gaze was deep, one that lingered on lips and travelled across the woman before her._

"_I'm…exhausted anyway, so I'll call it a night."_

"_But –"_

"_Crap", feeling her throat close up, Emma suddenly remembered the plastic bag. Head lowered, she gave it a shake. "Almost forgot, here." And a hand was outstretched, such distance between them as Regina's heart ached already. Yet when their fingers brushed ever so softly, they both had to admit that something was felt, an inner stirring of feelings that couldn't be missed. The gaze that was enacted then wasn't one sided but done by both parties as the seconds slid by. Until Emma shook her head, laughing nervously, "yeah so if you don't want any, just save both for Henry. Later."_

_One minute later, she was gone. Half an hour later, the red leather bound book was parted open as a shaky hand clutched a pen. And with tears stinging her eyes, angry tears, Regina began to write under the last entry._

_**I've lost all my senses. I've completely gone insane. And something is definitely wrong with me because from the first time I met her, my knees grew weak from the smile she directed my way. Every time we meet, I find myself holding my breath. And I want her to leave. I want Miss Swan to leave my town or I'll be pushed to get rid of her by some unforgivable means.**_

_**How can something so wrong feel so right? I'm falling in love with a stranger, a woman I'm supposed to hate, and with each passing second, my heart longs to be near her. But I've never been in this situation before. I have never fallen in love with a woman…She's attracted to women. I'm attracted to her. This can't be normal.**_

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><p>X<p>

**[Flashback]**

**Location: Storybrooke**

_**The scene just after Emma and Snow return from the Enchanted forest through the portal.**_

_She couldn't quite believe what had occurred because it was too friendly to begin with: a 'welcome back' topped off by a warming smile? Surely her mind had been playing tricks on her. Mind still a bit confused from everything that occurred prior to her return, the blonde attached a warming smile in return to the woman in her company._

"_Regina, to be honest, your mother really is…" Emma stalled as a glance was thrown sideways. _

_Walking side by side, the brunette tilted her head sideways as a small smile is offered. "You can continue that sentence."_

"_Cruel seems like an understatement and evil doesn't fit her enough." Sighing, emerald eyes focus on the back of Henry's head as he walks with Snow just in front of them, Ruby ruffling his hair playfully. "And everyone thinks you're the evil one."_

"_Including you."_

"_I really don't think that you're evil. I just think that you're misunderstood, that's all." This time when Emma glances sideways, their eyes meet and a gaze is held, a smile offered. "You're a pain in the ass when you want to be, but I guess that I can see past the cold wall you built up to…" her hands move about in front, "…keep everyone out."_

"_I'm a pain in the ass?" Regina asks in disbelief. _

_Emerald eyes are turned on her once more, widening as they both stare at each other. "We've both been pain in the asses to each other. How's that?"_

"_I can work with that." Hands are shoved in the pockets of her coat, heart racing already, as she lowers brown eyes unto the trail leading them out of the forest. "Did my mother mention me at all? Did she tell you anything about me?"_

_Emma chews her bottom lip, digging into her mind. "Uh, nope, she just mentioned your name once in the process of introducing herself."_

"_Oh."_

"_The two of you never got along, huh?"_

_Regina bites her lips, eyes stinging. "No."_

_Somehow, she was quite aware of the intensity of the topic at hand. Emma was always sensitive about these things, and she could detect when a conversation had to be turned away. So she tried to think up of something that could be said, just to cheer up the woman walking beside her. To be honest, her heart was the cause of this sudden desire to lighten up the mood. Whilst her mind was sticking questions and other stuff painfully into that already aching head of hers, somehow she could still feel a bit of compassion for Regina. To feel compassion at all for the woman walking beside her was something quite extraordinary, but nothing new._

"_I know this might sound pretty stupid to say, but it's something that I wanted to tell you for such a long time now. And..." she could feel Regina's eyes on her already, knowing that those words captured attention and held it, "here goes, when I was a kid, and the nuns would read fairy tales to us, you wouldn't believe who was my favorite character of all."_

_Waiting for a response, the brunette had been holding her breath, but now eyes were lowered as she resumed breathing. "Who, Snow White?"_

"_No", emerald eyes were pinched from a smile, "try again."_

"_Prince Charming?"_

"_Nope", Emma shook her head. "Come on, it's so easy. I was in a bad place, hated it, most of the kids infuriated me, and above all I just wanted to find an escape."_

"_There were children in the prison you were held in?" a stare was directed her way instantaneously._

"_Oh my God, no, Regina!" Emma's eyes were wide. "I'm talking about when I was smaller, living in the orphanage."_

"_Oh", lips were bitten._

"_Seriously?" Emma half laughed. "Children in prison?"_

"_I only assumed that you were referring to…" the blonde snorted, "are you going to tell me who's your favorite character or is this the part of the conversation where we just stray off into other areas of…" their hands brushed together softly and she stopped breathing. Knees instantly becoming weak, Regina's lips remained parted as a small gasp escaped, head dizzied from such a small touch._

_Emma's response was withheld a few seconds as well, her eyes throwing a sideway glance. And she was quick enough to catch the sudden reaction. But sometimes we're left to wonder what's wrong with us in situations like these for things could happen right before our eyes. And yet our mind completely processes the activity in a different way. What she saw was a shortness of breath maybe, the effort after using so much magic putting a strain upon the woman walking by her side. That seemed reasonable enough. But the liveliness in those brown eyes after they had begun to walk, the way a conversation was offered and maintained: had Emma forgotten this? For if energy had been drained from using magic then Regina wouldn't have been so warming and a bit energetic to begin with._

"_I really loved you."_

_She believed that her heart froze immediately. "What?" Regina asked in disbelief, eyes wide as she stopped._

"_Your character", Emma said, stopping too as she maintained eye contact. "The Evil Queen, and yeah they called you that in the book." She frowned, thinking back upon the narrations. "Well, to be honest, I can't exactly remember if they said that, but the name stuck with you."_

_Words that were being spoken sounded as if they were coming from across a room to Regina for she was completely lost in what had been said prior to that. All she could manage was to focus on emerald eyes that held a gaze, the possibility of Emma meaning more than just loving her character in a book, the belief that a hint had been thrown. But such delusions, such paranoia could be detrimental to our minds if we allow them to take a hold of us. However, it was all Regina could cling unto at the moment. And she held unto that unintentional confession for a very long time._

"_You'd have such a wonderful time in Disney", Emma said smiling._

"_What's that?"_

"_Then again, it might be your definition of hell."_

"_I don't understand what you're trying to say to me", Regina confessed as they began to walk again. _

"_So what did I miss whilst I was away then?"_

_It was Regina's time for payback. "You missed the moments I smiled during your absence."_

"_And there I was in the Enchanted forest missing your sassiness and our fights."_

"_You missed me?" brown eyes were wide again._

"_Yup, thanks for helping us to get back here. I owe you big time."_

"_I hope that you'll remember when I'm ready to collect", Regina said softly. And it was now Emma's turn to gaze at the brunette with wide eyes._

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><p><em>x<em>

**Regina.**

**Present Time**

**Location: Neal and Emma's House.**

**Time: 7:30 pm.**

**xx**

How could climbing a simple flight of stairs become such a painfully difficult task for me? With step my boot was lifted unto, the muscles in my leg ached. There was a time when I savored the feeling of being rather slim, never gaining weight. Oh to wear my tailored suits again, to slip into a pencil skirt, the feel of black stockings upon my legs, such warmth, my slim waist. Dear me, my hips had widened quite enough already. Swollen feet, what torture! But I wish my heels could be worn again because this pair of flat knee high boots felt considerably wrong fitted for me.

Whale had advised me to never use painkillers just to be on the safe side, mostly vitamins and fruit juices. Milk, I was expected to drink but the taste of it nauseated me, in fact, everything that was labelled food just clearly upset my stomach, tying it into knots. Crackers would stay down, tasteless biscuits that resembled cardboard or chipped wood. Bananas were alright, and meat entirely gross. I had cravings for the weirdest things ranging from noodles to mashed potatoes, carrots, broccoli, and chocolates. The latter had to be consumed with moderation because I could binge on candy without a limit if I desired so. I never favored candy, but people change. Oh how I had changed so much.

I suddenly adored the idea of…pets.

Funny as it would sound, yes a pet's company could be delightfully needed, especially Ruby's ginger colored cat Sunny. To me, on days when I felt entirely depressed, consumed with emotions and everything hormonal wise, petting Sunny would ease away everything. He'd curl up just right there on my lap as his chest reverberated from uncontrollable purrs, reminding me of an engine that soothed the baby's kicking somehow.

My baby, I was actually carrying a child inside of me. And to be honest, I was thrilled to finally have a baby of my own. Not that Henry's adoption had been a regret. Not at all for those moments spent with him were forever treasured by me, remembered. But to actually experience this for myself, to feel the changes, the kicks, putting aside every other painful and tormenting factors. This was something quite extraordinary for me, and it was like nothing else I had ever experienced before.

So many thoughts can rush through my mind all at once, and all of this happened between climbing the first step to the thirty sixth. Yes, I counted them, storing that figure in my memory as I could do with everything else. I savored details, remembered everything and felt deeply. In addition to that, I must add that her house smells oddly of apples, something that's supposed to warm my mood, but instead I am driven with a pang of hate still.

Left, she said left. So I turn left as my eyes roam the upstairs distastefully. There were so many things I could pinpoint faults about, ranging from the odious caramel colored walls to the ugly brown carpeting. Ugh. Gross. Anything relating to Neal was upsetting. Unless she had chosen the color scheme from the interior of the house, then clearly someone needed to pinch her earlobes for committing such an ill crime. And all of this added to my growing nausea, the urge to throw up, mouth tasting sour as I fought the feeling.

I felt so weak already, head dizzied by so much commotion, more than could be stomached in one day.

Second door, right… Fingers closing around the gold doorknob, I pressed a palm upon the door, my head still whirling with thoughts.

"It's ironic, isn't it?" Gasping, my fingers moved from the knob as I spun around, eyes wide. "Hmmm", Neal gestured towards the door, smiling warmly, "you're searching for her even though you told me that everything's over between you two."

"I have nothing to say to –"

"I know that", he said, overstepping my words. A sigh ensued. "But I have a few things to say to you."

"You're pathetic", I hissed through gritted teeth, fists clenched. And away I stepped, never sparing him a second glance.

"First of all, I'm not the enemy, Regina", his voice reassured me from behind. "Everything I've told you so far, hell, it's the plain truth."

Was this asshole clearly trying to engage me in a conversation? "You're a waste of space", I shot back, turning on the spot, a finger pointed his way. "Don't speak to me."

"Hey, don't blame me just because you weren't brave enough to make a move on her, even before I came back you had all the time in the world. And I have every right to behave defensive because when you came back here a few days ago, you found her as MY fiancée."

"I'm quite sorry, but I can't take your words seriously after you left her broken, and then here you came waving your hero flag."

"Um…" eyes lowered, he toed the floor, "that's what you did too."

"I didn't...I never…" stumbling on my words, I glared at him.

"See that's the thing I wanted to tell you face to face ever since you came back. Probably it's one of the reasons why I'm so pissed at you, Regina. I'm pissed because yeah I made the move before you and I succeeded and I got Emma. But when you left, you just…" he waved a hand in front of him, "you broke her down. I saw what you did to her, all of it. That day you left, everything changed inside Emma and it's like I was seeing exactly how I left her before, when I left her before all over again. But this time, it wasn't about me, it was about you."

"You knew exactly how I felt about her", I said as tears were held at bay. "You knew even when you first came back here that I was in love with her and yet it was a game to you, all of it, to win her back."

"I never tried to win her back", he offered in disbelief. "I let her go."

"Oh, with Tamara, your cover up story?"

"It was the truth and to be honest, I knew well enough that she was over me."

"Then why did you try to get back together with her when we returned from Neverland?" I asked bitterly, my throat burning from anger. "Just when I thought that Hook was pathetic, there you were."

"Yeah I'm pathetic as you claim, but nothing's wrong on my part just because I tried. I gave her a chance to choose."

"And she chose you", I confirmed hoarsely, half laughing, "congratulations because in the end, you won."

"I haven't won anything, Regina."

"Yes, you have. It all falls back to you. Henry is YOUR son, Emma will always run back to you, and I'm left with nothing. Just as always, like you said before, I ruin everyone's happiness but yet no one realizes that I'm supposed to be happy as well."

"Robin's a nice guy. How can you have nothing when you have him?"

"I'm not having this conversation with you right now", I directed his way.

"Hey, I'm just saying, he's a nice dude. He's honest, kind, the guy's genuinely great. Why waste your time or feelings on Emma?"

"As unbelievable as it might sound, coming from me, your words hold truth in them because this is just clearly a waste of my time."

"You need to fix this because she can't have both of us."

"Then what the hell do you want from me?" I snapped.

"Can't you see this from my side at least? I lost her once too because, just like you, I chose to run. And you just came back and expect to take her away from me. I have every right to be angry. We had plans, always had plans and now that we were finally doing things right, you're still messing things up." Resting a palm upon the wall, my eyes lowered to consider his boots crossed at the ankles as he calmly waited.

"You can have her, all of her."

"I wish that I can have her", he admitted, "but all she wants is you. And I can't have her if you're playing with her feelings, messing with her head. Everyone knows that around here because it was pretty obvious from the way she was grieving your absence. And yeah I have been direct with you from the time you came back, even from the beginning. But it was only because I knew the truth. And the truth is, even if I end up marrying her, she's always going to be thinking of you."

"Then isn't it clearer now that the problem isn't me but it's you?" I smirked, folding my arms.

"Right now, we're two options as far as I can see. And I have higher stakes over you because I hold the other side of the engagement."

"Oh how ridiculous is this!"

"I did it, was bold enough to do it. And you chose to run, so that all counts as merits. Frankly though, there's only one thing one of us can do to settle this once and for all."

"And what's that?"

"You can either keep trying, ruin not only her chance at having a peaceful, happy life, but Henry's perfect family as well or you can just leave again."

"Is that an order?"

"It's not an order, it's your chance to let her go easy. If you could, you know, just end it off with her in some way by, I don't know, tell her that you're done like you said." I couldn't believe his directness. I couldn't understand how he could speak to me in this manner, relate such things to me. But the hints should have been there at some point. The movement of his eyes should have given away the motive hidden within a devious mind.

"You're a snake, Cassidy", I hissed, "you're trying to manipulate me to call off my advances because it's clear as day that your attempts are growing weaker when compared to mine."

"Uh, she kissed me earlier, that's something you should consider."

"She's clinging unto you because she feels as if something is owed to you in relation to your fuck up many years ago. It was one of her fragile moments in life where a young girl was snatched into the arms of a thief and lured into empty promises, only to be thrown in jail to have his baby all by herself. You…" I said glaring, lifting a hand to point at him, "you're far worse than I am because I'd never let Emma take the fall for my wrong doing. I'm not a coward. She might have forgiven you for that…sorry, sorry mistake, but deep down she's quite aware of how broken she felt when you threw her into prison."

"She's gotten over that."

"Has she?" I asked, raising an eyebrow. "Then why would she stall on marrying you to begin with? I came back here expecting the two of you to be wedded already, only to discover that she's still holding out. But for what exactly and why?" I smiled. "It's because she's afraid of how you hammered her in the past with broken promises."

"So you think that you're all in the clear then?"

"I'm not free of fault."

"You're hurting her, that's what you're doing."

"That's because she still believes that you have something to offer her."

"I can give her so much more than you ever can."

"Such as?" I laughed again, shaking my head in disbelief.

"Well for starters, a morally justified wedding, a bond that doesn't involve discrimination and we can definitely have another child whereas when it comes to you…"

"Fuck off, Cassidy", I said hoarsely. His words had incredible substance attached to them, the meaning hitting me like a slap across the face. And even though the attempt to fight off the effect was strong enough, my heart still ached from the truth that remained.

"When we go anywhere, no one's going to look at us funny, even when she chooses to kiss ME in public. I can hold her hand and never feel awkward about it, and in Henry's eyes, I'm his dad, always will be his dad and Emma's his mother. That's his perfect family. Not you. You were in the picture for the first couple years of his life, and we honestly thank you for that, but now, it's time to let go of the hold you have on my family. Let go and let us be."

I couldn't help it. Somehow, as much as my throat choked up, and I couldn't hold the tears back anymore, anger overwhelmed me. And with fists clenched, I could already feel the surge of magic encased within my fingers, ready to blast him to pieces.

"Anyway, it's convenient by the way, but Robin's back –" he appeared quite calm about the situation at hand, completely aware of my reaction but intentionally ignoring it all.

"What?" I asked, my head beginning to spin. I suddenly felt my toes grow numb. And the insides of my boots felt like a cool compressed freezer, chilling me through socks that were comfortably thick enough.

"Yeah, he's downstairs out front looking for you." He used a hand to feel behind his head, eyes lowered, "and maybe this is a sign or something, to you know, just go back to the happy times."

"You're lying to me."

"Nope, go on downstairs and check. David and I just had a word with him. That's why I came up here looking for you."

"Robin's…back?" Spinning around on my heels, I turned to face Emma standing there just near a doorway. My eyes quickly detected her change in clothing as she was now dressed in a sky blue long sleeved jersey, hair tied up into a ponytail.

"Yup, all in one piece", Neal said to her. "Told you he'd be back for her. He's always going to be there because as any considerate father would want, we always want to be part of our child's life."

"Considerate father?" I asked sarcastically, turning on him once more. "I'm sorry but did you just pair yourself up with Robin as a father who deserves recognition?"

"Whatever…"

"That's what I thought too." Glaring at him one last time, I stepped around on the spot, my stinging eyes meeting Emma's. And when her deep gaze was latched on me, even though I could feel the intense attraction simmering on the surface, burning my desire, away I moved.

"Where are you going?" she asked as I neared her, emerald eyes wide.

Ignoring her words, I continued to the staircase, reaching out for the bannister as one boot was pressed upon the first step. It was then when my right upper arm was snatched.

"Let me go", I said without looking at her. The surge of her magic sent a tingling sensation through my arm. It was warming, one that travelled like a low hum throughout my body as her grip was maintained.

"Let her go, Emma", he said, lingering just near a doorway.

"You heard what he said", tears were in my eyes. "Since you always listen to him, trust him, believe in him, then…" I tugged my arm away, "…leave me alone."

"Robin's here and all of this, it's over."

"No."

"Just like Tink said before, they're meant to be, they're soul mates, always will find each other like your mom and dad, always will be happy together. So it's not worth your time."

"Shut up", she said in a low voice, his words biting into her already.

"That's not your baby. Henry's your child and he's my son, not hers."

That did it for me because I could honestly lose my temper quite easily. I could fuck up anyone in seconds if they toyed with me, tried to make a fool of me. And he was trying to do that, believing that success could be achieved. Stepping up fast, fists clenched, I glared at him as he stared back coolly at me.

"He's my son", I reminded him, my tony icy.

"Nope, you can just fool yourself, but blood runs thicker than adoption papers."

"Both of you, just stop it", Emma frustratingly warned. But I advanced on him as he stood his ground.

"Ask Emma what blood means to her, what family means to her", he continued, "because she was unhappy with her adopted parents over the years and now that she's found her real parents, they mean the world to her –"

"Neal just stop it!" I heard her cry hoarsely as my hand was outstretched and I lost control, lost composure. Slamming him against the wall was quite toe curling for me, easing the anger a bit, anger that swelled up inside of me. To watch him twist against the tapestry was satisfying as she neared me. I could feel her stepping closer as my magic was directed upon his throat, choking him as he gasped for air, eyes bulging.

"No", she said, a hand placed on my shoulder. Fingers already pressing into my arm, I could feel her worry growing, her fear.

"I'd like to remind you who has the advantage here", I hissed, the feel of using my magic quite overwhelming after such a long time. "To have you speak to me as if you mean anything, as if your words mean anything to me."

"Let him go", she whispered in my ear frantically, tugging at my arm. "Regina…"

"Don't touch me", I hissed, barely diverting my eyes to meet hers as all the fun was in front of me.

"Stop it!"

"You need to back off", I warned.

She snatched my outstretched arm and closed her fingers around my wrist, trying to stop me. "You don't want to do this!"

"I said to leave me alone!"

"I don't take orders from the Evil Queen!" she shouted. "Let him go!"

I believed that my entire body felt as if drenched by ice water when she referred to me as that. It's because I had worked so hard to erase that name from everyone's minds, tried effortlessly to build up my good side, to show another kinder side to me. And now out of all the people in the world, even putting herself before Snow White, she had chosen to roll back. It was a harsh insult to my efforts, my belief in her.

Holding my breath, I turned on her, my focus faltering as the release on Neal slackened. "What did you just call me?"

"I called you the Evil Queen because that's exactly how you're behaving right now."

"How dare you –"

"What?" she asked loudly, eyes wide and frantic, a bit cold too, fists clenched. "Right now you're behaving like a monster and you're hurting him. No matter how harsh he might have been or whatever he said to you, your solution shouldn't be this."

Lowering my arm, eyes wide, I stared at her in disbelief, lips parted. "Whose side are you on?"

"This isn't about taking sides!"

"This is exactly about taking sides!" I snapped, my voice sharp. "How dare you stand once more before me and even after he's thrown insults my way, and you choose to defend him."

"I'm defending him because you're out of control."

"I'm out of control?" I asked in shock.

"Yeah, you are, and if I wasn't here then I'm afraid to even imagine how far you would have gone. You're pushing it, totally pushing it by being so violent when I thought that you changed permanently."

"Blame him for being so direct then!"

"You're behaving like a child, wanting to win this by using your old ways…" shaking her head, eyes were diverted to meet Neal. "No matter what either of us thinks, he's still Henry's father, and you're his mom."

"I can see already where this is going", I said in disbelief, eyes wet from tears already as I stared at her.

"Enough with the fighting between you two and let's just work through this."

"There is nothing to work through."

"There you go again being stubborn and inconsiderate when I'm trying to reason things out."

"I don't need you to reason things out because your attempts to do so are simply pathetic! I will never get along with this asshole. And you're just adding fuel to the flames by stalling on your decision as we both remain in the middle. But I'll make a choice for you", I said now, unclenching my fists as I stepped around her and towards the staircase. "I've already done what I intended to come back here to do in the first place, to let you know exactly how I feel. And now that I've done that, and you've proven to me exactly where your commitments lie, my job is done here."

"What a nice way to end it off with me, Regina", she replied, her eyes hard. Gesturing to the other end of the hall, Neal stepped away calmly as a hand massaged his throat, disappearing into a room as the door was locked.

"I'm not the one who ended this", I reminded her hoarsely as she stood there without moving, never coming after me. "You did."

"I just made one mistake and you're quick to hate me after you made so many before and I never ever judged you."

"You repeatedly hurt me just in one day."

"Which might make up for the two years you were gone in the first place."

"Don't even try to play the victim here because you broke my heart, that's why I left. And I'm glad that I did."

"So in the end, I'm the one who fucked up the most."

"The moment you looked at me when I came back here, alerting me on your disgust that I'm pregnant for someone else, the moment you told me that you couldn't stand to look at me because I reminded you of how I fucked up, that was the breaking point for me." It was the truth, something that had been aching me ever since the situation had unfolded. And she needed to hear about this now because I needed her to know exactly how I was stretched from her attempts to ridicule me, to make me feel ridiculously inadequate, whether intentionally or not.

"I'm –"

"I've been Henry's mother for ten years, Emma. And even after we met, I never ever found his existence disgusting, never hated him, and I always will love him. Yet every time you look at me, I can see the way this ends in your eyes. The fact that you cannot digest the truth, that you cannot understand why this happened to me, and what this means to me, all of this makes me wish that..th..at…" choking on my words, I began to cry as my chest ached terribly and clutching the bannister for support, my knees felt wobbly as she gazed at me with barely a hint of wetness in her eyes.

"You wish what?" she asked hoarsely.

"I wish that I never came back", I whispered.

"But you did."

"I wish that I stayed with Robin and I lived past the pain, the heartbreak and I eventually would have gotten over you."

"No", she said hoarsely.

"He's back and I take this as a sign that we're not meant to be, that this was –"

"Stop it –"

"…a mistake and from the moment you kissed Neal this morning, I received my answer. You're better off with him and I'm better off with my second chance because even if he's that, he loves me more than you ever will."

"Regina, stop –"

"No, you stop it, Emma!" I snapped as my voice broke. "Stop hurting me because I'm not well. I'm not okay and I'm not a rag doll. I'm sick. And I'm tired, and I'm aching. I want you to stop doing this to me because it appears as if you might eventually stop when my heart has bled out enough and I'm left with nothing but pain. Then you'll understand what this means to me."

She came towards me but I stepped down two times, breathing heavily. Finally there were tears in her eyes.

"I don't want to hurt you", she said.

"Then I have to let you go."

"Noo, don't do this to me. I'm sorry."

"It's too late. I've already made up my mind. And it's better if we stay away from each other."

"How can you run back to someone you don't love completely?"

"It's better than wasting my time on someone who doesn't love me as much as I love her."

"I can't…I can't be happy without you", she whispered. "If you leave again then I'll –"

"You should have known that from the first time I came back", I said through tears, "because ever since I returned, all I've given to you is everything I have to offer, even my heart. I sacrificed Robin's happiness to return to you simply because I couldn't live without you but now I know that I will always be the one who loves you more than you will ever love me."

"I do love you", she said. "I really do…"

I turned around and carefully carried on descending the stairs, feeling entirely sick and weak already. "Whatever, Emma", I choked, lifting a hand to press fingers upon my lips.

"Regina, you can't leave me."

There were voices downstairs, hushed ones and my heart ached to see Robin again, to feel genuine warmth and comfort within his arms.

"Don't go back to him. Regina –" her boots padded upon the stairs as she came after me. And my arm was snatched. "Don't do this to me, don't go back to him, don't –"

"I don't want you to touch me", I hissed, tugging away my arm as I glared at her. "Stay away…" she tried to grab my right hand, the other hand holding unto my shoulders as I fought with her, "stop it, get over yourself and I wish you the best of luck."

"I take everything back", she said. "I take every single thing back, all the times I hurt you, every fuck up today, everything. I swear."

"Promises and empty words", I told her, shaking my head in disbelief. "I'm desperately in love with you and all I can see when I look at you is a woman who I simply cannot trust. I don't know you, I don't know you at all."

And without wasting any time, the last few stairs were descended in a haste as I quickly strode towards the front door. Reaching out, I could already feel her behind me, choking on sobs as I turned the knob, my fingers trembling. Then pulling the door open, outdoors I stepped as the wind rushed past me, billowing the bottom of my dress, whipping the material around my boots. Hugging myself, biting my lips, I slowly went down the steps as Snow's voice asked Emma if she was alright from behind me. I couldn't breathe. I couldn't even see past the haze of my hurt because of the slow beating of a painful heart already shattered from her lies and hurt.

As the door closed behind me, my eyes rested upon a familiar figure standing just near the sidewalk. Hands in his pockets, back facing me, brown hair slightly ruffled from the caress of the night wind as tears stung my eyes. And there it was, as if sensing me already, he turned slightly. Then when our eyes met, I quickened my steps towards him, sides aching, head throbbing.

"Robin", I rushed out, running into his arms, burying my face into his shirt, the familiar scent comforting me in some way.

"Regina", he whispered into my hair as arms were wrapped around me protectively. "Hi, my love. Whatever is the matter?"

"Everything…" I choked out, breathless already. Whoever had said it, having your heart broken felt indeed like a physical injury. I should know this feeling quite well, but when the first time had been painful enough, the second time around was worse than before.

I don't know why but I just hugged him. I held unto him because everything felt safe in his embrace, if not completely okay, most of it felt familiar and comforting. It's like hugging a very close friend after you've been thrown into a pit, after you've been terrified, feeling lost, there's this one person who can offer some kind of comfort.

Ruffling my hair, he pulled apart, arms still around me as my face was scrutinized. "I don't have to remind you that I'm here for you", he said quietly, smiling at me.

"I know that", I said, searching his eyes. Diverting his, a warm palm was rested upon my midsection as he considered the bond between us with wide eyes. Silently, I watched him, waiting for any harsh words, knowing that none would come, "you have every right to be angry at me."

"But I'm not." Cupping my face upon his hands, he gazed at me lovingly. "I don't think that I've ever been angry at you. All that I've ever wanted is for you to be happy, which apparently, you're not."

"I'm sorry that I never told you about the baby. But I felt –"

"That our separation would be much easier if you hid the truth from me", he said calmly. When I inquired after his knowledge on my pregnancy, he filled me in on Gold's information. To be honest, I wasn't entirely surprised. "I had to come here just to see if you were alright and clearly you aren't."

Lowering my eyes, pouting as I was aware of it, a tear slid down, falling unto the front of my dress. "This was a mistake."

"Tell me more", he pressed on softly, thumbs wiping my eyes.

I breathed in, but the words just wouldn't come forth. And as our eyes met, a smile appeared on his face as he leant forward, pressing a kiss unto my forehead.

"Why are you smiling?"

"Because you're pouting."

"I'm not…" I was. "This isn't –"

"Just the other day", he began as the conversation was changed, sliding an arm around my waist as he urged me to walk with him, "Roland and I were on our way home from the village. And as we neared this apple tree, I could remember his delight in such a fruit so I plucked one off the nearest branch for him. My son then proceeded to tell me that he didn't want it because WEGINA said that the apple attached to the highest branch is the best one of all."

I couldn't help but smile. "He remembered."

"Oh he did remember. And he made me hoist him up just to get that apple." A smile was turned my way. "We made quite a lovely fruit salad that night."

"Is he here?" I asked, my voice hoarse from crying.

"I couldn't leave him behind. He's with Granny."

"When did you arrive here?"

"Just this evening."

"I missed you", I said as we walked.

"But then that's only a normal feeling when two very close friends separate themselves from each other." His words melted me, soothed me and I was again reminded of how kind and compassionate he was because there hadn't been any move on his part to kiss me on my lips or to welcome me back as his lover. We had parted as close friends and we still remained close friends. And deep down within me, I was quite aware of the simple fact that if I so desired, Robin would not hesitate in taking me back because he loved me. He…loved…me so much and I didn't even have to try. "So tell me what has Miss Swan done to you so that I can take one of my arrows and tickle her around the ears as a torment."

"She broke my heart", was all I said.

"Again?" squeezing my shoulder, I was pressed closer into him. "She should be labelled as the heartbreaker then. It's not nice of her to break the Queen's heart, not once but twice. I dare say, she doesn't deserve your affections."

"And you'll remind me now that you've always told me that."

"Well I'll remind you now that I always told you that." I smiled. "Regina, you deserve to be with someone who loves you more than you love them."

"I know."

"I wonder who that poor guy is, hmm…" lifting a finger, pressing it unto his chin, he smiled as I gazed up at him. "You're torturing that poor man."

"I'm sorry", I said. "I never meant to hurt you."

"And as I always told you before, of course you'll stick me in the heart with an arrow if I can't have you as mine. But my heart will ache as well if I cannot see you happy nevertheless."

"Why are you so kind to me when I've done this to you?" I asked quietly. "I don't deserve your love at all."

"But there's no harm in loving my soul mate who turned out to be my best friend, my closest, kindest, warmest friend, the most compassionate woman I've ever met."

"Buttering me up with your mushy words as usual", I said smiling. Sniffing, a hand was raised to wipe my cheek.

"So what did she do this time?"

There were footfalls behind us and as we both spun around, eyes wide, my fists clenched by reflex. But it wasn't Emma. Somehow I was expecting her, dreading that guilty feeling. But it wasn't her at all.

"Robin is that you?" Ruby asked as she jogged towards us, eyes already wide.

"Ah it's no other, Ruby", a smile pinching his eyes, he stepped forward, offering a handshake. And as she accepted, I breathed out a sigh of relief from the sudden thrill seconds ago of Emma coming after me. "How have you been?"

"Well you know", she smiled, eyes never leaving his, "I've been the same, working, plus I have this new shop next to Granny's that I run also."

"I did see it as I left Roland in Granny's care for a while", he remembered, gesturing behind us towards the Diner. "The displays out front are incredibly decorated superbly in red."

"Red IS my name also", I examined the blush creeping up her neck as we stood there. "Anyway, so you're back and the two of you look so cozy already."

"I'm quite aware that her heart belongs to another, so we're just cuddling as close friends."

"Aw that's so sweet of you, a cuddle buddy!"

"She's very nice to hug as well", he added, squeezing me closer into him.

"Aren't you adorable", Ruby cooed.

Of course I was quite aware of what she was trying to do already. She was flirting either intentionally or otherwise. But somehow, the thought of it did trouble me a bit, I can admit that truthfully. To have my ex flirt with my…ex…who could have ended up being my husband…whose child I currently felt kicking inside of me…who was my soul mate…The woman I had slept with, repeatedly slept with, and I slept with him, repeatedly. They were warming up towards each other already. So if they did hit things off eventually, then where the hell was my happy ending?

"I was hoping that Regina and I could grab a drink whilst catching up", Robin was saying now as my head swirled with thoughts, as my eyes focused on Ruby, scrutinizing her face, a glare surfacing.

She was obviously going to invite herself. Wait for it. Wait for it…

"That's awesome. Well have fun! It's great to have you back anyway Robin because right now, Regina needs someone like you around. She's holding back too many tears."

"Is she now?" he asked frowning at me. "Then I must find some way to cheer her up. I really don't like to see a frown spoil a beautiful face."

"See you guys later then", and waving at us, off she jogged towards the house where I had left in a haste.

* * *

><p><strong>Xx<strong>

**Emma.**

**Location: Still at home**

"She's not talking to me", Snow said quietly as Ruby came in through the front door, shaking off some kind of excitement, eyes dancing with happiness. Immediately her behavior was frowned upon by the short hair brunette. "How in the world could you be that happy in a time like this?"

"Oh shoots, sorry!" quickly coming towards us, I could hear my father's voice from the porch out front as Neal laughed. "So what's up then?"

"Look at her", a hand was waved in my direction, "she's zoning out on us."

"No, she's just realizing how much she fucked up just in one day."

Lifting my eyes, I glared at her and she did the same. I didn't need anyone's pity really, none at all. All I wanted was to be left alone. And none of them would let me be. If I could somehow use my magic like Piper from Charmed and freeze them all, then I could totally find some time out.

"I heard most of the conversation between the two of you."

"You were eavesdropping", I said, still glaring.

"I also heard most of the conversation between Neal and Regina."

"What did he say to her?" mom asked, her forehead creased in concern. "Did they argue?"

"Oh they more than argued. That sorry asshole that's sitting in front there as if nothing has happened, he blatantly drilled Regina, reducing her to tears. And then when he was quite finished, he did what I expected."

"What did he do?"

"He asked her nicely to tell Emma off, to tell her that there was nothing between them and all that crap. In fact, all he did was to twist his words around like his father, first trying to appear all human by telling her that he deserved to feel the way he does. And then he proceeded to fuck her up bit by bit."

"Oh my goodness", Snow gasped.

"Don't get me wrong, but I will always be on Regina's side no matter what."

"That's expected of you", I replied.

"Of course it is because I respect her, I understand her, and clearly you don't."

"Look, right now I really don't want to listen to you boast about how perfect you had it with her. As far as I see it, it was just a one night stand that ended up evolving into something more. I'd count myself lucky if I were you."

"And what exactly would you say about yourself?" she asked, her eyes swirling dangerously, "your mother and I both can see how stupid you're behaving in all of this because you have nothing to lose. You have a woman who WAS willing to risk everything for you, she loves you unconditionally and noo, you threw it down the drain all because he's fucking with your mind."

"From what I can see, Emma I don't know what you said to her tonight but whatever happened –"

"She called Regina the Evil Queen, a monster, inconsiderate –"

"That's because she was using her magic to hurt Neal!" I snapped, my voice hoarse as we glared at each other. "She had him against the wall, choking him and if I hadn't showed up then –"

"I see all of that as payback for all his hurtful words thrown her way ever since she came back", Ruby interjected, a hand splayed out before her as red nails were studied.

"Of course you do."

"She wouldn't have killed him. He'd just end up severely bruised, and that's what he deserves."

"Emma you shouldn't have called her those things", Snow offered softly. "Regina has worked so hard to better herself, to move past that name I gave her. And you know that she's not a monster."

"See?" Ruby asked me, gesturing, "even Snow agrees with me on this. Your words were fucking harsh and out of place, especially when you told her the other day that her pregnancy reminds you of how she fucked up. I can't believe you'd say something like that to her. It's terrible."

"Emma, you told Regina that?" my mother asked from beside me.

"That was since the night she came back."

"Whenever it was, tonight you heard the truth, the fact that your words still have an effect on her, those specific words."

"I spoke to you earlier about this." Resting a palm upon my lap, Snow tilted her head sideways, "sweetie we talked about this, all of it and you promised me that a choice would be made, that you would put aside everything and you'd take the risk."

"I know but she just…" eyes lowered, my throat burnt, "she just made me lose it when I saw her using magic on him. I don't expect either of you to understand but even if I don't love Neal that much, I still care for him. And I understand how he feels in all of this. It's just my fault mostly because I'm trying to wait as things work themselves out without realizing that every second is precious."

"Damn right", Ruby said. "I guess you realized that tonight, last minute."

"She told me that she'd rather be with Robin than be with me." Hanging my head, I rested my face upon a hand as tears came. "That…completely terrified me…"

"It's because you believed that she'd keep pursuing you all the time and you had forever to make a choice", Ruby said calmly. "But when she left you with her decision, that she'd run back to him, that's when you began to realize how –"

"I was behaving stupid, never really loving her, showing her every single second…"

"You bought her flowers and you treated her to Chinese takeout", mom reminded me. "That counts as something."

"It's not enough", I said hoarsely. "It was never enough because there was always silence between us, and when it was my time to talk, I said nothing to her that would prove anything. She was right. All I did was lie and make promises that I broke, and I hurt her, I never really noticed how important she was to me, everything she said to me meant something to her. Every single thing, every second from the first time we met, she's been in love with me. And I let her slip away because now she's given up on me."

"Oh Emma", hands were thrown around me as her face was buried into my hair, hugging me tightly.

"Good to know that you're finally waking up. What other revelation sparked up tonight in the midst of this?" Ruby asked. "Because I know that this hit you hard and I can see that you're finally realizing what you want."

"I'm leaving Neal", I said quietly.

"About time!" slapping her hands upon the arm of the chair, Ruby stood up. "A celebration is in order. But you must make this official by clearly adding substance to your words."

"I can't stay here anymore. He's going to remind me every chance he gets about what happened. He's going to try to convince me that this means nothing to me when it means the world to me. I just keep running back to him when he's not the one that I want. And I can't stay here."

"Stay the night by us", mom said without me asking, "and then tomorrow or whenever you're ready, you can come back with me for your clothes."

"Henry", I said.

"One step at a time, no rush."

"I should call him, tell him that I'm –"

"Wait till you're back home with us and then you'll call him. Henry can decide if he'd like to stay with us as well or if he's going to come back here."

"A celebration is in order", Ruby said smiling. "I say you and I slink into a low lighted bar and we'll order something strong whilst we numb your pain for the time being."

"What about me tagging alone?" Snow asked cutely, her face upturned, eyes focused on Ruby.

"You'll return home and spend the night alone with David."

"What if I don't want to?"

"You will return home and spend the night, taking advantage of the alone time, with David", Ruby said with her face serious.

"I really don't feel like going out", I stated.

"Trust me, you'll thank me for this later", Ruby said and pulling me up, I was tugged out the doorway as we both left the rest of them staring.

* * *

><p><strong>Xx<strong>

**Regina.**

**Location: The Magic Tavern [yeah, it's actually the name of a Bar]**

"So tell me, how are you, health wise?" he asked, pressing warm fingers unto my hand, our eyes meeting.

I shrugged. "Not so good, but then that's expected."

He frowned. "Tell me more, Regina."

"Where to begin…" upturning my hand, catching his fingers between mine, I studied them, head tilted sideways, "I still have continuous nausea, headaches, but then that might be related to my growing frustration on present matters. My feet ache, back aches –"

"That's expected, the aches I mean", he said softly. "What else?"

"Okay Doctor Robin", I said smirking, "you can relax now. I'm fine, don't bend your arrows until they snap from strain."

"You and your words, your Majesty", shaking his head, he smiled. "I really miss your sassiness, your touch here and there around the house, the way you used to organize things, fix things so neatly, your cooking."

"You're an amazing cook too", I reminded him. "We made quite a pair in the kitchen, didn't we?"

"Indeed we did, with Roland fussing about in the middle of everything."

"I have only been gone for a couple of days, please tell me that you haven't turned the house into a disorganized playpen."

"Roland tidies up after me", he said smiling. "You trained him well. In fact…" swallowing a mouthful of beer, he laughed, "he refuses to let me sleep on your side of the bed since you've left. Every time I attempt to do so, I am kicked repeatedly to remind me of my place."

"Oh dear me."

"Now, back to your health, Regina. Be honest with me, are you eating well, resting up enough, getting enough fresh air every day?"

"No, no, and yes", I said, rubbing my midsection slowly.

His eyes widened. "But you have to eat and get plenty of rest though. That's essential!"

"I can't eat when I'm not hungry. It's never been my thing, kind of like force feeding one's self. Ugh." I shrugged it off with a distasteful expression on my face. "And I have the wildest nightmares, sleeping lightly and waking up suddenly."

"Well since Doctor Robin is here to keep an eye on you, such things will be remedied as fast as they can be."

"So what, you'll watch me eat and sleep then?" I asked, my eyes sweeping over his face with a smile.

"If that's what it takes to keep you healthy then I will do that. I don't want anything bad to happen to you at all because of…" his words trailed off and my smile slackened because I knew quite well who had entered his mind. And we always tried to avoid the topic at any cost because of things that happened in the past and everything else.

"Well, if it makes you feel any better, I ate a plate of food tonight at Em…" my throat stung immediately. "Miss Swan…" turning my eyes away hastily, I blinked fast enough.

"Let's speak of her", he said quietly. "I'd like us to talk about her and what has happened."

"No", shaking my head, I breathed in, eyes focused on him seriously. "We're catching up and it's quite nice at the moment, and it's helping me to keep my mind off of today. So let's keep it that way."

"Regina…" he stretched out my name.

"You can't bury this deep down inside of you because that's what you did many years ago. And the result was terrible as you can recall. I don't want you wringing necks around town, nor do I want you living up to that horrible name they placed on you. So tell me what has happened."

I related to him mostly what had occurred when I returned to that night, leaving out of course, the intimate details but including the kiss. And he listened intently, never speaking as I slowly brought the painful words out into the open, telling him things I had not told Ruby or Snow such as my true feelings where Neal was concerned, how I felt unworthy and left out.

"From my side of the table, it's clear that she's conflicted", Robin said resting a gentle palm upon my hand. "And there's no harm in that. In fact, it's quite normal. One of my merry men was captured in a situation quite similar to this once before. Believe it or not, he was torn between two beautiful ladies who he equally loved. But to settle the matter, they were both held up in a hostage situation before he realized how important his decision would be."

"Who did he choose?" I asked, chewing the end of my red straw as I tasted pineapple.

"He chose the one who could cook." Face serious, I waited, studying his face. Nothing else was said.

"That's it?"

"Well it is often said that the way to a man's heart is through his stomach", now a smile was offered, one that forced me to roll my eyes. "Aw come on, the bottom line is, I think you possibly jolted Emma awake tonight by making a choice for her. Choosing to walk away, claiming that you were coming back to me, that must have shocked her completely."

"I doubt that."

"Why is that?"

"I've seen enough. And that was the last…" holding my straw up, I held it between us. "It's over between us."

"No it's not."

"Yes it is."

"I don't believe I have fingers and toes to count the number of times you've said that to me over the past three years."

"Well I really mean it now." Lifting my glass, I sipped my fruit juice as his eyes remained on me.

"It's over, Robin, I'm going to forget Miss Swan for good now", he said in a small voice, eyes shining, "next day, you're completely sad and I'm used as the pillow whilst you begin to speak about how you love her and you think she's hot. And –"

"Don't mock me."

"The red leather jacket, the way she eats her ice cream around the corner of the bowl first, how she sits like a man, she doesn't comb her hair, she wears no makeup, no jewelry, this and that. I have learnt so much about Emma over these past three years."

I rolled my eyes again head shaking as he smiled at me still. "You're not helping me, Robin."

"You're still in love with her, Regina."

The glass was moved from my lips. "No."

"I can prove it to you that your feelings remain the same."

"Prove it then", resting the glass upon the table's surface, I waited, watching him with a smirk. "Go ahead and try and you'll see that this finally is the end of the rope – ouch", I winced, fingers pressing into my midsection as the baby kicked sharply.

"See? Even the baby knows that you're lying."

"I'm not lying."

"If Emma gets married to Neal by the end of this week, and I dragged you to the wedding", he said, fingers drumming upon the wood. "We're sitting there in the back row as she reads her vows to him."

"I really don't care", I lied.

"She's hoarsely saying things like 'I vow to dedicate my life to you, my heart, my soul every day…" my throat began to ache as I watched him, "she's promising him that they're going to be together until one of them draws their last breath, and he takes her hand, pulling her close enough. He kisses her. What would you –" a tear slipped down my right cheek as I stared at him, fingers feeling quite numb. "There we go", he said softly. Reaching across, he used a thumb to wipe my cheek as I continued to stare at him in silence, my heart aching more than ever. "I never meant to allow that tear to escape but it must be done in order for you to realize the truth."

"I'm not in love with her", I said robotically, fingers pressing into the fabric of my dress, my thighs. "I'm not."

"It's okay to still be."

"No it's not. That will only make it harder for me to get over her. And I…I need to…" shaking my head, eyes closed, I sighed, lifting a hand to press fingers unto my lips. "I need to move past this, Robin."

"Is that what you want?"

"It's not what I want but it must be done."

"Does she love you Regina?"

"If she loved me then she wouldn't have hurt me."

"Love hurts, it's not supposed to, but it hurts. Nothing good comes easy because that means that it's not important at all."

"Would you…take me back if I wanted you to?" I asked him suddenly, my eyes never leaving his. "If I wanted this, if I wanted you whilst forgetting anyone else, would you take me back?"

"Of course I would but –"

"I would like to forget her", I choked on a sob, eyes swelling with tears already as I let them go. Through the haze of my tears, I detected him moving closer. And within half a second, I was pulled towards him as he hugged me, my fingers clutching at his shirt as I buried my face into familiar warmth, sobbing softly.

"I don't think you can succeed in doing that", he said softly. "And I wouldn't hesitate in taking you back. But I'd like you to take things slow for a while before making any rash decisions."

"I don't want to take things slow", I said stubbornly. "I can't."

"Yes you can. And it's the safest way to carry on because your heart is quite fragile currently, Regina. You're very hurt and the answer isn't for you to choose someone else so quickly in order to cover up the truth. It's like consuming alcohol. A man's wife has just left him so he decides to drink himself into a stupor, wishing to forget the hurt. But his feelings are only erased temporarily for those same feelings will return the next day. And the next and the next. It's all up to you if you want to move past this without using anyone else to do so. You have to do this. I can only help you by being here as a close friend for the time being."

"There must be a potion for me to forget all of this", I said as his eyes widened. "Some…potion that I can whip up and –"

"No potions", he said strictly, squeezing my shoulders as I stared at him. "Promise me that you will not resume playing with your chemistry set because the effects might be detrimental to the baby."

"Right", I said, shaking my head in disbelief at my stupidity. "No potions. A memory spell then."

"And suppose you forget every single thing that ever happened to you?"

"Then at least all the pain will be gone from my chest", I said hoarsely. "Even if I cannot remember who I am, at least I'll be free from the hurt, all of it."

"No potions, no spells because you're a very strong woman. And you've lived through worse than this before."

"The last time my heart was broken, I killed many people", I reminded him. "Or have you forgotten?"

"Well you know better now, don't you?"

"Yes but right now I feel like murdering a –"

"The little one is listening…" he reminded me softly, eyes wide.

"I feel like murdering a bowl of soup."

"Nicely done", a kiss was pressed upon my right cheek. "I know exactly how to distract you starting from tonight."

"I like the sound of that already", I said, smiling wickedly.

"You're sleeping with Roland tonight, not me", he continued, eyeing me with a smile. "He misses you so much, I think you'll be smothered in kisses all night long."

"The poor darling", I cooed. "Okay, I'm all in."

"Good."

"Well what a surprise!" eyes quickly darting to the source of the familiar voice, I considered her, quite startled. "Mind if we joined you two?" Oh she surely couldn't have done this to me. Ruby was quite a mischievous woman and already intentions were detected by me as her companion moved closer. The way her mind worked, spinning plots and coming up with these ideas: that was Ruby. And right now, I absolutely wanted to kick her.

"A surprise indeed", Robin said.

When my eyes rested on Emma, I stopped breathing, upon reflex, Robin's hand was squeezed under the table as she fixated a gaze upon me without looking away.

"Ruby…" I dragged out.

"There we were deciding on one of three bars, or this Chinese restaurant four buildings down", eyes dancing from excitement, Ruby slid into the seat opposite us, and she shrugged. "Then this is the one we chose and here you two are." Elbows propped on the table, she rested a face in her hands, "how lovely…"

"Hello, Emma", Robin said smiling, and a hand was outstretched in her direction. "It's nice to see you again."

"Hey Robin", she said softly, and after studying his hand for two seconds, a handshake was accepted in front of me. Although she was trying to conceal her feelings, it was clear that Robin's presence irritated her. His nearness to me infuriated her and already I was reveling in my idea of a payback, just to get this clear enough. She had to know how her closeness to Neal deeply hurt me. This had to be done. And based on the mood I was in, anything could be achieved right now if I so desired.

"I hope that's just a plain fruit juice", Ruby said pointing at my glass.

I continued to watch Emma as she awkwardly sat down before me, and when her eyes were lifted, I diverted mine quickly.

"It is", Robin assured her. "So I take it that this is just a Christmas Eve drink between old friends?"

"Oh the possibilities are endless", she replied, smiling wickedly.

"No they aren't", I stated in her direction, my glare direct.

She had done this on purpose, and I knew that as the truth. Ruby had dragged…Emma…here along with her, fully aware of my meeting with Robin.

"Oh just chillax, Regina."

"What are you trying to do exactly?" I asked her.

"I'm here to have a drink."

"Is that all, Ruby?"

She stared blankly at me. "Yeah, that's all."

"I'm not in the mood for your antics", I directed in her way.

"I didn't come here to walk the tight rope", she shot back. Sitting stiffly in her seat, Emma was glaring at Robin who had all eyes on Ruby. "Anyway, Robin, trying to make friendly conversation here, if that isn't a problem." He waved her on, smiling bashfully. "How are the holidays going so far?"

After swallowing a mouthful of beer, his eyes were directed in her direction. "Quite peaceful just a few days ago, still is, I'm not much of the festive type but as Regina can relate to you, because of Roland we used to celebrate like crazy."

Eyes wide as they danced from me to the man sitting at my side, Ruby smiled widely as Emma focused her bold gaze my way. Choosing to divert a wary gaze elsewhere, my straw was chewed as I tried very hard to prevent our legs from touching. It wasn't an easy fete because her legs were always strewn about, kinked in all directions. So I was left with no choice but to tuck my boots under the chair. The need for her to touch me in some form, some way, clearly I could fight the feeling. But deep down within me, that's all I still yearned for, to be touched by her, to taste her lips again, over and over again. And as if reading my mind, she stretched in her seat, boots toeing the floor as if to reach mine.

"…used to hang these decorations Roland would make on the tree. Now of course the tree was quite shorter than anticipated to excite him for he chose based on how far his hands could reach. There were no lights, but the fireflies would often have a dance among the branches." Eyes alight, Robin laughed, "electricity comes in all forms."

"Aw Regina could have used her magic at least to throw some light on the freaking tree!" Ruby exclaimed, looking at me crossly.

"Well she stopped using her magic since we left here and never used it…" I nudged him under the table softly, "…back…she just preferred not to use it." He shrugged, looking down on the table.

"Why didn't you use your magic?" All eyes were directed my way.

"I don't want to talk about that", I muttered, hugging myself, gaze directed to the back of the bar where residents played pools cheerfully.

The answer was such a simple one that ached my heart terribly. I had ceased using any form of magic because any effort to do so reminded me of her. Every fucking thing reminded me of her. And I'm quite sorry for swearing but that's how angered and frustrated I am about all of this. It's not easy for me, to live two years away from this place, believing that my feelings could have been erased. But then my dreams were haunted by her face, I heard that familiar voice in times when I took morning walks with Roland, yellow reminded me of that ridiculous car and red leather brought tears to my eyes. She was like a drug, poison rushing through my veins, me becoming intoxicated, dizzied by my fantasies and emotions, feelings, memories, a kiss. And every time I tried to take a deep breath, it couldn't be done because of the heartache, this…gnawing ache, how I burnt up everywhere, longing for her touch.

The conversation was dominated by Ruby and Robin for the rest of the hour, lingering on the Enchanted Forest to his skills in archery. And it wasn't surprising that right after he informed us of his attempts to teach the village folk to use a bow, she volunteered for them to shoot together some time just to brush up their skills. It sickened me, her attempts to flirt, everything just sickened me: the dull lighting of the bar, the lanky posture of the woman sitting opposite me, the way Robin tapped the cork of his beer upon the table, pathetic songs being played, the sizzling drifting from the kitchen, the smell of meat, eggs, sweat, bugs, rain. The urge to throw up was strong, so strong, I had to push myself up suddenly, eyes dazed as my vision swam. "Washroom…" I mentioned before hustling off, a shaky palm pressed upon my mouth as I tasted bitter bile.

Surprisingly, through the haze of my nausea, I could detect a clean washroom with tiled floors and spotless porcelain sinks, toilets. Dashing into a stall, there I emptied the contents of my stomach, all of it, as a shaky hand held back strands of hair. And pressing both palms upon the cool tank before me, tears burnt my eyes as I squeezed them shut, knees jelly weak.

Have you ever had racing thoughts? Possibly you've had a racing heart rate as I'm having at the moment, I wouldn't doubt that. But as I'm here, as I'm trying to control my breathing, memories and thoughts flash by like a hurried film. And the movements, the sharpness of such emotions attached to these conflicting decisions, these…past hurts, memories, all of it feels like slices of pain that rip my mind to shreds. It's maddening, terrifying to describe this at best, and as my head spins, as I almost lose my balance and tumble unto the wet floor, strong arms wrap around me. I'm pulled up, led out towards the sink, my eyes unfocused as Ruby's voice reassures me that everything's going to be okay.

But everything's not okay. I'm afraid because I'm beginning to lose myself for her. And somehow, Emma just doesn't understand exactly what she's doing to me. I have always been this strong woman, and emotions never could wreck me because of containing everything in a closed off box. Tears could come easily sometimes. But that happens when frustration destroys my composure, when control on my part is lost and I simply cannot even use my magic to remedy the situation. This is such a case. I cannot even think of using my magic because it would destroy me just to feel the surge of power coursing through my hands, willing whatever I want to occur. And what would I do anyway but to enact something I'd regret?

My hormones are destroying me, she's only contributing, and right now I'm so angry, filled with frustration, I just want to end all of this. Walking away seems like the best option now. And that's what I'll do. But even if I walk away, I'll still love her. That much I'm sure of. And I'll move on eventually. It wouldn't take as long as it took with Daniel to get over her. Or will it?

* * *

><p><strong>Xx<strong>

**Emma.**

**Location: Still inside the Bar**

He's trying to start a conversation with me and I really don't want to speak to him at all. Don't get me wrong here, but Robin's a nice guy. He really is. It just so happens that he's just not nice anymore when she belongs to him. She wants him still. This guy sitting before me, that's the man she calls home, not me. And it's my fault.

Look at him though. He's handsome enough, nice eyes, hair, he's a dad which means that compassion comes easy already. There's this way that he carries himself, relaxed and composed, yet strong because of being an outlaw for so long. This outlaw thing, that's the part of him that she loves and I know it. Most of his life he's been running, shun by people and that's her story. When he lost his wife years ago, she lost her first love. They both knew what it's like to bring up a child, soothe and comfort, nurture. And he's her soul mate whilst I'm nothing. I'm…nothing compared to him.

What do I have to offer her that he can't match up with already? All I have is myself and my car, and there's Henry. But at the moment she hates two and endlessly adores the other. Guess which category I fall into…

This suddenly makes me feel like the adoption showcase, my orphanage days. These couples used to come in after the nuns would order us to stand in this neat line. And then we'd be scrutinized. We'd be narrowed down in numbers and scrutinized again, and again and again. And I felt as if I was in that line with Robin and he had won already simply because I wasn't enough. And I wasn't enough because of my mistakes, my carelessness, and stupidity, all of it.

"For you to hate me, Emma, that's quite normal to be honest", he tries again, a different approach this time. Eyes directed my way, I never reply. "But coming from me, there are no bad feelings as I can assure you to –"

"Why are you here?" I ask in a rush, my eyes focus on him now and I watch his smile gradually disappear as he detects the bitterness in my tone.

"The answer to that may not be what you wish to hear but I was made aware of her ill health", he shrugs, eyes diverted, "so here I am to check up on her –"

"You came back for her –"

"I'm here as a close friend to offer comfort –"

"She doesn't need your comfort", I throw back in a cold manner.

"Then she needs it from someone else and I expected that someone to be you. Emma –" he says quickly, holding up a hand as I'm about to snap back, "I'm not here to take Regina away from you, I can promise you that. I'm here because whether you favor my concern or not, her health is top priority for me. She's my close friend, Emma and I have every right to be here as it stands."

"How can she be your close friend when…" I can't even continue my sentence because the very thought of them sleeping together aches my throat already.

"Because that's what we agreed on when we parted. Now that I'm here, that agreement still holds firmly in place. I can guarantee you that my words are true."

"How?" I ask quickly, my voice strained. "How would I know if that's true? How would I know if you're lying?"

He watches me, weighing my words, assessing everything closely as the time stretches by. And with every second that moves past us, I'm becoming quite convince that he's lying to me, that he's playing, and his real intention is to get her back.

"What did you do to her?" he asks me now, his voice steady. "Why was she rushing out of your house in tears –"

"That's none of your business", I mutter, taking a hold of the bottle of chilled beer, lifting it up as I took a generous sip.

"I would like to think that it's my business –"

"No, it's not."

"Because it's clear that something's wrong on your side as it stands. From the first time Regina and I crossed paths, her mind has always been attached to you. There was always something a little more swirling around in heart, and every single second that we spent together, she has always been distracted by you."

"Stop", I find myself saying, head lowered as my head starts to ache.

"No, I'd like you to hear this because it's quite apparent that you have no idea how worthy you are to her. Emma…" he leans over the table, arms folded, "you mean the world to her. And those past two years spent away from here, there wasn't a time that went by when she ceased speaking of you in the most warming tone I have ever heard her use. It was always Emma this and Emma that and she's hurting, she feels unworthy, she wished that you'd notice how much she loves you. There were times in fact, when she'd take herself walking into the forest and when night would fall, in I'd rush to search for her, only to find Regina sitting alone in tears."

"She cried for me…" my voice breaks, and suddenly, the anger I feel towards him is slowly burning away by the second.

"Oh yes she did, you can even ask Roland. And when she'd suddenly begin to cry, he'd start crying too. He'd ask her, 'Regina, why are you sad?' and her response always was, 'my heart hurts really bad, sweetheart.' She was really making an effort to move past you, but such a heartbreaking task could not be managed."

"Well that should help you understand why this can't work at all", I said.

He waited. "And why is that exactly?"

"Because I'm not the right one for her…"

"And here I must ask, do you love her, Emma?"

"Right now, it doesn't matter."

"Have you gone completely mad?" he asked with wide eyes. "The answer to that question right now is surely the most important part of everything else."

I was silent.

"Do you love her?"

"Yeah", I said softly. "I…love her. I really, truly love her."

"Then why have you broken the Queen's heart not once, but twice?"

"Everything I do, it's like I'm programmed to hurt her. It's either me being…hesitant to jump into things too fast or…" I swallowed, "me falling into these lies that I tried to use, just because I believe that I'm protecting her. Or I'm there, and I'm not even aware how she's hurting when I spend time with Neal."

"Then stop doing things that will eventually hurt her", he said only.

"I don't set out to fuck up. I just end up being the unlucky one."

"Look", shifting in his seat, he gestured in front of him, "when I was a young boy, my mother used to constantly tell me, saying 'I'm sorry' will never be enough because to be certain, those are just three words. First you have to turn yourself inside out, find out exactly what you're doing wrong, put yourself in the other person's shoes, look at yourself from their eyes, and right your wrongs. It may sound simple, but it's anything but simple. However, at least you should try. And I can guarantee you, Emma. I am certain one hundred percent that if you just start making an effort to turn something around, Regina will run right back to you."

"How can you be so certain?" I asked, throat burning from emotion already.

"I'm certain because I have spent a little over two years with her Majesty, I'm quite in love with her to be honest, no lie. But…" he held up a finger as I studied his eyes, waiting, "even though she loves me, you're the one who captivates her heart completely, Emma."

"But you're her soul mate."

"I'm her soul mate, and we have quite a lot in common. However, I honestly believe that the two of you connect even deeper than that. Apart from the fact that you both share Henry, you both can use magic, you're both women…" he smiled, words hanging in the air as I shook my head, amused as well. "No but truthfully, Emma, I would like to see her happy."

"She's not happy with me, haven't you gathered that much so far?" I asked.

"If you can just tweak a few things here and there –" he wiggled his fingers.

"I don't know what else to do."

"Well for starters, here she comes in Ruby's arms, and this is your chance to hand over the reins to your heart. Let it take control of the situation and by all means, feel instead of twisting your mind into knots by thinking."

Head or Heart…

"Guys", Ruby said almost breathless, a sturdy grip maintained around Regina's waist as she led her closer, "Regina's not feeling well. She threw up and she's weak and…"

"I'll be…alright", Regina said softly, soft tendrils of her hair falling into her face as hands felt for the table. Then holding on tightly, she slowly lowered herself unto the seat next to Robin.

She looked so weak, shaky and her face was wet. That left me to wonder if she had been crying or it was merely the dampness of water upon her face. Either way I felt like a complete fool because no matter what, this was my own doing.

"You're sure?" both Robin and Ruby asked.

"Yes", she croaked, eyes lowered as fingers pressed into her forehead,

"Regina…" I tried, but my voice was hoarse, "maybe I should take you home." There was no response as the other two directed their gazes upon me, waiting. "Come on", I said, "you're not feeling well so –"

"Don't speak to me", she said, her voice trembling as a hand was held up. "I don't want you to…take…me anywhere. I don't want you to speak to me at all."

"Okay", was all I said in reply, feeling my eyes burn with tears. Ruby threw a smug look my way as if signaling to me that I more than deserved that bitterness.

I couldn't believe it. I was stumped. And worst of all, I was so close to crying, it really shocked me because tears didn't really come easily earlier in the day. All I had felt was this overwhelming chill that would engulf me, this cold feeling as if all the freaking emotion was being sucked out by force. And now, when she told me not to speak to her, when I was so ready to make some small change, I wanted to cry so badly. It wasn't just a sad feeling, it was so much more.

"Hey Robin", Ruby said smiling widely, tilting her head sideways, "how about a dance?"

The response from Regina was so sudden, so unexpected as her head was lifted. And with choppy hair still falling into her face, brown eyes were severely icy as she focused a glare on Ruby. I honestly believed that if looks could kill, then she'd be squirming on the floor. But who was I to even consider any of it to begin with. There I was lost in my own misery as whatever went on, simply went on around me, sticks hitting balls, a guffaw of laughter, the music, tinkling of glass. Added to that, Robin laughed nervously.

"I'd love to Ruby but…"

"But what?" her tone faltered.

"It's just that…" my eyes were lowered unto the table, but I figured that he shrugged it off. She doesn't want to speak to me, I kept thinking to myself. She hates me. She freaking hates me and I deserve it.

"It's just that what? It's not like you're taken or anything at the moment. I don't see why –"

"What the hell are you doing?" There it was. Still lost in my thoughts, my eyes were wide as I focused them on Regina.

"Excuse me, but I'm not doing anything", Ruby stated, directing her eyes forward.

"You're really going to play the dumb card with me?"

"What the hell is wrong with you?"

"I know exactly what you're up to and it's not acceptable –"

Ruby appeared shocked. "What the hell?"

"So before you make a complete fool of yourself, then I'd suggest you cease your ridiculous scheme before you cause some embarrassment." Robin and I shared a look, both of us startled, but he appeared somewhat amused altogether.

"Oh so that's how it is between us now?" Ruby asked, quite affronted. "I just helped you clean up in there, I've been such a good friend to you since you dragged yourself back here, I've been there to wipe the tears away, lending you my clothes –"

Regina scoffed.

"Ladies…" Robin refereed.

"And just because I'm all in a chilled out mood, and I asked Robin to dance with me, you want to bite my freaking head off?"

"I hate to break it to you, dear but I really don't fancy my ex-girlfriend flirting openly with my…"

Ruby folded her arms as I watched her, swallowing hard. "Yeah, tell us exactly who Robin is to you at the moment. And trust me, you'll do two of us a favor here by confessing the truth. Are you his…fiancée, girlfriend, wife, soul mate, or are you simply his close friend? The last thing I heard from you was that you two were done for good."

"Maybe I should stop whispering things about my private life in your ears then", Regina sassed back.

"Maybe you should get it into your head that no matter what the hell you do, there's only one person sitting at this table that you absolutely love, that you're dying to be with. And the other two of us, we're history. There's only one person here who you want, Regina. And I'm sure she wants you back, so why don't the two of you just stop the fucking around and just get on with it?" She was referring to me? Was she referring to me, or Robin or her? It had to be me, right?

"I don't want you flirting with Robin", Regina stated.

"Oh really now?" Ruby asked, glaring.

"He's off limits."

"So you can be free as you like to…I don't know, kiss one of us when the time is convenient for you, but we can't go our separate ways, living our lives however we want to?"

"Don't twist this around."

"I'm not twisting anything around!"

"You need to grow up", Regina replied coldly.

"And you obviously need to stop being a bitch right now."

"That's right", she said, laughing sarcastically as tears filled her eyes, "if I'm not the Evil Queen, a monster, I'm inconsiderate, or childish or I'm fucked up, I'm not worthy enough, I'm a bad mother –" Oh no, here we go.

"Regina…" Ruby said softly.

"I'm nothing."

"Stop it…" Robin urged her. But she was pushing herself up, shaking her head as her purse was snatched. "Come on, sit back down and let's forget all of these ill feelings."

"I'll do you all a favor and leave", she said. I could see how affected she was by this and so much more. And the root of this outburst wasn't Ruby at all, it was something else. And I knew that it was me.

"Hey, I'm sorry", Ruby tried.

"You can flirt all you want with whoever you want", she directed Ruby's way, "because that's what's in fashion these days apparently. Everyone's having a good time, playing with feelings when such things are very important to me. I am very serious about my affections. Goodbye."

Dodging Robin's grasp for her hand, away she walked towards the exit. And as I watched her go, I realized that she was falling apart already. She was falling apart and this was my fault because I had hurt her so much. Robin had been so right. To understand what I had done wrong, it was all on me to turn myself inside out, to put myself in her shoes and to feel my way through this. And so far, I could feel how severely bruised she was from what I had done ever since her arrival back here. How could I have been so selfish, so cold hearted, so inconsiderate, so fucked up, so blind? Had I been alive these past few days? I mean, was that really me? Did I really kiss Neal? Did I let him speak to her that way in front of me? I called her those names, I told her she was fucked up and everything else. And worst of all, I chucked her in a freaking corner whilst putting the man I didn't love anymore first. What was wrong with me?

"Emma", Robin said to me, snapping his fingers. "Hey, what are you waiting for?"

I was dazed, overwhelmed with thoughts. "Huh?"

"Go after her!"

"I don't think that's a good idea", Ruby said frowning. "She needs her space."

"They've both waited so long, space isn't needed right now. What's needed is for Emma to run after the woman she loves, comfort her in any way you can, wipe away her tears, be yourself Emma. You can never fail by just being yourself. Be the woman Regina fell in love with and stop doubting the strength you have."

"But…"

"No buts", he interrupted me. "She's hurting and neither Ruby nor I can soothe her as you would. You've caused the hurt now it's your turn to fix her heart back together."

Ruby stood up quickly, eyes on me. And a hand was waving me out in a rush as she awaited my exit from the seat. "Oh come on, run after your woman before I run after her for you." A wicked smile was offered after that threat.

"Or I might do the honors myself", Robin added.

"Three of us want Regina, but she only wants you, you lucky fool."

I stood up, legs a bit weak as my hands felt the table. And stepping out from my position, my steps were hesitant as I directed a gaze once more at them. Beckoning in a haste, they both urged me on. But I was unsure. If I ran after her, and she didn't want me to, then why should I even try? Stop thinking, Emma! I clenched my fists, boots striding forward. Stop thinking and FEEL. Feel with your heart and follow her. Just go.

Maybe I looked like a wide eyed drunk as people watched me flee the bar but my mind wasn't focused on them. As I exited the vicinity, my eyes swept the area before me for any signs of her. And there she was making her way slowly towards my car. Honestly, I had no idea what her intentions were, but I feared the safety of my car because knowing Regina, she'd wreck it. I knew her well enough to know that if she could find a bat, she'd smash it to pieces. Thinking of the damage just a key or nail file would do to my poor old baby…

Boots pounding on the cold concrete pavement, I raced after her. And as the distance closed between us, she heard me coming. In a flash, her footsteps were quickened but whilst she continued to walk, I jogged. I tasted beer in my mouth as my heart raced. And swallowing hard, completely losing my breath, my pace was slackened as the distance between us narrowed down to less than four feet. Then just like that, as she reached my car, her boots were turned, face scrunched up as fists were raised in the air.

"Hey, no…" I said, catching up with her as she began to hit the roof weakly, a weak frustrated gasp escaping from within. "Stop…" I pleaded, my hand reaching out to touch her, but I hesitated, believing that I'd anger her more.

"I hate you!" she cried through tears, never looking at me as the door to the passenger's side received a sharp kick.

"Don't hate on the car", I tried, an ill attempt at humor but I offered it anyway. "It's a nice car. That same car took you places and never did it complain. We…we had our first stake out in that car, remember? It was kinda like a lousy first date but it worked because you stayed in there for over an hour."

"You…" she growled, balling her fists as icy brown eyes were turned on me.

"You like the car…"

"You're a…you're…so…you…I…" she choked on her words, stumbling, fists clenched.

"Go on", I urged her, our eyes latched onto each other. "Call me everything you want because I know that I deserve it. I deserve all of it, and so much more because I know that I hurt you. I know that I screwed up and I lied and I made promises that I broke. I know that as much as I love you, I've been stupid enough to treat you anyway other than that since you came back."

"Just shut up", she ordered angrily.

"Okay", I said, tears in my eyes as we looked at each other. "If that's what you want me to do then I'll do whatever you want, Regina."

"Leave me alone."

"Okay."

"Stay away from me. This is too much…too much and I can't stand this anymore. You don't know what this means to me, how much I…love you…"

"I know that."

"No, you don't! You really have no consideration for my feelings and I'm frustrated, fed up. I want you to just leave me alone. Stay away from me."

"I'll pack my bags tomorrow, don't worry, I'll never get in your way again. I'm leaving."

"Do whatever you want", she said hoarsely, "I really don't care."

"So this means that…you're done with me?" I took a tentative step towards her, swallowing hard.

"I thought that I made that every clear earlier tonight", she said hoarsely, "that this means nothing more to me than a big mistake. And it's a regret that I will live with for the rest of my life."

"I'm sorry that I'm not enough for you", I said. "But you came back because I clearly meant something still and you couldn't live without me."

"I regret ever coming back here."

"Yeah, this is where you tell me now that he's far better than I will ever be", I said as the tears burnt my eyes now, "he's the one that you want and I'm not enough."

"Those words that you've spoken", she said sharply, "I'm sending them right back to you as my response because as you're clearly affected by Robin's return here, then it surely must make you understand exactly how I feel where Neal is concerned."

"So you have Robin now and I'm left with no one", I said as a tear leaked down my right cheek.

"You have your fiancé, dear. Don't give up just yet."

"I'm done with him", I said.

But she started to laugh sarcastically, shaking her head in disbelief. "Oh really, Emma? You've left him? Is that another lie thrown in my face as you expect me to honestly believe your words right now?"

"I'm not lying!"

"You're pathetic", she said coldly. "You disgust me right now, and I don't want to speak or be with you."

"Then this is goodbye", I said just like that. I couldn't believe that I said it. Thinking back on it now, it's like one of those moments when words just come out of your mouth without you thinking them up first. And to be honest, if I hadn't said those words, then everything that followed afterwards would have been so much different. And when I say afterwards, I mean half of it now, but most of it later on.

"Yes it is goodbye because I'll go my way whilst you run after your hopeless case of a –"

"I know that you're still in love with me, Regina", I said in a rush, cutting her words. "You can't just fall out of love with someone so quickly."

"Yes you can."

"No you can't. And you should know better because I could always tell when you're lying. I could always look right into your eyes and know exactly what's going on between your words. It's so easy for me to do it where you're concerned and right now, you're lying to me."

"I'm not lying, Miss Swan", she said firmly, "I really am finished with you."

"Where will you go, back to the Enchanted forest with him?" I asked bitterly, my cheeks wet from tears. "To continue your perfect family without me?"

"That's none of your business."

"Yeah it is because if you're going to run back to him, then I can't watch you do it. I can't watch you…kiss him, or hug him, or smile with him." She was shaking her head again, smiling in disbelief. "And hell yeah, I know that it's exactly what I did to you with Neal and I was a freaking fool. But now I know better and I swear, I now know how much it did hurt you."

"Good for you", she said through tears. "But you took too long to process that."

She kept looking at me, and the silence that stretched on between us was painful and so thick, so tormenting. I wanted to kiss her so bad. She was standing just there, and I didn't do it because I knew that even if I tried, then she'd push me away. It's like I could see everything in those brown eyes that were blotchy already, tired eyes, tired of me, tired of looking at me.

"I'm not going to ever watch you leave me again", I said, my voice unsteady as she waited. "So I'll do it this time. But I don't want you to watch me leave again either. This leaves me with one last thing to do, and it's not me giving you a second chance or a third chance because you're not the one who deserves any more chances. It's me. I'm…" tears rolled down my cheeks, "I'm going to pack my things tonight. I'll put them in the car", I said to her, my eyes never leaving hers. "And I'll be there for Henry tomorrow and my mom and dad. Tomorrow at 7p.m I made a reservation at the Lodge, a dinner reservation just for the two of us. Regina, I'm going to be there. I'll be waiting for you and it's up to you this time because if you don't…show up, then I'll leave. And I'll get in my car and I'll drive out of Storybrooke and you'll never see me again. I can promise you that because I can't live here even with my family if you're going to choose him over me. I'd rather leave. And I'm going to leave Henry with you because that's what you want. He's yours."

"No, I'll leave."

"Go wherever you want then, but I'm not going to be here either."

"Your family, you'd never –"

"Right now, all I care about is you!" I said with tears in my eyes, "and nothing else comes first except you. That's me now. This is the Emma you want and she wasn't really here when you came back but she's here now. She's standing right here, and if you don't show up tomorrow then I'll leave. I love you so much, you have no idea. And I am so afraid that I'm going to hurt you because I've never been a permanent thing. That's why I stayed away and stalled. I'm not going back to him. I belong to you. It's your move now to decide if you still want…all…of me."

There was silence.

"You can have all of me and I'll do whatever you want me to do, I'll move in with you, I'll go wherever you want me to go. I'm all yours, Regina. And I belong to no one else. So you can take me or let me go."

She said nothing when I waited for a few seconds. Regina said nothing at all. And maybe I was expecting her to say something to me because of what I had said to her. But then at that point, I really didn't deserve an answer after what I had done. So without sparing another minute, I turned on the spot, and I walked around to the driver's side. Without looking at her, in my key was pushed as I unlocked the door then ducking in, I slammed it shut. The tears came without me even trying as I sat there feeling numb. Everything just crashed down on me. And I started the engine.

But then there was a weak knock on the window glass of the other door. At first I had no idea what she meant by it. But when her fingers were splayed across the glass, when she stood there waiting, I leant over and pulled up the lock. I couldn't believe it when the door was slowly pulled open and she came in slowly. I couldn't believe it at all. And as I put the car into drive, she sat there hugging herself as I could feel the sexual tension between us. It's because the air was so thick, and her lips were parted as she fought to breathe. I couldn't breathe either as I looked over at her, gripping the steering wheel hard, feeling the desire I had for her burn up my inner thighs as she leant her head back, eyes fluttering close.

Nothing was said as I turned into the street. I was reminded of the first time she had come in my car during a stake out. At that time, all I wanted to do was to kiss her that's why I kept sipping my coffee so freaking much. And the second time had been that one time when she had called me crying. I had taken her to the beach. Her apple key ring had been snatched back. Just the other day, we had gone to the beach again, and that didn't end well.

I knew that I wasn't lucky because throughout my life, anything but luck came my way. But I was really hoping that she'd say something to me, anything at all. However, up until I parked in front of Ruby's apartment building, silence ensued between us. She sat there and I sat looking at her intently. Studying the side of her face, red painted lips, tear stained cheek, the rise and fall of her full breasts, the way she kept her knees together awkwardly, hair fluttering from the night wind. I wanted her. Oh God how I wanted her so freaking much. I wanted to pull her towards me and kiss her so passionately, to taste her, every part of her.

"I…love you. And I regret everything I did to hurt you. And I will never hurt you again", I whispered across the distance between us as her brown eyes remained focused forward. "I can't live without you."

Waiting a few seconds as my words hung in the air, she finally reached out for the handle on the door. And pulling it, she pushed. I watched her slowly step out, and wondered if she was in pain. But of course she was in pain because I had damaged her heart already. Watching her step around the front of the car, her beauty still amazed me from the way she walked so upright, the features of her face, soft hair that was so fucking amazing.

I watched her until she went into the lobby and when the flutter of her dress disappeared from view, I just let go. Gripping the wheel, my head clunked forward, eyes squeezed shut as I started to cry.

* * *

><p><strong>Henry.<strong>

**Time: Twenty minutes earlier**

**Location: On the street, outside the Bar**

"Hey you coming?" Dave asks me. Gracie tugs on my arm as the others slacken their pace around me.

"Henry, what's up?"

I frown, because I'm seeing something. And I'm not really sure. "Nothing."

Dave follows my eyes, where I'm looking and everyone does too. Suddenly, I'm confused because I don't know what's going on.

"Dude, isn't that your two moms?"

"Where?" I ask as if not noticing them at in the parking lot.

"There…" he says pointing. "That's Regina and Emma."

"Yeah, it's them", Gracie says softly. "And they're arguing again."

"They're always arguing", Dave says. "Nothing new."

We're just near where they are, about to turn the street and yet none out of the two of them notice us. Everyone else turns the corner and Gracie stays with me as I slowly walk, trying to catch what they're saying. But Dave has heard enough.

"I told you that they're lesbians", he leans back his head to tell me, holding a hand over his mouth.

"Shut up", I say angrily. "They're not."

"Yeah they are, I saw by the supermarket this morning –"

"I said shut up!" and I clench my fists.

"Henry, don't listen to him", Gracie whispers in my ear, moving closer. "Ignore him."

Dave shakes his head and moves on with the rest of my friends as I still stay there. We both listen silently. I listen as Regina tells Emma that she hates her. And she wants her to stay away. But why? The two of them seemed so friendly since she came back that I was beginning to like it a lot that they were becoming friends. And then everyone started to tell me these things, like them being more than just friends. Dave could be lying. But Gracie would never lie to me. She said that she saw Regina kissing Ruby in the Diner today. She said that she saw it and I can't believe it at all. Then Regina has always been talking about Emma even before she left Storybrooke in this weird way. I'm not stupid and I'm smart. I know this is something else.

Why did she leave Storybrooke just like that?

She's in love with my mom, Emma. She's…she loves her in a weird way, as more than friends.

"I told you Regina is…"

"No", I tell Gracie, feeling stupid. "She's not."

"Henry, she's a lesbian. Or she loves boys and girls. And she loves Emma a lot. She also loves Ruby."

"No she can't –"

"Nothing is wrong with that. Look, my dad was saying the other day that it's a sin and it's bad. But to me, I don't think that we should judge anyone for loving whoever they love." She was holding unto me but I was already angry, not with her though. I was angry because of one thing.

Regina.

She had left me just like that, and had gone with Robin. Wherever she went, she had Roland who replaced me because I knew that for sure. My mom was gone for two whole years and not once did she even send to check up on how I was doing. Disappearing just like that. Over the past two years, I grew so angry at her, Emma and Neal thought that I was just rebelling at school and stuff. But they couldn't understand how this made me feel, to know that she was my mom, she fought so hard to save me, and love me, to keep me. And then one day she just got a boyfriend and they left.

How was that supposed to make me feel?

Now she comes back and I'm trying to be nice to her, but all the time when I see her, it's like I don't know her anymore. She's pregnant and I still keep thinking that I've been replaced by Roland and now this new baby that's coming. So that leaves me with Emma and Neal, my real mom and dad. Even though they haven't been there for me most of my life, Emma and Neal are always there when I need them now, when she just was missing. It's like she's done with me or something, forgot about me. And since she came back, she hasn't even been asking to see me. She's making promises to see me, for us to go out and then nothing happens.

I'm just left sitting there, telling my friends that I'm supposed to go out with my mom. They leave to go out, and then two hours past, and forever, and I end up meeting up with them. She doesn't care about me anymore. Now she's back to ruin my family. And if I wasn't so mad at her for leaving me in the first place, then I wouldn't have been so mad at her for what she was doing. I got over the fact that Emma left me when I was a baby. I understand why she left. But Regina never told me why she left. She just went away with her boyfriend.

Emma and Neal are supposed to be getting married soon. And nothing can ruin it at all. It's my mom's happy ending. Mom loves Neal. Now Regina just comes back and she's making my mom even more upset. That's the other thing too, ever since Regina left, mom was really affected by it, even more than me. It's like she lost one of her best friends because the two of them had been getting closer. Emma used to invite her for dinner and they used to spend hours talking to each other until Regina just changed. What's wrong with her then?

Now I'm thinking, suppose she loves mom more than a friend as Gracie and Dave are saying. What's going to happen now? Is that why my dad is upset? What's Regina doing? She's ruining my parents' happy ending as she tried to ruin my grandparents' happy ending too? That's exactly what she's doing and I would hate her if she did that.

"Come on", I said to Gracie, moving away from the corner. "Let's go."

"Don't you want to go say hi to them though?"

"No", I mutter angrily, "I don't want to."

"But Henry, if they don't tell you anything, then you should ask them what's going on. They shouldn't be hiding stuff from you. You're Emma and Regina's son."

"I'm not Regina's son", I said as we walked away.

"She's your mom. You can't say that."

"She has Roland and she's having a baby. So I'm nobody to her."

"Henry!"

"I don't want to talk about it", I said. And taking her hand, I ran down the rest of the street to catch up with the gang.

* * *

><p>Xx<p>

**Ruby and Robin**

**Location: The Magic Tavern**

"She's really in love with Emma though", Robin said softly after taking a sip of his third beer. Ruby was halfway drunk already, eyes dancing like fireflies. "And when I say really, I mean entirely, completely."

"Of course she is. It was love at first sight." Eyes are focused on her intently now. And Ruby notices. "Oh, yeah, that… she told me once that when they first met, she fell in love with her. Me…I'd believe that she was just turned on. I mean, Graham never did the job properly at all."

"Graham's the huntsman."

"Yeah, the pansy, the wussy, the one who couldn't quite push her over the edge…"

"Well neither could I", Robin confessed, eyes lowered.

Ruby sighed. "I could never do it easy either. Had to put her in all these positions…" she watched Robin swallow hard. "And the thing about her is that she likes it rough. She always liked it rough, and she likes to take control. I'm talking about bondage and stuff, biting and chewing until she screams…"

"You were quite a pair, weren't you?" he asked softly, holding his breath. "Then again, you're a she wolf so you must be quite something."

"I'm even better with men than I am with women." Robin swallowed hard as Ruby leant over the table, her words slightly slurred. "Men like it when a woman dominates them, they love threesomes, they crave things that I'm an expert in."

"That's…quite alluring." He blinked rapidly, inhaled deeply. "But I hope that they work things out though", he added in a rush.

"She's having your baby. Doesn't that make you feel weird?"

"A bit, but right now, it's up to her on what she chooses to do. We parted on our own understanding of things. And our agreement remains between us."

"You had plans, didn't you?" she watched Robin frown a bit and softened up, reaching over the table to press her fingers unto his hand. "You really love her."

"I had an idea of where I wanted us to go. And that's why I was willing to sacrifice everything for her happiness, just to find a way to help her move on because that's what she wished for. When we departed from here, her mind was still captured by Emma. I knew this. Yet, Regina kept trying, trying to…forget everything when even I knew that she just couldn't do it. But because she kept trying, I tried with her. And –"

"Then the baby happened."

"I had no idea, Ruby", he said. "No clue at all that she was pregnant. She concealed it well from me. I understand why she did it, but as I see her now, I cannot help but feel the need to still be here for her in any small way that I can."

"Because the baby's yours, Robin. You have every right to feel like that."

"I'm just a little confused when it comes to my involvement in her life currently. Where do I step in and what can I say…things like that."

"I think that you should just keep being there for her, call her up, hang out with her –"

"And throw Emma into jealousy?" he smiled awkwardly.

"No way, do it in a different fashion, invite Emma along too."

They both shared a look, and something passed inaudibly between them. "I like what I think I see", he said smiling widely.

"And I like what I think you think you're seeing."

"If things still go sour between the two of them, then we can step in –"

"Kind of like double dating?" Ruby dared to ask, holding her breath.

"Well based on Regina's performance tonight towards you, I'd hold back on using that term." But he still offered her a smile.

Ruby got the message loud and clear. "Okay, got it. So are you available then?"

"To what extent exactly?" eyes were focused on her.

"Like, if I ask you to dance with me, will you do that right now?" leaning over the table, he was getting quite an eyeful, the swell of her breasts quite evident.

"Yes I seldom deny a pretty lady a dance."

"You're such a gentleman, Robin", Ruby said softly, "the world doesn't have a lot of those left these days. And if there are any left, they're either gay or already taken."

"Then you must snatch this chance and take my hand", he said warmly, offering her just that, "before I am snatched away by another bold lady in the room."

Grabbing his hand, Ruby stood up. "What Regina doesn't know can't hurt her at all", she said laughing. "Let's keep this between us, yeah?"

"I can make no promises, but to save your neck, I'll try my best."

Pulling her unto the small dance floor, he twirled the brunette around and in she was brought closer as they slow danced the rest of the night away in glee.

* * *

><p>Xx<p>

**We are so sorry for the three weeks delay, the long time it takes to update this story. If you notice, the chapters are rather long. And it has to be this way because we have a starting point, exactly what happens in the middle and a definite ending point. And the other chapter cannot be started if that conclusion hasn't happened as yet. So to work towards these milestones: that's what stalls the updates. Putting all our work together also stretches the time out. Anyway, how was it?**

**A string of words after this chapter would be nice for us. Feel free to leave a review, even if it's one word: GOOD, SATISFACTORY, BAD, HORRIBLE, YOU SUCK! YOU CANNOT PLAY WITH MY FEELINGS LIKE THIS! ANGST IS TOO MUCH! THE FEELS! THERE WERE NO FEELS. IT WAS DRY. I FELT NOTHING. WHY IS NEAL STILL ALIVE? I LOVE ROBIN! MORE SNOW!**


	9. It Hurts To Be In Love

***Kay and Chad - We'd just like to thank you for the awesome reviews, messages, follows and favorites. Welcome to the new followers as well. As we've said before, if you noticed any mistakes, errors, or things we left out, PLEASE message us the details. Thanks again! Cheers! And now on with the show!***

* * *

><p><strong>Chapter Nine<strong>

**Title**: '**It Hurts To Be In Love'**

"_**This endless urge  
>Keeps my body right on the verge<br>We touch and then  
>I wanna do it all over again<strong>_

_**It hurts to be in love**_  
><em><strong>When you only want me half as much<strong>_  
><em><strong>I tell you it hurts to be in love"<strong>_

**[Gino Vanelli]**

**Xx**

**xx**

**Emma Swan**

* * *

><p>"<strong>Okay so just to recap, Regina and I had a major fall out, MAJOR, several and the blame is all on me. This is how it happened. Yesterday was Christmas Eve, I kind of kissed Neal, she walked in and erupted which was expected. After that, the silent treatment ensued, our family dinner was fucked, I called her the Evil Queen, sided with Neal and she stormed out. Robin conveniently was waiting outside. He's back. Then Ruby set me up, taking me to this bar where the two soul mates were hanging out. There I was placed in the middle of everything, receiving these deadly glares from Regina. And the night ended so freaking well [sarcasm inserted here]. She was prepared to wreck my yellow bug, and we basically argued, nothing new between us. Except for the fact that I am now hanging at the end of the rope, any chance of our relationship depending on one dinner date. "<strong>

* * *

><p>Present day, it's a warm yellow sunshiny morning and I honestly didn't sleep well. I knew this. I felt it. And every part of my body feels as stiff as cardboard, the muscles in my back dead, head still pounding from a headache as I struggle to take one full breath. Of course it couldn't be another one of my panic attacks. Those usually came when I was in a rush, dizzied by a moment. But now I just felt as if my entire body was locked in a glass coffin and there wasn't enough space left to move about. Hands straight down my sides as warm sunshine kissed my face, my eyes felt sore and dry. My cheeks were still dampened by tears from crying for over three hours and the burning in my throat just never did subdue. At one point in the night, I clearly could recollect me screaming into my freaking pillow, punching the cushion from frustration. But that had been when I had some energy left.<p>

Now I had none.

To me it was one of those mornings where you just felt raw, wrong and out of place. It's like waking up inside out, upside down, tangled in sheets that frustrate the shit out of you. The entangling process is the worse, getting your freaking legs free from the restrains as your thighs ache from kicking. And my actions reached a point where the bed was kicked repeatedly in spite as I growled, eyes squeezed shut. Not forgetting the slice of sunshine that pressed warmth unto my right cheek, and no matter which way I moved, the light still caught me. This is Christmas day? This is actually supposed to be a nice day, waking up, smelling coffee, cake, cookies, Santa. Well I'm a little too old for that one.

But you're never too old to fuck up a chance at love.

Every moment spent dreaming last night was so frustrating to me because of how she captivated my mind constantly. It's like she was lying there beside me, I could really smell her perfume lingering in the air between us, feel her presence, but the absence of certain things pinched my imagination with pain. Like her smell had been captured by me from the moments we spent together, I couldn't feel her warmth even though she was lying right there, and when we kissed, it was terrible because I could feel nothing. I couldn't feel her skin, her touch, her breath on my face. All that happened was me seeing everything behind my eyes as I made love to a ghost. But was this the new normal now? If I had to dream about us making out then I think my mind will shatter into tiny pieces.

Maybe I remained there for over an hour. Possibly two hours passed by. All I know is that I just couldn't move and I didn't want to. I didn't want to get up, I didn't want to live, I didn't want to breathe because I had no reason to anymore. As stupid as it sounds, that's the way I was thinking. To you it might not be the end of the world for me. Somehow you could see a silver lining somewhere, a chance even if it's slim providing me with the possibility of winning everything back. But to me, everything was just fucked up and I had no faith anymore in myself. I had fucked up, thrown everything down the gutter, and now here I was at the end of the tunnel. There she was on the other side, and as my fingers gripped the wrought iron gates, I could clearly see her holding hands with Robin as they laughed happily whilst I drowned in misery.

Over the course of my life, there had been major disappointments. There were times when I had been let down either easily or harshly and every single time something bad happened to me, I toughened up a bit more. When the hopeful parents would come in to choose one of us for fostering, I had hope. When I graduated from high school and was finally on my own, I had hope that my life belonged to me then and I could do what I wanted. When I met Neal, I had plans, a future, even if it was shitty and stupid, I still had dreams. There was Henry. Then my parents and this new life, there was hope. And yet I now wanted nothing to do with any of it. Nothing. Call me selfish but that's the way I felt, coming to this point in my life where everything had been turned upside down because of one woman. And I just couldn't go on living without her.

A bit too late for me to realize that, but there's a start for everything. It's when you begin to lose it all and then you realize what everything means to you. You're there, and there are all these options before you, things that mean something in your life. Yet as the elimination process begins, certain things still remain because there can't be a YOU if there isn't a SHE. And right now, Christmas sucks big time because it's supposed to be a nice time, a warming day, a day spent with family. But how can I even begin to enjoy any of this when she's not here at all?

Fuck it, Emma, because you threw yourself into the fire.

Pushing myself up, I groaned as hushed voices met my ears, coming from the hallway. And as I untangled my legs from the soft red sheet, hopping to the vanity, my hands snatched a towel. Thirty minutes later, my skin was numb from steaming water, hair wet and wild, eyes red as I pulled on the clothes mom had left on the vanity. Fifteen minutes later, Henry seated himself next to the tree as he hugged a gift on his lap, eyes directed on Snow. That's how the chain of events transgressed, one after the other as if sequenced and dull, nothing exciting enough to linger on at all. On the other hand though, my mother was reveling in the moment as she fixated her eyes on Henry. All the excitement shone in her eyes.

"Go on and open it then", she urged, squeezing my father into a hug as I sat there a million miles away. "Oh save the bow for me, I can recycle that."

Rolling his eyes, Henry began to unwrap the gift and the silence stretched on as my gaze swept over the two lovebirds sitting opposite me. Just the sight of them snuggling made me want her even more. And maybe what happened next was a sign that we were both thinking of each other at the same time. Maybe it was just nothing. Maybe it meant everything because someone knocked on the door and by reflex, I sprang up to answer whoever it was. To me it was like one of those moments when you have a feeling, a tingling feeling that sparks a reaction and without even thinking, you just act. I acted. I jogged over to the door and turned the lock. And when it was pulled inwards and I saw her standing there, honestly, my heart stopped beating. It's not only because her appearance shocked me. That's not the only reason. In addition to that, Regina stood there looking so stunning that I stopped breathing all the same.

She was wearing a pair of black flowing pants with flat red boots, a red frilly top that had cut sleeves. Usual makeup consisting of red lipstick and eyeliner, mascara, dangly red earrings and the familiar smell of her perfume that already began to dizzy my head with desire: all of that just added to me losing my sanity. And as we gazed at each other, not a smile was offered, not even a hello. Searching her eyes, I could tell that she had been crying as well. Eyes still red, lips parted, her gaze rested on my lips as I swallowed hard, remaining silent in the hopes of me not further fucking up everything else at that point.

"Hi", I tried. My throat was so dry, I couldn't even form a proper sentence. "How –"

"Emma, who is it?" Snow asked from inside the room. And even before I could savor the moment that was freaking happening right there and then, she came from behind, as always interrupting every moment for me. "Oh, Regina!" and as their hands were linked, they went into the room. Sometimes I just wanted to freeze Snow, like honestly, geez! Dad was never this intrusive and yet she always found some freaking way to get in between things. I never got into her way, never. Why couldn't she just read the situation before her and leave it alone?

Clenching my fists, I pushed the door close just as Regina spoke, her voice barely audible, hoarse and unsteady. "I'm just here to wish you a Merry Christmas and to deliver these", she said, depositing a huge gift bag upon the chair where I had been seated.

Snow's eyes were wide. "That's so nice of you, Regina! Thank you!"

"Yeah, thanks Regina", dad added from his position on the couch.

"Have a seat then." Busying herself about, I watched my mother's hand pinch up a red frilly cushion as space was provided upon one of the chairs. "Let's talk a bit."

"I…have to go. I can't stay." Eyes lowered, her hands hung limp.

"Oh you must stay a little longer!"

"I can't." She hugged dad, mom, and Henry stiffly welcomed one as I watched from a distance. "I'm sorry."

"Regina, sit down at least for five minutes."

"I really must be going now", she pressed on, wringing her hands that were encased in red leather gloves. "I'll come by later."

"Stop by later for lunch then", dad offered, throwing her a warm look, offering a smile. "We'd love to have you here with us, after all, today is a family day."

"And you're our family", Snow said smiling. "So come by later."

"Thank you", she said softly. Eyes lowered, she came towards me as I pressed my back upon the wall, palms flat on the cool surface as well. The sight of her, coming so close to me was thrilling because when we were near, I just could find myself losing control. Heart beating fast, breathing heavy: that's more than enough to spin my head.

"Where are you headed?" I asked as she moved past me. There was no answer. And without sparing a second, I went after her just as she reached out for the wooden railing attached to the staircase. "Please stay…" But after chasing her midway down the steps, after she never looked back, I eventually gave up as my eyes welled up with tears. This was so heart wrenching for me, to call out to her and she just wouldn't look back, being ignored. "I don't want to lose you", I whispered, throat burning as her dark hair fluttered from the wind coming in through the open doorway. Back to me, she stopped and with her hands hanging limp, I held my breath, waiting.

It was unbelievable because I was so sure that my voice couldn't be heard from so far away. More than thirty feet separated us and yet her senses had been sparked somehow. But there was no answer. Ignoring me, her boots met the pavement as she walked out and away into the sunshine. And as I watched her go, fingers gripping the railing before me, my lips were bitten. Tears came easily, scalding tears that sent sharp stabs through my chest. She was doing this purposely, I knew that. This was all part of the game to hurt me. And it was working. Every small move she made was capable of wrecking me because everything was so crucial now.

I went back upstairs, and as everyone opened their gifts, nothing really had an impact on me. It was like I was in a tank of blurry liquid and I was suffocating, yet no one noticed at all. Gifts were placed into my lap, three to be exact and not one was opened as my eyes focused on nothing in particular. Nothing could catch my attention, not even them trying to cheer me up, trying to engage me in small talk, not even mom's protests that I focus on the activities at hand. Even Henry couldn't pull me out of my daze, but he really tried as hard as he could.

"Mom, what's bothering you?"

"Hmm?" my eyes were focused on him as he became a blur.

"What's wrong? Is everything okay? What's up?"

"Nothing, kid", I muttered, head lowered. "Why don't you eat up so that you can get to the Christmas party early?"

Frowning, he scrutinized my face. "Mom if there's anything that you have to tell me, just know that I'm here to listen. And no matter what, I love you, okay?"

Smiling as tears dampened my eyes, I ruffled his hair playfully. "I know Henry…that means so much to me."

"I mean, I don't want anyone to hurt you at all. No one, not even Neal, dad, or…Regina", he said quietly, eyes downcast as fingers played with a cut of gift paper. "What happened between you and dad last night though?"

I shrugged, eyes lowered. "We had a…disagreement."

"How long are you going to stay here then?"

"Until he and I sort things out, and come to a conclusion…"

Narrowing his eyes at me, he searched my gaze. "A conclusion? Are you breaking up with him?"

"Possibly…"

"Mom! Stop being so brief with me", a hand was rested upon my right shoulder, making me feel as if I was the kid and he was the adult. "What's going on then?"

"Henry, right now…" I sighed, knowing that this wasn't the right time to do this because I obviously had nothing under control. "Right now I'm a million miles away to be honest."

"I've seen you like this before", he said softly, "that depressed look you get on your face after dumping Graham, Walsh, Hook –"

"Look, it's not as if it's a line up, geez", I said in disbelief, hanging my head as our eyes met. "Yeah I had a few relationships that went downhill but I…just…thought that…your dad and I could work."

"But you're so close to getting married, the wedding is only three weeks from now. How can you change your mind now?"

I swallowed, playing with my fingers as he waited. What could I truthfully tell him, that I was in love with another woman who happens to be his other mother? You can't just tell a kid that because it's too much all at once.

"Henry I thought that I was still in love with your dad", I said softly. "I thought that he could get a second chance and everything would work out just fine. And I tried, I really tried to reach that point where I'd feel what I felt for him years ago. But I just…I can't feel that anymore. Too much time past between us and I've changed. I guess what I'm trying to say is that…I'm not in love with him anymore."

Rubbing my back, he leant forward, "don't say that. You're just going through a rough patch. And things will be alright tomorrow. Don't worry."

"It's not going to –"

"Mom, just relax and give it time. You and I both know that dad's your soul mate, because you found each other again even after all those years. That counts as something that shouldn't be wasted. Look at granddad and grandma, they fall out too but everything works out eventually. Don't give up on dad."

Drop the topic, Emma because you're really NOT in the mood to have this conversation with your son right now. And so I did. "Alright", I said.

"There's no one else that suits you perfectly", he said. I turned to look at him and just for a few seconds, I honestly believed that the truth could be seen in his eyes. He knew something. That much I could tell. But how much exactly? I wouldn't put it past Neal to dish out his own version of the current affairs. Needless to say, Regina and I were supposed to have this talk with him about things. However, with the way things were going, there wouldn't be such a talk at all for just now, or at all.

I sighed, ran my fingers through wet hair. Then pushing myself up from the chair, my steps led me towards the door. But just as I was reaching for my leather jacket, Snow snatched my arm, startling me immediately. Eyes wide, I stared at her as she searched my face for answers.

"Sweetie where are you going?"

"Out", I said, avoiding her eyes.

"Anywhere in particular?"

"I…no…"

"Or in search of anyone?"

"What's with the questions?" I asked, frowning. "I'm just heading out for a walk, that's all."

Standing there in silence for a bit, we both looked at each other as she gave me a sympathetic look. I hated those looks, as if she was pitying me or something. And choosing to glance away, I noticed that dad was grabbing his car keys as he shrugged on a shiny black leather jacket. Eyes meeting mine, we both shared a look as he came towards the door.

"And where are you going?" she asked him crossly.

He appeared confused. "To collect the cake from Granny."

"Right", she scrunched up her face, eyes focused back on me. "If you're interested in where she is, then check in the park."

Confused, I searched her eyes for more.

"Look, I'm sure that Emma will do what she needs to do in her own time", dad said coming to stand beside me, "let's not push her. She's old enough to do what she wants."

"I'm not pushing her", Snow said. "I'm just giving her a clue."

"Thanks", I muttered with a small smile, and shrugging on my jacket, out the door I went without another word.

You know, I really didn't feel comfortable with this at all, having my mom engaged in certain things. To me, it was alright in some instances, but sometimes I just needed her to stay out of things. She just couldn't leave things alone. Like now. I knew for a fact that Snow was going to call Regina as soon as I walked out of the building. I knew that. They probably had been talking to each other more than ever now and it kind of bothered me. What had been said, what had been disclosed without me knowing, everything else too.

"Hey, wait up a bit, Emma", dad said jogging up to catch me as I neared the stairs. Eyes sparkling with enthusiasm, he reached up to squeeze my right shoulder as I smiled, head lowered. "Are you okay?"

"Yeah", I lied. "You?"

"Well, things are fine with me. But it's you I'm worried about."

"Why?" I asked, frowning, avoiding his eyes.

"Last night", he said only. "With Robin back, and everything else concerning…you know, her…"

I waited a bit, waited on him to continue but he didn't. "I can handle it."

"I know that, Emma. But right now, all you need is to surround yourself with friends and family. Take this bit of advice from me", dad said patting my back, "love isn't easy, there's always a fight, and if you both pull through, then it's worth it." All of this fairytale mumbo jumbo, I could do without that.

Anyway, when we parted at the door, I decided to just walk with no certain destination. I'm sure that you've done it. You get out there unto the street, and it's like your mind wanders whilst your feet lead you nowhere. All of these thoughts were racing through my head as I escaped into my own daydream world. I kept thinking about this and that, like Henry. He was already showing signs of being curious, worried about what was happening. That one question proved it all, asking me if Regina was bothering me. I mean, this had to happen sometime sooner because if it didn't then I'd be left to believe that he was losing his inquisitive side. The kid was smart, he was getting so mature already and he wasn't stupid. But the last thing I needed on my hands was a rebellious teenager who hated me for the wrong reasons.

"Emma." Turning my head, a bit startled from being jolted out from inside my mind, I saw Ruby making her way towards me. Eyes excitedly happy, she tilted her head sideways as red leather tights shone in the daylight. "Merry Christmas, sexy!" I was pulled into a tight embrace. "Muah!" A wet kiss was pressed unto both of my cheeks as I was engulfed in heavy perfume.

"Well someone's in a cheerful mood", I commented, smiling barely.

"Shucks…" she shrugged, biting her lips. "Yeah."

"Last night must have been…something."

"It was actually."

I frowned, recollecting Regina's outburst. "You and Robin?"

"Who else? Emma…" she grabbed my right arm, leaning in closer as we walked, "I can't believe I'm saying this but he's such an amazing guy. I totally think he's fab. And we had a fantastic time, dancing, talking, dancing some more."

I chose not to comment.

Eyes focused on me, she studied my face. "I take it you had a terrible night, didn't you?"

"Pretty much. The usual thing for me."

"Yeah", she sighed. "Regina didn't sleep a wink Stayed up all night crying like a baby. I figured that things didn't work out good for you two from the looks of it."

"Oh…" I said, feeling my throat tighten from emotion. Shit, she had a fucked up night but that was expected.

"Is that all you can say?" Ruby asked, taking my arm as she stopped walking. "Look, I know that I said I wouldn't get involved but if you saw her last night. Emma, she was a wreck, even I couldn't console her and it's not the Regina I know. I've never seen her like this for as long as we've been friends." Avoiding her eyes, I lowered my head. "This isn't good for her at all."

"I know that. I'm not doing it on purpose –"

"Emma, she's pregnant for fuck's sake", she reminded me in a frustrated tone. "This morning I saw Whale and he told me that she's not looking good at all. She's getting weak because of this…worrying and frustration. And it's telling on her. She's not eating, not sleeping. She's losing weight, looking skinny as hell, and it's not good at all."

I sighed. "Well, maybe it's a good thing that she decided to let me go then."

"Are you mad or something?" she asked in disbelief. "You're the only person she thinks about all the time. How can you even begin to imagine that letting you go would be alright for her? She can't let you go no matter what, Emma because it's going to bruise her poor freaking heart. And just when we all thought Daniel's death fucked her up, I think everyone knows by now that she's triple times more affected than before. Daniel destroyed her. And I think she started to heal when she met you. She decided to give her heart a second chance at loving someone. And I don't want to even think for a moment that she has to regret falling for you because she did. She did it without even thinking at all." She sighed. "I told her that it was stupid, to fall in love with you. But no, Regina never could take a warning. And she fell hard. Right now, she's dying inside because her heart is filled with all this love for one woman, and she's trying to reject it. It's like taking medication for an illness and your body just reacts in a bad way to it. Very soon, if she keeps this up, she might crash."

"I'm trying to do something about it", I said softly, head lowered. "I tried last night, but she was so pissed at me that I couldn't get through."

"That's expected. To be honest, you're lucky she didn't slap the shit out of you."

My eyes turned to her as we walked. "I deserve that."

"You deserve it yeah, all of it. You've waited all your life to meet your true love in this world, Emma. You've been hurt and fucked, totally fucked. And now when you have her right here with you, you're just fucking things up."

"Spare me the wake up call."

"Get a move on, kiss her or something. Just do it. She is somewhere around here so let's find her. And then you can grab her and kiss her, hug her, Emma. Cry it out, both of you, and just spend all night tonight making out under the stars, massive foreplay, over and over again because she's totally into you, like majorly turned on by you. And if you don't know how to play the game since you claim you've never been with a woman, then let her take control." She shuddered. "Trust me, she's fucking amazing in bed."

"Is that all you think about?" I asked her, shaking my head. "Sex?"

"I don't see any harm in it." My eyes rested on Archie just across the street as Pongo tugged on his leash.

"A relationship, love…is more than just sex."

"Right now, love", she patted my shoulder with a glum look on her face, "sex is your only answer because you've both fucked up so much, it's time to let the desires erase the hurt."

"Where are we going anyway?" I asked just like that, because we were walking and I really didn't believe that she was paying attention.

"Why, we're going to the park of course", she said smiling. "That's where her Majesty is."

"Wait, I don't think –"

"Emma, suck it up and come on. Let's –"

"Ruby, I saw her for the day already."

"What?" Turning to me, she searched my eyes. "Where?"

I told her about our little encounter back at my parents' apartment building and how she had left without saying a word to me. Then of course, I had to fill her in on last night. But most of the mushy details were left out.

"So if she doesn't show up tonight, then you're leaving?"

"Yup."

"Seriously, Emma, you really need a good whipping. You're the daughter of Snow White and Prince Charming and you're already running away from your own battles. When your parents were faced with obstacles, keeping them apart, they fought to be with each other. Most times even when they were freaking pissed at each other, they always kept on working to be together. And now you're at this point in life, you've let go of Neal but you're still running away from her –"

"I'm not running away from her –"

"That's exactly what you're doing!" she exclaimed. "You're running away from her and the minute you cross that town line, she's going to turn back into the Evil Queen and destroy this freaking place. I like my life, Emma. I like living. I'm telling you that if you give up on this, she's going to kill us all."

"Oh please, she's not –"

"You really don't know how serious she is about you, you toss pot!"

"Geez, I'm not stupid, I know!"

"Then get a fucking move on already before I whip some sense into you!"

"Alright then!"

"Good!" she slapped me playfully across my arm. "Now let's go into my store and you'll choose a Christmas gift for her. I think a vibrator, red leather, a nice lace outfit would do –"

"What the hell…" I mumbled, shaking my head in disbelief.

"Then there are the handcuffs, and the strap ons because she loves it rough, really rough."

"I don't believe this, Ruby!"

"I'm helping you out here!"

"No, you're not. Honestly, I really appreciate your advice and concern, but to be honest, I'm not the kind of woman that just goes for the sex. Seriously, I don't just go for that, to sleep with someone. I'm more of the mushy, wine and dine type, dates, moonlight walks, taking things slow –"

"You can't take things slow, Emma! She's sex deprived! She's been sleeping with a dude for two years when all she wants is a woman's touch. She wants you to fuck her, and make up then."

"Then I'm sorry but if she's thinking that way, I really can't go with that. I'm not like that at all. And if she really just wants to do that then clearly we're just wasting time."

"Okay, well –"

"Let's talk about something else", I asked quietly, already frustrated by the topic. "What are your plans for today anyway?"

She went on and on about her plans with Robin for that evening, how they were hitting the clubs to have a drink. But deep down within my mind, all I kept thinking about was how she had been convinced that Regina just wanted to sleep with me. Look, I know that I shouldn't be trusting Ruby's words because clearly that was out of character for Regina, to just have her hopes set on being intimate with me. I knew that this was more than just about sex. I could feel that from Regina, every single time I was with her, or close to her, it wasn't just about her trying to get me into bed. Of course that line of thought was expected from Ruby, because that's the way she thinks. However, I couldn't help but get the feeling that maybe a bit of it was true, that Regina really wanted to refrain from going slow. She wanted to rush things, to jump into things so fast. But never did she force me to do anything else.

We had kissed. She had kissed me. And that one time in Ruby's apartment, she was so driven to get on a little too fast. But I had excused it because of her hormones maybe, or the fact that she really really wanted me. What we felt for each other, it was so intense but I was never driven to just get her into bed with me only. There was so much more. Like I loved sitting with her, being close to her, talking to her. Those things we never had, we missed out on those moments before when our friendship was strained. For so long it had been with this tension between us. And all I wanted was to be near her, hug her, to have this closeness…

Breaking my sorrowful woes for now, I have to tell you that we didn't end up at the park. Nor did we step into her store that was now filled with sex toys and lingerie. Instead, I found myself walking towards Gold's shop with one aim in mind, actually two. And as I pushed the door open and Belle's friendly eyes greeted me, we ended up talking about a whole bunch of things for more than an hour as Gold quietly fixed items upon the shelves, busying himself.

"I have a few books I must drop by for you sometime", Belle offered with a warm smile.

"The Jane Austen Collection?" Dragging a finger across the edge of a shelf, I studied a jeweled crown.

"Yeah, trust me, you'll love them."

"Right now I'm reading Stephen King's IT."

"Saw the movie, and I don't want to read the book." We both shared a look and laughed. "Thrillers are not my type of thing. I prefer a good romance or an adventurous read."

"Romance novels suck", I commented quietly. "False hope."

"Hey, stories like that actually happen."

"Yeah, in some mushy side of the world I bet, like fairytale land, the enchanted forest…"

"You just need to find the right person, Emma, to share your life with. Neal might not be suitable, but it's not the end of the world. To be honest, we all move through relationships before finding the right one eventually. Some people are just lucky if they end up falling for the right person first."

That just convinced me that at least one person in Storybrooke had no idea about Regina and I, which pretty much put my mind at ease. Mom could get around with her mouth, but apparently she just couldn't broadcast the news to every single person. I found it rather strange that Ruby hadn't told Belle though. They were best buddies, closer than close. So why hadn't Belle known anything already?

"Miss Swan already knows who the right person is", Gold commented quietly from a corner. We turned our eyes on him.

"And I suppose that you know too?" I asked.

"I've seen what I needed to see even before you were born, dearie", he said, turning to offer me a smile. "And trust me, that much I'm certain of."

"What exactly did you see?" I stepped towards him, searching his eyes as he held an old gold jewel box upon a steady hand. "Enlighten me, Gold."

"I take it things are quite rough right now, aren't they?"

"That's none of your business, actually", I remarked angrily.

"I can't make any promises but her Majesty belongs to you, if that is of any interest."

"What?" Belle asked in disbelief. "Are we talking about Regina?"

"Indeed we are." His eyes remained latched onto me. "Daniel's death was tragic, but such things all happen in the line of faith. You see, you've never had an easy life, Miss Swan, but neither has Regina. And that's because of the curse that separated the two of you from each other. Had she refrained from doing such a thing, then the two of you would have met and fallen in love sooner. It's not an easy thing to dwell upon, but it's the path that the future has laid out for the two of you, regardless of the circumstances, the end result is quite evident."

"What…end result?" I asked, my throat closing up as I stared at him.

"Oh but I don't want to spoil it for you now would I?"

"Gold, right now, I'd really like to know what the hell is going on because I'm so close to losing faith, I don't give a shit about fortune telling or you using your crystal ball. So if you don't mind, just tell me what's going to happen."

"Don't leave Storybrooke", he said smiling.

I couldn't believe it. He knew.

"What happens if I do?"

"You're going to regret it."

"Did you have a vision about us?" I asked quietly.

"Several, but one stands out. Robin and Neal, Hook, you're just both wasting your time."

"Gold!" I pressed him on, clenching my fists. "What the hell did you see?"

"Patience, Miss Swan", he said without skipping a beat. "Just keep the faith and let go of the doubts. Wedding bells don't ring without a free wind."

"What?" I asked hoarsely, eyes wide.

"You heard correctly. I mentioned wedding bells. Two brides, no groom. That much is clear, the rest is uncertain. But the end result is definite."

"I'll…" I stumbled on my words, "I'll…we'll…"

"Yes, Miss Swan", he said smiling. "Speaking fairytale wise, she's your happy ending. The two of you will get married in the future. A beautiful wedding too."

"But that's…"

"I can reassure you that faith is a powerful thing, dearie."

Studying his face for a long time, I couldn't believe it. All I could see was that he was telling the truth and it shocked me so much. "Does she know about…this? Does she know about any of this?"

"No, she doesn't but the heart knows it's true, doesn't it?" he asked with a small smile. "Now, enough said to hand a bit of faith back to you. Let's move unto why you're here in the first place, shall we?"

"I don't…"

"Here", he said, holding out the gold jewel box in my direction, "I believe that you came here for this."

Confused, I searched his eyes as I took the box. And as Belle watched me, as he turned once more to busy himself with fixing things, the clasp was undone. It was one of those old antique jewel boxes that were lined with red velvet inside. The carvings on the exterior were done to perfection, red rubies pressed into the wood here and there. And lifting the lid, I peered inside. Oh shit, it couldn't be. Resting the box upon the glass counter carefully, my fingers reached in to pinch up the bunch of keys from within. Then holding them up before me, I bit my lips as tears came forth.

"Thanks", I said hoarsely in his direction. "Thanks a lot."

"Don't give up, dearie", he said with his back to me. "Because if you do, then you'll both kill each other. Roast swan…" he said with a dreamy look in his cunning eyes. "Ah the recollections of words unintentionally spoken…"

Shaking my head in confusion, I nodded in Belle's direction, offering her a smile before departing his store. To be honest, the man seriously had mental issues most times because he just couldn't stay on the right track. Straying off, dwelling between good and evil was enough for me lose a firm grip of faith and trust in him. However, on more than one occasion his words had truth in them. He said things, did things that proved him trustworthy. A wedding though, him knowing about the two of us…that was kind of weird. You've got to admit it, right? He said that a wedding was foreseen, but for how long now had this vision been swirling around in his mind? To think of Gold seeing the two of us together since I had arrived in Storybrooke and even before: that kind of confused me… it was just freaking weird.

A wedding…geez, that's…so much to think about right now. But the thought of that truthfully gave me hope though, put a whole lot of faith back into my heavy head. And as I walked towards the Diner, my mood was lightened a bit, just slightly though. I couldn't begin to imagine when that would happen: the wedding because from the looks of how things were going, the date couldn't be close at all. Perhaps a few years more? That would make sense, stretching the freaking time out to torture me, to destroy me. Maybe this was my time to suffer, to lose everything and be thrown into the pits of insanity.

So far the investigation into my foster parents' deaths was ongoing, definitely still on as they continued to follow leads. And it didn't take a stupid mind to figure out where their major lead would take them: to me. Phillip had it in for me. He was heading this case and I was the target obviously. But just thinking about the town line, that huge brick wall between them and me: I pretty much felt a bit relaxed now. I mean, no one in the town would gave me away now would they? He couldn't have links in Storybrooke at all, couldn't find a way to get in or to get information.

Head down on the table, I sat way at the back of the Diner away from everyone else as Granny served me a slice of black cake and tea. She wanted to talk, just small talk but I couldn't hold up a conversation and so I was left to myself after some time. Just sitting there in silence gave me some time to focus on clearing my thoughts, or at least trying to. And the most unusual fact crossed my mind as I felt really sleepy, eyes fluttering close. I had my first crush on a woman when I was in the orphanage.

Close to thirteen years old I would have been, so sure of it. And then there was Anna, this Nun who had travelled from India to be with us. Her English never was perfect but even that couldn't stop me from taking up a liking towards her immediately. It wasn't just because she had been really pretty, but what I could remember is how funny I felt when she'd hug me, or hold my hand back then. I mean, it was weird, to seek attention constantly from her, hang out with her, be with her. That had been the usual thing for me because I wanted to be close to this one person. Those days had been so terrible for me though, wanting to get out of that place and finding someone at last who gave me the right attention. She treated me like I was entirely special, kept me close always. And everyone saw a mother and daughter relationship whilst I knew to myself that it was much more. It was a girl crush.

I actually had a thing for a Nun, that's one confession out of the way. Imagine how Regina would react to that. She would probably gave me this smug look, gazing at me in silence as if I was some kind of maddening artifact on display. But what if I told her about Jackie from Boston? I knew to myself that would be enough to spark some jealousy in her.

Jackie Wilkins, the Head Governor of the prison for women in Windsor, Boston. I had spent close to a year as a prison officer, and yeah that's the truth. To me I loved the uniform, the idea of somehow being able to see what went on inside the prison service, getting to know more about the system. All in the line of experience, I think. Anyway, she was always encouraging towards me, listening to my ideas, chatting me up. And then Jackie made a move on me, several to be honest, several moves that never made me feel uncomfortable and I never backed off because she was seriously hot. Imagine this tall curvy woman, gorgeous red hair, stunning green eyes, this low steady voice that always sounded so sensual. She could put together outfits that were so simple, yet entirely sexy. We kept going out for drinks, I led her on, she did the same until I lied about being taken already.

When she found out that it was a lie, that I was living alone, Jackie started to keep me at a distance. And then there was the Christmas party for the staff and I was a bit too high on wine, and I was sure that we kissed. I mean, it was just a blur, something that I couldn't quite remember. But she did, or at least I thought she did remember every single thing. I felt as if we were still friends until she started to give me the cold shoulder. That one last conversation we had before I quit, confessing her feelings, saying that I was more than a friend to her…I couldn't take the tension between us. And so I left, becoming a Bail Bonds officer instead, back to the streets, hoping that I'd never see her again because that's what she wanted, for us to be apart from each other.

Jackie, Phillip…all of the could just stay away from me, stay as far away as possible because I didn't want to remember most of my life in Boston. I wanted to forget things, forget empty words and broken promises, being teased and played with, promised the world and hitting a brick wall. I had fourteen missed calls from Neal, ten text messages and still there wasn't any need on my part to respond. Maybe I fell asleep for how long I can't tell, but the next thing I knew, someone was playing with my hair. And by reflex, I lashed out blindly, snatching a warm hand as my head was lifted. Groggy from sleep still, my eyes met Neal sitting on the seat opposite me with a wide grin on his face. Oh right, as if I hadn't been through enough already.

"Hey."

Groaning in reply, I buried my face into hands already folded on the table. "Go away…"

"Request denied. Try again."

"I don't want to talk to you right now", I said, my voice muffled. "Just leave me alone."

"Having a bad day, aren't you?" he sighed. "That much is obvious."

"Oh for goodness sakes, just spare me the concern."

"It's genuine", he remarked. When I didn't reply, his fingers drummed upon the table in a slow rhythm, seconds ticking by. "What happened last night, Emma?"

"Isn't that obvious?" I asked without lifting my head.

The silence between us dragged by as my words hung in the air.

"Alright so you've chosen not to spend Christmas at home, that's all on you. But when is this going to be over? When are you coming home?"

My head was lifted as I gazed at him for a few seconds. "I'm not", I said only.

Studying my face for quite some time, we both maintained eye contact as the bell tinkled. I never checked who entered, because a point had to be proven here, that he couldn't win out this staring contest and my message had to be delivered right here, right now.

"What are you trying to say?" he asked, frowning.

"You know exactly what I'm trying to get across to you."

"Emma, this is ridiculous. You're not thinking…this…through properly."

"I already did that."

"Yeah but you need more time to –"

"It's over, Neal", I said, hands still folded upon the table. "We're over. This is over."

He said not a word, still looking at me.

"The engagement is off, the wedding is off, we're off, every…fucking…thing…is…" I ran my fingers through my hair, and sighed in frustration, "…over."

"You really don't mean that."

"I mean it", I confirmed heatedly, eyes wide. "Right now, you can look at me, as I'm sitting here and believe me because I'm not joking."

"Emma –"

"Don't even try", I said, holding a hand up, glancing away. "Don't even try to change my mind because I'm sick of this, all of it."

"You're sick of what?" he asked now, anger sparked in his tone, "there's nothing to be disgusted about! Everything's fine between us. There's no problem between us. She's the problem and nothing else –"

"Oh just cut the bullshit and stop blaming her all the time because this is MY decision, not hers. And I'm telling you that whatever we had, it's all in the past. I don't want to continue it."

"Are you listening to yourself?" he leant forward as my back met the seat behind me instantaneously, keeping distance between us. "This is about her and you know it. Before she came back here, everything was perfect between us –"

"No it wasn't."

"Yeah, it was!" he exclaimed with wide eyes. "It was because we were comfortable and happy. You were alright with this, all of it."

"Well things change, Neal", I said, my eyes resting upon Ruby bouncing over to the table next to window. "Things…change…" when my gaze rested on Robin laughingly helping Regina into the chair opposite him, I stopped breathing.

"You have no idea…" he turned back to follow my eyes as Ruby took their order, and Regina shook her head in reply to something said. The tinkling of cutlery met my ears as granny busied herself behind the counter, eyes lingering on the pair of soul mates. Neal scoffed. "Well, well, well…" his eyes met mine. "Looks like things do change."

Rolling my eyes, fingers felt cold as I tried to compose myself. "This isn't about her."

"Clearly it isn't because he's back and she's reunited her perfect family whilst you're breaking yours up. And to what extent exactly? Tell me, Emma, what do you intend to gain from this, from breaking us apart?"

"I'm doing the right thing."

"And the right thing is leaving me?"

"Yeah, it is", I said softly, my voice faltering.

"Emma, look at her!" he demanded of me, raising his voice as I jumped a bit. "Can you just take a few seconds to look at her? Can you?"

"Neal, lower your voice", I asked of him softly.

"No this is ridiculous and you know it." Rising from the seat, he walked around on the spot, pacing the floor as frustration overwhelmed him. Me, I sat there with my head down, eyes burning from holding back the tears as I could feel her eyes on me. I knew that she was looking in my direction and it took all the concentration I had to never look up. "You…" he said pointing a finger in my direction, back bent, "you're throwing away everything we have just because she managed to fuck up your feelings. Call me inconsiderate but I'm not the bad one here."

"Stop it", I asked him, pleading with my eyes.

"No you cut the crap and wake up", he demanded.

"Last time I checked, I'm wide awake. Stop making a scene, Neal."

"I have every right to behave like this because you're seriously losing it, sitting there, even after watching her over there, cozying up to her fiancé. And you're bold enough to tell me that I'm not worthy enough. If you want to talk about being worthy then consider her for starters."

"Leave her out of this!"

"You're shit, Emma", he said, eyes furious. "You know, after all of this, I think that you seriously need help or something. After all of this, after seeing what she did to you, how she used you, manipulated you into believing that you meant something to her, all those nights you spent crying over her, wanting her to come back. You have these feelings for a woman who has no consideration for yours at all. And yet, you're going to break us up when she's got everything together just as she wanted. This was all a game to her, can't you see that? She was so set on ruining any chance you have at being happy that she went all out, making you believe that she's in love with you –"

The tears finally came as his words truthfully affected me. And my eyes met brown ones as she gazed upon me without anger. I knew that it couldn't be true. But what if it was? What if she had done this purposely to hurt me? Maybe Gold was in this too, maybe they had set me up.

"That's shit, Neal", Ruby said tossing a red and white checkered towel upon the counter, glaring at him. "Regina would never do that!"

"Oh she wouldn't?" he asked her. "She's the Evil Queen, bad reputation is her thing, and nothing can change that, at least not to me."

"Well to be honest, your opinion doesn't count right now because you're shit." Taking a step towards him, they both sized each other up, fists clenched. "You're just jealous."

"Jealous of what, the Evil Queen playing games with my fiancée? I think not!" and he scoffed.

"She's in love with Emma!"

"Oh for her own devious reasons, I bet", he remarked.

"You honestly think that she'd play with Emma's feelings, that she'd set all of this up just to hurt her?"

"I wouldn't put it past her."

"I wouldn't put it past you to behave like a fucking asshole", Ruby said angrily, "you're just seriously feeling fucked because your fiancée is in love with another woman which proves that you clearly didn't do something right in the first place."

"Oh why don't you shut up and go back to cleaning tables, or running in the forest, whatever makes you happy."

"You don't want to cross me, dude."

"This isn't about you, lady. Seriously you're attempting to side with Emma when you've slept with the enemy? Possibly sleeping with her still, keeping her at your place? Are you people this thick in the head?" he looked around in amazement. "You…" he said pointing at Regina, "you can fool everyone else in here, but I know what you're up to."

"Neal –" I tried. Ruby hugged a plastic tray, pressing her back into the counter as eyes met mine apologetically.

"Hey", Robin tried softly, holding up a hand, "let's stop this right now. It's Christmas day, no time to waste on sparking anger between us all. I can guarantee, truthfully speaking to you, man to man, Neal, that Regina hasn't been plotting in any way to hurt Emma. It's quite the opposite."

"Are you seriously telling me that you're okay with…her…" he disgustingly pointed at Regina, "…having feelings for another woman like this?"

"I honestly love Regina enough to do whatever it takes to make sure that she's happy. That's my top priority. And it's yours too, to see Emma happy as it is already."

"You're happy knowing that she's in love with another woman?"

"I knew that even before we committed to each other, her feelings. So it's nothing new to me."

"So what are you trying to tell me, exactly?" Neal asked.

"I'm trying to tell you that destiny is beyond our control, whatever comes from this isn't solely based on us. I wanted to spend the rest of my life with Regina, just as you treasured your engagement, the fact that you could make things work between you and Emma once more. But at the end of the day, shit happens and things change. And we can't make people do what we want them to. It's up to them to decide what they want."

"Well spoken, Robin", she offered him a stunning smile amidst all of this uproar and I was completely astonished. "See, you should take lessons from him. He acts and thinks like a true gentleman."

"Thank you, Ruby", Robin returned a smile.

"And clearly, Emma doesn't want you anymore", Ruby remarked smugly, turning to glare at Neal.

"Yeah but the other party has no interest in her at the moment", he pointed out. "She hasn't said a word since this began."

"I have nothing to say to you", Regina said hoarsely, her eyes hard.

"And you have nothing to say to Emma as well?" arms spread open, he smiled mockingly. "You're just sitting there as she's putting all this trust in you, and not a word has been spoken from your end. I thought you ended things off last night?"

She never responded, but turned her eyes outside as I watched from my seat.

"Emma why are you doing this?"

"I'm not doing anything", I said to him.

"Why are you breaking up with me when she doesn't love you?"

"Because I don't love you anymore", I said hoarsely, and pushing myself up, a hand reached up to bat hot tears away as my footsteps led me away from him. Maybe I was stupid, acting so rash, but the direction I took wasn't towards the door immediately. And when she noticed me coming towards her, brown eyes grew wide as the grip she had on the table tightened. But there was no time to waste, because I wasn't in the mood to even speak nicely to her. "Here", I said stiffly, resting the small red gift bag before her on the table's surface, "Merry Christmas. I…" she wasn't looking at me as the room grew silent, "I like your…top, it's really…" swallowing, I bounced on the spot, unsure of myself. And thinking better of the situation, away I walked towards the door.

"She doesn't love you either!" he shouted after me. "Where are you going?"

"To jump off a cliff!" I snapped, turning to glare at him. "Since no one gives a shit about me anyway, I'll do you all a favor."

"Emma…" Robin said quickly, getting up as Ruby came towards me. "Don't speak like that." He tried to touch my arm and I moved away. "Trust me, we all care. Regina cares about you."

"Spare me the bullshit", I said. "To be honest, I don't care anymore. I wish you the best of luck, a baby on the way and all because at least you proved yourself, having a connection with her. I just wrecked things up. I'm not worth it because she wants what anyone else but I can give her. And right now, I have nothing left."

"Let's talk this through", Neal said, coming towards me.

"Stay away from me", I demanded, backing off as my hand felt for the doorknob. "All of you, just stay away from me."

"Emma…" Ruby said coming after me, as I raced down the steps, eyes blinded by tears, "shit, Emma, just wait up."

"Go away", I warned her, the cold outside already stinging my cheeks.

"I know that you want to be left alone right now but I just have one thing to tell you before you leave", her heels clicked behind me as I strode down the sidewalk. "Oh fuck, can you just stop for one damn minute!"

"What?" I asked, turning back on my heels, glaring at her.

"You can't let anyone wreck you like this", she said breathless, eyes soft, "not Neal, nor Regina, nor anyone else because you're stronger than this, Emma."

I half laughed. "You honestly believe that I'm going to jump off a cliff?"

She shrugged. "When people talk like that, I tend to take it seriously. And coming from you, that's not something you'd say just like that. You're frustrated, and we can all lose it just like that. I don't want you to go making any stupid decisions."

"Yeah and since when do you care?"

"I've always cared because she's always been honest with me." Scoffing, I diverted my eyes as she reached out to touch me. "She's always been honest with me, no lies and when we broke up, it's because I knew for a fact that she was totally in love with you so that means you're worth something."

"I don't want to hear it", I said.

"Oh I bet you don't. But I'm just going to end off this conversation by telling you that for as long as I've known Regina, she's been walking around with this little red box in her coat pocket. And the night when Neal proposed to you, after she was a total wreck, she showed me what's inside."

"I bet it's a vile of potion to kill me", I said bitterly.

"It's a ring, Emma", she said softly. "A freaking ring, stop being so bitchy and listen to me. She came back here expecting to see you already married to Neal but that's not the case. And that's why she's been so forceful with you, because she realized that there's still a chance to win you back from him. Her intentions aren't to hurt you in any way, or to force you to do something you don't want to because you know deep down inside that she's the one you want. And Emma, she wants to spend the rest of her life with you, work it out, geez. She wants to marry you. She kept Daniel's ring for years as a memory. Do you want to leave her whilst you run out of Storybrooke, having that ring as a reminder of you just as before?" she squeezed my shoulders and smiled. "Get your ass there tonight and wait for her, do it. Don't give up. That ring's for you, not Robin, nor me, nor Daniel. Wake the fuck up and fight for your woman. Chin up." And after caressing my right cheek, she left me standing there as her boots clicked on the concrete.

I watched her until she stepped up, pushing the door inwards, and after throwing one last glance at me, her figure disappeared inside. Shaking my head in disbelief, away I walked, briefly smiling in Tinkerbell's direction as she waved at me. She was headed into the Diner, but whatever was going on in there now, I couldn't care less.

* * *

><p>Xx<p>

**Regina Mills**

**Location: Still inside the Diner**

When Neal finally sat down as far away from me as possible, I still couldn't refrain from glaring in his direction. His existence was sickening in this town, airing such views as if he had any right to an opinion in the matter. Well of course he had every right but after behaving like a complete fool, a manipulating jealous partner, even his words couldn't gain respect from me. Apparently Tinkerbell found some interest in him as she offered her company immediately upon entering the Diner. I had come back to a town where everyone had definitely changed, possibly a turn for the worse because whilst Ruby was suddenly mesmerized by Robin, my old friend Tinkerbell was softening up to the bastard on the further side of the room. How grand was this? Not forgetting to mention that I could stick myself with a fork right now and the only person that would have all eyes on me was Granny.

"But last night was fun though", Ruby cooed, jamming a hip against the table as she batted her eyelashes at Robin.

"Indeed it was."

"I think that you're a fantastic dancer…"

"Thank you."

"Among other things…" a finger was dragged across the table as she smiled, "let's do a social again, just you and me. What do you think?"

"I'm not objecting…"

I couldn't speak at all because my throat felt completely sore. Everything ached: my head, back, lower back, legs, neck, eyes, hands, and above all, my heart. That was the worst thing of all, to feel as if your chest was tightening, fighting to breathe as your heart sliced with pain constantly. All I could do within that moment was to lift a shaky hand, shading my eyes from view as my composure was diminished bit by bit. They were both flirting with each other just in front of me and none of them could see that I was on the verge of tears. Friends, mixing with lovers…I could be the common denominator but that's as far as caring would ever take me because none of this meant anything to them. The bottom line was that I was in this alone, and it was my life, my fucked up life.

"I get off at seven o'clock", she was saying as tears burnt my eyes, trailing a tickling path down my face. Sniffing, I shook out my handkerchief and discretely dabbed at my cheeks.

"Oh but I was hoping to take Roland along for a walk, maybe buy an ice cream for him."

"I don't mind tagging along –"

Pushing myself up, eyes lowered, I quietly picked up the gift bag, my handbag and stepped around the chair. Their eyes were on me but not a word was said as I slowly made my way away from them and towards the back of the room.

"Hey, Regina where are you going?"

I wouldn't waste my breath. And as my footsteps led me past Neal, he turned to throw a glare in my direction, Tinkerbell's voice hushed. There was this small room at the back of the Diner, and I don't suppose that many people frequented such a space often. It was more like a comfortable living room, furnished with yellow cushioned chairs and a small television that was currently turned off since the room was vacant. Quietly entering the space, I gently rested my handbag upon the brown oak table with a lamp on it. And lowering myself into a single cushioned chair, there I sat with my eyes on the door.

Perhaps I was anticipating either of them coming after me, to check on my escape. But no one came. And even though their absence to care ached me, deep down inside I knew that it was what I wanted, to be left alone. But to be left alone with my thoughts as company could never prove beneficial because as soon as I sat there, the tears came freely. Lifting a shaky hand to my face, I began to sob as my other hand gripped the edge of the cushion from frustration. Fingernails digging into the soft material as my head was lowered, I continued to shake uncontrollably, crying all by myself, overcome with emotions as the previous scene was recollected.

She had ended it with him right there in front of everyone, even me. And when that was supposed to make me feel somewhat relieved, I felt entirely raw inside. It is not because I'm not thinking clearly at the moment, but can you believe what I had accomplished by coming back here? Of course she claimed that she didn't want him, but her actions had proved such statements otherwise just from a kiss and the way they behaved around each other. I guess that what I'm trying to say here is that I had torn them apart by coming back. I had done this selfishly, thinking about myself when Neal was just behaving just as any man would, defensively because she was his fiancée to begin with.

But I truly loved Emma. Speaking in the present tense as I sit here, I can honestly tell you that I am still completely in love with her. There's nothing that can change that feeling. I could be angry at her, downright furious by her actions but the truth still remained because I couldn't control what I felt. I couldn't turn my feelings on and off by flipping a switch. If that could have been achieved then things would be much easier for everyone. The feeling was so entirely raw because I was actually torn between two people now. Whilst one was obviously my soul mate, would dedicate his life to me, loved the idea of us being together unconditionally, the other one just kept fucking up. But even though she continuously stumbled in the wrong direction, I shamelessly realized that I was falling deeper in love with her. She could kiss him, she could be with him and still Emma would receive my deepest affection because I couldn't stop myself. I couldn't walk away or let go, or give him another chance.

My mind suddenly focused on the small bag resting on my lap. Wiping my face, lips bitten, I slowly parted the top, the slice of pink ribbon trembling from being touched. What had she given me? After yesterday, after everything that had happened between us, the thought still counted. My gift to her was still pending. Material things could never be sufficient. But at least she still made an effort to get me something. Pushing my fingers into the bag, soft velvet was felt. And frowning, my hand closed around two jewel boxes. There was a small card inside. This I pulled out first, smiling at the small apple on the cover.

_**Returning to you what's rightfully yours. The second one I custom made just for us. Doesn't matter if you don't want to wear it, but I'll wear mine. See you tonight, I'll be waiting.**_

_**Emma.**_

The first box was pulled out with a shaky hand as I scrutinized it before me carefully, admiring the fine beadwork around the lid. I always adored jewel boxes since I was a child and this one was no different. Impatient enough as it was just to open it, so I did slowly and as my eyes met the bunch of keys inside, a small gasp escaped from within me. The familiarity of the keys belonging to my car and my…house, dear me, she had gotten both back but at what price? I was sure that Gold wouldn't return them back so easily. He'd want something in return, that much I was sure of. Whatever she had given up or would give up, obviously the price was worth it. Closing my fingers around the cool keys, I inhaled deeply, smiling as the other box was taken out and I pulled up the lid. Sitting snugly upon a small green cushion was a pendant attached to a gold chain. The left side of a heart was engraved with the letter E. I held my breath.

A little too old to be having butterflies flutter around within me, I can assure you, but that's exactly what occurred as I pinched up the pendant. My thumb moved across the E engraved upon it as I thought of her wearing the other half, most likely engraved with an R. I wondered if Emma was a romantic, the kind of woman who favored candlelight dinners, wine, sitting in watching a movie, dancing, or was she of the thrilling sort. Perhaps her idea of wooing the person she loved would be through daring escapades, or having lousy first dates in her cramped up car. Sticking a pin just there for a second, I must admit that if our first date truly was on that one occasion, the cover up being a stakeout, then she was just as I predicted: a teenager. All her actions could throw light on that, the lineup of men, the way she dressed, her childish side around Henry.

I just then realized that the pendant was still pressed between my fingers. There I was contemplating on whether I should put on the chain or return it to the box. After a few seconds had elapsed, I decided to return it to the inside of the box as my mind jabbed me with the truth. And the truth was that I still found myself in doubt, my mind lingering on her mistakes and everything else, the fact that she could have been married by now, completing Henry's perfect family. Added to that, I could not move past the hurt I felt after watching her lip lock him just in front of me. I couldn't quite forget her hurtful words the night before, I couldn't forget how she sided with Neal, and above all, the prejudice attached to me being pregnant. No matter what, I expected Emma to realize that the position I was currently in wasn't fair, but it wasn't my fault either. When two years had separated us, I used to spend endless nights pondering on how she was wedded already to him. Never did I wish bad luck on her marriage or speak ill of her past, running back to Neal even after he abandoned her.

There was a saying that once that connection couldn't be severed then it was likely that she'd keep running back to him. The excuse would pass as him being just a friend, then the affections would be added on as an extra eventually. They'd find that common place once more after some time and then the kiss would occur, at which point, I'd be quite raging with jealousy. Yes I am the jealous kind, not too much but just enough to blow up if I caught her snuggling with the ex. I'd thrash the place and enact the silent treatment. I'd possibly end the relationship and storm off. Listen to me speak as if I'm a pro at relationships, having been in only three for my entire lifetime. With Daniel I hit a wall, Ruby was a distraction to say the least, an awakening, and Robin was close to perfect, husband material. Emma was just…

Because of her, I started to question my sexuality after so many years of being sure of what I wanted. When she arrived in Storybrooke, I found myself twisted with these feelings that were too strong enough to be just hate, too deep enough to be friendship related. I accepted that part of me, experimented in that area and found out that it wasn't just a closed off section in relation to myself. But it was more like an awakening, me realizing that I wanted more from Ruby. I wanted something she couldn't give me, what no other woman could give me. I wanted Emma.

But why was I stalling on rushing back to her?

Half an hour later, I was standing in my kitchen, the dust half an inch thick on the counters, staircase, everywhere. Eyes wide in astonishment, nerves already itching from the state of the place, my fists were clenched as I angrily glared around. Never had my home been in such a astounding wreck, disgusting and clearly abandoned. From the looks of it, no one had been in here for two years. After all this time, they had left my mansion to literally bury itself in the muck, whilst everyone else polished their floors. Right now, my floor, the floor I had spent endless attention on to maintain its shine was now buried under dust. But there was one pair of footsteps leading from the door to several parts of the house. Perhaps an interested buyer or a nosy asshole had intruded into my space. I couldn't stand the sight of things like that for longer than fifteen minutes so snatching my bag up, I hastily made my way out the door, cellphone already on a call. And after making arrangements with Snow to seek out someone who would scrub the filth from inside those walls, I went in search of my car.

Six o'clock found me sitting by the window gazing out into the night as people walked by in merriment. With my numb fingers wrapped around a cup of cocoa, I sat there a million miles away as the time ticked by. Music was softly playing in the apartment as I could barely make out the bonnet of my car open, Charlie bent over the front as he worked on the engine across the street. It was Christmas and he still chose to work. The dedication of some people in this world, such things amazed me. Needless to say, I was indeed grateful, wondering just for a moment if I still remembered how to drive. In this state, I'd have to be careful.

* * *

><p><strong>Xx<strong>

**Emma Swan**

**Location: The Cassidy's residence **

**Time: 6:30 p.m.**

"Look, could you just give me some privacy?" I asked crossly as Snow reached in front of me to paw through my clothes that were hung up in the wardrobe.

"Just find something nice to wear, get ready and leave Ruby and I to pack your things."

"I can't find anything to wear, geez!" feeling frustrated already, I growled.

"Neal's going to be back here soon and we don't want any confrontation with the two of you."

"Right now I don't give a damn about Neal", I retorted, eyes fixated upon a strapless green dress. "When he starts to behave like an adult, instead of embarrassing himself in front of people, then I'll consider calling him a close friend again."

"Friend to lover to fiancé to potential husband to runaway fuckup to MIA for years", Ruby ticked off on her fingers, red nails shining in the light, "let's see, he returns like a long lost ghost, brings a foe along for fun as his fiancée, fucks everyone up, almost dies, thought he was dead. Shows up in Neverland, does some small shrivel of a part to feel heroic, he claims that oh Emma I'm going to give you a chance to choose if you want me, you fall for the bait and choose him. Then he starts living out his role as the biggest fuck up that every came into Storybrooke. Hmm, let's see…" her face was upturned to the ceiling, "nope, not surprised, he's a snake, just took some time for him to show his true colors."

"He's…not…a…snake", I muttered, batting mom's hand away as I reached in for the green dress, "he's just become manipulative, he's justifiably defensive, and jealous, that's all."

"You're still pitying him?"

"I'm not pitying him", I replied, "just realizing that this must be hard for him too."

"Oh right, just as it's hard for you and Regina and every other mushy puppy who ends up falling in love. Hello!"

"Look would you give it a rest?" I asked her, turning my eyes upon a definite sneer. "I've had enough for one freaking day, don't bite my head off."

"Oh for fuck's sake", Ruby remarked from her position against the wall, arms folded. "How hard is it to put something on you that would wow Regina? I mean…" she came towards me and her fingers captured my hair, twirling it as our eyes met, "she's already fallen for you, this isn't a blind date, so why make a fuss. Just choose something random, pull it on and leave the bra at home because when the fucking commences…"

"I really liked what you were saying until you mentioned the last part", Snow said firmly.

"What? Don't you like the word 'fucking'? Does it blush your cheeks, hmm?" she playfully pinched mom's cheeks as Snow scrunched up her face.

"I really think that your mouth needs scrubbing out with detergent."

"As if you don't talk dirty to David behind closed doors –"

"I…am…NOT having this conversation with you right now."

"So you took my advice then, from the other night?"

Confused dark eyes stared back at her as I held the dress up for scrutiny. "What advice?"

"Getting a little kinky, spicing up your sex life –"

"Ruby, you can't just speak of such things around my daughter! It's highly inappropriate!"

"I don't get why anyone would want to avoid bedroom talk", Ruby remarked bravely, "it's a very nice conversation to have."

"Not now it isn't!" Snow replied crossly, glaring in her friend's direction. "Now cut the kinky talk and let's dress Emma up."

"She doesn't need dressing up when she'll need dressing down later in the evening", Ruby pointed out.

Snow rolled her eyes. "Oh dear God, Emma, let me see what you have there…" the dress was snatched from me as I growled in frustration. Holding it up before her, she turned it this way and that, examining it as if to detect any vulgar slits or defects. "This is rather nice, try it on."

When the dress was returned to me, I stood there staring at both of them. "Well then…"

"What's wrong?"

A smile was widening on Ruby's face. "Go on, strip down nice and slow let me have a look at what Regina runs crazy about."

"Get out", I ordered them, voice firm.

"No, let's see –"

"Both of you leave the room before I start shooting you with magic darts!"

Less than a minute and I was left alone in privacy, undressing before the mirror as the body lotion from my skin sweetened the surrounding air. Getting into the dress was a task all by itself, and as the blue blinds flapped about the window, cool night wind sweeping into the room, I sighed in satisfaction. This was it, this was what I would be wearing, this sparkling dress that reached a few inches above my knees, strapless and perfect. I actually smiled as my eyes danced over the material, the way the fabric hugged my curves, well I wasn't that curvy but just enough, At least that's what I thought, I had hips and sufficient boobs. But I just kept wondering at the back of my mind if she would like my attire. I mean, this wasn't exactly ME to begin with. The Emma she had familiarized with over the years was this casual dressed woman who preferred jeans or black pants along with a simple jersey or shirt. Tank tops were my favorites. My red leather jacket was my most prized possession and I adored those leather boots. Recently I had been wearing sneakers though.

Now here I am in a tight dress, about to slip on a pair of black heels whilst I apply lipstick. A bit too much, you think? To be honest, I don't know! I don't know what I should do right now because I'm already so frustrated and confused. There isn't any room left to mess things up further, to displease and corrupt everything. I might still have a sliver of hope left, a slim chance and that's what I'm clinging unto, the possibility that she'll show up and I'd be given another chance.

A small gasp ensued as my head swiveled around, finding Snow stepping slowly into the room, a hand pressed upon her mouth. Ruby was smiling wickedly, a gleam in her eyes as she lingered by the doorway, a gaze roaming my figure as I could just begin to imagine the thoughts swirling around inside that mind of hers.

"Sweetie you look absolutely stunning!" clapping her hands together in glee, I was felt with fingers as if my body was a figurine on display. She fixed my hair, used a thumb to dab around my cheeks, taking a hold of the dress, attempting to pull the top down just a little more so that more cleavage could be shown. I was actually amused by that, the way she took charge, a finger pressed upon her chin as dark eyes scrutinized me slowly.

"Are you done yet?" I asked smiling.

"One…more…thing…hmmm…" her eyes roamed my vanity top, and those flat shoes of hers padded upon the carpet as she went towards my collection of perfumes.

"I already –"

"Hush, you need a couple sprays extra."

Within the next minute, perfume was dabbed under my jawline, behind my freaking ears, wrists, a spray was directed between my legs, eyes widening as she stood back.

"There, you're ready."

"You've just sprayed perfume between my legs", I stated, knowing that my cheeks were pinched pink.

"I gave her credit for that, actually", Ruby said from the doorway, boots crossed at the ankles, "makes the adventure up the highlands rather more enjoyable for a wandering nose. If you ask me…" and she stepped slowly into the room, "you have more than a wandering nose to deal with tonight. Regina's hands love to do the walking whilst talking –"

"It's after seven already! Would you look at the time!" my mother exclaimed, me knowing quite well that she did that deliberately, silencing Ruby. "Now off with you, oh my, I wish you the best of luck and everything else that women who romantically love women would want on a date."

"Snow, you're so corny –"

"Think before you talk, Emma and don't forget…" I picked up my black purse from the bed as a hand was pressed unto my right shoulder, "don't forget to kiss her."

"Works like a charm", Ruby winked at me.

"Forget Neal, forget Robin, forget Hook, Graham, the fact that she WAS the Evil Queen and she wanted to kill me, forget that she tried to kill you –"

"Snow, you're not helping! Stop it!" Ruby exclaimed.

"I'd better go before my mind is changed", I said smiling.

"Well I don't have to tell you to be careful in bed because…she's a woman and…" she began pacing the floor.

"Snow…"

"And she doesn't have the extra…you know…"

"Snow…"

"Which will make me sleep at night with a peaceful mind because –"

"Snow!" Ruby cried, throwing her hands up, "that's it! Emma, you need to like leave…NOW."

"I'm going", I said quickly, rushing to the doorway, eyes wide.

"To be honest, Snow…" Ruby's voice followed me down the steps as they came down, "both of them have magic, so anything is possible, babies and all."

"Oh no, oh no, no no…" my mother's protests drifted downstairs, even as I pulled open the door. "Emma can't afford to get pregnant now!"

"Why not?"

"With all of this…stress around her, both of them at the same time? I think not because it's too much!"

"Everything happens in its own time, Snow", Ruby was at the door now as I unlocked my car door. "Just imagine that cutie darling of a baby", her hands were clasped, eyes shining even from where I stood, "I can think of names already: Emily…"

"It's just a date, guys", I said in their direction, closing the door as my hand nervously gripped the key. "It's just a…date…" my throat closed up as I found it quite hard to breathe.

* * *

><p><strong>Xx<strong>

**Regina Mills**

**Location: Ruby's apartment**

**Time: 8:00 p.m.**

I really cannot begin to describe exactly what occurred around that time for me. One moment I was sitting by the window, becoming consumed with doubt about where this was going. Just the thought of it all ached my heart, squeezed me with worry. And I kept thinking over and over again, Regina you can't go through with this. It's not the right thing to do for many reasons as it stands right now.

First of all, I'm actually breaking apart two people, ruining another…relationship…because I cannot find it within myself to consider their engagement as leading up to a happy ending. Such an ending to her might be in more ways than one a delightful end point since the main concern in Emma's mind has always been our son. What he wants, he desires a family, he has always spoken about reuniting his parents, even in the early days of her arrival into Storybrooke. He wanted to know more about his father, grew so close to him over the years, and they have such a bond that even I have grown jealous of because I could never offer that to him. I'm his mother, as far as parental rights can stretch, but the truth would always be that his parents are just two people. And no matter what happens, Neal will always receive gold stars from his son.

I'm breaking these two people up, she's leaving him to give me a chance and all I can gather from this is: either I'm the luckiest woman in the world, I'm about to become the worst mother ever, I'm selfish and possessive or all of the above. Place yourself in my socks for just one minute, would you? Of course, your first priority would be your son but what have I done over the past two years? I have been away from him, never keeping in contact. I have been selfish enough to focus on my feelings for Emma alone, completely pushing him aside even as I'm here in Storybrooke again. And whilst he's been trying to reach out to me, all I've done is to focus my attention elsewhere. It's wrong of me, it's completely unacceptable, unexpected but that's the truth.

I have a feeling that I'm about to pay the price for abandoning Henry and his actions will be quite deserving.

Secondly, I am confronted with a woman who has lied to me, who has slipped up on her commitment, she's been hesitant in stepping into this with me from the beginning and my heart has been bruised so badly from loving her that I cannot begin to imagine how the healing process will be quite effective. Emma has hurt me with the simplest moves, the impact of her actions severely twisting my feelings and I have to admit that my tears do come easily. I'm not afraid to cry. However, I've cried so much in relation to her over these past five years and it seems as if the tears will never stop flowing.

Last night, I didn't sleep for four full hours, honestly speaking because I was devastated. My mind kept racing with these horrible thoughts, feelings, heart beating so fast, crying hoarsely all by myself. It's because I kept wondering, just when I thought loving someone could be painful as it was concerning Daniel, here I am now, experiencing the purest of pain. Even as I ached inside though, how could it be possible that my heart still kept on loving her? The more I cried, the stronger my love grew for her, I'm insane, am I not? This isn't normal. What I feel for Emma is so much more than love; it's a connection that is so strong, so torturing that I am doing myself no favors by keeping distance between us. It's as if she's a drug and I'm an addict already, barely getting a taste of a kiss so deep for a few seconds, the feel of her skin upon my lips, Emma's driving me crazy.

Either I stay away from her, break this torture, or I give into it, knowing not where it will lead me, but hoping that I will survive just enough to find my sanity again.

That evening, my mind kept telling me to stay put, stay where I was, forget her and move on. But my heart kept beating so fast within my chest, urging my mind to bring forth memories of our first kiss, when we were so close, breathless as our hands roamed each other. I couldn't focus at all, couldn't take a firm stand on the moment, deciding what to do. Maybe I should flip a coin, as ridiculous as it sounds, or act on whim.

I decided to get into the shower and stay under the pouring water as I attempted to clear my mind. But what a stupid idea that was in the first place because feelings couldn't be wiped away, washed away down a drain. Such strong feelings would always be there, and so I realized as the water grew warmer by the minute and my scalp began to sweat under the blue plastic shower cap.

* * *

><p><strong>Flashback<strong>

**Location: The Jolly Roger**

"_I can't sleep", I said, sitting on the bed, emerald eyes focused on me as my fingers gripped the sheet bunched up around my legs, eyes focused forward. _

_Sighing, Emma turned on her side and considered me with sleepy eyes as I kept looking at her. "Why can't you sleep? Is it because the bed isn't fit for her Majesty?"_

"_Yes." Frowning, my fingers were removed from the sheet as I considered the space around me in disgust._

"_Aww", she smiled, making a puppy face, "do you want me to sanitize it for you, spread a plastic on the sheet before you can lie down?"_

"_Yes."_

_She frowned as I continued to stare at her. "Hey, don't do that. You remind me of one of those dolls I had when I was younger, the ones that you press and they blurt out this programmed response. Yes. No. Maybe. Hello. Hi. Morning. Are you going to school today? Ugh!" and she scowled. "Just…" a hand was waved at me, eyes focused on the sheet, "lie down on your back and ignore the bed. You'd be amazed how fast you'll fall asleep."_

"_I can't do that."_

"_Stop being such a baby, Regina."_

_I pushed myself back further on the bed so that my head could rest on the wall. Folding my feet up, I hugged them, eyes fluttering close as she watched me in silence._

"_Good night or…whatever time of day it is."_

"_Are you seriously going to sleep like that?" Emma asked in disbelief. "Geez, that's…I can't lie here and watch you torture yourself like that."_

"_Then look away", I stated quietly. "I can't sleep with you looking at me like that."_

"_Why?"_

"_Because it's annoying", I said softly, my eyes fluttering open, "you're annoying. Go to sleep."_

"_No."_

"_What?"_

"_I said no."_

"_Oh grow up already."_

"_Why don't you grow up and lie the fuck down on the bed then?"_

"_Why don't you mind your own business and leave me alone then?"_

"_Because you're bothering me with you sit sleeping like that."_

"_And you're bothering me with you just being in the same space as I am", I fired back. "I have enough mildew to deal with right now."_

"_I'm kind of getting fed up with the annoying creaking around me to have you added into it too."_

"_Then find somewhere else to sleep instead of here with me." My eyes remained fixated upon her as she proceeded to peel the sickly green paint from the wall. And all the while, I kept thinking to myself, does she really know what's swirling around in my mind right now? Has she any idea what actions I have to smother within my aching heart, just to keep her at bay?_

"_Thank God we don't have to share one bed because I'd…" her words trailed off, and my eyes were focused on emerald ones._

"_You'd what?"_

"_I...can't share a bed with you."_

"_Why?" I asked softly, searching her face as my breath was held._

"_Because you're…Regina and you're a…woman", I detected the way her voice wavered, "think about how weird it would be if one of them came down here and caught us snuggling up to each other."_

"_So the fact that I'm a woman makes me less worthy of being a bed buddy then."_

"_You're missing the point here…"_

"_When it's a man's company, sharing the same bed as you that should trouble your mind."_

"_If you were a man…" she sighed, looking away, "you'd be more like Darcy from Pride and Prejudice: sophisticated, stolid and…" her words came out in a hurry now, nervousness detected in the way she spoke to me._

"_Dashing, handsome and dangerously appealing?" I asked, smiling as my heart began to beat faster._

"_So you've read the book then?" her attempt to change the topic was amusing._

"_And I've seen the movie…several versions."_

"_The one with Keira Knightley is by far the best."_

"_You're straying away from the topic, Miss Swan."_

"_A topic that's…making me…uncomfortable", she confessed, forehead creased in concern as eyes were focused on anything else but me. "Besides, why are we even having this conversation?"_

"_What do you think I'd do to you…if we were to share the same bed?" I asked, never breaking eye contact._

"_I…don't…know…" she shrugged. "Drool on me?"_

"_I don't drool."_

"_Well then, I don't like sharing the same bed with strangers…"_

"_But you've confessed to having a few one night stands, correct me if I'm wrong", I remarked boldly, eyes lingering on her lips. _

"_Nothing goes past you, does it?"_

"_I know so much about you already, I'm afraid that we're way past the stage of being merely strangers to each other."_

"_Well for starters, we share a son, and wait, lemme see, hmm…" she delved into deep falsified concentration, "that's all we have in common."_

"_We're both women…"_

"_That's another thing in common…"_

"_We both have the same…needs…don't we?" I loved this, playing with her mind as she attempted to scrutinize my eyes for answers._

"_I'm not so sure about that now."_

"_I can read minds, Emma."_

"_I don't doubt that."_

"_So you're obliging then?"_

"_To what exactly?"_

"_Whatever is in your mind, as I'm understanding as clear as crystal right now."_

"_This might sound funny, but I'd like you to tell me what you think I'm thinking."_

"_I'm not going to say another word", I said, gaze upturned to the ceiling as I hugged my knees. "Your thoughts have entertained me enough for one night."_

_Emerald eyes widening, she appeared shocked as I turned my gaze away. "You really can read my mind?"_

"_One can only wonder…"_

"_Oh stop it!" she declared in frustration, "geez, stop fooling around, I actually believed you for a minute there."_

"_Just goes to show how alike you are in relation to mommy dearest. Easy to believe anything, naïve too. You're more Charming than you give yourself credit for. Give in to the faults of your bloodline, Emma. Just do yourself a favor and…give…in…"_

"_Oh go to hell", she muttered. "I'm nothing like them."_

"_You're becoming your more like your father and mother day by day. Don't fight it."_

"_Just shut up", she retorted. "I can just imagine how this must be torture for you, to be on the same ship as the Charmings."_

_We glared at each other and then I picked up the small round pillow and pelted the fluff in her direction. It hit Emma square on the face and she sputtered, spitting as her mouth tasted dust. That did it for me. I was smiling when she glanced at me and it pissed her off, that much I was sure of from the glare in my direction. And squeezing the pillow between both hands, she flung it at me hard. We kept flinging it like two children until it bounced off the wall and landed on the floor._

* * *

><p>Xx<p>

**Emma Swan**

**Location: The Duke's Lodge**

**Time: 9:00 p.m.**

The restaurant was booked out for tonight, especially the front hall. But the table I had chosen was one of the private ones, secluded from the rest of the room with a grand view of the back lawns meeting the waterfront. Ever so often one could hear the crash of waves upon the stretch of sand just beyond the terrace, the whisper of foam, the smell of the flowers from the garden below. I could even hear most of what was happening inside as the chattering continued, the tinkle of glasses as toasts were made, forks moving over knives, jolly laughter and the soft music drifting outdoors. But the best part of my location was the open setting, set upon a small balcony with just enough lighting from the yellow lamps attached to the mahogany walls.

"She's coming", I muttered, arms folded upon the table before me as I huffed out a sigh, legs shaking nervously, "focus, Emma, just, keep the faith. She's coming."

The material of my dress suddenly began to irritate the shit out of me as I sat there. I had on my leather jacket and black leggings because of the chilly weather. But still warmth couldn't be provided from so much clothing as I sat there becoming chilled by the freezing wind. Glaring around the room as the air was filled with the smell of food, I found myself reaching up to scratch around my upper arms. Maybe it was must paranoia, the fact that I was just taking this on a little too much, growing uncomfortable by the minute. That's what probably brought on the itching, and then the uncontrollable need to move about in my chair. I was fussing about because of the nervousness, the guilt, the fear driven into me as the minutes ticked by and she never did come walking through the doorway.

There I was sitting all by myself, dressed for the occasion with a plate of wantons before me and all I could think about was how I had fucked up. Every time I bit into a crispy wanton, her face filled my mind, eyes so sad, red and swollen from the lack of sleep. The way she refused to speak to me, deliberately keeping her eyes away from my position earlier that day: all of it encased me in this cloud of fear. And even though I tried to hold unto that sliver of faith, even as Gold's words played back in my mind, I still believed that she wasn't coming.

A wedding, that idea, that prediction sounded ridiculous now as my watch was checked and I found that fifteen minutes had slipped by. An hour and a half late. She was never late for anything, had always been punctual because that's just…Regina. She's perfect, she's precise and organized, and she'd never miss the time like this. This was deliberate, a move on her part to make me pay for what I had done. Which, to be honest, I deserved in more ways than one. So how could any of this lead up to a wedding? How could I even begin to fixate my mind upon something like that in a moment like this? Tell me, why am I even here to begin with? It was definite today, the answer written on her face that she wanted nothing more to do with me. Last night had been worse after her angry outbursts. And I actually had been foolish enough to come here tonight.

"Oh Emma you are such a loser", I whispered, my eyes burning as tears were held at bay. "I had her…" my fists were clenched, "I had…all of her…and I just…messed it up. Shit."

Pressing my palms upon the table, the feel of the cool red table cloth sending a chill through numb fingers, I pushed myself up. And moving towards the railing, there I stood gazing out upon the waters, the tumble of grey waves as they fought each other to reach the shore first. The full moon staring at me from above, as if to remind all the world that nothing went unnoticed, even my lies and stupid mistakes: everything would have been so pretty, so beautiful on any night other than this one. I could have been looking at the same scenery right now with a cheerful mood, knowing quite for sure that she was coming, that she had given her acceptance to come. But no, before I used to have the good things, plans and promises snatched away from me. Now I was the one responsible for taking away promises and everything good.

I sat down, stood up, walked to the door, peered inside, walked back, took several paces about the terrace. My feet grew tired, I became tired, frustrated, completely sad and on the verge of tears. Things reached a point in time when I just could not hold back the fact that I wanted to cry. Such a thing had never been normal for me, to just…cry, to shed tears for anything minor. But this time, I was completely wrecked, and as I stood there once more with my back hunched, hair tangled from the wind, the hot tears came. Choking on sobs, my face was contorted as I shook from the raging emotions, teardrops falling from cheeks already numb from the night wind.

"Ma'am…" I jumped a bit, "are you ready to order?" someone asked from behind.

"No…" I croaked, waving a hand at the back of me, never turning around, "thank you."

"Okay…" and I was left alone.

The way love could destroy a person, it's a funny thing isn't it? It's scary to most people because love can literally kill anyone: heartbreak, suicide, depression, mental illnesses. Many of the persons in the psych wards, yeah they had been totally wrecked because of love. An attachment to someone could drive you over the edge, forcing the inevitable to be done by you. But what was I even leading up to? Here I'm speaking as if an attachment was willingly made from the time she came back on my part when you and I both know that I was hesitant. I wasn't sure, wasn't prepared and was sure as hell trying to protect the situation. The case, look, there hadn't been any mention about the stupid case over the news recently, just investigation pending. And the sole reason I had lied to Regina was in relation to the case. I had stalled on committing, wishing to keep harm away from her by just avoiding the truth. And this is where it all led me

In addition to that, I had kept her at bay because of this driving fear within me that we just couldn't work out, that this was too good to be true and just as I'd have the world in my hands, everything would be snatched away from me.

Now it was minutes to ten, and she still hadn't shown up yet. Sighing deeply, I collapsed unto the chair, hanging my head, feet spread apart as my world began to fall apart. Seriously speaking here, I began to lose it, chest growing extremely cold, trembling hands, a pounding headache, the urge to cry forever.

This is it, Emma. There aren't any more chances left for you. It's over. Now move on.

* * *

><p>Xx<p>

**Regina Mills**

**Location: Ruby's apartment**

**Time: 9:30 p.m.**

The pounding on the door jolted me awake.

It was then when I realized that sleep had caught me in its web, and pawing around the chair, still groggy, my hand gripped anything in support to stand up. That maddening rush of adrenaline that washes over you as soon as you're pulled out from a deep pit of sleep: suddenly you're quick to rush to the door without giving things a run over again. And to the door I shuffled in my socks, the sheet still attached to me as the pounding continued.

"Who is it?" I croaked, lifting a weak hand to open up the peephole.

"Regina, it's me."

"It's us." That was Ruby's voice. And Robin was standing right by her side.

Taking a small step back, I pouted, refusing to turn the lock. "Go away."

"Look, I have a key. This is my apartment", Ruby said sharply, "but I'm kindly asking you to open the freaking door. Now if you don't open it, and I have to use my key, I wouldn't be coming in there with a good face."

"Don't the two of you have somewhere else to be?"

"Don't you have somewhere to be?" she asked loudly. "Jesus! Open the damn door!"

"No…"

"Regina, if you…"

Turning around slowly, I began to walk back to the chair, the knots in my back tightening as I did. And as fingertips were pressed into my sides, the key was pushed into the door as it shook from her passion, the urge to get in. Seconds later, she came barging in, eyes fiery as Robin followed. But I ignored them both, walking to the window as the room tilted dangerously, the feeling of nausea creeping up already.

"Why aren't you dressed?"

"I am dressed", I said.

"You know quite well what she means Regina", Robin stated.

"I'm not going." A gentle wind fluttered the red blinds as I stared out the window.

"Yeah…you are", Ruby stated matter-of-factly.

"It's just a silly date, nothing else", I muttered, "I'm sure that she's been stood up before. Besides", my fingers reached out to catch the fluttering blind between them, "I'm not feeling well."

"What's wrong with you, Regina?" Robin asked quietly, "is everything okay?"

"How in the world can you even ask me that?" I turned to glare at him, then her. And there they both stood, lingering just near the chair. "Everything is not alright, everything is…fucked. Look at me. I'm a sight for sore eyes. An hour ago, I suddenly fell into a vomiting fit, and my head hurts, my…back is killing me."

"That's because you're love sick, you idiot", Ruby declared crossly, "if you had gone out there, none of that shit would have happened in the first place."

"Oh please spare me the bullshit talk", I retorted, eyes darting elsewhere. "Don't pretend to know how I feel right now because you don't."

"I know this much", she said stiffly, "that you staying in here, you're not doing yourself any favors. So I will suggest that you get dressed, get ready and I'll take you there when you're done –"

"I don't need this from you right now", I muttered weakly, waving her off as my feet padded upon the carpet. "I'm not going anywhere in this condition and that's final."

"Robin", Ruby said as my hands felt for the chair handle, lowering myself slowly, "can you please tell her Majesty here to get dressed before I intervene further?"

"I really don't think that we can force her to do anything", I heard him say from behind me, "if she doesn't want to go then that's it." Left elbow propped up upon the handle, I held my face between cold fingers. "Just as long as she's sure of her move"

"Crying all night last night, bet those were fake tears."

My face contorted from rage.

"Regina, Emma's already packed her bags", Robin said softly. "It looks as if she's leaving town."

I said nothing for a while.

"She's leaving, Regina."

"She's not going anywhere", I said, shaking my head. "She'd never leave Storybrooke."

"Snow and I packed her bags tonight", Ruby said, "they're in her car. If you think she's bluffing then I can reassure you that she isn't because she's leaving. Snow doesn't know it yet but I do. She never did quite pick it up but I thought Emma was packing to leave Neal, until I asked to drop her things off at Snow's apartment and she told me to put them in her car. Now why would she say that?"

"Because she wants you to believe that she's leaving when she isn't."

"So you're just going to sit here by the window until she drives by?"

"It's her choice."

"Back to the old Regina", Ruby said angrily, "you know, Emma must have been right to call you the Evil Queen once more because that's exactly how you're behaving right now, trying to shut your feelings out, trying to be stubborn and arrogant when it's not doing you any good."

"Oh go ahead and shove all the blame on me as if I'm the one who fucked up", I fired back, turning my eyes upon her.

"This is bad for you!"

"Bad for me?" I asked, pushing myself up as we glared at each other, "this is bad for me? Has this ever been good for me? Even before I left here, she's the one who has destroyed me and you were there as a witness. Everything I had to leave behind because of her, my son, my…heart…" tears slipped down my cheeks, "and now when I come back for her, she has done nothing to make up for the pain I went through from loving her. Every time I try to get in, there's a brick wall made up of lies and mistakes. Tell me, how can this get worse at all?"

"It's going to get worse if you don't give her a second chance", Robin said calmly. "Regina, we're quite aware of how upset you are, and your decision to feel angered towards her is understandable. But I can reassure you that the best move you can make right now is to give her a second chance."

"I can't…" I said stubbornly. "I'm sorry, but I can't."

"Then you'll lose the woman you've been in love with for so long and I can guarantee you, when she drives out of town, you're going to regret it."

"If she wants to lose Emma just as she lost Daniel, then that's her choice", Ruby said warily.

"The fact that you still kept on loving her even after we left here, even when you believed that she had married Neal", Robin reminded me, "that's more than enough to convince you that you shouldn't give up on her now."

"She's not the same", I said hoarsely.

"Fuck, neither are you!" Ruby replied, eyes wide. "The Regina I knew would have gone out there long ago, snatched her woman and sealed the deal. Not this mushy, regretful, drowning in pain baby standing before me. That's what you've become, a baby, a big baby."

"Ruby…" Robin said, resting a hand upon her right shoulder as my glare intensified, "I don't believe that you're helping by calling her such things. Let's try to keep on track here."

"She left Neal, she's trying to make some changes, and she's totally in love with you. Look, for once in your life, Regina, just trust us on this. Just…" Ruby's voice was lowered, "think this through. It's your move, not ours. But all I want to say before I leave is this, you're still holding unto that box for a reason, taking it everywhere with you. No matter how much she fucks up, since you've first met her, Emma has always been the only one that you've loved. And there's nothing that can change that. You can be miles apart as you soon will be but you'll still keep on loving her. And it's going to ruin you again just as Daniel's loss destroyed you. I don't want my head chopped off by you and I don't want you to get sick, so make the right decision."

Rubbing her back comfortingly, Robin kept his eyes upon me, offering a small smile. "Either you come with us for ice cream or we drop you off at the place where your heart awaits you."

"Come…" Ruby said, outstretching her hands in my direction, "either way you're not staying in this apartment by yourself. So let's get you dressed and out of here."

"I'm really not feeling well", I said softly. "I'm quite serious. Just a while ago, I was…"

"Shhh", she said softly, caressing my face. "It's just the frustrated mood that you're in. You'll feel much better once you're outside." I stepped forward and took her hands. "Sorry for bitching on you like that. Bring it in…" she pulled me into a hug. "It's just the heartbreak tossing your stomach around. Deal with it or ignore it."

With my eyes fixated upon Robin, he kept on smiling and I inhaled deeply, suddenly longing for a bowl of chocolate ice cream.

"Think about it this way, Regina", Robin said to me, "if you don't give Emma a second chance, then you're parting ways with another chance at being absolutely happy. Your life is focused on her, not me, not Ruby. And she's the only person that keeps you living, moving on. That's what you've done for two years, dwelled upon her, the hope of seeing those emerald eyes again. And now that you've found her again, please don't give up."

"Even if she's done enough to hurt me?"

"Love isn't easy", Ruby considered me with kind eyes. "Think about how she makes you feel when you're kissing her. Think about spending your life with her, making a baby together, cuddling and loving each other."

"That's what I always wanted", I said softly, eyes distant.

"Then what are you waiting for?"

"I wanted to give this time, in order for her to realize the impact of the recent events on our relationship. I can't allow her to believe that those hurtful actions can be simply brushed under the mat."

"Then still go there tonight, talk things through and the best way you can torture her is to pull the '_take things slow'_ card out and wave it around."

"But I don't think that I can control myself around her, just to take things slow."

"Then by all means do what is necessary, but find some way to punish her for those severe actions. Lay down the rules, no friendly talking to Neal, she has to fill you in on the murder case, what's happening, keep you in the loop, things like that. And the minute you catch her lying or fucking up, then enact some sort of a punishment, like what you used to do to me, no sex."

My face expression remained stolid.

"No kissing, no touching, no sleeping in the same bed then…"

"I like the sound of that."

"Now let's go."

"Can we at least get some ice cream first?"

"No!" both of them said to me, and my eyes widened.

"I'm your Queen and I demand both of you to do as I say."

"Ha ha, get dressed and let's take you to your knight in shining armor", Ruby laughed and so did Robin.

"Fine, whatever", I mumbled. "Where did authority attached to my title go…"

* * *

><p>Xx<p>

**Emma Swan.**

**Location: The Duke's Lodge**

**Time: 10:30 p.m.**

Head lowered upon the table, I had grown fed up from playing Tetris on my mobile. Tears stained the screen here and there, parts of my dress darker than that before from crying above my lap. And squeezing my eyes shut, lips bitten, I held my breath, this time for as long as I could. At a time when things got tough, that's what I did, trying to awaken my senses, pushing myself to the limit. Only difference is, this time it was a form of punishment.

Thumb moving across the keypad, I dialed Henry's mobile and weakly tapped on the speaker.

Three rings and he picked up. "Mom, what's up?"

"Where are you?" I asked slowly.

"Um, I'm with grandma and granddad. We're watching a movie on ABC family, Christmas with the Kranks…" Snow asked who it was in the background. "Oh, it's er…Gracie." I barely smiled, "yeah hold on a bit."

"Thanks for the save, kid", I said.

"No problem, I'm heading out unto the terrace." I could hear his footsteps and a doorknob being turned. "Yeah, what's up? You don't sound so good."

"I'm not."

He waited. "What's wrong mom?"

"Everything", I said hoarsely, fighting the urge to break down over the phone. "I just need to…talk, okay?"

"Mom", he said, worry in his voice, "you have to tell me what's up. I'm really worried now."

"Henry, I…" squeezing my eyes shut, I breathed in deeply, "I really need to tell you something, but I'm not…really…it's weird, and it's stupid and I don't think you'll understand but I have to tell you. I just…I have to."

"Tell me", he said.

"You'll get angry when I do, but I just want you to know that I love you. And I did what I did because I was just trying to make things happen the way you wanted them to. I just wanted you to be happy."

"This sounds like when I finally found out dad was alive." Oh God, then this would be worse. "But I'm not stupid mom. This is about him, isn't it?"

"Yeah", I sniffed, nodding even though he couldn't see me.

"So what's the verdict then?"

"It's over between us."

"Over as in OVER over? Or over as in you two distancing yourself from each other in the hopes of making up back?"

"Over as in I broke the engagement off, and I'm moving out."

"What?" he asked in shock, "You're moving?"

"Yeah, I am."

"Coming over here to grandma's?"

I couldn't answer that, could I? "When I told you that your dad and I can't move on together, I really meant it, Henry."

"I know, I could sense it in your voice. But there was this part of me that still believed that you two just needed space. And then things would work out. Now hearing you like this, I know that it's over for real."

"That's true."

"Things take time, you know that, don't you? All we need is patience."

"Not this time", I said, "I've tried so hard, and I can't try anymore with him."

"Okay, I get it. I get that you're losing hope and you've lost faith, but you're both my parents. How can I have a family without the two of you together?"

"You still have both of us."

"I don't want to lose you", he said softly, "not again, or ever. I just want you to know that. So don't even think about leaving town, because I know that's your plan."

"Why would you…"

"The bags in your car", he said quickly. "Granddad didn't bring them upstairs, neither did Ruby. I kind of suspected that you were thinking of doing that. And all the time I'm here, I'm telling myself that mom would never leave me. She'd never just leave me here."

"I'd take you with me."

"We're not leaving Storybrooke, mom."

"Henry, I really can't stay here anymore", I said hoarsely. "I just can't."

"We live in the same town as Hook for over two years now. He's your ex and even though things ended badly between you two, you're still here. All you have to do is to find some way to live with dad around. You two will make up back soon, trust me. And then everything will be back to normal."

"I know we will." It wasn't only Neal who I would dread seeing, nor Hook.

"Then we're not leaving."

"Henry…"

"Unless there's someone else who's upsetting you…" I held my breath. "It's Regina, isn't it?"

"What do you mean?" I was fishing.

"I saw the two of you arguing last night, and I know that she's up to something."

"Henry…"

"Like I told you earlier today, ever since she came back here, she's not the same. I don't even exist anymore to her."

"She's just –"

"She's trying to do something to you, isn't she?" he asked abruptly.

"I…" I stopped, detecting the anger in his tone. "She's not the bad person here, Henry, trust me."

"How can you even say that?" he asked, "she's trying to break you and dad up, and I don't know what's going on but my friend saw her trying to kiss you some time ago. Now I don't know if it's true or not, but I know that you don't love her that way, just as a friend."

"Henry…" I tried.

"And somehow she's suddenly come back and everything is falling apart for you and dad, and it's like she's doing the same thing she's done to Snow and Charming. She's trying to destroy another happy ending."

"No, Henry, she isn't."

"She is!" he exclaimed, "I just know that she is. She's always hated you, and now just as you're about to get married, don't you think that it's odd that she shows up?"

"Listen", I said quickly, "I'm coming over there as soon as I can. We're going to talk about this and I want you to listen to me now. It's not what you think, okay. I'll explain everything. Go back and watch the movie and wait up for me."

"Okay", he said.

"Henry, trust me, you do exist and she cares about you. She came back for you. But right now, she's just going through something that really difficult, and it's not what you think."

"If you say so." He sighed. "Where are you now?"

"I'm…" I thought better of it, not to tell him where I was. "I'm on my way to buy the biggest tub of ice cream, and then we'll all share it."

"Right, that sounds awesome", I could detect the smile in his voice. "Well, don't be too long. See ya."

"Later, kid."

When the call ended, I stayed where I was, eyes closed as the conversation was replayed in my mind. Shit, he had been deciphering the entire thing wrongfully. To him, she was coming across as the intruder with a motive, to end my engagement to Neal. That's exactly what she had done, but without a hateful motive concerning me. Up until now, that is.

So I'd get up, I'd leave here and then I'd do just as was promised: buy ice cream and take it home. We'd all watch a movie, the talk would happen somehow and then things would unfold from there. But I wasn't going to leave town just yet.

Getting up, I went once more to the railing and looked out upon the murky waters, knowing quite well that the rough tides reflected the story of my life. A cloud was moving past the moon, casting an eerie shadow upon the beach and for once that evening, I just tried to live in the moment. I tried to forget everything else and to focus on nature, anything at all that seemed normal. There was a couple walking on the sand hand in hand, their footprints leaving an imprint as they went. And as my eyes followed them, the back of my neck began to prickle. That had to be the waiter coming to ask me about ordering again. Preparing myself to reply, I stood there just as I was. But the only sound that could be heard under the crash of the waves was footfalls, slowly approaching. I held my breath as they stopped and gripping the railing with both hands, I pushed myself away.

"Look, I'm sorry, but I'm just about to leave. And no, I'm not…" I turned around, "…ordering…anything…"

"If that's what you want", she said stepping closer to me, her eyes never leaving mine.

Swallowing hard, eyes wide, I couldn't feel my legs as my knees grew weak. An apparition, a delusion, that's what this was, some kind of trick that my mind was playing on me. And even as she stood there, the silence stretching out between us, I just couldn't breathe when my eyes captured the way she was dressed. So beautiful, wearing one of those wide flowing blouses, a coffee tone, the bodice just around her breasts tightly gathered, long sleeves that had slits about the upper arms. She was wearing a pair of tailored pants with her flat knee high brown leather boots, the bottom of the pants tucked inside. She also had on a nice black trench coat that hung up to her knees, unbuttoned of course, providing some warmth at least. And as it was the same on many occasions before, Regina just instantaneously took my breath away because she could always manage to look gorgeous in anything, even the simplest sophisticated suits. Silver earrings twinkled in the lamplight as brown eyes roamed my figured. Yet just for a moment, I could detect a small smile about her eyes, red lips remaining still.

"Regina…" I whispered, throat dry.

"Emma", she said in that hoarse voice of hers, a voice that could fill me up with desire within seconds.

This felt just like the moment when she had come back to Storybrooke, that overwhelming moment when my mind just couldn't process the situation. This felt like the moment when I had come back from New York and we had bumped into each other at the Diner. This felt like the moment when we parted ways at the town line before I drove away, me being left speechless, wanting to say so much to her, believing that I'd never see the woman I loved ever again. All of it, every time, and over and over again she could just take my breath away, leave my mind empty from her beauty, the way she held my gaze. I just couldn't believe that someone could ever have this effect on me over and over again. But there was Regina and she had done that so many times, astonishing me. She had bewitched me as Lizzie Bennett from Pride and Prejudice had bewitched Darcy, but the only difference is, she was the Darcy and I had to be the Lizzie.

"You came…"

"You're still here." Taking a small step towards me, her hands lay limp down her sides as the wind gently fluttered dark hair around a captivating face.

"I didn't want to leave because…" I took a step towards her, a tentative one, "I kept hoping that you'd show."

"When would you have given up?"

"Just now", I said.

She inhaled, lips parted, "then I'm just in time. Were you…" a hand gestured to the roadside, her eyes still on me, "really going to leave me, Emma?"

"I was prepared to."

"Without even saying goodbye?"

"After last night, I just thought that you…hated me, that's all."

"And that's entirely true."

"Regina…" I said, still breathless, "I'm so sorry, I really am. I've been such a fool. And I promise that if you give me another chance then…" eyes lowered, I nervously played with my fingers. Don't fuck this up, Emma. Don't talk too much, don't keep apologizing, don't make a mess of this. She's here, she came and she…she came so that means that…Lifting my eyes, I gazed wide eyed at her.

Searching my face, she smiled. I couldn't believe it. Regina was actually offering me a smile and I couldn't remember the last time I had been on the receiving end.

"Has it sunk in as yet?" she asked, hands brought to the front as they were entwined.

"Yeah", I stated, laughing nervously as I smiled stiffly. "So what brought this last minute change of heart then?"

"It's already late, Emma."

"Yeah okay, we'll talk about that one later."

"Well then…" wiping her palms upon the sides of her pants, brown eyes roamed the table top, and then once again, I was the focus of her attention, "be a gentleman and let's officially have our very first proper date, will you?"

"Right", I said quickly, suddenly feeling overwhelmed with happiness as I rushed forward, snatching the back of the chair and pulling it out just enough. "Before you took my breath away just now, I was prepared to tell you how beautiful you look." Palms pressed upon the table, she tilted her head sideways, looking back at me with a warm smile. "But then again…you're always so…" shaking her head, she sat down slowly, leaving me with my words hanging in the air.

"I must admit that you really look quite stunning in a dress, in fact, I don't believe that I've ever seen you in one."

"Then you like it?"

"I absolutely love it", she said, eyes fixated on me and me alone. Geez, I can't begin to explain to you how I felt so, so awesome. It's like I just couldn't control my happiness, overflowing by the second.

The waiter finally peeped in, saw the setting was complete and happily took our orders. Frowning at Regina's simple order after a chicken salad, I added a side order of vegetable salad for her to which she accepted without any objections. At first, when not a word was said against my move on her part, our eyes met and just for a moment, I couldn't believe how our relationship had turned out to be. We had moved from enemies to friends to tense friends, to awkward acquaintances to this: it was enough to have our gaze last longer than expected. And whilst we both maintained that bond, I could feel the intensity between us building up. My chest began to buzz with desire, anticipation as her brown eyes took on a desirous look, one that began to melt me in my chair.

"I have to confess", she said in a rush, her voice wavering as those eyes were torn away from gazing at me, and she smiled, "that I wasn't going to come tonight."

Trying to regain full control of my lungs, I swallowed, smiling too from the obvious effect I had on her. It was unbelievable, how I could suddenly make Regina lose control of herself long enough to make me see a completely different side of her.

"Three hours proved that", I said, wrapping shaky fingers around my cool glass of water. I sipped, I sipped again and still my throat felt parched.

"Well you have Robin and Ruby to thank for this", she said softly.

"Really?"

"Yes, they came over." Mirroring my move, she took up her glass and sipped too, eyes smiling.

"And what did they say to you?"

"Enough to remind me of my past, present and future."

"Oh…" I said. Did she just say future? Oh my God.

"Anyway, I left the apartment with one aim in mind", she swallowed, resting her glass on the table once more. "I'd get the biggest bowl of apple and vanilla ice cream. And I'd eat as much as I could until my feelings, this terrible bruise on my heart could be numbed from the cold."

"What made you change your mind then?"

"Ruby was right. And so was Robin because it's like drinking alcohol, Emma", she kept looking at me, eyes filled with worry, "I've done that already after losing Daniel, I tried to dull the pain of losing him by drinking and binging on all sorts of things. Nothing ever worked. And this isn't any different because my feelings are so strong for you, I don't believe that I can ever smother them. Only suicide would solve the problem."

"Regina…" I said hoarsely, my eyes stinging from oncoming tears.

"No, I have to make you fully aware of the intensity of this. I don't want half of you, I want all of you. And if you really cannot…understand the logic behind that, then I'm afraid that my heart will self-destruct. And yes, the problem will be solved."

"I don't want you to talk like that", I told her, because that side of her, that dark side was frightening me so much now since I had never heard her speak like that.

"That's what you've done to me", she said directly.

"You've changed so much."

"Only because I'm in love with you."

"So you're still in love with me then?"

"I could never ever stop loving you."

"Neither can I."

I couldn't help myself as our eyes met and I stopped breathing. It was then when she gazed upon me with this look, a look that told me exactly how much I meant to her. The thing is, I have never seen her look at anyone like that before, so deeply she considered me, a never ending gaze that captivated me fully. But just as the feeling between us intensified again, the waiter came in, pushing a small trolley as I quickly tore my eyes away from her, feeling the flutter of my heart as fingers gripped the table's edge.

"Two salads for you", he cheerfully said, depositing the plates before her with grace. "And a serving of steamed vegetables, beef and mashed potato for you. Champagne, wine…"

"I'm fine with water, thank you", she said apologetically.

"A glass of something strong for me", I said to him, "anything."

"Excellent", offering me a smile, he walked off, the trolley in tow.

"What?" I asked when her eyes searched my face, "I just need something strong."

"To numb the pain?"

"There's no pain", I said softly, "I need to be reminded that I'm still alive and this is for real. Plus, I just can't feel my legs right now."

"Oh, restricted circulation. Maybe that's because you're not quite accustomed to wearing a dress."

"Could be that too", I said, tugging at the top of the dress I had on, frowning as I kicked off my heels under the table, and picking up my fork, the potato was sampled.

We ate in silence for quite some time, and as she chewed slowly, her brown eyes remained on me for the entire time. I maintained eye contact, offering smiles once and awhile as she did the same. But I kept thinking about that one time when we were driving in my car and she had complained about the silence between us. This time, there wasn't tension between us but a sense of feeling the air quite comforting around me. The entire scenario was relaxing eventually, having started out quite badly. Gradually, the tension within my head that had sparked a headache was now disappearing. And when I was halfway through my meal, I realized that I had to say something or at least my gut told me to.

"Thanks for the –"

"How was your –"

We both spoke at the same time, and smiling apologetically, I urged her to continue.

"Thank you for the gifts, Emma", she said softly, her fork hovering above a slice of tomato, "just when I thought that my house and car were written off."

"I would have never let that happen", I said.

She frowned. "How did you manage to retrieve both?"

"By making a deal with Gold as expected."

Her eyes were widened. "What have you done?"

"Oh nothing much", I said, continuing to eat, eyes lowered. "His price was for me to provide extra protection for his shop, plus I had to volunteer at the library, helping Belle but trust me, it was worth the effort. Besides..." sticking my fork into a slice of beef, I chewed, "teaching was always an option for me, and to help the kids out with research and stuff, it actually turned out to be entertaining."

"I thought pounding the pavements and finding answers, stake outs and detective work would be more your kind of thing, not teaching."

"That's true still. Helping students do research on papers about all sorts of topics, that's like detective work, minus me beating the shit out of useless men."

She laughed. "Well I'm glad to hear that you enjoyed it."

"I'm still doing it", I admitted, eyes on her. "Every other day of the week, every Saturday. It's nice, maybe you can come along some time. No, let me rephrase that, you WILL come along with me."

"Okay, I'll consider it, but only if I'm well enough to stick to it."

"How are you…health wise?" I asked, frowning as she left her food untouched. It was a stupid question to ask because of course I was the sole reason for her poor health.

"Not so well, Emma."

"It's all my fault. I'm such a huge pain in the ass."

"You've just managed to fatigue me somewhat", she said softly, "but we both know that love isn't easy, is it?"

"It isn't", I said, my eyes never leaving her face as she played with a crinkle of lettuce. "Maybe that's why you're not wearing the necklace I gave you, because I'm not an easy person to love and I've put you through so much already."

Eyes lifted, she searched my exposed skin just below my neck. And when I reached up, pulling the chain out from inside my dress, the first letter of her name dangling from the bottom, she lifted her gaze to meet mine.

"Emma…"

"It's okay", I said quickly, avoiding her eyes, "I deserve that. I really wasn't expecting you to wear it anyway, after what happened."

"It's not just that", she said from across the table, and I swallowed, a lump in my throat, "right now, I'm quite aware of the fact that you've just ended your relationship with Neal. And I don't want us to take things in one leap."

"You're saying this now."

"I'm sorry that I tried to push you before."

"You wanted me to rush things so fast, for me to move in with you, for me drop everything –"

"And that's because I let me feelings cloud my judgment", she admitted, "after two years, I became quite impatient, realizing that you weren't married and I still had a chance. That's why I acted the way I did, feeling pressed by time."

"But now Regina I've let go of everything just because of you", I said as my throat ached, and she held my gaze. "I told my parents like two years ago, and they were completely uncomfortable with the idea. Mom took the longest to come around but she did. Dad was the first one to accept it. Now I've let go of Neal, and he knows, I think most of Storybrooke know about us. Henry doesn't as yet but he suspects it. And it's going to be so hard for me to get him to understand this. But right now, I'm prepared to make him understand that all I want is you."

"Oh Emma…"

"He's not going to have his mom and dad the way he wants, together as a happy family. He's going to have to accept the fact that I'm completely in love with his other…mom…the one who has changed me."

"It's not going to be easy", she said to me, "explaining that to him."

"That's because you made it that way."

"What?" smiling, she knew quite well what I was talking about. "I never did that."

"Attacking me with your uncontrollable feelings, finding every opportunity to have some confrontation where you could stare me down and sniff me all over."

"Is that what you think of me?"

"I know that's true. Admit it, you purposely came into my personal space because you wanted to kiss me. Go on."

"Yes."

"There you go", I said, smiling. "So many moments we had, Regina, so many where you could have just kissed me. I wouldn't even begin to talk about Neverland because –"

"And what about you kissing ME instead of sucking the pirate's disgusting mouth?" she asked in disbelief.

"…because I knew that you snuck out to watch me take a dip in the lake. I knew you followed me." I continued, overriding her voice.

She gasped. "I did not!"

"Unless it was Pan." I held my breath.

She snorted. "Or Gold, or Felix, Pan's right hand man."

"Oh my God, that's disturbing. Please tell me that it was you. Please…" I urged her.

"It was me."

I breathed out a sigh of relief as she smiled. "So I guess seeing ALL of me isn't something to look forward to anymore."

"I never saw all of you because I always showed up late."

"Good then because it will be an honor to undress before the Queen."

"You're teasing me", she said, her voice wavering. "Don't do that, Emma. You have no idea what you're capable of doing to me."

"Then tell me", I said, feeling my heart race as parts of me tingled. I'm such a hopeless case, more like a blushing 16 year old.

"I…can't…do…that."

"Yeah, you can."

"No."

"Now who's the tease then?"

"Finish your food first", she said, her cheeks incredulously turning pink as I gazed in shock. Eyes lowered, I noticed how her fingers trembled slightly as she avoided my scrutiny. But I still kept on looking at her without taking another bite. "Emma…stop it."

"Stop what?"

"Stop looking at me like…that."

"Why?"

"Because you're making me lose control", she confessed in a shaky voice, biting her lips.

"I want you to lose control", I stated bravely, finding that my voice wavered too. "If that's what loving me does to you, then by all means, show me, look at me."

Taking a deep breath, she still avoided my eyes, and after the seconds moved by between us, brown eyes finally returned to me. "Can we…" she left her sentence hanging as I wanted, holding my breath. Lips parted, all I could do was look at her as she remained silent.

"Can we what?"

"I…" she swallowed.

"You…"

"I'm sorry but I just…can't take my eyes off of you."

"Then don't."

"All the hurtful drama yesterday –"

"I hope that I can make you forget most of the pain with a kiss…" eyes widening, she parted her lips to stare at me. And as the wind moved through the trees, tumbling the waves, I honestly believed that the whole world could disappear right there and then and I wouldn't even notice. "…because right now –"

"I really want to kiss you", she whispered breathlessly, interrupting me.

I couldn't believe it. Smiling, I eyed her plate as she fought to breathe. "Finish your food first."

"I'm not hungry."

"I'll make a deal with you", I said as my plate was cleared.

"Emma…please…"

"If you finish your veggie salad, I'll do whatever you want me to do afterwards." Her eyes widened. "Anything, but only if you finish…" the fork was snatched up, "your…" and she jammed the fork into a slice of tomato so fast, "…oh wow…now I know how to get you to eat."

"Shut up", she said, chewing, "I'll make you pay for this."

"Oh and…" I leant over the table, smiling widely, "will you destroy me if it's the last thing you do as well?"

"Yes…over and over again until you lose control in my bed, back at my apartment, tonight."

Swallowing hard, my back hit the chair as I sat upright, eyes wide. Chewing cutely before me, you'd never believe if I told you that I was given the sweetest smile ever. I was repeatedly teased with her eyes as she studied my lips, then lower and all the time, I kept thinking about one thing. If I could make Regina Mills lose control of herself, then what would happen to me when we ended the night off at her place?

* * *

><p>Half an hour later and we were now emerging from the Lodge, Regina suddenly clinging unto my right arm as I was captured in disbelief. The feeling was strange, unexpected but that's what I wanted, to be so close to her. And as we stepped outside into the bustle of the night, many people passing by laughing giddily, enjoying themselves, she gently squeezed my arm repeatedly, a feeling so adorable at first, I can't begin to explain why I thought so. Maybe it's because she wasn't the same in so many ways, a small hoarse laugh escaping from her. Even as we walked in silence, I could feel the change between us in more ways than one.<p>

"So when does it start?"

"Whenever you want", I stated, smiling.

"Okay", fingers closing around my arm, she suddenly stopped in the middle of the pavement, tugging me to face her as our bodies were pressed together so fast. The breath was knocked out of me as I could feel the way she shuddered, our eyes meeting, a gaze deepening by the second. "Why would I ever want a man when I have you?"

"Hmm, I don't know", and I shrugged, "maybe because they have something I don't have?"

"Robin is everything you could want in a man. He's smart, compassionate, understanding…" I frowned, feeling my throat ache as her fingers were wrapped around my neck, "kind, and everything else. But Emma", she pulled my face downwards, our noses meeting affectionately, "I want a woman, only one woman, and that woman is…you."

"Let's take things slow", I said, still breathless as a smile came upon my face, studying hers with compassion.

"I like slow."

"I mean…"

"Like this…" and even before I could register her next move, Regina pressed her lips unto mine, eyes fluttering close. I can honestly say that her sudden moved knocked me senseless as I melted immediately, head inclined downwards since she was shorter. The sensation was so sharp, me feeling this piercing inside my heart as it began to race down an endless course. With my lips parted, she began to kiss me slowly, capturing my bottom lip between hers as those warm fingers were splayed across my cheeks. And geez what a way she had with kissing, so sensual and slow. Extraordinary. It was because I suddenly lost complete control, knees growing weak as everyone passed by, the whole world disappearing around me. She tasted so sweet, I wanted to kiss her forever, the way her fingers caressed my face, the way she pressed kisses about my lips, breathless already. And I could feel the baby kicking within her, the feeling so remarkably amazing as my hands held unto her hips.

"Ice cream?" I asked in a whisper as she nuzzled her cheek against mine, sighing deeply.

"Yes please."

"Then what?"

"Back to my place."

"Then what?"

"Sleep, Emma. We both need to sleep. After last night, I'm quite exhausted, aren't you?"

I sighed, "yeah I'm really tired." Entwining my fingers with hers, we began to walk slowly as she gazed up at me with a smile. "But can I kiss you before we fall asleep?"

"You can kiss me whenever you want to", she stated, "Wherever you want."

I laughed, eyes lowered as we walked.

"What?"

"I'm just thinking that either I'm the luckiest woman in the world to finally have you, or I'm just dreaming right now."

"You're the luckiest woman in the world, no doubt about it."

"I can't believe that this is happening", I said as my arm was wrapped around her, as she was pulled closer.

"Oh dear…"

"No I mean it, it's so amazing –"

"Emma…" squeezing my arm, I felt her stiffen against me. And lowering my eyes, her face was searched for answers.

"What's wrong? Is it the baby?"

"No, look", her eyes were focused forward as she stopped and seeking out the source, I finally realized what she was looking at. Coming towards us was no other than Neal with Henry beside him, both of them holding an ice cream cone in their hands. As soon as Henry saw us, and his eyes met mine, I could see the change within his gaze. What seemed at first like a gladdening smile to see me, twisted into a surprised look then as his glare rested upon Regina, and he stopped abruptly.

"Look who it is", Neal said smiling widely. "Luce and Rachel, imagine me and you." Probably was the only lesbian film he had ever seen, and what a jackass he was to even mention it now. I rolled my eyes as Regina pulled me closer.

"Hey mom", Henry said, eyes focused on me, "where's the ice cream?"

"I…"

"Yeah", he said quickly, "I get it. It's exactly what I suspected."

"Henry, you don't –"

"You've done it again", he said angrily to Regina, his eyes glinting with anger, "you just can't stop, can you?"

Remaining silent, I could feel her shiver against me. "What are you talking about, sweetheart?"

"Don't call me that."

"Okay", she said, hurt detected in her tone of voice. "Henry…"

"You've torn my family apart before and now you're doing the same thing again."

"Kid, just stop it", I said sternly as Neal offered me a maddening smile.

"No, it's like dad said, she probably cast a spell on you –"

"Is that what you've spun up now?" Regina asked Neal sharply, tears filling her eyes. "I've cast a spell on Emma?"

"Wouldn't put it past you."

"Mom, you've got to get away from her", Henry said, reaching forward to snatch my arm, attempting to pull me towards him.

"Henry, stop it!" I snapped, my eyes focused on Neal, standing my ground. "So you're filling his head with lies, and that makes you happy, doesn't it?"

Running his fingers through his hair, he shrugged. "Just telling him the truth. What's the harm in that?"

"You're never going to change", Henry said to Regina, glaring at her, "you're just cold hearted, selfish and manipulative."

"That's enough", I said angrily.

"Self-conceited, still the Evil Queen –"

"Henry!" I shouted, "stop that immediately!"

"I'm done", he said with a crossed expression on his face. "I'm so done. This is not right, you loving her like that. And she tricking you into believing that this is real."

Lifting a hand up, I turned to see Regina covering her face as she began to cry. By reflex, my arm went around her tightly, and as she was pulled closer, she buried her face into my side.

"I'm sorry Henry but this isn't a spell", I said with a straight face,.

"You wouldn't even know if you were under a spell!" he stated, totally convinced.

"You need to stop talking like that and listen to me."

"Mom, no you listen to me. This is a set up and I don't know what it means yet but you've got to believe me –"

"I know what you're doing here", I said to Neal, rage consuming me. "You're putting him in a position where he has to believe one of us. When you already filled his head with your twisted lies, it's my turn now to look like the demented fool."

"If you want to put it that way", shrugging, he looked away. "Suit yourself."

"You can believe your dad", I said to Henry, "because I bet he had quite a story to spin for you but believe me too because I'm your mother. I'm telling you right now that Regina isn't in this alone. I'm right here beside her. This is not the way to do this but since you're rushed for time, then I'll tell you this." Neal rolled his eyes and sighed. "I'm in love with her. I have always been in love with her. And that's what I wanted to tell you tonight."

"But –"

"We'll talk more about this later, but right now, I need you to apologize to your mother."

"I'm sorry, Emma", he said smartly, folding his arms in disrespect.

"I meant Regina."

"Right now, the only mother I have is my biological mother, not someone who doesn't care about me anymore."

"Henry!"

"Dad, let's go", he muttered.

Before I could reach out to snatch his arm, Neal tugged him away, glaring at me. "See what you've done?" he asked, "hope you're happy now, breaking up our family. Made the kid's Christmas day flunk to the ground. Mother of the year you both are."

"You…" fists clenched, I stopped as Regina tugged at my arm.

"Don't –" she said softly, her voice hoarse. "Let's just go home."

"Okay", I said. "But I can't allow him to –"

"I'm not feeling well, Emma", she said in such a low voice, I could hardly hear her. "Really I'm not." Clutching her side, she squeezed her eyes shut, lips bitten.

"Shit, what's wrong?" I asked, moving to stand in front of her, taking her shoulders gently as my head was lowered to scrutinize a crestfallen face.

"It's the baby, I'm having these…cramps…these…awful pains and aches…"

"What's happening, do you need me to get you to a hospital? Are you –"

"No, it's happened before and I've already done that. It's just the baby moving." I rested my hand upon her midsection and felt a definite commotion going on in there. "I'm tired. Can we just…go…please?" she asked me, breathless as her back kinked. "I really need to…"

"Shh", I said softly, taking a hold of her shoulders as I directed her forwards. "Can you make it home or do you want us to –"

"I'll walk, no!" and my arm was snatched as I tried to move away unintentionally, "please…don't leave me, I need you."

"I'm not leaving you", I said quickly as she breathed fast, taking sharp intakes of air, clutching unto me as if I was actually going to let her go. "It's okay. I'm here."

It couldn't be time already, because she wasn't even eight months pregnant yet. Possibly contractions alone, or the severity of stress, frustration. Either way, I needed to get her home as fast as I could. Then after doing that, I'd definitely call Whale just to make sure everything was okay. And so we began to walk, me holding onto her tightly as she winced against me.

What a day, what a night! Do you agree? Something more like the most memorable Christmas day I ever had in my life!

* * *

><p><strong>AN – Next chapter will pick up back exactly where this one ended off, back to Regina's apartment. I trust you remember she still has one? Apart from Ruby's place, that is. Not her house, that's still in a mess.  
>SMUT AHEAD! Mushy, cute, hot smut. <strong>

**Are there any Bad Girls' fans following this story? If so, did you pick up a bit of a Helen/Nikki scene in the past part of this chapter? If so, yes it was intentional! My other favorite pairing! For those of you who don't know about Helen and Nikki then you should really check the show Bad Girls out. It had the longest running lesbian relationship on screen for three entire seasons! **

**Okay, back to Swan Queen. So Neal really is a sleaze isn't he? Based on the reviews I've been receiving, NO ONE GIVES A TOSS ABOUT NEAL. Robin is so safe though, loved so much by you all. Ruby is a sassy darling, Snow is just…I swear, when we're finished with you all, you'll love her. You'll love Robin and Snow so much more.**

**Don't hate Henry as yet. Think of it this way, Neal's been behind this all the time, it's no wonder Henry sees things differently. We all know that he's a very understanding child, maybe just a bit stubborn now that he's a teenager. But when given the right facts and proof, his belief system works properly. Calling Regina those names wasn't nice though. Then again, thinking about it, since she's back, she hasn't spent time with him.**

**UP NEXT: Massage session, coming OUT, Regina helps out at the library, Snow talks to Henry and then the chapter ends with another major fuck up. Sorry! But our stories NEVER run smoothly! You know that!**

_**There is a remedy to pain though, said x Enigmatic x, pleasure!**_

**SO WHAT DID YOU THINK ABOUT THIS CHAPTER? REVIEW or MESSAGE US!**


	10. OUT in the Open

***Kay - Thanks for the reviews, and we took down this chapter, deciding to split it into two because of the length because readers reviewed to say that it was TOO LONG and TOO MUCH to digest. Wouldn't make a difference if you read the entire thing already but for those readers to come, it might make a difference. So here we go again***

**Chapter Ten**

**Title: OUT in the Open and INTO the Fire**

_**Excerpt:**_

"_I'm not in the mood to have this…conversation with you", she said in a stiff voice, "I'm stopping it right now."_

"_I want to have this conversation right now."_

"_Go find someone that you can trust", and she turned on her heels._

"_Don't you walk away from me", I rushed forward, trying to snatch her arm. _

"_Leave me alone."_

"_Don't do this to me."_

"_I'm not doing anything to you!"_

"_Yes you are!"_

"_What do you want from me, Regina?" she asked, bitterness in her tone. _

**Emma.**

**Location: Regina's Apartment**

So in case you forgot, she's renting this new apartment now in the same building as my parents. It's on the third floor. And all the way there, not once, not ever did Regina let go of my hand, an arm strongly wrapped around my waist as her fingernails pressed into my sides. It was such a small thing to notice, the way she just kept holding unto me as her fingers squeezed my waist softly every once and awhile. But it's like, I could just focus on that small move, feel it, my mind was registering that and to me, it was extremely cute. The way she'd do that, I never noticed it before but ever since her return here, the minor things done on her part were the ones that I just couldn't forget ever: over and over again these memories would keep replaying in my mind. Maybe it was simply because I had returned to this point where everything that was happening appeared totally crucial. Her leaving and coming back: that's enough to splash a bucket of ice water on my freaking mind.

So we're inside now, inside her apartment and it's the first time that I'm actually seeing this place. Not fancy or sophisticatedly arranged like her mansion, but simple, furnished with the usual things that come with leasing an apartment. Everything is fixed just as expected, however, it's the lamp that catches my attention. Funny but my eyes kept lingering to its place upon a small brown table next to the two piece green sofa. I help her unto the chair, lifting her feet unto the soft cushion that's covered with a carpet like material. And even as I do this, my eyes rest upon the lamp. It's nothing major, nothing too fancy but honestly as I'm stooping here, my mind is pinched by a recollection.

I should remember this.

That lamp means something and yet I can't remember anything at all as her hand reaches out and soft fingers are caressing my forehead. It's there, just near the window that's locked whilst the red lace curtains lazily brushing its shade shaped like a wide cone. Well of course she notices that my attention is elsewhere and in a whisper, I'm asked what's wrong. To that, I shake my head, eyes returning back to her face as the pale moonlight cascades through the lace of the blinds from three windows. The light that softly touches everything around us cannot add as much beauty to something so pretty as her eyes, those brown eyes that are just warm and focused. She blinked at me as our gaze was never broken, even as I sat on my knees whilst studying the way the light further captures the tumble of her hair, her cheeks, the line of her neck, the rise and fall of her breasts.

And then she winced, eyes lowered as fingertips press into her right side.

"That's it. I'm calling Whale", I said, pulling out my cell, standing up.

"No, don't send false alarms his way. It's just something that has happened before –"

"I want to make sure that you're okay."

"Emma, disconnect the call and come here", a hand was outstretched.

When our eyes met, she sent me a convincing look, convincing enough to do as I was told. As stupid as it sounds, yeah I did disconnect the call. And moving to her side, my hand was taken as our fingers entwined.

"It will pass", she said softly.

"How bad is the pain?" I asked, worrying too much. "Where does it hurt?"

"The baby's just kicking a little too much, and there are quite evidently a few knots in my back."

"That sounds normal." I relaxed a bit.

"Now stop looking at me with worry in your eyes."

"I'm just concerned about you", I noted.

"Emma, I'm fine." Focusing those brown eyes on me, she attempted to use the intensity of her gaze to erase my worry. Somehow, it was done in succession as I immediately felt relaxed. How could she do that, just look at me and be quite so effective with her intended focus? It's extraordinary. Or maybe it's the fact that her appearance is so captivating, anything that comes out of her lips would sway my judgment in a flash. Maybe I'm just a fool in love but who would doubt me on that?

Regina is just astoundingly beautiful.

She's not Jackie, the head strong Governor from Boston who was seriously attractive with strong features, a compact body and everything else. Look, it's not that I'm finding it okay to compare her with anyone else, but I've been around other women. I've been around, Boston, New York, almost there to Tallahassee and back. I was in jail, this cold cemented brick box that was packed with women of all descriptions, women from all walks of life, women with problems and dark pasts, just like Regina. And not ever, not once did I happen to meet someone as beautiful as her. They could have her hair, but somehow the way those dark tendrils fell to cover her eyes, the way she would tilt her head sideways to assess me whilst strands were tucked behind one ear: that was distinct. Those brown eyes, millions of women have brown eyes but it's simply in the way she chooses to look at me, a deep look so intense and captivating as my entire face would be studied as the seconds slid by so slowly. Her hands, her gestures as she would gracefully pinch up anything, or as those well-manicured fingers would gently move across my lower arm teasingly.

That's what she's doing now, and as I'm studying her so intently, my mind carefully examining the smallest things, I seriously can't understand how in the world I could never stop this. I can't stop falling in love with her. And it seems as if this is possible. It's really possible to keep falling for someone even as you spend more time with them, as you move from one sticky situation to another, as distance separated you for so long, as you fall out. Everything else, every angry fight we had, every attempt she made to get rid of me, even when I made her cry or she walked away from me: I'm still madly in love with her. I'm crazy about her, and it's amazing how she managed to detect my feelings even before I did. But these feelings have been there from the first time I met her. And my heart just took a little longer to process all of it whilst she was the one to fall quickly in love with me.

"What are you thinking about?" she asked as fingers tuck my hair behind an ear, eyes searching mine.

"Sorry", I said, giving my head a shake, a small smile offered, "I was a million miles away for a moment there."

"Where were you?"

"I…" she tilted her head sideways and continued to gaze at me, "I was thinking about you."

"I'm right here."

"Sometimes I can't be sure of that."

"So you think that I'm an apparition then?"

"Are you?"

"Maybe I'm playing with your mind?"

"How can you really be in…love with…" my voice wavered, throat aching, "…how can you honestly be in love with me?"

"I've been asking myself that question from the first time I met you", she said smiling as a cupped hand caressed my jaw.

"And have you…found the answer?"

"Yes. I just told you right before we kissed, and you've forgotten already."

I waited as the night is so silent around us and the only sound that registers in my mind is the steady rhythm of her breathing. Reaching up, my fingers close around her hand as warmth spreads through me and that smile disappears so suddenly, lips parted slightly.

"Emma", she said softly as my eyes watered, "I had my whole life mapped out when I was younger. Daniel and I would get married, he'd be my ticket to escape from my mother. I wanted to move away from her, to live a life of my own. I wanted so much, a normal life knowing that it's not something that would have come easily. To live in a nice simple house near a lake with this huge…apple tree in my back yard. And I'd raise my family there like any other woman, with a wonderful husband who I would spend the rest of my life with. Three daughters and…"

"I'm sorry", I said, my voice barely there.

"No, don't be sorry, sweetheart."

"I'm not the perfect guy, I know that. I don't think that I can ever –"

"I told you, Emma, I don't want to be with a man as I used to dream of."

"But I can't guarantee that you'll get all those things that you always wanted."

"I don't care about those dreams anymore because from the first time I met you, there hasn't been any doubt in my mind as to where this would take me."

"Can you really be sure that you're going to be happy enough with me?"

She said to me, "I've loved you for so long now and the only way forward, the only way I can be happy is if I can spend the rest of my life with you."

"Well now that I've managed to become the worst mother of the year", her gaze was lowered, "I suppose that some part of this sucks."

"It's going to take some time for him to understand all of this, but it's going to happen", I said softly, "don't worry."

"Whilst Neal fills his head with enough to fuel a simmering hatred."

"Look, if it makes you feel any better, we're both in this together."

"Yes because I've cast a spell on you", she said sarcastically, her voice hoarse and sexy, head dancing side to side. "I've bewitched you, tied a lock of your hair to a carrot stick and I dipped it into a cauldron bubbling with incensed water."

I snorted. "I knew it."

"I haven't even used my magic in two years", she confessed as her hand reached for the back of the chair, adjusting herself to sit up. "But I'd like your permission to cast a spell on Neal so that he dances around town like a lunatic."

"I might just agree", I replied, smiling widely. Crawling towards her feet, my fingers captured the zip of her leather boots as I proceeded to take them off.

"He's older than me. Are you aware of that small significant fact?"

Sliding off her right boot, I smiled at the fact that she had on thick red socks. "I…never…really thought about it", I frowned.

"I'm also younger than Hook."

"But you're older than me still", I pointed out as she sat up, and planting her legs on either side of me as I remained seated on the carpet, those soft, graceful fingers reached out to play against my cheeks.

"And so much more experienced."

"Is that so, your Majesty?"

"Addressing me as such will only bring out a side of me that you've never really had the privilege of seeing. And I must tell you that the Queen is nothing like the Mayor."

"Is this foreplay?" I asked wickedly, tongue between my teeth as she studied my face.

"Maybe it is, and it has just begun by a fraction."

"Oh wow, you're such a tease." Slowly rising from the carpet, I entwined my fingers with hers. And as there was the soft sprinkle of snow upon the closed glass window behind me, Regina stood up.

Gazing at each other wasn't quite the way to describe such an intense meeting of eyes as we both remained in close proximity. Somehow, an attempt to gaze wasn't so deep as this feeling that was developing within me, a feeling unearthed from within. It was effective, like a tumble of warmth spreading through my body just from looking into those brown eyes. And I believed that even if someone entered the room, still I wouldn't be able to take my eyes off of her.

"Am I making you lose control", I asked in a whisper as if this was a secretive meeting within a room full of people.

"Yes", she said, stepping closer to me, holding my hands as I nervously used a boot to slide off the other.

Lifting herself unto her toes, just a few inches up enough, I immediately stopped breathing as she pressed a soft kiss unto my parted lips. So sweet and cute, but just what I needed to spark everything completely because it was me who eagerly initiated the kiss this time. It was one fueled by passion, a driving heat inside of me to form some sort of a connection between us, realizing that distance was torturing. Inches were painful, tormenting and damaging. And as my fingers found her shoulders, squeezing them as she was pulled closer, close enough, I sensually captured her bottom lip between mine as a moan escaped from within both of us.

We continued to kiss, our heads dancing side to side as this dizzying feeling between us intensified and very soon, we were both losing control, losing composure. My hands suddenly found the collar of her coat. And as fingers wrapped around my neck, I slid it off whilst still becoming lost in the haze of desire building up so fast like smoke between us as my mind became so intoxicated from her smell. She smelt so good, the scent of lavender intermingled with apples and sweat. Neck already so warm and heated, I could feel the way she trembled against me as perspiration dampened her skin. But it wasn't just her. I was burning up too and the need to take off my clothes was such a good idea racing to the front of my mind.

As if reading my thoughts, kisses were pressed about my jawline as her fingers quickly felt for the front of my jacket. And within seconds I got rid of the damn thing, as she tossed it aside. My hands swept through her hair, so soft and beautiful in the pale moonlight washing through the window. My thumbs trailed pathways down her neck as fingertips caressed her skin whilst she intensely locked eyes with me. And just as I cupped her face within my grasp, wanting to kiss her again, she pulled away, inhaling deeply as her hands squeezed my shoulders.

"What's wrong?" I asked as she winced.

"Kicking…again…it hurts", her eyes met mine, filled with concern.

"Maybe she hates the fact that I'm kissing her mom", I tried as a joke.

"What a way for her to ruin a moment."

"Like a normal kid, they always want attention. Come to think of it, Henry used to kick the crap out of me in the weirdest moments."

"So it's normal then", she asked, her voice small and nervous, shaky.

"Yeah, she's just trying to move about which would be her first step to freedom", stepping away a bit, my eyes lowered as I carefully rested both hands upon her midsection.

"I'm scared", and her fingers wrapped around my lower arms as I quickly looked at her. "Emma, I don't think that I can…do…this…"

"Regina, it's okay, really it is", I reassured her, taking her hands up and holding them within mine. "I'm here for you."

"Please, don't you…ever…leave…me", she said as her voice grew hoarse, tears welling up quickly in her eyes.

"I'm not going anywhere. And if it so happens that I'm not here, you have Ruby, my parents, Robin, my mom would be here for you in a heartbeat."

"I just want…you."

"Listen to me", I said softly, tears coming to my eyes as she slowly stunned me, showing me this vulnerable, soft side that I had seldom seen before, "I don't want you to be scared of anything. Fear brings frustration and that's not good at all. It's not good mentally and physically because if you keep worrying then you'll get sick. And all I want is for you to be okay." The repeated kicking made me widen my eyes. "And I might sound weird after saying this but I'm kind of getting the feeling that either this baby is overprotective when it comes to you or she's already starting to hate my guts."

Trying to laugh, her eyes close, she leant in closer, face nuzzled upon my shoulder. "She's just excited to meet you."

"Or maybe she's a future ballet dancer, or a soccer player, swimming might be her thing as well." Wrapping my arms around her shoulders, we just stayed like that as I could feel every kick, every time she breathed, the way she pressed her socks upon my toes.

About fifteen minutes later, she was chewing on a chocolate wafer, sitting on her bed after I had fluffed up the pillows, propping them just behind her. Parting the red lace blinds, I frowned upon the coincidence of her having a matching set to Ruby's curtains. Granny. That was good enough to tug my lips into a smile as I lifted up the latch and barely pushed the windows open. Immediately cool wind drifted in as a slight drizzle of snow covered the world outside. My eyes fixated on people moving about under umbrellas even though it was close to midnight from the time on the clock tower. Close to three years ago, Henry and I were the only two people who actually cared for Regina at all, well Ruby too in secret of course. Now, apparently everyone was softening up to her, and that's how it should have been for a long time now.

She had just been misunderstood, that's all. I saw that, knew it and tried to convince them all but look how long it took to sink in. Added to the fact that she was now pregnant and I was totally in love with her, maybe that was piled up onto the reasons why they were being so kind to her.

"Emma…"

"Yup?" I turned on the spot, fingers still grasping the cool lace. She was sitting on the edge of the bed, and I frowned. "Regina, where is the pack of wafers?"

Staring at me with her wide pair of brown eyes, of course she appeared incredulously innocent. "I ate them all."

"How could you…" my eyes were squeezed shut, fingertips pressed unto my forehead. "You're telling me that you just ate more than ten wafers within the last five minutes I've been standing here."

"Yes."

"Without sharing…"

"There…are…other packs in the…pack", she kept on looking at me. "If you want one then you can have it."

"You're missing the point here!" I remarked.

"Why share when you can have your own pack?"

"You're not supposed to eat so many!" Stepping towards the bed, I snatched up the empty packet, crunching it between my fingers as my footsteps led me to kitchen.

Sweets, candy, wafers… she couldn't quite eat a decent nutritious meal, but found it easy to binge on chocolates. It was unacceptable, clearly unhealthy. Turning on the facet, I upturned one of her teacups, a pink one decorated with hearts. Frowning at the choice of color, my eyes rested upon the bubbling water as it filled the cup and leaning against the sink, I drank. All these feelings tonight just completely drained my emotions, sucked the battery juice out of me up to a point where I felt so exhausted now, that my eyelids were drooping.

My gaze rested upon the lamp. The freaking lamp, just sitting there staring boldly at me, itching at my mind as I was drawn towards it. What was it about this simple object that kept me so focused on it? Resting the cup upon the table, my fingers slowly reached out to touch the white shade. And from the time I did, the memory came flooding back like a rush into my head.

"_You didn't have to leave Granny's so soon", I said as the door closed on its own accord behind me, "could have at least stayed for that slice of cake."_

_She stood just near the brown table where the cordless phone sat, eyes on me. "I'm exhausted."_

"_So exhausted that you forgot your dish", I smiled, holding it up before me. "From the looks of it, your lasagna disappeared within half an hour."_

_Smiling in return, she slowly stepped closer, sending me that look, head a bit lowered as brown eyes peered at me from beneath the fall of soft hair in front of her face. "Thank you."_

_Holding out the dish between us, I waited until her fingers closed around the sides before releasing. But when our fingers brushed together, I wasn't prepared for the sudden feeling that rippled through my arm from such contact. Immediately my head grew a bit dizzy as I watched her eyes flutter slowly, a sharp intake of breath. And it was as if the world stopped moving just for a moment as we both gazed at each other for so long. It's because she kept holding my attention unto her with this look, a deep look that threatened to unfold me layer by layer, breaking down my composure as my heart fluttered from suddenly growing weak whilst beating so fast. _

_And then is when it happened. The lamp light began to flicker as a small buzz came at intervals. Focusing our attention unto it at once, she took a hold of the dish as I released it so quickly, eyes wide, still breathless. _

"_That doesn't look good", I remarked, moving towards it with a frown._

"_I've had this lamp for years and it's never done this", she noted, coming to stand beside me the light kept flickering. Resting the dish upon the table, she sighed._

"_Maybe it's your magic or something."_

"_It can't…be…my…magic." Before I could warn her, Regina reached out to touch the lampshade as I tried to snatch her hand. Immediately she jumped back as the bulb burst underneath the shade and splattered across the table._

"_Shit", I said, worry welling up within me, such an icy feeling as I turned to her fast. "Are you alright?"_

_Two of her fingertips were red already as she quickly sucked them between lips whilst looking at me. I couldn't help it, so taking her hand between mine, it was pulled towards me as I assessed the damage for myself whilst she studied me obviously a bit surprised from my bold move._

"_We should get some ice on this", I said softly, finding that our fingers entwined in this odd way did push my blood pressure up. I had stopped breathing._

"_I'll do –"_

_But I wasn't quite focused as I took hold of her wrist and the next thing I knew, she was being led to her own kitchen by me. The heels of our boots clicking upon the polished floor, I was so incredulously out of my mind because whatever I was suddenly feeling for her was evidently there. It was buzzing in my head, racing my heart and yet, here I was making contact with her, never caring at all._

_As she stood by the counter, I pawed around in her freezer for ice cubes then find a teacup, they were tossed in. "Here", I said, eyes lowered as my boots led me to her, "it's gonna burn like crazy later, but somehow ice helps."_

_Taking the cup from me, our fingers touched again and this time, I let them without moving away as she slid her second and third finger inside, eyes on me. "Thank you."_

"_That's probably the fourth time you've said that to me for tonight."_

_She chuckled as the air between us suddenly grew warm and I began sweating, my hair sticking to the back of my neck already. I was burning up, and so was she as my eyes lingered just for a moment on her neck. The sight of sweat barely showing upon her skin did something to me, and I could feel it instantly as she caught me looking at her. Immediately the cup slipped from between our fingers and tumbled unto the floor, both of us jumping on the spot. Remarkably though, it hadn't cracked at all, me detecting that it was a sturdy kind of plastic. However, we both bent to pick it up at once and that's when…_

I stood there staring at the lamp, eyes wide open. Oh crap, what the hell is wrong with you, Emma?

_That's when one of the buttons on her coat opened up and something fell onto the floor. At first I thought that it was a tablet case or something, how stupid of me, yeah I know that. But upon closer observation, I discovered that it was a small square jewel box of some kind, covered in red velvet. Even before she discovered that it had fallen unto the floor, my fingers reached out to take it up. And without asking, it's like my mind forced me to open it. I remembered feeling that I just had to do it, even though doing things like that wasn't something I did. Well yeah, my job used to include minding people's business and breaking the rule of privacy but when it concerned Regina, never did I ever overstep my boundary. There was that one time when Sydney and I broke into her office. But…yeah, this is different!_

"_Emma, that's…" she began, reaching out for it and my eyes grew wide when I saw the ring wedged between the folds inside._

"_Wow", I whispered as she snatched it from me, snapping the lid close even before I could study the design. "Who gave you that?"_

"_No one", eyes lowered, shaky hands snatched up the cup as she stood and so did I. _

"_It's from Daniel, isn't it?"_

_I was ignored._

"_I'm sorry", I said, "I didn't mean to open it. It's just…" a hand was lifted to my face as I frowned, "I did it by reflex. Shit."_

"_Emma, you had no right to do that", she said hoarsely, voice wavering. And immediately, I looked at her but she avoided my eyes. _

"_I'm really sorry."_

"_You can leave now", she said in a clipped tone, her voice small but steady._

"_Yeah, I'm…" why wouldn't she look at me? "Look, I wouldn't tell anyone about it, it's like I never saw it, okay?"_

_She laughed, shaking her head, eyes still lowered. _

"_What?" I asked, frowning, studying her face._

"_It's not from Daniel."_

"_Oh…" I was puzzled. "Then who…"_

"_It's not from anyone", sighing, fingers were held inside the cup._

"_Then what are you doing with a…ring…in a…box just like…" Brown eyes lifted to meet mine as she silenced my question. I was shocked. "Oh…oh my God." My eyes were wide. "Look, there are very few women who are brave enough to pop the question and thinking about it, somehow I knew you'd be one. Modern day way of proposing, but I kind of…like it…"_

_I couldn't believe it, she was blushing, a small smile upon her face, eyes lowered. _

"_I mean, I wouldn't do it…kind of want to be on the receiving side."_

"_Good", she said in a rush._

"_I…" I was fumbling for words as my memory suddenly jolted back to what I felt for her earlier, "wonder who's the lucky guy."_

"_Keep wondering", she remarked._

"_I'll…do…that…" we both continued to look at each other. Shaking my head, I turned on the spot. "Well, keep that hidden in a safe place. Whoever he is, he must be extra special."_

"_She is", she mumbled._

_My footsteps stopped by the threshold because I thought that she had said something. But then…frowning, my eyes were turned upon her because I wasn't quite sure._

"_What?" I asked, frowning._

"_He is…special", she quickly said, eyes widening._

"_That's…what…I thought", I said slowly, turning around. "Well, later then."_

"_Bye, Miss Swan."_

As shock overwhelmed me, I turned away from the lamp and quickly stepped away from the lamp.

"Regina", I said, rushing into the bedroom. Eyes registering on the flutter of snowflakes entering the room, I darted towards the window, closing it in an instant. "Do you remember that time when you forgot your dish at the Diner after we had that…welcome back party…and then you burnt your fingers and you.…" lifting a hand, I smiled, "…you had this box and I know that I was nosy, so I opened it. Anyway, I just saw the lamp and remembered. You still have the same...lamp…"

There was no response.

It was then when my gaze rested upon her curled up like a comma, hugging a small pillow, deep in sleep already. From the rise and fall of her chest, so steady, face peaceful, I sighed. She had changed her clothes already, wearing a purple jersey that had long sleeves. And nuzzling her face into the pillow, sighing deeply, she smiled whilst I stood there gazing upon her in awe. I had seen her sleep before, on the Jolly Roger, in Neverland. But never before did my eyes linger on her whilst having these fresh feelings, so intense, so real. Even as I noticed that she had left a light green vest and long pants for me folded upon the edge of the bed, I couldn't help but smile because she was so…amazing. Everything about her, from just a simple thought like that, to everything else.

All this time…she had loved me. And I should have known. But I had known because some small part of me felt it. Yet, by reflex I had muffled the feelings I had for her, believing that it was nothing major when right now, those same feelings meant the world to me.

So there I stood, wondering if I should leave for the night or stay. But staying, would it be intrusive? After all, we were just starting off something and we both wanted to take things slow. Thinking about it, I had two choices. To return to my parents' apartment and sleep in that bed all by myself, or I could slip in beside her. It's what I wanted, to sleep with her, snuggle up next to such warmth, to hold her in my arms. And that's exactly what I did. Slipping under the thick sheet that was patterned with all sorts of things, I studied them in the light drifting in from the window as the place grew extremely cold outside. We never really had a heavy snowfall within Storybrooke. It was always light but the atmosphere remained bitter cold. Somehow though, as I moved closer to Regina, there was something in the way warmth was created between us that comforted me.

"Emma…"

I don't know what time it was, or where I was but her voice woke me up. And immediately, my eyes felt pinched from sleep as the room swam. Muscles frozen, my hands felt for the sheet as I focused my gaze on her sitting, elbows propped up upon the bed. Then everything swept back into my head, waking me up instantly.

"What's wrong?"

Groaning, eyes were squeezed shut as tears leaked down her cheeks. In a flash, I was sitting up and taking a hold of her shoulder as she felt sweaty. But the air was still cold. When I noticed her fingers splayed out across her midsection, instantly I knew what was happening. The kicking had returned, and from the looks of it, this time, she just couldn't ignore the pain as her body stiffened within my grasp.

"It's going to be alright", I said, wrapping my arms around her as she moved into my embrace.

"It's really bad this time", she whispered into my neck as I stroked her hair. "I can't sleep at all."

"What time is it anyway?"

"Two in the morning", and her fingers found mine, entwining our hands together as tears wet my shoulder. "I didn't want to wake you."

"No, I'm glad you did."

"Can you…" lifting those brown eyes to meet my gaze, my heart ached to see how frustrated she appeared, tears staining her cheeks, hair disheveled.

"Can I what?"

Lips parted, she put on that cute expression on her face, the kind that would get me to do anything for her. "Can you…hold me?"

I was taken aback by her words, somehow astounded by the way she gazed at me, exposing everything, completely vulnerable. Asking me to hold her, that was something that sounded so unlike Regina, but then again, all of this was new between us. All of his was different and I had never experienced this side of her before, probably glimpses of it but never was she so open with me.

"Sure", I said, and upon my knees, I maneuvered myself into position behind her, legs on either side as my back met the pillow. And after seeking out her hands in the dark, she moved closer to me as I entwined our fingers, nuzzling my face into her neck. "Is this close enough?"

"It is."

"Perfect."

But she started to cry. Somehow it was too much for her, the pain, the fear, not knowing what to expect. And I just held her in my arms. I couldn't make her see that everything would be okay, but there was one thing that I could do for sure. I could only hope that she'd listen to my words, hope, faith that everything would be okay.

"It's okay", I whispered into her ear as she hugged my arms around her chest. "Regina, it's going to be okay. Just…breathe…"

Shaking against me, her sobs were strained as tears splashed unto my arm, hot tears. "I…just…can't…"

"You've been through tougher situations than this. Mom…" I said, trying to think of anything to say, and to say fast, "she said that I gave her a difficult time too. And when I'd pretty much want to kick my way out, there was only one thing she did."

"What's…that?" she asked, breathless as my hands were squeezed tighter.

"She made dad hold her like this." My eyes stung. "It was her way of knowing that she wasn't going through this alone and there was someone there with her. That way, she knew that whatever the hell happened, he was right there with her. And no matter how painful it was, she said that if she could focus on the love the two of them felt, the way she completely loves him, then nothing else could break through that, not even…pain…"

The only reply was her breathing.

"I'm right here", I reminded her.

"It's not working", she said, her voice barely audible.

"It's not working because you're still focusing on the pain."

"I'm not", she said hoarsely and from her firm grip on my lower arm, I could tell that the pain was severe. "I'm thinking about you."

"Don't…think…about me…." I said, squeezing her closer, "feel me…How do you feel when I'm next to you?"

"Amazing…"

"Keep going…" I was smiling, really enjoying myself. Ugh, leave me alone.

"I feel…safe and…complete, warm, happy, a person who I used to be but I forgot that part of me. You make me feel like the person I was before I became the person I never wanted to be. And it's as if you melt away the doubts, these dark feelings, you have no idea how you could just…change me. I've…never wanted to be with someone as much as I want you."

"Me?" I asked, smiling into her neck, inhaling her, "Emma Swan?"

"Yes, you."

"I'm the one you wanted out of your town, remember?"

"Because you made me…feel…things."

"And where did you…feel…these things?" I asked wickedly.

She didn't respond, as expected.

"Madame Mayor", I whispered into her ear, "your Majesty, I asked you a question."

"Oh shut up."

"Or else what?"

"I'll bite you."

"Where?"

"Every…where", she said, turning her face sideways, our eyes meeting. "Don't underestimate me, Miss Swan."

My eyes widened. "Oh, so that's what you meant that one time. Bringing me apples in a basket and throwing that threat at me. I get it."

"Took you long enough, didn't it?"

"Yeah well, your sass clouded my judgment."

"Your ridiculous red jacket itched my nerves", she returned, eyes serious.

"You are so cute when you're angry", I said smiling. "Your eyes look sexy and darker, and your voice just gets huskier…"

"Oh great, turn yourself on whilst I'm provided with entertainment."

"I'll keep my hands to myself then", I said, raising my eyebrows. "Let's see how this goes."

"Emma, you…can't…"

"I can't…" I waited.

"Don't let go…of…me."

"I wouldn't", I said softly, detecting the pain in her voice.

Soon enough though, I couldn't help myself as my hands began to caress her hips, moving slowly downwards as she leant back. Sighing softly, fingertips pressed into my upper thighs as my knees remained kinked, toes pointed whilst I slowly pressed kisses along her neck. Downwards, towards her left shoulder and back up, leaving a trail upon such soft skin that was already burning up, as my mind spun from desire. I was becoming lost in a haze, within the shadowed room as soft lights played across the wall opposite the window, a vehicle moving by on the street below. Sounds, small sounds were magnified like the quick intake of breaths as I closed my teeth around her earlobe, the way she guided my hands in front of her to initiate a slow massage. Fingers splayed as I began to soothe the discomfort somehow, in any way possible, even if it required pushing the limits.

But where there any limits in a relationship like this? With a woman, I realized that you could go as far as you wanted, no fear at all that there could be a slight slip up. With a woman you could do as I was learning to do now, to know exactly what to expect, your hands knowing where to go without thinking. I could listen to the way my body was responding, where I wanted to be touched so that my fingers could find those weak spots, my lips could taste the sensitive spot where her neck met her shoulder. I could work my hands downwards, lower as she guided me, feeling, having a sense of familiarity, knowing everything already. And she allowed me to touch her, to explore where I wanted to because it's exactly what she wanted.

I could feel the way she responded to me, all of it from the way her chest trembled when kissed the soft skin at the back of her neck to the way she gripped my fingers as everything collapsed from desire. It amazed me how I could turn her on so much, so fast because she was already breathless. And I had only just begun to touch her. My hands moved upwards, fingers entwined with hers as I felt her soft breasts beneath the fabric of the jersey. Cupping them, she rested a cheek against mine as my eyes grew wide from me struggling to breath, finding it hard to keep my mind focused when I realized that she had discarded her bra earlier. What I felt was dizzying to my mind as my thumbs encircled erect nipples, small but full breasts and a hovering warmth that sent thrills through my hands.

It was indeed foreplay, and it was a moment that lasted as my mind was aimed to make her lose control. I wanted to see that side of Regina, slowly peeling back all the layers, attempting to expose the woman I had never really had a chance to see completely. Glimpses, that's all I had managed to obtain, glints of her true self as the curtain would flutter aside. But now, I only wanted to know her more, to understand her more, to have her show me everything, anything anyone had never seen before. But what I got was everything I hadn't imagined when my hands roamed lower and lower. Fingernails dug into my skin as she gripped my thighs and slowly parting her legs just enough, I kept my other hand busily buried under her jersey whilst the other ventured downwards. Daring it was, new for me but a path that was already known. So sure I was of my actions that when my touch whispered against her so warm and already wet, she gasped, biting back a low moan as I paused just barely there.

No words, just everything else.

As soon as I slid a finger in, her back was arched immediately, knees bent as those cute toes dug into the sheet beneath us. Eyes wide, I found that mixing pain with pleasure wasn't so bad after all as nails dug hard through my pants, biting the soft, sensitive part of my thighs whilst I reveled in the way she was reacting to me. It's like I was somehow doing the same thing to myself, feeling exactly as she was when my body shuddered from a ripple of pleasure every time I rubbed her with my hand below. She was wet but so was I, already knowing it to myself as felt a hand brush over my hips. Even with my eyes squeezed shut, I knew exactly what she was going to do, from the way those fingers reached to the back and between us so skillfully, sliding into my pants, trying to find some way to get what she wanted just as I was.

I turned her face towards me and went in for a kiss as she moaned, losing control of her hand, now choosing to give up. Just from the meeting of lips, we were tossed further into a drowning stream of passion, the biting of lips, the feel of tongues, slow and sensual. A slow kiss, but a deep one, so deep that our moans filled the silence from the way we were moving, making love so slow, so pleasurable. And then my hand that was wet already, fingers massaging her, I felt how she came so suddenly, her body convulsing. Eyes widening from the feel of her so raw against my hand, the way her brown eyes widened, full lips parted as she stopped breathing, all of it just spun me around in circles. Lost in her pleasure, I was amazed at how fast I could push her over the edge as my body lit up from the reaction.

"Emma…" she whispered as I held unto her.

"I'll never let you go", I said. "Ever…"

She lifted my top, pulling it off whilst I tried to remove hers. But something changed in her brown eyes from the time my fingers took a hold of the bottom.

"No", she said softly, pressing fingers unto my arms. "Don't…"

"Why?" I asked, searching her face. She only gazed back at me whilst her touch whispered upon my breasts. "I want to see you."

"I'm not ready."

I was confused. "What are you talking –"

"Emma, just don't worry about it. It's okay", cupped fingers caressed the side of my face. "It's nothing."

"Regina…"

"Sweetheart, it's nothing", her voice was strained, "just –"

"I don't care about that anymore", I said in a rush, cutting her off as she stared back at me. "Seeing you like…this…" my hand rested upon her abdomen, "it's okay…"

"No, it's not", she said.

"Don't do this to me", I begged her, "all I want is to see…you and I don't care about anything else."

"I'm…" her head was lowered, "I'm afraid of how you'll react."

"The fact that you're pregnant with his child doesn't make me love you less", I said. I had to say it, had to just tell her that. "It makes me love you more because it's not about anyone else but you, you're here with me and that's all that matters."

"It's cold…"

"Excuses…"

"Emma…please…I'm not sure. Will you just…do this for me?"

I didn't reply. My eyes were lowered.

"I'm sorry", she said, her voice wavering. "I'm really self-conscious."

"In front of me?" I asked, my voice cracking as my throat stung. "What does that mean?"

"It means that I'm not…I'm not entirely…"

"Fine", I said, trying to keep myself under control, eyes diverted, "if that's what you want, then it's fine by me."

"Emma…"

My hand snatched my top as her fingers tried to caress my face. "It makes sense, anyway", I said, tears blinding my vision although I was trying hard not to cry. It's like I was so emotional all at once, just because she simply could not understand that I really loved her so much that I didn't care about the fact that she was pregnant, or that she's gained weight or anything else. "We're rushing things. So…let's just stop."

"I don't want us to stop but we both promised…that…we'd take things slow..."

I said nothing as my fingers pulled down the tank top, hair falling into my face. "No, it's alright. To be honest we were rushing things and I'm sorry about just…jumping ahead like that." Keep calm, Emma. Don't get worked up. Think about HER. Think about how this makes her feel, why she's behaving like this.

"You're angry at me", she said, her voice hoarse.

"No, I'm not…angry…at you."

"Then why can't you look at me?"

I did.

"I really…fucked up…Emma", she said, tears filling her eyes up fast. "And it's my fault. And you have every right to become upset about the…baby…and…"

"Regina, we could go on blaming ourselves but it's not going to make things better if we do", I held her gaze. "You being pregnant, that's not a fuck up. It's a good thing for yourself and Robin. I'm okay with that."

"No, you aren't", she said.

"I am."

"How can you be alright with any of this?" her hands were waved over herself, eyes lowered. "Every time you look at me, you're reminded of him, you're –"

"That's the best…gift ever. And I'm really not in position to judge you at all, so above everything else, I just want you to know that shit happens, but that baby, she's not a fuck up."

Eyes on me, she allowed me to take her hands between mine.

"So let's stop blaming each other, and move on. Is that what you want?"

"Yes."

"I really want us to work", I said to her.

"So do I, Emma."

"And I'm not mad, I'm just…hurt", I admitted, "because you're so beautiful and we're together like this finally after so long and you just can't take off that stupid jersey."

She actually laughed, a hoarse laugh, eyes lowered as I smiled too. Feeling relaxed somewhat, my hair was tucked behind an ear as cupped fingers caressed my cheek.

"I just want to take things slow with you, knowing that my intention was to rush everything before but now…" a hand wrapped around my waist, us sitting sideways upon the bed, "would just this suffice?"

"Just what?" I asked dubiously.

"This…" eyelashes fluttering as she blinked those brown eyes slowly, her voice wavered when she leant in closer. And softly, a kiss was pressed unto my parted lips as she felt her way around whilst I just held unto her. I couldn't let her go at all because of her warmth, the way she felt against me. And above all, when we kissed, it was as if everything else in the world was put on mute whilst the passion between us was savored.

We kissed for quite a while, building up a crescendo that sparkled with thick pleasure and whilst my fingers ran pathways through her hair, she chose to caress my neck. The cold air around us was vanquished gradually, sucked out of the room whilst our bodies burnt up with heat, heat that encased us whilst I lived in the moment. I treasured every second of it, ever feeling, the way my head spun, my thoughts leading back to the days when we used to attack each other, when she used to glare at me, throw back sass.

"How's the kid doing in there?" I asked, smiling as we lay facing each other, her fingers caressing my face in the dimly lit room.

"I think that she's asleep."

"Finally", and pressing my fingertips upon her abdomen, so definite, I couldn't believe that she was actually having a baby, that she was pregnant. "Listen, what I wanted to tell you earlier, about the lamp in your living room out there. Do you remember that time when you burnt your fingers on the shade?"

A nod was offered in response.

"You still have that thing, after all this time."

"Your mother gave it to me."

"She did?" I asked, eyes wide. Apparently I could never cease to be amazed from my mother's antics.

"Yes, when we reconciled during the time Zelena was out for blood. She gave me it as a peace offering, reassuring me that light would remind me that there was no darkness between us anymore."

I was amused. "How thoughtful is that?"

"Emma, she's really annoying sometimes but I have found a great friend in your mom. She's helped me…so much…since I came back and even before. It's her way of making up for the past but I really don't see it that way. I'm just glad to have her back in my life as anything but an enemy."

"I'm glad for you two", I said with a smile.

"And the fact that she's very supporting of my feelings for you, that means more than she'll ever know."

"From the first time I told her and dad about it, they accepted the idea, without any complaints." I took strands of her black hair between my fingers and played with them. Once I'm happy, they're happy."

"Except Henry."

"He's going to come around, don't worry."

"Is he?" she asked, her voice scratchy.

"Yeah…"

"I need to speak to him –"

"Let's try another alternative", I said, pressing my fingers upon her shoulder softly, "I'll ask mom to talk to him, or dad."

"But this is about us", she said, worry in her eyes, "don't you think that we're the ones who need to speak to him about this before anyone else?"

"I think that once he understands everyone else has no problem with us being together, any other opinion than Neal's, then he'll relax a bit."

She studied my face for a long time afterwards, my words hanging in the air between us, just a thin slice of distance as our fingers entwined affectionately. And I tried to search her gaze, wondering what she was thinking about so intently, wondering if she was okay. It suddenly dawned upon me that we had never really had a decent conversation for such a long time like the ones that had been occurring ever so recently. Before her departure from Storybrooke, words said on either part had so much weight, so much feeling and doubt that at times I found it so hard to talk to her. We used to avoid each other, I knew that that action was mutual, that she did it. And now, it's like we just couldn't stay away from each other at all. Even when I managed to piss her off, this wasn't like old times when she'd shut herself out and hold a grudge against me, spiting me. Now a day had gone by and we already had managed to reconcile without any strain.

"What are you thinking about?" I had to ask, as someone yelled Archie's name down on the street below.

"Just when I looked at you for a moment, I saw and felt something that really managed to leave me speechless."

"What's that?" I was a bit worried now.

"This same scene, us lying together like this: I can feel that it will happen exactly the same again."

"Well yeah", I said smiling, "so many times more in the future."

"I know that, crazy", she said jokingly, a finger playing with my lips slowly, "I know that we'll spend many more times like this…in…bed. But…" I was smiling widely already, "the only difference will be that I just envisioned myself having…our baby…your…baby…"

She took my breath away with her words just like that and I couldn't speak for a while as my heart tickled with emotion within my chest.

"And I really don't know how that's possible but it felt entirely magical, as if we…did…something extraordinary."

"You mean, the baby will be…"

"Ours", she said in her hoarse voice, eyes focused on me. "As in, us combined, our magic…"

"But how is that…is that even possible?"

"I don't know, Emma. But I hope that it is because that's one of the things I've always dreamt of sharing with you. And I want that to happen. I want it more than anything else: no longer will we have to say that it's…HIS child as well. Somehow we'll have more than that."

"I want that", I admitted, believing in it even though the idea might be crazy to everyone else. Just looking in her eyes made me believe, made me have hope in anything because I found solid ground there, a sense of knowing more, knowing for sure.

* * *

><p><strong>Xx<strong>

Even when my eyes fluttered open the following morning and I lay there dazed for quite some time, her words still played back in my mind. The things she said, what happened the night before, everything and for a moment I couldn't figure out if the room was real or not. Basically this was how my head could fuck me up, after dreaming about these events for so long, and having them…play out eventually. It was more than enough to have you doubt the very existence of everything.

She was right there beside me, an arm wrapped around my waist, face nuzzled into the front of my neck as I suddenly tingled with pleasure. So close she was, so warm and real unlike my freaking dreams before. I remembered waking up the morning before with a strained mind after nightmares that involved me making love to her ghost. Now that Regina was right here next to me, I couldn't believe it, couldn't believe that she was real. So pressing a kiss unto her forehead, I allowed my lips to linger upon her soft skin as she breathed slowly against me.

Half an hour later, in I walked, a tray in hand decorated with two plates, one containing four slices of whole wheat toast and the other covered with slices of cheese. Milk, I wasn't sure if she'd be able to stomach the cheese because that was one of the things I detested when I was pregnant. Whole wheat used to stay down, and so did black coffee. Crackers were added as a substitute as I quietly tiptoed around the bed whilst she stirred, pawing the pillow under her, wearing this cute sleeping expression on her face. And as I sat there, her eyes fluttered open, dark hair tossed about her head as she studied the scene before her.

"Morning", I said smiling, resting the tray on the bed between us.

"Is it already?"

"Yup, but you can sleep some more if you want."

"No, noo…" she groaned, burying her face into the pillow, "turn off the lights, Emma. Please…"

"I wish that I could", I wanted to laugh. "But the sun doesn't have an off switch."

"I can't wake up now…" her voice was muffled into the pillow as her fingernails clawed the sheets.

Frowning at my work upon the tray between us, I felt somewhat let down. Suddenly, her head was lifted as brown eyes sought out something.

"I smell coffee", she said.

"I…" pushing herself up, Regina yawned widely, tendrils of her hair covering her eyes, "I…made…coffee…"

"Oh Emma", she purred, and by purr I mean in this low hoarse seductive voice that sent tiny bolts of pleasure through my body. "You're a sweetheart, now I don't have to buy breakfast."

"I feel relieved."

She noticed that my words lacked feeling and studied my face. "I was only trying to add a bit of humor in."

"Yeah…" I sighed, "it's nothing."

"No it is something", shifting in position, she came closer to me, worry in her eyes. "What is it?"

"I'm just…trying here", and my eyes were lowered, "it's not much but…"

"Emma…it's alright, really it is. This is…wonderful", her fingers grasped the edge of the tray, pulling it closer to us. "It's very sweet of you and I'm sorry about the ill attempt to make a joke."

"These days, everything you say to me means so much…more than before", I said softly as my finger pressed cheese unto a slice of toast. "When you told me that you didn't want to see me again, I couldn't…breathe and I felt as if my entire life was ruined."

"But it's not."

"That's why I'm so affected by everything now, because I'm trying to hang onto your words and actions more than ever before. I don't want to fuck this up."

"It's okay", she said, and a kiss was pressed unto my cheek, her nose tickling my skin as she inhaled deeply, sniffing me. "You smell so good."

"Just don't…eat me instead of the stuff on the tray", I led the toast to her lips and she bit into it, a nibble. "Anyway, today mom said that she'd be coming over to hang out with you, if that's okay."

"Sure", she said, snatching the toast from me like a big baby, "are you working today?"

"Not really. I just have a few things to take care of."

"Such as?"

"Top secret", I replied, smiling.

She frowned at me. "Emma, you are aware of my disapproval in you keeping things secretive."

"Oh trust me, this secret is all about you and it's a surprise. So I can't tell you just yet. Besides…" eyes latched onto the wall clock shaped like a heart, I frowned, "it's late already."

"It's just eight thirty", she studied my face. "What's so important anyway?"

"Other than you", using a thumb, I wiped the corner of her mouth that was wet from coffee, "everything else that relates to you."

"Such as?"

"Stop asking so many questions", I begged of her, smiling barely, "trust me, it's nothing to worry about. And if you keep asking then all of it wouldn't be a surprise anyway."

"You're pushing my car repairs along."

"Regina!" she was fishing.

"It's my house then." Moving closer to her, closing the gap, I unwrapped her fingers from around the coffee mug, resting it unto the tray. "Emma, tell me, what are you –" And just like that, I silenced her words with a kiss.

She was so taken aback that a strained moan escaped from within her as I moved away, lingering there and I went in again for another one. This time, her fingers found my shoulders, squeezing from the intensity of becoming captured in the moment as she kissed me back so deeply, so slow. I tasted coffee, skin so soft as my hands wrapped around her figure and just for a moment, there was this need in me to keep on kissing her for as long as it would last. The feeling was never ending, a dying urge to push forward, to maintain this connection.

And that's when my cellphone started to vibrate upon the vanity's surface. "Fuck", I muttered, pulling away as her warm breath caressed my face, breathless as she already was.

"Duty calls." Her voice was a bit shaky, yet the hint of sarcasm was barely noted.

"You'll thank me later", I said, snatching my phone.

* * *

><p><strong>Xx<strong>

**Emma.**

**Location: Regina's House [108 Mifflin Street]**

An hour and a half later, I was standing in the middle of her entrance hall, hands on my hips as memories pinched a focused mind. The grand staircase, the layout of her mansion so well planned out, well memorized by me: the number of times I had frequented this house in her absence. Oh yeah, walking around here whilst she was gone was too painful as her scent had followed me everywhere, lingering in the kitchen or in that intimidating office area.

"So we'll move up then", Bob said with the vacuum hoisted in the air, green eyes directed at me, "work our way from upstairs to downstairs."

"Sure", I said, still a million miles away.

I had never been in her bedroom.

"Can we move the stuff around?" one of the other dudes asked, dressed in green overalls, the same color as the logo on their van parked outside.

"Yeah but just put everything back where they initially were", I asked of them, wanting things to remain just the same. "She's very particular about stuff, and trust me", one of the guys shook his head, smiling, "she'll notice anything that's not in its rightful place."

"After being away for two years?" Bob asked, quite amused.

"I wouldn't even put it past her."

Frowning as my phone vibrated in my pocket, I watched as the handymen went around with precaution in their step, moving around things with care. But my frown was replaced with a smile when I opened up the text message from mom.

**Your two favorite women in the world 3**

She had typed. And attached to the message was a photo of her arm thrown around Regina's shoulder as they smiled into the camera. The setting around them was familiar, possibly the park as trees clustered around the corners. It was good to know that mom had managed to take her outdoors. Honestly, I couldn't help myself as a huge smile stretched across my face. And hiding my already amused expression from the men around me, I turned away just enough to study the photo a little longer. After setting it as my wallpaper, I decided to stick around a bit just to keep an eye on things.

* * *

><p><strong>Xx<strong>

**Regina.**

**Location: Town Park**

"So you're her girlfriend now."

Glancing over at her, I couldn't help but smile, playing with the pink petals of a flower as the wind caressed my face. "That sounds juvenile, doesn't it?"

"Hmm…" a finger pressed upon her small chin, Snow became lost in thought. "Partners…perhaps?"

"As in partners in crime?"

"Oh, what the heck", she admitted, frustration in her voice. "You're lovers, that's it."

"I can't exactly introduce her to everyone as my…lover…" I knew that a blush was creeping up my cheeks.

"Because it sounds as if all you do is make love every single moment?"

"Girlfriend is appropriate."

"Exactly."

Smiling, I sighed. "Snow, for the first time in my entire life, I can honestly admit to you that I'm quite entirely…happy. I'm…" her eyes were turned to me, "…I feel so relaxed and at peace, as if some sort of a burden has been erased from my heart, my…mind, everything."

"Love does that to you."

"Yes, but it's overwhelming."

"It's supposed to be that way", she added, pressing her fingers unto mine, "it's supposed to feel like nothing else, extraordinary and beautiful."

"Who would have imagined."

"Emma…" sighing deeply, a hand was wrapped around my shoulders as she moved in closer, "that same little baby who broke your curse and saved your…life…"

"Must you always remind me of my fuck ups?" I asked as my fingers absentmindedly played with hers.

"I find it so, so important to remind you of that because you cast that curse to take away our happy endings whilst taking away yours too, Emma…" we both watched as Jefferson and Grace skipped rocks across the pond. "And how I see it is like this: you just managed to prolong everything."

"Suppose I hadn't cast the curse."

"Then I still think you two would have met and fallen in love."

"But I'd be so many years her senior, added to the fact that I would have become this demented soul, as darkness ate away at me over the years. My magic would have destroyed me."

"And Emma would have saved you."

"She's just like you in so many ways", I said to her softly, feeling her warmth soothe me, the comfort of her company. "Somehow believing in me when no one else did, but at some point you stopped."

"Because I was stupid enough to let go of having faith in you", she confessed as our eyes met.

"Most of it was my fault anyway."

"I was responsible for Daniel's death."

"And I killed your father."

Somehow we smiled.

"How twisted this relationship is, isn't it?" we both gazed at each other as the wind rustled the leaves, trees dancing with not a care in the world.

"Emma's right you know, about me having that talk with Henry."

Eyes lowered, I studied how far along she was, further than me, possibly close to nine months already from the looks of it. And yet, Snow had such a cheerful spirit, eyes always shining, warm with comfort as she happily lived through every day. But what was lacking on my part? Even though everything had worked out with Emma, I still felt somewhat ill, aches and pains all over. Maybe it was experience on her part, this being her second child but I was sure of something extra added unto that one small detail. She was always like this, comforting and warm, never tense and always reassuring ever since she was younger. On days when my head would become frustrated with worries, Snow used to somehow relax me with her words, her smiles and hugs.

"I'm going to try, and somehow I'll find a way to get through to him, don't worry."

"I trust you", I said still looking at her as she smiled at the scene before us.

"We've reached this point, Regina. And it feels so, so great to be close to you again. I don't want to lose this."

"Neither do I."

"Let's just continue being a family."

"We always were."

Smiling at her, she returned one.

* * *

><p><strong>Xx<strong>

**Snow.**

**Location: The Diner**

That very same afternoon, Snow was sitting with her fingers wrapped around a cup of warm cocoa awaiting Henry's arrival. Checking her cell occasionally, a frown remained on her face as the time went by. Six o'clock went by then seven and as the crowd in the Diner thinned out, everyone returning to their homes, she was about to lose hope just for that evening. Snow never could lose complete hope, always believing that she could try again and again, until progress was made somehow. And then the bell above the door tinkled. Eyes alighted, she suddenly grew stiff as Henry walked in, accompanied by Neal. Wearing a smug look on his face, their eyes met as she inhaled deeply, realizing that this should have been expected all along.

"Hey there, Snow", he said moving towards her table in the corner, hands shoved in his coat pockets.

"Hi."

"How are things with you these days?" her eyes remained on Henry as he stood there with his gaze lowered to the floor. "Didn't get to see you yesterday..."

"I've…been…busy."

"Well that's understood, I mean with all the drama and what not." He waved a hand about, gesturing with a half laugh. "Yesterday was quite something."

"Actually it was quite wonderful", she said warmly, offering him a smile. "I really enjoyed yesterday."

His warm expression was replaced with a bland look. But then he laughed quickly enough, shrugging. "I suppose that of course, it must have been warm because it was Christmas day."

"That was…part of the reason. Most of it had to do with us uniting as a family once more. David and I, Henry, Emma…" she looked him straight in his eyes, "…Regina."

"So I'm…not in the picture anymore?"

"You will always be in the picture because you're Henry's father. So don't even think for one second that you're not family. But recently you haven't been behaving like family at all."

"Oh really, Snow, after all we've been through?"

"We all make choices, Neal and Emma made hers so let's respect that", Snow said in a stiff voice. "It might not be what we expected it to be. But that's how she wants it."

"And I'm supposed to just sit back and watch her sleep with –" His voice was loud enough to jump start Ruby's attention as she wiped the counter vigorously. Glancing at Henry, he sighed.

"Neal, you and I both love Emma very much and there is nothing that we can do about this. It's her decision. Her father and I have accepted it because we love her and want to see her completely happy as we were accepting to the fact that she gave you a second chance. We were also accepting with her dating Hook. It all has to do with us understanding that her happiness comes first, whatever she wants, whoever she chooses. And she's old enough to choose for herself."

He frowned, rocked back on the heels of his boots. "You've got a point."

"There's no point in fighting this. You and I both know that once she's determined, no one can stop her."

"I know that more than anyone. "

"Good then, so stop being angry at yourself or anyone else when it's not your fault."

Suddenly his eyes were widened as he stared at Snow. She must have said something that sparked a reaction within him. "It's not…my…fault…"

"No, it's not. And it's not Emma's fault either because you can see how terribly affected she was about all of this in the first place, even before Regina left. Some small part of you noticed that she wasn't herself at all. And I hate to break it to you but I really think Emma started to fall in love with Regina even before you came back to Storybrooke, before Neverland, before all of this. I should have seen it coming…" eyes lowered, she folded her arms upon the table, sighing in disbelief.

"Look, it's not…" deep in thought, he slid into the seat opposite her, already gesturing with his hand, "it's not that I'm furious at her for being with a…woman. It's just her choice…Regina…I mean, can we really trust this woman?"

"We've come so far", Snow said smiling warmly, "Neal, we've come so, so far, and Regina has changed so much, I am amazed at how she's changed. And all the time, the driving force behind her change has been Henry coupled with Emma. They always believed in her. When Henry didn't believe in her, Emma did, and vice versa. So can she be trusted? Of course she can."

"She's given up on me though", Henry spoke up for the first time since entering the Diner. His voice was strained, eyes lowered. "She's given up on me so how can I trust her still?"

"Henry, I'll need to speak to you about that alone", Snow said. "And you", she said, turning her eyes to Neal, "we need to have a talk alone some time too, if you don't mind, that is."

"I'd love to have that talk with you", he said offering a small smile. "As a matter of fact, guess who has a date tonight?"

"Already?" Snow asked, quite astonished. "Well you're making progress fast!"

"Ah nah, it's just a friendly chat with Tinkerbell", getting up, he rested both hands upon Henry's shoulders. "It's actually a relief to have someone listen to your woes in a time like this."

"Neal, you can always talk to me."

"A neutral party is better, to be honest."

"I know that you're going through a lot now, and it's not fair."

"Life isn't fair", he said, "I kind of slept on things last night, had some time to think, and you're right about one thing above all, Emma should be happy. These past two years, something was holding her back, I kept…trying…feeling pressured…now, somehow I hope that she's made a good choice."

"She has", Snow said warmly, "and you weren't a bad choice either. My daughter never makes bad choices. Well maybe she chose the wrong gender, but then what's to bother anyway…" frowning, she shook it off.

"I've got to run, Henry…is all yours."

"Feel free to stop by whenever you like", she said with a smile as Henry sat down. "And don't forget, it's not your fault."

Upon his departure, eyes were fixated upon her grandson as he folded his arms upon the table. They had always had a connection, even before she gave him that book so long ago. And if it's one thing Snow knew about Henry, it was the fact that he never gave up hope easily. She knew exactly how to work her way around this one, by turning the tables his way.

"I was actually joking last night when I told her that she cast a curse on Emma", he said softly. "It's just that, I was so upset with her."

Ruby came over, a smile as usual plastered upon her face, ready to take Henry's order. Choosing the usual potato fries with a soda, she cheerfully went off as his eyes turned upon Snow once more, waiting.

"Henry, I'm not going to deny this but really and truly, if I were you, I'd feel the same way", reaching across the table, she gently took his fingers between hers. "I'd be so angry and confused, feeling left out."

"Exactly", he agreed.

"But no matter what happens, you should always, always be certain of one thing: Emma and Regina, they will never stop loving or caring for you."

"Then why did she leave me here? I told her that I didn't want to go, to leave Storybrooke, and I asked her to just stay here." The bell tinkled as her eyes moved to the door. "This is where her family is and if she really and truly loved Emma then this is where she should have stayed, with us. I don't understand why she had to leave all of us behind just like that."

"Maybe I can start from the beginning."

Henry's eyes widened when he looked up and found Regina standing there. Snow on the other hand could only offer her a warming smile, still wondering why the other woman had decided to come along anyway. Whatever her intentions were, one thing was certain: Regina was determined to win her son's affections back, as she always was driven to do.

* * *

><p><strong>xx<strong>

**Snow's Version.**

Finally I get a chance to tell the story from MY point of view, which makes things a bit exciting for me because my opinion wouldn't be biased as Emma or Regina. I'm not exactly IN love with the other person relating the story to you. So my view might be helpful. Let's hope so, since most of you definitely hate me after the whole Daniel dilemma.

But please be patient with me.

"I never expected you to come", I said to Regina as she slowly sat down beside me. "This is nice though."

"Well I realized that in order for Henry to truly understand what my actions meant then I must relate them to him directly."

"Go ahead then", I urged her, smiling reassuringly at Henry as he locked eyes with me.

"How about I ask some questions and you'll answer them?" he directed her way, his gaze never threatening.

My focus was on Regina. "Sure", she said.

"Okay, so tell me this, are you really in love with Emma?"

"From the first time I met her, and moments afterwards."

"How is that even be true?" he asked, his voice strained. "After all you did to her when she first came to Storybrooke. You tried to poison her, ruin everyone's belief in her. And you're actually telling me that you were in love with her?"

"I did all of those things because I couldn't face the truth and I couldn't stand the sudden doubts about everything." My heart ached for Regina, really ached as she was trying to explain everything.

"So you were afraid then, of your feelings for Emma, having a crush on her?"

"Yes", she said, "being in love…crushing on the Savior who happens to be your mother who also happens to be Snow White's daughter, the woman who's supposed to break my curse."

"Yeah that's pretty much complicated", Henry agreed, smiling wryly. "So you replaced love with hate."

"I did."

"But what about Ruby?" I stopped breathing when that question was asked, eyes widening in Regina's direction as he never diverted his stare.

"What…about…Ruby?"

"Mom, I'm not stupid, nor am I blind. I know that when Graham passed away, you started to date Ruby."

"How did you…" Regina began.

"Your Wednesday and Friday meetings, bogus", he declared. "I followed you. I saw when you parked your car at the Mayor's office and then you walked the rest of the way to Ruby's apartment."

"I did date Ruby for some time. But…you were spying on me?"

"Well you were hiding stuff from me. And I knew all along that you had a crush on Emma. You were always awkward around her, and now it makes sense. And I know that you were scared to tell her, or to tell anyone, even me. But what I don't understand, mom. I don't understand why you left Storybrooke two years ago."

"I left because I was about to tell her exactly how I felt and when I walked in…here…" Regina said, her voice breaking, "your father was proposing to Emma."

"So?" Henry asked directly. "Why didn't you stop him?"

"Even before Emma drove into Storybrooke, you have always wanted your family reunited. You wanted Mary to spark a reaction in David so that something more could happen, you wanted the curse to be broken just so that they'd be together again. You would have your family together. And I never wanted to disappoint you by ever intervening, especially when I realized that your father wanted…Emma wanted to give you exactly what you always wished for: a mom and…dad…something I never succeeded in giving you."

Taking her hand under the table, I squeezed her fingers between mine as my heart fluttered from emotion. Tears filled my eyes too just to know that Regina actually wanted so much for Henry to be happy.

"She sacrificed her happiness for you", I interjected. "Regina thought about you first, what you wanted, and that's why she never fought Emma's engagement to your father."

"I don't understand how you could be IN love with her though", Henry stated, "she's a woman, just as you are and I know that it happens because on tv shows and stuff, there are lesbians. But I just never thought that you…Daniel was your fiancé and you were married. And I thought that you were in love with Robin. You're having his baby. So how can you really claim that you're in love with…Emma?"

"I've moved past Daniel", Regina admitted softly. "And yes, it appears confusing to you but there is an explanation."

"Nothing is wrong with two women falling in love with each other", I said in a rush, finding it hard to control myself, to stay quiet for so long. "Sometimes for some people, it's not about your gender, it's about your personality and when two people meet, it might just so happen that they fall in love unexpectedly. Love is something you just can't control. It's a mystery. Robin was her second option. And since Emma choose Neal, Regina decided to make things work with next person in line. Well not the…next…person in line but more like the only other option she had to find some way to being happy."

"You could have just stayed single", Henry offered up, shrugging. "But you ran. You never ran away from anything. You're Regina. And as long as I've known you, mom, you always choose to confront your problems face to face, just as you always did with Emma. So why was this any different?"

"It's easy to confront someone when you're consumed with hatred. When I began to realize that I could never continue doing that, and we were becoming closer, it became very difficult to approach the situation."

"Henry, it's not like my fairytale happy ending because David and I were never hesitant to admit how we felt for each other", I said to him. "However, in this case, we're talking about two women. And Regina was really afraid to confess her feelings to Emma because this is new to her, plus your mother never actually helped the situation either. She had a thing for Graham, August, then there was Hook and…Walter…"

"Walsh", Henry said smiling.

"Walsh, and Neal came back, so Emma was getting rushed with these guys whilst poor Regina…" I rested a hand upon her shoulder, "she was just looking and wondering, how in the world could I ever tell Emma how I feel when she's obviously not feeling the same way about me. left you here with her because that's what you wanted, and this is where your family remained. And I couldn't stand to be in this town whilst Emma was married to your father. Even for me to start over, trying with Robin to move past her, that would have been a challenge as it proved to be by being away from here. The minute I left, I knew that there was no way she could be forgotten."

"Mom, I just want you to be happy, that's all", he said to her, and reaching across the table, her hand was taken into his. "But you've got to understand that you are breaking my parents up and it's not something that I'm supposed to be happy about. It's not really…okay…it's hard for me to process. They were about to get married and when you were gone, nothing bad ever happened between the two of them. They were happy. We were just a family."

"You're wrong", I said, as all eyes turned on me. "I'm sorry, Henry, but you're really and truly wrong about that. Emma…was never happy with Neal and you should remember that. There were times when you came to me, telling me about how she was sad and you heard her crying, or she didn't want to go to work. And every other day, she used to disappear for hours. She used to try her best to hide it from you but all the signs were there. Your mom wasn't happy that's why she prolonged the wedding for two years."

"I just thought that it was something else…"

"Well it wasn't something else because I knew. She hid it from you because she wasn't prepared to confuse you. Emma didn't leave New York to come back to Storybrooke just to save us from Zelena. She came back because of Regina. And us. But it was always Regina."

"Wait!" his eyes lit up suddenly, "this could all make sense, if you think about it logically. In the story books, all of it leads back Snow White, Prince Charming and the Evil Queen. So when we combine the stories, everyone must get a happy ending. And if you and granddad were to create the Savior who breaks the Queen's curse then she ends up saving her as Emma has always done by keeping you on the right path, the good path. Then it makes some sense because all the time, when no one believed in you, Emma did and you trust her more than anyone else. You both can use magic, you found your way back to her just as Snow and Charming found each other again. It can…work…"

"It's one fairytale you never quite got the first time around", I said to him, winking, "one that wasn't in the book. Emma and Regina's fairytale."

"But I brought Emma here, and they've been working together because of me, so maybe I did all of that without even knowing what I was doing."

"You brought her here", Regina said, "so technically, me falling in love with Emma: that's your fault."

Ruby finally came over with the tray of fries, smiling apologetically. "Eesh, sorry about the delay. I kind of realized that the conversation was too serious so I didn't want to interrupt. Here you go…"

"Thanks", Henry said.

"So what's the verdict?" she asked him.

"I'm still not so sure."

"Takes time, kid. It's a lot to process so go slow, but remember one thing, things happen for a reason. Besides, I figure that once you see your moms together, once you see how much chemistry the two of them have, how they're all mushy and cute together, then you'll be totally convinced."

"They've never been mushy around each other", Henry said, and even I could have found it hard to believe because really and truly, they never WERE. "I've seen them trying to sneak hugs recently but I've never seen them not fight with each other."

"Trust me, you'll melt."

"Ruby", Regina said, her voice hoarse as I detected how affected she was by remembering Emma. Aww, how cute was that?

"I'm just saying…"

"She's right, Henry", I said smiling. "You'll see."

"Okay, so now I'm not that angry anymore because I'm kind of understanding things much better."

"Good, and that means that my job here is done", I declared. "Now if you three will excuse me, there is a Prince waiting for me at home and I need my foot rub ASAP." Getting up, Regina allowed me to pass as I groaned from the stiffness in my legs. "The two of you catch up then."

* * *

><p><strong>Xx<strong>

**Emma.**

Two days after and I finally managed to finish the clean up over at her place. The weather was bitter and horrible as December came to an end. The study session at the library was postponed until January. And as the snow chose to gather up in the sky instead of flutter downwards, a frigid air remained around the town, one that had me wearing like four layers of clothing every single day.

Yesterday, Regina spent most of the day indoors with Henry at her apartment whilst I helped dad run over the accounts in the Mayor's office. He had grown quite comfortable in the Mayor's chair over the last two years. But he even agreed with mom when she only said just yesterday that no one could do that job with as much skill and authority like her Majesty. No one could run invoices and go through paperwork like Regina, and above all, not another person in Storybrooke could provide that intimidating atmosphere in her old office.

Anyway, after Christmas Day, the next big buzz was preparations for the annual holiday dance at the Sports Club pavilion on the outskirts of the town. At around three thirty that afternoon as I dropped Henry off just near the docks, the large wooden building with a wide balcony overlooking the water was already halfway decorated. And as my eyes roamed the company gathered up there, the sun caught red highlights as Ruby pranced about with Whale and Archie in tow. I would have helped them but after spending the entire morning at Regina's place, trying to fix up that mansion of hers, I was already exhausted and sweaty. So my destination was no other than my mom's apartment.

I wanted to catch like four hours sleep before coming back here later, sprawled out on that soft bed upstairs back at Snow's apartment with the blinds drawn. Since the hustle and bustle was down at the docks, not much activity or noise emanated from the streets so I'd get my sleep. I'd get it and I'd be energized for later because after such a long time, of course my mind needed a chance to relax and have a little fun. Plus Regina was going to be there, so it was something to look forward to.

"Shit." I had forgotten my cell somewhere in that empty mansion of hers.

Turning the car around, I headed back, dreading the minutes that ticked by, realizing that with each passing second I could be losing a chance to sleep. Anyway, as I was retrieving my mobile from her kitchen counter, marveling at the shine on the marble, something fell down with a thump upstairs. I mean, I'm not the kind of woman to jump like a chicken out of fright but to be in a huge house all by your freaking self, especially with all the possibilities of magical creatures showing up. My knees grew jelly weak. But that's not the funny part. The part that's really hilarious is this.

As soon as I was halfway up the staircase, moving along on the tip of my boots, out darted a yellow cat about a foot long from one of the freaking bedrooms. Like a slice of lightening I bolted into the corner and froze up against the wall, heart thudding in my chest, head spinning as I tried to return my breathing to normal. And after peeking around the corner, as the air around me grew silent once more, I went in search of the little devil. Like I said, I had never really been up here ever before, and to step into her bedroom for the first time was quite an experience for me.

It was…a bit overwhelming because even after all these years, Regina's distinct perfume still lingered in this particular space of the entire house. In other parts of the building, the scent was barely there, chasing me around like a whisper of wind. But in here, her White Diamond intermingled with apples and vanilla, bubble gum shampoo still rested heavy in the air, dizzying my mind with every step I took further into the room. Everything was not what I had expected. She had a king…well QUEEN sized bed lacking the draperies that were well fashioned in those fairy tale movies. Her vanity was made of oak with four drawers, the surface cleared, mirror not so large but high enough. Her red cushioned chair was positioned just in front of the mirror whilst the walk in wardrobe took a hold of my attention and pulled me towards the double doors.

However, it was empty except for a medium sized wooden trunk about three feet long sitting snugly within the shadows. Of course, I was curious, just as the cat that slinked out from under the bed, yawning widely at me with golden eyes. For a moment I froze up because that distinct shade of eyes matched the pair belonging to someone else. However, I wouldn't put it past her to have the ability to change into a freaking cat, to stalk me like this. My mouth itched to call out her name but I bit my tongue, attention drawn back to the chest calling out to me.

As soon as I stooped before it on my knees and touched the latch, the freaking thing shuddered like a living creature. Jumping back, crouching in the opposite corner, I awaited an attack but none was presented to me. In the end, the entire trunk was hoisted and shoved into the backseat of my car as I had a brainwave, that I need to protect it. After two years, Emma, TWO years that thing sat there without having harm come to it and now you're going to act all protective over the trunk. How ridiculous. She might thank me for it. Maybe she had forgotten it there, who knows. But my gut told me to move the damn thing. And that's what I did.

Unto mom's apartment for that rest now.

Taking out my cell as I drove, my thumb rested on Speed Dial 1 which was her number. But figuring that she might also be resting up too, I ignored the temptation, wishing to hear her voice, anything. But as soon as I stepped over the threshold and into the apartment, there she was seated upon the chair watching a Lifetime movie. And as mom ushered me in, those brown eyes turned to gaze upon me with such a comforting look, added with a small smile that instantly made me feel complete.

"Since everyone is here or there", mom said moving back to her place upon the chair with Regina, "we decided to stay in and watch a LMN marathon."

"Hi", I said, suddenly growing weak in the knees as she still held my gaze.

"Hey, we were just talking about you."

"What…were…you saying?" I frowned, shrugging off my jacket as someone was stabbed repeatedly on screen. My mother's eyes were as wide as saucers as a deliciously evil grin cracked across her round face.

"Snow has just informed me that you wear Hello Kitty sports bras."

I froze up. "That's a lie."

"Guilty as charged", Regina said smiling, her fingertips pressing into the back of the chair. "Are you wearing one now?"

"No." I avoided her eyes. Shit! That's embarrassing! I had on one right now.

"I'd like to see, Emma."

"I don't know what you're talking about." I half laughed, moving to the fridge, knowing that a blush was creeping up my neck, unto my cheeks.

"Stab the fucker, stab him!" Snow hissed, and I almost dropped a can of Pepsi, turning around with my eyes wide. "Stab the backstabbing, cheating, piece of shit!"

Regina and I shared a look.

"I might be rubbing off on her", she gave me an apologetic smile, head tilted sideways. "Her vocabulary is getting…quite…colorful since my arrival back here."

"I can…hear….that", I said, stiffly.

"Is that Pepsi?" rearing her head, she waited.

"Noo…" I lied, knowing that feeding her sugar would be such a bad idea. She was like a big kid, craving candy and sugar, only to torment me in the late hours of the night. "It's a beer."

"Lift the can up, let me see."

"I don't want to."

"Emma…" I watched her push herself up, wearing a lovely red dress that stopped at her knees with leather boots on as she shuffled her feet my way. And in a few seconds, I was pressed against the kitchen counter as the can of Pepsi was held behind me. "Emma, I'm thirsty."

"Then have a glass of water." My breath was held as she gingerly moved against me, the feel of her soft tummy between us. Tummy. Am I too old to use that word? Ah what the hell.

"I don't want a glass of water."

"I'm not giving you…" she reached behind me, trying to snatch the can, "hey, hey! No sugar!"

"Give it to me, Emma", her breath was warm on my face, whipping my mind into a frenzy. "Give…it…to…me…"

"Alright if you insist", I smiled widely before leaning down just enough, silencing her protests with a kiss that unearthed a moan from within her. Fingers that were wrapped around the can slowly began to unwrap themselves as my mouth tasted her, teasing her, biting her bottom lip as she completely let go of herself.

"Girls", Snow said, and I pulled away by reflex, Regina' brown eyes wide as her lips remained parted, "the cheating fucker is dead."

"Great…mom", I managed to say, my voice wavering, our gaze still locked on each other.

"Hey!" a clap jumped me. "Not in my kitchen", Snow said firmly, "no making out in my kitchen, young lady. I don't want smudges on my counters."

I snorted as Regina's eyes were pinched from a smile. In seconds I was giggling like a teenager as she laughed so cutely with her tongue between her teeth.

"So what's the surprise then?" she asked, hands on my hips as I was pressed back into the counter, those red soft lips so close to mine but so far anyway.

I tried to appear oblivious. "What surprise?"

"The thing that you're working on…"

"I have no idea what you're referring to." Sipping from the can, I sidestepped around her and moved to the flight of stairs.

"I can unearth the truth if so desired."

Pressing a boot unto the step, I stopped, a smile on my face. "Of course you can. Mom, I'm going to take like two hours sleep."

"Sure", she said, eyes focused on the movie.

"If I don't wake up by six, then wake me –"

"Sure." Regina and I locked eyes.

"I'm going to jump through the window, mom."

"Sure, cool…"

Slowly making her way across the distance between us, Regina's boots hardly made any sort of noise as she grew closer. And frowning from the wicked grin plastered on her face, I was about to chase the thought of having any amount of sleep at all.

"I'm really tired", I said as she sat upon the bed minutes after whilst I snuggled into the coolness of the sheets, the mellow mattress already numbing my body that ached from exhaustion.

"Then sleep…"

I frowned. "With you sitting there…like that?"

Her brown eyes were lowered to gaze upon herself as if detecting some error with the manner in which she was seated. But upon finding none, nor completely gathering the intent to my question, I was the focus of her scrutiny once more.

"I mean, you being here, that's distracting. I can't sleep with you just sitting there…looking at me…"

"Then I'll lie here with you."

"Regina…" groaning, my heart began to race in my chest as she leant down, unzipping her boots as the slice of sound filled the room.

"I'm tired as well."

I watched her fingers press into the sheet as she rested her head upon the soft orange pillow, face turned towards me. And as we gazed at each other, I couldn't help but allow my hand to make some contact with her. The way those soft tendrils of hair fell unto the pillow, neatly tucked behind the other ear. A star studded earring glinting in the dull lighting of the room as the yellow blinds lazily danced in the early afternoon breeze. Somewhere in the streets, the garbage truck was emptying bins as the familiar roar of the engine met my ears. And yet…yet my world could only focus on her chest moving as she breathed slowly, the swell of her breasts barely showing at the top of her dress. Cupping my fingers, I allowed my hand to caress the soft skin around her shoulder, then her neck, cheek, my thumb teasing those perfect lips. And all the while, she only continued to look at me, blinking slowly as the movie played out downstairs, and people's voices were muffled through the floorboards.

"I had ice cream with Henry and Grace this morning", she said, her voice still taking on that hoarse, sensual tone that could curl my toes.

"That's nice."

"Grace is a really sweet girl. She constantly kept asking me about what it's really like to be pregnant."

"Did you tell her the truth?" I frowned.

"Not exactly." Smiling barely, she caressed the side of my face, her eyes following her fingers.

"Good because being pregnant is scary as hell."

"It's wonderful still, scary, terrible but still wonderful." I smiled in agreement. "I think that Henry really likes her, Grace. He's grown so much already, Emma, independent and mature enough to do so many things on his own."

"Yeah…"

"From the first time I met you…" her voice was becoming muffled as my eyelids grew heavy, "…and then I realized that…I could never love my son without loving you as well…so protective over him because he could never belong to me alone…came back for you and Henry, just the two of you…"

"Yeah…" I said and then her face disappeared.

* * *

><p><strong>Xx<strong>

**Regina.**

**Location: Waterfront Pavilion**

"Welcome back, Regina."

Smiling, I grew warm within my brown leather jacket as Ariel and Eric hugged me with genuine considerations in their eyes. My toes were slightly numb within my boots as the chatter of conversation filled the air. And as my eyes swept across the scatter of familiar faces, some unknown, there was no Emma. She should have arrived already because it was nearing seven. And just beyond the terrace, the horizon had already lost its orange glow as the sun sank deep into sleep whilst a wide moon cast an eerie light upon the water's surface. So where was she? I had gotten here just around six with Snow, and from the time I ventured into the room, everyone had been most kind to me, sincerely wishing me all the best for the remaining months of my pregnancy, welcoming me back with smiles and hugs.

But above all, I just wanted one person to be here with me. I wanted Emma.

"Regina…" turning, I was in Granny's company as she offered me a smile, "we held this event solely for your return back here, just so you know."

"I wasn't aware", I was taken aback. "I'm flattered."

"You should be. It's great to have you back." Squeezing my shoulder, she smiled. "Ruby's quite happy, then again that's expected since the two of you share a special milestone in history. And yes…" my eyes widened. "I was quite aware of the secretive romance. Never agreed to such things but if one finds some happiness in it then it's none of my business."

I smiled stiffly.

"I just hope that you work things through with Robin for the child's sake. Plus this must be hard on Henry too. Children are really affected by our every move, and I'm sure that you'd hate to make a decision that would not only tear a family apart but disrupt a child's happiness in the process."

My chest ached as the smile faded from my face.

"Anyway", she smiled brightly, "just as long as Emma accepts you as always, and Ruby does as well, so do I. So you're okay. But don't go ruining happy endings again. You're a changed woman, stick to the right path."

"Thanks", I said without a smile.

Sighing, I lingered off towards the edge of the terrace and held unto the railing whilst the wind fluttered my hair about. Maybe wearing a pair of brown tights under my dress wasn't such a bad idea after all since the breeze bit my cheeks with a bitter frost. Upon turning around to look at the entrance one more time, my eyes met David's as he held a glass of champagne between him and Snow. And whispering something to her, she linked arms with Ruby as they gaily walked off towards the table decorated with various dishes. He on the other hand came towards me, and I suddenly realized that ever since my return here, we hadn't spoken to each other, just us two as yet.

"Hey there", he said warmly.

"Hey, how are you, David?"

Appearing slightly taken aback by my enquiry after his wellbeing, his smile was held back but returned in seconds. "I'm alright. Are you?"

"Yes."

"Why are you standing here all by yourself?"

"I'm waiting on…"

"Emma…" he added. Our eyes met and I detected the warmth within his gaze. "Look, I realize that I've been distance since you came back here and –"

"It's no bother", I said quickly, "you are quite busy already, being…Mayor. Congratulations, by the way."

"I don't suppose that's deserving since you're still above all, the only suitable person for that position. I only took over in your absence."

"So you're offering my job to me once more?" I joked with a smile.

"Ah, whenever you're ready." I was taken aback. "Working as a cop, helping out Emma at the Sheriff's office is more adequate for me."

"Let me guess, the paperwork you have to delve through on a daily basis as Mayor is quite frustrating."

"How did you manage for so many years?" Moving closer, I glanced away, smiling. "You're really a very extraordinary woman, Regina, completely irreplaceable."

Holding my breath, my eyes met his. "Thank you, David.

"I don't believe that I even have to give you the well-known interrogation a father usually gives the person his daughter is dating before things get serious."

"No you don't." We both laughed as he took up the glass to his lips, sipping as the music played around us.

"But I must ask one thing of you though", he said, his voice calm.

"What's that?"

"Just trust us." Searching his eyes, I waited. "Snow and I…" he continued, "we're your family, we've always been and the only way anything can work, Regina, is if you can just keep on trusting us, knowing that we'd never do anything intentionally to hurt you. Snow has always loved you, living with regret for her entire life over what she did. And now that the two of you have moved past that, I'd like everything to remain this way."

"I understand that."

"Between us though, I've always been hesitant to trust or give you any chances. And I just want to say that because of Emma, I've realized that I was wrong to judge you. If she could always see the good part of you, if she could completely fall in love with you like this, then you're more than worth my trust."

Eyes lowered, I remained silent.

"I never knew, Regina", he said as glasses tinkled around us.

My gaze was lifted.

"That she was in love with you, I mean…I always thought that things would never be peaceful between you two and you'd always have your differences. But I was wrong. Come to think of it, she's never been the Princess type, always tough and independent, never fancying dresses or stockings."

"Being a Princess does require one to be tough and independent", I corrected him in a low voice, "and Emma is not your fairytale kind of Princess. She's a modern day one."

"Indeed she is, isn't she?" he smiled. "But Snow and I just always believed that she'd fall in love with a handsome Prince as most Princesses do. However…" he held up a hand, and winked, "nothing is wrong with you at all."

"Instead of a Princess falling in love with a Prince as you and Snow etched your fairytale in the pages of story books, this time, a Queen changed the usual way of things by being completely in love with a Princess. It's different from most things we grew to know in our world, but this isn't our world and Emma's not from a story book as much as we are. She's…different. And I like…different. She's changed me."

"She's changed all of us."

"Yes she has but she's changed me completely. You all found your happy endings back. But I was left with none. And if she can mend the Evil Queen's broken heart, then I surely cannot find an error in her character as a Princess at all."

Standing in silence for some time, I listened to the musical chatter around the room as he bounced back on the heels of his boots. David had always been the one who never trusted me even when his wife did because it was apparent that he knew me not as Snow did. His attempts to act against me, to do everything in his power to stop my vengeance and destruction had been just to protect his wife. But when one would expect him to be a bit more protective over his daughter, it was evident that he was a bit relaxed on me dating Emma. It appeared so, but perhaps that wasn't the case. From his hesitation to communicate with me ever since my arrival here, silence spoke louder than words. Maybe I was being paranoid but I still believed that David couldn't quite trust me as Snow did and he was still uncomfortable about the current situation.

That of course was expected.

"I guess that once she's happy then Snow and I must be contented as well", he broke the silence by adding. And there it was just in time, the hint of denial in his thoughts. I said nothing. "My only hope is that she's certain of doing this because if she isn't then –"

"Hey gorgeous…" my eyes flew open from fright as her familiar voice met my ear and then a soft kiss was pressed unto my right cheek. Turning my eyes in her direction, I felt her sturdy hand wrap around my waist.

"Hi…you're here."

"Finally", her emerald eyes had a definite sparkle from a warming smile. "Hey dad."

"Hey, hey, all's well?"

"Yeah."

In the meantime, I allowed my eyes to guiltily roam her attire, which was quite expected for she was dressed in a pair of black jeans, a red long sleeved shirt and knee high black leather boots. Blonde hair was swept up into a ponytail as stray tendrils caressed her cheeks and she had on a touch of makeup, easy on the eyes matched with a mellow shade of red lipstick.

"So this is your first social event as a couple", David said as I noticed his smile but there was a hint of something within his eyes.

"Yup", Emma declared, pulling me closer as she playfully kissed my neck, her warm breath flushing my cheeks. I was melting already. "And it's so exciting, to just be…open about our relationship. Isn't it, Regina?"

"Yeah", my tone was unsteady as something did manage to upset my composure. Frowning, I was aware of their eyes on me.

"Hey, are you alright?" she asked in a whisper.

I nodded.

"Don't tell me you're having second thoughts, Regina", David said. And he laughed.

"I'm not." His words had a very strong impact on me.

"You have Robin and you have Emma. That must be…something." I turned my eyes in his direction. "Both of them care deeply for you."

"What's your point?" my tone was a bit bitter as her fingers wrapped around my arm.

"I'm not trying to…make a point", he smiled. "I'm just wondering, you know, how is this going to work completely with Emma when you're having Robin's baby and –"

"Dad…"

"I'm just thinking things through."

"That's our business, not yours", I directed his way, a full on glare added in too.

"I'm…sorry…Regina I was just –"

"Interrogating me", I said firmly. "Well I don't need any of it. If trust is still your issue then I suggest that you consult with your wife. At least she understands the complexity of all of this."

"Look, I was only –"

"You've never trusted me and even when the blinding truth is staring you right in the eyes, that Emma believes in me, you're still hesitant.."

"Dad, both of you, just stop."

"I…" fixating my glare on him still, he decided to hold his tongue.

"I'm the one doing this and dad, trust is not an issue at the moment", Emma pulled me close as I suddenly relaxed in her embrace. "She's family, and I know that you're worried about me but you've got to stop because I can take care of myself."

"I just don't want you to get hurt", he said, eyes moving to meet hers.

"So you think that I'd hurt her", I stated bitterly.

"I can't forget the past, Regina, not so easily."

"Then I suggest that you try because I'm not the Evil Queen anymore." My voice was breaking, as my emotions got the best of me, and biting my lips, I realized that the urge to cry was threatening. Feeling as if I was breaking, I hated myself for becoming weak so fast because it was never really an issue.

Something changed in his eyes, as he appeared to soften from my words. But Emma apparently detected that this was enough. Taking my arm, she immediately led me away from David and into a corner as my shoulders were held, lowering her eyes to meet mine.

"Regina…"

"Mmm…" my throat ached.

"Just…don't take him on too much. He's still getting used to all of this. And it's going to take some time, just as this has to settle in yet for Henry."

"Yes but for how long?" a tear leaked down my cheek as I kept my gaze lowered.

"I don't know. I really don't. But if mom can accept us and Ruby, Granny, Archie, Ariel –"

"Do they?" I asked, lifting my eyes to meet hers. "How can you be so sure that they're accepting any of this? I've never been welcomed by any of them."

"Stop it."

"They can't even engage me in an inviting conversation because I've never been anything to them. I'm just…nothing…"

"You're everything to me", she said softly, her warm fingers caressing my jawline as I gazed into her eyes. "Regina, you're the most amazing woman I've ever met, you're beautiful, kind, compassionate, totally misunderstood, and above all, you're worth spending every second with." I bit my lips as tears clouded my vision. "And if none of these idiots can't see what I see, then that's their loss."

"I'm just getting it from all sides, Emma", I choked, holding unto her as a sob escaped from within me, "Neal, your father, Tinkerbell…"

"Tinkerbell?" she asked, raising an eyebrow. "What the hell?"

"She's siding with Neal."

"That's expected, they've grown close over the past two years."

"And granny isn't that accepting. She couldn't hold back the urge to remind me that I'm tearing two families apart, destroying Henry's hopes of being happy, my baby…"

"Regina…"

"I don't belong here…"

"You have to stop thinking like that."

"I can't."

"Look at me." Taking my chin between her fingers, my face was lifted as our eyes met. And when I looked into her eyes, she held my gaze as my right hand was taken into hers. Pressing my palm to her chest, I held my breath. "Can you feel my heart beating?" I nodded. "Then I want you to know this, as long as my heart is beating, I'm completely in love with you. And as long as I have you, then that's all that matters. Fuck them, fuck the idea of the perfect family. And believe in me because I've always believed in you. This isn't about them, it never was. It's always been about us."

I couldn't speak at all, holding my breath as my head grew dizzy from drowning in her eyes, her words, the depth of her confession. All of it meant so much to me that my heart ached, breathing was difficult, and I grew weakened by the desire within me that was sparked from her presence.

Suddenly, the microphone came on, and someone was tapping, testing the sound as a slight feedback ensued. Disrupting my attention on Emma, we both searched for the position of the anticipated speaker.

"He-hello…is this thing on?" it was Snow. "Okay, it's on."

"Here we go…" Emma said, pulling me close as she rolled her eyes. I studied her face with a smile as tears still remained around my eyes.

Standing just in front of the room, my dearest darling with the pixie cut was beaming around as she held the microphone between both her hands.

"It's great to have you all here, and I'd just like to say Season's Greetings, Happy Holidays and I hope that you're all enjoying Christmas as it should be. It's a time to spend with family, to treasure the ones we hold dearest to us, the ones who mean so, so much in even the smallest way. That's why the whole idea of getting this gathering organized by myself, Ruby and Henry was to welcome back a very special person into Storybrooke again. She's a friend, a mother, a best friend, once a step mother but mostly a best friend." Archie laughed and so did Ruby.

"She's so amazing, and she's impacted our lives whether we liked it or not, but mostly for a good reason because many of us changed just as she did. She's changed so much, and if it's one thing you all know so well about me is that I was privileged to know a side of Regina none of you got the chance to ever see. We all change somehow, and with the love from her family, Regina has opened up to become the woman I have always believed in, that woman who saved my life many years ago. She saved my life and…" her eyes were directed towards me, "and she's changed my grandson and my daughter's life, Emma. From the first time they met, they've been at each other's throats like hormonal teenagers…" laughter ensued as Emma snorted whilst I knew that I was evidently blushing.

"They've fought over Henry, one tried to kill the other, which ended up with one teaching the other to use magic, they were forced to work together, blah, blah. Until…" her voice was lifted, "the inevitable happened. Some point along the road of battle, they became friends. And we're all a happy family again. I'm just really, really relieved that I don't have to think twice about biting into an apple again…" I had to laugh at that one. "And I don't have to worry about her wanting to kill me because we're so close now. So without further delay, I'd like us to lift our glasses to…Regina."

Everyone did. And by everyone, I mean every single person even Neal who was lingering near the doorway in Whale's company. Tinkerbell did as well with a wide smile, so did Granny and Belle warmly acknowledge me, even Gold. I felt extremely overwhelmed, completely astounded and frightful as the moment played on because it wasn't expected at all on my part. None of them ever chose to acknowledge me as warmly as this, even if their eyes weren't showing enough consideration. And as my gaze rested on Snow, she smiled widely with tears in her eyes.

"And now I think that the Sheriff would like to say something as well."

Turning to Emma, I searched her face as she gave nothing away within her emerald eyes, only choosing to squeeze me closer to her before letting go. And then as I watched her walk through the crowd, as their eyes moved from me to her, my breath was held because Snow hadn't really lingered on the blinding truth. She hadn't mentioned the obvious, just referring to Emma and me as friends. So there was still a slight severity in anticipating everyone's reaction on the matter.

"Thanks mom", they hugged and Emma took a hold of the microphone, her eyes dancing with excitement. "So, I think that I've definitely wished all of you the best for the holidays already, having been around the town more frequently since I'm Sheriff. But just to make sure, Happy Holidays everyone." Glasses were lifted as everyone returned happy expressions. "I guess that mom covered about half of my speech already. So I'll just add unto what she's already said. Regina…" and when her eyes latched onto mine, the room grew silent, "…has proven to me that there is so much more in life, that a person can be completely misunderstood, could be hated, could be shunned and yet, all it takes is for someone to believe in her, to believe that she's worth the effort, that she's…worth trusting. Many of you still find it hard to even consider the possibility of her being anything other than the Evil Queen."

"But she's everything that you'd never expect her to be. Just like my mom, even before I got to know her, somehow I could see the real person she was. Even though I was sometimes put into a situation when I doubted her, the end result was always the same: I still believed that she was just…Regina. And you've all gotten to know her in the past, something I never lived through. But I've managed to know more about her than any of you ever will and because of that, she's made me realize that we could wait our entire lives to find someone who wows us, someone who completely turns us inside out, breaks us down and then loves us completely. And she's that person…to me…she's just…she changed me. I've changed her. And I'm so glad that she came back because really and truly, I've found the most shocking thing in a woman who wanted me to get out her town a couple years ago." Snow laughed as I covered my mouth, completely losing composure. "I've found a best friend. And tonight is very special because for the first time probably in history, I'm going to do the one thing I bet no fairy tale has ever included before." Her eyes met Ruby as she lingered by the wall.

And I felt my heart race in my chest, galloping down an endless track as Emma handed the microphone over to Snow. Making her way towards me, everyone's eyes were on her, on me. But I could only see her. I could only wonder what she was about to do, what was her intentions as she came up to me and took my hands into hers.

"Your Majesty", she said to me, squeezing my fingers between hers as I found it hard to breathe, "will you dance with me?"

* * *

><p><strong>AN - And unto the next chapter!**


	11. INTO the Fire

*Okay here we go. Doesn't make much of a difference to those who read the entire thing before but we did it anyway so enjoy and sorry about the length at first. The other chapters will be shorter*

**Chapter Eleven**

**Title: INTO the Fire**

**Regina**

**Location: Waterfront Pavilion**

I couldn't help it. A nervous laugh came from within me as I nodded, biting my lips whilst she led me to the center of the room. And stopping just there whilst the music queued, her hand was placed upon my hip, my head growing dizzy. I knew the song and searched her eyes as Ruby played Enrique's 'Hero' for us. Everything, every word had so much meaning when she just pulled me so close, as close as we could get. My heart was melting, aching from just looking into her eyes as we swayed on the spot. And the wind swept in, caressing my face and swirling around her beautiful blonde hair, soft stray tendrils dancing from her ponytail. Shivering from her touch, the way her hands wrapped around my waist, the warmth of her skin felt so intensely through the fabric of my dress, I desperately fought to keep my composure because my lips were aching to kiss her. I wanted to do it.

And Emma kissed me.

When she moved in, lowering her lips to meet mine, I was not expecting it at all. My mind was empty, possibly frozen because everyone had their attention directed on us. But she couldn't care less. She couldn't care at all as my lips were parted, my eyelids fluttering close, a strained moan escaping from within me when I tasted champagne and lipstick. The room disappeared entirely, truthfully when I kissed her back, my hands wrapping around her neck as we stopped dancing and I still kept on living without taking a full breath for so long. Everything, every single move we made, every single second dragged by as I felt the soft fabric of her shirt, how I burnt up as time went by. And pulling apart just enough, our cheeks were rested together as my desire for her sparked whispers of passion within me.

"Emma…" I whispered, my voice throaty, raw, "…I can't breathe…"

"Neither can…I", she said, her voice tickling my right ear as I shivered. "Right now, I want to do so much more than just…kiss you."

Squeezing her closer to me, I nuzzled my face into her neck, but it wasn't enough. Somehow, the baby between us prevented me from making contact with her as much as I desired. And the simple fact of being seven months pregnant, so far along already: my throat ached from realizing that what my body wanted from her, what I wanted to do to her, all of it was limited. All the things I had dreamt of, the passionate nights when we made love, when I made love to her, I just couldn't do all of it now. And my mind was suddenly spinning ideas of getting around the situation.

Whilst the dance floor filled up with various couples, and everyone's attention drifted to David dancing with Snow, I entwined my fingers with Emma's. Searching my eyes, she completely understood my intentions as we then left the company of everyone else. And as I led her through the crowd, I had no idea where I was going, but apparently my mind took on a destination of its own. Pushing open the double doors to the Ladies Room, I pulled her in after me as the empty interior excited my mind further.

"This feels like high school" she whispered, pulling me into the last empty stall.

Waving my hand without realizing that I had used magic, my mind willed the area around us to be sealed off. And no sound was able to escape as I slid the latch into place. I didn't say a word, instantly crushing my lips unto hers, pushing her against the wall. Hands desperately unbuttoned two buttons, and leaning in, I grazed my teeth along the soft, sensitive spot between her neck and right shoulder, tasting her skin whilst she moaned. Head thrown back, Emma took a hold of my shoulders as my hand caressed her inner thighs, fingernails trailing pathways upwards as my hunger for her grew so severe that I couldn't stop myself at all. I couldn't stop as I refused to allow anything to stand between us, moving against her, positioning my body just comfortable enough to have my way.

"Regina…" she croaked, taking a firm grip of my shoulders as my face was taken into her hands, forcing me to look at her. And we searched each other's deep gaze whilst our lips danced inches apart, whilst my hand moved upwards, slipping gracefully into the front of her pants.

She was incredulously warm, and as my fingers felt her already moist, for the first time ever, I felt a part of Emma that wasn't a slice of a dream. It was real, so real, and because it wasn't a nightmare, my entire body began to burn up whilst she leant forward to kiss the side of my neck, moaning as my fingers teased her without pushing further. I was extremely skilled at foreplay, and it was used to my advantage for as long as I could manage as my mouth sought out hers, moving our tongues together whilst I attempted to create a slow rhythm within such a confined space. Sweat dampened her temples, her neck and I tasted her skin, biting and chewing as her knees were kinked suddenly upon me finally deciding to use my fingers, easy entry from her soft and already welcoming desire between her legs. I moved slowly as she gasped, clawing upon the door, holding unto my shoulder for support as those emerald eyes sought out mine, wide and dazed.

Our magic was intoxicating us, and I could feel it whist I fucked her against the wall, the way my fingers burnt, a warming sensation travelling up my arm and awakening my body completely Sparks of ecstasy tickled me as I bit my lips whilst watching her squirm. And when her hand found a way to me, feeling the way she nervously tried to grab me between my legs, I gasped. She was daring and as high on me as I was on her, because from the time she began to work her fingers through my pants, I couldn't hold back any longer. It was so sudden and so overwhelming, never having occurred before as without much effort I was pushed over the edge of passion, feeling myself shake from the pulsating orgasms rippling through my body. I couldn't even focus when Emma let go as well, my fingers buried deep within her as she came hard, her hoarse cries from pleasure intermingled with my muffled throaty screams buried into her neck.

I couldn't hold onto any form of sanity as we kept on using our hands on each other and I choked on air, my eyes wide as she had her way with me through the fabric of my leggings. Wet, we were so wet, sweat dripping down my back, sticking my hair to my neck as I wrapped an arm around her whilst she kissed me hard. With all her passion, everything, Emma lost control as my bottom lip was bitten and I was pulled closer whilst she took a hold of my hand. Driving my fingers by force deeper within her, she shuddered as our eyes were wide and focused on each other, lips parted.

Coming undone over and over again, until we were painfully riding the strong waves of climax that blinded me and completely weakened her; I realized that I was pushing her too far, and we just had to stop. We had to stop before we both drove each other crazy. Ceasing to move my fingers within her, I resorted to silencing her breathless pants with a slow, deep kiss. And when a strained moan escaped from within both of us, we just stayed there in each other's arms as close as we could manage whilst my breathing was focused on, me trying to gather some small amount of composure.

"We've been gone too long", she whispered against my cheek, capturing my hair into her hands.

"I don't think…that we're even here."

"Not mentally."

"Where did we go?" I searched her eyes, lips parted.

"I don't know, but…I didn't want to come back."

I tried to smile as she caressed my cheek with cupped fingers.

Twenty minutes later and I was clutching my right side as terrible slices of pain cut across my midsection, stiffening my back and restricting my breathing. I was speaking to Archie, catching up as it would appear, and even though we never bonded as friends, somehow his company was alluring, quite comforting because I longed to have friends. I wanted to have them speak to me, anyone, to somehow feel wanted and as Emma separated herself to mingle, I wondered if she was as affected as I was by the distance between us.

"Regina is everything okay?" his tone was filled with worry.

"No worries", I said softly, trying to ignore the feel of the baby moving around within me.

"Ah there she is! The woman of the evening. What an honor it is to be in the midst of this celebration", even before I could register his words, Robin pressed a kiss unto my right cheek as Neal stepped up behind him, his eyes on me.

"Hi, Robin, thanks."

"Archie…" he said, rubbing my back affectionately whilst his eyes danced with happiness.

"Robin, how are you?"

"Quite alright, thanks. And you?"

"Delighted as you are to be here this evening. Neal…"

"Hey…"

Ignoring the last person who spoke, I chose to stand there stiffly whilst trying to distract myself, trying to ignore the cramp-like pains that slightly weakened my legs.

"It's really a nice turn out", Neal commented.

"Just for Regina." Archie smiled at me, and then he sipped his champagne, his eyes suddenly sparkling as they met someone approaching. "Whale, when you're ready, I am."

Robin frowned. "Wait a minute, where are you two heading off to?"

"Oh nowhere, we're just helping out with the beverages", Archie noted.

"You…and Whale…" Neal waited.

"Yeah…"

"Is there a problem, buddy?" Whale asked, stepping in, a frown on his face.

"No, I'm just thinking here for a second, the shrink and the doctor…"

Robin snorted as I found it hard to conceal my smile.

"We're just having champagne and soda at the bar", Archie said, his expression bland.

"Not from the looks of it. A couple of Henry's friends got their hands on beers and he said that they got it from –"

"Well that didn't come from inside this function", Whale remarked, his eyes never leaving Neal. "We were strictly given orders by Emma and Snow to serve only non-alcoholic beverages."

"So you're saying that the kids…brought the alcohol here?"

"What's your point, Neal?"

"No, I'm trying to figure out your statement here because you're trying to imply that my son's lying."

"I never said that Henry is lying", Whale said defensively.

"That's exactly what you're trying to say."

"Men…" Robin said, stepping in as I watched Whale step into Neal's personal space. I could have managed to smile, if not for the fact that Henry was somewhere outside possibly consuming alcohol without my knowledge.

"No, don't shove words in my mouth, dude."

"Don't sneak in alcohol and share it out to minors."

"Are you fucking serious?" Whale asked, his eyes wide, fists clenched. "Do you honestly believe that I would do such a thing?"

"You're the drunk", Neal shrugged it off, glancing away, "not me."

"That's it!" balling his fists, the two of them sized each other up as I suddenly tried to laugh but felt completely nauseous "I'm no drunk, you drug pusher."

"I've stopped that shit unlike you, using every opportunity to drown in a bottle, even drinking on the job."

"Oh come on, the whole town knows that you're a user –"

"If you want to start making accusations like that then you should get your facts straight", Neal demanded, pointing a finger in Whale's direction.

"This is interesting", Robin said to me, as my eyes widened from the sudden knowledge of Neal's involvement with drugs. "Who knew…"

"Look, even Regina had no idea about this", waving a hand at me, they all looked in my direction as I obviously appeared quite surprised.

"Leave her out of this", Neal said firmly. "This is between me and you."

"No it isn't."

"Men, lower your voices", Robin asked of them as people were glancing over at us in the corner with questioning eyes. Emma was busy laughing with Belle and Ariel, completely oblivious to what was coming to light here.

"I've told you already, Neal", Archie said, his expression grim, "whatever you and Emma do both have a serious impact on Henry. And if you're still using –"

"I'm not using anything." But as I searched his face, I could detect that he was lying barefacedly and upon Robin taking a hold of my hand and squeezing it, we both shared the same thought.

"Having your fiancée as the Sheriff was quite convenient for you for too long, covering both of your tracks whilst you used whatever the hell you chose to use under the same roof as Henry."

"Neal…" I said but apparently he didn't hear me.

"And all of this is my fault, the fact that you sneaked in booze in here whilst the kids snatched it from under your nose?"

"You know, I bet that he's got a packet of powder on him right now", Whale said to Robin, then his eyes moved to Archie. "Pathetic."

"Neal!" I said firm enough, my voice still hoarse as he turned immediately to look at me, his eyes wide.

"What?"

"Is it true?" I asked him, my eyes never leaving his.

"Is what true?"

"You know what I'm talking about so don't play a dumb ass with me", I responded sarcastically.

"It's none of your business, is it?"

"I have every right to know if you're using drugs whilst my son is around", I bit back, my throat aching. "So yes, it's my business."

"Oh wait", he said, his voice taking on a calm tone, "maybe it's your business now after all. You're asking the wrong person, your Highness. Why don't you direct that question to your girlfriend? I can guarantee you that she has as much involvement as me in the matter." And without saying another word, he excused himself, walking off into the crowd as my eyes followed him.

"I thought you knew, Regina", Archie said softly, my throat closing up as I stood there.

Shaking his head, Whale moved away as I focused my attention on Archie.

"No, I am not aware of anything relating to the matter", I said. With his eyes uneasily resting on Robin, I detected his hesitation in saying anything further. "Robin, why don't you excuse me for a moment? I'd like to talk to Doctor Hopper alone."

"No problem", he said. And after giving me one more reassuring look, away he stepped, leaving us two alone.

"I'm not allowed to say anything much."

"Doctor Hopper, don't push me."

"Regina, Emma came to me in strict confidence."

"I did once and it never stopped you from feeding her with information regarding to my sessions", I retorted. "So don't play that card with me."

"But this is different. First of all, you're not the Mayor anymore, and Emma specifically told me to keep such matters under lock and key."

I was becoming furious. "Oh did she?"

"Yes, she did. And I'm afraid that I can't tell you –"

"I'm supposed to trust her", I said, my voice breaking, "how am I supposed to do that if walls keep coming up around every corner?"

"Then you should ask her about this."

"That's exactly what I'm going to do", I said, my eyes pinpointing her in the furthest corner as she sipped champagne.

"Regina, wait…" he said as I was about to walk off.

"What?" I asked, stepping back. His face was softened, tilting his head sideways as an apologetic frown was offered.

"Look, whilst you were gone, Emma was…she was devastated. And one of her ways of coping was by shutting herself away, even from her son, either at work for hours or in the confinements of her room…for months…after you left, she was depressed. The only person who knew about how she was falling apart was Snow because she could hide her feelings so well from everyone else. And there came a point in time when Emma was lost. She was losing herself, and then Snow came to me, asking of me to just…speak to Emma, to encourage her to let things out. In those sessions we spoke about many things, from her childhood, things relating to Neal, horrific things that happened when she was in the foster system, when she was in New York, Boston. Wherever she was, something happened to her. And when she came back here from New York, Emma suddenly realized that she was in love with you. Then she had to deal with all these feelings, conflicting feelings."

"So she started to use…drugs."

"She's been using drugs since she was in the foster system to cope with her pain. And I really don't think that she's still using any but Neal was caught dealing just earlier this year. Emma completely managed to clear his name, whilst speculations of her involvement grew with each passing day. I don't know if she's still using any drugs that's why you need to ask her yourself. But be careful upon asking her, Regina. People have different ways of coping with the pain within their lives as you should know more than anyone. And one of Emma's methods was…drugs."

"Thank you for offering that information to me", I said, trying to offer a smile.

"You're most welcome."

"How long did her sessions last with you?"

"From the time you left to two months ago."

"Two years?" I asked, completely in shock.

"Yes, it was advised."

I was puzzled. "Advised by who?"

"Doctor Lam." Christie Lam was the head of the Psychiatric ward. This completely puzzled me.

"What does she have to do with any of this?"

"Regina, I can't say anymore."

Without further enquiry into the matter from him, without lingering in his presence, I walked off in Emma's direction. She was busy speaking to Ariel about wedding dresses upon my arrival and when my presence was detected at her side, emerald eyes turned to consider me.

"Hey…"

"Regina, we were just talking about you", Ariel remarked, her eyes shining. "Emma was saying that whenever the two of you get married, she'd like to wear the tuxedo."

"No…" Emma said, "Ruby suggested that whilst I considered it."

"Oh come on, Emma. You'd look gorgeous in a tux, standing at Regina's side looking all manly." Wickedly grinning in my direction, the light in Ruby's eyes suddenly faded as she detected my lack of excitement in the matter.

"I want to wear a wedding dress, as shocking as it sounds."

"Then that can be arranged as well."

"Emma."

"Yeah?" she turned to look at me and upon seeing my absence of humor, my expression bland, her face was filled with worry immediately. "Hey…" taking my shoulders, she frowned. "What's up?"

"I'd like to speak to you in private please." I suddenly found that the anger that had been brimming within my mind was melting away as she gazed back lovingly at me.

"Sure. Would you excuse me", she asked of them, and they both nodded as I was steered away alongside her, through the crowd and towards a corner.

But I wanted no one around to listen in on our conversation. So directing her towards the exit instead, I felt the worry in the way she held my hand. All the way outside, she kept glancing in my direction as we went down the staircase and towards the parking lot.

"You want to leave", she stated.

Just as we got to the yellow bug, I stopped, turning to face her. "Emma, are you using drugs?"

For a few seconds, her face gave away nothing. She obviously was completely taken aback by my question. But when my words sank in, I was the witness to the flicker of doubt in her eyes.

"What?" her tone was unsteady, even though she tried hard to conceal something from me. "Why would you…"

I explained the situation to her, the conversation Whale had engaged Neal in. And choosing not to offer up Archie's further explanation, I ended off by telling her exactly what Neal had said.

"He said that I should ask you about it."

"Did he?" she asked. Glancing away she scoffed. "This is unbelievable."

"All it takes is a yes or a no."

"No!"

I stepped back, startled from the rise in her voice, my palms pressed upon the cool surface of her car.

"I'm not on drugs. I haven't used drugs since…"

"Since when, Emma?"

"Why does any of this matter to you or anyone else anyway?"

"I beg your pardon?" I asked, staring wide eyed at her, "I have every right to know about this because it involves you, so yes, this is a matter that does concern me."

"Everything that happened after you left here shouldn't be of importance now."

"Emma, we're in this together", I reminded her, "therefore, I need to know as much as I can about you."

"No you don't", she said just like that. I was speechless. "I'm sorry, but there are things about me that you just can't know because there's a reason a past is called a past. It's where things happened to me and I had to try so fucking hard to bury them, so I'm not going to scratch a bruise until it bleeds again."

"Then how is this supposed to work?"

"Just as long as you trust me!"

"How can I trust a woman who has secrets?" I asked, tears filling my eyes. "What kind of relationship is this?"

"It's the only kind of relationship that will work because I am NOT going back there."

"Have you been using drugs whilst I was away from here?" I asked, trying to keep my tears at bay, my anger as well.

"I said, it doesn't matter."

"It does matter to me!" I snapped, stepping forward.

"So you want an answer then?" she asked stepping closer to me, "are you sure that you're ready for one because I've been trying to bury all of what happened within the past two years away, and here you are trying to bring everything back up again."

"What are you talking about?"

"Yes, I used drugs when you were gone. No, I never did it when Henry was around." She had tears in her eyes. "I'd never do that in front of him and neither would Neal. I used drugs in New York, all the way back in Boston many years ago, but after New York, I stopped after coming back here. But when you left, I had no choice."

"What do you mean you had no choice?" I asked, "you could have dealt with it as I did."

"Oh by cozying up to a man who I clearly didn't want, trying to make things work when I knew that you were off somewhere sleeping with…him?" she shook her head.

"Emma –"

"No, I've been hiding this away since you came back but now that you want to know the truth, I'll tell you. You broke me, Regina, when you left here, when you ran off with him, it was as if with each day that went by, just the thought of you being with him stabbed my heart. I was in pain."

"So you honestly believe that before I left here, when you were dating Neal, I didn't feel the same way too?"

"I never said that!"

"You never could understand anything about me!" I cried, "Emma, sure you were wrecked over my departure from here but when you decided to become engaged to him, you broke my…heart. And still I managed to leave here with so much pain, and I lived without you, trying to do that even though it was hard."

"You're stronger than I am", she said.

"Do you honestly think that's true?" I asked her, my eyes wide. "Ask Robin what I was like! I was devastated, completely locked away!"

"So why did you sleep with him without caring about getting…pregnant?"

"Because I wanted to make it work, believing that you were already married to him. We had this conversation before and I do not want to have it again."

"Then why are you asking me to tell you about my past if you know how it hurts? You of all people should know that", she said, her voice hoarse. "I've never asked you about your past because I know that there are things you did that you regret, things that hurt you, stuff that damaged you. So I never asked."

"I just wanted to know what happened whilst I was gone."

"No, what you really wanted to know was if I was using drugs around Henry."

"I would never believe that you'd do that", I said offensively, "I'll admit that my suspicions were directed in Neal's direction."

"He would NEVER do that, so stop thinking it for one second." She as always would be quick to defend him. "Mark my words, Neal would not do that."

"I believe you."

"Well you ought to since it's coming from my mouth."

"Emma, it was never my intention to upset you like this", I said, holding up my hands, my voice lowered. "Really, I just wanted to…know more about you, that's all."

"If you want me to tell you everything about my past then that's not going to happen. I'm sorry for saying it, but it's not."

I stood there in silence, my eyes never leaving hers as the wind swirled up around us, chilling my bones. Still in discomfort over the cramps, I was trying really hard to move past it but with every passing minute, my head was becoming dizzy and I really wanted to go home.

"You've been seeing Archie", I said.

"I will not deny that."

"Why?"

"I was fucked."

"You were…depressed…" I pressed on as she folded her arms, looking away.

"If the medical term for it is that, then so be it. You were always the technical one."

"Look at me", I croaked because even though her walls couldn't be smashed to pieces, mine were collapsing with each passing second.

She did, and I took a tentative step towards her.

"Why are you doing this?" she asked, reaching up to scrub her cheeks dry.

"Because I care about you and I want us to look at each other so that you can see in my eyes that I'm not trying to hurt you. I just want you to let me in."

"Look, I confided in Archie okay. And I hate when someone tries to dig into my brains for dirt, so that was enough. I don't let anyone in."

"But you let Neal in", I said without skipping a beat.

"I didn't let him in on anything. He was involved in the same shit that I was, back in Boston. And most of it I couldn't handle by myself because one of my fucked up foster siblings, the one who's running the investigation in relation to that…case…I'm sure that he was behind most of the stuff that happened."

"What happened?" I asked, as she toed the ground with her right boot, eyes lowered.

"I used to deal drugs in Boston", she looked up at me. "Neal did too. And then someone had a target on our backs because I owed what I couldn't pay back. The next thing I knew, someone had a target on me. And just when I thought that it was mainly because of Neal, I found out that the pimps I was dealing for were all connected to Phillip."

"And Phillip is this…foster brother..."

"Yeah, the man that died, the stink they're digging up now in relation to his wife, believing that her…death years ago and his are connected, they were one of the many fucked up foster parents I had when I was in the system." She stepped towards me, her eyes serious. "That's all you need to know Regina because the more you know, it's dangerous –"

"Why?" I asked, frowning. I knew about the juvenile case that resulted from her foster mother's sudden death. But I'd leave that concealed for now. "Is he after you?"

Shaking her head, she shoved her hands into her jeans pockets and looked away. "I can't say anymore, I'm sorry."

"Emma –"

"I don't want you to get involved in this!"

"I am already involved in this whether you like it or not!" my voice was strained. "In case you haven't noticed, I'm in a relationship with you and everyone in Storybrooke knows after tonight so you can cut the stupid hesitation in feeding me information because if you don't fill me in then I'll find a way to know every single thing –"

"See, that's your problem, right there", she said, "you always want to know everything, find everything, dig up dirt. But what you fail to realize is that sometimes it's better to NOT know."

"Not when it concerns you."

"Oh right, because ever since I came into Storybrooke, you've always been digging into my files", she said angrily. "It's a wonder you never came across all you needed to know already."

"This is ridiculous", I complained.

"You have to trust me on this."

"I'm sorry, but I…can't…" I said, shaking my head. "I really don't trust half the truth. I need to be with someone that's completely open with me –"

"Then bingo, Robin wins me over as he always could manage to do", she said sarcastically.

"Emma, I didn't mean –"

"I bet he has been completely honest with you about every single thing", she continued, her voice hoarse as tears clouded her eyes. "He's told you about Marian and his crimes, he's opened up to you, never hesitating unlike me who has a closet the size of a football field filled with secrets –"

"Emma!" I snapped, interrupting her. "Stop behaving like a hormonal teenager."

"I'm behaving like a hormonal teenager?" her eyes were wide. "What about you bitching on me, trying to squeeze the past out of me like a freaking lemon?"

"Well if you can't see the importance of my enquiries then something's clearly wrong here."

"I'm not in the mood to have this…conversation with you", she said in a stiff voice, "I'm stopping it right now."

"I want to have this conversation right now."

"Go find someone that you can trust", and she turned on her heels.

"Don't you walk away from me", I rushed forward, trying to snatch her arm.

"Leave me alone."

"Don't do this to me."

"I'm not doing anything to you!"

"Yes you are!"

"What do you want from me, Regina?" she asked, bitterness in her tone.

"Tell me about the case", I said and my throat stung as I couldn't hold back the tears anymore. "Tell me about your childhood and Boston, about New York."

She began to walk away but I followed her.

"Emma, I want to know everything about you. I want to know about you because I…love…you unconditionally and there is nothing about you, nothing you can tell me that would ever stop me from loving you."

"I tried to kill myself when you were away and Gold told me that you were pregnant", she said abruptly, stopping as I froze up on the spot. Her back was to me. Turning around slowly, her eyes met mine as I detected a look in her eyes that I had never witnessed before, a dark look that was filled with fear and pain. "I was so close, all these pills I swallowed down, drugs and Vodka. I was so paranoid, believing that if I was about to die, you'd feel me somehow and you'd know. I wanted you to know. But Neal found me. And…" she was crying, "they pumped my stomach, whilst all the time I wanted to die because I believed that there was no chance left."

I couldn't speak at all.

"I was lost without you. I couldn't live. That's why I had to see Archie. I had to let it all out, tell him how much I loved you, and I didn't have a chance left. And now that I have the chance, and I want things to work between us, you just can't…trust me enough when I'm just trying to protect you. You can't understand any of this, the fact that I was hesitant to be with you because I was…scared to involve you in my life. I don't want you to know about my past because you're not in it and it's a dangerous place. It all comes down to you trusting me enough to know that I love you so much that I'm doing this with good intentions, or you not trusting me at all…but someone else instead. And he…he can offer you so many things, tell you all that you want to hear. But I can't."

Stepping closer to her, I reached up, placing my palms upon her cheeks as our eyes remained on each other. "Okay", I said.

She remained silent. "Okay? Is that all you have to say to me?"

"I trust you enough to let go of your past." My eyes lingered on Robin making his way towards us, a smile on his face. "I'm sorry you had to go through all of that."

"I don't need your pity."

"I'm not pitying you –"

"You're unbelievable, Regina", she remarked, shaking her head.

"What?"

"Hey there, hope that I'm not interrupting anything."

Spinning around on her heels, Emma's eyes were wide as she noted his presence. And upon seeing the tears staining her cheeks as well as mine, the smile upon his face disappeared immediately.

"Is everything alright?" none of us answered. And completely sidestepping the question, he cleared his throat. "My reason for coming out here was to find you, Emma. Apparently your mother needs your assistance at the bar. Whale has been slipping in alcoholic beverages without your permission. The young folk got away with a stash but Neal has Henry up there and he's unharmed, or…sober if you'd prefer."

"The sneaky bastard", Emma said, her eyes focused upwards at the shadows moving within the building. "He's pushing it."

"If you hurry up, you might catch his colorful argument with Neal up there."

She made an attempt to rush off but then stopped. Turning to look at me, her eyes weren't soft but serious.

"I –" I stepped forward but Robin intervened.

"Just a moment, I'd like to have a word with Regina, if you don't mind, Emma."

She did mind. I could detect it in her eyes as her refusal to respond was prolonged. "I…do…mind."

I was taken aback by her reply, so shocked by it that at first, I believed that my mind had played tricks on me. And awaiting a further declaration of the truth, the silence was prolonged as Robin looked at her with a bland expression.

"It's nothing really, Emma", he said, his voice low, "I just wanted to speak to her as a friend."

"Just as a friend?"

"Emma", I said in a serious tone, sending her a look that stated my disapproval.

"Like I said", her expression remained stolid. "I do mind."

"What are you doing?"

"I'm sorry, I'll just leave you two –" Robin began to step back.

"No, I'd like to speak to you", I declared in a clipped tone.

"Have it your way", she said. "If that's your choice."

"What the hell does that mean exactly?"

"Have fun", she said, sending me a pretense smile before moving off.

"You'll regret this!" my voice chased after her, just as the wind howled around the docks.

I watched her walk off in complete shock as the wind froze my cheeks.

* * *

><p><strong>Xx<strong>

**Emma.**

I'll regret what? WHAT exactly? The fact that she was trying to split my head open, just to have a look inside?

Whale was behaving like a complete jackass and because my mood was already fucked, I ended up giving him more than a talk. My mood was so corrupted, had Neal not stepped in to hold me back from making an arrest, then I would have possibly made a complete fool of myself.

Sneaking in alcohol into the function.

He had been given strict orders not to do so and now Henry and his friends had gotten their hands on more than just enough.

"You", I said angrily, pointing in his direction, "stay in my eye sight, and don't…" he rolled his eyes, "…act up with me young man because I can make things even worse for you if you push me."

"Don't hit me with your anger just because the two of you argued just now", he said smartly. Snow was the only one close by, near enough to hear the conversation.

I took a step towards him and she did the same.

"Henry, let's grab a snack", taking his hand, she tugged him away after sending me a warning look.

"Ugh…" I growled, gritting my teeth.

She had wanted me to tell her so much, too much and I just couldn't do it. I couldn't stand there and roll out the dark shades of my past just like that because there were so many things that had occurred which made me feel like a complete fool inside. Coupled with that, there was a reason why my only decision was to keep back so much from her: it's because as soon as I'd even start thinking about my past, my insecurity would eat me up. I'd become this big ball of mush, a state I had tried so hard to avoid going back into because being stable was something I had mastered. All this time my mind had become focused and all those secrets had been buried so deep down inside that they simply would not pass through my thoughts just like that. That's why I never related most of it because once I could push all these situations into the ground and shovel dirt on them, then it would take a lot to dig the chests up again.

"Problem?" It was Neal. He quietly stepped over to where I stood, smiling in mockery.

"Of course there is. I can't believe he would do something like that."

"Well, you took care of the problem, so cheer up now. I hate when you frown like that." Making an attempt to tuck my hair behind an ear, I swatted his hand away by reflex and a startled expression crossed his face. "Ah sorry."

"No, it's okay", I shrugged it off. "I'm just in a mood."

Chatter filled the silence as others still mingled around us, Ruby hand jiving with Archie on the dance floor, completely oblivious to any occurrence of a distasteful mood anywhere in the premises. Snow was piling all sorts of eatables unto a Styrofoam plate as Henry pointed out what he wanted and I couldn't help but realize how lucky I was to have her as my mother. She was so considerate, kind and somewhat a life saver. Neal on the other hand was prepared to get a rise out of me.

"Saw her leave with him", he said, eyes diverted as they warily focused on Charming practicing defensive moves with Hook. I wasn't amused at all.

"They're just talking." My mind was elsewhere.

"Oh so lemme get this straight", he bounced back on the heels of his shoes, "you're comfortable with her cozying up to him."

"Not quite."

"So why did you allow her to…leave with him in a taxi?"

"What?" Suddenly I was pulled back into the present as my mind was poked from the meaning of his words. Staring at him, he searched my eyes.

"Geez…"

"They're outside talking."

"I just saw them hop into a cab and off they went." He zapped a hand into the air to gesticulate.

"Yeah right…"

"Look, if you don't believe me then walk over there, look out into the parking lot and see for yourself."

"I'll do that", I said angrily, believing that he was playing with my mind.

Following my lead, Neal lingered near me as my eyes scanned the expansive space below. And as the shadows played upon the tarmac, I carefully examined the area around my yellow bug, trying to detect her somewhere around there. But she couldn't be seen.

"See?"

I still kept on looking, my frantic scrutiny moving to sweep the faces gathered upstairs. Still there was no Regina. Had she honestly gone off with Robin? Turning my eyes upon Neal again, I searched his face long and deep only to discover that he indeed was telling the truth. And it kind of stung me with a bitter realization, that I had driven her away, chasing after him in the night.

This party was supposed to be for her. All of this was for her and yet she had been complaining since earlier that somehow her presence wasn't appreciated. I mean, all of these people wouldn't have come here in the first place if they weren't appreciative because the first thing that mom and Ruby had mentioned was the purpose of the social. Now because I simply wanted to avoid discussing my past with her, she had gotten all sensitive with me, prodding my mind when that's the one thing I fucking hated. I hated when people tried to pick my brains, digging into my eyes to determine my secrets because secrets were supposed to be secretive. I didn't know her completely so why should I even spill the history of my life so quickly? Things took time, and eventually the truth would have been told to her.

But no, she wanted to know NOW, being typical as she always was, being Regina, the one who always wanted answers, lacking patience and surely prepared to do everything in her way to find out the truth.

"I suppose that maybe she got…cold feet…"

Sending him a glare, his smile disappeared instantly.

"It's a shame."

"Take the floor", I said smugly, gesturing with my hands to welcome his criticisms. "Go on, since you're itching to get so much off your chest."

"Now you see…" a hand was lifted, finger pointing as he frowned, eyes lowered, "that kind of invitation I just can't pass over."

"I thought I said enough to you already."

"Well I just have a few important words left to say to you."

"And what in the world could you possibly want to tell me that holds so much…importance."

"My father didn't tell you the whole truth."

I was puzzled at first. And upon further scrutiny upon his face, realization kicked in.

"Yeah he had his share of disapproval to shove into my face when I asked him why you were there the other day."

"You sneaky bastard…"

"Thought that you and your girlfriend were going to put some hocus pocus shit on me, so yeah, I had to know more."

"I'd never do that", I said, suddenly cooling down. "I'd never do anything to –"

"Hurt me further?" he asked, no sarcasm noted in his tone. "Listen, you're not even thinking about this from my perspective, Emma. You're completely shutting me out. I did nothing to you, to hurt you, to push you away. During the time we were together, all I did was the…best…that I could manage. And I get that you were in love with someone else. I can accept that." His eyes wavered, focusing on Tinkerbell as her laughter met my ears. I frowned in his direction. "But you're just treating me like the enemy here and I'm not."

"I'm not treating you like the enemy. You weren't exactly…accepting of the truth the other day in the Diner nor before when I mentioned it to you."

"That's because I wanted to believe otherwise."

"That she had me under a spell? Is that the best thought you could come up with?"

"I…added…two and two together –"

"Right."

"If you choose to be with her, Emma", he said as I met his gaze, "nothing is going to be easy. You're going to go through shit. And I'm not lying. Dad could never tell the whole truth because he wants people to know exactly what he needs them to know. He was probably only telling you about weddings because that's the only part of it that will happen eventually but completely after the hurricane."

"What are you talking about?" he was making no sense to me.

"I don't even know exactly what he meant."

"And what did he tell you?"

"That you're going to lose everything if you choose to be with her. And she's going to lose everything. My concern…" he said as I stopped breathing, "…is you, not her. And if my dad says that you're going to go through shit, losing out on everything then I need to show at least some concern."

"Neal, I don't have time for this", I said, "for all I know, you could be making this all up to break us apart."

"I'm not. Look at me…go on…" waving his hand, he pointed at his eyes, "use your superpower."

I did. He was telling the truth. And it shocked me somewhat. "Maybe he was just talking about the inevitable. Me losing a little faith here and there, losing Henry's trust for a while, her losing Robin, all the sacrifices we have to make to be together."

"I think that it's far worse than that."

"Because that's what you want", I said bitterly. "You just want all of this to become a big fuck up so that you can shove it in my face. Well newsflash, I'm not about to let your exaggeration fuck with my mind."

"Emma, I don't like the sarcasm or the 'treating me like shit' behavior."

I stared at him for a long time, the silence between us stretching out as the truth was evident in his eyes. And all the time I kept thinking to myself, he was totally right. My behavior was just corrupted and I shouldn't be acting out like this on him. Knowing to myself that I could make my own decisions and he hadn't hurt me in any way, not that he ever would, I should have realized that he wasn't the enemy.

"I'm not lying."

"So what's going to happen to me then?" I played along.

"I don't know."

"Then whenever it happens, so be it. Right now, I don't have time to worry about hurricanes destroying me –"

"Emma, just be careful", he said softly. "Just be…cautious as you always are, and think things through before you move on."

"Stop caring about me so much."

"I just want to be friends if nothing else", he said softly. "We've known each other for so long, I know so much about you."

"Apart from ten years."

"Everything before and after", he said, never looking away, "we've been through shit together, been through hell and back, and you've saved my ass as many times as I've saved yours."

Scoffing, I smiled, looking away.

"Oh right, just so you know, if that asshole comes looking for you, I'm the only one who knows most of what happened in that part of your life. And I'm not prepared to see him or anyone pull you down for something you didn't do."

There was a small shock that shot through my brain.

"Did you tell Regina about Phillip and the Scooby Doo gang?"

"I…" folding my arms, I sighed, "no…well some but not all of it."

"I'm surprised that you told her anything at all."

"She had a right to know something", I said in a low voice, "I can't hide all of it from her."

"But knowing you, you left out about ninety percent of your history."

"That's why she probably stormed off on me", I sighed. "It's because she wanted to know too much."

"And you aren't ever willing to tell anyone the whole truth and nothing but the truth."

"At least you understand that part of me and my reasons. She just can't accept it."

"I know about seventy percent of the ninety. Most of that's why we could…work out…" my eyes met his, "…you've got to know more than fifty about someone you're with. And I don't think that hiding forever will make things easier between you two."

"So you're actually suggesting that I tell her most of the shit that happened?"

"Most…not all. But that's your choice. I mean, if I can at least turn the hurricane off your path, my only concern is for you to not get hurt. So if that would do some good then yeah, tell her something. Tell her about the foster system, or high school, just enough but not everything."

"And about my memory lapse in New York, the fact that I tripped Debbie, resulting in her death?"

"Don't…" he said, holding up a hand, "…tell her that. It was self-defense but tell the story as you rehearsed it. And that lapse in New York meant nothing. I mean you couldn't have killed that fucker, knowing to myself that you did the world a favor if you offed him. But let's not push things. The sooner you start believing that you fucked up, the easier it is for anyone who tries to get inside your head."

* * *

><p><strong>Xx<strong>

**Regina.**

**Location: Her Apartment**

"She's not being honest with me", I said as the warmth of the cocoa tingled my fingers wrapped around the mug. Robin stood by the window with his back to me, eyes focused into the night sky. "I just want her to be honest with me."

"I'm quite certain that Emma is being honest…selectively."

I frowned in his direction, my feet curled up under me. "And that's supposed to make the situation better?"

"It's a matter of telling enough of the truth without completing the entire story", he said calmly. "Many men have done it, relating their voyages and life stories as detailed as they could manage. However, not every detail is told with exactness."

"Robin, I'm not talking about voyages or life stories of sailors", my voice was hoarse. "I'm talking about Emma and the fact that she's hiding every single thing from me that relates to her past."

"Well you can't force her to tell you that."

"I need to know."

"Regina…" sighing, he turned around as our eyes met. Coming towards the chair, his boots padded upon the floor as the heater hummed from the corner of the room. "It takes so much courage to tell someone about your hurtful past, the things that damaged you, things and people that you wish to keep buried inside. I'm sure…" he said, sitting beside me as I studied his face, "…that Emma has been through some rough times, and she has chosen to forget those moments, sharing them with no one."

"But Neal knows."

"How certain are you on that?"

"He…knows a lot about her. He's been there when I wasn't and –"

"Stick an arrow right there", he said, holding up a palm, "he's been there when you weren't. Of course he knows more, but the fact still remains, has she filled him in on every single detail."

A frustrated sigh escaped from within me as I squeezed my eyes shut, pressing fingertips upon my forehead as a dull throbbing ensued from the exaggerated worry. The fact that she was concealing so much worried me because I had this dying urge inside me to…help her in any way I could.

"You can't go back and fight her battles for her, Regina", Robin said as if reading my mind. "All you can do is comfort the Emma you have now, feed her warmth and everything that you can offer as of now. The past is a terrible snake, looming just outside our windows as you know. And it's very painful for most people to relive it, even speaking about such things to the ones we love. I have told you enough about my past. But there are things that occurred that I never related to anyone except for the men that fought side by side with me as those tragedies unfolded. I made terrible mistakes and regretted them, fought with those demons for years, but still coming to a point in time where I decided to shut them out, never allowing myself to open those doors again. It's a choice."

"So what happens if these…demons come back to terrorize her and she's alone and I simply cannot help her because I'm not aware of the situation?"

"Then all you can do is to offer her the best comfort you can, awaiting her decision still to fill in the blanks."

I remained silent as his eyes studied my face, and the warm blanket wrapped around my knees still couldn't erase the discomfort of the mild cramps weakening my legs. "You look quite…tense", he commented with worry in his tone.

"Try having a tenant inside of you that simply refuses to stop banging on the walls. If she continues to kick and squirm with such energy then I'm afraid that I'll have to put myself under a sleeping curse for the remaining two months."

His eyes widened incredulously.

"I'm kidding."

"Your jokes have always managed to be a thousand shades darker."

"Arrest me then."

"That's Emma's job." Rising from the chair, he raised an eyebrow in my direction. "Should I ring her up?"

"No", I said quickly. Realizing my fastidious reply, I shrugged it off. "I meant, no, she's occupied at the moment, that I'm sure of."

"Probably arresting Whale."

Positioning himself behind me on his knees, Robin began to slowly massage my shoulders. With his fingers taking a firm grip, kneading the muscles around my neck, already so tight from tension, I found myself biting my lips as a the pain subdued. And very soon, my body became relaxed as he worked his thumbs under my feet.

"How is the tenant's behavior?"

I mewled as the cramps faded away whilst he massaged my lower legs. "She's happy."

"And her mother?"

"So tired, my eyes cannot remain open for an hour longer."

"Then bed is a most comforting destination."

"I'll just sleep…here", I said. His frown deepened.

"Oh no, you will not."

"Yes, I will."

"Regina, such a piece of furniture, as soft as if would appear", his fingers pressed into the cushion, "it's not good for a decent night's sleep."

"Oh must we argue over such a frivolous topic?"

"Would you like the baby to have a say as well?"

I laughed.

"Because she will stretch and kick her protests if you don't heed my warnings."

"Says the father."

"A proud one too."

"Come to the window with me", he said smiling. "Let me amaze you by pointing out a moon at its fullest, buried within a haunting cloud that refuses to part ways with his companion."

"You've always had a way with words", I noted, smiling back as he led me towards the fluttering blinds.

"As cold as the night is, Regina", his face was upturned to the sky, "a warming glow appears to emanate from that same moon. If you gaze at it long enough, you can notice that the –"

I pressed a finger unto his lips with a smile. "You're too romantic."

Studying my face in silence, we both looked at each other. And then he laughed. So did I.

"You know, one of the many, many reasons why I wanted to marry you was because you honestly struck me as a person who thinks, feels and acts deeply as myself. You're intense, and it is possible that beautiful poems could be put unto paper by your hands."

"I'm not poetic", I said.

"Oh but you're a romantic as well."

"Well I wouldn't deny…that." I smiled at him.

A gaze was enacted between the two of us. And I really cannot explain exactly what occurred within my mind, but suddenly his closeness was desired. It's like returning back to a warm place, one that's carefully stable without any worry attached to the situation. Feeling so warm within such close proximity never startled me, never sent off any alarm bells because I wasn't overthinking my actions: they were somewhat done by reflex.

"Regina…" he said softly as I entwined my fingers with his, my eyes lowered.

"Yes."

"I'm not sure that we should –"

"I'm not doing…anything", I said, silencing his worry, "I just miss…being…close to you. That's all."

"But we shouldn't –"

"Nothing's happening. Isn't it over?"

"Yes."

"Then there's nothing to worry about."

Offering him a smile, my hands snaked around his waist as I buried my face into the crook of his neck, inhaling the familiar smell of his cologne. His skin smelt familiar, a soft hint of soap, completely different from her sweet fragrance that consisted of her Victoria Secret sprays. But Robin could never be her. I had realized that ever so long ago for she was so much more. Emma was softer, her skin so smooth and fair, the tickle of her shampoo upon my nose. She was delicate but somewhat tough, quite like a man but such an extraordinary woman. I melted into her embraces, whilst he just felt like a safe and comforting hug. And somehow…somehow I could never quite satisfy the desirous urge that would well up within me when her breath would caress my skin.

The only passion that emanated from between Robin and I only occurred when we kissed. Perhaps he was reading my mind as usual. Maybe it was the flicker of familiarity within us. But as my eyes remained shut, he turned his face, brushing our lips together so suddenly. Before I could react and my mind could form a definite response to cease everything else, my heart crackled from the spark of heat driven upon my lips just as he leant in to enact a kiss. To be fair, he wasn't acting alone because his sudden move startled me and somehow I managed to move in closer as my lips were captured in a small kiss. I pulled back, providing an inch between our faces as my eyes remained wide and then just like that, both of us continued the forbidden meeting of lips.

We kissed together, never taking control but moving in unison as I tasted champagne. I felt the lack of softness in his lips and her face swam into my mind. It was a sharp sting, trying to tug me away from him. But still, it appeared as if I just couldn't stop myself. I wanted to. Did I? Yes, even though she had blatantly decided to shut me out whilst he could open up without any excuses. I wanted to stay, as stupid as it sounds, my mind was attempting to prove something without second thinking anything at all. I was on fast forward, living in the moment without giving the slightest thought about the weight of my actions.

* * *

><p><strong>Xx<strong>

**Emma.**

I drove all the way to her apartment, and all the time I kept rehearsing what I'd say to her in my mind. But my mind was on overload, thoughts whirling around as I tried to cut and paste just enough to relate to her without sounding like a complete fuck up. I was prepared to at least tell her most of it, to sit down and talk things through because I had really behaved like a hormonal teenager earlier, knowing to myself that things had ended badly between us. And the fact that she went off with him only added weight to my suspicions: that she was pissed.

Above it all, I didn't want her to choose him over me and she had done that tonight because of my stupidity.

Taking out my cell, I speed dialed her number for the third time and got the same message: that her phone was either out of the service area or it was turned off. Wouldn't put it past Regina to completely shut me out as I had done to her. However, there was a slight possibility that her battery was dead. I still needed to know where she was because my chest was already aching from fear, anxiety, anticipation and everything else. Butterflies weren't fluttering around in my stomach but small pebbles throwing themselves around in a frenzy.

When my phone vibrated on the dashboard, I snatched it up, eyes on the road. It was Henry.

"Yeah, kid."

"Mom, I'm not a kid anymore." He sounded wrong, totally wrong. I didn't expect anything different.

"When you're done there, make sure that you get home safely with Snow and David", I reminded him, pressing the brakes at the red light.

"I'm not going home with them."

"What?"

"I'm going home with dad."

"Henry, we discussed this before and you promised that –"

"No, you know what?" his voice was raised, "I had that discussion and I agreed but I don't now because I've changed my mind."

Taking a deep breath, I tried to remain calm. "Okay, and why is that?"

"Because this is wrong, mom! It's wrong and I can't deal with that."

"What's wrong?" I asked, frowning.

"You…and Regina…it's stupid and it's wrong. I can't accept the two of you together and I've tried but I can't."

"Henry, listen to me –"

"No you listen to me", he demanded in a frustrated tone, "you have no idea what I have to put up with ever since you two decided to be more than friends. All my friends make fun of me including Grace because her father doesn't want her to hang out with someone who has a seriously dysfunctional family."

"Henry –"

"It wasn't so bad when they used to mock me for having two moms", he cut across me, "but now that the two of you are…kissing and…everything else, it's not okay. Plus, you're both tearing apart what's meant to be instead of staying with your true loves. You belong with dad and she belongs with Robin –"

"Do you honestly believe that's true?"

"She's having his kid, of course it's true. He's her soul mate, her second chance and there are no ifs or buts because she's always going to connect with him, not you. The two of you have never been okay around each other."

"But we are now."

"No, mom, it's not."

"Henry, there's more to this than you know and it might appear so bad to you because of what your friends think of us but it's not terrible."

"Sure, how would you feel if you were my age and your best buds were calling your mothers dykes, and your father a loser? How's that supposed to make me feel? Dad isn't a loser, he's the best dad in the world."

"Henry, I'm in love with Regina", I said, my voice hoarse, eyes stinging from his refusal to believe any of it. "I'm really in love with her."

"How can you –"

"No, you need to listen to me because I'm not lying. I wish that I could make you understand all of this, how important she is to me but there's only so much that I can do. I can't live without her, Henry. I really can't. And she can't…live without me either. I know that it sounds corny but it's the truth."

"But you can be in love with more than one person."

"I was and then I made a choice", tears blinded my vision as I parked in the corner, in front of Regina's apartment building.

"And what makes her so special above dad then?"

"When I'm with Regina, when I'm holding her, or…just being with her, it's the best feeling in the world. And it never used to be that way because I was conflicted, and I couldn't understand my feelings at all that's why we had such a frustrating relationship in the beginning. But now, I can't ever go back. I can't love anyone else, not even your dad as much as I love her because he could be the best dad to you, but he's not the right person for me."

"Mom, are you sure?" he asked. "How can you be sure that she feels the same way about you?"

"I'm sure", I said.

"She's still in love with Robin."

"Why would you say that?" I asked, my throat aching.

"Because of the way they look at each other, the way she holds his hand and lets him in. She never lets anyone in."

"She let me in."

"Yeah, but you're not a guy –"

"And that's why I can't be the right one for her?" I was offended.

"I have to go", he said, "it's no use trying to make you understand what's going on here. And at first you never believed me anyway when I told you about everything, when I brought you here. So why would it be any different now."

"Henry this is completely different!"

"No it isn't. All you care about is the two of you, not me when I've always been in the middle. And I hate to say this to you but breaking up two families, that's not what a hero would do."

"For once in my life", I said hoarsely, "when I expect my son to believe in me, he doesn't. And now you're telling me that I'm not doing what a…hero…would do? This is my life too, Henry. I have a right to make a decision to be happy."

"Yeah well it's my life too and whatever either of you do, it will affect me. So the next time you decide to ruin my life, make sure that you at least send me a warning."

"I'm not –"

"Whatever, mom."

"I don't want –"

And he disconnected the phone. Sitting in the car, I balled my fists up and pounded them upon the steering wheel, angry tears rushing forward. I didn't know what to do or think. But somehow, the only definite thing, the only warming thought within me was driven by her…just her. The belief in myself that we knew what we felt, and it was strong, it was okay and finally right: that's all that mattered. That's all that should matter. But it wasn't fair. Henry is my son. He's hers and he's not taking all of this too well so I really need to do something about this because nothing can work with Regina if I can't have my son's trust.

Pushing the car door open, I stepped out, a hand reaching up to wipe away the tears upon my cheeks. A doll dressed in a red dress was staring at me from the shop window across the street, her smile appearing to take on a twisted look as I frowned. Everything was mocking me tonight apparently, even my freaking car, the door lock refusing to work as I almost broke the key from frustration. The wind was teasing me, whipping my hair into my face, strands sticking to my lips as I stood there with a shit load of thoughts attacking me.

Somehow, my eyes were lifted to check on her window just three floors up. The fluttering red lace marked the position exactly, as the blind was caught outside, dancing in the breeze. And upon further scrutiny, I held my breath as shadows played upon the other blind. Believing that my mind was deceiving me when I detected two figures in close proximity, I had to blink several times to make sure. But there was no deception.

Standing just there in the dim lighting from the lamp inside her small living room, I could clearly make out the way her hair danced from the wind as they moved closer to the window. And at first, I wasn't quite sure what I was looking at exactly until the moon moved from behind a cloud and shone some light unto the world below. There, as clear as my eyes could see, I watched Regina so close to him as they obviously were kissing because speaking in such close proximity would be a foolish thought. It was the first thing my mind jumped to and I was right. I knew it. I could see it as her head tilted sideways and they continued to do the one thing that suddenly shot a pain through my heart that dizzied me completely from the actual realization of it. I stopped breathing. Reaching out to take a hold of the side of my car, the wind maximized the chill that enveloped me as my knees weakened.

* * *

><p><strong>Xx<strong>

**Regina.**

"So that makes it officially over", I said, pressing a kiss once more upon his lips as he smiled at me.

"Ah, what a way to end things."

"I had to do it", I said, my arms still around him. "Somehow I felt that it was…something that had to be done. We didn't part on good terms. And I wanted you to know that spending two years with you, putting up with me, it was more than I can ever thank you for. And we'll always remain as friends, very close friends because you're a great man, Robin."

"And you an amazing woman, your Majesty."

Nuzzling our noses together, I laughed.

"So does this mean that I can at least give Lady Ruby a chance?"

I frowned. "If that's what you want."

"That doesn't sound like a pleasing response."

"My ex hooking up with my…ex…how alluring."

"She's quite alluring herself", he said, still holding me. "I am intrigued by her colorful character."

"Of course you are", I remarked smugly.

"Well as of now, I don't believe that you have a say in the matter", a wink was offered. "We are just friends. And I shall proceed to explore the wonders of Ruby."

"She's all yours."

"Now without wasting any time, I think that you should call Emma and speak to her."

"She's going to throw fire my way as she did earlier", I complained, "when she returns here tonight then I'll make an attempt to speak to her."

"So she has moved in already?"

"Not quite. But she will tomorrow." My eyes lingered over to the door where her bags were still packed.

"I wish you two the best of luck", he said smiling, "just as long as you're happy, then I'm quite delighted as well."

"Because you know that she means the world to me", I said softly, as the wind kissed my cheeks.

"And you love her more than your life."

"And I'll do anything to make us work…" I felt the side of my face prickle as if someone was watching me and as my body froze over, I released my grip from Robin.

"What is it?" he asked, worry in his voice.

But my eyes were already lowered unto the street below. And when I saw the yellow bug parked there, I stopped breathing. There she stood with her face upturned, and when our eyes met, I honestly can tell you that the most frightful shock travelled through my body.

"Emma…" I whispered, my eyes wide.

She said nothing to me, nothing at all, and her eyes never moved away from mine. Even if something was said, the I figured that I wouldn't have heard her when I was wondering to myself how long she had been standing there and what exactly had she witnessed, Emma quietly pushed herself away from the side of her car. And as she moved around to the other side, I leant forward, my mind completely cold, fingers numb.

"No…" I said, my eyes dry, stinging from the wind, "oh God, no."

"Regina –"

"Emma!" I shouted hoarsely as she pulled open the car door and ducked inside. The engine roared to life. Turning on the spot, Robin caught me in his arms as my head was sliced with pain. "I need to…"

"Regina, stop –"

"Robin, let me go –" gripping him around his wrists, I attempted to fight him away from in front of me but he only stood right where he was.

"Regina, it wouldn't do any good if you go racing down the steps because she's already driven off."

Turning to the street once more, he was right. Her car was gone.

"My phone", I croaked, stepping around him as my eyes searched frantically for the mobile. Buried between the cushions, I snatched it up as I realized that I was cold, so cold, trembling. The battery was dead.

I tried calling her so many times but she never did pick up. My only move next was to call Snow but she never answered for quite some time. I tried calling, well past midnight, wondering why Snow wasn't picking up at all. And when I got through to her, she sounded worried.

"Regina, are you okay?"

"No", I said, my eyes sore. "What happened to your cell? I tried calling you so many times."

"Um, it was in my handbag in the truck and we only got home about half an hour ago. I'm sorry."

"Is…Emma there?"

"No, I don't think…she's here."

Pressing my fingers to my forehead, my eyes were squeezed shut. "Snow, when was the last time you heard from her?"

"When she left the party", there was worry in her voice. "She said that she was going to talk to you. What has happened?"

"She's not here."

"I don't…"

"Snow –"

"Regina, it's late. Maybe she's gone somewhere with Ruby or Neal or –"

"No, you don't understand!" my voice was raised out of frustration, "something happened."

"Go on…"

How in the world could I explain anything to Snow after what I had done? As tears came to my eyes, I swallowed hard.

"We had an argument. She…was upset and –"

"Stop worrying and get some sleep", she said. "I'm sure that everything will be alright tomorrow. You two will talk then."

"It's not –"

"I'm so, so sleepy. I have to go. Talk to you later, bye."

"Snow…" the line was disconnected. "Snow!" sinking into the chair, I couldn't help it. I was so weak, my head throbbed, there was no way that I could even think about venturing outdoors to search for her in this cold weather. Robin was against it, keeping distance between us as he sat upon the chair opposite me, eyes never leaving my every move.

"There's nothing you can do except to get some sleep and wait until tomorrow."

"I can't sleep now", I moaned, hands covering my face, "I've…fucked up…oh shit."

"No you haven't."

"How am I going to explain any of that to her?" I asked in a frustrated tone. "Robin, how can I even begin to explain myself?"

"Well that's true, but you need to do the right thing, and that is to tell her the truth."

"She'd never believe me!" I groaned, "this is…shit…"

"Shit happens."

Burying my face into the sheet, I began to sob uncontrollably, clutching my cellphone in one hand, never letting go.

* * *

><p><strong>Xx<strong>

**Snow.**

I didn't want to intervene but as sleepy as I was, I untangled myself from David's arms and rose up. Checking the time, I realized that the call had come in over an hour ago. Then pushing my feet into my bedroom slippers, I stood and quietly made my way towards the door leading out into the dimly lit apartment.

She was curled up in a ball upon the sofa, her head buried into one of my pink cushions as the thick green sheet was strewn aside. Pinching the corners up, I gently spread it over her as she stiffened. My heart ached as soon as her face was shown and I saw the tears dampening her cheeks, eyes so, so red from crying.

"Emma…" I said softly, completely worried because I had heard her come in after us, and I had been puzzled at first, wondering why she was here. Perhaps she had come in to pick up something. I never knew that she had remained here for so long. Now Regina's call and her tear stained face only worried my heart. "Sweetie, what's wrong?"

"Everything", she croaked.

"What happened?" my cupped fingers caressed her cheek as I sat on the edge of the chair.

"Don't want to…talk about it."

"Okay", I said. "Regina…called."

"I don't care."

"I told her that you weren't here."

Sniffing, an arm was thrown over her face as she buried her eyes into the fluff of the cushion.

"Did you two fall out?" I frowned. "Not that that's new."

"It's over", she said hoarsely.

I couldn't believe it. Obviously my ears had deceived me. Eyes wide, I leant forward. "What did you say?"

Nothing else was said as her body contorted from sobbing, and I sat there for a long time stroking her hair. What had happened that could push Emma to break like this? Perhaps Regina had said something completely offensive without completely meaning it? It was Regina. And she could be so sarcastic sometimes, even to me. I just thought that maybe since they were in a relationship now that at least the sauce throwing would stop.

"We'll talk about it in the morning", I said, realizing that I wasn't going to get anything out of her and my eyes were closing. "Okay?"

A nod was offered. Getting up, my eyes rested upon her cellphone lying near the wall on the other side of the room. Thank goodness for the leather case, or else if my suspicions were spot on and she had truly pitched the phone across the room, then that would have been the end of it.

Moving to the stairs once more, I eyed the refrigerator and suddenly my tummy rumbled. Ice cream. It wouldn't hurt to eat one spoon at least, would it? I needed ice cream so, so bad. Forty minutes later, I stretched out beside David with a huge smile on my face, licking my lips as the empty container was imprinted inside my mind.

"None for you", I said, turning myself to face David.

"Hmmm…"

"None…for…you. I ate it all, and you'll get me another one first thing in the morning."

"What?" he groaned in his sleep, and as soon as his eyes fluttered open, I squeezed mine shut, lying motionless as if not a move had been made on my part since we had gotten into bed.

* * *

><p><strong>AN – Not much to say except that I'm NOT going to be sharing out spoilers because halfway into the chapter, Chad, Emily and I end up changing the script. So that's that. Next chapter, Chad will handle Emma whilst Emily works her magic on the flashbacks of Emma when she was a teenager. I think I hardly have any work to do up next so you'll hardly be hearing from Regina personally but she'll pop up here and there. Knowing those two though, they'll finish the chapter faster than ever because it takes time for me to work on Regina's part, keeping in character, never straying off TOO MUCH. So you wouldn't have to wait a month ;) One word for you though: ROADTRIP!**


	12. She's Playing With My Heart

*Thanks for the feedback via reviews and the follows/favorites! We're making progress which is amazing. But as you should know, we don't revel in the amount of reviews we get. What we want is to hear your views and to get the story out there. So thus far, I've allowed my 'Regina' to tell most of her side of the story but from this part onwards, she and I both have decided that it's best if Emma tell most of it. Emma's version is my point of view. Honestly, I know that SHE will read this afterwards but I just wanna say that reliving the past for you might be hurtful, that's why you don't want to help me out with the rest, but for me it's my way of moving on. I just have to tell it, I can't bottle it up inside. So whilst she refuses to tell me exactly how she felt so that I can write Regina's part, I'll have to fill in the blanks by myself. Anyway, on with the show! Happy reading!*

**Chapter 12**

**Title: She's Playing With My Heart**

**Emma.**

**Location: Snow and David's Apartment**

_She could just make one swift move now and take my heart away from me. But then again, the entire intrusion wouldn't feel any different because from the very first time I fell in love with her, that's exactly what she did. _

"Did you get any sleep at all?" mom asked calmly, her warming eyes focused on me.

I shook my head, chin resting on my folded arms upon the kitchen counter.

"Well at least eat something." The plate of scrambled eggs was pushed towards me, the side nudging my elbow as I eyed it warily. "Or do you want me to feed you?"

Burying my face into my arms, I squeezed my eyes shut as they stung still, this pain throbbing in my chest that just wouldn't subdue. On and on last night I kept waking up, never quite drifting off to sleep completely because of this thick cloud that enveloped me. Crying wasn't enough, and when I had run out of tears, my body felt like my own tomb, seriously. At some point in the night, I found that my movements were suddenly restricted, and I couldn't budge. I felt frozen, like a freaking ice cube even under this huge blanket that always kept me warm.

"Emma…" a hand patted my head softly as she began to caress me like a kitten, "talk to me. What did Regina do? Tell me. Did she insult your car? Did she compare her boobs to yours? Did she…" my head was lifted as I frowned at her "…do IT wrong?"

"Mom –"

"Or did she do IT right but you thought it felt wrong? I can understand that it might be totally new to you, being with a woman but –"

"Don't –"

"You've got to give her a chance. It's familiar territory. All you have to do is to imagine that you're touching yourself –"

"Mom!"

"I'm just saying…" she shrugged with a cute innocent expression upon her face. "Two apples might be different in color but they…are…the same. They…taste the same…"

"Oh my god", shaking my head, I buried my face into my hands. "Don't say another word."

"They feel the same, they look the same…"

"You're not helping", I frustratingly noted.

"I will not stop until you tell me what happened."

"I don't want to talk about it."

"Because it's so, so bad, or really not a big deal?"

"She ripped my heart out."

"She did what?" her voice was raised, and I looked up to find those eyes of hers huge as saucers. "Well that's taking a relationship to a much, much darker level!"

"No, she didn't…really…"

"I suppose that everyone has their fetishes", a finger was pressed to her chin as she studied the ceiling. "Regina has always been a very weird woman. She used to talk to the hearts in her vault as if they were her minions."

"Why do I even try?" I practically muttered to myself as she continued to prattle on and on.

Deciding to distract myself, the fork was picked up weakly as I toyed with the shreds of egg in the plate, remembering how Regina once told me in the Diner that eggs made her nauseous. And it deterred her from the thought of kissing me. Just thinking about her sliced my heart with pain because every time I did that, last night replayed in my head: there wasn't any other explanation for what I had seen.

"When was the first time you fell in love with her?"

"Hmm?" the way she was so close to him, their lips meeting and then her eyes rested on me standing there like a fool.

"Like, when did you first realize that you really were attracted to her?"

"Who?"

Snapping back into the present, I studied her face with a frown.

"Regina!" she said, "when did you know?"

I replayed her questions in my head and processed them slowly, and as I did, the thought that sparked the answer just ached my heart even more.

"When we came back from Neverland", I said, eyes lowered unto my plate as I played with the slices of onion.

"Oh you mean when you came back from New York?"

"No…" shaking my head I sighed. "Before that."

"When?"

And now I'll tell you the short version, exactly as I told her.

* * *

><p><strong>[Flashback]<strong>

**Just after the return from Neverland**

_It was just around 10:15 p.m. and I wasn't in the mood to return back to my parents' apartment to get any amount of sleep. We had returned from Neverland the day before and today had been so hectic. Don't get me wrong. I was sleep deprived but there comes a point in time when you're so tired that you just can't do it. I just couldn't sleep. Some time in Neverland I realized that a serious case of insomnia was eating away at me, my eyes remaining open even after midnight although I could be lying there as tired as hell. _

_Now because of being up so late already, knowing that people around here shut down their lives as early as seven, I knew that my destinations were limited. By reflex, I swung my car unto the dirt road leading to the docks and onwards I drove, headlights bouncing off clusters of rocks and debris strewn across the vacant expansive space just near the waterside. Parking some way from the water's edge, I pushed the door open, got out, boots crunching into sand, and the wind whipped my hair about instantaneously as the roar of the ocean met my ears. This was mind blowing, being part of a scene that was so damn eerie with the pale moonlight cascading upon the area, whilst the haunting pier jutted outwards upon the crashing waves._

_Without a care in the world, I climbed the steps, hands maintaining a firm grip on the wooden railings as my steps led me further out unto the platform. Well out and above the water, I stopped, glancing back as strands of my hair whipped my cheeks. About twelve feet out, that's how far I was on a fair estimation. And from the looks of it, I became so delusional that a funny scene came into my mind: that Titanic scene when Rose had her hands out whilst Jack was holding her out on the tip of the ship._

_I was about to open my arms like a freaking fool, this huge grin on my face when the distinct feeling of someone watching me prickled the back of my neck. Freezing up, my hands realized that there was no railing to grip in front of me as I stared wide eyed at the platform's edge, the murky waters splashing below. Someone was there, and in seconds my life could be pushed into a struggling situation if I was shoved off the pier._

"_Oh don't stop, carry on."_

_I would recognize that voice anywhere. Frowning, I looked back and there she was standing just a couple feet away from me, clutching the railing in front of her with gloved hands. Even from this distance between us, I could detect the sharpness of her blue shirt and black pants, the twinkle of her earrings, and the buckles of knee high boots glinting in the moonlight. Somehow, I couldn't quite trust my mind because from where I stood, the spray of the crashing waves created a mist about the docks, or maybe the salt was interfering with my vision as I couldn't quite make out her face clearly. My eyes were never as sharp as an eagle either so it was my fault that I had stopped wearing glasses years ago._

_Turning back to face the water, I stood there wondering what was my next move. Should I just ignore her, walk up to her, would she come to me, was my mind playing tricks on me? Why was she here? Had she followed me, had she been up to something around here? Maybe she had come here to meet someone, but who? _

_Regina…meeting…a secret…lover…_

_The distinct sound of her boots clicking upon the dank wood approached me slowly, a rhythm that was carefully precise, slow and almost teasing. Still I didn't turn around, swallowing as she grew closer and I realized that my heart was beating wildly in my chest._

"_Continue", she said hoarsely, that voice… "Don't let my presence interrupt your performance."_

"_What performance?"_

_She came to stand next to me, shorter by a couple inches as always as those brown eyes met my gaze. Studying her face, she did the same to me with a smirk. And when her eyes rested upon my lips, I suddenly lost my thoughts. Somehow that small move on her part affected me deeply and I had no idea why._

"_Titanic", she said abruptly, her gaze snapping to the front, resting upon the water, "it's a classic."_

_Fuck, she knew._

"_I've never been on a ship of that kind, a cruise ship as one would call it. But the movie provided me with an eyeful of what is to be expected even though that was many years ago."_

_She was talking to me about a movie: Titanic. What?_

"_Have you ever been on one?" brown eyes were turned to me._

_I shook my head, avoiding her gaze. "Noo, just on Hook's ship."_

"_Which was a disgusting experience", as if shaking off the feeling, I smiled at the side of her face, "the vermin in that ship…"_

"_It's on my bucket list though, taking a cruise."_

_I could feel her frowning. "What's a bucket list?"_

"_A list that people make where you put down things you…want to do before you die…"_

"_Oh you mean a wish list."_

"_Same difference."_

"_Where does the bucket come in?" her head was tilted sideways as she studied me._

"_I…have…no idea…" it was my turn to frown. "I know this. Why can't I remember?"_

"_You astound me, Emma."_

"_Hey, what's that supposed to mean?"_

"_A bucket list…" scoffing, she smiled in disbelief._

"_I'm not making it up!"_

"_Yes you are."_

"_Why the hell would I make up…" squeezing my eyes shut, I inhaled deeply, 'why would I string two freaking words together just like that?"_

"_Because you're trying to sound all fancy shmancy, whilst you attempt to make a fool out of me."_

"_You're…" I couldn't believe this! Clenching my fists together, I groaned. _

"_Henry does the same to me…" and she shoved her hands into the pockets of pants, eyes focused forward once more. "Oh chillax mom", her hoarse voice, mimicking Henry was weirdly cute, "oh that's so fantabulous mom…"_

"_This…is…different."_

"_No it isn't."_

"_Look, I have internet access on my phone", our eyes met as I felt my jeans' pocket. "Do you want me to Google it for you?"_

"_Google is a know it all, shitty search engine that spits crap out far from the intended results of even the simplest question asked."_

_The silence between us was filled with me biting my cheeks as I tried so hard to keep in my laughter because she was staring at me, those brown eyes so serious and yet I was just choking inside._

"_It depends on how you structure your search."_

"_Oh don't play that card with me. When I ask a question, I want a response, definite and exactly what I'm looking for."_

"_It's not…a person…"_

"_A person created it."_

"_It's programmed to operate a certain way."_

"_Then I need my own edition."_

"_That's…" I didn't know how to respond to that, knowing that I should choose my words carefully._

"_I hate computers", she noted as I bit my lips now whilst she looked away. "I hate things with minds of their own all embedded on a…chip."_

"_So you hate toys too?"_

"_Yes."_

"_I'm sorry…" turning away from her, I doubled over with laughter, clutching my sides as tears stung my eyes._

"_Laugh all you want", she said. "Just so you know, if you fall off this pier, I'm not going to save you."_

"_I can swim", I said, wiping the corners of my eyes as she glared at me. "You on the other hand, I'm not so sure."_

"_A lady doesn't find splashing around in water as an appropriate way of defining fun. I prefer…" _

"_Skinny dipping." I just said it, with a smile._

_Eyes were focused on me. _

"_Oh don't tell me you have no idea what skinny dipping is."_

"_I know what skinny dipping is."_

_I waited a few seconds, looking at her as she never diverted those captivating eyes. "Why are you looking at me like that then?"_

"_I gather that you've done it…several…times before."_

"_Not denying it", I shrugged, thumbs hooked in my jeans' pockets at the back, rocking on my heels, eyes cast forward. "I bet you're too lady like to even try it."_

"_If it astounds you, as narrow minded as you are, I must shatter your disbelief in me to inform you that I…" as quickly as ever, I turned to stare at her, "…have done it before."_

_Waiting for the punchline, the tumbling waves filled the silence. "You?" I asked._

"_Yes, me."_

"_Skinny dipping means that you completely take off your clothes, and I mean everything so –"_

"_I did it."_

"_No, you didn't."_

"_What?"_

_Smiling at her, she stared at me. "You astound me, Regina."_

"_I don't understand."_

"_As if I'd believe that someone like you would ever in their wildest dreams –"_

"_Are you actually trying to tell me that I'm lying?"_

"_Pretty much, yeah." _

_Hugging herself as the wind whipped her hair about, Regina actually smiled at me, and I was seldom on the receiving end. So the experience kind of shocked me because I was expecting anything but a reaction like that from her. _

"_Okay, I lied", she confessed._

"_Ha!" I pounded the air with my fist, "I knew it!"_

"_Surprised that you didn't use your superpower to trap me whilst you could", tucking her hair behind an ear ever so gracefully, she looked at me._

"_I did use it."_

"_I wish that I had…your ability", she said softly, and I searched her eyes._

"_Why?"_

_She sighed, took a while before an answer was given. "Sometimes I just want to know if what I'm seeing has any truthful meaning attached to it at all." Turning to look at the water once more, I frowned. "Instead of wasting my life on wondering, I'd like to know if I stand a chance at all."_

_I really didn't understand what she was implying, nevertheless, I thought up of a reply. "Are we talking about a love interest here?"_

"_Yes."_

_Somehow, I stopped breathing, eyes wide as she refused to look at me. "Seriously?"_

"_As surprising at it might seem, I am capable of such things." Regina was actually blushing, her cheeks splashed pink as she smiled, eyes lowered, the tip of her boot toeing the edge of the pier. _

"_Oh my god, you're in love", I stated in disbelief. "Look at you."_

_Instead of answering, looking back on it now, I should have known something more when she moved closer to me. I thought that it was the heavy wind that swayed her but in fact, Regina had closed the distance between us without me even realizing it because I was busy trying to figure out who she was smitten over. _

"_Aw come on, tell me who it is", I pleaded, smiling at her. "Please…"_

"_I can't as yet", she said, her voice unsteady._

"_Oh right, you're not sure if the person feels the same about you. I get it. So why don't you send them hints or something? Maybe try to edge in whilst not obviously appearing too…obvious…" frowning at my own string of words, she turned to look at me._

"_You really think that I should do that?"_

"_Yeah, why not?"_

_We stood in silence for a good stretch of time, just gazing out into the distance as the waves rolled in and the clouds passed over the moon. It was so beautiful, honestly, to just stand there and look out at the world like this. Having just come back from out of the sea, you'd expect me to stay on land as far away from the water as possible but it's like I grew accustomed to being on water. I somehow connected with its fluidity, its serenity, being out there in the middle of nowhere and letting go of everything, leaving behind everything._

"_I'm not sure what I should say", she said eventually. I was confused. Looking at her, she did the same. "I mean, what do you say in situations like this?"_

"_Oh…" getting it, I sighed, "well for me, I just try to find some way in, whether it's by complimenting them or…" I shrugged, "…getting them worked up, buying something nice…showing that you care…"_

"_Hmmm…"_

"_Look, why don't you practice what you want to say to this person with…me?" I asked as the wind stung my cheeks. She turned to me, her eyes wide. _

"_You?" _

"_Pretend I'm the guy –"_

"_I don't think that's a…good…idea."_

"_Oh come on, why not?" I asked, "it's going to be fun. Tell me who the person is and I'll try as best as I can to fit into character."_

"_Why don't you just be yourself and I'll try as best as I can?"_

"_Oh…kay that can work", I said, frowning at her._

"_I'm not very…good at expressing my feelings, Emma. I've never been."_

"_Maybe you just need a push", I suggested. "An adrenaline rush, to get you going so you can make a move…"_

"_It's not that simple."_

"_How much do you love this person?"_

"_With all my heart", she said._

_I couldn't believe it, because I had never known Regina to be capable of…really loving someone that much. "Would you do anything for them?"_

"_Yes."_

"_Okay so why don't you –"_

"_I just want to shout…I'm so in love with you…" she said, her eyes on me._

_I smiled at the ocean, arms folded. "That might work too fast, but you might just want to go a little easy first. Try something as small as a lunch date or a teddy bear…"_

"_Did you just hear what I said?" her voice crackled._

"_Yeah but that's too much, to shout it all out in one go. Maybe in this case, you can send a rose along with a card, you know…asking if the person would like to have lunch with you. Or you could just show up randomly and ask them out."_

"_Emma…" my right hand was snatched around the wrist as she turned me towards her, "you…" her voice was unsteady and I searched her eyes, realizing that they were wet, "you…don't understand how much you –" and she lost her balance._

_Somehow I believed that the heel of her boot slid off the wooden pier because she almost tumbled over the edge. Almost…I caught her, without sparing a second, without second thinking it, without realizing it. And then we were so close, our arms wrapped around each other. She was terrified, those brown eyes wide as I held her, never letting go. I didn't understand what I was feeling so suddenly because my heart began to race and I just couldn't breathe when our lips remained inches apart. The wind whipped her hair out of her face, and I honestly stared into the most beautiful eyes I had ever seen. Of course it sounds ridiculous that I realized that then, but you've got to understand, there was something about Regina's eyes that looked completely different. It's as if she had pulled back the curtain and I could peer into her, so soft and vulnerable._

_All of that suddenly made me want to do the most incredible thing of all. I wanted to kiss her. I actually wanted to kiss Regina and I could swear that she wanted to kiss me back too. I don't know how but something just happened and the next thing I knew, her face was buried into my right shoulder as I smelt her hair. Arms wrapped around me, I stared into the ocean in front with a mind sparkling from disbelief as she just hugged me and I did the same. Regina was so soft, really soft and warm, her fingers pressed into my back as if knowing that if she released me, the world would somehow turn upside down around her. I didn't understand any of it, because it was so sudden. I couldn't understand how she was doing this to me, and I wondered what was going on inside her mind._

_Just as soon as I was about to say something, she released her grip on me and stepped back, putting distance between us. I just gazed at her, speechless._

_And just like that, she disappeared in her swirling haze of purple smoke. My throat felt dry, and I realized that I had stopped breathing for such a long time. Staring in her wake, I stepped onto the spot where she had stood seconds ago and to be honest, something lingered behind. It was some kind of a warmth, the scent of her perfume lingering behind. _

_I couldn't believe it._

* * *

><p>"So that's when you knew?" elbows propped on the counter, Snow studied my face as I stared at my empty plate.<p>

"I saved her…" my eyes were distant.

"That's so sweet!"

Little did she know, I hadn't told her the ENTIRE truth. Here's the part I left out.

* * *

><p><em>She lost her balance and instead of catching her, we both fumbled with each other as I stepped off the pier too. Fright whizzing through body, we splashed into the water below and I was instantaneously drenched, fuck! Cold water, like ice. I was reminded of when I jumped off the ship but this time, our hands were twisting around each other as she tried to hold unto me. She was going to pull me down, completely going under as I held unto her tightly, an arm splashing wildly about to catch a hold of the wooden post just near my shoulder. <em>

"_Don't fight", I sputtered, "you're making it worse."_

_Wet Regina. You should have seen her. She was a mess. But she was still so unbelievably hot even with these dark stains around her eyes, eyeliner that drained down her cheeks now. I was on the receiving end of a full on glare as water drops were blinked away and we held unto each other._

"_You idiot…look what you did!"_

_I was shocked. "What? I did nothing!"_

"_You did this!" she spat water out and splashed around, trying to grab me._

"_You lost your balance!" I said, barely smiling with an arm wrapped around the slippery post as she clung unto me._

"_You pushed me. This is…" going under, she bobbed up again and took a hold of fistfuls of my shirt, pulling me closer to her, "I'm going to drown…I can't swim…"_

"_Then just hold unto me."_

"_Get me out of here!"_

"_And you want to skinny dip…" I snorted._

"_Oh you think this is funny?"_

"_Look at you," I remarked with a huge smile. "I can't believe this. And it's not fair."_

"_What are you talking about?" glancing around, she tried to move but I held her just where she was._

"_Even though you're…wet…and your eyeliner is running all the way down your face, and your lipstick is smudged, your hair is a mess", I swallowed hard, feeling my throat sting, "you still look so…" her eyes never left mine, "…beautiful."_

"_I need to get out, help me…" wrapping her hands around my neck, she pulled me so close, I was kissed by her warm breath on my face. Winterfresh, I smelt Winterfresh chewing gum._

"_Just don't fight it, let's savor the moment."_

"_Savor the…" her eyes were wide as saucers, "are you mad?"_

"_Regina, we're not going to drown. If I go down a little, less than a foot more, I can feel the ground, so –"_

"_The tide can pull us out!" her voice was unsteady, losing its hoarse quality, becoming quite whiny. "I don't want to die like this. There's only so much water I can drink."_

"_Wait…" I shifted, catching her hand under the water as she tried to take hold of the leg. Her eyes widened when my fingers moved between her legs, "shit…I didn't…"_

_Gasping, she shuddered._

_I didn't see it coming. A huge wave rolled in and covered us as I still held unto the post with all my might, an arm wrapped around her still. But that kind of pushed us both into each other and I lost my grip. We both went down, her legs wrapped around me, and my boots touched the sand below as water stung my eyes. I held my breath and almost choked when I felt her hands but she wasn't gripping me around the waist. No, her touch was too much because I felt her fingers brush my boobs, fumbling just near my them and as I tasted salty water, eyes squeezed shut, my entire body grew warm. So warm, I was terrified. _

_I couldn't see her, but there she was, hugging me as I felt some part of her brush upon my lips. Maybe it was her fingers, but I could have sworn that we had kissed for two seconds. And it shocked me so much that I completely lost control of myself, both of us staying down a little too long._

_Reaching out, running out of air, I wrapped my arms around her body and we both bobbed upwards, heads dancing above the rough water. The tide was already carrying us to shore, and realizing that we were in no danger, I held unto her as she did the same. It was a huge mistake. Or rather, a wakeup call for me because I felt all of Regina through her wet shirt. As our chests moved against each other, I felt everything from the softness of her boobs to the way our hips fitted together, the way she kept breathing through parted lips, her breath tickling my face as we remained so close. And soon enough, another wave came in and we were thrown unto the sand of the beach. _

_I ended up on top of her, hands digging into the sand as she shuddered under me, her fingers buried within my wet, tangled hair, our lips inches apart._

"_What are you doing?" she asked in a weak voice, a voice that was not her own._

"_I…" I wanted to kiss her so bad, oh my goodness. _

_Catching myself, I shifted over her and she did the same, our bodies moving together and we both shuddered from something. For me it was the feel of her under me. For her, it was possibly the cold water._

_Seconds later I was lying beside her as she tried to regain control of her breathing, chest rising and falling as those eyes were fixated upon the sky above._

"_I'll never forgive you for this", she said._

"_I can."_

"_What?"_

_I fought to breath, avoiding her eyes. "Thanks for pulling me in."_

"_I didn't –"_

_My eyes were wide. "Yeah you did."_

_She pushed herself up and got unto her feet, arms held out as sand covered most of her wet clothes. "Look at me. I'm so filthy."_

"_You're covered in sand, not mud."_

"_Ugh…I can't stand myself in this state…I'm already nauseous."_

_I could only gaze at her. "I don't see anything nauseating about you at all."_

_Our eyes met and she remained silent._

"_You're still…gorgeous…"_

_Something happened to her. Lips parted, Regina stared at me, her brown eyes widening slowly as water dripped from her clothes. And I couldn't stop looking at her either. I pushed myself up, and sat there wondering if she was thinking the same thing as I was. Apparently she wasn't because with a shake of her head, it's then when she disappeared in the haze of her purple smoke._

_I stared at the empty space in front of me with wide eyes. "Oh my God…"_

* * *

><p>"Love…it's so strange."<p>

"I kind of knew then…" biting my lips, the small part of the truth still remained untold. "But I knew completely the day after."

"What did she do?"

I sighed. "You were sleeping late. So I got up, was having coffee and there's this knock on the door. I shuffle over there, open it up and there's this…yellow rose just lying there. I mean, I've never really seen a yellow rose before, with this thick stem and a card attached to it."

"Oh my!" her hands were clasped, eyes shining. "Tell me more!"

"And I opened the card wondering who it was from, either Hook or Neal. But when I did, I could detect Regina's handwriting anywhere. She just wrote, 'thank you for last night, will you have lunch with me? We'll google exactly what a bucket list means' and I couldn't believe it. Something just…happened right there and then because the rose smelt just like her and I kept looking at the note. I kept…" tears were in my eyes, "looking at her words, really wondering if she wanted to have lunch with ME."

"Tell me what happened at the lunch then!" mom asked, moving around on her stool with excitement.

"I really don't want to talk about her right now, so –"

"Emma…" a hand was rested on mine as our eyes met, "just tell me, that's all. It will help you somehow."

"Alright", eyes lowered, I inhaled deeply, "so we decided to have lunch in this small Chinese restaurant I had never really seen for as long as I have been in this town. And…"

* * *

><p><strong>[Flashback]<strong>

_As soon as I arrived there, checking the location stats she sent me on her phone, my mind kind of doubted the text. There I was standing in front of this small Chinese restaurant wedged between two orange concrete buildings, totally not belonging there, but really….THERE. The name of the place, according to the sign board was Moon Sun with this yellow round sun with a crescent moon neatly tucked in the middle. _

_My eyes rested on the glass window and there she was sitting to the front, waving at me. Smiling, knowing that my cheeks were somehow flushed, I felt shaky: my knees a bit weak as I jogged to the entrance and stepped inside. _

"_Hey…" I gazed upon her choice of clothing, completely different from usual as she was dressed in a simple green cotton shirt with brown buttons, a pair of denim jeans, knee high brown boots. _

"_I thought that you wouldn't come." Holding my gaze, she smiled, making me realize that I was on the receiving end more than enough now, completely feeling the change between us since she genuinely appeared to be happy by my presence._

"_I was kind of second thinking it."_

"_Why?" _

_Sitting down, I shrugged. "I had a couple things to do today, you know, fitting into Sheriff mode again and –"_

"_I'm…not that important."_

_Meeting her eyes, I stared for a couple seconds. "No…it's not like that."_

"_I'm just…trying…Emma", she said hoarsely, her silver earrings twinkling at me, "to change."_

"_I know that you are." What does that have to do with me though? I wanted to ask her but I didn't. "And I appreciate the thought, trust me, it counts."_

"_I really don't want us to have all this tension between the two of us, like before because good has never come out of it." Glancing out on the street, I noticed that two children, a boy and a girl were walking hand in hand, deep in conversation with their backpacks bulging. "We have to make this work."_

"_For Henry", I said, completely distracted, "I know."_

"_This isn't about Henry."_

_My eyes focused on a man emerging from an alleyway as he leant against the side of the building, his gaze directed towards the children. I was prepared to make a move, but then with the shake of his head, he laughed and muttered something. Then turning around, off he walked without another frightful move._

"_Emma."_

_There were shady characters around here, like really, even in Storybrooke. I wondered if there were psychos here that should be hunted down and arrested._

"_Emma…" her voice was unsteady, instantly drawing my attention. Eyes snapping to the front, I stared at her wide eyed. "Are you even listening to me?"_

"_Fuck…" shaking myself into reality once more, I frowned, pinching my forehead, "I'm so, so sorry. I just was thinking about something. Like, did you ever wonder if there are criminals hiding in this town? There could be creeps here that hide from the punishment of the law and –"_

"_Well do your job and find them then", she said a little too harsh. I detected her frustrated tone, the way she avoided my eyes and signaled the waitress who bounced over immediately._

"_Regina…"_

"_I'll have a serving of steamed greens and rice", she said, ignoring me._

"_And you?" _

_Still staring at her, I was caught off guard. "Um, I'll have what she's having."_

"_Drinks?"_

_We ordered and sat in silence as Regina stared unto the street outside the glass, and it was my turn to study her from where I sat. Just looking at the way she sat there, completely ignoring me as I continued to check out her makeup, the way she lined her eyes, mascara and a touch of red lipstick. Then there was her soft hair that never looked washed out like mine, always silky, not a frizz detected. I didn't envy her appearance at all. I somehow couldn't stop myself from admiring how pretty she was, gorgeous. I couldn't stop myself. And when I began to think about how she had felt against me the night before, how I had reacted, there was this tickle of some sort within me that sparked some kind of a reaction. _

"_Why did you leave so suddenly last night?" I asked, without even thinking twice about my words._

_Finally she looked at me. And from the time our eyes met, I felt something that I had never felt before. It somehow took my breath away as my heart danced in my chest, and I grew weak in the knees again._

"_I forgot the oven on."_

_I waited._

"_Joke?" she smiled in disbelief._

_Rolling my eyes, I laughed. "You tease."_

"_I ran out of words. That's why I left."_

"_Yeah but we were talking about this…love interest of yours and you just bailed on me…when the conversation was getting somewhere."_

"_It wasn't going anywhere", she said flatly._

"_I want a name."_

"_Emma", arms folded upon the table, she blinked slowly, her gaze deep._

"_Oh come on, just tell me who it is. I'm not going to spill your secret."_

"_I just gave you a name."_

"_Regina, stop being soo…stop making jokes and let's get down to business here." Jaw set, I waited._

"_Do you believe in love at first sight?"_

_Her question caught me off guard and without giving it thought, I shrugged. "Maybe…probably not. Why?"_

"_That's what happened to me." It was strange but somehow she just couldn't take her eyes off of me and I felt uneasy about it._

"_You met someone for the first time and fell in love with them?"_

"_I know…" Looking away finally, she sighed, "it sounds ridiculous but it did happen and with each passing day, for over a year now, I cannot stop myself…" Brown eyes were focused on me. "I'm falling deeper in love with this person."_

_I was somehow jealous, and I didn't know why. "Well good for him then." My voice was forcefully firm, steady although I was losing it. "I suppose that he's incredible since the…Queen…fell for him."_

_She said nothing. _

"_Does Henry know about this?"_

"_No."_

"_I just don't get why you'd come to me for advice though." Entwining my fingers upon the table, I studied them. "What could I possibly know that could help you –"_

"_Everything."_

_I was confused. "I don't understand…unless he's someone I know…"_

_She was looking at me and I couldn't stand it, the way her eyes just kept bewitching me in this intense gaze. And then there was the sound of footsteps approaching us. As the food came and the Chinese lady with red highlights decorated the table with two plates and forks, spoons and tissues, we still kept looking at each other amidst all the confusion._

"_You are really a Charming", she said._

"_What's that supposed to mean now? Because I know that's sarcasm."_

"_The truth can be staring at you right in your eyes and you remain completely oblivious."_

"_What does that have to do with your love interest?" I frowned, picking up my fork._

"_More than you could ever know."_

"_Fuck, you know what", I sighed, "I hate playing mind games with you. I don't want to know who it is. Let's eat."_

_Scoffing, she shook her head with a smile, "fine by me."_

"_Just tell me who it is", I pleaded, "is it someone I know? It has to be someone I know right?"_

"_Yes." Pushing her fork into a broccoli, she gracefully tucked it into her cheeks and chewed, eyes on me. _

"_Let's see…" I pushed my celery stem around, suddenly realizing that I hated vegetables, "that guy that works in the flower shop, the florist, what's his name…Ted."_

"_Eew", she said. "I hate hairy chests. Not my thing."_

_I had to laugh at that one. "It can't be Gold."_

"_Don't make me lose my appetite. That's gross."_

"_Fine, fine", I held up my hands, palms facing her, "okay, not Gold. You said that he's in love with someone else." Suddenly my eyes flew open. "Oh shit, don't tell me that it's…David."_

"_David as in your father?" she asked, "old news."_

"_Old…news?" I swallowed hard, eyes bulging. "You two were…"_

"_Moving on…"_

"_Anyway, I don't want to know either way. Uh, which other guy around here –"_

"_I never even said that it's a man", she said and I froze up, "let's stop wasting time. Google BUCKET LIST."_

"_You're in love with a woman?"_

"_Jesus…" my phone was snatched from me as she avoided my eyes. And her fingers tapped on the screen. "Bucket list…"_

"_Regina…"_

"_Shut up, I'm concentrating here."_

"_Who's the –"_

_I watched her lips move, eyes moving across the phone as she read in a whisper. "To kick the bucket is an English idiom that is defined as "to die" in the Dictionary of the Vulgar Tongue (1785). It is considered a euphemistic, informal, or slang term. Its origin remains unclear, though there have been several theories." She inhaled. "When one makes a bucket list, it contains things that the person wishes to do before he or she dies…or rather…kicks the bucket…" Frowning, her eyes studied the table between us. "I should make a bucket list then." _

_Oh my God, Regina was rambling and because she was speaking so much, more than ever, I totally knew what she was doing._

"_You're trying to change the topic", I said._

"_First on my list used to be KILL SNOW WHITE. But as of recent, that has been moved down a few slots only to be replaced with one thing."_

"_Lemme guess, becoming Queen again in the Enchanted Forest", I stated._

"_That too. But not quite…" a smile was offered at me. "I want to know what it's like again to be in love with someone who feels the same about me. And that would be first, to find love again."_

"_This…woman…" I pressed on, losing my appetite, "who is she?"_

"_I was joking." She avoided my eyes._

"_You're lying to me."_

"_No, I'm not."_

"_I can tell when you're lying, Regina."_

"_It doesn't matter", she said, still not looking at me. "It's nothing."_

"_Are you…" I stopped as she finally looked at me._

"_I don't believe in labels."_

"_If I had known that the Evil Queen in my Snow White story book was into women and men. I mean, look at Hook, he's totally NOT what's in the book. He's completely…handsome, he's…"_

"_Of course he is", she said hoarsely, eyes lowered as her fork poked around her food, "he's your boyfriend."_

"_He's not my…boyfriend."_

"_As yet…"_

"_That's to be debated still…"_

"_You're in…love with him, aren't you?"_

_I wasn't so sure about that anymore, after last night. "He's attractive, a nice guy…"_

"_He's a filthy pirate", she said sarcastically, "you're a Princess, you're royalty, and that man, he's not worth it."_

"_So I'm supposed to find a Prince then? There's nothing wrong with Hook, he's a decent guy. I mean, he's not that bad. How about you loving a woman?"_

"_I was joking", she said in a small voice, avoiding my eyes…AGAIN… "Finally your superpower deceives you."_

"_I'm never wrong –"_

"_Well you are this time", she said in a rush, "because I was joking. I'm a heterosexual, always have been."_

"_Nothing is wrong with being into women –"_

"_What's wrong is me having this conversation with you", she snapped suddenly. "I don't want to speak about that topic anymore. So if you don't mind, I'd like the topic to be changed."_

"_I…" I was shocked. "Fine…"_

* * *

><p>"And we didn't speak much after then because she kept responding with two words mostly and I felt completely awkward."<p>

"Your head was filled with fluff, Emma", she said, punching me playfully. "Look at those signs, they were there. Regina actually answered your question with the truth and yet you were distracted, the truth never sank in. Plus, when you brought up Hook, you really pissed her off."

"Doesn't matter now anyway."

"Emma, thinking about it now, Regina never approved of you dating Hook. She was always, always upset about it."

"She told me that she's straight", I said, tears in my eyes. "I believed her, I believed that somehow, I was wrong in seeing that she told me the truth that she was into women. And since then, I never believed that she'd ever feel the same way about me, that's why I did what I did. I did all of it, I went through…everything…" tears were in my eyes, "I couldn't feel the same way about anyone else. And…Ruby was always right."

"What did she say this time?" she frowned.

"She said that she doesn't dig straight women because they'll make you lose everything for them and then they'll eventually choose a guy over you in the end."

"Oh my gosh, what makes you think that Regina…"

"I saw her kiss Robin last night", I finally confessed. Snow's eyes were wide as saucers. "Yeah…" sliding off the stool, I wiped my cheeks, "she played me all along. Neal was right when he said that she's fucking with my mind because she is…"

"Emma…"

"No, she is!" I cried, fists clenched, "She's playing a game with me and I can't believe it. I can't…understand why I even trusted her in the first place."

"Regina isn't playing a game, Emma", she said in a rush, "she's really in love with you."

"Just because she told you things that can be believed easily just because the right words were said", I stated, "nothing else. It's always been Robin because Robin's her soul mate. Not me. I'm just a woman she's always knocked around just for fun because she wanted a good laugh. Well look who's laughing now. I hope that she's happy because she's done exactly what she always wanted."

"And what's that?"

"She…broke…me", I said hoarsely, completely losing myself. "She doesn't need to…take my heart out of my chest at all and kill me because it's done." Taking strides to the door, I grabbed my coat.

"Where are you going?" she was off the stool and shuffling my way. "Emma, don't leave, let's talk about this."

"I don't want to talk about it", I said, avoiding her eyes. "I just want to die."

"Emma!"

Pulling the door open, I stormed out and raced down the steps, tears blinding me. Halfway down the street, I stopped suddenly, and turning to the wall, I lashed out at it, choking on sobs as my eyes were squeezed shut. How could she do this to me? I know that I kissed Neal and I did hurt her, but we moved past that. We came so far down the road, I was so in love with her, we crossed the line and were intimate with each other. I couldn't breathe without her, wanting to see her every second, wanting to be with her, and now she…

Swinging into an alleyway, I threw myself unto these metal steps leading upwards, me never caring where they led. And I just cried. I cried so much, it's terrible to even describe exactly what I was going through because you just can't ever understand what was happening to me. When you'd think that this wasn't any different from the way she felt when she walked in and found me kissing Neal, it was completely different because we…I don't know what we were. I don't know anything. I thought that after that night when I held her against me whilst she was in pain, when I felt her, when I made love to her in the dark, I thought that we were so much more. I was so in love with her and now she did this to me.

I wish that I hadn't seen her kiss him because at least I'd still be a fool in love. I'd probably be meeting her right now, so excited, just wanting us to talk after last night. And we'd go somewhere, or we'd stay in. We'd just…talk whilst I told her stuff about my past, stuff I wanted to tell her after coming to a decision last night. But this was my fault. If I hadn't shut her out in the first place then she wouldn't have left with him. If I had told her the truth, then she wouldn't have done this to me. It's because of me. I'm to be blamed.

I couldn't take it anymore.

Pushing myself off from the steps, about an entire hour after, I weakly stood up and wiped my eyes. Then sucking it up, my footsteps echoed around the empty space as I strode out of there with one destination in mind.

This had to be done. And nothing was going to stop me.

* * *

><p><strong>Xx<strong>

**Snow.**

**Location: Snow's Apartment**

Snatching up the cordless, I dialed Regina's number and waited, my fingers tapping upon the counter.

"Hello…" it was Robin. My eyes grew wide and I sucked it up.

"Put Regina on the phone, please."

"Snow?"

"I'd like to speak to Regina…"

"She's not feeling well, Snow", he said, worry in his tone, "I really don't think –"

"Of course she's not feeling well", I said, passion rising within me. "After what the two of you did last night."

"It's not what you think", he actually tried with me. "I can explain myself."

"How could you do that?" I asked, on the verge of tears, "how could you even do that, Robin? I trusted you. I believed you…you and Regina. Or is this all your fault? Did you kiss her? Because it had to be you. Regina is in love with Emma, she didn't lie to me."

"We did kiss", he confessed. "But it was just her way of ending everything off between us."

"Oh and I bet that you spun that up between last night to now."

"No, I didn't, I swear, it's the truth."

"I'd like to speak to Regina", I asked again. "Put her on the phone right now or else I'll be over there in less than fifteen minutes and trust me, it wouldn't go well."

"She's…not…"

"I don't care if she has her head over the fucking toilet", I snapped, never even realizing that I swore. Oh my gosh, I…used that word…"Put her on the phone this minute. My daughter's heart is on life support right now."

"Alright", he said, and there was mumblings as I waited, knowing to myself that my hormones were working me up and I was too pissed. I tried to breathe, but nothing worked because all I kept seeing was my daughter's face when she cried. Emma was broken.

"Snow."

"Regina." I pursed my lips. "What did you do?"

"I fucked up." Her voice was so small, and weak, I suddenly began to let go of my anger because I had never heard Regina like this, ever.

"Tell me what happened", I said.

"Emma pissed me off last night", she said, sounding as if she was a million miles away, "she didn't want to let me in and I was so angry at her. When Robin asked to speak to me, she voiced her disapproval openly as if he couldn't be trusted."

"Well obviously she was right", I stated.

"It's not what you think. I left with him, and we came back here. We talked…" she took a break to clear her throat, sniffing. And I knew that she was crying. "And then I decided that…we both decided that we never parted on good terms because I just…left him. I needed to…I didn't mean…it wasn't meant to happen like that but it did. When I kissed…him…I thought of it as us being officially over."

"A hug would have been enough", I said.

"Yes but I…"

"How are you going to explain that to Emma?" I asked her, "how are you going to tell her that a kiss just happened and then you decided to end it off officially? Unless you're prepared to lie, then I'm going to have to say that you can't do that at all. No matter how angry you were at her, you had no right to kiss him just like that, if you claim that you love her. Which I'm doubting suddenly."

"Snow, you honestly think that I'd lie about that?"

"I don't know. I don't know what you're doing. I don't know what's happened to you, Regina. But what you did, it's not right. It's not right at all. And I can't understand how you'd do something like that."

"Is Emma there?"

"I don't think that you have a right to ask where she is right now because you really don't seem to care at all about her or how she feels about you."

"Please tell me where she is", she pleaded, on the verge of tears.

"I can't tell you that."

"Don't do this to me, I need to talk to her –"

"I don't think that you should because you can't undo what you did. And there's no way that you can fix this. I need you to be honest with me. Are you really in love with Emma?"

"Yes!" she cried hoarsely, "out of all the people I know, you're the one who knows me best. I've been honest with you. I've told you the truth. I'm not lying."

"Well you're going to regret what you did", I said, "you're really going to regret it. I don't think that you understand exactly what you did. This wasn't a kiss without strings attached. Emma somehow believed that the two of you were in a relationship and from the way you described it to me, you believed so too. To just kiss someone else whilst you're committed to someone, that's not how it works."

"I know that."

"Then how the hell could you do that?" I asked in a loud voice. "If you could see her just now, she was telling me about the first time she fell in love with you, when you almost tripped over the pier and she caught you. And when you had lunch together, when you told her in plain words that you were in love with her but after she brought up Hook, you claimed that you were straight. She told me about it, all of it and then she told me about last night. Before she walked out of here, do you know what she told me?"

"What?" her voice was smaller, barely audible.

"She told me that she wants to die." I was crying. "I've never seen Emma like that…ever…"

"Where is she?"

"She's gone", I said.

"Snow…"

"I'm not lying. She just snatched her jacket and she went through the door. If she's coming over there and I know she will, then you're really in for it. And if you want to at least stand a slim chance, I think that you should get Robin out of there."

"I don't know what to do", she said. She doesn't know what to do, ha.

"Tell her that Robin was the one who kissed you. It's partially the truth."

"And put the blame on him?"

"Are you seriously thinking THAT way right now?" I asked in disbelief. "Put the blame on him, because you're about to lose Emma and I don't think that you'll EVER get her back!"

"I'm the one who should…die", she said suddenly.

"What?" I was sliced with shock. "No, don't say that."

"I just ruin everything. I'm not worth it."

"Emma thinks that you're worth it, and so do I."

"If I can't have Emma then I'm going to lose my mind", she said hoarsely.

"Where was your brain last night, Regina?"

"I don't know."

"Where was your heart?"

"Emma has it."

"This is not good for you right now, especially since you're pregnant so snap out of it!" I tried to wake her up. "You need to stop thinking negative thoughts, stop all the drama and relax yourself because you're not well, Whale told you that. You're not supposed to be stressing yourself out. Regina you're not sleeping well, you're not eating enough and you're just…" a sob met my ear, "…you need bed rest, lots of it."

"I can't take this anymore…"

"That's it, when I get off the phone, I'm going to call Whale and suggest to him that you take three days of relaxation in the hospital."

"No", she croaked. "I'm fine."

"Stop lying to me. I'm trying to help you. And the best thing you need right now is to relax, sleep and give this drama a break."

"I want my happy ending", she said in a small voice. "She's my…happy ending."

I sighed. "Look, my husband is home and right now, this drama has drained me too much. It's up to you and Emma to sort this out. But I swear, Regina. I swear that if anything happens to Emma, I'll never forgive you ever. This is my daughter we're talking about. And she's all I have."

"I know that."

"Prepare for hurricane Emma", I said as David came closer, hugging me as a kiss was pressed unto my cheek. He frowned at my tears. I disconnected the call and sighed, gazing up at him.

"What's wrong?"

"I think that you'll have to sit down for this one."

He sat down immediately, and I pressed my hands upon his.

"Honey, I have terrible news."

"What happened?"

Frowning, I wiped my eyes. "I don't know how to say this but I ate the entire tub of ice cream last night and there's none left."

"What?" his eyes were wide.

Avoiding his eyes, I dialed Whale's number as David gawked at me. On the third ring, he picked up.

"I hope for your sake that you're getting me back my tub of chocolate fudge –"

"Whale?" I held up a finger at him, face serious, "it's Snow. Yes, I'd like to speak to you and this wouldn't take long. Are you busy?"

"Whale will get us more ice cream?"

Using my hand to cover his mouth, I smiled, shaking my head. "Yes Whale, it's about Regina. Currently she's not doing so well, she's not doing well at all. And I think that we need to force her to take some rest, I prescribe the spa treatment and therapy in the indoor lounge. Yeah that would be beneficial to her since she's really stressed out and she's not eating, or resting up. She really needs this. Okay, thanks. Yes, sure. Bye!"

I disconnected the call and we both stared at each other in silence.

"She's not going to go down without a fight", he said. "It's Regina."

"I need to lure her there without being too obvious. Hmm…"

"Blindfold her?"

"No, she might scratch my eyes out. How about we just get Robin and Emma to talk her into going there?" I frowned suddenly. "No wait, scratch Emma out, they've fallen out so I'll need Robin to help me with this."

"Wait, they've fallen out?"

"Yeah, a major fall out."

He shook his head, rubbing his face. "Damn it, I know that this wasn't going to be easy, and that's what I've been trying to tell Emma but she wouldn't listen to me. She's too caught up in her feelings."

"What are you talking about?" I asked, suddenly confused.

"Regina has too many strings attached to her still, tying her to Robin", he said, "as long as she's connected to him, Emma will not be the only one in her life. Don't you see that?"

"I do but that doesn't mean that it can't work out."

"In this time, Regina needs Robin with her to offer comfort and everything else. The last thing she needs is the feelings she has for Emma to weaken her."

"I think we need to handcuff her" I said.

"She'll use her magic and free herself, Snow."

"Then we'll drug her mildly, not too much, and we'll take her there."

"You're insane!" he commented, eyes wide. "Are you listening to yourself?"

"No wonder I ate your ice cream out", I said firmly, "it's because you just don't understand how passionate I become about things. I needed to passionately eat something and I ate it."

"Snow…"

"I'm passionate about soup right now."

He stared at me without moving and with my jaw set, I had to get up and make it myself. Men.

* * *

><p><span><strong>Emma.<strong>

**Location: Outside a door.**

I stood there for a long time just staring at the door, my throat burning, knees weak as I tried not to cry. This wasn't supposed to happen, it wasn't happening, it couldn't be. I wasn't here to do this. She'd open the door and then I'd take her out for lunch before we did volunteer work at the library since the sessions had started. Nothing else was supposed to be happening right now. How could someone do something like that and not care at all?

Lifting a hand, I rapped weakly but firmly upon green door. And taking a step back, my hands were shoved in my jeans pockets as I waited. There were footsteps, well the floorboards vibrated from someone's footfalls and I suddenly knew that he was there. I could feel it, feel his presence lingering in there. Suddenly I felt so light headed, gripping the door frame, my head was lowered as breathing became difficult.

Not a panic attack now, Emma. I was trying so hard to calm myself down as the lock was turned, my eyes lifted. When the door was pulled open, and I saw her standing there dressed in the same clothes she had on last night, the first thought that came to my mind was that she hadn't slept at all. And because of the slice of anger coursing through my body, I realized that I didn't give a fuck. People like her deserved no sleep after what they had done.

"Emma…"

Glaring at her, I weakly diverted my eyes, inhaling deeply.

She held unto the doorframe and attempted to step across the threshold but I held up a hand, jaw set, holding back the tears. "Don't."

"Emma, please. I can explain."

"Go on then", I said, waving a hand, gesturing to her that she had the floor. Our eyes met and hers were bloodshot, as I bet mine were too. Dark hair disheveled, she suddenly appeared so different to me, and I couldn't even find her gorgeous anymore because the word felt like too much.

Tears welled up in my eyes when she remained silent, lips parted as they quivered. "I'm sorry that I –"

"Broke my heart?" I asked hoarsely. "Are we even now? Is this what you wanted from the beginning?"

"I didn't mean –"

"Sure you did", I said, tears filling my eyes. "This is exactly what you wanted."

"I never wanted any of this", she said.

"You know what?" I asked, "if you're going to start with an apology then I don't want to hear the rest."

"I can explain."

"Just move aside", I said, eyes fixated upon her, my expression stolid.

"I want us to talk."

"I don't want to talk to you."

"Emma, please, just listen to me –"

"I don't care!" I shouted as the anger shot out like a bullet. She flinched, a tear instantaneously leaking down her right cheek as I was stared at in shock. "Just spare me the bullshit and move aside."

She did, and as I stepped through the door, her hand attempted to take mine but I batted it away. And that's when I stopped in my tracks, feet rooted to floor as my eyes met his whilst he stood right there boldly.

"Robin", she said hoarsely, pressing her back to the wall as her eyelids fluttered close slowly, a hand upon her chest, "leave."

"No, stay", I said, glaring at him. "It's where he belongs anyway."

"That's not true."

"Just shut the hell up", I asked of him harshly, "I don't want to hear anything from you right now, either of you. I'm just here to get my bags."

"No", she said weakly.

I ignored her.

"Emma, it was all my fault", he said, "I was the one who made the first move. And I'm sorry, really I am but you have to believe me when I say that it wasn't Regina."

"Is that what she asked you to say?" I asked, turning to look at her with wide eyes. "That's the best you could come up with to cover up what happened?"

"She didn't –"

"You can't shove that crappy lie at me and expect me to believe it when I know for a fact that based on what I saw, she wasn't exactly pushing you off so putting the blame on yourself, that's cute. But it wouldn't work."

Holding up his hands to me, he gave me this look of surrender. As if I gave a fuck. Eyeing my bags upon the floor, I stooped before them and zipped up the red one that had been open this morning just so that I could get something to wear. The sound of the zip sliced the silence as I snatched the handles and pulled them over my shoulder.

"Don't leave", she said, and as I stood up, and when I turned around, she was right there. Taking a step back, I tried to move away but she kept reaching out to touch me.

"Don't touch me", I said, swiping her hands away.

My shoulders were grabbed as I held unto her lower arms and before I knew it, she pulled me towards her whilst I remained stiff. From the time our bodies met, and I felt her warmth, something melted inside of me. Something happened, stirred and I couldn't stop myself from shuddering as she felt so soft and safe, shaking gently whilst her fingers pressed into my back, keeping me so close to her.

"Let me go, Regina."

"I…can't…please…"

"Stop!" snatching her hands, I peeled myself away from her embrace and watched as she cried. "This can't work."

"Don't say that to me!"

"You don't give a shit about my feelings!" I retorted.

"I'm in love with you!"

"That sounds pathetic after what you did!"

"I wasn't thinking straight", she said hoarsely.

"Yeah you were", shaking my head, I tasted my own tears, "you obviously were. How could you do that to me?" I asked, my throat aching. "How the hell could you do that even after we did all of this and committed to each other? I thought that you really loved me!"

"I do love you!" she said in a small voice. "Look at me and you can tell if I'm lying!"

"You're a good liar then", I said. "Maybe you always were."

"Emma –"

"Don't play with my feelings, lady because you're sick. This is some game of yours and I don't want any part of it. I'm not a toy, nor am I a pity case, a person who you can take advantage of. I believed you all along, seeing what I wanted to see and now you just got exactly what you wanted."

"I wasn't playing with your feelings…I'm…not playing with you…" her voice was breaking up as she cried. "I fucked up, I know…I did…I…don't deserve anything else but anger from you…but I want you to know that I've never lied. I'm really in love with you."

"Good luck with that", I said dryly. "Because even if you're telling the truth, this makes everything ten times worse since you're a blatant hypocrite. You once told me that you couldn't trust me with Neal, that I was making you sick because I kissed him. But this…I really don't give a shit anymore about you because you're a liar and you can't be trusted."

"Emma, don't say that about her, please", Robin intervened.

"Why don't you stay the fuck out of this?" I asked bitterly. "No one's talking to you."

"But you can't call her a liar because she isn't lying."

"Just as she wasn't lying to you before she left your sorry ass without telling you she was pregnant?"

"The truth was withheld from me, yes. But whether I had known or not, her mind was set on leaving because she just couldn't stand another day being away from you."

"Oh save me the mush", I said, holding up a hand.

"Emma, you're making a mistake here."

"I'm making a mistake?" I asked in disbelief. "She's just made the biggest mistake of her life!"

"You don't mean that, listen to yourself", he said to me, actually STILL speaking. "You still love her and I can guarantee you that she still loves you."

"How?" I asked, just like that, staring at him. "How can you guarantee that at all? Tell me."

"Well for starters, there's the fact that she came back here just to tell you how she feels. Believing that you were already married, Regina's intention was to tell you the truth and she did that. In addition to that, over the two years we've spent together, a day never went by without her crying, missing you. You can ask Roland if you like, the stories she told him about the Queen being rescued by a woman in fair hair, how she fell in love with her. He'll tell you just as he told me how she'd start crying just like that whilst relating the story to him about when you two met. I've heard it so many times, over and over again she's told me about you, and no matter whatever else has happened, there's nothing you can do or anyone can say that will make me believe she's not completely in love with you."

I was speechless. But because of how angry I was still, my mind forced my heart to stay out of it. No feelings were sucked in from his mushy recollections and I was unfazed, totally unmoved. He was telling the truth, because I studied his eyes well enough whilst he was talking. However, it didn't change the fact that she had kissed him and she hadn't pushed him away. I saw and if I didn't see, everything would have gone unnoticed because I'm sure that she wouldn't have told me about it.

Eyes on her, she chose to look at me whilst less than three feet separated us. And it's like, I couldn't believe anything he said. I couldn't even push myself to feel like shit because of the way I was behaving. I couldn't step forward and hold her. I didn't want to do it.

"Do you have anything to say to me before I leave?" I asked her.

Her face contorted as she fought the urge to cry. "I did kiss him. It just happened and it was my way of ending everything off with him completely." She waited and when I didn't answer, she clutched her right side, "I didn't want that to happen. But it did. And I know that you can't understand any of it, but there's only my word on the line right now. I'll do anything to make it up to you, I'll do anything you want, I'll stay away from him, I'll –"

"I don't want you to do anything", I interrupted. "You've done enough."

"Stop behaving like that. Stop it."

"No you stop it!" I snapped. "I'm done here."

"Where are you going? I don't want you to go."

Moving to the door, I took a hold of the knob as she came up behind me. "I don't want to see or talk to you right now, and the only thing I need right now is distance."

"You promised that you'd always be here for me!" she cried, taking my arm as I was about to step out the door. Pulling on her grip, my vision was blinded by tears. "Emma, you can't leave me, I need you.

"You should have thought of that last night before you kissed him", I said, my voice unsteady. "Now let go of me."

"No!"

"Regina –"

"Emma –"

"Just give me a break!"

"I can't live without you!" she cried hoarsely, "If you leave me, I'll never forgive myself. I'm better off dead."

"You'll live", I said, "you're too strong for your own good, because if you were weak and in love with me so much, then you wouldn't have fucked up. I'm leaving, just hang unto him since you're both so lucky to be looking forward to a baby. It's all that matters right now. I'm just getting in the way and fucking things up. I'll stay out of your life, whilst you stay out of mine."

"Emma, stop it." Robin stepped towards us. "You can't do this."

"Watch me", I said. Tugging my arm away from her, I stepped outside and hoisted my bags up further.

"Go then", she said through tears. "Stay away from me."

I turned around and looked at her.

"I told you before that if I can't have you then I'll lose my mind. And I'll self-destruct. So if that's what you want then that's exactly what you'll get."

"Don't shove this at me as if it's my fault", I said in disbelief.

"You need to trust me."

"After what you did?" I asked loudly, the empty hallway echoing with my voice.

"You couldn't do better either, because you're shutting me out!"

"So that gives you every right to run to your ex and lip lock him?"

"How do I know that you aren't doing the same with Neal?"

"Oh that's low", I growled, "that's fucking low, coming from you, after all you know. After all that has happened, after what I told him, how I ended it off with him right in front of you."

"You've lied to me before."

"Well read my lips", I said angrily as she glared at me, "I don't give a shit anymore about us, I don't want to see you, I don't care because if you can stand there and accuse me of lying to you about Neal, after all that has happened, then this means nothing to me. We're not meant for each other. And I'm walking away. It's over. I wish that I never met you, and I'll go beyond myself to even ask Gold to make a potion or a spell to forget how I feel about you because you're not the Regina I fell in love with. Or maybe this was you all the time and I was so stupid, I actually believed that you were a different person."

"Emma…" she came after me as I headed for the steps and before I stepped down, my hand was snatched and I pulled it away, skipping steps as she was left at the top, "Emma! Don't do this! You'll…regret…it…" her sobs followed me downstairs as I stopped at the bottom and collapsed on the last step, my bags strewn around me. "I can't live without you…" she said, her voice lingering in the air. "I'll lose myself, everything…"

Ten minutes later, I was in my car with the bags sitting in the backseat. And as tears blinded my vision, I ran the red, almost driving into a pickup that swerved just in time.

Gritting my teeth, my fingers wrapped tighter around the wheel as I sped past my father who had jumped out to stare at me with wide eyes. I didn't stop when I saw Henry lingering by the Arcade with his friends, his eyes growing wide when he noticed me. I didn't stop when Ruby dropped her bag unto the pavement in front of the Diner, jaw dropping open. I never stopped at the sign.

I was LEAVING STORYBROOKE, and I really didn't want to go back in a rush.

* * *

><p>Xx<p>

**A/N –** I have a headache. Wrote all of this in seven hours because the story kept playing out in my mind. Next chapter will be posted this week. I want to keep my updates coming faster for you. Please review? You can shout at me, bitch all you like, I'll read them all. Just as long as you remember that the story goes on as planned. And no matter what happens, **there IS a happy ending for these two.**


	13. Running Away From Her

***Thanks for the feedback! Sorry that I made you cry in the last chapter! Someone said that they don't cry easily and I manage to make them cry in MOST chapters. It's not easy for me either writing these feels! Sometimes that's why the updates come so slow because I become a wreck and need to take a break. All in all, here's the next installment***

**Chapter Thirteen**

'**Running Away From Her'**

_**I went back to a room  
>And every memory came rushing back to soon<br>As I packed my bags and I lied down  
>I felt the bed sink in and the covers surround<br>Cause with my eyes closed I see the door open wide  
>And with my eyes closed I'm leaving it all behind<strong>_

_**I will run away if you call my name**_  
><em><strong>And I, I'll keep running if you come my way<strong>_  
><em><strong>And I, will run away if you call my name<strong>_

**HAIM**

* * *

><p><strong>xx<strong>

**Emma.**

At some point, I realized that I was losing my mind. I was honestly losing it because there was this sharp sting that attempted to awaken me, to warn me of a small fuck up that could possibly ruin my life. And yet I was completely not thinking things through because frankly, I couldn't care less. Caring about people, about things hadn't really gotten me far anyway. And by far I mean to a point where I was somewhat happy. I wasn't happy. I wasn't satisfied of what happened. Everything wasn't sunny side up, but it was raining like a bitch, and I mean really raining.

As if my life wasn't already ruined.

My thoughts…

Driving for as long as I could, as familiar sceneries around me whizzed by, I was thoughtless, my mind drawing blanks with every sign post that marked the end of a town. I was emotionless, dry, squeezed from feelings, feeling extremely cold and gripping the wheel as if I was about to run into the vehicle in front of me. The rain pounded upon my car, lashing with a vengeance that only contributed to my mood. And my freaking phone wouldn't stop ringing, vibrating within the glove compartment, setting my teeth on edge because I wanted to snatch it up and pelt the mobile through the window, into the rain and away from me.

Where was I going?

Good question. I allowed my foot to guide the estimated distance and without giving a fuck, I knew one thing for sure though. I wanted to be a million miles away from her so that she could feel it. She could relive every fucking moment she passed through whilst we were separated for those two years and somehow, it would affect her more than before. Distance, creating this gap between us felt so easy for me all of a sudden, because I was driving with anger rushing through my veins. Based on the amount of times my cell vibrated, she was obviously thinking about me, so that was good. Think about me, Regina. Think about what I'm worth and feel the pain, feel the distance how it eats away at you and at some point, you might just realize how fucked up your actions were.

I knew that I fucked up. No one has to remind me of that. I'm aware of everything, the fact that I pushed her away before, and I kissed Neal, whatever. But we committed to each other, even after all that shit. The past was put behind us, and I was prepared to focus on the present until she kissed her ex whilst we were in this together. We had plans, we had…a future. She promised me that we had one. She made me believe that it was just me. But apparently I was too stupid, too naïve to realize that once he was around, then I'd always have competition. I'd always have someone there who replaced me whilst we were separated. He'd always have points above me.

Somehow I end up stopping at this familiar motel, one that had seen my car past by it more than thrice because of being directly on the main road. Swinging into the huge parking lot, I reach up to scrub my sore eyes with shaking fists. Weak, broken and angry, my cellphone began to ring for the umpteenth time and I ignored the call because it's her. I don't want to talk to her. I don't want to talk to anyone right now.

Five minutes spent in there and I pulled my key out, the jingling sound filling the silence in my car. And pushing the door open, I stepped out, feeling the world spin around me as my head grew dizzy from weakness. It could have been different. If you could love someone so much, if you could hate them at the same time, then you understand what's happening to me. I'm so fucking confused and conflicted. I don't know what the hell to do anymore, because nothing makes sense to me, not even her. She has done things, told me things and I'm supposed to trust what I heard and saw when I'm not even sure about the truth anymore.

Checking in the motel, I told the man at the front desk that I needed a room for the night, was on my way somewhere and need a place to stop. In other words, I was moving through. Without asking questions, he was watching television, focusing on 'What Would You Really Do', and he just warily handed me this small silver key with a heart shaped tag. It's labelled 2. And as a pregnant woman sat at a table on the television drinking hard whilst people watched on, I stared at the key and my throat became dry, closing up because the two and the woman on the television just reminds me of her.

I want to fling it across the room, or throw it down and stamp it in frustration. But striding out the small outside office, I clenched it in my right hand and climbed the side steps leading upstairs. Fifteen minutes later, I can distinctly remember myself lying on a bed covered with green sheets that smelt heavy with detergent. And a pillow that lacked fluff but remained limp against my chest. Eyes staring up at the ceiling fan, I tried to focus on one blade as it whirled round and round, never stopping. All these things I can remember as recollections come back now, small details that were focused on, me trying to forget, trying so hard to forget when I knew that it wasn't quite possible.

How could it ever be possible to forget things that were linked to your heart, attached to the one organ that was keeping you alive? Everything about Regina affected me, from the smile on her face or the way she looked at me, every single thing. I was so drawn to her, I was lost in her, from the first time we met to the moment I realized that it was more than friendship. The way she would talk to me, hold my gaze, lean in, teasing me whilst she tucked her hair behind an ear. The times she would step into my personal space without me ever expecting it, her warm breath flushing my face: we had come so far. And it's like I had taken a million steps back after last night.

I thought about it over and over again, realizing that the ten missed calls from mom were too painful to ignore. So I called her back.

"Emma, where are you?" Her voice was laced with worry, hysterical. "Are you alright?"

"I'm fine", I lied.

"Your father said that you almost ran into him this afternoon and then you sped off!"

"I said I'm fine", I repeated.

"Are you sure, Emma?"

"I'm sure."

"What happened when you went over there?" she asked, her voice breaking. "Did the two of you talk?"

"I don't want to talk about it", I replied in a firm voice.

"Okay…" I heard her suck in air, "okay, fine. Fine…that's fine. But she's worried about you, Emma. She called me and she was crying. She said that she fucked up and she's really sorry and –"

"I'm done talking to her. I don't care."

"Don't do this, Emma", she said. "Regina is really upset too. She wants to talk to you."

"I don't want to talk to her!" I shout.

"Emma, calm down. Listen to me…" I could hear her breathing. "Emma, right now, because of what she's going through, she's…"

"What she's going through?" I ask angrily. "What about what I'm going through?"

"Listen to me! I'm not done!" I flinched when she shouted at me. "I'm….crap…I'm sorry. I didn't mean to raise my voice at you, sweetie."

"It's okay", I said, resting a hand over my eyes as I choke back sobs. "I'm sorry for shouting at you, mom."

"Never mind that, I know you're upset. But what I was trying to tell you is that you know this…because she's….okay, let me rephrase that. You know what it's like being pregnant, Emma. It fucks with your feelings and it's like you're on a roller coaster of emotions. Do you remember that?"

I did. "Yeah, I do…" I remember how I used to just stay like that and start crying in my jail cell. And I used to get so angry so fast.

"…can't really understand. But what I can understand is that whatever happened, you need to realize that we all mess up things okay? We do things that we're not proud of and we regret them. The hardest part comes when we're faced with a situation and it's up to us to decide if we want to give it another try or walk away."

"Right now, I can't even speak to her."

"Okay…but just so you know, she called and she was crying, and she said that you're not picking up and she's worried. She's worried about you. So is your dad. And I am too. Neal called to ask about you too." She paused. "But Regina…do you want to lose her again?"

"No!" I said quickly, wondering how she could think that.

"Then you have to be patient with her. Emma, she's not an easy woman, trust me. I know, above everyone else, I know what she's like. And she doesn't hesitate to say what she thinks about you. She can really insult you, dig up stuff and come at you ready to attack. She made a wrong move last night but I'm sure that you've made wrong moves too. You've both hurt each other. It doesn't give her the right to do what she did. But no matter what, Emma, no matter how bitchy she is, no matter what she says, Regina just needs love. She needs you, Emma."

"After what she did to me?"

"From the inception you two should have come to terms with these connections, and you should have told her that you wanted her to stop hanging out with Robin or being alone with him."

"I told her that!" I said, "I told her last night and I never said anything before because she's a grown ass woman and she has every right to do as she wants. She's Regina. No one can stop her."

"Except you."

"I can't keep her away from him because she's having his child. I can't do that."

"Then how is this going to work, Emma?" she asked, and I could hear the frown in her tone, "how are you going to do this at all? You've done your part by moving out, by separating yourself from Neal. You're on your own now. Why can't she do the same? Even if she's having his baby, he needs to understand that there are boundaries and spending time together by themselves, that's too much."

"Mom", I said, squeezing my eyes shut, "I don't want to talk about her with you. I'm having a terrible headache right now and my entire world is falling apart okay? I'll see you tomorrow."

"Where are you?"

"Far away."

"Emma, come home."

"No, I'm not a kid. I'm a grown woman and I can do what the hell I want", I say angrily. "People need to stop treating me like a child."

"I'm not treating you like a child. I'm treating you like a mother would. I'm your mother."

"Bye, mom", I replied. And I ended the call. I ended it and as soon as I did, my phone dinged, signaling a text message.

From the time I saw her name show up on the screen, my entire body grew so cold, and a shiver passed through me, like an electric shock. Gripping the phone, I realized that I was squeezing it tightly; my eyes suddenly stopped leaking tears. And without thinking, I pushed it further away from me on the bed and refused to bother myself with opening it. Seconds passed by and my mind still remained fixated on the phone, as if the message is calling out to me, whispering that I must open it. I can't focus at all because the place was so silent and just the whirling of the fan above me was my only company.

Emma, do you want to lose her?

No, I don't want to lose her.

What are you going to do?

Distance myself, stay far away. At least I know that when I get back, and I know that she's there, some small part of me will be relieved. Putting that aside, I wanted nothing to do with her. I didn't want to see her, talk to her for as long as I could manage it. She needed to feel how upset I was about this, and I wasn't going to stop until I had enough.

Snatching my cell, I'm on my side as I unlock the keypad and click VIEW.

**Emma, come back to me. I want you, not him. He's gone, I don't want to see him anymore right now. I don't want to lose you because it's like losing my heart again and this time, I can't pull through. I can't do this without you. Please call me or MSG. I need to hear your voice. Yell at me, tell me something, answer me. I need to know that you haven't erased me. I wouldn't sleep until you answer me. I can't.**

I never replied. But after staring at the fan above me for another hour, my mind blanked out. And then I'm tossed into a world where my past comes back to haunt me. Holding me down under the water, I am choked with a memory that slices my head with pain because it feels just like déjà vu.

* * *

><p><strong>[Flashback]<strong>

_I'm twelve and it's a rainy day in Boston as my boots pad upon the floorboards, already stained from water whilst I make my way down the narrow corridor. It's so clear, I can see it still, everything as if that part of my life is happening once more, details fresh and sharp._

_We're living in this fancy side of town in one of those posh neighborhoods that hide the sarcastic bitchy stuck up people within their fancy mansions. Mown lawns that are too green, white painted fences that are too even, estates that are too large just like the one I was living in. _

_I'm so close to Phillip's bedroom, I can smell his perfume already, Brute. And his music is already drifting to my ears as the door looms ahead. He's the kind of guy that all the big girls went crazy for, the ones that ride motorbikes, hair choppy and windswept, leather jackets and bulging arms inked with skulls, daggers. But inside, he's a total geek. I know this because he's helped me out with my homework all the time, always helping me to study, and because of his help, I had been getting straight As for all my subjects._

_In other words, he's the coolest big brother a girl like me ever wanted. On his door, I smile at the sign that says 'No one allowed past here – EXCEPT EMMA' and knocking sharply, my balled fists clutch the pencil as I waited._

_There are footsteps and then the door is opened as his face peeked out. "Ah, the doll is here."_

"_Stop calling me that", I said, pushing the door open and walking in as if I owned the place. "I'm not a doll."_

"_To me you are", moving back to stand before his white board, the black marker slides across the surface to draw a line as I watched him write a string of letters and numbers. "What's the topic today?" _

"_For you…." I squinted, "it looks like Physics. For me it's just English."_

_The marker stopped moving and his blue eyes turned to me, widening. "Just…English you say?"_

"_Yeah", jumping unto his bed, I part my book open and frown. "I have to write a composition on my favorite book."_

"_Ah! And we all know what that choice is!" tongue tucked at the side of his mouth, he continues to work out a sum, and I'm sitting there fearing Physics because it looks hard._

"_I brought the book, just in case." My thumb moves across the smooth cover._

"_I've always wanted to ask you, why is that your favorite book? Out of all the fascinating books in our grand library, ranging from Hans Christian Anderson's 'Sea Maiden' to 'The Match Stick Girl', you've chosen a fairytale that really and truly doesn't relate to you."_

"_I wish I was a Princess", I said._

"_Why?" he smiled at me. "Aren't you one already?"_

"_What do you mean?"_

"_You can have anything you want around here, you little spoilt doll. Anything you want."_

"_Yeah but I want to live in a castle and ride ponies and go to Balls…"_

_He laughed, shaking his head. "Then you're favorite story should be Cinderella."_

"_No, I like Snow White and the Seven Dwarves better because…I like the Evil Queen."_

"_The Evil Queen?" he asked me, turning around. "Why the Evil Queen, Emma?"_

"_I just do", I said, opening the book to where the Queen was standing in front of her mirror, "look at this. She's pretty. Plus everyone thinks that she's a bad person but she's not."_

"_Well, she IS the Evil Queen", he snapped the cap back unto the marker and came towards me, "why don't you like Snow White instead?"_

"_Snow White is the fairest of them all. I like her yeah but she's not as exciting as the Queen. Imagine how you'd feel if everyone just couldn't see how pretty you were. Plus, she's a bad ass. She can use magic."_

"_I really think that there's far more to this than you're letting out", he said, sitting next to me with a frown on his face. "I mean, why is it that you attach yourself to this story, Emma? What about it makes you want to read it over and over again. Wait!" and he held a hand up as I was about to speak, "think about it. It's not just the Evil Queen, is it? It's something else."_

"_Yes", I said without even thinking._

"_Go ahead and tell me then."_

"_It's embarrassing."_

"_No it isn't. I promise that I wouldn't laugh or make fun of you. I don't think that it's more embarrassing than when I walked in the other day with my zip down and mom had her lady friends over, is it?"_

_I snorted. "You idiot."_

"_Good, then tell me about it. Go ahead."_

"_Before you guys adopted me", I said, "I hated it in the orphanage. There was this girl called Annie who everyone loved because she was older than me and prettier. Her hair was like chocolate brown, and she wasn't…blonde…"_

"_But nothing is wrong with being blonde!" he remarked._

"_You think so but they didn't. They used to spoil her and she used to treat me horrible, pushing me around. One day, I wanted to make her look stupid so I filled her shoes with glue and they eventually found out it was me because my clothes had the stuff all over it. Anyway, I feel the Evil Queen's pain because I know what it's like to have someone spoil another person when you're not so bad yourself. I wasn't bad at all."_

"_But you glued her to her shoes!"_

"_Yeah but she lived. Lucky thing I didn't push her down the stairs."_

"_Emma! That's not nice!"_

"_She called me a dirty blonde rag doll."_

"_That's not nice either", he frowned, patting my back, "you're very pretty and awesome."_

"_So, when the Queen wanted to hurt Snow, I knew what she was feeling."_

"_It was never Snow White's fault that she was the fairest though. Plus, Snow White wasn't a bad person herself. The Queen was the one who saw past that little girl's innocence and she wanted to kill her."_

"_Yeah but suppose she did something to the Queen? Suppose she told her that she was ugly?"_

"_I see that you're a major fan of the Queen, and I get that. But the Queen is a villain, and by no means were her actions justifiable."_

"_Villains are not born, they are made", I said._

"_Who told you that?"_

"_It's true, no one is born evil. Something happens to them to make them become that way."_

"_So you think that something happened to the Queen", he said, "something bad."_

"_Yeah. What if she was like me and she didn't have parents who wanted her? What if she didn't want to be Queen and she wanted to become a teacher or a scientist? See?"_

"_You've given this some serious thinking through. I like that. You're a deep thinker, Emma."_

"_I don't judge people. I try to understand them first. I don't just see black and white. I see the grey areas in between too. And there isn't a good side or a bad side only. There is a part in the middle where lots of people exist because they're either misjudged or they haven't found themselves as yet."_

"_You know, for a girl your age, you're more than enough."_

"_I would be her friend", I said, picking up my pencil. "I would hug her, and we'd run away together."_

"_Okay, now you're getting too cute on me and I might start petting you like a kitten."_

"_I wish I was a Prince then I'd marry her and we'd rule the kingdom how we wanted to", I said smiling as his eyes grew wide._

"_So you have a crush on the Queen! I found out the truth!"_

"_No I don't!" I said. "I said, IF I was a Prince."_

"_What if you were a Princess, would you still marry her?"_

"_If she wanted me to."_

"_Emma, that's…" he shook his head, "too much…"_

"_Why?"_

"_Let's keep that between us two alone okay? Let that be our little secret, the fact that you want to marry the Queen."_

"_Why?"_

"_Because…there are…other people who want to marry her too, like some of my friends…and they would get so angry if they found out that you wanted to take away their Queen from them."_

"_I'll ask Debbie to find an Evil Queen doll for me", I said smiling widely, "That way, I can place her on my bookshelf, as old as I am anyway, and I can somehow escape into a world where we're living in the same time line and we're friends."_

"_You and the Queen", he said shaking his head, "at this age…you're such a boy sometimes, Emma. You need to tune in more to your girly side."_

_I don't mean to rush things, but certain memories were vague enough. It's because I had forced myself to forget them. Two years passed and on my fourteenth birthday, everything changed on this cold winter day in December. Phillip had just come home from college about a week ago. And somehow, I got the feeling that he had come back different. Debbie was different towards him, her smile replaced by a glare as he chucked his bags near the corner of the grand staircase and avoided her eyes._

"_What's going on?" I asked, clutching an armful of books._

"_Nothing", he said, glancing at me._

"_Oh go ahead and tell her what you did", Debbie said angrily. "Do you know what your brother did, Emma? You would never guess."_

"_What?" my eyes moving from him to her, I frowned._

"_He made up lies about daddy and now the police are after your daddy."_

_Robbie wasn't my father. But he treated me like one. He was always showering me with gifts and money._

"_I didn't make up lies!" Phillip snarled, blue eyes icy, "he fucked with one of my buddies and I straightened him out."_

"_Got the cops involved too", his mom planted her hands on her hips, the cigarette twitching between her fingers. He smoked like five packets a day. "Got the cops involved and then you had the fucking nerve to tell them where they could find him."_

"_I gave them a lead." _

"_Lucky thing he got tipped off and left!"_

_Phillip kicked the wall hard, and swore. _

"_You are an ungrateful son of a bitch!" Debbie cried, pointing her cigarette at him. "After all we've done for you, after all we've given you."_

"_Me?" he asked, resting a hand upon his chest as his stormy eyes were turned to her now, "after all you've given me? What have you given me mother?"_

_She stepped back, eyes wide. "Don't play smart with me –"_

"_No you listen here!" he snapped, and I jumped back, hugging my books, my back pressed unto the wall. "All you've wanted since I learned how to walk was anything but a son. You've always wanted anyone else but me. I was a big fucking disappointment to you and dad."_

"_I've always wanted you."_

"_No, just because I don't want to get involved in his shitty business, just because I want to study anything not related to the fucking underground black market –"_

"_Now you watch your mouth there!" she warned him, eyeing me. _

"_Oh as if she doesn't have any part to do in this."_

"_Keep Emma out of this!"_

"_You're always spoiling her with everything, not that I care really because she's a doll. And she deserves the best. But what about me?" he asked as my eyes were wet with tears. "I'm chucked away to college and I'm completely ignored."_

"_Well I'm sorry that you feel that way", she said, "all of a sudden you're acting out."_

"_Oh fuck off mother", he snarled. "I wish they caught up with that fat fuck –"_

"_He's your father!"_

"_He's a shitty excuse for one. You're nothing but a trophy to him."_

_She stepped forward and I watched her hand swing upon his face. The sound filled the silence and I gasped. "That's for your insolence, you ungrateful fuck", she hissed. "Bringing Emma into this, when she's appreciative far more than you, and she was born with nothing whilst you were born with everything. That's for insulting your father and me."_

_Glaring at him, his fists clenched, he grabbed a hold of the bannister and swung himself unto the stairs. I watched him race up them with a vengeance. And for an entire week, Phillip wasn't seen around the house._

_Rapping weakly on his door, I tried every single day to talk to him._

"_Phillip, will you let me in?"_

_There was no response._

"_I brought books and candy, your favorite…Snickers…"_

_Two months passed, and three and then he was off to college again and I was left in the big house by myself. Most days I escaped to school and then back home again. Then at the end of the year when he came back, he wasn't himself at all. He was scary. _

_I remembered the night when he started his destruction, he was drunk and there were friends over in the house. I was told to wear a dress and come downstairs but my only wish was to be in the library, trying to do my homework whilst the music blasted through the house. Debbie had gone away for the weekend and after Phillip and she had that argument at the bottom of the stairs, she never treated me the same again. She kept distance, snapping at me and blatantly telling me that I wasn't her own, that I was nothing and Phillip was right. I had no parents, and I was no one, I was an orphan and I should stay out of her way. The way he had closed the door behind him slowly, coming in as was deep into reading Pride and Prejudice: at first it was nothing. I was happy to see him. I was smiling until he swung the bottle of Vodka unto my computer desk and swayed towards me, his blue eyes maddening._

"_Emma…"_

"_Phillip, you're drunk." Returning to my book, I continued to read._

"_I want you to do something for me."_

"_What?" Trying my best to ignore him, my eyes marked the page I was at and then I sighed, rolling back my shoulders. _

"_I want you to…" the door behind him was pushed open slightly and Amanda came in, this brunette I had seen with him more than often lately. She came in and the door was pushed close behind her as those brown eyes met mine. Phillip reached for her hand and brought the girl in as my eyes roamed her figure._

_She was dressed in this frilly pink blouse with her huge cleavage peeking out at the top. And she had on pink leather pants hugging her tiny waist and wide hips. I mean, girls were pretty. Some were bitchy, others were just adorable. But Amanda was hot. She was the type of girl that had a fashion sense, knew how to dress to catch attention even if she was surely shy around everyone. And I remember when she used to come over and form conversation with me about books, having read all the Jane Austen books already so we connected. _

"_I want you to say hello to Amanda", he said, his words slurred, approaching my bed._

"_Hi", I said shyly as she came towards me, sitting upon the bed._

"_Hi, Emma…" her voice was unsteady, head bent, hair falling into her eyes as she checked the cover of my book. "Pride and Prejudice, I see you're making progress."_

"_Yeah, I'm at…" Phillip appeared impatient, "…the twentieth chapter already."_

"_That's –"_

"_Manda…" she turned to glance at him, her eyes wide, "do what you have to do…"_

"_I'm not sure about this, Phillip…"_

"_Just do it, trust me, she wouldn't mind."_

"_What's going on?" I asked, glancing from him to her, a frown on my face. "What does she have to do?"_

"_Just relax, Em." He was smiling like a lunatic, hands behind his back as if clutching something._

"_What's behind your back?"_

"_I'm sorry, Emma", Amanda said softly, her cupped hand caressing my face. _

"_Less words, just do it."_

"_What does she –" And she came closer to me, my eyes widening when her perfume tickled my nose. Next thing I knew, soft lips were pressed unto mine as she parted mine. I think that it took me a couple seconds to realize what was happening because I had frozen up. My mind had stopped processing things._

_I honestly never expected my first kiss to be from a girl. The way she kissed me melted my mind, even though I wanted to push her off, I couldn't because of how I was feeling. It was so different, to read of guys kissing girls and then here I was having it in the complete opposite way. Her hands were splayed out across my cheeks as I tasted champagne and before I knew it, my hands were squeezing her shoulders, me moving in closer because my head was whirling around. _

_Something happened to me in that moment._

"_Okay that's enough." His voice was distant, like from across a room. And she pulled away as my eyelids fluttered open and I held unto her, our gaze still lingering. "Let's go."_

"_Enjoy your reading, Emma", she said smiling, her cheeks flushed, "I have to go."_

_I barely caught Phillip's jeering smile as he slipped out the door, and then there I was left to wonder what the hell had just happened. Amanda has kissed me! She had just come in and…why was Phillip allowing it though? Wasn't she his girlfriend? They were drunk, or maybe he was so drunk he had no idea what he had done. Putting that aside though, I somehow…I liked it. Throwing myself unto my bed, I stared up at the ceiling for so long, until this smile came across my face. Then pressing my fingers upon my lips, I still could feel her kiss lingering there as the music blasted on downstairs._

_About a week after, I was doing Mathematics homework, sitting upon the floor between the fifteenth and sixteenth row of books in the library with my legs crossed. Chewing on an apple, my mind tried to work out a problem when I felt someone watching me. Thinking that it was Phillip, I prepared myself for his arrival, wondering if he had suddenly remembered what he did that night. But it wasn't him._

"_Hi…" I watched with wide eyes as Amanda came forward, her flat shoes padding upon the carpet and then she was sitting beside me. "How are you?"_

_I was speechless, wondering why she was here and my eyes checked around us._

"_Oh no, he's not here." She smiled, her fingers splayed across my book, checking my work. "Ouch, Algebra…Hmm…that one", she pointed and I admired her pink nail polish. "That's two times two, you take the two x's and square it so it's four x squared."_

"_Thanks", I said, nervously writing in the answer. "I'm not really good at this stuff." Tucking my hair behind an ear, my heart raced in my chest as she moved in closer. She was so warm, I just couldn't help myself. And when our eyes met, I was breathless._

"_Emma, I needed to tell you something."_

"_What happened the other night?"_

_She lowered her eyes and smiled. "Phillip was just drunk and he wanted his own…thrills…so he told me that like me, you're into girls as well."_

_I frowned. "What…what do you mean?"_

"_You're attracted to girls, aren't you?"_

"_No", I said, staring at her._

"_It's okay if you are you know, I'm attracted to boys and girls."_

"_That's not okay."_

"_According to the books we read and everything else, of course it doesn't involve stories about girls falling in love with girls. But…" she inhaled, as I watched her cheeks become flushed, "…it does happen."_

"_Why did you kiss me then?"_

"_It was a dare…by Phillip…" I was cross already, and she discovered my feelings immediately, "but then what started off as a dare turned into something more."_

"_I don't understand –"_

"_You're hot", she said just like that, her voice unsteady. "You're unlike any girl that I've ever met and I now know that I…wanted…to kiss you…"_

_I swallowed hard, my heart racing in my chest. "You're hot too."_

"_I know that I'm older than you, I'm already eighteen and you probably think that I'm a freak or something –"_

"_I don't think that you're a freak at all."_

"_You don't?" her brown eyes were wide as she waited._

"_No, I've always liked you…"_

"_Then if I ask you something, will you promise to keep it between us?" I was weak, my head becoming dizzy._

"_Ask first", I said softly._

"_Will you let me kiss you again?"_

"_But Phillip…"_

"_He doesn't have to know…"_

"_I can't –" and she silenced me with a kiss. Books splayed out around me, I was gently pushed back unto the carpet as she left me breathless, trailing kisses upon my cheeks and neck whilst I held unto her and allowed it. I allowed her to do what she wanted because I honestly believed that if you could live in the moment, and feel this rush, then everything was okay. Nothing could go wrong._

_We snuck around for a long time, hiding when she'd come over, just kissing and nothing else. She made me believe that this was real. Phillip had no idea. He'd come home, they'd go up to his room and then she'd come and find me, telling him that she was going to use the bathroom. Eventually, he allowed us to spend so much time pouring over books in the living room flat on our stomachs. And when he wasn't looking, she'd touch my cheek or press a kiss unto my face as I did the same to her. I couldn't believe what I was doing, knowing deep down inside that this was different. It wasn't really normal. And I was scared._

_I should have stopped because one night when we were in the kitchen sneaking something to eat, Phillip walked in whilst we were kissing. And he dropped his bowl of fruits with a loud bang, ringing through the silence of the house. Peeling herself away from me, Amanda smiled as she went up to him, stooping to pick up the bowl, their eyes meeting eventually._

"_It's nothing", she said, shrugging._

"_Oh really?" his eyes were on me, hard blue eyes like blue stones. "Doesn't look so."_

"_Let's go upstairs." Entwining their hands, she pulled him out of the kitchen, never looking back at me, leaving me there to feel like crap._

_After that, my entire life tumbled upside down. I should have savored the couple of weeks that passed by without either of them getting in my way whilst I studied for end of term exams. I should have just treasured it all. On my last day of exams whilst I was totally enjoying my freedom, binging on chips and Coke, listening to music on my headphones, the door was pushed open and in he came, pressing it close behind him. Startled, I snatched off my headphones, eyes wide._

"_I have something here", he said, holding up his camera, the one he used to take photos and record videos, "I have something here that could ruin you. So before you –"_

_The door was pushed open and Amanda came in. "Phillip, don't."_

"_Just stay out of this."_

"_You can't do this to her!" she cried, trying to snatch the camera._

"_What the hell is going on?" I asked, springing up from my bed, growing angry as he snatched her arm. "Let her go."_

"_I never wanted this to escalate this far, but you…" he pointed at me, his eyes hard, "you're pushing it, Emma."_

"_I don't know what you're talking about."_

"_Kissing my girlfriend, making out with her –"_

"_Phillip, I told you, I'm the one that did this…"_

"_After all the things I've done for you, being nice to you."_

"_I didn't mean for that to happen", I said, "I'm really sorry but it wouldn't happen again…"_

"_You can bet your ass that it wouldn't", he said angrily. "Stay away from her, or else I'll use this video with the two of you kissing, and I'll use it wisely."_

_My eyes were wide. "You didn't…"_

"_I did."_

"_You bastard", I said, clenching my fists. And I strode up to him, trying to snatch the camera. But he swung it out of my reach and pushed me back. "Give it to me or else I'll –"_

"_You'll what?" he asked, eyes shining, "you'll tell someone? When anyone sees this video, you're ruined."_

"_Anyway, she's in love with me not you, so no matter what you do, you can't have her", I folded my arms and smiled at Amanda who stared back at me blandly._

"_Manda…" he cooed, turning to look at her as she gazed at me, "Manda…based on the current situation, with this video standing as a threat, spare Emma's feelings and tell her the truth. Go on."_

"_Phillip…" she said softly, her eyes on me._

"_I can either ruin you because if you choose her, you're not going to get in the house anyway, and I'll make her pay for what she did. If you choose me, well…that's obvious…"_

_I couldn't believe it. I never knew this side of Phillip. He was a snake. And my eyes were wet as I watched her step closer to him tentatively. Amanda did the one thing that seriously shocked me, because she didn't have to do it. Everything wouldn't have turned out better but at least she could have spared me the hurt. I watched her as she stepped up to him and with her hands wrapped around his neck, they kissed in front of me. It was terrible, so terrible I felt pain for the first time in my heart like no other. _

"_Get out", I said to them both, whilst Phillip smiled at me._

"_Sorry about this, Emma."_

"_I said to get out!" I shouted._

"_Look, I never meant for this to happen."_

"_You're a stupid idiot", I hissed, "I trusted you, thought you were a brother to me. And then you just hurt me like this."_

_His eyes were wide, the smile disappearing. "Emma, I didn't mean –"_

"_Just get out", I said hoarsely, throwing myself on my bed, I snatched my pillow and pressed it upon my head._

_For weeks I avoided him, and then when I thought that he would just leave me alone, Phillip took advantage of me. He was drunk and I don't know but I was half asleep in my room when I felt him on top of me. At first all I smelt was the Vodka on his breath as the silence around me buzzed, stinging my head. And then I felt a lot more as his hands began to roughly caress me. My voice had run away, lying there, a hand pressed upon my mouth as he parted my legs and as I struggled with him, his strength grew. My screams muffled, he shoved himself inside of me and I felt the sharpest pain ever, my mind drawing a blank as the world around me blacked out. Everything else that happened afterwards was so terrible, I blanked it out of my memory. _

_It took me a week to approach Debbie, and when I did, she was so pissed at me, I wasn't surprised anyway._

"_Oh stop being a whiny bitch", she said, just like that, shoving her plate in the sink, a cigar dangling from her mouth._

"_I'm telling the truth here!" I said._

"_Don't lie to me about my son", she hissed, turning to me, her eyes darker than usual. "After all that I've done for you, after all that we've done."_

"_Debbie, he…"_

"_That's it", and her hand snatched up the cordless, "I'm calling Child Services."_

"_No!" I shouted, rushing forward and grabbing her hand. We fought and the she pushed me back. "Don't call them!"_

"_You're the ungrateful one, always have been." Her face was so close to mine, I could see the darkening cracks on her lips. "You want to ruin us, don't you?"_

"_I don't want to ruin anyone –"_

"_Then why lie about something like that?"_

"_I'm not lying!"_

"_You bitch", she hissed, "do you even think that I'd believe you for a second? He's my son! I'd never believe that shit."_

_My eyes were wide as I realized that she was the wrong person to tell anything to about this. This was wrong._

"_You and your wicked ways", she continued, moving into the living room as I stared after her, "I told him to delete the video, putting an end to it. But I will tell you, that I'm not going to allow that sort of thing in my house."_

_Phillip had shown her the video. A chill ran through my body as I rushed into the living room after her. _

"_It wasn't what you think. I was set up."_

_Her laughter was shocking, hoarse as she turned around, her eyes maddening. "Oh there we go again…"_

"_Debbie, you've got to believe me!"_

"_I don't!" Her voice rang through the house. "This crap will end now, you will stop talking like that if you know what's good for you."_

"_I'm not", I said angrily, "I'm going to tell someone about it."_

"_Oh are you?" she came towards me slowly, tilting her head. "They'll chuck you out of here and put you away in a next home that's far worse than this."_

"_What could be worse than having someone you trusted do something like that to you?"_

"_You little dirty lezzy", she said, coming towards me._

_Before I could think further, I reached out as she grabbed me, and we twirled on the spot. Because for my age I was already taller than most girls, shoulders broad and with enough strength in me, I fought her. Twisting me on the spot, I did just as in the movies and jammed the back of her knee with mine. And her legs buckled as she fell…she just…she fell…_

* * *

><p>Xx<p>

Rolling around on the bed, my legs twisted the sheet, I struggled with the pillow and groaned, eyes squeezed shut. "She fell…she…fell…I didn't…push her…she fell…"

Within seconds I was sitting upright with my eyes wide open as the room around me span, nausea kicking in immediately. It took a few minutes to catch my breath as a pulsating headache destroyed my mind whilst the warm sunshine outside signaled that it was morning. But I had fallen asleep since…yesterday. It amazed me that the time had flown by so quickly. Pushing myself up, I felt like shit, crappy and in a bad mood as my knees felt jelly weak. And then there I was standing in front of the mirror within the small bathroom that smelt like detergent, the sharp scent making my headache worse. My face was like a stranger to me, harried eyes that stared back with a bland look. I couldn't tell what was wrong with me as the bags under my eyes were evident, and this aching within my chest just wouldn't stop.

It's like trying to bury down the past inside of you because it's so painful. All these years after that incident, I tried to kill the memories, to destroy the visions and nightmares. Reaching a point in time when I stopped remembering, it felt as if a huge weight was lifted off my chest. For once in my life, I moved forward without ever remembering Amanda, or Phillip or Debbie, especially Amanda. I had forgotten her as weird as it sounds because you just can't forget your first kiss. You just can't erase certain things but based on a fair estimation of the shit that happened afterwards, memories of her were blurry and fading out. My first kiss had been from a girl, just when I had fooled myself into believing that it had all been a dream, that I had never kissed another female other than Regina.

Regina…

"Oh God…" I moaned, splashing water unto my face as my eyes burnt. Head bent low, my stomach felt raw when her face swam into focus. And even though our last encounter had been fucked up, there was this face, there she was, and she was smiling at me.

I didn't want my entire life to center around her right now because that wasn't right. After what she had done to me, I should completely side step her and focus on the other important people in my life: like my parents, Henry. Even though he hated me at the moment, I was still his mother. I had obligations and I wasn't about to back down just because someone had broken my heart. This wasn't ME. I stood up to my fears and tackled them head on. I wasn't afraid of anyone, but sometimes, I chose to run away. It's not a crime or it doesn't make me weak. It means that I'm human, that much I've realized over the years. I run away when I'm cornered with hurt, believing that if I distance myself from the pain, then at some time the effect of it all will subdue. It's like rushing away from the storm and after it's passed, you can move back in and start anew. The storm doesn't destroy you but it destroys the past you left behind. And believe it or not, I wanted to go back to Storybrooke, not because of her, but because of ME.

After zipping up my small bag, the one I dug clothes out of to change into, after I had stood under the shower for about half an hour as the water scorched my skin, I left the room. Driving away from the motel felt a bit raw to me, because somehow it had become my refuge, a place away from home to hide, to stay away. I was aware that as soon as my boots stepped out of there, then I'd hit the road with one destination in mind: HOME. No matter what, Storybrooke always kept pulling me back. I shouldn't have left in the first place.

Anyway, on the road, I was seated in this small Diner chewing on a plate of eggs and bacon when my eyes rested on a hunched figure checking out my car. At first, squinting through the glass, I thought that he was stooping to pick up something. But then as his back was straightened, and a hand gave my roof a quick swipe, I immediately went into protection mode. Pushing the plate away, eyes still on him, I snatched up my tissue and keys, drained my cup of coffee and strode out of there with my jaw set.

He saw me approaching and immediately stepped back.

"Can I help you?" I asked, trying to keep my cool.

"Nice car", he commented, smiling. He was a FED. I could tell from his manner alone, knowing his type like the back of my hand. Dressed in dull tones, with a huge overcoat, his shades twinkled in the sunlight, gravel crunching under his expensive shoes.

"I know", I said, never returning his smile.

"New York plates…you're a far way from home…"

"I'm travelling…"

"You're moving far away from home then."

"I don't see how that should interest you." Folding my arms, I studied his face. The nerve of these men, hiding behind their shades whilst those eyes studied faces.

"No, no…" he laughed it off, but I was too observant, noting the forced nature of his sudden reaction, "…I was just checking out your car, that's all."

"Well it's time for me to hit the road", I said warily, avoiding his eyes. Waiting for him to step away from my baby, we stood there in silence.

"Ah sure!" he said, realizing that he was in the way. "Sure…go ahead, don't want to hold you up. Stepping away, the light caught on his shades and I managed to capture a full view of his eyes. They were beady, almost too beady as a smile remained on his face.

Unlocking my door, I hopped in, started the engine and drove the hell out of there, wasting no time. When I was on the highway, it suddenly dawned upon Emma, as stupid as it might appear to you, it suddenly dawned upon the Sheriff that I had practically flung myself into the path of danger. Checking my rearview mirror, no one was tailing me, and I breathed out a sigh of relief, reaching to turn on the radio as my head still buzzed from the rush of the day.

* * *

><p><span><strong>Xx<strong>

**Snow.**

She wasn't answering her calls, not Emma, Regina. Talking to Emma was like talking to a complete stranger because she was so brief with me, completely disconnected and so, so far away. I was really worried, and I have every right to be, considering that she's not in town, somewhere in the path of danger. David's worried, everyone is, even Henry as he sat down upon the chair with his face buried in his hands. Ruby is rubbing my back as I groan, deciding on my next move because as always, when it's not Emma, everyone relies on either David or I. Right now, it's all on me because I'm the mother, I'm the one who feels the burden of this, and I'm the link between Emma and Regina. And I just can't sit here and know to myself that they're destroying each other like this. Whilst one is answering her calls, the other one has disconnected her phone, turned off her mobile and locked herself in her apartment since yesterday.

She wouldn't let Robin in (not that I'm complaining but he finds a way in most times) and she's not even letting Henry in. It's like the time before she left Storybrooke, shutting herself away whilst we were left to wonder what was wrong with her. It hurts my heart to know that she's inside there all by herself and I can't do anything about it. Even though she did do something bad, and she's the reason Emma drove away, I can't help but feel worried about her.

"Look, I can try to pick the lock", Robin said, after coming in some time after. "But if she blasts me with her magic, one of you has to feel my wrath."

"Aw you're such a helper", Ruby said sarcastically. Apparently she hadn't forgiven him for what he had done. "Why don't you use an arrow and shoot holes in the door also?"

Without answering her, he eyed me, waiting.

"Let's do it", I said warily, removing my butt from the stool. "We don't have many options left anyway."

"She will come back", Robin said to me. "Emma will come back."

"She better come back", Henry said, standing up as he glared at Robin. "Or else you're going make sure that she does: you and Regina both."

"Henry, I never meant for any of that to happen –"

"Yeah well it did and both of my moms are hurt because of it. One's gone, and the other one's sick, locking herself up." He avoided our eyes and strode towards the door. "Let's go before something worse happens."

Already at the door, David snatched his chocolate brown coat and rested a hand upon Henry's back as they moved outside. I turned to Ruby and frowned. Robin waited on us, appearing severely hurt, holding the door open.

"Emma will come back", she said to me in a small voice, "she has to."

"You don't know Emma more than I do", I said to her. "She's like me in more ways than I can imagine. And when I was stressed out or…frustrated…I used to run away and stay away for days."

"Yeah but you always went back home."

"I always went back home…" moving to the door, tears wetted my eyes, "as for Regina, she's really affected by this, I'm afraid of what will happen the longer Emma stays away."

"She's really in love with her", Ruby said as Robin locked the door behind us. "Really, really, truly in love with her. What Emma didn't realize is that she's also confused a bit."

"I believe that she just wanted me to know that our time together was treasured, that I meant something to her, that's why the…kiss…happened. And in no way was I accepting of it. However, it just happened."

Ruby's eyes lingered on him a little longer as we went down the steps and I realized that I was getting too fat halfway down. I was swelling, binging on ice cream and everything else, my cheeks were too puffy. My hands were fat, my thighs were fat, my butt was fat. Everything was fat. Every…single…thing…even my boobs had grown enormously.

"I hate sweets", I said.

"You?" Ruby scoffed. "As if…"

"If I say it to myself as many times as I can, then I will eventually hate them."

Robin actually laughed. "I wish that we could get Regina to eat as much as you."

I stopped at the bottom of the stairs and turned to him. "You think that I'm too fat?"

"Don't answer that", Ruby whispered in his right ear.

"You're pregnant", Robin said.

"But you think that I'm fat", I folded my arms.

"I never said –"

"You were implying it."

"Guys…"

"A woman must gain a considerable amount of weight during such times. Isn't that expected?" He raised an eyebrow at me. I wanted to snatch it and peel it off his face.

"Just say it", I said, glaring at him.

"Say…what?"

"Tell me that I'm fat."

"Why would I…"

"Dudes, let's get a move on!" Ruby urged us, but I stepped up to Robin, my face upturned.

"I still haven't forgiven you for what you did", I said. "If Emma doesn't come back, I'll break all your arrows and throw them like darts at you."

Twenty minutes later, we were standing outside Regina's apartment door as my clenched fist hovered above his head. He was stooped low in front of the lock, trying to pick it as I tried to restrain myself from taking a fistful of his hair and pulling with all my might. Hinting that I was fat. Who was he? Men. David decided to take Henry out for lunch whilst I was left with Ruby and Robin as my accomplices: a pregnant lady, a wolf and an outlaw about to face the Queen. How nice. Anyway, he got the lock opened and stood up. Pushing him aside, I shoved him into Ruby as she mewled and then in I strode, my jaw set.

"Regina, come out with your hands up before I –" I stopped when I saw a her leg dangling over the arm of the chair. Moving as quickly as I could, there she was buried inside the chair, sheets strewn over her. And when our eyes met, I immediately realized that something was wrong. Her hair was a mess, disheveled, makeup smudged, and I realized that in a long time, I hadn't seen Regina like this. She looked so broken, so sad and so sick, my heart ached.

Ruby stooped down immediately next to the chair, resting a palm upon Regina's forehead whilst I sat down and took a hold of her hand. She was burning up, her fingers hot like fire as they shook within my grasp. And with her lips parted, she took small intakes of breath as if struggling to breathe.

"Regina…" Ruby eyed me with worried eyes.

"Robin", I said, my voice small, "call David but don't mention anything to Henry as yet. Tell him to get over here now."

Removing himself from caressing Regina's hair, he took my cellphone as I dialed and went towards the door whilst Ruby and I tried to get Regina to sit up. But she was so weak, it was a struggle because her arms didn't have the strength to hold unto us as we tried. Ruby eventually managed to get her into a sitting position whilst we checked her pulse, noticing that it was too weak, and I asked in a soft voice if she was in pain.

With a nod, she started to cry, holding unto me as I wrapped my arms around her. "Oh Regina…stay strong…"

"Does it hurt…down there?" Ruby asked, with her eyes wide. "I mean, is…is the baby okay…is she…?"

She received another weak nod and I was somewhat relieved, somewhat. Ruby couldn't help herself, because of how worried she was, her hands felt their way around Regina's tummy, trying to feel for I don't know what. But I was softened by her concern for Regina, as I held her in my arms and kissed her cheeks softly. She was in this state, so weak and fatigued, and it wasn't good at all. No matter how angry I was at her, I still cared so much.

Very soon, David came in and I could see from the way he looked at her that worry consumed him as well. Whatever happened, Regina was family. She meant so much to both of us, more than ever since she meant something to Emma too. And with Robin's help, they both got her unto her feet as I slipped on her boots. Walking for her wasn't that bad because she could, weakly though. And without even protesting about her condition, the way her dress was crinkled, she allowed them to take her away, down the steps slowly and towards the blue minivan we now owned. Sliding the door open, Ruby went inside was she held out her hands to assist them. And when Regina was safely inside, I told turned to Robin.

"I need you to –"

"A change of clothes, and everything else that's necessary", he provided, nodding. "Rest assured I will take responsibility of that."

"And then you'll meet us there."

"Yes."

His eyes rested on Regina as she was wrapped in Ruby's arms. She wasn't even looking at him, and we just waited for no reason at all. David had the engine on, I climbed inside and slide the door shut. As we drove away, I peered back to see Robin walking slowly into the building and taking Regina's hand, I took in a deep breath. It would appear as if she was trying to avoid him, her eyes resting upon nothing in particular as the vehicle wheeled through the main street.

"Are you hungry?" Ruby asked, pressing a kiss unto Regina's forehead.

She groaned and closed her eyes, a hand resting on her tummy, large like mine already. Ha, so we were both fat. Well…her arms weren't as beefy as mine but still. Thinking about it now, Regina was skinnier than before she had left Storybrooke. It could pose as a problem. Pushing out a baby required so, so much strength, knowing her though, she could do it. She was stronger than she looked. Maybe she could even use her magic to poof the baby out of her whilst I had to huff and puff. I suddenly envied her.

"Emma…" she whispered.

I eyed Ruby and both of us remained silent.

"Is she back?"

"She called", I said.

"She's…okay…"

"Yes", I took her hand. "Right now, you need to focus on yourself, Regina. You're not doing so well at all."

"And Emma wants you to get well", Ruby cut in, "she said that she wants you to eat and rest up."

"She…said that?" her voice was hoarse, breaking up as tears leaked down her pale cheeks.

"Yeah, she said that. Plus she wants nothing bad to happen to you."

"She doesn't care about me."

"Regina, don't say that. Emma really cares about you."

"No, she does not. She told me that her only wish is for us to have never met each other and –"

"Well that can't happen now nor will it ever happen", I silenced her. "Both of you need to stop with the negativity and just love each other, no strings attached."

"I was only considerately acknowledging the time spent with Robin. Things took a drastic turn and –"

"It's in the past. It happened already. You can't take it back but now you can work towards trying to better the future."

Ruby eyed me with a wry smile. "Snow's right, you and Emma are meant to be together and no matter what happens, you will always be together."

"She's your true love", I said smiling, feeling all mushy, hands clasped, "everything is happening almost similar to what David and I went through. We were separated, we had our differences, he was engaged, this and that but we still managed to be with each other in the end. And no matter what, the struggle always brings you closer."

"I'm craving nachos. Anyone else craving nachos?" My eyes opened wide in Ruby's direction as David swung into the hospital's parking lot.

"Me!" I squealed. "Nachos with lots of cheese, or burritos, or cheesecake. I wonder if the hospital cafeteria sells cheesecake."

"I'll put a sleeping curse on your mouth if you don't stop speaking about food", Regina said. I pressed my lips together immediately and stared at her. "Talk about food one more time and I'll throw up on you."

"Eeew", I said, "I'll return the gross…ness."

"I'll return it back."

"I'll –"

"Oh my goodness would the two of you just shut up about that crap?" Ruby demanded. David snorted from the opened door as my hand was snatched. Turning to glare at him, I pulled my hand back.

"Don't grab me like that."

"Snow, you have to get out now." His face was stolid.

"Why?" I asked, biting my cheeks to prevent myself from laughing. "Use the other door where Ruby's sitting. Ask her to get out first. She's not pregnant."

"Snow…"

"I'm not getting out first." I folded my arms.

"Snow Mary Margaret Blanchard Charming", Ruby said in a stern voice. I gasped, turning to her with wide eyes. "Get the fuck out."

"I refuse to be spoken to that way."

Regina groaned, her eyes fluttering close. "Please…"

"No, just zip your lips for a couple seconds, Regina", I said, glaring at Ruby. "Why must I get out first? You're the skinniest so you go first."

"If I get out, and I find the nachos first, then there's none for you."

"You wouldn't dare do that to me!"

"I'd threaten them to hold back the orders after I take mine." Sticking her tongue out at me, I did the same.

Regina sat up quickly, gripping the edge of the seat, eyes squeezed shut, "I think that I'm about to throw up."

Pushing David aside, I sprang out of the vehicle as Ruby pulled open her door, stepping out too. And as I bumped into David, my eyes wide, Regina rolled hers, clutching the front seat for support.

"You two are unbelievable", David muttered, as he leant in to help Regina out. "Come on, easy there…" she came out the vehicle as I moved out of the way because my tummy was only getting IN the way of everything.

As we walked her up to the entrance, I rubbed Regina's back softly. "You're going to be alright, don't worry."

Apparently she was too sick to realize what was happening until Whale mentioned the words 'check in'. And as soon as he did, her grip on my hand was tightened. David and I eyed each other and brown eyes were turned to me.

"You're checking me in?"

"I…" her eyes searched mine. I sucked it up, squaring my shoulders. "Yes. I am."

"No you aren't."

"Yes I am."

"No."

"Yes!"

"No!" she croaked, "take me back home."

"Not in that condition", I glanced away, folding my arms.

"It's just a fever, it's just a…fever…and I can't eat anything but –"

"Regina, your resistance is extremely low, you're severely weak –"

"Oh you can diagnose me with one look?" she sassed in Whale's direction, "why don't you all just shut up and leave me alone?"

"Look, I know that this is a hard time for you", he tried in a soft voice.

"You don't know anything about me", Regina cried hoarsely, "none of you. You're all trying to determine what I'm passing through but none of you can…quite understand exactly how I feel."

I could. But I wasn't going to say it because of the anticipated outburst I'd receive. Patting her on the back, I moved closer as my arm wrapped around her waist. Whale was waiting as my eyes rested on his green shirt under that awful white coat. What a nice body, what was wrong with me? Shaking the thoughts away, I gazed upon David instead because my hormones were raging most obviously and a quick feel was going to settle me quite fine.

"It's just for a while", Whale was saying as I edged closer to my husband. "Nothing more, Regina. We need to keep you under observation for your own sake and for the baby."

"I don't want to stay in this horrible place", she said as my hand patted David on his butt. Jumping slightly, he turned to look at me. I winked.

"This horrible place is where you'll be delivering that baby so you better get used to it", Ruby said sternly.

It was somehow the wrong thing to say at that point because as soon as she said it, Regina froze up. Oh crap, the worst thing you could do in a situation like this was to bring up the delivery because it was her first time and of course she'd be completely frightened.

"I'm leaving", she said, turning on the spot but almost too quickly because her legs almost buckled and David wrapped an arm around her just in time.

"Regina, you can't go back home in that condition", Ruby pointed out. "You need some fluids and what not, some fucking rest. You're not getting any at home and I'm telling you that if you don't give in, I'll bite your freaking –"

"So why don't you follow me then", Whale cut in, his eyes lowered to the clipboard as the pen moved on it. "We have a room ready."

"Oh of course you do", Regina snapped. "This…all of this was a plan, a trap."

"We're only worried about you", I noted, tears in my eyes.

"Well if you're so worried about me and you wish to help then find me Emma", she said hoarsely. "That's all I need."

"That…drug…is not available right now", Whale tried for a joke. He was about to laugh when Regina sent a glare his way. "I mean…" shrugging he glanced away, "I meant…"

"Don't cross me, Whale", she warned, "I could burn you into ashes."

Swallowing hard, I snatched Regina's arm as David held unto the other. "Regina, let's…"

"I'll burn you all", she threatened, "I'll destroy this damn hospital and I'll –"

"It's the hormones", Whale whispered whilst we dragged her away.

She didn't go down without a fight, refusing to get unto the bed whilst the nurse prepared the room. And Ruby finally managed to settle her by doing the one thing I least expected. Digging into her pocket, she fished out a packet of M&Ms.

"Oh Reginaa…" she cooed, dangling the packet in front of widened brown eyes. "Look what I have here." Immediately, the reaction was unbelievable. Her grip on me slackened as the fighter apparently surrendered. Within seconds, she was like a child, trying to snatch the packet as it was waved in front of her. "Get into the bed like a nice pet and I'll tear the packet open."

Eyes on the packet, she eased herself unto the bed as the mattress sighed under her weight. Whilst the two of them chucked the tiny evil beads into their mouths, never offering me any, I had to restrain from roughly handling Regina because it was outrageous. I was standing right there and they hadn't offered me a single one. And as soon as Whale stepped into the room, he rushed forward with his eyes wide.

"You can't give her those!" snatching the packet away from Regina, he shoved it into Ruby's hand. "That could make things worse. After all, she hasn't eaten much and for candy to settle in her stomach alone…that's ridiculous."

"What's ridiculous is your face", Regina commented, her cheeks puffed up from the amount of candy in her mouth.

"I'll let that slide", he said. "My mother said the same thing to me before so…"

Ruby bent over, laughing whilst I did the same as Regina glanced between us with a crossed expression on her face.

"I am sick", she started, "and you all decide to laugh hysterically in my presence."

"Oops", I said, "forgive me, but I just couldn't…"

"Now lie down", Ruby said, wiping her eyes, "before they sedate you or something."

I tried to send her a look to deter her from using statements like that but apparently Ruby wasn't catching my signal.

"I heard that the strip searches are all touchy touchy", she continued. "They make you squat and –"

"Ruby, that's only in prison!" I cried as Regina's eyes grew wide. "I've never been strip searched."

"Maybe since she's the Queen and what not, then they might torch a light up there and check just to see if –"

"OH WOULD YOU JUST SHUT UP!" I shouted. My voice rang through the room. "No sedating, no strip searches just some bed rest. That's all. Nothing else but you putting your feet up whilst they give you the necessary vitamins et cetera. You…" I pointed at Ruby. "Leave."

"But I was just –"

I pointed at the door, glaring at her. And with her shoulders hunched, she dragged her boots out with a frown like a five year old. After Whale made notes to do some tests on Regina, she was attached to an IV drip whilst I sat there holding her hand. And to be honest, once I had been attached to an IV drip, when I was down with the flu before the curse had been broken. But Regina had never been in a position to take fluids like this into her body. She had vaccines though, as I could remember when we all were immunized as a campaign was going around. I somehow believed that she had a high tolerance for pain, being the person she was after all.

When Whale had stepped out of the room, I gently squeezed her hand as she relaxed back into the pillow, eyeing the strap around her wrist.

"How high is your tolerance when it comes to pain?" I asked softly. "I mean, I don't have a high tolerance at all. If an ant bites me, I cry out but…"

"I've been through many painful situations", she said in a low voice, "physically, too many to count. I've been shot with an arrow, had a dagger stuck into my side, slit across the cheek with a sword…" we eyed each other.

"That was just a very thin line…"

"This one time, I collided with another horse and fell onto the ground, twisting my arm out of my shoulder. And that wasn't the worst part. My sword had cut across my right thigh, this deep gash that couldn't be healed by my magic. I had to keep off my feet for days. But having my heart broken is by far the worst pain of all."

"You're going to be fine", I said, patting her hand as my stomach turned. "Delivering that baby will be so easy for you."

"No it wouldn't and you're quite aware of that because all of this is new to me. I've never been in this situation as you have and it's already terrifying."

"I know that it is", I said sadly, "but the main thing is that you need to keep a positive mind and relax. Never panic, never freeze up, just accept everything that happens to you, love your body and get used to the baby because when the time comes, it's not the pain that you need to focus on, it's the bond you have with your baby. The pain is going to be terrible but think about it this way, that cute little baby girl, she's worth it."

"Thanks for that Snow." Her eyes were wet as she smiled wryly.

"Any time, Regina, any time. And don't worry, Emma will be here for you when that time comes."

"If she isn't then I'm not sure that I can do this without her", her voice was breaking up and I played with her hair gently. "I'm serious, Snow. Where is she? I need her. I can't…"

"She's going to come back, don't worry. For now, all you need to do is to rest up and build your strength. You're almost there and so am I."

"Suppose both of us –"

"Noo", I said, eyes wide. "Not both of us at the same time. You're a month in front of me. I'm now moving into my eight month."

When the nurse brought in a tray of eatables, I didn't leave until Regina had eaten everything, the cheese sandwiches, the bowl of chicken soup, everything. When she handed me the protein shake, I batted it away and frowned although I wanted it so bad. She pushed it onto the bedside table, saving it for later whilst I eyed the packet of wafers.

"You can have them", she offered, "for being such a sweetheart to me."

"So you're glad that I made this decision to check you in?"

"No", her smile disappeared. "I hate hospitals."

"But because I care deeply about you, Regina, I just had to do something. Getting you to stay over with David and I wouldn't have worked so…"

"I appreciate your kindness, dear", she said, settling back with her eyelids fluttering close. "Right now, my main focus is on Emma. And nothing else."

Very soon, because of the tablets she had taken even after putting up a fight, Regina drifted off into sleep, her words hanging in the air. The last thing she said to me before I left there was 'I always fall asleep imagining that I'm having her baby. And when I do, then the nightmares never torment me as much as they used to…'

Walking out of there, I had tears in my eyes.

* * *

><p><span><strong>Xx<strong>

**Emma.**

"I wasn't speeding", I said, pushing my door open, resting a boot unto the road and getting out as slowly as I could. If you took your precious time then it would piss them off and right now with the mood I was in, a fuck wasn't given.

To make matters worse, it was a female cop, the kind of woman that had a killer body with her jaw set. I glanced at the shape of her breasts hidden beneath her uniform and bit my cheeks because no matter how hard they tried to play the man game, the boobs always got in the way. From the looks of it, she had a nice body, everything just…there. I was lacking mostly in the boobs department but she had a full pair that filled the distance between us as I leant upon my car.

"You weren't speeding", she said, her shades black and deadly, "you were way below the speed limit."

"I don't see what the problem is then."

"You're on a highway."

"If anyone wanted to pass me, then they could do that easily since it's a four lane road", I pointed out.

She chewed the corner of her mouth, a small smile twitching her lips. "Drive that dump faster. Don't clog the lane."

That was it. No one insulted my freaking car but me. Glaring at her, I planted my hands upon my hips. "What did you call my car?"

"A dump."

"Compared to your shitty excuse for a patrol car, I wouldn't jump so fast into insulting anyone's vehicle."

"How fast can you go in that…sixty?"

"You'd overheat at sixty."

"I'm already overheating darling…"

"Don't call me darling", I said firmly as she smiled. We eyed each other for a couple of seconds whilst the sun blistered the back of my neck. Taking a step closer to me, her smile widened. "Why don't you empty out your pockets?"

"Why on earth would I do that?" I asked, confused and uncomfortable as she was so close to me now.

"Now look here blondie, don't make things worse for yourself. Just do as I say."

"Oh is that so?" I asked, and I smiled, couldn't help it because she was so upfront with her intentions that I was amazed. "What's your excuse for going all handsy on me?"

"Since you were crawling, you might be carrying drugs –"

"Fine", I said, keeping my eyes on her as I pinched my pockets out. The only thing inside was a packet of Winterfresh. "Want one?" I asked, holding it up. "You might need it."

"Turn around", she said.

I couldn't believe it! "Or else?"

"I'll put the handcuffs on you and we'll take this to my car."

"Is this a joke?" I asked, smiling in disbelief. "Am I being punked? Is Ashton back on the job or something?"

"Easy now", she said, taking a hold of my arm whilst the other uniform stepped out of the car.

"What's the hold up?" he asked, coming over as his blonde hair glinted in the sun. A rookie, great.

"She's giving me a hard time, Paul. This one likes to bad mouth officers."

"I didn't!" I said, eyes wide. "You're the one who's searching me for no reason."

"Just turn around let me search those pockets", she said, "brace yourself up on the car darling and spread those legs."

I scoffed, shaking my head. Turning around on the spot, knowing well enough that she was serious, that she'd take me down with an excuse, I did was I was told. Look, to be honest, my mood was fucked yeah. I was raging with anger but her directness shocked me, froze my anger and replaced it with awe. I had encountered male officers like this before but never a female. Females would give me this look but apparently this one was a real tough ass, a bold one. She couldn't do as she wished whilst Paul was standing there, but from the way her hands slipped into my pockets as she pushed me against my own car: that was a little too much to handle. I felt her boobs squished into my back and fought the urge to burst out laughing because a thought suddenly sprang into my head. What if she was one of those porno models that dressed up in uniforms and got a kick out of it? When she was done searching me, I turned around to find her so close to me, she was practically breathing into my face.

"Found anything?" I asked, teasing her in a whisper.

"Not quite", she whispered back.

"What should we do then?"

"Have lunch with me", she said as the other uniform edged back to the car. Somehow I got the feeling that he picked up the vibes already. Personally, I was still completely not getting used to this woman's unexpected behavior. She was unpredictable. And I liked it.

"Why would I do that, officer?" I asked, eyeing her lips. They were the exact shade of Regina's, slightly pink and soft.

"Suddenly I'm so hungry, you know?"

"I bet that you are."

"Not too far ahead, just off the highway…"

"And your partner?" I eyed the vehicle, her shitty dump.

"He'll roll out." Stepping away from me, she waved him off, approaching the car. Bending gracefully to speak through the window to Paul, I couldn't help but admire her body. Come on, don't get angry just yet, I'm just appreciating a good ass.

Sitting in my car, I waited on her as she came towards me, shades glinting from the glare. And surprisingly, she wasn't as manly as I thought. From the sway of her hips alone, to the small heels on her boots, the way she reached up to tuck strands of hair behind an ear: it's like a movie and I'm not sure I give a fuck about where it's going to go. I'm just here for the entertainment.

"Are you always that bold?" I asked as the car rolled forward.

Running a hand on my dashboard, she tilted her head and smiled. "Never been like that. You just sparked a reaction in me."

"You surely have a way with words around a woman", I commented, glancing at her. "Asking me to spread my legs…"

"It's procedure."

"Of course it is."

"I'm Maria Brink", she said. "Or if you prefer, Officer Brink."

"I'm Em…ily", I said, catching myself. "Just Emily."

"Okay Just Emily", she said snatching off her shades and folding them up, "let's get a move on."

Nothing much was said for the rest of the way. Thinking back on it now, I was so freaking stupid to even allow a cop into my car! After Phillip hunting me down and everything else, clearly I wasn't thinking straight at all. Or maybe she was just too hot to ignore because as we sat on either sides of the table in this beat up Diner off the highway, I couldn't help but admire the way she sat up tall in her seat. Her eyes were blue green, severely focused on me as a hand was reached up to snatch off her cap. And tossing her head about, I realized that she was something else.

"You made a blondie remark before", I pointed out with a smile, "and you're one too."

"Your point is?" she smiled at me, pressing her folded arms upon the table.

"Forget it", I eyed her with interest.

"So Emily, where are you headed?"

"Back to my past", I said, head lowered as the waiter bounced over.

"Aw, painful?"

"Yeah…" from the looks of it, she was a regular here as the waitress exchanged greetings with her. I ordered a plate of fries, suddenly remembering Henry as my throat ached from emotion.

"Most people run from their past."

"Which is why you picked me up crawling on the highway…"

"Makes sense now", she tilted her head and studied my face, her eyes lingering on my lips. "I'm sorry but I just have to say, darling you have the most beautiful shade of eyes I have ever seen."

"Go on and butter me up", I offered, "let's see how good you are at this."

"You're gorgeous, Emily."

I felt as if I was working undercover again. "So are you." Eyeing the tattoo on her fair neck, I frowned. "Don't they have a policy about cops and tattoos?"

"Well they let me in with mine", she winked at me. "I aced my way through law school. So collecting me in as a uniform, I'm doing them a favor."

"It's like the law bends in your favor."

"Pretty much", she shifted in her seat as the food came. And I dug into my plate of fries, realizing that I was hungry.

The Diner was empty, even though it was lunch time and as we ate, the waiter and the cashier who was this thick woman wearing a head wrap kept looking at us. I got the feeling that they were curious, but then again, maybe Maria had a reputation of bringing in women here.

"Do you do this often?" I asked, frowning at her as she checked her cellphone, tapping away.

"Hmm?" her eyes met mine. "You mean do I bring women in here often?"

"Along those lines…"

"No", she frowned, "if you must know, they're probably wondering who the special lady is because I always eat alone." Chewing on a potato chip, she frowned. "Sometimes with my son…"

"You have a son?" I asked, eyes wide.

"Why, does that surprise you?"

"No, I mean…" think of an excuse quick, Emma. You're fucking up. "A killer body, plus you're a cop working the highway: must be tough to take care of your son too."

"Spends time with my mom, if not, with a friend of a friend…works out though." I admired the shape of her face. "How about you? Married? Kids?"

"A son", I said, diverting my eyes as I was being scrutinized. She had this way of studying me with her calm eyes, almost as if I was a tranquil scenery.

"So we have something in common then."

"I guess…"

"Why do I get the feeling that you're not married?"

"Somehow you're good at reading me so far."

A smile was offered as a potato chip hovered above a pool of ketchup. "Ditched the father and you tried to run but your son is pulling you back home…"

"It's more complicated than that." Glaring at the two idiots gawking at us from behind the counter, they immediately got back to work, trying to appear busy.

"Either way, the way your eyes are tired, bags under them, the way you talk in this heavy tone as if holding a burden on your shoulders, I'd say that someone's on your mind…" she must have done psychology or I was pretty much giving away everything without even knowing. "If it's not the father, it's someone else who's messing with your heart."

I said nothing.

"Sweetie, no one's worth the pain and hurt, only if they have the key to your heart…"

"She does…" I murmured to myself.

Apparently she didn't hear me. "And when someone's worth it, it's not easy, it's tough as fuck." Sighing, she glanced unto the highway as a sand truck rolled by. "Men aren't worth it these days. Same shitty story over and over again."

Her words hung in the air afterwards because suddenly, I couldn't speak at all, couldn't contribute anything further. Because of the heat, my skin was already sticky, hair tied up into a high ponytail as the glare glinted upon the roof of my car parked out. We ate our meals, paid, ordered two cups of chocolate ice cream and whilst she licked her spoon, her eyes remained on me. I wondered what was her story, if we were similar which I doubted. From the way she was handling me, I could tell that there wasn't someone in her life at the moment. But then again, there was someone in my life and I still couldn't help but wonder what her intentions were.

Very soon I found out as I excused myself to use the washroom and when the lock was pulled open, before I could step out, she pushed her way in. Closing the door behind her, a hand pressed me to the wall as I gasped from the sudden intrusion. Her eyes were sparkling with excitement, lips parted as she boldly began to rub her hands over my torso, fingers assessing me whilst I held my breath in awe. Very soon, the distance was closed between us as her soft lips crushed unto mine and I was awakened by a sudden passion within me. It was daring, a rushed moment, and my entire mind spun out of control as we kissed passionately behind that closed door.

I couldn't understand what it was about her that kept me going or maybe it was me. Maybe I wanted this, maybe I wanted to prove a point because as my fingers raked through silky blonde hair, she slipped a soft hand into the front of my jeans and didn't waste any time whilst I completely became dazed. Hot fingers entered me, kinked at the knuckles my knees weakened, head spinning whilst a rhythm was initiated. The way she kissed me, the way we kissed was tantalizing, tongues flicking together like snakes sensually writhing, eyes closed as the heat overwhelmed me and I began to burn up.

But it was never enough.

Even when she made me release myself weakly, I still felt the missing piece and it was biting away at my mind, my heart. There was passion but my passion was only present because I was so insane, I kept feeling Regina with me. I kept reliving that moment at the party when she had used her hand on me and that's what pushed me over the edge. It wasn't this stranger. It wasn't the fact that I needed it so bad, that's why kept on going. But the distance was killing me already, driving me insane and the longer I stayed away from the one woman who had changed me completely, the closer I was to destroying myself.

Maria was like my alcohol. Most people swallowed bottles, hoping to erase the pain. I lived in the moment as a drunk man would, slowly feeling the world around him grow fuzzy. I became weak. But when she was done with me and I climbed into my car whilst her black shades glinted from the entrance of the Diner, I felt dazed. I felt as if I had done something that sparked or signaled the beginning of me losing my mind. Her scent was all over me, on my clothes, in my hair, I could taste her lips still. And my heart although beating wildly was in a terrible squeeze of pain because this wasn't what I really wanted, was it? I could fool myself into believing that anything else could work, that I could get over her.

Yet, as I drove away, I felt terrible.

I hadn't done it willingly, heck I could have pushed her off. I didn't though. Why? My mind kept pushing me forward, trying to force the moment on. And now whilst she had merely kissed Robin and I had thrown myself into a rage, driving away, I had fucked up by having another woman touch me. She would never know. I don't think so. How could she know about it? There was no way…

I was so wrong.

My phone rang just as I was sitting in my car digging into a container of dark chocolate ice cream about an hour later. And licking my thumb, I eyed the display. She'd never give up on me. Snatching the mobile up, I eyed the road.

"Yeah mom…"

"I hope that you're parked by the town line, Emma. I really hope so." She began, and there was no way in hell I could cut in because Snow had so much to say as usual. "Do you know what happened? Oh of course you don't because you're miles away. It's Regina. She wasn't answering her phone and she locked herself in her apartment since yesterday. So Robin had to pick the lock and we got in. SHE…IS…SICK. She's so sick, we had to check her into the hospital."

"Wait…what?" my eyes were wide.

"There was no other choice. She isn't eating, she's not sleeping, she's a mess. And she can't even walk on her own two feet. Your dad and Robin had to bring her out, get her here…" a voice spoke over an intercom and I knew that she was still at the hospital. Feeling a lump in my throat, I couldn't breathe. "Emma, you have to come back. She's trying to hide it, but she's hurting. And if you two keep on doing this then I don't think it's going to turn out good for Regina. Whale said that she's not doing so good at all. She's weak."

I said nothing.

"Emma…"

Traffic whizzed by and tears filled my eyes as I could feel anger mixed with hurt and worry consume me, conflicting emotions.

"Emma?"

"What." I said in a small voice.

"What are you doing, Emma?"

Lifting a weak hand to my forehead, I bent over the steering wheel and closed my eyes.

"Emma, what are you trying to do exactly? Are you trying to prove a point?"

"I'm not doing anything –"

"You're doing something since you're goodness knows where and we're worried sick about you."

"I'm coming home", I said.

"You better come home because you're not supposed to run. The Emma, my daughter, she doesn't run away from a situation. She tackles it, she fights, she fights for what she wants."

I was silent.

"What do you want more than anything now, Emma?"

It was chilly in my car even though the sun was blazing outside.

"Do you want Regina?"

"How can you ask me that?"

"DO YOU WANT HER?" her voice was firm and loud enough.

"I don't want someone who chooses freely to kiss her ex even though she promised me the world, a world where we both belong to each other alone without any strings attached."

"So you're never going to forgive her then."

"It's not easy." But I had just allowed someone to do more than kiss me, wasn't that enough payback?

"Will you forgive her?"

"I don't know."

"What if something happens to her, Emma?"

"Nothing is going to happen to her", I said.

"Just so you know", she said as I felt my head spin, "…that the longer you take, the harder it gets, and the harder it gets, the pain gets worse. I just left Regina hooked up to an IV, sleeping, about two hours ago. And as soon as I got home, I got a call from Whale. He went into get her ready to do some tests and when they tried to wake her up, she's not responding."

The entire world around me froze over, my head becoming so light, everything spun. "No."

"Her heart rate dropped so low for a couple of seconds, she fell out of consciousness and she's alive but she's not waking up."

"How…what…"

"So my question to you is…" her voice was breaking up, I could see the tears in her eyes already, "…when are you going to forgive her? When she's given up on life just because you can't understand how much she loves you? If you could see her now, Emma. She's lying there and she's not conscious. Her heart rate is so weak, they attached these…scary wires to her chest. Her baby's life is on the line. Facing the harsh truth, if this continues for the next two weeks, if she doesn't wake up then they're going to do a C section and when that baby comes out, she needs her mother. I don't want anything to happen to Regina. I don't want that baby to grow up without a mother and neither do you because you know how it feels. It will haunt you for the rest of your life if you lose Regina. I don't think that a stupid mistake, a kiss, should be the reason why she is willing to completely let go of her life all because the woman she loves doesn't want her anymore."

"But it's…" I swallowed, tears running down my cheeks, "it's not about me alone. I'm not supposed to be the reason she's alive. She just can't –"

"People depend on you whether you like it or not, Emma", she said in a firm voice. "We depend on you and at some point, you have to wake the hell up and realize that Henry's life depends on you, and in addition to that, you're everything to Regina. You're her life. Maybe she's trying to prove to you how much you mean to her by doing this. You don't know her as I do, and no matter how far you go, it will take a long time for you to really understand exactly who she is, just the way I know her. Regina is a very sensitive person, and she's very, very weak when it comes to love. Look at what Daniel did to her, look at what her father's death did to her, Henry…she is capable of losing her mind when things go wrong with her heart. Just for a few seconds, she kissed Robin, when they both explained themselves to me, I could see that they weren't lying. If her heart is giving up because you're gone, doesn't that prove enough to you?"

"Yes…" I sobbed, choking on tears.

"Cry all you want because it's not easy. I know that it's not. But this is where you have to make a decision before it's too late."

"I don't want to lose her…" I said hoarsely.

"Then come home. Come home and come to her. She needs you."

I cried for half an hour, lying in my car until the afternoon sun began to sink in the sky splashed with orange of all shades. And as I drove along the highway, the chill of the wind bit into my neck, making me tremble. Gripping the wheel, my head was throbbing, and I ended up reaching for not one but four pain tablets, tossing them into my mouth whilst I gulped down water without a care. Nothing helped though. It's as if the pain just wouldn't stop. It wouldn't stop at all, not the heartache, not the headache, nothing. And I reached a point along the way where I just wanted to park the car and stay there. It's like agony was gripping me with twisted fingers, trying to destroy my life. Now I know what people meant when they would often say that someone could die from heartbreak. The pain was horrible as I grew closer to Storybrooke, and I realized that maybe it was because of her.

Our hearts were connected. I had…I had done this to her. When I allowed Maria to touch me, to kiss me, maybe that's when she felt it, she felt some part of it and her heart just became weak. But was I overthinking this? We couldn't be connected at all in that way, could we? This had to do with her feelings for me, not what I had done with Maria because she couldn't know. I couldn't tell her that at all.

Just as my headlights washed over the sign by the town line, I reached up to adjust my rearview mirror and in a couple of seconds, blinding lights from a vehicle behind came into view. Before I knew it, my car was hit from behind and I lost control of the wheel, my boot pressing hard on the accelerator as the vehicle whirled out of control. The last thing I heard after hitting my head upon the wheel was a loud smashing sound as the sign fell unto my car, a shower of glass hitting me. And I saw her face. I just saw her face before the world around me blanked out.

* * *

><p>Xx<p>

There was heavy breathing on the phone and she just stood there waiting. She stood there waiting, growing colder by the second as her eyes rested upon the chipped yellow paint, the harsh dent in the car. A chilly wind was whispering through the trees, the rustle of leaves tingling her skin whilst she tried to hug herself.

"Did you follow her?"

She held her breathe, heart racing as a boot kicked through shards of glass, greenish blue eyes wide from shock.

"Officer Brink, did you –"

"Yes", moving around to the driver's side of the car, Maria shivered slightly as she bent over. "Oh my God…" she stepped back as fast as she could, holding a hand upon her parted lips.

"Did you hit her from the back?"

"Yes."

"Is she off the road, is she –"

"Yes she's off the road!" she cried hoarsely, "she crashed into a fucking sign post and her car is wrecked, there's glass everywhere!"

A few seconds of silence elapsed as she tried to pull open the door, pressing a boot unto the side of the car, pulling with all her might. Emma's head lolled sideways off the steering wheel and blood was already trailing a pathway down the side of her face, her pretty face. A sharp sting did upset her stomach as she thought of the moments they shared already, and Maria was blinded by tears.

"Good. Now give me more information."

"What else do you want to know?" Maria asked.

"What does the sign say? Where are you?"

"I…" scrubbing her eyes, she peered to the front of the car, the sign bent on impact. "It says…Storybook…"

"Story…book?"

"Storybrooke. It's in Maine. Storybrooke, Maine."

There was silence again. Maria poked a shaky hand through the window and pressed two fingers unto Emma's neck. She was warm, and there was a weak pulse.

"Look, I'm going to hang up now. I'm going to get help."

"I want you to get into your car, drive some distance from the scene of the accident, hide and wait for us."

"What…" she swallowed hard. "What do you mean, wait for you?"

There was a laugh and Maria couldn't believe that someone would laugh in a situation like this. "We're coming, Officer Brink."

"Why?"

"That little lady you've run into, that blondie with the emerald eyes, Emily, is it?"

"Yeah?" she frowned, glancing around into the night.

"That's Emma Swan." She was in shock, a name initially meant nothing to her.

"Emma who?"

"Emma Swan, one of the suspects wanted in the New York murder case."

That Emma Swan. "Ohh…I don't understand why –"

"Thanks for the tip off, Officer."

"But this is not –"

"Wait for us, send the GPS location and we'll be there as quickly as we can."

"Wait, what am I supposed to do with –" And the line was disconnected. Holding the mobile in front of her, she watched the call end.

She was confused, her mind whirling around as a step was taken towards the scene of the accident. Lieutenant Johnson was a lunatic, a crazy fuck if he thought that this woman was a murderer. Emma was completely…wiping her face with a shaky hand, she still could taste Emma's skin on her lips. She could still feel the way they felt together, just meeting a stranger and connecting like that, feeling so much. This woman wasn't a bad person, and Maria detected that from reading those emerald eyes around every turn in conversation. She was hiding something but it wasn't a murder, it was someone. It was someone who meant something to her. She had a family, a son. And above all, she knew exactly what it was like being a mother. Emma's son could be worried sick about her.

Even though Maria's car was wrecked and it pained her heart to leave Emma there, she had no idea what else to do. Emma's cellphone was smashed, and no one was in sight. She couldn't radio in backup or an ambulance because she was in the middle of nowhere. So she did the one thing that was risky but the first thought that came into mind. Hopping into her dump, the door was swung close as she accelerated into Storybrooke with such speed, her tires screeched through the silence of the town whilst her eyes quickly searched for anyone about. When the sign of the Diner came into view, and she saw a patrol car parked outside, Maria pushed open her door and ran inside.

Shoving her way into the place, she was breathless as everyone turned to stare at her. "I…need…help…" she rushed out, chest heaving.

A man stood up with light brown hair and his companion, a charming man also stood up, shock registered on their faces. "How can we help you?"

"An accident…" she began, swallowing hard. "There was an accident at the town line." Without hesitating, the first man who stood up grabbed his coat and keys from the table. When she saw his badge glinting at his waist, she was somewhat relieved. "…we have to call an ambulance. She needs to get to the hospital."

The charming one was already on his phone as the other one came up to her. Holding a hand out, he quickly introduced himself as Deputy Sheriff, Robin Hood. With her eyes wide, she followed him outside.

"Wait, did you say…Robin Hood?"

"I'm David", the other one said, eyeing her patrol car. His eyes lingered on her plates. "You're not from here…"

"No, from two towns back."

"How did you –" his eyes rested on Robin as he paused.

She stared between both of them. "How did I what?"

As if shaking it off, they both hopped into their patrol car as she did the same. And off they sped into the night, her fingers twisting around the steering wheel from nervousness.

* * *

><p><strong>AN – I don't know what to say except that my aim in this chapter was to lift the weight of all the pain and angst to provide you with a funny yet refreshing view from Snow. Let's hope that you enjoyed this chapter because if not, then the rest will make you throw things around or even hunt me down. So I better start hiding. Brace yourself for a surprising new pairing in the next chapter [no it's not Maria and Emma] and someone tries to edge his way into Emma's life again. Will HE succeed? What about Regina? Will she pull through? If you don't know who Maria Brink is, google her ;) You'll get a clear picture of who she is. Ah, as for the town line, as for Phillip…WHAT WILL HAPPEN NEXT?! I don't know! Haha!**


	14. Ex, Why and Red?

***Kay - Thanks for the reviews! You're feedback is amazing and I'd like you to keep in touch. To address a review asking me if this story ever will be a stretch of happiness instead of pain: yes. Will things become mushy and warm again: yes. But what's the fun in writing a sunny story when you can add a little rain and extra drama? Love isn't easy and Swan Queen surely wouldn't be easy in any world. Another review said that Maria raped Emma. No she didn't. Emma didn't fight her off and she could have denied Maria's offer to lunch but accepted, knowing fully that the cop had an interest in her.**

* * *

><p><span><strong>Chapter Fourteen<strong>

**Title: Ex, Why and Red?**

**"Sometimes we just cannot understand how much we mean to someone. We cannot ever accept the fact that this could be the moment when we could have it all, we could be completely happy. And the heart wants to love. The heart feels unlike the mind. It's the mind that destroys our feelings, throwing suspicion and doubts into our heads. It's the mind that becomes paranoid. And it's the mind that tosses the heart into torment, that's when we feel the purest of pain." - K**

Xx

**Emma.**

I was in and out of consciousness as hands grabbed me, voices urging not to move too much. There was a sharp burning sensation coming from the side of my head, actually my entire body was aching to be exact. And from the way my head was spinning, I just couldn't see through the haze of dizziness that overwhelmed me. But they were familiar voices, sending a spark through my brain as I tried to open my eyes.

"Emma, can you hear us?"

Blinking, I groaned as a familiar face peered down at me and the sharp smell of her White Diamond perfume burnt my senses. Lingering just beneath the familiar scent though was the smell of my blood and wet leaves as my head so fuzzy.

"She's awake, let's get her out of here fast."

"Okay, grab a hold of her legs."

Neal. Tinkerbell.

I felt them lift me out of the car and my boots dragged upon the road, as we neared Neal's grey vehicle, my eyes rested on the rope already attaching my car to his. Somehow I couldn't think through the pain, but my mind told me to not panic, to stay calm. As Tink climbed into the back seat with me, Neal swung himself fast into the driver's seat and I was so weak, a cloth pressed to my forehead whilst soft hands caressed my face. There was an accident, someone had rammed me in from the back, they were here…

"Are we sure we can pull the car?" she asked from above me, her eyes focused front, wide and worried.

"Yeah", Neal said as the vehicle rolled forward. Squeezing my eyes shut, I tried to fight the nausea.

"My car", I groaned.

"Relax, Emma", Neal said. "Just relax."

As we drove away, I could hear the screeching of tires behind as Tink glanced back. And then I reached for her hand as she turned to look down at me.

"We've got you covered. We're towing your baby away, don't worry."

"Someone…"

"Someone followed you back, Emma", Neal said as I blinked to the front where he sat. "Someone in a patrol car. We were sitting there waiting for you, keeping watch because this is going to sound fucked up as hell but I've only learnt the truth this afternoon."

"Neal, don't hurt her head with that now."

"No, she has to know", he said. "She has to. The town line is protected by two people, Emma: my dad and Regina. Both of their magic holds the bond in place, the one that closes Storybrooke off from the rest of the world around us. One of those persons is…" I felt my heart ache.

"Snow told you right?" Tink asked, tears in her eyes.

I nodded weakly. Regina.

"Snow told her?" Neal glanced back.

"Yeah, she did."

"So Regina is unconscious, her magic is…obviously weak. And my dad placed the enchantment on the sign. You rammed into the sign and fucked up with the magic now it's faded."

"In other words, anyone and everyone can get into Storybrooke right now because Gold isn't around. He's not in town so he can't look after the fucking magic. And that means that anyone can come in as they want."

"Which means, we've just received our first visitor." Neal sighed as I felt the car turn around a corner. I was going to be sick. "And from the looks of it, she's gone into town to find help."

"She…"

"A blonde woman was following you in a patrol car", Tinkerbell said, her voice echoing as if we were in a tank, "obviously a cop. And she rammed you in from the back. We were on stakeout waiting for you to show up, so we saw the whole showdown. Lucky thing she didn't kill you or else I would have sizzled her from the inside out."

They kept talking but because I was really trying to fight the sick feeling eating away at me, their voices faded away. All of it was too much to process, especially when your head felt as if a fucking train had ran over it several times. The migraine was horrible, every slice of light cutting into my eyes as sharp pain terrified me. And all I could do was to squeeze my eyes shut, trying to blank out everything whilst they chattered on and on about things I just couldn't focus on.

Very soon, I was hoisted from the car and moved inside as if I was a sack of potatoes. Neal could always manage to carry me, although sometimes he used to complain that my body was too muscular, packing on extra weight. I honestly believe that both of them didn't give a fuck about the fact that most of my body felt raw, and it was possible that something was broken because from the way they swung me inside, I felt like a freaking rag doll. From the time I was passed through the door and into my old house, the familiarity of it all just seemed to fill me with warmth.

Until I fully realized that Tinkerbell was with…Neal.

As soon as I was deposited on the two cushioned sofa, my eyes lingered on her as she watched me from a distance. It's something that's not new to me, the fact that I could detect things just from looking at someone, the vibes emanating from a situation. And from the time her presence was felt, I knew that something was strange. But before I could ponder on the feeling longer, Whale came into view and as he warily acknowledged Neal standing in the room, his footsteps led to me. Stooping down, my head was tilted in silence as he assessed the wound whilst I winced from pain.

"She'll live", he said. "Lucky if you ask me, from the looks of the car."

"Sarcasm noted." Neal folded his arms, a smug expression on his face.

"No sarcasm was handed out", Whale returned, unzipping his small medical bag, hands pawing around inside.

"I find that hard to believe." I wanted to yell at Neal to just cut the bullshit and forget it. But he apparently preferred to push it. "Make sure that you use the right stuff on Emma's bruise."

"Are you trying to imply something?" Their eyes met.

Neal shrugged. "Are you sober?"

"Hey!" Tink said, getting into Neal's face, "stop it, okay? He's here to help Emma so cut the bitchy behavior."

I watched Whale take in a deep breath of air before turning back to me, and returning to dabbing at my bruise, he just worked in silence. "Try to relax", he said softly to me. "Did you take any medication within the last six hours?"

"Pain…killers…" I croaked as the pain stung through my mind. "What happened to Regina?"

"How many?" he ignored me, took a gentle hold of my arm and stretched it out, watching my reaction.

"Three. Ibuprofen about an hour ago…I think…"

"Okay, so that's already in your system. I don't recommend you taking any more soon."

"But my entire body hurts…" I complained.

"Try to relax, take deep breaths and as I flex your arms and legs, let me know if anything feels extra painful."

"Relax?" Neal butted in from the corner of the room near the fireplace. "How the hell can she relax whilst she's in pain?"

"Does this hurt?" Whale completely ignored him and continued his self-examination. "Hmm?"

I shook my head until his fingers kinked my left wrist and I winced from the bolt of pain through my arm. Neal's eyes grew wide from my reaction, and a step was taken forward but Tinkerbell held unto his arm and somehow her move made me uncomfortable because she was bothering me, like really, really bothering me by being here. From the entire examination, just my left wrist was wrapped in a bandage to secure and prevent any movement. The accident had jolted my entire body, including my mind which is why I was in a considerable amount of pain but since he couldn't prescribe any further medication, I suddenly grew frustrated. And I couldn't stay still, trying to sit up whilst I was ordered by Tinkerbell and Neal to lie back down or else…

"Regina…" my voice was low so that he could hear me alone, "what happened?"

Looking me straight in my eyes, he sighed. "One out of two things", his voice was hushed, "either she just went out of consciousness naturally, or you're the reason why she just blanked out. My bets are on the last option."

I couldn't believe he said that to me, handing me the harsh truth straight up. Staring at him, all I could do was remain silence as my reply was prepared to be laced with anger but my words were bitten back because it was sadly the truth.

"Is she going to be…alright?"

"That's up to you, Emma."

"But…"

"Can't we knock her out or something?" Whale asked, looking around.

"I…what?" I was shocked.

"With a wave of my hand", Tinkerbell smiled brightly, "just a little magic and I can make the bruise disappear and put her to sleep…"

The look on Neal's face was too soft, a look that stung me as he gave her a melted smile whilst she did the same. That's it, I knew what was going on here because from the looks of it, something was going on between them and I wasn't okay with it. Trying to get up, I sent him a glare as he eyed me in confusion.

"What?"

"What's going on here?" I asked, my glare moving from her to him.

He cupped a hand dramatically to his mouth, even though I could still see his mouth. "Knock her out now, Tink", he said with a wicked smile. "Knock her out now."

"Now wait a damn minute –"

And within seconds, her hand was waved and sparkly stars came rushing towards me. I tried to weakly bat them away but they only latched onto me like leeches whilst my entire body suddenly grew numb. As they all watched me like an exhibit on display, I fell back into the chair and the world went black around me.

I dreamt about Regina again, same scene, same thing but this time the entire situation was altered based on current events.

_There I was running down a white, narrow corridor, the heels of my boots clapping upon the tiled floors as I rounded corner after corner, directed by signs. Somehow, I knew exactly where I had to go, without asking questions, without stopping because my mind just led me there. And from the time a particular door came into view, I froze on the spot knowing well enough that she was in there. All of this is just happening, and it's like those nightmares you get when your mind just takes you along without having any control, without any predictions of what's ahead. The images flash behind my eyelids as I could still hear Neal and Tinkerbell talking and my wrist is checked once more with a soft touch._

_Heart pounding in my chest, I could feel how cold the air is. It's freezing, and the next thing I do is to hold my hands out, noticing that my fingers are trembling slightly as the squeak of wheels jumpstart my brain. Turning on the spot, my eyes are focused now on a nurse as she pushes an empty wheelchair my way, the sound of her whistling sending a cold chill down my spine. As if never noticing that I'm there, her footsteps pad past me as I stare wide eyed at her, wondering why I'm suddenly feeling like a ghost._

'_Emma.'_

_Spinning around, I search frantically for the source of the voice, my heart feeling as if it was about to leap out my chest. But there was no sign of her, none…just the empty corridor that leads to another corridor with the same metal door._

"_Regina?" I speak up, my voice sounding heavy. _

"_Emma…"_

"_Where…" reaching up with a shaky hand, I wipe my face, scrubbing my eyes, blinking fast just to gather some amount of focus, "where are you?"_

"_Help me…" her voice was so small as if coming from a corner where she was curled up, the sound biting my heart with pain as I stepped away from the door and stared around._

"_Regina…"_

"_Emma, I can't…" something squeaks behind the door and I spin around, holding my breath. Oh fuck, I don't want this! I can't do this! "I can't move…"_

"_Oh God…" I breathed out, chest heaving. And very soon, my hand is pressed upon the large metal door, as cold as ice. She's in there. "I'm…coming…" I said, snatching a hold of the door handle, trying to push it inwards. "Regina, I'm here."_

_Clawing at the door, even though I try to open it, it's stuck and tears trail down my cheeks in frustration as she continues to sob. Suddenly, the entire area around me grows so cold, I could feel the chill of the wind billowing around me as if I'm in a freezer. And just as I'm about to give the door one last push inwards, it's pulled away from me, opening up wide enough as a blast of air come rushing out into my face, whipping my hair about. _

"_Let me out…" I croaked, squeezing my eyes shut, "Neal…wake me up…"_

"…_heart rate is dropping, and there is no way we can save both of them…" there's the movement of white within the room as the smell of mentholated spirits sting my nose and with the white curtain drawn around a bed, I find myself stepping into the room even though I really don't want to._

"…_she's unconscious…"_

"…_prepare the area for incision…" a tray is wheeled closer as I begin to shake. _

"_No…" I whisper._

_I almost jump out of my skin when one of the nurses turn her eyes to me as the others glance in my direction. And from behind their surgical masks, I could detect their surprise in seeing me standing there._

"_Whale, what is she doing here?" the voice sounds familiar, a woman's voice but I'm not sure who it is._

_One of them step away and a familiar face is peering over at me. "You can't be in here, Emma", he says, his voice lacking a gentle tone. "Please step outside."_

"_What's…" my eyes move to the movement of hands but I can't see her. I can't see her at all because they're blocking my vision. "What's happening?"_

"_What's happening?" he asked, and as if I had uttered something stupid, his eyes are rolled. "Emma, look at what you've done!" he gestures to the bed. "We're fighting to save one life, only one can survive and –"_

"_No." My throat is dry._

"_No?"_

"_She's going to live."_

"_She's unconscious and she's barely breathing!" his voice is hysterical, eyes wide. "She's weak, and there is no way we can save her! This is your fault, Emma. You did this. You –"_

"_No!" I shout angrily, and with my fists clenched, I rush forward, snatching him by the front of his white coat as he tries to step back. My commotion causes a stir amongst the room as the nurses step away, eyes wide and I'm being told to calm down, someone yelling for help. _

"_Stop it!" one of them demand. "What the hell are you doing? We're working here!"_

"_She has to live", I said matter-of-factly. "She has to…"_

"_Get out of here."_

"_I'm not going anywhere", I said angrily, trying to take a hold of their shoulders as they continued to block my vision from the bed. "Let me see her, please."_

_They're all staring at me as time slides by and I'm left to wonder if I'm surrounded by a group of evil spirits because their eyes are so black as if they have no souls. And their skins are too pale, lips stretched thin. _

"_Emma."_

_Her voice jumpstarts me, and before I know it, I'm taking a hold of one of the nurses, shoving her aside as my adrenaline kicks in. And from the time she's parted from the string of nurses around the bed, I can finally see past their barrier. But something's wrong. The bed is just…empty, plain white sheets that are wrinkled as if someone was just there, a dent in the pillow where a head should be and the IV drip is just leaking unto the sheet like a severed vein. Eyes wide, I can't believe what I'm seeing as they all stare at me with mocking smiles and I can smell the scent of her perfume so heavy, it's burning my nose._

"_Where is she?"_

_Whale is smiling as he takes a step forward. "She's gone, Emma."_

"_What do you mean she's gone?" I know that my forehead is creased because I'm concerned._

"_I believe this is your responsibility now", a voice tells me from behind and I turn around on the spot to find someone handing a squirming bundle wrapped in a yellow blanket to me. Without even second thinking it, I collect the bundle and when my eyes meet the baby writhing between the cloth, tears come to my eyes without effort. "You're responsible now."_

"_Regina looked after Henry for you", Whale said, his voice robotic, "and now you're going to look after her baby because she's not here."_

_As soon as he says the words, I could feel myself grow cold, so cold. But when my boots turn around and my eyes meet the bed once more, it's not there. I'm now standing in the midst of a graveyard, and for the rest of the nightmare, I'm just wandering about, searching for something. I know exactly what I'm looking for, but as I bite back the tears, the stone is nowhere to be seen. And just when I'm about to crumble unto the cold grass, sobbing uncontrollably, my eyes rest upon a figure lingering near the fence. _

"_You destroyed me in the end", she says, her voice metallic as she appears ghostlike before me. "I knew it from the day you were born that you'd destroy me."_

"_Regina…" dressed in a red dress that is so pale, the fence can be seen through her, she avoids my eyes, hair fluttering in the night wind._

"_You drove me insane, Emma." Fingers reach out to snap off a pink hibiscus from a tree as she twirls it without looking at me. "I fell so hard for you, you were never capable of cushioning my fall. Leaving me to crumble –"_

"_I'm sorry", I say, my voice barely a whisper._

"_All I ask of you…all I ever asked was for you to just love me. But you never could. You never could…understand that there is no one else but you –"_

"_Don't leave me", I choked._

"_It's too late."_

"_I need…" turning away from her, I cover my eyes, pressing my palms upon them, "I need to wake up."_

"_It's too late, Emma…"_

"_No! WAKE UP!" I cry out loud, falling to my knees. "Wake up. This is not real. It's not happening."_

"_I'm gone."_

"_WAKE UP!"_

_And then everything went black and I was lost for the rest of the time in a blank tank of nothing._

* * *

><p>The next day I was out the house before Neal could even show himself downstairs. Possibly it was close to six o'clock, I couldn't tell since my watch and mobile had been smashed during the wreck. My poor baby was buried deep in the mechanic shop under a yellow tarp when I walked by, and even through the high fence I could tell that the end was probably here for her. She was a goner, a total wreck that couldn't be fixed because in the wide span of time we had been together, the closest my yellow bug had come to destruction was when this dude ran into me with his motor bike. That was it. It's as if the car had luck attached to its existence, not a scratch or broken window. And here I was wondering if my magic could fix it. I wanted my magic to fix everything but it couldn't, could it? Some people made the decision to do things in life and no matter what, certain memories could not be erased. Certain moves couldn't be undone. Certain words couldn't be unsaid.<p>

That nightmare seriously fucked with me, up to a point where I kept finding it hard to breathe as the morning breeze chilled me, trembling my insides. What did all of it mean? I remembered dreaming about her dying before, and now in this one…she was dead. It's like there was no way I could place some meaning to all of it because I was so confused.

Walking into the Diner must have been the stupidest decision I had made to begin the morning with. As soon as I pushed the door and stepped inside, everyone turned to look at me. There were about four people in there: Ruby, Granny, Archie and Whale. And from the looks of it, Ruby wasn't only worried, she was pissed. My eyes rested on Whale, remembering my nightmare as he merely stared at me without any recollection. And that was enough to set my mind on fire. Striding towards a table at the back, I muttered morning and eased my aching self into one of the seats whilst their eyes remained focused on me. Either judging or pitying me, I couldn't tell but from the time Ruby came my way, I knew that she wasn't going to come over here to offer any sympathetic words.

Her boots slapped upon the tile as she came in my direction. And lifting my hands up, I groaned, hiding my face behind them. "How's the wrist?"

"The least of my worries", I muttered.

Sighing, she remained silent whilst I peeked through my fingers at her. "So what do you think?" she asked, looking at me straight in my eyes. I took some time to admire her perfectly lined brows, and wondered upon the steadiness of her hand whilst drawing on her eyeliner. Me? I could never get any part of makeup right except for a bit of lipstick.

"Well it's pretty fucked up, and I have no idea what happened but –"

"I'm talking about Regina", she said, interrupting me, "sure last night was fucked as Tinkerbell told me, and I still have no idea what the hell happened but that's not what I'm referring to. You went to see her this morning, didn't you?"

I stopped breathing, our eyes still focused on each other. "I didn't…"

"What?" she stared in bewilderment at me. "Why?

Fumbling on words, I glanced away, "I was going to…after getting something to eat first." Lying to myself, knowing that I couldn't stomach anything at all as fear, anxiety and every other emotion in the world gripped my stomach.

"Emma, you have to go", she said in a small voice and that sparked a reaction from me. Immediately I looked at her.

"I will."

"What the hell are you waiting on?"

"I said that I'll go."

"Regina is not okay and…" blinking a little too fast, she glanced away, reaching up to press a fingertip to the corner of an eye, "…something has to change. Something has to happen. She has to come back. Fuck." Balling her fist, she gritted her teeth. "Ugh! I don't know why the fuck this had to happen in the first place. I kept telling her, it's no good, it's no use, stop going in this direction and just…forget about it. Forget about taking this big risk, forget about everything and just move on, get over it. But she wouldn't listen to me. She just wouldn't…" she bit her lips.

"Of course you'd blame me for everything", I said, "it's my fault anyway."

"It is your fault", she hissed, eyes fiery, "I'm not saying that the kiss was a good move, but you were the one who pushed her to act out in the first place. You're always pushing her too far and now look what has happened. You run away and she just decided to…let go."

I remained silent whilst my face was studied.

"She could have stayed with me and everything would have been so much better because unlike you, I used to give up everything to be with Regina. And even after all this time, I would still drop everything just to help her out, to be with her when she needs me. But you…you're always existing with strings attached."

"Oh sure", I said sarcastically, "speaking as the ex I don't expect anything different from you. Of course you'd think that I'm worthless –"

"You're not worthless", she said softly.

"And I'm not the only one who has strings attached. Whilst I severed mine, all of them, she just can't…cut away Robin or…you."

"Regina will never cut me away from her life because of what we had", she said plain out. "During the times when she wanted you so badly, I was there for her and even though she couldn't love me completely, I gave her everything. That bond we have, it will always be there because no matter what, she knows that I would never give up on her. As for Robin, she's having his fucking kid. Get over it."

"Look, I really don't want to have this conversation with you right now", I said, growing furious. "I can see where this is going."

"You're here sitting as if nothing has happened to her!"

"For your information, I am fully aware of everything and the last thing I need is for you to even think that you have a fucking clue what I'm going through or what's my next move." As our glares were enacted, I never backed down. "So spare me the crap and just leave me alone because I don't need a lecture from you."

"Considering the fact that I helped save your ass last night, you have every right to listen to me."

"Why?" I asked, frowning in disbelief. "Why should I put up with your constant reminders that I suck as a…girlfriend and you never did?"

"Because you do suck as a girlfriend", she remarked. "You fucking suck. Girlfriends don't run away even when a little betrayal happens. Girlfriends stick around and fight like a bitch, slap it out and eventually return to that point where they know that there was a reason why they hooked up." I shook my head in disbelief and looked away. "If you really love Regina then one stupid kiss like that shouldn't send you packing. Instead you're supposed to fight for your woman, or find out what the fuck happened and deal with it."

"She kissed her ex!" I exclaimed, eyes wide, knowing that a few heads were turned my way. "Am I supposed to go easy on that, walk back into her arms with a fucking smile?"

"You're supposed to believe in her if she told you that it wasn't meant to be like that", she said matter-of-factly. "You're supposed to use your bad ass superpower to tell if she's lying. I bet you did use it. I bet that you saw the truth but your stupid doubtful mind just forced you to believe that she doesn't love you and it's all about Robin. Wake up, Emma."

"I am awake and I don't need this right now."

"What you want is a good slap", she said, glaring at me. "Get the fuck up, go over there. And when you get there, and you walk into that room, and you see her, I want the realization of what you've done to slap you awake because you're the one that pushed her into an unconscious state. Nothing else. All because you couldn't believe her, and you ran, she's just giving up. And I swear, Emma", she said, leaning upon her folded arms. "I swear, if anything bad happens to Regina and she doesn't pull through, I'll find a way to make you pay. I swear to the fucking moon."

"Ruby, enough talking", Granny said from the counter, peering at us over her spectacles. "We have customers coming in now. Get a move on."

"I'm coming", she groaned, her eyes still on me. "You really don't deserve Regina. She should just give me a chance instead so that I can show you how a woman like her is supposed to be treated."

"Fuck off", I said bitterly as she sent me a sarcastic smile.

"I deflect fucks", she replied smartly. "By the way…" a finger was pointed upstairs, "the woman who smashed into you last night, she's staying upstairs in 444. If Regina decides to give me a chance, maybe you can hook it up with blondie upstairs and spare us all the fucking drama."

My eyes were stinging.

Honestly I wanted to choke her. Balling my fists as my nails stung into flesh, I stood up, ready to confront her. But the door swung inwards as the bell tinkled and in walked Killian. Of course the only thing I was thinking at the moment was how to use my magic to do something to Ruby. There she went to stand right near the counter, sending me a smirk as her eyes danced across the distance between us. She had the nerve to tell me all those things as if it was well deserved. No one had a right to talk to me like that, not even her because she should realize that what they had, it was in the past. It was gone and to compare herself with me, to tell it out loud that she still stood a better chance in the situation: that was enough to push me.

She was bold, but she wasn't as bold as Hook could ever be. Within a minute he had seated himself in front of me and I suddenly wondered if that seat was somehow cursed for the day because from the look on his face alone, I knew what his intentions were. And I wasn't in the mood.

"Don't look so pissed off just yet, love", he said smiling. "I'm not here to poke the shark with my hook. Having only one full hand as you know, that move would be very stupid –"

Rolling my eyes, I pressed my hand to my forehead and sighed. "What do you want?"

"Light conversation?"

"Not interested", I said, eyes closed.

"She's in a bad mood, and it's so early yet."

Apparently if it came to that, I'd have to wear a freaking sign on my chest and back that was labelled 'DO NOT TALK TO ME' because these people just couldn't get the signal. I wanted to be left alone right now, to…drown in my own feelings but no, just when you least needed company, everyone was suddenly jumping in line to start a conversation.

"Tell me, where is Regina?"

"In the hospital", I replied, feeling nauseous.

"Well that's news to me. I had no idea." He waited, watching me. "I'm sorry to hear that, Swan."

"Yeah…" I said warily, my head already throbbing.

"What happened to her?" without me anticipating it, his hand was rested upon mine as I flinched a bit from the warmth because it was a contrasting feeling from being so cold inside. "Ah, sorry", he apologized, retrieving his attempt to comfort me. "I wasn't –"

"No it's okay", I said frowning, my throat feeling raw. Holding his gaze, my hand took his as I savored his concern.

"Love, what happened?"

Swallowing, my throat ached. "We hit a bump in the road and both of us collapsed. Me..." glancing at Ruby, I watched her whilst she gracefully wrapped squares of cake into red paper, "I tried to run away. And she…fell sick and she…" my eyes stung. "She's unconscious."

He appeared confused. "Wait…hold up, lass. What do you mean you tried to run away? Did you leave town?"

"I did." Plates clattered together as Ruby collected two off of empty tables.

"Were you planning to stay away permanently?" his expression was that of disbelief. "I can only assume that you intended to come back because your family is here."

"I'm here, aren't I?" the smell of sponge cake drifted into my direction and I suddenly grew hungry.

"You came back because of Regina's sudden turn in health. Is she terribly ill or has she just slipped out of consciousness?"

"Both."

"Have you gone to see her since your return?"

"No."

"Why?"

I sighed, avoiding his eyes. "After I leave here."

"Suddenly I see hesitation in your eyes, Swan. And there's a look about you that suggests fear as well. Fear of believing that you caused her condition to worsen?"

After we were in a relationship for a couple of months before my hookup with Neal, Killian learnt to read me like a book. And oftentimes it used to piss me off because there were certain situations where you just wanted someone to leave you alone. Not him, he would always try to help without realizing that sometimes I didn't need his help, I needed my space. Right now though, I actually welcomed his attempt to help because there's only so much you can bottle up before exploding on someone. And after Ruby had pushed me, I was about to crash.

"I feel as if…" my voice was breaking up, "everyone blames me…"

"And you're blaming yourself as well."

"Because maybe they're right. I did do this to her. But she fucked up and maybe I was just retaliating but it backfired on me."

"Emma…" he said softly, taking my hand between his, eyes appearing soft and comforting, "don't blame yourself for everything. There are two people in a relationship for a reason. Both must make it work somehow Just as we never could, the blame never fell on one of us."

"I know, I know", I admitted, head lowered as my fingers twitched between his.

There was a pause between us as my self-esteem fell lower. Balling my fists, I could honestly feel this aching in my chest as if something was trying to get out, almost like my feelings were caged inside and were trying to escape. I could feel my nails biting into my palms as the tingling sensation disturbed me too much. And when his calm eyes studied mine, I deflected my gaze out the side window and into the alleyway.

"Do you want to elaborate on exactly what happened or –"

"No", I said too quickly. "It's personal."

"Alas, I wasn't trying to pry too much."

"It's okay."

"If there is anything I can do for you, Swan, just name it."

"Right now I just wanna…punch something repeatedly", I groaned, eyeing him with wet eyes.

I watched a smile spread across his handsome face, bright enough for a toothpaste commercial. "Done."

"Huh?"

"Come on", he said, snatching my hand, "up we get." Pushing himself to stand, Killian kept on smiling. But as his attention focused on Ruby scowling, the smile slackened a bit. "Ah, Regina's trusted pet. Just when you thought Graham wasn't enough." All of this was said in a low voice, his words hidden behind a hand as he dragged me to the door.

* * *

><p>Twenty minutes later, I was standing in front of a punching bag hanging from the ceiling by a hook, the material as red as blood. And as he helped me strap the Velcro tighter around my wrist, I eyed my opponent with hooded eyes, ready to punch the lights out of it. The frustration within me, all this anger that was driving me insane was about to be let out. Eyeing the dents, the torn places around the bag, I wondered if today it would be brandished by a mark from me…hopefully. Close to my side, Killian made a very dramatic scene as he peeled off his navy blue shirt, flexing his arms that were surprisingly more defined now with muscles. Apparently he had been working out at the gym we were in for a long stretch of time, not that I would have known because ever since we had split up and I got involved with Neal, small conversation never did come easy between us. Most times, we greeted each other as friends and walked on as if nothing had happened.<p>

That's how things can turn out between two people. You move through life, either getting involved and sticking to it, or simply moving on. Moving on is the part that destroys the most because whilst some may cling to the memories and allow the pain to drag them down, others are like me who bury them in succession and move on as if nothing happened before: and because I had been bottling up all these frustratingly twisted monsters inside of me all this time, I suddenly felt as if they were fighting to get out and there was no way my thick walls could keep them in any longer.

I was concentrating on the bag so much, hands at the ready when the door was pushed open. As my eyes flicked to the entrance, me bouncing back on the heels of my boots, in walked Neal accompanied by Tinkerbell: of course I stopped immediately. I froze on the spot as she came in laughing, an arm through his. And when he playfully pinched her right cheek, my anger fuzzed out like a thick cloud around me. From the time he detected me glaring at him, Neal's eyes were focused in our direction and when Tinkerbell followed his line of sight, the smile was quickly erased from her face.

"Well he clearly doesn't waste time", Killian noted as Neal whispered something into…her ear…and she walked off silently, eyes wide.

"Hey, Emma." He smiled at me whilst approaching, hands tucked within his jeans' pockets. "How goes it?"

"Are you dating her now?" I asked without wasting time, our eyes locked.

He appeared to be taken aback. "I…guess so."

"Are you serious?"

"Look, you don't expect me to sit and watch you have a good time, do you?"

"A good time?" I asked, getting a little too worked up. "Do I look as if I'm having a good time?"

"What's with the 21 questions?" he frowned at Hook, smiling in amusement. "Women…"

"I don't believe that you'd…" deciding to leave the sentence hanging, I glanced away, shaking my head.

"You don't believe that I'd what, Emma? That I'd move on? Is that it?"

"So fast?"

"Well you didn't exactly give me three months' notice, did you?"

"With her?" I was cross.

"Oh so I have to run candidates through you as well?"

"I don't mind!"

"You should talk!"

Squaring up his shoulders, I did the same as we both took a step towards each other.

"Tink is…very sweet, compassionate and understanding." His voice was reduced to a sense of calmness now. "Plus she knows how to comfort a man in despair…"

Scoffing, I eyed him in bewilderment. "She's clearly not your type. You're just trying to prove a point."

"Hmm, I don't know", he made a dramatic attempt to appear as if in deep thought, "she's blonde, strong headed, can use magic and knows how to pick a lock. Definitely my type."

"You are unbelievable", I said, eyes wide. "Of all the women –"

"You'd rather I have none if you can't have me all to yourself. Well get this straight Emma, you're NOT…straight and you made a choice. Never mind that it's not all sunny side up as it progresses but it's the game plan you chose so you have to stick with it. Me, I can dance and play, trying to get over the fact that my fiancée left me to be with a woman."

Hook snorted, a hand hiding his mouth, head lowered.

Neal's stony glare was focused on him now. "Find that funny, Killian? When you used to snatch eyefuls of David, no one complained."

"Might I remind you that I have a weapon attached to me at all times?" his hook was waved about for emphasis.

"I'm so scared, I'm shaking in fright", Neal shivered on the spot, smiling.

"You should be."

"Where's your buddy?" glancing around, Neal squinted his eyes as if searching. "Is he working the day shift this week? You two will chase the bottle after work as always?"

"Whale is already plotting how to take revenge on you."

"I laugh in the face of danger", Neal said. His wary eyes turned on me, latching themselves unto my gloves. "What you doing with those on?"

"Suddenly Swan, if we can forget about the bag, maybe a suitable person can also be used as a replacement."

"Why don't you take your ship and sail out of sight?"

"Ah don't take it out on me just because Emma left you to be with a woman."

"I…" Neal clamped his mouth shut, a bland expression directed at Hook. "I'll go help Tink with her stretches now."

"Stretches?" I asked in bewilderment.

"Yeah! Stretches!" he bellowed, waving his arms about dramatically. "Good riddance to you both. Goodbye. You know a simple thank you would have done the job, coming from you", he said, pointing at me. "But nooo, you tried another entrance."

"Whatever", I muttered as he stormed off, shoulders hunched. Throwing a punch into the middle of the bag, it barely swayed.

That was the last straw. Sucking up all the energy and focus I had, my eyes were narrowed into slits as I swung repeatedly, never missing. The feeling of hitting the tough leather was somewhat enticing as my arms felt the jolt from the punches. And with every punch, I attached some emotion to it. Whether it was the fact that she had left me, leaving a giant hole in my heart, to the night when she came back after two freaking years. I swung as beads of sweat trailed down the sides of my face whilst Killian chatted with a friend near the door, feeling the moment of pain when I caught her kissing Robin. You don't know what it felt like to stand there and witness that. I felt so betrayed, as if she had stabbed me, twisting the knife when she didn't push him away. Even when she had begged me to see reason and understand that it meant nothing really, even when she had cried, I still couldn't break the shade in front of my eyes because of my anger.

It was all about my anger.

"Put your all into it, Emma", Killian said, coming to watch me as he twisted the cap off a bottle of water. "You're not using all of your strength."

What. Turning to glare at him, I suddenly felt a rage of anger flare up inside me and growling at the swinging opponent, my right hand pelted unto the leather surface. As soon as the glove hit the bag, a whiff of smoke drifted from the contact as I left not a tear but a burnt spot on the material. Even though my eyes registered the damage, somehow this monster inside of me kept my hand swinging as I punched and punched, letting it all out whilst the greying haze grew thicker.

"Swan…" Killian's voice was just a whisper between the vines wounding up through my mind. "Swan! Emma!" but I kept going at it. "Stop it. Stop…" his hands were wrapped around me as I tried to fight him embrace. But he was too strong, even though I felt stronger than ever and turning me into him, I began to shake. "Let it all out…" Sobbing, I wrapped my arms around him and my face was buried into his right shoulder as he continued to hold me so tight. Even though he was warm and I was well aware of it, the coldness within me felt like a bitter storm as the nightmare plagued my mind and began to eat away at my heart.

"I have to see her", I said, my voice barely a whisper. Tears scorched my face when he pulled back and checked my eyes. "I have to…see her…"

"Then by all means, do that." Taking my hands around the wrist, the Velcro was peeled loose and the gloves were taken off one by one as a slice of distance separated us. But it never had any effect on me, never did I feel anything in regards to him being so close because there wasn't an US anymore. There was just one person.

Reaching up to wipe my face, he handed me a bottle of water as I snatched my red leather jacket up and sent him one last glance. We looked at each other for a few seconds whilst my cell vibrated in my pocket. I didn't take the call until the glass door swung shut behind me and the cool morning wind chilled my body after I was practically sweaty all over already.

"Emma, are you coming?"

I frowned. "I'm already in Storybrooke, mom. So…"

"I know that already", Snow said, "Ruby called early this morning to tell me…everything."

"Great."

"Are you okay?" There was genuine concern in her tone. "I mean, it must have been terrible, really, really terrible to be in an accident, to have someone run you into the sign. But you're alright, aren't you?"

"Yeah." Eyeing the empty pavement before me, I decided that a walk would probably do me some good, not that I had a choice. "I'm still alive."

"Emma, don't speak like that."

"Why? I am alive."

"I…" she huffed out a sigh. "Never mind…I'm at the hospital. I had to come in for a checkup this morning for eight and I'm done already. Are you coming in to see Regina?"

Crossing the street, the back of my neck prickled as I honestly could feel someone watching me. Upon getting to the other side safely, I swung around and my eyes swept across the distance behind me but there wasn't a sign of suspicious activity. Everyone seemed to just be on their own way, Archie standing before the magazine stand whilst Pongo sniffed the pavement. And Ariel was just crossing the road, dressed in a green pants suit whilst her red hair shone in the sunshine. I watched her jog into the gym, wondering if she was meeting her husband or whether she was now a member. Either way, it wasn't my business. And so I turned on the spot and continued walking up the street.

"…there, Emma? What's happening? Are you alright?"

"Yeah…" I pinched my temples and blinked away the haze of the moment. "I'm okay."

"Are you coming then?"

"I'm ten minutes away."

"Okay so I'll meet you in the lobby. I'm wearing a yellow dress with red shoes and –"

"Mom, I know what you look like", I reminded her warily.

"Oh right, right. Okay see you."

After I disconnected the call, the same feeling returned as if someone was following me. It's one thing to turn around and capture the person in the act, but it's entirely exciting to beat them at their own game. Being as stealthy as I could, my footsteps led me faster down the pavement as I eyed Geppetto's shop. And as soon as the door came into view, I turned the corner and stepped inside, hurrying to bury myself between two shelves as my gaze once and a while flickered to the door. He eyed me with curiosity as I pretended to study a wooden sculpture of a swan upon the shelf, its eyes dotted with tiny white diamonds. But false pretension led to genuine interest when I decided that it would really be nice to buy one of this as a present for Regina. Checking the price tag, I frowned at the low value and felt somewhat offended.

"Is this the right price?" I asked Geppetto, moving to the counter whilst he rubbed sandpaper upon a newly carved house. The woodwork was incredible, but the swan was fantastic in my opinion.

"It is the right price, Sheriff. Would you like to buy it?"

"Where did your inspiration come from when you did this piece?" my fingers were wrapped tightly around the swan, out of anger.

"A swan", he said blandly.

"The animal, or…"

"A swan is an animal, isn't it?" he was frowning deeply at me, the movement of the sandpaper upon wood ceasing.

I sighed, squeezing my eyes shut. "Okay, okay, I'll take it."

"I don't believe in putting a large markup on my pieces", he continued whilst my attention was focused outside. "When one buys a piece of mine, I'd like them to find the value in the object itself, not in the money paid for it."

Just as I paid up and he was wrapping the sculpture into brown paper, my eyes rested upon someone in a black hoodie as the person quickly slid past the shop. With graceful movement, I watched as whoever it was kept their face hidden whilst walking, and snatching the bag from Geppetto, I left in a haste. The chase was on as my boots pounded upon the pavement whilst I kept my attention on the figure running ahead. But whoever it was had a good pair of lungs because I honestly can say on fair estimation that I chased the person around an entire block and two corners away after that. By the time I lost sight of the fucking sneak, my vision swam as breathing became so difficult, I had to lean upon the wall of a shop to catch myself.

It suddenly dawned upon me that I had taken myself two extra blocks away from the hospital.

Groaning in frustration, I huffed out a sigh and strode forward, knowing that if anyone was checking me out then they'd probably wonder what the hell was up with me. My mind was seriously spinning around in a hurricane right then and I couldn't focus on one thought at all. I felt tired, angry and fatigued. And it was barely ten a.m. But apparently someone really had it in for me and my bets were on the mysterious officer who had ran into my car the night before. Just as soon as I turned a corner, the tower of the hospital showing between two buildings, just as I was about to cross the road and realized that the DON'T WALK sign was blinking red, someone pushed me hard from behind. I was so shocked as the wind was knocked out of my chest that my knees buckled, almost pitching me unto the road. But because of my fast reflex, I remained on my feet as two vehicles hammered down on their horns, the drivers swearing and shaking their fists from behind the wheels. No one was in sight as my eyes swept the sidewalk. But the drivers were seriously alarmed.

One of them was Grumpy and at the moment, I completely forgot that he had been missing for over a year. Still lost in a daze, I retreated into the corner without looking at them. And feeling my face grow extremely heated, I also felt like a fool. Just as Grumpy hopped out of the blue van and came in my direction shouting his concern for my safety, a slice of black pitched through an alleyway and I was back on the chase again. This time though, I managed to get so close to the person that the definite broad shoulders and expensive boots pinpointed that it was a man. As he scaled a concrete wall, clawing at the stones whilst moving up, his hoodie slipped off and I managed to catch a glimpse of his dirty blonde hair. That's all I got because when I tried to jump up and catch the wall, my knees buckled from being extremely weak already and I tumbled upon the ground on my butt.

"Shit!" Kicking the wall, my eyes moved over the expansive concrete that ran a good way in front of me, bordering off the compound from another road just behind the barrier. He would probably be more than a block away by now. Still I decided to radio it in, using the Walkie to connect to dad. "Do me a favor, keep your eyes peeled for a suspicious white male dressed in a black hoodie, dirty blonde hair, a good pair of Nike boots on a fair guess and he's about six feet nine."

"Welcome back, Emma. Your mom just informed me that you're alright, as you claim to admit."

"Yeah, yeah, I'm fine."

"Needed distance and a good amount of fresh air, I guess?"

"Something like that."

"Well it's great to have you come to your senses and return home. There's nothing here that's too much for you to handle."

I remained silent, walking out of the alleyway.

"This man, what's the charge?"

I decided to leave a few things out. "Suspicious loitering."

"Alright, Robin's working patrol so I'll radio him about it."

"Wait…" I froze up. "Robin is what?"

"Working patrol. Since you decided to run out on us for close to two days, I had to get backed up somehow. And as of recent, I think that it's a good decision to include someone else on the team."

"What about my opinion on this?" I asked, growing angry. "Don't I have a say?"

"I already know what you'll say, Emma. But he's the right man for the job, and since you've been distracted lately –"

"I haven't been distracted! I'm just trying to deal with things!"

"Still we need help, and there's no harm in hiring another person. It makes our job easier."

"I can't work with him", I began to complain. "I honestly can't. I –"

"Emma, put aside your personal feelings and focus on the job. That's your own line I'm using on you. Robin is a good man."

"He has a reputation of being a thief!"

"He was also Sheriff in the Enchanted Forest."

"He's you're responsibility then", I stated, "not mine. Anything he has to say to me, let him pass it through you. And tell him to stay away from my desk."

When I radioed out, my chest was prickling with anger as I began to sweat from being pressured on all sides. It appears as if everyone was somehow trying to push me too far and the end result wasn't going to be a pretty one because when pushed, I could blow up like a freaking bomb. All these years I had managed to keep things cool and maybe the only person who really managed to see the explosive side of me was Regina when I had punched her, growling like an animal a couple years ago. Even after that we had been hissing like snakes, but dad, he never really was on the receiving end. Except for that one time on Killian's ship when I went off on him and mom. Robin was next. I wanted to shout at him but then words probably would feel like a tickle because he had been an outlaw, a tough one. Maybe a good fight would make us even.

But I wasn't prepared to fight him for Regina because it was obvious now that she would always choose him over me. And that hurt like hell. It's the truth, and I believe it's the truth because that's what I feel. I feel as if she puts more trust in him than in me, and there's this soul mate bond between them that I can never match up to. What he likes, she loves, and if he says something, she agrees with it. That's how they click. It's not World War freaking 4 between them as it is between us. Almost everything I do, it has this huge effect on her. And I bet that he could slip up big time and she'd still go all mushy on him because he's a strong man with muscular arms and a charming smile that goes ever so sweetly with his gorgeous eyes. Number two, I don't have the manly part. Oh forgive me Regina for being a woman.

She was involved with Ruby though, romantically involved with her and that's the part that probably isn't supposed to hurt the most but it does. Regina claims that she was in love with me when she started to date Ruby, trying to muffle her feelings. Every opportunity she gets now, Ruby just shoves it in my face that she has that over me, because apparently they spent more than enough time together. I think that their relationship lasted even after the curse was broken because Henry used to tell me things. He used to tell me that his mom was spending time with her friend still. And I never really thought about it that way. These days though, I'm thinking about these things more and I'm wondering, if she really was in love with me since then, why did she continue to be in a romantic thing with Ruby for such a long time? The highlight of the conversation at one point had been that 'oh Regina is so good in bed and we used to go at it all night'. How is that supposed to make me feel? When Ruby tells me these things and I hear them from mom, it makes me want to cry because I feel as if I can't live up to that standard since I've never really been with a woman. I've never gone in too deep like that with a woman.

The only woman I have ever wanted and thought about that way, the only woman I want to be fully intimate with is Regina. And it hurts to know that she already has this bond with these people: a man and a woman whilst I'm somehow left to live up to more than what they offered her. It makes me feel pressured that's why I feel unworthy. I feel as if I have to prove myself all the time that's why I didn't want this. With Neal, I didn't have to prove myself. He accepted me just the way I was because I had been the first woman he was ever involved with and it was a moment of our lives that we never could forget. He told me that Tamara meant nothing to him anymore and I lived with that. But this is different. She doesn't understand and I want to tell her how I feel but Regina just doesn't understand how I feel.

When I walked into the hospital, all I could think about was how I was just…Emma Swan. I was just this woman who came from another world, I never grew up knowing what she knew, and I wasn't Robin or Ruby. I'm sorry that it might appear fatiguing to you that I'm constantly comparing myself to both of them but that's how I feel. You don't know what it's like to be around these people and listen to them talk, to see the way her eyes light up when she's with either of them. It's like she becomes so relaxed when she's with Ruby, and she melts into his embraces. He managed to have her kiss him easily, didn't he?

Mom was waiting for me just in the lobby as she promised and as I approached, she stood up, clutching her brown duffel bag in her arms. Her smile was sympathetic, softened by her concern for me when soft hands pulled my aching body into a hug. I was so lost for words that the only reaction unearthed from me was the tears formed in my eyes. Snaking an arm around my waist, she led me down the selected corridors marked by signs as the patter of our shoes echoed through the silence. The smell of hospitals always made me nauseous. And the sight of empty stretchers ached my mind as I remembered my nightmare. The last thing I wanted was to have a panic attack because they'd check me in and with the way I was feeling right there and then, maybe I'd slip into a coma too if my heart wouldn't stop aching.

We stopped just outside a door that was slightly ajar and mom took a hold of my hand and squeezed. Gazing down at her, she sighed. "I'm going to talk to Nurse Susie about my prescription change. She's just there…" her hand pointed towards the junction desk where a girl resembling Mulan was busily writing away on a clipboard. "I'll come join you in a few minutes. I believe that you need some time to yourself, to be with her, right?"

I could only nod, feeling my throat tighten.

"Just so you know, Emma", she said, never letting go of my hand, "you have to listen to me when I tell you that there is no one else she truly loves as much as you. And no matter what you might think, you're her number one. I wish I could prove it to you, exactly what I see and feel but only she can do that."

"Thanks, mom", I said, and she finally let go of my hand, glancing every once and awhile at me whilst walking towards the nurse.

There is nothing in the world that could prepare you for a situation like this. You're about to walk into a room where the person you solely exist for is lying unconscious. The first thing I remembered about everything was the way the blinds were drawn, allowing a thin slice of sunlight to escape into the room. My heart began to beat so fast in my chest as I pushed the door open further and stepped in, my boots feeling heavy as lead whilst crossing the threshold. But the heaviest feeling of all was the atmosphere within the room. And I suddenly stopped breathing either from the lack of oxygen or the fact that her lying there just completely killed me inside.

She was wearing a…there are tears forming in my eyes as I suddenly remember that jersey. It's the same one I had given to her the first year I spent here in Storybrooke, my first gift to her on Valentine's Day. It's this red long sleeved jersey with black wrist linings, a black collar and black heart shaped buttons. I remembered as if it was yesterday when I had been shuffling through the rack of jerseys, trying to find the one with the right and appropriate message in front. It's like I didn't want to give her the wrong impression back then and my main motive was to make a joke out of it. Little did I know that I'd eventually fall so in love with her, that one sentence on her jersey would mean something completely different in the future.

**I STOLE YOUR HEART**

That's what it said. That one sentence, that one message that meant so much to me in that moment, I wanted to cry. I did cry. I kept distance between us when the machine clicked with every breath she took and every time her heart did beat, everything registered on the monitor, my heart matched her rhythm. She was just lying there, so pale, with her hair fixed behind her ears, bunched around her shoulders and her hands were just…there. Red fingernails were splayed across the sheet as her socks peeked out from below the thick blanket. Her pink lips were chapped, she had on no makeup. And there were these two wires that were somehow attached to her tummy, running back to another machine that registered another wave of lines.

Did I really do this to her?

That's the first and only thing that kept racing through my mind in bold print. I had left her crying, begging me to say, knowing well enough that it would affect her. She had warned me that if I went away, I'd hurt her. And look what happened. Taking a few steps towards her, I bit back the tears as my body tingled because of her smell: apples, vanilla, and still that hint of watermelons remained. It was her choice of shampoo after returning here, knowing quite well that the smell drove me into raptures because I always wanted to sniff her hair. I always wanted to hold her, be so close to her. And I hardly had gotten enough time to do it ever since we started…being together.

Taking up her right hand, she felt so cold when I held her fingers between mine. "Regina…" I whispered, holding my breath, "can you hear me?"

The beeping of the machine answered me and tears clouded my vision. "Can you please…wake up? I'm here. I'm sorry I…left I…was angry. And…I wanted to…" I wanted to what, create distance between us so that she could somehow feel what it felt like to be far away from me? "I'm sorry", I choked out. "I'm not good enough. I can't be like…them. You're better off without someone like me because I'm…just…"

When I'd kiss her and she never expected it, the way she squeezed my shoulders as a strained moan escaped from within her. The way her warm breath felt upon my face when her lips grazed my skin, those small intakes of air as she nuzzled our cheeks together so cutely.

Something changed inside of me and I felt it snap, almost like a wire burnt into two. The aching within my chest suddenly grew so much that I was literally in pain every time my heart did beat and the more I held unto her hand, it just grew worse.

"Wake her up." I jumped in fright, immediately releasing Regina's hand as Ruby's voice filled the room.

Turning to look at her standing there, my insides froze over from her sudden intrusion. I was speechless. Eyes hard, she remained at the door, her eyes resting on the bed and then a glare was directed my way.

"Are you satisfied now?" she asked coldly.

"What?"

"Use your magic and wake her up or something."

"I can't –"

"Wake her up!" she cried, tears in her eyes. "Do it. Just…do it." Her voice began to break up. "Stop hurting her, Emma."

"Leave me alone", I said hoarsely, turning my tear filled eyes to Regina once again.

"I don't think that you understand what you've done."

"I didn't…do this…"

"This is your fucking fault!" she threw my way, "you can't blame anyone else because you know in that little shitty heart of yours that this one is all on you! It's because she's so stubborn that's why this happened in the first place. She just doesn't…listen. Jesus, Regina." Her back hit the wall in frustration, eyelids squeezed shut. "Don't do this. You can't…do this to me."

"I think that you should leave", I said, my face feeling stiff.

"I don't give a fuck about what you think right now so spare me the thought."

"You're just jealous because she loves me." Tears trailed down my cheeks as I looked at her near the door. "She chose me."

"You're a waste, Emma", she spat, "are you listening to yourself? That's what was racing through your head when you drove out of town, that she's in love with YOU and she chose YOU? Do you know how pathetic you sound right now?"

"I was pissed."

"Sure you were", pushing herself away from the wall, Ruby's footsteps led her to the window, a dark glint in her eyes. "Your woman kisses her ex. Must have hurt like hell, didn't it?"

"Fuck off", I said angrily. "Don't pretend as if you know how I feel."

"I know exactly how you feel", she said plainly. "You feel like shit now after coming to terms with your fuck ups. And it must drive you crazy to realize that you're not the only one who has her heart, but there's me and Robin."

"Why are you doing this to me?" I asked, my heart aching terribly as I felt the pain of her words. "I thought that we were friends."

"You were my friend until she slipped into a fucking coma all because of your decision to drive out of her life. That drew the line on our friendship because I had more respect for you. I understand that you were upset because she kissed Robin but above all, if Regina told you it really meant nothing then you should have believed her. Everyone can see how much she loves you and your face is still stuck in mud, not seeing the truth, not believing and now she's just…not here."

"And constantly reminding me that you two have a history is supposed to help?"

""You know, I was with her first. We had great times together, moments that were so wild and fun, we used to go at it for hours. It takes an experienced woman to please another one and frankly you don't know shit about loving or romancing one." Her back was towards me as the blinds were parted. "Think about it this way, you might be the Savior but apparently there's one person you really can't save and that's yourself."

"What the hell is that supposed to mean?" I asked.

"You'll know when she wakes up."

"Well it's obvious who she'll choose and it's neither of us so you can just back the hell away and keep your hurtful comments to yourself."

"I'm telling you the truth", she said calmly.

"And that is?"

"Regina and I might have had a past, but at least we managed to make things work for over seven months without a bump in the road. She was in love with you but to be honest…" her eyes were turned to me, "we were in love on so many other levels. The sex was great, we spent time together, I actually brought out a side of Madame Mayor that you are only recently seeing, so I was way ahead of you. Even after the curse ended, she still wanted to be with me. And I never backed off. I knew who she was, and still there was this…bond. There's always been this bond between us. With Robin now, they lived two years together without a complaint. She didn't run away, she stayed and somehow they made it work. Heck, she even had some amount of fun because she's having his baby."

"What is your point?" I asked painfully, tears in my eyes.

"You two hook up less than a week ago and it's like, nothing is going right, is it?" Standing just there, she barely smiled. "She's gotten sicker, you're a fucking mess, and now this. Tell me, how the hell is that even labelled as love? Love isn't easy but whatever is happening between the two of you is disturbing because she's not getting any better. And it's obvious that you can't save her at all now, can you? Where the hell does it get better? You can't even pull it off as Robin and I did because you're not the right one for her and you know it. You can feel it deep down inside, can't you? In order for you to completely make her happy, you have to beat what Robin and I put her through, which were probably memorable times and so far, you're an epic fail."

"Stop it", I croaked, feeling extremely weak as my head spun.

"This isn't true love, it's torture, and you're killing her. The only thing you can do now is to just…" she gave me a pitiful look, "just walk away, Emma. It's obvious that you can't save her. You're not the right one and I think you should give Robin a chance because chances are, he might get through to her better than you ever will. They're soul mates after all. Walk away and move on, because when she wakes up, she's not going to go looking for you. She's going to drop you like it's hot. And it's best if you start to prepare yourself for it. I saw that you were making nice with Hook again, maybe that's a sign."

"Emma…" turning to the door, my eyes met mom's as she surveyed the scene before her. "What's going on here?"

"Think about what I said", Ruby sighed.

"What –"

And without another word, she stepped towards the door, excused herself and vanished. There I stood feeling so empty, I just couldn't process anything. I couldn't move, I couldn't breathe and the room was so cold, my hands were numb and trembling.

"Emma, what happened?" mom asked, rushing up to me as my face was searched. Taking my hands, her eyes grew wide. "You're freezing!"

I said nothing.

"What did Ruby tell you?"

I refused to answer her, drained dry from tears.

"Emma, what did she say to you?"

"Everything I need to hear", I said dryly, my voice never quite sounding like my own but more robotic.

"And what's that?"

"I can't be here", I said without glancing at Regina. I couldn't look at her anymore. "I have to…go."

"What do you mean you can't be here?" taking my hand, she stopped me as I tried to move away. "This is where you belong, with Regina."

"I don't belong with Regina", I stated, "she's better off without me."

"What?"

"I did this to her. I can't…" balling my fists, I scrubbed my eyes in frustration as my head ached and my thoughts were scattered. "I can't…do this. I can't…take this anymore."

"Emma, stop."

"I have to find Robin", I said hoarsely, tears coming forth again. "I have to find him so that he can be with her because she needs him."

"What are you talking about, Emma? You're not making any sense!"

"He's her soul mate! I'm nothing!" I cried. "I'm…nothing. Look what I've done. She deserves better than me and we can't keep doing this because it's not working out."

"How can you say that you're nothing when Regina told you that you're everything to her?" she asked me as I moved to the door without looking back. Following me outside, my hand was snatched. "Why would she fall asleep dreaming about having your baby when she's clearly having HIS baby?"

"I don't know, she just…"

"Why would she leave him in the first place to come back here just to tell you exactly how she feels?"

"To clear her mind!"

"She's in that coma because you couldn't come to terms with how much she loves you and by walking away and giving Robin the reins, you honestly believe that she's going to pull through?"

"She will."

"Emma, shut up and listen to me", she growled, grabbing me by the shoulders, "wake up, just wake up! What is wrong with you? I can't believe that you're thinking like this at all! You can't let anyone tell you how you should feel and what you should do. Follow your heart! Follow your heart as I did and your father did and tell me, where does it take you?"

I didn't answer, my lips clamped shut as I avoided her eyes.

"You belong with Regina! I don't know what Ruby told you but I can guess. And she's a jealous ex-girlfriend who's angry because the woman she loved, that same woman loved someone more than her. This isn't easy, Emma, I know that it isn't. But when the tough times come this is where you have to stand by Regina's side more than ever because you're the only one who can save her. Robin can't do shit. They can talk about things they like and find some familiarity but the love between you and Regina is so much stronger. You feel that, don't you? It's here." She pressed a palm upon my chest just where my heart continued to ache. "Your heart is aching because Regina is in pain too."

"I came back", I said hoarsely, "and if this is meant to be as you said, then why hasn't she waken up?"

"Because you're still in denial and her heart feels it."

"This is shit."

"Go back in there and kiss her, go on."

"I can't do that."

"Why?"

"Because I'm poisonous", I said.

"What –"

Stepping around Snow, I batted her hands away, feeling so, so empty inside.

"You're not poisonous or else Neal would be suffering too, and so would Hook!" I was already striding through the halls, leaving her behind. "Emma, stop!"

My boots pounded upon the pavement as I created distance between me and that hospital, hoping that my path wouldn't cross with that mangy wolf. She was nowhere to be seen, thankfully and by the time I had gotten a good way from that dreaded place, it was nearing two already. I was lost, completely in a daze and totally unaware that a job had to be done on my part, being the Sheriff. It's like I couldn't focus at all because something inside of me had changed, my heart was split into two and the pain needed to be numbed, somehow.

Ruby had damaged me with her bold words, honestly. Being mean wasn't the appropriate term to use because of her deliberate attempt to sabotage my belief that things could work out between Regina and I. Not only had she shoved all the blame on me, but her intentions were clear: that I was only going to damage Regina as well and what we had was a tormenting affair. I hated myself for finding truth in her words. It's like everything she said, that's exactly what had been running through my mind. That's what I had been thinking about all the time ever since returning here, even before that in relation to Robin. Everything said affected me so much because I had thought about it, but someone else was seeing the situation just as I had been viewing it. And to hear the obvious from someone's mouth, well that was enough to send me down a path of regret, fear and loneliness.

I wanted to disappear.

Moving to the other side of the street, my fingers wrapped around the door knob to the pub but I just couldn't push inwards because my hand was trembling. I was weak and frustrated and on the verge of tears. And I didn't know what to do or where to go except to bury myself inside somewhere and have a drink, something strong.

"Emma?"

I spun around as a slice of pain shot through my head and turned to face a familiar face shaded by a hand. Confused as I was since my thoughts were scattered, it took me some time to register her standing there before me. And even when I attached a name to the face, the shock came slow but surely.

"Maria?"

"Hi…" she smiled a bit and lowered her hand, giving me time to digest her surprising appearance.

Blonde hair, cop uniform, tall and slender.

"It was you", I started off, my eyes wide. "You ran into me last night." Already growing angry, she noted my reaction and held her hands up defensively. "You wrecked my car, could have gotten me killed!"

"I can explain."

"You better choose your words carefully because I'm in a mood."

"Ah…" squinting up at the sign of the pub, she frowned, "let's talk over a drink?"

"It's too early for one so cut the bullshit", I eyed her crossly.

"Well you'll watch me have one then. Come on." Jerking her chin into the building, she waited, eyes on me.

"Why would I go anywhere with you after what happened between us in less than a day?" I folded my arms.

"Because you don't have a choice. Either way, you want to know exactly what happened and I'm prepared to tell you. Apart from that, I know you want to spend time with me. You need someone to talk to and I'll listen." A smile was offered.

"Right now, I'd really like to be alone."

"Be alone with me then", she replied smartly. And without wasting time, my hand was taken. "Come on…"

I took a while to answer but eventually gave in because there was something about Maria's eyes that captivated me. She had this way when looking at you, pulling you in with the softness of her gaze, a bit of teasing added to the compassion buried in her tone. Her body language was also relaxed and contagious because as soon as we seated ourselves on two stools near the counter, the tension in my head slowly began to subdue.

"So you tailed me all the way here?" I asked whilst the bartender poured a shot of Tequila, sliding the small glass over.

"I did."

Taking it between my trembling fingers, I returned my eyes to her. "Why in the world would you –"

"I was stalking you because I…" lowering her eyes, she appeared ashamed, a small smile gracing her face, "I wanted to see where you were headed."

"Why?"

"You know exactly why." Emerald eyes were lifted to meet mine. "Emma, I don't kiss and get intimate with random strangers just like that. It's not a hobby of mine."

I frowned. "Judging from you now knowing my real name, I can only assume that you spoke to people around here."

"Last night when…" she pressed her lips together, "I sped away and ended up at this…Diner. And I met these two cops, one of them was Robin Hood?" she frowned now. I remained silent as the Tequila burnt my throat. "They told me that there was only one person who drove a yellow…bug…and that was an Emma Swan. It was pretty close to Emily, the bogus name you gave me. Smart move by the way." She smiled at me, her gaze lingering on my lips.

Choosing to glance away, I realized that this was the same place Belle had been working in before when she went by the name of Lacey.

"Anyway, how did you escape from the scene? You were unconscious when I left you."

"Why are you here?" I asked, looking at her straight in the eyes.

"I told you that I –"

"Do you honestly expect me to believe that you just…tailed me because you find me attractive?"

A smile was offered immediately. "Yes. It's the truth."

I rolled my eyes.

"And if you must know, I think that we clicked. We…shared a moment, didn't we?"

"I really can't do this right now", I said, my voice wavering as the headache crept back slowly.

"You're trying to forget someone and I'm trying to forget someone. What's wrong with a distraction? I liked it and it was fucking hot." Our eyes met and once again, her smile was contagious. I barely offered one, shaking my head in disbelief. "Judging from the way you reacted, I was pretty good."

"I was never actually looking for a quick moment in a dump off the highway", I stated.

"As I can recall, both of our vehicles as you pointed out are dumps." I refused to share in her humor, or maybe because of my mood, the joke wasn't received properly.

Feeling my face stiff, another shot of Tequila was swallowed whilst the soft tunes of country western music drifted out from the surround speakers.

She took my hand around the wrist, the one that was holding the shot glass. "Easy there, darling." I eyed her grasp with a bland expression whilst she smiled on. "Don't drown your sorrows in a shot glass. Let's talk about this."

"Why the hell would I tell you anything about me?" a man guffawed from across the room as another threatened him with a pool stick.

"Okay, okay…" shyly running a thumb around the rim of her glass, she sighed. "Then I'll tell you a little about me. Since we both have one thing in common, I guess that it's easier to start there. As I said before when we met for lunch, I'm a mother to the most amazing son, Davion. He's twenty two years old and…" taking out her cell from her uniform's pocket, she tapped away at the screen. "He's…in university. Isn't he handsome?" Smiling, the phone was directed in front of my face as a handsome young guy with light hair hugged her close.

"He is", I said, "that's a nice name, Davion."

"I got him when I was just fifteen", she stated, tilting her head. "Yeah, it was a rough time for me. But he's one part of my life that I will never regret."

"Fifteen?" I asked with wide eyes. "I got Henry when I was just…eighteen."

"Henry." I realized that I had allowed his name to slip to a stranger, and was somewhat regretful.

"He must mean the world to you."

"Yup."

"What about his father?"

"He's…around." I said this with my eyes diverted from hers. Running a finger around the rim of my glass, my head already felt dizzy.

"But he's not the one that's bothering you, is he?"

"Look, no offense but I'd like to keep my private life as just that."

"Sure", she lifted her glass at me and smiled. "Sounds exactly as Davion puts it. Mom…" she straightened up on the stool, "I really can't tell you everything about my private life because it's…private."

"Henry throws that one at me often", I admitted as the Tequila worked in. Tipsy Emma could never hold her tongue, so whether I wished to contribute to the conversation or not, everything was about to roll out on wheels.

"The teenage years are the hardest. It's when they believe that we're absolutely against them and the world is terribly unfair. But we're only mothers, having looked at them for their entire lives."

"My son was adopted", I said and regretted saying it because her reaction was that of shock.

"He was? You…gave him up?"

"I did."

"And you found him back then?"

"Yeah. He's living here with me now."

She remained silent for a while as her drink was sipped, fruit punch. Me, I took Tequila shots right on and could already feel the pain within my chest subdue.

"Davion is protective of me this past year. He stays with my mother most of the time. But for the past year, because of my recent break up, not a day goes by without an average of…five calls from him."

"That bad, huh?" signaling to the burly bartender whose name was Larry, I beckoned for more shots.

"I was with this woman for a year", she confessed as I warily looked at her, "and we went through so much. Then she left me for a man." Sighing, I glanced away as our stories felt so similar. "The thing is darling, she said it was a mistake and now my phone is always ringing up as she tries to call me back again. I know that she loves me entirely but the fact still remains that I was dumped for a man and that really hurt." Taking a sip of her drink, she splayed her fingers out, studying them as I did too. "I know that I'm her number one but I still can't get over that part."

"I wish that I was Regina's number one", I mumbled. But my voice was clear enough for her to hear apparently because her eyes were turned to me, registering mild shock.

"So the silence is all about a woman."

"I never said that…"

"Look. It's okay, it really is. I wouldn't tell a soul, promise."

I had to laugh at that one because it's not like it was a secret around here. Every freaking person knew about me and Regina by now. We'd probably make it in front of the Daily Mirror with the headlines 'Love Triangle goes BAD'.

My tongue was already feeling numb and my fingers wrapped around the glass felt…numb. "I just want to forget her."

"Don't you dare say that."

"I just said it. I said that I…" I was tipsy already, "I want to just…forget her."

"But you can't, Emma. You just can't…forget someone like that unless you drink a potion or cast a spell or something, both of which really don't exist in this world." I snorted. "So you have no choice but to live with the memories and pull through because everything happens for a reason –"

"This will make me forget", I stated, showing her the glass, half empty.

"Yes, darling but for how long?" she eyed me with worry. "What's this…Regina like? Tell me."

"Henry loves to draw, by the way", clutching the edge of the counter, I frowned at the lights dazzling from the stage up front. "He frames all his drawings when he's done and his dad puts them around the house."

"That's nice."

"There's this one that he drew when the red paint ran out on him. It's with Regina and I, his two moms, he said…"

"Well he's thinking ahead already, calling her his mother and all. But I guess that's what you wanted before –"

"He was adopted by her when I gave him up", I confessed to her and she stared at me in awe. "She was his mother for the ten years I was missing."

"Wow, so you came here looking for him after all these years and you found not only him but…her."

"She's better than me. Regina is more Henry's mother than I will…ever…be", I said without paying attention to her words, "I owe her…so much. One of the reasons I fell in love with her was because of strength, the way she'd handle things without backing down or crumbling. And I always wanted to be with someone who was strong enough to hold me together when I became weak, vice versa. And now when I'm weak, she's weak so we both…we can't hold each other together."

"What happened between the two of you? You don't have to tell me, if you choose to."

I admired her manicured nails. "She's having this man's baby, and after we committed, she kissed him."

"She's…pregnant."

"Eight months…or is it seven…" I frowned at the ceiling, trying to bat through the swirly images and thoughts in my fuzzy head. "Six…no eight…"

"And you were in a relationship when she kissed him?" she raised an eyebrow at me.

"If I didn't show up at the right time I would have never known."

"That's…fucked up. That's…" glancing away, she blinked fast, "…that's exactly what happened to me. I conveniently walked in on Ella lip locking this guy who works as a contractor. And we were committed."

Eyes wide, I stared at her. "Fuck."

"Her excuse was that he kissed her first and she couldn't push him off. But I guess her words changed when she melted in his embrace and decided to leave me. Imagine feeling that pain and then after about two months, there she is on your doorstep asking you to take her back. I slammed the door in her face."

"Regina is in a coma", I said.

"Fuck." Eyes wide now, she gasped. "That's horrible! What happened to her?"

"I happened to her." My face felt stiff, eyes dry, no emotion affecting me.

"What the hell did you do, Emma?"

"I drove the hell out of here, spent close to two days away, and whilst you and I were sharing a moment in a public restroom, she slipped into another world. That's the part that has…always…fascinated me", I said, and swallowed, "what exactly happens to you when you slip into a coma? Are you here or…there?"

"I don't know…" she eyed me with worry now, but I ignored that look, already losing grip on reality. "I guess that your soul leaves your body and wanders around a bit."

"So she's…here but not…here." Glancing around, I actually attempted to seek out Regina's ghost. "Nah, she's not here. She's with him."

"The baby's daddy?"

"Yup, or the wolf."

"The…wolf?"

"Red Riding Hood is her ex-girlfriend."

"Emma…"reaching out, I felt her fingers wrap around mine, taking my glass away, "…you've had enough. Let's stop now."

"I'm serious!" I said defensively. "Robin Hood is the baby's father and Red Riding Hood is her ex. She's the Queen from Snow White…Snow White is my mother and Prince Charming is –"

"And I'm Cinderella. You're drunk." She eyed me sympathetically.

"You're not Cinderella…she's…" taking my hand, she squeezed it.

"Emma, let's get you out of here, okay. I think this was a bad idea. Geez", pressing a hand to her forehead, she sighed, "I shouldn't have even allowed this, being an officer and all."

"I'm not going anywhere", I stated, pulling my hand away, growing angry. "I'm where I need to be."

"Sure, about to drink yourself into a numb state whilst having severe delusions. Come on, let's leave."

Ten minutes later and with her arm wrapped around my waist, we emerged into the late afternoon sun. Using a shaky hand, I shielded my eyes from the warm light and still continued to protest as she urged me to create distance between myself and the pub. I was literally fucked, walking on an unsteady ground as the world swung and the need to talk excessively felt like a good idea. Putting that aside, everything suddenly appeared so sharper, colorful, never gloomy as before when my boots had stepped into the building.

"So where do I take you?" Maria asked as we stopped across the street from the Diner. I eyed it with the flicker of flames tickling me inside, knowing that the wolf was in there.

"I can manage from here", I said, peeling her arm from around my waist and stepping forward dangerously. Stopping, I steadied myself, trying to gather some amount of balance. And when it was achieved, my boots planted themselves firmly upon the road as I crossed it whilst she bit back her disapproval.

"I'll see you around, Emma."

"I'll teach her a lesson", I growled.

"On second thought…" heels clicked behind me, "I'm not ditching you just yet."

When I strode into the Diner, my eyes glazed over the occupants, searching for red highlights, an extra short skirt and those ridiculously high red shoes. She was wiping the counter with a glum expression as eyes turned my way, and because I was not focused, the faces of those turned to me weren't recognizable immediately.

"Hey, wolf", I said in my firmest tone. Turning to look at me, the red checkered cloth ceased moving across the counter and a hand was planted on her right hip.

"When someone calls me that, I can become one in seconds." Her tone was already bitter.

"You're always one."

"Drunk already, you're really not worth my time", she said, shaking her head. "Go home, Emma. Knock yourself out with some sleeping pills or your…magic and do us all a favor."

"I have something to say to you", I said firmly, taking a step towards her. She never budged but held her ground.

"I don't want to hear it."

"But you will anyway."

"Don't push me, Sheriff. I'd bite your freaking head off in seconds. Not in the mood for your fucking drama, so turn around and head out." We glared at each other as Granny rested her face in her hands, shaking her head in disbelief.

"Emma…let's go", Maria took my hand and I batted it away.

"Glad to see you're moving on though", Ruby said sarcastically with a smile, eyeing Maria. "Seems like blondes or whatever, stick together. Dumb and all…"

"Hey watch it, you", pointing a finger, Maria appeared angry. "You know nothing about me, so just back the hell off."

"So she runs into you last night…" Ruby said with a smile, pressing a finger to her chin, "and you two are buddies now. You really need to check your mental state, Emma."

"Let's go, Emma", I was urged. "Apparently dumb comes not only in blondes but brunettes too. And judging from her height, she's filled to the top."

"What did you just call me", Ruby said, throwing the towel unto the counter and coming our way, her heels clicked sharply upon the tiles, eyes glinting from anger.

I watched Maria stand her ground, folding her arms as those eyes never grew icy but remained cool and calm. There was something about her that intrigued me, the way she handled things as if fear wasn't ever a worry.

"You started it, darling", she said, eyes moving up and down Ruby's outfit with a smile. "And I have to tell you, once someone plays the blonde card, I can become the meanest bitch. So give me your best shot."

"You've somehow become her sidekick? Is that it?"

"She's a friend." I smiled.

"Already? What happened? Did you woo her with money to repair her fucked up car that you wrecked last night? She almost gets killed by you and suddenly the two of you are best buddies?"

"I don't believe that it's any of your business, chop stick." The room was so silent, I could hear myself breathing as Maria eyed me warily. "So this is the ex, Emma? I can see what your woman wanted from her. Maybe the fire was there but the personality surely must have sucked because she has the…" she waved a hand in front of Ruby, "…body but she has the bitchiest attitude."

"Oh you've asked for it", Ruby said, shaking her head, cheeks growing red. "You bitch…" when she grabbed Maria by her shoulders roughly, I rushed forward, snatching at her hands but apparently she was no match. As soon as the fight started, it ended right before my eyes and I stared in awe as Maria had Ruby's hands pinned behind her back in seconds.

"You need to calm yourself down, woman", she hissed, her lips pressed upon Ruby's right ear. "I'm an officer, and it wouldn't do you any good to whip out your claws just yet."

"Let me go", Ruby hissed back, eyes narrowed into slits.

"Oh but I'm enjoying this too much." Her laugh was music to my ears and I couldn't help but smile.

"Why don't you three take this outside?" Granny asked in a serious tone. "I'd like to keep my customers happy, not to fire them up."

"But I'm enjoying it", Whale noted with a huge smile on his face. "Fight. Fight. Fight." His fists hit the table in a rhythm but no one picked it up so the room grew quiet as he stared around with a frown.

"Emma, is there something you'd like to say?" Maria asked me.

Suddenly my head was blank. "I…forgot…" Shit. "Oh wait…" Ruby eyed me dangerously. "I remember now. You…" I took a step towards Ruby, "…had no right to speak to me in that manner before. All I ever did, it's what I thought was…best. But it wasn't. And I have…feelings…I…was hurt. I reacted. I don't regret the way I reacted because it's how I cope with things. What I regret is…taking that first step with her because everyone I've ever been in love with, they always end up hurt. I'm…cursed. I told her. But she pushed me and this is all her…fault. I wish…" swallowing, I eyed the door, "I wish everyone would just stop expecting so much from me, telling me what to do and let me just live my life by myself."

"Do that then", Ruby stated, her expression bland.

"I intend to."

"And whilst you're at it, stay away from her." Her eyes were hard.

"I've been places and I've been around many people", Maria said into Ruby's ear, still pinning her arms behind her back, "and this much is true: when you're someone's ex, you'll never make it back to first place. So maybe you should stop giving Emma a hard time and wake the fuck up. Whoever this Regina is, she's not interested in you because you're history. But when it comes to Emma, she's a fresh tickle, a recent spark. So put two and two together and figure the rest out, you might play the cards, but Emma will always win."

"Oh fuck off", Ruby muttered, clearly offended.

Just then, the door was pushed inwards and Robin stepped inside, eyeing the scene with wide eyes. Without waiting, I gave Ruby one last look and made my way towards him.

"We need to talk", I said in a low voice, avoiding his eyes.

"Sure…"

Stepping around him, I went outside, carefully making my way down the steps as the door swung shut behind him. Taking three steps towards the street, my eyes were closed as I turned on the spot, fists clenched.

"Emma, if this is about me working with the Sheriff's station, then I will assure you that if there is a problem of any kind, I will withdraw my services", and his eyes weren't harsh, neither was his tone. I detected genuine concern.

"Once we don't bump into each other often", I stated.

"I'll do my best to remember that", he tried a smile but I never returned one.

"It's all on you", I said to him, feeling a bit dizzy as my vision swam.

He waited, hands shoved in his jeans' pockets. "I'm sorry?"

"She…needs you."

"Regina?"

"Yeah, I think that you should just…" I waved a hand in front of me, "…the two of you should be together because that's what she wants and it's best."

"Emma, what are you talking about?" he frowned at me.

"I'm not the right one for her", saying it really did hurt my heart, "and I know because…this is not…love…it's not love at all. When two people are in love, it's not supposed to hurt or turn out this way. And I'm fed up of creating this…path of destruction where everyone I commit to ends up getting hurt. It's shit."

"Love is never easy", taking a step towards me, his tone was softened. "You cannot give up, Emma."

"I already have…"

"Don't say that."

"I wish people would just stop telling me what I should say and what I shouldn't say, or do, or be like, or…" holding my head in my hands, I groaned, eyes squeezed shut. "I just want this to stop…I want everything to stop hurting so much. Fuck."

"It's your choice if you wish the pain to stop", he said softly, "all you have to do is to embrace how you truly feel."

"How I feel?" I asked, staring at him in bewilderment. "No one gives a shit about how I feel, not even you."

"Regina gives a shit. But as you pointed out before leaving, it's you who doesn't give a shit about her. And you boldly told her that you really couldn't care less about how she feels or what happens to her. So all of that apparently led to her demise because she just can't stop herself from loving you –"

"I think that you should be there for her", I said, ignoring his words, shutting them out.

"And why would you believe that holds any truth?"

"Because you're her soul mate", I stated, looking at him. "I'm not that privileged. The two of you are…connected."

"But you're the one she loves."

"She doesn't love me!" I snapped, fists clenched, "she never did! It was all about you and Ruby whilst I was…just the Savior, Miss…Swan, whatever. And I've only ever succeeded in causing her pain, hurting her around every corner, so how the hell could she possibly love me?"

"I can safely put it across in her words, as she said…" he glanced up at the sky, "…no matter how much it hurts to be in love with Emma, I will always hold unto that feeling because it's what my heart tells me to do."

"Well look where holding unto that feeling led her", I reminded him, my eyes stinging, "she's in a…coma and there's nothing I can do to wake her up."

"You've tried kissing her…" he frowned at me, waiting.

"That's your job, not mine, remember?" I said sarcastically.

"Emma, it didn't happen that way."

"Sure", I turned on my heels and began to walk away but he followed.

"I wish that you can just trust our word for it, and I know that it's difficult to do that but if you walk away, then you're going to regret it. Regina isn't going to give up on you, and I know that you can…feel that."

"Whatever", I muttered, leaving him to stand by the fence as I walked away.

"She needs you. Everyone around here knows that. Why can't you see it?"

"Because I broke her curse", I said, spinning around to face him, "but I'm not her Savior. I never was. I can bring back the happy endings but there's one thing that's definite: she's not my happy ending and I'm not hers."

"Then what if she doesn't wake up and she…" he left his sentence hanging.

"She wouldn't let go when there's you and Ruby to revive her every time she falls."

"Emma!"

"Good night", I said in conclusion, and stormed off.

It's a decision I made, a decision made way before my mind became fuzzy from intoxication. A drink could numb the pain, could chase the fears away whilst it lasted. Tequila could make you do the dumbest things, say the stupidest things. I knew that much. I realized that I was drunk when those things escaped from my lips but on a fair estimation, I can guarantee you that when I woke up the next morning with a hangover, the same decision remained. The feelings came back, ripping me apart but my head was held strong on the stand I decided to take, me giving her space. He should be there for her whilst I kept my distance because to be honest, my presence was very detrimental. It's clear as crystal what my involvement in her life is doing. And I just can't continue to fight or be with a woman who suffers from it. To me, she seems to be holding back from what her heart desires and it's not me. It's him, or Ruby or whoever she chooses.

But it's not me.

Everyone I was with, they somehow ended up either dead or heartbroken all because my actions were somehow destructive. With Graham, everything just ended abruptly, as it did with August because just as I was showing some interest in him, the curse weighed in on us. Then there was Walsh who was a freaking monkey. There was Killian who grew fed up with my hesitations and distracted mind, up to a point where our relationship felt forced simply because my mind was elsewhere. My mind had been on Neal. Speaking of him, he's now trying to move on with someone else, and I'm giving him a hard time when what I should be doing is to just accept it. I was the one who broke up with him. It's only fair that I stand by his decision to get over me and move on. But it's not easy because out of all the men I've dated, Neal is by far the best. He's been there for me through some of the toughest times of my life and we've created this bond that cannot be severed no matter what.

Maybe he's my soul mate.

The following night, after spending an entire day patrolling by myself, keeping out of everyone's way, I ended up at the same pub. Sitting there by myself with no one around to harass me, my eyes swum inside the swirling cocktails as I swallowed one after the next, deciding to let go of the Tequila. My downfall was slow but effective as the heart ache diminished and was replaced with a coldness inside of me that didn't feel bitter but thick, black and intoxicating. Very soon, I was a complete rock, free from the bitterness of feelings as a familiar pair of eyes met mine, frowning at the glass in front of me.

"Swan, you have to stop this", Killian demanded, sliding into the seat across from where I sat. "Drinking your pain away, it's not permanent."

"Coming from you, that's funny." Eyes on the pool table, I watched Robin have a go whilst Whale watched on.

"Listen to an expert then."

"Whatever."

"Your friend…" he said as the music played on, same old country western, nice and slow, "Maria, what's her story?"

"Huh?" focusing on his face, I could only hear the rhythm of the music.

"Officer Brink, the gorgeous blonde that has taken an interest in you, suddenly deciding to stick around", he was watching me carefully, "she could be a problem, you do know that?"

"I don't know anything."

"Emma, there's a strange lass here who finds you very interesting."

"So?"

"Why do I get the feeling that whilst you were on your road trip, the two of you crossed paths?"

"Stop being paranoid", I said, avoiding his eyes.

"She followed you back here for a reason." He folded his arms upon the table as I admired the denim shirt, two buttons undone, the wink of his earring. "Either it's a romantic interest or she's got motive, something darker up her sleeves. And from the looks of it, her character is shady."

"Why?" I frowned.

"The lass cornered me in the Diner, asking questions about you…"

I swirled my cocktail around, somehow empty, showing no concern because I felt none.

"She has also been asking about Regina."

That caught my attention even though I wished that my concern would be lacking. Eyes wide, I waited.

"Of course I refused to feed her information, until she cornered Neal and Tinkerbell fired up her sass, demanding that she take herself out of sight. Everyone wants to know why she's here except you and this is quite unlike you, Emma. Things like this worry you on normal circumstances but this lady is receiving your approval without effort. Neal told me a little about this investigation into a murder."

"So you're both discussing me behind my back?" I asked, clearly offended.

"Well you aren't exactly cooperating, refusing to tell us anything –"

"Right now, I don't give a shit about anything", I said dryly, "if you've all got a problem with Maria, then ask Robin and David to remove her from the town. I don't care and I don't want to care."

"She's working with the police", he reminded me, his face registering shock. "Suppose she's here as part of this investigation?"

"There's no way anyone can enter here since the town line is fixed now because Gold is back and he did…something to it, as Neal said. So if she's a problem, why don't you all assemble a squad parade and drive her out of Storybrooke? That way, there's no way she can come back in. If that makes you sleep at night."

"So you don't care at all."

"Nope", I shook my head, glancing away, "my life sucks already."

Silence stretched on afterwards, and in that time, my face was studied from where he sat. The game at the table was going good as Whale bounced around in excitement whilst Robin appeared crestfallen. I suddenly realized that I once managed to beat Whale at a game of pools and if Robin was losing, then there was at least something I was better at. She should have been here to see this, believing that he was perfect. Thinking about it now, I was way younger than her anyway, whilst he had been around for a long time. So the age difference was another thing he held above me. But then there was Belle and Gold. I could never understand how two people separated by so many years could be so in love with each other.

"You've…had enough, Swan", Killian said, taking the glass away from me as I eyed him with a hint of anger. "How long are you going to keep this up for?"

"Until the pain goes away."

"The pain will never go away unless you do something about it, and drinking is not the answer. Other methods such as talking to someone, or reading a book might prove beneficial."

"Are you freaking serious?" I studied his face. "Oh right, I should run to read Pride and Prejudice where Lizzie falls for the dashing, sophisticated man who's not skilled in conversing, and they go through the hardships of insulting, degrading each other, defaming characters –"

"But still managing to find each other in the end as they end up marrying each other", he cut in, smiling as I was cross still. "You honestly believe that your current situation relates to that book?"

I refused to answer.

"Regina is Darcy and you're Lizzie?"

"Do Pirates actually read?" I asked sarcastically. "I thought you knew the inside of your ship like a book alone."

"Sarcasm noted."

"None was offered", I smiled.

"Swan, you're a work of art."

"I remember you telling me that when we had our first date. I actually wore a dress for you because you were that special to me."

His eyes registered hesitation in sharing my humor. "That was a very long time ago. We've both moved on."

"We have, we're just friends now. And I'm not trying to flirt."

Eyeing me for a couple of seconds, my face being the focus of intense scrutiny, he then chose to relax a bit, sighing, "for a moment there I thought you were about to cross the line between friends and…"

"Emma Swan is better off all by herself", I said, my words slurring a little. "I can't be with anyone because I lose them, fuck up the relationship or…put them in an unconscious state." Swallowing hard, I frowned. "What time is it anyway?"

"Just around seven, on a Sunday night and you're halfway to the moon already. Did you visit Regina today?"

"Crap, I could have been watching reruns of NCIS. Dammit." I watched Robin press the tip of his stick unto Whale's chest as the two of them glared at each other. "I feel so empty, and unappreciated, everyone's just treating me like shit."

"I feel offended because here I am, sitting with you, and I've been labelled most inappropriately", giving me that sad face, he actually softened the ice inside of me for a few seconds. "What can I do to cheer you up somewhat, as a friend?"

I laughed. "I like that, as a friend…"

"A dance, that's it. Up you get."

"A…dance…" I stared at him as he rose to his feet, stretching a hand out in my direction. "I can't remember the last time I actually…danced with someone…"

"Is Neal that hopeless at romancing a woman?"

"His idea of dancing is on the sofa in front of a game."

Never sharing my joke, he pulled me up and I could feel Robin's eyes on me as I was led to the dance floor where one other couple was holding unto each other. I remembered thinking, oh fuck it, so what? I could dance with whomever because we were just friends and there was nothing going on between us. That's the way it was as we slow danced and he held me against him. The scent of his aftershave tickled my nose whilst I pressed my face into his shoulder and when my eyes met Robin, there he stood with his pool stick in a hand, watching me with an…expression. His eyes were filled with disbelief, and a bit of worry as my hand was wrapped around Killian and for the second time in a stretch of a month, I found some comfort in the arms of an ex. Neal could feel warmer, and safer. Killian felt like a good friend, offering me anything he could and I accepted it.

I accepted the feeling of knowing that at least someone cared enough to do something that could lighten the mood. Dancing wasn't really the best, because the icicles still formed inside of my chest. But it helped by being in someone's arms, knowing that there had been happy memories, warm ones that I could cling unto amidst the winter raging inside my heart. How could you ever choose to keep on hurting someone? Is that even fair? I preferred to suffer through the hurt myself, and the man that was watching me was probably the best candidate for her. Not me.

Really, my mind cannot really register on what happened, but I somehow heard a familiar voice and upon turning around, Robin was leaving. But I caught the floral pattern of a dress that my eyes had seen many times before and realizing that it was my mother, my grip on Killian's waist tightened.

"What's wrong, love?" he asked into my ear as Taylor Swift's 'Everything has changed' drifted through the speakers. Studying my face, I only stared at the door, watching as Snow threw me one last look, one that was filled with disbelief and anger before storming out, Robin in tow.

"Mom just saw us", I said, releasing my grip on him slowly as he let me. "Now everyone's going to think that I've moved on with you."

"With me?" he asked, smiling comically.

"Killian, this is not funny", I remarked, lashing his arm playfully, "I'm with…no one right now."

"But you are…with me."

"Yeah but I mean, relationship wise, she probably thinks that something's going on between us."

"However, you and I both know the truth", tucking my hair behind my ears, he studied my face further, "we're just friends. You've gone astray, finding excitement in the same gender, so I can only assume that Neal and I stand no chance in giving you exactly what is needed."

I was distracted. Eyes upon the door as it swung shut, I quickly stepped away and made my way towards it. And as it was pushed outwards, my boots stepped over the threshold just in time to see Robin ducking into my father's minivan after my mom. As the door was pulled shut, dad ignited the engine and turned into the street. It had me thinking, what the hell was going on but then I only could guess that it was an emergency or something.

That night when I got home, Snow was waiting up for me, her legs tucked under, fingers wrapped around a cup of cocoa. Shrugging off my jacket, I hung it on the rack and maintained eye contact as she stared at me without a smile.

"Good night…"

"Is it?" she asked, her voice crisp. I stopped, watching her, waiting. "I suppose it is."

"What happened tonight?" I frowned, searching her face. "I saw Robin leave with you."

"What do you think happened, Emma?" she asked, blowing her cup, "we went to see Regina."

"So late?" I went closer to her, deciding to sit on the arm of the chair. "What's wrong?"

"I thought that you didn't care anymore?"

"I…do…"

"Someone had to look after Regina, so Robin and I often check in, to change her clothes, to check on things. That's supposed to be your concern too, that she's taken care of because she's currently unconscious but apparently you have other things or…people on your mind."

"Here we go", I muttered, closing my eyes.

"You had fun tonight, didn't you?" there was sarcasm in her tone, "you've been having so much fun since yesterday with a certain…ex."

"Killian and I are just friends."

"That's what you say."

"Believe it!" I snapped, feeling my insides pepper up with rage. A bit alarmed at how fast my anger grew, I just couldn't control it.

"What you're doing is wrong, Emma."

"What am I doing?" I asked her.

"You're hanging out with this…Maria, and you're cuddling up to Hook. It's not nice when Regina is…sick. She needs you the most now and you're letting what Ruby said get to you. But you can't listen to her. You can't listen to her at all."

"Regina has Robin…" getting up from the chair, I went to the fridge, pulling open the door as I searched for a Coke.

"Will you stop behaving so ignorant and stupid?" she asked in a loud voice, "you're trying to drink yourself mad and then you're doing the craziest things."

"It's my choice." Taking out a can of Pepsi, I pulled it open, and sipped.

"But you can't do this! You can't cozy up to Hook like that in public because it makes you look like an inconsiderate person and you're not."

"It's my life and I will do what the hell I want", I stated, "I don't need you or anyone else to tell me what I can do, who I should hang out with and what's important to me because I'm old enough to take care of myself."

"By drinking alcohol…repeatedly", she pointed out.

"Like I said, it's my choice."

"You're not thinking straight, Emma!"

"Funny but since she was the only woman I ever fell for, and I was fucked over, now I'm really thinking straight", I said, moving to the stairs, "whenever she wakes up, she's not going to come running to me, you'll see."

"Emma there's something I have to tell you."

"I don't want to hear it", stepping up the stairs, I ignored her upturned face as I went. "Night…"

After getting upstairs, I walked to the window and pulled it up, dusting my hands off whilst staring up at the sky. There wasn't a star in sight, just a crescent moon that was bright enough to cast an eerie glow on the house tops. And not a soul stirred down below. My eyes moved across the street, the doors shut tight and the serenity that was a usual thing just after nine o'clock on Sundays.

But something caught my eye as I stared at a black sleek car parked just across the street. With the windows rolled up, a slight tint added to hide the complete features of the person's face, I could feel eyes directed my way. There was no way in hell I had seen that car before, unless someone had parked out of sight for a long time. Then again, there were so many changes around here, it was difficult to keep track of everything. Something was suspicious about the car though, someone sitting out there with their eyes focused my way. And stepping behind the fluttering red blind, I still kept my attention focused on the driver's side as the person turned to face the street once more.

Fishing out my walkie, I fumbled with the button in the dark, eyes on the car. And when Robin answered, I was unfazed by his reply.

"Someone is hanging around outside my parents' apartment building", I said. Stepping into the room, I gave him the description of the car and heard the engine roar to life. Suddenly realizing that Robin was capable of driving a car, I remembered that dad had taught him before he and Regina left here.

When I moved to the window once more, I couldn't believe my eyes. Where the car was parked, there as an empty space, just in the alleyway nearby, a slice of black moved out of view. Head growing cold, I stared at the alleyway for a long time but nothing else moved.

Someone else was in town, I got a gut feeling. And it wasn't just Maria because the shape of the figure was that of someone else, not her. Killian was right, something was wrong here, definitely wrong and I had no clue as to what it was.

* * *

><p><strong>AN – Okay you can send me the frustratingly angry reviews based on Emma's behavior and thoughts now. Are you supportive of what Ruby had to tell Emma though? What about Maria's entrance into Emma's life and Storybrooke? What's going on? Can you guess? TEAM REGINA, TEAM EMMA, or TEAM RUBY?**

Xx


	15. What I Wanted To Forget

***First and foremost, thanks for all the reviews and support, for sticking with us when we drag on the updates! This chapter is LONG and we couldn't cut it because every part is crucial. Apart from that, a response to a review that asked us if Emma will lose her marbles: POSSIBLY YES PROBABLY MOST LIKELY. **

**Question by fan:**** What inspired you to write this story, apart from your personal experience?**

**Answer****: TWO SONGS. Britney Spears 'PERFUME' and Taylor Swift's 'All You Had To Do Was Stay'. Listen to them! I dare you!**

**Cheers!**

**Chapter Fifteen**

**Title: What I Wanted To Forget**

_"And every time I wanted to remember, every time she made me forget. And every time I loved her more, she wished that we'd never met." _

**Emma.**

I actually counted the days, really managed to keep a record of the hours that passed. But the last two weeks were just a complete blur as I stumbled in and out of a stoned state. Two weeks. Is it possible to have your life fly by without recollecting the particular activities that occurred in every hour? It's like the only thing that seemed right was to numb the feelings inside of me, the ongoing emotions that tightened my heart and restricted my breathing. Often times I'd honestly pass out from fatigue or just blank out completely and when my senses came back to life, there was no recollection of where the time had gone. To be honest, at first it frightened me because I began to feel unlike myself, as if someone had gutted me out like a fish and my insides were non-existent. Where my heart was supposed to be beating felt so hollow as if there was no life anymore, me feeling so cold as if no blood was coursing through my veins. Somehow I felt as if this could be a sign that I was losing control of myself. It's the point where you feel like someone else is taking control of your body and you're about to tumble off the edge, into a pit of darkness.

Something was eating away at me. It's like she was disintegrating my heart with every passing day her mind remained unconscious. And the worst part of it was that everything around me didn't exist anymore. Dad and Robin agreed to force me into temporary, never realizing that it would just make things worse.

Checking my cellphone, I stared into the back room whilst sitting in the Diner. And with one hand shoved into one of the pockets of my bronze leather jacket, I fingered the packet of pills. Deciding that I was long overdue for one since it was lunchtime, the packet was opened skillfully whilst still remaining hidden as I fished out a capsule, filled with the right enough mixture to numb myself. As I popped three into my mouth, downing them with soda, Henry slid into the seat opposite me, resting a small red cardboard box upon the table between us. Eyeing it with confusion, I felt my head swing.

"Thanks for meeting me", he said, his eyes never leaving my face as I begin to zone out, gaze still resting on the box. "Mom, I know that things haven't been alright between the two of us. And I'm really sorry."

I was lost in a sudden daydream, me sitting upon a bench as I faced the ocean with the wind whipping through my hair.

"Mom…"

If I could just sleep…

"Mom!"

Snapping out of it, I blinked rapidly, his face swimming into focus. "Yeah…"

"I'm here", he reminded me, worry clouding his eyes, "what's going on, mom?"

"Nothing", I said in a low voice, glancing away. "I'm fine."

"No you're not." The Diner was empty. "You're drinking and stuff –"

"I'm not drinking", I stated in a mild tone, "I was...just a million miles away, that's it."

"You're thinking of her, aren't you?"

"Who?" studying his eyes, I frowned.

"Regina…" I still couldn't focus, as my head felt fuzzy, "you know, my other mom, brunette, light brown eyes, husky voice, err…she's pregnant, was once the Evil Queen but then she fell in love with you and completely changed? That Regina…"

"Oh…" turning my eyes away, I focused on how steady my heart rate was, my breathing as well. "You hated me for loving her."

"I don't anymore." He waited and when nothing was said by me, the box was opened. "I've given it plenty of thought and came to this conclusion: if the two of you are in love with each other then it's fine by me."

"It is?" my eyes were turned to him now.

"Yeah, Regina's in a coma. And the last thing she said to me before shutting herself out was that she loved you so much. And if you left her, and I did too, then there's nothing else in the world left to make her happy. That's why she just…we have to find a way to wake her up, Emma."

"You're talking to the wrong person, kid", I said.

"No, I'm talking to the right person, and you know it."

"I really don't want to talk about her right now", my voice was robotic, and I noticed that without effort.

"Have you been getting any sleep at all? Your eyes look darker, and you look…paler…"

"I can't sleep."

"When was the last time you slept?"

"Three days ago…"

"Mom!"

"Yesterday for two hours", I said, eyes on the box.

"And last night?"

"Watched movies till this morning…"

"I don't want to lose both of my moms", he said. I lifted my eyes to look at him as his gaze softened from tears. "Please, I'm really sorry that I behaved the way I did before. And if it's my behavior that made you break up with Regina then you need to know that I don't care about you loving her like that at all. And you can be with her."

"I can't", I said in a small voice.

"Why?"

"I just…can't, Henry. I don't want to talk about it."

We remained silent for a long time, until he suddenly stood up enough to shove a hand inside the box. Then the next thing I knew, a blonde wig was held up, dangling from his hand as a huge smile stretched across his face.

"Well?"

"It doesn't suit you", I said with a bland expression.

"It's not for me! Geez!" resting it upon the table, he snatched out a pair of blue jeans and a tank top, "she left this box with me before leaving here two years ago", he said, opening the clothes before me on the table, "and she told me to give it to you if anything terrible ever happened to her. I have no idea what these things mean but I actually went through them before. Somehow I always wanted to give you the box, but Regina made me promise that I should give you if she…" he blinked the thought away, and swallowed hard. "But nothing's going to happen to her because you'd never allow that, right?"

"Of course not, kid", I said, clearly affected by the pain in his eyes.

"You've always believed in her. You've…always had this soft spot for her and no matter what, I really don't think that you'd just give up. That's why we have to try everything in order to make her wake up. And I thought that this box would be helpful for you…somehow." Opening the tank top, he watched my face. "Don't you remember this outfit?"

I couldn't remember ever owning a yellow tank top. In fact, my brain wasn't working properly at the moment so the only reaction he got from me was a blank stare.

"Your first Halloween here! Can't you remember? Come on, it was a memorable one, more than three years ago but I'm sure you can remember parts of it."

Oh fuck.

I really and truly couldn't remember at that moment. That was until reached out, my fingers touching the soft yellow material. And from the time I did that my eyes widened as the memory came slicing through my mind. It was overwhelming, like a rushing wave of foam that stimulated a part of my brain: kind of like an awakening. I heard a hoarse laughter whilst chasing her around the school, and immediately the flash of wide brown eyes filled my memory.

"I remember…" I said in a low voice, blinking fast enough, eyes resting on the outfit before me.

"What do you remember? Do you see something?"

Frowning, I tried really hard to focus on the thoughts racing through my mind, a swirling haze taking shape, almost like a projector shining upon a roll of film. As the images grew sharper and began to move, I felt a severe stinging sensation within my head because the past two weeks had been focused on me completely trying to keep my thoughts away from her. But now as those brown eyes were magnified behind my mind, I suddenly felt really different and it's not a sensation that's easy to explain.

"What do you remember about that night?" he asked, smiling at me.

"I remember…" eyes distant, I slouched in the seat, "…you dressed up as Bat Man, using one of her black curtains as your cape and she flipped on you."

"Regina never really realized that that one piece of curtain in her office was missing, honestly." He laughed as I tried a smile, feeling my face still stiff. "She notices every single thing, and I mean everything –"

"I know", my throat ached, "she's observant."

"And I swear, if I moved a pen on her desk, I think she would have noticed more than an entire curtain because the windows were always shut back then. Then…because of the other heavy curtain hanging there, the only way she could have seen one missing was if the blinds were drawn. But she never pulled them apart, always sitting in there with the lamp on like a bat in a cave…"

"Waiting on its prey to devour it", I muttered.

"Which was you by the way."

"Then her lipstick was always blood red, giving me chills when I'd go in there", I felt a shiver run through my spine, "like if she was a vampire."

He laughed at that, and so did I. I actually laughed. "Yeah, and what else do you remember from that particular trick or treating night in Storybrooke?"

"Hmm, there was an overcast sky, threatening rain, lightening. I remember that because you were afraid to even go trick or treating since the weather was…scary, being a baby and all."

"I was not!" he defensively admitted, "I was really afraid of the rain ruining my costume!"

"Right."

"Whatever, mom", he waited, smiling. "And then what happened?"

"Well, we went trick or treating and…when we…got to the Diner, Granny was handing out candy, sitting with a plastic bow and arrow amongst these cardboard cutouts of scary creatures. Somehow everyone was gathered around that area –"

"But you're missing out the best part!"

"What's that?" I frowned.

"Do you remember who you dressed up as?" leaning forward, he bit in his laughter.

"Of course I remember. How could I forget?" snorting, I glanced away.

* * *

><p>"<em>Kid, walking for four blocks in these heels are killing me already", I complained, sliding a hand into the top of my black skirt as I tucked in my red shirt. "Can we just…sit down or something?"<em>

_Henry's small face was upturned, smiling brightly. "I told you not to wear the heels. You should have just worn the boots. That could work too."_

"_It doesn't complete the outfit."_

"_Why in the world would you want to dress up as Regina anyway?" _

_I shrugged as Ruby approached us, dressed as a…Playboy bunny obviously. It wasn't exactly a…costume. "Maybe I need to make a fashion statement around here?"_

"_Groovy look", she said, chewing gum whilst her eyes roamed my outfit, smiling widely as well. "You need to like…unbutton the shirt at the top, showing a bit of lace. And –"_

"_I'm not wearing lace", I muttered as Henry waved at his friends, running over to them. "That part was not gonna happen."_

"_But you're wearing the stockings though", she pointed out. "And the high heels, and the wig which looks totally hot by the way. Brunette looks…good on you."_

"_Yeah, yeah." I smiled back at her. "How about the makeup, did I get it right?"_

"_Eyeliner…check…" she studied my face, "right shade of lipstick…blood red…check. And the apple earrings, totally amazing." We both laughed at that one. "For a moment there when you walked up, I could have sworn that it was Regina. But then I noticed the walk."_

"_The…walk?" I frowned._

"_You don't have the…this…walk…she walks a certain way, with an…air…as if she's the President and runs things."_

"_I can't copy that walk, trust me."_

"_Unless you pretend that everywhere you walk is a runway and you're the Top Model."_

"_Definitely not my style." Archie walked up to us, hugging a pumpkin with a lantern inside._

"_Madame Mayor I had no idea that you were interested in trick or –" turning to face him, I smiled, holding in my laughter. "Goodness! Emma!"_

"_Wait, is that Emma?" Granny asked from her arm chair, still holding the bow and arrow aimed at the children who ran through the cardboard cutouts. "I thought that it was the Mayor!"_

"_You wear the…Mayor look…quite nicely, I must admit", Archie pointed out._

"_Nah, authoritative positions, not my kind of thing, besides, I hate wearing these sophisticated itchy suits. Stockings…ugh."_

"_So…what was the motivation behind this…costume?" he asked. Whale snorted from the sidewalk as he eavesdropped._

"_It's obvious, isn't it?" he said, joining the conversation. "It's a nice move to mock Madame Mayor. You're out to get it if she sees you though, Emma."_

"_I want to be around when that happens!" Ruby choked on laughter, doubling over._

"_I can just imagine the look on her face when she sees you", Archie beamed at me. "Hey, trying the look on for size, why don't you head over to Town Hall and walk in on her, dressed like that?"_

"_Are you mad?" I asked, eyes wide from disbelief. "She might throw pens at me like darts or something." I shuddered. "That's like walking into the line of gunfire."_

"_Ah, she might just laugh it off."_

_Whale stared at Ruby. "Does…Regina…laugh?"_

_A few seconds of silence elapsed before we erupted into laughter. I had to be careful with my eyeliner, hoping that it wouldn't be ruined by the tears formed in my eyes from laughing._

"_I don't know but I always got this feeling that she was never a…baby. It's like, I can't imagine her as a baby, all cute and cuddly, you know?" Ruby said as we all shared in the humor. _

"_Well she had to have been a small child at some point!" Archie remarked. "Unless…"_

"_Unless she only came in size large." Whale tried to maintain a straight face._

"_Oh fuck!" Ruby reached to the back of her, taking a hold of the fence as she choked on laughter. _

"_You people are really terrible!" I said in disbelief, laughing as well. _

"_You know, to be honest..." Whale wiped the corners of his eyes, "I pity the person who falls in love with her, dates her and has to put up with her through marriage. I mean, can you imagine how she'd dominate a relationship? No, we can't make love! It's not in my schedule!" he tried a serious face, "intimacy you say? I'll have to check my appointment book!"_

"_The serious types are always the romantic ones", I said, tugging at the collar of my suit jacket. _

"_She strikes me as the kinky type, dressing up in the bedroom, fuzzy handcuffs and whips…" Ruby added as Whale's jaw dropped open. "I mean, look at it this way, you can tell a lot from how a woman dresses, how she sits. Regina covers up the parts men want to see. She never ever exposes cleavage which I can only assume is because she's Mayor. But it's like, she makes your imagination run wild. Plus how she sits with her legs crossed, all upright, lips pursed…"_

"_You've given the Mayor quite a study", Archie commented, smiling at Ruby._

"_She has a thing for Regina, that's so obvious."_

_Ruby glared at Whale. "Hey watch your mouth!"_

"_Every single morning Regina passes by here, you're outside fixing that sign and I have caught your eyes wandering…"_

"_It's only because I'm admiring her…suits…" she said defensively._

"_I'm sure you are", Whale smirked, folding his arms. "Want to get a taste of the Mayor?"_

"_I don't…mind."_

_When his eyes flew open, and Archie swallowed hard, I shook my head and laughed. "I don't see how anyone can be attracted to her. Her personality stinks, plus, she's probably the bitchiest woman I've ever come across and with a behavior like that, it's not attractive at all."_

"_So you…considered it."_

_I eyed Whale with a glare. "I considered what?"_

"_If she's attractive…"_

"_You're unbelievable!" I said, shaking my head. _

"_Men love the idea of women being attracted to women", Ruby noted, smiling at Whale. "So don't feel any way about it."_

"_I'm not…attracted to…Regina." My face remained serious._

"_Oh come on, we've seen the two of you go at it in public, all this heat and drama. You're up in each other's faces, about to practically…kiss!"_

"_Kiss?" I asked Whale, staring wide eyed at him. "That's…I'm…it's…I'm not into women! And even if I was, Regina would be the last person on earth I'd ever find attractive or…dateable."_

"_Aw don't be so hard on her, Emma", Ruby said frowning. "She's not all that bad."_

"_Regina?" I asked, searching her face._

"_Yeah, she's an acquired taste."_

"_One I bet you want to taste, eh Ruby?"_

_She stepped forward and punched him on his arm, appearing cross, but her cheeks were flushed pink. "Shut up, asshole."_

"_Wait a minute…" my smile disappeared as Archie frowned at something behind me, somewhere on the street. "Wait one minute…isn't that…"_

"_Pathetic…asshole…you…stupid…" Ruby was hitting Whale repeatedly, snatching him as she pushed him about whilst he cowered._

_Turning my eyes to find Archie's focus, I froze up._

"_Isn't that…impossible", he muttered, as my eyes rested on someone making their way down the street, backing us whilst the exact shade and length of my hair fluttered in the wind. _

_I couldn't believe it. Whoever it was definitely looked like me from the back, knee high boots, blue denim jeans and all. As whoever she was neared my car, I noticed her steps slacken and whilst Ruby thumped the stuffing out of Whale, Archie and I watched as a face was turned towards us. For a few seconds, I tried to detect familiarity but none was made from the distance between us. The way the person's hair fell was exactly like mine._

"_Do you by chance have a twin?" Archie asked._

"_I…no." I turned to him and by the time my eyes were returned to the opposite end of the street, whoever it was had disappeared._

_An hour later after Archie and Ruby decided to tag along for the rest of the journey, as Henry and two of his friends continued to trick or treat, we ended up at the school. And on the lawns, tents were set up as people in various costumes strolled about, chatting among themselves. Eyeing Ruby, I waited on an explanation._

"_Oh it's this annual thing we have, you know, like a Halloween gathering."_

"_Really?" I asked._

"_Yeah, there aren't much activities happening around here, so every small opportunity to…mingle is a big thing. Plus there's food and drinks. Who's to complain? Come on." Taking Archie's hand, she walked off with him as Henry separated himself from me, running towards Mary Margaret who stood with baskets of candy under a tent._

_Frowning, I followed him._

"_Emma, how nice it is to see you here!" she announced, swelling with joy. _

"_Hi, you're busy…"_

"_Well, yes and it's exciting."_

_I eyed the children helping themselves to handfuls of toffees as she paid no attention to their amounts and her eyes remained on me. _

"_Nice costume…" hiding her smile behind a hand, she eyed my outfit. "Has she seen you as yet?"_

"_I really don't think that a person like her would even step outdoors on a night such as this one." Glancing around, I detected sparkles and glowing pumpkins._

"_Oh she's around here somewhere", Mary said. I turned to her with wide eyes. _

"_She is?"_

"_Yeah, I just saw her."_

"_She's…in costume?" my eyes remained wide._

"_Definitely."_

"_I don't believe that at all!"_

"_You'll see", smiling at me, she suddenly frowned at the empty baskets before her. "Oh no! Where did…" glancing around, her hands flew up to cover her cheeks in horror._

_Leaving Mary to throw a fit over her empty baskets, I waltzed over to the stand displaying pumpkins carved into all kinds of creative forms. And as I stood there admiring the art work, I smelt a familiar perfume. It's funny but one thing about me is that I remember smells. I remember faces as well. But fragrances…that's something that never passes my nose. And the fragrance was so familiar; I immediately turned on the spot and bumped into someone standing directly behind me. At first, I remembered thinking that my mind had gone completely mad and there was this vision of a person standing before me. Blonde hair, brown eyes, pink lips, and a face I could never ever forget although we had recently met but our paths had been crossed over a million times perhaps._

"_Regina?" I gawked at her the swell of her boobs just above the yellow tank top._

_Her eyes rolled over my outfit with a glare. "How dare you."_

_I tried to appear unfazed by her intensified anger. "Nothing wrong with going formal for Halloween, right?" lifting my arms, I grinned. _

"_That is a complete mockery to my image." She folded her arms, the sleeves of the red leather jacket bunching up. "As Mayor I can sue you for attempt to destroy the public image of an authoritative figure who –"_

"_I had no idea that you owned a jacket just like mine", I pointed out, eyes resting on her perfect figure, the absence of a tummy bulge, the way her tank top was tucked neatly inside those blue jeans, those same jeans hugging her legs as well. _

"_You actually own a pair of heels?"_

"_It surprises me that you wear…jeans…"_

"_Skirts and stockings really don't suit you, Miss Swan."_

"_The fact that your boobs are squished up like that in your top just…hurts my mind, really…" I kept looking at them without any shame. "Plus you still look ridiculously posh in casual wear and it's not…right. You look like this Barbie doll…cop who's fresh out of the academy, totally afraid of using a gun and completely…you're just out of character."_

"_Well pardon me for lacking your…manly…stance", she declared, eyes coolly holding my gaze. "I really prefer to walk like a woman should."_

_My mouth was formed into an O. _

"_Added to that, your make up is already smudged, there's a slight rip in your stockings…on your left leg…right there", she pointed whilst I checked it out in horror. "And you've been wearing ME for how long now…an hour?"_

"_It's kind of hard being a sophisticated bitch in a suit", I muttered, pressing a finger to the tear in my stockings, leg kinked at the knee._

"_What?"_

"_I said these stockings are seriously itching, so does the suit."_

"_You did not say that to me just –"_

"_Oh great, something to drink!" I exclaimed as Ruby handed a plastic cup to me, filled with Coke. Sniffing it, my nose detected a whiff of alcohol. I narrowed my eyes at her. _

"_It's a finger of rum with soda, drink the fuck up", she remarked smartly, as a cup was waved in front Regina. _

_She eyed it warily, arms folded. "No thank you."_

"_I come all the way over here to fetch you something to wet your throat, and you're going to block my kind offer?"_

"_I don't accept drinks, especially alcoholic drinks from anyone." Glancing away warily, Regina rolled her eyes. _

"_Does she think that I'm going to poison her or something?" Ruby asked, raising an eyebrow. "Look, Whale was there when I poured the drinks, ask him if he saw me slip poison into your drink…Madame…Mayor."_

_She eyed him, awaiting a response as he folded up from her direct glare that probably burnt from inspecting his thoughts. "Uh…no, no not at all, there wasn't any move on Ruby's part to slip poison into these drinks." Swallowing hard, he forced himself to look elsewhere as Regina's brown eyes began to burn like hot melted chocolate._

"_Loosen up a bit", I dared to suggest. Those eyes were turned to me now as I felt the intensity. "You…are…dressed as me, and I'd take the drink, no complains. So go ahead and take a sip, might do you some good."_

"_How?"_

_Whale snorted, hiding his grin behind a hand as he looked away._

"_I dare you to drink it", Ruby said. _

"_So do I." Folding my arms, she maintained eye contact with me as I prolonged the link from our eyes meeting. _

"_This is ridiculous. Why in the world would I give in to your senseless demands?"_

"_Because if you don't, then we'll swap car keys", I said to her, never looking away, "and since you're me tonight, you'll get to drive home in my cute little yellow bug, whilst I enjoy the luxury and smell of your Benz." Little did she know I hadn't driven to that destination._

"_You wouldn't dare."_

"_I can easily get your keys from off of you, Regina", I stated boldly. _

"_That would be harassment."_

"_I am willing to take my chances."_

"_I would file a report if you tried to…touch me…" there was a slight change in her tone, but I somehow decided that maybe my mind was running on paranoia._

"_Hand over the keys then or I'm going to conduct a search", flexing my fingers, I maintained a straight face._

_She glared at me for a long time, and within that space of time, Ruby and Whale kept looking at us in silence. Something puzzled me about her manner: the way she kept eye contact without looking away, as if trying to seek something out. Or prove a point. But I had no idea what were her intentions because Regina's eyes were unreadable. All I could be reminded of when looking into them was two small pools of swirling hot chocolate, melting from the heat within her. However, I could detect that she was slowly moving from being completely mad at me to another sort of fire flickering behind her eyes. For some time, the look in her eyes troubled me. And because the place was suddenly burning up, I found it hard to breathe whilst those same eyes narrowed._

"_It's getting hot in here", Ruby sang, "can you feel the fumes emanating from the surrounding space, Whale?"_

"_Definitely", I heard him say._

"_It's like, we don't need to rub sticks on a freaking stone or something to start a fire because –"_

"_Fine", Regina said in a clipped tone, snatching the cup from Ruby. Her eyes remained on me._

"_I bet that you can't even drink half."_

"_If I drink this, then you need to do something for me in return", she stated, sniffing the contents within the cup with a frown._

_Ruby was gawking and so was Whale._

"_What do I have to do?"_

_She eyed them crossly, "Whale, take Miss Lucas for a walk, as far away as you like."_

_There was no response and turning her glare to them, his eyes widened. "Definitely!" _

_I watched them walk away as he tugged Ruby from the spot because she refused to move. And then when we were left alone, Regina turned to me once more, a smirk definite on her face._

"_So?" I eyed her, waiting whilst she gulped down the soda and snatched my cup, still untouched._

"_That's…mine." I was hurt._

"_It's mine now."_

"_Hey, you just can't do…" watching me, she swallowed half of the contents, "…that…geez…"_

"_I own everything in this town, Miss Swan, which means automatically that…I own you. So whatever belongs to you, belongs to me as well."_

"_That's…disturbing", I declared. "My…boobs…belong to you as well?"_

"_All in due time", she said, eyeing me with a smile._

"_You're joking, right?"_

"_Miss Swan", she said, her smile disappearing, "Henry has declared that I'm too…chicken to venture into the Horror House…as they call it", she said in her husky voice, throwing a glance at the shabby house that old dude who did wood work had built obviously [speaking as from knowing now, it was Geppetto]._

_I actually smiled in shock at her. "So if I'm following your line of thought here, you want me as company to…go in there?"_

"_I don't…" our eyes met, "yes."_

"_You've got to be kidding me."_

"_Ah there he is…" her eyes rested upon someone else, "Henry, come here for a minute, dear." I swallowed the remaining soda from my cup, and then realized that her lips had violated the rim before me. _

_Eyeing her with hesitant eyes, Henry approached slowly, clutching a large plastic bag obviously crammed with candy. "Yeah?"_

"_A decision has been made", she took a hold of his shoulder and brought him in nearer, bending her back to look him in the eyes. "Miss Swan has taken up the challenge and she has agreed to step inside the horror house alongside me."_

"_Wait a minute", I frowned. "Challenge?"_

"_Just so you know, it's all for fun unless she's the one who will back out because she's too…afraid." "Afraid of a stupid house built from plywood and filled with dangly objects and eerie sounds? Pssh." I shook my head in disbelief. "Bring it on."_

"_Emma's not afraid of anything", Henry said flatly, "she's braver than you."_

"_Is she?" Regina asked. Standing up, she threw me a glare, "we'll see about that. Stop hesitating, Miss Swan." Eyeing the house, she sucked in air, hands on her hips. "Let's move forward."_

"_Willingly", I said, admiring her nervousness with a smile. Honestly, she was afraid of going into a freaking Horror House? I could tell from her body language alone that she was and it was pretty funny to admit that I really and truly liked it._

"_Two more cups of refreshments", Ruby said, swaying towards us, her words slurring. The cups were snatched from her hands without hesitation._

_Glaring at each other, Regina and I both swallowed the Coke laced with heavy alcohol before the burning sensation almost choked us. Sputtering, I coughed from the intense feeling as my eyes watered and so did hers._

"_What the –"_

"_Jesus", she swore, her voice breaking up._

_Ten minutes later, we stood side by side facing the House of Horror. When we stepped over the threshold, and the door slammed shut behind us, I felt her grab my right arm in the dark. And somewhere towards the far left in front of us, there was the sound of maniacal laughter that filled the silence. I immediately recognized that sound effect as the same laughter used in Michael Jackson's 'Thriller' song. Pathetic as it was, I actually smiled as she quickly batted away my arm in the dark and made a fuss in trying to obviously suck it up._

_Laughing, I stepped forward, another step, then another and as our shoulders brushed together, a clump of fuzz felt upon me. My hands captured whatever it was, tossing as much of the fuzz aside as Regina was overreacting beside me. The last thing I needed was for her to start hyperventilating or something and pass out. So deciding that it would help her situation if I batted away the fake spider webs, I started to pinch the stuff off. As soon as I touched her exposed shoulder, she froze up. And it's then when I realized that yeah, the red leather jacket had been taken off and she probably had it tied around her waist or something. _

"_It's just cotton wool", I said to her._

"_I know that", her voice was unsteady._

_Deciding that I'd separate myself from her, you know, take the distance between me and the backdoor in full strides, I walked forward boldly. About two minutes later, after being snatched and clawed at by people obviously hiding in the dark, I emerged into the back room with a smile on my face. _

_Regina was nowhere to be seen._

_Glancing back through the dark room, I wondered if she had passed out during the snatching or the hisses coming from all corners. I was actually worried, honestly. Standing there, my insides felt a bit mushy as I kept waiting on her to step into the room but she didn't. A minute passed, and then three. After that, I was filled with shock, as cold as ice although the situation wasn't that bad. But she wasn't coming out and something had to be wrong._

_Going back in, I tried to search for her but in vain, calling her name as the hand snatching was repeated and whispers filled the silence. Maybe she had tricked me, going back through the front or escaping through the back door without me seeing her. Then again, she could be somewhere in here, passed out on the floor. Deciding that I'd leave her there just for fun because really and truly, this wasn't an actual horror house, I went through the back. _

"_Mom! You made it out!" _

"_Yeah, kid. It wasn't all that bad."_

"_You're so brave, I knew it", he beamed up at me._

_Just as Henry was hugging me with a huge grin on his face, my eyes caught a fluttering curtain of hair just at the side of the school. A face remained featureless from the distance between us, but I detected a slice of red around the person's waist. _

"_I'm so glad you won!" Henry was tugging at my hand, excited. But my eyes remained on the bare faced trickster. "She probably went back through the front because she's scared."_

"_Kid…" I said, as my eyes followed her moving out of sight, "I'll be right back."_

"_Where are you going?"_

"_Just a minute", I muttered, moving him aside. And off I went, after her._

_I mean, it had to be her. Who else could it be? The blonde hair, red jacket tied around her waist. Even from the distance between us, I knew it was her. Running in heels was a bitch, sprinkling pain around my calves and ankles as I darted through the grass and after the imposter. But as soon as I rounded the corner of the school, she was already rushing towards the back, a hand reaching up to snatch off the blonde wig as the red leather jacket flew in the wind. See, the thing is, she had a huge advantage because of the flat soles of her knee high boots. Me, I reached down, pulled off the freaking high heels and they dangled from my grasp as I ran after the now maniacal sound of her hoarse laughter. The wind whipped through my wig, rustling the leaves of the trees planted in the school yard. And the entire place was eerily lit, a soft moonlight cascading upon the ground and building._

_I chased her around the back of the building and just as she slacked her pace, pulling on the double back doors leading into the school, my hands snatched her bare shoulders. Turning her around, she gasped, brown eyes wide, taking ahold of my arms, trying to escape. The struggle was senseless because I had her sandwiched between me and the door. And there was no way in hell she was about to escape._

"_How did you get out?" I asked, as her breath tickled my face, the feel of her smooth skin beneath my fingers really did spark some kind of reaction from me._

"_Let go of me."_

_Catching her hands around the wrists, I held them between us, pressing her back whilst our eyes searched faces. "How did you do it?"_

"_Miss Swan, I –"_

"_Don't Miss Swan me, Regina", I hissed, pulling her closer as our bodies were pressed together. From the contact alone, she stared at me as if I was overwhelmingly trying to do something to her, eyes wide, lips slightly parted. "What happened back there?"_

"_I won."_

"_There is no way you could have gotten out of there in front of me."_

"_Yes I did."_

"_How?"_

"_I did."_

"_How?"_

"_I just…did! Now get your hands off of me before I –" _

"_File a harassment report on me?" she struggled, trying to free her hands. "Go ahead and do it. Someone has to harass the Mayor, right?"_

"_This is unjust."_

"_Call it what you like."_

"_You're not supposed to do this!" she demanded, eyes flashing._

"_Tell me how you got out!"_

"_Remove your hands from me or I will rip them off." All her effort was put into that glare but it just couldn't suffice because she was really affected by being in a defenseless situation. _

_My head began to swing as I itched to laugh suddenly. "I should just search for your keys now."_

"_Em-ma", she said hoarsely, eyeing me with wide eyes._

_I was astounded. "Did you just call me –"_

"_Oh fuck it", she growled, and the fight began as her hands tried to shove me away, lashing out whilst I laughed, catching each and every attempt she made to bat at me. Planting a thigh between her legs, she pressed her palms upon my shoulders and tried to push me away, eyes lowered. _

"_How did you get out?"_

"_Tomorrow morning, I'm filing this report", she tried to appear serious. "You're taking advantage…of…me."_

"_I'd never do that." I kind of moved my leg between her thighs and possibly it was too much evidence to add to the case because she immediately gasped from the friction. _

_With our eyes on each other for a couple of seconds, I believed that the alcohol kicked in, and I can distinctly remember her glaring whilst I snorted. Pressing my fingers upon the pockets of her jeans, I felt her tremble against me whilst I searched for those darn keys. Then just as my hands met her back pockets, she snatched a fistful of my shirt. I have no idea what was meant from her sudden move but the next thing I knew, our cheeks brushed together whilst her warm breath tickled my right ear. I remembered thinking, fuck, I was getting drunk and so was she because there was no struggle on her part to bat away my hands. Nor was she trying to create distance between us. But the air was thickening with heat, my shirt sticking to my back as I grew sweaty from our body heats combined. _

_I think we almost kissed._

* * *

><p>When I say 'I think', I mean, at this point, with everything that happened between us, it seems that my mind could be playing tricks on me. But according to these memories that are coming back suddenly, it's almost as if things happened between Regina and I, and they were just forgotten. How could you have been so close to someone, having them breathe upon your cheek whilst you suddenly trembled against her, and all of this was forgotten for such a long time? I couldn't understand it. Alcohol could fuck with your mind, but to have these memories buried and then resurface? Then there was the slight dizzy feeling I remembered from having her move her lips closer to mine, me watching her eyelids flutter close as I tasted her breath. And she tasted mine. That's not all I remember. It's as if a movie was playing out in my head, one scene after the next and honestly, I had no idea where these memories were coming from. And then it was definite.<p>

She kissed me.

I felt it, and related exactly that to Henry as the scene played out because it happened. I knew that it happened from the time the sharpness of the moment attacked me whilst she was pulling me close, fingers raking pathways through my hair as her kiss was soft yet forced. And it never lasted because I pulled apart with wide eyes. We stared at each other for a couple of seconds whilst she searched my face, cheeks flushed and the only thing I did was remain silent.

* * *

><p>"<em>Say something to me", she whispered, breathless, lips parted, chest heaving.<em>

"_What…" I swallowed hard, "what do you…want me to…say?"_

"_That you feel the same way. That you…" her fingers pressed upon my right cheek, "...want me…as I want you and –"_

"_But I…don't…" I said, appearing confused._

_She remained silent, obviously affected by my words and I couldn't believe it._

"_You don't…"_

"_Regina…"_

"_You don't what, Emma?" she asked hoarsely, tears welling up in her eyes, lips quivering._

"_I don't want…" this was not happening! "Are you…serious?" I asked._

"_What?" _

_Laughing a bit, I raked my fingers through my hair, glancing around as I stepped back. "Is this one of your jokes on me? Trying to make me a fool as usual? Are you trying to defame my character further –"_

"_I am not –"_

"_- because I'm sick of this crap from you," I declared harshly, noticing that she trembled from my words. "You're always trying to prove something." My eyes moved towards the side of the building and I gestured towards that direction, eyes on her. "Is Henry there? Did you set him up to suddenly show up whilst you did…THAT?"_

"_What just happened had no hidden motive, I can assure you!" she said, her voice unsteady. _

"_I find that hard to believe."_

"_It meant something to me –"_

"_Of course it did!" I snapped, eyes dry, chest pinched with cold, "that was part of your little game. It's always a game with you, trying to get the upper hand, to win. But this was pushing it too far."_

"_Miss Swan –" There were tears in her eyes._

"_Oh cut the drama, Madame Mayor", I demanded. "The show is over. Enough with the tears and what not because this is unbelievable coming from you. It's insulting, and if you even thought that pulling a stunt like that on me would work, then you're out of your mind. That's…gross." _

"_Just give me a chance to explain", she said, holding up her palms defensively, crocodile tears and all as she continued the show. _

"_I don't want to hear it."_

"_Emma, this wasn't a game!"_

"_Lady, you're unbelievable!"_

_We both stared at each other and shaking my head, I turned away from her and began to walk away. The second I reached the corner and was about to go around it, my arm was snatched roughly as she spun me to face her._

"_Don't touch me", I hissed, yanking my arm away._

"_I'm in love with you", she rushed out, her brown eyes wide and wet._

_I remembered laughing. "Get over yourself, Regina. The show is over."_

_The seconds that ticked by after I uttered those words were filled with so many feelings as I continued to stare at her. And within that space of time, the truth dawned upon me from the look in her eyes, so intense and real, it couldn't possibly be pretense. _

"_Regina…" I said softly, eyes growing wide._

"_You're right, Miss Swan", she said to me, her voice small and unsteady. "The show is over."_

"_What do you –" and before I could finish, she held a small oval shaped cosmetic mirror up in front of my face, the ones that belong to those powder cases. _

_In a flash, the last thing I remember was a blinding light that burnt my eyes and then everything went black._

* * *

><p>It's like an entire chunk of memory had been eaten away somehow and now I was remembering everything, which was pretty weird. But there were things that could be muffled as alcohol kicks in, that much I was aware of, the fact that my mind had covered over the events of that night effortlessly. And the thing is, even after all that time, I suddenly found that the memories were slipping into place, a large span of time that had been blanked out was now forming inside my head. But of course, I couldn't tell Henry everything. You have a right to know though.<p>

"That's hurtful, mom", Henry said, frowning at me as I rested my eyes upon the clothes. "No wonder she wiped your memory."

"But I honestly believed that she was out to get me", I stated, looking at him. "I still can't believe that she erased that. How did I just remember everything all of a sudden though?"

"Hmm, something along the lines of magic?"

"Maybe she…" pinching up the yellow tank top between two fingers, I studied it, trying to detect a sparkle from magic, "trapped the memories unto the clothes…somehow."

"Anything is possible with mom and her magic", he said, touching the jeans with hesitant fingers. "I think that she probably did, that's why I was told to give you this box if anything happened to her, so that you could remember everything."

My eyes grew wide as I eyed the box, still containing items inside. "You mean, what did she put in there?" Pulling it towards me, I pulled the flaps open and reached inside, feeling around.

The first thing that touched my fingers was something that felt like a piece of cloth. Upon taking it out, I realized that it was a blood red silk scarf, frayed at both ends and embroidered with small hearts. No memory came to mind immediately, in fact, I couldn't remember ever seeing Regina wear such a thing around her neck or elsewhere. There were scarves, as I could remember, those she wore when the Mayor chair was filled suitably with sass. And then that look just phased out, as she fitted into casual wear: shirts and jeans instead of suit jackets, stockings and skirts. My personal favorite clothing that absolutely looked gorgeous on Regina was a dress, any dress, even the short summer ones that she would choose to wear with flat shoes. Those came into style just the time when Neal had started to date me again, and I now believed that she had changed her wardrobe to somehow capture my attention.

But the truth is, Regina could look beautiful in anything, it didn't matter if it was just a simple tank top and faded blue jeans. She was so beautiful, even in a huge tee shirt, baggy pants and a pair of cute pink socks. It wasn't just her features that were stunning but something about her brown eyes. It was always about her eyes and her voice, two of the things that immediately made me fall in love with her from the first time we met, without me realizing any of it until years later. I don't know if you noticed, but no matter how sassy or how angry she gets, those eyes never lose their softness or beauty. And oftentimes, she just looks so cute when I'd catch her gazing off somewhere, even when the sunlight softens the brown.

"Do you remember anything?" Henry asked me, watching my face closely.

Shaking my head, I brought my mind back to the present and stared at the scarf held between my fingers. Frowning at it, I further examined the material, running it through my hands and studying the embroidery. Something just whispered inside my mind, urging me to sniff the fabric because if this belonged to her then that distinct perfume would still remain behind. The reigning period of Madame Mayor when Regina chose to spray herself with that darn White Diamond perfume intermingled with a soft vanilla scent I often caught her rubbing unto her wrists. I pressed the scarf unto my nose and in an instant, the smell was there, sending a sharp sting through my mind as I bit my lips, eyes squeezed shut.

"Mom?" His voice was distant, so far away when the sound of rain sprinkled around me, hitting the sidewalk as the sky burst.

* * *

><p><em>The downpour was sudden, splattering upon the road and the world around me as I hurriedly tried to seek out a shelter, becoming drenched within seconds. Even when I patted my pockets down to detect the bulge of my car keys, I realized that my car had been parked in front of Snow's apartment building. Earlier, a decision had been made on my part to walk to the Diner instead of driving, because I wanted to, plus Snow had told me to meet her in the pastry shop for a quick snack. Now that the Welcome Back party was over since we had only returned to Storybrooke less than a day ago, there I was caught in the sudden shower of rain, now standing beneath a shed. <em>

_Spending so long in the Enchanted Forest wasn't exactly a holiday, to be honest. I felt like the lack of proper food had slim me down, weakening my body and because I hadn't slept properly too, all of that took on a terrible toll on my mental state. Now this. With this shower of rain, more than likely I would catch a cold or something. Hugging myself, even my warm sweater couldn't provide enough warmth from the bitter wind that bit my cheeks when I huddled further into a corner. And very soon, as the wind swept the rain about, even under the shed was captured in a spray of water. _

_The only thing left to do was to make a run for it._

_Hugging myself, I regretted denying David's offer to hitch a ride back to their place. But then the van had been filled already, with Henry and Ruby cramped in at the back alongside Whale. So there was no space for me as I had quickly volunteered to walk instead. Apparently when you put yourself out just to accommodate people, you end up in the pouring rain. I made a run for it, feeling my hair stick to my face as I trembled from the cold, wishing that an umbrella would magically appear. And just like that, as I skipped across the street, water splashing about from the intrusion of my boots into the puddles, the rain ceased to shower unto me. At first I was confused, but then when my eyes turned around, I realized that there was a black umbrella over me. And I was in the company of no other than Regina._

"_What –"_

_She stepped up closer to me without a word, glancing about whilst it rained heavier. And just like that, her hand was pushed through the crook of my elbow without hesitating. When I was drawn nearer to her, our shoulders pressed together, the only thing that kept running through my mind was our last encounter. We had parted ways after I told her about me asking Archie if I should invite her to the party. The air had been sizzling with tension between us as usual just before she strode off with her hands shoved in her coat pockets. _

_Now this._

_I didn't know what to say. And I said nothing whilst she held unto the stem of the umbrella and I sheltered beneath it with her in silence. Saying something felt as if I was about to drop an egg, so the back of my throat burnt whilst I tried to think of a reply. Then I did the obvious._

"_Thanks for showing up at the right time." My teeth were chattering from the cold._

_Her face was turned to me now, brown eyes capturing my vision immediately. But there was something wrong with Regina's demeanor as I noticed quickly enough because when we had parted ways before, her eyes had been ignited by the slightness of anger. The way she had clenched her fists, raising her voice and whipping up that sass that was always at the ready for me: it would seem as if that mood had entirely faded away. Now all I could see was a difference in her character, one that hinted an uneasy mind as something obviously troubled her deeply. She was staring at me for longer than expected whilst those red painted lips remained parted and when the rain beat unto the umbrella above us, all I could think about was finding some way to discover what was bothering her. It was always like a second nature to me and I often wondered why: the fact that out of everyone in Storybrooke, I still felt the need to keep an eye on her no matter what._

"_What's up?" I asked, frowning as she kept looking at me._

_Her response was to glance away instantly._

"_Look, I know that you're upset about something and I'd like to know what it is."_

"_You think that I'm…mentally unstable", she said, her voice huskier than usual, obviously because of the weather. _

"_I…what?" I was confused, frowning at her right cheek._

_She turned to look at me. "Your consultation with Doctor Hopper before inviting me to the social…"_

"_You…the portal…Gold." My voice trembled as the cold got to me._

"_Of course."_

"_Exactly."_

"_I saved you nevertheless." We moved under a small roof jutting out from the Pet Store, this red clay brick building. And pressing my back upon the closed wooden doors, I hugged myself tightly, trying to gather some warmth._

"_That was your second option", I said, trembling from the dampness of my clothes, "Henry made you change your mind."_

"_And what was my first option?" she asked, looking at me as I peered through the heavy rain. For the first time since returning to Storybrooke, I noticed that someone had opened a book store across the road._

"_From the first time we met, Regina, you've always wanted to kill me."_

"_That's not true."_

"_Oh come on", I rolled my eyes and sighed, but it came out more like a tremble, "I know that you don't like me. And the only reason you tolerate me is because of Henry."_

"_Isn't that the same in your situation as well?"_

"_No", I said too quickly, glancing at her, she waited. "I mean, I'd like to be your…friend but you make it so freaking hard."_

"_As if you make things easier for me!" she replied in disbelief, eyes wide. "Consulting a shrink before inviting me to a party…"_

"_Now wait a minute –"_

"_That's blatantly disrespectful, and hurtful, and very unfriendly-like", she punctuated every 'and' with a nod. _

"_Well I'm sorry if I offended you", I said softly, "really Regina, I didn't mean anything bad by asking Archie. We were just talking yesterday and your name came up. And then…" throwing her a glance, I noticed that she was hanging unto every word, "…he said that he was shocked you paired up with Gold, plus Ruby told me about it. So naturally, I ended up –"_

"_Pushing aside everything you've come to know about me, your belief in me, and you jumped to conclusions that I must have become a mentally insane woman during your absence." Her eyes were softened by tears, but her voice was laced with anger. "I was afraid that my mother would be the one to come through that portal, Emma. And Gold managed to convince me that the result was highly possible. Believing that you and Mary Margaret would manage to beat my mother in her devious game, it was a difficult task."_

"_But you need to believe in me as much as I believe in you", I stated, looking at her. _

"_How can I believe in someone who completely disregards my feelings?" she asked, never breaking eye contact._

"_Why…would you even think that?" I frowned. Suddenly our brief conversation from last evening was remembered. "Oh you're referring to me not inviting you to join us when we left Gold's shop?" she glanced away, giving me that cold brush off. "Like I said last night, I thought that you would have felt…awkward around everyone. That's why I didn't ask you."_

"_But you could have asked, giving me the chance to decline", her voice was forcefully steady, but I could detect that she was emotional. "Instead, you gave me the cold shoulder."_

"_I know you wanted to be with Henry but –"_

"_I wanted to be with you", she cut me off, and my voice caught in my throat, suddenly feeling like a tennis ball as her words sank in gradually._

_Gawking at her, Regina turned her face to me and remained silent as the rain showered on heavily. "That's…unexpected…"_

_Quickly she looked down at her boots, a small smile offered as I watched in awe as those cheeks slightly flushed pink. "It is, isn't it?"_

"_As far as friends go, I had no idea that you actually…liked…me that much so that you wanted to hang out. I mean…if I had known that you wanted to spend time together then –"_

_Something changed in her eyes: that gaze becoming quite intense as my words remained sprinkled between us. And just for a moment, I detected something completely different about Regina, something I had never really noticed before. It's almost as if there was a lot more now shown to me than I could ever bargain for because there wasn't a wall behind her brown eyes. I didn't get the feeling that she had no soul, but there was so much more, a warmth that emanated from that gaze, suddenly taking away the chill surrounding me._

"_I missed you, Emma."_

"_But you said otherwise yesterday when we were walking back to Gold's shop from the forest."_

"_During your absence, it gave me time to think…"_

_I waited on her to continue but she didn't. Deciding to keep my focus ahead instead of in her direction, I tried to fight the uneasy feeling. Something was wrong here, but I just couldn't pinpoint what it was._

"_About what?" I asked softly, trying as hard as I could to keep my eyes away from her because she was looking at me and she just wouldn't stop._

"_Your parents…"_

"_What about them?" I bit my lips, feeling my throat tighten._

"_Their love for each other, it never seems to grow weaker but stronger. And even when faced with challenges, obstacles, anything", she continued, our hands brushing as I took the umbrella from her, "…they still remain in love."_

"_True love…" I said softly, completely aware that she had moved closer to me, our shoulders pressed together. And through my clothes I could feel her warmth as if the cold wasn't bothering her, which was unfair. "It's rare."_

"_David risks his life for Snow over and over again", she said, her voice taking on a softer tone, "he believes in her, and when he placed himself under the sleeping curse, there was no doubt in his mind that she would come back and wake him up. They always find each other."_

"_That's my parents", I laughed nervously, hands tucked behind my back, between me and the wall. "I wish that I could find that, you know, true love. The endless mushiness between the two of them: it never dies away. And somehow I kind of hope that finding true love runs in our family because for once in my life, I'd like to have someone who loves me more than I bargain for, never stops believing in me, and somehow…" I looked at the ground, toeing the pavement with a boot, "somehow love never stops burning. Whoever the person is…" I smiled, "…I'm sure that they're a million miles away."_

"_Why would you say that?" she asked._

"_I'm not as lucky as my parents."_

"_I think you are." She took up one end of her blood red scarf, fingering the frayed edges. "Maybe your true love is not from this world but from a story book because you weren't born in this world. You're from somewhere magical. And it's only fitting that magic leads you to the person who completes you, body and soul."_

_Turning to her, I was astounded. "That's…so fairytale like. You should write a book."_

"_After a recent occurrence", she said, her tone serious, "I realized that all this time, I was trying to hang unto someone who was just my ticket to freedom. And I truly loved him but had things worked out between us, then it is highly likely that it wouldn't have lasted forever."_

"_Why?" I asked._

"_Because I always wanted something different."_

"_Like what exactly?" huddling closer to her, I noticed that she had allowed a tear to slip down her left cheek. "You wanted to be Queen?"_

"_No", she said quickly, her voice wavering. The rain was reduced to a light shower now. "I never wanted to be Queen but where Daniel was concerned, it was never about him. It was never about true love because I…was trying to prove something to myself."_

"_And what's that?"_

"_It's one of the reasons I was so fearful about seeing my mother again", she admitted, "she knows me and no matter how hard I tried to hide the truth, nothing ever got past her. That's why she killed him, to break the illusion, knowing fully that I was merely fooling myself, shoving me into a marriage that was advantageous only because I earned a title."_

_I was somewhat confused by the depth of her words, her vagueness in providing me with more detail. "Your mother killed the man you loved?"_

"_Yes."_

"_Geez, Cora is hardcore."_

"_She killed him because she was quite aware of the truth."_

"_I don't understand", I said to her, frowning deeply. "What's the truth?"_

"_It doesn't matter anymore."_

"_Yeah…it does…" I said to her, "you have to face the truth, Regina. It's only when we do face the truth that our lives become better. And most times it hurts to realize that we're different and we want something different. But it's not a bad thing. You can't keep lying to yourself."_

"_Trust me, it's for the best."_

"_No it isn't", I pointed out, "Regina, you see this is exactly the reason why you should stop secluding yourself from people. Trust me, I've been on my own for as long as I can remember, never finding permanence because I never did stay in one home for a long time. People came and went. And I hardly had friends who stayed with me. But everyone needs a friend. We need someone to talk to. You can't believe that you have to hide yourself from people. Maybe that's the reason why you acted out as the Evil Queen because you believed that no one would understand your pain. Losing someone makes people do the craziest things. But you just need a friend to cope."_

"_I don't trust anyone."_

"_I understand that you don't trust these people because they see you only one way. But there is someone else who never knew the Evil Queen, and just like my mother, I only see the good in you. And I hold unto that because I'm your friend. I've learnt that if you constantly keep reminding people of their self-worth and the good qualities they have, then somehow you will give them hope and faith to believe in themselves as well. And I believe in you."_

"_That's why I missed you, Emma", she said, her voice breaking up. "Without you, I'm just the Evil Queen to them. But when you're here, your belief in me forces them and even myself to realize that I'm not that person."_

"_You're just Regina." I smiled. "So this illusion that's been holding you back from being yourself, break the mirror and bring out the true Regina. Stop letting Cora cage you up, as she always did. I need you to just be yourself."_

"_That's easily said than done."_

"_Okay, hold up…" turning to her, just an inch of distance separated us as she eyed my move, stiffening up, "if you could tell me one thing now about yourself that's really important, and it's something that brings out who you truly are, what would it be?"_

"_I am…" she pressed her lips together, looking down, "a…" brown eyes were lifted now, "…perfectionist."_

_As if I didn't know that already. "Tell me something else about you! That's obvious, geez."_

"_I am…I can't…" her lips remained parted as she gazed at me. _

"_You can't what?" I frowned._

"_I can't say anymore when you're…looking at me like that."_

_Really? "Fine, I'll look away then", I suggested._

"_That wouldn't change the situation –"_

"_Then whisper whatever you have to say in my ear." After looking at her for a few seconds, it appeared as if she was holding her breath. "Why do I get the feeling that you're about to tell me something that will shock me?" I chose to hold my breath as well, especially when she moved closer a bit, leaning in whilst I tried to stay put. _

_Taking a hold of my shoulders, Regina pulled me closer to her without hesitating. And it's as if the world had come to a standstill, the rain beginning to shower upon us once again as we stupidly remained where we were. When I felt her cold cheek press upon mine, by reflex my left hand rested upon her waist. And to be honest, I had no idea what she was about to do or say, until my mind registered the fact that she wasn't uttering a word. There we remained so close to one another whilst I felt her warmth, the way she fitted next to me so perfectly, my heart beginning to race in my chest because I was suddenly fully aware of how her perfume was intoxicating me._

"_Emma…" she whispered into my ear, making me startle from the sudden sound of her husky voice. "Promise that you wouldn't hate me…"_

_Shuddering from the cold, or possibly because of her, I couldn't breathe at all. "Why would I hate you?"_

"_Promise me first."_

"_Regina…" I pleaded, wishing her to tell me more, "just tell me."_

"_I have so much to lose", she said, her voice prickling my skin, "so I need you to promise –"_

"_Okay, fine", I said, squeezing my eyes shut whilst she continued to torment me by remaining so close. My head began to buzz, about to overheat. "I promise. I wouldn't hate you. Is it that bad?" I was confused. "Why would I hate you anyway?"_

"_Because I'm in love with you", she said._

_I draw a blank, literally, several blanks. The need to breathe escaped me because she honestly had me thinking that this wasn't real and what I had heard was…a figment of my imagination. _

"_Okay."_

_Wrapping her arms around me, I could feel the way she trembled from the intensity of confessing how she felt. And I allowed her to hug me closer because somehow, deep down inside, I felt safe when I was with her. Somehow she provided me with this belief that everything was warm between us, that it was okay. Then just like that, I felt her cheek move as soft lips were pressed unto my face. And within half a second, our lips were lying inches apart. I could feel the rush, the dying urge to pull away and to remain in close proximity. It was a continuous battle, one that raged on inside my head, shouting at me to do this or do that. _

_But then without hesitating as she shuddered within my embrace, Regina pressed her lips unto mine and stayed there whilst I instantly felt a shiver lick me all the way down my spine. Parting my lips, we began to kiss slowly at first because she took control whilst I allowed her, soft fingers splayed across my right cheek. And I could tell that her nervousness was seriously getting in the way because she kissed me as if this was her first time ever kissing someone. Yet I knew otherwise. I didn't know anything. All I knew at that moment was that something was happening between us and it was becoming overwhelming. The umbrella's handle was released from my grip as a strong wind snatched it away. Immediately we were showered with rain and that was kind of like my wake up call. The moment I realized that it was unbearable and it was Regina who was kissing me, my brain fired up a flashing red sign that sliced through my mind and forced me to move my lips away._

"_What's wrong?" she asked, her voice trembling whilst I pressed our cheeks together, trying to avoid eye contact._

"_Regina, I…"_

_Squinting through the downpour, she squeezed my shoulders and waited, studying my face closely. "I know. We should probably find shelter." She laughed nervously, and reached down to entwine our fingers together. I allowed her. _

"_Regina –"_

"_Come", she urged, tugging me after her as my heart ached. "I can use my magic to get us out of here, but you can't let go of my hand because –"_

"_I can't do this", I said. The rain had stopped._

_Looking at me, she blinked. "Of course you can. Just trust me."_

"_I do trust you."_

"_Then what's the problem?" she tried a smile, waving her hand over me as I suddenly felt comfortably dry from head to toe. "Problem solved."_

_Releasing her hand, I lowered my eyes to the ground as the rain merely sprinkled around us, knowing well enough that the expression on her face had changed. "I can't, Regina."_

"_You can't what?" and the tremble in her voice was my sign that she was already aware of what I was going to say._

"_I'm not. I can't do this. It's not…right. It doesn't….feel right."_

"_I know that it doesn't", she said, taking my hands and pulling me closer, eyes locked with mine. "It doesn't feel right because you're afraid of the surrounding circumstances, what THEY will think. But this is not about them. This is about us. And I know that you want this. You want…me."_

"_But…" Did I want her? How did she jump to that conclusion? Even I wasn't sure of it. "It's not something that I've…thought about…between us. Don't get me wrong", I said, as the wind whipped around us, my hair dancing about. "I'm really flattered that you like me and anyone would be lucky to have your…attention. But…you've jumped too fast, just when I was getting comfortable with you considering me as a…friend. And right now, I really have to tell you that I don't think I'm the…right person because you deserve better."_

_She lowered her eyes, never saying a word._

"_I'm not…I've never thought about us like that, Regina, honestly."_

_A nod was offered whilst she blinked away sudden tears, never looking at me._

"_I'd like to be your friend still", I said, holding my breath. "I really would…love that."_

"_You were never my friend", she replied hoarsely._

_Pressing my fingertips to my forehead, I squeezed my eyes shut and tried to string words together before responding. "Regina, I…can't do this right now. There's so much going on and I'm really confused."_

"_Fine", our eyes met and I immediately saw that she was severely pissed. Somehow it astounded me because just a couple seconds ago, her eyes were masked from sadness. "When can I schedule an appointment with you so we can discuss this at your convenience?"_

"_What?"_

"_Oh you have plenty of time to hang out with everyone else, doing everything else there is around Storybrooke and elsewhere, saving the town, saving lives –"_

"_Regina…" my throat was aching._

"_When am I ever that important anyway?" A hand was planted on her hip as those brown eyes flashed at me. _

"_Are you that forgetful?" I asked in disbelief. "Didn't I tell you before that you're important when I suggested we should be friends?"_

"_You…suggested?" she asked, sarcasm noted by me. "Are you pulling the Savior card on me then?"_

"_What the hell?" eyes wide, I searched her face. _

"_Oh Regina needs a friend because she's a loner, and she looks like she needs cheering up", she sassed back, head dancing from directing her sudden sassy mood towards me. "Spare me the sympathy."_

"_I'm not sympathizing!" I stated in shock._

"_Of course not, you're a Charming so your mission must be to SAVE THE EVIL QUEEN."_

"_I wasn't the one who just kissed a Charming", I said with a straight face. "You did."_

"_You're pathetic, Swan."_

"_My name is Emma." Folding my arms, I glared at her. _

"_Get over yourself."_

"_Like I said, this is not the kind of situation I was expecting."_

"_Of course it isn't. This was a mistake." Folding her arms, she glanced away, pursing her lips._

"_I never said that."_

"_You've said it before, and nothing changes no matter what I do", she said, shaking her head, eyes locked on me. "How could I even place myself in a situation like this, actually believing that you would ever understand how I feel?"_

"_Well I'm sorry for the inconvenience because after this I can already see that we're heading right back to level one, bitching at each other, a whole lot of tension and smart ass comments. So the whole friend thing might be overrated." I regretted that, allowing my sudden anger to take control. "I mean…"_

"_I hate doing this", she said, her voice unsteady, eyes returning to look at me._

"_Me too, but you always make things hard. Geez…kissing me…that's –"_

"_A regret I'll always live with", she interrupted me. "Daniel was wrong. I can't ever love again."_

"_What does that –" and its then when she waved something in front of my eyes, a flash as bright and blinding, instantly slicing pain through my head. Blinking fast enough, I stared at her with wide eyes as the world around me fitted together. I was confused. "Regina?"_

"_Yes." Arms folded, she bit her lips together, staring at me. _

"_I don't…" glancing around, I frowned._

"_You were a million miles away, apparently", she said, her voice very low. "You were just telling me that you…enjoyed my lasagna."_

"_Right…" I searched her face. "It was delicious. Ah…" I was still somewhat confused. "Sorry but I kind of seriously had a memory glitch or something. What happened again?"_

"_You just left the Diner", she said as I noticed that her eyes were bloodshot, moist as well. "You ran into me out here a few seconds ago."_

"_Wasn't it raining though?"_

"_No…" she frowned at me._

"_But I could have sworn that –"_

"_Miss Swan, you're obviously exhausted, lacking sleep and in need of a good rest. A delusional mind arises from the severity of those instances."_

"_True."_

"_Get yourself home then."_

"_Right." We both kept on looking at each other as I felt severely confused. "See ya around then."_

"_Good night." And turning on the spot, she walked off, disappearing in the blink of an eye as I was left alone in the silence, wondering how the street was so wet and yet she clearly had told me that it hadn't rained at all._

* * *

><p><span><strong>Snow.<strong>

**PRESENT DAY**

Something ridiculous was up with Neal, ridiculously ridiculous. And when I first discovered the atrocity, my hands were clenched in frustration. At first they were clenched in frustration. But then when the actual realization of his actions dawned upon me, I really felt a bit relieved. I felt relieved not only because he was trying change things, but also because he was reaching out, being so accepting and lending a hand.

The first thing that startled me was him dating Tinkerbell. They were now seen everywhere hanging out together: in the Diner, in pubs, collecting Henry from school. And above all, she was spending so much time at the house. And when I say HOUSE, I mean Emma and Neal's house, in front of Henry, walking in as she pleased day and night. I went over there last week to collect a hair brush and Tinkerbell was sprawled off on a sofa in the living room, applying green nail polish, watching the Food Network. Talk about taking over and moving in! Then just when I thought that it was a good thing Neal was seeing someone else, I caught him flirting with the new girl who worked at the pharmacy.

But the weirdest part of all was this afternoon, a week after Regina slipped into the coma and two days since I last heard from Emma.

Just as I was frowning upon the thought of my daughter resorting to drinking alcohol in large quantities, coming up for air and then returning to it, there he stood in the lobby of the hospital, hands shoved in his jeans' pockets. The first thing I thought was that something had happened to Henry or Emma, or…Tinkerbell. When his eyes met mine, he closed the distance between us with a small smile.

"Hey, Snow…"

"Hi…" I eyed him with suspicious eyes, searching his face. "Is everything okay?"

"Everything is fine…yeah…" he shrugged, "well apart from Emma drowning in bottles of…whatever she can find, popping these pills, Henry refuses to speak to me since I started to…see Tinkerbell and because all this…guilt is weighing down on me…I just decided to make amends."

"By…doing…what? I asked as we walked along.

"Making right with the people I wronged."

"And the first person you decided to work on is…Regina?" I was puzzled.

"I figured that I'd just stop by to…see her."

"You do know that she's in a coma, right?" taking a hold of the strap attached to my brown handbag, I frowned deeper.

"Yeah but there's a saying that when someone is in a coma, the soul resides outside the body", he was gesticulating with his right hand, "and if she's in the room, then she can at least…see…that I'm making an effort to…that I care…"

"That's…thoughtful of you…" blinking fast enough, I felt somewhat confused.

"I mean, the hate that was thrown at her was all about me being offended. I felt terrible that Emma had been with me for so long whilst still loving someone else. And then I realized that…it's not Regina's fault. I don't know whose fault it is but the blame shouldn't' be attached to one person."

I actually smiled, face upturned to look at him. "That's very sweet, Neal. I really like that you're thinking that way."

"I am a changed man, Snow, a changed man I am."

"I'm glad to hear that." We passed the desk leading to the wing and I waved at the Nurse Tibby who was on duty. She used to work downstairs where they kept the mentally unstable patients but I guess that moving up here was some kind of a promotion in its own weird way. "Does Emma know that you're here?"

"I mentioned it to her this morning at breakfast", he shrugged. "She's meeting Henry at the Diner as we speak."

I wasn't aware of that, then again, Emma hadn't been very social with me as of late. "That's nice. They really need to make amends."

"We all need to, since we're one big happy family."

Turning my eyes to look at him with a frown, something else caught my eyes and upon checking the hallway properly, I observed Robin coming towards us. He had a small smile on his face as we were approached and judging from how Neal sized him up, shoulders pushed back, I figured that the two of them were still on a somewhat rocky ledge. Knowing not what the reason was, I decided to let men be men.

"What's he doing here?" Robin asked me, frowning.

"He's here to visit the Queen", Neal responded smartly.

"I…" pressing my lips together, I glanced back and forth between the two of them as they glared at each other.

"The last thing she needs right now is negative vibes from you, Cassidy." Folding his arms, Robin glanced away.

"I had no idea dandelions give off negative vibes", Neal stated, appearing shocked. "I should have gone with black roses but black doesn't really bring good luck into a room."

Apparently Robin was as astounded by Neal's move as I was. "You brought those flowers for…Regina?"

"Yeah, why not?"

"Have you checked them, Snow?" a hand was waved at the flowers. "They could be layered with poison."

"Now wait one damn minute, dude", Neal appeared cross. "My intentions are purely innocent!"

"I find that hard to believe!"

Both of them stared wide eyed at each other.

"Oh will the two of you get a room?" I asked and after sighing, Neal's right hand was snatched, then I attempted to drag him towards the door leading into Regina's room.

"Is Emma even aware of this, Snow?" Robin asked as we ventured forth, entering the small space that was severely colder than the outside.

"Right now Emma is swimming in a pool of booze and drugs because of…" he waved a hand at the bed but upon assessing the situation further, his words died away. "Damn, is she under the sleeping curse or something? Why does she look so…pale…and…all porcelain like a…doll? Is she turning to…porcelain?"

"No she isn't." Obviously affected by Neal's presence in the room, Robin approached Regina, and resting the small brown duffel bag upon the table, he unzipped it. All the time his eyes remained on her, and as if he couldn't help himself, we both watched whilst he tentatively reached out to rest a hand upon her right shoulder. "She has just…left her body for a while." Fingers tucked stray strands of black hair behind her ear whilst he remained with his back to us. "She will be back. That I am sure of."

"That dress that she has on", I said softly, moving nimbly to the foot of the bed, wringing my hands together when Regina's pale skin alarmed me, "Emma gave her that as a thank you gift after we returned from Neverland. I remembered how Regina gave her this…LOOK." I said, smiling at Neal, "she refused to wear the dress not only because Miss Swan had given her, but because it is the exact shade of yellow as Emma's car."

Neal snorted, sharing my joke and Robin smiled as well. "Indeed it is the exact shade of Emma's car. And she kept it even after all this time."

"Emma still kept this key ring with an apple pendant she claimed was stolen off of Regina's person on the Jolly Roger", Neal told us, "and when she would get all moody and upset, she kept looking at the pendant as if somehow it made her feel a…presence…"

"I wonder if Regina really is here in the room looking at us", I thought out loud, frowning around. "She's probably laughing."

"Just so you know", Neal began, speaking to the room in general whilst his footsteps led him to the table, "I'm a humble man without any intention of harming you. Any magic balls should be thrown at Emma because she somehow refuses to face the truth."

"I don't think that she'd kill you", I said to him with a smile. "You're still Henry's father."

"Has Emma been here after her first visit?" Robin asked, gently combing the knots out of Regina's hair as my heart melted.

"I don't think so", frowning, I tilted my head sideways whilst he unzipped a small gold purse, taking out a powder case. Opening it with steady fingers, he then proceeded to pat her cheeks softly with the powder puff.

"Dude, that's…touching…" Neal noted.

"What is?" Robin glanced at him with a softened expression.

"You…doing that…"

"Oh this?" returning the puff to the case, he closed it and tucked it neatly inside the purse. "Regina always made it her first priority to look presentable, to anyone, in any situation. And I'd like to aid her even when she cannot…to appear at her best…even though certain people have given up on her."

"Emma hasn't…given up on her", I said, refusing to believe that. "She's just really affected by this. After all, she all thinks that we blame her for putting Regina here."

"I agree, but it is unlike her to simply stay away. When one cares, it doesn't matter what the situation is, bravery at best pushes us to face our fears. I believe that feeling responsible for this would have forced Emma to frequent this room more than once."

"Robin's right", Neal said. "Even I agree with that. She's not behaving like herself these days and it worries me. She's not the Emma I know. She's become more…withdrawn…closed up…less cheerful."

"That is because of her refusal to come to terms with her feelings. As one stays away from the very source of love, then the destruction is but as painful and definite as ever. When Marian was feeble during her pregnancy with Roland, I was fearful, somewhat worried that it was my fault entirely. And I believed that keeping my distance as she remained with her lady friends was best. However, such distance only sickened her further, because she needed me most by her side for reassurance." He turned his eyes to Regina once more. "Just as she needed me when her heart was breaking, everyone needs some form of love."

The room remained quiet for some time. And during that time, I bowed my head in silent prayer, asking God (yes I had discovered the Bible since I was a child) to help Regina and Emma find each other again. I remembered Sunday school. I remembered it well. The times when I used to have faith and then just like that, everything would be alright: just a little ray of sunshine would do for now. I believed in Regina, she believed in Emma: I believed in both of them. We all did. All of that belief must result in something.

"Let's all say a prayer for Regina", I suggested. "Even if you don't believe in God, let's just bow our heads and say something that will give her faith if she's in the room with us. Who's with me?"

"Great idea", Robin said. Neal nodded, already holding his hands together, head bowed.

"I'll go first. Regina…" I squeezed my eyes shut and inhaled deeply, somehow knowing to myself that she was listening to me, "I'd like you to come back. I really would like that. We found a friend in each other ever so recently, more than before and the person who brought us closer together is everything we live for. I'd like to have you back here with me, to share stories, memories, laughs and most of all, I'd like you to hug me again because when you do, it reminds me of the bond we had many years ago. It reminds me that you saved my life. And now more than ever, I would do anything over and over again to save yours because you're amazing, Regina. We've come a long, long way and I don't want to lose you now. Amen."

"Amen", both Robin and Neal mumbled.

Cracking an eye open, I caught the former looking at me.

"There is so much to say", Robin begun, "I found you and somehow we connected on a deeper level, a bond that I could never break. From the first time we met, I didn't see evil in your eyes but compassion and a woman who loved with her very soul. Someone who has a soul like yours simply cannot let go, because you mean so much to everyone, you mean so much to your family, friends, and you have admittedly left quite an impression on those who still regard you as a foe. Yet because you have changed, many are willing to understand you more. I'd like our daughter to have a mother, as you've been one to both Henry and Roland. I don't want to lose you as I have lost Marian. So please come back, Emma needs you. I need you. Ruby needs you. Snow, David, Henry…everyone needs you, even Neal because he's here."

"I bought you dandelions", Neal spoke up now, "hope you're not allergic. But somehow it's cheerful, just as you cheer up Emma in your own special way. The same goes for Henry. I mean, you do have a reputation for stealing hearts and bewitching many people. However, your choices were few to none. And I figure that if you chose Emma to…be…with…then it's something special because you lived a long time without being in love with anyone. I'm not going to hate you for making Emma happy. At least I know that she's worth fighting for and if she claims that she loves you, then that's all I need as confirmation right now. So come back and fix her. You're the only one who can."

A tear slipped down my cheek and I reached up to wipe it away as the silence remained for a few seconds more. I couldn't believe it. Their words were so touching, especially Neal's, and he said things that I never thought he would say to Regina. He was actually here. That means a lot. Regina and Emma were so lucky to have these men in their lives because they were honest gentlemen. And I regretted ever doubting Neal's character since he had shocked me today by coming here.

"I've got a house to show to a family in fifteen minutes", Neal said, his voice lowered. "Thanks for allowing me in here."

"Oh Neal", I said in disbelief. "The main fact that you came, no one was ever going to stop you."

"I just felt as if I needed to come, even if Emma didn't. At least I did."

"That's so sweet", squeezing his arm, I smiled. "Now run along."

"Later, Robin." He went to the door.

"Sure, Neal."

When he was gone, Robin looked at me, taking a hold of Regina's right hand between his. Approaching the bed now, I sighed, my gaze resting on her tummy. It's fair to say that my belief was this: if Emma and Regina didn't work out, I'd willingly accept Robin as a second option. Not that I'm wishing that it doesn't work out! It has to work out. I'm just saying that he's so…sweet. He's always here for Regina even though he's quite aware that she loves someone else more than him. And men aren't that understanding in this world, even in our world. Of course I have never been in this situation but I know that David understands this too because Katherine once let him go since she loved Frederick more. In the end, it's not about forcing someone to love you: it's about understanding that if they love someone else, there's nothing you can do without using magic to make them love you. You just have to let them go, believing that their happiness is important. And if it so happens that you're meant to be together, then they eventually will find you some other time…

Right now Regina needed to find Emma somehow, even if it meant connecting in some other way. Emma needed something more. And I believed that this was meant to be. I believed that something would happen that would make them find each other again. Something did happen. Whilst Robin was holding her hand, I suddenly saw her move. And when she squeezed his hand, her eyelids quivering, my breath was held.

"Regina?" he called, eyes wide as I slowly sat upon the edge of the bed, resting my palm upon her tummy.

"Regina, can you hear us?"

She was definitely responding to something, judging from her soft twitches. I decided to ask Robin to go fetch a nurse just in case. And when he quickly left the room, that gave me a chance to say something to her, something I hadn't gotten the chance to say as yet.

"Wake up, please, Regina", I said, my voice strained as she now held unto my hand. "This has to happen as I've planned. I know you might hate me for rushing the thought but…the catering and everything else, I have decided upon it already. What a spectacular wedding this will be." Gazing up at the ceiling, I envisioned the sparkling fountains and dazzling decorations. "A garden wedding would be the sweetest thing. I was thinking more along the lines of an archway with black and red roses tucked all the way around, and if Emma wishes to dress in a tuxedo then so be it. Although I'd prefer her to wear a dress. As should you of course! But no corsets since you would have just gotten past your first pregnancy and all." I stood up, clasping my hands as my soft shoes moved around the room, carrying me as I danced about. "Yellow and red is the theme, or purple and red, purple and yellow, white and purple, white and red… black and red…"

* * *

><p><span><strong>[Emma]<strong>

"Anything as yet?"

Holding the white teddy bear between my hands, I scrunched it up, squeezing my eyes shut, trying to catch a memory. The only thing that came to mind was the truth. I had given her the teddy bear as a tease, first year in Storybrooke when we were bitching at each other. But that's it. All I could remember was the surprising way she handled the whole thing, me discovering from Henry that she slept with the stuffed animal next to her for as long as he could remember. It was so cute, imagining her cuddling up to it. And when he took my phone, managing to snap a photo of the cutest scene ever whilst she slept one night, I never deleted the photo for a long time. That was until she left Storybrooke with Robin.

"Just whatever happened", I said to him. "You know, nothing else…"

"Okay so nothing on the bear, this…oddly shaped…rock", holding the colored rock up, he frowned at it. "For some odd reason, I think that she once told me this was her good luck charm."

"What."

"Yeah, maybe it has magical properties or something." Resting it back upon the table between us, he picked up the collection of greeting cards and unwounded the rubber band. "I bet all of these are from you."

"You sure you wanna read the messages inside?" I asked, eyeing them as recollections of my penned messages to her floated around in my mind.

"Are they R rated?" he smiled wickedly at me.

"Noo…" I frowned. "But they're kind of embarrassing."

"Merry Christmas, Madame Mayor. May your holidays be filled with seeing me around every corner as I continue to annoy you with every chance that I can get", he read, smiling at the message. "Knowing you, Santa probably never gets to Henry because you always keep your fireplace lit. Poor guy, I can't even imagine you being the type of girl who used to play with dolls and tea sets. Then again, you were probably born as Madame Mayor in a suit. Ho, ho, ho: Emma." He pressed the card down upon the table and laughed until his eyes watered. So did I, knowing that my cheeks were flushed as his sudden happiness spread warmly through me.

"She texted me back to say that she got the card, she always hated dolls with blonde hair."

"This one though!" he remarked, opening another one. "Happy Valentine's Day, your Majesty. You like your roses black, just as you take your coffee. Your eyes remind me of hot chocolate, your lipstick is the exact shade of blood. In fear of you actually being a vampire who will bite my freaking neck, I'll remain your secret admirer for the sake of remaining human. Hint…" he stopped, resting his forehead upon the table as his shoulders shook from laughing, "…I'm the one who's always watching you, so the next time you peep inside your top to see if your boobs are real, yeah, I'm watching your reaction."

"Oh my God", I muttered, feeling ashamed of myself, hiding my face with my hands. "Don't go through the rest, please."

"I love them!" he admitted, wiping his eyes. "It's like your version of writing her secret love letters in a secret code."

"It's me embarrassing myself. And now that I'm aware that she knew it was me, it's more embarrassing."

"Dear Regina", he began, reading another one.

"No! Don't read that one!" I begged of him, eyes wide as my hand attempted to snatch it away. But he quickly moved it aside, eyes shining. "Henry!"

"Dear Regina, I was just browsing random stuff in this store when I ended up going through the cards on the stand. And realizing that hey, I have no idea what date is your birthday, I decided to get you a birthday card. Here, I'm wishing you a happy birthday in case I'm late already, a happy birthday in advance, or a happy birthday if today so happens to be your birthday. The cover reminded me of you. You're the black kitten and I'm the yellow kitten the black kitten is seriously choking. I guess the couch their sitting on reminds me of the one in your office. Ignore the 'Happy 6th Birthday' greeting. Don't hate me for doing this, at least I sent you a freaking card. Peace out, Emma."

"I'm mad", I admitted. "I'm so…freaking…mad."

"Do you remember this?" he asked, running a thumb across the cover of small book. The material on the cover had a velvety feel, soft to the touch and clearly a copy that hadn't been read often. "Pride and Prejudice by Jane Austen…"

Frowning, I took the book from him and opened it. When my eyes rested on her handwriting neatly addressing the book to me, I was confused because there was no recollection of me receiving this from her. And I couldn't determine the link, nor the memory attached to this particular book. That was until I began to flip through the pages, remembering that I read it when I was in high school, and as soon as a picture of Darcy dancing with Lizzie met my eyes, the memory she had erased came rushing back like a wave washing over the shore on a warm sunny day.

The timing had to be after we had returned from New York, possibly before Zelena's whole ordeal too because Belle had really renovated the library during that time. And because I couldn't exactly pinpoint a timeline to the scene, my mind just allowed it to play out whilst I entered the moment.

* * *

><p><em>There I was sitting between the shelves in the library way at the back, feet folded under as the warm fuzzy green carpet made me feel really comfortable. The smell of books was intoxicating as the clock struck midday and pushing my glasses further up the bridge of my nose, I frowned at the time. But no one could move me. It was like finding a sweet spot and becoming comfortable in it: the perfect corner of the room, tucked away from everyone else and drowning in the silence as the words you read managed to throw your mind into the world inside the book easily. <em>

_I was reading Pride and Prejudice, smiling as Lizzie told Darcy that he was the last person on earth she'd ever want to marry. The memories of the lines, the scenes, everything from high school when my afternoons used to be filled with me reading for hours: that was until I realized that I had homework to do. Now there was so much time to start reading books again and somehow my life always managed to turn itself upside down in seconds. Since we had been to Neverland and back, then New York, my imagination was sparked to read Peter Pan again. And there the book was, resting right beside me along with my car keys, cellphone and a cut of raisin bread._

_Flipping through the pages of the book, I searched for familiar scenes, lines that jumped out at me, reading randomly as vehicles passed by outside. During this time of the day, the library was conveniently empty unless someone from high school decided to do some research on a paper during their lunch break. To myself, I knew that the only occupants in the building were Archie, Belle, and me: no one else. And whilst Archie poured over volumes of psychology, sociology and everything else that cracked people's heads wide open, Belle was mending books in silence as she made library cards._

_Footsteps muffled by the carpet approached me and I reared my head, wondering what Belle or Archie wanted. There was a flash of red, the tinkle of charms on a bracelet and my breath was held whilst the person came around the back shelf. Eyes wide, I suddenly forgot about the book parted upon my leg when she searched the other end of the room then her scrutiny was directed in my corner. Upon finally detecting my whereabouts, she stood here appearing hesitant on what her next move should be, entirely speechless._

"_Looking for me?" I asked, shoulders pushed back now, sitting up straight._

_Tucking stray strands of her dark hair behind an ear, she smiled, eyes lingering on my book. "I hardly expected to find you here, Miss Swan."_

_Frowning, I eyed her charmed bracelet, "I thought we moved from being all formal with each other to a friendlier basis."_

"_You hate when I refer to you as 'Miss Swan'?" she raised an eyebrow._

_Glancing down at my book, I sighed. "I don't expect you to understand that I prefer if you use my name."_

_Her eyes glanced from the direction she came, as if checking to detect anyone eavesdropping. Turning back to me, clearly satisfied that no one was listening, she came forward whilst I clearly wasn't expecting it. Honestly, that's how Regina was, seriously unpredictable and I could never really manage to foresee her actions beforehand. As she did now, stunning me by gracefully lowering herself into a sitting position. I silently watched when a hand gently smoothen the bottom of her black skirt, stockings stretching from the movement of her calves. Yet, it was as if she didn't care about anything else, that darn White Diamond perfume back with full force since our return from Neverland. _

_Adjusting herself next to me, she then proceeded to take a hold of the book within my grasp, tilting her head as the cover was checked. I kept looking at her, even the way those well-manicured fingers were splayed out across the carpet, the way she boldly invaded my personal space. All of it affected me somewhat because it was something new: her being so close without us bitching at each other, nostrils flaring. Now all that was offered was silence whilst the tension between us was nonexistent and our eyes met suddenly._

_Blinking after a few seconds passed from us gazing at each other, she smiled, lowering her attention to something else. "With everything that has been happening, you still manage to find time to read"_

"_After the whole New York, flying monkey, one year memory lapse, I kind of want some sense of relaxation."_

"_And reading Pride and Prejudice is your form of…escaping?" our eyes met again and for the umpteenth time since our return from that island, I couldn't help but get the feeling that something had seriously changed between the two of us. _

"_What's wrong with Pride and Prejudice?" I asked defensively._

"_It's too…" she waved a hand between us, eyes on me, "it lacks the excitement of modern day life."_

"_Something you know well?"_

_There was silence as she gazed at me "Don't underestimate me, Emma. I would like to believe that my estimation of your world is rather up to date."_

_Based on the fact that she could use a laptop, shop online, read ebooks, download music and she used Netflix, yeah she was totally convincible. _

"_So you're saying that Pride and Prejudice is too plain then, old fashioned?"_

"_Exactly." She nodded._

_I was astounded. "The rule of romance still applies…"_

"_Is that so?" an eyebrow was raised at me whilst she smirked. "One chooses to dance in merriment with a man who is sophisticatedly rich with a large estate?"_

"_You're from the world of fairytales, where a Prince meets a Princess at a Ball and falls in love with her", I noted in disbelief, "how can you even object?"_

"_I am from a story book but my views are nevertheless contradicting to those old fashioned customs." She pressed a palm upon the cover of the book, eyes lowered. "Darcy was insulting from the beginning with his snobbish disposition and outright objections in relation to Lizzie's family and her personality. In other words, he was an arrogant man as most of them are, seeking the happiness of flirtations and a great time in bed." I swallowed at that last part._

"_So that's your view on…most men?"_

"_Like your boyfriend, most men are after the easy women who will give them what they want, when they –"_

"_Wait", I said, interrupting her, "my boyfriend?"_

"_Captain Guyliner." She never broke eye contact with me, lips pursed. "He's no Darcy Fitzgerald."_

_I stared at her with wide eyes, completely astonished. "We're not dating! I thought I told you that in Neverland?"_

"_Looks say otherwise", now glancing away, she appeared somewhat unconvinced. _

"_You have no idea what you're talking about."_

"_Be careful with that man."_

"_Is that why you came here?" I asked, feeling completely vexed, "to tell me that you disapprove of me ever having an interest in Hook?"_

_Without saying a word, Regina took up the book from my lap and I watched, expecting an outburst but there was none. "I don't do grudges anymore, just as I don't do plain books that center around prejudiced views on romance. Don't get me wrong, Pride and Prejudice is a well-established book. I have read it more than twice. Have you read Great Expectations by Charles Dickens as yet?." Handing me the book, she waited until I took it and when I did, holding her palm facing upwards, she waved the other hand and a book magically appeared before me. Eyes wide, I watched as she then parted it as if knowing exactly what to look for._

"_I think I read it to a halfway point." Clearly I was somewhat still affected by her intrusion into my life, blatantly telling me about Hook. But somehow, her behavior shocked me because this side of Regina was completely different. When the sassy version was supposed to be turned on by default, I was presented with a calmer disposition, one that provided a soothing voice with cool eyes._

_She was still searching for something in the book and I gazed on._

"_So you hate Romeo and Juliet then." I was still astounded by her deliberate attempt to sidestep my harsh words._

"_Juliet and Juliet…" she said to me, glancing back without smiling, "is more…my cup of tea, just as a Prince seeks out to find a Princess, it is possible that a Queen would as well. I might be somewhat like Mister Darcy but he is not likeable."_

_I swallowed hard, eyes wide. "Well if you're into that kind of a happy ending then…"_

"_Does it make you feel uncomfortable?"_

"_No."_

_Brown eyes remained fixated on me. I glanced away, feeling my cheeks become flushed, as did hers. And I had no reason why._

_She smiled. "It does make you feel…something."_

"_I've had my share of girls having crushes on me", I confessed, slightly ashamed from my reaction._

"_And did you…crush…back?"_

_Her voice was husky enough, but there was a slight tremor. Somehow I believed that she was hanging unto my reaction, studying my face because approval on her choice of romance was sought out from me. Possibly as a friend, I had no reason why Regina was telling me this: but I decided to be as open minded as I could._

"_The feeling was never mutual."_

"_Never?"_

"_Not that I…can honestly admit to", I frowned, pondering on the past, "thinking about it, before Neal, I was just a wide eyed immature girl who moved through foster homes. There wasn't any kind of permanence where I could attach affections to someone in particular. Most times, romance wasn't something that interested me."_

"_Neither me." Looking at her, she lowered her eyes upon the carpet._

"_You know, you're more like Mister Darcy than you think." I smiled when she lifted her eyes. "A big title…you're Queen…obviously rich, sophisticated…"_

"_Hmm…" she frowned, narrowing her eyes at me. "A happy ending he eventually had, but it's something that hasn't come my way yet."_

"_Don't worry, I'll make your happy ending happen somehow, even if it means fighting another dragon."_

_She gazed at me for a long time and within that time, I never took a breath because for the first time in my life, I suddenly realized that Regina had the prettiest pair of brown eyes I had ever seen. It wasn't the simple fact that they were a light shade of brown but there was something more. It's as if I was easily captivated and the link between our eyes couldn't be broken._

"_That's why I like you, Emma", she confessed whilst I held my breath, still looking at her, "your views are contradicting to mine. When I spent my life destroying them, your only mission is to bring back everyone's happy endings."_

"_I don't really…have…a choice", I noted whilst she began to flip through the pages, using her index finger to swipe them gracefully._

"_Ah, here it is", Regina remarked, pressing her fingertips to keep the book open, eyes alighted, "have you managed to reach thus far? It is a particular quote that has remained with me for a long time. Take it however you wish" she paused then continued. "….I loved her against reason, against promise, against peace, against hope, against happiness…Against all discouragement that could be..."_

"_Wait, it's a lesbian themed book?" I was intrigued._

"_Perhaps Jane Austen's Mister Darcy was a woman but based on society's morals, she wrote such a character as a gentleman instead."_

"_Do you honestly believe that?"_

"_Yes."_

"_That's…" I was speechless. _

"_Do you know what is remarkable about the Evil Queen's story?" she asked, and in a few seconds, our shoulders brushed together, eyes turned to meet mine. _

"_What is?" holding my breath, she lingered her gaze on my lips._

"_Her story is unfinished, which means…" heart racing in my chest, I never did move away when she leant in closer, "…the ending can be whatever she chooses best. And…do you know what I see in my future, Emma?"_

_I swallowed, my throat feeling as narrow as a straw, "what…do you…see?" her eyes were so close, inches apart from mine and I could see those thick eyelashes perfectly._

"_Spending the rest of my life with one person…"_

_I sighed. "We all want that…" pointing out the obvious sounded kind of stupid._

"_But all I want…is…" my eyes fluttered close when she rested her cheek on mine, "…you…" and the sudden warmth melted me, flushing my neck and pushing my heart rate up._

"_Me", I said in a soft voice, suddenly losing my composure when her breath tickled my right ear, soft hair filling my nose with the scent of apples. _

_Somehow she was intoxicating me and no matter what, I couldn't stop myself from drowning, from the rush that buzzed in my ears. Fingers gripping the carpet beneath me, I allowed the wave of pleasure to build up, this soft mushy feeling that curled my toes without shocking me. And suddenly, New York was forgotten of, this new curse flew away like dust in the wind whilst she enveloped us in some kind of a trance that completely had me losing my mind. I couldn't understand how within seconds, everything changed like this between us, just when we were speaking about books. It was almost as if this was bound to happen somehow, building up from the point when I walked away from her at the town line. All of it had pressed my chest down with this weight, a heavy heart, knowing that something was missing, had always been missing and somehow I couldn't figure out what it was. But it was all about her. _

_How do I know?_

_I felt it. I felt the connection between us and it was mind blowing. All it took was for her to come in closer in order for my heart to really understand how distance had been killing me. Distance was poisonous because being so close to her felt so freaking sweet and warm, it was like nothing I had ever felt before in my life. Possibly I was dreaming, or put under a spell but I wasn't about to complain._

"_Mom?"_

_Pulling apart from Regina, my eyes grew wide and I felt as if someone had thrown a bucket of ice water on me. There stood Henry with his mouth agape, hands hanging loosely down his sides whilst she stared at us in horror._

"_What…" he blinked, "what are you…doing?" his eyes were wide, mouth hanging agape._

"_Henry, I…"_

"_I'm not talking to you", he said, looking at Regina, "I'm talking to my mom."_

"_Kid…" I couldn't speak at all._

"_So you really do know these people, don't you?"_

"_Henry, I can explain", I said._

"_The Mayor? You've been here before?"_

"_Henry…"_

"_She's your girlfriend now?" he waved a hand at Regina, eyes icy, "what about just breaking up with Walsh? Is this why you broke up with him, to hook up with her? Is she a client?"_

"_She's a friend", I said._

"_Mom, stop lying to me."_

"_I'm not lying to you", I was growing frustrated already. "Look, there are things that you don't know but –"_

"_This is unbelievable!" he exclaimed. "Who the hell is she?"_

_I felt Regina take my hand, eyes on Henry and somehow, I was urged to move away from her touch. As soon as I did, she turned to look at me, eyes wide._

"_Emma."_

"_Regina, I can't do this", I said, my head already aching._

_We stared at each other for a long time. And whilst we did, all I wanted was to have them both disappear so that I could process everything over and over again, trying to make sense of what had happened. But she did the one thing I never saw coming._

"_I'm taking the bus back to New York", Henry said._

"_No." Regina got to her feet, eyes wide. "It's okay…" holding her hands out defensively, she turned to look at me, "don't say that. It's not…what you think, Henry."_

"_Psycho", he said, glaring._

"_Hey!" I said sternly, rising to my feet, glaring back. "Stop that. Stop it now."_

"_Siding with your girlfriend now?" He folded his arms._

"_Show some respect", I snapped._

"_Why don't you show me respect first by telling me the truth?"_

_I couldn't reply._

"_Fine", he snapped back, "I'm leaving. The further I get away from this weird town, the better." Turning on the spot, he moved off._

"_Henry!" Regina called, her voice unsteady. "Wait."_

"_What?" spinning around, he glared at her._

_Glancing at me, she held my gaze for a few seconds, tears in her eyes. I was so confused by all of this, but beneath the rubble, all my heart ached for was to be close to her again._

"_I've waited on this moment for such a long time", she said to me. "But…" her eyes met Henry, "being a villain with an unfinished story, my life will never be happy, just the way I want it, with both of you."_

_I stepped forward. "I can't do…this…Regina…" _

"_I know you can't."_

"_But –"_

_I watched her wave both hands in our direction, Henry and me both. Then just like that, I drew a blank. _

* * *

><p><span><strong>Snow<strong>

Robin and I both watched her eyelids twitch whilst the nurse quickly checked the monitors, reading the letters and numbers, whatever they all meant. Whilst we stood there, I snatched his hand, tightening my grip whilst he held unto her right hand.

"Is she going to be okay?" I asked, so worried already. "What's happening to her?"

"Her heart rate is increasing at an alarming rate, and there's too much brain activity. Doctor Whale –" eyes directed to the door, the nurse appeared alarmed. "Your patient is not stable."

Quickly, Robin and I waited as Whale stepped in, his white coat flapping about his ankles. He did so many things at once, checking this and that, adjusting this and that, speaking in medical terms that sounded like another language. I couldn't stand it. Growing upset and really frustrated, my face was turned into Robin's shoulder as he wrapped an arm around me. And I hid my eyes from everything, holding my breath.

* * *

><p><span><strong>Emma<strong>

"I want that now though", Henry said, leaning over the table a bit, "I want you two to be together."

"It's not that easy."

"Why?"

Glancing away, I sighed. "Too complicated."

"Everything is complicated before a fairytale gets a happy ending, look at grandma and granddad's journey to find each other, never giving up." Pressing a hand upon mine, he used his boot to nudge me under the table, "hey, mom."

"Henry, I can't." I felt numb even more after those memories that came rushing back, feeling like a complete fool, confused and stone cold.

"You can't what?"

"I can't do it. I'm not the one she wants."

"Are you kidding me?" he asked, eyes wide. 'Even after all you saw, you're still going to sit there and tell me that Regina doesn't want you to be her girlfriend? Wake up, mom."

"That's because things have changed since then and she's not…she met Robin."

"Just as you met Graham, August, Hook, dad again, Walsh –"

"But Robin is her soul mate, not me", I said, my chest aching from the thought of it.

"Dad is your soul mate, you two connect on so many levels. But as grandma said to me, we can have more than one soul mate. But we only have one person who is our true love. And I bet you feel it deep down inside that Regina is both to you. She has this…effect on you…more than anyone I've ever seen you with. I've seen you with these guys, mom", he said, squeezing my hand, "I've seen you with them and somehow there's always something missing. There are no fireworks. And there's plenty when you're with Regina, especially when you're arguing."

I had to laugh at that one, rolling my eyes on the thought. "True."

"She lights you afire, doesn't she?"

"Yeah." Still smiling, I sighed.

"The Queen sees you and me in her future, us three…together…happily ever after…"

"Don't."

"I'm trying to help you save Regina", he said to me with a frown. "Whether you like it or not, you're the Savior, and it's your job because you've brought back everyone's happy ending, you've saved so many people. You have us. And now it's your turn to save her because you're the only one that can. Not Robin, not Ruby, not grandma or granddad. YOU."

"I don't want the job, sorry."

"Mom, what's wrong with you?" he asked when I avoided his eyes. "This is not the Emma I know."

"That Emma has changed", I stated, glaring at him. "She's been through…a lot…and what might appear as a small mistake to some people, it pretty much ruined me. Call me stupid and heartless but because of my past, I have trust issues."

"Everyone makes mistakes."

"That one's not going to work on me this time." Pushing her stuff away, closer to him, I felt as cold as ice. "She can just…go her way with the baby and the perfect guy, and I'll go my way."

"That's selfish."

"You have no idea what's selfish, kid", I said to him.

"So that's your final decision then."

"Yeah, it is."

"You're just going to give up all of this", he said, patting the stuff on the table, eyes lowered, "give up on her, leave her to die and walk away."

"She's not going to die."

"I was mad at her before I accepted the truth but now that I understand, I'm not prepared to lose my mom." Glaring at me, I couldn't care less.

"Well you lost her for two years –"

"Regina left because of you!" he pounded a fist unto the table, startling me, "she came back because of you, Emma! All of those memories prove that you could have fixed this so long ago. But you kept thinking about what other people would say, like me. And I understand that you felt that way because yeah, it did take me a while to digest it. I eventually did, and it didn't take months. It took less than three weeks. Everyone around here has nothing bad to say about this. And you can't really deny ever having feeling for her because that Halloween night, when she kissed you, you kissed her back."

"Henry…" I was impatient.

"You don't have to prove anything to anyone but yourself. Stop lying to yourself, stop filling your head with all these crazy ideas about Robin and Regina playing games with you and wake up. Dad told me that if there's one thing he's certain about when it comes to you is that once your heart is set on something, there is no way anyone can change your mind."

"What do you want me to do?" I asked him, "give her my heart?"

"Just say it."

"Say what?"

Holding my gaze, he allowed the silence to stretch on as I studied his face. "Mom, please say it. Say what you feel, what you know, after what you saw and remember now, just do it."

"She loves me…" I said, trying to read his mind.

"More than…"

"What?"

"Mom, just say it!"

"Okay", I sighed, eyes lowered to the table, "she loves me more than I realized."

"And?"

"I've said it."

"Do you want her to die?"

"No", I played with the edge of her yellow tank top.

"Why?"

"You know why."

"Say it."

"I care." Plates clattered together behind me.

"String it all together now. And add in the final part. Go ahead."

I inhaled deeply, feeling my eyes burn. "She loves me more than I realized, more than…him…Robin. I don't want her to die because I…care. And…I'm still in love with her." As soon as I said it, my heart felt somewhat warm, in contrast to the icy feeling in my chest that had stayed with me for over two weeks now since she was in the coma.

* * *

><p><span><strong>Snow<strong>

"If she continues to have the fluctuations, then I'm afraid that we'll have to opt for a hasty delivery of the baby", Whale said, my eyes squeezing shut as he injected Regina's upper left arm, eyeing her face with worry.

"But that would be…best", Robin said, still hugging me.

"For the baby's sake, yes."

"And…Regina?" my eyes widened.

"It doesn't look good, Snow. She's more than capable of awakening from this coma but it's as if…" he adjusted a wire close to her arm, "it's as if she's choosing to stay under. And I think you know why."

"Oh for goodness sake!" I cried out in alarm, already losing patience, "wake up Regina! Stop letting my daughter who might very well be as…dumb…no", I frowned, "as naïve as me…stop making her pull you down!"

"Snow…" Whale said as a warning, but he smiled.

"This is unacceptable, coming from you", I pointed at Regina, glaring, "you above everyone else, I know that you're stronger than this. And there's nothing in this world that can stop you from fighting for what you want. You fought for Henry, you tried to kill me so many times, you're powerful, so wake up and prove to my daughter that there is nothing that can stop you. Be the Queen."

"It would be best if she's left alone for a while." I directed my glare in his direction.

"What?"

"Based on her current condition, increased heartbeat, heightened blood pressure –"

"I am her mother in law", I stated with a straight face.

He gave me a blank look. "No, she's your step mother."

"Robin…" I turned to him, stretching out a hand, "I'd like my purse with pointy darts now, METAL ones."

Folding his arms, Whale waited, never moved whilst Robin cleared his throat, my hand still outstretched. Eyeing him with widened eyes, I lashed his arm and huffed out a sigh.

"Let's go…" he urged me, taking my hand.

"Regina…" I whispered, holding my ground, "wake up and I'll buy a bag of chocolates so we can both binge on when –"

"That is unacceptable, Snow!" Whale exclaimed with wide eyes, "you are aware of the dangers of excessive sugar!"

"I wasn't speaking to you, fish."

Raising a fist, he bit back his reply whilst I grinned from ear to ear. Robin on the other hand managed to drag me to the door whilst I snatched the frame.

"I'll be back!" I said to Whale, smiling mockingly, "with a bag of sweets!"

"Leave!" he commanded.

"Wait", releasing his grip on my arm, Robin jogged into the room, reaching for the bag containing his stuff. And when it was lifted, his gaze lingered on Regina. It was then when he leant down, hesitating a bit before I watched him press a kiss to her forehead. "Wake up", he whispered, "I need you to come back." And a kiss was pressed to her forehead.

Then…it just happened. The machines suddenly stopped making any sounds and I gasped, hands covering my mouth, eyes wide.

* * *

><p><strong>AN – Okay on a last minute decision, I decided to end here. So hope you liked it. I LEFT YOU CLUELESS! What happened? Did Regina just…OMG. Start sending the hateful reviews. I'm ready to take them all! Muahaha! But to all of you who are just reading. I want to know what you're thinking about the story so far. Please review and let me know? I'd really like to hear from the other 130 people who read along as well! Thanks.  
><strong>


	16. Making The Wrong Moves

**A/N – Hey! *waves* thanks a bunch for the reviews! I got a lot of feedback and based on all your views it appears that EVERYONE hates Emma Swan now. Someone said that they hate my story because I'm ridiculously trying to slow burn/prolong the plot, another reader said that they will stop reading because I'm a pathetic writer who doesn't understand plot and character development. I can't please everyone and to be honest, I smiled after reading your hateful reviews because the more you hate my story, the more passionate I become, enough to continue. This is MY way of telling it, it's your choice if you want to stick around until the happy ending or suffer with another poorly written, mushy fanfiction. Cheers!**

* * *

><p><span><strong>Chapter Sixteen<strong>

"**Making The Wrong Moves"**

**Snow White**

**Location: The Hospital**

I gasped when she stirred, and a hand was lifted whilst I watched in awe. Fingers covering my mouth, my heart began to race as Regina took a hold of Robin's wrist and groaned. He was as shocked as me because it startled him. Whale on the other side of the bed watched on, probably still offended by me calling him a fish.

"Regina?" Robin called out, snatching her hand and moving closer.

Holding my breath, my hands were wrung as her eyes fluttered open; staring into his pair of shocked ones. From the moment she came back to us, the machines started to calm down, the beeping died down and there was silence in the room that was filled with so much electricity. I believe that we could power the electronics without plugging them in. I couldn't believe it! Something was puzzling though. He had leant down, holding her hand, and just after the kiss… Frowning inwardly, I moved closer whilst they stared at each other, and somehow, there was a pull at my heart. Yes, I admitted before that I would be more than happy if the two of them decided to get together. But I really, really…shipped Regina with my daughter now (as they say in the media).

"You've come back", he was saying softly, a nervous laugh ensued. "I knew you would."

"Regina!" I rushed to her, snatching up a hand that was so cold and clammy. "Thank goodness you're alright!"

"Be…careful", Whale said in a stern voice, "let's not crowd her. She's just come to, obviously not completely here as yet but here all the same. Nevertheless I would prefer if we remain calm and soothing in this time of…"

Robin was eyeing him with a puzzled expression on his face and so was I. Obviously Whale needed to get out more. Sure he was the doctor all in good intentions but sometimes his words meant just a little too much.

Eyes fluttering close, her grip on my hand slackened a bit but the slight warmth returning to her fingers had me thinking that everything was going to be alright. At first, she merely came back to us, choosing to lie there in silence whilst the machines checked her heart rate and breathing. She was conscious. Oh yes she was here again. I was so relieved that my fingers twitched from excitement because I had been so afraid of losing her. I was afraid of losing anyone, come to think of it. But this was about Regina. And since Emma was just going through a phase, one that she'd come out of soon enough, the crucial factor was Regina. I know, I know, I should like a bad mother. She's out there possibly staring at the ceiling for hours on end. However, if it's one thing I know about my daughter is that she's more than capable of pulling through no matter what. She's like me in more ways than one. We get beaten down a few pegs but eventually we pick ourselves up and move on.

Apparently Robin was astounded as I still. Here we had a situation, a very serious one, and a baffling one too! Just when he kissed Regina's cheek, she woke up and I do believe in coincidences once and a while but this one was severely puzzling. Could he have been responsible for bringing her back? There was no other explanation except that she had chosen to just come back now. True Love's kiss? Noo, that's not it! That cannot be IT. He's not her…TRUE LOVE! Daniel was and when Daniel died, she was given another chance to have a True Love in Emma's world. THIS WORLD. That means that Robin can't be her True Love because he's from OUR world. It has to be Emma. But how did she just wake up when he kissed her? I'm confused now, really confused. Oh Emma, where are you? Taking out my cellphone, I suddenly remembered that its use was forbidden in hospitals. And I quickly slipped it back into my bag as Robin's walkie beeped. Eyeing Whale, he patted my shoulder, glancing at Regina.

"David just called in for assistance", he whispered into my ear. "I'm really sorry but I have to leave."

"But she…" our eyes met.

"Call Emma", he mouthed, "she needs to be here."

"Robin…"

"I'll be back as soon as I can." And without sparing me a second glance, I watched in disbelief as he went to the door and disappeared from the room.

Then Whale's pager went off. Snatching it from his waist, he eyed the display with a frown. "And I have to take my leave too."

"Is she…"

He strode to the door, eyes focused.

"Just keep an eye on her. Everything's stable so far. The nurses are just outside if help is needed."

"They…" turning my gaze upon Regina, I squeezed her hand and felt tears well up, "they have no consideration about this at all. Don't worry though." Resting my fingers upon her forehead, I caressed her clammy skin, "I'm here, and I'm not going anywhere, okay?"

The silence that ensued was not as thick as before when she was completely unconscious. Instead, I could actually feel a weight lifted, almost like a thick veil removed from around her when those eyes fluttered open, gazing in the direction of the window to the other side of the room. As the blinds fluttered, Regina just merely looked upon the movement without saying anything, her breathing remaining steady. If I could only describe the scene further, I would but there was clearly something hurtful about the way she remained for over fifteen minutes, it ached my heart. All that I saw was that she was somehow hurting so much inside because the tears leaked down her cheeks and unto the pillow. I wanted to cry. I did cry. And when her grip on my hand remained firm, the only thing I could do was to sit there without saying anything, wondering what I should say.

To be in a hospital is not quite an enjoyable thing. Even though the interior had been repainted and renovated, I still felt rather queasy within the walls because of the bland colors and sickly smells. Rubbing alcohol, detergent on blue sheets, tiled floors that shone, the hushed voices and annoying intercom messages: all of it made me feel queasy because I had to come in here soon enough. And it wasn't a nice place to anticipate spending a holiday in.

For the rest of the evening, she never said anything to me, but she remained conscious. And that was good. It's like she was still awakening from a dream, or rising from within that thickness of a coma. I wondered if it was like the sleeping curse where you entered another room and stayed there, being tortured in your own way. Perhaps you felt like your body was indeed a tomb and there was no way out. No wonder she remained stiff on the bed, lying there without moving at all, eyes barely fluttering open. It didn't make any difference if I stayed longer because she obviously wouldn't say a word any time sooner. I tried. I really did. I sat there for over four hours trying to get a response from her but there was none.

At a quarter to seven in the night, my bag was picked up. Then releasing her hand whilst she obviously drifted off to sleep, away I snuck, waddling to the door as quietly as I could.

* * *

><p><span><strong>Emma.<strong>

**Location: The Diner**

"If you kick my door open, someone has to pay for the repairs." Granny stood near the staircase, hands planted on her hips, a smug expression directed our way.

"The door is jammed from the inside", dad said, giving the key a turn for the umpteenth time whilst I remained as far as I could from Robin. As much as I wanted to push the feelings away, the slight disgust still remained, partial jealousy. "Our only option is to kick it inwards."

"Well you're the acting Mayor and Deputy Sheriff so kick as hard as you want. I prefer my payments in cash and not checks."

"So what is the situation again?" Robin asked, forehead creased, eyes focused on me.

My glare burnt holes in the door, "as David said since you obviously weren't listening, there was a commotion up here. Granny heard it from below. Someone was being pushed about and then there was a scream."

"This is Officer Brink's room."

"Officer…Brink?"

"Really?" I rolled my eyes at the stupid outlaw. "The blonde cop who showed up two weeks ago. Get your RAM freed up or something."

"Emma."

"What." I threw David a glance. "Kick the door open already, or I'll do it."

"Why don't you do it?" he asked me, stepping back and gesturing at the space in front of him. "Seems like you're powered up, so let's see what you've got."

I stepped up in front of the door, held my position and was definitely ready to kick it in. Rolling my shoulders back, my boots were planted firmly upon the floor, and suddenly, the doorknob danced in front of me. It's like I was suddenly looking at the door behind a wall of water whilst the my head grew thick and I felt woozy.

"Any time now", dad's voice said.

"You know what…" squeezing my eyes shut, I stepped back, "you do it."

I could feel their eyes on me, scrutinizing my face, and it angered the hell out of me. As the door was kicked open by dad, Robin went in after him and then I was about to follow.

"You alright there, hon?" Granny's voice drifted over to my ear and I turned my eyes to her. "Seems like you need some rest."

"I'm fine", I said.

"Alright…" she shrugged, "if you say so. Time off wouldn't hurt you either way. Just don't try to push yourself."

"I'm not." I was edgy.

When she descended the stairs, I went into the room. The first thing that met my eyes was the condition within. Everything was flung about as if someone with a temper tantrum had passed through. The lamp shade was shattered upon the floor, the blue sheet twisted and hanging from the bed, pillows located near the window, and the vanity top swiped clean, a bottle of perfume lying in fragments upon the frilly blue mat.

"I guess she surely pissed somebody off", David said, toeing a shard of the bottle on the mat, eyes lowered.

"From my fair guess, whoever it was came in, most likely shoving his way into the room", Robin said whilst I checked out the empty closet, "he jammed the door with this…chair. And then –"

"There was an exchange of words, in which time, he grew considerably furious…"

"But how did they get out?" Robin asked.

I bent into the brown double door wardrobe to retrieve a piece of paper lying on the bottom. From further observation, it was a cashier's bill, titled with the name of the Diner Maria and I had eaten lunch at. Scrawled at the back in my handwriting was my alias name Emily and my phone number.

"What have you got there, Emma?" David asked, checking up on me.

"Um…" I quickly scrunched the bill up, sliding it neatly into the sleeve of my jacket, "nothing really, just a blank piece of paper." Avoiding his eyes, I stepped around them both and ventured towards the washroom area.

Their voices were turned down when I entered the small space just to the left of the room. Within the area, I noted a tiled bathroom accompanied by a toilet and then there was another door leading off to somewhere. Judging from the location alone, my bets were placed on it being an exit of some sort, possibly a fire escape. And before I could even make a move, a face filled the window just to the right of the door and then there was the thump of boots hitting metal. Without sparing a moment, I rushed to the exit, pulling open the sorry excuse for a door. And out I darted unto metal steps, leading down into the alleyway below. There he was, jumping the steps in threes and I completely forgot procedure.

On my way down, I tugged my gun from the holster and turned off the safety switch. Their voices above me were muffled under the roaring sound inside my head when the hooded figure faced a high concrete wall. Racing down the steps, when I reached the bottom, whoever it was had pulled himself up onto the ledge and without thinking, I lifted my gun and pulled the trigger, not once but thrice. The feel of the gun, the gunshots fired, how my arm jolted from every shot: it seriously made me feel somewhat in control again, in control of something. And I reveled in the moment, the adrenaline rush that accompanied it all. Whoever it was had already disappeared and there I stood all alone.

"Emma!" footsteps hammered behind me and clutching my gun, I spun around.

They were both gawking, eyes wide, horror registered on their faces. "What?" I asked in confusion.

"What was that all about?" David waved a hand towards the route the escaping bandit took.

"I did what I had to do."

"You're not supposed to fire a gun just like that!" he stated harshly, "you could hurt someone."

"Would have served him right", I said stiffly, pushing my weapon back into my holster strapped around my waist, eyes lowered. "A thief is a thief."

David stared wide eyed at me still.

"That doesn't excuse your conduct", Robin had the nerve to say, "using a weapon just like that when a threatening situation did not present itself –"

"Look, Hood", I said, showing him my palm, "spare me the drama because you more than had your experiences where you colored outside the freaking lines. So don't jump down my throat because I acted on impulse."

"A child walking around a building", he said, forehead creased in concern, "an innocent civilian passing through. You could have done so much damage just from acting…on impulse."

"I don't care what you think."

"Maybe you should think about your actions before you act", he said, glaring at me. "That way, you can simply avoid terrible occurrences that could kill people."

His words stabbed me in my heart. I froze up and could seriously feel myself bleeding inside from the effect his words had on me. If he could just disappear from my life, I would probably be the happiest woman in Storybrooke. If he had never come here in the first place, then everything would have been somewhat better. His interference in my life was hurtful and unforgiving. And I was prepared to do anything to make his life a living hell because he had ruined mine and I wasn't happy about it.

"Emma, maybe you should take a break", dad said, eyes offering some kind of comfort. "Maybe you've had enough lately."

"I'm fine", I said for the umpteenth time that day.

"Obviously you need to rest before you end up hurting someone else", Robin said to me.

Tears stung my eyes but I held them back whilst glaring at him. "Fuck off", I directed his way, my tone bitter.

"Emma –" David tried. But I stepped up to Robin and never backed down.

"Your actions are unjust", he said, glaring at me.

"I don't give a shit about what you think."

"And it's clear that you don't care about other people's lives as well."

"The way I see it, you don't know a thing about me or who I am so before you embarrass yourself, maybe shutting up is the next best thing."

"I can't shut up about this when you're being a stubborn fool by shutting her out", he said to me, never diverting his glare. There it was, me knowing from the first time he had spoken that all of this had to do with Regina. "Look what it is doing to you, breaking you apart and yet you refuse to accept the truth."

"You don't know a thing about me!" I snapped, eyes burning.

"I know enough, and it shows clear as day that you lack belief, which might very well ruin your last chance in taking hold of what remains. You have everything", he directed my way, "close enough and easy to grasp yet your arrogance prevents you from attaining anything."

"You're just acting up because it's me she came back for, leaving your sorry ass behind."

"Both of you", David chimed in, "stop this now."

"Are you listening to yourself?" Robin asked me, eyes wide. "If you so claim that she left me to venture back to you, then why is she severely hurt in the hospital whilst you continue to distance yourself, drowning in liquor –"

"I'm doing what I have to do because it's best."

"It's BEST?" he asked in awe, "it's best that she completely loves someone who finds every small opportunity to doubt the truth behind her feelings? When Regina told you the truth behind the incident, you gave her no room to cater for your belief in what she proclaimed. Instead, your paranoia stepped up and destroyed everything in its wake because you simply cannot digest the truth that there is no US meaning myself and Regina. She has always loved you more than me, more than Ruby. There you stand still believing that as much as we speak the truth, it is a lie. And as sad as it is to say, Emma, your disbelief in her will burn everything you have to ashes eventually. She already sees how fast you are in losing trust in her so –"

Rushing up to him, even without laying a finger on his pathetic neck, my magic whipped him back with such force, the energy itself astounded me. The roaring in my head was so loud, I could feel myself growing heated with anger whilst he lashed against the green dumpster and crumbled to the floor. It's like all this power was coming from nowhere as I stared at my splayed fingers in awe. And glaring at him one last time, I turned on the spot and started to walk away, never saying a word.

"Emma!" Dad called after me but my eyes were never turned to look back. Instead, my footsteps led me out the alleyway and unto the street.

Xx

Half an hour later, I was sprawled out upon my backup bed at my parents' apartment upstairs, staring at the ceiling without blinking. For like fifteen minutes I had been redialing Maria's cell number, reaching her voicemail instead and it kind of worried me even though I shouldn't be. Whether I liked it or not, we had shared a moment together and although I wished for her to disappear from my life, there was some small part of me that cared. Like where had she gone off to and what had happened? Was she in grave danger, possibly held hostage or something? Or had she just driven out of town without saying goodbye? I honestly believed that the later could apply since she had told me about leaving as soon as possible to get back to her kid. So maybe that was it. Maybe she had left without coming to see me. Not that I was ever important anyway. Not recently. No one didn't give a shit about the Sheriff, let alone the woman who had basically kicked her girlfriend into a coma.

Had we really been girlfriends, Regina and I?

Just thinking about her ached my heart now because I was gradually regaining my feelings, the numbness from the drugs wearing off: I needed more. I really had to replenish my stash before the day ended because of me fearing that I'd become a total wreck. I was already a wreck. My head felt fuzzy and there was a slight throbbing beneath my temples, my eyes becoming really sensitive to light. It could be that I had mixed the pills wrong, or it could be the side effects of lacking days of sleep. Either way, I was toasted. And the only way to solve any problem was for me to sleep, relax, take a break. But I couldn't. I couldn't sleep, I couldn't close my eyes. Every time I did, all I kept seeing was those memories that were wiped away and now opened up like fresh wounds, my heart already bleeding from the times I fucked up before.

Three times thus far, and I'm sure there were more. The memory that stuck the most was the first one because I had honestly believed that she was out to get me. In that moment, that night, to be honest, I really thought Regina was playing until upon further scrutiny of her eyes wet with tears, I had seen the truth. Every single time the truth had dawned upon me and I had been so ready to give in, she totally lost it and took the memory away. Hanging unto those last few seconds when realization had kicked in, suddenly believing her and soaking up the truth, she had taken it away. But the big question was, even after remembering these things, she still pursued me? She still came after, loved, put up with me and my love triangles. And above all, Regina somehow held unto the belief that one day I would love her back completely.

I really, honestly think that she gave up when she left Storybrooke though.

It's one point in time when I still feel deep down inside that that was the last straw and it was the breaking point. And because I believe that she made a decision to give up, trying to force myself into thinking that she actually loved me after then, it's really a touchy topic. You love someone. You realize that somehow, that person doesn't feel the same, so you make a decision to leave. And when you make that choice, when you walk away, it's the end. It's like closing a door. You don't want to reopen it ever again. Two years, she closed me off. She could have stayed.

"God dammit", I said through gritted teeth, squeezing my eyes shut.

She could have just stayed. She could have tried again. I was waiting on her to do something, anything, without knowing exactly how I felt about her. And when she jumped through that portal, in that moment I had realized what everything really meant. It's like nothing is the same anymore because she has changed so much. She's not the Regina I used to know. She's become mushier, she cries easily when it comes to me, she smiles more, she loves to touch me, be affectionate, loves to cuddle, she's a whole new person and I'm still trying to figure out if it's really her. It's like she left and she came back…upgraded whilst I'm still stuck, plain old me, no change whilst everything has happened to her.

There was the sound of the door closing downstairs and my eyes grew wide. More than likely it would be mom because dad was taking his job seriously more than me. He and Robin had this bromance thing going on now, just when we all believed Hook was his buddy. Imagine how it hurt me when just after I had dumped Killian, dad picked him up as a close friend, the two of them hanging out together, buying beers, laughing and talking. The same thing he did to Neal. He friendzoned him, totally giving Neal the comforting invitations to hang out these days, not that I cared…

Somehow, from that last thought I shared, I fell into a deep sleep and when my eyes fluttered open, checking the flower shaped pink clock on the wall, it was close to seven p.m. already. Where had the time gone? As usual, I was missing hours these days, time flying by just like that. Glancing at the windows, I noticed that they were pulled down and closed. So that meant mom had been up here already. The first thing I noticed when I reached the bottom of the stairs was the glass bowl filled with sweet beans, and the side plate layered with chicken salad. A can of Pepsi was already placed beside an empty plate, pattered with her usual colorful flowers, and there she sat eyeing me with a small smile. Her chewing fastening up now as eyes were lit up, she gestured for me to sit, already taking a hold of the wooden spoon to dish out my dinner.

"Glad you're awake, which means you slept."

I was confused, because most times, mom's statements made no sense at all. My thoughts knotted from her words, I went to sit lazily upon the stool, feeling extremely tired and exhausted. Groaning, the plate nudged my elbow as the sharp smell of onions awakened my appetite. And without looking at her, I took up my fork and began to eat.

Her eyes remained on me. Something was definitely up, and I met her gaze, studying her round face for a long time. Yet she gave away nothing, looking at me without blinking. Swallowing hard, I rested my fork down and held my breath.

"What happened?"

There it was, the way she slightly widened her eyes, trying to appear oblivious, glancing away immediately. "Oh nothing, just a busy day."

I said nothing, still staring.

"You know, we had a meeting at Town Hall to discuss repairs. Your…" she caught me staring and stalled. Inhaling deeply, a forced smile was offered. "Your father…wanted me to stay home and rest but I went anyway. I heard that there was a commotion at the Inn? Your…friend is missing?"

"Yeah", losing my fight with hunger, I snatched up the fork and began to eat again, eyes lowered, "someone turned her room upside down and she's nowhere to be seen."

"She left her things?"

"No", chewing beans, my toes curled from the warmth, "the room was empty when we got there."

"Well let's hope that she just decided to leave without saying goodbye then", she said with a frown, "because when people start disappearing around here, it doesn't ever turn out to be something good. Remembering Zelena and her flying monkey scheme."

"Don't remind me about that", I muttered.

"Hmm…"

"Plus Ruby's acting all suspicious…"

She sighed, playing with her beans. "The two of you will never stop."

"No, it's not that. Ruby called dad sometime around one today to report that she saw a man dressed in a hood with sunglasses lingering at the back of the Diner when she was taking out the trash. The person fits the exact description of the man I chased about an hour after she called it in."

"Soo…what's weird about that then?"

"Just before she disconnected the call, she told dad that she was going to follow him. Dad said no. And knowing Ruby…"

"She'd still follow."

"Exactly", I agreed, "now when all this commotion is going on, Granny said that Ruby wasn't downstairs, she was somewhere else. And when we got there to investigate, she was nowhere to be seen."

"Where –"

I held up a finger, and she bit her reply back, "she's not missing. She just showed up looking really stiff when we were heading out. Robin asked her a couple of things and it's like, I know that she's lying because –"

"Of your super power." Mom's eyes grew wide. "So what do you think she's hiding then?"

"I'll find out somehow."

"I don't want another fight between the two of you, please", she pleaded, "especially since Regina is awake and recovering slowly but surely and –"

I stopped breathing, eyes growing wide. "What?"

Her cheeks were puffed out, eyes wide as saucers too. The seconds that ticked by, the seconds that captured me staring at her in bewilderment, searching her face, everything went by so slow. I couldn't believe it. Time could move so fast and so slow. Now all I could think about was nothing at all. Honestly, my mind drew a blank.

"Today, just around midday, she came out of the…coma." Her voice was small, and I felt a lump growing at the back of my throat, restricting my breathing. "I was going to tell you…"

I said nothing, I couldn't say anything.

"I was going to call you at the hospital, but then we couldn't use cellphones in there. Robin told me to call you but I couldn't because –"

"Robin was there?" I asked, already feeling numb inside.

"Yes, he was there." She nodded, avoiding my eyes and picking up her fork, "so was Whale. And me. And a nurse."

"And she woke up when…he was there."

"She…" I never looked away from her, making sure that my eyes intimidated her mind because Snow never needed a lot of pressure to crack under. "He…she…" she groaned, "we were about to leave, and he went back in. Then when he kissed her on her forehead, she…woke…up."

"That's why you did all of this?" I said, throwing a glance at the salad and beans, "to butter me up before hitting me with the truth?"

"What…truth?" she frowned, her eyes fearful.

"He kissed her…" I said, my throat aching, hurting as my eyes burnt. It's like everything was suddenly pressing down on me, and I couldn't breathe. I couldn't…breathe.

"Yes he did. On the forehead."

"Is that you withholding the truth from me?" my voice was breaking up, my fingertips cold, "did he really kiss her on her forehead or on her…on her lips?"

"Emma!"

"This is ridiculous", I sprang off from the stool and walked towards the window, feeling stiff, running my fingers through my hair. "Just as I thought…all this time I was right. I was so right, and it's not…fair."

"I don't know if she woke up because he kissed her, but she did." Her voice was distant, barely audible whilst I grabbed a hold of the window and pushed it open. As soon as I did, the night wind, as cold as ice and bitter enough came in, swirling around, biting my cheeks and turning my insides to stone. "Things…happen, and we really don't have an explanation for them but they happen –"

"What other explanation do I need?" I asked, turning to look at her, "it all had to happen like this in the end. All the time it was supposed to happen this way."

"You're the one who gave up on her –"

"Because she fucked up!" I snapped, feeling the blood rushing through my veins, like icicle shots.

"You have to forgive…her!" Snow shot back. "It's the only way to move on! We all do stupid things and for once in your life, Emma, you need to have faith and believe in people. It's not easy but It's a choice! Trust is not easy."

"You really don't understand any of this", I noted, shaking my head at her as tears burnt my eyes. "You have no idea what this means to me or why it affects me the way it does because it has always been easy for you."

"I beg your pardon?" her eyes were wider now, hands planted on her hips.

"You've always had your…fairytale life, living in complete happiness whilst I've had to live my life in a living hell just because you chucked me through a portal. I never had it easy, ever. I've never been able to have what I want because trusting people is not the best thing to do. You…trust them and then they stab you in the back. And every time I've gotten a hold of something that makes me happy, it's ripped away. My parents, Neal, Henry…" I couldn't breathe, "her…"

"If we can back up a little, I'd like to correct something you said", she commented, her eyes never leaving mine, "your father and I never lived a fairytale life in complete happiness, just so you know. We've had many, many challenges. I've lost him so many times. I had to put up with risking my life to be with him, separating ourselves, staying away from each other. Nothing was ever easy for me." There were tears in her eyes but her voice remained steady. "Even when we got here after the curse, there was Kathryn. I had to put up with that and everything else, people losing their belief in me, all of that. But one thing always, always remained the same, something that kept your father and me together in a way that worked. We…trusted…each…other. We had faith in each other. I believed that we'd always be together no matter if we were a million miles apart. And that's what keeps us going. Do you really want to know why we're still together, why our fairytale lasted so many years? It is because behind the love I have for him, there is me vowing to stand by his side no matter what. Everything he does, even if it hurts me, I try in every way I can to find a reason why it happened. And when I still can't find a reason, I still keep trying to find a reason. I understand that you're upset that Regina kissed Robin, but there's a reason why she did it and you need to find out exactly what it is instead of jumping to conclusions and running away and…giving up on her. That's not what you're supposed to do. You're supposed to STAY."

"But I don't…stay…" I said, looking at her.

"You stayed here long enough to fall in love with her", she reminded me. "And once you fall in love with someone, you cannot run away when one bad thing happens."

"Robin is her soul mate."

"Sure, believe whatever you want then", slapping her palms upon the counter, she glanced away, shaking her head, "he's her soul mate. Believe that as much as you can and hold unto it because at the end of the day, in this world, EVERYONE falls in love and marries their soul mate. Everything is perfect in this world. Wake up, Emma."

"I'm wide awake", I said in a clipped tone.

"Yeah and whilst you were drowning in bottle after bottle or wherever you were doing, trying to forget her, he kept remembering whatever they had. And maybe that's why when he kissed her, she woke up because he loves her and you don't."

Her words were harsh, and I felt so dizzy from the impact of the truth that my heart ached so much whilst I stared back at her.

"Love works one way, both people have to love each other in the first place and since you gave up on her, believing in the fact that she loves him more than you, then that's exactly what you'll get. You weren't prepared to do it. So someone who believes in Regina did it. "

"Thanks for that", I said, tears in my eyes whilst her words left bleeding wounds in my heart. "Thanks so much for that, mom."

"Someone needs to pull you up by telling you the truth because you're acting like a coward when you aren't a coward. This doesn't have to do with making a choice. It has to do with belief. I'm sure that if Henry had kissed her, she would have woken up. If you want to be the one on top, then you have to be prepared to lose everything to get there."

"…I'm supposed to have nothing."

"Because she's supposed to be EVERYTHING you want."

Without even checking my actions, I moved to the fridge as she watched in disbelief most likely. Pulling the door open, I snatched dad's six pack beer from within and hoisted it upon the kitchen counter, eyes hard.

"What are you doing?"

"Save it", I muttered, pulling out three bottles, the coolness never quite registering within my grasp because I was already ice cold. "Everyone wants me to disappear, then I will."

"This is not the way!" she cried, coming towards me, "you have to stop this immediately, Emma!" I moved away from her touch when she tried to take a hold of my arms. "Stop doing this to yourself and go to the hospital! You can't do this. I know that if you go and see her right now, everything is going to be alright. Please."

"Everything is not alright!" I snapped. She jumped back a bit from my harsh tone. "Everything you just told me, it's the truth. And you're right." Turning away from her, I headed to the door, hugging the bottles in my arms. "I'm such a coward, whilst he's the bravest outlaw any woman could ever want."

"Emma!"

"When you see her, do me a favor", I said, pulling the door open, "tell her that I'm going to jump off a cliff."

I pulled the door close and it slammed behind me on my way out.

* * *

><p><span><strong>Snow White.<strong>

The next day, just after four in the afternoon, I went to the hospital, a pink teddy bear squeezed under my arm. I knew that my cheeks were probably rose red. The guilt was obviously showing. But this had to be done. Someone had to do it and it had to be me because I understood the situation more than anyone.

Slipping into the private room she was in, I pressed the door close and eyed her lying there in the dim lighting. The television was off, windows opened and the blinds were drawn open. Just beyond the glass one could see the parking lot. I tiptoed closer to her bed and could see that she was awake. Regina turned to acknowledge me standing there and then when I saw how red her eyes were, my heart began to ache so much. Taking a hold of the edge of the bed, I lowered myself unto the chair slowly, waving the teddy bear between us.

"Look what I brought!" I exclaimed, smiling.

Brown eyes gazed at me whilst the monitor beeped, and the IV drip bothered my nerves with its continuous drip, dripping sound.

"Watch closely", I said, shaking off the icky feeling the room gave me, "I'm going to make you soo happy today. I know that Whale said no candy, no sugar. And it's really ridiculous because when we have these cravings, as pregnant women, we must satisfy these cravings! So I bought a bear because I was in Ruby's shop just browsing and I wanted to buy something. I bought the bear and when I got home, there I was sitting, staring at it. And then this thought came into my head. What if the bear became a smuggler of some sort?"

Pressing the bear down upon my lap, I peeled open the back and where the battery was supposed to be, there was my stash squished in neatly. I pulled out the pink pouch with shining eyes, a huge grin on my face. And then waved it in front of her, holding the bag up by the drawstring.

"Ta da!"

There wasn't a response; just her gaze directed on me, lips pressed together. I noticed that her pillow was wet, cheeks moistened from tears. Pulling the mouth of the pouch open, I fished out a packet of colored gummy bears and tore it open. Then pinching a red one between my fingers, I moved it closer to her mouth. After hesitating for a while, her lips were parted and she accepted my treat without a word, turning to face the window and away from me.

"Regina…" I tried, keeping my voice soft enough, "what are you thinking about?"

Squeezing her eyes shut, tears wet the light blue pillow case. One slipped down my cheek and I sniffed. Somewhere outside, there was the sound of the Ambulance driving around to the Emergency Entrance. Somehow, I couldn't even fixate my mind upon that one thing, wondering who was in danger. All I could think about was that my friend was hurting and she wasn't okay. And we were family, she was the closest thing I had to a family for years. I couldn't lose her or leave her to hurt.

"You might not remember this", I started off randomly, smiling to myself, "but there was this one time when I was like twelve and you were in bed with the flu." Swallowing, I took up her hand and played with her fingers whilst those eyes remained close. "And father told me not to go into your room because I'd catch whatever you had. But I just had to see you. Even though we never really…had this close bond…I still felt connected to you. And I went in, and I sat on your bed, just as I am sitting now. I had this…random thought that I should make you look nice. So off the bed I got and although you never allowed me to touch the things on your vanity, that day, I snatched up your gold brush. For the rest of the afternoon that day, I just kept combing your long hair, over and over again whilst I told you stories about horse riding and the castle, secret passageways. And you were so sick, the only thing you could do was to gaze back at me without saying a word. Then later in the afternoon when the doctor came, he shushed me out of there. But just as I was about to leave –"

"I told you to…stay…"

Her voice was barely audible, and I held my breath, eyes wide. "Ye…yes you did! You told me to stay! You remember!"

"Yes", she said, lips remaining parted.

"Do you also remember when my doll fell into your apple tree and I made you use your magic to get it. But then…" I smiled widely, "an apple fell from a limb and bumped you on your nose?"

"Brat."

I laughed, clutching my tummy. "Oh the fun we had. Good times. I can't ever forget those times. And I have to admit that our relationship never felt like a mother and daughter one. Instead…" brown eyes were focused on me now, "I thought of you more like a best friend. And you still are, possibly the greatest friend a woman like me could ever have because you tell it as it is, you're so compassionate and above all, you're filled with so much warmth." My hands were clasped, eyes gazing up at the ceiling.

"Em-ma", she said hoarsely, looking at me with tears in her eyes.

"What about her?" I asked.

"She remembers."

"Remembers what?" frowning, I studied her face.

"All the…times…I told her the…truth and…then…everything fell apart…and I erased our…memories."

I was confused. "I don't understand. What are you…"

"A box…with things…enchanted things…" she was so weak, there were wrinkles around her eyes and her lips quivered.

"Regina", I said quickly, pressing a hand upon her right shoulder, "shhh, don't speak anymore. You're not well."

"When she touches the things, we both remember and…"

"Regina –"

"Because she remembers and I do too…then she understands. And I woke up because she…remembers…everything…us…"

"Okay", I said, never quite understanding her words.

"I'd like to…see her…" she said hoarsely, taking my hand. There was a lump in my throat. "What time does she…get here?"

How could I tell her that the woman she loved never visited her after that first time two weeks ago? Should I tell her? It was the truth. But it was painful to know all the same. And I begun to think up of things to say that weren't lies but weren't exactly the truth.

"She…gets here…when she has time off from work", I said stiffly.

"Can you…call her?"

"I…" oh God, not me, Regina, please. Don't put me in this situation. My hormone level is so high, I'll cry easily! "I…can't use the cellphone in here. I'm so sorry."

"Then I'll wait", she said, looking at me, "until she gets here…later."

I didn't reply.

But Regina was smart, always was, always would be. And as those brown eyes studied my face, obviously I was never good at keeping secrets. Nor was I good at lying.

"Regina, she hasn't been here for the last two weeks", I blurted out, feeling the weight from my chest lift off from telling the truth. "Since the first time she came and there was a confrontation with Ruby, Emma has never come back in here."

"What…" her voice was hoarse, tears welling up, "confrontation?"

"Ruby kind of put Emma to her place by saying some really harsh things, and Emma in turn decided to do what she thought was best for the…both…of…you."

"And that is?"

I stared at her for a few seconds, then swallowed. "She decided that it's best if she stays away because she thinks that you're only hurting when the two of you are…together and it's her choice to let you be happy without her." Not a word was said. Instead, I was merely looked at with sad eyes, and immediately I could feel the sting inside my chest where my heart resided. "She's not…" I swallowed, "she doesn't realize what this means. But it's not as if all of this isn't affecting her. Emma has been…distant…disappearing for hours on end, drinking. Just last week she threw a vase at the wall because I told her that cop lady she's hanging around is not to be trusted."

"What…cop…lady?"

SHIT. CRAP. NO. DUMB.

"My beloved vase", I said, avoiding her eyes, staring hard at the wall, "the colored pieces were scattered upon the floor, a million bits, the tiniest shards still remaining within the cracks between the floorboards. And it's out of character for Emma!" Eyes wide, I gasped, pressing a hand to my chest.

"Who…" she adjusted herself on the bed, trying to sit up further, "who is the…cop…lady?"

"Nothing to worry about, trust me." I tried to keep the fake smile on my face, as wide as possible without blinking. "Soo…doo you want chocolates first or a lollipop? These were left over from Christmas and I keep them in this bag in the fridge I call my binge…bag." I grinned ear to ear. "You can have as many as you like. Here…" tearing a Kit Kat open, I broke off a piece and held it out. She took it without hesitating and bit off a piece weakly, her fingertips stained.

We chewed in silence, me savoring my Kit Kat. And then when she was done with hers, I quickly took the wrapping and hid it away, just in case Whale chose to come in.

"Robin didn't wake me up", she said hoarsely, gracefully sucking the tip of her fingers that were coated in chocolate, "Emma did."

"But how do you –"

"The memories", she said softly.

"What memories?"

"I tried before to tell her about my feelings. And every time I did, it never went well." Her fingertips pressed into the bed sheet whilst she sat up, "each and every time, I wiped her memories away with my enchanted pocket mirror that still has some amount of magic contained inside. When Emma had to leave Storybrooke with Henry all because of Pan's curse, I couldn't stand the pain of losing both of them."

"Trust me, I remember that", I admitted, taking her hand and squeezing it with saddened eyes. "That's why you tried to bury your heart."

"Yes. And when she decided to accept Neal's proposal, I concocted this potion that took those memories away, the ones when I told her everything because keeping them inside my mind was torture. I couldn't sleep. These things that were in that box I gave Henry, those memories were latched onto them immediately after me drinking the potion. And before I did, I wrote a note to myself, reminding me that Henry should be given the box and if anything happened to me, he should hand it over to Emma."

I took a few seconds to process her words and then a gasp ensued from my lips, eyes wide. "So you're trying to tell me that these items in this box, when Emma touches it, she remembers those moments?"

"Yes."

"That is powerful!"

"I had no choice. I didn't want anything to happen to me without her knowing somehow. And apparently Henry knew exactly when to give her the box."

"And that was yesterday?"

A nod confirmed it. Blinking several times, I couldn't speak.

"As soon as she touched those things and relived those memories, I remembered too. And somehow, that's when I…woke up…just when you claim Robin kissed me."

"But is there a possibility that it could have been his kiss that brought you back?"

"It wasn't."

"How can you be so sure, Regina?" I was puzzled still.

"Because I don't…love him the way I love her", she said, her voice cracking up. "It's just a coincidence that it happened that way. No matter what happens, I'd like you to refrain from telling Emma the story that way as it stands, that Robin pecked me on my cheek and I came to seconds after." I held my breath. "It's the last thing I need right now, for her to have more reason to believe that he's more important to me than she is. He's not. He's just the father of my child whilst she'll always be the only one other than Henry that keeps me alive. Without the two of them, I'm better off dead."

But I had already told Emma about what had happened. The ringing in my ears was too much, I couldn't look her in the eyes without feeling so, so guilty. "Oh my God…" pressing my hands to my eyes, I squeezed them shut.

"What is it?"

Shaking my head, I felt my eyes burn. "It's too much to process, that's all. Too…much…to…process…"

"I know it is."

"It's a shame", I said, keeping my head lowered in false pretense, "it's such a shame that the wedding will not happen sooner than expected."

"What?"

"I just want you to recover and get back on your feet again", I responded with a huge smile. "The sooner you're out of here, the better. Four weeks left before you push out that baby and that's a long time, so you need to gather your strength so that you can knock some sense into Emma's head."

That evening when I left her, she had the television turned on and was watching the Cat Whisperer. Sorry I can't really comment on her choice of entertainment but upon me slipping out the door, soft 'awww's drifted from her lips whilst she softly caressed her tummy, sucking on a watermelon flavored lollipop. Regina…growing all mushy over cats prancing about on the screen: it was enough to make me squeal, but I have control… And so I left, my choice earlier to tell Emma exactly what had happened still eating me away with guilt.

* * *

><p><span><em><strong>The Next Day…<strong>_

"Dad, I'm heading out", Henry said, already shrugging on his coat and checking his watch. Feeling his phone vibrate, he quickened his movements, rushing to the door already.

"Where to?" Neal asked, rearing his head from the living room. The television was on and he was trying to focus on an NCIS episode, remembering the times when Emma would cuddle beside him, obsessing over Leroy Jethro Gibbs.

"I'm just going out with Gracie for a walk."

Springing up from the couch, Neal jogged towards the door and pressed it close just in time. With his eyes on Henry, they both studied each other's faces in silence. If he wasn't mistaken, the times that his son spent with Gracie were becoming frequent, not that it bothered him because most of those moments were cherished under his roof. For hours on end they'd sit discussing homework or reading a novel, watching a movie. And he always made it clear that they should remain in his line of sight at all times. Since Emma wasn't there to keep an eye on things, of course he was the next best thing. This made Neal feel rather important than usual, playing two roles, actually three, catering for Regina as well. He found it quite exciting, even doing chores wasn't a bother.

But the problem came when Henry wanted to leave the house.

"How far will this walk lead you two?" he asked, scrutinizing his son's face.

"To the hospital…"

Neal frowned. "Why are you heading to the hospital?"

"Dad, just let me by." Trying to duck under Neal's arm, he was snatched before escaping, and his hair was ruffled as if he was still a boy again. Henry would always try to hate the way his parents treated him like a kid still, but their affections still made him feel mushy inside. "Dad!" They ended up in a playful scuffle as Neal attempted to act as if they were in a boxing ring, throwing punches that never made contact, teasing Henry.

"I'm not going to let you go until you tell me exactly where you're going, pal."

"Alright", shrugging, he gazed up at his father, "I'm going to the hospital to see Regina and…I didn't want to tell you because well…I know how you feel about her and mom so…"

Neal's eyes widened. "Dude, things have changed drastically. My point of view has been altered in the most miraculous way. Even I never believed it to be possible."

"Right", Henry smirked, "since you're dating Tinkerbell now, you really don't care about mom and Regina."

"When you put it that way, you somehow make me sound like a wild eyed teenager."

"But you are, kinda." Henry smiled. "Going to the movies, going bowling…"

"A man has to…do…what he has to…do…besides, there's no harm in me trying to move on. Is there?"

"Nah…" he smiled but then Neal frowned when that smile gradually disappeared.

Taking a hold of his son's right arm, he studied his face. "Hey, what's wrong?"

"It's nothing really…"

"It's something." Suddenly, something sparked in his mind. "Wait, is it about Tinkerbell and me dating? Does it…bother you or –"

"No, it's not that", Henry said, shaking his head. "It's just that, I was prepared to go and see mom…Regina." And he frowned deeper. "Doctor Whale called this afternoon to tell me that mom wanted to see me. She asked to see me because she wants us to talk. I want to go. But I'm afraid of hospitals. And I don't want to go alone."

"But isn't Gracie going with you?"

"No, I kind of decided that this was something I had to do on my own, and I don't want her around when I'm talking to mom about stuff. I feel that once we start talking then I'm going to tell her exactly how I feel about stuff. And it's too personal. I don't want to get all teary eyed with Gracie around."

"Dude", Neal squeezed his right shoulder affectionately, "understood. No man wants his girlfriend to see him cry. But it happens once and a while."

"She's not my girlfriend, dad", Henry said stiffly.

"Your mom has seen me cry, I'll admit. And my dad has seen me cry. Those two people only. A guy never wants to let the tears flow, because he believes that it makes him appear weak. Little do we know, as your mother once put it, when a man cries, it shows that he has compassion. Just as long as we don't keep the tears flowing like a waterfall, you know?"

"Yeah…"

"So lemme grab my coat, I'll drive you there."

Henry watched in awe as his father moved towards the wall hangers, snatching off his jacket. "You're going to take me there?"

"Sure", Neal shrugged, "why not? And I'll wait outside the room, no worries. I'd like to be there for you as well, you know, just in case you need me."

It was too much for Henry, a bit shocking. Smiling, he went forward and hugged his father. "Thanks dad, this means a lot, especially coming from you."

"Don't mention it. Let's just say that recently I've decided to change a bit, be a little more open about things. And the way I see it, none of this was ever Regina's fault in the first place. Heck…" they were outside now and Neal locked the door, "she raised you for ten years, we owe her more than we can give back. The fact that she fell in love with your mom, well shit happens. But there's nothing I can do to change it, can I?"

"Not really", Henry said, walking a little way in front of him. "Plus judging from how mom is completely wrecked right now, I have to do something to get them back together. And I'd like to talk to Regina first before deciding."

"I'd like to help", Neal volunteered, pulling open the door leading into the driver's seat. "In whatever way I can."

"Really?" Henry stalled at the other side of the car, eyes wide.

"Sure, why not?" the keys jingled, "I owe your mom so much, plus I don't like the path she's heading down. We need to do something to help her out somehow."

"Where is she anyway?"

"I tried calling her cell", the engine was started, doors snapping close, "no answer as usual. No replies to texts, nothing."

"I spoke to her yesterday though, and I saw her this morning on duty driving along Main Street –"

"So she's around here somewhere –"

"But where?" Henry fastened his seatbelt. "I really wish that she'd go visit Regina."

"Things take time, son", Neal said, pulling into the road, "all in due time, and we can't rush Emma. One thing I know better than anyone is that when Emma needs space, we need to give it to her or else she will push us away further. Right now, she's just choosing to ride alone. How long will it last? I have no idea but the safest thing we can do is work around the edges instead of confronting her directly."

"And the first place to start is with Regina."

"Yup."

Fifteen minutes later, Henry stepped into the dimly lit room whilst Neal and Whale stood just outside. And glancing back at them, they both nodded at him then he closed the door, the flicker of the television dancing over the walls. Sizing each other up, Neal glared at Whale who glared at Neal and then they both parted ways at the door, heading off in opposite directions. Throwing himself unto a chair in the waiting area, he picked up a magazine and started to flip through it. After finding an article on a Murder and Mystery that went unsolved somewhere in New York, he buried his nose into the pages and got lost entirely in his own world.

The first thing that Henry noticed when he entered the room was that Regina was sleeping. He stood there for a long time debating on whether to leave or stay because he didn't want to wake her. But as soon as he was about to leave, her eyes fluttered open and they fixated upon him standing there. From the moment she saw him, Regina grew entirely overwhelmed, silently rejoicing in his arrival after requesting to see him merely hours ago. Without moving from where he stood, Henry waited by the door in silence, watching her.

"Hey", she said hoarsely in greeting, offering a small smile. No matter how many times she complained about the severe pains in her back and legs, no pain relievers were prescribed because Whale reminded her that this time was crucial. Medications administered were to be observed carefully.

"Hi", he said in return.

His heart ached when he eyed the IV drip, the paleness of her face, the lack of makeup, and the plainness of her just dressed in a huge sweater with baggy pants. Her socks peeked out from beneath the end of the sheet and he realized that she was wearing the pair he had given her a very long time ago, possibly when he was nearly six on her birthday. It had been an excited moment then to choose something unique for her, and those pair of socks when put on, they had these cute balls of fur attached at the back, totally unlike her. And because it was unusual, Regina had loved that pair of socks to bits, even taking them to the Enchanted Forest with her two years ago.

"Thank you", she said, her throat aching terribly as tears filled her eyes.

He frowned. "For what?"

"The box…" when the truth dawned upon him, he blinked back with a small smile. "You remembered."

"I don't want to lose you again", he said, already feeling as if the tears would come, "once was enough –"

"Oh Henry", she croaked, stretching out a hand weakly, tears leaking down her cheeks, "please don't stand so far away from me. Do come closer, sweet heart."

"Mom…" it was his turn to lose the steadiness in his tone as he walked towards her. And when her hand was taken, Henry moved in closer, pressing his fingers upon her cold cheek and wishing in every way possible that she'd become well again.

"I'm so sorry for everything I've done", she said, "I've really done some stupid things."

"You don't have to explain everything again", he said, still remembering how she had spoken about everything before, "it's okay, mom."

They spoke for some time about his recent understanding and acceptance of the truth, that whatever was occurring between his two moms couldn't be a topic to find distaste in. According to Henry, it was the views of his friends that forced him to vent his disapproval openly, feeling quite stressed on the matter. Other than that, apparently he had sensed something between them for quite some time, never questioning it but watching with careful eyes. Now that they were indeed affected severely by each other, he felt as always that being in the middle forced him to keep them together somehow. He had to do something to remedy this crumbling relationship, and as it often used to be, he loved acting as the middle man, once they refrained from taking out their anger on him.

"Something weird is going on in Storybrooke though", he admitted, pulling the chair closer to her bed when she sat up.

"What do you mean?"

"Grandpa, Robin and Emma kinda don't want me to say much to anyone but I guess that I can tell you. The night when Emma came back into town, someone bumped into her from the back, and she crashed into the town sign, injuring her wrist and wrecking her car." Regina's eyes grew wide as she clutched the edge of the bed, fingernails digging into the sheet. "Anyway, she wasn't hurt badly. But the funny thing is, this cop lady, Officer Brink, she was the one who hit Emma from the back, and she came into town just when the magic protecting the town line was ruined. She's been here for over two weeks now. And instead of mom putting her off at a distance, it's like they've become friends or as Ruby suspects, they know each other from way back. But I've never seen her before."

"Maybe she met this woman whilst on the road…" Regina suggested, "when she left Storybrooke or during her time spent outside, possibly in New York, Boston…"

"I have no idea and Officer Brink was off everyone's radar for two weeks, moving around like normal, until yesterday." Henry swallowed, taking a hold of the edge of the sheet and playing with it, "yesterday there was a commotion upstairs in the Diner, you know, the new addition Granny and Gold made, the extension of the Inn." Regina nodded. "And Officer Brink's room was thrashed, then she just…disappeared."

"She left town, perhaps?"

"But her room was thrashed according to what I heard from Granny talking. And Ruby saw this guy in a hoodie in the back room of the Diner. He was acting all suspicious and she decided to follow him. However, when Robin asked her about what happened, Ruby said that she never found anything. Emma thinks that she's lying, based on her superpower and all. The person in the hoodie was stalking Emma too, and she has the description of the person out so that whoever knows or sees whoever it is can catch him or her."

Regina rolled her eyes and sighed. "She left town, even though she was well aware of the dangers. And now apparently we have another brewing mystery on our hands."

"She brought trouble into town."

"I told her not to leave."

"Yeah but at that moment when the two of you argued, because you wanted her to stay, she more than ever was pushed to do the opposite: that's mom. And that's like you too. You both have so much in common."

"Tell me about it", Regina said sadly, "but she clearly acted recklessly by leaving town although still aware of a target most obviously pinned on her head, in relation to that murder case."

"If you ask me, I somehow believe that Officer Brink might be working on that same case, she met Emma somewhere along the line during her drive out of town. And she followed her back because cops would get memos on whom to look for on posters and stuff, the news…And if this Officer Brink caught on fast enough, then she didn't just accidentally slam into mom."

"Which means that she's somewhere in Storybrooke, plotting her next move to trap Emma."

"I hope that she's not from your world", Henry stated, eyeing Regina with worry.

"Tell me more about her." Although she wished not to feel so, there was a slight feeling of uneasiness within her in relation to this Officer Brink. The fact that Emma had befriended her, whoever she was, it forced Regina to ponder on exactly how they came to know each other and from where. "She's most likely from Emma's past", she stated, feeling completely hurt after recalling the night they had the argument and she was told not to ask about Emma's past.

"She's blonde, slim, she's really pretty, and Emma seems to like her a lot because they went out for drinks. Plus, there was this confrontation in the Diner two weeks back between Ruby and Emma. And Officer Brink stepped in, and she surely handled Ruby roughly."

"Oh", Regina said, her throat aching already. "They appear to be somewhat…close…"

Henry studied his mother's face and noticed that she appeared crestfallen. "Hey, mom, she's pretty but she's not as pretty as you, in fact, you're so beautiful, there is no way Emma would ever fall for a woman like that over you. She's fierce, but she's not you."

"More reason enough for her to be quite suitable in Emma's eyes." Blinking back tears although she wished not to show her weakness, Regina glanced away.

"She loves you, mom", Henry said softly, "trust me, she does. If she didn't love you, then I bet that remembering all those stuff wouldn't have woken you up in the first place. Somehow it did, and it worked because no matter how hard she tries to stay away from you, she still loves you."

They changed the topic and talked about Neal dating Tinkerbell and Snow sneaking in candy. And all the time, Henry's main focus was to find some way to stray his mom's thoughts away from worrying about Officer Brink and Emma because it was so obvious that she was affected, more than likely jealous.

"So when are you getting out?" he asked, taking her hand into his and squeezing it as she entwined their fingers.

"Whale said that my recovery was speedy from coming out of a coma."

"But that's great!"

"However…" she still appeared serious, "I should try to avoid stressful situations."

"So are you supposed to stay off of your feet, or would the exercise be good for you?"

"Either way, Henry, the end result still remains the same."

"True…"

"Which reminds me of something that occurred today which severely pissed me off", Regina said, appearing cross to fit her statement.

"What happened?" Leaning closer, Henry waited.

"The well-known and trusted Doctor Whale, who claims he's a gynecologist and an all rounded professional doctor, he alerted me on a mistake that was made on his part."

"That's not something new. I heard that he drinks on the job these days", Henry said, shaking his head. "He told Gracie that she had a lump in her throat and if not treated, it would become cancerous. It was just a simple case of a sore throat! And he totally made her cry."

"Makes my case sound a bit less harsh", Regina admitted, "I hope that Jefferson thrashed him without moderation."

"So what did he do to you then?"

"Whale…" she began, looking at Henry with raised eyebrows, "he ran tests on me when I came here to determine how far along I was in my pregnancy. Today a nurse came in to inform me that his calculation was incorrect and instead, I am not just beginning my ninth month but my eight."

"What the…" Henry was astonished.

"So on a fair estimation, I have four extra weeks to go, unless she decides to come earlier."

"He was probably downing a bottle of Vodka during that day", Henry suggested.

"One alone? I am astonished to discover that he has chosen to become a drunkard even after being quite aware that his skill in this town is rare."

"We hardly have doctors for real. I heard that the baby's a girl", he said with a smile. "I can't wait to actually have a sister. Actually I'm so excited, I've already started browsing the baby aisles in stores just to look at the cute socks and blankets, toys, dresses, these things that they chew on that you put in the refrigerator to get cold…"

Regina smiled warmly. "Just make sure that you don't spend all your salary earned at the animal shelter on buying those things."

"She's my little sister", he said, tentatively reaching out a hand and resting his fingers upon Regina's tummy, "I have every right to spoil her when she gets here."

"True…"

"Plus I still have to spoil you too. I never got a chance to give you my Christmas gift because it's something I was working on for a long time, even before you left here. Anyway, once you get out of here, you'll get to see what it is."

Regina's eyes grew wider again, "Oh Henry, what is it?"

"It's a surprise. I worked so hard on it just for you, and it's right where it needs to be as we speak."

"You're just like Emma", she pouted, snatching his hand and playfully tickling his palm, "she's been working on something as well that's a surprise and I'm still to discover what it is."

"That surprise and my surprise are connected." Henry smiled.

"Really? Now I'm very eager to leave this hospital by the end of the week so that I can set eyes upon these two surprises!"

"Shhh before you wake up the baby", he said teasingly, pressing a finger upon her lips, "try to get some rest, mom. You'll need it when you get out because you have a big baby to deal with who really needs you to hug and kiss her."

"Indeed", Regina said, thinking of Emma. "A second doesn't go by without me wishing to see her again, to be next to her. And now that I know I'll be out of here in a short time, It's only fitting that I'm very excited to set eyes upon her again, even if she wishes not to see me."

"How about we keep the fact that you're going to get out soon as a secret?"

"Just between us then?"

"Yup!"

"Deal", Regina agreed, smiling warmly. Holding up her pinky finger, Henry laughed as they both created a link, eyes never leaving each other.

* * *

><p><span><strong>Emma.<strong>

I sat in this car Neal had gotten for me as a rental, overlooking Storybrooke and I never wanted to go back. The pain that resided there, all the fuck ups and stares, everyone judging me: it was too much, more than I could bear. And I just wanted to forget it all, forget everything, forget that I ever went there in the first place, forget that I met her, that I met them all. I wanted to rewind time and keep Henry instead of taking him back there to that place where everyone could get a mushy happy ending except me.

Hands on the steering wheel, my eyes couldn't even focus properly because of crying for so long. Just watching the sun set had been horrible because I could actually see before that life went on even when I was hurting so much inside. People often say that things get better and just as the sun sets, it rises to bring a new day. But they lie. The pain doesn't go away. It remains with you with each day that comes, each hour, every minute, every second. Nothing changes just like that, as much as you want it to. Look at my life. I've made choices, chosen to stick around and believe in permanence and each time I wanted to make things work, my whole freaking dream crumbled to pieces.

Is that alright?

How can that be alright?

It's sad to say that I did end up returning into Storybrooke that night, deeply hoping to bump into no one but just to remain in my shell. However, I ended up having my space invaded by no other than Killian who chose to snatch my packet of pills away from me even before my senses registered his move. Glaring, I wanted to engage him in a scuffle but my brain wasn't processing things as fast as it should because everything was happening so fast around me and my reactions were crawling like a snail.

"No label on the packet –"

"Give it back", I growled.

"Capsules as I can see", he moved the packet away when I tried to snatch it, "obviously quite dangerous from the sickly green color. Regina would clearly be deeply offended that you're consuming something as green as Zelena." Pushing a finger into my precious Ziploc packet, he fished out one of the pills and pulled the ends away from each other. White dust fell unto the table as my eyes grew wide from his attempt to waste my stuff. "Who is your supplier?"

"That's none of your business", I mumbled when he confiscated the packet, burying it deep into his pants pocket.

"It is my business, love. I might need more where this came from."

"Would you now?" my tone was laced with sarcasm, not intentionally but because he had stolen my stuff. I needed my stuff or else SHE would return inside my head and I couldn't breathe when that happened. I needed my pills to stay alive.

"Why are you taking these anyway, Emma?"

"To numb the pain", I said, burying my face into my hands, groaning when my mind crackled with static.

"These can only succeed in numbing the pain temporarily", he stated.

"That's why I need them all the time now."

"Swan, this is not the remedy."

"It's my choice", without even realizing it, there was the smell of something burning and I gasped, eyes wide when the tissue within my grasp started to burn. Flinging it aside, my fingers were flexed whilst he stared at me in bewilderment.

"That doesn't look good", Killian noted, "perhaps that has resulted from those tiny death pills."

"They are not…death pills", I muttered, my insides already feeling raw and aching from the repeated beating of a heavy heart.

He eyed me warily, hands folded upon the table. Just beyond the window to my left, I noticed that the night sky was extremely overcast, a heavy wind billowing around, howling through cracks and crevices, whipping trees about and cracking the sky with lightening. It was the kind of weather to savor in bed, tucked under the covers. But frankly, I wasn't tired at all.

"I'll order us two beers", he suggested, winking at me, "to pass the time."

I kept my eyes on the trees outside, becoming lost in the rustle of the leaves that could be heard by me even above the music and sticks hitting balls upon pool tables.

"Or perhaps something stronger?"

"Two fingers of Vodka on ice", I said robotically, never looking at him.

Having no clue at what exact moment he disappeared, when I turned my eyes into the room again, the first thing I noticed was that the place had become extra crowded. People were packed around tables, or pool tables, along the bar drinking and having a great time whilst I remained in my little corner all by myself, not that I cared at all. The mood to socialize had run away from me these days, me forgetting exactly how to approach someone and spark up a conversation. Most times, my name would be gossiped behind hands, eyes directed my way. And I'd have to pretend that they didn't really exist. Things for me only grew worse when I started to hang out with Maria once and a while, especially in here. We'd choose this same table next to the window and sit her talking about her son or her work, never quite reaching a point in conversation when I was discussed thoroughly.

It was called keeping the spotlight on the other person, and leaving yourself in the dark, purposely.

I had learnt to master the art of turning the tables since high school, never quite revealing anything about me, only if necessary. And when people loved to ask questions, I'd simply respond with a question, up to a point where they became so annoyed, the only option was to change the topic. Maria loved to talk about her son, and her life. Even to a complete stranger, she would tell me that there was something in my eyes that made her develop this trust between us. Somehow I could be trusted well enough for her to divulge whatever she wanted to without fearing the worse, especially since we both had sons and our hearts had been wrecked by a woman who loved another.

A shadow loomed above me and I fixed my eyes upon a glass being rested on the table before me. "Here you go, Sheriff." Looking up, there was Shelly with her green captivating gaze and heavy boobs, pink checkered dress and a touch of pink lipstick. "Drink up."

"Thanks", I said, glancing around and wondering where Hook was and why he had sent my drink along first.

Coming to a conclusion that he was probably in the midst of talking to some buddy of his, I wrapped my fingers around the cold glass and lifted it to my lips. Dray as they were, I had forgotten to bring my cherry chapstick so most obviously, my lips were severely cracked, especially from the side effects of the pills, lack of water and sucking down alcohol whenever I could. Putting that aside, the first sip I took stung the insides of my mouth, me realizing that there was a citrus like sting mixed into the Vodka. I wondered what Hook had thrown inside, and brushing it under the mat, a mouthful was sucked in, me swallowing whilst the liquid burnt its way down nicely. Instead of having a warming effect though, all I felt was this sharp bite of coldness pulsating deep within my chest, almost like an ice ball that could not be thawed no matter how hard I tried to burn away the hurt.

I drank and I drank until he came towards the table. But with two glasses in his hands. Eyeing the glass set before me, empty already, he frowned. "What happened there?"

"I finished the first, now…" reaching out, I snatched the other glass, "on to the second one."

"Wait a minute, love", he said seriously, picking up the empty glass before me, "who brought you this?"

"Shelly", I said, looking up at him, "you sent it, didn't you?"

"No." I watched him lift the glass up further, waving it under his nose, sniffing in the process, eyes on me. "Vodka?"

"Yeah, Killian", already feeling lightheaded, I smiled, "just don't worry about it okay? It's a glass of Vodka."

"Swan", he said in a stiff tone, "this is not just a glass of Vodka. There is a hint of something else added in here. Can't you detect it?"

"Sure I did." I was strangely drunk already. "It's something citrus, like lime or orange or something. But it's alright. You chose something good enough."

"This is not the drink I ordered for you." Glancing towards the bar, he appeared seriously worried.

"Look, if you want to take it up with management then by all means do so", I waved a hand in the bar's direction, "there's Shelly, let her give you a refund or something."

"Is there a problem?" walking up to us, Shelly balanced a tray of empty glasses, her eyes wide.

"Sure is, who…" he held up the glass in her direction, "…ordered this drink for the Sheriff?"

"Why it was…" green eyes roamed the room, "…Robin, he was just over there speaking to Ruby Lucas", she turned to look at Killian then me, "the one who works at the Diner." I was confused that could even be possible. "She was with him and he told me to send the drink your way."

"Thank you, love", Killian noted warmly, smiling at Shelly.

"Sure thing." She bounced off in high spirits whilst he sat down before me, studying my face.

"I'm okay", I said to wipe away his worry.

"Are you really?"

Shrugging, the second glass of Vodka was picked up and I sipped, noticing the difference already from the previous one. "Maybe Robin wanted to send me a peace offering."

"Could be, although I cannot understand why he chose to send it over here without coming forth himself."

"He was with Ruby", I reminded him, "and both of them currently hate my guts so –"

"That makes this peace offering seem superficial at best", he stated with wide eyes.

"Relax, geez", rolling my shoulders back, "it's just Vodka."

"A man always checks the source of his liquor before swallowing his choice of poison", he returned to me, eyeing the glass at my lips. "Take it easy there Swan."

"Robin and I grated each other like cheese yesterday", I told him, and without even realizing it, my hand reached out to take his, playing with his fingers between mine. "I lost control of my magic and melted him completely too. Got to admit though that my fingers wrapped around his neck felt so good –"

"Bloody hell, what did he do to spark such a thing?" Hook's eyes were huge.

"He shoved everything and all things related to Regina down my throat, throwing the blame on me. Not that I didn't expect it. But he crossed the freaking line." I told him what happened, including the part when I whipped out my gun and had fired several shots. "I didn't hit anyone."

"But you could have."

"Not you too", I glared at him. "Spare me the what ifs and buts because my life is already filled with those right now. It's like I'm being suffocated from all corners", squeezing my hands into fists, the room spun. "Don't do this, Emma. Don't do that. You're a total fuck up, good riddance and goodbye. Even mom basically told me that I'm a loser because I wasn't brave enough to visit Regina in the hospital when everyone else did."

"From what I heard, Neal paid a visit too."

I looked at him, speechless.

"Everyone except the woman she wants to spend the rest of her life with frequented the hospital. I must admit that it made you appear somewhat…" he shrugged, "…distant at best."

I frowned. "It's not anyone's business. I did what I had to do."

"Swan, you blatantly sidestepped Regina, knowing perfectly well that she was on the verge of slipping away permanently –"

"Killian –"

"Hanging by a thread, severely ill, and from what I heard, she's having a really hard time during her pregnancy, coupled with the stress of worrying about you."

"I can take care of myself."

"Whether you prefer it or not, there are people around here who genuinely care about you Emma." He leant forward on his folded hands, maintaining eye contact. "There are your parents, your son, your friends who include your exes such as me…" winking, I glanced away, rolling my eyes, "and there is Regina. She somehow has fallen deeply in love with you, and it's your fault that you bewitched the Queen. There are plenty of women and men whom she has met throughout her lifetime and it all narrows down to you. That must count as something."

I said nothing, eyes lowered.

"Swan, if you cannot find it within yourself to return her love, and you wish to proceed, then tell her, end it once and for all. If she is severely hurting you and you feel the need to cut the rope, let the ship drift off alone, then inform her of your decision. Stop wasting your time and hers." Pushing my glass away, my throat burnt. "Fair warnings though, think about this and give it time. Hesitate from speaking your decision whilst she's still seriously ill because a broken heart can kill someone in seconds. "

The silence that ensued between us was a long stretch of time, and in that time, I chose to ponder on his words. Did I really want to end it off with her? Sure my mind was saying hell yeah, do it because my life wasn't getting any better. And just when we had everything planned out, she had fucked it up. I wanted to let go because it was hurting me, us, both of us. But I couldn't get her out of my head, knowing well enough that things would remain this way possibly for a very long time after I decided to let her go. She'd always remain in my heart, always and for one simple reason. No one in my entire life had ever had this effect on me, or made me feel so raw inside, burning up from her contact alone, drowning in her kisses, finding that I couldn't breathe when she was not close to me.

Eyes out the window, my cell began to vibrate on the table between us and I somehow couldn't focus on it. The dancing of the trees outside mesmerized me, drowning my mind as I found myself becoming lost in the whisper of the wind and the bolts of lightning.

Sighing, he snatched up my phone and checked the display. "It's Henry", he said.

"I'll call him back."

"Suppose it's an emergency?"

"Doubt it."

"Swan, take the call."

"I said I'll call him back when I –"

Sliding his thumb across my screen, he moved the phone to his right ear and took the call. Looking at him warily, I felt like stone, emotionless and dry. "Hello, good evening…"

Mannerism could never escape Killian. Eyes on me, he listened in silence then said, "she's right here. What's wrong, Henry?" I studied his face, waiting. "Oh…I see, mate. Fair enough. Okay sure." The phone was held out in my direction, "take the call."

"Tell him I'll call back", I said.

"The phone is right here, Swan", he said in disbelief.

"Ask him what he wants", I said.

He sighed. "Emma…"

"What."

"It's Regina…" I stopped breathing, our eyes remaining on each other, "she…wants to talk to you."

"No", my eyes were wide, fingers ice cold, "please."

"Swan take the call", he hissed, holding a hand over the mobile, "listen to what she has to say."

"I can't do this right now", I said, holding my breath.

He waited for a few seconds, eyes meeting mine. And when I made no move to take the phone away, Killian returned it back to his ear. "Regina, she…doesn't want to…no." His tone changed, becoming a bit sharper, "we're just having a drink. Yes, just Emma and I. You…" squeezing his eyes shut, he waited whilst I watched, "Regina, there is no-" inhaling deeply, he glared at me, resting a hand upon the phone again, "she's pissed, Swan. Not at you. AT ME. Bloody hell. Look if you honestly believe that I am drowning your girlfriend in a bottle of rum then by all means believe what you want." This was directed into the phone whilst I clutched the edge of the table. "No, fuck. That's it." Pressing something on the screen, he slid the phone across the table, the display still on, and pushed himself up. "I'm going to leave you and your wife alone because clearly she's very emotional and would prefer to chop my head off because we're having a drink."

"What –"

"She's on speaker, talk now." I watched him walk off and stared down at the phone once more with wide eyes. Thank goodness I was way at the back and tucked in a corner without anyone being in earshot.

There was silence on the phone and in that time, I stiffly remained where I was, never saying a word. Please disconnect the call, I kept saying in my mind whilst the timer counted close to one minute, the call still active. I could easily END it but somehow, my hands just couldn't move to do so.

"Emma…" her voice was small and husky, hoarser than usual and sounded so far away.

I said nothing, choking from my refusal to breathe. The bar around me began to press in from all corners and I grew so cold, I couldn't feel a thing, not even my toes within my boots under the table.

"Emma…" she was barely audible now, "please answer…me." It took me a couple seconds more to realize that she sounded as if she was on the verge of tears. "I know that you're there…"

My finger hovered over the END button, squeezing my eyes shut.

"Please say something to me…"

Two minutes and I said nothing. She wanted me to say something to her, honestly? Of all the things I wanted to say to her, the one that remained at the tip of my tongue was me saying something that might very well lead to no good. And I refused to say it. The phone was taken by Henry and I didn't answer him at first until he shouted at me.

"Mom! Stop this!"

"What", I croaked, head lowered.

"Why are you doing this?"

"I'm not doing anything."

"After all we talked about –"

"It's different –"

"After what you said, and what you saw, what you remembered, what you said you believed."

"I know but it's hard." Taking a hold of the glass, I pushed it across the table's surface idly.

"How is it hard when she's right here, she wants to talk to you and you're choosing not to?"

I said nothing, tears stinging my eyes.

"Emma, you can't do this. You're both hurting and you need to stop shutting yourself out. Regina really wants to talk to you. She's…" he stopped, and I was hanging unto every word, "she's crying, mom. Do you think that I want to see this, my mom crying in front of me? It's not okay. It's wrong. And she only cries when she's really hurt. I don't want the two of you to be like this. One of you needs to stop it and right now, she's reaching out but you're not responding." Resting my head upon the table, I started to cry, chest heaving from sobs as my tears spilled onto my pants, hot and scalding. "Just say her name. That's all she wants to hear, I'm going to put her on again now. Please, just say something to her."

The phone was moved and I reached out for mine, resting it upon my lap with a shaky hand as the display lit up under the table whilst the timer counted to four minutes.

"Em…" she was so hoarse, I definitely knew that she was crying.

I swallowed hard. "Regina."

"How…are you?" she whispered.

Holding my breath, a sharp sting squeezed my heart and somehow, the feeling was enough to remind me that she had no right to ask after my well-being, none at all. Even after all this time, of course I wanted her to come out of the coma but never had she really understood exactly what this was doing to me. Even if she did, and I wouldn't doubt that, you just can't ask me how I am.

"What am I supposed to say?" I asked, realizing that the Vodka had created this bubble around my heart now, blocking out all my feelings. "Do you want me to say that I'm okay?"

"I just want you to speak to me –"

"I am speaking to you", I said in a stiff voice, interrupting her.

Silence stretched on between us as the minutes rolled by and all I could hear below the country western music and the guffaws of men playing pools was her steady breathing. She was still alive, and I should be thankful for that but to be honest, at that moment, all I wanted to do was to disconnect the call because this wasn't right. I shouldn't be talking to her. It wasn't okay at all. Every time I spoke to her or thought of her, my freaking heart ached so bad, and I couldn't stand the pain anymore.

"I heard that you were…in an accident", she tried now, her voice soft. "Your car was wrecked."

"If I died", I said, eyes on my boots, "think about it this way, you would have been freed from your misery."

"Don't say that to me", she pleaded hoarsely.

"You always wanted me dead anyway –"

"Emma –"

"I should have eaten that apple so long ago, doing you a favor –"

"Stop it –"

"Leaving you to rule your little town forever without having the Savior breaking your curse, putting up a challenge, interfering with your life –"

"I wanted you to interfere with my life", she croaked, me realizing that on any other occasion, her voice would have been raised. "I wanted you to challenge me."

"I'm nothing to you", I said robotically, lacking emotion.

"You're the only reason I'm breathing right now –"

"Oh save me from all the mushy drama and face the facts", I said harshly, "you would have survived either way, with or without me because I'm not the reason you woke up from that coma. He is."

She remained silent and somehow, I could envision her curled up on her side, eyes squeezed shut. I just could. I saw her without making an effort.

"Robin kissed you awake", I said, wanting a response from her, my chest burning from the flicker of jealousy, anger and the truth.

"Who told you that?"

"Do you honestly believe that I wouldn't find out?"

"That's not true."

"Oh as if I'm going to believe that."

"It's not true", she said weakly, her voice wavering, "he had no right to say otherwise even if the situation wasn't clearly understood." I was amazed that she jumped to the conclusion like that, believing that he was the one who told me about the kiss. With no regrets, I liked it. "The box…the memories that I erased from our past, both of us…when they were restored, I woke up."

"Why?" I said without thinking.

"Because all I want is you, Emma and your decision to somehow accept your feelings for me brought me back to you", she stated hoarsely, "whether you wish to accept it or not, that's the truth. You're the only reason I'm alive."

"So what happens now that we're over?" I said without skipping a beat.

She stopped breathing, I know she did because somehow, I could detect these small things. "We're not over."

"We are", I stated.

"I can't do this", she said hoarsely, crying again, "I can't stop loving you, Emma. Don't do this to me."

"You're right", I agreed, lifting my head up from the table, feeling the bar spin around me, "I'm not going to do anything. You are. This is a decision you'll make because one of us has to pull through. And I can't make you lose your sanity as I'm losing mine because of you. Do it for the baby. You're stronger than me anyway, and you have…so much to look forward to right now. So even if I'm not in your life, at least you'll have what you always wanted…either way, with or without me, you'll have a family."

"Emma", her sobs filled the phone and I was instantly reminded of that rainy night when we were playing Scrabble at my parents' apartment with Neal and she had called, crying.

"I have to go", I said, my chest collapsing, my whole world crumbling to pieces, "take care Regina."

And without waiting, I disconnected the call. I ended it. Then resting my head upon my arms, folded on the table, I started to cry.

These periods in time that was mentioned before, when I told you that my mind suddenly went blank and I woke up losing track of a considerable amount of time: something like that happened that same night just after I left the bar. The only difference is, it's like when I think about it now, I'm getting these memories that are coming back, slices in time that come as sharp visions but seriously, to remember everything, it's impossible.

I remember vaguely that Killian was walking me to my car. And I was not sober. It's not that the Vodka had gotten to me, swirling my head from being severely intoxicated. This felt like something else because I remembered relating the way I felt to the cold concrete pavement outside the bar, covered in a thin layer of rain already as the air was bitter cold. He walked me to my car and when I fumbled with the keys to unlock the door, his warm fingers closed around mine. Smiling, his wrist was snatched and around I turned, facing him just as he was totally unprepared, falling against me.

"Swan…"

"You're so warm", I said, wrapping a hand around his waist, as my eyes teasingly checked out the familiarity of his lips, his face, everything about him, even his perfume and aftershave. "I like warmth."

"You're drunk." He eyed me warily, dark eyes never appearing to be tempted.

"I'm not drunk." I giggled, pulling him closer, "I'm fucked."

"Close enough, don't…" taking a hold of my hand, he removed my fingers buried inside his hair, "do that. It's not appropriate."

"Don't tell me what's appropriate and what's not appropriate", I said crossly, "I know what's appropriate."

"Your girlfriend is going to have my heart for this."

"I don't have a…girlfriend."

"Your wife then."

I rolled my eyes, "I don't have a wife. I don't belong to anyone."

"Is that so?" he cocked an eyebrow at me, looking devilishly handsome.

"I'm a free woman, Killian."

Eyeing me with a small smile, he shook his head whilst I felt so much of him, it tingled my senses. "All should be fair in love and war…" he said softly, his eyes turning soft as they rested on my lips, "and an X is one of the last letters of the famous alphabet for a reason because we're not to be placed at the top again."

"Hook", I said, smiling.

"Some ships sink and should remain that way because –" Taking a firm hold of his shoulders, I pulled him into me, and crushed my lips unto his without wasting a chance.

Remaining stiff, he didn't quite respond at first but I managed to part his lips as I tasted Whiskey and stood on familiar ground. The need to prove something to myself was overwhelming, and all the time whilst we kissed, it never dawned upon me that this was shit. Three times in a row, three goddamn times, from Neal to Maria to Killian. And yet, I still kept on going because of one small reason. I wanted to stop being the Sheriff they pushed around, stop being the reliant Savior, to stop being the perfect fiancée and potential wife. I wanted to rebel and prove to people that I didn't give a shit about life anymore or where it took me because the more I tried to make things perfect, every single time, the walls would crash down and I was fed up. I was sick of it, having people believe in me, believe that I'd make things better for them when no one gave a shit about making things better for me.

Everyone wanted permanence whilst I wanted to run away from it. I wanted to live in the moment, forget about the future, forget about having a family and a happy ending because there was no such thing. There wasn't a happy ending for me. Everyone was taken just as she was already by carrying his baby. There was no future for me. A hero? She believed I was a hero? Everyone believed that I was the Savior? Well heroes and Saviors fuck up. And they're not perfect like their parents who met and share the bond of true love. I used to say that if someone needed change that there was no fairy god mother who would appear to save them, that you'd have to make the move and make the change yourself. And I was right. But that statement is incomplete. For some people like me, when you try to change things, you lose everything.

I wanted to change my life with Neal, I lost him.

I wanted to have a family, I chose to give up Henry anyway.

I wanted to become a lieutenant, pounding the pavements and I ended up leaving my job to bring my son back home.

I didn't want to believe in fairytales and when I did, I couldn't accept that change in my life.

I couldn't accept finding Neal again and losing him.

I couldn't do it, I can't take it and I want to stop believing that if I make a decision to change things, then everything will be alright because it wouldn't be.

I was fucked.

He never wanted to stop kissing me but we stopped anyway. It was then when I noticed Robin and Ruby gawking at us from the exit of the bar. She was holding unto him, more than close enough and he kept on looking at me. I knew why. I didn't care though.

"You can't drive in that state, Emma", Killian fairly warned me. "

"I'm more than fine, thanks." Smiling at him, I pulled open the car door.

"At least let me drive you home", he rushed out. Our eyes met. "And yes, I have managed to master the art of controlling this vessel, as you know by now after I obtained my driving license."

"From a ship to a car", I noted. "Alright then, have a go." Tossing the keys at him, I felt my way around the car whilst the annoying onlookers stayed where they were. "What's your problem?" I asked them, glaring.

Ruby glared back.

"Glad to see that you're moving on Robin", I threw across the distance, "she knows the forest and so do you. It's funny because the exes are hooking up now and I'm thinking…I'm not going to judge you if you don't judge me."

None of them answered me. And getting into my car, I closed the door, feeling my head buzz with electricity and the after rush of doing something daring. All the way back to my parents' apartment, we remained silent. And I knew why. I was perfectly aware of the fact that I had fucked up and Killian was feeling severely affected by it but what the hell was wrong with just one kiss anyway?

"To be fair", he said, turning the wheel, eyes focused ahead, "I have moved past…us…Emma…and indeed it was quite a passionate fling but that came to an end." Gaze directed on my cheek now, I never looked back at him. "Your heart belongs to someone else –"

"No it doesn't." Glaring at the road ahead, my nails dug into my jeans.

"Why are you doing this?"

I didn't answer. Rain began to sprinkle upon the window screen and he never chose to flip on the wipers, completely focused on me whilst the car stalled at a blinking amber light. How could you become so cold within a car that had the heater turned down to minimum? Hugging myself, I grimly directed my eyes out the window and stared at nothing in particular.

"When Regina was away from this town, when she left, Emma you distinctly appeared to be severely affected. Being just friends can act as a cover up for only so long until the truth shines out and that is exactly what occurred when you were separated from her." Putting the car into PARK, I felt the engine's humming die down a bit, the window screens fogging up already. "Distance makes the heart grow fonder and you mate, you surely began to realize that she meant…everything…to you."

"Can you just…take me home already?" I asked in a cold tone, my insides freezing up.

He waited a couple of seconds. "Where IS home, Emma?"

"What?" turning my attention to him, I searched his face, suddenly realizing that his voice had echoed somehow, his face slightly moving out of focus.

"Home…"

The interior of the car grew severely thick within a few seconds and blinking rapidly, I tried to look outside, never quite registering exactly what resided beyond the nose of the car.

"Hey, are you alright, love?"

"Yeah…" I diverted my eyes away from him and held my breath, wondering what the hell was happening to me. Feeling my phone vibrate, I pulled it out of my jeans' pocket and slide a thumb across the screen, failing three consecutive times. On the fourth attempt, by now Killian was obviously worried, and so was I. Blaming it on the drinks, I opened the blurry text message.

**HEY IT'S NEAL. SOMETHING'S COME UP, AND I NEED YOU TO PLEASE CHECK ON HENRY AT HOME FOR ME. WILL CALL ASAP.**

"Swan, what's going on?"

"Um…" swallowing hard, my mouth felt dry, eyes focused ahead, "just…take me home…to Private Drive. Neal asked me to check on Henry."

"Is everything okay with –"

"He said something's come up and that I should…" losing my patience, I glared at him, "look, just drive the car. Enough conversation time."

"Whatever you say", he said, checking my face once more, trying to read my mind but I turned away.

When the car pulled up in front of the house, without hesitating, I pushed open the door. "Night", without looking at him, I stepped out and felt the world swing around me dangerously.

"I'll just park your car here and walk the rest of the way home", he reminded me from within.

"Yeah…" I tried to steady myself, and the door closed behind me with a snap.

"It's not far, just a block away…"

"You're talking too much", I muttered, and planted a boot firmly unto the front lawn.

When he locked the doors and strutted around the front of the car, holding out the keys with a smirk on his face, I snatched it with a smile. And after staring at me for a couple of seconds more, my gaze rested on his lips and just for a moment in time, I remembered how it felt to kiss him again, hot and rough. But she always chose to kiss me slow, soft, warm and deep, enough to curl my toes and melt my heart. That same organ ached now when I watched Killian walk away down the road, glancing back every once and awhile to smile at me. He was such a charmer, good looks, everything a woman could want in a man. Neal was everything and a lot more: he was the best husband a woman could want. Both of them were so suitable for me and still I had let go because of one person.

From the time I started to walk up to the front door, my ears started to ring, like seriously. Suddenly there was this low, whistling sound that lasted for some time, forcing me to press my palm to my ears, eyes squeezed shut. It was then when I realized that something was definitely wrong with me, something so off and so alarming because drinks had never had this impact on me. To be honest, I felt severely weird, almost like walking in a tank of water whilst my body felt completely cold. Snatching the doorknob, I shook it and pressed the doorbell like three times, the chimes never filling the inside of the house with a haunting melody. It was obviously broken or somehow I couldn't hear it above the buzzing in my head. But the lights weren't on. The television wasn't flickering on the blue lace blinds and not a sound could be heard either. Glancing up at Henry's bedroom window, I noted that the light was off as well.

I hadn't walked with the keys to this house. It was in my car somewhere and for me to go get them now, well that wasn't going to happen.

So feeling rather uneasy, my boots pressed the wet grass down as I walked shakily around the house and towards the back door. Upon turning the doorknob, it was open, something I wasn't expecting at all. It was like a reflex, to turn the knob, never actually believing that someone would leave the door open, especially at this time of the night. The first thing I noticed when my boots crossed the threshold was the smell of cold, fresh air within the kitchen. Somehow even though the rest of my mind was fucked at the moment, my senses were in perfect order. It's like walking into a familiar setting and even though the lights are off, you can still detect exactly where everything is situated, even without thinking about it.

"Henry?" I called out, flipping the kitchen light on and tucking my hair behind my ears. The maroon color leather jacket I had on felt like a freaking cooler bag, encasing me in coldness. "Where are –" and from the time my eyes rested on someone lying face down on the ground, blood smudged around the floor, I gasped, pressing a hand upon my lips and growing cold immediately.

From the familiarity of the coarse dark hair and his navy blue wind blazer, my adrenaline kicked in and I rushed forward. "Oh God…" falling unto my knees, I started to see everything so blurred, it's like my eyes couldn't focus on details, so without even thinking, I saw no bloody wounds and I touched him on his chest. "Neal…" he didn't stir but remained unconscious.

I pressed a shaky finger under his jawline, checking for a pulse and when a weak one was felt, the next thing I did was to pull out my cellphone. But the blood that made a smudge mark across the screen was enough to make me drop my phone. Eyes wide, I snapped my eyes back unto him and squinted, finally noticing that there was a trail of blood oozing from a wound made on the side of his head, all the way down behind his left ear.

It's like I couldn't think properly, and my mind was seriously fuzzy because you wouldn't believe what I did next. Instead of picking up the phone again, which is what a focused person would do, quick enough to dial for an ambulance, I remained there, drawing a blank. The intruder could have still been in the house, and so could Henry. All of these things completely bypassed my mind whilst I studied the floor and fixated my eyes upon the wooden knife holder lying about a foot away from where I was. Scattered across the floor were my kitchen knives, the ones with the black handles and without even thinking, I stood up, went towards the freaking holder as if it was the most important thing in the world right now. Somehow though, that's exactly what caught my attention and my mind was telling me to pick it up. When I did, the bottom shone with fresh blood and it was dropped from my fingers in seconds, clattering unto the tiled floor whilst I stared in bewilderment at it.

There was a groan and Neal's head moved, his hand also, reaching up to touch his wound. But just when I was relieved that he was conscious, something black slid across the bottom of the stairs in the dark and I stooped down to snatch up a knife. My gun had been confiscated by my dad, which wasn't a bad idea but this is a time when I really needed it because there was someone inside the house and I had no freaking weapon.

"Emma…" he rolled over and propped himself up on his elbows, squinting at me. "What –"

"Where's Henry?" I asked, eyes on the steps, my heart racing.

"He's not here…he's at Snow's apartment…what are you –"

"Someone's in the house, Neal", I whispered, clutching the knife, eyes wide.

"What…" he kept looking at me in confusion, holding the side of his head and as my brain began to fry from an overload of confusion, there was the sound of car doors slamming in front. "Emma, you need to put down the knife", his voice was steady but his eyes gave away fear.

"There's someone in here", I said to him, wondering why he was looking at me like that. "Look…" snatching a red and white checkered dish towel, I pitched it at him, "…press that to head to stop the bleeding."

Eyes resting on the bloody knife holder, Neal pushed himself away, staring at me. "Look, we can talk about this, okay. Just put down the knife and –"

From the way he said that alone, something short circuited inside of me, forcing my anger to well up. "Don't talk to me like that!" I snapped, eyes burning.

"Okay", he held his palms up, blood dripping down the side of his face, "okay, Emma, I have no idea what brought this on all of a sudden but you have to understand that I'm not the enemy here. I'm not…"

"I said stop talking to me like that!" I brandished the knife at him, "you did this, didn't you?"

He stared back at me blandly. "Did what?"

"You set this up just to give me a freaking scare?"

"What?"

"Don't…" I hissed, pointing the knife at him, "…fuck with me Neal. Don't you dare do it. This is not funny."

"Dude, you're the one who came out of nowhere and hit me on my head!" he stared at me with wide eyes, "I came back here after dropping him off and when I came in the kitchen, you –"

The front door flew inwards and the sound rang out like a gunshot in the night, making me jump out of my skin. From the time I saw faces step inside, blurred in the darkness gathered around the front hall, my insides froze over. And it's then when I realized that something was going on, a set up, and my suspicions fell on Neal. All of it fell on Neal, no matter how hard I tried to doubt myself that he wouldn't do something like this to me. Dad came in the front, followed by Robin and my substitute since I had been clearly replaced temporarily, no other than Will Scarlet. Great, now thieves were running the show whilst I was losing my mind. And there was someone else with them, a woman, her face appearing familiar, sparking recognition inside my fuzzy mind but I couldn't quite snatch a name.

"Bloody hell." Will was the first one to speak, eyes wide, "what a mess."

"Emma…what…" as soon as they all came into the kitchen, dad's eyes flew open and so did Robin's.

"Drop the weapon and put your hands up, Swan." Her voice startled me so much that I immediately let go of the knife. As it clattered to the floor, I stared at the brunette in disbelief, wondering who she was, knowing that I had seen her before but never quite remembering from where. "You two", she said, glancing warily at Will and my father, "handle the victim…" her boots clicked on the tiles as she came towards me, those brown eyes so familiar, "you…turn around."

"What –"

"I said to turn around", she snapped, and when I didn't, staring in bewilderment at her, my arm was snatched and yanked behind me. "Looks like you've really become a mess, Emma", her lips were pressed to my left ear, tickling my skin. My other hand was twirled behind me, her grip firm. "Great to see you again, and I have to say, I'm not surprised to know what a delinquent life you led after all these years."

"Who…"

"Just shut up and walk", I was ordered, and she shoved me forward.

"Lady, I didn't do anything!"

Neal was accompanied by Robin and Will to the door as the whirling lights of the ambulance filled the darkness within the house.

"Doesn't look like…nothing", she replied, moving me to the door.

"Who the hell are you?" I asked, tugging at her grasp on my wrists.

"Friends from the past", she said smartly.

From the time I stepped outside and saw the extra two cop cars parked in the street, my entire mind did a flip over. From the looks of her uniform alone I could tell that she was from New York because of the NYPD marking on one car. The other one was a sleek model, jet black and nose to nose with the ambulance that had its double back doors thrown open, paramedics ushering Neal forward to check on his head wound. I was so confused, my mind felt like if someone had thrashed my thoughts about, damaging things and upsetting any sense of normal thinking. Fingers grew cold, number whilst I was led across the wet lawn and towards the two alien cars parked just there. Obviously I was drunk, that much was certain. But there was something else happening to me and I had no idea what it was.

But when my eyes rested on Robin standing near my father who was on his cellphone, I immediately filled up with rage from the realization of what had occurred earlier.

"You!" I shouted hoarsely, glaring icily at him, and from the time my blood started to rush through my veins from anger, it was enough to send my magic out of control. The woman who was restraining me immediately let go as I could feel my hands growing warmer by the second. When she did, I lunged forward without sparing a second. Snatching Robin by the front of his sickly green jersey, I got up into his face. "What did you do to me?" I hissed.

"Emma!" It was my father, but I really didn't care.

"You put something in my drink, didn't you?" I asked, glaring into his wide eyes that registered shock, "answer me!"

"I don't know what you're talking about!" he replied in astonishment. That was enough to make me lose control. And when I tried to shove him backwards with all my strength, growling in anger, strong hands latched around my waist. Pulling me backwards, my father fought with me as I tried to lunge at the fucker who stood there braced up against the side of the ambulance, trying to send everyone a pretense look of shock.

"You need to calm now, Swan", the brunette hissed in my right ear, and I twirled around on the spot, snatching her by the shoulders.

"Don't tell me what to do", I hissed in her face, our eyes locked, hers still remaining calm as ever.

"I'm trying to help you", she returned with a small smile. "Assaulting an officer will not do you any good, so I suggest that you let go of me before I turn the tables around. And trust me…" her voice remained cool whilst I was twisted around, cold metal handcuffs closing around my wrists, "I don't want things to get ugly because…"

A car door snapped close and a thin line of electricity sliced through my mind, forcing me to squeeze my eyes shut. Suddenly everything was muted whilst this ringing in my ears continued. I felt as if my chest was becoming an ice block and that if things continued like this, my magic would spin out of control.

"…there must be a mistake", my father was saying, "Emma would never…hurt Neal as we have seen in there." He held out a hand, gesturing towards the house, worry in his gaze directed at me. "Clearly there has been a misunderstanding."

"We walked into a house, we saw her standing there with a knife in her hand, pointing said knife at the victim who also happened to have this wound on the side of his head, the weapon used to cause that damage lying…just…there…" brunette pointed near her boot, eyes lowered. "What misunderstanding is there, Officer…Nolan?" she squinted at his badge.

"I went in the back and walked into the freaking kitchen when Neal was already on the floor –"

"And I'm supposed to believe you, take your word for it?" She directed her gaze at me, "why?"

"Because it's the truth!" I said in disbelief. "Who the hell are you anyway to get involved? I've never seen you around here!"

"Oh so you don't remember me, do you?" she tilted her head sideways, sending me a mocking smile. She held up her wrist and turned it to face me, and from the time I set eyes upon the small star shaped tattoo etched upon her fair skin, realization kicked in. Eyes wide, I stared at her in shock. "Oh now you remember, great. That saves me time."

"Emma…" it was dad, coming to stand near me, "do you know these people?"

"Lily…" I whispered, still staring, the way her face hadn't changed much, dark hair held up in a ponytail, memories of her erased by me for a reason.

"Who is –"

"Amanda sends her love", she said with a sweet smile. "I had no idea that you'd move out so far, in the middle of…" her brown eyes glanced around, "nowhere from the looks of it, unless you had one intent in mind." Our eyes met, "fleeing the past because you want to cover your dirty tracks."

"I think that any further questioning and discussions should be done back at the Sheriff's office", dad said, holding up a hand.

"I think that me eyes are about to pop out if any sort of discussions ever happen again", Will replied.

"She's not going anywhere but in a jail cell because of what she's done", Lily said to David, everything changing in her eyes that were now stormy. "She's a murder suspect in two cases, which means that running from the law would have never lasted long. So this is where it ends because –"

"Now, now, Officer Stevenson…" a man's voice drifted from the side of the sleek black car we were standing in front of. Attention was immediately directed his way whilst he pushed himself away from the vehicle and came towards us, his gaze directed at me, "let's not rush things, shall we?"

From the time he came closer and I saw those blue eyes, the shade of his hair, line of his jaw, that voice that would never be forgotten no matter how hard I had tried, I believe that the whole world tilted more than enough for me to lose my senses. Hands shoved in his jeans, black and expensive looking, all the way down to his designer shoes, my heart skipped a beat not because he was still drop dead gorgeous after all these years, but because he was actually standing in front of me and it was my worst nightmare.

"Phillip?" my voice came out unsteady.

His fingers clicked, gesturing towards me, eyes on Lily, "remove the handcuffs, Officer. She was only found at the scene of the assault."

Lily was gawking. "With enough reason to make an arrest", she stated.

Cool blue eyes rested on her, and he glanced away, scoffing. "I beg your pardon, but Officer when we pull rank, I AM in charge here. So be a darling and get those cuffs off because I'm asking nicely."

"She's not your responsibility, Detective Johnson." Brown eyes remained hard. "The murder occurred in New York so that means that she belongs to our case."

"I hate to burst your bubble and all", Will said smartly, planting a hand on his hip, "but this is Storybrooke, Maine. Not New York."

All eyes turned to him and he froze up.

Shrugging, Will turned on the spot, "I'm just going to take meself somewhere else for now." And off he walked.

"You're pulling rank over the FBI?" Phillip asked, stepping towards Lily who never backed down.

"I'm stating the facts", she said firmly, hands planted on her hips.

"Emma…" it was dad coming to stand near me, "what the hell is going on here?"

"Just…" I avoided his eyes, "…stay out of it."

"I can't stay out of this", he pressed on, taking a hold of my right arm, "who are these people? Do you know them?"

Blinking back cold tears that were brought on by the harsh wind whipping around me, I turned to look at him. "Yeah, I know them. And this is where you have to listen to me when I beg that you stay out of it."

"But –"

Lily came towards me, appearing severely pissed. With my eyes on Phillip still, she unlocked the cuffs and freed my hands, stepping aside with her arms folded.

"Everyone…" he appeared so authoritative, completely unlike the teenage boy I had known years ago, "clear out. Not much to do here for now. It's late and frankly I don't believe that Emma Swan is prepared to go anywhere for that matter. So…" cool blue eyes turned to look at me, "get some rest, tomorrow we'll handle this and –"

"What exactly ARE you handling?" David stepped up to ask, eyes taking on a harder look.

Phillip sized him up with a mocking smile.

"You're a long way from New York."

"Oh but it's…" blue eyes were directed on Neal coming towards us, pressing a small pad upon his head, "it's funny, isn't it…" They looked at each other and somehow, Neal knew even without me making him aware of the situation. He just knew. "It's not our jurisdiction but we're here because of two people. The man who was assaulted inside and the woman found at the scene. Now because of the charges pinned to them for…ages now…we've been searching for these two fugitives for a very long time. Now that we've finally caught up with them and just in time too –"

"Yes, but –"

Phillip held up a hand, squeezing his eyes shut. "We'll continue this tomorrow."

After throwing a look around, I suddenly realized that he obviously had massive control over everything like…Hitler. People did what he wanted them to, the dudes working with the ambulance hopped into the vehicle and rolled out, Will and even Robin made tentative steps to depart until David urged them to stay on.

"A word…" I felt a hand press upon my shoulder, "Emma…" shrugging my shoulder away, I glared at him.

"Don't touch me." Stepping up close enough to me, I could smell his aftershave so strong, stinging my head and making my headache worse than it already was.

"Why the hostility?"

"How the hell did you get here?" I asked him angrily, our noses inches apart.

"You were my ticket in, you and your little accident…"

Oh my God. I believe that when it all came crashing down on me, the actual TRUTH that had been itching at my senses since it happened, all of it made me feel like a blind fool. And whilst he beamed at me, studying the shock registered on my face, all I could was stare back in awe, wondering how I could have missed all of this.

"You…fucking –" anger flaring up, I grabbed a hold of his neck and growled, but hands once again snatched my arms roughly and pulled me back.

"Emma, don't…" Neal warned in my ear, pulling me into him, keeping me close, his arms around me protectively.

"Listen to him because it doesn't help your case, verbally insulting a FED. Now look at you…" it's as if he wanted to remain in my personal space, coming up to me even though I was itching to scratch his eyes out. "My…little…doll…" cupped fingers found their way towards my cheek and he caressed my skin with blue eyes that resembled pools of freezing ice.

"Hey dude, keep your hands off of her", Neal warned.

"Convict siding with convict…"

"Fuck off, Phillip", I growled, shaking my arms away from Neal's grasp and freeing myself. As soon as I did, the distance was closed and when he saw me coming, Phillip licked his lips, his gaze maddening.

"You're going to pay for what you did", he said, soft enough for just the three of us to hear.

"I didn't do anything", I snapped, "you're the snake who's been setting me up."

"Prove it."

"I will. Officer David, why don't you make yourself useful and accompany Neal along with your buddies away from here?" he ordered in a stiff tone, "I need to speak to Emma for just a few seconds."

Throwing me a glance, dad kept looking at me, waiting on my move and when I nodded in approval, he along with Will and Robin moved away. Neal however stayed just about three feet away, glaring at Phillip and never backing down.

"I suppose that you can remain since you're…in the loop…as I would put it", a charming smile was thrown in his direction. "The two of you surely know how to hide, don't you? In this shabby town?"

"I don't give a shit ab out what you have to –"

"Oh by the time you realize that you can't do anything and your opinion doesn't count, I would have dragged you down so low, taking away everything from you as you did to me…" our noses almost touched and I could feel his breath on my cheeks, "until you are left with nothing. And when you're long gone away from these people who you love oh so dearly, and I have nothing else to prove, my job will be complete because you…" I couldn't breathe, realizing that his words had so much impact on me, "you've been a bad, bad girl, Emma Swan."

Taking a hold of my wrists, his fingers wrapping around them, the vicelike grip startled me, extremely painful. But from where Neal stood, obviously he couldn't see what was happening as Phillip eyed me with eyes so cold, I remembered him throwing me that same look in the courtroom. Many years ago it had been but when we had parted then, the flaring anger between us resulting from betrayal was enough to fuel this vengeance I could detect in his glare.

"Regina Mills, is it?" he asked in a whisper, making my heart stop, literally, "everyone in this town will turn against you due to your insanity and when she's the only person remaining that will be capable of holding you together, I will rip the two of you apart in glee because you…my dear Emma, you ruined my life. And I will ruin yours."

Giving me one last maddening grin, he released my hands and stepped back. Then returning to his car, I watched in shock when the door was pulled open and in he moved, as gracefully as possible. Even without effort, I began to cry because of the feeling of being completely lost and confused, feeling as if you had nowhere to go, nothing to hold you up.

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><p><strong>AN** – **PHILLIP is back and so is Lily! Anyway, this is where the REAL suspense begins, in this chapter. And I had to slow burn your feels because to reach this point, I needed severe character development on Emma's behalf. Now you know her more than before, you glimpsed into her past, you see exactly how she thinks when it comes to TRUST and LOVE. So I think you'll get a fair idea of why I did what I did. Added to that, if she is about to lose everyone's belief in her, who's the ONE person Emma will run to for help and comfort? When your world comes crashing down, when the walls are closing in, it makes you desperate to look for comfort and approval.**

**ALSO, IN RESPONSE TO YOUR VIEWS ON DESPISING MY CHOICE TO KEEP THEM APART, TRUST ME, FROM THE NEXT CHAPTER YOU WILL RECEIVE A SHIT LOAD OF FEELS FROM THEM BEING TOGETHER, YOU MIGHT START COMPLAINING ABOUT THAT TOO.**

**If you have only but hate to send us, whether it's your distaste in Swan Queen, where this story is going, the fact that I am NOT Chrmdpoet or whoever she is and that I can 'never be as amazing as Hunny Fresh' then SAVE YOUR WORDS TO YOURSELF. The last thing I need right now is to be compared to two other writers because I write MY WAY. End of story.**

Nice reviews? PLEASE review. :)


	17. Friends From New York

**Thanks for the WONDERFUL, UPLIFTING reviews, names TOO MUCH to mention. You all made my day. Also thanks to Chrmdpoet for encouraging me to continue writing, and to turn harsh reviews into life lessons: that you can't please everyone and there will be SOMEONE who will stick with you to the very end. I am definitely sure of one person sticking with this story, and that is 'housecat'. Love you ALL. Thank you for believing in me and being patient. You really don't know how much your kind words mean.**

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><p><strong>Recap: So basically Regina woke up from the coma, Snow snuck in candy, Snow also kind of slipped up by telling Emma that Robin kissed Regina. Emma stormed out and lost control. Henry visited Regina in the hospital and she told him that Whale's calculation of her pregnancy was OFF. She's now in her eight month. Emma got her 'stash' snatched by Hook who surely kept her company throughout the night. They KISSED. Robin apparently sent a glass of Vodka her way, and after drinking it, Emma began to swim in a tank. This tank contained the kitchen back at her old house. She walked In, saw Neal on the floor, pointed a knife at him, and in walked this new cop lady who happens to be Lily from Emma's past, you know, the girl with the STAR shaped tattoo on her wrist. Phillip makes a grand entrance, and leaves Emma off with a warning, in other words, he will DESTROY HER HAPPINESS IF IT IS THE LAST THING HE DOES. Honestly though, he can't play villain like Regina. Sorry that she's become so mushy, or HAS SHE? Watch out Hook!<strong>

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><p><span><strong>Chapter Seventeen<strong>

"**Friends From New York"**

"You promised me that this was all just clean cut, that we'd come here, we'd interrogate Swan and we'd gather enough information to proceed in the case. This…" Lily pounded her fist upon the table, eyeing the door that was securely close but still tingled her senses, "was not in the deal."

Phillip picked up his wine glass with two fingers and swirled the golden liquid around, eyes on the photos strewn across the table's surface.

"I have to do my job and I can't do that if you're working behind my back –"

"Lily…"

"We're supposed to do this together."

"Officer Stevenson, calm down."

"How can I calm down when you're pulling rank on me?"

"This isn't about pulling rank on you", he hissed, pushing himself up and glaring at her suddenly. "This is so much more than that. We're talking about the murders of my parents –"

"Which means that you have no right to proceed with this investigation because you're personally involved in the case –"

"And so are you."

That was enough to shut her up, and he reveled in the sudden look that crossed her face, one that made his insides twitch with excitement. Gathering up the photos and hitting the stack unto the desk to create a neat pile, he scoffed, shaking his head.

"A cute little teenage crush, was it?" their eyes met and she became quite aware of him digging into her past. "A cute crush gone bad? As the welfare officer told me, when the two of you spent your time together, you…bonded…didn't you?"

"That's none of your business", Lily stated, her voice unsteady.

"And when she refused to remain friends with you after discovering that you had…parents…things went pretty ugly in a matter of seconds. A tearful goodbye it was. Now –"

"I don't have time for this." Snatching her suitcase from off the table, she turned on her heels and strode to the door.

"You still continued to search for her and how would she react when the truth is found out, that you were the officer on the scene when my father was found in that dumpster." Lily stood with her back facing him, stiffening. "And as soon as you found a shred of red leather lying near the dumpster, you were the one who made up that perfect tale about seeing her flee the scene."

"You made me do that!" she cried in disbelief, "you threatened my family, forcing me to do as you wanted!"

"I…have…it…all…here", he slid the folder across the table, eyes shining. "Your report that was filed where you somehow made up this lie, trying to enact some revenge all because of a cute girl crush –"

"If you think that you're going to use that against me", she said, pointing at the folder, "then we're both going down together because I have records of those calls. I documented everything, just waiting for the right time to hit you with it."

"How do you think she will react when Emma finds out that you led me to her, and in the process, you were the one who made her a suspect?"

"All I wanted was to be her friend", Lily said, her voice affected by her emotions. "I found her again five years after and that was all I wanted."

"Stalking Emma, following her around Boston until a restraining order was placed –"

"That was so long ago", she said, her voice cracking, "but that's not why I took up this case. I'm here to do my job."

"I was the one who placed that restraining order against you on Emma's behalf", Phillip said beaming at her. Sitting back, he folded his arms, shaking his right foot as if everything was peachy. "She never did it, in fact, she was severely anxious to meet you again just to smooth things out but well…I was a jealous, fucking…angered foster brother who felt betrayed by everyone, so I did it."

"What?" she gazed at him in shock.

"You see…" clearing his throat, he rubbed his chin and stood up quite dramatically, "my past never affected me. When people assumed that I would fall from being taken down a peg or two, I rose up with a vengeance. Law School was my refuge, and I had a plan. I had a plan all these years and sadly, you can't take this personally darling because this is not about you. This is about your little darling of a crush."

"This is absurd", Lily choked out, "I'm going to report this to the head office, that you're on this case to enact some kind of revenge on Emma and –"

"You do that", Phillip said coolly, cutting her off as he fingered the edge of the folder. "Do that and I will bring to light your messy days when you worked as a Narcotics cop in New York, the restraining order, and your little lie you told about discovering that fragment at the crime scene. I am not an ordinary man to cross as you friend will realize soon enough. So you want to make that call then do it. Do it but remember who pulls the highest rank here."

Lily stared at him in disbelief, "how the hell did they hire you as an FBI agent, you fucking scumbag?"

Phillip smiled and shrugged, " because I'm devilishly handsome, I have brains and where money is concerned, time spent in jail can easily be forgotten of, people turning heads. You…" he winked at her, "just keep out of my way and hang around if you want to. You follow MY orders Officer Stevenson and whatever I tell people, they DO."

"We'll see about that", she said bitterly.

"Do me a favor and send the lovely lady standing outside in, will you?" he waved a hand at the door. "Make yourself useful by starting off with following orders. Freshen up, get something to eat. Or you can just…LEAVE this town for good."

Fists clenched, Lily wanted to reply but held it back because her sass could get out of control. She had worked hard to get her job, been at the top of the class in Law school, not because of coming from a rich family, but because of the work put into this passion to uphold the law. Now this fucking asshole was ready to play her as if she was nothing but a pawn piece in his game plan? Without saying a word in reply, she headed to the door and went out. Inhaling deeply, she nodded at the woman standing outside the door and fixated her eyes on Deputy Sheriff Nolan and Officer Hood.

"You can go in now", she said to the woman, eyes still on the two men standing there, glaring at her, arms folded.

When the door closed and it was just two people remaining in the room, Phillip gestured for Ruby to have a seat. Folding her arms, she remained standing there, eyes hardened.

"Suit yourself, Lucas", he said warily, "now, down to business."

"I want out", Ruby said firmly.

"Of course you do, but need I remind you, I can easily get my hands on the documents relating to your Granny's Diner and I can shut it down, orders by the…hmm…Government?"

"Leave her out of this", her voice wavered. And Phillip's smile grew wider from her weakness. "You have no right to make these threats, just because I saw what I saw."

"You were in the wrong place at the wrong time", studying his nails now, he tried to appear nonchalant.

"I saw you assaulting that woman, pushing her about the room", Ruby stated boldly, sucking in air, "I heard you talking about Emma, about how you're going to make her pay."

"See this is why you've become a frayed edge that I need to really…take care of…because…" his fingers pressed unto the desk as he leant forward, "if you aren't carefully supervised then your words will intervene. And I'll have to use a nice sharp pair of scissors to trim you away. However, because I hold the upper hand here –"

"Upper hand, my ass", and she rolled her eyes, "I'm not afraid of you."

"I just had to threaten to make your Granny disappear and you jumped at my offer to spare her little crinkly neck, didn't you?"

Without answering him, she stood there with a knee kinked, arms folded.

"Well done though, bravo…" his eyes lit up whilst he applauded her, "or Brava, as I should say. You really played the part well last night. Watching from the corner under my hoodie I must declare that your work was spectacular, the way you…" he poured something into an invisible cup, "emptied the contents of that packet into Emma's drink, stirring it up nicely…tell me though, who is this other man you remained close to for the entirety of the evening? He looks rather…rough around the edges."

"None of your business."

"You must be sure to keep him out of little plan, or else he might not look so rough with a bullet in his head."

Gawking at Phillip, Ruby held her breath whilst she was washed over with coldness, such fright from his sudden words. To put Robin's life in danger, she had no intention of doing that. And so far, this man had threatened to ruin the lives of two people she held dear, her Granny the most. What else he was capable of, she was afraid to discover because someone who could speak of murder and plotting things with such ease, that was no ordinary person.

"I did what you asked", she said, trying to keep her voice steady. "I promise that I wouldn't say a word afterwards. Now we're done." Turning on the spot, she strode to the door.

"We're not done until I say that we're done, Lucas", his voice stated stiffly, "your bravery excites me, your lack of concern towards Emma, your…motivation to make her look like a fool. I can surely use this talent of yours to aid me in my investigation."

"And what exactly are you investigating?" she asked, narrowing her eyes. "Are you here to investigate a murder or to make a fool out of Emma?"

"Both seems accurate, but the last one contains so much thrill, I am intrigued by it." Folding his hands, he smiled at her. "Emmas surely must have pissed you off so that you'd jump straight into drugging her –"

"You threatened to take away my Granny's Diner and my shop!" she cried, eyes burning. "What else was I supposed to do?"

"A building holds so much honor to you that you'd betray a friend?"

Staring in bewilderment at him, Ruby couldn't come up with a reply.

"Oh dear me, what in the world has Emma done to you, Lucas?" Pressing his fingertips together, he leant back in the chair, taking it with him as it balanced on the back legs dangerously.

She turned her eyes away.

"Has she stolen your Prince Charming away from you? Hmm?"

"That's totally off the topic."

"She has a record of stealing those we love from us, you know", he confessed, never breaking eye contact. "When we were merely teenagers, Emma managed to ruin everything. She snatched my girlfriend away from me who converted into lesbianism because she couldn't refrain from gazing into those emerald eyes. Amanda used me as I always remained second best to Emma. It was…always…about…Emma." His face twisted into a sickly dark look as he scornfully glared at the ground.

Ruby wanted to leave but somehow she stayed on, listening as the words sank in and kind of hit close to home.

"Are you second best as well?" his voice suddenly took on this innocent tone, eyes shining again. "Of course you are. Why should we remain second best when we have so much more to offer than her? Hmm? What does she have that captures all the attention?"

Tears welled up in Ruby's eyes.

"And yet she gets what she wants and dumps everything away like trash in the end anyway. What was the purpose? What was the…intention…"

They stared at each other for a long time and in that time, Phillip chose to hold up his pretense as he clearly began to see that his words had an impact on the woman standing in front of him. It wasn't hard to put two and two together. All of this possibly had to do with Regina Mills. He was yet to meet her in person but from the descriptions, boy did she sound like a walking sex machine with a tank full of sass. He loved women who put up a challenge, who fought back, who were…somewhat fiery. And if Emma had snatched Regina away from this pitiful bitch then all fun was only waiting to begin.

"I want you to uphold our little contract in…feeding Emma this drug I have stocked you up with, readily of course." Standing up, the tip of his shoes shone and Ruby frowned at them. "Whenever an opportunity presents itself as I see that it frequently will since she buys coffee every day from your Diner, I'd like you to…drug her…putting it straight forward it sounds so harsh but it must be done. Or else…"

He drew nearer to her, taking casual steps that lacked stiffness but appeared quite relaxed now, a contrast to his usual stiff walk obtained from severe training in a military camp in the middle of nowhere.

"I would hate to strip you naked, Lucas", he said boldly, eyeing the swell of her breasts that readily gave him no opportunity to put his imagination to work. "But if it comes to that, then we must have drinks first."

"You weasel", she hissed.

"I prefer a fox."

"What does that stuff do to Emma?"

"It weakens her, darling", he said as if it was a simple discussion on the weather. "Now run along. I see that it's close to ten so I'd hate to keep you away from your work."

Throwing him one last glare, she turned to the door and headed out, never looking back.

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><p><span><strong>Emma.<strong>

I hardly managed to get any sleep that night, in fact, I hadn't slept for more than an hour. Lying on the soft bed in the guest room back at my old house whilst Neal slept in our room that we shared before, I stared up at the motionless ceiling fan and found the humming of the heater really annoying. The place was so cold, even beneath two wool blankets my fingers remained numb and maybe it was because of fright and shock and emptiness. But one thing was definite, I wasn't okay.

Everything was spiraling out of control, especially my magic. After taking a hot shower, my fingers started to crackle with static and even though I tried so hard to control it, the navy blue towel got mildly burnt in the process. I had on these red leather gloves that Regina had made for me about three years ago, at a time when I just couldn't get a grip on how powerful my magic was. It was supposed to help me gain control in some way, acting as a moderator by containing everything within the gloves. And I had them on just because I didn't want to blow up something. But having them on just reminded me of her over and over again.

I thought that thinking of her would make me lose more sleep. I thought that she was the one thing that was destroying my life. But after tonight, it was evident that she was probably the only person who was capable of saving me right now. And Phillip was right somehow, although I was filled with fright when he said her name, knowing so much already. No matter what happened, when everyone would lose faith in me or shut me out, even Neal since he was quick to lose trust in me tonight, Regina was the only one who would stand by my side. She was the only one who believed in me so much, more than I believed in myself. She believed in US and I couldn't. I couldn't understand how she could believe that there could be an us when I only saw us falling off a cliff.

The moment I fell asleep was the minute I started to regret ever letting her go in the first place, when I wanted to take her back and never let her out of my sight. To allow my heart the freedom to feel freely without having my mind dictate what was right and wrong, filling me with suspicious thoughts: this new feeling somehow washed me over with such warmth, I began to lose the numbness inside. And it was all because of her, thinking of her, believing that there could be an US, knowing to myself that if my world was about to fall apart, if I was about to lose everything, if I was about to be thrown into jail then I wanted to spend the remaining time with her and no one else. It's something that might be hard to understand but there it was, the moment when I was standing on this cliff, four feet from the edge, and I knew that I was going to fall. But before I did, I wanted to spend the rest of that time with her.

My family, Henry, of course I wanted them as well but I already had them. I hadn't let them go. But she was the one I wanted back now. And the phone kept drawing me towards it in the dark but there was no way that I could contact her. The only thing left for me to do was the one thing I had stayed away from in the first place. This time though, I couldn't stay away and I had a reason why, knowing that if I never snatched every single moment to come, then chances are we'd be lost forever. And there was me wasting time before when I could have had so much already.

I walked all the way to the hospital just around midnight, about six blocks or even more because keeping track of it was impossible with this state of mind. On my way, I kept thinking about what I should say, anticipating her responses, and everything else. I kept reliving that conversation I had with her in the bar when it was made clear on my behalf that we were over. We couldn't be over for good. We just couldn't be over now.

Sneaking past the nurses on night duty was such an easy task, honestly I had to pull Whale up because of the scarce night patrol. I passed down three hallways lined with rooms and not one nurse was seen. The maternity wing was way at the back, closer to the exit that provided easy access to the ambulance if needed. And the room as I could remember was room 166. Somehow, the air inside her room had grown considerably warmer from my last visit, almost as if she came back and filled up everywhere with this warmth…

Unlike my first visit, I noticed that she wasn't hooked up to these sickly looking machines that crawled my skin. Instead, just the IV drip was attached to her left arm, almost halfway down already. This time, I paid close attention to detail, somehow living this moment on slow motion because of how precious time had become for me. However, all hopes of us speaking just died away when I realized that she was fast asleep. Moving closer to the bed, my eyes rested upon her tear stained cheeks, making me quite aware that yeah Emma, you were the reason she had cried herself to sleep because you couldn't understand the meaning of everything.

I sat quietly on the edge of the bed and my gaze never moved away because she had somehow changed, her cheekbones more defined now, collar bones slightly showing. It wasn't nice to realize that Regina was really not well, and that she wasn't eating properly. All this should have captured my attention before but dearest Emma was busily blaming Robin for everything, giving him the upper hand in taking control. What was wrong with me? Had I done this to her? What was I doing to myself by holding unto the belief that things would get better if we just stayed away from each other? Was I that daft?

"Get well, Regina", I said softly, afraid to touch her, not because of fear that she'd wake up. But because I don't believe that making any contact right now would prevent me from wanting to touch her more than ever before. "Don't give up", I continued, my hand hovering over the rise and fall of her tummy, so definite under her overly large yellow sweater. "I can't…" sucking in air, I felt my eyes burn, "I'm sorry. I never meant to…end things off between us. But I thought that it was best and I still do…somewhat…because you're not doing so well with me in your life right now and I need you to pull through, even if it means that we have to stay away from each other. But I don't want to stay away from you." Tears clouded my vision, hot tears.

"I don't want to stay away, Regina. I'm just lying to myself because you were right. Just as I'm the only reason you hold unto in order to survive, I can't…breathe without you. Look at me. I'm…losing my sanity over you. I can't live without you. I just…can't do it. And after tonight, if I'm about to lose you forever then I want us to spend every second together or every second moving on by forgetting each other. Either way I will lose in the end. But I don't want to lose you forever. You have to stay strong and pull through. You survived through shit before without me. You can do it again."

I reached out and with cupped fingers, her right cheek was caressed, so smooth to the touch and moist with tears. Then losing control, my fingers captured her dark hair, so soft as it clustered around her ears and tumbled down unto her shoulders. Without makeup, she was so beautiful, and I often wondered why she made the extra effort to even wear any. Maybe she wanted to appear overly beautiful so that on any occasion when her makeup was off, everyone would realize that she never wore beauty, but she was really gorgeous. Okay, I sound so stupid now. It's clear that I'm losing my mind.

"Is it okay if I touch you?" I asked hoarsely, as if she would reply. "I can't hold…back."

Without hesitating, my hand was pressed unto her midsection and I allowed it to stay there, her warmth radiating into me. It was so sudden, the way the baby moved under my palm as if sensing that I was there. And when she moved, I held my breath because of knowing how slightly painful it was after that night when I held unto her whilst she cried from the severity of the cramps. Her fingers curled up, digging into the sheets so cutely, toes pointed within her red socks and I still kept on maintaining contact, still kept treasuring the kicks the baby made.

"You're going to probably become a soccer player", I joked, smiling in the dimly lit room all to myself, "or a ballet dancer, but definitely a fighter…just like your…" I felt the hot tears slip down my cheeks, falling unto her exposed hand. And when my tears made contact with her skin, something incredible happened. It's like my tears illuminated in the dark, turning to gold smoke before dissolving into her skin. Eyes wide, I honestly believed that I was still high or something because witnessing the actual thing was unbelievable and unexplainable. "What the…"

A hand was rested on mine, the one that remained pressed upon her tummy and I jumped, possibly turning white in the process. But it was just her, still shocking but enough to provide me with some kind of reassurance that my presence was felt and I wasn't here alone. Just from her touch alone though, I could already feel the impact she had on me, the way my body responded, that soft tingle that travelled up my arm and throughout my entire body. It's the effect she always had on me unlike anyone I had ever been with, not that I was comparing her to them because she couldn't compared. To have someone touch you, and the second they do, it's like you melt into this toe curling state, letting go of all your doubts and pain: that's how I felt in that moment. And from the time I began to think way beyond just a touch, of us kissing passionately, making love to each other, my hand that was wedged between hers and the baby suddenly grew extremely warm in my glove. Fearing the worst, I tried to slide it from between her grasp, but somehow I couldn't.

Watching in awe, my magic drifted out like a gold and whitish vapor, hovering around our hands, appearing like smoke. But just as I feared the result of it, from her fingers came the distinct haze of purple, intermingling with mine. I felt so tingly inside, it's kind of hard to explain but judging from the way I wanted to kiss her so bad, well you can guess exactly where my thoughts were now focused. Shame on me for thinking like that in a situation like this, me making love to her, feeling her hands everywhere: shame, shame, shame.

Suddenly the doorknob was tried and a shadow appeared in the glass on the door. Without sparing a second, I focused on my bed back at my old house and disappeared in seconds, wondering if my magic left a gold haze or the usual stupid white.

* * *

><p><strong>The Next Day…<strong>

From the time the interrogation began, it was quite evident that Phillip and Lily had some severe issues between the two of them. Knowing that they had crossed paths before in the future, the possibility of them colliding head on was more than definite because I could clearly remember when she had tried to contact me, he was made aware of our first meeting in Boston.

"See, the thing I don't quite understand is this", he said as I watched his fingers press unto the polished table's surface, "you went into the kitchen, saw your fiancé lying –"

"EX fiancé", I corrected him, arms folded.

"My mistake", he smiled charmingly, "you saw your ex fiancé lying on the ground, blood stains around the tiles, and you didn't choose to dial 911?"

"Like I said", glaring at him, "I did attempt to dial for help but something else happened and –"

"The intruder in the house", he glanced at his yellow notepad, pen poised whilst Lily stood to the far corner of the room, her eyes never leaving me. "Did you manage to get a good look of this intruder by chance?"

"No, the hall light was off and –"

"The hall light was…OFF." Phillip beamed at me.

I scowled deeply. "That's what I said. Would you mind sharing which part of that is amusing?"

"Why would the hall light be off, Emma?"

Was he serious? He had obviously gone mad, and I was sitting on the opposite end of the table, feeling as if this was a tea party for three with him as the Mad Hatter.

"Could this intruder be a figment of your imagination?"

"What?" I stared in bewilderment at him.

"Emma, you were intoxicated…"

"I know what I saw!" I stated firmly.

"And what exactly DID you see, Emma? Hmm?" Pressing his fingers together, he eyed me with a mocking smile. "Describe this intruder."

"I saw this…hooded figure…dressed in black dart across the bottom of the stairs so –"

"A hooded figure…"

The seconds that ticked by were filled with me glaring at him, and this look of mocking happiness still plastered on his freaking face. Pondering on it now, not a thing had changed about him, from his smartass behavior to the way those blue eyes could focus on you with such coolness. That same coolness that always reminded me of pools of water now took on an icier look that reminded me of an ice cave in the north lined with dangerous icicles ready to throw themselves at people and murder them.

"Emma, the truth of the matter is this, from where we sit…or rather…stand…" he glanced warily at Lily, "if that suits you, your statement makes no sense at all, lacking enough information. But you did have motive."

"Are you freaking kidding me?" I asked him.

"He's a connection to your past, maybe you wanted to OFF him or better, because of your breakup, your final act of vengeance was to hit him on the head and show him whose boss around the house."

"I didn't hit anyone on the head, okay?" I rose up from chair, leaning over the desk. He took on my sudden movement into his personal space as a moment of excitement, judging from the way his gaze rested on my palms pressed upon the surface of the table. "I went through the back, found Neal lying on the floor and out of curiosity I picked up the knife holder."

"And why were you brandishing a knife at Cassidy then?"

"Because I saw the person shoot across the hall and upon instinct, I picked up a freaking knife."

"Why were you brandishing it at Neal?"

My eyes fluttered close and I sighed. "He believed that I hit him on the head. And I snapped."

"You…snapped." Rocking back on his chair, he eyed Lily in the corner. "That's quite a trigger word, Swan. You snapped. Perhaps you snapped before in New York and fired the gun several times –"

"No…I did not –"

"Just as you opened fire according to an eye witness, not so long ago in a neighborhood nearby."

"And your point is?" I had this huge lump in my throat and I could feel my glare becoming steamier.

"Oh I have several points to make, judging from your character this past week", he said, flipping through his notepad. "You have displayed utter carelessness in using your issued weapon, you've been abusing drugs and alcohol –"

"That has nothing to do with –"

Holding up a hand, he continued, "you've showed signs of being delusional, losing control of your anger, your sense of reality and an ability to act as a reasonable person. Added to that, you are a murder suspect which only means that the end result for you is quite bad –"

"This…" I hissed, pushing myself up in anger, "conversation is over. I don't have time for this kind of nonsense."

"So we let you off on a warning because Mister Cassidy obviously does not want to press charges and –"

"This is not our case to handle", Lily's voice was icy whilst she glared at the side of Phillip's cheek. "So why don't we focus on why we're really here in the first place instead of wasting time, or would you like me to take over and show you how to do your job?"

I couldn't help it. My lips twitched into a small smile and when our eyes met, she rolled hers whilst Phillip turned on his throne to mocking smile at her. Upon looking at each other for some time, it was Lily who raised an eyebrow, never backing down. In the end, he chose to merely focus on me once more, and I sent him a smile that clearly had 'you just got played' written all over it.

"You know why we're here, Emma", he said, "sit down."

"I have nothing to say to you", I stated, remaining on my feet.

"Is that so?" he cocked an eyebrow at me, smiling stiffly. "You will cooperate with us or my warning from last night in relation to a certain weakness of yours still holds firm."

"Leave her out of this", I said, my voice trembling, "you can do what the hell you want with me, but I want you to just leave her out of this mess."

"Oh by the way, Officer Stevenson", he swiveled in his chair, gaze resting on her with a mocking smile attached to it, "Emma has a very beautiful girlfriend." Something changed in Lily's eyes and she threw me a glance. "Now you…" blue pools of icy water were turned to me, "tell me everything you know or –"

"Why in the world would I tell you anything, Phillip?" I asked, pressing my palms upon the table and leaning over it, "do you honestly believe that because you're now wearing a shiny badge, things will change between us?"

"You are a murder suspect –"

"I didn't kill anyone!" Glancing at Lily, I scoffed. "How the hell is he even investigating his own father's murder anyway? What kind of wild kingdom are you guys running in New York?"

"The one that accepts bribes and hands out shiny badges whilst dirt bags are allowed to rise to the top, apparently", Lily returned. Just for a few seconds, we looked at one another, and she sent a small smile my way. I returned none.

"I was hoping that you'd understand the severity of this case where you are a suspect and that you'd cooperate –"

"Oh so you tried to rape me years ago, I kick your ass in jail, you come out…" I stepped around the table slowly moving towards him, "daddy pays to send you to a fancy law school, he covers up your tracks, you get into the academy, buy your way into a nice job…" his lips twitched, the smile disappearing, and when we were close enough, I leant over, staring at him.

"And then you falsely make detective in the FBI with one purpose in mind. I can read you like a book", I said, smiling at him. "If you honestly believe that you can pin your parents' murders on me, then I'm sorry to say that you can take me as far down as you want with all your lies and planted evidence. But to myself, I know that I'm innocent. And because of that, there is no way in hell you're going to succeed in enacting revenge."

"He…tried…to rape you?" Lily asked, her tone unsteady from the corner of the room. Turning to look over my shoulder, shock was registered on her face.

"Yup –"

"This conversation is over", Phillip said firmly, snapping his folder close, eyes lowered. "Officer Stevenson, please leave the room so that I can discuss something with –"

"I'm sorry but I don't think that's…best", she said, stepping forward. "Detective Johnson, based on the new information that has come to light, I must investigate your involvement in this case further –"

"You will do no such thing!" he snarled, pushing himself up, taking a step towards her, eyes hard. "Or else I will…"

"Go ahead and tell them about my dirty days as a Narc cop, suit yourself. I don't mind losing my job", she glared back at him, "once I know that in the end, I was doing exactly what I swore as an officer to do. Everything that happened in relation to myself and Emma, leave that as my responsibility to tell her the truth. As for you…" stepping around him, she went to the door, "you're going down Phillip because I'll dig up the dirty files and replace them with the shiny one you bought yourself to cover up your ugly face."

When she threw me a glance, I remained silent.

"Lily was the one who made you a suspect in the case", Phillip stated, looking at me warily. "She planted evidence there to make you take the fall –"

"Evidence that he supplied me with, threatening my family, my job –"

"She also stalked you severely when we were younger. I thought it was disgusting", he scrunched up his face at me, "that is why I pushed you to file the restraining order."

"Emma, I did what –"

"I don't…want…to hear it", I said, staring at them in bewilderment, holding my hands up. "This is over."

"No, it isn't", he said in a clipped tone, "it's not over until we say that it is."

"If you wish to speak to me again", I directed his way, "I'd like a lawyer present. In the meantime, fuck off."

And without looking back, I strode to the door, pulled it open and walked out.

Stepping into the street was so refreshing for me because of having this cramped feeling, boxed in for over an hour. It was like escaping from a dark hole, one where rats resided and chewed on the tips of your shoes, eyes beady and evil. One of those rats was definitely Phillip. He and his freaking expensive clothes and bulging wallet: rigging the system just to reach the top. And for what purpose: to make me pay for the murder of his father and mother. Supposedly, he had flung himself into the case whilst the media fed off of his connection, realizing that his search to find whoever did it was fueled by passion, vengeance. Frankly I found it as insulting that the FBI would stoop so low in even hiring a piece of shit like him and giving him the keys to dealing with a case that was directly related to him.

I anticipated her coming after me. And from the time the door swung outwards, my mouth twitched because this conversation was not going to go well at all, judging from my aggravated mood.

"Emma, I had no idea that he…" planting herself in front of me, I diverted my eyes warily. "Look, if you want any help with this case, then I am the only one to trust."

"Why in the world would I trust you?" I asked directly, glaring at her. "Planting evidence at a murder scene to fuck me over?"

"He threatened me", she pointed towards the door, gaze on me, "he threatened dad and I couldn't watch him take the fall."

"But you wanted me to push me off the edge instead –"

"I couldn't choose you over my father!"

"You never fucking cared about me anyway!" I snapped, growing severely angry. "How the hell could you do that to me? All of this was because of you and for what? Just so that scumbag could cage me up and seek out his final revenge?"

She had nothing to say, but merely glared at me.

"What the hell happened to you? You just showed up again one day, we talked and mended things up. We agreed to meet in the Park sometime after and then you stood me up."

"I'm so sorry –"

"Then you just…disappeared, showing up a couple years after, wanting to make things even."

"And you completely shut me out by putting up this wall between us without even giving me a chance to explain myself." Her tone had become bitter. "I called, I kept calling –"

"You started to act like a psycho freak!" I snapped.

"I wanted to talk to you!"

"I really don't give people too many chances if the first time, the fucked me over in relation to trust. So the next time you got a chance to even things out, then you should have taken it fully."

"But –"

"It's over, Lily", I said firmly, never looking away, "we will never return to that…place. We had this bond and you ruined it."

"He placed a restraining order against me –"

"Maybe it wasn't such a bad idea after all", I said.

A few seconds of silence elapsed between us, filled with her glaring at me and of course, I did the same.

"Suit yourself", she snapped. "Either way whether you want my help or not, I will do my best."

"I'm thankful."

"So who's the girlfriend."

"None of your business."

"I'll know soon enough." She took a step towards me and I backed away as my lips were now her main focus. "She must be the perfect woman if you fell in love with her because you've always been a hard woman to please."

"I'm not even going to comment on that", I stated.

"Suit yourself."

Stepping around me, her boots clicked upon the pavement as she strode towards the door. And pulling it open, I watched her move inside without another word.

The nerve of some people!

How was I supposed to feel after discovering all this backstabbing that was going on? Phillip, then Lily, and she obviously never cared anyway because from the way I was handled last night, I couldn't detect any kind of consideration in her actions.

Bracing upon the cold red stone wall of the Sheriff's office, I noticed that Phillip had parked his fancy black and shiny Ford ride in the parking lot that was always empty except for my bug and my father's new mini bus. Lily had apparently hitched a ride. The sun was out but somehow the town was encased in this bubble of cold air that rested around the surrounding area like a thick fog. Or maybe it was just me. Without even thinking of it, I dug out my keys, selected the one with the sharpest end, the one that gave me access to my parents' apartment. And without even giving a damn, I walked towards his fancy fucking car.

From the front to the back, I dragged my key, putting all the anger that could be mustered into that one long, swift act of vengeance. And from the screeching sound alone, my mood was suddenly upped by 100% because this felt like déjà vu. He'd know that it was me if his mind could recollect upon that one time when we had left the courtroom and before they packed me off to another house in the system, I had done the same thing with his precious blue Mustang. Oh how his motorcycle had been wrecked also and I remembered feeling so hyped up from every swing of the wooden baseball bat unto the rims, the meters, smashing glass, denting his expensive body work. Of course he'd know that it was me. But there was no one around to prove it. And I'd deny doing it with a smile.

* * *

><p>I spent the remainder of the day playing games in the arcade alongside Henry because it was a Saturday, and yeah I'm sorry for not keeping you up to date on what day it is. But like I said, days flew by and weeks disappeared like nothing. We played Safari Escape like four times, sitting alongside each other in this small vehicle that had some bad ass guns attached to the front. My aim was spot on, mainly because the pills I was taking highly fueled the ability to focus. It's one thing to feel like a stone without any feelings. It's another thing to shoot at crawling spiders without a care in the world. Either way, no emotion was felt on me, completely drained like a saline bag, my feels were absent, gone on vacation if you'd put it that way.<p>

Trying to explain to him exactly what happened the night before wasn't an easy thing to do. But he believed that I hadn't hurt Neal in any way. He believed that much. Discussing Phillip's arrival in Storybrooke was very sensitive because he wanted to know more about my past. And to explain to a kid that I was raped, that wasn't going to happen. What I did tell him all pointed to me defensively stepping up to Debbie, trying to protect myself. In relation to Phillip's father's murder, of course Henry was with me in New York then. Whatever I told him about my alibi, he believed. But like I said before, the entire year didn't return completely to me as far as recollecting went. There were parts of that one year that still remained blank and that's the part that scared me the most. I wanted to forget stuff that happened in that time, like me working two jobs, never getting enough sleep. I wanted to forget me falling for a monkey. And because I wanted to forget, those blank spaces never came back.

Henry had little to say to me about Regina during the four hours we spent gaming. That only lasted until we bumped into Killian as he stood against a lamppost, as if posing for a photo shoot whilst a couple of Henry's female friends stood watching him with flirty eyes. He winked at them, and when Henry walked over, punching his arm with a scowl on his face, the twinkle in those dark eyes disappeared, only to be replaced with an embarrassed look.

"Those are my colleagues!" Henry stated in disbelief. "And you're too old!"

"Too old?" Hook obviously was offended, "mate, I never age as you can notice, there aren't any greying hairs on my head."

"I've seen you buying the darkest shade of Revlon hair dyes from the Pharmacy –"

"Now, now, mate", he took a hold of Henry's shoulder and drew him nearer, glancing at me. "Let us not speak so loudly."

"Really, Killian?" I asked softly, smiling barely.

"He's a hundred and twenty years old and counting!" Henry stated loud enough for the group of giggling schoolgirls to hear. "Plus, he lives in a ship!"

"I do not live in a ship!"

"Take us to your ship, Captain Hook", one of the girls cooed, "take us on a tour." I watched him swallow hard, eyes bulging.

"You want to see a ship that is infested with maggots and cockroaches?" Henry asked from across the street.

The response was incredible. Screwing up their noses in an instant, off they walked with scowls, whispering among themselves about 'hygiene' and 'soap'.

"It escapes your mind that your mother and I were once an item, mate." Eyes on me, I folded my arms and smirked.

"ONCE", Henry replied smartly, "upon a time."

"Where does he get these smartass comebacks from, Swan?" Killian directed my way, frowning. "Is Neal behind this treachery?"

"My dad is the master of comeback lines, and he's soo good at them, they sound like a joke but after you think about what he said to you, a couple minutes after, you begin to feel the burning sensation." Smiling, Henry always could brighten my day.

"Nothing can burn this masterpiece. I am sculpted into perfection, not a scratch", feeling too proud of himself, I sighed. "Ask your mom, she was once captivated by this work of art."

"You're so vain!"

"I am stating the facts."

"Mom, are you listening to this?" their eyes were turned on me now.

"Yeah…" I forced out a smile, my face feeling stiff, "I am…"

Both of their smiles disappeared and I reached up to tuck my hair behind my ears, diverting my eyes.

"Mate, I think that we have a situation", Killian whispered, head inclined towards Henry's direction, loud enough for me to hear. "Apparently Emma's ship is drifting. We must guide her back with gentle motions…"

"I just have a lot on my mind", I offered, my voice strained.

"And by a lot, she's referring to you know who…" Henry whispered back behind a hand.

"She who must not be named…"

"You never struck me as a Harry Potter fan, dude", Henry frowned. "My dad is a fanatic, like seriously. He has the robe and everything, the collectibles."

I watched as Killian's eyes grew wide and rolled mine. "By chance, did he manage to get himself a copy of 'Fantastic Beasts and where to find them'?"

"That and every other book in relation to the Potterholic collection –"

"I'll be in the Diner if…anyone…needs me", I said in a low voice, pointing behind me. "I'm really hungry and it's already six so –"

"Swan –"

"Mom –"

Without answering them, I turned on the spot and walked away, my boots leading me to the front steps of the Diner. Just as I pushed the door open and heard the bell tinkle, Henry chose to tell Hook that I dressed up as Hermione for Halloween more than once.

I can't explain this exactly how I want to but I'll try. Have you ever been in this mood where everyone is busy carrying on a conversation that's really interesting but somehow you can't participate? It's not that you can't relate or there isn't much that you want to say. It's just that suddenly, you want to mute the world and melt away without even knowing why. Severely frustrated, that's how I felt, this pressure pressing down upon me and there was no way in hell I could survive longer with this kind of tension building up. It's like filling a box with explosives and soon enough, one can only expect it to explode.

As soon as my gaze fell on Snow sitting by Robin's side, the two of them alone occupying the Diner with a scowling Ruby standing behind the counter, this internal bomb began to tick. Sauntering up to the cashier where granny sat working on her accounts books, I silently ordered a cup of coffee, a slice of chocolate cake, the one with the rainbow sprinkles and a chocolate cupcake with the kind of frosting that melts in your mouth. The silence within the Diner reminded me of a graveyard, coupled with the cold air that drifted in from the vents and slightly opened windows. Even with my red gloves on, maroon colored jacket and ankle high socks burying my feet within winter boots, I was still freezing my ass off.

My boots led me to a vacant table way at the back, possibly the last one that was closest to the hallway leading out back. And choosing to slide into the chair that kept my back to the door, I awaited my order, hoping that Ruby would refrain from starting any kind of conversation with me. Not that she would even try since things between us had been like a bitter winter. Most times when our paths would cross, the scowls that were thrown from either side resulted in mouths clamped shut from anger. It wouldn't surprise me if she had already frequented the hospital to alert Regina about my fuck up with Hook and my drunken state.

Just as I was wondering if Gold would serve as a good lawyer since he had certificates in everything, Snow came into view from the corner of my table. I stared up at her in bewilderment at first, noticing the way she wrung her hands nervously. She was wearing one of dad's grey winter coats, swallowing her up as the sleeves hung limply on either side. Dressed in a green shirt along with black pants, I remembered that blouse, having seen her wear it two days in a row before simply because she felt comfortable in it.

"Hi, Emma", she said softly, resting a hand on the table as a seat was taken across from me.

"Hi…" gaze resting on my phone before me, I wondered if Robin was closer than anticipated.

"Great! So you're talking to me! Good!"

I frowned. "Why would I…not…talk to you?"

Her smile disappeared. "After the other night, I felt that our conversation didn't exactly go well. And I have been thinking about that night ever since, over and over again. I was so worried, about you and about us."

"You're my mom", I stated. "Things like that happen."

"I am so, so sorry Emma", her voice was strained, "I didn't mean to hurt you. Everything happened so fast, and then you were storming out of there, leaving me to feel…regretful…"

"Don't worry about it."

"I can't –" she stopped when the clicking of Ruby's heels neared us. And her eyes were diverted, me never making eye contact with the slender person leaning over the table now, placing my coffee and tray in position. I muttered thanks, she muttered something and then we were left alone again. Snow's eyes met mine once more. "I can't afford to be a bad mother now…."

"I said don't beat yourself up about it." Blowing the top of my coffee, I took a hesitant sip and noticed that extra sugar was added. Shrugging it off internally, my attention was directed to the delicacies in front of me, feeling all tingly inside already from the smell of chocolate.

"I haven't been a mother long enough but there has always been this bond and because of that bond, I just always want to see you happy." Sliding the slice of cake over to her, she quickly attacked it with dancing fingers. "Thank you!"

"Don't mention it", I mumbled, mouth stuffed with cake. "Look, if it makes you feel any better, I know that you want things to work out. But you've got to start trusting me, knowing that I will do what I feel is best."

"Emma, the path you've taken that leads you to drink constantly and use tablets: that is not the best move." Her face remained stolid.

"It's a choice I made –"

"It's not a good choice!"

"It's the only way I can…cope", I confessed to her. "Maybe you don't understand why but different methods work for different people. I chose to drown my feelings away like that and it's not going to be permanent but at the moment, that's the method that works best."

"I want you to realize that a beer or a shot of Vodka or those awful pills you are swallowing: those things aren't going to make you feel better." She reached across the table and squeezed my hand affectionately. "If you want to feel better, then you should follow your heart."

"Mom –"

"Instead of intoxicating yourself from alcohol, just stop using the hard stuff and drink a bottle of…Regina…" she was smiling widely now, wide enough for me to get the feeling that her words had double meanings.

"What the hell are you –"

"Her apple cider has always been the best, coupled with her lasagna, so tasty, making you want to go back for more –"

"This has to stop now –"

"You know that you love her lasagna so much, her apple tarts that just melt in your mouth", I froze up, staring at her, "knowing that she's the best cook, realizing that she would be the best wife in the world for you –"

"Wife –"

"Because you really hate cooking, and you're so…" she wrinkled her nose, "manly, whilst she's really the woman who can take care of things: really and truly, you two complement each other perfectly because what she cannot do, you can –"

"Like?" I was holding my breath without realizing.

"You can't cook, she can –"

"Hey!" I was hurt, "I can…cook. I can make…garden salads, crush potatoes, scrambled eggs, soup." My eyes lit up, "I can also bake cakes."

"Not from scratch."

"Whatever." I scowled. The bell above the door tinkled. "It's still a freaking cake."

"Betty Crocker is your aid. But why buy Betty Crocker when you can have your own Betty Crocker in your life?" from the way she was smiling at me, she really began to give me a headache.

"Swan." It was Killian and judging from the scowl registered on my mother's upturned face, so round and rosy, I could already tell that she disapproved of him as well. "Snow…" his eyes warily met hers.

"Stay away from my daughter, Hook."

Well that went well, straight to the point and sharp enough like the tip of his hook.

"First Regina, now you", he stated, glancing at me, "we're merely friends…aren't we, Emma?"

"I'd prefer it if you really used her last name instead", my mother said sharply.

"I would prefer if you refrain from hating on me when I have done nothing to receive such hurtful statements." His eyes remained on me. "The fact of the matter is, something has occurred that might come as a shock but –"

"I'm sitting here still", Snow said, folding her arms and glaring.

Killian threw her a look and snapped his attention back to me. "But it might also surprise you to know that –"

"La, la, la, laa –" she sang, her voice rising.

"Look, Snow why don't you enjoy your slice of cake and swell with pride from devouring such a delicacy?" he was obviously losing his patience. "It might come as a surprise for you to know –"

"Did you just hint that I'm…fat?"

Pressing his lips close, he kept his eyes on me.

"You think that just because you've travelled the seas and battled against slimy octopuses and high tides, bad weather in your stupid excuse for a ship, that makes you all…macho…"

"Mom, he's just trying to tell me something and he didn't refer to you as fat", I said defensively on Killian's behalf.

"He told me to…swell with pride…" she reminded us.

"It's a figure of speech."

"No it's not." When neither of us replied but merely stared back at her, those eyes grew moist with tears. "No it's not a figure of speech!" she startled me, pounding her fists upon the table and rising up, glaring around. "You all think that I'm…fat."

"You're…pregnant…" Killian said, highlighting himself now as a punching bag, "you're not…fat, per say…"

"What?" her eyes were wide, bulging now.

"I take back that statement", he frowned, taking a step back. Snow advanced on him, eyes beady. "Forgive me but I never meant to point out the obvious. No wait! I take that back. I –"

Ruby and Granny were witnessing the drama, amusement shining in their eyes. Hook made it as far as the door before my mother snatched up her handbag and began to beat him like a snake. Shoving him out the door, she went along outside too, the thumps quite audible. I mean, she was a touchy woman, and because of the hormone levels skyrocketing, certain things could not be said. Poor Killian though, he was in for it now. I just wished that it was Robin who could receive that beating around, sitting there by the door blowing his cup of tea as if nothing could bother him. As if detecting that I was glaring in that direction, his attention turned to me and from the time our eyes met, my fists were clenched in anger.

Turning on the spot, I strode towards the back room that had been added as a quiet reading room for those who preferred a bit of peace on busy days. And throwing myself unto one of the maroon colored chairs, a double cushioned piece that matched the shade of my jacket, chances are I could have blended in perfectly. Staring up at the ceiling, listening to the hum of the heater from somewhere in the room, the first thing that came to mind was Phillip's nasty intrusion in my life and in Storybrooke. The very thought of him being here, managing to find his way inside: all of it gnawed at my nerves. And the more I kept dwelling upon this morning when he actually chose to interrogate me, twisting the tables around, I suddenly realized one thing: last night's drama was all on him.

He had set it up because everything was timed so perfectly. The minute I stepped into that kitchen, Neal had already been out cold on the tiled floors. Because of my swimming vision, I had neglected my duty of calling an ambulance. I had somehow lost control of a reasonable line of thinking that any person could manage. The knife holder used to whack Neal on the head had been lying there, covered in blood. Upon instinct, I took it up. I brandished the knife at Neal who started to honestly believe that the whack on the head, yeah it was all on me. Then out of nowhere, the freaking cops showed up and so did the ambulance. Upon further conversation with dad this morning, he had told me that someone called in a disturbance coming from our house. Rushing to the scene, Phillip had arrived the same time. And just by coincidence, the ambulance was there.

How the hell did the ambulance know that things would be so serious, their services would be required?

Just thinking about it wrapped the wires in my head into knots, pulled so tight even trying to focus on my breathing couldn't slacken them. Very soon, I decided that being this fidgety required me to get on my feet and pace the floor. So I did that. I got up, started to walk from wall to wall and within the space covered, every single burning question ignited and was fueled by my anger. Questions were like flies, buzzing around inside my head, quite annoying and maddening. Matters only grew worse when a mirror was discovered just beneath the staircase leading upstairs and I ended up in front of it.

The look on my face was shocking at first, me never recognizing myself. I looked like a freaking raccoon with dark circles around my eyes, my skin pasty, pale, so pale. And from the tangles within my blonde hair, yeah you get the picture. There stood a wide eyed woman, gazing back at me with this bewildered expression on her face, quite maddening if you ask me. Last night my heart was squeezed after seeing that Regina had lost weight and appearing so pale: well in my case, it was no different. My collar bones were slightly defined now, my lips a shade lighter. That was enough to force me to shove a hand into my jeans pocket, fishing out my chapstick. Whilst I was rubbing the cherry flavored moisturizer unto my bottom lip, something pulled my eyes towards the door behind me.

There stood Robin.

As soon as I set eyes upon him, honestly, you have no idea how the blood began to rush through my veins, pushing me into anger mode instantaneously. Without paying further attention to him, my gaze was returned to the mirror, rubbing an excessive amount of chapstick unto lips that really needed moisturizing. But not so much.

"I believe that there was some kind of a misunderstanding between us", he said, voice calm as if everything was peachy.

From inside my gloves, I could feel the way my fingers prickled from magic, already losing control of myself.

"Emma, I did not pass a drink to you last night."

"Well the joke is on me", I said stiffly, keeping my back to him.

"I am telling the truth."

"And I'm telling you that you're lying", I snapped after turning around on the spot, glaring at him. "You had good enough reason to anyway, trying to make me look like a fool."

"I did nothing of that sort!" he stated with wide eyes. "Honestly, I didn't. There I was sitting alongside Ruby. Upon returning from the bar, I noticed that her eyes were cast your way. And it is only then when I realized that you were in the same vicinity as I was."

Without replying, I studied his face.

"Go ahead and use that superpower of yours that…" he waved a hand my way, "…Regina has told me about. Determine if I'm a liar."

He wasn't lying as far as I could detect and from that point in time when it was realized that there was truth in his words, I felt like crap.

"Someone sent you that drink but it wasn't me. You have my word on that."

"And I should believe you because you're a man who follows a code", I said sarcastically, "a man of honor who would never break that code."

The silence that stretched on between us was a long one, the air buzzing with tension. And it was so thick, you could literally cut through it with a knife. He kept his eyes on me and I did the same because there was no way in hell I was going to back down.

"You've ruined my life", I stated boldly, a lump in my throat as I glared at him. "Why didn't you just stay in the Enchanted Forest and let…her…go –"

"Because whether you are in favor of it or not, Regina is carrying my child as well", he said firmly, "and I never ruined your life. From the beginning it was you who ruined every single chance you had with her."

"One small fuck up makes you a father and you're going to hold every right in the books against me, is that it?" I asked sarcastically, taking a step towards him.

"I am holding nothing against you", he stated, sending me a shocked look. "Just as you said, I am a man of honor who upholds a code and it would be unjust of me to learn of her pregnancy without being a part of it."

"She didn't want you to come chasing after her."

"To be honest, you owe me enough because I gave her the push to come back to you." Folding his arms, I could see now that he seriously wanted us to take this to a whole other level. And I was ready to stand my ground. "Me being part of her life shouldn't pose as a threat."

"I don't want you in her life", I spoke up.

"That isn't your decision", he looked me right in my eyes. "You have made decisions before, one that severely broke her heart when your engagement begun. And it isn't my fault that trust rested on me. When you were blind enough as it is to notice that she was completely in love with you, she relied on me."

"The brave outlaw", sarcasm was edging its way into my tone, "the one who lent a strong pair of shoulders to cry on, a cushion to fall back on –"

"Well it did pay off because we spent two glorious years together." My nails dug into my palms as anger filled me up. "During those two years, she was actually trying to erase you from her memory which means that remembering you only caused her pain. I must have done something right because we never argued, we always had soft moments, most of those moments quite enjoyable."

I was speechless.

"Tell me, it hadn't stretched to a month yet before things grew rocky between the two of you –"

"That's because you kissed her!" I said in disbelief, tears burning my eyes.

"I did." He was staring at me without an expression on his face, "and I'm glad that she kissed me back because I wanted to remind her that if everything turned sour between the two of you, then she could always come back to me. From the time I came back here, and she ran out crying, it dawned upon me that all you could ever manage to do is to cause her pain. Hurt, there was so much hurt in her eyes. And yes I tried to stay away, defending you, trying to keep her on course to stand by your side. Yet it only resulted in your severe lack of trust, shutting her out of your past, putting up this wall…"

Just like that, Ruby stepped into the room, arms folded, and her eyes were so hard already, I knew that this was a set up.

"This needs to stop, Emma", he said to me firmly. "We all care so much about her and you're not going to be excused because of her love for you. Because you're the one that's causing her pain then it is in our best interest that you stop immediately."

"Oh by the way", Ruby sent me a fake smile, whipping the red and white checkered cloth around, "did you hear? Robin kissed Regina and she woke up. Amazing, right?"

I could literally feel my insides collapsing whilst the both stood there with an obvious intention in mind. My head began to hurt, and even below the mask I had up that presented me as this woman who held her composure, I wanted to cry. I wanted to just turn around and walk away then when a safe corner was found, the tears would most likely come because this was not right. They had no right to do this to me without knowing anything about my life or what I had to put up with or why I made the decisions I did. They had no right to do this to me, none at all.

"Seems like Robin is her soul mate and you know what I found out from doing a little research?" her heels clicked on the tiles that led to me. "We can have more than one soul mate, because yeah we relate to many people on the same level. But there is only one soul mate that is also our true love." I froze up when she stood inches away from me, holding my breath as I glared at Robin with tears in my eyes. "And if Robin woke her up by just a kiss…and you woke Henry up by just a kiss…True Love's kiss broke the curse, didn't it?" She leant in. "Get the drift?"

Whilst she stepped away, I couldn't take it anymore. Turning with my back towards them, my hands reached up to cover my face. And squeezing my eyes shut, I couldn't back the tears any longer. Fingers shaking inside cold gloves, I began to tremble inside, realizing that yeah I wanted to reply and shout replies back at them. But there was nothing that I could say except that…

"I love her", I said hoarsely, "my heart beating so fast, throat aching as a sob escaped.

"No you don't." It was Ruby, "because if you did, you would have made a move long ago, things wouldn't have become this complicated and the road wouldn't be so fucking bumpy along the way now."

"She kissed me because she wanted to end things off between the two of us", Robin said, his voice distant as my head began to buzz, "she wanted to fully commit to you. And yet before you drove out of Storybrooke, putting her into a coma as I should mention, your encounter with Regina was rather harsh and hurtful…"

"As she did put it, from what you told me", Ruby said now, "I don't give a shit about you Regina. I don't care what happens to you."

"Why don't you just let her go before –"

Without waiting on any of them to torment me any longer, I strode forward and down the hall. Tears blinding my vision, my footsteps led to the eating area where Granny was hovering over her books. I couldn't breathe, losing a grip on myself and knowing that any second, it would only result in me collapsing in a heap, shaking from sobs. Without even glancing around, knowing that there were people in there, I went to the door.

"Mom", it was Henry but I just couldn't do this. I couldn't do this now, not at all. "Mom, wait!"

"Swan…" Killian stood up from his seat by the door and I batted his hand away.

Fingers cold as ice gripped the handle and when I heard footsteps behind me that only forced my mind to rush outside. Jogging down the steps, the wind immediately whipped my hair around my face, stinging my eyes that were filled with tears. And wishing that he'd just leave me alone as those footsteps followed, I stopped.

"Just leave me alone, okay", I asked hoarsely, sucking in air and blinking through tears, "I don't want to talk right now."

"Swan, what happened in there?"

"Nothing…" I lied, stepping forward but he reached out and took a hold of my right arm, turning me around.

"Emma, what happened?" his eyes were so warm, comforting enough to ease away some of the anger inside of me but the tears still came. And as much as I wanted to refrain from continuing, his soothing voice only urged me on.

"They…cornered me…in there", I choked, my voice hoarse.

"Who?"

"Robin and Ruby…"

"Swan…" he took a hold of my shoulders, not intimately but I could detect the concern in his eyes as a friend alone.

"He started to tell me all these stuff about Regina, that he was there for her in those two years and they were happy", I began to cry, shaking in his grasp, "he practically told me that I'm not good enough for her, and then Ruby came in and she…they…" sobbing, he took my hands into his and squeezed them. Eyes lowered, my tears fell onto the ground between us.

"Chin up, Emma", he said.

Our eyes met and I couldn't stop crying. "He woke her up, Killian", my voice was so unsteady, "it was true love's kiss and –"

"Why in the world would she need true love's kiss to wake her up from a coma when it wasn't magically induced in the first place?" he asked. The wind fluttered his dark hair about. "The kiss of true love breaks magical enchantments that involve potions and spells, just as breaking Regina's curse and reinstating Henry's memories after Pan's curse. She fell into a coma because of the state of her health. Whale said that she was stressed, frustrated, and she is going through a rough pregnancy."

"But…"

"There are no buts, Emma", he cut me off, but in a soft tone. "It just so happened that she woke up when he gave her a goodbye kiss. I bet that there is some other explanation for that."

"They think that I'm this horrible person", I said in a small voice. "And no one has any idea what I'm going through or thinking, or why I have these doubts, why I was hesitant."

"Do you love her?" he asked, lifting our hands entwined and drawing me closer.

"More than…I can ever accept or…imagine…"

"Then why would their words have any impact on you?"

"Because it's the truth."

"It might be the truth, but weren't there reasons attached to every single thing you did?" releasing his hands, I breathed in, eyes lowered, suddenly feeling that being this close to him wasn't something I wanted anymore. Without enquiring after my sudden move, he continued. "Never live with regrets, always know that in that time, you made a decision that was human. You're only human. And you can't let anyone's words affect you. If it is one thing I have learnt about Regina that I can share with you in this moment because it will be quite beneficial is this: as Queen, she never allowed anyone's words to affect her. Whatever they said about her ways and her actions, Regina always held unto the belief that her actions were justified by reasons she held firmly to. You should do the same."

"But I'm not as strong as Regina", I confessed.

"If you pulled through this far and you're not from our world, then trust me, Swan", he said warily, "you're tougher than the wood used to build my ship."

We remained silent for some time, and whilst we did, he smiled enough that it became contagious. After a while, I did too because his words did have an impact on me. I shouldn't listen to what they had to say to me at all. I had reasons why I did what I did. I'm allowed to make mistakes because the Savior isn't supposed to be perfect. From the looks of it, a heavy storm was heading our way and judging from the speed of the wind, I could tell that it would either snow heavily or rain like a bitch because the weather had become that unpredictable in Storybrooke.

"Now I will return inside to my lovely plate of macaroni and cheese", he said, sending me a dashing smile. "Will you join your son inside or would you rather retreat to the softness of your bed, drifting off into sleep."

"I don't want to go back in there", I said, thumbs hooked into my front pockets, back hunched.

"Alright then, hold up strong, Swan and don't let the buggers get you down."

"Thanks."

"Don't mention it."

After patting me on the shoulder, I watched him climb the stone steps and pull open the door with a swift move. Then just before he disappeared inside, I was given a wink, one that made me realize that we couldn't return to being intimate anymore. So much had happened and because of that, being friends was the only best thing available. I had fucked up by kissing him the night before, and now it was a regret that didn't seem to weigh me down because we parted as….friends. But knowing Ruby and Robin, after they witnessed the kiss, surely they'd find a way to use it against me. Just thinking about them made my eyes burn again from tears and squeezing them shut, my fingers reached up to take the pendant engraved with the first letter of her name.

Standing there all by myself as the wind hurried sand along, scattering light objects that were sent flying, tumbling my hair around me, I just tried to forget about all of them. There was a blank space behind my eyes and all that I wished upon to see was her.

"I don't care what they say", my voice was unsteady, "or what they think. I don't care about him or her, or anyone's disapproval. I'm tired of fearing the worst and running away, believing that nothing will last because…" I blinked tears away, "when I'm with you or my thoughts dwell on you, it's only when I force myself to believe that we can't ever be happy together, then my heart aches so…much."

The sturdy umbrellas that covered the outside tables were straining on their posts, the wind taking a hold of them and pulling with all its might.

"I wonder what you'd say if I told you that when I'm with you, it's the best feeling ever."

The wind howled in reply.

"I would say that the feeling is mutual."

Eyes wide, I spun around and completely lost my mind. Forgetting how to breathe, from the moment my eyes met hers, my knees grew so weak, heart hammering away in my chest as she stood there.

"Regina…" I whispered.

"Emma..." her husky voice immediately sent tingles down my spine but not the bad kind of tingles, the good kind. Standing there wearing the same red long sleeved jersey with the black heart shaped buttons, the one that had I STOLE YOUR HEART brandished across the swell of her breasts.

"How did you…" swallowing hard, I glanced around, and there was no one in sight, not even her car.

The first thing that came forward was that I was losing my freaking mind. Perhaps she was an apparition and the abuse on the pills had gone too far now because not a soul was in sight, just Ruby's red Mustang parked out on the street. And there she stood, dark choppy hair fluttering in the wind as her skin appeared so pale already.

"No", I said in a small voice, "don't do this to me." Squeezing my eyes shut, I felt them burn. "I don't want to see your…ghost."

"I'm not a ghost", she croaked.

Upon opening my eyes, I noticed that her lips were parted, sending me this look that could melt my heart in seconds. The want in her brown eyes, the way she held my gaze and made me become captivated so much in the moment: Regina took my breath away.

"I will always find you", she said, her fingers splayed across her thighs. There were tears that softened those beautiful brown eyes. A frown was offered as she studied my face. "Emma, why do you look like a raccoon with circles around your eyes? Are you experimenting with eyeliner now or are you –"

Without holding back, I closed the distance between us and when my arms went around her, she trembled from our embrace. Immediately though, I felt the way she hugged me back, so tightly it was enough to make me start crying because no one could ever make me feel so warm. When I was this close to her, we connected on a level like no other, from the time I pressed my cheek upon hers, feeling the way she nuzzled her face upon mine, my heart was drained of all the pain. All the horrible pain that had been tormenting me for weeks now, that warmth radiating from between us erased it all. She held me so close, and I refused to let go, breathing in the smell of her apple scented shampoo, my lips pressed upon her right ear as soft strands of dark hair tickled my nose.

"Are you okay?" I asked, knowing that it was probably the stupidest question in the world.

"No", her reply was honest. "Are you?"

"No. I'm sorry", I whispered, hearing her sob weakly, her chest heaving against mine, "Regina, I'm so sorry."

"I am sorry too."

Reaching, desperately trying to find her hands, I entwined our fingers and brought my face to the front of hers. "How did you get here?" Our lips were inches apart as my head spun from the desire to kiss her so badly.

"Does it matter?"

Feeling her fingers splayed out across my cheeks, I smiled. "Not really."

"Then don't worry about it", she smiled back, pressing our foreheads together and nuzzling our noses upon each other affectionately.

"Did you hear my speech then?"

"Yes."

Taking a hold of her shoulders, I squeezed them, keeping her near. "And…"

"Emma…" suddenly there was worry in those brown eyes, a pained look, one that I immediately hated to see, "it's not the same anymore. The things you've said, I'm really hurt by your words."

"I'm sorry…I don't deserve you…" tears slipped down my cheeks. "I've yelled at you, said many bad things, and you deserve better because I –"

"Shut up", she said softly, resting a thumb upon my parted lips. "You don't get to speak." The recollection of that line somehow made me smile even after all these years. "We've both hurt each other long enough and right now, I am longing after a decent meal, apart from that crappy excuse of a balanced diet served in hospital." Wrinkling up her nose, she stepped back and immediately my chest ached because of the distance between us. "So let's get on with it, shall we?"

Honestly, I was really affected by her sudden approval in changing the topic. When it was a conversation that I wanted us to have, she had sidestepped it, leaving me to stare at her, speechless.

"Emma…"

She didn't want me anymore as she did before.

"What's wrong?"

I had ended it off between us. Tears stung my eyes when Regina frowned, reached up to tuck her hair behind her ears. And I was frozen.

"I don't want to go in…there", my voice was small but enough to ache my throat severely.

Maintaining eye contact, she studied my face. "Why?"

"I just don't…want to…that's all."

She waited for me to further explain myself but I wasn't prepared to tell her about Robin or Ruby.

"Well then…" she inclined her head slightly, "…I'll go along without you."

I watched her walk to the first step and just when the tip of her black leather boots kissed the first stone step, she stopped. Without turning to look at me, even without seeing her face I could tell that she had somehow squeezed her eyes shut, sucking in air. Remaining there for about a minute, my heart began to ache again because we were doing it again. We were doing the same thing that had been done over and over again even before I knew about her feelings for me. Just when we would take our relationship to another level, just when we had taken steps forward, one of us would take a thousand steps back.

"I don't want to do this now", she said to me.

"Okay." Standing there, blinking back tears, I couldn't move because the tension between us had already started to build up and it was too much for me to bear.

"Emma…"

"So we're…" clenching my fists, my head began to ache, the wind freezing me.

"We're…what?" she asked, keeping her back to me.

"We're over…" My voice was small, so small, I couldn't even recognize it.

"Those were your words, not mine."

"I take them back", I croaked.

Reaching out for the railing, Regina took a hold of it and lowered her head. "Are you coming with me or will you choose to stand out here in the cold?"

"That's your decision", I said without skipping a beat.

"What are you doing?" she asked, turning around and sending me a look of worry.

"I'm not doing anything –"

"Stop playing mind games with me."

"I'm not playing any games –"

"Then why wouldn't you listen to me when I beg of you to let us not discuss this now?" she asked, her voice strained. Taking a step towards me, there were tears in her eyes. "Why wouldn't you just listen to me, Emma?"

"Because I thought that…" my words trailed off as tears clouded my vision.

"Stop doubting every single thing I say or do."

Without wasting a second, she came towards me. And my eyes widened when her right hand snatched mine. Somehow the ground freed my feet as I was tugged forward and along I went after her without another word.

"I can't step in there without you", she said, lifting a boot unto the first step and glancing back at me. "I can't be brave enough anymore…without you…So before I whip out my sass and remind you of the good old days, I suggest that you get your ass in there with me or I'll be damned."

Eyes widening instantly, I couldn't even form a proper reply before I was pulled up towards the door and dragged inside behind her.

* * *

><p>"What's the name again?"<p>

Lily toed the ground, glancing around her into the dark street outside the phone booth. "Phillip Anthony Johnson."

There was the sound of keys being hit with expert fingers as the silence ensued. "So, Lily, how is New York treating you?"

"Well you know, not a wink of sleep most times, Dave."

He chuckled. "I told you before to come work with the District Attorney's office or Legal but no, you wanted to be all macho."

"Listen, I'm not exactly cut out for a desk job as you are…"

"As I am…" he waited a bit. "You mean your regular geek who makes passionate love to computers all day?"

She had to laugh at that one. "Sorta."

"Hmm, I'll let you off with that one IF…" she played with the black telephone cord, smiling at the ground, "IF you let me buy you drinks when you come to visit Boston again."

"Deal", she said.

"Fantastic! Now…" he cleared his throat, "this guy you're asking me to do a look up on, he has a white file."

She frowned. "And by white file you mean cleared of any charges…"

"Spotless, clean, nada…"

Sighing, she squeezed her eyes shut. "Shit."

He waited, and when there was no further response, Dave only moved forward on assumption. "There is more, isn't there?"

"So much more, Dave and I'm sure that a lot of money was pocketed just so that file remained white."

"Is this the same guy you told me about that rubbed you the wrong way a couple months ago?"

"Same guy."

"How about I work on it then?"

She watched the wind shove pages of the newspapers into someone's yard and smiled. "Get me as much info as you can."

"I only do my best, my darling Lily."

"I know that…"

"Lily."

"Dave…"

"My Lily…"

She blushed, hanging her head. "You know that when you say my name like that, I always remember Dallas."

"You will never forget Dallas."

"Never", Lily confessed.

"I'll work on this tonight and as soon as something comes up, I'll call you."

"Even if I'm asleep, I'll answer that call."

"Dream of me, okay?" Dave asked, a smile detected in his voice.

"I'll be dreaming of Dallas."

When she hung up, her back was pressed unto the glass wall, inhaling deeply whilst memories of her last relationship drifted back so softly. Those nights spent with Dave were all she lived for, days filled with work only to retreat into her geeky boyfriend's arms eventually. Remaining in the booth for quite a while, the wind was wild outside. But just as she was about to exit, her eyes rested on two people standing just outside the Diner. The lighter shade of blonde hair was enough recognition on her part, highlighting Emma. But the other brunette she hadn't seen before. Judging from such a distance, Lily could only squint through the darkness whilst still trying to detect if the woman was pregnant. She looked as if she was.

"Damn, where are my specs?" she patted her coat pockets with a frown. "Emma, who is that woman?" talking to herself was a usual thing.

They remained apart for some time, until her old friend raced forward, throwing her arms around the brunette. Lily watched as Emma buried her face into the other woman's neck, holding unto her tightly and when they continued to embrace so close, something sparked within her. It looked almost like more than a friendly hug, judging from the way they kept their faces close together. Her suspicions were only erased when their foreheads were pressed together and it was clear even from so far that Emma was seriously affected by the brunette's nearness, her head dancing from obvious passion.

"So that's the mysterious girlfriend", she spoke to herself in the booth.

Something just happened to pull at Lily's mind to divert her eyes and gaze across the street, just in line with the phone booth. And when she did, her blood froze when the distinct figure of a woman stood just there. Recognition was enough to throw her off balance as the blonde hugged herself, teeth chattering from the harshness of the wind. And when her line of sight was followed, Lily noted that the woman was staring at the same scene she had been observing. Without hesitating, she pushed the glass door open and stepped onto the pavement. Then going around the booth, as she darted across the street, her eyes grew wide from astonishment.

"Maria?"

The fair hair woman's eyes snapped to look at her, wide from shock. "Lily?"

"What the hell are you…" she was shocked as well, studying Maria's face, noticing the bruise on her left cheek, on her left shoulder.

When Maria was conscious of her friend's scrutiny, she hitched up her jacket just enough to hide the scar away.

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><p><strong>AN – See? I just have to rant now that you've read the chapter. (If you sent only kind words through reviews, then the words below are not for you)**

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To that person who UNFOLLOWED my story because you complained of the slow burn angst and the ridiculous attempt on my part to keep Emma and Regina apart: HA! Just when you decided to give up, I had it all planned for them to reunite in this chapter. Actually your pitiful review made me laugh, because I could detect the burning hate and sarcasm between your words as you once again did your comparison with me and another FF writer. But hey, we can't all give fucks out generously to those who don't deserve them. I don't give a fuck what you think of my story because sure I might not OWN the characters but this is MY PLOT. I tell it the way I want to. Sadly enough for you, with every chapter I post, I get on average FIFTEEN reviews of utter kindness and encouragement, urging me to continue. Your one stupid review at the end of every chapter does not down my spirits anymore. I've realized that it's people like you who send hateful tweets to Adam and Eddy just because the show isn't written YOUR way. From the lack of Regina and Emma scenes on screen, I can only imagine how you bitch on it. But listen up, I am a die hard Swan Queen fan and there is no way in hell I would stoop so low. Added to that, your reviews are disrespectful and invalid. I constantly kept reminding YOU READERS from the beginning that this story would be SLOW BURN and ANGSTY. I constantly kept saying that there will be a happy ending and it is based on a true story. If you prefer your mushy fluffy stuff that has Regina and Emma constantly kissing and what not, then don't read my stories. I'd like to think of Swan Queen as a pairing that will not have a mushy fairytale. There will be bumps, separation and above all, DISTANCE. So do me a favor and keep DISTANCE because as a writer, I don't need your negativity affecting with my flow and talent. THAT'S RIGHT. I KNOW I HAVE TALENT. Whilst you as a hater choose to ridicule my writing, I ACTUALLY WAS BOLD ENOUGH TO WRITE THIS AND POST IT.

TO THE KIND REVIEWERS WHO WILL STICK WITH ME TO THE END, KNOW THIS, I WILL ALWAYS APPRECIATE YOUR TIME SPENT HERE. AND BECAUSE YOU'RE HERE STILL, I WILL CONTINUE WRITING FOR YOU, EVEN IF MY AUDIENCE IS REDUCED TO ONE PERSON, THE CLASS STILL GOES ON.

PEACE OUT. ENOUGH SAID.

Regards,

KAY.


	18. The Return of Regina Mills

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**JUST TO CLARIFY ONE SMALL THING. IF YOU WISH TO ATTACK MY WRITING AND MY STORY THEN LOG IN AND MAN UP SO THAT I CAN RESPOND TO YOU DIRECTLY. DO NOT INSULT ME ANONYMOUSLY AND ACT LIKE A COWARD. I WOULD LIKE TO KNOW WHO YOU ARE.**

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><p><span><strong>Chapter Eighteen<strong>

_**The Return of Regina Mills**_

**Emma Swan.**

When we walked into the Diner, the silence that filled the place was so sudden, I felt as if someone had pressed the freaking mute button. Apparently everyone was frozen, all seven of them: mom, dad, Henry, Granny, Hook, Ruby and Robin. The last two were hanging just near the box freezer that contained an assortment of ice creams and from the way their heads were inclined as if caught conspiring, I could only imagine what the conversation focused on. But the best moment of all was me setting eyes on them, and as soon as Ruby and Robin's stare lowered to my fingers entwined with Regina's, their faces registered sheer disbelief.

Smiling inwardly, mom was the first to squeal. And when I say 'squeal' I mean like a little child walking into her room and discovering that the entire floor was covered in candy.

I didn't even have to glance in her direction to know where that sound originated from. Jumping up from her seat as fast as she could, dad was pushed aside and towards us those soft red shoes pattered upon the tiled floors. Arms already outstretched to welcome her new bosom buddy, I watched the two of them embrace as close as they could because two pregnant women can only hug so close, shoulders touching alone. Kisses were pressed on cheeks, Snow's hair ruffled playfully, Regina's arm pinched. And then whilst I sank into an empty seat at vacant table, their eyes were already boring into the side of my face. As soon as I could detect that, my cellphone was pulled out and level 120 of Candy Crush was opened.

"Glad to have you back on your feet." That was mom.

"A bit shaky still but well enough," Regina offered.

I was sliding candies left, right and center, completing unfocused on the game but severely attached to the sound of her voice, so husky, remembered and treasured.

"Anyway, we have business to discuss when you have the time to chat," Snow's voice was lowered now, "since David is shoulder deep in the Sheriff's office whilst Emma is temporarily off the job…" because her words were left hanging, I grew somewhat angered from the lack of trust these people had in me as of recent. "And I've never been good in the position. We're all hoping that you…consider taking up the role as Mayor again."

"It might be too much for you," dad pitched in "but we want to give you back the title since it's well deserving. And to be honest, we're really not lucky to have suitable candidates around town that would fill the chair better than you would."

"Well…" I could tell that she was obviously conflicted, "right now I am not jumping in making a firm decision but –"

"Oh no, no…think about it this way, you'll get back the title, and whenever you feel like you're ready to resume duties then –"

"It's been over two years," Regina reminded my mom. "And a lot has happened. But I'm thankful for the thought, and will keep that in mind."

"That's great!"

Footsteps could be heard coming my way and already anticipating her sliding into the seat next to me, there I moved further down. Closing off the game, a few seconds went by and the only sound that could be heard was the thud of her handbag unto the table. Upon lifting my head, there she sat in the chair facing me, her dark hair falling to cover those beautiful brown eyes that could always melt my heart in any situation. This wasn't one of those situations. I stared at her until she caught on my direct scrutiny and even when all attention was on me now, there was no melting of feelings. Everything remained ice cold, and as much as I tried, Regina still continued to squeeze me with worry because from the way she was acting, only one thing was obvious.

This really felt as if we were just friends.

She threw me a look. "What?"

"Nothing," my throat was pinched from hurt.

And the silence that ensued afterwards was so painful, I suddenly forcefully resorted to shutting her out instead of falling into a pit of sucking sand. This wasn't going to be one of those days when I'd allow myself to drown in sorrow and hurt just because the one woman I loved was seriously playing the friendship card with me. I mean, it wasn't even…this didn't even feel like a 'friendship' at all. It felt freaking weird and uncomfortable to have her sitting there before me and all we did was to remain severely awkward.

"Hey, can I join you guys?" Henry asked, resting his palms upon the table and beaming down at us. "Or are you two…catching up and speaking to each other in the language of love?"

"Henry," Regina said barely smiling, "of course you can join us."

"I mean, I don't want to interrupt things…after always being in between the two of you, maybe you need less of me now."

"Nonsense!"

"Kid."

"She still refers to me as kid even though I'm really not twelve anymore," shrugging, he smiled at Regina and slid into the chair beside her.

Smiling barely, I returned to flipping through my messages, noticing that three were from Neal and one funny flirty one from Hook filled with a whole line of emoticons that made no sense at all. Throwing him a look from across the room, there he sat licking his fork, eyes dancing with mischief and after mouthing 'Swan', a wink was added. I scoffed, shaking my head in disbelief and already clicking REPLY. Brown eyes were focused on me, and from the look on her face alone, I could tell that she had witnessed the entire 'across the room' conversation.

"What's he done now?" Henry asked, glancing at Hook and back at me. "Sending you funny texts again?"

"The usual," I returned, keeping my burning stare lowered to the phone, the smile plastered on my face already stiffening just from her continuous and obvious scrutiny. "A whole line of emoticons and nothing else…"

"He just bought a Samsung Galaxy Mini S3," Henry told Regina. "So apparently he finds these emoticons so amazing, he even sends me them."

"I see." That tone alone managed to reveal her obvious disapproval.

My smile was wiped away when Ruby came sashaying towards us with her teeth on display. And rolling my eyes, I returned to reading Neal's message as he kept on apologizing over and over again about the incident that occurred the other night.

"Hi, Regina!"

"Hi, Ruby." Just from the cheerfulness in her tone alone, Regina pissed me off because she obviously heard about my falling out with Ruby from mom. And it appeared as if suddenly, everything was forgotten of whilst I sat there looking like the fool who lived for the drama.

"Glad to see you're back again. Things weren't the same without you, never is."

Henry's gaze rested on me and I held it, sharing my own silent message because he more than anyone understood the situation. I had told him about Ruby before. And judging from his smug look, my bets were placed on him suddenly wondering what exactly had taken place in the back room and why the pair had come out afterwards together.

"So what can I get ya?" she asked Regina specifically.

"Mashed potato and a garden salad…"

"Are you serious?" Ruby asked plainly, eyes wide.

"Yes. The less taste is has, the better. I do not want to spend my first night out of that hell hole with my head over the toilet."

"Just salt then and no dressing?"

"Fine by me." I was looking at Regina and she suddenly noticed, directing her attention my way. "What will you have, Emma?"

"How about a seafood dish?" Ruby offered. I removed my eyes from Regina and stared at her with a blank look. A bright smile was plastered on her fucking face. "I mean, you do seem to love things that wash themselves up from the sea, don't you?"

"What?"

Without replying to me, the blatant, ignorant snake completely sidestepped my question. "Anyway, it's great to see you two together again, even after straying away with exes and what not. Don't kiss and tell, right Emma?"

After sending me a maddening look of utter happiness, her exit was made in the most dramatic way possible as I stared after the sly bitch. Not only had she started to backstab and cut me down, but her attempts to win Regina's favor over had already begun.

"What was that about?"

"Nothing," I muttered, avoiding her scrutiny directed on me.

Silence ensued again and if Henry hadn't decided to speak up then all bets were placed on an endless night of no conversation between us. He engaged us in small talk about his art project, compiling a portfolio of different scenes that stood out in his mind. Currently he was working on his first one, highlighting that the due date was five months from now. Then all attention was focused on Regina as he discussed his plans on going to college someday, hopefully an art school because that was what he was passionate about.

"And mom said that I could apply to universities in New York or even Boston," he was saying when Ruby deposited Regina's plate in front of her. "But it's a couple years away and I'm in no rush, especially since both of you really need me right now."

"They sure do," Ruby pitched in.

Biting my tongue, I held back a reply that would have raised an ant's nest.

"This one's on the house," she said to me, sliding a chocolate smoothie in my direction. "Granny said that you looked as if you really need cheering up."

"Well then I'll have to tell Granny thanks personally," I said, avoiding her eyes.

"You do that," she replied in a clipped tone.

Snatching it up, I captured the red and white checkered straw between my lips and sucked ferociously. As the icy liquid froze my throat, somehow that provided me with a way to numb my feelings and keep them at bay. That was successful until Snow called Henry over for a private tutoring on English, leaving the two of us alone.

Obviously she was hungry and had been holding back on consuming the meals served by the hospital. Judging from how quick the plate of mashed potatoes was finished, I could only imagine how that place must have been torturous. Still though, Regina looked really pale and from the way the hand that held the fork trembled a bit within her grip, I could tell that she wasn't well at all. However, as she was, the woman could fight the urge to appear weak for as long as she could, but never with me. I had seen her in those weak moments, witnessed her break down into tears, sobbing uncontrollably. So there was nothing that could be hidden from me, except that right now, I felt as if her lack of conversation was a silent reply to me that we were drifting apart by the minute.

"I visited you last night," I said, watching her poke the slices of cucumbers around, gaze lowered. Immediately all attention was on me, and she stopped chewing, "like around one a.m. You were asleep."

"Why didn't you wake me?" she chewed once, and kept on studying my face, obviously making me feel something and I didn't want to feel anything.

"Because I…" my gaze flickered to the table, "I should have but…"

"But…what?" her voice was hoarse.

"I just…I don't…I wanted to but –"

"Stop," she said. Immediately I did, staring at her. "I asked you a question, simple enough to require a definite answer."

When I didn't answer but remained silent, Regina merely fixated her attention on me as the seconds ticked by. Just from the window next to me, a soft wind came in and caressed my right cheek but that's all it did, never quite having an effect even though the severity of the cold weather was incredulous.

"Every time you fumble on words when we're speaking to each other I find that your lack of trust in me severely breaks my heart because when you trust someone, you're supposed to be as open as ever. You're supposed to tell me anything without hesitating. And you're not doing that."

"I'm sorry," I said, losing the steadiness in my voice.

"We always had this…bridge between us," she started without sparing a second. Lifting my gaze, I waited, "over the years Emma, we have taken steps unto that bridge and because of certain situations, steps were taken backwards as well. Now when we finally managed to cross it, meeting each other half way, you simply want to…leave me." Her voice trembled and those brown eyes filled with tears so quickly, I stopped breathing.

"I'm sorry, I –"

"Stop telling me that you're sorry," she pleaded in frustration, "I don't want apologies, I don't want hanging sentences, I don't want doubts our distance. But that's just what I want. As you've made it clear less than a day ago, we're…over –"

"I don't want us to be over," I said in a small voice, my eyes burning from holding back the tears, "really I don't."

"Then how could you speak to me like that before you…left town and last night?"

"I was angry in those moments."

"You…were…angry," she stated.

"Yeah I was," I restated, my voice trembling. No response was made on her part but our eyes remained latched on one another. Feeling forced to continue, I did so. "I acted in those moments."

"By making the most hurtful move," her fork was rested on the plate, "which was to walk away from me, to abandon me –"

"I was…pissed because of what you did…when you kissed him, I completely lost it. I couldn't understand what I was…seeing, standing there, I already made up my mind to tell you everything you needed to know about my past and then there you were, so close to him. And you were…you…" clenching my fists, I squeezed my eyes shut as hot tears leaked down my cheeks. And resting my elbows on the table, fingers ran through tangled hair in frustration.

"Emma."

"You did the same thing when I kissed Neal," I croaked, beginning to cry, "giving me the silent treatment and I was so fucked when you walked up to…Ruby and you just…you kissed her right…in…front of me."

"In those moments, I was clearly angry as well –"

"But you had no right to do that to me," I said to her. "I know that I made mistakes and I really fucked up and I have trust issues but we were…committed, Regina. We made all these promises and then it's like none of it mattered anyway."

"I told you why I kissed…him –"

"How could you do that to me?"

"Because you were shutting me out," she directed my way, eyes fiery. "You made it definitely clear that I was not allowed into your past. And I felt horrible because of it. I felt as if everything we committed to was a lie and because he trusts me, because he tells me everything, I –"

"Kissed him," I said, my tone bitter.

"Yes I did. I did kiss him but my intention was to officially end everything off between us and frankly, I never parted ways with him in a friendly manner. Robin and I were committed, Emma." I scoffed, glancing away and shaking my head as tears blinded my eyes. "I was in a relationship with him for two years and never did he treat me unfairly even though it was quite certain from the beginning who really resided in my heart."

"Do I really?" I asked in disbelief.

She ignored my question and continued "you simply cannot commit yourself to someone for two years, drag them through time whilst they clearly accept being in second place and then one day, everything is null and void just like that. I am not that kind of person to leave relationships frayed at the edges. Either way, whether you are in favor of it or not, Robin and I needed to find a way to move on. And that night, when I kissed him, that was officially the end."

"We…were…committed," I stated directly without giving her a fucking sympathy card.

"I suppose you simply cannot process in that glorious mind of yours what my actions truly meant but I will say this. Just as your actions were justified by reasons beyond my understanding –"

"What actions?"

"Just as you continue to keep ties with these exes –"

"As you do the same!" I couldn't believe it!

"Just as you kissed Neal with common knowledge that what we feel for each other is mutual," she stopped, eyes locked on me, jaw clenched. "I am clearly not in your line of fire. You have no right judging me because of my actions."

"This is ridiculous!" I stated, staring at her in bewilderment.

"No it's not. You wish for us to speak about all things ridiculous then consider everything you've done to fuck up my life as you now remember based on those memories I erased. All of it," she said, her voice trembling, "every single time you broke my heart, I had to live with that pain, that regret. So all of this, blowing up my one mistake into a bonfire, it's not fair. It's not fair, Emma. I'm not perfect and neither are you."

"This is your fault, Regina. There would be no bonfire if you never used to act like I was the enemy," I hissed, leaning across the table, "because from the beginning you've always paved the way across that bridge with shaky boards, making things difficult between us. That's why I never reacted the way you wanted me to after your confessions because our relationship was never solid. I never felt okay with you. I never felt as if we were close because you made it that way, and maybe that's why it took me so long to realize exactly how I felt about you."

"Well I'm sorry for being a bitch then," she croaked with tears in her eyes, glancing away.

"I'm not saying that you're still like that –"

"Then why are you bringing my past up when you know more than anyone else that I have changed and things have drastically changed between us?"

"Because every single turn I make, I feel as I'm not enough for you whilst certain people in your life get all the attention and the kind words –"

"Emma –"

"Every single day, every time you meet, every time you talk, everything is perfect between you and these people." I was crying. "And maybe you don't see it but I'm always on the sidelines as if I'm nothing more than a goal you scored just for your satisfaction. I'm sitting here right now and I really believe that even after all we've been through, we've never reached a point where I can honestly say that from this point, we can make this work because there are no threats, no strings attached and no more pain. Every second of every day since you came back, my heart has been bleeding, hurting me so badly because there is so much hurt between us. And I want it to stop but we can't do this if there are these people in our lives that we run to instead of falling into each other."

"Robin, Ruby, Neal, Hook," she named, and somehow her tone had softened a bit.

"I can't do that anymore." Pressing my fingers unto my eyes, I sobbed, tears leaking down my hands. "It…hurts. I'm jealous, if that's what you want to hear. It's not fair that they receive all the smiles and hugs and warmth and every single I do clearly fucks you up some way or the other. I'm sorry but I can't do it that's why I told you that it would be best if we ended this."

"You're not like them…"

"Obviously not," I whispered, avoiding her eyes.

"Look at me, Emma," she said. But I couldn't. I couldn't look at her because I was crying, head lowered and I couldn't control myself. "Those two people are my exes. Whatever has happened between us, it's over."

"Then why do I get the feeling that they're unclear about that?" staring at her, she pressed her lips together. "Why do they look at you like that, as if there's so much more between you and them? Why are they suddenly getting these ideas that they're so worth it and if push came to shove, I'd be chucked in a corner whilst you resort to putting them on a pedestal?"

"That's what they told you?" she seemed genuinely astonished.

"She blatantly ordered me to tear myself out of your life because I'm useless and because you shared a past with her, that qualifies for a definite merit", I pointed out, throat aching as tears wet my cheeks. "He on the other hand couldn't stop boasting about spending two years with you that contained all but the mushiest kind of love anyone could ever have."

"That's true but it has passed."

"Where are you now?" I asked hoarsely, staring into her eyes. "Are you here or would you rather return to the past?"

"What kind of dumb question is that?" she asked, frowning at me. "Why the hell would you ask me that?"

"Because as much as you claim that they're in the past, the way you treat them, it's as if they're still deserving of so much more."

"Well you're the Sheriff," her tone was harsh, "issue restraining orders for me so that I can sign them off just to make you considerably happy."

Seconds ticked by as we stared at each other. And I watched her fists unclench before me whilst the harshness surrounding my mood slowly diminished. Brown eyes were softened in seconds when we transgressed from a heated moment to one that entailed a deep kind of scrutiny.

"Emma…" she sobbed weakly, her voice barely audible, lips beginning to quiver. A hand was held up to cover the side of her face so that some shield was created to hide her weakness from prying eyes.

"Make it stop," I said hoarsely.

"Make…what…stop?" her voice was growing distant as my head ached terribly and I felt severely emotional. "Us?"

I bit my lips and scrubbed my eyes with the heels of my hands, remaining silent.

"What do you want me to do?" she asked in a shaky voice.

"You're killing me." My throat ached so much, I couldn't breathe properly.

"Do you want me to leave then?" judging from the heaviness in her voice, I could tell that she was crying. "Do you want me to leave and never come back again?"

"Noo –"

"Do you want me to take my things," she croaked, "walk out of here and disappear forever? Because I can –"

"I don't want you to do that," I cried, hiding my face from the room around us, my eyes on her.

"Then what do you want me to do?" she asked in a frustrated tone, "Emma, what…do…you want me to? Just tell me, I beg of you. I am hurting too and you're killing me. So whatever you suggest, whatever you want, then let's do it because I'm falling apart and so are you. And if we continue like this then I'm going to lose my baby. Or she's going to lose her mother. I can't…" she squeezed her eyes shut, lips quivering, "…do this without you, Emma. You claim that it has always been my fault from the beginning and I accept the blame. I take full responsibility for ruining every single moment between us. I have only wasted time. But I tried, over and over again and I gave up. I gave up when I left here. I started missing you like crazy the minute I landed in the Enchanted Forest. And I'm still missing you. I'm still sitting here and my heart is feeling the same way as before when I left. So…" she wiped her eyes gracefully with the back of her hands, "whatever you want from me, I'm prepared to give you everything I have because I want to spend the rest of my life with you and I'd like to make us work."

Looking at me, we both remained silent for a while and in that span of time, I can honestly tell you that my only wish was to do it right there and then, to propose to her, ask her to marry me and I knew that she'd say yes. I knew that she'd never tell me no because of the way Regina was looking at me. It's not a simple look that anyone can give you. It's more than that, deeper and raw.

"I just want to ask you one simple question though, Emma," she said to me.

"What's that?"

"If you could, would you choose to drink a potion or…have a spell cast on you that would erase your feelings for me forever? Would you…" she had to stop, and I watched her lose control as a sob weakened her, eyes lowered, "would you take all that we've been through away, just so that your pain could be gone?"

"No," I said without thinking, and without even realizing that I had spoken. "I've been trying to…do it and I can't."

"How?" she whispered.

"Does it matter?" I couldn't take my eyes off of her, no matter how hard I tried.

"Yes."

"Alcohol, drugs, pills –"

"Oh Emma…"

"I can't get you out of my mind. I just can't," finding it hard to breath, I stopped entirely. "What have you done to me? I used to be in control of myself, Regina. I used to be so composed, and ever since I met you, I can't be like that anymore."

"Likewise," she confessed. "I'm completely exposed, unlike the composed Queen everyone feared."

Snow's laughter filled the Diner and Henry began to argue about Algebra as Robin and Granny suitably continued to speak in hushed tones. Ruby was nowhere to be seen.

"Do you wish that we never…met?" tearing my eyes away from Hook as he buried his nose in a book, I stared at Regina and noted that her brown eyes were bloodshot, cheeks wet.

"No." Looking at her directly, I never diverted my gaze. "I wish that I never let you go."

"Okay." Eyes locked on each other, she bit her lips.

"I wished that I had kissed you from the first time we met because I really wanted to after growing light headed from your drinks." Studying her face, the entire world around me was muted, and there she was before me, her alone. "If I had done that, if I had known what my feelings meant since that Halloween party, if I had read between the lines in the library, then there would be no Ruby or Robin or Neal or anyone else. Just us and maybe everything would have been easier after then because you wouldn't have enacted that stone, believing that all of us hated you, even if we still went to Neverland then somehow things would have been easier. Those sleepless nights, I wished that you were by my side. And Pan's curse, it killed me to let you go. Coming back here, facing Zelena, I needed you more than ever. I needed you with me and I couldn't find a way to ask you. Just as I want you so much, Regina, I'm so afraid of losing –"

Suddenly, her face became a blur and my vision swam. A severe wave of nausea washed over me and from the instant it did, my grip on the table grew weaker.

"Emma?" her voice was distant, so far away whilst I felt weak, and my head ached and my chest began to grow severely cold.

Pressing a hand to my mouth, I blindly reached for the table and pulled myself out of the seat, standing up weakly. "I'm not…"

And then the entire Diner turned upside down. The last thing I remembered was when she cried out my name and the nearing patter of Killian's boots. Then everything went black.

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><p><span><strong>Xx<strong>

**Regina Mills**

"Emma!" Clutching the table's edge firmly, my nails dug into the plastic when I tried to reach for her but the sudden pain in my back made me wince.

"Bloody hell," Hook came rushing our way and so did David who immediately stooped beside her lying motionless on the ground.

I really was completely lost, utterly shocked and ice cold. My heart had ceased its hammering in my aching chest, somehow put on mute whilst Snow came to stand beside me, taking my hand and squeezing her worry along in the process. We both watched Hook cradle Emma's head upon his right arm whilst David checked her pulse, her breathing, her temperature.

It was me.

Tears stung my eyes when realization kicked in that possibly this was my own doing. I had clearly pushed her over the edge, forcing Emma to overreact, to grow so weak. This is why I had sidestepped having that conversation from the minute we met outside the Diner. Somehow it was part of my belief that the evening would not unfold glamorously had we proceeded to discuss those things. Now after the deeply emotional heart to heart that had occurred across a table, Emma had obviously had enough.

"She's ice cold, I think we should get her to a doctor," Hook offered.

"Have no fear, the doctor is here," came a cheerful voice from the doorway. In walked Whale, lifting up his hat gracefully from his head and smiling around. When his cheerfulness wasn't returned, he simply stared at us blankly.

"Oh get the hell over here and do your job," Snow spoke up angrily, "I've had enough with you and your fish games."

"You –" he pointed a finger at her, eyes hard, "watch how you run around town describing the best physician around here for everyone needs me sometime and your time is winking in the distance."

Striding forward, brown leather satchel under one arm, Whale stooped beside Hook and pressed a palm unto Emma's forehead. I watched on, never quite aware of me ceasing to breathe until the room span and I quickly resumed taking full breaths. Without even registering her move, a pink tissue was held out in my direction and I eyed it within Snow's grasp with mild confusion.

"Stay strong," she whispered.

I took it, reaching up to pat my cheeks dry and under my eyes as well whilst all attention was directed on the one woman who held my heart in her possession. That same woman could be so severely stubborn at times, incredulously difficult, extremely immature but I nevertheless adored every single thing about Emma. To be honest, when she had fallen, a thin slice of pain had shot across my heart in that instant because we unbelievably had a connection, and clearly I believed that when either of us was hurt then the other person would feel the effect as well.

"Seems like she's fallen unconscious resulting from her weakened state as I can recall, Emma hasn't been taking care of her health as she should be. Upon further examination though…" Whale checked her pulse again, "yup, pulse is weak, must be a slight black out to which I would prescribe…" Emma stirred, groaning, "…a decent meal."

Immediately when her eyelids fluttered open, I stepped forward, tears wetting my eyes again.

"Swan," I watched him caress her forehead and without even hesitating, she reached for his hand, their fingers entwining before me, "how do you feel?"

"Woozy," she croaked, squinting at him, "what happened?"

"Somebody turned off the lights, Emma," Whale joked with a serious face. "Fat chance that they flickered on in less than a minute, right Snow?"

The silence that ensued was enough to pull him into a standing position as he received glares. I felt Snow's hand pull away from mine and moving to the table, she appeared to be searching for something. But I was deeply focused on the scene below as the pirate kept their fingers entwined and was staring upon Emma's face with a such a softened look, immediately my fists were clenched. Apparently such a reaction was automatic, the sudden driving anger within me to melt this bond he continued to maintain between them. As silent as it was, the obvious intentions arising between the two of them was more than I could bear. Confusion swung my head tremendously, so much, the seat was taken once more as I lowered myself unto it and grew light headed.

"Where's my handbag?" Snow muttered, shuffling around.

"Mate…" Hook directed in Whale's direction, eyes wide, "run."

"What?"

"Get the hell out of here," I watched the Pirate beckon towards the doorway in swift motions, and wondered what was occurring.

"He did not just call me fat," Snow kept on muttering as she discovered an orange umbrella standing near a table. Snatching it up, her small steps led to the door whilst Whale backed out with his hands held up defensively.

"See to Emma," David mumbled, shaking his head in Hook's direction, "I'll try to prevent my wife from beating her doctor into a pulp." And off he ran, through the door as Snow's voice could be heard from outside intermingled with Whale's pleas.

Staring at the doorway, my gaze rested next on Ruby sitting with Robin at a table near the door and as soon as they noticed me observing their private session, hands were pulled apart. When he looked at me, I suddenly felt the urge to yell something from across the room but merely directed a glare instead. Somehow this flickering anger was licking my insides, fueling a sudden rage when Robin and Ruby stared at me and having no clue as to what the reason was for that, my only option was to look away.

From the moment I set my attention on Emma once more and noticed immediately how she chose to throw an arm around his neck whilst he helped her up, something clicked inside of me. Their faces remained close and Killian simply could not remove his gaze away. When he deposited her into the chair once more, remaining close was stretched out long enough. And I immediately felt my heart start to squeeze from worry, jealousy and pain when he chose to smile then wink in mocking humor.

"Alright there, Swan?" he asked.

There was a bitter taste in my mouth now.

"Yeah, thanks." Even with her emerald eyes lowered, a smile was enough to convince me that something was occurring between the two of them.

"A Savior also needs a Savior," he provided smartly, lingering around us still.

"Would have been better if you caught me before I fell," groaning, fingers were pressed behind her neck as she held them up before her and checked obviously for any signs of bleeding. "My head hurts."

"Let me check that…for you," I said quickly as my voice trembled a bit. Stepping forward, he had no choice but to back away.

There was no hint of blood or a bruise but judging from the stiffness around her neck, the fall had severely twisted her muscles into knots. All of this I felt easily whilst my fingers made contact with such warm skin, so familiar to touch, the tickle of blonde hair upon my wrists. And when she leant back, eyes fluttering close, Emma clearly took my breath away because over the stretch of time we had been separated, this had been longed for. My only desire had been to kill the distance between us and find some way to make contact, to touch her, to feel some hint of warmth that reminded me of her presence in my life. And because of this moment, an inner wave of pleasure rushed through me whilst I caressed just below her right ear with cupped fingers.

"No bruises, just a sore neck," I softly assured her. Reaching up, fingers captured mine and entwined our hands. "I…"

But he was standing there and as much as I wished to speak of my feelings boldly in front of him, the reminder of keeping certain things private composed me enough. Scowling in his direction, of course that only succeeded in sending him a warning signal. And without asking, his steps led him away far enough.

Keeping our fingers entwined, I lowered myself unto the same chair beside her and drew as near as I could manage. Then pulling her close to me as we sat alongside each other, a kiss was pressed unto the most beautiful shade of blonde hair. Perhaps such things might sound ridiculous to you, my efforts in highlighting the beauty of her smile, or her hair, or how she sits. But those things are meaningful to a woman like me. Details captivate my senses and create this passion within me to hold fast to something or someone even more. It's not an act of comparing her with others or attaching descriptions that are somewhat overused. But the simple process of admiring Emma's hair and realizing that my eyes glower upon such a distinct shade, or her emerald eyes that reveal so much to me. That is enough to keep me completely attached to her.

"I'm not feeling so well, Regina," she weakly said, resting her head next to mine, "stop spinning the room."

"I'm not…" I felt her shake within my grasp and leant forward to witness a small smile. "What did you take?"

She groaned, pressing my hand under hers and squeezing my fingers so affectionately.

I frowned still. "Did you take any of those horrid pills?"

There was no response.

"Emma –" but when I checked her face, it was apparent from the peaceful look alone, Emma had drifted off to sleep.

I held her close and played with her soft hair, savoring that moment that had been longed for during those hurtful weeks. It might not be wise to take you back and explain entirely what had occurred during certain scenes. But one part is crucial to highlight and I wish to relate such a thing to you now as the silence ensues whilst those two lovingly gaze into each other's eyes just near the door. But before I commence, might I just add that it somewhat troubles me that Robin has not approached the table upon my arrival here this evening? Even to enquire after my wellbeing, it is almost as if he doesn't care at all. Should I be worried about this sudden occurrence? Had Emma exchanged words with him during my time spent in the hospital? I wished for someone to fill me in because it was quite evident that many things had unfolded during my absence and judging from the way Ruby and Robin's looks turned bitter when cast in Emma's direction, I could only assume.

Anyway, I was prepared to tell you about a tragic moment that occurred.

During my time spent in that dreadful coma, I must tell you that it was utterly horrible. Every single minute captured me in this grand white room that contained nothing but endless blank spaces. And very often as it would seem, these memories came flooding back, playing across the walls, memories of every single moment I spent with Emma. Those were quite soothing until I revisited the one year spent apart from her whilst she was in New York. It would appear as if I had brewed a grand amount of potion that forced me to forget many things in relation to her. But apparently that coma brought back all these memories that washed me over with such anguish, I was afraid of never resurfacing again.

Would you believe that I actually wanted to overdose on sleeping pills when she was in New York and we had found ourselves back here in Storybrooke? That painful evening had been wiped from my mind by my own concoction and the reason for doing so was probably the best one because upon revisiting that moment, I really realized how much our separation had devastated me. There was no Henry that evening to talk me out of it or provide me with company. Snow had David. Everyone had someone and there I was in my office with these pills scattered across the desk, tears leaking down my cheeks, door sealed close. I couldn't move forward from that point. I just couldn't. I remembered thinking, dear God, Regina, how could you keep on living without your son or the woman who always left a lasting impression on every day that unfolded. How could you move on without them, and how long would this depression last?

Counting the pills, I remembered that there were exactly twenty scattered out before me. I was always precise, well known like I said to pay attention to detail. Twenty small pills that could put me to sleep and hold me under, possibly keeping me there forever: the sleeping curse had been the next option. But then at some point I'd have to wake up and to open my eyes and gaze up at someone who could possibly be anyone else but her. That would be torturous because you could love someone so much. You could fall in love with someone and then time only tells what kind of connection the two of you have. Things can either start strong or crumble eventually or perhaps she really could be my true love. I couldn't tell. I had no idea what would happen, that's why I had wanted to end it all.

I drank those pills that night and ended up emptying the contents of my stomach in the small washroom just inside the Mayor's office. Quite a night that had been. After that, I tried to drink myself into a stupor every single night to prevent the nightmares from seeping into the walls of my room. Still that was merely temporary. Reading was disastrous, listening to music was painful, binging on television shows always ended up working out wrong because something within an episode would remind me of her and I'd just start crying.

Therefore, that coma lasted like a nightmare. And when she brought back those memories I had erased, those encounters when we had kissed before, one can only imagine the pain that shocked me initially. That was part of the reason I woke up. But the other part firmly rested on the connection between us. When those objects had been used as a way to transfer my memories and hold them there, my belief was that someday she'd be handed the box and everything would come back. I had no idea what kind of circumstance we'd find ourselves in. I really don't know at all if the remembrance of those moments brought me back to her. But I believe that's what occurred. I believe that once we both remembered, then we were given a second chance because really and truly, judging from how weak I am, and my state of health, I was about to die. I can honestly tell you this because one knows somehow when they're about to let go. And for me, when she left town and I slipped into that coma, when I slipped away, I really knew that it was the end for me.

Somehow I'm still here, and I'm not feeling well at all, my body is severely weak and aching. I can hardly hold it together, Whale knows that it is possible anything can happen that will take a horrible turn. But she's here and she needs me even more than she knows. I want to be with Emma, and if my days are numbered then by all means I'll drag through every remaining day with her, just as long as she's with me. That's all I want. I'm not certain of what will happen to me, but when I look at Emma, I can really keep on breathing because there's a purpose in my life. She said that we're over but I'm holding her now and it doesn't feel that way at all. We're never going to be finished. How can you be completely finished with someone like Emma? How can I live my life without loving her? How is that even possible? As you know by now, when I fall in love, there is this passion within me that keeps my love for that person forever and ever. And because I love with my heart and my soul, it isn't an easy task to forget and move on. You are completely not aware how severe this situation is but in simple terms, my love for Emma resides in my soul. Without her love, I cannot survive. When she leaves me or tells me that we're over, I die a little inside.

David came in just then and it was decided that the evening had come to an end since Snow was ready to go home. Emma obviously needed a ride home and I didn't step in the way when he said that she would return back to their place. With Hook's help even though I really disagreed, they both kept Emma between them and walked her out even though she was deep in sleep.

"I think she took those damn pills again" Hook muttered whilst I eyed Snow seated in the front of the van, a hand pressed to her forehead. "Harmful and unnecessary, those bloody pills."

"Where is she getting them from?" David asked.

"Dunno."

They both deposited her unto one of the seats within the van and Snow smiled at me. "Do come in, Regina. It's just seven o'clock and I could really do with some company tonight. We have so much to talk about."

Accepting the invitation, I entered the vehicle and frowned deeply when David offered Hook a ride home.

"Can't fetch her up into the apartment on my own so how about you give me a hand there?"

"Sure, mate."

We both sat in the same seat with Emma stretched out on the seat in front of us. And choosing to keep my eyes out of the window, I ignored him entirely. Perhaps it was my only desire to remain in a corner all to myself. Maybe my time spent away from everyone for quite some time had drawn me into a secluded state of mind. Whatever it was though, one thing was certain: upon Emma's lack of participation in the present scene, my world was muted.

"...after they interrogated mom at the Sheriff's office this morning, we went to the arcade", Henry was saying, attention on his mobile, "and Hook, there's this awesome new game that has this ship you have to move through battles, firing canons and guns…"

"Wait…" I frowned, resting a hand upon Henry's shoulder, "did you mention something about Emma being…interrogated?"

A few seconds elapsed and Snow's gaze rested on me in the rearview mirror. Upon noticing my confused look, she suddenly gasped. "Oh damn! I forgot to tell you about it!"

"You forgot to tell me about what?"

"The cops got into Storybrooke and they're harassing Emma," Henry filled me in, turning in his seat to capture my attention. "After last night when she went back home and found dad lying on the ground with this bruise on his head, they showed up."

"And from the way the place was set up," David said from the front, "it really appeared as if Emma walked in, hit Neal on his head and as we got in there, she was holding out a knife in his direction."

"What?" I was severely shocked! Shaking my head from confusion, I clutched the top of the chair, eyes wide. "How did they get into Storybrooke?"

"When she hit the town sign, she broke the enchantment and since you were in a coma, the magic grew so weak, it disappeared," Henry told me. "So within a day because that's when Gold managed to fix the enchantment, the cops rolled in. And they've been here for over two weeks. None of us had any idea that they were here until last night when grandpa showed up at our house after receiving a 911 call about a break in –"

"Disturbance," David cut in, eyes focused on Henry in the rearview mirror. "A neighbor called in a disturbance. She said that weird noises were coming from next door. So we went there to check it out, Robin, Will and I. Then these guys show up and this FBI agent alongside a female cop from New York, both of them intervened. Apparently Emma knows both of them. And up to now she refuses to tell me about her connection with these people. But I distinctly heard the female cop whose name is Lily…" he turned a corner, eyes on the road, "she said something about Emma and her being childhood friends."

I couldn't remember Emma mentioning a Lily and for that matter, her past had really been locked away so all of this was apparently new to my ears.

"And the FBI agent?"

"They're both investigating the murder case from New York," Hook said warily, digging something on his palm with that awful weapon attached to his hand. "One might only assume that the bloke who's manning the investigation is no other than –"

"Phillip Johnson!" Snow gasped from the front seat. "Oh my goodness!"

"Wait…" David frowned. "Am I missing something here?"

"Phillip was Emma's foster brother from many years ago and he's the one who's heading the murder case," Snow informed him. Honestly, I wasn't surprised that David hadn't discovered the obvious. "According to the news, the case focuses on the murder of his own father though."

"Which makes this really weird because a cop isn't supposed to investigate a case that he's personally involved in," Henry stated. I eyed him with mild surprise. "Mom, I watch NCIS." Smirking, his shoulder was squeezed and he beamed at me. "But he's an FBI agent and that means that this case not only involves just a murder but a really controversial issue."

"Drugs," Snow stated. "Robbie Reynosa was the head of one of Mexico's biggest drug cartels."

"So why is Phillip's last name Johnson?" Henry frowned.

"He kept his mother's name. Her name is Debbie Johnson Reynosa."

"Someone has serious daddy issues," Hook added warily. "In addition to that, am I the only one who suspects that whatever Emma is taking, clearly her mental state is a bit shaken up?"

"Judging from last night's drama, I'd say that Emma appeared severely unlike herself," David agreed. "Whatever medication she's taking, it's causing more harm than good. She was out of focus when we walked in there, eyes dazed –"

"And she's downing alcohol as if her throat is severely parched. Last night Emma clearly was intoxicated to a point where her mental state was unchecked." Hook looked at me and frowned. "Something has to be done."

"Why are you looking at me?" I asked, my tone sassy.

"Apparently such a thing is offensive."

"I asked you a simple question."

"You're the only one around here who can stop her from ruining herself."

"I don't need reminders from you," I sassed.

"Quit throwing fire balls my way, my hot headed Queen." He winked.

"I am not your hot headed Queen and the next time you refer to me as such, I will incinerate you from the inside out without you even realizing."

Swallowing hard, his eyes bulging, I noted Henry beaming at me and turned away my eyes, looking elsewhere.

"Why do I get the feeling that Emma's in serious danger?"

Snow's face turned in David's direction. "She hasn't been saying much to us…" her gaze rested on me in the rearview mirror, "she's been shutting all of us out."

"Except Neal," I observed warily, throwing a glance out the window, "it appears as if her trust lies in the…men…of the moment."

"As I can inform you truthfully," Hook directed at me, "Emma has not confided in me as well."

"Really?" trying to appear amused, I laced my tone with mild sarcasm. "But you two suddenly seem so close –"

"One drink," he stopped me, glaring without concern, "and you jump the platform to accuse me of having ulterior motives."

"With good reason," I said bitterly, glaring back. "Perhaps you fed her alcohol with a definite motive in mind."

"And what IS my motive, Regina?" turning in his seat, I was given his full attention. "I was merely there for Emma as a friend and all I offered her was kind words and encouragement to hold firm in that heart of hers whatever is felt for you. I am not a man to snatch a woman in her weakest moment."

I scoffed, caressing my tummy just where the baby kicked lightly, my eyes directed outside the window. "You love to form the point in all love triangles."

"I beg your pardon?"

"Neal." I savored the ecstatic feel of her moving within me, eyes fluttering close as the moment was treasured. "You intervened before."

"Hook has been hanging out with mom yeah," Henry piped up from between us. "But so has this Maria woman too. But like ninety percent of the time, mom is missing. She just disappears and we really don't hear from her for hours. Dad has been trying to track her and we always find that she drives off somewhere to be by herself. Most times, it's in the park or outside Storybrooke or some random bar."

"That's why I'm glad that you're back," Snow beamed from the front seat. "Someone can finally fix Emma and stop her from using those awful drugs and sucking up all those beers."

It was definitely obvious that their intention was to divert the line of topic between Hook and I. Had I allowed my anger to direct the flow of my actions, then nothing could have stopped the moment. Clearly he had motives, things were hidden from me and it was only fitting that these ugly hidden secrets were unearthed. Perhaps another platform would serve as a good scene to discuss such matters. But right now, my mind was really savoring the actuality of being out of that dreaded hospital and into the world again where I could feel the kiss of the wind upon my face. For the rest of the journey up into Snow's apartment, not a word was said on my part.

From the time David came down the steps after depositing Emma upstairs and we noticed that Hook had lingered behind, my anger was brought to the front again. Checking that Henry was safely buried in world of music, headphones on, I rounded on the two of them with fists clenched.

"What is he doing?" I hissed in David's direction whilst Snow sat down neatly upon a stool, pushing a ceramic bowl of soup in my direction. "Why has he remained upstairs?"

"Emma just woke up for a moment and when I left them, they were talking –"

"About what?"

He appeared stumped. "I…really…didn't stay long enough to know."

"Of course you didn't." Scoffing, my head was shaken in disbelief as I took a stool, gripping the edge of the table for support. "Selectively, it is in your best interest to offer the most generous agreements in Emma dating anyone but me –"

"Regina, that's not fair –"

"…because as I know well enough, you will never believe that anything good can result from my connection with your family." Eyes burning, I avoided his and stared at my hands, wringing them in frustration.

He held his tongue for a few seconds. "My opinion never mattered to you anyway."

I remained silent.

It was Snow who spoke up. "David, to be honest, if you ask me, Regina and Emma's relationship reminds me so, so much of ours because we had it so rough at the beginning." I kept my gaze on her and relaxed a bit from such consideration directed my way. "You had Kathryn and then we had to deal with distance, and a certain someone trying to keep us apart." She smiled at me. The spoon was licked and her tongue clicked. "Nevertheless, I found you again constantly and you found me although many people disapproved, we still held unto our love for each other and used that as a shield. Things are not going to be perfect between the two of them. But I'm going to accept whatever Regina wants and whatever Emma wants as well because I know how happy they make each other. I've seen how they look at one another. And if that's not love then we've been living a lie as well for our entire lives."

After she gave such a speech, the bowl of soup was attacked viscously and I observed in mild amusement. I should have followed her in suit, devouring mine as well for the need to eat was crucial. But David had ruined my appetite and the longer he stood there, the more uncomfortable I felt.

"Regina, I've never been against the idea of you being with my daughter…romantically from the beginning," he said in a softened tone. "From the first time Emma told us about her feelings for you which was just around the time you left here, we've been supportive. But there are too many strings attached and from my side of the table, you're both hurting each other unnecessarily. Emma needs to trust you more somehow and you really need to sort out the Ruby and Robin problem because I'll be honest with you right now." I turned my eyes unto him and waited. "Emma shouldn't be an option. She should be the only one you offer the most love to whilst everyone else remains as a friend. From the time you start to separate the others from her, then I bet that everything will be peaceful between you two."

It was my turn to be at a loss for words. Somehow, he had had hit the nail right on the head. And a response on my part was needed but withheld merely because there was substance in what he had stated.

Hook came down the steps and alerted us on Emma drifting off to sleep once more. Upon throwing me a cautious stare, he ventured towards the door and David followed in suit. After snatching up his jacket, the two of them departed without a word, leaving me with my mushy bosom buddy who was obviously ready to engulf me in the softness of her words.

"He can be a pain in the ass," she said pointedly, "but David was right when he said that Emma shouldn't be an option but a priority."

"I know that", I informed her, picking up my spoon and pushing around the noodles within the bowl. "I know that she should not be an option Snow and she isn't an option. My attachment to Robin merely arises from the fact that I'm having his child and he's been so supportive from day one."

"Too supportive," she said, sucking on her spoon, eyes on me.

"Yes…he has."

"But apparently that supportive side of his has turned really ugly, Regina."

Staring at her, I frowned. "How so?"

"Look, really it's none of my business to be in the middle of any of this…"

"What has he done?"

"Other than becoming really overprotective, Robin and Ruby, they've been playing with Emma's feelings all the time." Her bowl was emptied now and she rested the spoon down, attention on me. "Both of them, every opportunity given, all she gets from them is the constant reminder that at some point you chose them over her. And regardless of her being the one you truly loved, they're using the spotlight you gave them to hurt Emma's self-esteem, saying things to her that are really hurtful."

"What have they been saying?" I asked, my throat aching.

"Things like oh Emma you're so not worth it, you're hurting Regina, you almost killed her, you really don't deserve her, and after what Hook told me about tonight, I am completely convinced that both of them do not want the two of you to be together. Did Emma tell you about the backroom incident?"

"No, she didn't," I searched her eyes.

"Emma came rushing out the backroom at the Diner tonight and she went straight out the door. When Hook went after her, she tried to bat him off like a fly until he forced the truth out." Resting her folded arms upon the table, Snow never looked away from me. "He said that Emma started to cry whilst she told him how Robin and Ruby confronted her with all these hurtful things to say. From how she was terribly upset, it would seem that their words weren't nice at all, and all the time, I keep hearing the same thing from both of them. It's always the same thing. They want the best for you and apparently it's not Emma. Speaking boldly about it in front of her, both of them constantly kill her mood by bringing to front the two years he spent with you, or the fact that whilst you were in love with Emma, you dated Ruby. Plus –" holding up a hand, she stopped me from speaking, eyes softened, "you're having his baby, Regina and it gives you every right to keep ties with Robin. But you really have to cut him off just as Emma has cut off Neal."

Eyes lowered, I played with my soup and remained silent.

"Does it make any sense?"

"I've already had this discussion with Emma," I said, realizing that my throat ached because as ridiculous as it would appear, tears were held back.

"Oh. Did you two talk things out a little more then?"

"Yes." Stirring the noodles around, I could feel my eyes fill with warm tears.

"Is everything okay?"

"Will it ever be?" I croaked, lifting my gaze to her.

A few seconds slid by. "If you both want it, yes it will."

"I'm really, entirely in love with her Snow," I whispered as a tear slipped down my cheek.

"Tell me something I don't know, Regina."

"What can I do to get through to her?"

Reaching across the distance between us, my fingers were held, her eyes filled with compassion and such kindness. "Never stop getting into her personal space. These past two weeks have been so terrible for both of you. She's completely lost herself. She's cornered and feels really threatened. As much as she's going to shut herself out, maybe you should never keep trying to find some way in."

"As Hook and Neal constantly succeed in doing…"

"Regina, honestly you two are alike! Emma is jealous over Robin and Ruby and you're obviously really affected by Hook and Neal," she noted, eyes wide. "Can't you two both see that this is not about anyone else?"

"I wish I could but he's been sharing these…gazes, with her tonight. And he's been very affectionate, and touchy touchy and…" eyes lowered, I ticked them off, "defensive, running after her, spending time together whilst I was away, drinking together…"

"He was there for her as a friend –"

"Then why do I get the feeling that there's more?"

She said nothing, mouth clamped shut, staring at me.

"Snow…"

Diverting her eyes, she completely ignored me.

"Snow White."

"Regina Mills," turning to look at me again, all I could see in her eyes was a sudden need to speak of nothing more on the topic, "why don't you ask Emma about this instead of me? I'm not the person to ask. They were spending time together. But it's not fair for me to intervene –"

"You're my only friend," I said hoarsely.

She studied my face with a strained smile. "Please ask Emma what happened, because I don't want to let anymore cats out of the bag. I've allowed so many of them to escape already. Ruby likes to squeeze me like a lemon but I will not have it. And I will not gossip."

"Tomorrow I'll speak to Ruby and Robin about tonight's happenings," I informed her.

"Especially since they've been dating, it's like they're teaming up against Emma. I mean even after she told me that they saw Emma and Hook having a drink in the bar yesterday, I wouldn't have blown it up as she did. Her version was so stretched, it was obvious that most of the things she said were fiction. Plus to have the nerve to tell me that she and Robin both saw Hook kiss Emma –" Immediately her hand flew up to cover her mouth. And with her eyes wide, she stared at me.

"Hook…kissed…Emma," my voice was barely audible.

"Oh my God," elbows on the table, I watched her run fingers through choppy hair, head lowered. "What is wrong with me?"

"Nothing is wrong with you. Tell me more," I urged her calmly. For a minute, she merely stared back at me as I latched a cool gaze in her direction.

"Why do you seem unaffected by what I just said?"

"Emma was clearly not in the right state of mind, obviously intoxicated and after hearing about her intake of alcohol and pills, then I am convinced that she was not thinking straight." Clearly she was stunned by my lack of judgment on Emma's part. "What else happened?"

"Regina…" Snow sighed, glancing away, "I don't know, I really don't know what happened."

"But then it's only…fair…that she would do that to me," gripping the edge of the table, I got off from the stool, "wishing to even the score, Hook was her choice –"

"How do you even know that's true?"

"I'll find out either way," I said, glaring at the door as my fingers buttoned up my brown coat. "But really and truly I deserve this after what I did. So she's not to be blamed for her actions."

"So you're going to let it go if that's what happened?"

"Dear…" turning to check her, I was deeply offended, "I'm no Elsa."

And that's when I took my leave with one destination in mind for as much as her actions were justified, there was still another problem. It's like an itch you simply cannot scratch. For me to leave one edge frayed, then that would be so unlike the Regina you all know. I savored clean cut deals, no funny business. That's why my departure from there never led to my apartment upstairs. Instead I went down the steps and after getting unto the street, it appears as if drama was around every corner in this town as of recent.

After lingering outside with my back pressed upon the concrete wall, I gathered enough fresh air to clear my head somewhat. The street was silent around me in the still of the night, and nothing stirred. Upon gazing at the swinging sign across the road, completely lost in my own thoughts of Emma I was completely unaware of someone approaching me. And when he stepped into my line of sight, a slice of fright slid down my back.

"Oh I didn't mean to startle you," Robin said smiling bashfully, hands held up. "It appears as if you were…lost."

"I was." Returning my gaze to the swinging sign, I pressed my lips together, hands shoved deep in coat pockets.

"Your silence worries me," he said softly, moving closer.

"Don't…" I said, voiding his eyes and holding out a hand to signal distance between us as a necessity.

That stopped him abruptly and staring at me, he appeared severely affected. The seconds ticked by and I allowed them to, keeping the silence between us because it spoke louder than words.

"You're upset about something."

"Yes I am," I said without skipping a beat.

He waited. "What is it then? Is it HER as always?"

"What did you say to her, Robin?" I asked, finally allowing our eyes to meet. In those few seconds that captured our attention focused on one another, I actually realized that whatever had remained in my heart for him in relation to feelings had disappeared because there wasn't the slightest urge on my part to even be affectionate or to offer nearness.

"Emma and I spoke several times, but to what particular conversation are you referring?" studying my face, he appeared concerned.

"The one you shared with Ruby as well tonight in the Diner…" I said directly, never allowing my stare to falter. "Because clearly she was severely affected by your words and I'd like to know what happened."

For a moment he merely studied my face without speaking and in that time I managed to gather up enough evidence that something had indeed occurred that was totally out of line.

"I voiced my concern in relation to her reluctance in coming to terms with the severity of the situation." Waving a hand between us, his eyes fell to the floor. "Perhaps I noticed that her actions were only hurting you and I felt it was best to remind her of such."

"Thank you for being concerned about me, Robin."

"I'm always concerned about you. It comes naturally."

"But there is a point where you have to draw the line," I said. "This is between me and Emma."

"All of this also involves me," he said, his forehead creased in concern. "Whether you approve or not, my genuine concern for you arises from the fact that we spent just over two years together, committed. And as of now, your health is crucial because I have stumbled through a horrible experience before with Marian falling sick. She never pulled through. I do not wish to relive that experience."

"I can take care of myself."

"I don't doubt that."

"All I'm saying is that whatever happens between Emma and I, it is personal and I'd like it very much if you intervened…less."

Immediately he lifted his stare in my direction. "I didn't want to intervene, Regina. But as it would seem, Emma was lacking in many areas." When I remained silent, he took the floor willingly and I noted the passion in his voice. "She never trusted you from the beginning, always placed you as second best. And when her hurtful words were directed your way just before she drove out of Storybrooke, I was severely angered by such a situation. The things she said to you were quite harsh in all respects, things that a loved one should not voice even in the worst situation. Perhaps it affected me more than what was expected but after that day I began to see her in a harsher light."

"She did say some really hurtful things to me, but in the moment her anger felt was justified because of what we did."

"That still doesn't give her any right to wish you ill," he noted.

"She meant none of it," I said hoarsely, "Emma was angry and frustrated –"

"That is no excuse", he stated. "No one should speak to you like that. You deserve far more respect than that, respect and trust from someone who understands everything you do, loves you for your faults, someone who believes your words. Not someone who quickly jumps away after a conflicting moved. And you must forgive me for voicing my concern but I really must say that so far she has not shown complete belief in you. After living through your worst moments that were brought on by this woman, after seeing you suffer inside, even after returning here everything has taken a turn for the worse."

"Robin –"

"Regina, you fell into a coma and that was terrifying. Hanging by a thread, almost slipping away, she never frequented that hospital. All the time, Emma has been keeping distance although she was aware of how sick you were. Everyone has been showing genuine interest, even Snow and Neal who visited you. But when it reached a point where her presence was needed, there was none for Emma chose to stay away without a care in the world."

Huffing out a sigh, I lowered my gaze, resting my back upon the wall once more for support. "None of this would have happened if I didn't kiss you," I said without checking my words.

"Therefore all the blame rests on me then." His tone of voice was firm and I gathered as much that he was affected.

"You shouldn't have come back," I said without looking at him, "you shouldn't have followed me here –"

"She was hurting you even in my absence because upon my arrival you ran out crying and into my arms," he reminded me. "So whether I chose to stay away or not, this has nothing to do with me."

"It has everything to do with you," I replied with emotion in my voice, our eyes meeting. "Every single time I cast my eyes upon you, I'm reminded of the life I chose to live without her, the actualization that I'm carrying your child and the harshness of Emma never being able to let go of your involvement in my life. All of this follows me around –"

"Being with me was a choice you made."

"It was a choice I made, I know that. I know," running my fingers through my hair, the wind kissed my cheeks. "But her behavior is directly linked to your involvement in my life, this…attachment we have, the fact that I find it quite easy to be with you simply because we shared two years together."

"And something is wrong with that?" he frowned.

"Nothing is wrong with that, but going forward, in order for this to work between Emma and I, our intimacy needs to be restricted severely."

"In other words, you'd like me to stay away from you…" there was so much hurt in his voice, immediately tears formed in my eyes.

"Robin, I didn't say that."

"In lesser words than expected, that's what you are implying."

"All I ask of you is to see reason here, that perhaps a short term separation is best and –"

"Whatever you wish, your Majesty," he said, cutting me off.

I stared at him with my eyes wide because of the sudden formality between us. The last time he had referred to me as such was over two years ago as I could remember and any time after that had been out of sheer teasing. But as of now, there was such seriousness in his tone that alarmed me, sent a slice of hurt through my heart since we had been so close for such a long time.

"I'd like to focus on my relationship with Emma," I said in a small voice. "Please, you must understand that it was never my intention to bring us down to this point."

"Is there even a relationship between the two of you?" he asked further, never diverting his eyes. "Regina, you are hanging unto a hopeless case here and it is only time before realization kicks in."

"And what is that exactly?" I asked, frowning deeply.

"She's not the right one for you."

"Let me be the judge of that," my tone was clipped. "That is not your decision, it's mine."

"So putting both of us up for observation," he continued whilst I began to color with intense feelings, "comparing every single moment spent with both of us, tell me who has provided you with nothing more than the very best, the utmost love and attention, the kindest words and deepest sincerity in regards to your feelings, your life, everything."

"How can you ask me that?" I croaked.

"One needs to ask you exactly that since you're continuously chasing after a woman who has put you through so much hurt, I am amazed that you are still in love with her. Everything I did for you, I expressed nothing more than love. When you were hurting many nights, in my arms you cried and we both moved through those storms. I am sorry for sounding so harsh but this is not right. You cannot expect me to keep you at an arm's length when you are quite aware that my feelings for you are exactly the same as they were when we left here."

He was softening me up, bringing forth all these memories of us spent together and it was the last thing I needed at the moment because the conflicting views arising were only hurtful. Yes he was correct, he was oh so exact on stating the truth. We had spent so much time together that only consisted of the warmest moments but had I been a fool to actually cling unto a woman who was honestly hurting me severely? Was it fair on my part to push aside a man who was willing to show me the best kind of love for someone who was falling apart?

"She's falling apart because of me," I said out loud.

"And I'm falling apart because of you," Robin said to me in the softest voice ever. "I am in love with you Regina. I have never stopped loving you –"

"Stop," I begged, diverting my eyes and holding up a hand, "please stop."

"It's the truth."

"I don't want you to do this."

"I'm not doing anything but speaking the truth –"

"Then that is your opinion and not mine!" I exclaimed hoarsely, never quite harshly but overall effective. "I have told you over and over again that this is not easy for me. I cannot explain to you exactly what keeps me attached to her but my love for Emma is never ending. There is no way I can simply turn it off even if she hurts me, even if she was the reason I ended up slipping away in that coma. Robin, I…am…in love with her so much", I clenched my fists, tears leaking down my cheeks, "it is impossible for me to love another as much. And I have loved you yes. But never as much as I love her."

"So she can yell at you, shout harsh words, continue to destroy you whilst I never did any of those things and you're always going to choose her over me?" he asked with tears in his eyes. "How is that even sensible, Regina? Is that fair to you or me?"

"Can you not see what I am trying to tell you?" I asked softly, pleading with my gaze whilst the overcast sky threatened to burst down upon us.

"She's fooled you senseless and taken away every exact reason?" he appeared frustrated but nevertheless chose to speak to me in a softer tone.

"All the times we spent together, I was selectively making a decision to fool myself into believing anything but the truth…"

"Regina. choose me," he urged, "choose me and I am certain that you will never regret it because we've already started a journey that can never quite be finished." His gaze rested on my tummy (such a cute word that completely sounds unfitting when I choose to use it).

"I have to go", and pointing with my right thumb in some random direction, my mind was already prepared to gather up enough magic just to vanish from his presence.

But before I could, he stepped forward.

Completely catching me off guard, Robin pulled me so close in mere seconds, my mind couldn't register the sudden move. And taking a hold of my shoulders, when I felt his lips pressed softly upon mine, my eyes remained wide open. It was so unexpected, coming from him that I immediately lost composure and gave in slightly. Second after second engaged me in the feel of him using his lips to part mine, the exactness of his intentions to melt me into a moment that shouldn't have occurred.

"Stop…" pressing my fists unto his chest, I tried to push him away.

He rested his cheek upon mine and held me close longer, refusing to let go. "Don't do this to me."

"Let me go", I choked through a sob, feeling the heat arising from our bodies meeting.

"She's not worth it, I am." Robin continued to hold me close although I desired none of it. And because of his refusal to heed my order, my pleas, what happened next was rash but effective.

Within my gloves there was a magical surge that tingled my fingers and when he was shoved backwards in front of my eyes, I was consumed with shock. Watching him tumble unto the sidewalk was all too much, and gasping from my loss of control, I frantically glanced around before disappearing in purple smoke.

* * *

><p><strong>Xx<strong>

"He told me to stay here. And I stayed…" glancing up at the grey sky, Maria frowned. Lily had her eyes on the door leading into the Diner whilst the lights were turned off. And Ruby's face appeared behind the glass as the door was locked from the inside. "I stayed because my gut was telling me not to leave. There's something about this case that troubles me, especially when it comes to Phillip's vengeance to find Emma."

"He was her foster brother," Lily informed her, turning back to the woman sitting just there on the opposite end of the table. The umbrella above them swayed in the wind and they both eyed it with a worried expression.

"Then this case is personal."

"He shouldn't be the agent assigned to deal with it."

"The FBI is fucked," Maria muttered, rolling her eyes. "All of these rats working as Feds and all they do is cover up their dirty tracks without really doing their jobs. It doesn't surprise me that whoever is in charge would give Phillip the lead on this one. Fucking twats."

Lily actually smiled in her friend's direction. "Looks like you got into an accident of some sorts."

"Yeah, I was on the receiving end of Phillip's fist."

"What?" eyes bulging, Lily gripped the edge of the table.

"Punched me around after I discovered that he was drugging Emma somehow," she informed her friend. "Saw the pills in his room and started asking questions. That's when he threw his fist and I pounced on him like a tiger. Oh don't look shocked after discovering that he's fucking with Emma's mental state. Of course he is."

"I had no idea that he'd push it so far though."

"Are we talking about the same tight ass federal agent here?" Maria asked in shock. "Phillip is a snake."

"Trust me, I know…" Lily leant back in her chair.

Maria scoffed. "There's so much going on right now, I don't know where to start. But he was the one who told me to tail Emma's car. I met her on the highway not too far from here and suddenly he's blocking my fucking way. The guy hops out of his shiny car and throws this gleaming smile at me as he kindly asks about my encounter with Emma." Tapping her nails upon the table, emerald eyes were fiery. "Then he shoved the WANTED poster in my face and pulled rank on me."

"Did the same to me, so don't take it as an offense," Lily offered warily. "I'm working the case back in New York and then the Feds show up, demanding that we hand over all we have to them."

"You know, this wouldn't have even led to Emma if you didn't plant that shred of red leather at the scene. One small fucked up move by you." Maria flung her hands up dramatically, "and they're out for blood. HE is. What the hell were you thinking?"

"I was threatened", she folded her arms on the table and leant forward. "He threatened my father, my job, my life…"

"One bit of evidence, a little piece of red leather," holding her fingers an inch apart, Maria glanced at Lily, "that was all they needed, tying Emma to this case. No one remembers that she was Robbie's foster daughter, none of that was remembered until you intervened."

Refusing to answer, they both glared at one another as the wind whipped up Maria's blonde hair, tickling her cheeks.

"So what did your friend find so far?" Maria asked.

Lily sighed. "Nothing as yet…"

"You better find something to bail her out of this shit, darling," emerald eyes met brown ones. "Or else we'll play dirty cop, good cop and trust me, my methods when cornered are very dramatic. If I have to kill him and dump his body somewhere in the forest, then by all means I'll get it done. You on the other hand, so concerned about doing your job right, good for you…after he tossed me around, I'm prepared to take his ass down."

Something about Maria troubled Lily incredibly whilst she studied her friend's face. It wasn't just the fact that a sudden defensiveness had been displayed this evening but a lot more. Upon further scrutiny into those emerald eyes, only one wild guess was made.

"You slept with her, didn't you?" she asked in a low voice, finding it hard to throw across a glare.

Maria's eyes widened and immediately she tried to appear unfazed. "What? No."

"Oh my God!" she was astonished. "You slept with Emma!"

"I did not!" pounding her fists upon the table, the sound rang out in the silent town around them. Glancing around, she inhaled deeply, lips pressed together.

"So why are you acting so defensive when you hardly know her?" Lily's chest ached somewhat to actually think of the situation. "The two of you met on the road. What happened exactly?"

"Look, we had a quickie in a restroom behind closed doors…" Maria watched Lily's eyes widen. "But that's not the sole reason why I want to help. The reason I want to help her is because of the fact that I was responsible for running her into that sign, wrecked her car. Plus she's all innocent in this case and you know it. Emma didn't kill Robbie. His people took care of him or some other fucker who grew jealous."

She couldn't believe it. Lily just couldn't let the thought slide by, the fact that the woman sitting before her, she had been intimate with Emma. Somehow the thought pulled at her heart and no matter how hard the jealousy was pressed down, such feelings could not be muffled completely. After all, she was guilty of having a colored past with Emma, one that involved feelings that were never quite expressed properly. A childhood long gone had unfolded into a life that involved one simple fact. She could not forget about those feelings no matter what. And seeing Emma after all this time had sparked up something inside of her, not strong enough to force action, but enough to come as a reminder.

"She has a girlfriend," Lily said softly, her gaze resting on a man walking his dog across the street, the bottom of his coat flapping around brown boots.

"I know that," Maria informed her.

"You knew this after you fucked her or before?" the harshness in the brunette's tone was enough to spark a reaction from the blonde.

"Are you into her?"

"No." Brown eyes were directed elsewhere.

"Look," lifting a hand, Maria smiled, "it was just a moment and nothing else after that. After having drinks with Emma, hanging out and confiding in each other, I can assure you that she's really in love with this other woman, whoever she is…the brunette who is NOT you by chance…you know, darling, the pregnant attractive woman she was hugging tonight –"

"I was there. I saw." Her tone was direct, and clipped.

"Well whoever this woman is that has Emma so captivated, I'd like to meet her."

"So do I", Lily muttered. "What makes her so worthy..."

Maria smiled. "Seems like someone has had a crush that dates years back –"

"That's none of your business, really."

"It is my business because apparently Phillip is using you like a puppet to do his own biddings. With that kind of information, one can only imagine what he will force you to do next."

"As he used you!" Lily fired back. "You're the one who brought him into this town, not me. You gave him access."

"And I'll find a way to shove his ass out ASAP, trust me." Playing with her fingernails, emerald eyes were focused across the street. "You know, I'd really like to meet this mysterious brunette and I suppose tomorrow will be quite appropriate."

"What are you going to do?" Lily asked warily, "introduce yourself as a fuck buddy?"

"Is that how you see me, darling?" Maria appeared amused. "Is that how you really see me?"

"We worked narcs for six years and trust me, I know you oh so well. The minute you meet this woman, you're going to start batting your eyelashes and offering up whatever it takes because you're a flirt."

"But she has only eyes for Emma." A smile was offered generously. "Unless she has a thing for blondes, then think about it this way, if I snatch the brunette away then you can have Swan all to yourself." A wink was given and Maria pushed herself up whilst Lily stared.

"We're here to work a case, we're on the job."

"Wouldn't hurt to play the field, I mean, how bad could she be? She looks like a sweetheart, all mushy and soft." Maria toed the ground with her shiny brown boot. "I bet that I can fix what's broken between her and Emma."

"You mean they have trouble in paradise?" Lily was intrigued by this news.

"Yeah, darling. And the minute Phillip realizes that, he's going to use it as a weakness. So something needs to be done fast."

"You just can't intervene in people's persona lives like you always do", Lily got up and went after Maria. Boots clicking on the pavement, the blonde spun around to face her. "Stop playing the love doctor, trying to fix things."

"Oh so you want them to remain apart because your little crush still lingers. Well it's not going to happen because from the moment you see it, you'll know how much Emma loves this woman. And frankly, you don't stand a chance so get over yourself."

Glaring at each other, they parted ways without another word, one heading west, the other heading east. And as it may appear, the lady with the lighter shade of hair seemed to have luck thrown her way.

The very next day just around lunch time, after walking two blocks in those high heels, there upon a wooden bench just under the shade outside an ice cream parlor sat the brunette who had captured Emma's heart. Eyeing her with a smile, she sucked it up and moved forward only to find Lily coming towards that same point. Upon seeing each other, they both stopped and glared for a few seconds whilst the sitting brunette tapped away on her phone, dark hair falling into her face.

"What…the…hell are you doing?" Maria mouthed across the distance, fists clenched.

Lily smirked and tilted her head sideways.

Striding forward, both of them approached the bench from either end and were surprised to find that the lady seated between them seemed to be completely unaware of their presence. Noting the black headphones covering her ears, Maria rolled her eyes and sent Lily a look, gesturing to signal the obvious. Without sparing a moment, Maria as bold as she was stepped forward and waved a hand in front of the woman sitting just there. Immediately she captured the brunette's attention as she tugged off her earphones and stared up with wide eyes.

"Hi", the blonde woman offered with a smile, a hand resting behind her back, leaning forward slightly.

Lily rolled her eyes and sighed. "Enough with the charm", she said warily, staring at the sitting brunette. "Look, I'm Detective Stevenson and this is Officer Brink. We both work with the NYPD and –"

"We're friends of Emma", Maria chided in. "It's a pleasure to finally meet you…" she inclined her head, trying to fish out a name.

Refusing to take the bait, Regina stood up slowly, her brown eyes growing quite fiery as they moved from one woman to the next. And pushing her cellphone and headphones into the pocket of her brown coat, she took a step forward whilst glancing around.

"A name would be nice, darling", Maria asked sweetly.

Raising her eyebrows, Regina never offered a smile.

"I think she doesn't want to give her name", Lily said across the distance.

"We'll find out eventually."

"Look, we're not here to cause any problems, well at least I'm not but –"

"Hey!" Lily snapped. "Maria that's not cool!"

That was enough to create a flicker within Regina's brown eyes as she turned to the blonde with a definite glare. Within seconds those fiery eyes that reminded Emma of hot chocolate roamed the Officer's body with a smirk before returning to her face. And with hands shoved in her coat pockets, a step was taken in the blonde's direction. Immediately Maria was intrigued by the choice on the woman's part to invade her personal space. And licking her lips, she stood right there without moving, a small smile lingering.

"So you're Maria", Regina stated in a low voice that was enough to send a shiver down the officer's back.

"Yes, I am. And you are?"

"Oh I get the feeling that you already know exactly who I am."

"A name…" Maria urged, "just for formality."

"Regina Mills", the brunette said in a clipped tone, and Lily watched on with wide eyes. "Right now I'd like to order you to pack up and leave this town but then that would be received as mild hostility."

"Oh it's not hostile at all", Maria said, holding up her palms defensively, "I totally get the drift, knowing exactly how you feel –"

"You have no idea how I feel", Regina said coldly.

"Lady, we're not here to cause a scene", Lily made the wrong move of throwing in. "We're just here to introduce ourselves and do our jobs. So I don't see the need for you to behave all bitchy about it."

After staring at Maria for a few seconds, the brunette turned around and glared in the other direction. "Apparently it takes a bitch to know another, dear. And trust me, you do not want to cross me."

"Look, we're not…" Maria squeezed her eyes shut and inhaled deeply, "Regina, we're not here to do harm –"

"Stay away from Emma", the brunette hissed in her direction.

"Woah, little darling. Now that's kinda hostile right there."

"I like her", Lily said smiling, "I like her already."

The door behind them snapped shut and footsteps approached the trio gathered under the shade. "Ah, I see you've met the cops."

Emerald eyes flew open and so did Lily's pair of brown ones as they turned around. There holding out two chocolate cones stood Phillip in his sharp looking black suit, shades on and shining in their direction under the morning sun. Stepping forward, he held out a cone in Regina's direction and she took it with a small smile.

"Thank you."

"Welcome, now…" focusing his attention back to the two women who were gaping, he beamed at them. "Why are you hassling my new friend?"

"Your…new…friend?" Lily swallowed, her throat dry.

"Oh we aren't friends exactly", Regina said, waving it off. "The line was incredibly long and you offered to get me a cone. That's it."

"But I think that we'll become steadfast friends", he mused, ignoring the two ladies standing there. "You're quite a woman of beauty and poise."

"Um, Regina…" Lily started.

"What?" the brunette snapped.

"You don't…" she was lost for words, "you can't…"

"Ah fuck this", Maria snapped in Phillip's direction. "Regina this is no other than Phillip Johnson, a dirty fucked up FBI agent who's in charge of Emma's case. Friends?" she scoffed. "Hardly. He's a little rat who wants to bring Emma down no matter the cost. So before you eat that cone, I'd –"

"You're Detective Johnson?" Regina asked, glaring in Phillip's direction.

"Now look here…I don't want –"

"Are you, or are you not Phillip Johnson?" her voice was hoarse but firm enough.

Seconds ticked by and his smile disappeared. "I never did look like a Bob…"

Pressing her lips together, she flung her cone as Lily gasped. And when the sticky mess caught unto his expensive black pants, he jumped back with wide eyes as if burnt. Draining unto his shoes, the chocolate ice cream dripped unto the pavement, Regina lifted her shoulders in anger, fists clenched.

"How dare you!"

"Perhaps I should have covered your face in it, you scoundrel", Regina hissed.

"I am a FEDERAL AGENT!"

"I love this woman", Lily whispered, her lips twitching into a smile. "Oh my God you're awesome."

"Fuck you Phillip and your expensive suit", Maria mocked, laughing hysterically. "looks like you're in for it now. Brown looks good on you."

**Xx**

**A/N –**

**WELL WHAT THE FUCK.**


	19. Telling the Truth

**A/N** - **It has been such a long stretch of time, many of you probably deserted me. Others who have remained, why you are quite a dedicated fan base! This story has been one of the hardest ones to work on. Anyway, I will speak more at the end of this chapter. But for now, thank you for remaining with my narration. Thank you for keeping me in your thoughts. Already wrote SIX chapters ahead of this one! It just gets better and better. And I hope you enjoy this.**

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**Chapter Nineteen**

_**Telling the Truth**_

**xx**

**Recap: Well Regina is out of the hospital, Ruby is forced by Phillip to drug Emma in any way she can. Lily and Maria introduced themselves to Regina only to find Phillip trying to win the brunette's affections. Robin kissed her Majesty. That doesn't compared to Emma's encounters with Hook and Maria. Seems like Phillip has it in for Emma. Seems like he wants to bring her down. In these dark times, she just really needs someone to lean on. Let us hope that Emma toughens up and pull herself together before she falls apart again.**

**Emma Swan.**

Four days after Regina tossed that chocolate cone unto Phillip's expensive pants, papers were dug up relating to her property in Mifflin Street. A threat was then made to have Gold seize the land and property. Mom had just brought her over to the house and there I was parked in the driveway when the crunch of gravel signaled their arrival. Upon getting out the car, my heart softened when those brown eyes were fixated immediately on me. And after marveling over that pretty caramel colored dress that fluttered about honey colored ankles, as much as I tried my gaze couldn't be diverted to anyone or anything else around me.

"So this is the surprise," she breathlessly declared whilst coming up the stone steps that led to where I stood.

Offering her a hand, a slight frown etched on my face when my assistance was waved off. Mom took a hold around my wrist instead. And if those brown boots of mine hadn't been firmly planted upon the porch, then she would have pulled me down with all that weight.

"I suppose that if I sat on you, your legs would be squished," Snow joked, a smile playing around her eyes.

"Don't ever try it," I warned.

"What's that behind your back?" Regina asked. She pressed a palm upon the door frame, a hand resting on her side, breathing slowly. "Confiscating my mail?"

"I…" one was a letter from the 'Land and Property Council' obviously manned by Gold in all his glory. Swallowing, I forced out a smile. "No it's just a…um…" I shrugged, "you know…nothing much really –"

"Emma." Her stare was direct and effective. Holding my breath, I started to melt inside.

"Yeah?"

"What did I tell you about fumbling with words?" hands planted on her hips, head tilted sideways, she narrowed those brown eyes.

"It's…" removing the envelopes from behind and bringing them to front, I lowered my gaze, cheeks growing flushed.

"Trust, Emma." Regina waited.

Mom was enjoying this, standing there with this huge smile on her round face. And when I glanced at her, eyebrows were raised.

Holding out the envelopes, I obviously appeared to be a small child who had just been scolded for some wrong doing, judging from the slight heat covering my neck. Yeah I most likely was turning pink. And even though she had this general effect on me, Regina still could manage anything where I was concerned. It's like one word or order from her and I'd do whatever was wanted without asking questions. There was a time when she'd drive out this stubbornness inside of me. But that time had passed.

Taking the mail, her gaze remained on me whilst the envelope was opened and checked. After unfolding Phillip's threatening letter on his sudden need to force Gold to sell the property because of years of abandonment, those eyes swept over the paper without showing any sign of surprise. Whilst I waited, glancing at mom wasn't really the best idea because she couldn't stop glowering. Those puffy cheeks slightly pink and the smile on her face ever so bright. It's like she lived for the drama between Regina and I, savoring every single moment like a lifetime movie or her soap operas. Rolling my eyes, I couldn't help but smile in return

Without saying a word, Regina folded the letter in half and it was torn into many pieces before me. Eyes widening, I watched as she waved a hand over the bits of paper and made them magically disappear with a smug look on her face. Then jerking her chin to the door, my only move was to hurry forward and turn the key in the lock. Still marveled at her bold choice to tear up the letter, I couldn't help but smile as my boots padded upon the floor. This was so incredible because it suddenly dawned upon me that she really was back. And somehow I couldn't help but feel entirely relieved that for the first time in a long time, that simple realization had such a great effect on me.

"Look at this place!" she exclaimed, eyes sweeping over the interior that hadn't changed much but there were a few things added. "Is that really…" Snow and I watched as she walked over to the wall, a framed painting hanging above the fireplace that depicted no other than Regina in her Queen attire sitting upon a grand gold chair. Signed at the bottom was Henry's name. The gown was black as the night with blood red tints and hair was swept up into a neat pile upon her head and fastened with these small sparkling silver clips. How he did it was still a mystery to me but Henry had a way with pastels, crayons, whatever he could find to paint a scene. He had captured her face structure so well. The line of her jaw and brown eyes, it was really astounding.

"He's so talented," Snow remarked.

"He didn't get that from Neal or me," hands remained shoved in my pockets whilst Regina stared at the painting in awe. "So I'm assuming as I did before that he caught that from…someone else."

"The only person who used to draw that well, as far as I know," mom said looking at me, "is Regina."

I was astonished, lips parted. "Is that true?"

"Many years ago," she admitted in a soft voice, "but I am not his biological mother so –"

"Nonsense!" that was mom. "From since he was a baby you nurtured him, and it's highly possible that your magic bonded the two of you. Just as it has done the same between you and…Emma."

"And I can't live my life without either of them." Turning to face us, I was her only focus of attention. "Just so you know, this means a lot to me. To have my home back, to finally have you again, it's all I ever wished for."

I was somewhat speechless just from that simple confession. Nevertheless, a smile was eased out and of course, the blush was enacted. "Wait till you see the other stuff Henry and I added to the place."

"And me," Snow pitched in as Regina ran her fingers over the mantelpiece that was polished to a shine. "I added something that will be so beneficial for you, possibly both of you." Suddenly I wondered what the hell she had done. Staring, nothing was given away on that round face. "Oh don't look at me like that! I didn't add a photo of a unicorn or a rainbow anywhere. Although I was tempted…" Finger pressed to her chin, she gazed at nothing in particular.

We walked around the upstairs first. And it wasn't long before Snow's gift was discovered: an extra soft, extra mushy, totally comforting looking lining that was strewn across Regina's 'Queen' sized bed. From the looks of it alone, I kind of suddenly felt sleepy, imagining myself lying on that cloud of comfort, immediately drifting off to sleep in seconds. They hugged, yeah they totally did for like seven minutes that were filled with thank you and you're the best and you're awesome. Then after reveling over the shiny floors and the refreshing smell of what seemed like a brand new house, we moved downstairs.

From the time her eyes were cast on the green and red cushioned chair swing in the backyard, Regina gasped. Taking tentative steps forward, I glanced triumphantly at mom who beamed in my direction. Somehow whilst we were busy tending to the house, the idea to add that piece had come to me. It's like something that enters your mind just from the thought of someone, knowing somehow that they'll love that small move on your part without gaining approval first. And she loved it. Judging from her immediate move to sit on the swing, patting the extra space next to her as if savoring the softness, I folded my arms and felt all mushy inside.

"Placed selectively under the shade of your apple tree," mom began as a seat was taken next to Regina. "This was all Emma's idea."

"And there's something else."

She gazed at me with so much love in her eyes, I felt so mushy inside, knees growing weak.

"Henry cleared out his room since it's the one closest to yours," I continued, never looking away. "He's decided to use the other room at the back…" pointing to the window upstairs, I shrugged. "He wants his old room to be the baby's nursery."

"Why did you lock the door then?" she asked, studying my face.

"Because I'm not finished with it as yet." Mom's face was stretched from a wide smile. "And you can't go in there until I've finished adding some more stuff. Hopefully I'll be done by the end of this week."

I guess it was her turn to be speechless. Judging from the way she kept looking at me, the silence was filled with so much more than I could ever ask for.

"I figured that the only thing I could focus on was definitely you and," feeling my throat tighten, I continued, "instead of falling apart, working on something like that helps me to stay focused on…the fact that you're here and you're still with me. And I can't stop loving you."

She bit her lips and tears filled those eyes that always drowned me, melting my heart in seconds. It's like a dream come true, to just watch her sitting there, feeling so broken inside. But completely sure of the fact that the only person who could heal me was the one woman who resided in my heart. Everything in my life right now was focused on her. And as much as I would try to erase the hurt with pills and whatever, none of it could work because she was the cure. She was the one who could heal me only. And I couldn't keep denying the truth anymore.

"I'll just go on in and get us something to drink," and without waiting any longer, to the house I headed with tears brimming in my eyes.

When I got into the kitchen and had the bottle of orange juice opened before me on the counter, the tears stung my eyes. It's not because I was in pain or I was lost. I broke down because of the stupid moves that had been made on my part to distance myself from her. All the doubts and the jealousy, the questions that were poisonous never did any good. All of it shouldn't have come in the way but I was only human and reacted just as any other person would. It's safe to say that when you're in love with someone as much as I was in love with her, sometimes your heart keeps trying to tell you the truth but your mind starts to doubt that feeling. Suddenly you're thinking about your totally fucked up life and if it is even possible to have all of this right in front of you.

I kept remembering how at some point my mind honestly made me think that there I was torn between these two people. There was Neal and then there was her. Hook had come into the picture and so did Maria but above all, I swear that anything that happened between the last two was just out of my honest belief that I needed to rebel somehow. The feeling of being pressured and suddenly you want to push past the barriers and do something rash: that was the truth. It had happened, and now I had to learn from it. Neal had moved on so smoothly and to be honest, it's almost as if we drifted apart so easily because we were never meant to be that close.

But I had to tell her about Maria and Hook. Removing the shards of glass from my heart could only be done after we had that conversation and it had to happen in the right time, in the right place without any interruptions. Maybe that's why I brought her here today because if she was here then I knew to myself that we could have privacy to talk about anything we wanted to talk about. And I knew that she would be comfortable. It wasn't going to be easy, to have that conversation with her but I had to do it today.

After handing over the glasses and resting the bottle upon the small iron table outside, I took a seat on the grass with my feet folded under me. Mom shook her head when I did, and Regina copied her move but hey, I was the kind of person that made myself comfortable whatever the odds. Sitting upon the grass made me feel somewhat in a spot of comfort and there I remained as Snow dominated the conversation that centered on Mayor Duties and the excitement of being pregnant.

* * *

><p><strong>SAME DAY<strong>

Water dripping.

That's all she could hear and it was seriously infuriating, gnawing at her nerves. The sickening green light cascading through a thin green curtain behind him, washing the floor over and her brown leather boots. Somehow she wanted to yell at him to turn the tap off. But he was sitting on that damn rocking chair with this gleam in his eyes. And he wasn't going to rise from his throne to give in to her orders.

"So you found my file," he said, fingers pressed together, blue eyes resting on the yellow folder within her grasp. "Brava, Detective Stevenson. I could say the same for you, Officer Brink but sadly, you've let me down. You've…really…let…me…down. I had so much faith in you."

A taunting gaze rested upon the blonde woman standing just by the door and he got a bitter taste in his mouth. He realized that he hated blondes. He hated them. He always hated his mother's blonde hair and marveled when she dyed it red instead.

"I'm going to throw your ass in jail," Maria hissed. Phillip's gaze rested on her balled fists and he smiled widely.

"I always like a woman who puts up a fight, darling."

"But how does it feel when she thinks you're a scumbag because you hit like a weak, little piece of shit?" her glare merely bounced off his barriers, a maddening smile offered in return.

"That colorful bruise on your shoulder speaks volumes, darling."

"You tossed a chair at me –"

"You remind me of my mother." His fingertips remained pressed together. But there was an angry glint in those blue eyes. "To be honest, Emma did me a favor by killing her off. Never was the loving type to me. She baked ten cakes a day and frequented the salon between breaks." He appeared confused and shrugged. "Who the fuck does that?"

"Emma didn't kill your mother," Lily said. "She slipped and fell."

"Says who?" the yellow folder was his focus now. "Did that folder just whisper something to you, Detective Stevenson? Did it also tell you that my mother had a confrontation with Swan and Swan strategically placed her wicked and impish leg in the way so that my mother fell? Did it tell you that?"

He was used to this kind of encounters, two women of substance directing cold glares in his direction. Not that any effect was felt. Perhaps the most enthralling feeling of all was the actual power in the room encasing him in a bubble. Gloating and jealousy, that's all people felt in his presence. Intimidation and powerless, that's all people felt when he was in a room.

Lily's insides burnt like coals and her grip on the folder tightened. "What I have here, what I've found. This could destroy you, so you should start packing."

His laugh was like music, filling the room like a disturbing musical instrument. "I hope you didn't dig up my involvement in the Rockets. Glorious times spent between such beautiful pairs of legs –"

"You…fucking…psycho," Maria's fists were clenched. Lily had to hold her back and in the process, the yellow folder was freed.

Within seconds, about twelve pages of printed information were scattered across the floor, a few depicting photos of no other than the man sitting upon the chair. He immediately leant forward, such excitement in those eyes that sparkled with mischief. A small gasp escaping, the pages were given a lover's touch, delicate and gentle.

"is this it? Is this…" one page was picked up and held closer, a thumb caressing the photo, "…is this me looking so stunning, dressed just in my orange onesie?"

"I can't believe this," Maria muttered, staring.

"Those bars held me in but they could never keep in my desire to flaunt my sexiness around that place –"

"What the hell are we dealing with here?" Lily's eyes rested on Phillip's gleeful expression.

"A mad man, apparently!"

"A man who could make any woman drool. Spending time in the Marine was beneficial," he pointed out, returning the paper unto the ground as if it was a table, "I got to be among other men of other statures, men who were nothing compared to me, such weak…fuckers."

Lily took a deep breath, trying to focus. "The point is, you spent time in jail because of what you did to Emma."

Not a word was said as the window blinds fluttered, all eyes on him.

"You were tried as an adult because of reaching the legal age. And you were sentenced to fifteen years in prison because they found about your involvement with drugs. Your mom was dead, your father suddenly disappearing into Mexico and when they seized your fancy mansion and all those toys, you took the fall."

"But I got out," he interjected with a nod. "What does it say about that in my file, hmm?"

"You…" Lily's eyes glanced at him in worry. But she read on anyway. "You were released after five years because the court found it difficult to attach all the blame on one person. There was an absence of evidence that linked the money laundering to you. And conveniently enough, papers were signed that catered for your removal from the prison."

"Bet daddy handed out boxes of drugs to all those nice people in all those high places," Maria cooed, stepping forward, eyes fiery. "Just to get his little boy released so the family business could go on."

"Are you a writer, Officer Brink?" Phillip asked cheerfully.

"I know a cheat when I see one, and you're a perfect example of a spoilt brat who wormed his way into the judicial system, just to get some sickening form of revenge on your foster sister. This…" she stooped, balancing on her dangerously high boots and snatched up a paper, "is your statement given to the police after you were released from prison. And if I might read it out loud, you said 'I will find the bitch who did this to me and we'll have a talk over drinks, two glasses of Bloody Mary served chilled and I hope that she doesn't choke on the razors in her glass because gutting her out is so much more exciting to watch.' The end."

"What can I say?" he asked, fingertips pressed together again, his blonde hair glinting in the daylight coming through the window behind him. "My favorite author is Stephen King." He shrugged.

"That what you wanna do in Storybrooke?" Maria asked, stepping forward. "You wanna make the book Desperation come true with that sadistic cop who tortures innocent people?"

"I might ring up the Langoliers for backup." He smiled.

"Make the call," Maria turned her eyes on Lily, glancing at the phone. "Call Sergeant Stills, Chief Long, call the fucking FBI and let's get this over with."

Without wasting time, Lily fished out the phone from her uniform's pocket and threw one more glance at Phillip. He rocked back on the chair dangerously, sending her a cool look that appeared so maddening. Something was wrong about this picture. Something was terribly wrong. Whilst dialing the NYPD's Chief Long, her gaze swept around the room. The bed was neatly made, appearing untouched. The brown oak vanity top was cleared and wiped clean. The blinds were drawn but fluttered in the wind. The closet doors were shut but screamed that the interior was empty.

He hadn't used this room.

"Oh please don't prolong the agony of bringing me down by wasting precious time," Phillip protested like a small child in a whiny voice. "Just make the call. You know that I've been a bad boy…"

Frowning at him, she chose to step further into the room, away from them and towards the door leading into the washroom. On the way there, Lily suddenly wondered about Phillip's credentials. She was puzzled over the FBI hiring him as an agent with a dirty background. He was an ex con and working his own case here. Maybe he was lying about being an agent. Maybe he wasn't an agent but a lunatic out on the loose.

She made the call. Chief Long answered after two rings and Lily explained the situation.

"What's the FBI doing all the way up in Maine?" phones rang in the background and Lily suddenly realized that she missed being at work. "We've questioned the witnesses and two suspects already. It looks like one of Robbie's men offed him because of the tension within the drug cartel."

"Did you find who did it?" Lily asked as the door behind her closed softly.

"Seems like it was just a ring match. The best thing we can do is to stay out of whatever happens in these cartels and leave them to their own faith. When NYPD intervenes, cops start to show up dead in the area as a sign. It's like playing Chess with the Devil. So we're about to let go of the case for now. This agent you're talking about though, what's his name again?"

"Phillip Johnson." Her eyes moved to mirror. She noticed that someone had drawn three strokes on the misty surface, one crossed off like an X.

"Hmm." Chief Long was a woman of patience.

"Was he given orders to work the case?"

"What kind of a stupid question is that, Detective Stevenson?" this was said in a cool tone, not a harsh one. "A relative cannot work a personal case unless the FBI is corrupted again. Not that it's something new."

"The man has credentials, everything."

"Could be a poser, could be a distressed relative who wants in on the case." Papers rustled in the background.

"He's here and he's putting one of the suspect's lives in jeopardy by planning some kind of revenge on her. It's insane."

"Who's the suspect, Emma Swan?"

Lily squeezed her eyes shut. "Yeah, turns out that Emma was his foster sister and Robbie's foster daughter. She was in the system. Phillip blames her for his parents' deaths."

"What the hell is going on out there Detective?" Long sounded utterly confused right now. "How did you get mixed up in this crap? An FBI agent does not put someone's life in danger because of personal reasons. That would cost him his badge. And you said this man is an ex con?"

"He abused the suspect when she was younger, which got him thrown in jail. It looks like we have a problem here."

"I want you to keep an eye on things there, Detective," Long urged, "I'll ring up the FBI and find out about this atrocity that's been happening. I'm checking the logs here, Stevenson and I'm not seeing a town in Maine by the name of Storybrooke. Are you sure…"

Lily repeated the name with certainty. Still Long could not find any record of the town. That wasn't the only puzzling issue in the equation. Apparently other people had been asking about Storybrooke but found difficulty in finding it. Somehow Lily frowned upon the reference Phillip made to Stephen King and she remembered the story circling around the television show Under the Dome and Haven. Perhaps it was just a case like that. Maybe this was a hidden community, off the grid and hard to find. But she had driven into Storybrooke alongside Phillip just the other day and so did Maria. How could it be possible that such a town did not exist on any maps?

"I'll give you a call as soon as we speak to the Bureau, Detective," Long was saying now, worry in her tone. "Stay safe and out of trouble. Remember, if anything happens to jeopardize a civilian's life and this Phillip is involved, intervene. Keep him away from Emma Swan. Suspect or witness, she was pointed out for a reason. We'll be in touch."

A thump came from behind the door, a loud one. The line disconnected and Lily gently turned the shiny silver knob, pulling open the door. Another loud thump was heard and them a mewling sound. When she stepped into the small bedroom once more, her eyes widened after seeing Maria curled up on the floor. A broken lamp lay next to her head that lolled sideways, eyelids fluttering close, almost out of consciousness. And she rushed to her without thinking.

But before she could cover the distance in a sprint, he grabbed her from behind. Before she could let out a scream, his rough hand silenced her. Before she could fight back, there was a stinging sensation at the side of her neck. And before she could register what was happening, the room turned black after every heavy wink.

* * *

><p><strong>TWO DAYS AFTER<strong>

It happened two days after she moved into her mansion again.

There I was now seated upon one of those red leather chairs before the warming fire whilst Regina took a bath upstairs. Staring at the painting above the fireplace, I couldn't help but wonder how she had managed to change from a woman that everyone feared the most to the kindest, most loving person in my life. Even her tone of voice had changed drastically, reduced to a softer and calmer level. It was like being reminded of standing there on her back porch whilst I watched the sun sink lower into the sky, filling the place with such calmness as the soft yellow rays soothed my mood. She was definitely the calm after every single storm unless I managed to piss her off. Even then, Regina would probably shout at me but seconds after there would be tears in her eyes because we were so affected by one another now.

But still Henry's painting made me remember when I had first met the QUEEN back in the Enchanted Forest. Of course I had been disguised but she had looked so gorgeous in that gown, I began to wonder about things. Like if she never did cast this curse and I had grown up in their world, would we have fallen in love still? Most likely she would have killed me but somehow I believed deep down that there would have come a time when I somehow managed to change things. I mean, she was possibly close to fifty years old now or more. And I'd be like twenty something years younger. But age didn't matter. Regina had all these years of experience in this world and in life over me and that never came in the way. What mattered was that we saw things in one another that kept us together and no matter what, she always kept loving me even when I tried to stop myself from loving her.

"I hope you're thinking of me," her voice drifted from behind. Rearing my head to capture a look on the stairs, I watched as she came down slowly, gripping the railing.

"Like every second of every day," I returned, my gaze resting on her new outfit, a cute sky blue blouse with long sleeves and a comfortable looking pair of black pants.

"You placed an enchantment on the door to the nursery, didn't you?"

I stared at her. "No, it's just locked."

"Don't worry, I merely tried the knob and noticed." Reaching the bottom of the stairs, she tilted her head sideways and smiled cutely. "At least let me take a peek?"

"No way."

"Miss Swan."

"Don't…" I frowned, "…Miss Swan me. You're not getting in there until I'm done. So don't even try."

I wasn't even done. The wallpaper had been plastered on and the crib was there already. But Henry and I were still gathering stuff like toys and those dangly things to hang around. Plus as much as I hated Robin, he had called me this morning to ask about buying more things like baby clothes and towels. Apparently Ruby bought stuff too so they were just calling to tell me that I shouldn't bother to get those. That left my main focus on the nursery and getting her to eat properly. Which means that things had to change around here drastically.

You're probably wondering when in the world I had time to deal with the nursery. Remember those days when she was in the hospital and I'd find myself sitting in the patrol car, tempted to use drugs and pills? Well at some point in between those hurtful…points…I managed to drag myself over here and start up a project.

"I bet you reveled in the moment of selecting these chairs," she sat next to me and ran a hand over the back. "The exact shade of your jacket."

"Something that used to piss you off," I reminded her, suddenly feeling all tingly inside because we were so close together with our thighs touching.

"Well it doesn't anymore."

"I like how your hair looks," I said. Reaching across the distance, my cupped fingers caressed the dark tendrils tumbling over her right shoulder. Losing composure, my thumb moved to feel the softness of her cheek as she blinked slowly, our eyes never moving away from each other.

"Should I trim the bottom or –" The sentence was left hanging.

"Do you want to trim it?"

"I've had it short for thirty years or more now and perhaps a change would be nice."

Capturing her hair between my fingers, I studied the length. "Either way, you'll still look gorgeous as always."

"Just as you look extremely sexy with those darker highlights in your hair," she smiled, a slight blush creeping up her neck.

"This was all Ruby's work when we were on friendly terms."

"And you will be some day again," she assured me, resting a palm upon my hand. From the time she did that, I felt my magic tickling around my fingers encased in the gloves. "What is it?" frowning, I lifted my eyes to meet hers.

"It's just that…my magic is misbehaving again and I'm wearing the gloves to keep some kind of control over it."

"How long has this been happening?" frowning, my right hand was taken and then the other as she slid off the cool red leather that had been enchanted by her own magic.

"Since the accident and you…" I swallowed, looking at her, "…the coma, me losing control of my feelings. When I used to have problems with focusing, I'd just think of you and then everything would be okay. But because of what happened recently, all I could feel was pain and hurt –"

I stopped because she slid her fingers between mine, entwining our hands and holding them up between us. When that was done the warmth arising from just making contact with her was like a lamp that kept on burning. If we could create this kind of feeling, if that sudden tingling that travelled up my arm and through my body could always remain there then why would I ever doubt this at all? If this was one sided the surely nothing would happen like that. And the longer I kept our hands together, the stronger the sense of togetherness remained.

But there was something more that remained hidden beneath the connection between us. Maybe it was mostly on my side because those brown eyes were focused on my hands entwined with hers, almost as if she was trying to fix whatever was broken inside of me. She kept focusing and all I wanted to do was to close the distance between us and surprise her with a kiss. It's all I wanted and I would have done it if she hadn't been so severely attached to whatever the hell was going on with our magic.

"You're blocking me out," her voice was strained, gaze resting on me finally. "Your magic isn't meshing with mine, almost as if you've created a barrier around yourself."

I searched her face.

"Try to relax, Emma."

"I can't," I confessed.

She studied me with a frown and suddenly I found it hard to breathe. "Why?"

This was the moment and the truth had to be told right now. "Because I have something to tell you," my throat tightened. "It's why we can't connect...I need to get it off my chest."

Offering me a confused look, Regina was clearly affected as well by the meeting of our hands because her lips remained parted and she clearly couldn't breathe properly.

"Please don't tell me that we're over," she pleaded, tears forming in her eyes. "I beg of you."

"Regina –"

"If you're about to tell me that you're not in love with me anymore, then my heart will be finished for good. I don't think that I'll survive…this time." She choked on a small sob whilst my vision swam from tears coming forth as well.

"I'm never going to stop loving you. Why would you think that," I confessed.

Squeezing her eyes shut, she inhaled deeply, lips parted and honestly my heart began to ache so much because if you could only see her. If you could just sit there and watch the woman you love crumble simply because she could hold unto every single word, every emotion and feeling. I don't think that you'd keep a straight face.

"But you said that we have to be honest with each other and I really need to tell you as much as I can manage, beginning from now."

"Likewise," she whispered, eyes fluttering open as tears slid down her right cheek.

Seconds stretched out between us and I finally decided to speak up first.

Coming to terms with what I had done was a punishment by itself. To watch the look on her face, changing from a calm one to severe hurt when I confessed that moments had been shared between Maria and me then Killian: that was more than enough to squeeze my heart. Of course she remained silent as if waiting on me to announce that it was all a joke, but then there must have been the truth revealed in my eyes. Clear for everyone to see. I had done the dumbest things. I had allowed myself to be touched by two other people. I had pushed my boundaries and betrayed her trust in me.

"How did that happen?" she asked in a whisper, those eyes remaining calm.

We were about to fall apart and I could already feel it. "It just…did."

Taking in a deep breath, our hands were lowered and as much as she tried to release mine, I held unto hers. This time, I'd have to choose my words carefully because judging from the fiery look in her eyes, this wasn't going to be easy at all. Then again, it shouldn't be easy. I was about to tell her the truth and the truth was horrible.

Relating to you exactly what was said on my part might get across as me rambling off, repeating something that you already know. To have you relive those brief moments shared might anger you. So I now resort to the next alternative. I told her about what happened between me and Maria. I told her that as soon as my car rolled over that town line on a rainy day, there was one thing definite in my mind: that we were over. And by that, it's more than obvious why my mind was made up to end things off. Just when I was lost, I said to her, this cop shows up and she frisked me. We had lunch, we talked. I went to use the washroom and she came in afterwards. Then I told her the truth. I told her that Maria was the one who started everything. She pushed me. She kissed me. And then when everything was over, she drove away.

That was until my car was slammed in from the back and she shows her face again in town, offering to buy me a drink. All of this I confessed, that we talked, she told me about her son, her job. I felt comfortable around her for some odd reason. That last part, I left out because Regina's eyes were already stormy and I was about to get hit by the full effect of a hurricane, any second now.

She stared at me for a long time, and I knew that my face was studied. Letting all my defenses down, I exposed myself to her so that she could see the truth.

"And Hook?"

"Two shots of Vodka, the conversation I had with you over the phone about Robin, the possibility of him waking you up, me telling you that we were over," I inhaled deeply, "after that I began to feel as if…" I had to be honest. "It's like there was all this pressure from everyone: Ruby harassing me and then Robin throwing these hints, both of them basically reducing my belief in…US. And in the moment when I kissed him, Regina I swear to you, I honestly believed that I wasn't good enough for you, I'd never be good enough and yet everyone was relying on me all the time to be this…Savior…this strong person who always was supposed to have her shit together no matter what. I lost belief in myself and from the time that happened, my mind became so confused that I wanted to do something rash. I wanted to force myself into doing something unexpected. And I did it and I felt like crap because Hook and I, we've been good friends for so long and we moved past whatever happened between us a couple years ago. Then I just…kissed him…and fucked everything up."

She said nothing to me, nothing at all. And all I received was the meeting of our eyes.

"If you want to tell me that we can't be together anymore then at least I'll know that it's deserving because..."

I watched those eyes squeeze shut and she pulled her hands away slowly. When she did that, it's like my entire body began to grow so cold. My fingers felt icy and all the tears were frozen.

"Regina…" My voice was hoarse, me touching her right arm with my fingers. From the moment I made contact with her, she pulled back and stood up.

It was like if someone had sliced me with a razor blade when she created distance between us. It was horrible. It was painful. Even when her footsteps led away from me, shaky fingers running through dark hair that tumbled over those hunched shoulders, I knew that this was expected. I knew that it would have led to this. But I didn't know whether she'd walk away from me or stay. I didn't know that. The things that I did, the stuff I said, how was she supposed to react? Any reasonable person would yell, throw a fit and demand that I take my leave. But Regina just walked away and stood there just under the portrait Henry did of her, backing me and terribly upset.

"When does it…stop?" she asked eventually.

"Right now," I never hesitated but said it immediately, looking at her directly. "It stops right now because frankly, I don't give a shit about Ruby or Robin anymore. Maria and Hook, nothing else will happen. And Neal, well he's safely tucked away with Tinkerbell somewhere." Getting up from the chair, my boots padded upon the floor as I took tentative steps towards the woman who was staring at me with wet eyes. "The minute we walked into this place today, I left every single doubt, and everyone else outside there just so that we could reach this point and have this conversation. After this, I'm not going pick up back those demons when I leave unless you want to throw me away because of what I did."

"So every time we have an argument," she said, glaring at me, "every time we fall out, am I to expect you to linger in someone else's arms, allowing them to kiss you?"

"No, it wasn't like that –"

"Then why did you allow it?" she asked in a frustrated tone that was high enough to twist my heart.

I said that the moment got to me and there was all this confusion going on, these doubts about myself. Somehow the need to do something crazy was pressing.

"Regina, I don't want to go back there. It's done. You did what you had to do, we both suffered through it. And –"

"Then you double crossed me with two other people," she interrupted, pressing her back upon the wall, trying to keep distance between the two of us. "Right now I don't want to go back there either but this situation must be addressed between the two of us. And hearing of your lip locking sessions from even your mother, which seriously fueled me up with anger."

"Then go ahead and shout at me," I urged, my eyes stinging.

Seconds slipped by between us and I realized that somehow the tension between us had to be popped with a needle, a trigger because it was becoming overwhelmingly torturing. She was choking me with her silence, that silent stare and as the tears leaked down cheeks that were already stained, my heart ached more than ever.

"Do you want me to leave?" I swallowed, feeling a lump in my throat, knowing that I was pushing it.

Covering her face, the wall was felt for and she sank unto it. Immediately I rushed forward. But Regina turned to face me, and the tears in her eyes were enough to make mine burn as well.

"How could you do that?" She asked frustratingly, her balled fists lashing out at me, face scrunched up as my chest was repeatedly used as a punching bag. "How could you hurt me like that? Kissing them as if I meant nothing to you. I told you how sorry I was. How…the…hell…" I snatched her wrists and held them whilst she struggled, me choking on a sob that escaped.

Trying to draw her nearer was a struggle because Regina wouldn't stop her efforts to keep me away. Palms pressed upon my shoulders, she attempted to push distance between us whilst I kept our eyes locked on one another. I kept trying and trying to fight, to bring her back into me but she resisted over and over again. The pain in her eyes was enough to stick me with a thousand needles. The firmness within her grip, nails digging into my skin. She was filled with so much passion, I deserved this. I deserved it all.

Finally, she pulled her hands away and began to walk towards the back of the house. I didn't run after her. I stood there watching as she went towards the backdoor and pulled it open, the wind rushing in. Hair fluttering around hunched shoulders, she stepped outside and into the moonlight that illuminated the porch, the rustle of leaves just beyond. The creak of the swing could be heard and the choir-like chirping of crickets outside in the yard.

I don't know how long I stood there but within that time, she never left my sight. She never disappeared. She never walked out of view. Regina just stood there with her back towards me and those sad eyes cast away from my direction. Between us I could feel a slight tension but it wasn't severe as before. Instead there was a definite pull across the distance, one that kept me certain that we weren't over. We weren't over for good. But we weren't entirely together either. We had just hit a bump in the road, and we needed time to recover.

Finally I closed the distance.

When I neared her, from the way her body stiffened, one could tell that my presence was noted. It's something that unfolded between us. Sometimes we used to feel it before. But now it's clearly evident that there's more to it. And neither of us can deny the fact that we're severely attracted to and affected by one another.

"Robin kissed me," she said softly. "Again…"

I stopped with just a foot between us and stared. Folding her arms, she remained with her back facing me.

"He said that he loves me, deeply." The last word was stressed on, the huskiness in her voice still managing to curl my toes. "Ruby confessed that she still has a crush on me. Two…" she stopped and sighed, hugging herself whilst the leaves rustled in her two apple trees. The swing creaked. "And yet no one else matters. As stubborn as you are, as reckless and indecisive as you may be, I cannot return their affections. The past –"

"Regina, I –"

"Must remain in the past," she continued as if I hadn't spoken. "I wish for us to move forward without dwelling on the hurtful things, learning from our mistakes and making moves to avoid future occurrences. For my sake, Emma, I am not well. And if this continues, chances are that I will lose my baby as I've said before. You might even lose me in the process."

I moved closer and stepped in front of her, keeping an inch of space between us. She breathed in deeply, lips parted and her gaze rested upon my boobs barely exposed beneath the navy blue shirt I had on, two buttons undone.

"That's how maddening this is. No matter what you do, no matter what you say to me, I can't stop this." It was Regina who touched me first. Feeling her hands upon my shoulders, I shivered as my toes curled.

"You drive me insane," I whispered as our cheeks were pressed together and she ran her fingers through my hair. "Whatever is happening between us is too strong and there's no way in hell I can ever make it stop."

"Then you have to keep trying," she said into my right ear, tickling my neck with her breath, "for us. You have to believe in me from now so that we can both stay strong because I need you beside me, Emma."

Wrapping my arms around her, my grip was so tight, I didn't want to let her go. And I didn't for such a long time as she hugged me, the side of my face felt wet from her warm tears. I had told her finally and I have to admit that my biggest fear was she telling me to leave and never come back. But somehow even though that was the hardest conversation I had been engaged in for such a long time, eventually we ended up right back together. Regina somehow managed to put aside her sass and anger and she focused on the present moment that included us alone. And that's all that mattered.

"I haven't forgiven you completely as yet for what you did," she admitted, our foreheads pressed together, eyes locked on me. "So don't believe that your lingering lips will not be punished."

"What will you do to me?" I frowned.

"Are you prepared to do anything to make up for the hurt you caused me?"

"Anything," I played with her fingers between mine. "Just name it."

"It?" she raised an eyebrow. "I have a list."

"And since you slipped up too, I have a list."

"Seems reasonable to begin with." Holding our hands up, she entwined our fingers and squeezed gently. "Why don't you start listing your demands?"

* * *

><p><strong>ONE WEEK AFTER<strong>

He kept Lily and Maria as prisoners in a dirty shack near the Fishery by the docks.

The only sound that kept them company was the lapping of the waves unto yellow sand freckled with shells. The smell of stink fish was heavy, at times so strong that one couldn't help but choke on nausea from the stench. And with their hands shackled to two steel posts, neither of the women had any chance to avoid the disgusting atmosphere, to shield off the scent with a hand.

He came day in and day out with take out in brown paper bags. The rank smell never seemed to upset a man of his type for they were always greeted with a smile, a cheerful disposition that became seriously maddening. In fact, every day after they were lured there at gun point and taken in as his precious prisoners, Phillip fed his dolls like a mother. Sitting on the ground with his legs neatly folded, dressed very decently, hair neatly shaven like a Marine, the plastic spoon was held up with food. Food was easy to get in this town, from Chinese take out to simple potato fries with a protein shake. He favored cheese rolls and chocolate cake for himself. He fed them as he'd feed a child.

After Maria tried to bite his fingers off, she was left to suffer for some time without food. Lily on the other hand was stubborn to a point until hunger kicked in. And then there was no protesting. She tried to reason with him, tried to talk him out of keeping them there. But he was determined to stick to a 'plan' that appeared to be etched in that mad mind of his.

Today he had other plans.

It was around three o'clock when he strode in brandishing a stack of posters with Emma's face on the front.

"Who will volunteer to help me put these up?" he asked, all eyes on Lily.

"Fuck off," she muttered, and turned the other way. Maria snorted from her corner, still pulling on the handcuffs as if after so many days, they would suddenly snap open like a miracle.

"See, the problem with you two is this," he said stepping into the room and pulling up a rusty chair that would obviously leave marks on that expensive blue jeans of his. After eyeing the rust, the chair was kicked away in disgust. "Both of you fail to realize who has the upper hand here."

"So you wanna play God now?" Maria asked scornfully, her emerald eyes icy. "Are you God? What are you, some fucking King?"

Without wasting time, Phillip retrieved his Samsung Galaxy from a pocket and tapped away on it with a smile.

"Just let us go," Lily said warily. "Let us go and we can make a deal."

"I don't make deals with women who hardly have breasts." He smiled at her. "Somehow it makes me feel as if I'm dealing with a man."

"You asshole –"

"Have you considered going under the knife?" his boyish face was turned upwards. "Would work wonders for you."

"Gimme a knife and I'll make a masterpiece of your face." That was Maria.

"I wonder…" he turned the face of the mobile in her direction, "what this young man would look like if he went under a knife, hmm?"

That was enough to squeeze a gasp out of her. A handsome face peered out from his mobile, captured in a cheerful smile as her son obviously was on his way home from school. The blonde immediately tugged on the restraints, her eyes flicking to meet his, filled with fear. Oh how he enjoyed the power in the room, surrounding just him like an iron bubble. It was alluring to sit in the center with two women bound before him. The pieces were all set, and all he had to do was to make a move, any move.

"Leave my son alone," Maria was breathless.

"Darling in this life, we have to make sacrifices, and as a cop, you'd know that more than anyone." He held the phone up in Lily's direction. "Dear old rich, bald daddy who paid for your tuition and life would look so handsome in a coffin." Her father sat in front of the television with a Budweiser in his right hand, remote in the other, enjoying a sitcom most likely.

"No."

"Unless you do as I say."

"I'll do what you want," Lily confessed, her eyes huge with fear. "Just leave them alone. Leave Maria's son alone. Leave my father alone. They did nothing to become involved in this. This is between you, me and Maria."

"And Emma, the blonde bitch you have this unhealthy crush on." A finger was pressed to his chin. "I bet seeing her in love with another woman hit you like a freight train, didn't it? Pretty brunette Regina is. She's got a nice pair of tits." He cupped his hands out, holding unto invisible breasts, blue eyes dancing. "She smells…wonderful. Those gorgeous brown eyes that remind me of melting chocolate, long eyelashes, luscious lips, perfectly shaped legs –"

"Oh cut the shit, you pervert," Maria was disgusted, glancing away.

"Then again, you seem to take an interest in the Sheriff as well, don't you?" His fingertips were pressed together, eyes dancing in glee as if he was running his own television show. "Both of you must want Regina Mills to suddenly drop dead like a fly so that you'd fight till the end and try to win Swan's heart. All of that is in my plan, you see, if it comes to that. I could set up an obstruction, crash a car and put you two right at the scene. And just like that, you end up behind bars and Emma's severely pissed with both of you. For good."

"No one's going to end up behind bars other than you," Lily stated, her eyes hard.

"You'd look good in an orange jump suit," Maria hissed. "A handsome fellow like you. Oh the men inside there would play with you like a puppet. Do you miss it?"

He had just about enough of her arrogance. She didn't have to remind him of prison, the red brick house, his cell as small as a matchbox. Striding over to where she sat, Phillip slapped her. He moved in for another one, and Maria clipped her legs around his ankles. To the cold damp ground he fell hard. And suddenly Lily watched with wide eyes as the blonde used her free hand to snatch the cellphone from the lunatic's grasp. Hands grabbed out at her, kept grabbing and she slid the mobile in Lily's direction.

"Call Emma."

"I don't know her freaking number."

"Call someone!" the bottom of her boot met Phillip's handsome face. "Dial something." She kicked again and again. And he kept reaching for her blindly, groaning like a demented soul.

She redialed his last number because it looked familiar, felt familiar. And the kicking continued, the struggle as he crawled towards her on all fours. Maria hammered kicks repeatedly in his direction. Cowering, hands shielded his face.

Two rings, three.

"What the hell do you want," a familiar voice hissed. "I said to leave me alone."

"Who is this?" her mouth was dry.

"Ruby. Who the hell are you?"

"Lily…Officer Stevenson. Look," Lily shook her head, blinking, "we need help. We're at the docks in a building with the name FISHERY plastered at the top. Come with backup."

"Wait, what?" Ruby's voice started to come in bits and pieces. The phone was losing signal. "I can't hear you properly. Who is this?"

"IT'S LILY. WE NEED HELP. DOCKS. FISHERY. BRING BACKUP." She literally shouted into the mic.

"Lily? Detective? You're not coming over clear…I…you…somehow…"

There was static and then Phillip was coming for her. And then the call was disconnected. She stared at the display and groaned. Rising to his feet like a powerful King, blue eyes narrowed into slits. He looked deadly now. For the first time since they had met each other, the ex-Marine looked the part of a psychotic killer.

"You shouldn't have done that," he said, staggering over her like a beanstalk about to fall. And his voice had changed. "Now you're going to pay for that call."

* * *

><p><strong>SAME DAY<strong>

**Emma **

I'm standing with my fingers wrapped around the handle of a plastic cart. Mom and I are casually moving through aisle after aisle whilst she ticks random stuff off on her grocery list. Pushing the cart seems to be my only job at the moment.

"It would appear as if Phillip and the gang have been hiding recently." Pressing a fingertip unto her chin, she studied the price tag attached to pack of noodles.

"Yeah."

I found it strange that neither Maria nor Lily had been seen for almost a week now. It was the weekend, Saturday to be exact and even after patrolling the streets, we never crossed paths. Which was strange. Not that I had been sweeping every single street on duty. Besides, these couple of days my mind had been severely distracted by two other people. Henry for one was buried in his end of term exams and strict monitoring of his time was done by me and Neal. Regina on the other hand was sentenced to bed rest by my mother, Whale, Tinkerbell, Ruby and Robin. I would have pitched in but apparently within a house frequented by all of those friends of hers, my voice was muffled in between.

She had friends now.

Within two weeks we hardly spent enough time together. I'll explain later. Right now, mom's left bra strap has become undone, the back part hanging out of her dress. It's like my mind is itching to fix it. I'm so close to reaching out. I do and she gives me this wicked smile as if there's more to me fixing her bra in the middle of a supermarket.

"Regina doesn't wear bras, does she?"

I rolled my eyes. "Here we go."

"But then I bet that she does." She gazed at the white ceiling, deep in thought. "After your girls become heavy, you can't really get through the day without a bra."

"Are we having this conversation?" I wasn't smiling.

"And then they become so sensitive to the touch. Yes we are having this conversation." She winked at me. I looked away. "We are having this conversation because you're like the husband in the relationship, the one who stands behind the mom to give her moral support."

"Don't do this to me –"

"Teaching her to control her breathing, giving her back massages, holding her hands through contractions, football kicks and the like –"

Snow snatched up the pack of noodles after a serious scrutiny and chucked it into the cart. Today she had on this blinding yellow dress with a black ribbon wrapped snugly around her, just below those enormous boobs. Those chocolate brown flat shoes padded upon the tiled floors as I followed lost in my own thoughts. If you're interested in what I'm wearing, I can give you a quick update. Black tank top, red leather jacket, black pants and the usual knee high boots. Hair? Snatched up into a high ponytail.

"You're supposed to be her mentor," she continued. "You've been through this before."

"Like over twelve years ago. Milk?" I wanted to avoid any discussions involving me being seen as a husband. I am not manly and I do not strut.

Snow nodded. "No sodas in my apartment as I told Henry," she walked on, eyes travelling all over the shelves. "Especially when he's mostly there studying, glasses of chocolate milk are ideal."

"Regina would give you so many gold stars for that move." I smiled. She did too.

"How is she?"

I frowned. "You were just there this morning."

Throwing me a 'oh don't play smart with your mother' look, Snow huffed out a sigh. "Of course I was there. And I left her stretched off in the chair swing at the back. But I mean…" she pinched my right arm, "how is she when it comes to you? How are the two of you getting along?"

For once it was an easy question. But there was no simple answer. And I couldn't give an answer that didn't grow an aching ball in my throat nor did my chest feel like glass shattering. I could breathe. However, there was so much more to it. In a supermarket with the AC units turned up to the max, somehow there in my heart resided this fuzzy feeling that felt entirely warm. But around that warmth, there was this thin layer of ice.

"We're okay," I said. "Still working things out."

"You do look radiant these past few days," she observed, stopping to check my face. I eyed the shelf packed with toothbrushes and idly examined one with Dora on the case. "So your sex life _must_ be going _really_ well…"

I gagged. My eyes widened. "What?"

"Not that her being pregnant should get in the way." Staring at her wildly, Snow seemed to be completely unaware of my reaction. "I mean, one can improvise, shift positions, get all…handsy." Now she was smiling widely at me as those fingers wiggled before her. "Only a woman knows how to please another woman –"

"Mom, I do not –"

"And it's so, so exciting to feel through familiar territory, I suppose that it's easier and –"

"Stop it."

"Passionate enough. In more departments than anyone can imagine," her brown eyes were shining, gaze directed elsewhere. "Being hopeful, the possibility of being happy, over and over again –"

With my back erect, I shoved the cart ahead of me and continued walking, a grim expression on my face. After some time she did follow, and soon enough we continued to the cashier. Keeping my fingers crossed, I could only hope that mom wouldn't speak about my sex life in front of Dolly who was ready to cash us out.

She was mad. No really and truly, Snow was really something else. Bringing up the most uncomfortable topics in the most ridiculous places, that was how random things were. First there would be the flicker of light behind those brown eyes as an idea drawn from mischievous thoughts was sparked. Then she'd twitch in excitement and gasp or let go of that well known squeal. Then conversation would take a dramatic turn.

"I really don't know how you could have managed that," she was now throwing across to Dolly who scanned each item with a smile. Mom picked up a packet of watermelon flavored condoms and I lashed her hand in bewilderment. Dropping it, she smirked. "Ten children, Dolly. One year apart. It's like you're making your own football team, aren't ya?"

Dolly could only laugh. I flashed a glare at Snow.

"Dave did mention that a couple times." The carton of milk was passed under the scanner, her eyes lowered. "Plus they were all trying to kick their way out of me when they did their time." She made it sound as if her kids had been inmates in her body.

"This little one hardly kicks," Snow boasted, rubbing her round midsection with a smile. "I can get numerous hours of sleep without interruptions."

"Good for you. I hardly used to sleep at night. Could only manage four." Henry's box of Fruit Loops slid under the scanner.

"I manage nine plus," mom folded her arms.

"Two during the day," Dolly pelted across as if it was a freaking competition.

"Five if there aren't any good LMN movies on the telly!"

"Oh yeah?" Dolly held the box of macaroni under the scanner, eyes on my mother. "How many pounds do you weigh now?"

"Just around one eighty…"

"Really?" I muttered. None of them heard my silent plea for them to stop.

As Dolly was claiming that she weighed one twenty with her fourth child, I silently slipped through the sliding glass doors. The sun was cool, barely casting any kind of warmth outside and into Storybrooke. The parking lot was empty except for mom's jeep. And after checking out the area, noting there was no one in sight, I discovered the beginning of his attempts to throw me into the pits of hell.

Plastered across the red clay brick fence bordering the supermarket and separating it from the Pet Store, my mug shots stared back at me like mocking clones. My reaction was instantaneous. I raced forward, fists clenched and ready to tear them all down. But the taunting words on every one really had an effect on me.

**HOW WELL DO YOU REALLY KNOW YOUR SHERIFF?**

**DID YOU KNOW THAT THE SHERIFF IS A MURDERER?**

**DID YOU KNOW THAT SHE WAS A DRUG DEALER?**

**DID YOU KNOW THAT EMMA SWAN WAS A PROSTITUTE IN BOSTON?**

This was like déjà vu. It reminded me of my first few months spent in this town when Madame Mayor had made it her civil duty to harass me beyond expectations. In fact, she had exceeded expectations, digging up dirt from my past and shoving it in my face. But compared to her attempts to ridicule me, Regina's actions seemed less hurtful, almost like a tickle compared to this.

By the time mom had come out, I was already peeling the disgusting posters from off the wall. Bunching them up, several were strewn around my boots as she hustled towards, clutching two sturdy white plastic bags.

"These weren't up when we went in," she pointed out.

I gathered up the balls of paper infested with vengeance and lies, then strode over to the public bin. Tossing them in, my next move was to help her with the bags. And as we walked to her van, Snow kept on studying my face as if she was expecting an outburst. To be honest, I couldn't openly vent how Phillip's attempt to degrade me affected my mind. Sure there were a few things that could have been said right there and then. But mom was already burdened by enough and to lure her into this would be a huge mistake. Not that she would take the hint and drop it.

"That means he's still around here." I fastened my seat belt and turned the key, the green heart shaped key ring dad had given her dangling, twinkling from the light outside. "He's still out there and it looks as if he's not going to stop hurting you."

I said nothing.

"Emma, what are you going to do?"

"Don't worry about me," the wheel was turned, my boot pressing easy on the accelerator. "I'll handle it."

"How will you handle it?" She could never drop the topic. Mom was always concerned, no matter what.

"First thing's first, I'll find some way to get rid of all the posters."

"And second?"

Throwing a glance at her, I noticed that the seatbelt was stretched to its fullest across her enormous midsection. Regina had gained some weight within the last two weeks, surprisingly. After following a strict diet prescribed by Whale and my mom, she was slowly regaining her energy and health. But while mom was growing plumper by the week, Regina wasn't close to pushing one eighty pounds. As a matter of fact, from what I had seen of her since she came out of the hospital, just the baby seemed to be growing and taking up as much room as she could. The whole swollen feet thing was a reminder to me of what pregnancy had been like at the age of eighteen. It's like I had been a stick that couldn't carry around the weight of baby. And the food they had served in prison hadn't exactly been tasty enough. So weight gain was not possible for me.

"I'll patrol around to see if I can dig up the scumbag," I said, eyes on Henry's school in the distance. It was around four now and he was probably in the library studying. Neal had volunteered to pick him up later in the evening.

"Please don't go alone."

"I'm not going to ride around with Hood as a buddy." Calling him by his last name gave me some kind of satisfaction. I wasn't formal, nor was I friendly.

"Take your dad."

"Dad's buried in paperwork and Mayor duties that you've been neglecting these past few weeks."

"Me." Leaning back, her shoes toed the black furry mat as she stretched. "I've been resting. Mayor duties put on hold. Storybrooke isn't going to push out this baby. I am. And anything Storybrooke related can wait."

"Says the Mayor." I smiled.

"Really I'd like to get rid of the title. By default after the whole curse thing, the duties rest on me. But I'd really like to hand it off to Regina." She focused her gaze on the side of my face. Every time HER name was brought up, mom always looked at me. This had been going on for a long time, even before Neverland. "Regina refuses to take the chair."

"You're not going to sit there and tell me that you actually went over there this morning to harass her into taking the job." I turned to her and she turned to look out the window. "Come on, mom! She's not well enough to even take a walk down Main Street and you want her to put on a suit and go back to work?"

"She's the Queen."

"She's been gone from here for more than two years."

"She doesn't have to wear a suit." Snow shrugged. "She could wear anything."

"Whale ordered her to take three full weeks of bed rest. And as I can recall," the jeep's engine died down, "you were totally in support of it." We were parked in front of her apartment now.

"I can't even put my paintings on the wall," she complained whilst I got out and opened the back door. "The paintings of ponies and unicorns, rainbows: I can't even put them up because I feel as if I'm intruding. The Mayor's office, that's her territory. The chair smells like her. Everything in that place smells like Regina."

She dug up these painful memories of me visiting that office so many times over the past two years. Those memories stung my eyes as I rested a bag on my right hip and closed the door. I used to go in there and walk around, trying to bring her back to life somehow by believing that she was still in there. My skin used to prickle when my fingers touched the cool blood red cushion of her chair. And it's true. Everything in that particular room smelt like Regina. Down the hallways I used to go and it's like the click of her heels followed me everywhere. The scent of her perfume, an intake of breath just before she'd speak. The bowl that used to be filled with juicy red apples.

"Take her with you," she said when we were standing in front of her door, the key already turned.

I looked at her, confused for a second. "Take her where?"

"With you, on patrol." Snatching the bag, she walked past me and entered the flat my parents had called home for over three years now.

"What the hell?"

"Just let her sit in the car."

Rule number one for any officer on patrol according to my books is that you never take a civilian on patrol, especially one that's pregnant. Chances are that things could get pretty ugly out there. Who knows what Phillip was up to? And I stood a better and safer chance by going out on my own. If he wanted to harm anyone, then that anyone should be me. I wasn't about to put Regina's life in jeopardy. My mind was never freed from worry every second spent away from her. Sure she was pissed when I installed a security system on her house. But it had to be done. What's funny is that Regina refused to leave the house just because she didn't want to disarm and reactivate the system. According to her, she hated machines with chips embedded inside like little brains. Her excuse was that she could possibly get electrocuted from touching the keypad.

I told Snow this and it's like my words went through one ear and drifted out the other one. Putting the TV onto LMN, she seated herself on the chair and raised the volume until I was forced to leave. Pregnant women and their moods: I really understood that part all too well.

From the time I stepped out of the apartment building and unto the street, looking this way and that, my mobile vibrated. Pulling it out with a frown, the first thing that came into my mind was that it was Henry. He was probably finished already and was texting an update, saying that he wanted me to pick him up instead. When I saw that it was from an unknown number, honestly, it was like, hey, unknown number, no big deal. Maybe it's just some resident of Storybrooke that wants to contact me. I tapped OPEN and my entire brain froze over.

**WHERE'S YOUR WIFE? WOULDN'T WANT TO LOSE HER. CAN'T PLAY DADDY WITHOUT MOMMY AND HER KIDDO. THEN AGAIN, KARMA IS A BITCH.**

I never really did the thing where you disappeared in smoke and reappeared somewhere else. Yeah I'm a Harry Potter fan. I know that witches can apparate, all in the process of apparating. Am I even a witch? Should I refer to myself as a witch? Whatever. The point is, I did it. All that could be remembered is me instantly seeing Regina in my mind. I could actually see her standing right there in front of me. And after I blinked, there was a whoosh and a tingly sensation travelling across my body. Then my vision was obscured by white smoke with this goldish tint. And suddenly, she was standing right in front of me.

What the hell, did I just…

With her back to me, she was dressed in a pair of baggy grey sweat pants, no socks on and an overly large blue long sleeve sweater. I remembered that sweater. It was a gift granny had given her about three years ago when the winter was bitter and colder than usual. There was this small wolf embroidered in red at the back and front, I somehow wondered now if it was directly related to Ruby. How did I feel about that? Well a little itchy inside but completely focused on the text message and the fact that I had just freaking APPARATED.

She was soaping a ceramic plate with a yellow sponge, slowly drawing circles whilst the tap water sprinkled over her fingers. And I took one step, then another, inhaling deeply as Phillip's obvious threat had no impact thus far. Unless it wasn't Regina and someone else standing there. Unless it was a mirage, a delusion. Unless I was seeing what I wanted to see. I was losing my mind.

"Regina".

She twitched when I called her name and turned around, brown eyes wide. For a moment we just gazed at each other, searching for answers and warmth, hearts reaching by reflex for that connection that held us together. I'm not saying that we're like laptops trying to connect to a WIFI hotspot. But you get the idea.

"Emma".

I knew her so well. From the moment she searched my eyes and detected that there was a lingering worry behind them, the soap was rinsed away from her fingers. And returning the plate and sponge into the depths of the sink, Regina came to me with worry in her gaze.

"What's wrong, dear?"

I hated when she called me 'dear' because that reminded me of the early days when we used to hiss at each other like cats. However, I wasn't going to tell her that I didn't want to be called that. It might sound wrong. Besides, I still referred to her as Madame Mayor and her Majesty. So we were even.

"Nothing's wrong," I lied. "Just wanted to stop by and see how you're doing."

I also knew that the only way she could tell whether I had told a lie would be by eye contact. So my gaze rested on the shine of her counter top instead. And this has to be said. It's like something gnawing away at me because you will want to know what the hell is going on. So it's on me to tell you the truth. Since that night when I confessed about my intimate encounters with Killian and Maria, it's like she's been keeping me at arm's length. And I really mean it. If I managed to have her draw me closer and press a kiss to my lips, then that would be like a hallelujah.

"I was waiting on your call," her voice was hoarse. She kept looking at me and never reached out to make any contact. My throat burned.

Just when I had told mom that everything was okay between us, now it felt like a lie. But the truth is, I felt that I deserved this, that's why to me it was somehow okay. We weren't fighting, yelling at each other. She wasn't mad at me. The first thing that warmed me was Regina's decision to keep both Robin and Ruby at a distance. The few times Ruby had come here to see her, mom had been here. According to her, the woman standing before me really kept the wolf in the friend zone. There were no hugs. Robin never came to the house. Well I took her word for it. I believe her. I always did.

"Didn't want to disturb you."

"You look pale," she said.

"It's still cold outside," I patted my right cheek and felt a warm blush coming on. It was a bit awkward to find myself avoiding looking her in the eyes. I suddenly had an idea. "Let me help you with that." I pointed to the sink and strode towards it without waiting on a response.

"You…don't have to," she started and her words trailed off.

Through the window directly positioned in front of me, I manage to capture her apple tree. And as the plate was soaped then rinsed, the leaves wavering in the wind outside were my only focus. Then on, it was almost as if there was only me in the kitchen. There was silence. I knew that she was standing right there. I could feel the lingering presence behind me, knowing well enough that she was looking at me. But not a word was said. It's weird. Really weird. And the more I think about it, the more I'm returned to the past, just a few weeks ago. The more I'll remember the tension between us. And I don't want to remember it because we've moved on.

But I can't forget.

I couldn't stand it any longer. "What you said a couple days ago." Head bowed, the water covered my hands like a glimmering glove. "About my wrong moves, about…the past and what I did –"

"Yes."

"You're punishing me."

"What?" she sounded surprised as I was. But those words probably had to be said because they had an effect on me. My throat was aching.

I continued to wash her glass and swirled the water around inside idly. The scent of apples from her detergent did tickle my nose. The yellow sponge reminded me of my yellow bug. My car.

"So what's up?" my voice wavered. "How's the day going so far?" I tried to change the topic.

"Emma," she dragged my name out.

"Did you get some sleep yet?"

It was my turn to twitch when she moved to stand right beside me. I had just turned off the tap and was wringing my hands. Trying to appear cool about everything, resting my right hip against counter, our eyes met.

Regina's right hand twitched as if about to reach out and touch me. But she didn't. "Just woke up," she informed me. "About half an hour ago. Decided to fix myself a meal," and she couldn't stop looking at me, "one that consisted of one slice of whole wheat bread, a thin piece of turkey and a round cut of tomato."

In other words, Whale had already planned that out. It was her way of silently protesting. It's not that she had any desire to eat anyway. Regina just hated that her doctor was responsible for what made up her meal every single day. Unless mom cooked and brought food over which she most likely did this morning. Then everything was alright, providing that whatever it was had noodles of some sort. She loved noodles.

"That sounds delicious, to be honest." I tried a smile.

The silence dragged on. The leaves attached to the branches outside rustled against each other. Somewhere in the house a clock chimed, signaling that it was probably five o'clock.

"Emma, I'm not punishing you," she said.

I studied her face for a few seconds whilst holding my breath. "What are your plans for later?" pushing myself away from the counter, I moved to the fridge.

"Reading, bed. I'm not punishing you."

"What book are you reading?" I reached for a can of orange soda and twisted it open, eyes on the floor.

She inhaled deeply and folded her arms. "Fifty Shades of Grey."

I almost choked on a mouthful of soda. "Oh fuck, are you serious?" I stared at her. "That book is shit."

"I want to talk about you accusing me of punishing you." Her tone was flat.

"All those descriptive scenes of sex that give me a bitter taste in my mouth, references to animals sounds and what not." Waving a hand, I swallowed hard. "I didn't get past the second chapter. I skimmed through the book."

"Emma."

"My cup of tea as you'd put it would be, as you know, Pride and Prejudice or if we're talking modern day, I'd go with Gone Girl. I'd pick James Patterson." Downing the soda in another two full gulps, I pitched the can in her red plastic bin.

"I said that we should just give ourselves some time to…breathe," she stated, her voice barely audible. "So much has happened and it is only fitting that we take things slow. Which means that –"

"Touching me is an offense," I said blandly, staring at her. "Holding my hand or hugging me, it's illegal. Forget it anyway." Waving it off, I could feel my eyes sting. "I know what's going on. I'm paying penance."

"I'm not punishing you. That's a rather harsh way of putting it."

"The four inch distance you put between us is tolerable. It's understood. Which isn't so bad because at least I'm standing in your kitchen and you're not handing off poisoned apple tarts to me. You're not trying to kill me."

She said nothing. We stared at each other for a long time as the seconds ticked by. I could hear the clock marking the meeting of our eyes, how long it took for me to succeed. This time, I had really done it. We should be smiling at each other, anything else. Instead, Regina's eyes filled with tears. And without sparing a second, she walked out of the kitchen.

"Shit," I muttered, lowering my head and clutching the edge of her center counter polished to a shine.

I didn't mean it that way. I didn't mean to hurt her and yeah that last part was totally uncalled for. Repeating it back now in my mind, of course my words were harsh. They were harsher than harsh because I didn't have to bring up the past again. Why the hell had I brought up the past just like that? Jesus, I'm always fucking up things so much, just when there's a clear explanation for what's going on. Somehow my freaking heart cannot grow to accept the truth. And the truth is that she's just doing what's right. Putting a little bit of distance between us for a while isn't so bad. It's the best thing to do at this point.

It's just that I can't really take it anymore. To stand so close and look at her, to know that I could hear her breathing, I could literally feel the warmth emanating from between us. And then she just stays there. There's no moving in when all I want is for her to just touch me. There's no breathless moment when I'm drawn nearer and our cheeks rest together, when she'd breathe into my ear and tremble against me. I want to feel her. Every second of every day, I want to feel her next to me. And it's maddening but it's the truth.

* * *

><p><strong>SAME EVENING.<strong>

The tinkle of glasses and men playing pools.

Neal collected the two golden bottles of beers. He slid one over to Tinkerbell.

"It's like, she's so sure about everything else. What she wants to do, what happens next…" he eyes the swinging doors as someone comes in. "But when it comes to love, Emma doesn't function properly. She malfunctions like a badly written computer program. All these glitches and blue screens…"

"It happens to all of us. Most times, we're not ready to trust what we feel."

"Yeah but she used to always be so sure of herself. She used to have these goals and dreams. And now it's like she's just sailing through every day without a purpose."

"Hmm…" Tinkerbell sipped her beer, the glitter from a green dress sparkling in Neal's eyes. "Maybe her purpose has always been attached to Regina."

"Go figure." He sighed.

"Oh come on," Tinkerbell refuses to let it go. "You cannot tell me that it never crossed your mind."

Men guffawed near the pool table as bets are placed. Two teenagers who clearly must be underage are sitting by the window gazing lovingly into each other's eyes. Their fingers are entwined.

"It might make me sound like a fool. But when I first saw Regina and Emma in the same room, and that was the Diner, I knew something was going on. And this was over three years ago." He swallowed a mouthful of beer and tapped his fingers lightly on the red counter to his right. "Regina couldn't take her eyes off of Emma. It happens all the time. And on several occasions I noticed it. In Neverland, we'd be in this circle, discussing things…" he held out his arms to demonstrate a gathering, "and everyone's speaking one at a time, and Regina is totally ignoring the conversation. Then Emma starts to say what she has to say. And it's then she's looking at her. Regina is just…looking at her, arms folded, with this deep look. As if she's the only one that has something important to say."

"I get ya," Tinkerbell smiled. Truth be known, she had witnessed the same thing. "Plus you're missing out the part when Regina had to teach Emma how to use her magic."

"Fuck," he almost choked. "The two of them created a freaking eclipse together. In front of me."

"Regina giving Killian the cold shoulder…"

He nodded. "She gave me the cold shoulder too. And not because I'm the Dark One's son."

"Because you're Henry's father. And a constant reminder of something that she could not give Emma," Tinkerbell stated. Neal suddenly appeared deep in thought, forgetting his beer.

"What's that?"

"A baby. Henry." It saddened Tinkerbell to think of her friend's feelings on that particular topic. "When she looks at Henry, she's reminded of the fact that Emma had to sleep with you. And then there was this baby she brought up. And then to make matters worse, Emma chose you over her. She once told me that you're the luckiest man in the world because you lost Emma once before, and she still chose you again. Many people would never do that. Once is enough."

"Which brings me back to what I was saying earlier," he frowned. "Emma can't make up her mind when it comes to love. She could have saved us all the trouble by running to Regina earlier."

"But suppose she had no idea what all of it meant?"

"You mean her feelings?"

"Yeah, like she felt things but she didn't know what they meant. Or she knew what she was feeling and was afraid. After all, how would she explain to Snow and David that her feelings were linked to a woman they have doubts about?"

"And you could have saved a little time by using some pixie powder –"

"Fairy dust," Tinkerbell scowled. "My Fairy dust worked. Emma wasn't born as yet when I used it. And in my defense, Regina needed love."

"I wonder if Emma was a baby then, if the dust would have led to her."

"Everything led to her eventually. On the day Regina cast her curse, Emma was born. It's like faith. She tries to destroy everyone and the world creates this baby who can save us all. In other words, the key to the lock. And Snow did say that the baby was supposed to be due the day before the curse."

"Did I mention that Snow wants to name the baby after a fruit?"

"What the…" Tinkerbell waited for the punchline. There was none. "It's a boy though! Apple or Blueberries don't actually fit either way."

"I told her to go with the capital cities of countries. Lima or Beijing, Santiago, Ontario…"

She stared at him with a straight face.

He laughed. "I'm kidding! Jesus."

"At least it's not what I had in mind. Which seems worse," she confessed.

"What did you have in mind?"

"Their names spelt backwards. Wons or Divad, Amme…"

He bit his cheeks to prevent himself from laughing. "Lean?"

She laughed out. He snorted. "Lean Charming."

"Lean Wons Divad Amme Charming."

"To be honest, it sounds like something from a Harry Potter book." Tinkerbell said.

Neal stared at her for a long time, lost in the moment.

"You're a Harry Potter…fan…"

"I read all the books and I'm reading them again."

"I love you," he said, his eyes dreamy. "I love you to Neverland and back."

"Potterholics."

"Damn right."

And they kissed.

* * *

><p><strong>SAME EVENING.<strong>

I found her in the newly renovated library downstairs.

Most of you probably weren't aware of this. But just inside her alluring office within the mansion, there's this red painted oak door that leads into another intoxicating room. And the reason why I've used such a word to describe that room is simple. Regina's collection of books is priceless, beyond amazing and superbly grand. The door is sealed with an enchantment, in fact, many areas of the house are magically protected. So you can imagine how overwhelmed I felt to press my palm upon locked doors only to discover that my magic permitted me to enter. Amazing, right? More like totally romantic.

The guys from the cleaning team couldn't get in there. So naturally I had to take care of business in there all by myself. But to have spent almost three days lost in those shelves of books: it was an experience I'd never regret. Cleaning had never been so fantastic in my entire life. It's like you could actually discover the trails she left in her books. Randomly selecting a few, I couldn't help but note the markings of turned pages, little apples drawn. She even drew hearts inside a few. And after every single novel she read, I honestly believed that Regina left a presence between those pages. Now that was severely romantic to me.

She stood just in front of the second shelf, polished wood, built to accommodate three levels about five feet long. The only light in the room came through the heavy red and black lace curtains drawn. Just a slice of light, enough to illuminate the darkness within. Now I moved in and reached for the old desk lamp, switching it on. I noted that there was a book that remained parted within her hands. The red cover seemed familiar as if I had seen it before. She smelt like flowers these days. And right now that intoxicating smell rose above the musty scent of books.

Sucking it up, I crossed the blood red carpet and stood beside her.

"What's the name of that one?" Honestly she was driving me crazy with that perfume, the smell of her hair.

Without answering, slim fingers were removed from within the pages. She showed me the title. It was a collection of stories by Jane Austen, a thick volume. Wedged between pages at several places peeked out bookmarks. The colorful laces attached to those bookmarks were beautifully designed and captured my eyes instantaneously.

"I can only guess which one is your favorite." I smiled, a bit relieved that she wasn't crying anymore. But beneath her eyes were stained from tears.

"You're wrong. I don't have a favorite."

"Right." Hands behind my back, I kind of moved in closer so that our arms brushed. And when contact was made, Regina immediately responded by a small intake of breath. It was a sound that had become etched in my mind.

"Thank you for taking care of my books."

"You're welcome. I didn't mean to make you cry."

"I know." Regina's fingers trembled as she held unto the book, eyes lowered. "Confession, every word you say to me, everything you do affects me more than the actions of anyone else. And one word from you could succeed in making me cry. I used to believe that all I had was…strength. But my love for you makes me…weak."

"Would you believe me if I told you that's exactly how I feel about you?" my voice was unsteady. But so was hers.

"Sometimes I'm not sure, Emma."

"What do you mean?"

"You give up too easy on me. It's almost as if I'm not worth holding unto, as if I'm just like any other woman."

"Regina…" I felt my eyes sting. I suddenly wanted to cry because she wasn't allowed to feel that way. How could she even think that her worth was nothing to me?

"It's how I feel." Her lips quivered. She couldn't look at me. "I've always felt like that with…everyone. No one believed that I was worth it, that in me they could find something good that would be…permanent."

She was actually right. It would appear as if I had no sort of faith in her. Or us. But that wasn't true. When things happened, when feelings come in like tidal waves, I tend to feel conflicted. It's like for someone to actually love me, to believe in an US; that was unbelievable. And sure it had been done with Neal. However, this had been different because we moved from being hot tempered enemies to awkward friends then shy lovers. I fell hard for her.

Have you ever fell hard in love for someone? Have you ever been pushed off your feet and sent flying like a helpless leaf into the pits of love?

I think that it was mentioned before but my confessions did lead me to one particular point in time. At that point, it had been just the beginning. Even before the night when she fell into the river, pulling me in after her, there had always been a flicker. But I can clearly remember a meeting in her office to discuss the repairs of the hospital. It was a month after I had been sworn in as Sheriff. And it was somewhere between five and six p.m. on a rainy Friday night. I remember the day because the weekend had me buzzing with energy. No work for two days. Anyway, I was sitting and she was also behind those heaps of paperwork. Her hair had been shorter then, brown eyes fiercer, intimidating me.

Somewhere between discussing estimates and custody over Henry, I rose up from my seat. And my right hand had reached across the table to retrieve a folder. The folder contained figures, an invoice, her signature needed. The unforgettable three seconds comprised of her copying my move. Our fingers brushed and from the time that happened, small bursts of electricity raced through my hand. She managed to shock me, jump start my heart that began to beat heavily. I remembered staring at her as my breath was cut. She did the same, lips parted. And in that moment, I felt something different for her. I felt something more. I felt a connection.

It's one of the reasons I kept on telling everyone who would listen afterwards that Regina and I had a connection. Not only magically but deeper.

"I know that you're worth it."

"Emma, I'm not like most women," she croaked. I didn't need a reminder on that. It was certain that she wasn't. "Most women feel the need to seek out constant excitement, thrills and whatever else there is that come out of dating someone. Whereas I…" the book was opened again to a bookmarked page, "…I'm your hopeless romantic."

"And you think that I don't know that?" I actually smiled because she clearly had no idea of my knowledge on the situation.

"You're like a teenager sometimes. You revel in the rush of the moment, stolen kisses and random affairs," she said. "You seem to love dashing men who are daredevils, who ride motorcycles, wear leather jackets, are teasers. You're full of excitement, like a roller coaster ride. And I'm…" her chest heaved, "I'm not like that."

"I know that."

She said nothing.

The Evil Queen, the bad girl, the one who wore leather pants and tightly laced up corsets. I had met that woman when the freaking hole sucked Killian and I inside. I had met her and she was terrifying. But really intriguing. Well, intriguing is an understatement. She was severely scary. When she had me kneeling before her, guards behind my back, Regina's brown eyes burnt with hatred. It was like looking at a hot furnace that could roast your brains in seconds. She had been a daredevil. Geez, she was more than a daredevil. Compared to Hook and Neal, Regina was hardcore.

But not now. Not now at all. Right now she's really mushy inside like a baby. It's not that she's lost her fire or sass. It's just that her love for me has somehow managed to lower the intensity arising from the heat. I've broken her down, cracked the ice and found my way into that heart that was stone cold. And as she said before, like a disease, I continue to change her. We could kill each other with our feelings. Or we could give in to the passion that would eventually drive us completely insane. She was a romantic now. Possibly she had always been a romantic. And because of that small fact, that she relied heavily on connecting instead of sex alone, I kept falling deeper and deeper in love with her.

"That's why I fell in love with you," I said. Immediately, those brown eyes were turned upon me. And when she did that, my knees grew severely weak. "You're right, I used to love daredevils. What the hell, I had a thing for the bad guys. A thief, a pirate. But during the two years that you were away, I began to realize that…wanting those things…wanting the excitement and the fun: it could only last for so long. And then it dies away. It's why I couldn't hold it together with…them. When I look at you, I see so much more. You're not like anyone I've ever met. And you're so sure of yourself. You're mature, you're…sophisticated, you're mysterious and gorgeous not because you have flawless hair and skin only." She smiled at me. "But because when I look at you, I see everything that I'm not. Where I'm weak, you're strong. And we're like a puzzle. We fit together. I've come to realize that when I look at you, I see something that wasn't there before. Something permanent."

I knew that I nailed it. I just knew it because she kept looking at me. She kept smiling. And in those brown eyes, all that could be seen was her soul like a warm ruby glowing. There were no curtains drawn to keep me out. Everything I saw was raw, the real deal. She wasn't hiding anything from me. She wasn't holding back. And because she wasn't shutting me out, the connection between us was so freaking strong. I think that if we continue to look at each other like this, then I'm going to literally melt because Regina is seriously making me lose myself. She's drowning me in her eyes that look like melting chocolate.

It was she who diverted her gaze.

"They say that when you detest someone, many words can be spoken about that person."

"Reminds me of the good old days when I was new in town," I eye her bookmark made of red silk.

"I tried to bury the truth beneath my constant criticisms."

"And I retaliated by going after you over and over again."

"If you only knew how I was always aching to shut you up with a kiss."

I see the name of the book on the top of the page. I see her neat handwriting in the right margin. And my heart stands still when I read the lines, over and over again.

**PERHAPS THE GREATEST PAIN OF ALL IS TO KNOW WHAT IT'S LIKE TO FALL COMPLETELY IN LOVE WITH A STRANGER. BUT I FEEL AS THOUGH I'VE KNOWN HER ALL MY LIFE.**

It was dated around the time when she tried to poison me. Yeah, so long ago. Leaning in closer, I trail the arrow to a particular printed line, said by Mister Knightley to the character who shared my name.

"I cannot make speeches, Emma," she says softly as I read with my eyes, "if I loved you less, I might be able to talk about it more." We are facing each other now.

Taking the book from her grasp, I slowly close it. Those words were remembered by me from when I had read the novel before. It was a scene that engaged the character Emma in a very shocking position. She had soon discovered that the Mister Knightley, the man she had known for a long time, he loved her all along. And in that scene, he had proposed to her. She didn't accept at first but did eventually. Emma was the matchmaker, the one who literally made the happy endings come true except for her own. And it all narrowed down to one truth: that she was too blind all along to notice what was right in front of her.

That had been me.

"If your feelings are still what they were, tell me so at once." I am quoting Darcy nicely from Pride and Prejudice. She smiles. "My affections and wishes have not changed, but one word from you will silence me forever. If, however, your feelings have changed, I will have to tell you." I take her hands between mine and never look away. "Regina, you have bewitched me, body and soul, and I love you. I never wish to be parted from you from this day on."

"Emmaa." There are tears in her eyes because like she said, she was a hopeless romantic. And to quote from her favorite book, that was probably all too romantic.

"If you want to do this in the old fashioned way, I can totally sweep you off your feet. If you want to be courted, candlelight dinners, curled up before the fireplace as I read to you, or picnics beside a stream. If you want me to sit with you out back, hugging you as we watch the stars and the moon. If you want me to –"

She grabs a hold of my shoulders and pulls me in. Soft lips press upon mine as I'm still smiling.

I can still remember it now as if that was just a few seconds ago. I tasted wine. I tasted a moment of bliss that made me lightheaded and weak in the knees. When I parted my lips to engage her in a longer kiss, Regina moved away. But not far enough. Just a little. Her breath tickled my face and I could feel how flushed my neck became. She teased me. Her lips lingered just there and I couldn't breathe. I couldn't control myself because I wanted her so bad. I wanted to taste her again, and again. And she made me realize how powerful our love was. It was so powerful, my skin burnt where her fingertips pressed into my shirt.

"Stay with me," she whispered, our foreheads pressed together, eyes fluttering close. "I want you to stay with me." Our fingers remained entwined.

xx

**A/N** - **Have you enjoyed it? I dare say you must have. If not, then the upcoming chapters will blow your mind. This story just gets better and better. Harder and harder to write. But the challenge is worth it because the feedback is massive. Added to that, I savor the time spent on working with this. Especially the difficult plotline that keeps you all wondering, WHAT THE HELL IS HAPPENING?**

**I AM OVER THE HATE AND MOVING ON WITH A VENGEANCE!**

**First of all, Phillip is not Kuzco! Neither is he Scar from the Lion King! LMAO. He's just Emma's foster brother. Not an actual character from a story book. Although the thought of making him into a villain was tempting. Also, ****I AM A HUGE JANE AUSTEN FAN. You will see her quotes and works showing up in almost ALL my stories. Hmm, what else? Oh Maria Brink is actually a REAL person. Google her! She's a singer.**

**Let me know what you think. I have my cup of tea here waiting.**


	20. The Town Line

***SURPRISE SURPRISE! Why I did this is because I didn't wake you up enough from yesterday's update. I hope this wakes you up. TWO UPDATES in 24 hours! I'm spoiling you lot too much. Happy reading! The feedback wasn't massive. But I hope you get to read soon!***

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**Chapter Twenty**

"_**The Town Line"**_

Xx

It was Grumpy who informed me about the commotion just half a mile from the town line.

He came into the Sheriff's office one and a half day after I quoted from Regina's favorite book. His eyes unnerved me, flitting from one thing to the other in no order. And without taking a seat, Grumpy told me that he had been looking for Robin just on the outskirts of the town. At first I was like, shit, yeah, the loser disappeared. There goes a horrible memory, there goes a painful reminder. Only Ruby left in the picture. Regina was already giving her the cold shoulder. Hallelujah.

"I found him teaching Roland how to shave branches into arrows," he folded his arms.

"Oh." No.

"And whilst we were walking out, we stood by the line." Shoulders hunched, he looked like he had squeezed himself into the chair. "Tell me, does the same thing happen? Do we lose our heads after crossing it? Is that shit still rolling or what?"

I sighed inwardly. "Yeah. Skip to the part where you actually saw something." The paperwork, sheets of nonsensical complaints on my desk. I hadn't even started on them yet.

"Right. So we stood there and then we noticed the two uniforms wearing blue. One was stooping and the other was taking notes. And there was glass everywhere. There were skid marks too. Funny thing is," he wiped his forehead and the place was freezing cold, "they had on the same uniform as your cop friends. Robin said that the ladies disappeared. He said that they were here one day and gone the next."

Of course Robin had a lot to say on the matter. He had a lot to say about anything involving me. I bet that he told Regina about witnessing the scuffle between Maria and Ruby in the Diner. And that I had been involved, the jealous girlfriend.

"Anyway it definitely was an accident. An accident just outside the town," his eyes took on a darker shade. "That's something, isn't it?"

"It's something." My mobile vibrated on the desk and I reached for it. "I'll check it out."

"You're the only one who can leave this joint." He wasn't making a move to get up, to leave. And I wanted him to let it go. "You're the only one who knows about what's been happening."

"Because of what Gold did before –"

"I know that, but still we just can't…leave this place. It's where we feel comfortable and safe."

"Trust me, like I said, I'll look into it." My tone took on a wary note.

Finally he stood up, bundled up his trench coat around him. And his next stop was my father. David was drinking coffee and going over estimates on the renovation of the school, a duty that my mother neglected.

**HOW ARE YOU?**

That's all I got when the text was opened. It was from Regina and to be honest, she amazed me with her method of texting. Whilst I could type out like three small pages of words before clicking SEND, she chose to painfully reply in no more than ten words. Honestly. I mean, time would present itself when I'd be itching for a long text from her. Let's say that I'm there with my feet up, and I just told her that 'hey I miss you like crazy and I want to see you today'. And she'd be like 'OKAY'. That's all I got. OH freaking KAY.

I suddenly felt selfish.

**I'M GOOD.**

I clicked SEND.

The smile was wiped off my face when Killian pushed the door and sauntered in as if he owned the place. Throwing me one of those dashing smiles, my father was waved off in greeting. He merely grunted in Grumpy's direction, all eyes on me. Wearing a red plaid shirt with long sleeves and a nice pair of black fitted jeans, I figured that the leather had been forgotten of. Glancing down at his feet I noted the pair of Timberland boots and smiled in disbelief.

"Looks like your wardrobe changes every week."

"A bloke's got to look good for the ladies," he stated quite charmingly. He seated himself in the now vacant chair, one foot strategically folded upon the other. "Trust me love, it's not easy being this dashingly handsome."

"You might want to go easy on the eyeliner. You have raccoon eyes."

"Speak for yourself." He gestured to me. "It appears as if you haven't been getting a decent night's sleep. Tell me," Killian leant in closer, "has Regina been keeping you up all night?"

I rolled my eyes. The stack of papers was pulled closer. The click of my ballpoint pen was my reply. He took that as a yes. In his mind, lesbian action was severely hot. Then again, most men got turned on by two women kissing and going at it. He was no different. Neal was no different. Both of them loved the idea of me sexting Regina. And they were even bold enough to ask for a peek of my texts. Little did they know that I never ever sexted her. Based on her limited word count, what could we possibly work with?

"I heard that love making during a woman's pregnancy is quite beneficial." He winked at me. "Stimulates the lower regions to provide for an easy delivery. Especially during labor which is quite –"

"If you don't stop –" My phone vibrated. "If you don't stop, I will –" It vibrated again. I suddenly forgot what was to be said.

Snatching up the mobile, Killian's eyes were shining. "Go ahead, read it and let me see your reaction. This ought to be quite entertaining."

"Buzz off," I scowled.

She had sent me two messages. Which was puzzling because that by itself was far too much within a couple of seconds.

**I DON'T WANT TO STAY INDOORS. I'LL WALK. WTH IS THE ACTIVATION CODE? **

**I REMEMBER. ENIGMA. I HATE MACHINES. BYE.**

Just like that. Bye. No 'I love you' or 'I miss you' or 'I'm so turned on right now, I want you to come and do me'. She was going to take a walk. Regina was quite aware of my instruction to stay off her feet, to take it easy. She wasn't plump like my mother and still a bit shaky. Yet her perfect idea was to take a walk at midday in the cold all by herself.

**Where is my 'I love you'? You should stay indoors. I don't want you to stress yourself out. Please be careful. I'm going to call you in ten minutes. Love you.**

"I suppose that it's only natural…" glancing up at him, Killian shrugged.

"What's only natural?"

"Modern day technology replacing the old fashion way of courting. When one used to seek thy lover and relate messages face to face. Even calling one another is avoided these days." He leant back in the chair, dark eyes on me.

Was that the truth? Of course it was. Come to think of it, my call log was completely empty these days. It's almost as if any contact with other people via my phone was avoided because I got the feeling that everyone was judging me still. Behind closed doors, my name probably was raised at dinner or mentioned in front of the TV. Whether they were referring to me now dating the former Mayor, or my recent mental break down, being accused of murder, all those posters. It was ideal for juicy gossip. And Snow wasn't helping at all. Any chance she managed to get, it was all about 'hey did you know that my daughter is dating Regina now?' and 'did you notice that Emma is a lesbian?'

"If she doesn't stop," I was telling Killian now, my eyes scanning a report by Granny, "I might have to charge her for…talking too much."

"One finds pride and joy in speaking about a loved one." He leant back, stretched, toed the floor like Neal would often do. "Your mother's reaction to you dating Regina is clearly expected. She's ecstatic. You're the topic of gossip because the path your life has taken is quite a remarkable one. The woman you wanted to immobilize and burn her closet of fancy clothes, the same woman whose hair you wanted to magically turn purple, she's the love of your life. As it is, I find it entirely romantic that out of all the people residing here, you actually fell in love with the Queen."

He was a man of words, a charmer, the one that could sweep women off their feet. And it was solely based on the way he could read someone's feelings and say the right thing at the right time. Immediately I was drawn to a silent place that consisted of the warmest feel of love and completeness. It's a feeling that I had never experienced before. Back when I used to think of love as a means of just being with someone for the pleasure of it. Now there was this entirely new definition of its purpose, what it was exactly. Adding meaning to something that people took for granted, living in a moment that felt so superficial. All of it made me realize that this could have happened earlier had I made a move. But things happen for a reason.

"You heard about an accident close to the town line?" I reread Granny's report on disorderly behavior by two youths who frequented the Diner.

"Not a whisper," he confirmed.

I related Grumpy's discovery to him, purposely leaving out Robin's presence. Killian confessed that he hadn't been at the town line in a long time. The docks were his place of relaxation, on his ship that he still kept after such a long time. The vessel now served as a tourist attraction, a hang out spot for teenagers and other interested residents. Somehow the rocking of the ship just after the sun set excited most people. And he was getting a good salary from admission. His excuse was that the ship needed to be taken care of like a person.

"Speaking of your mates, I did catch a glimpse of your blue eyed friend on two occasions near the docks," he pointed out. Removing my red glass apple paperweight from my desk, he tossed it from one hand to the other. "Nice gift from Regina. As I can recall, you've had this since our return from Neverland."

"What was he doing by the docks exactly?" reaching forward, I snatched the apple from him and returned it to my desk.

"Fairly speaking of the man, he is well cut out to be a Marine. There I was fixing this loose floorboard aboard the Jolly Roger when I saw a lone figure striding across the sand. With merely a peep above the ledge, not wanting to be discovered, my eyes followed him. And it would appear as if he had some business to attend to in the old abandoned Fishery House just a stone's throw away from my ship."

What the hell was Phillip up to?

"And when was this?" I was curious.

"Today is Friday, so that would have been Tuesday."

"Tuesday," I said.

"Positively sure." He kept looking at me.

"Killian, I made it clear to most people around here that if anyone came across Phillip, Lily or Maria, then they should tell me."

"And that's why I'm here. To tell you."

"Three days after." I scowled.

"Wednesday and yesterday I spent most of the time helping Neal to rip the walls in this abandoned house just on the outskirts of town," he said. "Truthfully all thought of Phillip was forgotten of by sunset. I'm sorry for the delay but –"

I sighed, eyes fluttering close, running fingers through my hair, head lowered.

"Swan, I truly am sorry." He sounded so sincerely apologetic.

"No, it's not that," I confessed. "There's just so much on my mind right now. I feel as if I'm being tugged in all directions. And the worst part is, I made promises and I'm not doing them any justice."

"Ah, the strain on the job and the demons attached to a personal life coupled with romance."

Three times. I spent three evenings with Regina. That time when she moved in. That other time when I fixed the alarm system and buried myself in the nursery with the door closed. Well that wasn't exactly time spent together because after pointing out that I appeared busy enough, she retreated to her room. I think we managed to watch half of an episode of Reign before she fell asleep. And then two nights ago when we kissed in her library. It was just a peck on the lips. Maybe I deserved it. Maybe it was her way of telling me that I'd get more if we spent more time together.

"I need a vacation."

"Then take it," he said.

"Are you serious?" my eyes widened. "Dad is busy taking care of Mayor Duties mom has neglected. I'm running things here on my own."

"You have Robin, Will…"

"They're on patrol."

"Let one of them handle this paperwork whilst the other patrols. And take some time off." Reaching across the desk, the pen was slowly pried from between my fingers. I looked at him. "You need some rest. I don't mean to sound unfair but you have an abundance of men around here that could do the job."

"People trust me around here. I'm the Sheriff," I pointed out. "Everyone trusts me with complaints; everything needs to be signed by me. And I've become a perfectionist around here."

He smiled. "You sound like Regina."

Pushing the stack of papers away, I huffed out a sigh. Maybe I was becoming like the Regina everyone knew of. Back then, she used to hardly spend time with Henry. She was married to her work. And I was doing the same thing. I hardly saw the kid. By the time I spent time with him, Neal already managed to help with his school projects. And he never seemed to care about my absence. But I could tell that Henry was affected. To be honest, there wasn't a day that went by without him stopping by to see Regina. Every afternoon they spent time together. He would tell me that they went through photo albums or played video games. They watched TV shows and she watched him whilst he drew, helped him to study for his exams. And I was always here and never there.

"The world wouldn't end if you took an afternoon off," he suggested. "Or maybe a week, or two weeks or a month."

"The Fishery," I said, eyeing Grumpy whispering something to my father who smiled in return. "I should check that out today."

"Send Robin and Will to check it out."

"This is my case. Phillip is my problem. I need to handle it on my own."

"No you don't," he said firmly. "In fact, it is not expected of you to handle a case that involves you personally. And you should know that. Take the time off and spend time with Regina. Or buy an ice cream, read a book."

My phone vibrated. I picked it up and opened the message.

**I'M OUTSIDE. **

She's what? What the hell did that mean? I'm outside? What the…She walked all the way here? What was wrong with her?

Killian lifted his boots unto the edge of my desk with a smirk. Whilst watching me, he crossed his ankles and waited. "You're the man in the relationship, aren't you?"

"Oh shut up," I muttered, staring at my phone.

"Emma, Robin just radioed in to say that he already dealt with the two juveniles in the Diner," dad told me. "He's bringing them in and it would be best if they spent some time behind bars. Wouldn't you say?"

"Was that your suggestion or his?" I knew that my tone was bitter.

He stared at me. "It was mine."

I knew that he was lying. "Okay, fine. But not before one of us take their statements on what happened."

"Yeah I'm sure Robin knows the procedure. And so do I. So we've got this covered." Was it just me or did he silently hint that I needed to stay out of it?

"Well buddy, I'll be on my way out now." That was Grumpy. And after he left, dad returned to his paperwork after throwing me a wary glance.

My stare moved from him to a shadow behind the glass just near the door. Whilst fixing a red and gold checkered scarf around her neck, Regina walked in. I silently checked out her attire, a thick expensive brown trench coat, brown leggings and knee high flat boots. And so did Hook. So did dad who stopped working on his estimates and stared in her direction. Look, it was a good idea to keep her bank account there since she left. I had frozen it. They said that after five years if she hadn't claimed the money then it would be passed over to the next person as by her orders: Henry. He really didn't care anyway about her money. And if push came to shove, if I had no choice but to do something with her funds, then Henry's tuition would have been paid with it. She'd want that.

Now she was back and her account was opened again. And Regina had replenished her closet. But not by much because after the baby arrived, then the clothes would be too big. She liked to buy expensive stuff. The brands she wore were totally new to me but popular. I couldn't remember them except for Victoria Secret. She bought that brand in bras. Truth be told, I never got the chance to take off her bra. So that was still a dream of mine. I remembered that coat though. If you managed to run your fingers across the material, it would feel as if you're barely skimming the surface of a cool lake. The inside was warmer and double layered. Oh God, I could live in that freaking coat.

"David…" she addressed him with her eyes on me.

"Regina…"

"Emma…"

"Killian?" he had to be the clown.

"Nice to see you buried in paperwork." She addressed dad. Her gaze fell on Killian and they both scowled at each other.

"Well you know how it goes," dad said warily. "My wife chooses to watch television all day or shop, and I'm left with her duties."

"But we have idle hands lying around that could be put into good use." That had to be directed at Killian whom she was still looking at.

"I'm on a break," he pointed out.

"One that's over as of now," she stated.

He didn't budge. And because he didn't, she found it ideal to obstruct his intentions. Regina walked over to where I was without saying a word to me. And stepping around his chair, she came closer to my desk.

"Emma," she was breathless. All eyes were on me as his legs were swept off from the surface of my desk. And upon the edge she perched herself, hands folded in her lap.

From where she sat, Killian's vision of me was blocked completely. And I wanted to laugh as dad smiled in my direction. Returning to his work, I was left to deal with three people, including the baby.

"It's close to twelve thirty," she told me, her boots never touching the ground. I found that so cute. "Have you eaten as yet?"

"Nope." I couldn't stop looking at her. Killian threw his head to the side and caught my eye. He was scowling deeply.

"Then let me take you to lunch." The way her voice remained unsteady, it's as if she couldn't breathe properly. And I knew why. It was me. That's how she was around me. Regina could completely lose control, leaving sentences hanging if I walked into a room.

"Uh…" I glanced around and at dad. He nodded with a smile. "Sure." Rising up, I reached behind me to retrieve my coat that looked so out of fashion compared to hers.

"Oh don't mind me. Forget that I'm here, Swan," Killian said from his chair.

"I'll call you." I was shutting down my computer, opening a draw, shoving some papers inside. "We have to talk about that…thing."

"What thing?" Regina asked in that hoarse voice of hers.

"I want him to stop using the Jolly Roger as a tourist attraction," I lied.

"What?" his dark eyes were huge now.

"Well that's the best news that I've heard for a long time." Regina slid off from the edge of my desk and her boots clicked on the floor. She smiled at him. "That filthy hell hole deserves to be quarantined. The amount of diseases breeding on that vessel…"

"Not once has anyone complained about growing sick from frequenting my ship," he said defensively. "Not once."

"That's probably because they never lived to tell the tale. Probably wandered off and dropped dead –"

"Or maybe you poisoned them."

"I'd poison you."

"You're threatening me, in the Sheriff's station?"

"I'm reminding you of my capabilities, so you'd better –"

"Hey!" I clapped my hands and stared at them sternly. "Cut it out. Both of you."

Killian rose up and strode over to my father's desk. "You heard that, didn't you mate?" he pointed at Regina who folded her arms and smirked. "She threatened to poison me. If I drop dead tomorrow –"

"I heard," David said warily, scribbling away and tapping on his calculator.

Snatching up my keys, I chucked them in my pocket and took a hold of Regina's right arm. She was completely focused on the other side of the room.

"Most likely, whatever breeds on your ship will be responsible for your demise." She wouldn't stop. "Mattresses infested with bugs, wood ants –"

"I got rid of those two years ago!" he said defensively. "Just around the time you called it quits and left. And now you're back, somehow you feel as if you're in charge of things again?"

"You smell like cheap cologne," she sassed.

Obviously his ego was hurt. He stared back at her in amazement. "You…"

"Let's go," I was practically tugging on her arm, trying to leave. "We'll talk later." This was directed at Killian who was speechless.

When we stepped into the harsh coldness on the outside, I released my grip on her arm. Without a word, my footsteps led me to my car. But when I got there, she was standing by the nose of the rented vehicle, arms folded. And those brown eyes weren't exactly warm and loving. I knew what this was. I knew what was on her mind. Being the person I was, my key was shoved into the driver's door. Unlocking it, I ignored her standing there. About a minute went by and Regina refused to come closer.

"You're gonna get in?" I hesitated in starting the car. Maybe she wanted to walk. "Or are we going to have lunch here on the pavement?"

"What's going on between you and the Pirate?" she asked out of nowhere.

I was so shocked. I stared at her and didn't answer.

"I thought we had an agreement." Her voice was unsteady now. "I thought that we agreed on keeping distance between us and the persons we were involved with."

"It wasn't like that." I looked away.

"I've been holding up my side of this respectfully. And I walk in there," she gestured towards the door, "and there he is with his boots on your desk. Looking all comfy with this smirk on his face."

"It was nothing," I said.

"I want to know what's happening."

"Nothing's…happening."

"You had drinks with him last week."

She got me. I was completely mortified that she found out about that. And my blood felt cold, my heart began to slow down. "Neal forgot his cellphone between Henry's books. And I was looking for him that afternoon. I went in and saw him sitting there with Tinkerbell. And they wanted me to have a drink with them."

"I have no problem with Neal. He's clearly moved on."

"I'm not done –"

"You're not supposed to be consuming alcohol."

"Would you listen to me?" I knew my tone was a bit harsh.

"Or pills –"

"I said I'm not done. Geez." My hands found the top of the opened door, and I held unto it. "I didn't take anything. I didn't drink anything. I just sat there and listened to them talk about Wendy and Neverland. And then Killian came in. He was with this girl, Dolores 'what's her name'. The new recruit at the Diner. The red head. Anyway, they sat down and I ordered a fruit punch."

She stared at me for a long time, searching my eyes. And I felt offended because I had just told her the truth. Yet it's like she still didn't trust me enough to believe my words. Honestly that ticked me off. Suddenly I felt a flash of anger inside, knowing fully well that the only person who could have told her about that night was Ruby. She had been there with Robin snuggled in the corner. Damn you, Regina. The pot calling the freaking kettle black. What did she think of me? That I was stupid? That I wouldn't know where she got that news from?

"I believe you," she said.

"Obviously you don't trust me."

"I wasn't aware, that's all." Her voice was softer now.

"You amaze me," I stared at her.

"And what does that mean exactly?"

"You're quick to jump in and believe exactly what…they…tell you. And when it comes to me, I'm not trusted immediately. I'm assessed like a freaking delinquent."

"_They_?"

"Robin…Ruby…" I glared at her.

"What the hell are you talking about?" she stared at me, eyes widening. "I haven't corresponded with Robin or Ruby in over a week."

"Then –" there was this sinking feeling in the pit of my stomach.

"Tinkerbell told me that you had drinks that night." Regina's voice was firm. "Unlike you, I hold unto my promises."

"He just came in!" I was clearly affected by her distrust in me. "He came in and sat there. What did you expect me to do, to chase him, to tell him that he has to leave?"

"Yes."

"In case you haven't noticed, this is the Sheriff's headquarters. Anyone can barge in there with a good reason."

"And what was his reason?" she was still angering me with that flicker of distrust in her eyes. "His hidden motives?"

"He had some information pertaining to a case." I refused to divulge anymore.

"What case?"

"It's police matters."

"Don't pull that stunt with me, Emma." Her brown eyes were flashing now. "What case are you talking about?"

"Why are you suddenly so interested in any case that I'm working?" I asked dryly. "Or your interest only comes from his involvement. And you're trying to see if I'm lying."

"What…case?" she asked again. And this time, her brown eyes were stormy.

"Killian said that he saw Phillip walking by the docks about two days ago," I couldn't look at her because she was pissing me off. "He came in to tell me, thought that I would want to know."

"And he had his feet up on your desk. Why?"

"What the hell." Slamming the car door close, I glared at her, fists clenched. The bunch of keys was still in my right hand. "This conversation is over, Regina."

"I don't want you to entertain his company."

"Then I should quit my job and live in a big mansion by myself, just so you could be happy. This is my job!" I hadn't even put on my coat yet. "If someone comes in with information, it's my job to listen."

"I don't want you to hang out with him."

I ignored her. Pressing my back to the car door, we were not facing each other. She was still standing by the nose of the vehicle. And I folded my arms, glaring into the distance. Tears burnt my eyes because she had insulted me. She had made it clear that she didn't trust me. And her behavior was unfair. It's as if I wasn't to be trusted with anyone. It's as if I was a child, or Henry's age.

"I'm not hungry anymore." I pushed myself away from the car. I reached up to wipe my eyes and sniffed. Completely avoiding her, knowing that she was staring at me, I stood there for a while.

"Fine." That's what she chose to say to me. Imagine how that would make you feel. I stopped there and stared at her. And she stared back.

"What are you trying to do to me?" My voice was hoarse, a lump in my throat. "Do you want to keep me as your prisoner? Would that make you feel much better?"

"I never said that."

"Why did you come all the way here all of a sudden? You wanted to check up on me? Is that it?"

"I came here to take you to lunch."

"And you ended up fucking me up all because of your mistrust. Out of all the people in this world, it only takes a couple seconds before you lose faith in me. You don't trust me. If something happened, you're supposed to give me room to explain myself. You're not supposed to jump to conclusions. I thought you said that we moved on. I thought you said that we were going to trust each other enough to know that nothing will happen like before?"

"Where do you want us to eat?" she adjusted her scarf and pretended to be interested in the street before us. A colored man with curly hair rode by, pushing a Popsicle cart. The bell tinkled and he rode past us. That was her focus now, on everything else except me. "Anywhere you want. Just name it."

This was unbelievable. "I don't feel like eating out anymore." Reaching in, the engine was turned on, my door kept open.

Her eyes were huge now. "Where are you going?"

"I don't want to talk to you right now."

"Emma –"

"Really," I wanted to cry. That's how weak she could make me become. "Just leave me alone. Get in, I'll take you wherever you're going. When you're done, you'll call me so that I can take you home."

"Where are you going? Take me with you."

"No. I'm going on patrol. You can't."

She came around to where I stood. Regina took two steps closer to me and I pulled open the door. My intention was to get inside and avoid any contact with her. But she reached out for the door and tried to tug it away. I was frustrated, honestly. And there was this raw feeling inside of me that just felt so wrong. All I wanted to do was to be by myself. Sometimes your mood changes. Sometimes you just…snap. She had hurt me in a severe way and I didn't want to talk to her. I didn't even want to touch her. Or for her to touch me.

"Let go," I tugged back.

"Please understand why I behaved the way I did."

I didn't answer her.

"Emma, talk to me."

This reminded me of that one time when we had that argument over the phone before she left. And I was trying to void her. She had followed me into the parking lot and had tried to prevent me from closing my door. Now I lacked the strength. I wasn't going to fight with her. This wasn't the time for that because we had fought so much already. And these days I found that just being silent gave people a good enough answer. It's like you didn't have to say anything. And that left room for them to puzzle on your thoughts. But she just wouldn't give up on me.

When I refused to answer her, Regina took a hold of my right arm. She pulled me away from the door and pushed it close. And when I tried to bat her hand off, reaching for the handle again, she snatched my hands. It was enough to fuel me up. I would never hurt her. So instead I stopped everything. I stopped moving. And my eyes were focused on everything behind her right shoulder.

"Let me go." My voice was barely audible.

"I can't do that."

"Please get in the car and let me take you where you have to go. Let me do my job." A tear trailed down my cheek. I was staring hard at a hot dog stand.

When her choice was to remain where she was, I did the same. She had me cornered off, holding both my wrists. I could feel the warmth through her gloves, could feel how my knuckles made contact with her midsection. I'm really pissed at her. Tummy is such a cute word to use. I'm not saying that any thought of the baby isn't cute. But right now her mother is fucking with me. And I hate it. I hate this so much. I just want her to let me go.

There was a kick. I could feel it through the fabric of the red wool jacket she had on beneath the coat. Somehow, it was like a scream in the silence between us. A reminder that someone else was there and listening. And I couldn't ignore it. It's like a little tickle that can't be ignored. As if the baby was trying to tell me something. But I had no idea what it was.

She kept on kicking, once then twice then thrice. And Regina winced, her grasp around my wrists slackening. Not that she was holding me tight enough. I could have freed myself but it wasn't a choice that was made. With one hand on the door, another taking mine and holding it, she lowered her head, eyes squeezed shut. Immediately I switched into 'daddy' mode as Snow would put it. It was like a reflex: to completely forget everything else and focus on her. And I did. I held unto her hand and moved in closer.

"Breathe," my voice was softer now. Her perfume escaped from within the coat and tickled my nose. "Just take slow breaths. Focus on…" With a shaky hand, I lifted her chin to my eye level, "focus on me. Go on."

She did. Lips parted, we stared at each other as she breathed slowly. Dark choppy hair that was two inches below her shoulders fluttered lightly. Stray strands stuck to her eyelashes and she suddenly made me forget that I was mad at her. It's like the glimpse of the moon through an overcast night sky. It's the way she could gaze at me and in that moment, I remember how much I love her.

"She's trying to tell us to…stop." Her voice was a whisper. "She hates it when we fight. I don't…" Regina was trying to focus on me and forget the discomfort, trying to breathe, "I don't…want us to fight."

"Then why would you question me about him as if you don't trust me?"

"Because I love you," she said. Cold wind gushed around us, bringing my hair to the front. "I love you and I get slightly jealous. I get jealous because you're out here and I'm at home. And I'm not a dashing man who sweeps women off their feet."

"Regina –"

"Emma, I'm pregnant and I'm…fat. And…" she began to cry because her emotions were taking over, her hormones. "I can't venture out to take walks. I can't visit you every day. I can't frequent bars with you, us two alone having a drink. You have to come to me. And when you don't come to me, I'm worried. Being at home all by myself leaves me room to think all sorts of things, you'd be astonished. Most times, the most hurtful thought that sweeps through my mind is that you're growing tired of me. You're fed up with me. And I'm burdening you."

That made all the sense in the world suddenly. She honestly answered me and managed to silence my doubts about her questions earlier. Suddenly, I couldn't be angry anymore because of her curiosity pertaining to Killian. It all mattered now. And I'm stupid enough to not realize that she'd feel this way about me. Sure the thought of her being alone at home and burdened with doubts was evident in my mind. But sometimes you're just not focused enough or you don't place enough thought on something to realize how painful it is.

"You're not fat," I held her face with both hands. My thumbs caressing her parted lips. "You're seriously gorgeous. And I don't know why you'd ever think that you're anything else but beautiful because I've told you so many times before. I've told you before, it doesn't matter if your hair is grey or you get as thin as a rake, I'll always love you for much more than that."

"I just want you." I wiped the wetness at the corners of her eyes. "I don't want you to be with him."

"I'm not WITH him. I'm with you. No one else. I just belong to you, remember?"

I think when I said that, she honestly felt my words and understood the true meaning of them. Somehow I don't believe something like that was said for a very long time between us. That I belonged to her. She probably thought that we were committed but someone else could possibly take her place. Other than Henry, I loved no one else as much as I loved her. And to say that to someone, that you belong to them, it's more than just saying 'I love you'. It's a lot more. It's deeper. It's like saying, 'you own my heart'. And she did. She literally did own my heart.

"He came in and he told me what he saw. But do you know what else he kept teasing me about?"

"What?" her chest heaved.

"You. He teased me about you. It's all Killian does. He knows that there's only you. And he embraces it." Something changed in her brown eyes and I could see that she was thinking deeply about what I was saying. "He even kept pestering me to take some time off and hang out with you. That Pirate back there…" I gestured towards the building, "he's not trying to do anything to US."

She remained silent but took a hold of both my shoulders, pressing herself closer to me.

"But I have been keeping up my promise. I'm not hanging out with them intentionally. That night, that was it. I didn't want to tell you because it wasn't such a big deal. Tinkerbell was there and so was Dolores. Besides, I think he's dating her now."

We gazed at each other until we both became breathless from wanting much more than to be so close to each other. It was always something I felt. I needed it more than anything, to be intimate with her. More than just a kiss. More than everything else. She wanted it too. The way her chest heaved, fingers pressing into my shoulders, getting as close as she could. When we couldn't hold our breaths any longer, Regina pressed her cheek upon mine and kissed my right ear. Her breath tickled my neck. And I hugged her with tears in my eyes because one thing was so clear to me.

Love was never easy. If it was easy, if two people were together without any disagreements then something else was severely wrong. And we never had a dull week. She was bold enough to tell me exactly how she felt. I was stubborn enough to argue back and we both jumped to conclusions no matter what. At the end, somehow peace was found again. This was it. We'd find a way to come back. She drew me in with her innocence in relation to her love for me. And I did the same.

Just as she was opening the door to the other side of the car, Killian walked out. Their eyes met and he stopped.

"You left your mobile inside." He held it up, looking at me. "I didn't notice at first until it vibrated."

"Thanks." I closed the distance and collected my phone. Walking back to the car, I unlocked it.

"I'm sorry about my incessant rudeness," I heard her say just as the recent call was checked on my phone. Lifting my stare, there she was standing by her door, looking at him.

Of course he was flabbergasted. His eyes widened and then he caught himself, gathering composure. "To be honest, your Majesty, I guiltily enjoy your attempts to insult me. It's rather entertaining."

"Really?" she was actually smiling. Regina Mills was actually smiling at Killian, Captain Hook.

"The Queen of Sass and Sarcasm," he said to her. "For you to be anything but that, I'd have to wonder if it's really Regina."

"I'm not only sarcastic and sassy." She appeared softer now in her manner of speaking.

"Of course you aren't." Killian smiled. "Emma must have fallen in love with you for other reasons. Snow assures me that you truly are a sweet lady. So no harm after all of this. All isn't fair in love or war. Right, Swan?"

I snorted. "Right."

Xx

* * *

><p>We had lunch together at the Diner. Few words were exchanged during our meals that consisted of my serving of fries and chicken strips. She on the other hand helped herself to a vegetable salad and a fruit shake. It's not that I didn't want to talk to her. It's just that after such a frustrating day already, silence was welcomed as a chance to relax my mind.<p>

Right now the bright sun blinds me through the window shield. But the atmosphere isn't scorching. Outside must be somewhat chilly. Yet inside the car I have the heater turned up. It's almost two in the afternoon and I'm slowly driving down a sandy path that snakes closer to the beach.

"You shouldn't have come", I repeat for the umpteenth time. My eyes remain fixated upon the approaching docks.

"My honest intention is for me to remain in your company as much as I can." She sounds tired, gaze focused outside her window. "And you're trying to avoid it."

"I'm not trying to avoid it." I wind my window down. The lapping of the waves unto the wharf sounds haunting as the vehicle crawls closer to rusting trawlers.

This particular part of Storybrooke is not an area that most people frequent, if not at all. The docks, warehouses all remain abandoned for a long time now. Standing like dilapidated structures with no purpose, one of the city's main suggestions was to remove the eyesores. It's not that we don't like the idea of wooden structures along the beach. It's just that certain delinquents especially teenagers use these corners as secret hideaways to hold bonfires and whatever else. As Henry promised me already, he hasn't been involved in any moonlight bonfires. But I should know better to take his word for it. If he takes after me in that department, then he'd definitely be a bonfire kind of teenager. As I was. Many years ago.

"Do you know exactly what you're looking for?" I can really feel her eyes on me. And every time she does that, my skin begins to burn up. "You should really call for backup."

"I already did. Robin and Will are on their way."

A couple seconds slipped by and I glance over at her. She's staring at me with fear in her eyes.

"Don't worry, I'm not going to shoot him," I reassure her, forcing a stiff smile. "Once he doesn't get in my way."

"Does he know that I am here?"

"No."

I turn off the engine and wind down my window further then hers. The salty air rushes in immediately, whipping my hair about and kissing my cheeks. I'm left to taste the familiar breeze that brings back a memory so sharp now, it squeezes my heart. It's like I'm standing there at the tip of the pier and she's standing beside me. Then she slips and we fall and in that ridiculous moment, I fell in love with her.

All the way here, I was constantly told that she was deeply sorry. That she didn't mean to upset me. And her emotions got in the way as it usually happens. So her immediate reaction upon discovering Killian sitting next to me was jealousy. According to her, it was like a reflex. A feeling that just came forth even though her trust in me was far stronger and enough to silence any doubts. Perhaps my previous slip ups were still affecting her, and I wouldn't doubt it. But to be honest, if I had walked in the Diner and saw her sitting with Robin, hell yeah jealous mode would kick in. I'd most likely see red, flashes of anger coursing through my veins.

"Stay in the car. And don't even think about coming after me," I say, pushing open the door. Maybe with the time available on my hands, I should take a look around to get a firsthand experience.

I can't stand the thought of leaving her there. It suddenly hurts me so much because she's unarmed. She hasn't used her magic in a long time. And this is a dangerous situation. I'm doing the same thing that I was totally against to begin with: bringing her with me on patrol. But the thing is, after we left the Diner, Regina refused to have me take her home. The next suggestion was to hang out with mom. But she didn't want that. The stubborn side of her kicked in and I got those repeated 'no's' and glares until there were tears in her eyes. How could I have said no to her when she croaked 'I don't want to be alone, I want to be with you'?

Suddenly an idea sparks in my mind. It's more like a reflex. I'm still sitting in the car and I reach for my gun. It's a basic standard shotgun. Nothing fancy. Five bullets and serious enough to cripple someone. After staring at it for a while, I turn to her.

"Take this," I say. She stares at it with wide eyes then looks up at me. "If you see him, if anyone tries to hurt you, I want you to pull the clip like this." I demonstrate. "And pull back the –"

"No." Her voice is barely audible.

"I'm not leaving you here unarmed." My tone is firm.

"It would be best if I am not left with that." She backs up in her seat as if I'm holding out a freaking bomb. "Take it with you. For goodness sake, just keep it away from me."

"Regina."

"Emma, I do not wish to have that kind of weapon in my possession." Her brown eyes are pleading with me to move it away. I do and sigh. "I have my own form of…weapon. And you're quite aware of that."

"Yeah but when was the last time you used your magic?"

"Yesterday."

"To do what?"

"I was…practicing. I…picked apples, moved around the furniture, made my bed."

"I'm talking about you blasting stuff, throwing people aside, stunning them. That kind of magic work."

"I wasn't presented with such a situation to…toss people aside, Emma." She stares at me as if I'm mad. "Unless you're willing right now to step outside and have me fling you aside, just for your satisfaction. Then I cannot assure you any other way."

"How about a knife?" I reach inside my jacket for Neal's army knife he gave me years ago. It's wickedly sharp.

"Hell no."

"Stop being so stubborn." Placing it on the dash in front of her, I avoid eye contact. "Just click the little red button and the knife flips up and you know the rest."

"No." She reaches out and bats it off of the dashboard. "I don't want knives or guns next to me."

"Yeah but you…" I can't argue over that. I can't argue over anything concerning a baby's safety. And when she puts it like that, includes the word 'baby' in a sentence, something tickles me.

Our eyes are locked and I want to kiss her. I'm sure you're like 'Emma, geez! Stop WANTING to kiss her. And just do it!' Stop wanting things and act on impulse. Act just exactly as you feel because things could happen. Time can change situations. And I don't ever want to lose her again.

The car has this huge dividing clump of plastic between the front seats. And it's kind of awkward to lean over all that way, trying to get in close enough. I don't want distance between us. And I haven't kissed her since that night in her library, which felt more like a freaking peck on the lips. It hurts me. I don't know if you'll understand this but there's always a part of me that want so much more. I want us to hug and for me to feel every inch of her when I do. Wrapping her in my arms, our bodies pressed together, that's all I want. But there's the baby between us. She's close to nine months now. So that's more than enough distance between us. And I don't want distance.

Getting out the car without thinking, I act on impulse. I grab the feeling, the moment and jog around the front. Estimating Robin and Will's arrival in the next ten minutes, then that would give me enough time. When I pull open her door, she's staring at me with wide eyes. She's wondering what's on my mind. And it's a look that hurts me even though I know it's not serious enough to warrant self-doubt. I reach out a hand and our fingers entwine. Then I'm helping her out. The wind whips her dark hair, strands captured behind her ears, tangled in those silver earrings shaped like stars.

When I press her against the car, she gazes at me as if I'm some kind of astounding piece of art on display. And then my fingers are running pathways through her hair. She gasps as I move in closer, resting my hands on her hips.

"I want you to know more about you. About your past. What you were like and the way you felt, the things you had to do." I wet my lips, dry from the severe wind and press a kiss unto her forehead. My boots sink slightly into the sand and still I'm taller than her by more than an inch.

"The Evil Queen." She takes my breath away when her eyes flutter close. Head bowed, her warm hands rest upon mine.

"More like the woman who was misunderstood so much, she chose to shut herself out. And I know that you never talk about her. I know that it's a dark part of your life. But I want to know about that woman because I really think that at some point in my life, I was exactly like her. Instead of killing people though, I stole boyfriends away, had one night stands, and drowned myself in alcohol. And when I couldn't get over the fact that my parents gave me up, the only choice left was me believing that I wasn't worth it."

Regina looks up at me and frowns. "That's where you were wrong."

"I know that now," I said.

"There isn't much I can tell you about that woman because she's long gone. But there is one thing I can remember about her. She always felt as if change was inevitable. Even casting the curse tormented me because everything remained the same. It's not what I wished for. What I wanted was everything you changed in me from the very first time we met. Change. I wanted my life to change. I wanted someone to change me. And when you used a chainsaw on my tree, you cracked the ice around my heart."

I smiled because Regina always has a way of describing things, making them sound severely poetic in a dark and twisted way. Yet somehow even after the knife cuts your squishy heart, its then when you realize the truth. It's then when you rewind and play back and you wonder how she could put things together like that. Irony, sarcasm, metaphors, anything that could astonish you. Telling me before that she couldn't breathe without me. It's severe. It's intense. And it's raw.

"When you look at me like that, I don't ever want you to stop." I rub my thumb over her soft lips that are slightly stained red. And she holds her breath, reading my mind. "Everything else can change. But the moment you stop looking at me like that, then I'll know that something's really wrong. Or my world is about to fall apart."

"Right now I have a single thought in my mind." She smirks.

"On a scale of 1 to 10," I provide with a smile, "how erotic is that thought?"

She raises an eyebrow, nevertheless appearing amused. "How about a sample and you will determine the rating on your own?"

"Here?"

"Yes."

My eyes as you can imagine are huge at this point.

Without awaiting a response from me, Regina does the inevitable.

At first her intentions are concealed behind a simple gesture, one that includes drawing me nearer. I'm like, dammit, she just wants to hug me and nothing else. Or maybe the kiss will come after the hug. Either way, I'm totally weak in the knees and am drowning in anticipating. I believe that I've got this. I know what she's doing. Her fingers run pathways through my windswept blonde hair, she presses her right cheek on my left. As soft as the gesture is, the feel of my heart hammering away is a clear sign that I'm severely anxious. I'm always longing to be near her, making any contact possible.

But then her warm breath tickles my neck. Soft lips whisper upon my skin that prickles, tiny shoots of electricity sparking through my mind. I'm drawing several blanks one after the other, eyes fluttering close as she continues to press kisses towards my shoulder. And when she tilts my head sideways, all I'm thinking of is sparkling stars. Regina is so unpredictable, she's dangerously tempting. She's the only person who manages to leave me breathless from one small move. As if everything is maximized. So that when I feel her teeth graze along my jawline, I'm already standing at the end of the cliff, light headed and spellbound.

I kiss her just as she's about to torment me with suggestive actions. Our lips never meet as just a simple peck because that would never do. That would never feel enough. Instead I'm kissing her slow but deep, so as the seconds build up, so does my heartbeat. The taste of her lips is like the soft kiss of an angel. One that lasts for as long as we can hold our breaths and the moment just makes everything disappear. Nothing else matters except her. Even when the roaring of a truck approaches, neither of us can entangle ourselves from the passion that covers like a web. And it's when a door slams shut, then she finally musters up the courage to put an inch of distance between us.

Gazing into her brown eyes, I'm so lost in them; it takes me a few seconds to realize where I am once more. Why am I here? What's my purpose again? I came here to investigate. But I ended up acting on impulse and she's weakened me as it always happens.

"Very romantic," Will remarks whilst I tuck Regina's dark hair behind her ears. And she presses a kiss unto my nose, smiling with affection. "How's about we just turn around and leave you two alone?"

"Hold your horses. I'm still in." I kiss her right cheek and whisper, "stay in the car. Pepper spray is under the seat." And throwing a glance at Will then Robin, I make my way towards them, hands in my jeans' pockets.

Xx

* * *

><p>Actually it doesn't take that long to find where Phillip was keeping his prisoners.<p>

Three warehouses that were used to store seafood and equipment. We searched the first one, found nothing but fishing nets strewn across mildew floors, equipment caked with rust that had the color of blood. A gaping hole was hacked into the side of the building and there was evidence of carpets, green beer bottles and upside down wooden crates.

"The little rascals must love throwing parties here." Will kicks a pile of cigarette butts and folds his arms.

"One of the reasons why we wanted to remove all these buildings," I say, throwing Robin a look. He hasn't said a word to me since his arrival. I get the feeling that even though my chest is swelling with pride after he captured me kissing Regina, there's a slight worry remaining. Things between us have progressed to a point where he makes decisions without consulting me. He does things behind my back. At some point I'll have to confront him about overstepping me. And that's not a moment I'm looking forward to because there are still a few things on my mind that I'd like to say to him.

We move unto the second warehouse and as soon as I notice the brown paper bags that are soggy from soaking up whatever was inside, Phillip's presence is felt. His Brute cologne lingers in the air, mixed with the smell of mildew and fish. The salt from the sea's air has corroded the roof of the room we're standing in. Wind whips in through three square windows that are wide open and up above us. I notice a simple black clip with a gold butterfly twinkling upon the ground. As I stoop to study it, Robin finally speaks up.

"It would appear as if he handcuffed the two officers to these metal poles."

I pick up the clip and strands of blonde hair tickle my fingers. Maria's hair. There's a grating sound that reminds me of prison doors sliding shut. I look up as Will is pulling open a rusty door that leads unto the docks just outside. Somehow I keep remembering something, a memory that tickles my subconscious, trying to make me aware of it. And yet I can't focus. The staircase just beyond is seriously damaged, dangerous and flimsy, wood broken in several places.

"Well he's long gone now." That's Will. His huge eyes are always wide as saucers and I'm reminded that whenever he looks at me like that, it doesn't mean that he's alarmed or surprised. That's just the way he looks.

"What I don't understand is this," I say, moving to where Robin stands just next to a rusting pole. There are marks along the rust that indicate something grazing repeatedly across the surface. "How in the world did he stay hidden for two freaking weeks, coming and going without anyone seeing him?"

"Killian saw him."

"Yeah but that was two days ago. No one saw a strange guy walking along here? He had to buy food, takeout food." I gesture towards the crumpled paper bags. "And no one saw anything."

"Sometimes a bloke sees something. Many times he says nothing. Just the way life is, Sheriff." Will kicks the other pole and it makes a hollow sound.

We move around, trying to find some clue as to what happened, trying to pick up something. And still what Grumpy said lingers in my mind. Robin hasn't told me anything about what he saw up to now. And I want to ask him, but it shouldn't be my duty to ask him anything. He's supposed to tell me. He's working for me. Putting personal feelings in the way is wrong. I should know better too. I shouldn't talk. But that's what's happening.

"What it looks like to me is this. He snatched the two ladies, kept them here and he just disappeared into thin air. Either that or he moved them somewhere cozier."

"Or maybe he left town." I can't help but glare at Robin. I'm suddenly feeling so icy inside, it's scary because when this happens, it simply means that an explosion is coming. "Maybe he left town and somebody saw, you know?"

"If anyone saw anything, they would say something." He's glaring back at me.

"I wonder how long it will take before you cut the bullshit and tell me exactly what you saw." Hands on my hips, I take a step towards him.

"I saw exactly what Grumpy related to you."

"It would have been better to hear everything from you first."

"What difference does it make? You already know." He glances away warily and decides to step towards the opening Will had provided us with. "Because we couldn't cross the town line, there wasn't much to see. Except the remains of an explosion, broken glass everywhere. And there were two cops present."

"Will", I startle him and he stares at me with wide eyes. This time, he IS alarmed. "If you notice something strange going on around here, like the possible scene of an accident," I never look away from Robin, "who do you report to immediately?"

"The Sheriff. You or your dad. Or your mom. The whole Charming family. The Royals." Dammit, he doesn't know when to stop sometimes.

Instead of providing any defense on his side, Robin turns away and begins to study the floor. Okay, that's how he wants things between us to continue, then fine. I'm not afraid of him and I sure as hell am not going to let him stand in my way. If he wants to behave like this then I'll have to do something about it. And I'm not going to regret it, letting him off the job because he can't continue to behave like this.

"You can hate me all you want," I continue. "But when it comes to doing our jobs, we have to do what's expected."

"As I said to you before, Sheriff," he uses that title as sarcastically as he can, "I told Grumpy to pass the news unto you. And he did in succession. I was occupied all morning, matters concerning Roland."

"Of course you were," I said.

"You're calling me a liar now?"

"Nope, you're just handing me excuses."

"I don't have time for this," he said warily. "Our next stop as I would kindly suggest in my most humble opinion related to the position I uphold, is for us to visit the Officers' rooms. Then the town line where you can safely step across and investigate as you wish."

The silence that ensued was stretched out until Regina appeared in the doorway. First thing that kicked in was a rush of adrenaline, me wondering what the hell she was doing here. But after scrutinizing her face, noticing that she appeared pretty normal, I relaxed. Not too much though, because my instructions had specifically been for her to remain in the car. No, she had to venture out and find me, snooping around most likely. It's a part of her that will never rub out: the fact that she will investigate on her own because answers need to be found. And she must find them. If I'm not going to involve her in anything, she will take the solo path and find stuff out on her own. It's a stubborn streak that doesn't seem to go away.

"I smell a rat," and she scrunches up her face, appearing so out of place in the room. Her brown boot toes the dirty floor as Robin stares at her.

"One smells many things in a place like this, your Majesty," Will says and he glances at me, searching my eyes because he knows that I disapprove of her showing up here.

"You shouldn't be here." Robin's voice is steady and low, and if I am not mistaken, he sounds genuinely pissed at her.

She considers him with a mere glance and then all her focus is on me. That's when it happens. It happens all the freaking time, no matter how many times the same situation presents itself. I'd be standing in a room, standing anywhere as a matter-of-fact and Regina would come in. At first I might not notice her arrival. I might miss the sound of the door closing, or someone calling out her name. But the second I am aware of her presence, the second I just look at her, she's always looking right back at me. It sounds like a coincidence, a stupid thing to most of you, too simple. But that small occurrence leaves me breathless because I suddenly realize that she notices I'm there. She knows that I'm there. And when those brown eyes focus on me, everyone else disappears immediately.

"Emma," she says my name with a straight face, no pun intended, "I'd like to speak to you in private."

"Sure." Wondering what that's about, I follow her just outside the room and we walk some distance away.

Taking a deep breath, Regina turns to face me, and there's this look in her eyes. It's not the kind of look that makes me feel comfortable. She looks seriously affected by something that must have happened only just now.

"Your mom just called." When I don't provide an answer, she continues. "Apparently she's been trying to reach you but your cellphone was left in the car."

"Shit," I mutter, completely aware now that if anything had happened to Regina, then even if she tried to call, I wouldn't receive it.

"Don't ever forget your cellphone, Emma."

"I know, I know…crap," my eyes are on the floor, "it must have slid out of my pocket on the way here."

"Yes, it was in the car seat. I sat there and suddenly felt something vibrating between my thighs."

My eyes are wide right now. These visions, these feelings prickle me immediately and I swallow hard. "You were sitting in my…seat."

She smirks. "All those erotic ideas dancing through that mind of yours, tell me how it makes you feel."

"Tell you how…what makes me feel?"

She strategically takes two steps forward and my back is now pressed upon the wall. "I was thinking of you when your phone vibrated. I was soaking up your warmth from that seat, your perfume that still lingered in there, allowing my fingers to touch the steering wheel…just as you had done."

"You…" she's using her hands to feel exactly what her mind desires and right now, I can't breathe. "You were making out with my ghost?"

"I'd like to make out with you right now." Fingers press into my bare skin under my shirt.

"Why the hell are you so spontaneous?"

"Because I know that it severely affects you."

"In other words, you love to get a rise out of me."

"In more ways than one. Yes. Seeing you get all worked up really and truly turns me on."

"Regina…" I'm losing my mind right now because she has seriously gone mad, utterly insane. When I feel the warmth of her hand between my legs, this ringing starts. It begins in my head and I'm left to stare at her whilst she boldly caresses me out in the open. At any time, either Will or Robin could come out here. But it's like she doesn't care at all, or that's exactly what she wants.

"Speechless?"

"Really," I captured her hand into mine and slowly move it away, "I'm on duty."

It suddenly dawned on me, that conversation in her library. She had referred to my past relationships filled with thrills, being spontaneous. In other words, I seemed to live for the thrilling moments. But Regina had told me that she wasn't like that. Now just out of surprise, her actions were sudden. As if wishing to change something, to do what I liked when I didn't want that kind of spontaneity anymore.

"You don't have to do this, you know."

"Do what?"

I stared at her. "I told you to wait in the car. But it's not as simple as that. In fact you were probably thinking a lot out there. We had this talk before in your library about you being a hopeless romantic. But this isn't like you, just showing up and grabbing me. Not that I mind."

Her brown eyes blink as my words register and I'm very afraid that she might be angered. At this point, her emotions can spin off into dangerous directions. And we already had one confrontation for the day. Having a second one would severely ruin me.

"You can't kiss me passionately as you did and then leave just like that."

"We'll finish what I started later?" I'm amazed at my suggestion. Actually that was a bold one that shocks even me because never before have I done that.

"Over a bottle of Welch's Fruit Juice?"

"Sounds good." I'm relieved that she isn't mad.

She smiles, prying my fingers open and pressing the mobile into my hand. All the time, her eyes remain on mine.

"Why did you come all the way out here when I specifically told you to wait in the car?" I still haven't let that one go as yet.

"I forgot to tell you that I love you," she says hoarsely, and a cupped hand caresses my right cheek.

"I love you back." I feel like a teenager, weak in the knees and totally high on my feelings for her.

"Call your mother."

"I will."

"Don't worry, I have the pepper spray." She holds it up and steps away. "I think I'll return home now. Feeling a bit exhausted already."

"Then let me tell them that I'm going to take you –"

She cuts me off. "No, proceed with your investigation. I'll see you later."

"What are you –"

She lifts her hand to wave. And when that darn purple smoke engulfs her, I'm suddenly reminded that yeah, she can poof herself back home. She can do practically anything she wants with her magic. But the air feels so empty without her here, or waiting on me outside. My heart feels so wrong. I can no longer look forward to seeing her sitting out there in the car. I'm supposed to be relieved that she's not sitting there in the open. However, it's just the anticipation that diminishes. Till this evening seems like such a long time from now.

Dragging my boots, I return to the room where Maria and Lily were held as prisoners.

Xx

* * *

><p>About an hour and a half later.<p>

I was licking the ketchup from my thumb, chewing on a hotdog when Ruby approached me hesitantly. At first I thought that she was going to pass me by. And I wanted that. I didn't want anything to do with her for as long as it could be managed. But suddenly she was standing there in front of me, and I had no choice but to stare at her.

"I think you should know something," her eyes were focused on Robin who waited patiently seated upon a table next to the window. "I think Lily tried to call me yesterday."

"What?"

"Someone called. It was a woman and it sounded like her. Anyway, the connection was bad so I couldn't hear properly. But the person sounded like her –"

"What did she say?" I cut her off.

She doesn't look too happy about that. "Like I said, I couldn't catch much of what was said."

"What number did she call on?"

There is hesitation. And then she sighs. "Phillip's phone."

Somehow the way she says his name stirs up something inside of me. Suddenly I'm scrutinizing her face, searching because something seems off about her. She referred to him by his first name. A first name basis isn't exactly formal. It hints some kind of a connection. Maybe I'm just being paranoid.

"And why would Phillip have your number?"

"I dunno, from someone else maybe."

"Ruby…"

She rolls her eyes, a hand on her hip. "Look, he just had it okay? It doesn't mean that he actually HAD my number stored. Maybe whoever was calling knew my number and called it. All I'm saying is that someone tried to call me and it wasn't him."

"Thanks." Without prolonging the conversation, I took a step around her and then proceeded to the exit.

Stranger and stranger.

Isn't that what Alice said at some point in Wonderland?

We found nothing in their rooms upstairs in the Diner, the Bed and Breakfast. And when I say 'nothing', I mean strange situations like empty closets, well made beds without a crinkle, clean bathrooms, nothing under the beds. It's like no one resided inside those rooms. Granny informed me that she hadn't touched them. She said that once a guest checks out, then arrangements are made for Ruby to clean up the rooms. Which brings me back to Ruby.

The expression on her face when we had that conversation was puzzling.

At first she appeared as per normal. You know, the usual icy eyes and stolid face when it comes to a foe. But she refused to look directly at me for over two freaking seconds. Eye contact says a lot, doesn't it? It gives me an opportunity to read someone, tell if they're lying, and find some slice of trust. With her, there was none. I'm the kind of woman that notices things in people. I'm observant. I string things together and make decisions. And after Granny told me that Ruby was the one who is supposed to clean the rooms, my mind began to create these wavy lines from bizarre thoughts.

She is hiding something from me.

I suddenly began to wonder if Phillip didn't have her number by accident. Maybe he flirted with her and numbers were exchanged? Or the most psycho explanation is that she was somehow helping him. There's nothing better than being friends with your enemy's enemy. Somehow Regina's warning kept playing over and over in my mind. WATCH YOUR BACK. DON'T TRUST ANYONE. That's what my mom said. Henry told me the same thing. And I'm taking it for granted. These people in this town, most of them respectfully acknowledge me as the Sheriff. But there are those people who I consider as my friends. Ruby fell into that list until recently and so did Robin. Archie is a friend still, Granny is, also Whale and Tinkerbell, Killian. My closer family circle contains people like Neal, Henry, Regina, mom and dad.

But Ruby. She's getting on my freaking nerves and I want to do something about it. So is Robin.

**xx**

* * *

><p>It's around six o'clock when I turn into Regina's driveway in Mifflin Street. There's a light wind blowing, the sky already darkened, a few twinkling stars and a crescent moon. The sound of leaves rustling gives the neighborhood an eerie feeling, ghostlike. And I'm reminded that this street has always been a quiet one. No one gazes out windows, no one is ever seen walking down the sidewalk. Just to be sure, I check to make sure that there is actually a sidewalk. And there is.<p>

Even before I can press the buzzer, the knob is turning. I watch the door open slowly, her blood red nail polish almost witchlike as she holds unto the frame. Why do I hold my breath so much whenever she's around? It's like I don't even realize that I'm doing it. And the only time I'm aware is when my head begins to go all fuzzy on me. Maybe it's because she's wearing her hair up. Or maybe it's the way she always gazes at me so intensely. But I stop breathing and it drives me crazy because I'm left to wonder what the hell will happen when we take things further. What will happen when that time finally comes, when I make love to her and she does the same?

"Can we go for a drive somewhere instead of staying in?" is the first thing she asks.

She's already dressed. Four layers of clothing. There's this black long sleeved jersey. Over that is a short sleeved blood red dress that stops just near her knees. She's also wearing black leggings and her knee high brown leather boots with the buckles. Let's not forget the freaking furry trench coat that I drool over. That darn chocolate brown coat that brings out her matching eyes. I want to fit myself inside beside her and feel the tickle of fur on my arms. But then there's that one particular part of her that shocks me.

She stares in my direction.

I stare back.

"Miss Swan, pick your jaw up from the floor. We already established that I am drop dead gorgeous." Reaching out, she snatched my keys and my right hand. And tugged me away from the door. I basically was speechless because of her cleavage. Where did that come from? I know she had boobs but they've…they have…they…have…OH MY GOD.

"Hey, wait", I swallow hard as she grabs the handle on the door. Before another move is made, I take a hold of her shoulders and in seconds she's pressed back unto the car.

Gazing at me with such intensity, my thumbs caress her upper arms and she stands there as if I'm a cop who's carrying out a search. I'd like to carry out a search to be honest. But there's one thing that always keeps me at bay. That night when she didn't want to take off her pajama top. I know it's ridiculously childish for me to keep thinking about things like that. But it's one of the main reasons why I refuse to make the first move for us to go further than a kiss. I want her to be the one to take things further. I want her to make the move. And she's not doing it. So I'll just wait.

"What do you want to do," she starts to say, eyes wide, "devour me?"

I crack a smile. "The amount of things that I want to do to you, Regina. The list is endless. And it grows every single day."

Her gaze rests on my moving lips, reading my words. My shoulders are snatched this time, and before I can prepare myself, she crushes her lips upon mine. I'm suddenly drowning in the taste of chocolate mixed with a hint of caramel. Biting her bottom lip, I pull and release, noses nudging affectionately, our eyes locked and dazed. The distinct softness of her lips, the small intake of breath, wide brown eyes. All of that drives me crazy. I can't control myself. When she's so close to me, I'm completely aware of the meaning of that severe moment of bliss. Body heat. It's felt, savored and tormenting. She pulls away. I move in but she teases me with a laugh. I kiss her right cheek instead. And when the kiss is initiated again, this time I'm the one that hungrily devours her mouth and neck. This wave of passion engulfs me and the more I cling unto her existence, the more I want her.

My heart is still beating like a ritual drum when the car drives away from that elusive mansion of hers. She's sitting beside me, eyes cast out the window. The street lies empty before us and I can't concentrate on anything else but her breathing. Have you ever been so focused on someone, you are aware of every breath they take? Every intake of breath tingles your senses. It's like she's making me aware of her presence and that we're here. I'm a bit thoughtful right now. I might sound really deep but that's what she does to me. She softens my heart, my mind and I become a mushy ball of feels.

"I feel…" she shifts upon the seat, peering down at her fingers in the dark, "…as if I am supposed to…say something to you. But my mind is shutting whatever it is out."

"Give it time," I say, feeling a bit worried.

We drive in silence. And then her sigh fills the car.

"What's wrong?" I can only see the side of her face now.

"I want things between us to progress further than a kiss."

It's almost as if she's reading my mind. I glance over at her without responding, noticing that the traffic lights have stopped working. They're all blinking orange.

"I know that you…wish for so much more –"

"Like I said," I'm holding my breath, "give it time, okay?"

"Then what if we haven't gotten enough time on our hands?"

"Please don't say that to me," suddenly my eyes burn. My insides grow so cold so fast, I'm freezing inside my leather jacket. That dream. That horrible dream.

"Why?" She's looking at me now, and I can tell that her lips are parted. She can't breathe properly because of the subject of our conversation.

"Don't say things like that. Jesus. We have time. We have…" I swallow hard, "…the future. Everything will happen eventually. I have hope."

"Of course you do. You're a Charming. You're programmed to have hope. I'm not."

"We both had shitty pasts," I say, realizing that there is no set destination in my mind. "We went through some serious fucked up situations. Most times when we thought that things would have lasted, they didn't. Tragedies like losing someone. It's life. But that doesn't mean I have to give up hope."

"But every time I speak about limited time, your demeanor changes completely. Your…eyes change. Are you afraid of losing me, Emma?"

I slow the car to a standstill as three children skip across the road. One of them has a yellow bow attached to her curly black hair. It dances in the wind as I run my fingers through my hair, avoiding Regina's scrutiny on me.

"Are you afraid of losing me?"

"How the hell could you ask me that?" my voice cracks. "Of course I'm afraid of losing you. I'm always afraid of losing you. Since we met, I've always had this connection, we've had this connection. And even when we never used to get along, I still felt as if you needed to be protected by me. So you can imagine what this does to me. All of it. The way I feel about you is…nothing compared to anything else."

She breathes in the silence after my speech.

"You're nothing compared to anybody else in my life."

Tears form in my eyes. I grip the steering wheel and the car crawls forward again. Right now Storybrooke is sleeping. The few places that have remained open are like lifeless faces staring as us as we drive past.

"I have lost my sanity so many times." She flexes her fingers, staring at them, lost in thought. "I was dead inside and I couldn't feel anything. Pain became tolerable. To suffer through the agony arising from selling my soul to the devil. As your mother did say, my experiences with pain must have tripled anything compared to giving birth."

"But you learned from your experiences. Just as I did. Life isn't easy and mine sure as hell was never a fun one way trip. More like a lonely road to who knows where."

"What did you learn from your pain?" she asks, her eyes on me. "What did you bring forward from your tragedies?"

"I don't know," I shrug, eyes on the road, "hope as I said. When I had to give up Henry, in that moment something made me realize that we do things in life for a reason. There comes a time when we have to make choices. I made a choice to give him up that day because I wanted him to have his best chance. I somehow believed that he would be better off without me. At that age, I wasn't ready to deal with a baby. And inside me, I could feel that it was the best decision. Look where that decision led."

"To me."

"In more ways than one, as the years progressed after that, I began to think about whatever happened to me in a different light. Like a learning experience. People come and go. Neal left me because it was supposed to happen. My parents gave me up because I had a mission. Small things that mean so much."

"But if Daniel didn't die then I would never have become the Evil Queen."

"How can you be so sure of that?" I stop six feet from the town line and both of us are not even aware of that. We're so caught up in each other, everything else doesn't matter. It always happens. "Neal always used to tell me that everything is bound to happen anyhow. When someone dies, you can't evade that moment, you can't change anything. It's supposed to happen. And it will happen."

We're both looking at each other now.

"Had I been successful in fleeing that night with Daniel, then my mother would have found us eventually."

"Exactly. Cora was determined to make you do exactly as she wanted. Chances are, if she didn't kill Daniel and you got away, then you'd be on the run for the rest of your life. Then you probably would have turned bitter. Living under the radar changes you. That happened to me. At some point you would have gotten tired of running, of never having as much, but barely enough. And then things would have gotten sour."

"You mean my love for Daniel."

"Yep, you're not a simple woman, Regina. You're sophisticated. You're the kind of woman that deserves only the best and nothing else because that's what you are. You're exceptional. You're powerful."

"Yes. But I was once a very simple girl."

"You wanted to run away from Cora. You wanted freedom. Daniel was like your ticket to escape." My fingers drum lightly on the wheel, eyes focused ahead.

"True. But that doesn't mean that I didn't love him genuinely." She keeps on looking at me, and my right cheek is burning up. So is my neck.

"I don't doubt that. I genuinely loved Neal. But I didn't see a future with him. We lived in the moment, doing things for the thrill. Did you see a future with Daniel?"

She began to shake her head even before realizing it, even before replying. "To be honest, no. I also lived in the moment for the thrill of it. I have had very few significant relationships and the result was always the same. For the pleasure of it. Or some guilty satisfaction arising from an attachment."

"A woman has her needs," I glance out the window, listening to the rustle of the leaves, trees swaying around us.

"I can only see you in my future. And Henry. And my baby."

"Then why do you keep throwing hints that we could have limited time together?"

"Because nothing good ever lasts long in my life, Emma."

"Don't say that. I wish that you'd just stop thinking like that."

"It's true." Her voice cracks.

"No, it's not."

"It is."

"If you keep thinking like that you're going to lose everything, then that's exactly what will happen. I used to believe that nothing could ever be permanent until Henry brought me here. He gave me a reason to believe that my life actually meant something to someone. In his mind, both of us mean the world to him. That must say something."

"He brought you here to bring back the happy endings."

"And I'm yours." She can't take her eyes off of me. "None of our past relationships lasted because they couldn't. We had to find each other, we had to…do this eventually because it's faith. I don't belong to anyone else. I can't belong to anyone else. I'm supposed to be with you." I look at her finally. "Can't you see that? Can't you see that the thought of losing you, of spending limited time with you destroys me? I don't want to have a deadline when it comes to us. I don't want to keep thinking that someday, something can happen that will tear us apart. Is it wrong of me to think of loving and having you forever?"

"No." There are tears in her eyes and she unclips her seatbelt, never looking away. "No it's not. I am so sorry."

"Don't be." My gaze rests on the twinkle of glass beneath the moonlight a good way from the town line. Suddenly I'm aware of my subconscious, leading me to this place.

All day I had been thinking about the incident before me. So far our search had upturned nothing in particular. It just appeared as if three people who had come here like ghosts from my past had vanished into thin air. No belongings left, no sightings from anyone. It's like something kept nagging me that those shards of glass meant more than something to be overlooked. It was obvious that there had been an accident. But never had it crossed my mind that maybe those three people were part of that accident and could possibly be…

I feel her fingers brush my right cheek. But my mind is elsewhere. An accident. A freaking accident that could have involved Maria, Lily and the scumbag of a foster brother I had oh so unfortunately crossed paths with. But no one had heard anything on the news as far as I could tell. Even if they had been in an accident then something would have been unearthed via the media. You're trying to tell me that no one in this town knows anything about such a dramatic disappearance? I don't buy it. I don't buy it at all. Someone has to know something and this is where my mind strays back to Ruby. She knows something and she's not telling.

"Where are you?" Regina's voice sounds as if she's across the room. "Tell me what's on your mind."

"I got a report from someone about an accident just over the town line," I say, my voice barely audible. Eyes focused ahead, I'm aware of Regina's hand resting on my right leg now. Suddenly I can feel her fingers there.

"An accident?"

"Yeah." I unclip my seatbelt. Pulling the key out, my hand reaches for the door handle. And something so close to a slice of electricity slices through my heart. The feeling makes me wince as I barely push the door open and remain sitting in my seat.

I remembered thinking, what the hell does that mean? Am I doing something wrong? And if I'm doing something wrong, then it must be related to my heart. When that particular part of you begins to ache, it's peculiar. Suddenly you're wondering what the hell does this mean and what caused it. It's not like my stomach that would tingle when I'm hungry. Or my gut that would clench when I get a feeling something is going to go terribly wrong. This is my heart we're talking about, the one organ that somehow reacts to her. When her heart aches, so does mine. When she can't breathe because there's this strain I'm putting on her, I feel it. I know.

Right now she's hurt, even if it's barely a flicker, she's still hurt.

From the corner of my eye I saw Regina's hand drift from my shoulder. She had just been thinking about touching me. And there I was turning my back on her, as if after everything we've been through, such a thing didn't matter.

Immediately I placed my gaze on her. "What's up?"

She shrugged, gaze lowered. "It's…nothing." Her words are strained, two words that hang in the air.

"Regina, I'm –"

"I need to stretch my legs." She cut me off. "A bit of fresh air works wonders."

There was a lump in my throat when she turned away from me and opened the door. Without saying anything else, without even looking at me, she got out. When the door snapped close in the silence, I stared at her through the window and felt my fingers go numb. My chest felt number. And my heart, I couldn't hear it beating at all. When my boots met the road, heavy footsteps that felt awful, I couldn't stand to have her feel like that. The air between us had somehow been altered and it wasn't a nice feeling at all.

"Can I kiss you?" I asked in an uneven voice, standing beside her.

The wind lifted her hair, strands dancing around whilst she stared towards the town line. "For you to ask me such a thing…"

"No, it's just that I feel…" toeing the ground with a boot, I lower my stare. "I feel as if something is bothering you. Much more than what you're letting out. And I just want to know more."

"Why would you think something is bothering me?" she shoved her hands in the pockets belonging to that gorgeous coat. I realized that her gloves are on again.

"Tonight I show up, you spontaneously want us to come out here for a drive. Which leads me to the path our conversation took and –"

"You don't like when we…talk?"

"No, it's not that I don't like when we –"

"This is ridiculous," she said, throwing her hands up. "First you try to avoid spending time with me. Wishing to chuck me back home where I can spend miserable hours on my own. Then this is about me…talking about things that severely affect me, that trouble me, that…I find important." Turning to look at her, I noticed that she was glaring at me. "I'm working on us. Which is more than what you've been attempting to do for the past few days."

"What?" I stare at her.

"Burying yourself in your work, waiting on me to call you. And the worst part is, I can't even spend enough time with you. I can't see you when I wish. I can't…" My cellphone starts to ring and she stops, her brown eyes resting on my jeans pocket. "Someone is always interrupting us just when we're bonding."

"You call this bonding?"

"Just like your mother." She shakes her head and walk away from me. "Pathetic intrusions. Always getting in the middle of everything." I check my phone display and realize that it's Neal calling me. "In Neverland," Regina continues, "every single time I managed to get you alone, Snow would interrupt. Or it was Neal, or your father. I suppose when the time comes when we…then I'll have to seal the bedroom door shut."

"Now is not a good time," I whisper into the phone.

"Oh everything sounds so cheerful over there." I can tell that he's smiling. "Is that Regina bickering again? I hear something about a bedroom?"

"What do you want?" I ask Neal. She's glaring at me, a hand on her hip, waiting. "Make it quick."

"Long story cut short, a car blew up just near the town line. Just found it on the news." I hear mom's voice in the background and I'm left to wonder where he is. "Maria and Lily were inside the vehicle when it…"

"Fuck." I stare at Regina with wide eyes and her entire expression changes from a glare to a look of worry.

"Both of them are in critical condition in a hospital in New York. Looks like Lily's unconscious and Maria's talking to anyone who will listen." He huffed out a sigh and I could tell that he's frustrated. "There's a reward filed for Phillip's whereabouts by the NYPD. But the FBI as usual wants to kick up a storm. They're claiming him as theirs, saying that he was a loyal FED with a good reputation. My belief is, he's a dirty FED who tangled them up in a lot of shit. So to have him out on the loose, well that poses a threat. Who knows what he'll say when he squeaks."

"Any news as to where he is right now?" I feel my hands grow cold.

"Maria said that she last saw him in the rearview mirror, on their way out of town. They were by the town line apparently. So my bet is, if he isn't in town then he left town. Which means that there's no way in hell he can actually come back in because of the protection spell."

Good news and bad news. The story of my life apparently. Just when things are working out for the best, somebody drops a bomb on the situation. If Phillip was out of here then I should be happy as ever. But Maria and Lily in the hospital. That's not something to celebrate about.

"Where are you?" he asks. Someone says Henry's name in the background. The person sounds like dad.

"I'm trying to spend some quality time with her Majesty."

"You wish for us to play the formality game?" Regina sasses, her head dancing like a snake. She's obviously cross. "Do you want me to turn my bitchy Queen mode on?"

"Ouch." Neal winces on the phone. "What did you do now? Did you chip her nail polish or smudge her lipstick whilst kissing?"

"Jesus." I turn away and cup my hand around the phone, "it's as if she's on a roller coaster of feels. One minute she's all over me, smiling. And the next she's like a she wolf ready to bite my head off."

"It's obvious what she wants."

"And what's that, my last ounce of patience?" I hear her boots clicking behind me. I freeze up. "Shit, I got to go."

"The woman wants some loving, Emma. And I'm not talking about kissing alone. Every relationship survives on sex. Take her home, pour some wine, get drunk and undress, preferably whilst you're wearing that red and black lingerie that has the cute red bows –"

"This is inappropriate," I hiss into the phone. She's right behind me. I can hear her breathing.

"Undress her. You were never the type to play with dolls, come to think of it. Might require some practice. But the main thing is that you get in there, soldier. And you dominate. You take control!"

"Good riddance!" I end the call in a haste just as he snorts. She clears her throat behind me. And I turn around slowly, a huge smile plastered on my face. "Hi." Her glare deepens. "I'm just going to…" I take a step away from her, "…check out something real fast. Just stay right here."

"Who was that on the phone?"

"Mom."

"As usual!"

"It's not her fault!" I walked away from her towards the town line. "She's very protective over me, like a mother bear watching over her cub."

"Emma, I'm really angry right now." Her shoulders hunched, she stares down at her clenched fists with a pout, forehead creased.

"Of course you are. It's the –"

"You say the word hormones one more time and I'll really turn into a she wolf!" She throws at me. I'm already staring down at the town line, a boot lingering just near it. "What are you doing?"

"Maria and Lily were in the car that blew up just there", I tell her, pointing at the area littered with shards of glass. "I'm just going to check out the scene. Stay where you are, okay?"

"No, wait." Just as her boots hit the road, footsteps approaching me, I do a dramatic hop over the town line and savor the feel of pride.

I'm free. Well not free. But mad. Maybe it's the night wind that dizzies my mind, making me feel drunk. But right now, I'm heading towards the shards of glass with one purpose.

It's just a scatter of glass to be honest. Nothing fancy or worth describing much. Maybe I should tell you that there is a clump of grass that remains blackened by the blast. There's also the smell of burnt tires and smoke surrounding the area. But nothing else to investigate. So far, my mind keeps jumping back to Maria and Lily's condition in the hospital. I want to go see them. I want to know where the hell Phillip darted off to. Then suddenly, I get this feeling that maybe he's just standing right there in the bushes with this huge smile on his face. And he's watching me. Glancing around, I see no one but Regina.

"Emma…" she's standing there, gazing down at the line that lies about an inch away from the front of her brown boots.

"So far, nothing to see except a glass puzzle," I comment, stooping down to pick up a shard. Twisting it this way and that, it's like I'm seriously expecting to get a vision or something. Geez. "Well it looks like he's gone for good." Rising to my feet, I dusted my hands off on my jeans.

"Come back." Her voice is small, barely audible.

So the car blew up. The only way I'd know more is by calling and asking questions. The thing is, once someone starts to ask questions, something sparks in the cops' minds. They're now thinking, who's questioning the details of a suspicious case involving two of their own. The FBI will be tracking all transmission. And right now, I'm a target. I'm a target because he made me a target. He basically used a red marker and colored my name to highlight me.

"I just want to drive to New York and check them out, you know?" breathing in the cool air, my fingers are still numb. "Just to see how they're doing. I feel guilty somewhat."

"I don't want you to leave me again."

"I'm not going to leave you." Just for the fun of it, I walk to the middle of the road. Standing on the straight white line that cuts the ground into two lanes, I smile at her. "Look at this." Holding my arms out, I begin to walk backwards.

"Stop it," she says.

"I'm leaving, Regina." It's meant as a joke, honestly. You know that. I know that. But apparently, she's really in a mood because the more I create distance between us, I can see that she's clearly staring at me, fearful.

"Emma, come back."

"Chillax, dude. I'm just joking around, that's all." Walking back with my eyes on her, I can see that she's scared about something. "You honestly think that I'd leave you standing there just like that?"

The last time I left her, look what happened. Driving out of town ruined us more than ever. Did she honestly believe that I'd repeat that? No way in hell would I leave her, especially now.

"I just want you to…" it's when she wipes her cheek with the back of her hand, then I realize that she's crying, "…stop taking things for granted. Stop playing games with me."

"I'm not playing games with you." I stand on the other end of the town line.

"Yes." Her voice is so hoarse.

"I'm not."

"Yes…you are. You're teasing me." Her chest heaves, lips parted, staring at me with wide eyes that melt my heart.

"Regina."

"You are quite aware that I…can't leave…as you can." Tears wet her cheeks. "I don't want you to leave me again. It's one of my nightmares."

I sigh. Pulling off my gloves, one finger at a time, as soon as my right hand is freed, I reach out. "Take my hand."

She stares at it then at me in shock. "What?"

"Just do it," I say, holding both hands out now, my gloves that she made now shoved into the waist of my jeans. "Come on, take my hands."

"Are you mad?"

"I am. Madly in love with you." I'm smiling at her, and yeah, pretty much aware of the fact that I probably sound like a lunatic. Deranged most likely. "Trust me, come on."

"Emma, stop playing with my heart."

"I'm not playing with your heart. Take off your gloves." She does that with her eyes on me, slowly, her fingers trembling. Then when they're tucked away in her coat, Regina stares at me without moving. Reaching forward all of a sudden, I snatch her hands and hold unto them. She's startled by my move, freezing up. "Look at me, okay. Don't be afraid. Do you trust me?"

"If this is some sick joke, and you want me to forget you, to lose my memories –"

"Tell me that you love me," I say, realizing that I can hardly breathe.

"I…love you."

"Say it again."

She stares at me, eyes still wide. "I love you. What…are you doing?"

With our fingers entwined, I pull her towards me and over the town line. And she comes willingly. As soon as she comes across, I draw her nearer and press our foreheads together. She's staring at me, holding her breath, and so am I. But just for a moment.

"Emma." She says my name as if we haven't seen each other in years, as if she just realized that her feelings can't be muffled anymore. And something needs to be done about how she feels about me. When she says my name like that, breathless, I lose my mind. I can't breathe either.

"Do you remember me?" I asked, my eyes stinging from tears and the bitter wind.

Nuzzling our noses together, she gasped. Smiling at me, she nodded, her hair dancing in the wind. And I kissed her nose softly.

"After we had a major uproar in a City Hall meeting whilst you were away, and people like Ruby demanded that she felt imprisoned, Gold had to change the effects of the enchantment on the town line. Now anyone in Storybrooke can leave and return as they wish. But no one from the outside can get in unless…well…as what happened with Phillip…"

"Really?" she sounds so excited, and I haven't seen her like this many times before.

"Yeah, you're free to leave with me whenever you want. If you want. Many of them don't want to leave because they're still afraid of what lies out there."

"You fool," she lashes me on my arm and smiles. "You almost gave me a heart attack. You could have told me about this!"

"And spoil the chance to see your face when you overcome a fear? If it's one thing I've learnt is that we become stronger, braver when we face our fears. Even if it was just a few seconds, in that moment, you trusted me enough to come across. You had no idea what would happen but you did it anyway."

"Because you know why." Her voice cracks.

"Because you love me."

"Yes." She brushes back my hair. "I love you, you blonde imp."

"Oh come on," I'm somewhat hurt. "You could have thrown in a nice adjective before 'imp'. Blonde, sexy imp. Or blonde, gorgeous imp."

She begins to shake her head in disapproval, smiling widely. "No, doesn't fit you at all." I appear shocked. "Blonde, breathtakingly beautiful imp suits you more."

"I think you've had enough drama for one night," I said, pressing a kiss unto her forehead. "How about we go back to your place and I give you a nice foot massage?"

"Only that?" she raises an eyebrow.

"You seem disappointed. I happen to be a good foot…massage..er. To say the least. Plus it's too cold to…"

"Tilting her head, she narrows those brown eyes at me. "To?"

"You know…" I shrug.

"Oh!" that fake hoarse laugh makes me narrow my eyes at her now. "You mean it's too cold to dig into a tub of ice cream together." She winks at me. "I get it."

"That's not funny." I folded my arms.

"Vanilla and chocolate. I have some at home. Just in case you change your mind." She moves away from me and begins to walk back to the car, crossing one boot in front of the other. Teasing me.

"I said that's not funny!" I run after her.

Xx

* * *

><p><strong>24 HOURS EARLIER<strong>

The sharp cold wind bit her cheeks.

Lily's eyes watered. She focused on the blinking rear lights of a blue and white police car with New York plates. NYPD. The door to the driver's side was open and her radio was blinking, signaling all incoming transmissions that needed immediate attention. Right now she should have been cruising the streets of New York and munching on a veggie burger. Her shift would almost be up and then she'd watch sitcoms with her father in a well enough furnished apartment on the fourteenth floor. Every week her shifts changed. Next week she'd be working the nightshift and the week after the day shift. That's how things were supposed to be, like clockwork, like a storybook. The story hardly ever changed. She had no love life. She had no thrills. She never partied. She was alone if not for her dad.

"You little bitch," he whispered in her right ear. Phillip yanked Lily's ponytail back hard and she winced. "Look what you made me do."

Maria mewled, lying on the grass in a heap, blonde hair tangled and wet from sweating. Hands bound behind her back, she was stripped down to her black vest, unarmed and vulnerable. There was a wound to the right side of her head oozing blood.

"All of this was going just as planned. All of it would be glorious until you had to make that fucking call." He yanked her hair back. The cold mouth of the gun pressed against her throbbing neck. "All we had to do was to come here, get Emma and leave. I brought you in on this because we had a mutual understanding. You know the target pinned on your daddy's head isn't superficial. You know that if you fuck up –"

"Please leave him alone," she whimpered.

"If you fuck up, he dies. She knows that if she fucks up, her little boy dies too. Both of you are controlled by me. You're little puppets and I wiggle my hands and you dance to my tune."

"Leave my father alone."

The water lapped upon the grassy bank. Lights from surrounding houses twinkled around the shore in the distance. The police car's nose was pointed towards the water and the engine was on.

"There's only one thing left to do, darling," he said.

"What…" Lily swallowed hard, tasting bitter bile in her mouth, "what will you do to my father?"

His laughter startled her. She could feel him hot behind her, the way his hands were wound around, the handcuffs biting into raw flesh. Lily watched Maria lying on the ground and felt tears cover her eyes.

"I haven't decided yet," he replied.

"Leave Maria's son and my father out of this. This is between you, me and Maria. Leave them out of it."

"Oh but you fucked up the plan. You called your buddy to dig up information on me. You keep getting in the way, trying to pass messages to Emma, trying to warn her off. You little bitch. You just had to fuck up the plan. You pressured me to change the plan. I…" Phillip twitched, blinking fast as though he was battling his inner thoughts, "I had to change the plan. I have to work with the plan."

Maria whimpered on the ground, forehead kissing the grass as her knees dug into a heaving chest. She reminded Lily of a comma, a twitching comma. But she didn't deserve to die like this. None of them deserved to die in the hands of this mad man. Being trained to deal with situations like this, nothing ever prepared you for the moment that would present itself like this. To deal with a mad man who obviously needed help, a psychotic killer who had a master plan. It wasn't normal. Her gun had been taken away and now he was clutching it, the mouth pressed to her neck. It was insulting to turn an officer's gun on the officer himself. It was immoral.

Phillip didn't care about morality.

"Maybe we can talk about this," she tried. Her mouth was so dry. She was thirsty. "Let's talk about this."

"I have been searching for Swan for…so…long…now," he provided, licking his lips, tasting the air. "Just when she'd be in my hand, somehow she'd slip through my fingers. Many leads, many years. Drugs, prison, she was always there. Until she just disappeared. I searched so long. So hard. And now when I finally found her, you're standing in my way."

"You can't kill her. It's not the answer to this," Lily tried, her voice hoarse and unsteady. "You're not going to do yourself any good by –" Phillip yanked her head back and she winced, feeling the hair being pulled out in pain. Needle bites.

"No one is going to stand in my way."

"You're an FBI agent. You can't do this."

He was turned on by her constant attempts to stop him. Somehow her words were a reminder of how powerful he was, to take matters into his own hands. To act when he felt like…that was easy. That was refreshing.

"You're right," he said. "I can't do this." Releasing her hair, Phillip grabbed a fistful of Lily's blue shirt and shoved her forward. She had no choice but to walk with him. "You're going to do exactly as I say or else you die and your father dies. Her son dies and she dies as well."

"Please…" she whimpered.

"Help her up," he ordered. His tone was firm.

She did as he ordered, taking a hold of Maria's arm and tugging her up. Without protesting, the blonde rose weakly to her feet. The buckles of her brown heeled boots were caked with mud. A light wind swirled around them, playing with the stray strands of blonde hair around her friend's face. In situations like this, there was a thin line between friendship and foe. When it all came down to her father, Lily would do anything for him. She was confused.

Phillip made her walk Maria to the blue and white NYPD patrol car with the driver's door open. He made her chuck the blonde in and she collapsed on the black leather seat in a heap. After climbing in herself, Phillip got behind the wheel and they drove. He never stopped until they were just by the sign that read YOU'RE NOW LEAVING STORYBROOKE. It's then when she was told to retrieve Maria from the depths of the car and walk her to the town line.

She was shivering with fright, the feeling that something was about to happen that could not be stopped. It was not going to be okay. Somehow the thought of wrestling Phillip for her gun seemed to be a bad move because he was powerful, he had strength on his side. And right now she was weak as fuck. She couldn't breathe properly.

"Now you'll do as I say. Sit beside Officer Brink," he held his Glock pistol in her direction. Lily's eyes were wide as saucers. "Sit, stoop, do whatever you –"

"Stop," she gasped. "Please, oh God, stop." She was cold but she was sweating, the back of her shirt sticking to her skin. "Don't do this."

"Do as I say."

"I can't do that! I can't –"

"Do it!" he yelled. And after pointing it into the thick forest, the trigger was pulled. The gunshot rang out and echoed across the area.

Lily's teeth began to chatter as she walked forward in twitchy movements. And she did as he said, her eyes remained on him. He smiled from ear to ear, his blue eyes resting on Maria's curled up body lying just over the town line.

"Any last words?" he asked, licking his lips.

She remained silent.

"Good," he was really enjoying himself. "Okay listen, here's what you're going to do for me little darling." Without even sparing a second, Phillip aimed the gun in her direction and Lily squeezed her eyes shut. His laughter filled the air when she did that. "Oh I'm not going to shoot you. Open up those pretty eyes for me."

She was severely shocked. Her eyes flew open and she stared at him. Just when Lily was about to take a full breath of air, he pulled the trigger and her entire body jolted from fear. It was like expecting the unexpected, knowing that at this point, you were going to die. There was no going back, no second chance. She couldn't talk her way out of it. His mind was set and no one could stop him.

When Maria cried out in pain, she was forced to clutch the ground in fright. And the moment her eyes rested on the bullet wound in her friend's left thigh, blood now oozing through her pants, Lily gasped in horror.

"Your friend has roughly…" he shrugged, "less than half an hour before she bleeds out. I want you to get her in the car, and leave this town. Take her to a hospital if you like, depends on how deep your friendship goes. Personally I'd leave her to bleed out. She's a bitch like my mother." He was rattling on and Lily just couldn't take her eyes off of Maria rolling on the road in pain, fingers covered with blood as she wrapped them around the torn fabric of her pants.

"I know that you'll get the urge to run to whoever will listen just so that you'll get some satisfaction from reporting me. But if you do, I only have to make one phone call and your old grey fat fuck of a father dies. He dies and her kid dies. Just as you whisper one word about this. Call your Chief and make up some excuse. Throw her off the track."

She couldn't take it any longer. Lily quickly slid out of her blue shirt, remaining in just a white vest. And she moved closer to Maria, wrapping the fabric around her thigh. The smell of sweat was high, the smell of damp leaves, damp grass filling her nostrils already. The sun was already sinking low. Not a soul was in sight except for the three of them.

"Tick tock, Officer", he said.

Without even sparing a second, she helped Maria up and wrapped an arm around her friend's waist. The blonde hopped on one foot to the car and after settling herself in, writhing from pain, Lily raced towards the driver's side. She hopped in and put the car into drive. In the rearview mirror, Phillip had the gun pointed in their direction.

"Hold on tight, Maria," she whispered, her boot pressing on the gas.

"It was nice knowing you," he yelled with a maddening smile. "Tell the folks back home it's still cold out here. Oh and do me a favor, to quench your undying love for Swan, Brink isn't such a bad choice." The car was patted as she swung out next to where he stood, lingering near the town line.

Lily sped off down the road and away from Storybrooke. Pointing the gun in their direction, he fired once, then twice. The back window shattered into a million pieces and the vehicle skidded off the road dangerously. Then he waited for it. He waited, counting the seconds. And there was a loud blast from the car of the trunk as the rear was ripped open like a bursting fruit.

The rim from one of the tires jumped in the air and rolled to where he stood.

"What?" he asked, staring at it with a smile, "it's only humane of me to give people false hope."

The cold breeze kissed his cheeks like a mother reassuring her son that everything was going to turn out just fine. And he pocketed the gun once more. The car blazed on fire.

Just then, there was a twinkle upon the road ahead. With a spring in his step, he strode forward. One step, two steps, across the town line and then whilst humming to the soundtrack from Kill Bill, there he stooped. The blonde bitch had lost an earring. It looked like diamonds but he couldn't tell. Actually he didn't care. Right now, all he wanted was to return into the town that contained the bitch and finish her off once and for all. But first he'd start with her pretty girlfriend, the one who was so pregnant and so ignorant. Then he'd kill that boyfriend of hers, Cassidy. He'd finish him off too.

"I'll finish them all off," he said to himself, rising up and pitching the earring far away into the distance. "I'll finish them once and for all."

Phillip didn't notice that the sign had suddenly vanished. He didn't notice that the stretch of road leading back into Storybrooke appeared endless and without the brimming evidence of entering a town. After walking a few steps, he stopped and checked around for the sign, wondering where it had gone. Then he kept on walking. He walked for about ten minutes and never came across the Diner nor any signs of shops or houses. Instead forest ran alongside the road on either side, never ending or forever taunting.

But something was wrong.

It was almost as if Storybrooke had just…disappeared.

"Well…fuck," he said, stopping and staring wildly around him. "What the fuck is this?"

There was the screeching of tires behind him and he stopped. There were shouts. Somebody yelled, 'call 911!' and he didn't turn around. He never turned around, never knowing what happened afterwards. He only wished that they were dead. Pretty dolls were meant to be burnt because really and truly, no one should ever trust a pretty girl with a dirty secret.

Xx

**REVIEW PLEASE and let me know what you think! And for those who reviewed and hate Swan Queen, don't read a Swan Queen fanfiction if you don't like it! Calling Hook names was kind of funny! I laughed so hard. Now I don't grow depressed over bad review. I laugh them off. Because when the haters comment, then you know you're successful.**


	21. She Can't Sleep Alone

**A/N – I am laughing so hard right now. Read more after chapter. Thank you so much for reading guys, and enjoying the story. Love you all. Also special thanks to the ladies on Twitter. Is Phillip gone for good? Hmm, is anyone really gone for good on Once Upon a Time? Added to that, my laptop just started throwing blue screens at me. Hopefully it gets fixed or else this story will go on hiatus again. I already have three more chapters finished though. So that's good. Whew. **

**xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx**

**Chapter Twenty Two**

'_**She Can't Sleep Alone'**_

Xx

Headlights beat on the back of someone walking along a lonely highway. It's just after midnight, a light shower of rain. Forest stretch thickly along either side of the road. He's walking and he's walking without looking back.

The driver turns off his window wipers and slows down.

He should have never stopped.

"Hey there," he winds down his window slowly, him driving alone in the night.

The stranger keeps on walking without paying attention to the car rolling beside him. He's wearing a denim jeans that are torn and a navy blue shirt. Hair is disheveled. Eyes focused forward.

"Look, where are you headed? Do you need a lift or something?" the driver tries again.

He's too kind hearted. His wife always labelled him as a softie, taking in stray cats and helping old ladies cross the road. Which isn't a bad thing. No good deed is bad unless you end up helping out the wrong person.

Blonde hair is lifted by the wind, fists clenched. And the man keeps walking.

Billy blows his horn and the sound rings out in the night. Awakening everything around the area most likely. As soon as that is done, the walking man stops abruptly. Shoulders hunched, his lips twitch.

"What's your problem, dude?" the driver asks, leaning towards the other side of the car.

It happens in a flash. Suddenly blue eyes are turned in his direction.

Phillip flashes a smile so bright, it's maddening. "Why hello there, sir."

Billy is slightly shocked from the sudden response. But he offers a smile in return.

"I want no trouble."

The blonde leans upon the car, still smiling. "Now don't be trembling just yet. It's you who flagged me down, ain't it?"

Billy nodded. "Just wanted to know if you wanted a lift."

"I prefer walking," Phillip gestured to the open road before him, arms wide, eyes shining. "Look at this view! Such a remarkable night, twinkling stars and a glimmering moon. Why would one sit in a vehicle?"

Billy said nothing. His gut told him to drive on but he stalled anyway.

"I've got so many reasons to live," Phillip continued, eyes focused forward. "So many things to do yet. And you had to stop me and fuck up my mojo. See, this is why I can't live in this world. People are always interrupting the flow."

Billy rolled up the window. He was prepared to drive on.

"Man to man," the blonde continued, "give me one reason to stay alive."

"Look, man, I'm no expert in those things," Billy frowned, "go find a shrink," he muttered.

"Are you calling me a mad man?" Blue eyes stare at Billy.

"No, I never said that. Look, whatever is happening to you, bro. You need to chill. Walking the lonely road isn't the best way. A swan swimming in a lake all by herself looks beautiful, but it's a lonely world out there."

Something snaps in Phillip. Suddenly he's laughing like a maniac. Even before Billy could process what happens, his side of the car is pulled open. And he fights with a man who has become a beast. Arms flailing, they growl and scratch. He's pulled out of the vehicle and flung unto the hard road, the back of his head hitting bricks. Stars flash before his eyes as fists are hammered into him. Punched like a punching bag, the taste of blood. And when all blanks out, Phillip drags the lifeless body into the trees, discards of him in a ditch.

He then returns to the car and starts the engine. Driving away, blue eyes check in the rearview mirror. He wipes the sprinkle of blood from his face with a smile.

Xx

* * *

><p><strong>Emma Swan.<strong>

One day I was flicking through the channels, and there was this headline on the news.

**CHARRED BODY BELIEVED TO BE MISSING FBI AGENT PHILLIP JOHNSON.**

I remembered feeling my heart beat like a hollow drum. As the blonde news reporter claimed, a body was found in the car that had exploded in Maine. Upon further examining the body, dental records couldn't be recovered. But his badge was found, and somehow that's how they solved the freaking case. Honestly? Just by finding his badge, that rules out the possibility that he could still be out there? That he could have set this whole thing up? However, as mom said over and over again, where was he then? How did he just disappear? Maria and Lily were still critical, couldn't give statements.

Then suddenly, an eyewitness came forward claiming that he saw the two ladies forcing Phillip into the trunk of the car. Before driving off, he claimed that Phillip begged to be released. But they drove off and within a few seconds, the car exploded. There I was thinking, well crap that proves it then. He's dead. Still this doubt remained inside of me that he wasn't. And Regina kept telling me that I wanted to believe he was alive because there was some part of me that wanted to kill him myself. To face him off one more time. It's like the final showdown, feeling some kind of satisfaction. There had been none.

The days leading up to Valentine's Day were really glorious for me though. To be honest, I felt seriously mellow inside. Mushy and ecstatic. It was about her. Always about her. Everything she did was severely beautiful. Every word she said to me made my heart explode. At times, my life felt as if there was no possibility of ever having a bad moment. And it's like I kept falling over and over in love with her, every single day.

Those days after I pulled her over the town line, Regina honestly began to behave different. Not in a bad way. But somehow surprisingly new as if something happened in her mind. It was like the sun warming the snow, melting and bringing forth a sense of brightness and cheerfulness. She would never cease to amaze me, changing into someone I loved even more. And there was this never a dull moment these days.

We talked every single day, mostly on the phone because of my work. But whenever I snatched the chance, I found myself dialing her number with this huge grin on my face. It's like I started to never take things for granted anymore. Minutes that slipped by could never be relived again. Just that thought of having someone who answered after the second ring, knowing that she really cared about me, it was really incredible. And it's not as if something like this was new. Other people I dated would have all the right things to say, would know how to make me blush. But Regina was entirely different.

And here's why.

She would open up to me in ways that left me breathless. Talking about her past, about how she used to feel severely depressed for days. There were times when she'd stay in bed for weeks with the blinds drawn just because of feeling alone. Like no one cared about her. Like life was useless and there was no point in going outside. She told me about those moments when she used to consider suicide, but was too afraid to do it. So her next option was sucking up alcohol until everything went black. Waking up in her bed, having her father there over and over again, urging that depressing behavior to stop.

He was the first person she always opened up to. Anything could be said to him and he'd never judge her. Unlike everyone else who were quick to condemn anything she did. Henry was overflowing with love for his daughter. And to listen to Regina speak about him, it was really warming. I felt her love through the things she said. I felt her pain and knew that his death really could not be forgotten. But the most shocking part of all was this one conversation she related to me, one that she had with her father after mom had pardoned her execution.

"I was in my hiding place that night," she swirled the fruit juice in the glass, eyes distant. "Entirely terrified and ice cold inside when he appeared in my private garden. It was this small place behind the castle. Most nights the moonlight would cascade upon my apple tree, shadows dancing as the leaves rustled. It was such a feeling, to sit there and draw or…write. Whatever was desired in my heart."

There I was sitting so close to her before the fireplace, logs burning behind the shield. She had her head in my lap. I played with the soft strands of her hair. And every once and a while, beneath my fingers that were splayed out across her midsection, I'd feel the baby kicking.

"Truth be told, neither poetry nor my artistic mind could focus. So I resorted to taking a seat upon the bench. And just like that, the tears came. Tears never could stop when my father was there. For he always brought out the raw side of me. He saw through the concrete walls."

"So he sat beside me. And I remembered saying to him that if I couldn't find someone to love, then my heart would die. I remembered saying that I couldn't keep living alone. That it wasn't what I wanted. And after Daniel, after feeling the thrills of loving someone, how could I turn my heart into stone and survive?"

I knew better than to interrupt her because when she was in this mood, Regina was so far away.

"With an arm around me, he allowed my tears to flow. I think I must have cried so much that night, the lap of my gown was soaked through. Have you ever cried until you couldn't breathe?" She gazed up at me, those brown eyes wet.

"Yeah." My cupped fingers wiped away her tears.

"It's as if…you're running out of oxygen. As if someone is sucking the air out from the world around you, and you're seconds away from suffocating." She sniffed and her fingers squeezed mine affectionately, playing with them. "I told him that it wasn't what he thought. There were men who obviously wished to court me. But I had turned all of them away. I thought…that he believed me to be full of power. So much power that no one could ever be the perfect match. And then he said two words."

The fire flickered. Her eyes fluttered close. I felt her inhale deeply. Our fingers entwined, she bit those lips I was dying to kiss.

"Emma, he said, 'I know.' And I don't recall why but I remembered holding my breath as if expecting something astonishing. I asked what he meant. We locked eyes. And he asked me if I could remember when my mother used to ridicule my tomboyish ways. I said yes, I did remember. Because who could forget your own mother lashing you with hateful words about growing up to become a Nun or a maid? And my father said that there was always something different about me. He knew."

I waited on her to continue.

"He said, 'if you could forget about everything else. If you could choose a path to be happy. If you could be truly who you are. Then I am sure that no man in this world could ever complete your heart.' And I thought that he meant…no one was sufficient. 'Whoever she happens to be, I want you to know that it doesn't matter what anyone else thinks', he said. 'A Queen rules with many eyes upon her. She is expected to put her happiness aside. But let me tell you. If you believe that your heart is different and there ever comes a chance, then by all means, don't hesitate. Whoever she is, don't let the chance slip by', he said to me."

She gazed up at me.

"SHE." Her lips remained parted. "My father saw what was inside of me even before I could gather the strength to acknowledge it. And that's why my mother could never love me and it took time. Cora knew and because she knew, it scared her. Her choice was to force me into marriage. She blinded herself from the truth."

"So when she met me", I caressed her right cheek, "no wonder there was this evil glint in her eyes. Especially when she tried to rip my freaking heart out."

"My father knew. He…knew."

"If it makes you feel any better, dad knew from the time he met me that I was slightly gay."

"Slightly?" she raised her eyebrows at me. "Emma Swan, you are the gayest woman I have ever met."

"It's your fault," I smiled. "That night we met. I inhaled your perfume and connected to you, like my phone connecting to the internet."

"Oh stop it."

"The signal became strong when we fell overboard though."

"My father would have adored you." Her cupped fingers caressed my jaw. "I can hear him saying, 'oh Regina, she's definitely the one.' And it was worth the wait. All the pain and loneliness."

The fire flickered on. And we cuddled up.

Valentine's Day, all I wanted was to spend time alone with her. We had plans, to go out and have dinner somewhere secluded, wine and whatever else. I really wanted to take her some place romantic, knowing that she loved walking in the moonlight. Most likely we would have ended up taking a stroll along the beach. And I wanted to revisit that pier where my heart finally glowered after seeing her wet and afraid.

But my dearest mother set me up. When I say 'set up', I mean complete trickery. Up to now I seriously cannot process exactly how the hell she managed to pull it off so smoothly. After Regina and I had breakfast at the Diner, two cups of Lipton tea, we read each other's cards. It sounds so corny! I know exactly what you must be thinking. Emma, where the hell is the romantic part where you two made out and woke up? And you made her breakfast. Then you stayed in bed all day. But this wasn't like that. It never was like that.

_**Dear Emma, **_

_**If I told you sincerely that you are the most beautiful woman that has ever crossed my path, would you believe me? No one compares to you, the light in your eyes that reflect my hopes and dreams. The warmness of your heart. The way you look in those skinny jeans. Superbly sexy enough to make me lose my breath every single time. With every smile, my heart melts. Turning a cold stone into a bubbling fountain of everlasting joy. That's exactly how you make me feel. Today is no different. Because it just reminds me that I am possibly the luckiest woman in the world to have you in my life.**_

_**Forever your Valentine.**_

It took me a while to compose myself after that, after I read it. It was her idea, for us to read the words out loud. More like me reading her words and drowning in every word, between every line my heart stopped.

_**Dear Regina, **_

_**Today just reminds me that there is hope. I know that you're going to roll your eyes when that word is read. But there it is. HOPE. I have hope in something that finally feels permanent to me. Everything in my life goes right back to you. It's not because you're the Queen, that's why I find you in control of my heart. But it's because you never give up on me, no matter what. And today just reminds me that I've been searching for you all this time. You were right there. Yet somehow, good things come to those who wait. Like your kiss. I always dreamt of the kiss that would make fireworks go off inside my head. That toe curling kiss. And boom, there you came along and explode my head after every single one.**_

_**Always your Valentine.**_

"If fireworks happen in your mind when we kiss," she said smiling, taking my right hand into hers, "then what will happen when we do everything else other than that?"

I swallowed, held my breath. "We might cause a magical explosion."

"It's highly possible, considering how powerful we are…combined." Brown eyes remained focused on me. "Remembering when you touch me how my magic becomes so much stronger. Imagine when we make love to each other and we –"

"Regina…" I croaked, certain parts of me aching to be touched by her.

"Do you want to wait? After I have the baby?" her voice was unsteady, emotions running wild. "Or do you want…"

Our eyes remained locked on each other. I could read her mind so well. Everything behind her words. Every thought glimpsed and processed automatically. We connected so deeply. And even without realizing it, we could actually know the answer to each other's questions without voicing anything.

"When it's the right time," I chose to say.

"And we'll both know when."

"Exactly." Taking her hands into mine, I held them, never letting go. "Just know one thing. That I'll wait for you as long as it takes. I'll be right here always. And whenever the moment comes, we'll both know. Besides, you make love to me through kissing and by just looking at me. So I'm not really running dry here."

"When I bite your neck."

"Oh God, you're making out with me right now." I couldn't understand how she could gaze at me like that. So intense, with this serious look that managed to break me.

Then later that day, just around noon, mom called me and shouted 'Emma, come quick! Really quick! I think I'm in labor! Oh my God it's time!'

I followed the GPS on her phone. All the time, I'm in adrenaline mode, ready to take action. So when the door is found open, I remember thinking, great, someone is there already to help. Until I walk in and she's sitting at the freaking table that's set for four. Dad's there, already nibbling on a chocolate éclair. And Regina is sitting there, chewing M&Ms and smiling at me with this cute expression on her face.

"You." I pointed at mom.

"I'm feeling better now." She smiled ear to ear. "False alarm."

"It was her idea." Dad held up his hands defensively. "All her idea."

We ended up double dating. On Valentine's Day. With my parents. My dad bonded with Regina, talking about back in the good old days. And I glared at mom whilst she beamed at me.

"Don't worry, after eating, you two can leave and make out."

"Hey!"

Dad and Regina apparently were too engrossed in talking about whose castle was better built to notice. But mom was torturing me! She kept asking about my feelings. What did it feel like to be around Regina? How does she treat me? What do we do when we're alone? Awkward things like that! When she asked about my sex life, Regina snorted.

I took a deep breath before answering. "Mom," I remember saying, "Regina's kind of old fashioned." It was meant to be a freaking joke.

"I am." She confirmed, my father busily drawing a sketch of the interior of the castle. I stared at her.

"What do you mean, old fashioned?" Snow asked. "As in marriage then…"

"Well obviously I don't waste time."

"But with Emma, it's different how?"

I was still staring at Regina. She winked at me. "Oh the anticipation after saying 'I do' and then finally…" her eyes fluttered close, chin lifted. "Finally giving your all to the one you love."

Dad stopped drawing.

"She promised that our honeymoon will be spent outside of Storybrooke."

"I did?" my eyes were wide as saucers.

"Yes you did."

"No, I didn't."

"You promised." She gave me that LOOK, the one that melted my heart and knees.

"What about before?"

"Before what?"

"Before…the rings and…wedding bells?" I could feel my neck heat up. "Before the baby…"

"Would you?"

"Of course I would."

Mom and dad were looking back and forth between us.

"You never said." She narrowed her eyes.

"I said it." I folded my arms.

"Fine by me." She diverted her eyes.

"When the moment is right, remember?"

"About the honeymoon…outside of Storybrooke…"

"I really don't fancy the glint of confusion in your eyes, Miss Swan."

"When she calls me 'Miss Swan'," I turned to mom and frowned, completely giving up, "that's my sign to do whatever she says. Or else, I'll have to do all the chores at her place, whilst she reads her book. And waits for me to massage her toes."

"You two sound like a married couple already." Mom smiled widely. "Oh this is great!" She clapped her hands in glee. "This is so cute. I'm glad to see that you're thinking about marriage already. It could work! Can't it work, David?"

My father shrugged. "Gold can make anything legal. Name an occupation and he has a certificate. How he does it…" he continued drawing.

Regina stared at him. "My word, he isn't a midwife, is he?" her eyes were huge.

"No he isn't." Mom pressed a finger to her jaw, deep in thought. "From what I know. Don't worry," she smiled at Regina. "The midwives here are very gentle and compassionate. Especially Granny. She's always the backup but everything works fine. All you have to do is find someone or something to focus on, just to minimize the pain. And then you huff and puff and –"

"The attic was spacious enough," dad interrupted, brandishing the drawing in front of Regina. "So was the ground floor which was beneath the ground, of course."

Snow scowled at him.

"I'll focus on Emma. My ground floor was severely expansive. As you can recall from being in my dungeons." She pressed a finger unto the drawing. From where I stood, my eyes rested on her right earlobe. And I imagined myself biting it.

"Can we not talk about dungeons and castles?" mom was growing annoyed.

"Mom, they're bonding," I whispered. "Don't get in the way."

"How odd it would be to consider you as my daughter-in-law." Dad frowned at Regina. "Step mother-in-law then you're going to marry my daughter…"

"Let's not…speak of being…in-laws." Regina inhaled deeply, her eyes as always on me. "We're just one big confusing fucked up family."

"What Regina said." Mom shrugged. "Like Young and the Restless, everyone crushes and sleeps with everyone. One big happy family."

"Reminds me of you and Whale."

"Don't bring that up again."

"You and Ruby."

"You and Hook." Mom folded her arms, glaring at him.

"What?" dad flung his hands up, "I cannot understand how anyone can imagine that there was something between Killian and myself!"

"Bonding in Neverland, going off on long walks, disappearing for hours…"

"Regina and Emma did the same!"

"Look where that led them!"

"So you feel as if Hook is competition now?"

Regina smiled at me, raising her eyebrows. I bit in a laugh and shook my head.

"Choosing to keep watch with him on the Jolly Roger when we were off to Neverland…" mom scoffed. "Keeping the night watch, looking for wood…"

"He's a good friend. So is Neal. I don't see how any thought of anything else could develop in your mind unless it's a guilty fantasy of yours."

Mom's eyes grew wide as saucers. "You mean me getting turned on by imagining you with a man?"

"Geez, is this really happening?" I couldn't believe it.

"You probably fancy Hook."

"I do not!"

I watched mom's neck grow crimson and my eyes almost popped out. "Oh crap, we've hit something here."

"What do women see in this man?" Regina asked with a scowl on her face. "Is hygiene and safe sex not a norm anymore?"

"He's changed…" I smiled at her.

"Obviously his good looks provide for such drama among the female population." Her sass was back.

"You can't sit there and tell me that you've never fantasized about Hook," mom directed at Regina. "That when you were back in the Enchanted Forest and he used to pay you those visits, you didn't dream of sleeping with him."

"He's a dramatic flirt. Believes himself to be a glowering stud. And the only thing I find attractive about him is his courage."

"You still find him attractive."

"Attractive but not my type. I prefer less body hair."

"So if he waxed."

"Mom!" I couldn't believe she was pushing this. Cracking a smile, I eyed dad, urging him to shut her up.

"The truth of the matter is this," David spoke up, playing with the pencil between his fingers, "just as women find other women attractive, I find Hook to be handsome. Doesn't mean that I want to become more than friends. Unlike you, Snow, as you've had several girl crushes, I've always walked the straight road."

"A straight road can have two lanes…"

"Trust me, there is only one lane when it comes to you."

"Wide enough to accommodate my plump self."

This was the moment when my father had to hold his tongue or else he'd receive a severe thrashing.

They continued for about twenty minutes. After that, Neal showed up with Henry. I was showered with roses and chocolates from both of them. Regina received her share as well from Henry who forced us to sit together so that he could take a photo with his phone. I swear Regina ate a leaf of lettuce, a chicken puff and two pieces of broccoli. Mom swallowed down chicken, rice, beans and then pastries. She had a hearty appetite as compared to the brunette who sat next to me, sniffing my neck affectionately. Henry admired us from his seat next to Neal, the latter choosing to sample every chocolate in the box that contained close to fifteen different ones.

"Let's play Truth or Dare," Henry suddenly piped up, resting a green lemonade bottle upon the table in front of us.

"Dude, I don't think that's a good idea on Valentine's night." Neal chewed slowly, his eyes on Regina. She was like a freaking kitten. Honestly, choosing to play with my fingers or my hair, or like right then, the brown buttons on my shirt.

"The only odd ones out here are you and me. Besides, I don't think anyone is going to dare the other to kiss someone else."

"Trust me, I don't intend to kiss anyone in this room. I'm planning to live a healthy life, with all my limbs functioning."

Regina laughed. "I don't amputate."

"Mom, that's not helping." That was Henry. "No magic."

"When they're together, that's enough to create magic," mom sat down next to Neal and dad reached out to give the bottle a spin before sitting down with a smile.

It was obvious that Snow and Regina would get paired up. I'd get matched with Henry. Dad would get nothing but severe teasing about Hook from Neal who glowered from where he sat. On the first spin, I was the target.

Henry studied my face with a smirk, actually matching Regina's before asking, "Truth or Dare?"

I chose the latter, feeling quite brave.

"I dare you to tell us about the…first real girl crush you had. Not like crushing on an actress or a fictional character. Because I know that you totally loved The Evil Queen."

Regina's eyes met mine and I inhaled deeply. "Yes, Emma, do let me hear about the first girl you loved."

To be honest, we never really talked about my past romances. The times when I used to have one night stands and wake up groggy all by myself. But considering the era of my teenage years, those were probably more than enough. Just a few crushes but a few stood out like crinkles on a neatly ironed shirt.

"Alright," I narrowed my eyes at Henry and smiled, "it was in high school. Way back. I think I was like around fifteen then. Possibly sixteen."

"Names," Snow sounded severely ecstatic and I had no idea why. "Or else your words have no meaning."

"Her name was Amanda."

"Oh crap," Neal slapped a palm upon his forehead dramatically, "Amanda."

"She was older than me and she was…" I had my eyes on Neal because he knew the entire story already. "She was Phillip's girlfriend."

Henry's eyes were wide. "Oh no, mom. You didn't."

"Look, it was sudden. She used to come over and she had these chocolate brown eyes." Everyone was looking at Regina now. "She was a brunette too and smelt like fresh flowers. Always used to wear her hair down. And we just sort of…fell for each other."

"Did Phillip know?" That was Snow.

"No questions or you have to spin the bottle again, hoping Henry asks it." That was Neal. He warily considered Snow. "Your turn to spin, Emma."

"Wait," Regina sat upright and stared around, "that's it?"

"Blame Snow," Neal shrugged. "Once someone interrupts with a question, then the game goes on."

"Snow," Regina growled. I had my arm around her. And I could literally feel how mom's name reverberated within her chest. It was pretty sensational.

"I had no idea!"

"You will pay for this…immensely."

I pulled Regina closer and pressed a kiss unto her right cheek. The smell of apples tickled my nose. "No worries, you'll know more if you want to. Later."

We watched the bottle spin, the light twinkling on the glass. There was a rumble of thunder above and rain began to pelt unto the windows. This time, the mouth pointed at dad who eyed Neal whilst he nibbled on chocolate cake.

"Since Henry's here, I'll let certain things slide."

"Oh no, please no!" Henry protested. "I'm old enough to know things."

"No you're not," Snow said, smiling at dad.

"I know that our family isn't exactly perfect."

"No family is, kid," Neal flexed his fingers, eyes dancing at David, "but the secrets I can unearth from your grandfather must be kept for mature audiences over the age of 21."

Dad swallowed hard. "If you mention Hook…"

"Truth or Dare?"

Dad continued to chew, glancing away warily. "I'll take the easier way out and say TRUTH."

"Is it true…" Neal didn't waste time, "that you used to sing and dance in shows before you met Snow?"

"Yes." My father's eyes narrowed at him. "How could you know…"

"Spin the bottle, Henry." Neal was somehow filled with excitement. And I had no idea why.

"I can envision you in a pair of pink tights and a tutu, David," Regina teased in her hoarse voice. "With lipstick."

"I can assure that never did I play such roles that required that mode of dress. I played a pirate –"

Mom's eyes widened. "What did you just say?"

"Oh look!" Dad pointed at the bottle, "Emma, you get to interrogate Henry."

"Just don't ask me about –"

"Are you dating Gracie?" I asked, smiling widely. Regina squeezed my thumb a bit too much and I winced. "What?" this was directed at her. "I have a right to know!"

"No." Henry avoided my eyes. He spun the bottle whilst all of us smiled at him, watching his cheeks turn pink.

"Kid, she's a nice girl." Neal patted his son's head affectionately. "A nice match, if you ask me."

"Neal," Regina warned, sending him a wary look, "in his own time. After all, we shouldn't be experts in the area of romance because we –"

"Ha!" I almost jumped out of my seat when mom clapped her hands in glee. Eyes shining, she glowered at Regina who suddenly turned rigid within my arms. "Truth or Dare, your Majesty?"

Regina sighed. "Dare. Because I LOL at danger."

Henry snorted. So did Neal. And I laughed. A simple realization that she actually knew what LOL meant was a moment to treasure. Yeah I had used the word several times during texting. But for her to openly use it like that, with this cute expression, it was totally new to me.

"I dare you to…tell us about the most embarrassing moment you ever had when you were Queen in the Enchanted Forest."

Regina appeared to be taken aback. "Is that it? No further inclination to harass me?"

"Until next time." Mom winked at her.

"Fine, without wasting time, my most embarrassing moment was –"

"When you couldn't find your lipstick and you thrashed the entire castle." Neal beamed at her. "Or when you were addressing someone and this butterfly landed on your nose."

"Funny, ha ha." Regina never smiled. "No."

"No questions," Henry warned, "or else we'll have to move on without her continuing. And right now, I really want to hear what she has to say!"

"The answer is simple. ONE of my most embarrassing moments was when I had to behead this man."

"Oh God no, Regina!" Snow protested.

"Just as I was about to chop his head off, this little girls walks in," she smiles, "and I ended up turning the sword into a cute brown teddy bear. Handing it to her with my cheeks obviously crimson as the uncle, the bastard, snorts from the corner of the room."

"That's twisted in a…cute way." Neal swallowed hard.

"I gave her a dollar, sent her to buy candy," she squeezed my fingers. "Then I ripped out his heart and crushed it, laughing like a maniac."

"You could be a professional hit woman if you ever so desired. " Dad gazed worriedly at her. "I wouldn't recommend it though, considering your role as a mother."

"At least she wasn't gory in her details," Henry said.

Mom won her chances two times in a row. And the brunette curled up next to me simply closed her eyes and sighed.

"First person you ever kissed?" Snow asked. "But then that's easy enough. So I'll ask instead. One person other than Emma you never regret being with."

"I'd have to say that person is Daniel. Because he really and truly gave me hope, made me believe in myself."

"And then you lost hope and became the Evil Queen." That was Neal.

"Precisely." Regina entangled herself from me and sat up. As always, being the sensitive person I was, that move kind of made me feel somewhat paranoid.

The game stopped as soon as David separated himself after being asked about Hook. I left Regina chatting with Henry, feet curled under her. And to the kitchen I dragged my feet, upon mom's orders that it was my turn to wash the dishes.

"I suppose that everything about Amanda also added to Phillip's rage." She rubbed a wet ceramic plate, our hips brushing.

"In the end, she chose him. So he won."

"And Lily?"

I threw her a glance, soaping a pyric dish. "What about Lily?"

"Was she involved in that too? Or did…"

"I met Lily in a supermarket. She had nothing to do with Phillip until he most likely crossed paths with her, heard she was asking about me. According to what was said, he threatened to harm her father if she didn't cooperate. Planting evidence, and whatever else. Most likely using her to track me."

She rested a plate in the green plastic rack. "Regina told me to talk you out of leaving Storybrooke, because you want to visit Lily and Maria in New York."

"I'm not surprised."

"Right now, it's best if you just stay away from that. They'd be looking for answers and most likely looking for you. Chances are they already tied a bunch of things that happened on you. Plus the FBI is still investigating the case more than ever now."

"And Regina wants me to take her somewhere out of town."

"Well she can use her magic to disguise you both. So no one can recognize you at all. But you'd still remain the same in each other's eyes."

I had never thought of that. "Sounds like a plan."

"Magic can do anything."

"Except bring back the dead…" I fell silent, soaping the glasses slowly.

She nudged me with her hip. "What's suddenly pulled you down?"

"I dunno. Just thinking about Daniel."

"Why Daniel? Is it because she brought him up?

I shrugged. "She kept trying to bring him back to life, I guess. Like she still loved him and even up to this day, if he was alive, then I'd never stand a chance."

"There you go again looking back into the past and belittling yourself." A glass was turned upside down and rested upon the counter top. "There is no THEM now. There's just you. And he's long gone."

"I know but still…"

"Still nothing." She squeezed my shoulder. "Live in the present. But have the future in mind too. Don't dwell on the past. As Regina used to tell me often, she always said that you are where you need to be. Take a deep breath."

"She's told me that so many times too." I sighed. "Why is it that I'm always the one to doubt and she's always so firm on everything?"

"I can't say maturity. I'd have to say that once she falls in love with someone, sets her mind to it, she never lets go. Until you're dead, then she might still try everything in her will to get you back. Regina never gives up, which makes her a great person for you to be with. Someone like you needs somebody like her because even when you give up on yourself constantly, she picks you back up and holds you together again."

"That's so true."

"Don't let go of her, Emma." She rubbed my back affectionately. "Don't ever let go."

"I don't intend to."

"Have you two…are you two alright in the bedroom? Or is something wrong?" Her upturned face seemed genuinely concerned. But it was too much.

"Mom…"

"No, I'm not trying to be too personal. Just that you were referring to that earlier. And I just wanted to know if you're okay."

"Well…" I took the towel from her and began to wipe a red and white checkered plastic dish, "we're taking things slow."

"And by slow you mean, nothing past a quick feel."

"It's kind of complicated." I avoided her eyes, knowing that my neck was turning pink. "In time, I guess."

"After she gets the baby, it's going to take some time before you can actually do anything." Mom was so brave. At times, I admired it. "Right now, it's delicate, but you can get creative."

"You hang around Ruby too much." I shook my head.

"I'm serious, Emma!" she smiled. "You can work around it. It's not like you have to play the key and lock game. Which makes things easier."

"You might think that my sex life would be private at this age." I shook my head.

"Not when you have a mother who missed out on your teenage years. Was never around. And now she is." My right ear was tickled and I dodged away smiling. "I just want to know that you're alright."

Do you remember a conversation I had with Ruby a while ago before Regina and I started dating? We were talking about things and it reached a point where Ruby couldn't shut up about sex. One thought led to another and then I began to wonder if the only thing that fueled Regina's feelings for me was the thought of us making out. You know, after hearing that she was oh so great in bed from Graham. After Ruby told me about hands knowing exactly where to touch, driving me crazy with the thought of being touched. I thought that it was nothing else.

At this point, I can honestly tell you that Regina really loves me in a way I really cannot begin to explain. She's the kind of woman that would hug me all day if someone would come in every once and a while to feed us. She'd cuddle all day. She's a very serious woman. But at one point you knew Madame Mayor and you remember the Evil Queen. Those were the days when she used to shut people out, trying to behave professional even around me. I think that woman is long gone now. I bet you managed to catch glimpses of how weak she could become when she's in love. I don't want to talk about HIM right now. You remember though, right?

Right now, she's seriously changed into this mushy, cute woman who hasn't lost her killer sexiness with the heels and pencil skirts and suits. But she's become more open up about how hurtful it was to live with a heart of stone. I'm constantly smothered in kisses all over my face whenever we meet. She always wants to kiss my nose and squeeze my fingers affectionately. Those brown eyes fill my vision when she steps closer, close enough to kiss me. But moving her lips away just in time.

I waltzed back into the small living room, noticed Henry on his phone. "Where's Regina?" Her coat was still there draped over the arm of the couch.

"She went to the washroom. Crap."

"What?" I studied his face.

"She's been gone for a while. I got so lost in Facebook, I didn't realize…"

"Henry," I scowled, my eyes searching the apartment, "stop allowing social media to eat your attention."

"As far as it could go," Neal stood by the window next to my father, their eyes cast outside, "I'd say that buying a rocket would be an awesome investment."

"Seems a bit too much." Dad replied.

Something was wrong. From the moment my eyes rested on her coat just lying there, this feeling washed over me. It was like a cold shower of rain, numbing my hands. Everything was placed on mute. Spinning around, I raced down the hallway, towards the back where the washroom was. It wasn't much. Just a small room with a walk in shower and toilet. Judging from the slice of light beneath the brown oak door, I could already feel her energy in there. It was something that unsettled me. Knowing that she was in there all by herself and somehow my mind was telling me that something was wrong with her. But there was this fucking door between us.

"Regina?" I knocked three times, weak but firm knocks, holding my breath.

There was no answer. Pressing my right ear to the door, I listened hard. There was the sound of running water. A sniff. I heard it like a scream. Whenever she sniffed, that sound always stabbed my heart because most times, it meant that she was crying. Or she was holding in a rush of feelings, wanting to cry but couldn't. My fists felt tingly, the magic inside of me already acting up, getting out of control. And when this happened, it meant that there was definitely something wrong with her.

"Regina!" I clawed the door, finding it hard to breathe. "What…let me in. What's wrong?"

"I…can't…" her voice was weak. So weak, tears burnt my eyes.

Mom was already by my side as I was ready to freaking blast away the door. Waving my hands over the simple gold knob, the lock clicked open. Without wasting any time, I rushed in. She was leaning over the sink, gripping the rim with both hands. And she was throwing up uncontrollably. It was the kind of vomiting that took so much energy because her stomach barely had anything inside.

There wasn't much room inside the washroom. So mom gazed at me with worry. I signaled to her that the situation would be handled by me. If help was needed then she'd step in. Pretty much at this point, the protectiveness in me stepped out. The need to be the only one in charge because she was my responsibility whether any of us acknowledged it or not. She was everything to me.

So right there and then, the door was pressed shut. As she vomited, I raked back her hair and held her. The water was gushing out like a hose, reminding me that life was endless. And the small things we did in life shouldn't be so significant at the end of the day. Regina was shaking, her face wet and pale, lips quivering whilst she fought the urges to throw up. Her hands found mine, and I held unto her as she rode the waves of nausea.

"It's going to be okay," I sounded so small. Afraid. But one of us had to be strong. "Just relax."

"I can't." She was so hoarse.

"Okay." I inhaled deeply, hugging her, pressing my face into her hair, "do you feel me ?"

She nodded once.

I breathed into her hair. "I'm here. Do you remember when we first met?" keep talking Emma. Just keep talking. "And you looked me up and down, probably wondering who the hell was that teenager standing there? And then you realized that hey, it's Henry's mother. You invited me in for drinks. All the time you couldn't take your eyes off of me. And I couldn't either, especially your hair, and your gorgeous eyes." She wasn't breathing fast anymore. The water gushing into the sink was becoming soothing now. "That night on the Jolly Roger when the two of us kept watch together. And your hair was lashing you in the face. And I held it back for you. And you gasped when I touched you, standing right behind you, so close you could feel me. My breath upon your neck, remember?"

She nodded, biting her lips, eyes squeezed shut.

My cupped right hand was held under the sink and I gently washed her face. Whispering soothing words into her right ear. Calming her. Trying to get her to relax and forget that she was upset. It worked actually, especially when I reminded her of us falling off the pier. A hoarse laugh ensued. The red and white checkered towel was snatched from me as she wiped her face.

"Mouthwash," her hoarse voice stated, eyes glancing around.

"This?" I smiled, waving the small green bottle in front of her.

"Gimme." It was snatched and I folded my arms, watching as she fought to twist off the cap. "Okay. Can you please open it?" She barely smiled.

"Do you want to get out of here?" after the bottle was opened, she measured a cork and tossed it into that gorgeous mouth of hers.

"Yif you yant yoo." Cheeks puffed out, those brown eyes stared at me.

"I mean, we can tell them that you're not feeling well," I ran a finger along the rim of the sink, "and you want to just go home."

"But I actually enjoy being here."

It was my turn to stare at her.

"What?" she shrugged. "It's fun, really. You have Henry talking about school. Neal…and your dad joking around. Your mom and her mischievous thoughts."

"And then you have mee." I hung my head, pouting.

She nodded, rested the bottle upon the shelf, avoiding my eyes. "And then I have you. True." Faintly holding up a hand to her forehead, Regina breathed with her lips parted.

"I'm the air you breathe, remember?"

"I'm aware of that."

"I'm everything."

"You're everything." She took my shoulders into her hands, squeezing. "Emma, I would rather spend…tonight with you alone. So let us get out of…here. I really want you. You're my world because I…" her words died away. And I stopped breathing when she folded into my arms, going limp.

We both crumbled unto the white tiled floors. I was in shock. The walls began to squeeze in on us as my head began to pound. My heart stopped. I cradled her head in my arm and totally froze up. "Regina…" pressing my hand to her cheeks, I found it hard to breathe whilst she obviously still was.

She wasn't lifeless but barely there, eyes dazed and focused on me. "Stay here." I squeezed her left shoulder, my eyes stinging. "Listen to my voice. Don't go anywhere else. Please." But it wasn't enough. I watched her fade away into unconsciousness and the first thing that popped into my mind was to use my magic.

Focusing heavily on bringing her back, I pressed my right palm unto her chest, right between her breasts. There was warmth, reassuring me that she was still here. She was still alive. My magic radiated my hand, but nothing happened. Instead she just remained unresponsive whilst I called her name over and over again. It was then when the graveyard nightmare clouded my mind and I began to sob uncontrollably, shaking her, growing terribly fearful. Her face as pale as a ghost, staring back at me whilst she stood by the wrought iron gate and assured me that I had been responsible for her demise. The thought of losing her again, of death. No.

"Dad! Neal!" my lungs were on fire as I pushed my hands under her arms. Holding her was harder now because she was totally unconscious. She was heavy as lead and when they came in behind me, I couldn't let her go.

All the time, I kept telling her to eat, to eat something at least two times a day. But she never listened to me. She never listened to mom or anyone else. And I thought that when I said it, then my words would be taken seriously. But she ignored us until this happened. Whale said that because of the fact that she was pushing herself without sucking in enough energy, it was too much.

"For goodness sakes, why is she not resting during the day?" he exclaimed after coming over.

She came to in about half an hour. All the time I couldn't let go of her hand. The time that slipped by was filled with me feeling raw inside. I knew that I was too much. This was all too much for her. And she was trying so hard to find me when I was supposed to make most of the effort now. Coming out to see me, demanding that we spend time together, that she couldn't be by herself. What the hell was wrong with me? I should follow Hook's warning and take a fucking vacation, spend all the time needed with her.

But stupid me was busily worrying about everything else.

xx

* * *

><p>That was four days ago and the day after that night she wasn't feeling well at all. Staying indoors, we spent a considerable amount of time together until she fell asleep for like six hours whilst I worked in the nursery. I really don't think that when I slept next to her that night, she was aware of my presence. Unto yesterday when we went out to get ice cream with Henry, Regina began to worry me severely because she started to complain about these chest pains and after throwing up practically everything that was eaten that day, I called Whale over. I remained with her whilst he did a brief checkup: temperature that was normal, listening to her heart which seemed fine, and then the baby who began to kick up a storm.<p>

"She hates you, Whale", I said when Regina smiled at me. "Simple fact, and that's the truth."

"Look, kids never ever like doctors", he stated, glancing at me as whilst those skillful hands pressed gently here and there upon Regina's midsection. "And in my defense, I'll say this, I treat them with the utmost kindness, handing out lollipops, chocolates, on Halloween I fill their little bags with all these candies…"

"Yeah, yeah", folding my arms, I scoffed, "Henry said that you only give out sour candies and peppermint sticks."

"All with good reason!" he remarked with wide eyes, "I am trying to fight cavities although Doctor Harrison would frown upon it since every patient that frequents his dentist office fuels his paycheck. Nevertheless the youths of today are blatantly reckless when it comes to their health."

After asking about her eating habits and if she was taking those colorful vitamins, Whale ushered me out into the hallway. In a hushed tone, he buried my worries when his diagnosis was given.

"Upset stomach, that's caused by her irregular eating habits prior to her stay in the hospital. But that was weeks ago. Her stomach is still not taking too kindly to food but she must continue to eat at most twice a day." Taking a hold of his bag strap, he rested the other hand on my shoulder. "The coma weakened her, Emma, severely. And she's still recovering so nothing must be done that would put her body into overdrive."

"She's been getting enough rest", I said with a frown.

"Yes but how many times does she step outside during the span of one day?"

"To be honest, once in the last four days because she's been feeling sick and all."

"I'd recommend that the two of you spend an entire day away from all the drama or maybe two days", he said to me softly, "get away from everyone and take her somewhere that's relaxing and peaceful, somewhere different. Nothing is severely wrong with her as far as I can see. She just needs a change of scenery and so do you. But don't hesitate, make plans and just do it."

After throwing me one last reassuring glance, he made an attempt to move off but I stopped him. "Whale, are you sure that it's nothing more?" I asked in a worried tone, my voice unsteady, "I mean, it would be fine by me if we need to run more tests because I'd pay and –"

"Emma", he said softly, taking my hand into his, "there's nothing severely wrong with her. It's just an expected response during recovery."

"But she was in the coma weeks ago…" my voice was trembling.

"The body takes time to recover from things. It can also be mentally too, not directly in the physical sense. Perhaps something is worrying her that she's not letting out. Hmm?"

"Physically," I swallowed hard, already thinking about scenarios that had occurred. "Is she alright?"

"Yes." He was telling the truth. He wouldn't lie to me.

"Are you sure?" tears filled my eyes and I bit my lips.

"Yeah, I'm sure."

"I don't want to…lose her", I said.

"You wouldn't", he reassured me. "Once you remain strong, she'll have someone there to draw strength from and if you ever feel the need to have me check up on her, then all you have to do is make that call. For now, take my advice and think about what I said. The sooner you do it, the better."

When he left, I quietly stepped back into her bedroom. She was clutching the top of the grass green sheet, knees bent. The red toes of her socks peeked out from the other end. And as soon as her eyes were fixated on me, I received a small smile.

"Cuddles?" with my shoulders hunched, I pouted.

"Yes."

It was like 6p.m. The television in her room was on LMN and a new movie was just starting up, 'The Devil's Diary'. I must have seen that one a dozen times. Walking towards the window, I swung it inwards. Whilst drawing the red blinds close though, I noticed that a light shower of rain had started, a streak of lightening in the sky. After peeling off my red leather jacket, I draped it over the chair in front of her vanity with the huge mirror. And she parted the covers for me to slide in.

"Can't every day end like this?" she asked, pressing our foreheads together, gazing into my eyes. "Instead of distance. I hate distance. Courting….or….dating isn't exactly fun."

"Is that what's bothering you?"

"I just want…more." Her fingers danced upon my right cheek.

"Of me?"

"Yes." She nodded. "Is that even possible?"

"At this point it is." The rain pelted upon the window glass now. "It feels like weeks since we…"

"Touched each other intimately…" When she completed my sentences like that, I felt so raw inside, so soft and mushy.

"Yeah. No wonder you want more."

We gazed at each other and I could see that her eyelids were becoming heavy. Maybe it was the rain, and us being so cozy like this. Most likely it was because of exhaustion from today. She hadn't slept all day.

"Is this the right moment then?" my voice sounded so small.

"If you have to ask then –"

"It's not the right moment." I smiled, knowing my cheeks were crimson. "I just want to know that you're okay. And you aren't hurting because I'm…" my throat closed up. "We…because we…aren't…"

"Emma." She touched my right cheek lightly.

"What's bothering you?" my tongue felt heavy because Whale's words hung in the air. And I needed to know what was happening to her. "Tell me honestly what's bothering you." I had to get it out of her whether my words were sharp or not.

"The doubt in your eyes for starters," and she frowned at me.

"It's not doubt," I avoided her eyes, "it's just that you're not." She couldn't stop looking at me. I found it hard to even speak. "You're not eating and you hardly sleep these days. I know that you hardly sleep because I'd send you messages on Facebook and you'd read them. All of my messages are SEEN by you. And I'm wondering, why are you using your phone after 3 in the morning? What are you thinking of? I want to call you most times to ask what's up. But then I keep thinking that maybe the phone buzzed and you checked the message and you went back to bed."

"That's exactly what I do." She maintained a straight face.

"Regina," I maintained one too, "your phone automatically turns to SILENT mode when eight o'clock reaches. I checked. You programmed it. It's been that way for years now."

"Yes. It has been."

My eyes burned. "So you just lied to me then."

"I don't see what the fuss is about." She turned to lie on her back, eyes fixated on the ceiling. "Yes, some nights I cannot sleep. And I am reading articles on my phone. Then your message comes in and I open them. If you're bruised that there are no replies from me, I am truly sorry. But as it were, I believe that you hop right back to sleep after sending them."

"Why can't you sleep?"

"I just can't."

"Why?"

"It's…been happening for years. An occurrence that plagues me without consideration. Black dreams. Have you ever suffered through such torment?"

"Can't you dream of me instead? Picture me standing there? Or Henry?" There was distance between us and her fingers had removed themselves from mine.

"That would make it worse."

"How?" I frowned as her eyes fluttered close and she inhaled deeply.

A few seconds elapsed before there was a reply. And in that time, the rain came down harder. Lightening illuminated the room. I remembered that Henry was staying over with my parents. Neal was out with Killian and Whale for drinks. It was just the two of us alone. Together. But still I suddenly felt oceans apart from her.

"Are you aware of what your absence does to me?" she croaked. I inched in closer, feeling our feet touch, the baby like a cushion between the two of us. "It kills me, tortures me, Emma. It always has. To spend so many nights lying here, wondering where you were. Who you were sleeping next to apart from me. Whether it's Neal or Killian. When you could be right here in my bed, with your arms around me. I yearn to feel protected. Because when you hug me…I…" she gazed up at the ceiling again, her eyes filled with tears, "I feel safe. As if nothing or no one can harm me. I feel powerful but weak. Complete and soft inside."

"I'm sorry." I don't even know why I apologized. But my heart did.

"I'm selfish because I want you here for myself. I want you next to me all the time. I want to hear your voice, to hear you breathing, to feel you breathing. And to know that you're with me. Like you noted before, you're the air I breathe. If that is true, Emma," her voice was so hoarse, barely audible above the rain. "Then how can I close my eyes and drift off to sleep without you beside me? Tell me, how do you do it?"

"Honestly, it's hard for me too. But I just power up on this connection we have. And I feel you there. I know you're there."

"It's not enough."

"I know that it isn't."

"You asked me several minutes ago what must be bothering me." She turned on her side, locking our eyes. "You're my drug, intoxicating and soothing. Every minute spent apart from you, my heart stops beating. Every…time you walk away from me and you leave through that door, I feel as if this house is my prison. And the walls are pressing in on me. This room becomes a tank of blackness. And it reminds me of my past. Shutting the blinds only to feel as if I was suffocating."

"Darling, doll…" I pressed my fingers upon her left cheek that was warm. She stared at me, waiting, those huge brown eyes just wet. "Babe, honey."

"Stop it," she cracked a small smile.

"Your Majesty, Madame Mayor, pretty brown eyes," her warm thumb was pressed unto my moving lips. "I always told you," I held her hand and squeezed it, "all you have to do is ask me. Ask me to do anything and I will. Anything. But it's just that I thought you wanted space. And we're dating. We're together. Most times when I'm dating someone, we hang out, kiss, make out and go home. Unless it's a one night stand, then I slept over."

"Dating sucks." She suddenly looked so freaking cute, pouting at me, I moved in and kissed her.

A mewl escaped from within as her fingers pressed into my shoulders. A kiss as soft as her eyes reminding me of warm chocolates melting. The taste of her apple chapstick and the smell of her Ponds cream. Her white diamond perfume that drove me crazy. We kissed slowly as the rain lashed around her mansion that was always shadowed and scary at nights. Trees swayed outside but even the rustle of the leaves died away in my mind when my soul connected with hers. It was like connecting on a whole new level, something magical and strong. A surge of feelings that erupted from within your stomach and sparked through your fingers and toes.

I was aware of how she moved against me, breathless even when our lips stopped touching. Her warm breath tickled my neck, fingers driving pathways through my hair. She pressed kisses unto my cheek and jawline. Over and over again, I drowned in her smell, her nearness, so real and so warm. It was as if she was indeed the air I needed to breathe. And because we weren't kissing, then my mind was going crazy from a lack of oxygen. Insanity. Losing your mind by being close to someone. Every pore opening up and craving to be touched. Then as soon as you're touched, you tremble because it's magical.

Like I said before, we had our own way of making out. Or as she'd refer to it as, 'being intimately in love'. There could have been more, as I wondered if that's what she wanted. But it was never reached. Perhaps she was holding back. Maybe she was waiting on me to make the first move. Somehow though, I felt as if we were right where we needed to be. For the time being. Because the few relationships I had been in, after rushing things, someone always regretted it. There was nothing exciting to look forward to, like when she actually would show me everything. It was something I clung unto, that moment when she would. That moment when we would go so far.

But for now, it was more than enough. Just from one kiss, we were so breathless. Just from her hands touching me through my clothes, I could tremble and lose myself. Our legs entwined would make me search for her toes. And when I felt them pointed, I knew that she was seriously on fire. Feeling her body burning up, lips like flames licking my cheeks, biting my ear. I could drive her insane from sucking on her neck, just below her earlobe where she claimed was one of her weak spots. Then there was the swell of her breasts that I kissed, raking my fingers through her dark hair that felt so soft.

Magic sparked from my fingers when we touched each other. It was so unbelievable. With one touch, she'd lose her breath, eyes becoming wide as I drew pathways across her arms. Running my hands down her back whilst she felt me through her jersey. Arching her back and biting her lips. The hands that held me so tightly barely sparked purple, and entwining our fingers only made things nerve wrecking. It's then when our kisses because so passionate, I couldn't get enough of her. She would bite my lips and pull. And I'd cover her mouth with mine, our tongues finding joy in meeting.

That night, she fell asleep way before ten p.m. in my arms. Face buried into my shirt, Regina drifted away. I wanted her to break down that black wall, to have happy dreams. So when I pressed a kiss unto her forehead, my wish was for her to have sweet dreams. Maybe that's all it took, for someone to just say that to her. For someone to just believe that she could sleep peaceful instead of having nightmares about her past. I held her so close to me, we felt like one person. Whenever she breathed, I breathed. I could feel the baby stirring between us and I smiled.

"Oh little one go ye to sleep," I whispered, "drift to the world where dreams they keep. Walk between flowers and chase rainbows. Only love, let love shine like a fountain it flows. Sleep little one until morning comes soon. Then still chase rainbows until you sleep again at noon."

Regina mewled, flexing her fingers against my chest.

"Mrs. Regina Mills Swan," I said into her hair, "Mrs. Emma Swan Mills." I smiled in the dark. "I like it."

And then I drifted off to sleep, dreaming of her hosing me down with rainbow glitter.

Xx

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><p>"So what's this about?" arms folded on the table, I stared at Neal. Hook flashed me that million dollar smile. "The two of you dating now?"<p>

"Oh fuck no." Neal cringed.

"Swan, you just stabbed my heart." Hook scowled.

"Not that I don't find you attractive, buddy," this was directed at Killian. "But not in a romantic way."

"Likewise, mate." Hook moved a few inches away and so did Neal, both of them trying to appear less obvious of how close they were.

"So come on!" I pleaded, "tell me what's going on. I have to get back to work in like fifteen minutes."

"This afternoon will most likely be the last afternoon of work for you –"

"Give or take four weeks and then you can resume your duties." Neal shrugged.

My eyes were wide as the saucers Ruby was serving lemon cake on. "What?"

"You're officially on vacation." Both of them maintained straight faces.

"Says who?"

"Says everyone in Storybrooke." A paper was pushed in my direction suddenly, and Neal cleared his throat. "Thirty signatures urging you to take some time off and spend time with Regina. Spend some time with each other, fixing things and bonding. Together."

"Together." Hook confirmed with a nod.

"Are you two serious?" I smiled, pulling the paper towards me and checking the signatures across each line. The paper was headed "The Sheriff needs a vacation". Noticeably a few names stood out.

"Because you make her happy," I read Robin's comment, glancing at Neal, "seriously?"

VACATION = SEX and signed by Snow.

"Oh my God," I covered my eyes in shame, "she did not write that."

I felt the paper snatched from my grasp and they probably were checking to see what I was referring to. Neal snorted. "Mother knows best."

"Yeah but on a paper where all these people signed?"

"Look at it this way," Hook snatched the paper from Neal who scowled at him. "It's true. Like I said before, you need to man up and unhinge the Queen."

"I can do that in many other ways apart from…" I scowled at him now. "And I have no reason to be discussing this with you two in the first place! My sex life is private now. It doesn't involve either of you."

"Sadly," stretching in his seat, Killian sat back smiling. "If you prefer an accessory missing, then it's all up to you."

"I have everything I need." I smiled back at him boldly. "Trust me. More than enough."

Both of their eyes popped open. Hook swallowed hard, rigid in his seat.

"So we're talking about a pair of 36, 38…" Neal leant forward, eyes studying me. "She could be a 40 right now…"

"Hey! That's personal!"

"A, B or C?"

"Definitely 38B," that was Killian who was always gifted in guessing women's bra sizes. "Regina likes to squeeze into a smaller garment. As from the olden days, she liked to tease with the swell of her breasts."

Shaking my head, I smiled. Picking up my brown satchel, I made an attempt to rise up. But Neal took my hand by the wrist, urging me to sit back down.

"Dude, we're not done as yet." A hand was pushed under the table and Killian's eyes danced in my direction. Neal lifted a small brown envelope that had been hidden from sight. "Here lie the tickets to paradise."

I frowned, trying to detect any writing on the envelope but there was none. Not even an address. Not a name either. Nothing. Just a plain envelope that was sealed shut and teasing me enough from mystery.

"Should I tell her, or should you?" Killian asked.

"Maybe I could start and then you ease your way in…"

"Sounds good to me –"

"Unless you want to start and I finish it off by –"

I snatched the envelope, tongue tucked between my lips. Without waiting on them, the flap was torn open. And I pulled out a two red and pink tickets. Then a folded up brochure. At first, I wasn't sure of what I was seeing. It was a brochure belonging to an Inn, one that was sincerely peaceful looking. There was this shot from inside a room that overlooked an expansive valley below, a forest and a lake that glimmered. A Jacuzzi in the VIP rooms, well stocked mini bar, a grand dining room and ballroom. At least that's what I gathered from a quick go through.

"Wait for it…" that was Neal.

The two tickets were now studied and to be honest, I really thought that it was something else. I never in a million thoughts expected this. To see Regina's name and mine typed in gold on the front of the tickets. It was unbelievable at first.

"Wait for it…" Neal was holding his breath.

"Dear Miss Emma Swan," I read, completely breathless, "it is our pleasure to have you as a VIP guest at our Getaway Inn! Such exciting opportunities to explore and enjoy awaits you and your loved one! Please do enjoy your stay and whilst you're at it, do accept your free entry to all activities listed in the brochure under VIP!"

"Wait for it…"

"Oh my God," I began to smile like a lunatic, my fingers numb after noticing that the Inn was booked for three days. "How the hell did you…How in the world could you have…"

"Easy there, take deep breaths," Killian held my hand, Neal clicked his tongue, staring at me with a smile. "How we got them is nothing to worry about. The main thing is that you're both going for three full days."

"But…"

"No ifs or buts!" Neal held up a finger, a serious look on his face. "You're going. There's a map on how to get there. It's easy as ABC and everything else around here will be taken care of. Henry will stay with your parents or me. There's nothing to worry about. We can handle ourselves."

"If cruel winds come blowing here, then we have Gold ready and able to take care of things."

"Plus we have Maleficent, Cruella, Ursula –"

"Tinkerbell, Mulan, pixie dust…"

"And the charred body they found in the trunk of the burning car, Phillip's gone for good so…"

Okay so I forgot to mention that to you guys. Or did I say something about it already? Truth be told, so much has been happening, I couldn't find time to fit that in. But it's nothing simple, and I'm not even sure it's true. They somehow found a burnt body in the trunk of the car Maria and Lily were found in. The person was burnt to a crisp by the time evidence was collected so no dental records were available apparently. Or maybe the person was missing his teeth. Whether it was that or something else, I still didn't believe that it was Phillip. I had a gut feeling that he was still alive. But the news stated otherwise. The news said that he was dead and Maria and Lily were unavailable to clarify the details.

"This place that you're going to," Neal said, tapping my hand, bringing me back here. "It's quiet, peaceful, with heavy security. Guaranteed privacy, mostly for people who prefer to getaway without being tracked. No worries."

"Nothing bad will happen. And you have your own weapon to be used whenever you want."

"So does Regina. Both of you could blow up a freaking city."

"Guys…" I was bubbling over with happiness and a bit of fear still. "You really didn't have to do this. You really didn't have to."

"Oh but we had to. And it's not just the two of us, mostly us. But other people chipped in. Emma you have to go. It's the best thing to do right now, okay?" Neal gave me a pleading look. "Regina is not getting any better in this hellhole and she needs you."

"Her Majesty needs a bit of fresh air outside of town. Take her out and show her a bit of your world."

The bell tinkled above the door and I knew it before I even looked. I knew who it was. Soft footsteps padded over to where we sat and mom's face beamed down at the tickets before me.

"Oh great! She has them already!" hands clasped together, she was bursting with excitement. "Are you ready to go then?"

"Wait, when does the three days period start?" there was a tennis ball in my throat.

"Well," Neal slid his shirt sleeve up, checking his watch, "since it's just after 4p.m on a Friday. And you have to get there to check in at 6p.m. That gives you roughly an hour to get ready. You get back on Monday afternoon."

"What the…" AN HOUR? WHAT THE HELL!

"Ruby packed Regina's clothes and I packed yours." Mom rested a hand on my shoulder. "Everything's in the car outside."

"No, wait…" I held up a hand, totally unsure of what was happening. "Wait one second. 6p.m, bags packed, WHAT?"

"I told you this part would provide some difficulty," Killian said, "actually getting her in the car…"

"That's easy," Snow smiled, "Emma," she turned to me, "right now, Regina is waiting on you, sitting on her porch outside. She thinks that you're going to take her to an art exhibition. Which started about fifteen minutes ago. And right now, you're so, so late."

"The three of you will pay for this!" I growled, rising up and grabbing my coat. "She's going to bite my head off when I get there."

"That's the point. It makes you hurry along more." Snow folded her arms.

"I'm not even mentally ready for this! Do you even get that? I can't even process how this is happening."

"Maybe we should just hoist her up and dump her in the car," Neal suggested to Hook. The latter shrugged. "Yeah she isn't exactly lightweight for a woman, but we can manage it, right mate?" Killian nodded, flexing his hands, rising up.

"So, uh…" I snatched up the tickets, the brochure, eyes searching their faces, "what do I do? Do I just…pick her up and…"

"Pick Regina up, drive out of town, and follow the GPS in the car." Neal rose up and winked. "The place isn't far from here, just around the river bend. And to be honest, if you probably stand by the lake, looking across, you're going to cast eyes on Killian's ship. That's how close it is. We chose there because you'd want to be closer to home."

"Especially how Regina is nearing her due date…" Snow frowned. "Whale says three weeks, but he always fucks up so. Besides, he told me I'm due today. And I'm standing here as fit as a whistle."

"The…GPS…MY CAR DOESN'T HAVE A FREAKING GPS!" I threw my hands up. "I'm driving a Nissan Sentra rental!"

"Not anymore," Hook tossed a shiny key at me.

I caught it with wide eyes.

"Now hurry along before we call in Maleficent and whoever else to remove you from the town."

"I don't believe this!" I walked to the door, everyone's eyes on me. Whale was laughing in the corner. "I'm being hauled off without even a day's notice."

When I pushed open the door and set eyes on a shiny red Chevrolet car that sparkled under the afternoon sun, my heart stopped. It could never replace my yellow bug, that hollow feeling inside my heart. But it was luxury. It could do just fine. Holy crap, this wasn't happening. Taking tentative steps towards the car, I was followed by the people who claimed they cared for me. Enough to send me out of town without notice.

Think things through, Emma.

That was the flashing headline in my mind. That I should think things through. Everything was happening so fast and I needed to slow down. When I got to the car, I stopped. Clutching the key still, my eyes were turned to them.

"Wait," I pressed my back to the car and breathed in. "I'm not sure about this. I'm rushing things too fast. And it's…" I ran my fingers through my hair, "it's unbelievable, too spontaneous."

"Everything is going to be okay, Emma." Mom tilted her head sideways.

"I'm sorry," I held up a hand, "but all I keep thinking about when I look at you is what you wrote on that sheet of paper. And it's just…too much."

"So what if I used the word sex?" she glanced around, shrugging.

"Just like that?" I hissed. "You made it sound as if my love life is nonexistent."

"Well it…is…stuck at level one…"

"Mom!" I glared at her. "Stop being so…like…Doctor Phil!"

"Listen Emma," Neal stepped forward, taking a hold of my right shoulder affectionately, "nothing is going to happen. Think positive, forget everything and think about you and your lady. Don't think about any guy. Because frankly –"

"You're the guy in the relationship so –"

All eyes turned on Killian.

"Seriously, dude?" Neal frowned. "I mean, she's got toned arms and whatever else, but –"

"Well Regina isn't entirely the male half, now is she?" Killian waved a hand over me. And I scowled at him. "No offense love, but you –"

"My hair is longer…"

"She has more boobs." That was mom.

"Hey, you're supposed to be on my side!" I folded my arms.

"Regina doesn't strut." Mom glared at me.

"I DO NOT STRUT!" my voice rang out in front of the Diner.

"You don't exactly walk feminine…either…" pinching his right ear, Neal avoided my eyes, head lowered. I smacked his shoulder. "Ouch!"

"Maybe it's best if I just get out of here. Not seeing you for three whole days!"

"Then jump in the car and find her Majesty before she –"

My cellphone began to ring and as soon as I read Regina's name on the screen, my head felt as if someone had thrown ice water on me. Pulling open the car door, I went in just as Neal leant in through the window.

Winking at me again, he said, "anything happens, I'm just a phone call away. My friend works there, his name's Larry. Tall beefy guy. Anything funny turns up, just find him. And just so you know," I started the car engine, licking my lips, smiling as the engine purred nicely, "I want the best for you, Emma. There's a hospital a stone's throw away from the Inn if Regina pops. Which upon an estimate, she has like two weeks left, give or take?"

"Yeah…" I was so distracted, so many things running through my mind.

"Plus if I stand on the beach, we can most likely wave at each other. That's how close you are from here."

My cellphone rang again and I put the car in drive. After bidding my farewells, knowing that three days would be over in a flash, I drove away. After picking Regina up, of course we'd drive to Henry' school just to say goodbye for now. Don't you ever think that I forgot the kid. Because I never do.

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**A/N** – As someone pointed out, they really look forward to my A/N at the end of every chapter. Well here goes. I love to rant but this time, it's not about ranting and annoying you. It's really funny. People actually clicking on a SWAN QUEEN story and blatantly insulting the fandom. Also, calling Robin and Hook names are okay. But keep it for twitter and tumblr and not in my reviews! LOL. I get that people ship SPECIFIC pairings and don't want other pairings to get involved. But I AM A MULTISHIPPER. I ship every single pairing on Once Upon A Time and that means, my stories will contain all the main pairings. I love Robin, I adore Hook and I absolutely would marry Neal. Hate me for it but I am the kind of person to find the good in every character and person first instead of insulting because of a pairing. All of these characters have their flaws. Doesn't mean that I'll focus on those.

Secondly, please READ MY STORY FIRST before insulting my work. Saying my characters are OOC is shit. Right there I'll stop you and say that you make NO SENSE because the things that occur in this story has not happened on the show. When characters are placed in situations, they react differently. You see the way Regina behaves when she's in love. She gets all mushy. Imagine her being in love with Emma now. Of course she'll change. Breaking Emma requires me to push her over the edge. Bring out a side of her Adam and Eddy have not done as yet. DARK EMMA. The one who cracks and falls and is insecure. Because that's the Emma I see. In the show, you do not get a general sense of how each character feels. You're a viewer. This story is personally written to make you understand what Emma thinks and Regina feels.

Thirdly, saying my plot is falling flat makes no sense to me because this is not a freaking Nancy Drew or Stephen King novel. I am not obligated to leave a cliff hanger after every chapter. Too much drama is for Scandal and tv shows that are craving for reviews. This is a story I'm telling. A story that is sophisticated and deep. But I guess that will all change after this chapter since everything ends up leaving you with your jaw on the floor. A roller coaster ride is coming up.

And lastly, yes I appreciate every kind of review. Throw them at me. But please sign in before leaving one. I'd like to respond promptly. If you want to critique my work then allow me a chance to ask for more information.


	22. Something Is Still Missing

***A/N – Thanks for the feedback and follows/favorites. I just want you to know that I'm going through a really difficult time in my life right now. Feeling really wrong inside. And it all has to do with love. I want you to know that when I write in the first person, when I write as Emma, it's really ME speaking. And it comes off so real, you feel as if it's her because it IS real. It's me. Most times I feel as if I'm like Regina inside, really and truly. But when it comes to Emma, I expose her. There wasn't a choice who should tell this story. It had to be EMMA. Because I was Emma in this story. It happened. Having someone love you and then you really don't believe that someone could actually love you so much. Here's Emma. Here's the part Adam and Eddy do not portray in the show. This is Emma opened up like a box and you are able to see all she feels. Happy reading. I love you all so much.***

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><p><strong>Chapter Twenty Two<strong>

'_**Something Is Still Missing'**_

Xx

I never expected the reaction that was received when the car parked in her driveway.

Bracing myself for hurricane Regina, pushing the door open and climbing out, heart racing, our eyes met. But she wasn't scowling at me. There were no hot molten brown eyes glowing from a distance. No clenched fists or hunched shoulders depicting rage. Wrath, lightning bolts sent my way, sparks flying, singing my hair. Nothing. Instead as soon as we looked at each other, Regina got up and stood there so quietly. The wind rustled the leaves in the trees, making the grass on her lawn dance. My heart was melting. She was somehow breathless, eyes sparkling like diamonds in warm chocolate. I was totally shocked because she took my breath away.

"I know I'm late," I bit my lips.

"Emma," as soon as she said my name, her voice trembled. And without wasting a second, her footsteps led to me. Boots leaving imprints in the grass, I watched as she drew closer, holding my breath.

"What's wrong?" I wrapped my arms around her. Face buried into my right shoulder, she squeezed her eyes shut and held unto me without letting go. "Is everything okay?"

"I missed you." The way her voice was unsteady tickled my heart because she was consumed with emotion. And when this happened, it seriously meant that something had affected her in such a deep way. Something had happened.

"Hey," holding her face in my hands, I studied those brown eyes that were filled with tears, "tell me what happened."

Lips parted, she kept breathing, and with every breath she took, I lost control of myself.

"I was watching a Lifetime movie," she began. My thumbs caressed beneath her eyes. "It was horrible. A woman's baby was stolen from her by this psychotic bitch. And in the end, the husband was killed by the mad woman. He was blonde."

I stared at her with a straight face.

"He was blonde, Emma. He...was…blonde." She took a hold of my shoulders and squeezed out her worry. "And he had green eyes. Not the exact shade as yours because no one can have your eyes. But he reminded me of you. A…cop…wearing these leather jackets…And she just stabbed him repeatedly."

"Why in the world would you watch a movie like that?" I frowned. "Wasn't there anything else on?"

"I was captivated by the plot."

"But the plot isn't exactly nice, considering that you're pregnant and I'm blonde, is it?"

"Ugh," she wrapped her arms around my neck and pulled me closer, burying her face into my neck. "I didn't sleep well at all. Last night the cats kept yowling, and my back was aching. Where are you taking me? Why are you driving a new car?"

"I…" it was like swallowing another tennis ball because honestly I hadn't prepared for that question. "It's a surprise."

"The library isn't hosting any exhibitions from my investigation."

"Your investigation." I opened the passenger's side and stood there, leaning unto the door frame.

"Belle said that there are no events today." Her right boot toed the gravel just where the grass stopped. Eyes lingering on me, she waited.

"I'm taking you for a drive."

"You mean this is it?" those brown eyes sparkled, her face lighting up.

"This is what?" frowned. Crap, she already knew.

"You're taking me for a drive over the town line."

"Dammit," I kicked the gravel and pretended to be crestfallen that a plan had been discovered. Which in, to be honest, half of the plan had been found out. "She knows."

"Oh Emma," her gloved hands reached up and squeezed mine upon the top of the door. She smiled from ear to ear. "You're amazing. What a way to help me relax after so many stressful weeks."

"You'll get plenty of time to relax. Before you know it, everything will be –" the rest of the sentence stuck in my throat when she stood on her toes and silenced me with a kiss. It was supposed to be just a peck. But as the days progressed into weeks of us being together, we could never stop at a peck.

When I parted my lips, she moved in closer, eyes fluttering close. Very soon, I tasted chocolates that reminded me of her eyes all over again. And the color of her coat that felt like a kitten's belly, fluffy, made from artificial fibers. We kissed in a teasing way, never fully but barely. Lips grazing, sending bolts of pleasure through my body, dizzying my head. I smiled when she rested our foreheads together, the wind snatching our breaths away. The warmth of her fingers brushing my ears, toes curling in our leather boots. It was like we were kissing for the first time. And I always got this feeling of bliss every single time. Falling in love with her all over again.

"How far are we going?" her eyes are on me turning the steering wheel, my fingers savoring the feel of soft leather.

"Just sit back and enjoy."

"Okay." She did. Sitting back, legs parted, one gloved hand resting on my lap, the other her midsection, on the baby who was obviously sleeping. I hope. Because when the baby was sleeping, she remained in a peaceful mood. And right now, she looked relaxed.

Let me move back to what I'm feeling and seeing about this car, smelling. Tasting. Touching, grinning like a five year old kid in a candy store. It's practically a slice of heaven in this car. The seat I'm sitting in is like so soft, my butt is lost in it. And I can't wait to check out the stereo system which looks like it can kick out some wicked bass. Speakers on the doors, an engine that purrs so softly, you have to strain your ears to hear. It's like driving across velvet in this car. The interior smells like apples and strawberries, new. Brand fucking new. Where the hell they got this baby from amazes me because I'm already in tune with it. And I can't let this car go.

So I park in front of Henry's school, knowing that by now he's out of classes. After calling him, he confirms that he's in the library and will be right out. We're sitting there, and I roll the windows down because the Air Co. might bother her. But a heat wave comes rolling in. All of a sudden, my body begins to ache to be touched by her, it alarms me. It's like a feeling that travels up my legs, my inner thighs. Across my chest, my neck tingles. She's doing something to me and I have no idea what it is. But I'm seriously longing for her now more than ever. It's unbearable. Flexing my fingers, I squeeze my legs shut, knowing that my face is probably pink. And she's just sitting there with her eyes cast outside, humming to Taylor Swift's 'Love Story' as if this is all cool.

"Regina," I croak.

"Yes." She stops humming and looks at me.

Should I tell her? I have to say something. Because she would claim that I was withholding information. That I was lying. And it could end up to be pretty emotional when we get there. Then our week would be ruined.

"It's not just a road trip." I hold my breath.

Her eyes search mine. "What do you mean?"

"It's…a bit more. A LOT more," I wave a hand over my lap, eyes lowered.

"You're kidnapping me."

I look up to find her eyes huge. "What? No. I'd like to, but it wouldn't be that easy."

"Why wouldn't it be easy?"

"Well for starters, you wouldn't like the world I grew up in. It's too hectic and there isn't a peaceful moment. At nights traffic wake you up, the roaring of trains, plus bringing up a kid in New York or Boston is kind of tough."

"My life hasn't been exactly peaceful either." She raised her eyebrows. "Or did you forget about the Evil Queen?"

"I kind of forgot she existed the minute I fell in love with you. So…" those eyes were tearing up again. Oh crap, every time she did that, I wanted to cry too. "But outside the town line is a land without magic. Filled with machines and stubborn people and murderers. High crime rates…"

"But you survived for eighteen years."

"It wasn't easy."

"I'm not afraid of anything once you're with me. I'd go anywhere with you," she took my hand, "I'd do anything you ask me to. We'd work through anything together. And when that's not enough, then I'd stand by your side no matter what. Even if we end up living in a match box."

"You're making me blush." Pressing the back of my hand to my right cheek, I was burning up. "Four people can't fit in a match box. Me, you, Henry, the baby."

"So he's decided to live with us then."

"He basically said that he wants to be around his little sister as much as possible."

"Aww," shoulders hunched, she smiled at me.

"The kid wants to spend all the money he makes in Gold's shop on baby stuff. He's stopped buying those action figure magazines. I mean would you believe, Henry stopped buying the one thing he looked forward to? He has this box," I hold my hands apart, depicting about two feet wide, "filled with all these toys: rattles and dangly thingees, cute baby shoes."

"There he is." The joy in her eyes every time she saw Henry was something that could melt anyone's heart. "Why does he never comb his hair?"

"Because he says the ruffled look makes him appear quite dashing and daring."

"And next he's going to be riding a motorbike like his father."

"Not on my watch." I stared at Henry's tall and lanky figure as he approached the car. "I'm not putting my son on a death machine."

"OUR son," she corrected.

I was looking at her with a silent apology in my eyes when he pushed half his body through my freaking window. This car was delicate. Suppose he scratched the glass or something? Scowling, he studied my face with a smile.

"So you guys are set then."

"Kid, don't leave smudges on my car." His watch clicked on glass. "Don't crack the window!"

"Geez, chillax, mom. These babies come with glass that can't crack easily." He laughed whilst I considered whether what he said could be fact or fiction. "Mom, you look a lot better. How're you feeling?" This was directed at Regina.

"Like a small apartment building with a growing tenant." Henry and I laughed at that one. "Yes, I've eaten twice for the day. No, I did not sleep for two extra hours. Yes I drank my milk and yes all vitamins have been swallowed."

The kid seemed impressed. "Well that covers it. I'd say you're more than ready to get on the road then."

"Did you use the washroom?" I asked her.

"Positively sure I did. Four times. Your mother is taking me for a drive across the town line. I wish you could accompany us."

"Oh trust me, you two need to spend a lot of quality time together. And I don't want to be around, feeling all awkward when my two moms kiss and make out."

Regina and I shared a quizzical look accompanied by a smile.

"Plus for three days, I can't. I have exams coming up so…"

"Three days?" she frowned.

Oh crap. I gave Henry a look. "His exams…are…in…three days. Three days away."

"Operation Camouflage, I like it." He winked at me. "So you two enjoy yourselves, have fun and remember to bond."

"You make this drive sound as if we'll be gone for a week." Regina had an elbow rested on the dash, studying my face and Henry's.

"Don't you wish that you could escape for a week though? Like getaway, just the two of you and spend one whole week together alone?"

"That would be fantastic."

"Mom, note to you, she likes the idea." He gave me a wicked grin.

"I love the idea." My arm was touched lightly, "Emma, we should getaway for a week. Wouldn't you like that?"

"I'd…love…it," I was seriously bursting with humor on the inside, knowing that an eruption of laughter would spoil the surprise.

"Like you two could getaway and book yourselves in this hotel and have these bonding moments, walks in the garden. Romantic dinners, candlelight talks…" He sighed, trying to appear lost in a daydream, "how romantic."

"You sound like Darla from The Little Rascals, kid," I ruffled his hair. "Now we're off. And remember, anything happens whilst I'm gone, just give me a call."

After pressing a kiss unto my cheek, half hugging me through the window, he went around to Regina's side. And he was snatched and smothered with kisses. She didn't want to let go.

"Mom! You're in front of my school! People could be watching!"

"What's wrong with your mom kissing you?" she asked sternly. "Or is someone else smothering you with kisses?"

"Mom…" he hunched his shoulders, pleading with her. "You guys just drive off now. You're embarrassing me."

"I'm embarrassing you?" Regina unclipped her seatbelt, making an attempt to get out the car.

"Bye! Take care! Adios!" Henry pelted towards the building, waving when he reached the entrance.

When we drove off, my eyes rested on the dark clouds that were rolling in. It would rain heavily later from the looks of it. Or soon, judging from how the wind picked up speed every minute that passed by. But apparently the ying to my yang was so thrilled when we crossed the town line, she probably didn't notice the change in the weather. As we went past trees, thick forest on both sides, brown eyes were wide and filled with excitement. It's as if I could feel her energy change from where I sat. She was seriously loosening up and maybe this was for the best after all, to get her out of there. To spend some time with her.

Judging from the GPS that was silent right behind the steering wheel, where only I could see it clearly, we had about fifteen minutes to get there. Since check in time as Neal had provided was around 6p.m, I decided that one stop wouldn't hurt either of us. So I took her to the diner where August and I had come into this world. Of course the small diner had become a more polished café now. With little traffic moving this way, inside was empty as I detected through the glass. Turning off the engine, I sat there as the cold wind tickled my cheeks. I could taste pine combs and wet leaves already. The smell was so fresh, so sharp.

"So how does it feel to be out of Storybrooke?" I fingered the caramel color leather on the steering wheel, smiling.

"It feels…" she inhaled deeply, "superbly exciting. Different. Like the smell of a new book, intoxicating."

"Well I'm glad you feel that way. For the past few weeks, you've been kinda tense. And right now, as I'm seeing the light in your eyes, I know that something's changed."

"Spending time with you always makes me relax."

We sat there for a couple minutes without talking as Pink sang 'Try'. All the time I was seriously aware of how much my body ached to be closer to her. To feel her. Especially since the place was growing colder, the wind harsher, all I wanted to do was to hug her. Maybe asking wouldn't be such a bad idea. But then based on how turned on I was, hugging wouldn't be enough. It was me feeling like a hollow log filled with prickly magic. The desire to do so many times was nerve wrecking and I found it hard to sit there without a distraction.

"So after August and I came through the portal in the tree. One that's probably still there up to this day," I glance back into the forest and jerked my chin there. "He brought us here. And this is where Social Services came to pick us up."

"Really?" she peered up at the sign attached to the diner.

It was a small and simple place. With the red clay bricks and a white bordered glass door. Everything felt cozy about diner. The fact that renovations had been done, an extension made, and red leather cushioned chairs added. I figured that anyone would want to stop here on their way down the road. Not from the looks of it though. As of now, the inside was empty.

"Somehow even though I was a baby, I remember this place. Even before August brought me back here about four years ago, I remember. Kind of like a memory that never faded."

"Do you have baby pictures?" brown eyes were focused on me now.

"With me? No." I kept my eyes on the lady behind the counter in the diner as she wiped glasses. "When I was in the foster system, I had a Polaroid but that's long gone. Kept the pictures and somehow they got misplaced."

"You must have been quite a sexy teenager." The hoarseness of her voice wasn't helping with my tingly sensations.

"My face was fat, I was tall and basically everything else remained the same." I shrugged. "My hair, the way I dress. Back then I had a backpack, one pair of sneakers. Always packed light. The thing about the foster system is that no one gives you like a week's notice before you're chucked out. One minute you're eating dinner and then Social Service is banging on the door, asking you to pack your things and hit the road with them."

"But with the Johnsons, you stayed the longest."

"Yeah, until I was seventeen then I got the hell out of there and disappeared. Then I met Neal. As the years progress, I kind of lose track of when things happened exactly. Just the special moments are remembered forever. But like I told you before, if I want to forget something, I forget. Like Amanda…"

"We never got a chance to talk about Amanda," she said softly, unclipping her seatbelt, turning to face me slightly in her seat.

To be honest, I didn't want to talk about her. I didn't want to remember her. But like Lily happened, other people happened. People came and went. Seasons changed. However, there was a specific reason why people like Lily and Amanda had been erased from my memories. It happened like that because my heart was broken and I cried a lot over them. Crying kind of washed away their faces.

"And Lily…"

"Lily is the girl I told you that wronged me in the past when we were friends. And I completely cut her off, any contact. Then…I regretted it afterwards." She remained silent, waiting. "Over the years she tried to find me over and over again. And she did. But I avoided her like the plague because it was all new to me."

"What was?"

"I realized that…" the trees were dancing in the rearview mirror, "…I was into girls. And it scared the shit out of me when she made me realize that."

"But it was an awakening. In a way, you have to thank her for revealing the truth."

Her nails rested on the dash and I gazed at them. Red and neatly trimmed. "She lied to me. She told me that she was in the foster system like me. Running away. And then her father came looking for her. Imagine how that made me feel."

"I'd imagine that you felt betrayed, somewhat misled after bonding with a girl."

"And then when we met again just before I ended up in prison, she told me about her feelings. But there was already Neal and by just remembering how she lied to me before, I just walked away. We met two times before I went into prison. But afterwards she was never seen again until recently."

My eyes stung when I remembered that day in Boston. The sun was scorching, a ball of fire in the sky when she found me again. At first I had no idea it was her until my name was called. Then when I looked into her eyes, everything was remembered. Brandishing that tattoo on her wrist at me had brought back all the memories. I walked away with tears in my eyes, never looking back.

"Amanda was the first girl I kissed. A scandalous dare turned into a few weeks of romance that ended badly." I told her what had happened, about Phillip videoing Amanda and I kissing. Then she visited me in the library and we kissed. Afterwards, it was probably the giddiest time in my adolescent years. Sneaking around and discovering that new kind of feeling. Until everything went badly and she chose him instead of me. "In the end, I never saw her again. Or wanted to." I laughed nervously. "To be honest, when I first met you, I honestly thought that you were her. You're exactly how I imagined her to be like. And then that fear faded when everything else happened."

"Maybe that was me," she joked, tilting her head sideways.

The silence lingered on, the rustle of leaves caressing the atmosphere. Dark clouds now covered the sky and still she didn't comment on the change in the weather. Perhaps everything racing through her mind was linked to me. Just being here. Us together. But sometimes I just wished that she could say more, speak more. Being brief with me always placed this fear in my mind that perhaps she was bored. Eagerly excited people bubbled over with words overflowing. However, Regina was never the kind of person to stretch out her sentences, to elaborate unless she was asked.

Right then, I realized that it was me who tended to have a lot to say. Most times I spoke too much. Or I elaborated too much. Maybe it was boring to hear me talk. Maybe she wanted me to shut up sometimes and was too polite to ask. How could I possibly know what to say and when to say it? Without her to guide me on, I'd ramble off unnecessarily.

"What are you thinking about?" she asked me, the sound of her voice tickling my heart.

"When I'm with you, I've never felt this way with any other woman. Things have never been this serious with a guy either. Somehow you manage to shake me up and melt my heart every single time we see each other. At times I feel as if I'm high on some drug."

"Likewise."

"Plus I've never been with a woman intimately. And for over three years now, you're the only woman I've ever imagined myself being intimate with." I couldn't breathe because she was looking at me. And my heart was beating so fast, I felt as if I'd explode. "It's driving me insane. I literally start trembling when I think of it." Holding up my fingers splayed before me, I allowed her to see how they did tremble.

"When you think of what?"

"You know…what." My voice was unsteady.

"I want you to say it to me." Her voice cracked too. Suddenly I wondered if she could possibly be feeling the same as I was at that moment.

"Regina, I'm literally going to lose my shit if I tell you right now what's on my mind."

"Tell me," she urged. "I can guarantee that I'm feeling just as you are right now multiplied by ten because my hormone level is seriously off the charts. Just thinking of you turns me on, and this has been happening for a very long time now."

"But you hide it so well." I studied her composed face, the way she sat so calmly, whilst I was practically racing off track. "Not like me, and it's getting worse."

"What is?" she was teasing me. I knew it. Regina knew exactly what was happening to me. And she still wanted me to be vocal about it.

"Are you really going to make me do this?"

"If I touch you now," her voice was low and seductive.

Squeezing my eyes shut, I gripped the steering wheel and held my breath.

"What would happen then?"

I never replied.

"Miss…Swan…" she purred.

"How the hell can you actually make me feel this way?" I bit my lips, trying to ignore the waves of pleasure coursing through my body. "Are you doing something with your magic?"

"No, I'm not. Open your eyes."

"Because it feels like magic…"

"Look at me." I felt her fingers caress my face. Her warmth set me on fire. In that moment, I moved away but after fearing her reaction, I stared at her with wide eyes. "It's that strong, huh?"

"More than you can imagine." She wasn't hurt. She understood.

"So most likely that anticipated moment is drawing nearer by the minute." I couldn't answer her. Honestly I couldn't.

The car was heating up and even though the wind was cold as fuck outside, I couldn't generate any sort of cooling mechanism at the moment. Reaching out with a shaky hand, I turned on the Air Co. The cold wind blasted me in the face like a lick of ice water. Checking the time, I realized that more than half an hour had passed. It was now after five. Where the hell did the time go?

"More than likely…" her voice was so hoarse, "you're going to wake up beside me tomorrow."

"Shit," without wasting a second, I opened the car door and stepped outside.

Feeling light headed, my vision blurred as the trees became my focus. But one couldn't be singled out. Instead, everything was jumbled together as I leant back unto the car and felt myself literally choke up. I couldn't breathe. This time, it wasn't a panic attack but a rush of serious feelings that tormented me. It was overbearing to sit there beside her, having my body burn up in flames. Yet we couldn't do exactly what I wanted us to do at that point. We couldn't do so much right now. We never did half of it. Before I believed that everything was going good between the two of us, taking things slow. However, with the way I was feeling, it was obvious that more was needed. So much more. And when I say more, I mean actually making love to her so intimately, more than likely it would drive me into insanity.

"Emma," she came around the front of the car, holding her hair away from that gorgeous face. A face that could brighten up every single second of my life. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to hurt you in any way."

"You could never hurt me," I tried to avoid looking at her.

"Then what did I do wrong?" she stopped about two feet from me, testing my reaction to her being so near. "Was it my bold intentions?"

"I'm just really having a moment right now." I hugged myself, the harsh wind stinging my cheeks.

"And do you want to be left…alone?" she croaked.

"No," I shook my head so fast, "no way. How the hell…" my eyes were lifted to the dark grey sky, "could you want someone so much, it's like being without oxygen?"

She remained silent, gloved hands hanging limp at her sides. Staring at me.

It's not like she was miles away from me. That's the part that was freaking unbelievable. It's not like I could only dream of her, yearn for the thought of us being close. As it was before, that used to happen more than often. I'd sit by myself and just drown my heart in imagining what she felt like to touch, to hold. What she would say to me. But now that she was here, I still felt as if…I felt as if I wanted something that couldn't be explained. We connected on a deeper level, so deep that it was raw, my heart feeling mushy. And when you connect with someone like that, your mind, body and soul wants everything instead of meeting at a halfway point.

"Talk to me," her voice was uneven.

Laughing nervously, I pressed my palms unto the car, fighting to breathe. I felt severely giddy. Like if I was drunk. Shaky too. "I'm thinking about making love to you and going so much further. Right now all I can smell is your perfume and I want to…" I gasped. "I want to touch you."

"Then touch me," she whispered. I finally looked at her and the wind is playing with her hair. "What's stopping you?"

"We're on the road and that lady in there is watching us for starters."

"Then in the car." She gestured to it. "Right now, in the back seat. Get in."

I actually managed to smile. "Imagine if the cops found us naked in there."

Her eyes were huge. "Now you're making me imagine you without clothes and I'm not doing myself any favors. Because my knees feel like jelly." She peered down and flung her hands up. "Fuck, I can't even see my knees anymore. I forgot."

Laughing at that one, she shook her head at me with a smile. "Your knees are so cute."

"You think everything about me is cute." She was blushing now. "Even my toes."

"How do you do that?" I asked her, watching as she peeled strands of hair from her lips, tucking them back.

"Do what?"

"I was just feeling seriously unstable and you managed to make me solid again. My vision was literally blurred, head light, I felt like I was going to collapse."

"Maybe because…soul mates can…heal the parts of us that…hurt the most," she took a step closer, but a small one. "In addition to that, when you're hurting, I find whatever is bothering you. And I fix it, regardless of the method. Whether it's a lame joke. Or a sudden…kiss…or…a look."

I gazed at her for a long time. As the seconds ticked by, my eyes watered because she was such an amazing person. How could I have not seen that sooner? Everything that happened to me always led back to her. From the time I was born. All of it up to this day, up to this second. We were standing here and all I wanted to do was to stay with her forever, somewhere quiet, somewhere alone. Listening to her talk to me, listening to our hearts beating. It's not easy to explain. And I never could explain it. But when I look at her, she knows exactly what I mean.

"Can I hug you?" I sniffed, hands now hanging limp down my sides.

"Emma," she hung her head, hair bunching around the furry collar of that amazing coat, "you never ever have to ask permission first."

We both took two steps towards each other, light rain pressing small kisses upon our faces. And I wrapped my arms around her snugly. She buried her face into my shirt and I could feel myself being sniffed. Returning the favor, I inhaled the smell of her hair, like a mixture of vanilla and berries. Every part of her probably smelt different and intoxicatingly yummy. Fingertips pressing into my back, she mewled, a throaty mewl that tingled my insides.

Xx

* * *

><p>Walking into the blinding sun wasn't exactly a great welcome back into the world. Lifting a hand, Lily shaded her eyes from the scorching ball and searched for a yellow cab. Seeking out one within half a second, her brown combat boots thudded upon the concrete pavement as she walked towards it. Never looking back. Because being in a hospital for over one week was seriously torturing. Kind of like your worst nightmare, waking up when they stuck needles in you, small electric shocks across your body. The smell of rubbing alcohol and the click of metal clips as blinding white curtains around beds were pulled back and forth.<p>

Then there was the occasional screams and wailing babies. Not that she hated babies. But she didn't like when they bawled their little lungs out. Sick babies. Women dragging their feet around with ghoul faces, saline drips and those awful sticky gowns. She hated those yellow gowns they made her wear. Walking without shoes was a ghastly experience, especially in a hospital. Especially to use the toilet. She was always a woman who cared about hygiene and some of the people in there were so sick, they couldn't even take care of themselves properly.

But now she was out.

Sliding past an elderly couple walking a cute puppy, she passed a black van, heading to the yellow taxi parked just near a red mailbox. As soon as she reached the nose of the black vehicle, a pair of strong hands grabbed her shoulders. She was yanked back, a cold clammy hand pressed upon her mouth. The next thing that happened was unexpected. Pushed inside the way while she fought, her eyes met a pair of familiar emerald ones.

"What the fuck…" she gasped, staring in bewilderment at her supposed attackers. "Maria?"

"Yeah, I know," the blonde replied warily, "we have a tendency of meeting in some fucked up ways. Hi, again."

It was the FEDS. From the time her eyes rested on their bullet proof black vests with the FBI logo, she realized that one situation led to another. Her life would never have a dull moment. Three of them, two men and one woman with the greenest pair of eyes she had ever seen sat where they were. All three were studying her now, whilst Maria sat with her shoulders hunched in a corner.

"Sorry about the snatch," said the one who did the snatching to begin with.

"If you grab me like that one more time, I'll rip your head off," she snarled, fists clenched.

"Had we approached you on the sidewalk, and asked you to accompany us back here, inside our van…" he waved a hand about, his brown hair reminding her of chocolate. "Then you would have objected."

"I would have objected."

"Well that's settled then." The lady folded her arms, smirking. "My name is Agent Landers, this is Agent Brown," she pointed to the man with the chocolate colored hair. Maria snorted. "And this is Detective Asparagus working for the NYPD. He's on the case."

"But you have two NYPD cops already here," Lily pointed out. "Why is a third one needed?"

"I was sent as a third wheel to make sure the two of you cooperated. Judging from recent revelations," said Asparagus. He folded his arms and scowled at Maria who was making faces at him. "I didn't choose my last name. It was given to me."

"I will never trust the FEDS again after this," Maria laughed hoarsely.

"So you're not going to cooperate with us. Is that a final decision?" Landers asked.

"After one of your own tried to kill us, I'd say that's a fair decision on my part." Lily scowled.

"You mean Detective Johnson."

"The shit face who ruined my left boob!" Maria yelled, clawing the top of her shirt and exposing a bandaged left shoulder. "One ugly scar that looks like a jeering smile. How the hell am I supposed to survive in bed with a lover after this? After what he did?"

"All we can say about that…disaster," the lady swallowed, gazing at Maria's milk white cleavage, "is that all medical bills will be covered by us. And we're doing everything in our power to find out what happened to our agent. How did he die? How did he end up in the trunk of a car the two of you were driving?"

"Is she serious or what?" Maria asked Lily, eyes wide as saucers. "As we've told you over a million times, the fucker wasn't in the trunk! He was standing on the road when we drove away! Can't you sink that into your Federal heads? Or is this van blocking out your logical way of thinking?"

"Calm down, Officer Brink." The other FED who was obviously a new recruit was tall and lanky. Barely touching twenty five from the looks of his face. "We've already listened to your stories, which in light, are substantially true. As you believed at that point, that Phillip Johnson was not in the car with the two of you."

"He wasn't!" Lily stared at him. "Look, I know this sounds really unbelievable but who are you going to trust? Two cops or a body in the trunk that was burnt beyond recognition?"

"More like they feel that their heads are bigger than local cops," Maria scoffed, "so whatever they think…is the truth."

"The body wasn't burnt beyond recognition," Landers provided, brown eyes serious. "We did get dentals from the body. And we managed to match it to our agent. Agent Johnson."

"What?" Both Maria and Lily asked at the same time.

"This…" Brown said coolly, holding up a photo of a man with choppy brown hair, blue eyes and a charming smile "is Agent Phillip Johnson. And this," he held up another photo of a man with a marine cut blonde hair and blue eyes, "is Phillip Johnson, the man you two obviously came into contact with. One is our Agent and the other is someone else who impersonated him."

"Oh my God," Lily stared at the resemblance without blinking. "Are they related?"

"They're not related. No. It appears as though one killed the other to impersonate a Federal Agent. Our Federal Agent." Lander's eyes were fixated on Maria now. "This one," she brandished the blonde hair photo at them, "was an inmate in a prison in Boston for four years. Until he was in his twenties, he managed to kill a cell mate and wounded four Prison Guards. Pleading insanity, his lawyers managed to get him into an institution in New York for the mentally insane."

"Six years," Brown piped up, "this jackass stayed in there, building up the anger inside of him to payback the people who wronged him. And then on a rainy night on November 4th about a year ago, he got out. He escaped, latched himself unto our Agent Johnson and decided to learn everything about him so that he could live a new life. Let's call the psycho number 2 for the sake of it," Brown wasn't smiling. "2 harassed our agent into giving out personal information. He hacked the FBI database, dug up information on drug cartels. All with one purpose."

"To find his father," Lily whispered, crouched in the corner, hugging her knees.

"Yes." Landers sighed. "He found the whereabouts, our tracking placed on his father and just as we were about to move in on a drug bust that would throw about fifty men in jail, Robbie disappears from on the camera. The next time we see him, he's curled up and twisted in a dumpster in New York. What led us to believe something fishy was going on, was a few bystanders spotting this man," she pointed at the blonde one, "at the location. He appeared shady and seemed to be watching our Agent Johnson. So we thought, Johnson was the only one who was targeted. Until we found Robbie dead."

"Yes it took us some time to piece everything together. Yes we've been secretive about this whole ordeal," Brown commented, "but you've got to understand that in order to catch this guy, we had to move easy. We couldn't startle him or else he'd disappear into the cracks."

"As he's done now," Maria replied. "He's disappeared again."

"We'll find him. We also need to find this woman." Landers held up a picture of a blonde woman, totally familiar to the two women sitting across the van.

"What do you want with Emma Swan?" Lily asked.

"Do you know this woman?"

"Yes, we met. Why?"

Xx

* * *

><p><strong>Emma Swan<strong>

"Something's not right here," Regina said when I turned off the road and headed down a trail, forest on both sides. She frowned, throwing me a quizzical look. "Is this the surprise you mentioned earlier?"

"Pretty much, yeah." Clutching the steering wheel, I checked the GPS and drove on, listening to the soothing rustle of the leaves in the trees above and around us.

"Are you taking me on a picnic then?" Gloved hands pressed on the dashboard; she studied the trail ahead of us.

"Something like that."

I was trying to withhold as much information as possible. Providing that we'd reach the place in less than five minutes. So for now she should just wonder what the hell was going on. Surprisingly enough, her prying eyes never checked the envelope on the backseat. Our bags were in the trunk and had she seriously thought this out, then obviously by now the idea of us going back home instead of somewhere else would have come forward. Especially in this weather. Somehow I knew exactly how to handle this situation as the orange roof of a building came into view between the trees. I knew exactly how to deal with this.

As soon as we neared the wrought iron gates, I reached into the backseat and picked up the yellow envelope. Holding it out in her direction, she took it with a frown.

"What's this?"

"Open it."

The gravel crunched under the wheels of the car, twigs snapping as the gatekeeper came forward. Judging from his appearance, I already knew who he was.

"You must be Emma Swan," he shot me a smile, his tall burly figure looking like a weapon. "Neal's buddy."

I squinted at his face, those mellow brown eyes sparking a memory. A distant memory of a burly kid in Boston, riding the Carousel with us. Laughing, his large Timberland boots grazing on the ground because of how tall he was.

"Larastan is that you?" a smile spread across my face.

Standing upright now, he spread his arms apart and laughed heartily. "You remember me!"

"I didn't catch on when Neal mentioned the name Larry. But seeing you now, look at you!" reaching out the window with my left hand, I shook his. As always one of his hand could envelope mine, doing that disappearing act.

"Gosh, years have passed."

"And you're still looking like a heavy weight boxer, to be honest." A female guard's face peeped through the window from the small red clay brick hut. And Larastan nodded at her.

"Hey, let's move you two inside the compound. We don't want to have you lingering out here. Security protocol."

"Sure," I put the car into drive and rolled forward, totally forgetting that Regina was sitting beside me completely unaware of what was happening.

The gates were made of heavy iron, black and secured enough to move at a slow pace when pulled open. Apparently it was remote control operated and from the looks of it, even if a guard was caught in the line of fire by an attacker, he'd have to wait outside for someone to open up. I'm just weighing my situation here, still thinking about Phillip being out there. But so far, so good. The fence was iron too, painted red and black and so high with intricate designs, no one could climb it. Trust me, back in my days in Boston, Neal and I were pros at assessing the fences and gates of houses. Yeah we did a few house robberies. But nothing major.

"Hey, Larastan," I parked where he signaled and turned off the engine. "We'll talk later, okay? I kind of have something to deal with here."

"No, it's fine," he waved it off. "All fine. Just enjoy your stay. Anything you want, ask me. I'm on duty all round the clock. Living here too. Just round the side." He gestured to the right side of the building that was fenced off as well. "We'll chat later."

As soon as he jogged back to the hut by the gate, I turned to face Regina. She was reading the brochure by then, no words. So I decided to study her face for any signs of disapproval. Judging from how serious she appeared, my first thought was that she hated it. She hated it, she didn't like the idea. And this was a bad move. Fuck, now I'd get it. All of it. Like how I whisked her off here to spend three days without notice. How she wasn't up for it. Stuff like that.

"Soo…" I tested the waters, holding my breath.

Flipping the page, that was her reply.

"You don't like it then." I made that decision for her.

"From the looks of it, everything appears to be ideal." Another page was flipped. This one depicted the private bath tubs like a small swimming pool. "You should have at least mentioned it to me, Emma."

"I was only given the invitations less than two hours ago," I provided.

"Really?" she turned to me, her eyes wide.

"Yup. Killian and Neal invited me for a snack at the Diner. And the next thing I know, I'm being ordered to take a vacation with you. Mom was there too, all of them eagerly sending me packing, demanding that I pick you up and head out ASAP."

"There's a small hospital at the back which puts my mind at ease," she read on, eyes lowered, "just in case I have complications."

"I'll be here with you." I smiled.

"Yes, but you're not a midwife." I didn't like her stony replies. She was worrying me seriously.

"I've had a kid before, Regina. I know what happens."

"That was more than ten years ago."

"What's up with you?" frowning, I lowered my head to check her face. There was silence. "Did I do something? What did I say?"

"I'm just in a mood right now," she provided, her voice so stiff, it kind of jabbed me like the tip of a knife.

"You're in a mood and we just got here," my throat ached.

Closing the brochure, she gathered up the tickets and slid them into the envelope. Completely avoiding my eyes, the car door was pushed open.

"Blame it on my hormones as always," she said warily, sounding exhausted.

I sat there and felt as if this was the biggest mistake of my life. Suddenly the compound that seemed so beautiful about two minutes ago looked like so dull and dreary. The building was a huge one, simple enough with a cozy feel already. Three stories high, it stretched to the back and beyond, the rest couldn't be seen from the parking lot. But judging from the brochure, I'd imagine that it was a large place. Red clay brick and white trimmings. A nicely mowed lawn and fresh flowers that blossomed, kissed already by the early sprinkle of rain.

When I got out, my boots felt heavy as lead and I dragged them to the trunk. Opening up, I pulled out the three bags and went around to where she stood. Staring at the dandelions just in front of her, three neat rows, Regina looked almost as if she wasn't there. She didn't even react when I stood so close to her for a few seconds.

"Hey," I touched her lightly, "talk to me."

"Hey," she blinked three times as if wiping away a thought, "let me help you with one of those." A hand was held out.

"No, I can manage." It was just clothes and other stuff that weren't that heavy. "What's up?"

"Honestly," she started, shaking her head, "I love this Emma. I really do. But I wanted us to plan something like this together instead of having other people intervene. This is about…us." Her fingers caressed my right cheek. "Not about them."

"I know," lowering my eyes, my right boot toed the grass. "I wasn't too keen on the idea either. But I decided, what the heck. Let's do this. Plus it's just three days. And it's not a bad place from the looks of it. All I want is to spend time with you. Had they not intervened, then things could have happened before we got to do this."

"Like what?"

"With the baby coming any day, we can't exactly have this alone time afterwards just like that." She tilted her head, gazing at me. "So in fact, this is a great idea. I like it. And the best part is, it happened at the right time because I actually want to be with you more than ever now."

"Oh Emma," she croaked, drawing nearer and pressing our cheeks together, "then let's take advantage of this gift. Let's make the most of it."

I moved my face in front of hers and pressed our foreheads together, lips lingering so close by. "When everything settles down after the baby is born, we can't exactly go off somewhere on our own for a while after that. So this is the best time."

"It's perfect," she whispered, capturing my face between her hands. She kissed me once then twice, keeping us so close.

"You're perfect," I giggled like a fool in love.

"So are you." She nudged our noses together playfully. "Plus I think this creates the ideal setting for two gifts."

My eyes grew wide. "Two…gifts?"

"Just keep that figure in your head." She gave me a huge smile before moving away, holding unto a bag strap and tugging me along.

Twenty minutes later after checking in, I dumped the bags unto this sweet two piece red leather cushioned chair and gazed around the room. Regina walked straight to the double glass doors, pulling them open and stepping outside unto the terrace. It was like walking into a medium sized Presidential suite to be honest. The place was huge. As soon as you came in through the door, there was a small hallway then straight into the living room that was warmed by a fire behind tinted glass. Just a few steps away where she was standing now was the outdoor patio that overlooked the forest and just beyond that, the expansive body of water, Storybrooke just on the other side.

Just behind the chair where the bags were now, I parted a red blind and walked into one of the coziest bedrooms ever. The bed was a 'Queen' size with thick triple layers of sheets, ranging from red to white to gold. The vanity was make of polished oak that had a shiny finish. There was a wardrobe with double doors. And the entire place was carpeted in this coffee brown.

"I love it," my shoulders were taken and squeezed from behind, "I love it, I love it, I love it!" she held me close and pressed our cheeks together.

"Dude, this is wickedly awesome," I whispered. "Can we just live here forever?"

"Hey, my mansion is ten times nicer than this." She bit my right earlobe and laughed. "And ten times bigger."

"Yeah but with a view like that…" I was staring through the huge windows that overlooked the same view the patio provided in the living room. "We're on the top floor and we're taller than the trees."

Entwining our hands together, she tugged me towards another door that obviously led to the washroom. There was a washroom, a walk in washroom with white tiled floors and a walk in shower. But just beyond that, another door led out to private balcony. And to be honest, when I stepped out into that space, it was like a dream. The sides were walled off to provide privacy and for good reason because to the right of the space sat a rectangular Jacuzzi that was large enough to fit two people wrapped in each other's arms. I swallowed hard, just envisioning us in there. And I turned to her.

"Three days aren't enough," I maintained a straight face.

"We can always come back here in the future as often as you like. Or better," her steps led to the railing and she held unto it, gazing out into the distance, "I can poof my mansion to the coastline just across there. And recreate this for you."

"Yeah because Mifflin Street doesn't exactly offer this kind of privacy, enough to have a patio like this."

"So your mind is latched onto the tub then."

My eyes rested on the twinkling lights across the coast and I smiled. "As if your mind is anywhere else but on that too."

"It's our first night here," she said softly, bumping our shoulders together and smiling at me. "Let's take things day by day, night by night."

We stood there for a while, allowing the wind to kiss our cheeks, caress our hair. I went to stand behind her. She welcomed it with a teasing smile and pulled my hands forward. With my arms wrapped around her, the moment was savored. Resting my chin upon her left shoulder, she could obviously feel all of me. And I could feel how her body burnt up from how close we were. The warmth of her cheek was like a fire that kept me mellow inside even though the overcast sky was sending a chilly wind through the trees. Rain was expected later obviously and I was more than prepared for it because we'd be sleeping together, in each other's arms. Hugging a pillow was so not okay when I had a real person to sleep next to.

"Are you game for dinner?" I pressed a kiss unto her left temple, inhaling the smell of vanilla and apples.

"Just a bite," she said. Squeezing our fingers together, face turned to me.

"Do you want to eat in or let's explore the dining room?"

"How about we eat in tonight?" she sent me a small smile. "I'm already tired. And right now I just want to be alone with you."

"Sounds fine to me," I returned a smile.

I ordered a serving of steamed vegetables and rice with beef whilst she ordered a bowl of soup with noodles and vegetables. A bottle of champagne was added to the delivery without even asking, and by the time I had placed everything on the small coffee table in front of the chair, Regina had already snuggled into position. She had turned the fire's heat to medium and her cheeks were slightly crimson, gloves off. With her coat removed, I couldn't keep my eyes off of her dark purple blouse with a black ribbon wrapped below her boobs. The color was the exact shade of the haze her magic created. Her thick black leggings showed off the shape of her calves and thighs. Knee high purple socks were so cute on her, especially when I realized that there were small black apples on the fabric.

We ate and talked between mouthfuls. We talked about Henry and his hints that were thrown earlier. Somehow she confessed that even though everything was a bit too obvious and rushed, there was no idea in her head that led to this destination. Had she known from the inception, then her mood might have remained dull for the entire drive. Listening to me describe the scene in the Diner all over again between myself, Killian and Neal was the topic of the evening. She marveled at how they actually cared about the two of us, to a point where Neal had wished me the best. That part she still couldn't allow to sink in, the fact that he could actually be an ex as Killian was. And he wanted the best for us.

"He's like that," I chewed on a slice of beef and savored the taste. "He's a really nice guy."

"I don't doubt that at all. He's Henry's father. And you were with him. So he must be genuinely alright." She sipped on her glass of apple flavored champagne. "What troubles me is the other one."

"Killian?" I actually smiled. "You're still worrying about him?"

"It's not a matter of worrying…" her spoon played around with the floating carrots and noodles, eyes lowered. "It's him gazing at you with those puppy eyes. Like a teenager in love still with the most popular girl in high school."

"Regina…"

"I'm not worried about anything happening that's caused by you. I'm just worried about his spontaneous ways. Perhaps you're out for drinks and he…" she waved her spoon, "kisses you or he…gets intimidating."

I wanted to change the topic because it was like scratching at a healing bruise. Forking up some veggies with beef, I stuffed my mouth and chewed. The silence stretched on, me giving her enough room to say whatever else on the matter.

"You're like the popular cheerleader in a high school, Emma. I've seen movies. And all the guys go crazy over you. They follow you around, do as you wish. They all want a chance, lining up to be with you."

"But sometimes no one ever realizes that maybe that girl's gay", I locked my eyes on hers, "and she doesn't want a guy. She wants another girl. That girl that likes to bury her nose in novels, the hopeless romantic one. Maybe she wants her. Not the line of guys that are drooling."

"Even the hairy guy who owns a massive ship that has seen many lands?"

"I'm sorry but after reading about you in a book when I was a child in this fucked up orphanage in Boston," I stared at her, "there was always a part of me that wanted to know more about you. A Nun gave me a copy of the book Snow White."

"Then I should thank her in some way," she acknowledged.

"I kept that book with me and read it every single night, especially the parts where you came in. I felt this connection to this character that everyone thought was fictitious. That was…" I waved a hand, "just a picture. But you felt more than that, like a living person. That's why when I first met you, I was speechless. Because fuck, I thought you were the most beautiful woman I had ever seen. And when Henry told me who you were, I was scared shitless. It made me find everything harder to believe."

"That the character you loved could be real, right before your eyes," her food was forgotten of. "That she was me."

"You have no idea what that was like, to love you so much since I was a little girl. Somehow it gave me hope, knowing that someone felt pain as I did. An emptiness of not having parents, people to care about me." I blinked away tears. "Like the evil queen, I felt as if no one understood or wanted to love me."

"I have never told you this but I knew who you were even before you drove into Storybrooke," her thumbs were used to wipe away my tears, "this will shock you. But when I adopted Henry, I found a way to seek out his birth parents. The trail led to you. I knew your name."

"What?" I stared at her with wide eyes.

"And then the fear of having you find me to snatch Henry away was wiped clean when I concocted a potion to forget just that." She nodded. "My fears. I forgot your name, I forgot what it felt like to hurt. Until you broke the curse, then all of it came rushing back."

"Oh," I exhaled with a smile, "geez, for a moment there, I thought you meant to tell me that when we first met, you knew who I was."

"I would have probably killed you."

"Good to know," I smiled at her. "So if I was the one to eat that poisoned apple tart back then. You would have lost me forever."

"No," she croaked, her eyes shadowed suddenly by fear, "Henry most likely would have ended the sleeping spell."

"What about you?" I blinked, bit my lips.

"At that time, Emma, I would have been the stubborn, arrogant woman I was. And obviously a kiss from me would not have occurred."

"But you said that you loved me even then."

"Yes." She nodded.

"Then you would have let me…die?"

Her brown eyes were wide now, lips parted. "I wanted to kill you out of fear, of realizing that my feelings were growing stronger and there was no way we could reach that point where even Henry would understand what was felt."

"Yeah, truth be told, to have you kiss me and then to have the curse broken, especially in a hospital room with Whale and whoever else," I snorted, "that would be murder."

She smiled at me, and chewed on her vegetables. Feet curled up under her, we gazed at each other for a long time without talking. Until my phone rang from the table and I snatched it up.

"It's Neal," I answered, resting the phone between us, "hey, you're on speaker."

"Dudes, I thought you were going to call us, give us a heads up that you're there and okay."

"Well we're fine and we're eating dinner right now," I tilted my head, smiling down at the phone. "Any villains show up yet?"

"Nothing, not a tumbleweed passing by outside," he laughed. "A storm's coming though. Killian's ship is throwing a fit right now. I don't know –" there was static and someone mumbled in the background. "Sn-Snow you just can't –"

"Ladies are you in bed?" it was mom.

I rolled my eyes and Regina laughed hoarsely. "Very soon we will be," she sent me a teasing look.

"You're on speaker. David isn't here but Henry is. And Neal. And myself. Oh it must be so nice where you are. What's the view like?"

"I'll send photos tomorrow," I promised, "Henry, what's up?"

"Moms, you wouldn't believe the amount of notes I have to go through right now whilst studying. Looks like I'll be pulling an all nighter." And he laughed.

"Oh no you will not be," Regina demanded sternly, leaning closer to the phone. "Bed before midnight."

"I don't have school tomorrow."

"But a good night's rest is the best starter for every day. So leave the studying for over the weekend. Stay in instead of hanging out in the arcade." She could change into mommy mode in seconds.

"Stop worrying about us and relax the two of you," said Snow. "Take advantage of this week ahead and forget about Storybrooke."

"Hey Regina," that was Neal, sounding surprisingly happy. For him to address her like that was something new. "Emma must have shocked you, didn't she?"

"She did," I was watching her with cautious eyes. "And the next time you want to send us on vacation, give me at least three days' notice to prepare for it mentally."

"But that's the whole point," I could hear the smile in his voice, "we didn't want you to prepare for anything. It was a surprise. Don't worry, you'll ease into it. Soon enough, you'll want to stay there longer."

"I already want to stay here longer," she confessed with a smile. "Thanks. It means a lot to Emma and I. You're…" her lips were bitten. "You're okay."

"I'm okay." There was silence. "Do you hear that Snow? Regina just said that I'm okay."

"Dad, grow up," Henry joked in the background. "So moms, I finally got a chance to look at Imagine Me and You. It's a really nice movie." Eyes wide, I stared at Regina who smiled at the phone. "Actually I looked at it with grandma."

"Who recommended the movie?" I asked, still staring at Regina.

"I did." She tilted her head, gazing at me cutely, "what? It's not vulgar. It's sweet."

"I want to watch more lesbian movies," Henry said.

"Now wait one damn moment," Neal joined in. "You're not watching any more lesbian movies."

"Oh come on!"

"Without me sitting there with you, or your grandmother. Or all three of us preferably," Neal added. "It's one of the reasons I got over you two being together actually. Which dude doesn't chick on chick action?"

"HENRY IS HERE!" I reminded him, staring at Regina with wide eyes. She smiled widely.

"Dad's way of coping with you leaving him for a woman is funny," Henry continued, excitement in his tone, "he says that he's always had a thing for fairies."

"Wait a minute," that was Neal. "What I said was that Emma was never the girly type and she fits better with a woman."

"So you agree with me when I say that she's the man in the relationship," mom's words severely affected me. Eyes lowered, I knew that Regina was watching me. She took my hand and squeezed it. "She has to be."

"There is no man in this relationship," Regina replied, our eyes latched on each other, "just two women completely in love, never needing a man in any way. Trust me, if I wanted the company of a man, then there would still be one. But I prefer a woman, and she is everything a man is not."

"Well said, mom," Henry laughed. "Grandma and dad, you just got owned."

"I was going to say before Snow rudely interjected, that Emma has always had a thing for the Evil Queen in that story book of hers. So naturally when things panned out, no pun intended, I must say that I'm not surprised."

"She's everything I imagined her to be," I inhaled deeply, staring lovingly at Regina.

"And she's everything you'll ever want," Snow ended off the conversation with.

And so the rest of the night eventually led to nothing that you would like me to elaborate on. After eating dinner, we retired to bed and fell asleep within an hour. She was the one who pulled the blanket to cover us. As the rain beat against the window glass and the forest danced wild in the wind, we hugged each other and listened. We listened until we both fell into dreams of each other. Yet somehow I honestly felt as if she still remained awake. As if she lingered a little longer gazing at me. Because as I dreamt, the feel of her breathe upon my face soothed the bad vibes away. So without a dark thought to kill my sleep, I remained in a place that never threatened to kill the feeling of finally ending off a day lying next to her.

Xx

* * *

><p>The blaring of a horn outside the van. People passing by, laughing gaily.<p>

"What do you want with Emma?"

It was like a three on two kind of situation. Two agents, and three cops. Two FEDS, three cops from the NYPD. Which could have been a little less complicated if the person under discussion wasn't wrongfully accused. So far Maria and Lily were provided with the facts, that the psychotic Phillip they had encountered in Storybrooke had somehow killed a Federal Agent by the same name. And he had impersonated him to seek out revenge.

Now the conversation had drifted to a mutual friend. They were asking about someone that both women had come to know a little more. Lily had known Emma for a long time. Maria had a brief romantic encounter followed by them being drinking buddies. All in all, neither of them could understand why the FEDS would continuously focus on Emma Swan. They were about to discover that there were facts beyond their knowledge that couldn't simply be explained.

Landers considered Maria with a serious look. "We'd like to find her. She's wanted for questioning about the murder of Robbie Johnson."

"Now wait one fucking minute," Maria held up a hand, "darling you've got this all wrong. Emma ain't done a thing to harm anyone. It was Phillip who killed his papa. Ask Lily."

All eyes turned on Lily. "Actually I wasn't there. Phillip dragged me out there into the alleyway after the murder was done and he made me plant a shred of red leather in the dumpster. Which puts Emma out of the picture. She had nothing to do with that."

"We've had two eyewitnesses who saw Phillip with Emma that evening," Brown said, "first they were walking and laughing, then guess what? We not only discovered 2 at the scene of our drug bust. We also captured Emma there as well." He handed them a photo, a screen capture of Emma standing beside Phillip. The latter seemed excited about something whilst the former was hard to read.

Lily and Maria shared looks of astonishment at each other.

"Robbie was shot by Emma and stabbed by Phillip."

"Says who?" Lily asked.

"A couple walking by that night, and noticing suspicious activity, they called it in."

"What suspicious activity?"

"The two of them in the alleyway, laughing and chucking Robbie around." Brown folded his arms.

"Seems like both of them did the world and you a favor by taking out a drug dealer," Maria responded.

"No one does our job for us. That's when things get ugly."

"Look, either way, he was going to die anyway. So think about this way, a favor was done."

"So you believe Emma killed Robbie." That was Landers.

"I never said –"

"The couple said that she was there, and this wasn't a favor. This was murder. Two ex cons. Sum it up and you have a serious matter here."

"Then that couple's fucking lying."

Brown considered Maria warily. "Look, being protective over Swan isn't going to help you two as cops. Right now we need to find her. She could be dangerous."

"Well she's not dangerous, we've met her. Spent time with her. And I can honestly tell you that she's innocent. I don't know what the hell has happened that points anything in her direction but all of is wrong."

"Even this?" the photo of Emma and Phillip standing together was held up. "How do you explain this, Officer Stevenson?"

"I don't know. She told me that they never met after she left the foster system."

"Then the best thing you can do right now is to help us find Emma Swan and find Phillip Johnson who is still out there."

"More than likely they're working together," Asparagus said warily. "From the looks of it, they're both partners in crime."

"Then tell me this," Lily said, growing seriously angry. "Why the hell would Emma team up with someone who raped her when she was a fucking teenager? Why the hell would she even trust an ex con so easily, teaming up to kill his father? For what reason? I can't see one, unless she was insane."

From Lander's smirk alone, Maria suddenly realized what was going on here.

"Well fuck me, you idiots honestly believe Emma is a psycho!" Maria unfolded her legs and prepared to leave. "Let me get one thing straight here, that darling isn't a psycho and you shitheads have no evidence placing Emma as a murderer except that she was seen there."

"Then why was she seen there?" Landers was smiling.

"This conversation is over." Maria nudged Lily who stood up as well. "Open the fucking door or I'll bust it out myself."

When they got out and the van drove away, Lily turned to Maria with wide eyes. Throwing her arms up, she laughed in disbelief. "Really?"

Maria lit a cigarette and puffed on it two times. "Okay so let me sum this up. Psycho impersonated an FBI Agent. These guys have photos from video surveillance that shows Emma hanging with Phillip. Two eyewitnesses came forward to say they saw Phillip and Emma chucking Robbie around in an alleyway. Where he died."

"Correct, but based on everything that happened in Storybrooke, like I can't piece this together. The only logical explanation is that Phillip drugged Emma and made her do as he wanted. The man's a psycho fuck."

"We need to find Emma before they do." Maria glanced up the street.

"How?" Lily stared at her.

"Watch me get us a nice ride, baby. Watch and learn."

Without wasting a second, she sashayed out into the middle of the street, hips swaying. And turning to face traffic, Maria held up her shiny badge in the face of a horrified motorcyclist. His tires screeched to a halt. Brandishing the metal at him, she chucked the guy off his motorcycle and swung a leg covered in leather pants over the seat. Her shades turned in Lily's direction.

"You coming or what?"

Holding up her hands apologetically at the dude, she sidestepped him and mumbled, "sorry about this but this is an emergency."

"The fuck it is!" he bellowed. "The fuck you doing?"

"Maria!" Lily eyed her leg where she had been shot. "You can't do this!"

"Oh this you mean?" her right thigh was patted. "Doesn't bother me. I've had several bones broken in my body." She winked. "Kind of toughens you. And the pain is nothing compared to childbirth. So darling, one gunshot isn't going to stop me from finding a bastard and saving a friend."

Lily stared at her with wide eyes.

"Hop on, babe," Maria hissed.

"I love it when you call me babe."

"Prepare for me to rock your world. Hop on."

And when Lily did, they rode down the street and out of sight.

Xx

* * *

><p>The next day was a rainy one, heavily overcast and very chilly. So most naturally we stayed indoors until the late afternoon when Regina wanted to take a walk around the grounds. During the earlier hours, she slept for like three more hours whilst I cuddled up next to her and watched a Sandra Bullock marathon. Sounds kind of boring, right? Actually it was anything but that. Snuggled up next to a sleeping bundle of cuteness that occasionally pawed between my legs. Yeah that gave me mini heart attacks every fifteen minutes. Maybe she was dreaming of me in an erotic way. But the bottom line is, I couldn't really focus on the movies with her hand between my legs.<p>

I remembered entangling myself from her to step out unto the patio. With the rain pouring down in sheets just beyond the railing, I stood there and savored the sound. Of course I was expecting so much from this vacation. More than emotional bonding. But so far she was really resting and I would never intervene. Checking out the candy in the fridge, lying on the soft mushy carpet and rolling around like a lunatic. Turning the fire up and down as the flames glowered in my eyes. Sniffing her hair and pressing kisses upon apple scented skin. Squeezing her upper arms, feeling how soft she was. Crawling lower and pressing my ear to her midsection, listening to the baby in there. Finding a yellow tape measure in the top drawer on the vanity, measuring things. About sixteen inches forward from her back and like sixteen inches across from hip to hip: that's how much room the tenant was taking up in there.

But oh geez was she a kicker. I don't know if it was her way of communicating with me whilst Regina slept. Somehow I believed that the baby was trying to grab my hand or something. Because every once and awhile I felt her little hand move in there. I felt how she kicked repeatedly, more than Henry used to. Yet still her mother slept like a log, mewling every once and a while when we touched.

Fast forward and we're standing next to a white stone fountain with a sculpture of Cupid shooting an arrow into the sky.

"I suppose he's hidden somewhere in Storybrooke. Or you met him before."

She yawns widely, blinking away her sleepiness, staring at a couple picking flowers. "I want a sunflower, Emma."

"Yeah me too." Dipping my fingers into the fountain, I bite my lips as her brown shades focus on me.

"This is where you simply must find a sunflower and hand it to me, like a gentlewoman." Her lips were pursed.

"The feeling is mutual." I bit the inside of my cheeks.

"You're tempting me to chuck you into that fountain."

"I bet you'd love to see me wet again. Reminds you of when we fell off the pier?" I smile at her. "And you grabbed me between my legs? When you started to make a fuss about your hair and your makeup. Getting salt water into your bra."

Her face remained serious, shades focused on me.

"And I fell off the Jolly Roger…"

"You jumped, you idiot," she reminded me hoarsely, "you could have drowned. Just as you might if my sunflower isn't picked within the next five minutes."

Drowning under Cupid's statue. Now that would be a tragedy. A light wind played with her hair and mine, actually everyone's hair as she accompanied me to the garden. Behind the iron fence painted red, the couple was busily engaged in an enlightening conversation from the looks of it. A man and a woman in their fifties as it would appear. Just like Neal, we had grown to estimate the ages of people. These people were obviously a happily married couple and had been for years. Holding unto her straw hat, the lady with kind brown eyes studied her husband's assortment of flowers he had picked.

"Matt, what will I do with these?"

"Why put them in a jug of water! What else?"

"And after they wither and die?"

"Do to them as our children will do to us when we wither and die," he threw a smile at us approaching and laughed heartily. So did his wife. "Open the earth and toss us in!"

"Oh Matt! Hi there!" she waved, her red and white checkered dress billowing around her milk white calves. "Darling, look. Fellow humans such as ourselves."

"Let's hope these talk and aren't snobbish as the rest," Matt whispered, a twinkle in his eyes.

"Oh trust me," I went forward to shake their hands, "we're human. All human. I'm Emma. This is Regina."

Dusting her hands off, she shook mine. "Matt is my prisoner and I am his wife Dolly." She was honestly a sweet person. Judging from her eyes alone I could tell that her spirit was so warm. "And this is…"

Regina provided her name and shook their hands with a smile.

"Ah, you two must be business associates," Dolly wagged a finger at us, "from New York."

I scratched behind my neck and threw a glance at Regina who raised an eyebrow at me. She smiled and pretended to be completely mute.

"Of sorts, we are associates," I admitted. "Very close associates."

"Very close." Regina stressed on the VERY.

"Extremely very close…" I eyed Matt who suddenly smiled like my mother, that smile that stretched from ear to freaking ear.

"You aren't drug traffickers, are you?" Dolly asked with a smile.

"No, honey. They're a couple."

She waited for him to continue and then turned to check his face. "A couple of what?"

"Remember when we went to aunt Tessie's wedding and we sat in the back," he began to elaborate, "and these two women walked in holding hands? I believe it was Tia's sister Amber, from France."

"Oh you mean the lesbians?" her eyes twinkled. "Kissing in church," she directed this at me, her face scrunched up, "could you imagine, they sat right in front of us and Matt was getting an eyeful. Lady lovers."

"My wife is kind of slow" it was Matt's turn to scratch the back of his neck.

"I am not!" she protested. "I know things."

My right hand snaked around Regina's waist and she did the same, pulling us closer. Smiling at Dolly, I pressed a kiss unto my 'lady lover's' hair and stayed close. Close enough to widen Dolly's eyes. It took her just about three seconds to figure out what was happening. And then when she did figure it out, the most shocking thing occurred.

"Dear flowers, you two are in love." Hands pressed to her cheeks, she stared at us in fascination. "How could I not notice it?"

"Exactly my thoughts!" Matt said, patting his wife's back affectionately, "can't you see how cutely they match up? Fair hair and dark hair. Brown eyes and emerald eyes. Tall and a bit shorter."

"The serious one and the playful one." Dolly smiled widely. "Why this is incredible. And there's a baby on the way! Oh Matt!" she gasped. "A little one! I wish you two the best of luck and many, many years together." She stepped forward and pressed a kiss on our cheeks.

"Geez, I must be so pink right now," I confessed because the reaction from two outsiders was amazing. To have these two people who didn't know us being totally accepting. It was just a moment. Especially for Regina because she was severely speechless. This was probably the first time she was experiencing this: being over the town line. Getting to meet people. Seeing how they reacted to things.

"Pink you are," Matt held out a small pink flower with a white middle, offering it to Regina. "To a beautiful woman. Such rarities are precious. I stand in the company of three beautiful women and feel honored to know such beings."

"Oh him and his words," Dolly blushed as Regina took the flower's stem between two fingers.

"Thank you." She sniffed it with a smile.

"She's a woman of few words, isn't she?" Matt asked cheerfully.

"That she is." I squeezed her shoulders closer to me.

"And you're the talker." Dolly winked.

"That I am."

The reason why I introduced those two people particularly is for one main reason. They ended up being the best company for the entire three days whenever we mingled downstairs. Since we're on the first evening to be exact, I'll tell you a little more about what happened during dinner.

Under this shed we sat, right where the forest began and I could smell the grass as sharp as the Vodka Matt was having. Several smells tingled my nose because it was where two worlds met. The trees that swayed in the night wind, leaves rustling, giving the atmosphere that eerie feeling. The soft chatter around us from the few couples and visitors, tinkling of glasses, the meeting of cutlery to plates filled with delicacies. I was currently having a slice of steak covered in some sort of sauce with a side order of vegetable rice. Regina was sitting next to Matt as he held a bottle of wine up to the chandelier just above me. He was telling her about his visits to vineyards in Europe. Oh how happy she looked, so relaxed and happy, my heart literally was feeling so mushy by just admiring her from across the table.

Dolly was telling me about when she met Matt.

"He was the one man who seriously ruffled my feathers and made me stomp the ground in frustration," she admitted. Her greying hair was combed back smoothly, quite a contrast to the deep blue blouse she was now wearing with a pair of black capris. "Never leaving me alone. Always having some smart ass comment to throw in my face at socials. I used to want to just slap his chubby face."

"Reminds me of someone," I eyed Regina as she finally began to feel comfortable enough to contribute to Matt's conversation.

"You'd never guess by just looking at him." She picked up a piece of chicken with her fork and chewed on it. "He was a Marine for twenty years. The war shook him up. Of course we met when he was back home. But such experiences really change people. Matt had become this…reserved person who had trust issues, who never wanted to let anyone in because he was bruised."

"People's pasts do that to them," I chewed on a piece of steak.

"I hope you don't mind us talking whilst we're eating," she rested a hand on my arm.

"Oh no, it's all good," I shrugged it off. "Yeah, as I was saying," I swallowed, "people have pasts that tend to change them either for the better or the worst. Most times, they just can't move on and they close up. Kind of like what I did. I kept running, hoping things would get better."

"But your life did get better," Dolly reminded me. "Didn't it? Look at what you found. A woman who's beautiful beyond her exterior. And judging from the warmth and severity in her eyes, I can tell that she's the kind of person who feels with her heart and soul."

I found myself staring at Regina for more than a couple seconds after Dolly said that. She had her right elbow on the table and was listening intently to Matt as he explained, gesticulating a lot, completely engrossed in the topic. Her eyes were indeed intense. It's as if you were staring into this burning lake of chocolates that swirled with the pain of her past and how she pulled through everything. But when she looked at me, Regina gave away so much more than she gave away to anyone else. In those moments I could see how deeply she cared about me, loved me. And I never in my entire life met someone who could melt my entire body with just one look.

"So are you two married?" Dolly poured herself some wine, throwing me a glance that wasn't judgmental but considerably kind. "I know many states support gay marriages now."

"We aren't as yet."

"Oh come on, you must marry her." Warm fingers were pressed unto my arm for emphasis. She leant in closer. "Emma, life is too short to waste time. Things happen in a flash. Matt and I have been married for over forty years now. And when he asked me, I was never in doubt."

"I thought you said that he was a smart ass," I smiled, reaching for my glass of coke.

"Love changes people. One day, I was standing by a hill in the highlands in Scotland. That's where my mother is from. And Matt had accompanied me and my brother to Europe for a trip. He comes along teasing me. Teasing me about the ridiculous red ribbon in my hair. And I lost my balance, almost tumbling off the hill. Then he caught me. A firm grip around my waist. Emma, just for a moment then, I remembered looking down the steep hill to the pointed rocks and river. Then I looked up at his handsome face. And in that moment, I decided that I'd rather be with him forever than to go through life with anyone else."

"An epiphany," I said.

"More like a life and death situation."

We both laughed. This caught Regina's attention and she sent me a warming smile that immediately weakened my knees.

"I used to think that the first time the realization of my feelings kicked in when we fell off a pier into the water," I began, still gazing at her. "But these days I'm beginning to realize that I must have loved her from the very first moment we met."

"How did you two meet?" Dolly had her elbow rested on the table now, her chair turned to me.

"My son came looking for me. I had given him up for adoption. And when I drove him back, I met her. She's the one who adopted him."

"Oh my goodness," Dolly's voice cracked.

"Yeah, and when I showed up, she really hated me then. I stayed around town for a little while, just wanting to make sure that he was okay. And all the time she kept harassing me, pushing me away."

"…a garden of azaleas and other flowers as far as the eye could reach," Matt was relating to her. "Stretching across the land like a carpet. You should have seen this spectacular sight, Regina. As I stood there, I told Dolly that I wanted to buy the land. Buy it all."

"The best advice I can gave you based on experience and long years of hardship is this," Dolly swallowed, tapping my wrist with a finger, "never try to change the other person's flaws. Let them decide if they should change. Secondly, always be spontaneous. Even if you're feeling down, do something random together. Don't think ahead, live in the moment as of now. Live every second. And never think of the worst. Always think of the best. And above all, dear Emma, never forget to tell her every single time she does something that pinch your heart that you simply adore her, that you love her. Hug her. Spoil her."

I couldn't muster up enough words to thank Dolly after that advice. It's like those words were written in ink across my mind. She really could sparkle a conversation no matter what. She could gave you hope just as my mother would. I told her. I told her that she reminded me of my mother. Matt reminded me of dad a lot, especially his stories about riding horses and sword fighting in England on a tour. They both were great company. Being a harsh critic, Regina was always choosy about who she opened up to. She hardly welcomed strange people in her social circle. And she eventually warmed up to Matt and Dolly.

That evening ended off with sitting in two chair swings facing the water as it lapped unto the rocks. The wind was soothing. The sound of the small waves was refreshing. Smelling the salt from the river, how it foamed up was a reminder to me that we always could overlook the simplest things in life. Simple things were so beautiful. The color of a flower or the smell of grass. The rise and fall of her chest as she curled up next to me as close as we could get. The way we couldn't stop touching each other: it was amazing. Of all the moments in my life, the ones spent with her were the best because she made me feel so much. She made me want so much. And she smelled so fucking amazing, I wanted to keep sniffing her forever.

"Favorite subject in high school," she asked. I felt every word through the palm of my hand pressed unto her midsection.

"Um," I thought about it, staring up at the trees, "Algebra and then there was English. But not the grammar part. The story telling and comprehension part."

"You wanted to find the value of x."

"Always loved finding answers. It's like finding the meaning of life. Why things happen the way they do."

"All in relation to a little x? Titillating." She smirked up at me in the soft yellow lights from the lamps around us.

"That little letter has so many uses," I started to grow thoughtful. "Exes, X marks the spot, ex-cons, extinguishing fires…"

"Ecstasy, excitement, exploring, exhilarating." She just continued without skipping a beat.

I stared down at her with a straight face. "What are you trying to do to me?"

"The excitement of exploring," her voice was so seductive. "Which leads to ecstasy. Quite exhilarating."

"There you go again," I swallowed hard, "driving me crazy when you play with words. You tease."

She ran her fingers through my hair and captured a handful, eyes so intense. Staring down at her, never anticipating the next move but awaiting anything. I couldn't read her face at all, knowing though that the moment was seriously exhilarating, escalating into something. Tension buzzed between us like electricity when my face was pulled closer. I was teased through her lips brushing upon mine, warm and soft. I could smell wine on her warm breath, could hear those small intakes of air as she held me in such a close proximity, it was maddening. The feeling of knowing. Knowing that something is expected but it's not happening. Knowing that she's holding back just to torture me.

"Emma, I want you to answer the question that was asked before," she whispered hoarsely.

"What question?" burning up in all areas, I was clamped up from the passion coursing through me like hot lava.

She licked her lips, "when we were on the road. The car. The Diner." I studied her face and couldn't think of anything else apart from us kissing. "Tell me what you want to do to me. All of it."

"Regina…" I croaked, losing my breath when her gaze lowered to my moving lips.

"Elaborate."

"Maybe it's me being totally insane but…" trying to suck in air, and realizing that my throat was squeezed to a straw's width. "I can't ever look at you without wondering…"

"Without wondering what?" she asked, her voice trembling.

"Without wondering what you really look like beneath all of…this…" eyes lowered bashfully, I fingered the right sleeve of her dark purple dress. "You really leave everything to my imagination and it's driving me crazy."

"I could say the same about you, hot stuff." Her warm hand covered mine, pushing my fingers lower between her breasts that felt so soft. But there was a teasing light in those brown eyes, as if she really could not understand what this really meant to me. How serious it was.

Most times I could feel it. I could feel that she reacted when we touched. Every time my skin touched hers, there would be a moment when everything would change in those brown eyes. But somehow I felt as if there were times when my body would terribly burn up. Yet there was this playful glint in the way she looked at me. As if I was a…toy that had severe feelings and she wanted to play with me. I know it sounds cruel but that's the way I felt. I felt as if when my body was ready to take things seriously, it was the opposite for her. And when we would find that common ground where both of us felt the heat together, then something would happen to change the mood.

"I'm…truly…sorry if I appear a bit giddy," she confessed, me wondering if my mind was read, "but it's the wine."

"I can't take this anymore," separating our fingers, I stiffened up, never looking her in the eyes. "I can't do this…thing you're making me do."

"What are you talking about?" her eyes suddenly were filled with fear.

"Waiting," I said. "It's fucked. It sucks. I keep holding out. I keep waiting. And nothing's happening."

"Okay." She stared at me as if I was about to kill her with words that could be used as a weapon easily.

The silence that stretched on between us was so thick. This reminded me of the times when I'd visit her office after we came back from Neverland. When she was dating Robin. When they were sleeping together. And every single time I looked at her sitting behind that freaking desk, these visions came into my head. It was suffocating to stand there in that room back in the days as she stared at me, her hand resting on top of paperwork. Pen poised, waiting for me to say something when I wanted to shout at her. To tell her how I wanted to kiss every inch of her body. Make love to her. Shut the door behind me, pull her up from that chair and just do it. I wanted to do it when we came back from Neverland. I wanted to do it before she left here with him. And still even when we were together like this, that remained a dying wish.

I used to think that this was my fault. I'm talking about just recently when she came out of the coma and we started back together. There was me thinking that I was the one holding out for the moment, stalling, never making the first move. But it's like every time I did make a move, she hesitated, holding back even more. She teased me, lips lingering on mine, keeping distance between us. And for what exactly? What the hell was the purpose of this? What was she trying to do? I'm going to elaborate a bit more soon, so you'll get the idea. But there's a reason I'm now thinking that she's the one who has a problem still. And when you do read it, when I say it to her eventually, I want you to tell me how the hell I'm supposed to live like this. Knowing that I want something but also knowing that she's not fully opening up to me. As if she's hiding something. As if we're together and it's a sin to even think about moving past a freaking kiss.

"What are we waiting on, Regina?" my voice trembled. "For a star to fall? For another curse to separate us? What if the town line suddenly activates itself again and I'm on the other end –"

"Emma –"

"And you're trapped inside Storybrooke and I can't get back in. This electric barrier separates us –"

"Stop it –"

"It's true because that's how it feels." My tone was a bit harsh but lowered just enough to put across my feelings. "I feel as if you have up this magical barrier between us and you're not telling me something that's crucial here. Like where the hell is the rest of you when I'm ready to give everything about myself up? Just because I feel as if this is what we're supposed to be like, to know each other fully without any blocks. And yet it's like something's missing."

"I'm sorry that you feel that way," she returned hoarsely. "I don't know what I'm supposed to do, that there is a standard I have to live up to."

"I'm not talking about standards here."

"That's exactly what this sounds like," and her brown eyes were flashing now, "it's as if I'm supposed to meet the standards set by someone else. Or climb higher above that. And I'm not ready to be someone else to fill that void."

"I don't want you to be someone else!"

"Then this is me, Emma!" she cried with tears filling her eyes, "this…is…me. This is what it feels like to love me. To have me. You wish to wonder what is it about me that seem to be missing. Then take a look at my past. I have told you several times that this is the point in my life where you've met me fully. I am not the woman you used to know. And I'm not the woman you think I am. You've changed me. Loving you has changed me, Emma. Softened me, teaching me to have patience, to wait forever because that's what you forced my heart to do."

"I know what I put you through, and I'm sorry for what happened –"

"I know that!" she patted my cheek and tried to get me to look at her. But I couldn't. "We've been through that."

"Then why are you treating me as if I'm on a trial period?"

"What?"

"Are you punishing me for everything I've done to you?"

"That is a ridiculous question, Emma." Her tone was severely stiff. "So I suggest that you quit whilst you're ahead of yourself. Because if you really believe that I'm punishing you, then all of this means nothing."

"It means everything to me!" I croaked, staring at her in bewilderment. "How the hell can you say that?"

"Then why the hell would you believe that I am punishing you?"

"You're blocking me out, Regina," my throat ached terribly. "That's what I'm talking about. I'm not talking about the way you are now. I know who you are now. I'm talking about the things you do to make me feel like shit sometimes."

"And what has been done by me that makes you feel terribly inadequate?" the sass in her voice was evident, and I wanted to cry.

"Forget it," I bit my lips and looked away, staring hard into the forest.

"No," she sat up beside me and snatched my shoulder but not roughly. "No, you're not allowed to do that. You're not allowed to start something without finishing it. I'd like to know what I've done that hurts you. And I'm ready to explain, whatever it is."

I took a deep breath without answering her, hugging my knees now, a slice of distance between us. Fucking distance. Killing me all the time. Oh God, help me please. I know that I'm not exactly holy because of my magical abilities but please do something about this. Do something to heal us, to make her understand what I mean.

"When I woke up this morning, you had already showered. And was sitting next to the window," I said, my toes feeling so cold within the interior of mushy black boots.

She waited for me to continue. When I didn't, my hair was tucked behind an ear. She wanted a clear view of my face. "So?"

"Why?"

"Why, what?"

"Why didn't you…" Pressing the heels of my hands unto my eyes, I breathed through my lips.

"Talk to me, sweetheart," she leant forward and pressed her lips upon my face, leaving them there. Warm fingers raked through my hair as she pulled me closer to her. "Be honest with me. Empty your fears, whatever is hurting you. And just tell me. Please. Even if it's harsh, I'll listen. There is always an answer to every question. You just have to trust that I can give you an answer, whatever it is."

"I'm so immature," I said weakly, shaking my head. "Because you make me turn into this deranged sixteen year old who's completely in love. And all she wants is so much more than what you want to give her. I feel like I'm a student, having a crush on her teacher. We're sneaking around and it's as if we can't do anything else because it's too much. We're in a room together," I finally decide to say it, believing that I'm going to sound absolutely insane. "And you can't even undress in front of me. You can't even begin to realize that having a hot shower with you, that's what I dreamt about last night. Over and over again. Hoping and wishing for it. Looking forward to it like a love sick puppy. Then when I wake up this morning, you're just sitting there without me. And for the first time in my life, I feel what it's like to be severely hurt. Wondering what is it about me prevents you from opening up like that."

"Look at me," she said, taking my face between her hands.

"Stop it," I complained, "do you know how hard it is to obey that order when I feel like shit right now? Confessing something like that, that obviously seems really stupid. Especially since you're way older than me and things like that probably don't even bother you anymore? It's not important?"

"You honestly believe that us showering together is a childish topic?" her brown eyes widened. "And that you were the only one who dreamt that last night?"

"That's what I said." Somehow I was growing pissed, especially with the way she was looking at me. With a small smile as if this was a freaking joke.

"Emma, there are two reasons why I have never undressed in front of you. One has already been discussed and I have moved past that. I'm pregnant and I'm rather self-conscious with the way my body might appear to you. But as you said before, it doesn't matter." She took my hands into hers and never looked away. "And the other is rather ridiculous, you're going to find it quite unbelievable."

"What's the reason?" I frowned.

"I was kind of hoping to…" she parted my shirt, eyes lowered, "…show you tonight."

"Show me…what?" I stopped breathing.

"The reason why I've been hiding my body from you."

"Oh God, stop it." I gasped, staring at her with wide eyes. "Don't pull a Twilight twist on me and reveal that you glow or something."

"Actually that's insulting because I hate vampires and Edward Cullen is a fucking twat." Her face remained composed.

I couldn't help it. I laughed because she actually knew who Edward was. And she got my Twilight reference.

"The feeling is mutual." Wiping my eyes, I noted how she was staring at me intensely. "So what? It's not like you're green like Zelena. Even then I'd still love you."

"I have a funny feeling that if you're allowed to speak more on the topic, then I'll grow terribly frustrated. So…" Taking my hand, she pushed herself up and pulled me after her, "let's retreat to somewhere much more private where we can finally shatter that barrier. And put your mind at ease. Mine too. Because…"

Smiling like a lunatic, I allowed myself to be led towards the elevator, feeling rather dizzy.

"I have been waiting for this for a long time. And to prolong the agony would be suicide. So let's get on with it," she stepped into the elevator and raised her eyebrows at me. "Shall we?"

"I know I'll sound really fucked up," my boots crossed the threshold, "but after making me wait so long. You're totally going to pay."

"Oh really now?" her thumb pressed the UP button, eyes on me. "I wonder which one of us is a screamer. Which one of us…" I choked up in the corner as she smiled wickedly at me, "…will lose her mind when the other one makes love to her like no man could ever accomplish."

"Stop…" my hands were shaking, knees weak.

"Look at you," the way she stepped up to me suddenly shocked my mind because all the mushiness was gone. And it was like being approached by Madame Mayor when I first entered Storybrooke. My shoulders were snatched, and she pushed me against the wall. "Shaking in your boots. Oh Swan, you have no idea what I'm capable of."

Just as she pushed her warm hand between my legs, the elevator dinged. As the doors slid open, I gasped, eyes wide because my body was completely turned on right then. Hooking a thumb into one of my pockets, she pulled me after her. And I really got the feeling that she wasn't the screamer. Because on more than one occasion when she was in the Enchanted forest, I guiltily touched myself, imagining that it was her. That alone drove me to a breathless finish that made me muffle my screams in the pillow. So if that was intense enough, I was now hoping that the walls of this damn room was sound proof.

Closing the door behind her, she stood there looking at me with lust in her eyes. Passion that burnt me through my skin and made my head dizzy. As she approached me, I stepped back, eyes wide. And when the back of my knees met the edge of the bed, I fell unto it because of my weakened state. Standing there before me, she fingered the zip to the side of her dress. When the rain began to lash upon the windows around us, I fell into her trance for the first time. Waiting on the moment when we'd finally make love to each other. That was going to make me lose myself more than ever. I honestly knew that.

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**A/N – Dear Storybrooke! Emma does come across as a love sick puppy in this chapter, doesn't she? Ugh. Lol! But like I said, it's her insecurities she's dealing with. The thought of self-doubt. Have you ever loved someone so much and doubted whether they loved you as much? Whether you were alone in thinking about going through the long haul, of a forever? I have. And it feels like shit because you feel so small and insecure, wanting so much. And you feel so insane, and stupid for wanting so much. Emma basically wanted Regina to do something more. She's judging everything Regina does. It happens. It really does. Love does that to you. I'm sure that you've loved someone so much and love can quickly turn into doubt then hate. It's called being human. Nothing is wrong with being jealous. There are times when I look back and realize how immature I was. When someone is holding back on you, all these thoughts come into your mind. Like why is she doing this? Why isn't she doing this? Is something wrong with me? But after a long time, I have finally began to realize that wanting proof is not wrong. When it comes to love, fuck, we need all the proof we can get. There are a lot of people out there who want to play us like a fiddle. Using us as experiments. And being with a woman for the first time, your mind becomes so paranoid. You're thinking, hey maybe she doesn't want me. I don't know what to do. She's not a guy. Most guys want to make out soon enough. But are women going to be like that too? Ah! All the questions right? All the stupid feelings and doubts. Love is so messed up. **

**Anyway, I hope you enjoyed the chapter and the bonding between the two of them. What's to come is even better. **

**Just to leave you off with one honest statement. I have stopped watching Once Upon a Time since it started back. Why? Because I am sick and tired of the constant hurt directed at Regina. I cannot stomach it. Also, Hook and Emma has no chemistry on the show. I'm sorry but this is my opinion. I preferred her with Neal, that is why I wrote them together in this story as an engaged couple. It is not that I cannot see Emma with a man. But the only man that suited Emma to me was Neal. As for Robin and Regina. Yes I do ship them hard. Let's leave it at that. Above everything else, Swan Queen is my number one pairing. **

**I was wondering, has anyone ever seen Bad Girls, a UK show that aired a long time ago?**

**Cheers!**


	23. Touching In The Dark

***Hey there! Thanks for the feedback! Love hearing from you all. Not to ramble off but I was thinking about how you can meet someone. They claim that you two connect right? They call you bae, making you draw closer. You somehow fall for them. And then when you express your feelings, when you say I LOVE YOU, they suddenly shut you out completely. There's this brick wall between you two. She stopped talking to me. I sent her messages asking to start over, to at least for us to be friends. But nothing. See more at the end of this. Happy reading! YOU WILL LOVE THIS CHAPTER!***

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**Chapter Twenty Three**

"_**Touching In The Dark"**_

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**Emma Swan.**

I think the world has no idea how seriously amazing it is when two women make love to each other. If you haven't tried it then I suggest that you do, because there's nothing more beautiful than touching and exploring a woman's body. Doing everything you're certain she wants. Your bodies are in tune with each other. In other words, it's familiar territory. It's enthralling and breathtaking. To touch every part of her, every soft contour, listening to how she responds to every caress: that's enough to push you into the deep end without a thought of even breathing again.

Regina took her time, undressing in front of me as if she was really nervous. Anxious and fearful of my reaction. Seeing her body for the first time. All of the fear in those brown eyes just burnt my skin up so much more. Because I couldn't be patient. I couldn't wait to see every part of her that my mind had drawn since the first time we met. She was even more gorgeous now in the light of the lamp. Soft tones, soft light illuminating honey colored skin. The wind drifting through parted blinds, stray strands of hair fluttering over eyes that blinked slow from passion. And whilst those hands that trembled slipped the sleeves off hunched shoulders, I sat and waited on the bed like a wide eyed teenager.

Her movements were slow and measured, one sleeve at a time. It's like the moment of awe when someone reveals a spectacular painting. Holding my breath and gripping the edge of the bed with legs parted whilst she never looked away from me. Her red lace bra was the color of blood against honey color skin as she slowly lowered that dark purple dress. Contrasting colors, dark colors made her appear even more beautiful before me. It was like watching a Goddess of some sorts step out from behind a curtain. Every second that passed, my heart hammered away in the silence.

"You're not glowing…yet," my voice sounded so heavy, I knew that it was the right moment even without questioning anything.

It was an ill attempt at a joke. But she welcomed that, offering me a small smile. "Keep talking to me, I'll feel less nervous."

"Why are you nervous?" I couldn't breathe when the dress bunched on the top of her baby bump and she left it there.

"Because you haven't seen all of me as yet."

"Jesus." I couldn't stand it anymore. Rising weakly from the bed, the distance was closed. And capturing her shoulders within my hands, I felt how she was on fire. My fingers touched skin that felt like soft hot flames barely flickering in the night. I felt how her heart hammered away just as mine. And when her wet lips brushed mine, that was the moment when sparks flew between the two of us and my knees became so weak. Just from the feel of how hot our skin burnt from passion. It was like the beginning of a dance around a fire.

She took advantage of how close I had come now, unbuttoning my shirt with trembling fingers. Skillful fingers. That seriously raw hunger that was felt by me in the car yesterday had returned. It was drowning, making me gaze at her in the yellow shade cascading around the room from the lamp. Resting our heated foreheads together, we inched in for the first kiss, one that melted my insane mind as she bit my lower lip stained red with those perfect teeth. I remembered smelling the lingering scent of her new perfume that was a Valentine's gift from me. True Love by Elizabeth Arden. It was all over her freaking sexy neck, and the name lured me into the deeper pits of lust even more when I honestly began to realize that we could really be that. True love.

But fairytales never had this kind of love written upon pages. We were writing our own story. It was going to be heavily erotic and mind blowing but somehow I knew that our love could change everything forever. It all begins with the way we kiss and how my mind spins off track.

Kissing her this time was deep and passionate, we melted into each other within seconds. Lips softened by heat. Her warm hands roaming the front of my body that was eager to be touched. And I allowed my burning fingers to tug her dress downwards. When that fell to the soft carpet around our boots, I worked on her red bra next and she allowed me. She allowed me to go as far as my mind desired because the same thing was being done to me. I could feel how her hands searched my body like those hungry brown eyes used to roam my figure up and down. Everything was here to be explored and no time was wasted because the second my shirt was tugged off, Regina unclipped my bra and pulled me closer to her.

The impact knocked the wind out of me. What little there was left. To feel her so soft, soft breasts that were fuller than mine and perfect. The way she stared at mine with those wide brown eyes, lips parted. Regina lost control when my fingertips dug into her back already dampened from sweat. Her chest shuddered when my hands were lowered. And the reaction was mutual after a while when I realized what I was feeling beneath the palms of my hand. A difference in the softness of her skin. Some parts cool and tingling. Other parts softer. In the soft glow of the light, it wasn't obvious at first. But when my eyes lowered to meet her breasts, and I saw the beginning of inked vines, it was like the most shocking discovery.

"This is what you were talking about?" my voice was barely a whisper.

"Yes." She shuddered when I used a finger to trail the path of black and red vines that snaked from her right breast to every other part of her body.

"Dude, this is amazing," I touched the red ink that colored the wings of a butterfly just near her navel. Tattoos that were etched with such a fine, delicate hand. So much work put into this as one could determine from the intricate details. I trailed a path lower and followed vines that branched off everywhere. And when she squeezed my arm, a gasp escaping from between her lips, I gazed up at her. Searching her face, one discovery was made. Something was special about her tattoos. Every time my fingers moved across the marks, she reacted in a way that stunned me.

"It's my magic," she whispered, clinging unto me. "From my past, every time there was a dark moment in my life, I used my magic on myself like someone would use a razor to self-harm. At first I started on my inner thighs and then I stopped."

"And the ones on your back?" She was held gainst me and gazed over her shoulder, noting that the trail continued.

"I had them done after the curse."

I stared at her. "You mean with a needle?"

"Yes."

"Someone in Storybrooke is a tattoo artist?"

"Don't ask me who. Please." She ran her fingers through my hair and pulled me closer. "Where were we?"

"Who did the rest of tattoos?" I couldn't stop digging for answers. "In the places you can't reach? Because …" I peered down and wondered where else the trail led.

"The only place I can't reach is behind me, Emma," she massaged my scalp sensually, resting our cheeks together, breathing into my ear. "But there's something you're yet to discover. You'll see soon enough."

"What –" she silenced me with a kiss, making me mewl out the rest of my question.

"Only someone who has magical abilities like you can make me react the way I do when we touch," she said, her hot breath caressing my lips. Squeezing my eyes shut, I tasted wine and savored it, attaching that taste to her. "I react the way I do when you touch these because only you truly know the pain that killed me before."

"Less words," I choked, running my hands over the softness of her hips, keeping us together. "More talk…later."

She smiled against my parted lips. "I thought you'd never ask."

The night that followed was a long one that shattered my mind and left me weak over and over again. She managed to show me how deep the game of foreplay went between two women. How deep one could dig to unearth some of the most passionate sensations I had ever felt in my life. Love making was an art she was a pro at. When Regina started, showing me everything that could be done to my body, I couldn't believe what was happening. Within minutes after discovering her tattoos, she became this tiger that could not be tamed. Coming after me with brown eyes that lit up from so much lust, I was beginning to wonder if my body would be eaten raw. But that's exactly what happened.

I ended up under her for the first half of the night. To be honest, she wasn't that heavy or maybe it was just my mind blanking that out. But it didn't matter. It was seriously glorious to be taken control of, especially since I was always the one to be on top. Even though she was pregnant, there was something about her agility that made us feel so comfortable in every single position. From the moment my back hit the bed, fingers ran pathways through my hair, fanning the strands out upon the pillow as she brought our parted lips together. Kissing was an understatement, so low key to be used as a verb, depicting to you what we did. Devouring each other's mouths sounds like a better statement. The biting of lips and the feel of her hot tongue moving next to mine. All of that was so fucking amazing, I couldn't stay still. Every time she moved away from me, moving away from the kiss, my body burnt up to close the distance again.

It was like we were seriously on fire.

She used hot hands and mouth that felt like fire all over me whilst I mirrored her moves. Hands caressing between breasts as she sat on top of me whilst I rested my back upon the bunched up pillows. Knees slightly kinked to serve as a rest for her back whilst she gingerly used those fingers to squeeze my nipples, teasing me over and over again. Her thumbs were used to caress my mouth. The wind rushing in through the window that was slightly open as the rain pounded around us like our hearts. Taking it slow was a must because of how pregnant she was. It was even better to seek out the parts of her that were just part of my imagination. To actually feel how soft her skin was. The curves of her hips and the swell of her breasts, nipples the exact shade of brown as her eyes.

Hell yeah I tasted them and imagined they were chocolate. Call me insane for just saying that but I'm being honest with you and that's all that matters.

Where her red lace panties and my boxer shorts had disappeared, I had no idea. But I remember her commenting on my choice of underwear, especially the sports bra that was stamped with these small yellow butterflies. She said that I was too cute and she wanted to see me in the Hello Kitty ones. What was wrong with the butterflies? I asked. Nothing was wrong with them but there was this dying urge inside of her to see me in a bra with kitten faces all around the front. I snorted. She laughed hoarsely. And then just like that she was kissing me when I realized that we were completely naked. It had to be her. It so had to be her magic that did that or maybe it was mine. I don't know. But even before I could process where my cute butterfly bra went, she pulled me up into a sitting position and the real torment began.

Her legs wrapped around me and I was pulled closer, our knees kinked, curvy zig zags. What's wrong with me and my descriptions? I'm drunk in love.

"I'm trying to be creative," were her words, whilst tucking my hair behind my ears, our foreheads pressed together. "I have a few tricks up my sleeve."

"There are no sleeves," I smiled against her cheek, nuzzling our faces together.

"I have a few tricks between my legs, Emma," she hoarsely announced. By altering her words like that, I seriously lost my mind.

I'll just come forward now and confess that yeah my screams were louder than hers. It's only because when she did scream, I silenced her with a kiss. But this all happened the second the biting began. I mean, who would believe that biting the right spots would generate such a mind blowing feeling? It was as if we both knew where to touch each other and take advantage. Whilst she tilted my head and chewed on my neck, I worked on her earlobe, the sensations arising from sucking and biting were torturing. From the way she gasped upon my skin, I knew where one of her weak spots was. And that was right below her ear. As soon as my tongue flicked upon that indent just behind an earlobe, she captured my head between her hands and shuddered in my arms. In return, Regina used her teeth to torment me until my toes pointed. Grazing a path all the way from my jawline to the bottom of my chin.

Working up a crescendo was easily done than said. And yeah, I just said that. In less than a minute, hands slipped into the heated space between us and she really took advantage of her easy access. Even before I could caress her, feeling how wet she was already, Regina slid a hot finger into me. And it was my turn to shudder in her arms. She knew how to use her hands, knowing exactly where to touch me and how to tease me. I gasped when her sensual massages turned into so much more. What started off as a rough caress ended up to be a ride of pleasure. I couldn't tell but when she began to work her fingers inside and all over me, I couldn't control myself. I couldn't breathe. Holding unto my shoulders, wrapping us together and keeping me close as we kissed hungrily. Me mewling into her mouth when I was pushed unto the pillows and she slid on top of me, still moving those fingers that were now kinked. My knees bent by reflex, my legs parted and Regina took full control of making me come undone.

Clawing the sheet wasn't enough when she drove me closer to the edge. So eventually the pillow was snatched and the material twisted between my fingers that were sweaty. Just as our bodies that were glistening with sweat. She used those skillful hands on me and then when I was about to slip over the edge, that hot mouth replaced her fingers. It was enough to make me climax as soon as her tongue flicked between my inner thighs. I choked up as the waves of pleasure rippled through me, weakening my body, toes pointed whilst she couldn't stop. It was like the sweetest escape ever, how delicately she begun and how roughly things escalated.

When it was my turn to make love to her, it was then when I witnessed exactly how she responded to my touch. Back resting upon the pillows, I pressed kisses between soft breasts, across her midsection and lower. So low, she threw her head back, dark hair splayed across the pillow. The trail her tattoos took was a breathtaking one. Beginning from those soft breasts. Snaking its way down curvy hips, all the way between those heated legs. Ending up just four inches above her knees. That tender spot between her thighs that was soft against my lips. Vines that were so black upon her fair skin, red butterflies and red ink colored between branches. She was so fucking beautiful, I was breathless.

Lips parted, I watched every breath she fought to take when my hands cupped between her legs. So warm to the touch, and so wet, it was easy for me do everything I had ever imagined. What had been a dream on my behalf became reality when I finally was allowed to taste her all over. Moving between her legs and using my mouth first whilst she squirmed beneath me. I couldn't stop when I started because of the way her body responded to what was being done. Even before I could use my tongue, Regina began to tremble as my mouth felt her strong orgasms. Waves of pleasure that made her choke on hoarse screams as she clawed the sheets and fought to make contact with me. Trying to find my touch, wanting to entwine our fingers. I reached up and did just that whilst she kept coming over and over again, harder and harder each time. It was seriously mesmerizing to feel everything, to feel myself nearing the edge as well as her fingers trembled between my legs.

"Emma," she was so hoarse, I couldn't breathe when the intensity in her eyes drew me nearer.

Holding hands, she led me to sit behind her, a replay of that night between us some time ago. That night when she had the most severe cramps and I ended up touching her for the first time, driving us both over the edge. This time was nothing compared to the first because there was the absence of clothes. Plus the slickness of our bodies and the fact that she wasn't in pain this time but dizzied by pleasure. From the time I touched between her legs again, Regina shuddered in my arms. Within seconds she was nearing the edge because I could feel how weak she was. I could feel it in the way she gripped my left hand around the wrist whilst her right reached between us. Finding her way in again, this time we were even as fingers worked themselves deeper and deeper. Driving us closer and closer together. Panting for air, I buried my screams into her sweat soaked neck when she pushed me over the edge first. Seconds after my name was screamed hoarsely as she followed, both of us shaking from the intensity of coming undone together. It was so much. Too much.

Enough to make me blank out for a couple of seconds whilst my heart threatened to burst out of my chest. It was our magic. Working between us like a heavy glove that tingled my body and trembled hers. So much ecstasy that was rippling through us as we clung unto each other. I couldn't let go. I couldn't stop either because she didn't stop. She kept going, slowing down then picking up back again as we cried out from pleasure that kept coming over and over again. It was like nothing I had ever felt before in my life. Never having a finish, never knowing when to stop, growing so weak that you just clung to each other in the hopes of surviving through all of it. How maddening all of this was, even when I muffled her screams with kisses that ended up with us chewing, biting each other. She held my right hand up and licked the center of my palm, tasting me. Biting the sensitive part inside my hand, just around my wrist. Chewing my fingers as I chewed her neck, sucking and knowing that I was leaving hickies all over her shoulders just as she had left a couple around my inner thighs.

"I love you," my lips grazed her ear as she panted. "Regina, I am so in love with you."

"I love you…too." She couldn't even breathe. "Em-ma."

It was maddening.

I think we stopped like more than three hours after. To be honest, I wasn't keeping track of the time. But we both feel asleep together, naked under the fresh green sheets that was stained with sweat and lipstick and mascara and eyeliner and bite marks. Creased and ruined. The sheet was ruined. I'd discover in the morning that parts of it looked as if our magic burnt the freaking material. But rewinding time, I had the best dreams ever that night. I dreamt about our wedding and the next day. I dreamt about the yellow swan that was tattooed on her back. I kept remembering over and over again how she made love to me and how she tasted, how her body looked. As it rained heavily that night, Regina found my lips somehow whilst sleeping and we kissed slow and deep. As we kissed, I felt the baby move inside of her and wondered what the kid thought of me after such an eventful night. I eventually drifted off to sleep thinking about examining the tattoos further on her back when I woke up in the morning.

Xx

* * *

><p>Maria wasted no time pelting through heavy traffic on the highway. Through the ridiculous heat she rode with the brunette clinging unto her. She rode like a pro because her experience with riding bikes was expansive. Riding through the nights wearing black leather pants. Back in the days when she wasn't a mother but had a dream of becoming one. Those were the times that were the most thrilling. To escape and never look back.<p>

"Jesus." Lily wrapped her arms around the blonde's waist, maintaining a firm grip. Her lips rested behind Maria's left ear. "You're a work of art, woman."

Sunrise turned into midday. Her lips stretched into a smile. But there was a dull ache behind her temples as she constantly kept focusing on Emma. The FBI was out for blood, looking for something that was kept behind those steely looks. Something that was being withheld and as usual, cops like herself and Lily were kept in the dark simply because of rank. Who was the fittest in the race? Who had the shiniest badges and the salary to buy those fucking expensive looking boots? The FEDS.

"You know, I underestimated you." With the way she was reacting to Lily's closeness, at this rate, Maria was sure that there would be one outcome. "I underestimated you being a bad ass. Because back in the academy, you were just the quiet blonde girl who knew how to deal with those retards who hit on you. But now you're just…wow."

"Why thank you darling." She was smiling so hard, her cheeks hurt. A headache was coming on now, like the blackening sky up ahead.

As they entered Vermont, the bike needed gas. It was already afternoon. Summing up some cash, the bike was held by Maria as Lily filled the tank. Getting an eyeful of the brunette's butt was more than the blonde could stand at that point. She was rather curvy and extremely soft. For a cop, apparently her softness only lingered in the feel of her skin because when it came to a fight, Lily could surely beat the shit out of a fucker. She had seen Lily fight in the academy. She had seen her all sweaty, hair rolled up, punching those hanging bags like a pro. In fact, she had seen too much. But enough to know that this woman was one hot woman. And there was no harm in admiring such gorgeous figure.

"How about we grab something inside before hitting the road?" emerald eyes searched for a garage or shed, somewhere to park the bike. Pushing the change into her tight leather pants, the blonde's high heeled leather boots clicked upon the concrete as she wheeled the bike closer to the mini mart.

Lily was studying the interior of the building with cautious eyes, cop mode fully activated. A hand clapped her butt and she jumped on the spot. Turning around with a scowl, Maria grinned from ear to ear.

"You walk like a man, darling."

"I never wanted to be a supermodel. Wasn't ever that gorgeous."

"Are you insane?" Maria gawked at her, parking the bike close enough to the entrance. "Look at you. Most of them have the body like a stick. But you darling, you've got a pretty face coupled with a gorgeous body. I don't see what makes you less adequate."

The door made a swishing sound when it was pushed inwards. As soon as the Air Co. hit them in the faces, Lily inhaled deeply. Maria headed to the beverage section, hips swaying, one of her tattoos barely peeking out from the collar of that shirt. A shirt she wore that no other cop could put on and look that hot. Gazing at the blonde whilst she snatched up a coke, someone moved in the aisle, three rows in front of her. This was enough to snap her out of dreaming. And she followed Maria, picking out a can of Pepsi.

"I need a phone," the blonde's hair tickled Lily's right hand as they studied the shelves of snacks. "Got any idea where we can steal one?"

"And this is a cop talking." She chose a packet of oatmeal cookies, deciding that chocolate chip and coke would be too much sugar. "We stole a bike already."

"Who's going to miss a fucking phone?"

"Have you looked around us?" Lily straightened up and stared around. "Not a soul in sight. Vermont is fucked all year round. And people wonder why no one comes here. Just take a look at the weather."

"Sorry for the folks who live up here with neighbors living miles away. Snowing randomly. Shit like that makes me wonder about climate change."

"Like first thing I heard after getting dressed this morning is that New York is expecting a snow storm by the end of the day." Fingering a packet of red Twizzlers, Lily's brown eyes watered. She hadn't eaten those in ages. When Maria wasn't watching, she snatched a small pack and smoothly slipped it into her vest.

"If you're going to get that darling, then I'll try one of these." Maria mirrored the brunette's shoplifting skills and slipped a packet of brownies into her vest too.

By just doing that alone, something sparked inside Lily. It was a memory. Déjà vu. The way those emerald eyes twinkled at her, blonde hair tumbling down her back, lingering between those full boobs. That particular move reminded her of Emma. Many years ago when they were so young and had shoplifted, taking their merchandise away. Enjoying everything alone and bonding: it was a memory that could never be erased. And to attach Maria to that memory was something for Lily because for the first time since they knew each other, she began to realize something.

Brink was one hell of a sexy woman.

"If we get caught?"

"He's just going to call the cops." Maria batted her eyelashes and smiled warmly at the nerd behind the cash register. "He's kind of cute if you give him a quick glance."

The brunette snorted. "That's your type?"

"No, you are."

Wide brown eyes lingered on a swaying butt as the blonde sashayed down the aisle, never looking back. Lily finally began to breathe again and she jogged to catch up. They were in the detergent aisle now. Silly as it is, she had one fetish as a child. As if reading her mind, Maria snatched up a bottle of Downie and twisted the cap off. Then her emerald eyes fluttered close as she inhaled deeply, smiling as if high on the smell.

"Shit, and I thought that it was me alone who did that kind of crap."

"Soap." Maria stared at her, never looking away. "Don't forget soap."

"You're amazing," Lily gawked as the blonde dipped a finger into the mouth of the bottle and rubbed it between her fingers. "You are a fucking amazing woman, Brink."

"I love women who wear cute shorts and sports bras, because I love lace."

The brunette took a step closer, Maria held her ground. "I wear cute shorts and sports bras."

The blonde stood right where she was. "I know. I remember the academy days. You getting all sweaty in the gym, jumping around, trying to get my attention whilst I sat reading about the law and ethics."

"I never knew that you were…gay."

"Never believed in labels." Maria peeled the shiny label off the detergent's bottle like a mischievous kid. And she waved it in Lily's face. "Fuck labels. Who needs em?" she tossed it aside and stepped away. An inch between them became a mile now. "You always had someone on your mind though. Now I know that it's Emma."

"Yeah but she's found someone else. Apparently the perfect woman from the looks of it." Lily picked up a box of brownies and studied it idly. "I mean, have you noticed how hot Regina is? She's gorgeous. She's got these intense eyes. When she's looking at Emma, you can literally feel the passion between the two of them. So my chance is gone. Time to move on now. Especially with a baby on the way, Emma has her life ahead to look forward to."

"That she has, darling. Doesn't mean you're worth nothing though. You let go of one, you find someone better." Maria took the box of brownies from Lily's hand and returned it to the shelf. They stared at each other.

"We just…connected, I guess."

"Well she's going to be a Mrs. Mills someday. So you better start moving on. She has the ring and everything." Maria sighed, turning and heading the other way.

"She has…a…ring?"

"Yup."

"She's going to propose?"

"Well duh, darling." Maria rested their stuff on the counter as the nerd gawked at her cleavage. "Any time soon. Which is why we need to deal with this ASAP. Can't ruin the moment for her."

"Dude, can you just cash the stuff and stop gawking at my girlfriend?" Lily threw at the boy who seemed frozen. "We need to get a move on."

"We're getting married in August," Maria told him, leaning unto the counter and giving him an eyeful. She smiled wickedly, "I was thinking about Miami. Something private. And then this after party with all our lesbian friends tonguing up each other." He swallowed hard, hands shaking. "What if we invite you?"

"Su…ure." He stammered and slipped up scanning the Pepsi two times. On the third attempt, Maria held his hand steady, whilst Lily folded her arms and stared off, lips pursed.

When she paid up and they were contemplating if to pick up a packet of M&Ms, a back door opened. Somehow from the corner of her eye, Lily detected the movement of someone coming into the small store. She lifted her head, and so did Maria. And when their eyes met a pair of familiar blue ones, the packet of candy was dropped.

Lily was the first one to pull her gun. "Don't move or I'll fucking shoot you in the head, Phillip!" she ordered, "don't you move a muscle."

Xx

* * *

><p>It was midday already.<p>

I rolled over and fell out of the bed, tasting the carpet's detergent. Pushing myself up, I coughed and sputtered, clawing at my mouth. Eyes were stinging now, wondering what the hell had gotten through my lips. And I groaned as the room swung, pressing the heel of my palm unto my forehead.

"There were three in the bed and the little one said…" Regina's face peeked over the edge, her brown eyes huge. She smiled. "Roll over, roll over."

"Oh shut up," I laughed and pushed myself up. "You pushed me."

"I did not."

Walking to the window, I pushed it open and the darkness of the sky put me in a pissed off mood. "Oh great," I scowled. "Another day of rain. Or snow. Or hail. Or whatever else there is."

"Well someone woke up in a bad mood."

Sitting on the window seat, cushioned and cold as if refrigerated, I studied her between the sheets. She was hugging a pillow, still topless. And suddenly I almost forgot that during the night, my shirt had been slipped on again because the place was too cold. For a moment I stared down in bewilderment at my chest, expecting to see everything exposed. But my boobs were covered. Not by Geico though. I mean, sitting at the window topless. What would people think?

"Are you in a bad mood?" her voice was filled with worry, face propped up on bunched up sheets, green and white.

"Nah." I waved it off.

"Please don't tell me that you regretted last night," she croaked. "That I somehow didn't live up to what you hoped for because –"

"Are you kidding me?" I rose up from the seat and approached her, my eyes wide. "Last night was…I'm lost for words here. Mind blowing, the best ever… Regrets?" I stared at her. "That's one thing I'm never going to regret for as long as I live."

"Mutual," she sounded a bit depressed.

I sat on the bed and caressed her cheek with cupped fingers. Brown eyes fluttered close, fingers scrunched the sheet up, never letting go. Lying on her side, I could tell that she was completely naked still. By just running my hand down her side, the curve of a hip, skin still so soft beneath the sheet. She mewled, savoring my touch and biting those lips that had kissed every part of me.

"Never thought I'd say this," and she held up a wrist, sniffing it. 'But I smell like you."

"I suppose that's a good thing?"

"Yes."

"You…say…yes as if you're lying." I frowned at her.

"I smell like watermelons and peaches." Her wrist was held up and I took it. I sniffed. She did smell fruity like me. "Plus your chapstick is all over my face and neck. I still smell blueberries."

"Look, at least I don't smell like a man."

"Which would be a complete turn off since I prefer the way your scent lingers." She smiled at me. "All of you taste so…heavenly. Even between your legs."

I swallowed hard.

"When you say things like that to me, I just want to do things to you."

Fingers clipped the edge of the green sheet. Brown eyes on me, she peeled it away slowly from her naked chest. Within a few seconds, I was presented with a full view of her full breasts. Honey colored skin that appeared so soft, and was heaven to the touch because my fingers and mouth had walked all over her body. I had tasted parts of her, explored places no woman had ever driven me to. No woman could be her. There was no one else. None.

"I feel so naked," she taunted me in that hoarse voice, eyes filled with lust.

"Don't stop," I croaked, staring as the sheet was lowered.

The outline of her hips were exposed now, the swell of her midsection so amazingly beautiful. To know that she was actually pregnant and experiencing something so spectacular. Those inked vines that snaked between her breasts and went lower. So low, the artwork disappeared between the sheet and obviously led unto the inside of her thighs.

"How about a clearer view of my tattoos?" I was being teased.

"Oh hell yes."

She twisted the sheet between fingers that trembled and pulled the material aside. Exposing herself to me was the most amazing wake up alarm ever. I was suddenly so awake and focused. Reaching out, my splayed fingers moved across her midsection, feeling the warmth beneath my hand. Travelling all over, knowing that the baby was making a connection with me because the feel of kicks was evident as my exploration continued. Lower and lower, feeling between her legs that were clustered, enveloped with warmth. Biting her lips, she leant back and moaned a deep moan that filled the silent room like music.

"Am I crazy for wanting to make out with you again?" my voice was barely heard even by me. It was like the feeling of caressing her was deafening me.

"I am sudden driven into raptures to realize I have that effect on you." She smirked.

Lower my hands went. So low, as the cool wind rushed in through the parted windows, my fingertips met the softest part of her. Delicate and already so wet. Awakened already by the thought of me. To know that without touching, we could have that effect on one another because I was no different. It was that raw feeling, yearning to be massaged in places that throbbed, burnt up. She had on a pair of cute purple socks with tiny stars on them. Like a teenager from high school. And it was so fucking hot, my head spun from just watching her claw the sheet.

When I slipped a finger inside of her, Regina's toes pointed, back arched like the drawing of a bow along with an arrow. Squeezing those soft thighs together, my hand was clamped between them. And even before I could stimulate between her legs, the pounding sensation of an orgasm squeezed around my finger. It was so sudden even on her part that the pillow was gripped suddenly. Lips parted, she gasped, trembling, chest heaving as I stared at her with lust in my eyes. What started off as me tumbling off the bed ended up into a half hour of love making that entirely placed her as the object of torment. I couldn't stop even when her moans turned into breathless screams, legs parted, our fingers entwined. I remained on my knees between her thighs and I just couldn't stop. Fingers used then my mouth, my tongue, my teeth grazing across her thighs and just where she was so wet, coming again and again.

I couldn't believe it. I had never experienced that before: making love to someone and being pushed off the edge by just savoring how they reacted. Every time her hips jerked from an orgasm, back arched, my fingers felt the same feeling ripple through my body, emanating from between legs that felt so weak. Hers trembled too, the top of the wooden bed frame snatched and she held unto it. Eyes squeezed shut, Regina called my name so many times, pleading with me to bite her, to use three fingers instead of two. To use pain that brought on pleasure. And I did it. I did exactly as she begged for, feeling how tight between her legs were. Closing around my fingers that forced their way in over and over again. It wasn't about hurting her, it was about the pleasure that came whilst doing it. And she loved it. The way her orgasms grew stronger as she twisted upon the bed, legs hooked around me, toes pointed behind my back. Choking on my name, sweat covering us both. I held her hands that clawed mine and continued until she was so breathless, consciousness was lost briefly.

Twenty minutes later we continued in the shower. Whilst we soaped each other with body wash that smelt like bubblegum, my back was pressed upon the green tiled walls. My screams were muffled by her mouth devouring mine as the warm water showered down on us. It was unbelievable how my knees were stable enough to keep me standing. Chances are, I would have slid down but something held up there. And yes, most likely it was her hand between my legs. Fingers that were so hot like flames, working inside of me over and over again. By the time she was done, I was blinded by pleasure. Enough to leave both of us so weak, we held each other and just stood there under the water showering down like the rain just outside the window.

"If we continue like this," I choked, running my fingers through wet hair that was so soft, "then I might lose my sanity. Permanently."

"And I'm the only one who can bring you back again," her lips said into my neck as we held each other as close as we could.

I kissed her slow and deep, tasting water that provided enough lubricant between us. She mewled when our tongues danced together, the way I grazed my teeth along her jawline. Back and forth, biting an earlobe and chewing. Biting her neck and she did the same to me, obviously leaving marks. Marking her territory as she would put it. Just like how she had sucked on my inner thighs last night and left hickies there. But nothing compared to her tattoos that were brightened from the water. Water tumbling over drawings upon her back that was like a painting to study forever. The way she had gotten this done by an expert. When my thumb caressed the yellow swan etched on the small of her back, she moaned as if knowing exactly what was there. Black butterflies with wings trimmed red sprinkled across her shoulders, just low enough to be hidden by clothing. I pressed kisses on most of them and held her against me, her fingers splayed out across the wall before us.

"Do you know why I react the way I do when you touch me?" she asked in a hoarse voice that weakened my knees further. "Coming over and over again so suddenly by just a simple caress?"

I swallowed hard, my palms massaging her midsection on either side. "Our magic?"

"Yes…" she captured my fingers between hers and folded them over mine, "your magic is powerful, Emma. So powerful, you succeed in driving me insane. It's bitter sweet."

"And the pain?" I was curious. She leant back and I cupped her breasts. "Is that your thing?"

"The past was painful. I was accustomed to a certain numbness. This feeling inside of me that was silent. And the only way I could feel something was to feel pleasure through the form of pain. My tattoos," she moved my wet hands entwined with hers between us, "I did them myself."

"I'm just curious," I had to know this as well, "after Daniel, when you were the E word, were there others? Men, women?"

"There was someone," she stared at the wall, eyes dazed.

I waited on her to continue.

"He or she?"

"She…" her words were measured, "…was a regret after some time. I was an experiment. Therefore it ended badly."

Should I ask her who the person was? Or was that too much?

The shower rained down on us and I held her without saying anything.

"What about you?" of course she'd pry. "Where there any other…women in your…life?"

"There was Amanda," I reminded her. "And Lily. Neither went further than a kiss, in case you're wondering."

"And men?"

"Trust me, you don't want to know." I had a bitter taste in my mouth just thinking about being with a man now.

"Forgive me," she bowed her head, strands of her hair clumped together, sticking to soft skin, "I am quite jealous of the thought of you being with anyone else. It tickles my heart."

"I know that. That's why I don't ever talk about it."

"But you wish to know more about the woman who was my first," she stated, "since you're aware of the other already."

Ruby. I still had that bitter taste in my mouth. "Just a name would be good," I pressed my cheek upon hers, eyes closed.

Of course I felt how her heart raced beneath my fingers. I felt how she stopped breathing. And I was quite aware of the impact, the thought of that person changing her.

"Who was she?" I stared at the wall in front of us, the white flowers etched on green tiles. We both stared at them without noticing that they were roses.

"Maleficent," she whispered.

Even I stopped breathing too. "Oh wow," my eyes widened, "that makes so much sense now. You trapping her in Storybrooke, whatever else you did. She's fierce."

"I liked fierce," she said robotically. "I liked many things that were dangerous, that wounded me. And then I met you."

"So I somehow changed what you wanted."

She squeezed my fingers entwined with hers. "You fixed me when no one else could."

And I smiled because it was really true. The change in her had become something of awe to everyone around us that knew the past. Regina had become someone completely different, someone that was healing. Softened but still tougher than anyone I had ever known. She was actually healing and to hear her give me the award for doing that. It was a moment for me.

xx

* * *

><p>It was amazing how fast Landers and the crew drove into the gas stations after Maria called them.<p>

But not before she allowed herself and Lily some time to enact the sweetest revenge on the twisted fuck who stood before them. He was unarmed. He was deliciously weaponless and they had caught him off guard. Apparently his insanity had begun to chew away on his actions because after walking for miles, the fucker had ended up lodging in the shed behind the gas station. It was only when he made his appearance that night that Tommy who worked behind the cash register realized he had never been alone. Phillip's appearance had expired as Maria described it. His beard had begun to grow out and he looked too scruffy, terribly disgusting dressed in the same clothes they had last seen him in. A pair of blue faded jeans and a blue Polo shirt.

"Kid," Lily gestured for him to stay inside and behind the counter, "don't come out until we tell you to."

"Let's take this piece of shit outside since I don't want to destroy this boy's father's store," Maria decided, her gun pointed at Phillip who remained frozen by the door. "One move, asshole," she warned. "One move and I'll shoot you dead on the spot."

"Then why don't you do that fast enough and get it over with?" the madness was gleaming in his blue eyes like a devil. Even in a defenseless situation like this, he still shot them a jeering smile that portrayed a cold blooded killer.

"People like you shouldn't be shot in the head and killed easily," Maria jerked, "drop to your knees."

"The hell I will bow down to a fucking woman!"

Maria fired her gun at his right leg and the gunshot rang out in the silence around them. Lily shuddered when another shot was fired, this time the psycho folded in half and dropped to his knees, well the one that wasn't wounded. With two consecutive gunshots, she had ruined Phillip's right leg and it would stay that way for good.

"That's for ruining my breast," she said through gritted teeth. "The second is for shooting me."

Clutching his leg, blood already soaking the blue denim, he winced. Jerky movements were a sure reaction from pain. He just couldn't stay still.

"Look –" he held up a shaky hand covered in blood, head bowed from pain, "look, if…" he panted, "if you want to kill me, enact some form of…of revenge, then…then just do it."

She eyed the pale white hand from the corner of her eye, the one that had just returned the phone to its cradle. Fuck.

"I thought I told you not to move a muscle?" she went around the counter and confronted the kid who was cowering in fear. "Who did you call?"

"The…the cops –"

"We are the cops!" she couldn't believe it. "We're the fucking cops!"

"I don't see any badges or…patrol cars. You could be the bad guys too."

"Do I look like a psycho to you?" pointing at herself, she knew that the answer was yes. Eyes bulging, her chest heaved, gun dangling like a maniac.

"You've got a gun." The kid shrugged. "Look, if I'm being punked, then get it over with, okay? I have a weak heart."

"He has a weak heart." She snorted and was about to send Lily a look of disbelief when her friend jumped on the spot.

"Hey!" brown eyes widened, and Maria turned just in time to see the back door open as the twat made a run for it. "Come back here!"

Firing two shots through the door, they both pelted in that direction. Shoving, kicking things out their way as he flung stuff to block them off. All the time Maria was somehow left behind. This time, she wasn't lucky either. The heel of her right boot caught upon a chair leg and she went down, twisting her leg but not enough to cause any damage.

Lily stopped and turned back, her brown eyes wide.

"Get the fucker!" she waved her on, already managing to stand up.

How the hell could he run when one leg was severely wounded? How the hell could a guy hop so fast as if he was that thing from Jeepers Creepers? Jesus. She watched Lily spring through the back door and went after her on the toes of those beautiful, dandy brown boots. One heel missing. It slowed her down. But she wasn't going to discard of those boots. No way should a woman like her move around bare feet. It was a sin. Instead, she braved it out and caught up just in time to see the brunette make her leap. Flying across the distance that separated them, Phillip went down, flat on the face as he was shoved hard. And sitting on top of him triumphantly, Lily pointed the gun behind his neck, pulling both hands to the back and snapping on her handcuffs.

"Dammit, woman," Maria whistled as she closed the distance. "That just turned me on."

Lily's cheeks grew pink, even in a situation like this. "Really?"

"Hell yeah." Maria delivered a swift kick into Phillip's right side and he cried out in pain. She watched the blood stained tarmac, probably hot and scalding his hideous face. The sun was hot as fuck. "Darling, you're the reason women like me ask people, why the hell do we need a man when I can find a babe?"

"Shucks," scrubbing her cheeks cutely with the heel of her hand, the brunette stood up just in time.

Rounding the corner of the building came the FBI in full gear, Landers in the lead. The two women had to admit that the lady FED was hot in her combat gear. She was sexy as hell, even when a glare was directed at them and the situation was assessed.

"Brink! Stevenson!" she yelled, her voice deafening them. "What the hell do you think you're doing?"

Maria shrugged, eyes resting between Landers legs then on her lips. "I'm just checking you out babe. No harm in that, is it?"

Lily rolled her eyes. "Like seriously. Do you have to hit on every woman?"

"I hit on women, darling," she patted the brunette's back, "but when it comes to you, I envision us without clothes."

Gagging on that image, Maria left Stevenson standing there breathless and she approached Landers.

"What's this?" Brown asked stupidly.

"Genetically, it's a man. Mentally, it's a fucking psycho. For identification purposes…" Landers was watching her with pursed lips, "it's Phillip I BLEW UP A CAR AND WOUNDED TWO COPS Johnson." She threw her hands up in the air dramatically and wiggled her fingers, hips swaying.

"I'm beginning to reassess how many psychos we have here."

Maria gave Landers a sweet smile. "Darling, I did your job for you. So don't go poking fire between my legs."

Brown swallowed hard and the other two FEDS snorted, hiding their smiles behind gloved hands.

"You might think that everything is a joke, Brink." She approached the blonde and sized her up, their boobs about four inches apart. "But whether you like it or not, one of us can pull rank here. Throwing sexual references isn't going to put you in the sweet spot."

" .Phillip."

"I know that." Maria received a sudden smile that stunned her.

"You know that…"

Landers took a step closer, this time they were touching. "Take one more swing at me, babe. And I'll have to take you in for questioning."

Maria raised an eyebrow, staring back in bewilderment. "Will you?"

"Alright, break it up," Lily clapped her hands and scowled even deeper. "We have a case to deal with here. So if you two don't mind, I'd like some answers and everything else."

"Don't touch my face," Phillip growled at Brown, but he got poked anyway, "I said don't touch my fucking face! I spent money on this face! This nose!"

"Such a shame, you should see it now," they shoved him along and Phillip kept hissing like a cat in heat. "Dude, you smell like road kill."

"That's because he is road kill! Ha!" Maria pounded her fist in the air. Brown shades were focused on her. The blonde coughed. "All things serious, my partner and I would like to be there when you question the fucker."

"No."

"Oh come on, I asked nicely. Plus I know you think I'm hot as hell. So let's not waste time arguing, darling."

Landers folded her arms, face serious as a judge. "No."

"What are you? A robot? Does the FBI embed some chip in your brains and wire you up to a fucking CPU?" she gave Lily a look of astonishment. "Hello! In case you haven't noticed, we caught the guy. Therefore, we have every right to be involved in this."

"You did us a favor we never asked for. The FBI thanks you."

"What?" Lily stared.

"But since you two have been more than involved in the case already, personally, emotionally –"

"We were chin deep!"

"Then we have every right to exclude you from any further investigation. So if you'll excuse me –"

"Wait a minute." Maria snatched Lander's right arm. The FED eyed it warily. "We'll stay out of the way. We'll do whatever you say. But just do one thing for us."

"What's that?"

Maria licked her lips. "Go easy on Emma. I'm not saying this because we're trying to protect her. I'm saying this because we know even as cops that she didn't murder that fuck in New York. He's behind it," the blonde gestured to where Phillip had been tugged away, "and there has to be some explanation for what happened. Maybe she was drugged or threatened but she'd never stand beside that man and kill someone else."

Landers unfolded her arms and studied Maria's face for a long time. Then she turned to Lily who stood there looking as cute as she could muster up.

"Alright," she turned around, "I'll go easy on her. Just because you're hot as hell, Brink."

Lily gawked after her. "Hey, what about me?"

"Too cute for my taste, babe." And she left them, rounding the corner without looking back.

"I don't believe this!" the brunette slapped Maria's right arm. "You always get the attention. Not me. I'm just a plain Jane compared to you and your…tats and your…emerald eyes. So when you bat them at everyone, they just melt like candle wax."

"Do I make you melt too?" Maria stepped up to her, too close.

The cold wind whipped the air. It was a scene from like classic thriller movie where the two cops meet out back and exchange words. The proximity of their bodies provided a picture of sexual tension, the look in their eyes severely taunting. Queue the low, sweet tunes that would roll in during a black and white romance movie. The camera zooms in on their faces. And then just as they're about to kiss, before the scene could end, a cat leaps out of a green dumpster and freaks the hell out of the blonde. She yowls and jumps back, eyes wide.

Lily's hands slap on her thighs, head shaken in disbelief. She walks off, shoulders hunched, defeated.

Xx

* * *

><p>"I suppose it's only natural to find that appealing," Dolly nudged me and jerked her chin towards the corner of the room. "Look at them. They have no shame."<p>

My gaze rested on an older brunette wearing a severely tight red dress and a younger man probably in his early twenties. The latter was handsomely dressed in a black tuxedo. And he had a hand sandwiched between the woman's thick fair legs. She threw back a head of curls and laughed as if in teenager mode. I frowned whilst they continued at a rate, forcing people to cast a glance at them in disgust.

"She could be his mother. And with his hand between her legs, only God knows what kind of a lifestyle they lead. A young man with such good looks, behaving like that." Picking up her glass of red wine, she sipped.

"To each their own?" I suggested, checking my phone, wondering what taking Regina so long.

Glancing at the exit that led to the washroom, I suppose that she'd come through any second. She had been gone for over fifteen minutes. The thing about this is that my attention on her is always checked continuously because of the situation. It's delicate. She's pregnant and she can just move from feeling entirely awesome to really sick. Like when I had found her in the washroom back at my parents' apartment. Now that had scared the shit out of me to be honest. And ever since, I have been keeping tabs on her. Right about now, she had been gone over fifteen minutes.

Getting up from the soft cushioned chair that was colored in red, white and green, I tapped Dolly on her shoulder. "Be right back. Lemme check on Regina."

"Oh sure!" she smiled wryly, "and if you see Matt, do tell him that nature trail tour group isn't going to wait on him. The nerve of him to grow hungry at this hour."

I noticed that the lobby was already accommodating four couples. All of them more than likely were part of the tour. What tour, you might ask. Well in the brochure as part of the activities, the Inn is offering an evening tour through the forest and back again. For those who prefer a ride back, one will be offered. But the trail leading into the trees appears promising. Call me weird but I've always been connected to nature. Maybe it's because a tree was used to transport me here. Maybe it's because I have a history with the Enchanted Forest. However, something about the cool night wind and the rustle of the leaves whilst walking would be my kind of thing. And Regina had agreed that she adored that too.

She couldn't be found in the washroom, nor was she in the entryway leading there. Completely alarmed, worried about her disappearance, I rushed through the hall leading back to the lobby and something said, Emma, check just outside where the garden began. As soon as I darted through the doorway, my boots clapping on red clay brick, I distinctly heard her familiar hoarse voice. Back pressed upon the lime green wall, she was having an very lively conversation with a man. As those hands of hers waved about whilst talking, the blood red color of her long sleeved shirt remained bunched up around wrists that were always touched with a hint of perfume.

The man she was talking to had his back to me. Tall with brown hair the color of chocolate, just as her eyes, he listened with folded arms. An earring twinkled in his left ear. He was dressed in a pair of faded blue jeans, and a black short sleeved shirt. Judging from his shoes, I could already tell that he was either a lawyer, some business person or a cop. Shiny shoes with pointed tips. Jeans and those pair of shoes never quite working together as they should. But one could tell so much from what someone was wearing. He had to be someone of importance.

"When you plant them early, they absorb the moisture in the earth and blossom with such intensity, it's remarkable," he was saying, his voice rather low, a sharp British accent. "Somehow the colors of the petals appear brighter."

"It indeed has to do with the soil as you mentioned." Regina hugged herself and smiled, excited in the topic obviously, "where I grew up, it rained a lot and the weather was warm. Therefore the soil had adequate temperatures and moisture for germination."

"Let me guess," the man pressed a finger to his chin then pointed at her, "you're from the south?"

"Yes," she lied. "And you?"

"From Ireland, but I spent a considerate amount of time in England. You should visit there some time. I'd be happy to show you around if you like."

"I will definitely take that offer up some day," she smiled, her cheeks turning slightly pink.

"Maybe we should have a drink later," he suggested. I felt a sting in my chest and ignored it because that was ridiculous. "Just you and me, to discuss gardening."

She wouldn't accept, I knew her.

"That sounds rather enjoyable," brown eyes blinked, "and you can tell me all about your job as a gardener for the Royal Family."

"I'd be happy to," he shrugged, "the best job of my life to be honest. The pay sucked but working among their gardens was quite something. I have also done some work for estates in Scotland. Near Loch Ness. Inverness. Ireland…"

"You're quite the traveler, aren't you?"

"Equipped with many stories, enough to have us talking all evening," he reached out and pressed a hand upon her right shoulder. She welcomed it. "I'm always down here in the evenings mingling. Come have a chat later. It would be the most interesting evening."

"I don't doubt that it would," she blushed. "You're handsome enough for good company."

What.

"And you're like a beautiful rose, in a garden of many thorns…"

"Poetic…"

"Your eyes are really wonderful…"

"Thank you…"

Taking steps backwards, I swallowed hard and went back into the hallway without being noticed by either of them. Seriously? Did I just walk into that? At first there I was thinking it was rather cute that she was lightening up and talking to people. You know, fitting in and being all comfortable. I was thinking that hey, he's a great guy and they were bonding on gardening stuff because she loves that. Regina loves to talk about stuff relating to that. I totally get it. But to have him offer her a chance to hang out and she didn't even decline. Even if she wanted to go, I'd allow her. It's not up to me. She's her own person. However, I don't get the flirting. It's flirting, isn't it?

He was flirting with her. I'm not being delusional but she was leading him on without backing away. Her cheeks were freaking pink, an excited look in those brown eyes. Was something wrong with me? Was I overthinking the situation? Calm down, Emma. Just calm down and let it go. She's going to tell you about it as if that was a joke. And you're going to realize that it was all fun. Nothing's wrong there. Nothing at all.

She comes back whilst the couples are being rounded up by a man with toned arms wearing a loose white shirt and short blue pants. Her cheeks are slightly pink. The first thing Dolly asks is if she's okay. Yeah sure, I am.

"What took you so long?" I stare at her, knowing that my face is stiff and if a smile is offered then that will look totally wrong.

She shrugged, "I stepped outside for some fresh air."

I held my breath. "Admiring the garden all by yourself?"

"Yes," she wasn't looking at me but smiling elsewhere.

Wow. I couldn't believe it. And that ended all conversation between us until we were halfway down the trail. Of course I talked mostly to Matt this time. Dolly slid an arm through Regina's and started carrying on a conversation about butterflies.

Eventually, the two seniors branched off to spy on some rare flowers growing in a clump. I continued walking, my boots pressing the grass flat. Never meeting her eyes, my only wish was to gather composure, stop feeling so icky and move on. But she wasn't helping.

"Emma…" she drew nearer and I continued walking still.

I continued walking intentionally as the other couples surrounded us. And yet Regina still chased me like a fly.

"The forest smells amazing, doesn't it?" she caressed my left arm and gazed at me. I focused my attention ahead. "Such a wonderful view, walking within the trees. Emma…" breathless, my arm was tugged. "Isn't it spectacular?"

"Yes." My throat ached.

"Is something wrong?" my fingers were linked with hers. Somehow the feeling of us touching was a bit chilled, like the sprinkle of cold water.

"I don't know," I said. "You tell me."

"You look pale." A hand was pressed to my cheek and I almost moved away. Almost. But from feeling my rigidity alone, I guess that it was more than enough to affect her. "Oh come on, what have I done now?"

I said nothing.

"Hello, Regina," someone passed right by us and the familiar face made me scowl. It was him. Making a small curtsey in front of her, we came to a stop. "How art thou?"

"Very well, thank you," she returned, smiling. I studied her cheeks and watched them turn slightly pink.

He was really a charmer. Something about him appeared familiar, but I couldn't place a finger on it. Perhaps he reminded me of an actor. However, no reason could stray my thoughts away from hating on him.

"And this must be Emma?" finally I was given some form of attention. "The companion on your adventure."

A hand was outstretched and I took it hesitantly. "Hi."

"Yes, this is she. Emma," she rested a hand upon my shoulder and smiled, "this is Jack Alonso."

I nodded, growing severely impatient. Wanting to move on.

Apparently when I had noticed her speaking to him, they had somehow began that conversation even before then. He suddenly provided information on choice of literature that was really astounding to me. Mentioning Pride and Prejudice and quoting from it like a smart ass. I wanted to kick him when his suggestions were bold enough to put him in the place of Mister Darcy. Actually quoting Mister Darcy.

"Oh please stop," she held up a hand as we walked and smiled bashfully. "I am no Lizzie."

"Perhaps you're Jane then," he provided. "Jane Bennet."

"Then you should quote Charles Bingley."

I rolled my eyes.

"Austen is such a wonderful writer. Pride and Prejudice such a fantastic book with a poignant love story. One wonders if she indeed experienced such heart songs."

He walked with us as if inviting himself. The nerve of some people to just attach themselves to a party of two without wondering the intentions of the moment. It was so rude to have him around because their conversation only drifted to gardens, flowers and landscaping whilst I felt so out of place. Nothing could attach my interest. He sandwiched her between us and leant in whilst walking, almost intimately involving words that would separate them from me. It was almost as if I wasn't there. For about fifteen minutes we walked on with them speaking to each other animatedly as she appeared to be in high spirits.

Finally spying Dolly and Matt joining the trail again, I acted on impulse. Detaching my hand from hers, I quickened my pace and caught up with time. Matt was holding up a pink flower that had delicate petals. As I joined them, he offered me one and asked for my honest opinion on the beauty of the item.

"Gaze at it with fresh eyes, Emma," he advised. "Tell me, is it captivating enough to put on the cover of a book?"

"Depends on the content of the book," I remarked, twisting it this way and that.

"Poetry," he said.

"Matt has decided to publish his collection of poems based on nature," Dolly informed me. "In New Jersey we have this beautiful garden at the back of our house. Most times he spent outside whilst recovering from his heart attack. Writing was a way to soothe his soul. Mind you though," she pressed a hand unto my right shoulder, "not a poem was written about me. They say a car is a man's wife. But in his case, flowers are his most prized objects of study."

"Ah but she does not know about the poems I've written about her because they remain hidden!" he exclaimed. "Until published then you will capture a line or two."

"Well if we're talking about a book of poetry about flowers, then sure," I sniffed the flower. "It's actually a nice color too."

"The way the petals appear so delicate to the touch, such a sharp pink," Matt smiled. "I have three other flowers to consider."

"Why don't you put all four then?" I suggested. "Held together around the stems with a ribbon? A collection of flowers, leaving different readers to select at least one to admire?"

Dolly's eyes widened.

"Emma, you are most definitely correct. Thank you." Matt reached around his wife to pat my back. I hung my head, cheeks burning up. "You are a flower yourself. Perhaps we could have you hold the bunch whilst a picture is taken."

"That would be a great idea!" Dolly commented, clapping her hands in glee. "Oh don't we wish we had a daughter like you! Both you and Regina must come visit us one day in New Jersey. You must come. You're two remarkable women."

We walked on for a while and then someone spotted a lake between the trees. The tour guide led us there with excited eyes as he explained that when the moonlight would cast itself upon the water, an astounding sight presented itself. It was then when Dolly detached herself from us to take a picture of the lake. And Matt peered behind us.

"I dare say," he began in a low voice, "why have you left your darling to walk by herself?"

"I haven't," I refused to turn around, staring at the lake instead. "She's not alone."

"Oh but she is."

"She's with –" my words trailed off when I finally glanced behind me and caught Regina standing there all by herself. Staring at me with those captivating brown eyes, it wasn't hard to decipher what that look meant. Hands tucked inside that gorgeous brown coat, she stood there like a statue and immediately I could sense that a storm was coming. From the fire burning in that stare alone, even across the distance it was evident that she was severely affected by my move.

"Why don't you return to her company," Matt patted me on my back affectionately, "she looks very sad standing there by herself. Your lady needs you."

Returning to Dolly's side at the edge of the lake, I watched him go. Then turning to glance around, I noticed that Jack was in the company of another man, both of them studying a clump of rocks not far off. Sucking it up, I approached her, holding my breath because Regina wouldn't stop looking at me. It was a look that reminded me of our time in Neverland. Standing at a distance as she stared, making me feel so uncomfortable because everyone else was around. And she had no idea back then what her brown eyes did to me. But now she was staring without moving, and as I drew nearer, the air between us buzzed with tension.

I bit my lips and stood by her side without saying a word.

We said nothing to each other for five long minutes. Within that time, all I did was stare absentmindedly at the activity by the lake. People were dipping their fingers into the water and chatting among themselves. Most of them were affectionately touching and teasing each other whilst taking pictures. Yet somehow all I could focus on was how still she was, silent and completely frightening. I couldn't remember the last time she was in this state. Just standing there without saying anything to me. And I knew that the ice had to be broken now or else it would get worse.

"Matt is a poet," I started, listening to her breathing. Twirling the pink flower between my fingers, I could feel my heart galloping. "He's going to publish this book."

She said nothing.

"And he wanted my opinion on the cover." I licked my lips. "Whether he should use this flower," I held it in front of her. It was considered with a glare. "Or one out of the three others he has found already."

Brown eyes flicked to the lake, and her right boot twisted sideways on the grass.

"I advised him to use all four, because I mean, different people relate differently to things. Colors…"

Nothing.

I inhaled deeply. "Regina…"

Seconds slipped by. She continued to stare hard at the lake.

I decided to get it out in the open. Or at least start somewhere. "I saw you and Jack talking in the garden." Turning in her direction, I admired the softness of black hair. "I went to search for you and I saw you two talking. I don't understand why you'd lie to me afterwards though. Saying that you were there by yourself. All you had to do was tell me that you were talking to someone."

"This is exactly the reason why I did not tell you," her tone was clipped, reminding me of Madame Mayor. "Your reaction turned out to be the same anyway."

"I just thought that you'd be honest." I stared at her.

"Honest about what?" She stared at me. "Should I check in with you every second about my whereabouts?"

"Leaving out that one bit of information wasn't a good idea," I was growing angry.

"I don't have time for this kind of childish behavior," she inhaled deeply, staring at me, fists clenched. And all the time I kept thinking that it was not worth it.

It wasn't worth the energy to get all worked up because it was ridiculous. We had come such a long way. Had shared so many moments. We had been through so much and yet could I possibly question her motives? However, I had a right to ask, didn't I? I had a right to wonder why she would lie to me. Lying is like a slap. I don't like people lying to me. Never did. And to have the one woman you love lie to you. That's horrible. It's a horrible feeling.

"I just wanted to know," my voice was softer now.

"What do you want from me?" she turned in my direction, brown eyes fiery. "Do you want me to limit myself to your company alone?"

"I never said –"

"Do I need to report to you every time I do something?" a step was taken towards me and I stared at her wide eyes.

"You're taking this way out of context," I informed her.

"You're the one who's blowing up the situation," she cornered me, "all because you're jealous."

"And that means that something is wrong with me?" I was astounded. "The fact that I could actually get jealous?"

"Well clearly you have a problem."

"Thanks for stating the obvious."

"Separating yourself from me –"

"I left you to talk to your mate who shares so much in common with you."

"Oh quit behaving like a little child," she ordered, glaring at me. "This is not a turf war. Clearly you cannot attempt to doubt where my loyalties lie."

"What the hell am I supposed to think, feel and do?" I was really hurt that she thought I was behaving like a child.

"You're supposed to trust me," she hissed, glancing around to make sure we weren't observed. "You're supposed to believe that my actions are strictly filtered without the thought of ever betraying what we have."

"I do trust you."

"Then why the hell are you behaving like a hormonal teenager?"

Stepping back, I stared at her in bewilderment. "I'm behaving like a hormonal teenager? What about blushing every five seconds whilst he talks to you about gardening and quoting from your favorite book? He's a real charmer and you're oh so interested in what he has to say."

"Emma –"

"Leaving me out because I'm not as educated as he is in gardening. Potting plants and mixing fertilizer. Germination and creating zig zag rows –"

"Stop it."

"Oh sure I was jealous, hell yeah," I continued without stopping, my throat aching, eyes burning, "I have every right to be because I'm there walking beside you and it's like I'm not even present." Clenching my fists, I turn to stare into the trees, fighting the tears back because it's ridiculous to cry about this. It really is. "You know, you have no idea at all what you're capable of doing to me," my voice is barely audible. "You drive me insane. It's not that I don't want you to talk to anyone, but when it comes to you, I want to know the truth. Because when you don't tell me the truth, then I'm left to grow paranoid. "

"You have no right to be jealous," she stated.

"Yeah I do," I returned. "I see the way men look at you. Which man wouldn't want to get closer to you?"

"It's not like that," she said softly.

"I heard him invite you to have a drink with him. You never rejected his invitation. I don't have a problem with that. It's just that the moment you lied to me about where you were, that's the point when I suddenly changed moods. Because all you had to do was say to me, hey Emma, I've met this guy. He's really nice and we have some stuff in common. He knows about gardening. He knows about books and flowers. And those are the things I like to talk about. So I consider him a friend, you know?" I shrugged, biting my lips.

She remained silent, waiting on me to continue.

"Plus he's hot as hell, he's a charmer, has a way with words, totally a looker –"

"And you wonder why I react the way I do when Hook seeks out your company," she returned, the fire disappearing from her eyes. "Are you aware of how it feels to grow severely paranoid now? When a man places all his interest in you? Because I stood on the sidelines for over two years watching you blush in the company of men."

"I've had enough when you were with Robin," I reminded her.

"True, but my heart only belongs to you, Emma," I glanced at her and swallowed hard, "do you understand what that means to me?"

"I just reacted in a bad way," I confessed, my eyes watering, "because I'm always afraid of losing you. I don't ever feel as if I'm enough."

"Emma," pressing both palms upon my face, she turned me towards her, "sweetheart, you're more than enough. Stop belittling yourself. You have to stop doubting your worth in my life because we will never be truly happy until that happens. For you to grow upset over Jack, yes, that is only human. But I didn't consider it to be a big deal."

"Well it was a big deal," I said. "He has an effect on you."

"I'm not his type," she smiled, pressing our foreheads together.

"I find that hard to believe."

"Emma," she rubbed our noses together affectionately, "he's gay."

Eyes widening, I stared at her. "Seriously?"

"Yes. Look." She directed my eyes towards the lake and I sought out the glint of his blonde hair. There he stood by the lake with his arms wrapped around another man who held a camera in front of them. And as the flash twinkled, a kiss was pressed unto the other man's cheek.

I felt like shit.

"Oh man," I whined, "I feel like slapping myself. I knew there was something off about him. He's too colorful…"

"We need to fix your gaydar," she ruffled my hair and laughed, "I took one look at him and detected his sexuality. He also figured me out."

"He did?" I stared at her with wide eyes.

"Yes he did." She licked her lips, smiling in Jack's direction. "Apparently men are born with a gaydar. Over the years many men have shied away from me because of that. Even when I was the Evil Queen, interested suitors would leave after the first meeting. Daddy always showed them to the door willingly because as Henry would put it, I have a tendency of friendzoning men."

"And Robin?" I was curious.

"Emma, you surely can relate where Neal is concerned." She threw me a glance. "A man quickly becomes your best friend because you share many interests. However when it comes to intimacy, something is always lacking. Something only a woman can provide. There are best friends alone and then there are best friends who you share such a deep level of intimacy with. Like you. When we make love, you're quite aware of the difference. The depth of our connection."

I swallowed hard. I couldn't breathe.

"When you touch me, Emma," she caressed my right cheek and I could feel every part of me tremble, "I feel severely ignited, which is why whatever is between us never seems to die away. Because the passion…is…insanely intense. So intense…"

"Regina," I croaked.

She waited. "Yes?"

"Can we continue that conversation when we're alone?"

She snorted. "Why? Do you want to rip my clothes off and taste me all over like you did this morning?"

I swayed on the spot, staring at the lake with wide eyes.

"Since it is evening already, how about we watch a black and white and sip on wine upon our return?"

"I like that."

"And just before we sleep." She stepped closer, moved my hair aside and pressed those lips to my right ear. "I want to show you another method of love making that will surely drive you insane." I froze up. "So insane, your gaydar will start working properly tomorrow."

Eyes wide, I began to think of her intentions but could find nothing new after we had explored so much before. Toys? That was the only thing to come to mind. She had toys. Oh geez, she was going to play with me until I lost my mind.

"Now get a move on," she slapped me on my butt, smiling around, "you sexy unicorn."

Staring at her with wide eyes, I couldn't conceal a smile. "Is that your way of speaking dirty to me, your Majesty?"

She rolled those gorgeous brown eyes at me. "Perhaps. People ride unicorns, don't they?"

"Yeah, they do," I scratched the back of my head, obviously pink, "I don't understand how your reference applies to me though."

"Soon enough you'll catch on," she winked at me and sauntered off to the lake, still throwing me glances that melted my knees.

I watched her go and I remembered thinking, dear God Emma. What have you done? You've come so far, been through shit, been through hell and back. You've lost people and been in prison, rubbed the wrong shoulders. You've been in the wrong crowds, been abandoned. And all the time, you were just looking for one thing. One person. All the years I was just trying to find someone who could understand me. Someone who could get me all angry and then a few seconds later, I'm smiling like a five year old in a toy store. It was unbelievable. She could wind me up and then kiss the fury out of my head. It happened. It actually happened.

There she was, and here I was.

And I prayed to God that it would last forever because if it didn't, then I'd most likely lose my freaking mind.

xx

* * *

><p><strong>AN – Yas, so as I was saying earlier, this person right? She just blocked me out. How the hell can you even block someone out when they say I LOVE YOU? I mean, she's the one who gave me false hope to begin with. She led me on. And then lied to me, never mentioning the girlfriend. Now she has the audacity to follow me on twitter and retweet my tweets, making me see that she's there watching. Like what the hell? Honestly, I don't have luck with love. Never did. People always fuck me over and I end up flying solo again. The thing about writing though is that it helps me heal. **

**Anyway, back to the fanfiction. Emma's insecurities are really destroying this. This is what happened to me. It always happens. I can have something so perfect and then it's messed up because I simply cannot believe that someone would love me back. Jealousy? YAS. Oh she's hanging out with her friends, and I'm stuck here all alone. I have issues. But this is what makes this story so raw and real. It's because I'm telling it as it is.**

**QUICK QUESTION. **

**Are my characters out of character too much? I mean, none of this happened in the show. So we don't know how they would behave. We saw how Regina behaves when she's in love. She becomes so mushy. But I just wanted to know. Cheers!**


	24. Cracks In The Mirror

**A/N - Hey! *waves* You might not believe me when I admit how much I love you guys. I love you all to bits. Honestly, you are the best readers/fans a writer like me could ever have. One day could be going so badly and then I receive a review that is so uplifting, a message that is so heartwarming, it brings tears to my eyes. Because I know that you're all affected by this story as I am. I know that you're all reading. This is not an easy story to follow. To 1Shanelle, babe sorry to see you go. I'm sorry the insecurities chased you away. Farewell. My advice to you all before I push you down the slide of feels?**

**NEVER TREAT SOMEONE AS A PRIORITY WHEN ALL YOU ARE TO THEM IS AN OPTION!**

**Cheers!**

**xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx**

**Chapter Twenty Four**

'_**Cracks In The Mirror'**_

We passed the night away watching THE GHOST WALKS, an old black and white film that I would highly recommend to you. It's a very ridiculously scary yet funny horror movie about a film director who gets spooked. Everyone believes that it's a joke until they realize that there's a mad man on the loose inside the house.

She curled up into me like a comma and we munched on all sorts of things, even carrot sticks from a vegetable salad that was ordered. Occasionally my chest would become a pillow and the moment that sweet smell of her hair intoxicated me, I drifted off from the movie.

She had the softest hair ever, the smoothest skin. When her skin was sniffed, she smelt like body wash and everything else that had become so familiar to me. Could you imagine knowing so much about someone that you're so familiar with their touch? Their smell, the way they breathe and at the precise moment when she drifts off to sleep, my mind is completely aware of the change. It's so remarkable to be so in tune with someone, somehow you're connected on so many different levels. When her hands wrap around me, every single time I tremble because it's like we never touched before. It's like the moment when we finally did, over and over again the same thing happens where I could honestly believe that the feeling is new.

Just as the mad man is about to do something to a victim, and my eyes are so huge, Regina lifts her head. Tucking my hair behind an ear, she pulls me down. Peeling my attention from the television, she presses a kiss unto my lips and mewls. And that's when the movie ends for me. Up to this day I have no idea how the film ended. I must watch it back some time to figure out. But it ended just like that.

In a couple seconds, I'm faced with a kitten that cannot slow down.

Taking off my clothes seems to have become such an easy task for her because it's done in a flash. All the time we're kissing, hungrily but slowly, savoring the feel and taste of each other. Coming in to tease me with teeth grazing along my jawline. Then her warm breath tickles my skin when she moves away. Our eyes meeting and holding a gaze filled with such passion. Fire licks up inside of me and between us when my shirt is shrugged off, discarded. My jeans are pulled off next, toes pointed, as brown eyes study me like a breathtaking painting. Blinking her astonishment away from casting all the attention on me again. Admiring what she wants and what she can get. It's all in the way I'm studied in silence. And then fingers do the walking.

We don't talk.

It's like a rule to stay quiet.

She's wearing this blood red satin night gown that buttons up in front. But that's an overstatement. The gown had been put on without a care in the world of buttoning it up. So that the front is parted easily, my fingers moving aside the material to expose full soft breasts. I guess that I stop breathing because every time she's naked in front of me, it's only natural to stare at how beautiful her body is. All the soft curves, the stretch of honey colored skin, tattoos sprinkled across her midsection. She's fully pregnant and still fucking gorgeous to behold. It doesn't matter to me. It doesn't matter that she's carrying a baby. Because just the thought of that is beautiful. To run my fingers over the tightness of her soft skin, tracing the outline of a left hip. She's lying on her side.

Our legs tangle together and then even before I can help her out of that gown, she slips off the bed. With this mischievous look on that pretty face, fingers are wrapped around my ankles. Pulling my legs off the bed. I'm lying halfway on it, my butt close to the edge. As soon as I'm about to check on what the heck she's doing, Regina parts my thighs apart and those fingers start tormenting me. I'm forced to bite my lips, blinking up at the ceiling, pawing the sheets when she uses her hands on me. Flicking and doing all sorts of things, playing with me like an instrument.

I prop myself up on my elbows so that we can look at each other. And it's then when I see how those eyes are filled with lust, shadowed and dangerous. It's really the moment I start to second guess what's to come because she's so unpredictable. However, whatever she wants, I'll willingly allow her to have it. To do what is desired. To play any game. Once she's the one in charge, it's all about breaking the rules and never caring.

But that's exactly what she does.

She uses her mouth on me with such expertise, I seriously was ready to blank out. Every single time her tongue flicked in those sensitive places, my hips rose off the sheets by reflex. Mewling into the back of my hand, blinking up at nothing in particular. Toes pointed, squeezing into the side of the bed. How the hell could she manage to be such a pro at doing this is beyond my understanding? Whatever it is, it's fucking mind blowing. Fingers wrap around my hips and I'm pulled closer into her mouth as she sucks and bites, making me dance near the edge but moving away even before I could just let go. It's maddening. It's so maddening, I reach a point where my hoarse pleas fill the room, begging her to never stop. But it happens all over again. The tormenting and then moving away, driving me crazy. So crazy, my head starts to spin and I grow so weak from being tortured.

Fingers enter me next. Not two but three. Bold and without wasting time, her teeth graze along my inner thighs and she's thrusting into me with a slow pace. A pace that slackens just when I want to let go. When I'm finally given the chance to, her mouth captures me fully and she more than likely tastes and feels every single orgasm after that. Clawing the sheets, head thrown back, biting my lips, I scream her name and choke on it. My body is twisted like an electrical wire as her hungry mouth keeps on devouring me, pushing my legs apart even when I want them close. Because the feeling of extreme pleasure is so overbearing, it numbs my brain. My mind becomes blank and I lose it for such a long time as she keeps drawing me to the edge. The bottoms of my feet are taken a hold of, and her hands are massaging toes that have gone so numb. By the time she's climbing on top of me, I can't even remember where I am or what day it is.

As soon as I weakly wedge my hand between her legs, she shudders and trembles against me. Our lips seeking out a kiss, tongues licking and dancing, she's so wet and I know that it's no different with me. It's no different on either end.

"Touch me," she whispers, fingers running through my hair, brown eyes wide, lips quivering. "Go ahead and touch me. Watch what you're capable of doing to me."

I'm not sure.

As soon as my finger barely enters her, she gasps, immediately letting go. It's astonishing. I feel the way she closes around my finger, body shaking from every single orgasm that comes hard. Eyes squeezed shut, fingers dig into my arm as her hoarse cries leave me breathless. Legs wrapped around mine, squeezing me close enough, lying on our sides, I continue to give her exactly what she wants.

"Regina," my voice is barely a whisper as I stare at her.

She shakes, chest heaving, never quite able to breathe. "Yes." She's so hoarse, tears squeeze through the corner of her eyes.

"Look at me," I croak.

She does, brown eyes lost, distant, unfocused, wide, gasping.

Pressing our foreheads together, I hold her so close, she mewled. Still trying to catch our breaths, I don't know how it happened. But suddenly she started to cry. She started to sob, our faces pressed together and I grew so scared, my heart began to beat wildly.

"What's wrong?" I caressed her face and stared, fearful. "Babe."

"I'm…" she sniffed, eyes kept closed, "I'm uncertain…I'm…afraid."

"Of what?" my chest grew cold. She's afraid of what? Why would she start crying just like that? Did something happen?

"Of losing you."

"That's my line, not yours," I was worried. "I'm the one who usually says that. Not you. You're always the one who has so much faith in us. That keeps me going."

"You don't understand," eyes fluttering open, I could feel her breath on my face as our eyes meet. "All my life, I have lost things."

"Yeah. But you're not going to lose me," I reassured her in a soft voice. The wind whispered into the room through windows barely open. "You're not going to ever lose me, okay?" Caressing her cheek, I press a kiss unto quivering lips. "We're in this together. You're stuck with me for good."

"Are you certain?" her brown eyes blinked at me.

"Hell yeah," I cracked a smile.

"Then will you –"

She said it in a rush. My eyes grew wide. I waited. But she stopped. She stopped just like that and I was holding my breath. For such a long time I didn't breathe after those words hung in the air. It's like the world was about to end or something and I was waiting on an explosion. But all I got was a wide stare that lasted so long.

"Will I what?" my chest hurt terribly.

She just stared at me for a few seconds longer. She blinked away tears that slid down her cheek. And Regina just kissed me. She kissed me slow and deep, whilst my eyes remained open. Because I couldn't process it. I don't understand what it meant. Was I stupid or insane to honestly believe that she was going to ask me the obvious? I mean, yeah we had talked about it, joked around. Of course it was pretty serious to me. But to her, the moment when it could finally happen. Was that the moment? And if that was the moment, then why did she stop? Should I have said yes without allowing her to continue? What was I supposed to do or say?

She kissed me and then buried her face unto my boobs. And then pulling the sheet around us, the lamp light was reached for, switched off. And I was hugged. What the hell? I listened to her breathe, and her breathing slackened. And then she was asleep. To be honest, I stayed up for like three hours after that, just lying there with her in my arms, thinking about what had just happened. Maybe it might not seem as a big deal to you but it was to me. It just…happened. It happened and I still can't process it. Whatever it was. Like, was something wrong? Did something stop her? What stopped her? Did I do something wrong? Oh geez. I did do something wrong. I fucked up something, didn't I? She suddenly realized that she'd keep me on trial period because I was immature and a big baby. I wanted too much. The way I behaved earlier was too much. Jealous and out of hand. Maybe she didn't want that. Maybe she believed that I needed time to figure out myself before…

Before she married me.

Tears came to my eyes when I thought of it. I think I fell asleep crying into her hair because of being so paranoid. Overthinking things. I felt so miserable, my heart hurt. And still she slept on like a baby.

Xx

* * *

><p>Neal checked his watch and he lingered by the Diner just outside Storybrooke.<p>

It had been fifteen minutes now. He watched a woman with red hair twist the key in her car door, a blue Nissan Sentra. An old model from the looks of it. Tucking her hair behind an ear, heels clicked on the road as she hustled a small girl towards the entrance. Most likely her kid. Eyeing them warily, he leant unto his car and waited, watching the trees just off the side of the road and wondering.

Emma had told him about the discovery story. She had told him about August walking out of those trees with a baby in his arms. Just a child he was then, so small and frightened. Bringing them to this very same Diner. So many years ago that was. And neither of them had any idea that a town lay a small distance away, with everyone they held dearly to them trapped inside.

The roar of a motorbike's engine alerted his attention. Rearing his head to the road, Neal pushed himself off from the car and walked ahead. It wasn't long before a nice CG rolled into view, their red helmets twinkling in the sun. Heads bobbing as Maria who was obviously in control rode unto the dirt pathway. Coming to a stop, she awaited Lily getting off.

Whistling, Neal eyed Maria's expertise in handling the heavy bike even whilst wearing heels. She was a pro in all areas apparently. Lily tugged her helmet off and eyed him with a wry smile. A hand outstretched, she took his and shook it, a sense of friendliness in those brown eyes. Maria on the other hand pulled off her helmet and tossed blonde hair about before sauntering towards them with a bright smile. Hips swaying, she came to stand before Neal and eyed him like a hyena checking out a good catch.

"Listen, we've got to make this quick." Neal was really worried, and both women could sense it in his voice. Wiping his forehead, he stared at them. "Every minute wasted isn't good. So what you two got in mind?"

"You read us loud and clear on the phone?" Maria twisted a boot, hands on her hips.

"The FBI is burning a fucking trail on Emma. Out for blood from the looks of it. Believing she has something to do with Robbie's murder in New York?" His forehead creased.

"Yup, and…" Lily sighed, rolled her eyes, "we caught Phillip but they managed to contain him before we got a chance to ask questions. Most likely they're not going to allow us near him even during questioning."

"Look, my concern here is Emma," Maria pointed out, holding up a hand. "It's all about Emma. We need to find her before they do."

"And do what?" Neal asked, staring into emerald eyes that reminded him of the very person in question. "What the hell are we going to tell her?"

"The truth!" Lily piped up. "That the FBI has these screen shots from video surveillance of her in the company of Phillip. I mean, she has to know something about it! Those shots looked genuine enough. Plus two witnesses claiming that Emma was in an alleyway with Phillip chucking Robbie around? That's some serious evidence there."

"In other words," Maria cast a glance at Lily, "we need to find some way to get Emma out of this, to get her out clean."

"Suppose she's hiding something?"

Neal and Maria stared at Lily.

"I don't know guys, you should know more than us," the brunette waved a hand in Neal's direction. "I mean, do you know what really happened in New York or –"

"I wasn't there in New York with her," Neal pointed out. "But mark my words, Emma would never be an accomplice to that shit face. Unless she was forced against her will."

"Her son." Maria stared with wide eyes at Neal.

"Henry?" Neal blinked fast, "he could have threatened Henry but she would have told me about it. Emma doesn't hide stuff like that from me. We're that close. We've always been close. If anything happened to jeopardize Henry's safety, it was bound to come up in some conversation."

"Okay, so what if she was drugged then?" That was Lily, feeling her stomach grumble, already aware of missing breakfast. It was almost 10 am already.

All three of them considered it in silence.

"If she was drugged, then sure she'd do anything."

Maria looked at Neal. "How do we prove that though?"

"We can't unless Emma remembers something out of the ordinary. Like feeling woozy. We're talking about over two years ago here! People forget things. It's all the FBI's fault. Silently investigating this crap and then an agent of theirs gets burnt. He's dead, and impersonated. It's the only reason why they're involved in this to begin with."

"True, if an agent wasn't involved, then this would be our turf alone. New York investigating Robbie as always. We hand the majority of drug dealers."

Neal was staring at Maria as she spoke. All the time he kept thinking of Emma. What was Emma's involvement in this? Had she been hiding stuff from him? Surely not. She'd never do that. Then again, he believed that the Emma who was his fiancée wasn't hiding anything. Until Regina came back and the truth came out.

"So we find Emma." Maria kept looking at Neal, trying to read him. "We find Emma and we tell her about this."

"Let me talk to her," Neal said without looking at either of them. "I'll give her a call, talk to her and –"

"Dude, we need to find her and make sure that she's okay. You just can't call her and explain this. It has to be the three of us in this with Emma or else it's nothing at all."

Neal considered Lily with a wary glance. "Right now, she's really tied up with something and –"

"What the fuck could be more important than the FBI wanting her head on a block?" Maria asked with wide eyes. "She could get thrown in jail for those kinds of accusations! Involvement in the murder of a drug dealer that the FBI was handling? Being an accomplice to a man who killed a fucking FED?"

"Emma's on vacation, ladies," Neal stated, he cleared his throat, "with her other half." Brown eyes and emerald eyes widened. "All expense paid vacation. Just the two of them relaxing and having a good time somewhere secret. I'm not about to break up her honeymoon just because of this. She really needs a time out."

"If you're so concerned about the wellbeing of Emma," Maria stepped up to him, hands on her hips, "then you'd tell us where she is right now. This isn't a fucking joke. Sure we understand that she's with the wifey. But this is serious, darling. She's an ex con. All of this they have in her files, ready to interrogate the shit out of her."

"And what's with the town you guys live in?" Lily was curious. "No one knows of Storybrooke. It doesn't exist. What the hell is that about?"

"We pay handsomely to keep ourselves off maps and everything else," Neal said, maintaining a straight face. "Storybrooke is like the Bermuda Triangle, some people are lucky to drive in, others just drive over a glitch and end up moving over the town without noticing. So the legend goes."

"What?"

"Are you serious?"

"Don't ask me, I don't write nature." Neal shrugged.

"So we're talking about a situation like Under the Dome? Like Haven?"

"It's a legend as old as Disney's Snow White."

"Fuck," Maria whistled, emerald eyes wide. "So we were lucky enough to get in?"

"Seems so, doesn't it? The town lets anyone in who has a reason. But once you have a bad intention, that's the end for you."

"Dude, this is awesome as hell," Lily stared at him with wide eyes. "So you're saying that in a situation like this, if we can get Emma back into Storybrooke before the FEDS find her. Then they can't get in?"

"Not sure at this moment if they'll be able to get in," Neal was enjoying himself, "but we can hide Emma inside. Just in case they do show up."

"But the main thing is, we need to get to her before they do. So are you in or what?"

Neal stared at Maria, biting in a laugh. "Sure," he waved a hand, shrugged, "I'm in. Lemme give her a call and ask for us to meet."

"Keep Regina out of this," Lily said, trying to block out the conflicting feelings about Emma's new lover. "She doesn't need to get involved."

"You seriously can't ask me to ask that of Emma," Neal frowned. "They can't hide stuff from each other."

"At this point," Maria said, looking at Lily, "let's just talk to Emma without getting wifey involved. Let's hope that we don't interrupt some love making session." She pinched her forehead and sighed. "Fuck, I hate breaking up lovey dovey moments. But this is serious. When we left the gas station, the FEDS were one hour behind us. Taking Phillip to headquarters wouldn't take long. Plus that bitch Landers has a thing against blondes."

"Really? I think she likes you," Lily smiled. "A lot."

"This is not funny, darling," Maria scowled. "You ready for some action?" the blonde jerked her chin at Neal.

"Just give me a few minutes to make the call." Neal held up his mobile.

Maria considered it with jealous eyes. "A Samsung S8? You rich bastard. I hate you."

"What can I say?" Neal smiled and shrugged it off, "it's a form of luxury."

"I want the S9."

Maria scowled at Lily.

"What?" the brunette considered her with worried eyes.

Xx

* * *

><p>I was up before nine actually.<p>

Untangling myself from her, yawning widely, my footsteps led to the outside balcony. On my way, I snatched up the mobile upon the chair and dragged my feet away from the bedroom. A slight headache was bothering me. Barely there but enough to be irritating. And it was all because of last night. I couldn't stop thinking about it. I just couldn't.

When Neal called at 10:45, I was watching a trawler roll by upon the river, men casting out nets that looked like spider webs. The glare covering the water's surface and stinging my eyes. I answered his call without a worry in my mind and stretched lazily. From the moment he told me to just listen without interrupting, I sat up. The tone of his voice was enough to shove me into murky waters, worrying to myself what the hell had happened. I was tempted to ask if it was Henry but from the time he mentioned Phillip, everything else was forgotten of.

He told me about Maria and Lily being there. Something about the FEDS having Phillip in custody and on the hunt for me. At first I was shocked, and relieved at the same time. The bastard was caught. Yippee. But why the hell did they want me? Promising to explain everything else soon enough, Neal asked if the three of them could meet up with me and talk.

"Even if it's outside the Inn," he suggested. "At your convenience but it has to happen ASAP."

"No you guys can come here and we'll talk," I didn't want to leave here, or leave Regina. "I'll meet you in the lobby."

"Let's say in the next half an hour because the ladies are grabbing breakfast now." The wind hissed into the phone on his end. "Sounds good?"

"Yeah that sounds good. Neal," I swallowed hard, and could already tell that he probably was filled with worry too, "tell me anything you can before we meet up. Just between you and me. What the hell happened?"

"I'm going to ask you straight up, no holding back," his tone was serious enough. "The FEDS have surveillance of you and Phillip in New York side by side, just around the time of Robbie's murder –"

"What?" I stopped breathing.

"Plus, two eyewitnesses place you in an alleyway with Phillip as he batted Robbie around like a toy, saying that you had a gun –"

"Oh my God," my entire body grew cold, even though the sun outside was blazing. Fingers numb, I couldn't even hold the phone properly. I couldn't even reply. There was silence and Neal sighed.

"Emma, I know this is shit right now. I know it's fucked up. Seems like our pasts come back to haunt us two even though we run from it. Whatever they have, it can't beat the truth and the truth is that you had nothing to do with this. Whatever happened, there's an explanation. Take deep breaths…" I struggled to, eyes stinging from tears. "Now can you remember anything out of the ordinary in New York? Blanking out for a period of time? Anything?"

I thought about it. I thought hard and couldn't remember anything like that. "It was a long time ago, Neal. I don't remember even seeing him in New York or Robbie or…"

"Okay, we can work with you somehow being drugged. We need to get you a lawyer if this thing gets out of hand. And I happen to know the best one in town –"

"You can't be seriously considering hiring Gold as a lawyer!"

"He can make anything happen, dearie," Neal was being playful with me, trying to lighten up the atmosphere. "Besides, he has magic on his side. Anything happens we can poof some sense into these idiots. FEDS." He scoffed. "They're just roused up because their own is dead."

Half an hour later, Regina was still sleeping. I left a note on the brown oak vanity stating that I had to meet Neal downstairs to discuss a new development in the case. It's not like I could lie to her. After what happened last night, complete honesty should make a huge difference. And even if she came looking for me, at least it would be my move to decide whether to let her in on this or not. Most likely I'd have to let her in because she'd force her way in either way.

"Well you look rosy," Maria commented as soon as we met outdoors. Patting my cheeks down, a kiss was pressed upon my forehead. "Babe, we're here to kick some ass."

"Not before we sort this thing out properly," Lily locked the bike and took of her red helmet, brown eyes intensely focused on me. "Hey Emma."

"How's it going?" I asked absentmindedly, toeing the ground with my right boot. The buzzing in my head just wouldn't stop.

"Let's just say that something fishy is going on here and we have no idea what the hell happened." Maria gestured for them to move out of the sun and inside.

Once inside, Neal asked about Regina and patted my back when I stated that if she needed to become involved, then I'd let her. He understood more than anyone about her stubbornness and overprotectiveness when it came to the people she loved. As we sat down in a corner offering enough privacy, I knew to myself that as soon as she could and if I wasn't back by then, Regina would come looking for me. She most certainly would. And when she did, then I'd have to explain everything all over again. To be honest, I just wished that she was here already. Having her next to me made a lot of a difference. For now, Neal was comforting as always. But she was like the other half of my heart.

"So you're saying that you don't remember anything," Lily had her elbows propped up on the table, staring at me. "About being in Phillip's company in New York."

I shook my head, shoulders hunched. "Most of New York was a blur to be honest. Moving out there to…make a new life was hard at first. But eventually I fitted in. Working as a Narc cop by day and at this club in the nights –"

"Wait," Maria's eyes were huge as she held up a hand, "you worked as a Narcotics cop in New York?"

"Undercover, yeah. Small rings that involved mostly high school busts and some other petty shop dealers. But it was simple. I went in, made a deal, got the drugs and busted them."

"So maybe that's when the fucker came into contact with you, or knew of your whereabouts," Maria pointed out, glancing at Neal for assurance. "He was watching you."

"Could have possibly had an inside man who slipped you some drugs somehow." Lily hadn't cracked a smile since we met outside. "He slipped you something, you become a walking zombie and then you're used like a toy. Most times it happens. All the time in New York. Sad as it is, Vegas don't get this kind of action."

"Or L.A," Maria added. "L.A doesn't have walking zombies."

"L.A is gorgeous this time of the year."

I blinked at the two of them warily and waited.

"Anyway so working from the inside out, we know that the FEDS want her for questioning," Neal pointed out. He was sitting next to me.

"Sure as that. They said. Interrogation most likely, and since she's drawing a blank on New York, then Landers is going to manipulate this whole fucking thing, twisting it with lies just to make something pop." Lily was beginning to annoy me with her staring. "You can't remember anything at all? You're not helping yourself here."

"What do you want me to do?" I asked, growing severely pissed, glaring at her. "Do you want me to lie? Fabricate some shitty story to cover up my tracks?"

"It would be a start since you don't have anything to back you up at this point," Lily returned in a clipped tone.

"The last thing Emma needs right now is to lie," Neal said in my defense. "If she lies, then we still need proof. We have no proof now."

"If this goes to court and they realize that you drew a blank during a murder," Lily leant over the table, brown eyes hard, "they're going to hammer you with questions about your sanity, using drugs, digging up all these little worms in the system and someone will come forward and squeal on you. Most likely you being a drug pusher back then –"

"What the hell is your problem?" I couldn't help myself. "Why the hostility?"

She sat back in her seat and pouted without saying a word. Maria threw both of us a glance and smiled.

"Ah darlings, simmer down. All is never fair in love and war, now is it?"

With the way she was behaving, it wasn't helping my mood. I was agitated and frustrated, conflicted. Then suddenly something dawned on me. It was ridiculous but it had to be the truth.

"Wait, is this about Regina?" I stared at Lily with wide eyes.

"About the two eyewitnesses the FEDS claim they have," that was Maria, obviously trying to steer the anger between Lily and I off track. "Could it be a lie?"

"We'll only know as this progresses." Neal pressed his fingertips together. "I mean, could it be possible that Robbie's own people worked alongside Phillip to take his ass down? Who would bargain from his demise? Most obviously Phillip. He was never interested in daddy's business. But he'd gain fame if he took out his own father."

"And they needed someone else to take the blame if anything happened," Maria continued. "Phillip would most likely choose Emma because she's his number one enemy. It's his way of destroying her one last time for something he believed was wrong. The man is a twisted fuck. For all we know, these two witnesses were planted there by someone just to bring Emma down."

Neal's eyes grew wide. I was watching him intently because when he threw bait out there, it meant that he was doing some really serious thinking. "It's a cover up," he whispered. Slamming a fist on the table, he scoffed, "Christ, it's a damn cover up. All of this is a sham."

"What are you aiming at?" I studied his face, holding my breath.

"Look, it all makes sense now," he rested both hands on the table, side by side. "Just as Maria is leaning to, the cartel wanted to get rid of Robbie. He was becoming an old ignorant fuck, a selfish one. I remember reading in the papers a very long time ago about there being tension after he took the top. People were showing up dead. The ones who were against his position. The FBI wanted to take him down because more than likely, it's like doing the cartel a favor."

"And we all know NYPD does the cartels a lot of favors to maintain some peace in the system," that was Maria.

"Maybe somewhere along the line, someone made a deal with the FEDS to take out Robbie and have some favor returned to them. For all we know, this was a hostage situation. Psycho Phillip kidnapped Agent Phillip and had him hostage. Then in exchange for their agent, the FEDS and the cartel made a deal to make a switch. They off Robbie and Phillip lets the real FED go. However, things probably didn't work out that way. Somewhere along the line, it's more than likely Phillip noticed you in New York and decided to have a little fun. So he drugs you, and uses you to off his father. He gets revenge on two people at once. He feels victorious." Neal slapped his hand on the table. "And that folks, is the theory I'm putting on the table."

"It makes more sense than anything else we came up with," Maria eyed Lily with a smile. "We were thinking that Phillip is the anti-Christ."

I had to smile at that one.

"So how the hell are we going to prove your theory?" Lily's face was stiff. "We have no evidence. Nothing. For all we know, she had a mental glitch and became a zombie. They did claim that you were holding the gun and Phillip did the stabbing. The guy was shot four times. Right now, it doesn't look good on your side because they have more on the table than we do."

"We?" I glared at her, "seems to me that you're not on my side at the moment, Officer Stevenson." I addressed her by that title.

"I've always been on your side, Swan," she returned equally. "Always, even when you were a hard ass."

"Just because someone doesn't share your interests, it doesn't give you any right to hold me against it forever. I did what I had to do. End of story." Folding my arms, I sat back and never looked away.

"Just as you did what you had to do in this and you're in deep shit now –"

"I am telling the truth!" I stared at her in bewilderment, "I have no recollections of what happened or of ever meeting Phillip in New York!"

"Ladies…" Maria warned us.

"Then how are we supposed to help you if you can't remember not a single second misspent?"

"I never asked for your help, Stevenson," I stated coldly, "so the door is that way," I gestured, "in case you forgot. You can easily walk out as you walked in. Doesn't make a difference anyway since all you have to bring to the table is complete negativity."

"Well screw me for hitting you with the harsh truth."

"The fact of the matter is," Neal's voice was calmer than ever, "whether we want it or not, the FEDS will find Emma and will question her. The only thing you can do at this point is to cooperate. You yourself said that running for most of our lives is weighing in. We can't keep running forever. So you know to yourself that you didn't voluntarily murder the fucker. I say you tell them exactly as it is."

"Then she's going to be charged with aiding and abetting in a murder."

Maria stared at Lily. "The eyewitnesses said Emma was holding a gun. That's it. The FEDS or cops haven't told us if they have proof that the gun was fired by Emma."

"That's because they could not test her hands for gunshot residue." Lily pinched at her fingers. I stared at her coldly. "So that's that. All they have is statements and a red leather shred found at the scene –"

"That you planted," I reminded her.

"The leather shred leads nowhere for now. What they have is the evidence of you being in the company of Phillip. All they want to do is question you to dig up the truth. What's your best path now is to give yourself in for questioning. Running will only make you look more guilty and for all we know, they just want to ask you questions without arresting you."

The silence that ensued was dramatic. I for one was deeply thinking about what she said. Because it made sense. For me to run would only prove that I had something to hide. For me to willingly give up myself would provide some kind of assurance that I was innocent. But the evidence they had was massive. I kept getting this feeling that it wasn't going to be so easy, because if a confession was made that nothing was remembered on my part. Then obviously I'd look stupid. How the hell was I going to prove that drugs were involved without evidence?

"Unless you fabricate a story against him. No evidence but it's like throwing bait out at them," Lily offered. "You said that you were a Narc. Then they must have records. Tell them that during that time, you remembered busting a drug deal and then whilst going home, something felt off. You felt woozy."

"Then they're going to ask for more information," Maria reminded her. "Like what particular bust it was? When was this? What happened?"

Lily suddenly stared hard at someone behind us and if looks could kill then that person would be dead. Rearing my head, I gazed over a pot of flowers and caught the love of my life making her appearance finally. Brown eyes swept the empty lobby and as soon as our location was found out, boots padded upon the tiled floor. What she was wearing was gorgeous even though it was simple. A black dress with a band below her boobs. The dress reached just below that sexy butt. And then the thick black leggings hugged her shapely thighs and calves.

Neal gave a wave just in case she didn't see us.

"Oh darling we meet again," Maria stood up and embraced Regina as if they were old friends, "started off on bad terms but who would blame you? Have a seat."

Regina greeted everyone and sat down neatly beside me, our shoulders touching. I kept looking across at Lily who stared at the brunette. When she caught me looking, her stare was diverted to outside the window. Without a question asked, Neal volunteered to fill Regina in on what had happened. So did Maria who threw in a lot of darlings and babe in every sentence. From her reaction alone, taking my left hand and squeezing it, I could tell that someone was severely worried as I was. Needless to say, who wouldn't worry? The situation was delicate and with the way things were going, there was no doubt in my mind that once again, I'd have to become separated from the one woman who kept me alive.

"So what happens now?" Regina asked as Neal stretched in his seat. "Have they been made aware of our location?"

"Nope," Neal leant unto the table to look her in the eyes. "No one knows you're here except us and four people in Storybrooke. The only way they can find you at this point is if one of us feeds them the location."

"That buys us time," pursing her lips, the woman at my side sat up and squeezed my hand more.

"To do what?" Lily was scrutinizing her face.

"To…think this through properly," Regina inclined her head, merely glancing at Lily, "to…be certain of what happens next."

"We know what happens next." The brunette sitting across the table from me stared hard at the other one. "Emma has to give herself up."

"I beg your pardon?" Regina stared back with wide eyes, lips parted.

"It's the only way this will pan out properly."

"Forgive me for my bluntness but you're suggesting that my…" she threw me a glance, "you're suggesting as a friend that Emma must walk willingly into the lion's den? How is that supposed to help the situation? Especially since she cannot reflect on what occurred in New York –"

"Forgive my bluntness but I'm a cop and I know how the system works," Lily's voice was clipped. "The more she keeps herself away hidden, this gets worse. She will always be wanted for questioning and this never goes away. It will be in her file –"

"She is an ex con," Regina reminded us all, "Emma has served time in prison. Doesn't that color the situation a little darker? All of that can be used against her –"

"Her record has nothing to do with this," Lily wouldn't back down. "She spent time for stolen stuff. This has to do with being an accomplice in a murder, involving a man who killed a FED and impersonated him. This is more serious. The FEDS don't have time to look back on some petty crime. What they want is to find who is responsible and make them pay."

"Check your words, Officer Stevenson," Regina's voice was clipped as well. "I am not well versed in the judicial system and how it works. But from the looks of it, the FEDS have already colored Emma as guilty even without proof that she was involved in the murder."

"Running is not the answer. Emma knows more than anyone else about running." Brown eyes were focused on me now. "Running gets you nowhere but further away from problems that end up biting you in the ass. One way or another, the past always comes back to haunt you. You can't expect to have a fairy God mother who shows up and poofs all your problems away. If you want a change in your life, then you have to be the one to make it."

I stopped breathing because it dawned on me now. That saying had been stuck inside my head forever, until I felt as if my mind had created it. Remembering now, it had been Lily who gave me that advice. For years now, that had remained. But she hadn't.

"So Emma gives herself up and then what?" Neal sounded frustrated.

"She gives herself up and she answers their questions. If she feels as if they are pinning something on her wrongfully, even after speaking the truth that nothing can be remembered about that night in the alleyway. Then she asks for legal representation. Simple as that." Lily sat back and folded her arms. "Either that or you keep running."

I wanted to run. Oh God, that had become wired into my DNA. To run. As always, to just disappear, get a new name and live a new life. Looking back on it now, geez, that's what should have been done. But some way or the other, as Lily would put it, the past always comes back to haunt us. So feeling this surge of energy in me, knowing that I needed to change and show how brave I was, a true Charming, I decided to give myself up. Yeah, it sounds stupid and most likely if you were in my situation, running would have been the way. But I decided to do the opposite.

Why? Because I'm sick of this shit. I'm sick of covering up hurt, lies and pain with false stuff. False memories. Trying to erase the past, burying everything down inside. Phillip had wronged me and I intended to put him away from good. By doing that, they would have to hear my side of the story. They would have to listen to me. The blank in my memory wasn't going to look good. However, I felt the need inside my gut to do this. To end it all now.

"Emma, can I speak to you in private please?" Regina touched my arm, her voice strained.

"Sure," never letting our hands part, I allowed myself to be led further away from them.

Outside we ended up and as soon as privacy was obtained, my shoulders were snatched.

"This is ridiculous," she breathed, staring at me in bewilderment, "Phillip leaves town only to be captured and now this? What the hell is happening, Emma? Can you explain to me why these…ghosts from the past keep showing up? Suddenly our lives are tested with such…" her fists clenched, "dramatic occurrences and it only gets worse."

"I told you my past was fucked up," exhaling, my eyes met the gate that remained closed behind her. "Even I don't know what the hell is happening."

"Am I ever going to become fully aware of everything that has happened to you?"

"Most likely not, since I can't even remember most of it," I stared at her. "That blank out they're talking about, I have no freaking idea what happened. It was so long ago and after I regained my memories and went back to Storybrooke, New York was a blur. Even putting me under hypnosis might not help at this point." I sighed, pressing my back to the cold clay brick wall.

"They believe that you killed a man," she continued in a voice so soft, sometimes I couldn't believe it was actually Regina. "They have evidence of you being an accomplice. This is not good, Emma."

"I know that," my voice was unsteady.

"In our world, we can get away with such things. I am aware of that because the Evil Queen was a…" she blinked, "a murderer. But Lily was right. Running from the past isn't the wisest choice. Look at what happened to me. I kept running and everything arrived to hammer me eventually. I had to face my fears and the people I wronged. Just to be where I am right now."

"Then you agree with me handing myself up…"

"I am conflicted," she said. "I don't want to lose you, Emma. But neither do I want you to live a lie."

"I'm not living a lie," I said, "I really don't remember what the hell happened. I don't."

A couple passed by and they eyed us with bold smiles, whispering to themselves. I couldn't care less.

"These people are claiming that you are held a gun and shot a man. Even if he was a villain in your world. We must do what must be done. But the authorities should handle that. Evidence points to you being an accomplice to a psychotic killer," she pressed on, staring at me intensely, "could it possibly be that you were under the influence of alcohol or drugs?"

"How the hell can you ask me that?" I stared back in bewilderment. I was getting worked up, frustrated. "No, I'm not a murderer. You know me more than anyone. I can't…kill someone like that."

"You were involved in drugs before. You are fully aware of how your mind works when under the influence of drugs or alcohol. I am not putting the blame on you. But maybe something happened. I do not know what happened that could have possibly driven you to execute a crime that –"

"Stop it," I said, and swallowed hard, tears burning my eyes.

She stared at me and stopped. I looked at her with mild shock, wondering how any thought of me actually killing someone could be believable. Even after the truth was told. Even after all we went through, could the belief of me actually murdering a man be so easy to come by on her part?

"It was easy for you to kill people when you were the Evil Queen," I knew that my tone was a bit bitter, "but I'm telling you that I just can't murder someone like that."

"Without a reason," she returned.

"Robbie was never cruel to me when I was living with them. It was Debbie and Phillip. He always used to spoil me and was never home much. But when he was, I was somehow the center of his attention because apparently it was like having someone around the house with their head on. The other two were fucked up. Which would give me no reason to off him."

"Then prepare to tell the officers that."

"I intend to."

"So you're really handing yourself up then," her chest heaved. Even though her tone was firm, I knew that deep down inside, Regina was severely affected.

"Isn't that what you want?"

"Don't point this in my direction," she stated, "it's all on you."

"Really, it is?" I stared at her without looking away. "This has nothing to do with you then?"

"Emma, this has everything to do with me. This involves you. And you're my life. But I cannot fight certain battles for you as we both are aware of. Your past is your past. All I can do is to stand by your side."

"Glad to know that an ex con herself is willing to stand by my side. Even if she doesn't want to."

"Please do not be sarcastic with me," she said, "do not play the sarcastic game with me. I am cornered here with nothing but empty spaces and doubt –"

"When everything else falls apart," I said angrily, "you're supposed to trust me. That's what you're supposed to do."

"I do trust you!" she exclaimed, staring at me in bewilderment.

"No you don't," I returned. "You don't trust me. And you never did. Because the first thing that comes into your mind just a couple minutes ago, is that I'm a murderer. And I did whatever these people are accusing me of. That's the first thing that enters your mind. Asking me if I'm a cold blooded murderer."

"I asked you that because we all have secrets in our pasts." She tried to keep herself composed, voice lowered. "Whether you wish to accept it or not, there was a time when I was asked to never question your past. Hence putting me in a position to wonder what had happened. This was my chance to get you aside and ask bluntly for the truth. I did it with reason, to seek out whatever had happened."

"And yet even when I told you I don't remember what happened, you're quick to assume I did it anyway."

"You have no recollection of your actions, Emma," she said to me, "how can you be so sure that you did not murder someone?"

"Because I know that I didn't!" I stated boldly. "You always told me to trust my freaking gut and I'm doing it now. I know that I didn't kill anyone."

"We are all capable of doing things that astound us," she pressed on. Oh God, why the hell was she doing this to me? "We are all capable of retaliating, of acting on impulse. Perhaps you were drugged as your loyal friends claim. And you killed someone. Do you believe that you can do such a thing?"

"How the hell can you ask me that after knowing me for so long? Have you ever seen me drive a sword through someone or shoot them? I'm not like you and I never will be. You're the one who was always bold and powerful enough to do what the hell you wanted. Look at me." I spread my arms open, tears in my eyes, "as Lily said so nicely, I RUN from everything. I'm not like my parents, I hate pretending to be brave like them because I'm not –"

"Emma –"

"But just when I thought that there was someone who could believe in me, see the reasons why I am the way I am, you go right ahead and damage it." Pressing my back to the wall, I diverted my eyes. "I guess that this is where the truth comes out."

"And what's the truth?" she moved closer, but I froze up anyway. Noticing my change, distance was created again and with her lips parted, Regina stared at me. "Emma, you are reading me wrong. Really you are."

"No I'm not," there were tears in my eyes, "I know exactly how you see me. You see this weak woman who has the potential to fuck up, never being able to hold her shit together without you. And that's true. But what you fail to realize is that before I met you, I was by myself –"

"You have no idea –"

"I was by myself and I was strong enough to handle things by myself. I never needed a guardian angel, a fairy god mother. I don't do shit or be tempted to do shit when people like you or my parents aren't around to whisper oh so good things in my ears."

"I never said –"

"No, this is where you need to stop treating me like I'm a child!" I was so angry, even the words coming out of my mouth couldn't stop. Her eyes were wide, and stepping back, she blinked. "I know how to handle things on my own."

"Then do that." She was pissed. I could see it. Her jaw set, teeth obviously grinding together to prevent the anger from sparking off her tongue.

"The second you asked me if I'm a murderer, that's when you changed my mood," my fingers were trembling.

"Oh your mood has been like that from the first day spent here," she reminded me. "All your doubts were impressively unbelievable. To believe that I could not trust you, that my actions were to be checked, scrutinized. To a point where yesterday happened. And you blatantly accused me of cheating on you in public. But do you want to know what the most hurtful part was?" her voice was dangerously low. "Being with someone who has difficulty believing that a woman like me could actually be completely in love with you. That someone like me could hold all the trust in the world in…you."

"Then sorry for falling short from your expectations," I stated.

"You just cannot see it, can you?" there were tears in her eyes. "I am trying to make us work but you are making this difficult! Stop allowing your emotions to cloud your judgment and see reason here! I am on your side, Emma. I am and have always been on your side. Jesus." She ran her fingers through disheveled hair and stared around. "There you were assuring me last night that I have nothing to be fearful of. And here you are giving me every reason there is to be certainly afraid of what will happen to us."

I stood there silently. I know that my anger brought out the worst in me. But she pulled the trigger. She really did. You might not understand why I behaved like that but it has a lot to do with one simple fact. That I can't believe anyone would be on my side. And just when I was prepared to believe that she was, Regina accused me of being a murderer. Sure it takes one to know one but seriously? That really affected me, as is obvious now. That every single thing she says to me, I overthink it. Are we to keep going on like this? Because nothing is changing.

"It feels as if we've been running around in circles from the time this conversation started," she pointed out. "The same thing, over and over again. This has to stop. It has to stop now."

I said nothing.

"I'm tired of fighting," she said finally, after like five minutes of silence.

"So am I." My arms were folded.

"Emma, I don't want to fight with you."

I never replied.

"What will happen to us?"

I shook my head, never looking at her. Looking at nothing in particular. Everything else but her. This stabbing feeling in my chest. It hurts. I want to just lock myself away and suffer alone because something's wrong with me. I'm not sure of anything anymore at this point. Looking back on it now, I remembered that I was so confused. So much was happening at once. I had a relationship that was falling apart, me fearing that we would never last because around every single turn, I fucked things up. I made it so hard for us. And then there was the murder. All that stress was threatening to drive me insane, my head hurt.

"Please look at me," she patted my cheek and used her thumbs to wipe beneath my eyes. "Em, say something to me."

"You go your way, I'll go mine," I said in a voice that was so unlike mine, I couldn't believe where it came from.

Regina stared at me. "What?"

I didn't want to say it directly. "The FBI," I finally looked at her without emotion, "I'll hand myself in. Whatever happens after, then so be it."

"What do you mean, whatever happens after?" she narrowed her eyes at me.

I said nothing but stared at her.

"All you have to do is speak the truth. If it so happens that they are intimidating you, Neal and I will get you a lawyer. I will not leave you all by yourself in this, Emma. I will do whatever it takes to help you."

"I don't need your help," I said.

She inhaled deeply, eyes fluttering close. "Stop being ridiculously ignorant."

"I'm ignorant, I'm immature, I have a low self-esteem, I'm a murderer." Moving my face away, her hand was distanced from me. I wiped my cheeks and glared at the flower beds her praises had been cast on when we arrived here. "Maybe that's what happened last night." It dawned upon me that yeah, most of that affected my mood. "Maybe that's the answer to all the problems between us."

"What are you talking about?" she stared at me.

"You know exactly what I'm talking about," I returned.

Searching my eyes, she actually rolled her eyes and sighed. "I honestly thought that would slip by your notice."

"What does that even mean?" I was confused.

"Emma," she gazed at me, her voice so soft, "I couldn't do it because...to propose to you, I need a ring. And because of your hustled surprise, it was left behind in Storybrooke."

"Stop making excuses. Even if you could, you could use your magic to get something. But I didn't need a ring." My voice was so hoarse. "I don't need a ring. I just wanted you to…ask me."

Eyes wide, she stared at me.

"I was waiting on that. I couldn't sleep last night because I kept thinking about it. Maybe that's why I'm so pissed right now. But the moment passed and now it's over so," I wiped my eyes, avoiding hers, "like I said, from this point on, whatever happens, happens because I can't –"

"Emma," she closed the distance and fingers were run through my hair, foreheads pressed together. I took a hold of her hands around the wrists and removed them from touching me. Avoiding her eyes still, Regina stared in bewilderment at me.

"I'm going to go back inside," I said.

She waited until I was almost by the door and my hand was snatched. Twisting me around, she pulled me close and crushed her lips unto mine. The feeling was overwhelmingly painful. To taste her in a situation like this. To hear the question, asking me if I was a murderer running over and over in my mind. But I didn't kiss her back. Even when she parted my mouth open, kissing me so deep, completely breathless. I didn't. I didn't because once again, I wanted to prove something. To show that what had happened covered me in anger. The last time I did this, and felt this way, she ended up slipping into a coma. But I got the feeling that this time something like that would never happen. That's what pissed me off more. The fact that she knew how upset I was and yet there was a need on her part to forcefully bring me back. To woo me back. It wasn't that simple.

When no reaction was sought from me, Regina stepped back. Eyes wide, she stared, checking my face as the wind lifted our hair. I stared back and within that minute when we looked at each other deeply, there was this pain inside my chest. It was dull at first, like a gnawing, something eating away. Then as she blinked back tears, lips parted, I began to fall apart. I instantly could feel how inside me felt so raw, it was unbearable. It was so unbearable, it's like dying from the inside out. And she does this to me every single time we fight or we have a disagreement or I'm so mad at her, it's like her eyes just erases everything.

"Don't leave me," she whispered, her voice unsteady. "Please. I can be a fool. I can be bitchy, sarcastic, blunt. But it all comes down to one thing. That I can't…" her chest heaved. "Emma, I can't have you walk away from me, sadness and anger in your eyes. I can't live without you and because of that, there is fear. Fear that I can lose you forever. Just as I lost someone a very long time ago."

I said nothing but stared at her. The meeting of eyes that delivered a message. One that contained my heartfelt apologies for being bitchy as well. But I was only human. The things she said sparked me off, pushed my feelings into a boiling pot of water. And it was only natural of me to react the way I did.

Moving closer, touching her and never moving away, I trembled inside. Just remembering last night and the moments before. All of it. Caresses and expertise that pushed me over the edge. I was going to kiss her. I really was. Head leant down, holding my breath. I could feel her breath on my face. Warm and refreshing, the smell of vanilla and lipstick, peppermint toothpaste. The recollection of the taste of her soft lips was already there in my mind. Ready to take off. But then someone was staring at us. At me. I could feel her eyes on me, boring into my freaking neck. Still breathless, feeling Regina tremble within my arms, I turned my head.

Lily was standing there, arms folded. She was glaring at me. And when her location was discovered just near the inside of the entrance, brown eyes blinked. A step was taken to the side as if to hide herself. But the discovery was already made. Realizing it, head bowed, she stepped out from her hiding place. But I had no time to waste. None. At that point in my life, I realized that like Dolly said, if you felt the moment and you had it, then by all means, I should take it. I ignored her prying eyes and focused on Regina who had already seen Lily standing there. Without saying a word, my lips pressed upon hers and I kissed her. I kissed her so deeply, the parting of soft lips, the familiar taste. The way she brushed our lips together, teasing me, moving in as close as we could get.

Can I honestly tell you now that I'm behaving so wrong?

Just one moment ago I was so angry with her. I was ready to yell. She was saying these things, looking at me with doubt. I wanted to break down because there was this one woman who I had given my heart to. All of my heart, every breath, every second. I wanted to give her my life. And she was asking me if I had really murdered someone. She asked me that, then her feelings were flushed out. Peeling away the layers, I was able to see that her fright in losing me was genuine. The truth had to be discovered. And as always, Regina managed to crash me and resuscitate my love for her in less than half an hour.

How could that even be possible? How can you move from hating someone to loving them all over again? Is that normal? The minute she gets me so pissed, I'm ready to walk out, to stamp in frustration and cry. But then her words come like ice on a bruise. Sharp at first and then soothing. She brings me back from a place I constantly dwell in. A place that is so dark, it's scary there. It's like a dark corridor that beckons to me, a place where all my fears reside and when I'm a coward, there is where I go. Because going there makes me feel raw and fucked up. So fucked up, I'm left to suffer all by myself without her. All these doubts and questions eat away at me when I'm there. It's like the insanity plays a tune and I dance to it like a puppet.

But then her words bring me back. The look in those brown eyes remind me that yeah, it's really happening here. Right now it's about us. She means something to me and I mean something to her. She brings me back, lures me away from that dark corridor and I'm right here again. I can feel my heart beating again. Beating for her. The feeling is like a bell that tolls early in the morning, awaking you from a deep sleep. A reawakening. The moment you come back from a dead place. And I'm in her arms again, I taste her and it's like taking drugs all over again. Because she intoxicates me to a point where I'm lost. I'm really lost and am completely out of my mind. I'm deranged. I'm high on one thing. And that's her.

When we do pull away, Regina stares at me with wide eyes because she felt it too. She felt how I wanted her at that point. How deep I kissed her, revealing everything. It was more than was expected. Coming up back for air has never ever felt so wrong because I wanted to hold my breath and kiss her longer. It's like I can't ever get enough. Every time we touch, I want more and more and more. So much more. That's why we can go and come back and drive each other crazy whilst making out. From a simple touch, it's so stimulating, it's powerful. She stares at me and I use my thumb to caress her cheeks. Skin so soft, dark hair flying in the wind. Intense brown eyes. Eyes that are so deep, they could pierce your soul like a needle. As delicate as mine had become, every time she looked at me, I couldn't build up any walls.

She pulled me closer, pressing her lips to my right ear. "I think you need to speak to Lily. Have that talk."

"I don't think so," I remained stubborn, oblivious to the fact that another pair of brown eyes were still focused on us. "I don't need to give her an explanation for anything."

"Yes you do." She patted my cheeks, smiled wryly. "You need to find some kind of closure."

"Closure will never happen because I can't give her what she wants."

"Then how do you expect her to feel about all of this as well?" brown eyes were intensely focused on me. "Do you really wish to lose a friend for good? As you once told me before, regret was a hurtful thing felt on your part. To let her go before and afterwards realize that it was a mistake. Walking away is not the answer."

"I know that," I confessed, eyes lowered. "But what's done is done. I can't do what she wants."

"Then suppose what you have in mind doesn't match up to what is really bothering her?" Regina asked softly. "Suppose there is more and by just seeking out an explanation, by just offering the chance to come clean, she accepts it. And she moves on?"

"Because that's not like her," I kept my voice lowered. "She will probably never ever like you because of the simple fact that you're with me."

"Oh I am most certainly not worried about getting her approval. Of her liking me," she said. "I am more concerned about the two of you reconciling. You will need her assistance more than ever now for moral and legal support. So take it. Take it and remember that the past always comes back to haunt you. So if your footsteps lead away now, then most certainly she will keep showing up again and again. Until you muster up the courage to have that talk. Suck it up, walk over there and speak to her."

Ah the power Regina had over me. The Queen's influence, that firm voice, that definite stare, and the strength in her statements. I leant in, pressed a kiss unto her forehead that felt warm and comforting. Then really sucking it up, my boots padded upon the concrete pathway as I walked to Lily. Just then, Neal and Maria exited the building and as Maria waved at Larry, rushing forward because they obviously knew each other, the other shyly approached Regina.

Pressing her back to the wall, Lily avoided my eyes, hands shoved in her pants pockets. I didn't know how to start off. So I waited. And when she offered to say nothing, I had no choice.

"Look, I get why you hate me. Enough with the glares and the attitude. All the cold stares. And whatever else. Truth be told, I want to find a way to fix this. But apparently every time I throw a pillow, you want to burn it," my eyes rested on her thick eyelashes. "I really get it."

"No, you don't," she said in a stiff voice. "You don't and never will."

This was a bad idea. I shouldn't even be talking to her about this. "It's not that I never felt the same about you –" I began.

"Why don't you just forget I exist and tell me that I was never worth anything to you?" she lifted her eyes and glared at me. "Because that's exactly how you make me feel. As if I'm nothing. As if I was never anything and I meant nothing to you. That we never had a connection."

"That's where you're wrong."

"No, you don't get it," she stated stiffly, "you just don't fucking get it, do you?"

Staring at me, I bit my lips, and stared back. I blinked twice then sucked in air. Waiting.

"I can't even belief I'm about to tell you this." She was trying hard to hold back the tears. But her voice trembled. "But you were the first girl I actually fell in love with. From the first time we met –"

"Lily –"

"I actually felt something for you without even knowing you," she cut me off, voice strained. "I felt so much for you and it was unbelievable. If you could just rewind time and replay those moments we shared. And then you just cast me off. I get that. I really do. I get that you were pissed after my father walked in. I get that you hated me for lying. But I felt that even after finding out the truth, you'd give me a chance to explain myself. That I felt alone and like an orphan even with a father and a family. I felt so alone, to finally meet someone like you in that supermarket was a turning point."

"I don't like when people lie to me," I said stiffly, "I really don't like it."

"So you're just going to hold that one lie against me forever?" she stared back. "One fucking lie when we were kids. And you shut me out for years. Meaningless…"

"The fact that I don't feel the same way about you makes this even worse because it's like you don't understand –"

"I don't care about your feelings for me at this point because it's obvious where your feelings lead," she glared at Regina. "Obviously nothing can change your mind."

"Then what the hell do you want me to do?" I was becoming severely pissed again. This was a roller coaster ride, all day, ups and downs.

"I want you to at least do me the honors of actually saying out loud why I was never given a chance."

"There are friends and there are people you want to be more with," I never skipped a beat. "I always saw you as a person who lied to me just when my heart was opening up to actually having a friend who understood my loneliness. Of feeling the rush."

"Then if I didn't lie to you," she started, "would things have been different?"

I glared back. "I guess we will never know now, will we Lily?"

She flashed me a glare that was icy enough to stab my eyes. Fists clenched, the air between us remained static as Neal's voice drifted over to me. For once in my life I was confronted with a situation that conflicting. Of course there was a need on my part to forgive her. I wanted to. But the stubbornness inside of me to keep this at arm's length was always tempting. To run.

"You know what I realize?" her voice was heavy with anger, "I realize that I decided to work with Phillip initially to pay you back as well for all the hurt you caused me. I'm not ashamed to say it. Yes I was pissed. I was pissed and I did what had to be done. This is where you led us. And this is where we'll always be. But at least I was considerate enough to try again with you. On the other hand, you're just a selfish piece of shit who wants nothing but to drown in everyone else's pity. You're no hero or role model or even worth…her time," she gestured at Regina. My throat burnt. "I can see everything inside of you. All your self-doubt, low self-esteem, the fact that every single time someone tries to get close, you push them away."

"Oh and this is the talk I get because I never was romantically interested in you?" my tone was bitter.

"No! This is the treatment you get for chucking me away like trash!" she stepped closer, trying to intimidate me. "When your time comes, you'll get whatever it is that has to come to you. Served chilled on a platter. And guess what? I'll be there without giving a fuck just as you never did in regards to my feelings –"

"Really," I looked away, "I'm done."

"Why would you marry her?" she had the audacity to ask me. "What's so special about her? She's knocked up anyway."

"If you continue at this rate," I warned her, "I promise that when we part ways this time, it will be for good."

"Like I care!" her head was shaken in disbelief. "That's nothing new I'm hearing from you. I'm so sorry for Regina or whatever her name is because you have a way of making commitments and breaking them off. Nothing lasts with you."

"I don't have time for this," I muttered, and tried to move away. But she grabbed my wrist and pulled back.

"I'm helping you. I'm helping you here all the time and she's doing nothing. She's nothing. Who caught Phillip? I did. I'm always the one helping you and yet you just turn around and fuck me over –"

"That's because you seriously have a problem." I pulled my hand away. "Get a psych analysis done on yourself. Bet they'll find stalker tendencies in that head of yours."

"Pushing drugs in New York and selling your body in Boston," she hissed and I snapped my attention unto her once more. "Wonder how Regina will react to a description of those days."

"Fuck off," I warned.

"The amount of times you used, ending up in an alleyway. Just behind Chuckie's Bar." Her brown eyes were cold. "Remember your one night stands that started with heroin and cocaine?"

"I said shut it," I glared, anger welling up inside of me, fists clenched I could feel my nails. Digging into my palms.

"Well I was there to bail you out. Bet no one knows about those days. None of them, maybe only Neal. He knows about your demise. Down into a sinkhole that fucked with your mind. For all I know, you were using when the murder happened. You were already fucked when Phillip met you. And then you just cracked as always. Always saw it coming –"

Gnarling, I snatched the front of her shirt. She was shoved back and before I even realized it, my fingers were clawing around her neck. I could feel skin, soft skin and the tightness of her throat. She didn't fight with me. In fact, it was probably what Lily wanted. She wanted Regina to see me like this, completely out of control. Losing my shit. I held her there and was ready to beat the shit out of her when Neal pulled me away. Maria cornered Lily as distance was managed between us.

"Where the hell did your New York guts go?" I mocked her, shoving away Neal's hands, "you become soft?"

"You just assaulted an officer," she smirked at me, "guess that's one I'll keep to use against you."

"The two of you would you just grow up?" Neal asked, taking me by the shoulders and glaring. "Both of you…grown ass women. And you're behaving like two teenagers. What the hell, Emma?"

"She's the one who started it!" Lily gnarled, wrapped in Maria's arms, "she came over here to spit fire at me."

"Emma," that was Neal. He turned to me, "did you spit fire at Lily?"

"It's always my fault, isn't it?" I bitterly asked him then Regina moved into the picture and she was glared at too. 'Always my fault. I'm always doing something wrong. Always putting the blame on me."

"You just need to calm down –"

"Don't tell me to calm down," I warned Neal, "don't you dare tell me to calm down. None of you. Because whenever something happens, I'm the wrong one. Always pointing fingers at me as if there is no fucking way I can actually manage things on my own. Enough to be the one who is in the right."

Regina did the one thing I probably hated her for almost instantaneously. She stepped up to me and said, "this isn't helping your case, Emma. Pull yourself together and stop acting foolish. Control your emotions. Let's go."

My arm was taken a hold of and I stood there like a tree with roots in the ground. Glaring was probably an understatement to describe the look she received from me. Filled with pain and hurt, my eyes stung, but were tearless all the same. She maintained eye contact and never offered a sympathetic look. Nothing. Just the look a parent would give a fucking child who was misbehaving. There it was again. The feeling that I was this immature little shit who was on a trial period. And nothing could ever be any different with her because she was the one who didn't trust me. She was the one who didn't give a shit.

Tugging my arm away, I walked away and left them all staring after me.

It was Neal who came eventually and managed to pull me in a corner. Somehow I always ended up softening up to him because he was reasonable. He knew all the right things to say. He was the type of guy who could calm you down with the right words. But that's it. Nothing else happened between us. At that point, we were friends alone. Friends who had been through so many phases. Who had been through hell and back. And if anyone knew me better than myself then it would be him.

He made me sit down and leaning in close, legs nudging mine, a finger tickled behind my ear. "You've got these women running after you. You've got Lily, you surely had Maria smitten. And then there's the one who practically has your heart in her hands."

"I don't want to talk about her," head lowered, the heels of my palms pressed into eyes that were sore.

"Emma, you can't let people get to you like that. You just can't. You're tougher than you even know."

"She said things that seriously affected me," my voice was hoarse.

"Who? Regina or Lily?"

"Regina first." We were in this secluded part of the Inn, and I knew that the person in question was lingering around somewhere.

"What did she say?"

My chest heaved. I couldn't breathe properly. "Is she here right now?" my eyes remained close, hands covering them.

"Yeah, she is. She's not in earshot. But she's there watching us. Watching me mostly. But not with a jealous look. More like a hurt look, a worried look." He rubbed my left knee. "So what did she say?"

"She basically…" I found it hard to breathe. "She basically kept asking me if I'm sure that I didn't kill Robbie. Kept looking at me with this…look…in her eyes that said, hey you're so insecure and I know it. So don't go fooling yourself. Chances are, yeah you cracked and you did it. And it's okay if you did it because you're insecure and fucked up."

"Go on…" he urged, his tone soothing.

"She treats me as if I'm a ticking time bomb," I continued, just allowing the words, the doubts and stupid sounding fears to come out. "More than likely putting age and experience over me. I'm always the one who has issues or can't control herself or can't be mature enough. Which isn't mostly wrong because yeah stuff happens that make me question her commitment to me. I question it because…because…" my voice cracked up.

"Because you were never ever the kind of person to believe that there could be someone who would love you back more than you love them. That's you, Emma. That's all you. You find it hard to believe that a person can love you so much. I can guarantee you that people do love you. Your parents do. I always did. And then you leave me for a woman that must have had a huge impact on you. You leave me for her after we had those volcanic eruptive arguments. Then all of a sudden things move from sunny side up to grey around the edges. Around the edges alone though."

Even as he talked to me, I could feel Regina's eyes. I could feel her watching me and it was really like a fever under my skin. Burning, aching. She was watching me and I couldn't look at her.

"Look, I know you have your doubts and she has her snobbish ways. I warned you about her. All her arrogance, so many bad bones in that body. But you actually love her. It's your fight. You're the one who let her in, Emma. Hell, she came after you and left Robin. She was in a frigging coma and still came out loving you. I'd say that you've both put each other through some shit, and you have a lot to smoothen out. But things will pan out. You just can't give up. Things are never easy. And you know that. Never. Snow would give you a good speech right now if she was here. She'd probably say something like, feel with your heart and follow the daisies or something. But I'm going to lay it out straight up, no pun intended." He pulled my hands away gently from my eyes and turned my face to him. "If you need to give the two of you time, then give yourself time. If you need to keep a little distance then do it. Talk things out. But don't walk away from her. Judging from the way she looks at you alone, I can tell you, Emma, the woman is seriously head over heels in love with you. She's not joking. And maybe she's not really treating you as a little kid. Maybe she just wants to protect you and keep you in line because she's afraid of losing you."

"Yeah but she had no right to ask me if I killed someone." I looked at him, filled with hurt.

"She has every right to ask you," he said.

"She's supposed to know that I wouldn't do that. To know that I would never do something like that."

"How is she supposed to know that in the first place if you never really let her in on your past?" he stared at me and waited. "Have you ever stopped and wondered if that's the root to this problem? Maybe she's treating you delicately because we lived shady lives before and Regina knows nothing about it? Things keep coming up, Emma. You can't blame her. Phillip came up. She didn't know that. She didn't know he raped you."

"She still doesn't know," I confessed.

"Dude, how could you not tell her these things?" his eyes were wide.

"Because I wanted to forget them."

"That's no excuse. You told me back in Boston. You tell me everything. Now there's this person who just wants to know everything about you. And you're shutting her out still."

"I'm not shutting her…out –"

"Yeah, you are." He silenced me and I stared at him. "These things are in the past and they were hurtful. But if you want to build a life with this woman. Then you need to give her the chance to know these demons and help you with them. In case they come back. Phillip came back. Things come back. Lily came back, Amanda might be next. And what happens when she's there and she realizes that you never told her about these things?"

I swallowed hard. Inhaled deeply. "I just thought that if I hid them well, then they'd stay hidden. And we could move forward without bringing up the hurt again. That's all. She never tells me everything about herself anyway."

"Are you sure of that?"

I instantly realized that yeah, she had opened up to me so much. Maleficent, her father's knowledge of her sexuality, Daniel, feeling suicidal and wanting to kill herself. All of it was from her hurtful past.

"I guess that's not true."

"You have to be prepared to tell the truth, Emma. Even if it hurts like hell. When these FEDS ask you questions, you'll have to convince them enough. You'll have to open up wounds that you keep bandaging up. And when you're all raw again, who do you think will heal you more than anyone else?"

We sat in silence a little longer. I asked him how was Henry. He entertained light conversation. Apart from that, Neal suggested that I stay the remainder of the day and we'd meet up tomorrow. He doubted whether Lily would join them. But Maria was game. Spending the rest of the day with Regina seemed so hard a task to do because my feelings were severely affected still. She would obviously be emotional still over this. And it's like I just needed some space from her. I needed like two hours to myself or more.

"Well would you look at that," Neal whistled and I followed his line of sight.

My eyes grew wide when I watched Regina and Lily by the inside fountain. The former was saying something. The latter was listening with a straight face, arms folded Regina spoke, gesticulating with her hands as usual. Lily stared but eventually blinked as if something was said that made sense. And when both of them turned to look in my direction, I immediately turned to Neal.

He was smiling like the Cheshire cat.

"It would appear as if your lady is saving your ass," he offered.

Without saying a word, I said goodbye to him and stood up. Then without looking in the brunettes' direction, my footsteps led to the back where she had been seen with that gay friend of hers. Jack something. She never came after me and I'm glad. I'm really glad because I'm the kind of person that needs time off. I need to be alone sometimes, to stew in silence. And her following me wouldn't have been nice at all.

Xx

* * *

><p>Four hours after taking shots and downing a bowl of chicken salad, lingering by the bar, I went back to the room. This was after Jack had met me near the fountain again and offered to have a chat. Meeting up with two other gay guys, we spent time talking about the fucked up judicial system and NCIS. Jack's partner was a Marine, Aiden. A tall dude with brown hair and freckles. He was a jackass. Kept telling jokes that had us cracking up all the time. His British accent added humor to the Queen's jokes, especially when he explained how Jack and he almost had a quickie in Queen Elizabeth's garden.<p>

Severely tipsy, I made it back to the room. When I got in there, she wasn't to be seen so my footsteps led to the couch. There I fell unto the cushions and groaned into the material that tickled my nose. Curling up like a comma, I fell into a deep sleep.

I don't know if this has ever happened to you, but this wasn't the first time. I'd be deep in sleep and hear someone calling my freaking name. It would sound so real. The voice would sound so familiar but then the calling just stops. Neal used to scare me, saying that when we sleep, our minds enter an entirely different level. Spirits dwell on that level too and they could actually reach out to us in our deepest sleep. Maybe someone was calling me that had died. Maybe. But after a while, someone started to call my name again. And I woke up because I knew that voice anywhere.

The light blinded me in the room. The fire crackled. And Regina's face swam into view. She was standing behind the chair.

"Emma…" her voice was strained, so hoarse.

"Yeah," I waited for the dots to join together, brown eyes to become clearer.

"I…" she clutched the chair and squeezed hard, gasping for air.

"What's wrong?" even without realizing it, I sprang up and stared at her.

She winced and from the time her hand massaged her midsection, I knew.

"Contractions," she whispered, taking a hold of the chair back with both hands, head lowered. "Started…an hour ago."

"AN HOUR AGO?" I hopped off the chair and went around to her, eyes wide. "Oh shit, why didn't you wake me?"

"I had no idea where you were!" there were tears in her eyes. "I thought you weren't here. I came in, was lying in bed. Waiting. And then…this…woke…me up. This…"

My hand was snatched ferociously and she squeezed it. It was my turn to wince. As mom would put it, I sprang into daddy mode. Within one minute the bag Ruby had packed for her was snatched up from inside the closet. When I darted out of the bedroom, she was panting, back bent near the chair waiting. On the way down, we met Matt and he helped me, her arms wrapped around our waists. I was seriously anxious and afraid and scared as hell shitless. Especially when her water bag broke whilst we headed to the car.

Matt was so helpful. He hopped in and drove the car without asking. I sat at the back with her and she wouldn't let me go, practically twisting my hands and playing with my fingers all the time. Head resting on my left shoulder, Regina really had a high tolerance for pain. Her calmness surprised me, apart from the pulling of my fingers.

"Don't make her pass out," Matt reminded me as we drove out of the gates. "She's too quiet, keep checking on her."

"Hey," I said softly, caressing her face. She lifted her head, brown eyes searching mine. "How's the pain?"

"Tolerable," she bravely answered.

"Good for you," I cracked a smile, impressed. "I was a screamer back then."

"Even unto today," she smiled back.

My eyes grew wide when I caught on. "Not now," I whispered. I nodded at Matt.

"I will do and say what the hell I want," she said into my neck, her chest heaving, hot breath tickling my skin. "I…will…say…what…I…want."

"You do that," Matt proudly announced from in front. "Shout it all out too. Helps with the pain and tension building up. Women hating the spouse in these times…It comes naturally, you know. Somehow they turn against the father. They turn against the father and start hissing obscenities."

"I will surely scream at her," she said, breathless as the pain grew worse. "I will…scratch you and call you all the names in the book."

"Yeah well I'm not the dad," I reminded her. My heart gave a pull.

She pulled my head down and pressed her lips unto my right ear. "Yes. You're…her…mother. Trust me."

"How could…"

"Oh shut up and stop doubting me, you twat." There it was.

"There it is," Matt said, and he laughed. "You're in for it now, Emma."

"How can I be the father?" I pressed on, "he's safely tucked away in bed right now." My hand was already clawing for my cellphone. I got it out and she angrily batted it away from me, growling. "Hey!" I reached for it and scowled. "This is the newest iPhone. These things don't pay for themselves."

"You'll pay for all the suffering you put me through," she hissed, snatching my hand and fighting with me to get a hold of the phone. "Give me the phone."

"No," I dialed Neal and quickly told him what was happening. He promised to meet me there.

"I hate you," she took a hold of my hand and squeezed hard, face buried into my neck again. "I hate you for shutting me out. For…doubting me…for…hurting me."

"I'm sorry," I said when Neal's earlier conversation with me came to light. For shutting her out…he was right.

"You're sorry," she squirmed in my arms and gasped, "I bet you're glad now that I'll be away from you."

"What?" I instantly froze up, eyes beginning to burn.

"You get to sleep alone, don't you?"

"Regina," I croaked, "stop it."

"No, you stop it!" she balled her fists and pressed them hard into my lap. "Stop treating me like a fuck up because I know I am. I'm fucked up. But you're the last person on earth who's supposed to remind me that I am."

Wasn't that my line earlier? Wasn't I the one who believed that?

"I don't know why you would think –"

"You blame me for…" she squeezed my right thigh, and I felt how painful the contractions were, "…for…everything. But I just want to get to know you. All of you. Your…demons and your pain."

"It's not easy for me to talk about them –"

"Then how the hell can I make your life better, you twat?" she sassed, "you idiot. Hating me because I couldn't propose without a ring. When you're also capable of doing the same and you never did. You never asked. Never."

"Regina –"

"But you said yes to him, didn't you?" she sassed, her hot breath kissing my face. "You quickly said yes. You have no idea what it is like to wait on you, Emma." Her fist pounded my lap. "You have no idea! Four years I waited. And now I am blamed for a proposal that was supposed to be offered by you in the first place."

I said nothing because in these moments, maybe it's best to say nothing. It's best to stay quiet and allow her to speak. I'm so tired, so exhausted, drained and conflicted. I can't even process her words or the emotion attached to them.

"I…love you so much," she whispered in my right ear, making my skin tremble, "I love you so goddamn much, Miss Swan."

Entwining our hands, I was pulled closer. "I love you too, babe," my voice shook because she was breathing on me, fast, lips parted, pressed to my neck. And judging from how hard she was squeezing my hands, the pain was getting worse. So bad, Regina's tears began to wet my shoulder. But not a sound was made. Not even a whimper. Cradling her head unto my shoulder, I delicately wrapped an arm around hunched shoulders.

"I want…" her voice cut and my boobs were clawed at, a gasp finally escaping from her.

"You want what?" I leant forward to study her face carefully.

"Emma-lina," she whispered.

I waited. "Who's that?"

Fingers buried in my hair, she held me close and twisted a leg around mine. "Her name."

"Her...name?" rather slow at processing her words, I suddenly realized what that meant and my eyes widened. "Oh, okay. That's...that's a nice name. I like it actually."

"I was pondering on it for years," she said, her voice unsteady, our eyes never meeting, "the name we'd give to a child of ours. I wrote your name and mine. Then cut out two bits and...and added an L in the middle."

I frowned. "Why an L?"

"Love..."

"Oh, phhff," smiling widely, cheeks warm, I gazed at her and she gazed at me. "Emma loves Regina. For a minute there, I thought you were mentioning The L Word."

I was glared at now. "You idiot."

"Love, Life, Live, Laugh." Our fingers entwined as Matt pulled up next to the emergency entrance.

She caressed my left cheek. "Lesbian, lovemaking, luscious lips, legs..."

I swallowed hard. Matt got out and opened the car door around by her side. "Come on," he urged, "out you get."

"I seriously want to use my mouth on you right now," Regina purred, her breath cutting as she fought to breathe. "Tasting you would build my strength by so much. It is rather alluring that my fingers might get arrested for entering you in a public place."

"Oh my god," eyes wide, I stopped breathing. Catching myself, the door on my side was pawed open. And I got out. Legs shaky, I got out and helped Matt to ease her into a wheelchair.

All the way inside, she kept holding my hand. Her warmth, it was enough to keep me going because I knew that she was there. She was touching me. I meant something to someone. I probably meant the world.

Two nurses wearing pink with their hair gathered up in white caps came to our assistance. I thanked Matt for everything he did thus far and we hugged. As he disappeared through the exit, in walked Neal and no other than Robin. His wide eyes were enough to soften my hate towards him. Saying the least, I didn't greet him with harsh words, but we eyed each other with mutual feelings. Feelings that were attached to one person.

The whole meltdown of my mind and heart began as soon as he told the nurse who the father was. It just happened. I can't explain what the hell really happened. But everything happened so fast, up to this day I still cannot process or remember it all.

You know the feeling you get when you really worked hard on an exam? Your friend comes alone, and he waves this freaking A plus in your face. You remember him saying that he didn't study. And there you were working your ass off, hugging a C. That's how I felt when the nurse asked who the father was. And he said 'that's me'.

I remembered looking at him. I looked at him with my thumbs tucked into my jeans pockets whilst Neal looked at me. He was the father. So what the hell was wrong with this situation? Something kept nagging away at my mind, like a fly buzzing there. And the buzzing ended up covering my mind in an oncoming anger that frightened the shit out of me. Suddenly my fingers were tingling, tickling and I knew it was magic. Losing control. But in a place like this at a time like this? No way, Emma. Clenching my fists, I sucked in air and tried to remain calm, tried to focus. However, my mind was playing a dangerous game and it couldn't stop.

There he was standing next to me, this...man. He wasn't a friend anymore like we used to be friends. I kept thinking about how he was intimate with her. They kissed. He was a guy, he had things I didn't have. And one of those things helped make a baby who she named after the two of us. Was I ever going to move past the thought of them sleeping together for two freaking years? Was I ever going to move past the way they looked at each other? The term used when considering them? SOUL MATES? I couldn't move past it. No matter how hard I tried, he still kept reminding me of the two years he had above me. And as Ruby put it ever so nicely, both of them had a completely worry free relationship with Regina. Whilst me being in the picture now seemed to stir up trouble after trouble.

"Okay, so should we move her into the wing or a private room?" the nurse asked, her nametag brandishing FIVE letters, ALICE.

"A private room," Robin began, "would be most suitable."

"Very well, thanks." She clicked a blue ballpoint pen and made notes on a clipboard. "Her full name is Regina Mills. She's your wife."

Robin threw a glance at me and I folded my arms, looked away. I bit my lips.

"No, I'm just the father."

The nurse nodded. "Okay just to finalize things, as based on procedure, the father is the -"

"Oh Emma!" with a clap of her hands, mom came hustling through the hallway, dad nipping at her heels. I took one look at her midsection and my eyes widened.

"Wait, what the..."

"Yeah, yeah," she nodded, trying to catch her breath, "delivery time happened just after you left Storybrooke. You now have a healthy baby brother."

"You could have said something over the phone!" I glared at her. "How could you keep that from me?"

"You already have one baby to deal with, don't you?" Dad smiled widely, patting my back. "Besides, she's not even supposed to be walking."

"But I had to be here for both of you," Mom hugged me, breathless. "You and Regina both. Moral support, the like. Whatever you need."

"Yeah but this is not..." My words trailed off when the nurse ushered Robin forward, towards the hallway leading to the maternity wing.

Without moving, his eyes met mine and held a gaze. Waiting.

"She's in labor now, so we have to get you in whenever you're ready." Alice sounded impatient but calm enough, her green eyes moving to me because Robin was still looking in my direction.

There was silence.

I still remember it unto today. Silence between all of us as they watched me and I watched him. These conflicting thoughts in my head kept pulling me in all directions. Some were saying, hey Emma, you should be in there. You should be by her side, not him. She wants you there. She needs you. And still in opposition there were voices that warned me of him being the father. He was the one who should be in there, not me. The walls kept closing in. I kept growing dizzy and conflicted. So my silence alone somehow gave him an answer because taking tentative steps after the nurse, Robin eventually followed her without me saying a word.

"Emma, what the hell?" Neal's eyes were wide, and he waved a hand down the hall. "Aren't you going too?"

"Just a minute," my voice was barely audible. I turned on the spot and held my forehead.

"Aw sweetheart, I know that it's difficult for you right now," mom said, patting my back affectionately. I felt as stiff as a board. "I know that you're probably scared and conflicted. But you have to remember that she really needs you there right now."

"Yeah and think about it this way, someone's going to be the punching bag in the delivery room. And he's the father, so most likely it wouldn't be you."

I stared at my dad and felt my eyes sting. "I don't need a reminder that I'm not the father."

He stared back and blinked hard. He swore under his breath. "Shit, Emma, I'm so sorry. I didn't mean to... What I meant is that..."

"It's okay, I know what you meant," my voice sounded so unlike myself. "It's just the truth. Who am I?" I flung my arms up as mom gazed at me with wide eyes, wet from tears. "I'm no one right now. I'll never be lucky enough to have that one special moment with her." My voice shook and I couldn't control myself anymore. Tears fell from my eyes. "Why the hell am I even here?"

Without waiting on them to say anything, I turned on the spot and headed towards the waiting room. The walls were so close to me, it was like being in a metal box. Banged up in a box and choking on your own breaths. That's how I felt. Throwing myself into a chair, legs parted, I held my head, and eyes squeezed shut. I didn't want Neal to come after me. I didn't want him or dad around because they reminded me of the fact that I could never actually be the one who fathered a child in that special way. That bond. When mom's perfume tickled my nose and the chair beside me squeaked, I just breathed out a sigh of relief.

She patted my back. "I know that it's hard for you Emma. I know what it must feel like."

"How would you know?" my tone wasn't bitter.

"Mothers have this funny connection to their children. Even though we may never be in the same situation, I can really tell how you're feeling. And right now, you're ready to give up. You're ready to walk away even when your heart is telling you to stay. And it's not because you don't love her. It's because you feel as if it's the right thing to do. To walk away and let Robin help her in there. But Emma, it isn't the right thing to do. Right now you feel it in your heart more than ever that Regina is calling out for you. She wants you there, not him. He might be the father. But when she gets that baby, you'll be the mother too."

"How am I ever going to be a mother to a baby that's not even mine?" I looked at her, tears in my eyes.

"The same way she was a mother to Henry, your son. Neal's son. And he wasn't even hers?" mom took my hand when I stared, "Emma, can't you see? It doesn't matter now. It really doesn't because we're told that living in the present helps us to heal. To be happy. And right now, you're hers and she's yours. That's all that matters. Nothing else. Not him. Not Ruby. That baby that she's going to push out, he might be the baby maker. But you're the one who was there for more than six months, comforting her. And trust me, when that baby comes out, she's only going to remember one voice other than Regina's. And that's yours. Whether you like it or not, just as he's supposed to offer some kind of support, you're in for the long haul. All the way until her sixteenth birthday and right on afterwards until she gets her first kiss and her first child. You'll be there. Because Regina didn't choose you as an option. She chose you because you have her heart."

She made sense to me. Everything was so soothing and mushy. But it wasn't that alone that was bothering me. Maybe it's something she wasn't aware of as yet. The FEDS wanting me in for something I had no recollection of. A murder suspect. The doubt in Regina's eyes when she heard. The fear, the confusion. The fear of believing that she actually was with a murderer. But she had been one as well. So there shouldn't be any judging, right? However, she probably wanted to create a peaceful life away from that sort of thing. And here I was bringing it up more and more. With my insecurities and my moods. Abandoning her at a time like this.

"So get up, suck it up," mom pulled me to my feet, "and walk in there. With your head high because you're her woman. He was booted and so was Ruby. But you were always first place. So like Queen Latifah would say, "babe, they got nothin' on ya"." And she flicked her imaginary hair dramatically.

"You watch too much TV." I smiled anyway.

Anyway so I did that. I sucked it up. I walked back there where Neal and my father were waiting silently. And dad just walked forward and gave me a hug. It kind of shocked me because of course it wasn't expected. He just hugged me and pressed a kiss unto my forehead.

"I want you to know that it took some time to get used to all of this. But no matter what, from now on, I will never doubt or question your choices. Even if she did try to kill us."

"Takes some time getting used to," Neal patted him on his back with a smile. "But it happens gradually."

Dad sighed. "Now get in there and hold her hand through everything. And try not to laugh when poor Robin gets all the insults thrown at him."

"Okay, right." I was ready.

I clenched, unclenched my fists. Did a small jump on the spot, cheeks puffed out. Blinking a few times to clear my mind. Heart hammering away. Then the hallway was my main focus. They watched me go without coming. I walked down the hallway and approached the nurses' station just down the other side. Alice wasn't there but another serious looking fat nurse was, sitting behind the station filing her ugly green nails that reminded me of Zelena. All around me there were sounds. There was wailing from one of the rooms but that couldn't be Regina. The person sounded too young.

Resting the heels of my hands on the counter, I licked my lips and asked for Regina's room number.

Sylvia as her name tag said looked up at me warily. She took up a pink clipboard and rested it on the counter. "Sign here."

I did, my hand shaking. And then I must have stared at the column headed RELATIONSHIP TO PATIENT for like half an hour. Pen hovering over the paper, I read entries from the previous visitors. Mother. Sister. Robin signed in and wrote FATHER OF CHILD. I wanted to scratch his name out. I wanted to scratch the whole sheet up with the pen and fling it across the room. Instead, I felt mom at my side and stared at her.

She snatched the pen and wrote WIFE in capital letters.

"Mom," I whispered, snatching back the pen. But the clipboard was already taken and handed back to the nurse.

Sylvia stared at it without expression and sighed. "Only the father of the child or any blood relations are allowed."

We both stared at her, totally shocked. I couldn't speak because that was ridiculous! It wasn't true. Most hospitals allowed even best friends to get into the room. It was accepted. But maybe she was judging me because mom wrote WIFE. I don't know. Still, it wasn't fair at all!

"Hey, what's the hold up?" Neal asked, coming to stand next to us. "What's the problem?"

"Are you trying on sarcasm for the first time?" mom asked the nurse, "or are you trying to be a prejudiced bitch?"

"What's happening?" Dad held unto mom and I snatched the clipboard.

I scratched WIFE and wrote FRIEND instead then handed it back to her. She didn't even consider it but shook her head. "Still not accepted."

"She's telling Emma that only the father or blood relatives are allowed in there," mom explained to Neal and dad. "The nerve of this woman! I want to speak to the head nurse in charge. This is not acceptable at all. Friends are allowed to visit —"

"But only after the baby is delivered —"

"Says who?" Neal cut off the nurse, chucking himself over the counter, "look lady, I've been around and I've seen friends in there whilst their friend gave birth. So don't try that shit with me."

"No this is unacceptable that Emma has to feel the need to hide who she really is to Regina," dad interjected, taking my hand. "There was no need for you to scratch off WIFE, sweetheart. That's who you are."

"Look, whilst the four of you continue to debate on who she is to the patient, I'll just remind you that she is not allowed." She pursed her lips. "You'll have to wait after the child is born to see her. Now if you don't mind, you're all excused."

"I'm as close to family as I'll ever get!" I snapped, clutching the counter, anger raging up inside of me. "I'm the one she's with! That guy you let in there," and I pointed, "he might be the father. But I'm the one who was by her side all the time through all of this. So you can't do this right now."

She didn't even seem interested.

Mom gasped. "I know what's wrong here! You're not allowing her in because of her sexual orientation. Is that it? Is that the reason why you're blocking this?"

"What? Because they're two women in a relationship?" Dad added.

"This hospital," Sylvia stood up, "doesn't cater for same sex relationships or whatever you call yourselves these days. Think about how it would look to other patients."

"She's in a private room for crying out loud!" Neal pointed out. "For all we care you can lock the goddamn door! You're making no sense right now because I checked with this hospital beforehand and the person in charge clearly said that yeah, Emma and Regina can both be in here when the baby is delivered. You're just being a stuck up prejudiced bitch, that's what you're doing."

Marcy reached for the phone. She eyed me up and down in disgust. "Turns my stomach, you lot. You'll all burn in hell. I'm calling security."

"You do that!" Neal hammered his fists on the desk and two pregnant ladies drifted from the ward and towards us. "You do that, you piece of shit. It's people like you who should be barred from voting. Because you're ready to treat people like animals."

I couldn't believe it! She had just insulted me openly! I had never actually been in a situation like this before, where my sexuality was used as a dart board. All of it felt seriously unbelievable that someone like her would treat me like shit.

"What's the problem, dear?" a blonde lady probably in her early forties asked, coming to stand next to us. "What' has Sliver done now?"

"Get back to your wing," the cheeky nurse ordered.

"My girlfriend is in labor and she doesn't want to let me in," I threw up my hands in frustration, tears in my eyes.

"Dear God, is that what this is about? You have every right to be in there. What kind of regulation is that anyway? Related by blood you say? Come here." My hand was snatched and I was asked which room it was. Muttering that I didn't know, wiping my eyes, the lady introduced herself as Annie. Mom took my other hand and I was tugged away from the desk.

"Wait! Stop right there!" Sylvia ordered from behind us.

Robin made it easy to find Regina. He poked his head out and asked me what was taking so long. When Annie explained and Snow did as well, he frowned.

"You aren't serious?"

"Some mumbo jumbo about turning everyone gay on the wing if this sweet doll is allowed to hold her girlfriend's hand through labor," Annie mumbled. "Go on, get in there and smother your darling with kisses."

There were two nurses in the room. They didn't even ask questions when I walked in. As soon as Regina saw me, she called out my name. I rushed forward and was snatched as she winced through contractions. All of it reminded me of my time. In that awful hospital, knowing that I couldn't keep Henry and right after recovery, they would send me back into prison. I kept being on the receiving end of wet kisses that were pressed to my face. She wasn't pissed at all at me anymore. But as soon as Robin came into the room when the nurses left, he surely got it.

"Get out of here," she sassed, "you're making the room smell like forest."

Standing there, hands behind his back, he stayed by the wall. "A smell you once savored."

"I was stupid and clearly a crackhead."

Biting my lips, holding in a laugh, I stared at the small metal table dotted with some scary looking instruments. Apparently Regina had seen them and wasn't scared. But I was seriously shaken. Even if most of them were made of rubber and looked soft to the touch.

"Maybe I should go then?" Robin asked quietly.

"You...do...that," she doubled over and gasped, eyes wide, "get out whilst you're still alive —"

"It is only fitting," he interrupted calmly, "that I am on the receiving end of your harsh words. As always these days it would seem —"

"You just can't take no for an answer —"

"Emmalina," he said, taking one step into the room, "that's a nice name."

"Of course it is, you hairy twat."

I snorted. Waving it off, I said sorry and took her hand.

"Perhaps it is Emma's time to be the punching bag whilst I step out of the room?" he offered, and after sending me a dry smile, the door was sought out.

The nurse came in again and shook her head at me with a smile. She was a good looking brunette with brown eyes. Something about her seemed familiar. And then I thought that yeah, maybe she did remind me of Lily.

"I suppose you're the same sex couple who has added pepper to Sylvia's eyes."

I explained to Regina what happened outside.

"What the hell is she playing at?" she asked.

"Don't take her on, she's homophobic. Her son ended up being gay and caught the HIV virus from a boyfriend. So naturally she blames all gay people for his death."

I frowned and cast a glance at Regina. "Shit, I didn't know that."

"Trust me, you have every right to be in here. This is not 1888. Even then in general hospitals gay lovers snuck in and offered moral support. You have every right to be with Regina." Legs were parted and the nurse felt around, head lowered.

"She didn't want you to come in?" Regina stared at me in bewilderment. "What will I do if you aren't here with me?" she sat up and groaned. "I need you here. I need all of you here. You're my..."

"Girlfriend?" I offered. Fact is, she always stops just there, just before referring to me as that.

"You're more than that."

"Right, I'm the baby's mother."

The nurse eyed me with a smile.

"Not only that," my head was snatched for the umpteenth time and I felt hot lips on me. Pressing upon my forehead. Then my right ear as if I was indeed a pillow. "You're my oxygen. My...heart. My...Savior."

The nurse clicked her tongue, smiling at us bashfully.

"So what's your name, Regina's girlfriend?" she asked, as the brunette in question squirmed, clawing at my boobs.

"I'm Emma." Snatching those wicked hands that wanted to slip inside my shirt, I squeezed them whilst she growled. "And yours?"

"Emma." I was studied for a few seconds. She lowered her gaze again, hands busy. "My name," the nurse lifted her head. She smiled. She jerked her chin at me. "I think your girlfriend is going to tear your shirt and expose your breasts."

"How...long...does...this...take?" Regina yowled.

"I can see the baby's head already. I'll tell you when to push. So far, you're taking this quite nicely, Regina." She frowned at the brunette in question. "High tolerance for pain, I guess?"

"Close enough to the cramps that tortured me every month."

I raised my eyebrows at her.

"Nothing compared to falling off a horse and twisting body parts. Owww!"

"Ah that's nice." The nurse still didn't tell me her name. She smiled. "Riding horses tend to strengthen certain muscles. In relation to your horrible menstrual cramps, what did you take for them?"

"Midol. Advil."

The pain was getting worse. I could tell from how uncomfortable Regina was getting. She couldn't stay still. But the nurse kept her talking, as a form of distraction and I liked that.

"Plus she used to hug a heating pad and her teddy bears. Don't forget those," I added.

"Really? She doesn't look like the teddy bear kind."

"She has an entire trunk of them —"

"Liessss," Regina hissed, avoiding my eyes, her cheeks slightly pink. "I have no such creature in my possession."

"Are you disowning the little white cat Marie from the Aristocats that sits on your pillow?"

"She's...the only one." Her face remained serious. So serious, I snorted. "Such things...are...childish."

"Oh I don't think so, especially with the baby now added to your life," the nurse pulled her chair up closer and parted Regina's legs further. I had seen that part of her so many times over the three day span. But with a baby coming through? It would be different. I would take a peek if I wasn't squeezed like a freaking stuffed animal. "Stuffed animals soothe a baby's mind. The softness makes them happier, calmer. Now Regina, you're almost there but not quite. I'll give it some time, and will be back in every five minutes to check."

"Check?" Regina stared at her in bewilderment. "Check what? I'm ready to push her out now! I can't...sit here in discomfort for longer! I am growing frustrated. I am —" I hugged her and pressed kisses unto a dampened forehead.

"Shhh..."

"If you push now, then you can throw yourself into more pain. And regret later. So let's wait a little longer, okay? You have Emma here. Wait it out."

"I'll be here for as long as it takes," I assured her. I cradled her head in my arm.

"How long does it take, Emma?" she asked hoarsely, voice weak already. "I don't think my resistance to pain can hold up much longer."

"It varies..." I kept my voice calm, rocking her gently, "I bet you're one of the rare women who are so strong, it's going to be over in less than an hour."

"How long did…Henry take?"

I sighed. "I went into labor around nine in the morning. And he showed up just after four in the afternoon. Mom took one hour with me and two with my new baby brother."

Her brown eyes widened. "Snow already did it?"

"Yep, and she hid it from us."

"I hid it all for good reasons."

We both stared with wide eyes at the doorway and found mom standing there with a huge smile on her face. Regina was so glad to see her, it was a moment to sit back and watch. The change in their relationship was something to probably record in history. Moving from enemies to the best of friends.

"Now, you have two women here to keep you company." She took Regina's left hand and sat down. "What else do you need, hmm?"

"M&Ms." Regina's voice was so hoarse, I poured her a glass of water. "I want M&Ms."

"Here's what I'll do," I remained standing, "I'll buy a pack, tie it to the wall just over there, and you'll feel motivated even more to push."

I was glared at. "Don't make me spit fire."

"What is it with brunettes spitting fire at me?" I threw up my hands. "First Lily, then you?"

"Emma," it was Neal, sticking his head in barely, eyes squeezed shut, blindly waving with a quick smile. "I need you ASAP outside. It's urgent. Hey Regina, everything will be okay. Don't sweat it. Just don't get so worked, you use magic or something because that would be bad. Very, very bad."

Frowning at him, I decided to take my chance to get a pack of M&Ms whilst out of the room. But as soon as I stepped outside, the nurse pulled the door shut softly and eyed me with a straight face. No pleasant look, no smile. Even dad who remained standing at the counter that was freed from Sylvia looked pale.

"What?" I stared at them, searching their faces. "What happened?"

Slowly, dad held up a letter size poster. My name was in bold caps, my face staring back at me with gaunt eyes. And the caption read WANTED BY THE POLICE. Walking forward slowly, holding my breath, I glanced at him and took it. The contact number of the NYPD was printed at the bottom. No mention of the FBI. Just THE POLICE. I remembered thinking, well crap, there must be a few of these around the place. One probably found itself into the Inn and someone saw it. Someone did see it apparently.

"It's Sylvia," Neal said, "she called the cops. They know you're here and they're probably outside as we speak because -"

"Emma!" I whipped my head around, eyes widening when Maria came running towards me, dressed in uniform. "Just got the call. They radioed in all units and I was just about fucking dozing off when my walkie issued a SOS. Someone called it in."

"Yeah, we know," I just felt about defeated as you could get. Honestly frustrated, knowing nowhere else to go, knowing not what to do next.

"They're outside, coming in already." She grabbed a hold of my shoulders and turned me to her, green eyes wide. "Darling, this is your chance to run if you want to."

Clutching the counter for support, I leant unto it and felt dizzy again. This was it. They were here and there was no turning back. Maria was mad to think that I could make a run for it. Chances are, the cops were at all exits and entrances by now. NYPD worked efficiently and effectively. There were no flaws in their plans because I worked with them before.

Heels clicked, a lot of heels coming down the hallway. I turned to find six people, three in NYPD uniforms and the other three in the disgusting FED attire. The woman leading the pack was fierce looking.

"Landers!" Maria stepped in front of them and greeted her. "Hi there darling. So nice to see you again. How's your —"

"Get out of the way, Brink," she ordered in a clipped tone, brown eyes severely focused on me. "Read her her rights." She jerked her chin at another officer and he stepped forward tentatively.

"Brown, now wait one minute —" Maria tried.

"Emma Swan," the clatter of the handcuffs brought tears to my eyes, "you are under the arrest for the murder of Debbie Johnson and Robbie Johnson. You have the right to remain silent. Anything you say can be used against you in a court of law —"

"Wait," the nurse stepped forward, shaking her head. "Emma...Swan?" she blinked at me, searching my face. "Robbie and Debbie?"

"Ma'am do you have any useful information to share or are you placing yourself up, intervening in a police investigation?" Landers couldn't stop staring at me.

"Emma," she stepped closer and I could smell her perfume, mixed with the scent of freshly ironed clothes. "Don't you remember me?"

"Look, not right now," I groaned in frustration.

"I'm Amanda," she said in a rush. I lifted my eyes and stared at her hard, then my eyes widened. "Manda...? Remember me?"

I couldn't believe it. The amount of fuck ups in one day. Wasn't that illegal or something? I stared at her, speechless. I couldn't believe it. She had changed obviously. But all the freaking memories came rushing back like a shitload of bricks raining down on me. And I couldn't breathe. My feet felt rooted to the ground.

Therein began the hailstorm of disaster. Prepare yourself to hear me tell my story now. Because if you're not prepared, and you're weak minded. Then you should just walk away now.

xx

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><p><strong>AN - REGINA, LILY, THE FEDS, AMANDA...WHAT?! Lily surely was right though. It seems like EVERYTHING from Emma's past is coming back to haunt her! I know this chapter was ALOT to process. But feel free to read it again. The other chapter is going to kill you from feels. More than any of the other chapters. I'm saying this now because you've been reviewing to say that the story squeezes tears out of your eyes often. It's not an easy story to tell because it's so complex. I can't tell you EVERYTHING at the same time and yet I cannot leave out certain stuff. I know you'll hate me for this, BUT I NEVER GOT A CHANCE TO HAVE REGINA AND EMMA USE THE JACUZZI. Dear me, throw your darts now. AIM! FIRE! **

**Also to the readers who gave up. I am so sorry to lose you. But thanks for sticking around. To the ones still following, thanks too. Until next time, bye!**


	25. Every Time You Go Away

**A/N (Chad Anderson) – Hey all, so I was asked when I'd be back to whip up a few chapters. Sadly, working as a photographer is shit these days. They make you take a bunch of photos and only like two are used. So I'm always out. But I have some time on my hands now and Kay asked me to help with this chapter. Apparently the feels from Emma's Point of View were too massive. So I'm here to shake things up a bit. Knowing me, there's a joke around every corner. Kay is more intense. So I'll try to lighten up the mood by telling things from no other than Snow's POV. No need to fear. I have my laptop on my lap where it should be. I have a can of Coke. The view is pretty amazing from this bench in the park. An old lady is checking me out. A couple years ago she would have been my type. Anyway, here's what I got. Let me start writing this. Cheers!**

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><p><strong>Chapter Twenty Five<strong>

'**Every Time You Go Away'**

_I can't believe that I'm here and I'm writing this. I can't believe anything, anymore. Not even in hope or faith._

_How can you have faith in something that hurts you so much?_

_How can you have faith in life if the one thing you want is constantly taken away?_

_FREEDOM. I want freedom. I want to live my life without all the drama and ghosts from my past. I want to have a peaceful life. I want my life back. I want her. _

_Regina, I want you to know that you might hate my Charming side. But my parents have taught me one thing. That it's possible. Therefore since I love you so much and you can't live without me. Then I will always find you. I will come back to you. I promise. _

_Don't give up on me because if you give up, then I will lose my soul forever._

Xx

**Snow White.**

I took one look at the letter, written on a yellow page. Tears came to my eyes and I folded it up neatly in a square.

I have the floor to speak my mind. Apparently, I have everything. I have it all. You might think that I have it all. But I don't. I don't have it all. I don't have my daughter.

Now before you stop reading. Before you give up just because Emma is not here right now, I'd like you to listen to me. Please. Most of you believe that love is supposed to be all mushy and fairytale-like. It happens. You might think that it happened to me like that. You might think that my way to David was easy and all mushy but it wasn't. You saw the struggles I went through. It was hard. But we still continued to fight for each other. We still held unto hope and moved on. And we're here.

Love isn't easy. The funny thing about love is that if it's easily obtained, then something is wrong. The harder you fight your way in, the stronger the love shines out from inside. It's like eating M&Ms. You don't just eat one but keep on eating. Well maybe I just want a pack right now. But the thing is, no one should give up on someone they love. Ever. And that's what Emma should have realized soon enough. Instead of doubting everything Regina did, she should have just believed that someone could love her as much. But she didn't. She didn't believe.

It's always her problem. Emma is not an easy believer.

She could be staring at the truth, and nothing comes to light. I guess she takes after David and I in that respect. But it couldn't be that Regina wasn't showing her a lot of love. Then again, I don't doubt the fact that Regina did do things to upset Emma. My poor baby. My blonde doll of a daughter. My daughter who struts and stands with her legs apart.

Anyway back to what I was saying. People believe that insecurities mean that you're immature. My daughter isn't immature. She's in love. She's really in love with a woman and she's scared. Tell me if you wouldn't be sensitive like her, especially loving someone like Regina. It happens. Because the way Emma reacted to all of this, it was really frightful. Her downfall proved to me that someone really was capable of breaking down that wall. That wall she built up and never broke down. No one could break it down as Regina did.

Just after the cops came in that night, Emma exploded.

When she was told by the lady in charge from the FBI that they wanted her to go with them right there and then, Emma kindly asked to stay. She wanted to stay with Regina. That's all. I understood that part because after all, that moment was important. But the FBI didn't understand how important it was. Even if all it would have taken was three hours, no, they couldn't wait. For crying out loud, it was after nine in the night! A nurse came into the room and stayed with Regina whilst I went outside.

Emma was refusing to comply. Which made matters worse because it appeared as if she wanted to stubbornly deny the arrest and charges. All of this angered that particular lady who Maria referred to as Landers. I shut the door behind me and sealed any sound off from the commotion going on. After that, Robin took over inside. Back pressed to that door, my poor heart broke when Emma was restrained by two officers.

"Let me go!" she pleaded, her hands yanked and held back.

Neal got himself involved in the scuffle. David did as well. Security was called. And it all happened so fast, I cannot even process everything slowly right now. The next thing I knew, she was fighting in the midst of them all. She was really putting up a fight and Neal was yelling obscenities, hurling himself like a lion at everyone. Both of them were pulled back, separated and the shouting continued.

"You can't do this to me! She needs me there with her please." She shouted and cried and wanted them to stop but they wouldn't. And David held me back. He shouldn't have. But he did. Because she's my daughter. Whether anyone refuses to acknowledge it or not, I have this connection to her. I felt tears slip down my cheeks as cold as ice and he just hugged me.

I don't know what happened next but something changed in Emma. I guess it's the way they were twisting her about as if she was a rag doll or something. Or maybe it was what Landers was whispering in her face. But Emma growled and kicked off one of the agents. Brown, an NYPD officer moved in and he wasn't lucky either. She hoisted her legs, arms held back and kicked him fully in the stomach. He was sent flying backwards, crumbling near the wall as Landers herself snatched Emma's shoulders.

"Listen Swan, you need to calm down!"

"David, do something," I fought in his arms. Eventually, I managed to break away and ran to where they were. "You have to stop this!" I cried in a shrill voice. "Can't you see why she's behaving like this?" None of them paid any attention to me. Only Maria did. "She just needs to be with Regina right now. That's all she needs."

Neal was handcuffed and held back by a burly agent who kept demanding that the worried patients return back to their rooms.

"I didn't do anything!" Emma hissed.

"You're a bloody murderer!" Landers hissed back.

"Hey! Watch your mouth, woman!" Maria warned.

And Landers rounded on Maria instead. The two of them ended up in a fight after Maria told her to take the dildo out from between her legs and get real. A slap fight ensued and Neal used that opportunity to voice his opinions on hard ass women cops. That didn't help his case at all because he was hauled away and out of sight. Then these other two cops showed up. They were apparently waiting outside. After blatantly telling Emma that she was going to be thrown in prison for assaulting four officers, that's when everything came crashing down.

Sylvia hustled in with two doctors fully clothed in white gowns. I was held back by Maria as Landers nodded her approval. Right before my eyes, they held out Emma's right arm and stuck a needle in it.

"What —"

"It's a sedative," Maria whispered in my right ear, maintaining a strong hold on me. "It's best. The more she fights, the worse this gets, darling."

"But..."

"Listen, if you want things to go smoothly at this point," her voice was calm, "then you have to let this happen. Emma is out of control and she has every right to be. But she needs to calm down and that's the only way to do it."

"She's just behaving that way because they wouldn't let her be with Regina!" I was terrified, eyes wide.

"Right now, all these fuckers don't care about a Regina. They're focused on your daughter, honey. What's important to them is getting their job done and getting her out of here. Nothing we say will stop them. To aid your case —"

"They're not allowed to do that!" I cried.

She held me back. Pulled me closer. "To aid your case," she hissed, "you have to let them have their way. It's the law they're going to use in our faces. It's the FEDS. They're like the God in the judicial system, Mary. And you're no fucking mother of Jesus right now. If you get involved, they will make things worse."

"So what am I supposed to do?" I watched as Emma went limp, her eyes fluttering close. She went limp in Brown's arms and they hoisted her up like a sack of potatoes. "I'm supposed to just stay here and watch them do that to my daughter?"

"If you want to help your daughter's case, yeah." She pulled me close, a tight hug from behind. I smelt White Diamond perfume. It was the same perfume Regina wore. "I can promise you this though. I'm going through the long haul in this one. I'm going to be wherever they take her. So you got me. You got me inside. I'll do my best."

I was finally let go of, and I turned to her. "Thank you," I said, tears in my eyes. "Please make sure that you're with her. Please. I don't —" David came up to me and I took his hand. "I don't know what to do in a situation like this."

"First thing we do is we see where they take this." Maria was so composed, even after fighting Landers. I was amazed. "Best thing for you to do right now is to keep this from Regina."

David and I both stared at her in shock. "But she'll want to know where Emma is!"

"Well if you want to tell a woman in labor that her girlfriend has just been sedated and whisked off by the cops," she flung up her hands, "then do that, darling. But be prepared for a helluva fight. She's not going to focus on pushing out that baby with that on her mind. It's going to weaken her more."

"She's right," David said. "Listen, I'll stick with Maria and see where they're taking Emma. You stay here with Robin and Regina and help in any way you can. Since Neal has gotten himself arrested, he's of no help. So can I accompany you?"

Maria studied his face and nodded. "Sure, if you don't mind riding on a dirt bike with me."

They hoisted Emma up and just carried her along like a sack of nothing. Head lolled sideways, her blonde hair hung like a lifeless curtain and my heart cracked when I watched them go. But I couldn't do anything, could I? No, I couldn't. I couldn't rush in there and fight. This world was different than the world I grew up in. I could have used my sword and whatever else to take them all out. But not now. I had just given birth and was still a bit shaky. Plus these people had guns and sedatives and weapons. They had backup. Where would I get if I fought with them? Maria was right. I watched her jog off with David in tow and was approached by two women who were as astonished as I was.

"Isn't that the woman who was wanted by the cops?"

"I saw her face on the posters."

"What she done?"

Both of them stared at me, waiting for answers. And because they had already made up their minds that my poor Emma was a bad egg, I blatantly glared back.

"She's my daughter and there isn't a single bad bone in her body. Anyone who thought otherwise must be seriously deranged themselves."

Without waiting on them to reply, I left their company and prepared myself to enter the room where Regina was in.

I don't know what happened between the time I left to then. But when I returned to the room, it was horrible.

Regina kept asking for Emma. Over and over again she kept pleading with me to get her in there. Poor Robin was lashed off, yelled at. He was told that his services weren't required. In the end, she eventually accepted his help especially after the pushing began. The pain was unbearable for her, to a point where she was becoming severely weak. I sent Robin a look and something passed between us. It was me saying and realizing that somehow she felt the distance separating her and Emma already. It was not a nice thing to witness, I can assure you of that. The absence of Emma in the room completely affected Regina, she began to cry.

She kept asking and asking. Robin and I kept urging her to push and focus. We held her hand. She croaked Emma's name over and over again. Eventually, the pain replaced any thought of my daughter and whilst she pushed, I kept thinking about everything outside of the room. I kept thinking about Emma unconscious in the backseat of the police car. I kept seeing her struggling in that mind of hers to come back and fight back. Because she was a fighter like me. She always wanted to fight. She fought for the ones she loved.

Emalina was born at 11:58pm on a rainy Sunday night. She was healthy and full of life, kicking already as Robin handed her over to me. Regina was so weak, she was given something to rest immediately. And after I sat beside her whilst she carefully held the little doll, it wasn't long before the medication kicked in. I asked if it was really okay to give her medication so soon. The nurse said that after her frustration, especially after she would soon begin to ask where Emma was, it was best. As the rain poured outside the window, Robin sat and I carried the baby around the room, rocking her in my arms.

"I didn't know it was that terrible," he said softly, referring to the dilemma with Emma. "I was aware of the accusations. But the hostility and the reaction..."

"They had no right to treat her like that," I pressed a kiss unto Emalina's warm forehead and she gurgled. Her tiny pink fingers curled up. "All she wanted to do was to come in here and be by Regina's side."

"And that should have been allowed."

"It should have."

I watched him hold his head in those big hands that were skilled with an arrow and bow. "I feel so stupid now."

The room was getting cold. "Why?"

"Because I kept believing that she wasn't worth it," he said. "I kept believing that she was hurting Regina without reason. And now I am fully aware of the painful struggles Emma was facing alone. To be accused of murdering someone when you sincerely have no recollection of such a tragedy. Perhaps her mind was under the influence of a drug at the time."

"I believe the same thing," listening to him suddenly realize how wrong he was about Emma was soothing to my ear.

"Many a men I have seen in the Enchanted Forest, who had been drugged or magicked. Afterward committing crimes they recollected nothing afterwards. But they eventually paid the price for a lapse in memory." He lifted his head and looked sadly at me. "I wish not for Emma to be the one that pays for something she did not do willingly."

"According to this world and it's laws," I sat on the window seat, "you're innocent until proven guilty. They must have evidence against her, strong enough to hold up in court. Even then, I have seen Law and Order. They cannot sentence her for murder when she didn't do something willingly."

"Did Emma have motive to kill this man?"

"She had reasons to kill the son of the man," I pointed out.

"You mean Phillip."

I nodded. Emalina gurgled and mewled. Both Robin and I watched her mother stir and held our breaths in the dull lighting of the room.

"You must think that I am such a horrid person," he said quietly.

I had to ask WHY again.

"Because of my ill treatment towards Emma. And Regina's choice, her belief in Emma."

"I don't think that you're a horrid person for having your own feelings. I just think that you were a bit harsh to Emma without thinking about her situation a little more. She really does love Regina. And Regina loves her."

"I know that much."

"Geez!" I had to hold Emalina tighter because she was squirming. "She's a bundle of energy already! She's a fighter!"

"Just like her mother," he said with a smile.

I didn't mention to him that the baby had possibly the closest shade of green to Emma's eyes. I didn't mention it because maybe it was a figment of my imagination. But after remembering Regina telling me that she was so certain the baby had a connection to Emma, I began to grow so delusional.

xx

* * *

><p>David didn't get back till the following afternoon.<p>

I greeted him with the tightest hug and tears from fright and joy. After checking on Regina still resting up in the room, he ushered me outside and we sat on two chairs in the waiting room.

"They took her to New York," he said quietly. "Maria and I arrived there early today because she rides as fast as lightening. And we managed to know as much as possible."

"And...?" I was anxious.

"Well it seems like they're going to keep Emma and Neal there until they're questioned."

"So how is Emma?" Fear clenched my gut.

"She is quiet. Of course they had to give her sedatives to calm her down. She's not taking this well. Especially after thinking about not being here last night. How is Regina?" He held my hand, eagerly awaiting an answer.

I provided one. But reassured him that Regina's silence as well only meant one thing. That she was confused about last night. Perhaps her answer to Emma's absence was Emma's decision to leave. Possibly to leave her alone. Regina had not uttered a word since last night. Then again, the medication had been enough to force her into sleep for hours on end. Recovery seemed to be on its way but not in the way everyone was expecting.

"She hasn't spoken a word?" David was as worried too.

I shook my head, eyes lowered to our entwined fingers. "Until we provide an answer as to where Emma is, then she might speak."

"But surely, Snow, we cannot break the news to her so suddenly —"

"Neal told me that she knows about the FBI wanting to take Emma in for questioning. They discussed it."

"Then perhaps we can tell her the truth as soon as possible." Two children made a mess at the water cooler and my maternal instinct almost made me rise up to help.

I watched their mother rush to aid them and sighed internally. "That would be best."

When David told me that Neal had asked for Gold's help, my eyes grew wide. Everyone was aware of Gold's methods. Everything came at a price. But where his son was concerned, anything would be done free of charge. In this case though, Emma was involved and surely Neal must know that everyone else ended up paying for help. However if any kind of assistance could be given to Emma at this point, then David and I would more than likely appreciate it. Because we were basically unarmed to deal with this kind of situation. To be honest, Regina would have been better equipped to handle these things because of her background in studying law whilst running as Mayor. She knew the judicial system well enough.

"So when is the interrogation scheduled for?" I leaned my head unto David's right shoulder, listening to him breathing.

"When we left, they were about to begin."

But as to how it went, I received answers about an hour after. Whilst David and I left Robin in the hospital to stay by Regina's side, on our way my cellphone rang. I checked the display and immediately knew it was her calling. After asking about her well being, if she was okay, being assured that she was and no harm was done to her, I proceeded to inquire about the interrogation. Emma basically said that they had placed Neal and her in separate rooms and had asked them about Phillip.

"I told them the truth, mom," she sounded tired, distant and severely lost. "I told them that he threatened me, everything."

"And about the murder in New York?" my breath was held. "What did they ask?"

She sighed. I could tell where her mind was. "As expected, they showed me these photo stills from surveillance. But the thing is, you couldn't make out a face. Just blonde hair and a red jacket. If you remember correctly, I started wearing my bronze colored jacket. And all for good reason. Because my red one had been torn. I told them it had been damaged like two months before the murder even happened. The only person who could back that up would be Henry and I'm not getting him involved."

"But —"

"Mom," she stopped me. "No."

"If it comes to that," I spoke quickly, David was listening intently, "Henry wouldn't mind. He wants to help you in any way."

There was silence.

David swerved to avoid roadkill and swore.

"I bet she hates me," Emma said in a weak voice. I knew that was troubling her, every second that slipped by. "I bet she hates my guts for not being there with her."

"Oh don't say that. It's not true. And you know that." How could I even be sure?

"What did she say when you told her?"

I blinked. "That's the thing, Emma. I haven't told her what happened as yet."

"So most likely, because none of you told her, I'm currently being hated for one simple belief." Her voice was icy. "That I walked out on her when she needed me most."

"Hey, it's not like that, Emma," I kept my voice calm. "She'll understand. But right now, she needs her rest. As soon as she's up and stable, I'll tell her. None of what happened last night was your fault. You were taken by force and it was done so wrongfully."

She sighed. "They gave me these sedatives that kept me conscious but I couldn't move a muscle. It was horrible to just have them move me about and I couldn't even talk, I couldn't fight back."

I remained silent whilst tears burnt my eyes from the thought of it.

"And they kept making fun of me, Brown and another FED, calling me a man hater. A lesbian trouble maker. Telling me that my kind would never survive without a man. The nerve of them. Landers just sat up front and heard nothing. After listening to my side today, after our one on one, she softened up to me. But I know cops like the back of my hand. They make you feel as if you've earned their trust. And then they turn everything against you just like that."

"But you can't always believe that everyone is out to get you. Sometimes we just have to have a little belief that someone is indeed on our side."

"Not in the world I grew up in, mom." Her tone was bitter enough. "You haven't been through the streets like I have. This is no have faith, believe in people and they'll believe in you back world. When you least expect it, someone hits you up for no reason." Someone warned her that she had five minutes left in the background. It sounded like Landers. "How did it go?" she asked. "Is she okay? Is the baby alright?"

"Everything is just fine," I actually smiled but my face felt stiff. "Regina is resting and so is the baby. Robin is with...her." Crap, I shouldn't have added that part.

"That's fine by me."

I was shocked. "Really? You don't have a problem with that?"

"No, someone has to be with her. Besides, he's the father, so he has every right more than I do —"

"Stop it," I ordered right there and then. "He might be the father, but you are equally worth something."

"Mom, if you could stop sniffing the snow bells and wake up, you'd realize that I'm facing reality here," she sounded so tough now, it scared me. I was beginning to worry a bit. "At the end of the day, I could dream all I want, wish all I want. But the truth remains the same. He's the father, not me. That's something they share together and always will. I need people to stop telling me otherwise, that I can change something when that can't happen. Stop giving me false hope. It's the last thing I need right now, especially since I'm looking around me, sitting in a freaking cubicle in the FBI headquarters."

"But you need to understand that this is the life you're building, a life with Regina and this baby. And you can't believe that someone else is worth more than you. Especially since she believes that you're worth more than him."

"I don't care who's worth what anymore," she sounded frustrated again, "what I'm saying is, this is not a competition. I just want to get out of here and be by her side. That's all I want. I want to be with Henry and her. I want..." she inhaled deeply. "I want to see Emalina."

Tears came to my eyes and I smiled widely, "she's so cute, Emma! Oh you've got to see her! I've been holding her non stop since yesterday because Regina has been resting. Emalina is the cutest little girl ever. She has a bundle of energy, always kicking and gurgling. Speaking to me in baby language, asking to see you. I swear, she has your eyes. She really does."

"Oh stop it," her voice was unsteady, "you're just saying that to lead me on. Can you tell her something for me?"

"Who?" I asked, "Regina or Emalina?"

Emma actually laughed and it eased my mind to hear that sound. "Actually both of them. Tell them that I love them, okay? When are you going back to visit Regina? I want to talk to her, to hear her voice. God knows it will give me some ounce of hope in this stupid place. She always manages to give me hope. Just like you."

"It depends," I said, "when will you get another chance to use your phone?"

She assured me that her phone would be with Landers. As much as she still didn't trust the agent, Landers would comply if asked. And if her phone rang and it was Regina calling or me, Landers would allow her the call.

xx

* * *

><p>David and Robin went to get Regina three days later to transport her to the hospital in Storybrooke. I stayed home with my baby, who I had secretly named Daniel with David's approval. This family was quite a mix up. Someone was always related to someone. And to have her step daughter who would eventually be her mother-in-law's son be named after her first love, a certain brunette would probably have mixed feelings. Maybe we should choose the name Hans or Josh. But Daniel seemed to stick with me. Personally there was still a guilty feeling inside of me in being responsible for his death. To honor him this way would mean that he was still treasured by me. Saying the least.<p>

So they brought her in Storybrooke and when David came home, he appeared slightly solemn. Embracing me, a seat was taken and his head bowed in silence, a sigh escaping. I immediately realized that something had happened. And inquired after that. Believing that it was about Emma, he informed me that no, it wasn't about Emma. It was about Regina.

"You wouldn't believe what Robin told her, Snow." Lifting his eyes, he stared at me.

I held my breath.

"When she asked where Emma was, Robin said that she's here." He shook his head, "as in Storybrooke."

"Is he mad?" my eyes were huge, obviously.

"Afterward, she said not a word. She remained silent in the backseat and when Whale did his cross examination, bed rest was suggested. He advised us to have her stay overnight there because she appeared weak and detached. I can't believe that he would say something like that. The man obviously hates Emma more than we know."

"Because knowing Regina," I attached my mind to his thinking, "she's probably thinking that Emma walked out on her."

"We have to tell her what happened, Snow." He stared at me as if I was the mouth piece for everything. "You were supposed to tell her. It's been three days and she knows nothing."

"I was just waiting on the time when Emma called and I was there to have them speak to each other," I said, perplexed. "It would be best if she heard what Emma had to say for herself."

"Snow, the woman we are speaking about, she's no ordinary woman." He didn't have to remind me about that. "You and I both know Regina more than anyone around here. And she's an intense individual, feeling things deeply. Therefore if she has already made up her mind on what Emma did, then obviously a volcano will erupt soon enough."

"Oh no," I held my head, realizing what we had done. "David, we need to tell her now."

"She's resting. She'll be out tomorrow and then we can tell her."

I hadn't heard from Emma since yesterday when she called to inform me that the interrogation was still going on. Gold had arrived and was representing her legally. She also mentioned that Gold would 'see to Phillip soon enough'. And that didn't bother me at all because if the scoundrel could be scared into telling the truth, then he would save us all the drama.

The following morning, just as I was brewing coffee, my phone rang. To my surprise, it was Agent Landers. At first she sounded rather stern with me, demanding to know if it was Mary Blanchard. I said yes it was and was informed about a new development in the case.

"Please don't tell me that my daughter has been thrown in prison," I pleaded with her. "Please, if that's the new development, then let me sit down first."

Landers actually laughed. "No, things haven't progressed thus far, dear. Your daughter has a very good lawyer from the looks of it. The man seems to have all his facts and information in order. The new development is this. Phillip Johnson informed us last night that he has a confession to make. We have him in interrogation right now. And he is saying quite a lot."

"Gold got to him," Emma informed me ten minutes later in a whisper. Landers had handed over the phone. "It's unbelievable but Gold somehow paid him a visit. I'm sure of it. As Neal said, Phillip wouldn't talk just like that. I caught a glance of the ass when they were moving him through the building and he looked white as a sheet."

I breathed out a sigh of relief. If Gold got to him truly, then that would mean Emma's name would be cleared. It is possible that something else would happen. But you know me. I like to think positive and have as much hope as possible.

"So once he confesses, once he tells them what he did," Emma sounded relieved, "then I'm out of here."

"Oh thank goodness," I smiled. "Thank the Lord, going to church last night and praying, it did pay off."

"You...went...to...church," she sounded unsure.

"Of course I went to church! I am religious you know!" My tone was defensive. The baby mewled in my lap and I played with his nose.

"So what did Regina say when you told her about what happened? Tell her I can't wait to get back home. I miss her so much already, it's beginning to tell on my nerves."

I remained silent, choking on my guilt. Oh Snow, you are always fucking up. You just can't stop. Remembering now, it was me who told Emma before that Robin had been the one to kiss Regina right before she came out of the coma. Now here I was really lapsing on another situation. I had not said a word to Regina. Nothing. How could I tell Emma that? I couldn't. Telling a little white lie wouldn't be that bad, would it?

"She misses you," I said alone. "She misses you a lot." It wasn't a lie. I was going to tell her today. So that was settled. Three days after.

"Well once she knows what really happened, then that's all that matters to me. At least my mind is at ease."

I ended the conversation quickly and put on one of David's rock CDS. Turning it up loud enough, the clatter and beating of drum sets numbed my mind. Daniel didn't take too kindly to the noise. He thrashed about and yowled as if joining in on the singing. When David came home that afternoon, he found me in front of the television sleeping.

"So did you tell her?"

I rubbed my eyes with balled fists and groaned, sitting up. "Tell who what?"

"Regina!" his eyes were wide. "You didn't find her and tell her, did you?"

"Noo," I sighed. "As you can see, I fell asleep."

"Snow!" He got up, snatched the cordless and came back. "Call her now on her cellphone if you can't do it in person."

"She doesn't have her cellphone," I told him.

"Then who has it?"

"Robin has it."

"Why does Robin have her cellphone?"

"How am I supposed to know?" I threw my hands up in distress. "He had it since the night she checked in. That's why Emma couldn't call her. Plus you're not allowed to have cellphones in hospital. I was going to ask him for it, but who am I to ask such a thing?"

"Call the hospital then," he poked me with the phone and I growled. "We have to get this over with now or else —"

"We?" I glared at him. "You're pushing me to do it!"

"That's because Emma told you to do it, didn't she?"

"But you could have done it! You're her father!"

"Just make the call," he winked at me, "or else there will be no snacks in the fridge from tonight."

"What will you do with them?" my eyes were huge.

"I'll hide them all."

"You wouldn't dare!"

Eventually, I ended up calling the hospital. To my astonishment, Regina had checked herself out since that morning, baby and all. So where the heck was she? All day and no word from her? This was troubling indeed! I rushed to the window and cast my eyes around Main street with no sign of her. None. Trying her cellphone, Robin informed me that he hadn't heard of such news. But he would find her immediately. When I asked what he was doing with her cellphone still, he made up some excuse about being busy at work.

"AS IF ANYTHING ELSE BUT WORK ISN'T IMPORTANT!" I bellowed, my voice echoing through the apartment.

"Well he is Deputy Sheriff now."

"ACTING...Deputy Sheriff," I reminded him. "When Emma gets back, he resumes his job as just a plain old officer."

"I don't know," David said warily, "I might just retire and give him the position as Deputy Sheriff."

"What?" I was mortified. "Good luck breaking that news to Emma. She's not going to take that well at all." Rising up from the chair, I went over and checked on Daniel. Quite unlike Emalina, he was such a calm baby. Peering up at me without kicking. "David, I think we'll have a soccer player in the family."

"What brought that on?" he asked from the kitchen. Already wanting to prepare dinner. I couldn't complain. If a man wanted to cook then a woman should allow it. Who was I to step in and argue?

"Emalina," I said, watching him move about, "she's a kicker. She literally kicks non stop. I can only imagine what poor Regina went through during pregnancy. Carrying a little bundle of energy like her. Emma did say that she oftentimes had to help Regina soothe the discomfort." I pressed a finger to my chin, in deep thought. "How...I have no idea."

David snorted.

"What?" I stared at him.

He lifted a wooden spoon to his mouth, tasted some sauce. "Nothing."

"I mean, how do they do it?" I asked, drawing nearer to him. A can of tomato sauce was opened. Carrots were diced with steady hands. "How do they...have sex? Is it as pleasurable as...you know..."

Moving to the stove, he shrugged. "I guess that asking either Regina or Emma what it's like would be a bit awkward. So why not ask Ruby?"

Dear God, I had forgotten about the book! Gasping, I rushed to the wooden bookcase just near Daniel's cradle and began pawing through the shelf. When it was found, I pulled said book out with fascination. Parting the pages, David studied me from the kitchen. The contents were sought out and I ended up searching in the index for the word LESBIAN. Upon finding it, not a guilt was felt on my part since Ruby had really intended for the book to be in Regina's property. Why did she even need it? I needed it more. I needed to see...

I gasped and sank into the chair whilst Daniel mewled. The pictures, the demonstrations were enlightening. Hands. The use of hands and fingers. The various positions that two women could use, twisting this way and that. It was remarkable. Sinking into the images of stick people, I read the descriptions and became lost in the world of lesbian sex whilst David cooked. I eyed the box set of The L Word sitting on my bookcase and thought about it. Perhaps I'd really start watching it soon. As soon as tomorrow.

"A bit of research isn't that bad," David assured me, coming to my side. He attempted to peer into the book and I snapped it close, my cheeks warm.

"If you leave me for Hook then I must have a backup plan."

I allowed him to choke on that one. Eventually, someone rapped at the door. Rising from the chair, I sent him one last look before answering the door. To my astonishment, it was no other than Regina. All the wind was knocked out of me when we stared at each other. Cradling Emalina in her arms, the baby wrapped in a yellow blanket, Regina was dressed in one of Emma's work shirts, red and creased. Her appearance alarmed me because she had always taken pride in that. Not a crinkle escaped those intense brown eyes. Her black skirt stopped at the knees. She was wearing a pair of brown boots, not the usual ones. Another pair. Her brown coat wasn't even fixed properly. Neither was her hair. And when I noticed that her makeup was smeared, my heart stopped.

She looked horrible.

"Where is she?" a step was taken into the apartment, over the threshold.

I backed up and the door closed by itself. "Where is who?"

Blinking fast, Regina's face contorted as if she was experiencing pain of some sort. She inhaled deeply. "Where is Emma?"

"Um..." I threw a glance at David. He was frozen on the spot.

"Is she here?" she reared her head, peering to the back of the apartment. "Emma?" her voice was so hoarse. "Emma, are you there?"

When no one answered, lips parted, her boots padded upon the floor as she strode inside. I could already feel my throat burning. To the bottom of the stairs she went. Peering up, Emalina squirmed in her arms.

"Emma, please," her voice trembled. I took a step towards her and was about to speak. "Please if you can hear me...I'd like us to speak. I just want..." brown eyes fluttered close. "I want to see you. I am...so...sorry, Emma." I watched her swallow hard. And she turned to me with tears in her eyes.

Stepping forward, I cleared my throat. "Regina, she's not...up...there."

"Then where is she?" a frown was offered. "Is she at my place? Because I was over there just now, I checked. She's not there. Neither is she in her apartment, or at the Diner. Or anywhere else. I have looked. I have...searched since this morning." Her eyes sought out David and footsteps led to him. "What happened to her?" he was asked. She pleaded. "Where is she? Dammit! You two! Answer me!"

"She's in New York," I said, moving closer, never breaking eye contact.

"What do you mean she's in New York?" brown eyes widened.

"That night when you went into labor," I swallowed because her eyes were intensely focused on me. And when the truth was told eventually, Regina would be angered. Because I hadn't told her. It had been my duty. "The cops went to the hospital and they took her away. They arrested her."

"But everything is fine thus far," David added quickly. Her brown eyes turned to him. "Everything is okay so far. I was there and I checked on her."

"One of the agents called this morning and told me that Phillip is going to confess," I didn't like the way she was staring at me. "Gold is helping Emma. He's her lawyer. And Neal's there. Maria too."

"And you...never...told me any of this." She lowered her eyes, blinking at the floor. A volcano was about to erupt and David and I were about to get severely burnt.

"I was going to tell you but...stuff happened —"

"Stuff like what?" she glared at me.

I froze up. "Well, you were mostly sleeping, resting. And then when you got back here, I was going to tell you. But —"

"As I can recall," her stiff tone cut me off, "you were with me that night, weren't you?" A step was taken in my direction and I stepped back by reflex. "Or was that a figment of my imagination?"

"I...was...there. Yes." I wasn't breathing. "But Maria said -"

"Maria said...what?" she asked harshly.

"She said...she...said —"

David sighed. "Maria suggested that we shouldn't tell you about what happened because of the situation you were in. In labor at the time. Telling you what happened that night would have possibly frustrated you more, worried you. So it was our decision to withhold that information."

"I did it because I was worried that you'd worry yourself more and you'd have a harder time," I said softly. "I'm really sorry, Regina. But everything that happened that night wasn't pleasant. To tell you what happened would have just weakened your state more."

There was silence. I could sense that she wanted to explode on us. But her eyes were squeezed shut. Emalina was hugged closer as if soothing her nerves somehow. And Regina sighed. Feeling for the stool near the kitchen counter, she sat on it and David helped with the baby bag. It was the same one Emma had bought. A red and purple stripped bag with two handles and Hello Kitty faces stamped all over. I remembered when Emma had picked out that bag. It was around the time when Regina was in the coma.

"First of all, how are you feeling?" I asked softly, taking a seat on a stool next to her.

"Like shit," she whispered.

I didn't ask. I reached for Emalina and she was handed to me carefully. The bundle of joy mewled in her sleep, pink fingers curled up. She was wearing a pink chemise and a white nappy. The small safety pins had heads shaped like kittens. Emma bought those too. Hugging her closer, I glanced at Regina and saw that she was holding her head. Elbows propped up, she remained silent.

"She's going to be okay," I said in a calm voice. "Don't worry."

"I thought..." she sucked in air through her lips, hands covering a worried face. "I thought she walked out on me. I honestly thought she became buried in those doubts. And she left me. All by myself."

"Noo," I patted her left arm. "It wasn't like that. Emma was there. She wanted to be with you. It was the cops who pulled her away. Even when she begged to be given time to be by your side. They just took her away."

"I kept thinking, this is it," her voice was hoarse. She must have been holding back tears. "This is the moment she's going to choose to...walk away from me. When I needed her the most. I needed her so much then. And she wasn't...there. I was so scared. I kept asking you where she was." She looked at me. There were tears in her eyes. "Snow, I kept asking you. And you said nothing to me."

"Regina.."

"Do you know what it was like for me to experience what I did without Emma by my side?" she croaked. "Can you imagine it? Can either of you imagine what I was put through? After it was over, I just could not gather myself together. Her absence drained me. I am...so...weak." She wiped her eyes. "How dare you do that to me."

None of us replied. The silence was filled with Emalina's breathing. As Daniel kicked, the rattles in his cradle shook.

I couldn't tell her that Emma had been sedated and whatever else. That would be left to Emma. Right now Regina was seriously bruised by my slip up. And I felt terrible. I felt so terrible, I couldn't take it.

"I am so sorry, Regina," I said again. "I don't know how I could do that."

"And Robin made it no different also," David chimed in. "He lied boldly, telling you that she was in Storybrooke."

"I'll deal with him later," she stated, fingers curling upon the counter. Eyes lowered, shoulders hunched, she glared at me. "I have every reason to be angered by your lapse in relaying information. But as it is, I'll sidestep it."

I breathed out a sigh of relief.

"You had your reasons. But please do not take my feelings lightly next time. Anything that happens to Emma, I'd like to know immediately. Three days slipped by, Snow. Three painful days that were filled with me worrying my ass off. When obviously, she appears to be in good hands if Gold is involved in this."

"Oh trust me, once Gold is handling things, then a lot of strings will be pulled," David added something to the pot and stirred. "Phillip probably got a severe beating in his jail cell before offering a confession. Which reminds me..." he licked a thumb and snatched up the cordless. "Lemme call Neal and see what's happening. Chances are you're going to get to speak to Emma yourself if she's there as well." He smiled at Regina.

She smiled back wryly and looked at me. "So what happened exactly?"

I knew the question would have been asked. To answer it now was a tedious task. "Um, well..." I adjusted myself on the stool, peering down at Emalina as she slept. "Well actually a nurse had one of those WANTED posters. She saw Emma and called the police. They came and arrested her. She pleaded with them to let her be by your side. But they wouldn't allow it."

I looked at her. Then diverted my eyes immediately and looked at David.

"What are you not telling me?"

I avoided her eyes. "What do you mean?"

"You're hiding something from me."

"No, I'm not." I played with Emalina's fingers.

"Snow."

"I'm not hiding anything, I swear."

"SNOW WIHITE!"

"Okay, okay!" her voice was so harsh, I was reminded of the Evil Queen immediately. Brown eyes flashed at me and I shrunk on the stool. "Geez, don't do that. You remind me of the olden days when you...wanted...to...kill me."

"Go on." Her brown eyes were so intense. That's something mysterious enough. How could Regina's eyes be so intense? It's like hot chocolate burning into my poor eyes!

I looked away and swallowed hard. "Well, Emma had to be sedated."

"What?"

"She..." I wiped the counter absentmindedly, eyes lowered, "began to fight when they denied her being by your side. And they sedated her. Maria said that it was best because she was kicking and fighting and assaulting the officers. So far no charges were placed on her for assaulting them. But they deserved it. All of them. I am going easy on Landers because she really wants to help Emma now. But that...Brown...guy. He deserved it."

"Maria was probably right," she sighed, "Emma's behaviour can spiral out of control at times. And it never helps her case. She has a developing temper that frightens me, Snow." Worried eyes sought mine out. "Her sudden bouts of anger. Something inside of her snaps," she clicked her fingers. "And just like that all the doubt and everything else comes to the front."

"But she's not violent," I told her.

"She's suffering from a case of severe doubt and low belief in her self worth where I am concerned," she said. David was standing by the window, still talking on the phone.

"Perhaps it's expected?"

"What do you mean?" defensiveness was directed my way.

I shrugged. "Regina, to be honest, this isn't exactly an easy situation. Emma is the kind of person who finds it hard to believe in things. Look at what happened before your curse was broken. Even Henry can vouch for that. She always needs solid evidence to wow her. And in your case, she's finding it hard to believe that someone like you could actually love her more than she ever imagined. You must understand it to some extent? You two have not exactly been on easy terms from the beginning. Always arguing and grabbing each other around the throat."

"What can I say?" it was her turn to shrug. "The sexual tension was incredibly severe. At times I couldn't handle it."

"We went through this countless times before," I reminded her. "But the two of you are not in an easy relationship. You both have strings attached. You have...Robin, Ruby and the baby. Emma has her past that is complicated. You above everyone else should understand what it must have been like to live alone. When she was moving from foster home to foster home, having her foster brother...abuse her. Her foster mothers were horrible. She ran away all the time. Emma became closed up like a box and in that box, she kept all the pain and hurt. Then suddenly, she meets you and falls in love. You manage to break the walls of that box down. And now what you're seeing is all her insecurities exposed. Everything is coming out gradually."

"Yes, but she never tells me about her past," Regina said, eyes on me. "I am not aware of everything."

"She's still trying to bury it all inside?" I rocked Emalina. Brown eyes lowered to the bundle in my arms. "What was it like?" I couldn't help myself. As a fellow woman, experiences like that interested me. "Is everything okay...down...there?" I lowered my eyes and she sat up, pursing her lips at me.

"Really, Snow?" an eyebrow was raised.

"Oh come on, I've pushed out two," I rolled my eyes, "nothing to hide."

"Talk about the most excruciating pain to ever be experienced," she inhaled deeply. "The painful kicks to her refusal to just come out."

"Maybe she wanted Emma there, that's why," I said softly.

Regina looked at me long and deeply. "Snow," her voice was a whisper, "tell me the truth. Am I severely out of my mind in believing that...she's my...happy ending? Am I playing a dangerous game?"

"Yes and yes." I smiled at her. "Two things. Firstly, yes you are really out of your mind because hey, you fell in love with my daughter, the woman you hated. You're also out of your mind because you left her to be with Robin for two years when you could have turned into Evil Queen mode and snatch her from Neal. Secondly, yes you are playing a dangerous game because your relationship is as complicated as it gets. Both of you have these obstacles, stained pasts, sometimes I don't envy you two. David and I had our hurdles to jump over, thanks to you. But we're living quite a peaceful life, have been for years now."

"I always wanted what you had," she said sadly, "you are aware of that."

"Yes but there is a time and place for everything, Regina. You waited so long. And you got exactly what you wanted. Didn't you?"

She smiled, and lowered her eyes.

"As I can recall, you never liked my father. And we used to have these talks, just you and me. And you'd tell me that the person you wanted wasn't the perfect person. But someone who was stubborn enough to challenge you. Someone who fought back. A person who understood your pain and what it was like being alone. Someone who wasn't easy to love but hard to live without. Plus Henry, your father did tell me once that no man could ever live up to your standards. So I think around that time when David and I were about to execute you, I realized that you weren't looking for a man. But a woman."

Her eyes widened at me.

"Oh come on, you never used to hide your crush on Maleficent. When we went to her parties, you'd always be like a teenage girl, smitten over the host of the event."

"She was the first woman I ever had true feelings for," she confessed, head bowed. "More like a wake up call until Emma came along. She was my reawakening."

"Emma said to tell you that she loves you so much," I said softly, resting a hand on hers. "That she misses you."

"I miss her so much, I can't take a full breath without her," she croaked, lips quivering. "She underestimates the depth of my feelings. Perhaps there will come a day when her heart actually realizes the intensity of my feelings."

"Honestly, she's stupid to not believe you're completely in love with her at this point," I admitted with a wry smile. "I mean, you two must have...done...IT. Already. So..."

"Snow, I will not divulge any further information pertaining to my sex life beyond this point."

"Oh no problem, ha," I waved it off. "No problem at all. Noo problem. I don't want to know how skilled you are with your mouth or fingers -"

"Snow..."

"Or your toys," I smiled widely, "you do have toys, don't you? I know you have toys. Living so many years by yourself. Graham probably never lived up to your standards so you -"

"Stop speaking or I'll be damned."

"Locked up in that house by yourself for ages —"

"Snow White —"

"Now you have a...person...to...satisfy those needs, to please the...Queen —"

"Guys, be quiet, look at this!" David clicked on the TV and gestured for us to pay attention. I turned in my seat and watched as he found the news channel.

"...is unbelievable. A new development in the Johnson case involving Robbie Johnson who was brutally stabbed and shot in an alleyway just over two years ago in New York. I'm standing here in front of the FBI Headquarters in New York as we bring you this live update —"

"Oh shut up and get on with it, will ya!" I shouted at the television.

Regina rose up from her stool and approached the TV set. I could see that her eyes were wide enough, her nerves on edge. Fingers ran through her disheveled dark hair.

"It appears that Phillip Johnson has just confessed to murdering his own father, Robbie Johnson because of greed and power. According to reports that have been collected over the years, there was a certain uneasiness amongst the drug cartel headed by Robbie. His power over the ring was becoming overbearing and there had been conflicts. Phillip was next in line to take charge and he confessed to taking matters into his own hands. He confessed and I quote according to an insider 'I wanted to out his fire and ignite my flame'." The reporter sent us an unbelievable look and David snorted.

"He's quite a dramatic man, poetic too."

"Shush!" I warned him.

He glared at me. "You shush!"

"What made Phillip confess is beyond our understanding since he appeared quite firm on his stubborn beliefs earlier. He appeared ashen in entering the building this morning, almost as if someone had scared him. Perhaps someone did? Who knows. But that brings us to his supposed accomplice as the FBI put it. Miss Emma Swan."

I held my breath. This was happening too fast. I couldn't believe all of this had happened so fast.

"Phillip is still being questioned, he's inside being interrogated as we speak. But it appears as though Emma Swan was involved the night of the murder. She was seen at the crime scene...and it might be speculation. But perhaps she was drugged by Phillip that night? Perhaps he wanted revenge on his foster sister, the one he raped and got thrown in prison for? We'll keep you updated as more comes in. This is Deborah Hunt with the NYPD News Brief on Channel 22."

"She said nothing about Emma's current situation!" I pointed out, staring at David. "Nothing at all! Is she cleared of charges? Is she okay? What's happening?"

Regina held unto the back of the chair, head lowered.

"Neal can't get anywhere near the FBI at this point. They've moved Emma back to the FBI headquarters for more questioning. Gold is with her. But Maria and Neal couldn't be allowed inside so he has no idea what's happening. What's clear though is that Phillip did say he killed his father. Emma's involvement is still questioned."

"She was drugged for crying out loud!" I returned. "Emma had to be drugged. She'd never kill someone willingly. She's as good as they come. Sure she'd want to punch the crap out of Phillip. But killing Robbie. No way. Emma told me that he treated her the best. He was always nice to her."

David and Regina both looked at me after that.

"She wouldn't kill someone just like that," I repeated, looking from one to the other. "Would she?"

None of them answered me. They both stared in silence and I realized that neither of us had been there in New York with Emma. She had been given a new life, a new situation to deal with. Who knew what had happened except Henry?

That was two days ago. Sorry to rush by things so fast but I'm trying to sum everything up for you without all the unnecessary drama. Because I know that you know that I love to talk. I am Snow White. I love to ramble off and gossip and speak of things quite off the topic. But I know that you want to be updated on what's happening with Emma and Regina mostly. So that's what I'll tell you.

Before I continue though, Emma and Regina did speak to one another. It was not an easy conversation to witness. I happened to be there when she spoke to my daughter and if you could listen to them speak, you would have cried.

Landers managed to let Emma have the phone call because after all, she was gay herself according to Neal. She knew what it must have been like to not be with a girlfriend.

I had Emma on speaker when I took the phone up to the room she was sleeping in. Upstairs in our apartment. She had been staying with us without questions asked. Because that's what I wanted. I wanted her with me to keep an eye on things for Emma. I took the phone up and told Emma that she was sleeping. She asked me to place it next to Regina on the bed. I stood back and waited.

"I'm here," Emma said softly. There was silence. The place had suddenly gone silent. No sound of cars outside. No other sound. Just dead silent. "Regina, can you hear me?" there was an intake of breath on the other side of the line. "I can hear you." I watched Regina tremble in her sleep. Her eyes fluttered open. "I can hear you breathing. I can hear you...thinking of...me. Are you —"

"Emma?" she was still hoarse, immediately propping herself up and staring at the phone with wide eyes. "Is that you?"

"Babe," my daughter's voice was hoarse enough too. I heard her gasp. "Babe, can you hear me?"

"Oh Emma!" Regina cried. "Finally, you're there."

My daughter was probably shaking. "I miss you so much. How...how are you?"

Tears immediately clouded brown eyes as she fought to breathe, caressing the phone with trembling fingers. "I'm missing you so much. I am...not...okay."

"You've got to stay strong," Emma reminded her, "for both of us. I'm going to be okay. God how I want to see you so bad. I am so sorry I couldn't be there for you. I am so sorry, Regina. I know that it terrified you. But this is shit. This is not fair. I wanted to be there with you. To hold your hand, to help you..."

She wiped her eyes. Her chest heaved. "It was frightening, to say the least. Snow was there with me. So was Robin. But your absence was significantly felt. I could literally feel the distance between us as you were drawn away."

Edging towards the door, I quietly opened it and slipped out. Knowing me and you'll probably thank the heck out of me for it, I remained there. Through the crack of the door, I managed to hear every word. Oh don't lie, you're glad that I stayed, so don't call me intrusive!

"They treated me like shit. I'll be honest about that. But Landers eventually softened up when she realized the truth. Now she tells me that if she had known you were truly my girlfriend, then I would have been allowed to stay with you. However, her understanding at that moment was that you were my friend only, a good friend. And her boss is breathing down her neck 24/7 so she can't cut any slack."

"Are you okay though?" Regina asked. "Have you been sleeping well? Eating well?"

"Don't worry about me," Emma said, "I can handle myself."

"I...I know you can," Regina croaked. "But I just want to be certain that you are alright. And you're going to be coming home soon enough because I can't..." I heard a sob. There was silence.

"Regina..." my daughter sounded as if she was on the verge of tears. "How's Emalina doing?" her voice was barely a whisper. "Geez, I can't wait to see her. Is she okay?"

"She has your eyes," Regina whispered.

And when she said that, I held my breath. I held it because I knew that Emma would be completely convinced now that it wasn't a figment of my imagination. They claim that a baby's eye color can change. But in this case, it's different. I know it is.

"But that's..." Emma was still doubting it. "How can that be..."

"Your magic," Regina replied. "How much we love each other. All of it. Somehow she really belongs to you. And I know that you will find it hard to believe. But time will tell. You mean...everything...to me. I want you to always know this."

My feels. My emotions. My feelings.

"Remember that song I played for you, when you came back? Paul Young?" Emma cleared her throat, "_every time you go...away_..." she sang hoarsely, "_you take a piece of me...with you_. "

"Emmaa..."

"I played it every single day when you were gone, when you left. And I heard it this morning on the radio. I heard it again Regina and I turned to Neal and he asked me why I started to cry. I told him why. It's because that song makes my heart hurt every single time I hear it. I never thought that I'd ever be separated from you again. And I'm here miles away. But I want you to know that I'll be there soon. I'll be there, okay?"

Regina's sobs filled the air, her hoarse sobs. And my heart ached so much for her.

"_You're the light, you're the night, you're the color of my blood, you're the cure, you're the pain, you're the only thing I want to touch. Never knew that it could mean so much._" She sang over the phone. "_You're the fear, I don't care, cuz I've never been so high. Follow me through the dark let me take you past a satellite. You can see the world you brought to life. So love me like you do. Touch me like you do_, Regina. _Only you can set my heart on fire_. Close your eyes..."

There was silence and I hugged my knees. Tears stained my jeans.

"Are your eyes closed?" Emma asked softly.

"Yes." I barely heard Regina's voice.

"Can you feel me?" Emma breathed over the phone. "I'm...touching you...holding you. Do you...feel...me?"

Regina sobbed. "Ye-es."

"I'm with you, babe. I'm with you right now, okay?"

"Yes."

"I love you." Emma whispered. And she said it again. She inhaled and said it louder again. "I love you, Regina. I really do love you with every beat of my heart."

"I...love you too..." Regina cried, "Emma..."

"I'm coming home soon. I'm coming home and the first thing I'll do is kiss you as if I've never kissed you before in my life. And I'll never let you go ever again. I'll never doubt you. I'll always get jealous though. I can't help it. But I'll never doubt you ever again. We'll be together soon, okay?"

"Okay. I can't wait."

"Without you, I'm a mess."

"Same."

Regina's loss for words was the main reason I couldn't stop the tears. Because I could feel how emotional this was for both of them. When she was speechless, it meant that her heart was severely drowning in feelings.

"Listen, I have to go now," Emma sounded so saddened by that. "I wish I could talk to you longer but they still have me restricted here. So —"

"I'll be waiting for you," Regina said softly.

"It wouldn't be longer."

I left when the call ended. I left her in there because she obviously would know that I was listening in if I showed up right after. Regina didn't come down until after dinner that night. And when she did come down, her face swollen. She had been crying, eyes red. Offering her a pillow, she took it and hugged the stuffed thing. Eyes focused on the TV, we watched a Lifetime movie in silence. She said nothing to me. And I said nothing to her. But the silence between us was accepted without doubt that her heart was hurting. I could feel her pain. Without asking, I moved in and threw an arm around her. As the movie played on, she became my pillow. Our cheeks pressed together, I hugged her until we both fell asleep.

xx

* * *

><p>Bright and early Monday morning, the cops finally gave a public briefing of the case. Brown was the one who spoke on the news. The piece of crap. His face reminded me of the devil. Somehow. He informed the public that Phillip would be facing trial in court as soon as possible for constructing the murder of his father and the attempted murder of two NYPD officers, an FBI agent and other innocent civilians. Apparently, Emma wasn't the only one arrested for suspicion. Another woman was as well, and it outraged me that they had been keeping this under lock and key for so long. The other woman's name was Amelia and she was as blonde as Emma. They had the same build and I knew right there and then what had happened. Phillip had used this woman to impersonate Emma.<p>

The woman wasn't talking though.

Phillip was.

He confessed the whole thing. He apparently said that the woman was paid to take part in the murder. He said that the two eyewitnesses were paid by him to put Emma at the scene. Phillip was apparently scared beyond anything! He said it all. Coming after Emma, wanting to cause her bodily harm. He blamed her for the down spiral of his life after prison. He blamed her for his mother's death. It was all clear that Emma should have been freed. Because obviously she did nothing to contribute to the crime. The NYPD seemed eager to close the case. But the FBI, excluding Landers seemed arrogant and displeased. Landers was barely allowed to speak when a burly man, obviously her boss pushed her aside and took the spotlight.

"We still believe that there was more to this atrocity. The two persons accused are being held responsible. But we need to investigate this further due to conflicting evidence."

"Conflicting evidence, my butt!" I shouted at the TV whilst breastfeeding Daniel.

"The suspects will be held longer for further investigation into the matter."

I picked up the phone and dialed Neal's cell number, my hands shaking because this was unbelievable. My baby was supposed to be freed, was supposed to be coming home. And they were holding her still?

"What the heck is going on over there?" I asked as soon as he answered. "I just saw the news. Please tell me Emma is free to go."

Neal sighed. "Shit." I listened to him breathing and worry filled me up.

"What happened?"

"Snow, is Regina there?" he sounded frustrated.

"Yeah but she's upstairs sleeping."

"Snow, Emma is obviously freed yeah, until the court hearing. But she'll walk, since there's no substantial evidence to hold against her. They have nothing on her at this point for the murder. But it appears as if she wasn't honest with us about exactly what happened in New York."

I didn't understand.

"Look, dad did some digging. And before we go further, yeah, dad scared Phillip shitless, forcing him to confess. But that's beyond the point right now. What I'm getting at is, there's more. Remember Henry mentioned a babysitter to us, something about staying with a sitter for periods of time when they were here?"

I vaguely remembered.

"Well whilst she obviously left Henry at the sitter, Emma had some fucked up problems to deal with. She started to have these black outs, fainting spells. We spoke to the sitter who obviously came forward because we needed information ASAP. Dad doesn't leave any stone unturned. And the sitter said that Emma would leave Henry and never show up when she was supposed to pick him up. Sometimes she'd show up a day after and what not. She was on drugs, in debt and losing her shit. You wanna make a wild guess what was happening there? It's what I want to ask Regina. Because suppose she was suffering from like losing control of her magic or something? Suppose something was happening that even she wasn't aware of?"

It was so much to process and I still couldn't process it all when he finished speaking. "So what happened then?"

"Well apparently during these blank spaces, she still worked her job as a narcotics cop and harassed a lot of people. Two people came forward to claim that she was seriously mentally deranged at times, busting in and behaving insane. She was a wreck. These people are coming out of the woodwork, especially after seeing her on posters. And it's not helping her case. Yeah it has nothing to do with the murder at this point. But when she shows up in court, they're going to hammer her with questions about her sanity in those days. Days that none of were part of. Not even Henry. It's up to her, and she says she doesn't remember squat about it."

I couldn't understand how one door could close and another could open so fast. But with daggers flying in every direction from within. She was free to go. She was obviously free to leave because of not being involved in the murder. And then this came up. What the heck was going on? When I told Regina later about what Neal provided, she was mortified. She sat next to me on the chair and was speechless.

"Could it be possible?" I asked the question Neal wanted to.

"Could it be possible that her magic was behaving negatively?" she inhaled deeply, "it is possible. To be honest, I never thought about that part during Pan's curse. Her magic, I mean. I gave she and Henry a new life. But of course Emma's magic would still be intact. How it affected her would be beyond my knowledge. Only she would be aware of that."

"But she had these black outs..."

Regina breastfeed Emalina. Daniel was sleeping.

"She is free to come home though, is she not?" brown eyes searched mine.

"There is a trial. She has to be questioned in front of a jury even though she wasn't involved. But the FBI is forcing it. Now we have all these accounts from people apparently, about her instability around that time."

"You're thinking that it could hinder on their belief in her not being involved in the murder?"

"I mean, who's going to look like the mad woman if these people claim that she was behaving insane at the time?"

"But she didn't do anything. She didn't," Regina croaked, suddenly staring at me with worried eyes. "Isn't that one of your...codes...as heroes? If you have done nothing wrong then you cannot be held responsible or something like that?"

I stared at her. I blinked.

"My point is, she's coming home. That's what I believe. Nothing else. You lot have forced me to believe in hope and have faith. Well I have learnt to embrace that. And I know that soon enough, I'll have Emma here with me."

I sighed. "Oh Regina, that's true. I do believe the same thing as well. I'm sorry for seeming so doubtful."

She sent me a sympathetic look. "It's alright to have doubts, Snow. But she's going to be here in no time."

"She will be here in no time," I repeated after her.

But why did I get an entirely different feeling?

Now I'm holding the letter in my hand. It's folded up in a square. I open it back and reread Emma's handwriting.

_I can't believe that I'm here and I'm writing this. I can't believe anything, anymore. Not even in hope or faith._

_How can you have faith in something that hurts you so much?_

_How can you have faith in life if the one thing you want is constantly taken away?_

_FREEDOM. I want freedom. I want to live my life without all the drama and ghosts from my past. I want to have a peaceful life. I want my life back. I want her. _

_Regina, I want you to know that you might hate my Charming side. But my parents have taught me one thing. That it's possible. Therefore since I love you so much and you can't live without me. Then I will always find you. I will come back to you. I promise. _

_Don't give up on me because if you give up, then I will lose my soul forever._

xx

* * *

><p><strong>AN (Chad) - How did I do? I suppose that Snow was quite a thrill to read? She is such a sweet lady, I am seriously surprised that Snow still has haters up to this day. The way Kay and I see Snow is probably like a bundle of softness and mellowness inside, filled with these little jokes of hers. She's Regina's best friend through thick and thin. I know I had to include some FEELS inside the chapter. So Kay worked on that little phone conversation for you. I swear, this is between me and you, but Kay is an intense woman. She reminds me seriously of Regina at times, I'm afraid to let her work on stories all by herself! SHE IS CAPABLE OF KILLING ALL OF YOU DEAD WITH HER INTENSE FEELS. See? I left her to write a couple chapters without my help and apparently most of you died and were left speechless, we hardly got feedback. Lol! **

**Addressing another thing though, a couple people said that they stopped reading because adding crime and mystery to the story wasn't what they signed up for. And I totally get it. The crime stuff was a lot to handle. That's why I toned it down a bit in this chapter. I basically didn't even include any interrogation inside. This was all from Snow's view. To me it came across way better like this. Not too much drama. But just enough to explain as much to you on where the investigation stands. **

**So let us know what you think, IF YOU CAN PROCESS THOUGHTS AND STRING WORDS TOGETHER AFTER READING THIS CHAPTER. Lol. Cheers! Thanks for reading!**

**P.S - The old lady did not approach me. I think my rainbow colored shirt made her change her mind. Some people just don't like unicorns like Kay and I. We intimidate them when we sweat glitter. It leaves a mess, you know? ;)**


	26. ENDING - Forever and Always

**A/N – Last chapter. Summary was changed. Sorry for the mix up but I had to change the plot. I cannot continue with this story because of personal reasons. Maybe this was the worst mistake of my life, writing it. Because I started something I cannot finish. It's one of the pieces that will remain my worst work, and my most painful memory of writing. A writer always has regrets. And I'm sorry to tell you that this is the worst ever. I don't expect you to suggest this story to anyone. I don't expect you to ever come back to this story again. Just forget it ever existed and you ever read it. Why? Because for once in my life I tried to tell it my way and ease the pain. But somewhere along the line, something went wrong and this is where it ends. Enjoy the last chapter. Thanks for reading. Chad will finish this off. Here is a happy ending.**

**Chapter Twenty Six**

'**Forever and Always'**

**Snow White**

One week went by then two. I remembered sitting in the same position every day, looking at the TV, listening to the news as everything progressed. I followed the trial when it began to when it ended. They showed the entire thing on television. I saw when Phillip took the stand and was questioned. He kept his eyes on Gold who sat next to Emma in the front row of the court. And Phillip looked horrified, as if he had swallowed a knife. He confessed to everything, one after the other.

"So do you admit to murdering your own father?" the prosecutor paced the floor, the courtroom hushed. Someone coughed.

Phillip's face was still ashen. "Yes, I murdered him. I did it okay? Now stop asking me one thing over and over again," he pleaded, blue eyes lowered. He was handcuffed still, thought of as a threat to the public.

The prosecutor smiled. "And how did you murder him, Mister Johnson?" Standing with hands behind his back, the two of them looked each other in the eyes.

"I bought pink latex gloves from the Pharmacy because they didn't have black ones. White ones would have made me feel like a fucking surgeon." Phillip told the court. "See my belief is, I wasn't about to save anyone's life, so why buy white ones, yeah?" eyes widened, he surveyed the room full of people. "I bought pink ones because I hate women. They disgust me. Framing Emma for the murder was my ideal way of payback, paying back all the little bitches who were asking for it but cried wolf in the end. I wanted to make them suffer."

The room was dead silent. The jury's faces were serious as the judge himself.

"So I got these nice pink gloves and a nice knife I kept from the Marine days. Daddy always hated the Marines. Called them demented fucks who deserved to be locked up. He was angry that I didn't want to do his fucking work. But I got out of jail, I felt around the works of the cartel and I wanted to take the top. Everyone wanted me to take the top. Mama had always wanted it. Even though she hid her fucking dipshit of a brain under those hideous wigs —"

"Mister Johnson, please refrain from swearing," Judge Adwaris advised.

The smile Phillip offered the man was so maddening, I froze up even though he was in my TV screen.

"I killed him," he told the court at large. "Just like that. I hired Amelia, just to frame Emma. I drugged us nice and high. And I stabbed the piece of shit, the fat fuck..." he made quick jabbing movements as the court gasped. "I stabbed him whilst all the blood coated my hands like a glove. It made me feel victorious at last. To show him who's boss. To teach him a lesson. To teach everyone a lesson. It just goes to show," his eyes were beady, "that I was a damn successful man. I killed a FED, impersonated his sorry ass. I walked about with a shiny badge, hid in plain sight. I entered a town and kidnapped two cops, made them do my bidding. The world bent to my rules whilst you sorry piece of shits lived in your little match boxes with your tail between your legs. All of you are shits! You hear me!" he stood up.

Judge Adwaris hammered the podium. "Mister Johnson, calm yourself please."

But Phillip was on a roll. The camera barely caught Gold seated next to Emma and he was smiling widely like an imp. I got the feeling that mind games were being played here. And he was twisting Phillip's mind to speak the truth.

"All of you are shits, and you deserve to feel the wrath of the devil every day of your lives. Because you send men to war every single day. You send them and you create monsters out there", he pointed, and wiped his face. "I come home and I was never the same again. Never. I have a brain that was demented by what I saw out there. Afterwards, every single day of my life was like playing a fucking war game. Now you listen here, all of you."

Officers moved in as Phillip pushed open the small door from the stand and stepped out.

"You listen to me carefully, put me in prison again and I'll bend every single back to get out. And when I get out, I'll build the biggest fucking laser this world has ever seen. And I'll wipe all you motherfuckers out like ants."

When he was taken away, fighting like a tiger and kicking, the courtroom grew silent again. The silence was deafening. Everyone was obviously still recovering from his outburst.

Amelia was hammered with questions and finally cracked, admitting that she willingly took the bribe offered by Phillip to frame Emma. But apparently she had been a crackhead and was still using drugs. The amount of times the poor girl twitched whilst seated really pinched my heart.

"So he drugged you..."

"He didn't drug me. He offered me a deal. I wanted drugs. And I took it."

"But didn't he tell you about murdering someone?"

Her lips trembled, head lowered, blonde hair fell forward. "He told me we had to finish this guy and then I'd get more drugs. When we finished the guy, we'd get more drugs easy. So I..." her voice trembled. "I took the gun and shot the guy."

"And why did you come forward now to identify yourself as the woman who aided in the murder of Robbie Johnson?"

"Because I was threatened."

The court was whispering. I immediately sought out Gold in the crowd. He was calmly speaking in Emma's ear with a smile.

"You were threatened by whom, Miss Ward?"

"The...voices..."

"The voices?" the man pacing the floor stopped. He stared. "What voices?"

"The fucking voices inside my head!" Amelia hammered the stand with her fists. "I can't continue living with these voices in my head, telling me that I murdered a man all because of drugs. I do drugs, I'm a junkie. But I'm not the kind of person to live the rest of my life with this secret. It eats away at me. ALL OF IT! And that piece of shit, I'll kill him. I'll kill him for making me do what I did!"

On the third day of the trial, David drove Regina and I to New York just to be there for Emma. She wasn't even supposed to take the stand, according to Gold. But the FBI was pushing it. In other words, they wanted no stone unturned. They wanted no secrets held. Ruby and Robin were babysitters for the day. Incredible as they were, Regina and I still sat them down and hammered them with instructions. When we were satisfied enough, we both dressed and left, catering for the beginning of the trial at 3pm.

I purposely sat in the backseat with Regina and held her hand because she was a nervous wreck. She hadn't seen Emma for more than two weeks and her fingers were trembling. Not a word was said to David or me as we drove along. I could feel how tense she was.

"So you're anxious to see Emma, aren't you?" I tried, with a smile of course. "I bet you can't wait to see her."

"I am indeed anxious."

"She's finally going to be freed from their custody, thank goodness," I sighed, eyes on the road. "We should sue them for this injustice. Wrongfully accusing an innocent woman. Gold should see to it that those responsible are punished."

"Coming from you, Snow, that's quite a surprise," Regina said to me.

"Well it's my daughter we're speaking about here," I returned with a small smile. "I'd kill anyone who tries to hurt her."

"Let's hope that you don't cross paths with Phillip in this lifetime," David piped up from the front seat. He smiled at us in the rearview mirror. "It could be possible that he's some kind of a villain from our world."

"If he was, Regina would have seen him before," I turned to her. "Wouldn't you?"

"Why do you two always expect me to be familiar with every single villain? There was Pan and I had never met him."

"True," I frowned. "Maybe Phillip is a villain from some other world."

"This world," David said. "This world has its own villains."

In the meantime, I savored the drive to New York. I savored it all. The different sceneries, the hustle and bustle. Regina and I had packed clothes just in case we happened to stay overnight somewhere. She kept taking these anxiety pills that alarmed me, every four hours when Whale had prescribed one every six hours. And I wanted to stop her, but she looked like her nerves were on edge. So I'd surely get a tongue lashing if I tried.

Neal, Maria, Lily and Gold greeted us on the white stone steps before entering the building. Hugging me, Neal informed us that Emma was seriously prepared to answer all questions and get the hell out of there. Maria batted her eyes at David and Gold tugged Regina aside. I watched them speak and wondered what was being said. But when she returned, Regina informed me that the defense had gathered up information to tease Emma with. Even though she had not been involved in the murder, the NYPD was questioning her time spent as a Narcotics cop.

"Apparently they're ready to slap fucking charges on everyone involved," Maria said angrily. "I got my badge and gun taken away, suspended for three weeks. And Lily."

"What?" Regina and I were astonished.

"We're about to take the stand to answer THEIR questions. Since we helped Phillip find Emma, we're counted as accomplices too."

"It is basic procedural questions," Gold spoke up calmly, leaning on his stick, "stick to what you were told, and everything will work out for the best."

"Unless they have a few tricks up their sleeves," Lily mumbled.

"Nothing they say in there can sway you from the truth," Gold reminded them, "except you, dearie." He cast a glance at Lily. "You knew who Phillip was and you willingly agreed to help him enact some kind of revenge on Emma."

"He twisted my arm!" she defensively stated, "he threatened my father!"

"To be fair, you aren't exactly Emma's best buddy," Neal reminded her. "At this point, the two of you aren't on speaking terms. So it goes both ways."

"Just a reminder that any communication with Miss Swan in the courtroom is strictly prohibited until she is released," he said this whilst looking at Regina. She stared back at him and her brown eyes were covered in tears. "None of you must utter a word, because anything said, can be used against her. Her actions are under check every second."

"Well bitch on me for feeling quite anxious to see my girlfriend after two weeks," Regina retorted, but hoarsely.

"Especially you," Gold pointed a finger at her. "The best thing you can do right now is to keep yourself hidden from her. Because she needs to keep her strength upon taking the stand. We have not a general idea what question they are keeping under their sleeves. People are lined up to testify and defame her character. It would be best if you can just zip it and keep your feelings concealed until everything is over."

"But if she knows Regina is there, she'll have more hope and feel better," I said to him.

"If she knows Regina is here at all costs, Emma will weaken her mind and become a tearful teenager." Gold was firm on his belief.

At a quarter to 3, we entered the courtroom and Regina sat next to me, David on my left. My eyes swept the room for familiar faces, as if I would even know anyone here at the moment. I recognised no one. We didn't speak much, David, Regina and I. Maria and Lily were asked to sit at the front. And I couldn't help but keep looking at the place where Emma would sit. Brown eyes that belonged to the person beside me were only focused there. The door that led into the courtroom was fixated on as we waited for her arrival. My poor baby.

She was going through so much and yet she was so strong in all of this. She was so brave. When her world seemed to be crashing down, Emma still held on. Maybe it was because of the person sitting next to me, the most. But it was something. It was hope and belief that things would get better. And sometimes I could remember when Regina went away, Emma never believed anything would get better. STUCK AT PAGE ONE, she used to say to me. Mom, I'm stuck at page one. I can't move forward because this is not my story and I don't want to read it further. Now she had moved on so many chapters later and everything was bruised.

The tension inside the courtroom wasn't terrible today because there was no Phillip present. He had been returned to a men's prison not far from here until the Jury passed their verdict. But why did I keep getting the feeling that something would go wrong? Was it my maternal instinct tapping into Emma? Was it indeed as Neal said, something that she was hiding from us? It couldn't be that bad. Sure she had black outs and she used drugs. But no one was dead. They'd let her go without pushing further. Neal ducked in and sat next to Regina quietly whilst she offered him a smile. And then I realized that yes, people could change for the better.

Look at the two of them.

They were ready to kick each other's asses and now he sat beside her like an old friend. I heard when Neal told her to stay calm and have faith. I heard when she said thanks and offered him the same. Then his hand lightly rested on hers and she squeezed it whilst I studied the gesture with a smile.

When Emma was eventually led into the room, my heart stopped beating. My hand was taken by Regina and she squeezed the life out of it. All four of us just stared whilst she was accompanied by a police officer. Without looking around, possibly never believing that we'd be here, she took her seat. To our surprise, Landers came in and sat right behind Emma.

"What's she playing at?" Neal asked in a whisper.

"Who?" I leant forward to meet his eyes.

"Landers," he said, "why is she getting cozy with Emma's case?"

"Landers served as the District Attorney and was a criminal lawyer for a couple years," David said, hands in his lap. "Well that's what Maria told me."

"Oh Maria and you are surely getting cozy, aren't you?" I asked crossly.

"Not the time to discuss that, Snow," he returned calmly.

"First Hook, now Maria."

"But she's an FBI agent." Neal pointed that out and stared ahead. "For her to be seated there, it makes no sense. She's not even supposed to be here."

"I never thought I'd be sitting in a room with so many lesbians at one time," I said cheerfully. "Landers, Maria, Lily, Emma, you..." I patted Regina's thigh.

The silence that ensued made me frown.

"What?" I checked all their faces. "I'm just stating the obvious."

"I suppose you now have an interest in lesbians," David said, his eyes focused forward.

"Maybe Maria will be more interested in me than you, so shut up," I said with cheek. Regina sent me a sideway look, eyebrow raised, smile offered. And I smiled back, eyes forward.

The Judge came in, Neal snorted when his name was called. Adwaris. And the trial began. First person to take the stand was Maria. She was over within a couple of minutes as the fuzzy headed man in a suit drilled her with questions. I had no idea who he was. But he was representing Phillip.

"Remind me again why you didn't check my client's credentials thoroughly before leading him into a town where he supposedly harassed you?" the suit asked Maria.

"Remind the court again why your client isn't seated here today when he should be?" Maria replied smartly. "Oh right, because he's a lunatic who killed a FED and killed his father. He confessed."

"My client was under the influence of drugs." The suit smiled around. "It astonishes me that you could not tell the difference between an FBI agent and a normal civilian with a serious drug problem."

"Darling, don't question my judgment because I've been a cop for ten years. I've worked New York thoroughly. I've locked up people —"

"Yet you still managed to take orders from a 'psychotic narcissist' as you put it nicely, and you led him to Miss Emma Swan."

"I did not —"

"You also were seen with a WANTED suspect in a Diner just off Route 21, eating with her," the suit said to the court at large. "Even though you must have been shown the poster a dozen times. You dined and wined with a suspect before reporting her whereabouts to the authorities."

"I had no idea who Emma was at the time," Maria said, folding her arms. "Go on, hit me with your ridiculous questions and I'll answer all of them truthfully. Let's see which game you're playing."

"Did you not even question the motives of an FBI agent when he asked you to run into Miss Emma Swan's car and chuck her off the road?" The jury listened intently. "An agent asked you to follow Emma back to her home and run her off the road. Didn't that strike you as odd?"

"After I was made aware of who she was, and Phillip contacted me, I agreed to follow her."

"And you ran her off the road, causing Miss Swan bodily harm."

Maria sucked in air through her teeth. Legs crossed, she smirked. "What can I say? It could be that I was tailing her and she slowed down, my car slammed into hers." She smiled.

"Now she's playing a game I don't like," Neal whispered to us. "She's putting her job on the line."

"Oh Maria," David said, eyes focused forward, "control your sass."

"What?" I asked him crossly.

My hand was squeezed by Regina and I stopped.

"Were you romantically involved with a suspect during this investigation?" the suit asked.

I stiffened up. So did Regina.

Maria rolled her eyes. "Amelia is not my type."

"I beg to differ," the suit said whilst Neal beamed to the front. "Emma Swan seems to be your type."

"Emma Swan is engaged and has a woman. Not my way to cut in. I have standards, Willis. I have standards and I keep them up."

"I heard different."

"You heard shit."

The Judge pounded the desk. "Officer Brink..."

"No, if he's trying to accuse me of something that I didn't do, then it's shit!" she said, turning to Adwaris. "If you're some lesbian hater then go get yourself some help. Don't question my private life up here. You're not my type anyway, so who I shag shouldn't be any concern of yours."

Someone laughed in the court, a few others sniggered. Neal coughed, smiling behind his hand. Regina shook her head, lips bitten as she smiled. And I suddenly had more respect for Maria. Eyes shining, I stared at her in awe.

After her, Lily took the stand and was hammered more. She was even accused of helping to kill Robbie. Planting evidence against Emma did not help her case. Especially when she confessed to it. She also confessed to knowing Phillip for years.

"Why the hostility towards Emma Swan?" the suit asked.

"Because we had a fall out." Lily avoided his eyes.

"A fall out between longtime friends and you immediately jumped at the opportunity to frame a friend for murder?"

"She was getting on my tits so I chucked her."

"Just as you two were seen fighting recently..."

"Now who the fuck..." Neal sat up and glanced around the room as Lily's eyes grew wide. The courtroom was covered in whispers behind hands.

"What happened?" I asked Regina.

She told me that yes Lily and Emma had a fight but it was only witnessed by herself, Neal, Maria and no one else. It couldn't be possible that someone at the Inn would have reported it. Unless they did.

"Just as Emma Swan has assaulted an FBI agent, three officers that night on her arrest, she also assaulted you," the suit carried on. "And you refused to report it. Why?"

"Because it wasn't that serious to report," Lily threw Emma a glance. "We were just talking."

"And she assaulted you?" the suit asked.

"Objection," Gold interrupted, standing up, "how does this relate to the officer in question's involvement in Phillip Johnson's scheme to kill his father? Why is my client's name coming up as often as it is?"

"Because she was charged with assaulting officers of the law, that's why," the suit stated. "Emma Swan was also the primary suspect in this investigation —"

"Which she isn't right now, is she?" Gold asked, "my client has been cleared of those charges."

"Your client has a serious case of losing her temper according to eyewitnesses and her history. Therefore it would be best if you wait when she takes the stand to ask about her charges."

"Maybe you should take your own advice and leave her name out of your questions until she does take the stand," Gold retorted.

The judge smirked at Gold, eyeing him up and down. "Willis, refrain from mentioning Emma Swan until she takes the stand, please."

Neal laughed and I clapped him on his back smartly. Shaking her head, I watched Emma bow as Gold patted her back.

And so, Emma did take the stand. Her involvement in Robbie's murder was cleared. Meaning, she was not involved. But then apparently Gold have been hiding the real charges brought against Emma from us. At least Neal had mentioned it before. She was charged with assaulting officers firstly. And then the real questions began.

"Pertaining to your employment with the NYPD three years ago," another man was questioning now. Willis had seated himself in front row. "You were a Narcotics Cop, correct?"

"Yeah, I was." Emma's head was bowed. If she could just look up, our location would be discovered. But she didn't as yet.

"Why wouldn't she look at me?" Regina whispered, her eyes never leaving the front. "Sweetheart, I'm here. Look at me. Please."

"Aw, Regina," I leaned unto her shoulder.

"She'll look eventually," Neal reassured her. "Wait and see."

"And you worked as a Narcotics cop for how long?" the man paced the room, hands behind his back.

"One year."

"Tell me, Miss Swan, were you using drugs at that time?"

"I was a cop," Emma said stiffly, "I did my job which involved busting drug dealers."

"You did not answer my question..."

"Yeah," Emma sighed. "I used drugs but not on the job."

"Yet eyewitnesses have come forward to say that you were using and abusing drugs whilst doing your job as a cop." Jeffrey, that's his name, he met Emma's eyes and held her attention. "You have a history, Emma Swan. You are an ex-con. You killed your foster mother vouching for self-defense —"

"Objection, that's history and has nothing to do with the present charges against my client," Gold said warily.

Without awaiting the judge's answer, Jeffrey nodded and continued. "Look, to be honest Emma, I get that you were not involved in the murder of Robbie Johnson. But there is evidence that shows you were dealing drugs which puts you in the direct contact line with Johnson's cartel."

"Objection again, please provide evidence," Gold warily interrupted.

"Eyewitnesses," Jeffrey eyed Gold warily, hands behind his back. "Phillip Johnson said that he found you in New York based on your connections to the cartel. You were dealing drugs whilst working as a Narcotics cop."

"Shit, this is bad," Neal muttered. "This is bad because she never told me this."

"Do you deny this?"

Emma swallowed. "Like I said, I did drugs. I was not a dealer."

"You know, the question of your reaction to being arrested does not differ from what your colleagues and eyewitnesses claimed happened three years ago. Aggressive, quick tempered. You showed up on the job under the influence of drugs —"

"Objection! How does this relate to the current charges?" Gold asked.

"She showed up under the influence of drugs and proceeded to harass civilians who weren't even dealing drugs. Why? Because she was off her rockers. Doing your job as a cop, Emma Swan, you were not fit to perform."

"I was fit to perform because my superiors never had a problem with my work," Emma replied in a stern tone. "Always doing my job. I was the best damn Narc cop in the unit. If you check my record, you'll see that it was me who give them the tip that eventually led to the Johnson cartel being discovered. Their whereabouts."

"Enlightening," Jeffrey added. He stumbled for words. "No more questions."

Suddenly, the lights flickered and the jury exclaimed, most of them. When the lights came back on, they appeared quite calm. Gold reared his head to the back and captured Neal's attention. They shared a smile.

Ten minutes later, the questioning was finished and the court was dismissed until an hour after for the verdict. We sat outside and watched Phillip pull up in the FBI van. He was chucked in alongside Amelia. And Regina and I sipped on Coke whilst eyeing the one man who tried to make Emma's life a living hell.

When the verdict was read, Phillip and Amelia were both charged with murder. Maria and Lily were suspended. Lily was still pending a further investigation on her involvement in the entire event. Emma…was freed of all charges. The jury according to Gold, they believed that Emma was toyed with, and anyone in that situation would have been affected. How he managed to gather all of this, I had no idea. But my baby was let go.

We exited the courtroom and lingered outside. Regina's nerves were on edge. All the time she kept gazing at the door leading out from the bottom of the court. She never let go of my hand. And here I'll leave Emma to tell their side of the story as it draws to an end.

Xx

* * *

><p><strong>Emma.<strong>

The second they let me go, I felt extremely light headed. I felt as if the world was turning upside down, slanted and buzzing with energy. Sounds became magnified. Light didn't affected me but sparked up my senses. I shook my hands free and ran out of there without looking back.

It's amazing what a situation like that can do to you. It pushes your mind in a dark corner and forces light out. You're twisted and you're thinking about outcomes that could shut you up for life. I was really thinking that I'd spend time in prison. Because I assaulted an officer. But Brown had let the charge go after Landers spoke to him. Landers was my new best friend. She became the one person who helped my case and pushed for my release because of my interrogation with her earlier. I told her about Regina.

Now I'm running out of here and from the moment I step out into the world again, she's standing there looking at me. At first Regina doesn't believe her eyes. Neither do I. We blink fast in unison. We take steps towards each other. And then I'm running to her like my life is about to end. Like I can't breathe and she's going to give me life again. I run to her, and we embrace.

"You fool," she whispers into my ear, hugging me so tight, I actually can't breathe now. "Oh God, Emma. I thought I was about to lose you."

"I told you everything would be okay," we rested our foreheads together. "I told you to have faith in me. It's not so bad."

"No secrets now?" she was breathless, breathing on my face and sending me into thrills. "None."

"None. And since I could never really say it to anyone," I reached into my shirt and pulled out a folded up envelope. "I tried to write the most of it here. At least it's a start. The rest I'll have forever to fill in because from now on," I rested my cheek on hers, "I'm never ever going to let you go."

"We dragged this out too long. All the insecurities and doubts…"

"Never again," I promised her.

Kissing her in a public place, outside of Storybrooke whilst my parents watched was out of this world amazing. She left me lightheaded and completely off my feet. I promised her that the kiss would be epic and I made it exactly that. Deep and breathless. Tasting her after so many days apart, the smell of her hair. Everything that was familiar. The way she moaned when I rested our cheeks together, fighting to keep her hands from exploring me more. It was nerve shattering.

Our ride back home was filled with mom lecturing me on opening up and breaking down that blasted wall of mine. I started telling them most about what happened in New York right away, never holding back. Mom sat in the middle and kept the two of us apart for good reason. As soon as I stepped back into Storybrooke, as I breathed in the air and she linked her arm with mine, Ruby came walking up the street pushing a red and white stroller.

"Oh no you didn't! Snow bellowed, rushing forward. "I told you not to take them out!"

"But they needed to see the world!" Ruby smiled widely, "I took them to Granny's and then for a stroll in the park. I told them about the birds and the bees already and –"

"YOU DID WHAT?" Regina's eyes were as wide as saucers.

I stood there so nervous, a cute little forehead peeking out from the stroller. This was it. She was in there. The little future soccer player. When Ruby received her scolding, Emalina was lifted out by Regina. And with her eyes on me, she came tentatively in my direction with the squirming bundle in her arms. I gasped when I saw the baby for the first time. She was so cute, I felt horrible for ever hating the thought of Regina being pregnant with his child from the beginning. Taking her gently, she mewled within the yellow blanket and gazed up at me. The squirming stopped immediately when we gazed at each other. Just like that. No movement, just deep scrutiny. How her eyes were green were beyond me. Like mom had said, perhaps my magic had done something miraculous.

"She is so beautiful," I whispered. "She is so, so, so cute!"

"Here," Snow came towards me with my brother swathed in blue, "hold out your other arm."

"What?" I stared at her. "I can't hold both of them!"

"You will learn to multitask, to make yourself useful around here," she said sternly.

"But I can't –"

"Noooooo," Emalina cooed, batting invisible butterflies away. "Noooooooo."

"She learns fast," I said to Regina, "nice when a girl knows when to say no."

Regina laughed hoarsely. "Actually that's the most peaceful she's been ever since. You're a pro already."

"Look if you two think that you'll dump baby duties on me, then you can just –"

Robin stepped out from the building and I watched him casually approach me. He actually smiled. Regina cleared her throat and sent Ruby a glance. Something passed between them. I immediately realized that something had changed.

Later I realized that Snow and Regina had really worked some kind of magic around here when I was gone. The Diner was kind of like the ending to all the fuck ups and devastation. Whilst she sat with Killian and Neal at one table, speaking to them like old friends, I was forced to sit with Robin and Ruby. They both apologized to me so deeply, I was speechless for a long time. Robin said that he colored me all wrong. Ruby said that she still thought I was shit but she had respect for me all the time.

Hook and Neal managed to take soften Regina enough to feed her cake. I don't know that happened. But I looked over and saw them feeding her chocolate cake and she was smiling. Snow was busily dressing up the two babies in the far corner. Talking to them and shaking toys in their faces.

Waiting for the right moment was crucial.

As soon as she got up from her seat, I stood up as well and approached the one woman who had stood by my side no matter what.

She considered me with a puzzled expression, and her hand flew up to parted lips when I got down on one knee.

"Go Emma!" Hook cupped his hands to his mouth and cheered me on. "Show her whose boss, mate!"

"Wait, you can't seriously be thinking that Emma is the boss between the two of them," Neal added in. "Who the hell is the Mayor?"

"Emma is the Sheriff," David chimed in. He smiled on. "She wears the pants most times."

"Oh shut up, will you all!" Ruby silenced them. "Let the woman proceed with what has been expected since three freaking years ago."

"You mean five." That was Snow. "Five years ago. From the time they met they should have gotten married. Saved us all the fights, and drama."

"I drink to that!" Hook held up his glass.

"Not yet buddy," Neal pulled his hand down. "Wait for the yes first."

"Regina," I was breathless, opening the small purple box and holding it up, "will you marry me?"

There was silence. My heart was beating loudly. I bet everyone could hear it. Granny even stopped what she was doing, wiping glasses. She smiled at me.

She made me wait for like five freaking minutes before giving an answer. And the answer was not anything near what I expected. Stooping to my level, her finger was placed under my chin. And I was lifted up until we both stood facing each other. Moving in, she pressed her entire body against mine and for the first time, I felt what it really was like to be so close to her. Resting our foreheads together, I smelt vanilla as she gasped, we both gasped from the extreme feelings rushing through us.

"Yes," she whispered, "I'll marry you in this lifetime and in every other life ahead of us. I'll be yours forever and always."

"I can't hear shit," Neal said from the corner, "what's she saying?"

"Shh! They're making love through words!" Ruby chimed in.

"Look if you two don't get a move on, then I'll slap you across your bottoms," Granny said cheerfully.

"YES," Regina repeated louder this time. "I SAID YES. I'm finally marrying –"

"Roast Swan," Gold's voice filled the air. The bell above the door tinkled and in he walked smiling. "Quite a delicacy, wasn't it your Majesty?"

Regina turned to look at him and smirked. "It still remains my favorite dish."

"Hey! You want to roast me?" I asked crossly.

"No," she rested her lips unto my ears and whispered, "I want to taste you all over, so slip the ring on my finger like my Savior and let's get out of here, Miss Swan."

Eyes wide, I did just that. And without saying a word, she snaked a hand around my waist and bid farewells for both of us. I might tell you about the wedding after this. I just might do it. But after what followed that evening, I don't think I can explain the rest for now. Let's just say that making love as a married couple was like pelting me over the freaking moon and back.

xx

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><p><strong>AN – The last chapter will be written but you will have to wait on that, which includes the wedding. Honestly, I have no will left to continue this story because no interest is left in it anymore. None. Sorry to be so blunt but that's the truth. It's a hopeless cause. A few pages to ball up and throw away. I know most of you agree with me that it was a long, senseless ride. But I had to write it. And I made you suffer through it because I am a horrible person. Anyway, this chapter is finished. **

**I can now work on the story I have been passionately dying to finish. And I promise you that The Queen's Pride and Prejudice is and will be my best work thus far. Thanks for staying with this. All bad things must come to an end. Goodbye. See you on the other story.**


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